#wanna keep media free? then we need these services

[dabihawksluvr]

Huh. I always got it strictly from word of mouth, I didn't know there was a whole-ass process to it. But now Imma keep this in mind, there is one sight I 'heard' about that now requires people to pay to watch most of the content it offers and I 'heard' that 'someone' wanted to find better services.

i'm begging you guys to start pirating shit from streaming platforms. there are so many websites where you can stream that shit for free, here's a quick HOW TO:

1) Search for: watch TITLE OF WORK free online

2) Scroll to the bottom of results. Click any of the "Complaint" links

3) You will be taken to a long list of links that were removed for copyright infringement. Use the 'find' function to search for the name of the show/movie you were originally searching for. You will get something like this (specifics removed because if you love an illegal streaming site you don't post its url on social media)

4) each of these links is to a website where you can stream shit for free. go to the individual websites and search for your show/movie. you might have to copy-paste a few before you find exactly what you're looking, but the whole process only takes a minute. the speed/quality is usually the same as on netflix/whatever, and they even have subtitles! (make sure to use an adblocker though, these sites are funded by annoying popups)

In conclusion, if you do this often enough you will start recognizing the most dependable websites, and you can just bookmark those instead. (note: this is completely separate from torrenting, which is also a beautiful thing but requires different software and a vpn)

you can also download the media in question (look for a "download" button built into the video window, or use a browser extension such as Video DownloadHelper.)

[virusinfected-memes]

TIK TOK SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. 5 ;

85 starters. CW: cussing, sexual themes, violence. Some starters are just random quotes from Tik Tok creators, some starters are from Tik Tok trends that have popped up over the past year or so. The original sources of these trends are from various memes, shows, songs, and other popular media. Feel free to change words and pronouns as needed! [PARTS: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4]

"Alright, on your knees, mortal scum! You stand in the presence of _____!"

"Always remember: you may not be able to change the past, but you can still ruin the future."

"Am I ever gonna get it?"

"And if you call me a bitch, make sure to put 'sensitive' in front of it."

"And I keep my side of the street clean. You wouldn't know what I mean."

"But I can't forgive you."

"But I don't want to stay in the middle."

"Can I get a kiss? And can you make it last forever?"

"Come out and haunt me."

"Did I mistake you for a sign from God?"

"Don't be ridiculous, _____. Everybody wants this."

"Don't try to find me."

"Do you ever just have this deep seated desire to bother people? I have clown blood."

"Do you think I'm fragile?"

"Do you wanna dance, baby?"

"Everybody wants to rule the world."

"Get in, sparkle farts! We got chaos to spread!"

"Help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure."

"Honey, I love you. I think you're a terrific girl. But you have clothes like a fucking dickhead."

"I can't take Benadryl because I owe the Hat Man money and I don't want to see him."

"I didn't know I could love something this much until I laid my eyes on you."

"I don't ever wanna see you and I never wanna miss you again."

"I don't need to be fixed. I need to be rebuilt."

"If you touch that again, I shall kill you right now. Do not touch this! This is a 'no touching' zone!"

"I got nothing to lose."

"I guarantee I gotcha'."

"I have not behaved one single day of my life. Not one single day have I behaved and I'm fine."

"I just can't say goodbye."

"I just heard a butt-curdling scream."

"I know that violence is not the answer, but... Yes, it is."

"I know you see me looking at you on the daily."

"I know you want me."

"I love that Netflix was like, "OoOoh, we're gonna reduce your quality to 480p if you don't pay us more!" Like, bruh... I come from the land of 144p Naruto episodes cut into sixteen parts on YouTube. 480 is luxury. 480 is bouge."

"I'm absolutely a danger to my own mental health."

"I'm comin' back for you, baby."

"I mean, look at this thing! I can't imagine a more beautiful thing."

"I mean, what if I don't want to live the way you live?"

"I might be broke as hell tomorrow, but that's alright, 'cause I'm that bitch today."

"I might kill my ex. Not the best idea."

"I'm in a trance lately."

"I'm not going to nap. I'm just going to rest my eyes and clench my teeth for a little while."

"Im not like other girls. I'm worse."

"I'm one of those witches, babe."

"I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say."

"I'm the love witch. I seduce men with my spells, my potions, my eyes, and my body."

"I'm tired of working on myself. I will now be unapologetically insane."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it, like, six or seven times."

"In my dreams, I'm making you pasta and nothing bad has happened to us yet."

"I said I wasn't gonna be judgmental, but fuck it. I'm sick, I have an excuse."

"I think I like when it rains."

"It's already too late for you to try and run away."

"It's me. Hi. I'm the problem, it's me."

"I want to get on my broomstick and fly away with my kitty to another city to work on my witch powers, then live with a pregnant woman who owns a bakery and start a delivery service."

"I want to go to there."

"I was at about six there. You don't wanna see me go to ten."

"Mortals, behold! The glory of the kill is mine!"

"No, I don't think you understand. I'm obsessed."

"Normalize being a sleepyhead. It's okay to be eternally trapped within the realm of ancient dreams."

"Nothing ever lasts forever."

"Not working out? Not eating right? Fucked up sleep schedule? You aren't depressed. You're on your way to achieving tremendous arcane power. Become the wizard you were meant to be."

"Oh, you think the b-word's offensive? You should hear what I say in the Call of Duty lobbies."

"Okay, I don't know how you went this long without knowing this, but there are people out there who create original Sonic the Hedgehog characters, and often those characters fuck."

"Okay, well, what you said was some bullshit. That's what it is."

"Okay... Why'd you have to fucking bring that up?"

"One kiss is all it takes."

"Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why."

"So you're telling me if I killed your family, you wouldn't be my friend anymore?"

"Take a swing. Here's my neck."

"The next time you feel lazy, remember that laziness is a puritanical myth based on the sin of idleness and is used to oppress people into forced labor."

"There are currently no bug-dragon dual type Pokémon, but I wanna share a few insects that I think would make good candidates for being the first."

"They keep on asking me who is he."

"What are you gonna do with that? You gonna hit me? Better make it count. Better make it hurt. Better kill me with one shot."

"Whatever I've done, I did it for love."

"Which was more culturally significant? The Renaissance... or 'Single Ladies' by Beyoncé?"

"Who wants to look simple when you can look stunning?"

"Why do I keep getting attracted?"

"Why don't you sit right down and stay a while?"

"Why do we keep telling people who aren't freaky that they're vanilla? Vanilla is the freakiest flavor. Like, look at ice cream, for example. It goes good with all of the toppings. Vanilla doesn't care who you pair it up with, so long as they get on top. I aspire to be as slutty as vanilla is. Also, if you are a slut, what flavor of ice cream are you, bitch? Pistachio? Neo-political? That's fucking disgusting."

"Will I get over it? No. But life goes on."

"Yeah, I'm gay. Good at Yu-Gi-Oh."

"Yes, I am doing blasphemy! Yes!"

"You better fix my entire life, you little shit."

"You can't keep me waiting."

"You might play the same games as me, but I play them in a far worse and more unskilled way than you ever will."

"You're just being cynical."

[foodandfolklore]

Loblaws Boycott. How to get affordable food?

Today is May 1st; which means it is the start of the Loblaws Boycott across Canada. For those unfamiliar with the situation, food prices in Canada have been climbing to astronomical sums. Our main chain Grocery Stores keep increasing prices beyond what is normal inflation. Because they know as Mortals, we need to eat. And the further north you go, the worse it gets. They have already been caught artificially raising Bread prices a few years back, and blaming the price hike on the War in Ukraine. They set a price, We pay for it, and then they keep the price cause clearly people are willing to pay /s

So a boycott has been organized by people of Canada through social media and has even been talked about by TV News Outlets. The idea being to speak with your wallet and pressure change. The problem for many, however, is...Loblaws is just so massive, they don't see other alternatives. They own No Frills, Great Canadian Superstore, Shoppers Drugmart, and a ton more. For many Canadians, it seems like Loblaws is their only option in their area.

So I want to provide a list of some options for people to still get fed. Or even if you don't want to engage in the boycott, you just wanna find affordable food.

Costco and Walmart If a friend of family member has a Costco Membership and is willing to take you with them, do it. The workers there don't police who has the membership, so long as someone has one. You can bulk buy a bunch of staples like Meat, Cheese, Toilet Paper and Coffee for much cheaper in the long run. However, Buying in bulk is not always feasible for everyone. They either don't have the space or they can't afford to drop a few hundred dollars on a single shop. Walmart is a controversial suggestion because they have some....history. And your values may require you to not shop at Walmart. But if you need some accessible groceries for reasonable prices, Walmart actually has a very good selection.

2) International/Local Stores This is not really an option if you live more rural. But if you can find a nearby Asian Grocer or Halal Store you can get a lot of stuff. And not just rice. Legumes, Beans, Meat, Seafood; you'd be surprised how much you can get. You may also find a gem of a bakery or butcher.

3) Farmers Markets It's getting to growing season in Canada. Be Sure to check your near by Farmers Markets. You'll mostly find Fruits and Veggies, but may also be some local honey and eggs if you're lucky. This is also a great option for people who feel eating Organic food is important.

4) Food Waste Apps There is a surprising amount of apps dedicated to preventing food waste by selling you food that is about to be thrown away. The food is still good, and the reason for Discarding varies, but commonly it's because it's approaching it's best before date or Expiration date. Food can still be consumed after it's best before date, so long as it's not spoilt. Different areas will have different Levels of Activity on Different apps. A store needs to opt in before you can buy anything. So check out a few different ones. Flash Foods, Food Hero, and Too Good to Go are popular.

5) Ugly Food Boxes A lot of food gets chucked cause it doesn't conform to our expectation of how that food should look. It grew in a weird way and despite being totally fine to eat; Stores don't want to sell them. So you can get Subscription Boxes of Ugly Produce. Which I think is kinda fun. I remember being younger and my mom pointing out the funny shaped peppers. This isn't entirely a new concept, and many people would of probably heard of Imperfect Foods. However, this is a USA only service; useless to us Canadians. But we can try Odd Bunch or Eat Impact. The bonus with this is it's delivered directly to you. Great for people like myself who can't Drive but love to cook.

6) Meal Kits You see it all the time on Youtube: Try Hello Fresh and get so many meals free, yada yada. Well....it might be worth a try. You can cancel these kits at any time, and them hop back on them later. Like a streaming service. A friend of mine apparently does this. Ordering a box when the value of what they're offering is worth the price to her. Not a great option if you tend to forget to cancel subscriptions *cough* (Hi) but it can be a really smart way to get exactly what you want for a good price. Plus if you use a sponsor code, or a coupon in the mail.... Hello Fresh and Make Good Food are the two more well known meal kits available in Canada.

[departed-pronouns]

I read today that Amazon is going to update people's current accounts to have adds. They have no choice in the matter. But also if they want add free viewing they'll have to pay an extra 2.99.

I feel like we all need to cut the streaming services again and really hurt them. Instead of subscribing and keeping it going. If there's a show you wanna watch? Subscribe for the month and watch it when it drops then unsubscribe. Start buying physical media/box sets of the shows you like and want to watch. And just let the tv networks get rid of their streaming sites again. Love to go back to just Netflix. Or oh man could movie rental stores come back?

Imagine Friday or Sat night going to the store grabbing a movie and junk food. Maybe rent a game! Try to get a black gumball from the gum machine to win a prize (was that like universal or just in my area?)

[claire-starsword]

Breakdown of Deviantart’s new AI policies

if anyone still thinks the deviantart thing is just miscommunication, i took the time to read carefully all their infuriating word salad, and here’s the important thing about their new AI:

“While DreamUp is based on third-party technologies (like Stable Diffusion) which have trained their models with the open web, DeviantArt does NOT and WILL NOT add images submitted on DeviantArt to these training sets, on or off the platform.”

Translation: of course we wouldn’t ever steal you art! We’ll just use the thing that has already stolen your art. The thing we said we disagree with. We doing it. Yeah.

Also, about that opt out form going around:

“Artists should be able to choose whether or not AI-images can be generated in your style. Artists who meet the criteria in our manual human review of applicants will be able to request an opt out of their username along with several desired pseudonyms linked to them be unavailable for use in DreamUp prompts.”

Translation: artists should be able to choose if their art style can be used by AI or not. But screw them, we’re choosing. Meet our criteria if you want to opt out. We’re not telling you what the criteria is. Except we kinda do, in the form, and it’s beautiful:

“Currently, we'll be approving this ability for free to artists who are most likely to have been sourced by Stable Diffusion. In this first version of the opt-out process, we will only be considering accounts that follow best practices, including but not limited to:

An up-to-date email (must be the same one associated with your DeviantArt profile)

Any social accounts linked in your DeviantArt profile’s about section”

Currently = this criteria may change at any time I guess! They will protect your art! They love artists! They’re just keeping their options open in case they wake up tomorrow loving them less. Reliable business model!

including but not limited to = they legit don’t wanna tell the whole criteria lmao. I know people are already filling out this form and I hate to say it, be ready for disappointment, because they clearly are paving the way to be able to deny it for literally any reason. This should be a case study of obfuscation via stupid vague legal wordy stuff.

The “for free” part is also terrifying as it implies they have considered and are still considering paywalling this. You’ve heard of $8 for blue checkmark, now get ready for $8 for basic art rights! Except for that part I covered early where your art is already stolen, of course.

The up-to-date email thing again means that people locked out of old accounts are being opted in against their will, and they know, and they’re deliberately enforcing it. Note that this form isn’t about your art being used in datasets though, it’s about your style being used as a prompt for the AI. Nevertheless both things should be opt out by default, as that how consent works.

I legit don’t know what to say about the social accounts linked in your profile. They are likely gonna say it’s to help verify the person’s identify, and it makes no sense at all as social media isn’t for that, as recent events have taught us more than ever. The email tied to your account should be all a service like this needs. As I said, they clearly wanna keep their options open to deny people through whatever criteria they pop out of a hat that day.

TL;DR everything DA says about avoiding art theft in their AI is word salad to confuse their users, their AI is based of one that has trained on stolen art anyway, and their opt out processes are way too convoluted to not be intentional.

[shinesurge]

I don't want to be all "hello random stranger, I think your art is cool please give me advice", but I saw your webtoons post and I'd like to ask where/how you'd recommend putting webcomics on the web? For me and also for my friend who does have a comic on webtoon.

Hi! you're good, I don't mind talking about this at all haha

Before Webtoon got to be a thing the usual procedure for making a comic was to start out posting pages on your social media for a while so you could test the waters before making the jump to a dedicated site. That way you could build up a little bit of a reader base on an existing platform who would be interested enough to make the extra click, maybe start generating some revenue to pay for the real site, but also you got the chance to see if you even want to make comics without dumping too much time and effort into a site. I posted Kidd Commander pages on deviantart (now deleted) and its tumblr blog for about six months before I decided to change over, but to be honest if it's just a hobby or it suits you you can keep doing that forever if you want.

Personally, I think if your comic is important to you (and ESPECIALLY if you're getting income from it) I would strongly suggest making a home for it that you own. Make your own website and funnel people to it from social media. I know that's a tall order for a lot of reasons, but if you really can't do it, Drunk Duck is fairly reliable option that even lets you customize your vanity links and such. It's also not a terrible idea to MIRROR your comic on other sites as long as you have at least one independent place, although the quality of your reader base varies wildly between locations. There's your answer from Me Personally, but I wanna talk about why I'm so adamant about this so people reading this can make more informed decisions maybe.

Hosting and making your own website is always the safest thing you can do for a project. I don't know how well-known this is outside of the webcomics community but an issue we have come up every few years is that The Current Aggregate Site, like tapas or webtoon or even patreon, gets big enough that they decide to throw queer/marginalized voices under the bus for the sake of advertising. The biggest one I recall was Tapastic leaving a lot of queer creators in the lurch because their (then new) rules about smut pinged queer content too, as these rules tend to. If you'd built up your comic's following and community on this website it could all just disappear, you lost your archive and your comic's following and had to start over. Patreon has been tightening its policy on 'indecent media' for years too. Even tumblr, arguably the best social site for hosting a comic rn, is unstable because the site is so glitchy and unstable. I had a friend have to painstakingly rearrange their archive because a tumblr update jumbled all the pages overnight, and that's small compared to getting your blog randomly deleted. Webtoon already DEEPLY disrespects comics as a medium and has no love for small creators, given they make most of their ad money from Scandalous Content I don't know what their Moment will look like but I assure you it'll happen like it does everywhere. There's that saying about how if a service is free then you're the product; if you establish your webcomic in a place you don't own they can take that product away at any time. Along those lines, you're also tied to their ship if it ever goes down.

Webcomics has always been a medium for voices that are unwelcome in the mainstream, and that means we need to be careful about who we throw our lot in with because all these companies WILL sell us out when they get the chance. We cannot rely on them to take care of us. It's incredibly difficult to build a following, and building it in a place that could disappear as rules change over time pivots neatly into a hostage situation. Getting people to visit an independent site is definitely more difficult! But I've always been able to rest much easier whenever these periodic upheavals happen because my community has a place to reconvene and my archive is safe no matter what I post. The quality OF that community is also much higher since everybody is actively choosing to be there, I'm not just borrowing people who happen to be on an unrelated site anyway, and honestly not having to tailor my comic's story around a company's guidelines fucking rules lmao

Webcomics is a bizarre landscape these days and I'm certainly no authority on what every individual should do. Maybe your friend is just posting for fun and webtoon works for them! There's nothing wrong with using tumblr indefinitely if you're comfortable with that! Everyone's different. But if you're serious and want to have the most control over your work, try to own it all the way down. I hope some of this was helpful! Best of luck with your comics!

[slowlyhardgoatee]

BOY!

Gotcha. Bet you didn’t think you’d get caught, did you? Get in the house, boy. I’ve had about enough of you sneaking around trying to peek in my windows. Hoping to catch a glimpse of me in the shower, were you? You’ve gone bright red. I knew it.

If you wanted to see me naked, boy, you should have just asked. Now, unlock your phone and hand it to me. Good. Let’s see, camera, camera, camera - ah, here we are. Now you’re gonna strip, boy. Nice and fucking slow for the camera. Oh yeah.

See this big bear cock, boy? You’re gonna take your time sucking it. On your fucking knees. Never mind the camera, boy. That’s it, right down the back of your fucking throat. I’m gonna be posting all these pictures and videos I’m taking all over your social media, I think. Let everyone you know see what a whore you are.

Let’s see what else you’ve got on this phone. Ooh, you’ve got Scruff and DaddyHunt installed. Let’s have a look at your DaddyHunt profile. ‘I need a big protective daddy bear to cuddle me to sleep at night. Sound like you? Hit me up.’ Well, obviously we’re changing that profile, boy. Haha! You’ve got a private message as well! ‘I think I might be the protective daddy you’re after. Wanna meet for a beer and maybe a cuddle?’ And he’s left his number. Too bad for you, though, because I’m just gonna delete the message. You’ll never see him. Keep sucking me, boy. The only thing that should matter to you is servicing my cock. Now let’s change this profile info. Hmmm, what can I put? How about this?

‘Owned and collared slave boy with permission from my Owner to be used by other men. Answers to Slave, Cunt, Boy and Faggot. I need to get gang raped, verbally abused and humiliated by fat old bears while my Owner films it all and calls me a whore. My address is-‘ and I’ll just put this address, boy ‘-the door will be unlocked from 8am to 11pm, seven days a week. Feel free to come inside.’ And then I’m gonna put a little pig emoji at the end, because that’s what you are, boy. A service pig. There. That’s your new profile all set up. And i’m changing your picture, too. How about a nice one of you deep throating Sir’s cock? That’s it uploaded. I’ve even changed your relationship status to a padlock emoji so everyone knows you’re an owned cunt. 

On your back, bitch. I’m gonna blow a load up your cunt before all those daddy bears get here for the gang bang you’ve just begged for online.

[nightswithkookmin]

G I R L

I just saw y the HYBE x Ithaca Holdings video and it really hit me with some realisations. HYBE partnering with them is bound to change some things in a huge way. Collabs and economics notwithstanding, Ithaca is home to NUMEROUS big name artists. I want to focus on the fact that: (1) Beiber is a heavily tattooed dude, I wonder if this fact will give some leeway for Kook to be a bit more free with his existing tatts or allow him to continue getting more. (2) Demi is an openly queer woman. This, along with how open Ithaca’s artists are with their support for the LGBTQ+ community, makes me wonder how it will influence HYBE artists who might be queer themselves (looking at Jikook 👀). I fully know that culturally Korea is its own thing and HYBE its own entity, but I think this might open up some doors for our boys both musically speaking as well as regarding their own selves. Dearest Goldy of mine, what do you think?

Hmmmmmmm

That's an interesting question.

I do agree that this provides a huge economic opportunity for BTS as a group and as investors in Hybe and for frankly anyone within Hybe labels- there's a lot of talents who would kill to be part of this company now. I just know it.

Hell I wanna be part of Hybe and I can't even sang. Lmho.

Cute, if you think I can dance. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

BigHit just got cooler you know.

But I think you are basically asking if this new acquisition will in effect impact the lifestyle of BTS, specifically Jikook as queer people in any way?

I'd say no- especially on the issue of tattoos. But I might be wrong. I just think it takes more than a business merger to undo a person's lifestlye and or socialization or even influence it.

Unless of course, this merger guarantees them certain universal rights and protections outside their culture and political system I don't see how it's to profit them as queer people in any major way.

Whatever impact I'd say is rather intangible.

If you know what I mean.

I've said a few times now how BTS by virtue of their presence in the international community, in my opinion, are socialized and are expected to be socialized a tad differently from the average regular conservative or even liberal S. Korean person with no external influences whatsoever on their socializations.

Your socialization informs your lifestyle.

Justin, Troye, RM and other artists have undoubtedly had and perhaps continue to have an influence on Jk musically and lifestyle wise, to some extent, but he has his own unique values and beliefs and morals that has been acquired and instilled in him through the years independent of these influences.

He is his own person afterall.

Plus did you see the arm sleeve on the director of the MV for Home? He is surrounded at the work place with people that are tatted too. It can't be just Justin B.

He saw a girl with tattoos and said that was something he'd love to have one day when he got of age and he got it- in spite of Suga's objection. He's always expressed interests in tattoos and wanting to become a tattoo artist.

He got these tattoos in spite of the inconveniences they pose to his expressions of self within his career and society- as tattoos are still pretty much stigmatized in S.K and aren't legally allowed on certain broadcasts within S. Korea. And he continues to add on them, draw over them etc way before this merger came into existence.

If he decides that's what he wants he will get them but it wouldn't be because Justin Bieber is heavily tatted or because his company expanded.

I'm not sure what you mean by leeway, but in a recent Run episode (the one with the famous chef) we saw his full arm out and I think that was the first time we had seen his tats on full display on run.

Contrastingly, he had his whole arm bandaged in the Let's BTS interview on KBS.

He covers his tattoos most times because of broadcast rules that prohibits (regulates) not just tattoos but alcohol consumption, cussing, nudity etc on public television that require specific ratings.

Merger or not he will still have to adhere to the laws of South Korea, including entertainment and media broadcasting laws and hide his tattoos as and where.

On the topic of queerness, I think now more than ever BTS would have to become socially, racially and culturally conscious and aware the instant this deal is concluded in May.

Ithaca has one of the most diversified group of artists under its belt- from Quavo who is black to Demi who is queer like you pointed out.

Now more than ever they are at the center of the global conversations we are having in our generation- from racism, to LBGTQ plus marginalizations, to all oppressions of minorities and minority groups.

And with that proximity comes a need to keep themselves in check now more so than ever- which include a check on the cultural appropriation bit, the queer baiting, drawing on queer aesthetics in their 'fan service' culture and other problematic issues that is characteristic of KPop.

What they do now matters more than ever- socially speaking of course.

When Jin started eating a lollipop JM gave him provocatively, JM asked him not to do that on camera but to reserve things like that for the group off camera.

If 'gay' is not gay but their 'culture' I think they know better to keep it to themselves off camera and act 'right' on camera- especially now.

I'm not about to stan a group that capitalizes on the trauma and oppression of me and my people in the name of entertainment. That's just tacky.

On the plus, I think it's great that they be surrounded by other queer folks in the business and be part of a community that welcomes and support queerness so they don't feel like they are the only ones.

That's not to say they aren't surrounded by queer people in their dialy lives.

I mean they have a large staff and I know damn well some of those staffers are queer as well- why wouldn't they be. Lol.

They've always had that 'supportive' environment to foster their relationship- well except for that one time a manager tried to bitch slap JK. Lol. Sorry.

It's not funny at all. Serious face.

They've always been free and loose in places outside Korea- Japan for one, to be themselves in certain 'controlled" areas of their lives.

I think if anything there's gonna be a focus on creating conducive and inclusive work environments and ethics for everyone not just queer people within the company at large.

I think Jikook can relate more, have certain essential conversations in the group, be exposed to and be part of the 'community' in a way that just felt so distant to them prior to the acquisition- in my opinion.

There is strength in numbers after all. Other than that those two companies might operate like night and day with a few eclipses in between.

The bigger question for me is how SK is going to react to Hybe as an international company from now on. No elite Korean company has openly admitted queer artists within their label. Such revelations presumably is bound to impact their social and economic standing...

Seems in acquiring Ithaca though Hybe have circumvented the conservative problem within Kpop and their culture as they have acquired openly queer artists.

Not that they care about an artist's sexuality. Bang have made it perfectly clear he prioritizes a person's talent over their sexual preference and thus hire artists based on their skills regardless of their sexuality.

But that is also not to say that the company wouldn't be met with harsh criticisms and suffer economic loss should they openly admit the sexuality of certain artists they work with.

I mean he did advise Jo Kwan on the risks he would be taking in going in the direction he wanted to go in with his heels schtick. So he is aware of the risks involved in going public with an artist's sexual orientation.

He talked about Korean companies playing it safe and not taking certain risks especially when it comes to deeds that are deemed 'rebellious' against the Korean conservative way.

-Watch and learn people, if you can't hire openly gay talents acquire their company. Problem solved. Lol.

From May, Hybe will technically officially become the first elite Korean company with openly queer artists under its labels that openly touches on and advocates for LGBTQ plus rights.

I'm waiting for Pride month with a cup of tea. Mu haha ha.

BTS has performed with queer artists in the past, dabbled in LGBTQ plus conversations which was mostly met with mixed reactions from the general public- some oblivious to who these artists were much less that they were queer. (Sis laugh with me. Hehe. If you know you know)

BigHit is gradually evolving the status quo.

It's an interesting development I must say, one I'm very much invested in at this point.

BigHit has always aimed beyond the borders of Korean commercial verse often straddling the line of conservatism, literally just became an international company within South Korea governed by both Korean and American laws that in all essence conflict with eachother morally and constitutionally.

Bang has some heavy balls I'll give him that.

Also, since this is an acquisition and not a merger I doubt if much will change in the structures of either company- the family photoshoots would be interesting to watch.

Imagine trying to get Arianna, Justin, BTS, TXT in one large studio for a photoshoot. I'm literally cackling. Lmho.

Scooter Braun will become part of the board of Hybe to manage the company and he is part owner of Hybe along with Justin, Ariana and BTS who also have shares in the company- until they decide to sell their shares that is.

That's about it.

I'm not sure how these Asian haters are gonna respond to an Asian company taking over 'America.' That's something to watch out for.

Then there's this whole issue of 'scandals' and both campanies view on it.

Western companies feed off chaos and drama and scandals, Kpop is the exact opposite.

Most of these Artists under Ithaca have had some pretty bad records and are prone to scandals and stuff like that. In case of an inevitable future scandal, the news would read 'BTS's so so and so.'

They are gonna make it all about BTS.

I mean when BigHit went public with their IPO and it went south it was all about BTS' 'failed IPO' in the news rather than the company it's self.

I have mixed feelings about this acquisition.

It's obvious BigHit is saving Justin Bieber's label. You don't sell unless you are in some huge financial decline blah blah.

Hybe is keeping them in business while building their own portfolio in the industry. BTS may not have a Grammy but Hybe has several artists with Grammys under it's belt now. Smirk.

The success of Justin, Ariana and all these artists are the success of Hybe which together with the powerhouse that is BTS gives Hybe more prestige- it's like watching the game of thrones but this time it's a bunch of nerds with chapsticks and Prada. Lmho.

At least now people will think twice before they peddle the 'they are not gay, it's their culture' nonsense.

Not sure if this answers your question?

I purple you💜💜💜💜💜

Signed,

GOLDY

[wildcrisis]

The Detriment of a Pro-Hero Society

Also known as: Kids are kind of being brainwashed into being heroes, let’s look into that.

Dedicated to @deafmic for getting me back into this bullshit and inspiring me to finish something I had started noting out about two years ago. By now, I’m sure much of this has been said over time by various people, and it makes me happy to know that there are others out there who like to look deep into the background culture and settings of their favorite manga!

I apologize in advance if you notice an idea of yours here; I haven’t been active in the fandom in two-ish-years, so I may be restating some things you guys already have. I consider this rambling analysis to be free to use and abuse by anyone, no credit necessary! I only get a little bit of time on the weekends to really be on my PC, so if you send me an ask or reply to this, it may take me some time to reply back!

Anywho, onto this mess I’ve made. It’s not very tidy and is more a collection of thoughts than a properly detailed analysis, but I ain’t got all day. Again, this is messy but I don’t really have the energy to make it nice and neat.

Looking for something in specific? You might wanna ctrl+f around these titles, because this is very long and rambling.

Part I: The Beginning of Quirks and their Effect on Society Part II: What Makes a Villain Part III: M O N E Y and F A M E Part IV: Brainwashed Part V: Ignoring Those Who Need Help Part VI: Cycle/Conclusion

Part I: The Beginning of Quirks and their Effect on Society

So, we know through the manga that, as quirks first began to evolve and more and more people obtained them, the world was thrown into chaos. People had obtained power, and power is as power does, and it corrupts.

As people began using their quirks for evil deeds that broke the law, law enforcement around the world was essentially powerless. After all, during the birth of the quirk age, quirks were the minority. The powerful minority. Against that, men with tasers, batons, and guns hardly stood a chance.

However, just as the rise of quirks gave birth to people who would use that power for misdeeds, so did it bring life to those who had the inherent desire to protect others. The beginning of the age of vigilantes, which would lead to the age of Pro Heroes.

Obviously, All for One was very relevant during this time, but we’re not here to talk about him. For once. We’re here to talk about society as a whole.

The world order was too chaotic. We are aware of this due to the monologues of certain characters, and I assume we’ll be learning more as more of the former carriers of One for All become present in Deku. In this beginning, it wasn’t so much “heroes” versus “villains”, more than it was law abiding citizens versus law breakers. It’s likely that precedent hadn’t yet been established for “no quirk use”, as there were hardly enough people who could actually enforce such a law.

As more of society began to develop quirks, the Police Force made a decision to not use their quirks to take down law breakers. They moved to a more leadership position, and took a backseat to those who did use their quirks for good. At first, it was a hard decision to allow such things as Pro Heroes to take on law breakers who were too dangerous for someone to take down without a quirk.

But why, after all this time, have the Police and the Pro Heroes remained separate entities? Why have they never combined, and why do they remain so polarized in how they approach situations?

The answer is simple, yet multi-layered. Heroes and Villains ... they’re popular. They attract attention.

Part II: What Makes a Villain

If you assign a person the label “Villain”, you de-humanize them. They are no longer a “person”, per se, but a monster. Evil, in the eyes of most people. It’s easier, then, to accept their fate of being beaten by a Hero, and being carted off to prison.

This is an important distinction to make. If you remove the labels of Hero and Villain. If you remove their Quirks. Do people still react the same way? Do they cheer and adore the hero, as the hero beats the opponent senseless? Of course not. In a battle of man vs man, in the moment, humans don’t react in such a way.

We can understand why an adult who lived a hard life may turn to a life of crime. But, hardly to we look as to why or how they got there.

In this world where quirks have become the norm, but are constantly evolving, we must wonder; how are quirks judged? How are they defined? How are people treated, for the quirk they possess?

We have many examples of outcasts, and they possess a wide variety of quirks from “extremely destructive” to simply “strange, odd, not okay in society”.

Shigaraki and Overhaul are both examples of terrifying, destructive quirks. Is it any wonder that their lives turned out the way they did? The power of death was etched into their very DNA. We know Shigaraki’s backstory and how he became who he is today. It’s implied that Chisaki was abandoned or ran away as well.

Then, you have the more odd quirks that, on the surface don’t seem nefarious, but when explained in context, would make people feel uncomfortable. Toga, who’s quirk is to drink blood and transform into another person. Twice, who can make copies of any person and used his quirk for an evil deed. Nemoto, who can force anyone to tell the truth, and lived a life where he realized everyone was lying to him.

Even Shinsou Hitoshi, desperate to become a hero, was put down for what his quirk DOES. Brainwashing. That’s a “villain’s quirk”. Fellow children said that to him so casually, and behaved as if they were terrified of him!

Eri, with her quirk that made her father disappear from existence itself ... Had she not been rescued from Overhaul, what would have become of her? Forced to believe her entire existence was a curse, told that she does nothing but harm people -- as she grew older and gained control of her power, would anyone honestly think she would have led a life of goodness, considering how she was raised?

How many people labeled Villains are currently in prison, because they were treated like outcasts from the moment they developed a terrifying quirk? Was there anyone there to help them figure their way through this world, considering what they’d been born with? Are there services for people who have trouble controlling their quirks, which are truly destructive? Even with laws in place saying that you can’t use your quirk publicly, just LIVING with that knowledge that you were born ... with a scary quirk ... a villain’s quirk ... How people treat you because of that, how you look, what your quirk can do -- do you ever have any friends? Any real friends, that aren’t just people who are scared of you?

Is it any wonder, that people like this turn out to be “villains”? Society is GROOMING THEM to BE VILLAINS, simply for who and what they are and are born with.

Part III: M O N E Y and F A M E

Throwing oneself into harms way sure is a dangerous move, that most people would never bother doing. How, then, do you entice more people to become heroes and take on the villains that are popping up all around for obvious reasons?

You make your Heroes popular. You make sure they look stylish. They have cool attitudes. You make them popular among the children. After all, getting fellow adults in on the Pro-Hero train is good and all, but much like a pro-athlete, one can likely only do Hero work for a certain span of time before their body is unable to take the strain. Maybe say, ages 18-40?

Besides, with more and more people being born every day with quirks, the number of people who turn to villainous activity will grow, right? Especially if you’re not actively helping people manage their quirks, because hey, they’re not allowed to use them publicly so what does it matter?

Kids. Kids will watch heroes on TV, and see it just like any other super-hero show or cartoon. They’ll buy the merchandise. People will begin to hemorrhage money over these heroes, because they’re flashy. They’re kind. They save lives.

Now, not to say that Heroes are just there for the paycheck -- not at all. Many people become heroes simply because they do love to help people. Some become heroes because they want to stop bad guys. Sure, there are some who do it to maybe someday live an easier life, or because it pays really well and they have family to support. But, I do believe that most people go into the Pro Hero business with good intentions.

THIS, is part of the reason that Pro Heroes have remained separate from law enforcement. They are now a business. A very wealthy business. It’s not just hero agencies that make money off of the Pro Hero business. It’s toy manufacturers. Comic book stores. Prisons. Hospitals. Roots of Pro Hero society reach into nearly every type of business that there is, whether directly or indirectly.

Nobody wants that money to disappear by folding Heroes back into the police force. No, they want MORE heroes. More heroes, and more people for the heroes to fight.

tldr: heroes = $$$, so keep ‘em coming

Part IV: Brainwashed

There are a lot of factors that go into making society as a whole okay with something. It takes a lot of time, for one. It takes powerful, well spoken people. It takes lots of media attention. Before you know it, everyone is eating up the same exact thing quite willingly ... and it spreads to the next generation. And the next. After that happens, its something that is well integrated into society, like a freckle that’s always been on your arm -- its just “always been that way”.

I’ve mentioned several times that its odd for people to be so okay with one person beating another person senseless. Again, we know that its considered acceptable, because of the labels we’ve put on these individuals based on their actions: Heroes and Villains.

What I wonder is: How long have people been okay with this? Do they not realize that, in a way, this is history repeating itself?

We know why people don’t dig deeper into this. Pro Heroes are popular and people love them. The media has hand fed the Hero lifestyle to children for some time now. There are schools, MORE THAN ONE SCHOOL, that teach your child how to become a pro hero.

Think about that. It’s not just some extra-curricular activity, like sports. These are schools, designed to take in freshly graduated MIDDLE-SCHOOLERS who have not finished their regularly schooling education, who still have growing bodies and minds, and ... crafts them into perfect pro-heroes. AND PARENTS ARE OKAY WITH THIS -- SOMETIMES EVEN MORE THAN OKAY WITH IT.

These schools send young teenagers onto the streets under a pro-heroes wing to witness and be a part of fighting crime. Not organized crime, like a ring of bad guys or something, but ... random crime. Disasters. From a young age, they may encounter situations with actual dead people. Their training is dangerous. Their powers can be dangerous. One wrong move, and a student, someone you worked alongside, had lunch with everyday, is just ... gone.

There exists a police force in society. There are already pro-heroes. Why, then, is society okay with multiple schools that are practically breeding child soldiers? They are teaching kids everything about how to kick ass, how to take down these terrifying people, how to fight, how to save lives ...

Why is no one looking into why villains exist in the first place? Are these kids ever taught de-escalation tactics? To talk their opponents down? Not everyone out there is using their quirk to be evil for the sake of being evil. There’s always a reason, a purpose.

Part V: Ignoring Those Who Need Help

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Hey, Star Wars had some good points!

I’ve discussed before what makes a villain. People who are afraid of what they’re capable of. People who society has turned their back on. People who desperately need help, but there is no one out there willing to give it.

These people will always find each other in the shadows. They begin, at a young age, being terrified of what they are. What they’ve done. What they can do. Maybe they’ve been kicked out of their families. Maybe they’ve killed before, completely on accident.

The average person turns their back on people like this.

These people begin their lives terrified. Constantly being told that their quirks, their past, their family, what ever it is, will make them end up a bad person. Or, maybe they tell them they’re already a bad person. That fears breeds anger and hate. Hate for this society that would rather see them burn, than offer them any help.

A young boy grows up into a man. He had a potentially devastating quirk that he never really got a good hold on, because he was never allowed to practice with it. Everyone is too scared to let him try. Then, one day, something happens -- completely by accident. He causes a scene. A massacre. He hurts people.

Parents are excited to see which of their quirks their baby displays. Instead of being one or the other, or even a fusion of both, the unthinkable occurs. Its a mutation. The toddler hurts a sibling, a parent, a friend. Terrified, the parents abandon the child, for fear of losing their entire family.

A child is told, over and over, that his quirk will never be good for anything other than being evil. This knowledge rests heavy on his shoulders, its repeated to him yearly as he grows. Then, when he acts on what everyone has TOLD HIM FOR YEARS HE WILL DO, they are surprised. As if they hadn’t imprinted the very notion into his mind.

In a way, Overhaul was right about one thing. Hero society is a disease. People look forward to watching Heroes take down Villains and save the day. They don’t think at all about why these people are villains, how they got there, where they came from. They will never admit to potentially being the reason villains exist in the first place.

Part VI: Cycle/Conclusion

Wow, I have rambled a lot. I don’t think I hit every point that I’ve ever thought of for sure. There’s ... a lot of them. And a lot of comparisons I wanted to make to other superhero anime, specifically Tiger and Bunny, which I believe does an excellent job of showing the ups and downs of hero societies.

What I wanted to make clear in all this rambling mess (which, if you read all of it, I am SO SO SORRY), is that the very existence of Pro Heroes and Villains exist solely because of a few factors that exist in a cycle.

Pro Heroes = $$$ -> Schools for more heroes -> ignoring quirk-related-problems -> more villains -> pro heroes beat up villains -> pro heroes =$$$ etc

There is someone, or some organization, that sits above all of this. There has to be. There has to be some more logical explanation as to why this type of Hero v Villain culture has been allowed to exist all of this time, and things have not drifted more back in the direction of police vs lawbreakers. There has to be a reason that its okay for heroes to be so popular. There has to be a reason that children are allowed to be groomed into becoming heroes. There has to be a reason that there isn’t more help out there for people with these types of potentially destructive quirks.

There has to be reasons.

There has to be reasons for how the Hero Commission moves. There has to be reasons for how the police move. There has to be a reason that society is still allowed to go on like this, and that its become culturally acceptable.

If anyone out there can put all my rambling into clearer words and actively wants to, I would love that. Thank you for taking the time to read my mess!

xoxo Wild

[thirstaidkitpodcast]

THIRST AID KIT | S6E01 | A DOG CALLED REX (with JASON MANTZOUKAS)

Look. We know what we like, OK? And it’s a wild-eyed, tousle-haired man who is funny, and smart, and so fucking engaged that chatting with him is like looking at the sun for too long, while wearing absolutely no protective glasses.

May we present Jason Mantzoukas?

There he is. Sigh.

We knew we had to come back from hiatus with a bang and there’s just none bangier than Mr M. We chatted for literal hours (because he’s a generous guy with lots of good thoughts and honestly, we didn’t wanna get off the Zoom call, to be honest.)

Some things in this BUMPER episode:

Handing over the reins of [REDACTED] to somebody else (and a man at that!) for the first time ever.

What quarantine/lockdown/social distancing has been like for Jason these last few months, as illustrated by podcast appearances

This whole thing about people feeling weird about fancying him and how it makes him feel

Getting a bicoastal dog with Bim and letting her name the dog Rex [more on this later; keep reading]

Jason’s love of romcoms

A project Jason would not be averse to: a romcom starring him and Lupita Nyong’o, with a screenplay written by Bim

Scratch that; is this movie now starring Bim? With Rex as a pretext?

Jason torturing Bim relentlessly about how much she said she fancied him and his beard in the Jasons episode from last November and Bim dying, reviving herself, melting, putting herself back together and just basically giggling like a teenager. Embarrassing, to be honest. 😩

Nichole having the time of her life watching Bim melt down but also cementing her place in the Wingman Hall of Fame with her stellar efforts 🙌🏾🥇[seriously, buy her a round on Venmo (nicholeTN) for services rendered] 

Jason doing some stellar media critique on Hollywood and the boyification of the American male in pop culture [really, you should listen to him on How Did This Get Made? with Paul Scheer and June Diane Raphael because it’s an ace podcast)

Nichole and Bim gasping IN UNISON when Jason brought up Moonlighting, and said it was one of his favorites.

Nichole reveling in the fact SHE WAS RIGHT: Jason did use Mixed Chicks hair products on his curls.

Goddammit, Jason Mantzoukas. You magnificent sonofabitch.

No Fanfic Wars in the ep, because listen: the whole episode was basically a drabble come to life, and there’s no need to improve on perfection, is there? The whole thing is a hell of a ride, and you can listen to the whole episode RIGHT HERE (more ways to listen are listed below).

SOME STUFF TO WATCH AND READ, IF YOU LIKE!

A GQ Q&A with Jason from 2018

Jason on Nailed It! (it’s on Netflix. Srsly.)

Jason in pretty much everything he’s in.

This Pajiba piece about the question of Jason’s hotness (NO QUESTION!)

Subscribe to get new episodes delivered to your device automatically every Thursday. We’re on Apple and Stitcher and Podbean and Google Play and Overcast and iHeartRadio and Spotify and and and... Just search ‘Thirst Aid Kit’ wherever you get your podcasts.

We’re on Twitter at @thirstaidkit. Send us your (short! please!) drabbles at thirstaidkit@slate.com. Also feel free to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, if you have the time and the inclination; we sure do appreciate it!

[theatreslave]

Recovery

Chapter One

Drea Mikami silenced her cellphone for the third time in ten minutes. It was ringing incessantly, receiving calls from a number she didn’t recognize. She was supposed to be concentrating on paperwork but the sinking feeling that had started in her stomach two weeks ago when the number called her for the first time, was growing.

The phone rang again and she silenced just as her partner Michaela Stone-Landon reached her desk.

“You’re popular.” Michaela said with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s nothing just asking about my vehicle warranty or whatever. I swear those telemarketers are trying to annoy me to death,” Drea replied with her usual sass, trying not to show her nerves to her partner. Her amazing partner who was soon to be leaving her for a while. “Did you finish up everything? Are you excited?”

“Yeah I tied up loose ends and I have the rest of my paperwork done. Any open cases have been transferred to different detectives, barring the ones you wanted of course,” She said fondly. Silencing her friend’s phone for her the next time it rang. “In a couple hours I will be on a flight to my honeymoon, stress free!”

“I’m really happy for you Mick. I hate you for leaving me here by myself but how could I stop such a happy couple from enjoying their private time! Just make sure to have a few margaritas for me. Or better yet a few mai tais.” Drea laughed.

“You gonna be ok? I know Bowers assigned you to work with Jared while I’m gone.” Michaela asked, feeling a bit awkward.

Drea scoffed, “It’s just Jared. Afraid I’ll steal him away?”

“You can have him. Just don’t let him sulk too much ok. And take it easy on him. Your unending enthusiasm might actually make him smile and he might get a cramp in his face.” She joked.

“Oh trust me Mrs.Landon, I will make sure your ex-boy toy has nothing else to worry about except how to shut me up.” Drea stood up next to her partner and gave her a hug. “He’ll be ok Mic. He’s a big boy. I’m sure under all that brooding he is happy for you. Jared is just a passionate guy and you were all he was passionate about for a while.”

Drea released Mick from her hug. Mick nodded in agreement. “I know. He was all I knew for a long time too but Zeke, he’s everything and more. I can’t explain it. We are more than just soul mates. It’s deeper than that.”

“I know it is. I mean he survived against all odds because of you. So don’t worry, a dose of MIkami and me gushing over all the nauseatingly cute pictures you send me from your trip, will turn Jared off of you forever.” Drea was more than confident that she would have some fun while Mick was away. “And speak of the Devil.”

Jared Vasquez, newly appointed lieutenant, strode into the precinct confidently. He shrugged off his jacket and paused before scanning the bullpen and spotting the two women next to Mikami’s desk.

“It’s our big strong lieutenant back from a successful mission,” Drea teased. “I was just saying ‘bon voyage’ to the newly wed before she leaves tonight.”

Jared chuckled a bit then turned to Michaela, “Have a safe trip, and come back on time. Or if you’re going to disappear, take me with you this time.”

Michaela smacked the man’s arm, then gave him a hug as well. “I’ll be back, I promise. Be nice to Drea ok. I don’t wanna come back here and find out that you made her cry.”

“Like he could make me cry!”

“I’m not that mean!”

Drea’s phone rang and she absentmindedly silenced it again. Jared noticed but ignored it, figuring that she didn’t want to interrupt the conversation.

“So Vasquez, was it a successful mission?” Drea diverted.

“Yup, finally caught those Irish mobsters after, what, 6 months of tailing them. I am ready for something simple after all that.” Jared said as he loosened his tie and unbuttoned his top button.

“Congratulations! That’s great I know how that case has been bothering you. Using their prep-school sons as drug mules was a new low.” Michaela said with a sad look as she started packing up her bag at her desk just across from Drea’s.

Drea’s phone rang again and this time she flinched. Michaela reached over and silenced it again. Before Jared could ask what was up with that Michaela was ready to head off.

“I will see you guys in a month. I’ll send you guys some pictures. Call me if you need anything. But only if it’s urgent.” Michaela said with a wink and then waved as she walked out of the precinct.

“Aww they grow up so fast.” Drea said, wiping away a fake tear.

Jared stared at her for a second before rolling his eyes, “Make sure your weirdness doesn’t rub off on me.”

“I’m not weird! I’m just confident in my uniqueness.” Drea stuck her tongue out at him, “At least I know how to have fun.”

Her cellphone rang again. Jared finally lost his battle against his own curiosity and swiped Drea's phone and answered it. “Hello, you’re calling this phone an awful lot and it’s really starting to get annoying.”

Drea’s eyes were wide as saucers as she tried to take the phone from the much taller man in front of her. “Jared, what the hell! Give that back.”

“Who are you? Why are you answering this call?” A male voice answered. The tone he used alarmed Jared.

“Hey man, just stop calling this number ok. She doesn’t want to talk to you. And you’re making it so I can’t even enjoy the silence of a nearly empty precinct.” Jared scoffed.

“Are you that bitch’s new lap dog? She’ll curse you like she did to me. She’ll ruin you. Drea I know you’re there! You fucking bitch!” The man would have been foaming at the mouth if he were in front of Jared.

Drea finally pulled the phone from Jared’s grasp and disconnected the call. Jared was shocked then angry. “ Drea what the hell was that? Who was that? Are you in trouble?”

“Jared, it's nothing. I promise. Just some guy that’s mad that I didn’t go on a second date with him. Don’t worry about it. I was gonna get a new phone tomorrow anyway.” Drea just shut her phone off and tried to busy herself at her desk.

Jared took a moment to stare at her then went to his desk to grab a couple things, threw his jacket back on and then found his way back to her desk. “Grab what you need, the day is over and I am taking you to get a new phone.”

“Jared you really don’t have to do this,” Drea refused.

“I don’t but I’m not going to have a sleepless night thinking about that grim reaper calling you every ten minutes, so let’s move Mikami.” Jared said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. At first Drea hesitated then grabbed her things and followed the Cuban man out of the precinct.

Drea sat in Jared’s passenger seat, having taken the bus that morning instead of her own car. It was silent as they made their way to the closest AT&T store. She played with her fingers feeling nervous for some reason.

“Do you need help getting a restraining order?” Jared asked, keeping his eye on the busy evening streets of New York.

Drea considered being honest but decided against it. Her and Jared weren’t very close and she didn’t need to involve him. “Yeah but it’s not like he’s stalking me. I probably should have given him a social media account instead of my actual number.”

“Don’t take any of the blame here, Drea. If this guy is really just being an asshole because he can’t take rejection. That’s all on him. You’ve blocked his number?”

“Yeah but he just calls with new ones. But it’s ok, I have my knight in shining necktie taking me to get a new phone so everything should be fine.” Drea teased, hoping the topic would be dropped.

“Brat,” Jared glanced at her, “If you ever need my help with some dude, don’t hesitate to ask. I know I may not be the best guy but I won’t stand for any of you girls getting treated like shit.”

“Thank you, Jared. Really it means a lot. But I don’t think this will be a big deal so don’t worry too much. That wrinkle between your brows will just get deeper.”

“I do not have a wrinkle!” Jared shot back as he parked the car. “Come on, let's go.”

“You’re coming with me?” Drea asked, surprised.

“And what, leave you here to take a night bus or taxi by yourself? Not a chance, especially after that phone call. We are getting you a new phone then you are buying me dinner for driving you around.” Jared said as they both exited the car and made their way across the street.

“How about I just cook you something? I was going to make some ramen when I got home anyway.” Drea said, smiling at Jared, honestly relieved to not be alone.

“That sounds like a deal. Just don’t poison me ok.” Jared joked as he pulled the store door open for her.

“You’ll see. Unlike Michaela I am an amazing cook!” Drea smacked Jared’s shoulder lightly as she walked past him.

The process of getting a new phone was a bit of a hassle as it always is. The minute Drea turned her old phone on, to transfer data, it started pinging with ‘missed call’ notifications followed by more calls from mystery numbers.

Jared looked a bit concerned but as soon as the service was cut off the phone stopped chiming. Drea opted for a Samsung, switching her allegiances, as the sales rep called it. It made transferring her phone numbers and data a little incomplete but Jared made sure to grab her phone and edit his contact information for her.

“Hey I literally just got that!” Drea said after saying ‘goodbye’ to the young man who helped her with her phone.

“I’m just making sure you have me saved properly.” Jared said with a laugh before snapping a picture of himself. “There ya go.”

Jared handed her the new phone as they both made it back to his car. Once they were both seated and Jared had her address in the GPS, Drea finally had a chance to look at his contact info. He had taken a quick selfie with a smile on his face from that dumb angle that guys always take it from. And had saved himself as Jared “Knight in Shining Necktie” Vasquez.

“You’re honestly a giant dork under all that machismo, aren’t you?” Drea smiled as she looked over at him.

“Only around my friends. So keep it a secret. Now are you really going to cook for me or am I just dropping you off? I’m starving after that kid couldn’t stop talking about Samsung being better than Apple blah blah blah. “ Jared said as he made his way down her street.

“Hey, we made a deal. Plus you were right, I definitely prefer this over taking the bus or subway. You can just have the valet take your car. Jonathan will take care of it.” Drea said as they pulled up to an upper class apartment building. Jared let out a low whistle.

“Your apartment complex has a valet? I knew you came from money Drea, but come on now.” Jared said, looking in awe as he stopped the car and spotted the valet driver.

“Jonathan, you’ll take care of Jared’s car won’t you.” Drea asked happily as she made her way into the building.

“Of course, Ms. Mikami. Will the Sir be spending the night?”

“Jonathan! You’re scandalous. Jared is just having dinner with me as a favor so don’t you go reporting to my mother about anything.” Drea teased the older gentleman.

“Of course Miss. Have a wonderful dinner.”

Jared watched the exchange and couldn’t help but chuckle at Drea’s cheerful manner. He followed Drea through the lobby to the elevators which were just as extravagant as the front of the building. “I’m guessing your mother likes to keep an eye on you.”

“She’s always been a tiger mom. She never did forgive me for going into law enforcement and now she wants me to apologize by getting married to one of her friends’ sons.” Drea scoffed. They made it to her apartment and she swiftly let them in.

Jared was pleased to see that her apartment was rather simple but lived in. She had a cat, or he figured she did from the litter box in the corner of the living room that opened up from the front door.

“You can hang your jacket up right there. And take off your shoes please!” Drea called as she rushed into what he assumed was the kitchen to work on their dinner. “Have a look around while I cook. And if you see Mimi, she’s friendly, I promise!.”

“You named your cat ‘Mimi’?” Jared asked as he made his way further into the apartment. He noticed a VR headset promptly displayed next to the TV, a bookcase filled to the brim, and that most of her furniture was a dark cherry color. The depth of which was offset by her cream colored walls and the shine of her lights off the various mirrors that helped make her apartment feel larger than it was.

“Yeah, why? You don’t like it?” Drea called back. The sounds of running water and then the telltale chop of a knife on a cutting board filled the apartment.

“Mimi Mikam? It’s cute.” Jared said with a laugh. He stood at the threshold of the kitchen.

“And she’s cute. If you haven’t seen her then she will come out when I bring her food out,” Drea said absentmindedly as she busied herself with the bowling water and what looked like noodles.

“Where’s your bathroom? I wanna wash up.” Jared asked, not wanting to try and find out himself in case he got accused of snooping. Not that he wasn’t a little interested in the inner workings of his silver spoon fed coworker.

“Just keep going down the hall past the living room. The first door on the right. The door on the left is the guest bedroom. The one at the end of the hall is my room, and across from it is a closet.” Drea answered not looking up from the meat she was slicing.

“Thanks. Not that I needed a full floor plan,” Jared replied as he turned to the hallway.

“I’m just being thorough. Like I am with this food you’re going to love by the way,” Drea shot back.

Jared just chuckled to himself as he walked down the hall, flicking a light switch as he went. The hall was longer than he expected. He found the bathroom easily and washed his hands. He pulled off his tie, finally letting himself relax after the long day. The Lieutenant looked at himself in the mirror, taking in the littering of grey hairs and the deepening crease between his brows. Jared let out a long sigh, he really wasn’t getting any younger. He shook his head and let his mind focus on the enigma that was Drea and her mystery caller. He had a feeling there was more to this than some stilted “nice guy” but he didn’t want to pry. He wasn’t as close to Drea as Michaela but hopefully a month as partners would remedy that.

Jared exited the bathroom only to hear the sound of something falling in what he now knew was Drea’s bedroom.

“Jared,” Drea called from the kitchen.

“Yeah?” Jared called back, his sense on high alert and his hand on his gun which was still at his belt.

“Can you make sure Mimi didn’t knock over the glass I keep on my bedside? She does that sometimes when she realizes I’m home,” Drea requested.

“Yea sure,” Jared let out a sigh of relief and then made his way down the hall. The door to her room was already ajar. Knowing that Drea asked him to check made it easier for him to flick the light switch and enter her bedroom. Jared chuckled to himself, “I guess this is one way to get into a woman’s bedroom.”

Drea’s bedroom was the definition of feminine sophistication. She had a four post canopy bed with light gauzy curtains that were pulled open. Her sheets were a cream color with mauve accents. The wood of her furniture matched the furniture in the rest of her apartment. Her side tables matched and had gold filigree lamps atop them. The carpets were plush and squishy under Jared’s socked feet. He noticed an empty glass laying haphazardly on the floor and moved to pick it up. The glass was placed neatly back on her bedside table.

Jared took a moment to snoop, unable to help himself. There was a small porcelain tree next to her lamp. A ring holder. He did notice she always wore a pinky ring on her left hand and a plain gold band on her right ring finger. A simple brush lay next to it along with a novel. Something horror related from the looks of the cover. Across from the foot of the bed was a dresser and next to that a vanity. In the opposite corner was a desk and a door that he assumed led to the master bathroom.

His attention turned at the soft mewl of Mimi who made herself known. She appeared and with the usual agility of a cat, hopped on to the vanity. That’s when Jared noticed that Drea’s window was open. She hadn’t been in here since they arrived and he doubted that she left it open by accident. Jared shut the window and did a quick sweep of the room. Once satisfied that no one was hiding in the room he turned back to Mimi.

“You wouldn’t be in here if there was an intruder right?” Mimi just blinked up at him. She was a short haired cat. Small and white, with striking blue eyes. She mewed at him and made a movement trying to rub up against him. Jared wasn’t a cat person but he had to admit she was cute. He stepped closer and tentatively reached out a hand. Mimi happily bumped her head against his palm asking for pets.

Jared smiled down at the cat just as Drea called, “Dinner’s ready! Quit snooping and come back out here.”

Jared slowly picked up the snow white cat and was surprised to see how easily she curled into him and purred. He held her to his chest, scratching her head as he made his way back to the kitchen where Drea had set a table for two at the small dining table. “Hey, I wasn’t snooping, I was bonding. See.”

Drea turned and smiled at the sight of the normally stoic detective holding her purring white cat while he scratched her head. “ Aww that’s so cute. Mimi likes you.”

“By the way did you leave your window open? I closed it for you. You should be more careful.” Jared said as he took a seat. Finally he relinquished his hold on Mimi who was more than happy to make her way to her food bowl which Drea had filled.

Drea hesitated then sat down as well, “Uh, yeah I must have forgotten about it when I went to work this morning. Thanks. I really should wake up earlier. Anyway, here we are, a Mikami special. Tonkatsu ramen and shredded seaweed chicken rolls with a side of rice.”

“Wow, it definitely smells better than anything Mick has ever tried to make,” Jared joked..

“Dig in. You had a long successful day and this is our first time hanging out as partners.” Drea said, “Thank you for coming with me to get a new phone too.”

“If I get fed like this every time I might have to do you more favors.” Jared happily dug in.

They chatted throughout dinner enjoying the food and eventually opening up a bottle of wine. Drea reasoned that they were both off tomorrow anyway. Jared, having loosened up, asked Drea about the VR headset he saw and she was more than happy to teach him how to use it. And that’s how they ended up in the living room, Jared exhausted after playing a shooting game and Drea exhausted from laughing so hard at his irritation.

“You know, I should get one of these. It’s like working out without a gym.” Jared said between breaths as he turned off the headset and returned it to its stand.

“I never took you for a gamer. But I must say that was definitely entertaining. You get way too competitive.” Drea said with a laugh. “You should just bunk out in my spare room. It’s late and we drank the whole bottle.”

“Are you sure? I’m not drunk or anything.” Jared realized it was nearing 2 a.m.

“You still drank. We’re cops Jared, we have to set a good example. And you won’t have to worry about me drunkenly jumping you in bed, the spare room has a lock.” Drea said cheekily as she started cleaning up the errant wine glasses and napkins.

“Let me do that then. You cooked and let me stay so I will wash the dishes. Go get ready for bed.” Jared insisted as he started picking up bowls and utensils.

“Yes dad, “ Drea joked as she let him take over, a yawn escaping her mouth.

“I prefer Daddy.” Jared quipped before he could stop himself. Drea let out a laugh and threw a pillow at him. “In your dreams Vasquez.”

He caught the pillow laughing as he cleaned up the remains of their dinner. It wasn’t until he was nearly done with the dishes that he felt the wine headache coming on. Drea met him in the hallway with some extra towels and a pair of sweats that were much too large to be her actual size.

“Here. So you can wash up and change. You’re lucky I like to wear big mens sweats when I’m home by myself. I will be off to bed now. Goodnight Jared.” Drea said nonchalantly as she handed him the pile then made her way back to her room, picking up Mimi who had been winding around her legs.

“Thanks Drea, goodnight.” Jared said. He washed up in the bathroom then went into the guest bedroom to change. It was simpler than her bedroom and slightly smaller but still had the plush carpet and elegant side tables. He took off his shirt and pants, hanging them up in the empty closet, then unfolded the sweats. They were a bit loose on him but were worn in. He could tell from the creases that Drea normally folded the legs up quite a bit. His eyes barely staying open, he hopped into the bed, thinking for a moment about how he ended up here. A ghost of a smile on his face as he drifted off to sleep.

Saying goodnight to Jared was an odd feeling but not bad. Drea definitely didn’t think her day would end with Jared Vasquez sleeping in her apartment. But as she went over the events of the day, it seemed to be an appropriate ending. Drea was about to climb into bed when she noticed something green on her vanity.

As she walked across the room and started to recognize the object, her blood ran cold. She stood less than a foot away, staring down at the handmade Valentine’s Day card wishing it would burst into flames. She looked up at the window next to the vanity, the one that had been open. For a split second panic filled her at the idea that he had made his way into her apartment. But Jared would have noticed, he wouldn’t let her get hurt. He wasn’t here but he had been.

Drea swiftly walked to the kitchen and grabbed some chopsticks and a ziplock bag, hoping her movements wouldn’t wake Jared. She was back in her room with the door shut behind her. She paused again, staring across the room at the offensive item. Until she let her anger surge up within her and drive her forward. She used the chopsticks effortlessly and put the card into the ziplock bag before shoving it in a bottom drawer of her vanity.

Breathing heavily she made her way to her bed. Hoping she would be able to get some sleep. Hoping the vents of the past two days wouldn’t send her spiraling back into her nightmares.

AND THATS IT FOR CHAPTER ONE. SOON TO BE ADDED TO AO3 and FANFIC.NET

[livingdeadinsideyourhead]

Free Music in a Capitalist Society - Iggy Pop's Keynote Speech Transcript

Hi, I'm Iggy Pop. I've held a steady job at BBC 6 Music now for almost a year, which is a long time in my game. I always hated radio and the jerks who pushed that shit music into my tender mind, with rare exceptions. When I was a boy, I used to sit for hours suffering through the entire US radio top 40 waiting for that one song by The Beatles and the other one by The Kinks. Had there been anything like John Peel available in my Midwestern town I would have been thrilled. So it's an honor to be here. I understand that. I appreciate it.

Some months ago when the idea of this talk came up I thought it might be okay to talk about free music in a Capitalist society. So that's what I'm gonna try to talk about. A society in which the Capitalist system dominates all the others, and seeks their destruction when they get in its way. Since then, the shit has really hit the fan on the subject, thanks to U2 and Apple. I worked half of my life for free. I didn't really think about that one way or the other, until the masters of the record industry kept complaining that I wasn't making them any money. To tell you the truth, when it comes to art, money is an unimportant detail. It just happens to be a huge one unimportant detail. But, a good LP is a being, it's not a product. It has a life-force, a personality, and a history, just like you and me. It can be your friend. Try explaining that to a weasel.

As I learned when I hit 30 +, and realized I was penniless, and almost unable to get my music released, music had become an industrial art and it was the people who excelled at the industry who got to make the art. I had to sell most of my future rights to keep making records to keep going. And now, thanks to digital advances, we have a very large industry, which is laughably maybe almost entirely pirate so nobody can collect shit. Well, it was to be expected. Everybody made a lot of money reselling all of recorded musical history in CD form back in the 90s, but now the cat is out of the bag and the new electronic devices which estrange people from their morals also make it easier to steal music than to pay for it. So there's gonna be a correction.

When I started The Stooges we were organized as a group of Utopian communists. All the money was held communally and we lived together while we shared the pursuit of a radical ideal. We shared all song writing, publishing and royalty credits equally – didn’t matter who wrote it - because we'd seen it on the back of a Doors album and thought it was cool, at least I did. Yeah. I thought songwriting was about the glory, I didn't know you'd get paid for it. We practiced a total immersion to try to forge a new approach which would be something of our own. Something of lasting value. Something that was going to be revealed and created and was not yet known.

We are now in the age of the schemer and the plan is always big, big, big, but it's the nature of the technology created in the service of the various schemes that the pond, while wide, is very shallow. Nobody cares about anything too deeply expect money. Running out of it, getting it. I never sincerely wanted to be rich. There is a, in the US, we have this guy “Do you sincerely wanna be rich? You can do it!” I didn’t sincerely want to be rich. I never sincerely felt like making anyone else that way. That made me a kind of a wild card in the 60's and 70's. I got into the game because it felt good to play and it felt like being free. I'm still hearing today about how my early works with The Stooges were flops. But they're still in print and they sell 45 years later, they sell. Okay, it took 20 or 25 years for the first royalties to roll in. So sue me.

Some of us who couldn't get anywhere for years kept beating our heads against the same wall to no avail. No one did that better than my friends The Ramones. They kept putting out album after album, frustrated that they weren't getting the hit. They even tried Phil Spector and his handgun. After the first couple of records, which made a big impact, they couldn't sustain the quality, but I noticed that every album had at least one great song and I thought, wow if these guys would just stop and give it a rest, society would for sure catch up to them. And that's what's happening now, but they're not around to enjoy it. I used to run into Johnny at a little rehearsal joint in New York and he'd be in a big room all alone with a Marshall stack just going "dum, dum, dum, dum, dum" all my himself. I asked him why and he said if he didn't practice doing that exactly the way he did it live he'd lose it. He was devoted and obsessive, so were Joey and Deedee. I like that. Johnny asked me one day - Iggy don't you hate Offspring and the way they're so popular with that crap they play. That should be us, they stole it from us. I told him look, some guys are born and raised to be the captain of the football team and some guys are just gonna be James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause and that's the way it is. Not everybody is meant to be big. Not everybody big is any good.

I only ever wanted the money because it was symbolic of love and the best thing I ever did was to make a lifetime commitment to continue playing music no matter what, which is what I resolved to do at the age of 18. If who you are is who you are that is really hard to steal, and it can lead you in all sorts of useful directions when the road ahead of you is blocked and it will get blocked. Now I'm older and I need all the dough I can get. So I too am concerned about losing those lovely royalties, now that they've finally arrived, in the maze of the Internet. But I'm also diversifying my income, because a stream will dry up. I'm not here to complain about that, I'm here to survive it.

When I was starting out as a full time musician I was walking down the street one bright afternoon in the seedier part of my Midwestern college town. I passed a dive bar and from it emerged a portly balding pallid middle aged musician in a white tux with a drink in one hand and a guitar in the other. He was blinking in the daylight. I had a strong intuition that this was a fate to be avoided. He seemed cut off from society and resigned to an oblivious obscurity. A bar fly. An accessory to booze. So how do you engage society as an artist and get them to pay you? Well, that's a matter of art. And endurance.

To start with, I cannot stress enough the importance of study. I was lucky to work in a discount record store in Ann Arbor Michigan as a stock boy where I was exposed to a little bit of every form of music imaginable on record at the time. I listened to it all whether I liked it or not. Be curious. And I played in my high school orchestra and I learned the joy of the warm organic instruments working together in the service of a classical piece. That sticks with you forever. If anyone out there can get a chance to put an instrument and some knowledge in some kids hand, you've done a great, great thing.

Comparative information is a key to freedom. I found other people who were smarter than me. To teach me. My first pro band was a blues band called The Prime Movers and the leader Michael Erlewine was a very bright hippy beatnik with a beautifully organized record collection in library form of The Blues. I'd never really heard the Blues. That part of our American heritage was kept off the major media. It was system up, people down. No Big Bill Broonzy on BBC for us. Boy I wish! No money in it. But everything I learned from Michael's beautiful library became the building blocks for anything good I've done since. Guys like this are priceless. If you find one, follow him, or her. Get the knowledge.

Once in secondary school in the 60's some class clowns dressed up the tallest guy in school in a trench coat, shades and a fedora and rushed him in to a school dance with great hubbub proclaiming "Del Shannon is here, Del Shannon is here." And until they got to the stage we all believed them, because nobody knew what Del Shannon looked like. He was just a voice on some great records. He had no social ID. By the early 60's that had really changed with the invasion of The Beatles and The Stones. This time TV was added to the mix and print media too. So you knew who they were, or so you thought anyway. I'm mentioning this because the best way to survive the death or change of an industry is to transcend its form. You're better off with an identity of your own or maybe a few of them. Something special.

It is my own personal view having lived through it that in America The Beatles replaced our assassinated president Kennedy, who represented our hopes for a certain kind of society. Didn’t get there. And The Stones replaced our assassinated folk music which our own leaders suppressed for cultural, racial, and financial reasons. It wasn't okay with everybody to be Kennedy or Muddy Waters, but those messages could be accepted if they came through white entertainers from the parent culture. That's why they’re still around.

Years later I had the impression that Apple, the corporation, had successfully co-opted the good feelings that the average American felt about the culture of the Beatles, by kind of stealing the name of their company so I bought a little stock. Good move. 1992. Woo! But look, everybody is subject to the rip off and has to change affiliations from time to time. Even Superman and Barbie were German before America tempted them to come over. Tough luck, Nietzche.

So who owns what anyway. Or as Bob Dylan said "The relationships of ownership." That’s gates of Eden. Nobody knows for long, especially these days. Apparently when BBC radio was founded, the record companies in England wouldn't allow the BBC to play their master recordings because they thought no one would buy them for their personal use if they could hear them free on the radio. So they were really confused about what they had. They didn’t get it. And how people feel about music. ‘Cause it’s a feel thing, and it resists logic. It’s not binary code. Later when CD's came in, the retail merchants in American all panicked because they were just too damn tiny and they thought that Americans want something that looks big, like a vinyl record. Well they had a point but their solution was a kind of Frankenstein called "The Long Box." It didn't fool anybody because half of it was empty. It had a little CD in the bottom. You’d open it up and it was empty. Now we have people in the Sahara using GPS to bury huge wads of Euros under sand dunes for safe keeping. But GPS was created for military spying from the high ground, not radical banking so any sophisticated system, along with the bounty it brings, is subject to primitive hijacking.

I wanna talk about a type of entrepreneur who functions as a kind of popular music patron of the arts. It’s good to know a patron. I call him El Padron because his relationship to the artist is essentially feudal, though benign. He or she (La Padrona) if you will, is someone, usually the product of successful, enlightened parents, who owns a record company, but has had benefit of a very good education, and can see a bigger picture than a petty business person. If they like an artists’ style and it suits them, they'll support you even if you’re not a big money spinner. I can tell you, some of these powerful guys get so bored that if you are fun in the office, you’ll go places. Their ancestors, the old time record crooks just made it their business to make great, great records, but also to rip off the artist 100%, copyright, publishing, royalty splits, agency fees, you name it. If anyone complained the line was "Pay you? We worship you!" God bless Bo Diddley.

By the time I came along, there was a new brand of Padron. People like this are still around and some can help you. One was named Jack Holzman. Jack had a beautiful label called Elektra Records, they put out Judy Collins, Tim Buckley, the Doors and Love. He'd started working in his family record store, like Brian Epstein. He dressed mod and he treated us very gently. He was a civilized man. He obviously loved the arts, but what he really wanted to do was build his business - and he did. He had his own concerns, and style, and you had to serve them, and of course when he sold out, as all indies do, you were stranded culturally in the hands of a cold clumsy conglomerate. But he put us in the right studios with the right producers and he tried to get us seen in the right venues and it really helped. This is a good example of the industry.

Another good guy I met is Sir Richard Branson. I ended up serving my full term at Virgin Records having been removed from every other label. And he created a superior culture there. People were happier and nicer than the weasels at some other places. The first time he tried to sign me it didn't work out, because I had my sights set on A&M, a company I thought would help make me respectable. After all they had Sting! Richard was secretly starting his own company at the time in the US and he phoned me in my tiny flat with no furniture. He said he'd give me a longer term deal with more dough than the other guys and he was very, very polite and soft spoken. But I had just smoked a joint that day and I couldn't make a decision. So I went with the other guys who soon got sick of me. Virgin picked me up again later on the rebound. And on the cheap. Damn. My own fault.

Another kind of indie legend who is slightly more contemporary is Long Gone John of the label Sympathy for the Record Industry. Good name. John is famous with some artists for his disinterest in paying royalties. He has a very interesting music themed folk art collection – its visible online - which includes my leather jacket. I wish he'd give it back. There are lots of indie people with a gift for organization who just kind of collect freaks and throw them up at the wall to see who sticks. You gotta watch 'em.

When you go a step down creatively from the Padrons who are actually entrepreneurs you get to the executives. You don't wanna know these guys. They usually came over from legal or accounting. They have protégés usually called A&R men to do their dirty work. You can become a favorite with them if your fame or image might reflect limelight on their career. They tend to have no personalities to speak of, which is their strength. Strangely they're never really thinking about the good of their parent company as much as old number one. Avoid them. If you’re an artist, they’ll make you sick or suicidal. The only good thing the conglomerate can do for you – and they’ve done it recently for me - is make you really, really ubiquitous. They do that well. But, when the company is your banker, then you are basically gonna be the Beverly Hill Billies. So it's best not to take their money. Especially when you’re young. These are very tough people, and they can hurt you.

So who are the good guys?! They asked me when they read this thing at BBC 6 Music. Well there are lots of them. If fact, today there are more than ever and they are just about all indies, but first I want to mention Peter Gabriel and WOMAD for everything they've done for what seems like forever to help the greatest musicians in the world, the so called world musicians to gain a foothold and make a living in the modern screwed up cash and carry world. Traditional music was never a for profit enterprise, all the best forms were developed as a kind of you’re job in the community. It was pretty good, it was “Yeah, I’m a musician, I’m gonna skip like doing the dishes or taking the trash out.” It's not surprising that all the greatest singers and players come from parts of the world where everybody is broke and the old ways are getting paved over. So it's crucial for everyone that these treasures not be lost. There are other people of means and intelligence who help others in this way like Philip Glass through Tibet House, David Burn with Luaka Bop, Damon Albarn through Honest John Records. Shout out to Hypnotic Brass Ensemble. Almost all the best music is coming out on indies today like XL Matador, Burger, Anti, Epitaph, Mute, Rough Trade, 4 A D, Sub Pop, etc. etc.

But now YouTube is trying to put the squeeze on these people because it's just easier for a power nerd to negotiate with a couple big labels who own the kind of music that people listen to when they're really not that into music, which of course is most people. So they've got the numbers. But the indies kind of have the guns. I've noticed that indies are showing strength at some of the established streaming services like Spotify and Rhapsody – people are choosing that music. And it's also great that some people are starting their own outlets, like Pledge Music, Band Camp or Drip. As the commercial trade swings more into general show biz the indies will be the only place to go for new talent, outside the Mickey Mouse Club, so I think they were right to band together and sign the Fair Digital Deals Declaration.

There are just so many ways to screw an artist that it's unbelievable. In the old vinyl days they would deduct 10% "breakage fees" for records supposedly broken in shipping, whether that happened or not, and now they have unattributed digital revenue, whatever the **** that means. It means money for some guy’s triple bypass. I actually think that what Thom Yorke has done with Bit Torrent is very good. I was gonna say here: “Sure the guy is a pirate at Bit Torrent” but I was warned legally, so I’ll say: “Sure the guy a Bit Torrent is a pirate’s friend” But all pirates want to go legit, just like I wanted to be respectable. It’s normal. After a while people feel like you’re a crook, it’s too hard to do business. So it’s good in this case that Thom Yorke is encouraging a positive change. The music is good. It’s being offered at a low price direct to people who care.

I want to try to define what I am talking about when I say free. For me in the arts or in the media, there are two kinds of free. One kind of free is when the process is something that people just feel for you. You feel a sense of possibility. You feel a lack of constraint. This leads to powerful, energetic, sometimes kind of loony situations.

Vice Media is an interesting case of this because they started as a free handout, using public funds, and they had open, free-wheeling minds. Originally a free handout was called Voice and these kids were like “Just get rid of the old! I don’t wanna be Vice, yeah!” Okay. By taking an immersive approach with no particular preconceptions to their reporting, they've become a huge success, also through corporate advertising, at attracting big, big money investment hundreds of millions of dollars now pumped into Fox Media and a couple of others bigger than that in the US. And they get it because they attract lots of little boy eyeballs. So they brought us Dennis Rodman in North Korea. And it’s kind of a travesty, but it’s kind of spunky. It's interesting that capital investment, for all its posturing, never really leads, it always follows. They follow the action. So if it's money you're after, be the yourself in a consistent way and you might get it. You’ll at least end up getting what you are worth and feel better. Just follow your nose.

The second kind of freedom to me that is important in the media is the idea of giving freely. When you feel or sense that someone that someone is giving you something not out of profit, but out of self-respect, Christian charity, whatever it is. That has a very powerful energy. The Guardian, in my understanding, was founded by an endowment by a successful man with a social conscience who wanted to help create a voice for what I would call the little guy. So they have a kind of moral mission or imperative. This has given them the latitude to try to be interesting, thoughtful, helpful. And they bring Edward Snowden to the world stage. Something that is not pleasant for a lot of people to hear about, but we need to know.

These two approaches couldn't be more different. To justify their new mega bucks Vice will have to expand and expand in capital terms. Presumably they'll have to titillate a dumb, but energetic audience. Of course all capitalist expansions are subject to the big bang – balloon, bust, poof, and you’re gone. As for the Guardian I would imagine that the task involves gaining the trust and support of a more discerning, less definable reader, without spending the principal. There is usually an antipathy between cultural poles, but these two actually have a lot in common in terms of the energy and nuisance to power that they are willing to generate. I wish red and blue could come together somehow.

Sometimes I'd rather read than listen to music. One of my favourite odd books is Bootleg: The Secret History of the Other Recording Industry by Clinton Heylin. I bought the book in the 90's because a couple of my bootlegs were mentioned. I loved my bootlegs. They did a lot for me. I never really thought about the dough much. I liked the titles, like Suck on This, Stow Away DOA or Metalic KO. The packaging was always way more creative and edgy than most of my official stuff. So I just liked being seen and heard, like anybody else. These bootleggers were creative. Here are two quotes from the dust jacket by veteran industry stalwarts on the subject of bootlegs in 1994.

"Bootleg is the thoroughly researched and highly entertaining tale of those colorful brigands, hapless amateurs, and true believers who have done wonders for my record collection. Rock and roll doesn't get more underground than this." – that was David Fricke, the music editor of Rolling Stone "I think that bootlegs keep the flame of the music alive by keeping it out of not only the industry's conception of the artist, but also the artist's conception of the artist." – that was Lenny Kaye from the Patti Smith group, musician, critic and my friend.

Wow!! Sounds heroic and vital!

I wonder what these guys feel about all of this now, because things have changed, haven't they? We are now talking about Megaupload, Kim Dot Com, big money, political power, and varying definitions of theft that are legally way over my head. But I know a con man when I see one. I want to include a rant from an early bootlegger in this discussion because it's so passionate and I just think it's funny.

This is Lou Cohan "If anybody thinks that if I have purchased every single Rolling Stones album in existence, and I have bought all the Rolling Stones albums that have been released in England, France, Japan, Italy, and Brazil that if I have an extra $100 in my pocket instead of buying a Rolling Stones bootleg I am going to buy a John Denver album or a Sinead O'Conner album, they are retarded."

So the guy is trying to say don't try to force me. And don't steal my choice. And the people who don't want the free U2 download are trying to say, don't try to force me. And they've got a point. Part of the process when you buy something from an artist. It’s a kind of anointing, you are giving people love. It’s your choice to give or withhold. You are giving a lot of yourself, besides the money. But in this particular case, without the convention, maybe some people felt like they were robbed of that chance and they have a point. It’s not the only point. These are not bad guys. But now, everybody's a bootlegger, but not as cute, and there are people out there just stealing the stuff and saying don't try to force me to pay. And that act of thieving will become a habit and that’s bad for everything. So we are exchanging the corporate rip off for the public one. Aided by power nerds. Kind of computer Putins. They just wanna get rich and powerful. And now the biggest bands are charging insane ticket prices or giving away music before it can flop, in an effort to stay huge. And there's something in this huge thing that kind of sucks.

Which brings us to Punk. The most punk thing I ever saw in my life was Malcolm McLaren's cardboard box full of dirty old winkle pinkers. It was the first thing I saw walking in the door of Let It Rock in 1972 which was his shop at Worlds End on the Kings Road. It was a huge ugly cardboard bin full of mismatched unpolished dried out winkle pickers without laces at some crazy price like maybe five pounds each. Another 200 yards up the street was Granny Takes a Trip, where they sold proper Rockstar clothes like scarves, velvet jackets, and snake skin platform boy boots. Malcolm's obviously worthless box of shit was like a fire bomb against the status quo because it was saying that these violent shoes have the right idea and they are worth more than your fashion, which serves a false value. This is right out of the French enlightenment.

So is the thieving that big a deal? Ethically, yes, and it destroys people because it's a bad road you take. But I don't think that's the biggest problem for the music biz. I think people are just a little bit bored, and more than a little bit broke. No money. Especially simple working people who have been totally left out, screwed and abandoned. If I had to depend on what I actually get from sales I’d be tending bars between sets. I mean honestly it’s become a patronage system. There’s a lot of corps involved and I don’t fault any of them but it’s not as much fun as playing at the Music Machine in Camden Town in 1977. There is a general atmosphere of resentment, pressure, kind of strange perpetual war, dripping on all the time. And I think that prosecuting some college kid because she shared a file is a lot like sending somebody to Australia 200 years ago for poaching his lordship's rabbit. That's how it must seem to poor people who just want to watch a crappy movie for free after they’ve been working themselves to death all day at Tesco or whatever, you know.

If I wanna make music, at this point in my life I'd rather do what I want, and do it for free, which I do, or cheap, if I can afford to. I can. And fund through alternative means, like a film budget, or a fashion website, both of which I've done. Those seem to be turning out better for me than the official rock n roll company albums I struggle through. Sorry. If I wanna make money, well how about selling car insurance? At least I'm honest. It's an ad and that's all it is. Every free media platform I've ever known has been a front for advertising or propaganda or both. And it always colors the content. In other words, you hear crap on the commercial radio. The licensing of music by films, corps, and TV has become a flood, because these people know they're not a hell of a lot of fun so they throw in some music that is. I'm all for that, because that's the way the door opened for me. I got heard on tv before radio would take a chance. But then I was ok. Good. And others too. I notice there are a lot of people, younger and younger, getting their exposure that way. But it's a personal choice. I think it’s an aesthetic one, not an ethical one.

Now with the Internet people can choose to hear stuff and investigate it in their own way. If they want to see me jump around the Manchester Apollo with a horse tail instead of trying to be a proper Rockstar, they can look. Good. Personally I don't worry too much about how much I get paid for any given thing, because I never expected much in the first place and the whole industry has become bloated in its expectations. Look, Howling Wolf would work for a sandwich. This whole thing started in Honky Tonk bars. It's more important to do something important or just make people feel something and then just trust in God. If you're an entertainer your God is the public. They'll take care of you somehow. I want them to hear my music any old which way. Period. There is an unseen hand that turns the pages of existence in ways no one can predict. But while you’re waiting for God to show up and try to find a good entertainment lawyer.

It's good to remember that this is a dream job, whether you're performing or working in broadcasting, or writing or the biz. So dream. Dream. Be generous, don’t be stingy. Please. I can't help but note that it always seems to be the pursuit of the money that coincides with the great art, but not its arrival. It's just kind of a death agent. It kills everything that fails to reflect its own image, so your home turns into money, your friends turn into money, and your music turns into money. No fun, binary code – zero one, zero one - no risk, no nothing. What you gotta do you gotta do, life's a hurly-burly, so I would say try hard to diversify your skills and interests. Stay away from drugs and talent judges. Get organized. Big or little, that helps a lot.

I'd like you to do better than I did. Keep your dreams out of the stinky business, or you'll go crazy, and the money won't help you. Be careful to maintain a spiritual EXIT. Don't live by this game because it's not worth dying for. Hang onto your hopes. You know what they are. They’re private. Because that's who you really are and if you can hang around long enough you should get paid. I hope it makes you happy. It's the ending that counts, and the best things in life really are free.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

HBO Max, a monopolist's parable

There are so many reasons to dunk on HBO Max: its confusing name (quick, what's the difference between HBO, HBO Max, HBO Go, and HBO Now?), its terrible UI, and so on.

But worst of all is what it embodies about monopolies.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/06/streaming-laying-bare-how-big-isps-big-tech-and-big-media-work-together-against

HBO, of course, is part of Time-Warner, which is part of AT&T (a garbage company).

AT&T caps its customers' data, but not when it comes to HBO Max. So if you're a Netflix subscriber, every video you watch brings you closer to massive excess bandwidth charges.

But if you're an AT&T subscriber, HBO Max is "free" (in the sense that the monopoly provider you're forced to use for internet access doesn't charge you directly - merely uses your viewing habits to try to destroy all alternatives).

(Incidentally, the US has some of the slowest, most expensive broadband in the world, and the poorer, Blacker and more rural you are, the more you pay and the less you get. Fun fact!).

Now, AT&T's competitors - Disney+, Netflix, or a new service that's trying to enter the market - can pay AT&T to have their data exempted from the caps. But when Disney pays AT&T, money actually changes hands, making Disney poorer and AT&T richer.

This is fundamentally different from what happens when HBO Max "pays" AT&T for preferential treatment - in that case, no money changes hands. The company just uses an accounting trick to arbitrarily allocate some share of the profits to the broadband division instead of TV.

Fine, you're getting HBO Max. Maybe you're even paying for it! You wanna put it on your TV, which came with Roku built in. Or maybe you want to use that Amazon Fire stick you bought.

Tough shit.

AT&T only lets you put the video you're watching on your screen if you use a device that it has greenlit, based on backroom deals that are totally opaque to you.

Back in 2016, we almost got an "Unlock the Box" order from the FCC, that would have forced cable cos to allow you to buy ANY cable box and use it with the service you paid for, instead of paying eternal rent for an underpowered, electricty-hungry crapgadget of their choosing.

AT&T and its co-monopolists killed Unlock the Box by saying that cable boxes didn't matter anymore because everything would move to streaming anyway.

As Katharine Trendacosta writes, "In the cord-cutting era, Roku and Amazon Fire TV have 70% of the market share for these kinds of devices. Users are stuck in the middle of a fight between giants just to watch content they supposedly get for 'free' or have already paid for."

"We need more choices for our ISPs, so they can’t keep charging us more for bad service. We need more choices so they can’t leverage their captive audiences for their new video services. We need net neutrality so these giant companies can’t create fiefdoms where they manipulate how we spend our time online. And we need our technology to be freed from corporate deals so we get what we paid for."

[spaceskam]

wars are made and somehow that is wisdom

for day 4 of @alterarnm : 1900s! special thanks to @christchex who gave me the idea of a reporter going undercover to expose one of the multiple batshit things that got exposed back then. Instead of factories, I went with the Vietnam war. That being said, this is a heavy one 

warning: ptsd, panic attacks, dissociation, sexual content, mentions of conversion therapy, etc

ao3

Michael Guerin looked at himself in the mirror while trying to decide if what’d he’d done was the right thing.

It was no secret that the media was peddling false stories about how well the US  was doing. He’d seen multiple articles about how they were winning. But if they were winning, where was the proof? Why wouldn’t any soldiers talk? Michael was determined to expose them for their lies and what better way to do that than to seduce a Captain?

The night before, he’d dressed up nice and nosed his way into a bar full of military men. He’d heard it was where former Air Force captain, Alexander Manes, spent his free time after getting honorable discharged in the heat of the Vietnam war. He’d been sent home six months prior and had refused to speak about his point of view of what it was like over there. So Michael’s plan was to find out exactly what he knew.

There were rumors about Captain Manes. Nothing confirmed, but a little research led him to men who refused to speak about their time with him and also a summer in 1958, when he was simply 17, that he’d gone somewhere undisclosed. A little more research suggested conversion therapy. Michael knew damn well that didn’t work.

“Hello, Captain,” Michael had said as he sidled up to him at the bar. He’d dressed right, he thought‒not queer enough that any fuck head might notice, but queer enough that his interested party would notice. Alexander Manes was that specific party. 

It wasn’t that easy though.

The captain didn’t give his attention away for free. It was something that really required effort, but Michael had come prepared. This was his job. His mission was the expose the military for the lies they were telling the American people. He wasn’t going to just give up because he took some prodding.

“Bartender!” Michael called after a few minutes of failed, one-sided conversation, “Get the captain a drink on me.”

Captain Alexander tilted his head just a little bit towards Michael and he saw his way in. He leaned a little closer, only close enough that a man with a little too much in his system might, and smiled. He hadn’t had a single thing to drink and he planned to stay absolutely sober, but the captain didn’t need to know that.

“It’s to thank you for your service,” Michael told him. Captain Alexander took a sip and breathed a slow, steady breath. Michael didn’t move away.

“What do you think my service was, exactly?” he asked, his voice a lot warmer than Michael expected. His shoulders squared a little more and he recalibrated his mind to that voice.

“Well, you played a part in why our country is winning this war, Captain,” Michael told him. He smirked and shook his head, taking another sip. That felt like such an easy admission from a man who refused to speak. Would it really be that easy to get him to admit that was bullshit?

“What do you want from me?” he asked, turning to Michael with a kindling fire in his eyes. It reminded Michael of the many times in his life that he’d felt that same thing. The desire to pick a fight to fuel that fire, to make him feel something again. “Are you one of those reporters? Do you think you’re the one who’s going to get me to speak? I’ve been home for less than a year and you want me to speak about it with a stranger? There are no winners and losers in the war, man, we all get fucked. Quote that in your little article.”

Michael licked his lips and smiled. The best thing about being an undercover reporter is that he was really fucking good at it. Besides, he actually did find the captain attractive. It wouldn’t hurt him to weasel out secrets from the comfort of his bed.

“I’m not a reporter. But, if I was, that’d be a good quote,” Michael said calmly, knowing that the first step to being suspicious was to get defensive. He pushed the drink closer to the captain. He spoke a little softer and a little closer, “Maybe my goal is simply to have my way with a drunken war hero.” 

Captain Alexander Manes stared at him, clearly skeptical. Michael just kept smiling at him and let him look him up and down. Yes, nothing about that hurt.

“How do I know you’re not a cop?” he wondered. Michael bit his bottom lip and looked around. There were too many people with judgemental eyes for him to do anything he wanted. Too many old men with war stories he didn’t really care about. He just cared about this man’s war stories.

“I could prove it to you, just not here,” Michael told him softly. The captain clenched his jaw and gave a small nod. He didn’t smile, but Michael made up for it. “Let me buy you another drink, Captain.”

“Okay,” he agreed, “Call me Alex.”

Michael felt triumphant and flagged the bartender down to get him another drink. Alex was indeed hard to soften up, but Michael saw all the signs leading that way and he had no intention of stopping. Hell, if he had to come here every night for the next year to talk to him, he would. This was important.

“You’re beautiful,” Michael told him in confidence once the bar was half empty and no one was close enough to hear. Alex shook his head with the first smile of the night. It was so small but Michael saw it and he was taking it with pride. It felt even bigger when Alex hid it with his drink.

“You know I lost my leg, right? How’s that for beautiful?” Alex told him. Michael rolled his eyes and wished he could lean even closer. He was as close as he could get right now, though.

“What does that have to do with anything? I’m sure that part of you is beautiful too,” Michael told him. Alex shook his head again.

“I’m not drunk enough for this.”

“What’s this?”

“For you,” Alex corrected. Michael pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and let his eyes linger on Alex’s lips. That wasn’t even the reporter in him, that was simply the man.

“Why? What about me requires alcohol?” Michael asked sweetly. Alex took another sip and sighed.

“Everything,” Alex breathed. Michael smiled earnestly and bumped his elbow into Alex’s. It earned him another smile. 

“Keep talking. I like hearing you speak about me, Alex,” he prodded. Alex huffed a laugh and Michael almost fell out of his chair.

“I swear, you are the least subtle man I’ve ever met. How do you do that?” he asked. Michael shrugged a shoulder.

“People see you kiss one woman and then they think you’re okay and stop questioning you. I can be as bold as I want most of the time,” he said. Alex eyed him all over again and Michael felt the need to quickly explain himself. “I do like women, but I enjoy my fair share of men as well.”

“And… I’m one of those men?” Alex asked. Michael grinned.

“Who’s the bold one now?”

He laughed softly, but honestly as he took the last sip of his drink before pushing the glass away. “Still you.”

“Yes,” Michael answered confidently, “In fact, you might be the perfect man.” Alex rolled his eyes.

“I don’t understand what you get out of this.”

“You, hopefully,” Michael told him. He again shook his head.

“Why would you want that?” Alex laughed. Michael looked around for a moment and then moved in closer, probably a little too close considering they were in a Veteran’s bar, but he didn’t care.

“Because I’m a man who knows what I want,” he breathed, pushing it one step further by pressing his lips behind the Airman’s ear. Chills rose to his skin and he felt him stop breathing. “And I want you. No ulterior motive needed.”

“Okay,” Alex breathed, looking his way after Michael reluctantly put space between them. His skin was warm and Michael was beginning to think less and less with his reporter brain and more and more with his hopelessly attracted brain. Why couldn’t he have been ugly? It’d make it so much easier. “Okay.”

“Come home with me, I can’t touch you here,” Michael told him softly. Alex nodded, seemingly just as interested as Michael felt.

Michael paid for them both and tried not to let it hurt his pockets as he began to lead him a few blocks away to where he lived. They walked slow, Alex leaning heavily on his cane, and yet it never seemed to crush the fact that he wanted to get his hands on him. The time it took only seemed to make him even more excited. Which was bad because he needed to keep a clear head.

He considered asking if Alex was okay with all the walking, but decided he was a grown ass man and would’ve said something if it was too much. Besides, they needed to get to Michael’s apartment so he could record their conversation so he could better write the article whenever he got Alex to open up about what was really going on overseas. 

Because he would get Alex to open up about that.

Whenever they got into Michael’s small loft, Alex looked around with a hidden little smile before he looked back to Michael.

“I should’ve known.”

“Should’ve known what?”

“You’re a starving artist, hippie type. It explains the interest in me,” Alex said. Michael tilted his head in amusement, but didn’t try to deny the assumption. He wasn’t that wrong. Just, his paintings were for fun. His passion was writing. 

“Does it now?” Michael asked as he shrugged off his jacket.

“Never met an anti-war hippie that didn’t wanna pick my brain,” he said boldly. Behind closed doors, he seemed to shine. Michael didn’t even know how to handle that. 

“You got me, I wanna pick your brain,” Michael said, grabbing the collar of his shirt. Alex smiled and watched him as he pulled it over his head. He gave him a second to look him up and down. “But first I wanna get my hands on you.”

“What are you waiting for?”

Michael shook his head with a laugh and moved forward, grabbing Alex by the hips as he moved in for a kiss. The cane clattered to the floor as Alex moved his hands to his hair and kissed back like this was the first taste of water in a long drought. Honestly, it probably was.

He pulled Alex flush against him, trying not to get too attached to the way he pulled his hair or dug his nails into his back like he needed to remind himself that this was real. Michael mindlessly groaned as Alex palmed him over his jeans, the sound earning a filthy smile that broke the kiss.

“I gotta say, you are quite the surprise, Captain,” Michael breathed, his jaw dropping in silent praise soon after as Alex grabbed him. “And you said I’m the bold one.”

“Listen, it’s been a long time, is all. I can be bold when I want,” Alex promised him, leaning to kiss on his jaw and his neck. Somehow‒though not much of a surprise, honestly‒every logical, reporter part of his brain melted and all that filled his mind was Alex. “It’s easy when I know what you want.”

“Uh-huh,” Michael breathed, tilting his head so Alex had more skin to work with. He moaned louder as Alex softly bit his neck and soothed the skin with his tongue. Suddenly his back hit the door and Alex pressed against him in the best way. For a man who hadn’t gotten his fix in a while, he sure as hell knew how to get it.

“So tell me what you want,” Alex instructed, moving his hand to slowly slide past the waistband of his jeans. Michael gasped as cold fingertips drifted over his hip and strategically down to his inner thigh. It pushed him onto his toes, desperate for more contact. This wasn’t exactly how he expected tonight to go and yet here he was.

“You,” Michael said, voice boarding on begging. He felt Alex smile and his hand carefully closed around his cock. 

“Who?”

“You. I want you.”

 Alex moved agonizingly slow and seemed to enjoy torturing him which, honestly, made sense. Why not torture the starving artist, right? Plus, the longer it lasted, the more time he had to clear his head enough to actually pick his brain when the time came.

“Say it again,” Alex breathed. 

“I want you.”

Alex removed his hand before he had the chance to speed up and took a step away, leaving Michael feeling cold and confused. When he opened his eyes, he saw Alex just marveling at him which was… a lot. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Alex told him, voice honest and genuine. Michael’s skin felt hot all over, furrowing his eyebrows. This man was a goddamn mystery. He’d expected a hard ass, he expected a quick fuck, he expected a lot of things. And yet here Alex was. He watched as he took his shirt off, revealing an anchor tattooed on his side that clashed with his Airman status. The regular scars on his slim body, however, proved that just fine. “You want me? Take me.”

Michael moved back into his space, kissing him again. After a nod of approval, Michael grabbed the back of his thighs and lifted him so he could carry him to his bed. It wasn’t far and he dropped them both on it, laying between his legs so he could feel his bare chest against his. God, it’d been way too long since he’d been with a man.

“Hey, hey,” Alex breathed, breaking the kiss. 

“What’s wrong?” Michael asked, pushing onto all fours over him despite the fact his whole body was desperate to keep contact. He couldn’t remember the last time he wanted someone so bad.

“If I take my prosthetic off, will you be okay with that? Or do you want me to keep my jeans on?” Alex wondered, catching his breath and his eyes hazy like it was really taking effort to ask instead of just going all in right then. 

“What? Take it off, of course I’m okay with it,” Michael agreed, getting off of him to let him do just that. Michael watched as he undid his jeans and slid them off carefully, feeling slightly brain dead as somehow even that felt erotic. 

“Why are you staring? Get your jeans off too,” Alex told him.

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Michael agreed, stumbling to comply. He missed the part where Alex undid the corset around his thigh and removed it. He stood naked as Alex carefully leaned it against the wall and looked up at him.

“You still want me?” Alex asked. 

“You have no idea.”

Michael fell back on the bed and pulled Alex with him, absorbing his carefree laughs with a kiss that quickly deepened into something more.

It was easy with Alex. Despite the fact that this had started by Michael seeing him in the paper and knowing he had to find out the facts even if by going undercover, none of it felt fake or forced. Alex was open and knew just how much of a reaction to give. Then, perhaps more importantly, he knew how to take Michael apart bit by bit until he couldn’t even think straight.

By the time they both finished, Michael laid too blissed out to even remember what his initial plan was. 

“Are you okay?” Alex laughed a few minutes later, using a warm, damp rag to wipe down his chest. Michael didn’t even recall him getting up to get that. 

“I don’t… I don’t understand how you even… What the hell do they teach you in the AirForce?” he breathed. Alex laughed harder which made him smile. That was a nice sound and a sign of comfort. He was comfortable here. Good.

“None of that, I promise,” Alex assured him, leaning down to press a kiss in the middle of his freshly cleaned chest. 

“I just seem to recall you being all closed off and angry just a few hours ago, forgive me if I’m struggling to understand where that came from,” Michael told him, “Not saying I didn’t love it. Because I did.”

“Well,” Alex breathed, getting settled into his side, “I was a lot different before I enlisted. You sort of make me feel like that guy again.”

That woke up his reporter brain again and reminded him that he was dealing with an AirForce Captain who had been wounded in combat that he was supposed to be finding out information from. His job was to find out what the government wasn’t telling them. He was supposed to use this man to expose them.

“Hold that thought, let me use the bathroom real quick,” Michael told him. Alex nodded, kissing his collarbone softly and letting him get up.

Michael headed to his bathroom and quietly locked the door behind him. He slowly, carefully opened the closet door that was in there and moved the stack of towels that hid his recording set up. The microphone had been pretty strategically weaved into the drawer of his bedside table, the wire invisible in the darkness of the room they’d been sleeping in. He pressed record.

He washed his hands to make it seem like he actually did go to the bathroom which forced him to look at himself in the mirror. His hair was a mess and his skin was still damp from both sweat and Alex wiping down his chest. His neck in particular was red and sore, but that was okay.

Michael made his way back to the bed and fell onto it unceremoniously, resting his head on Alex’s bicep. Alex put his other hand on the side of his head and moved to press a kiss to his hair. It was so sweet and intimate that Michael almost felt guilty for recording. Almost. This was bigger than them, though.

“You smell like rain.”

“No sweat and sex? Because I feel like that’s what I smell like,” Michael mused. Alex moved his chin up to kiss his lips.

“That too.”

“So, tell me more about that guy you were before you enlisted,” Michael prodded, poking him gently in the chest. Alex let out a soft laugh and settled into his pillow.

“Guess it’s time for you to pick my brain, huh?” Alex said. Michael kissed his neck and heard him sigh. “Uh, that guy was… Confident, I guess. Super anti-war, hung out with a lot of other outcasts. I was, like, super into rock ‘n roll despite my dad hating it. That whole nightlife, sneaking out, wearing leather, meeting with other people with different sexual interests, questionable dancing, that was my whole scene.”

“Seriously?” Michael asked, trying to imagine him in that kind of setting. He couldn’t picture it. Though, he supposed that explained the tattoo.

“Oh yeah, Link Wray is my king, I tried so hard to play like him when I was young,” Alex told him, smiling wide as he thought about it. Michael smiled right back.

“You play guitar?”

“Yeah,” Alex sighed, staring at the ceiling a little wistfully as he thought about his young years. It reminded Michael of that summer he heard about where Alexander Manes disappeared. Michael slung his leg over Alex’s.

“What happened to make you go from that to enlisting when the war was just amping up?” Michael asked. Alex’s happy smile faded and he stared at the ceiling for a few seconds of silence. Michael rubbed his hand over his stomach a few times at an attempt to soothe what was going on in his mind.

“I just did,” Alex decided instead of telling the truth. Michael understood that. That wasn’t the part he needed to record anyway. “But the first couple years I was going to school at the same time, you know? I decided my best shot at doing anything was becoming an officer. Then the first couple years after that, the USAF wasn’t even on the front lines, you know? Like, it was pretty easy. Nothing really felt real. I mean it was real, but it wasn’t… I don’t know, it was just casual, mainly focused on keeping things under control. Then in ‘65 they decided we should really be more hands-on and then suddenly I was in charge of these boys who had just gotten out of basic in a country I didn’t know, leading them to destroy a whole country’s air defense system.”

“It escalated that fast?” Michael asked. He didn’t remember that being much of public knowledge that they did that. He’d mainly heard about the army on the ground. And even then, they were being told they were winning. Not that they needed to amp up their forces.

“I don’t know if it was that fast or if it just felt like it, but yeah. The next two years were a total blur. They needed me, so I never got to go home in that time. I think I was over there for 27 months straight,” Alex said, his voice kind of hazy. Michael blinked in surprise, shifting to look at him. Alex seemed completely out of it.

“Are they allowed to do that?”

“I had to give the go ahead to the destruction of highways and bridges. Places people who shouldn’t have been involved were. Kids going to school, even. People who were fine and then they weren’t. I had to do that,” Alex went on, voice still out of it. His breathing slowly started to pick up. Michael lifted his head a little to see his eyes, noticing that they were completely unfocused and dilated.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

“But they were building their own weaponry, specifically made to be antiaircraft. Surface-to-air missiles. My aircraft got grazed by one, just hit us by a few millimeters of the wing, it still hit us. It still hit us and Vince tried his best, I know he did, he was so good, he was so young.”

“Alex?”

“And it started going down over a forest and Vince was trying to find a safe place to land so we didn’t crash and so no one got hurt. No one was supposed to get hurt, I said no one would get hurt, I said that. I told them. They were all just boys, they were boys.”

Michael sat up completely, confused fear rising in his system. He didn’t know what this was, but Alex didn’t seem to be with him anymore.

“Alex?” he said again, touching his face gently. Except that seemed to make it worse, his eyes going wide and he grabbed Michael’s wrist with a death grip. He twisted it, pinning it to the mattress and forcing him to hit the mattress with it so he didn’t break it. “Alex!”

It was silent for a moment, nothing but heavy breathing as Michael tried his best not to make it worse. This wasn’t really how he expected this to go. But he did know one thing‒he had something perfect to expose the government for lying about what was going on.  If this was what it did to their soldiers in only a few years, imagine what it was doing to the people on the ground who were there for longer? Why was the government acting like this wasn’t happening? Like it wasn’t destroying their soldiers?

Still, Alex’s grip began to loosen until he let go. Michael slowly sat up and turned to face him, avoiding rubbing his aching wrist so he wouldn’t feel guilty. The soldier was blinking rapidly as he seemed to slowly come back to the present. Michael waited patiently.

“I’m sorry,” Alex said once he seemed to realize where he was, looking around a few times before his eyes settled on Michael again. Guilt bled from him like a faucet left on. “I’m so sorry, I’ll leave”

“Hey, hey, no, don’t go, it’s okay,” Michael promised, speaking as softly as he could. Alex was still catching his breath and his eyes slowly started filling with tears.

“I’m sorry,” he insisted, his bottom lip quivering as he took in a shaky breath. He again tried to move towards his prosthetic, but Michael crawled closer. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Michael promised. Tears fell over Alex’s cheeks as he shook his head and slowly started to fold in on himself. “Hey, can I touch you?”

“What?” Alex breathed, his knees pulled to his chest as best as they could.

“I wanna hold you, but I don’t want to scare you again. So can I?” Michael asked softly, feeling his own shade of guilt for making him cry by bringing it up. But still, he had his ammunition. 

“Okay,” Alex agreed reluctantly.

Michael situated himself beside him and carefully pulled him into his arms. Once he felt Alex go along with it, he pulled him a little closer and held his head to his chest and pulled him into his lap. He did his best to cradle him, shushing him like he imagined a mother would. He didn’t know how else to comfort him.

“I’m sorry,” Alex murmured again after enough time passed for him to stop crying, “I-I don’t know what happened, I just… I get like that sometimes. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you can’t help it,” Michael insisted. He wasn’t exactly sure what couldn’t be helped, but he knew it made enough sense for a man not to react well after what happened to him. 

“Still,” he said, “That was embarrassing. And this is embarrassing. I-I mean, I really killed the mood with all that.” Alex tried to laugh so Michael forced a little chuckle too, kissing the top of his head.

“It’s fine. Might as well know what I’m asking for when I say I want to see you again,” Michael told him. Alex lifted his head, eyes a little bloodshot and face still a little sad.

“You want to see me again?”

“Yeah,” Michael said, carefully drying his cheek with his thumb, “I really do.”

Alex let out a breath and then moved forward for a kiss that Michael accepted greatly. Because he absolutely wanted to see this man again. Even if he knew damn well that once his article became public, Alex would hate him.

So, yes, Michael Guerin stared at himself in the mirror as he thought about the night before and wondered if he had made the right decision. What was more important? Protecting his relationship with Alex or exposing what was going on that their country refused to admit?

Instead of facing that question right then, he sat down and began writing his article. When the time came, he would bring it to Alex and be honest. By then, he’d be able to tell him about the VVAW, show him that he wasn’t the only soldier who was against the war. By then, he would hopefully be able to get him to understand why that article needed to be published.

But right now, he just had to write.

[eveningsinlondontearsmeapart]

In Concert

Type: One-shot | Imagine about Shawn Mendes Word Count: 3,438 Rating: PG Enjoy! 

I couldn't believe the day was actually here. The day where I would walk down the aisle and marry my best friend. I barely slept the night before, I just couldn't wait to see the look on his face. I sat up on the bed and stretched as the sun started to peek through the curtains. I spent the night alone because I wanted to collect my thoughts and write my vows. I got up from the bed and made my way to the bathroom. I took a quick shower and got dressed as I knew I needed to get to the venue as quickly as I could. I finally arrived and of course, my best friend was already there making sure everything was perfect.

“Hey, how is everything?” I asked.

“Everything is going smoothly, you can go start getting ready,” my best friend said.

“Thank you for everything that you are doing, it's beautiful” I smiled.

“Its what a maid of honor does” she smiled.

I hugged her and went into my dressing room. My dress was already hanging up as well as all of my makeup and hair accessories. I sat down and started to do my makeup, allowing my hair to finish drying. I finished my makeup and started to do my hair. Curling it took the longest but I was still within the time frame before I actually needed to get dressed. All of my bridesmaids started to come into the room. They looked so beautiful in the dresses that I picked.

“Wow you guys are beautiful,” I said.

“All thanks to you,” Vanessa said.

“I just picked out the dresses” I smiled.

“And I helped pick out the guy,” Olivia said.

“True” I playfully rolled my eyes.

They helped me into my dress, tying up the back. I clipped my vial in my hair and placed it over my face. I took a step in front of the mirror as I looked at myself. I couldn't believe I was actually getting married, I started to tear up. I closed my eyes for a few seconds so I wouldn't ruin my makeup. I looked back in the mirror and I started to think about the day I actually meet him.

-Flashback-

I was getting ready to go to some concert my friend wanted me to go to. I was down to go and have a good time, I loved any type of music anyway. I pulled my hair up in a half ponytail and finally made my way downstairs. I left my apartment and went to pick up Olivia and then we were off to the venue. We were early for the concert and security allowed us to enter early. We found our seats and we noticed that Shawn was on the stage with a few of his friends.

“You guys are early,” someone said.

“Security let us in early” Olivia said.

“Come up here,” Shawn said. We made our way onto the stage, back where they were.

“What is your name?” Shawn asked.

“I go by Britney,” I said.

“Nice to meet you” he held out his hand towards me.

“You too” I nodded as I placed my hand in his. He smiled and leaned down kissing the back of my hand softly.

He leads us back to where his friends were at. He handed us a bottle of water before we sat down. We played a few rounds of heads up. Laughing at each other it was like for a second we were strangers.

“Let's play something a little more serious,” one of his friends said with a smirk.

“Like what?” Shawn and I said at the same time.

“Truth or dare,” the guy said.

“Sounds interesting” I smiled.

We started playing truth or dare and it started getting spicy. The dares started turning more sexual as the truths were steaming up. It was my turn but before Shawn could ask me the dare his manger came it. It was time for us to get to our seats as it was time for Shawn to start getting ready.

“Hey wait” he caught up with us as we walked out of the room.

“Yea?” I turned to face him.

“Come back after the show? Or give me your number?” he smiled.

“Sure” I grabbed his phone and entered my number before leaving.

We finally got to our seats and soon the show started. I guess somehow he remembered where we were sitting. He would smile when I caught his eye, winking at me every now and then. The show ended and he went off stage, we stayed in our seats. We were just trying to allow the venue to clear out before we tried to leave.

“You're still here” I heard Shawn's voice.

“Just waiting until people clear out,” I said as I looked at him.

“Come backstage” he held out his hand for me.

“I'm heading out, you going to be alright?” Olivia asked.

“Yeah I'll be fine” I nodded as he walked off.

I placed my hand in Shawn's hand and followed him backstage. He took me back to his dressing room, I sat on the couch as he closed the door. He pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it in the basket. I watched him quietly as he walked through the room. Making his way to the bathroom, I could hear the shower turn on. He soon came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Sorry, needed to get out of those clothes,” he said.

“That's fine, you just had an amazing show” I smiled.

“Thank you,” he said as he sat next to me.

“Can I ask why you wanted me to stay behind?” I questioned.

“Because there's something different about you,” he said.

“Different in a good way or bad?” I asked.

“Good, you're not like the other girls I'm around,” he said.

“Oh,” I nodded and looked at him.

“I'm not trying to scare you off or anything,” he said.

“Of course not,” I said.

He got up from the couch and went to get dressed. Finally come back to sit next to me, as we started talking. Time just seemed to melt away as we talked. It was crazy how easy it was to talk to him, it was like I knew him but also I wanted to know more. We were interrupted by his manger as he came into the room. It was nearly 2 am and it was time for them to leave the venue and go to the hotel room.

“Do you wanna come to my room?” Shawn asked.

“Sure” I nodded.

We left the venue through the back exist so no one could see us. There was plenty of media at the hotel when we pulled up. Shawn handed me his hoodie and I slipped it on. He pulled the hood over my head before we got out of the car. He pulled me close to him as we got through all the media. Finally, make it inside of the hotel, he got his room card and we were on our way to his room. He noticed fans rushing towards us so he gave me the room card and pushed me into the elevator. I made my way to the room and waited for him to show up. He finally made it into the room and sat on the bed.

“I'm sorry about that,” he said.

“It's ok. Just come with the fame I guess” I nodded.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

“Yea I'm fine,” I said as I looked at him.

“Good” he smiled as he looked at me.

“Did you not want them to see us together?” I asked.

“I want to protect you from that world,” he said.

“Ok” I said.

“Once they get you in the media they would never quit” he placed his hand against my cheek.

“I trust you,” I said.

“I just don't want you hurt,” he said.

“I know,” I said as I moved slightly closer to him.

He moved closer to me keeping his hand against my cheek. He leaned in slightly resting his forehead against mine. Brushing his thumb against my skin, slightly placing his lips against mine. I smiled against his lips softly before kissing him, placing my hand against the back of his neck. He placed his free hand against my hips as he kept the kiss between us. I slightly pulled away from the kiss and rested my forehead against his. It was something pulling us together but I just couldn't explain it.

“Are you hungry?” he questioned.

“I'm a little” I admitted.

“I could get room service, what do you want?” he asked.

“Pizza is fine,” I said. 

“Alright pizza it is” he smiled as he picked up the phone.

He ordered us room service and it didn't take long. Of course, there was media in the hallway so I hide in the bathroom until he closed the door. I sat back down on the bed and we ate pizza and started talking again. Once we finished eating I laid down on my stomach across the bed. He laid beside me on his side, placing his arm around me. I moved closer to him and kissed him softly. He smiled against my lips before deepening the kiss between us. I pulled away and looked at him, he smiled as he brushed the hair from my face. I started to drift off to sleep, he pulled a blanket around us. Wrapping his arm around me as he started to drift off to sleep as well. In the morning we were both wrapped up in each other still fast asleep. When we were rudely awakened by a banging on the door.

“What?” Shawn asked as he rubbed his eyes.

“You are late,” his manager said.

“I'll be down in a second,” he said as he rolled his eyes. “Sorry” he looked down at me.

“It's ok,” I said as I sat up.

“You want breakfast?” he asked.

“You have to go and I need to get back to reality,” I said.

“You are my reality,” he said as he placed his hand against my cheek.

“I wish that was true, but thank you for the amazing night,” I said.

“It's true,” he said.

“Shawn we live different lives, different words,” I said. 

“And we are meant for each other, I know it's crazy but I want this,” he said.

“I don't know how I need to go,” I said as I got off the bed.

“Will we see each other again?” He questioned.

“I would love to say yes,” I said.

“Then say yes” he grabbed my hand pulling me towards him.

“Yes,” I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Good” he smiled as he leaned down kissing me softly.

I kept the kiss between us for a second before pulling away. He had to leave the hotel room first so he could get the media to go with him. Once I knew it was clear I left the hotel room. Forgetting I still had his hoodie on from last night, I got Olivia to come to pick me up. We made our way back to our apartment and I went straight to my room. I got undressed and got into the shower. I finally got out of the shower and that's when I realized I had his hoodie. I picked it up and put it on my bed before getting dressed. I left his hoodie in my room as I left my apartment to go to work. It seemed like nothing could wipe the smile off my face during my whole shift. Even when people were being rude, I was just beaming with happiness. I finally got off my shift and I had plenty of messages from Shawn. I walked to my car and once I was inside I called him.

“Are you ok?” Shawn asked.

“Yea why?” I asked.

“You are all over the media, you had my hoodie on this morning,” he said.

“Wait what? I thought I was cleared” I said.

“No, where are you?” he asked.

“I just got off of work,” I said.

“Come back to the hotel room,” he said.

“I have classes to do online,” I said.

“Bring your laptop or whatever,” he said.

“I'll be over shortly,” I said.

“I just want you safe beautiful,” he said.

We hung up and I went back to my apartment. I grabbed my school stuff and I was out the door before Olivia could ask any questions. I made my way back to the hotel but I entered through the back so there was no chance anyone could see me. I knocked on the door and he answered, his smile grew on his face as he saw me. He grabbed my bag and held the door open as I walked in. He shut the door behind me and placed my bag on the bed. He grabbed my hips and pulled me to him. I smiled as I wrapped my arms around him as he leaned down to kiss me. I kissed him softly as I played with the hair on the back of his neck. He pushed me towards the bed, laying me down as he moved over top of me. Keeping the kiss between us, his hands sliding up and down my sides. I placed my hand against his chest as he pulled away from the kiss. I smiled as I looked at him, he leaned back down and kissed me softly.

“Did the media say anything to you?” he asked.

“No they didn't,” I said.

“Good” he moved off of me so I could sit up.

“Are you ok?” I questioned.

“Yea I'm fine” he looked at me.

I spent the rest of the day in his hotel room. Doing my school work but boy was he a distraction. A good distraction though he was sitting on the couch playing the guitar. I tried to focus on my work and finally finished all that I needed to. We went down to the hotel restaurant for dinner and just enjoyed each other's company. Over the next few months, we would sneak around to see each other. He would always pick me up from work and would hide out in my apartment. It was cute but sometimes the media was annoying.

“I have a date night set up,” he said as he wrapped his arms me.

“Oh, you do? What do I need to wear?” I asked.

“Whatever you are comfortable with but please no dress,” he said.

“Jeans and your hoodie?” I asked.

“Sounds perfect” he smiled as he kissed me softly.

“Alright babe, can't wait,” I said.

He left my apartment so he could get ready. I went upstairs to get ready, it never got old of wearing his clothes. I pulled his hoodie over my head and choose what shoes I wanted to wear. I finally finished getting ready and it was right on time as I heard him blowing the horn. I rolled my eyes as I made my way outside and got into his car. He grabbed my hand as he pulled off. I turned the radio on and let the window down, enjoying the nice weather. We finally pulled up to the destination, it was a skating rink.

“Do you know how to skate?” he asked.

“Kinda” I nodded.

“Should of asking that first before I made this date” he chuckled slightly.

“It's ok, I can skate but not that great,” I said.

“I got you” he smiled as he got out of the car.

He made his way over to my side of the car, opening my door for me. He reached for my hand as I got out of the car. I placed my hand in his, lacing our fingers together. We went inside and he had rented out the place for just us, a few works but mainly just for us. We got out skates and went to sit down to put them on. I finished strapping mine on as he was waiting for me. He grabbed both of my hands and helped me up onto the skates. We got onto the skating ring he stayed in front of me. Making sure I had my balance before getting beside me, keeping his grip on my hand. He would skate around me and just show off. I smiled as I continued to skate, keeping my balance as I watched him. He skated ahead of me and turned around so he was skating backward. Well, that didn't end well for him because he fell on his ass, I couldn't stop so I tripped over him. We both sat on the floor laughing, he finally got up and helped me back onto my feet. We went over to the snack zone and got something to eat.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

“Yea I'm fine,” I said.

“I wanted to ask you something,” he said.

“What babe?” I looked at him.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” he said.

“Like make it official?” I said.

“Yeah make it official,” he said.

“Yea, of course, I will be” I smiled.

“Good” he leaned towards me and kissed me softly.

We spent a few more hours skating before we decided to head back. Spending the rest of the night at my apartment. Our relationship was tested when he went off on tour. I trusted him and I knew he wouldn't do anything but it was hard not seeing him. I was so proud of him and wished I could of went with him but I needed to finish my school stuff. I knew our anniversary was coming up, exactly a year since we meet. I decided to fly out to where he was at and surprise him. I made my way to the venue as he was on stage. Standing backstage watching him, finally, I caught his eye. He ran over to where I was and picked me up spinning me around. He pulled me onto the stage and the crowd went crazy. He kissed my cheek and just held onto me.

“When did you get here?” he whispered.

“A few hours ago, babe you have a show to do,” I said.

“I wanted to ask you something, I kinda knew you were coming” he smirked.

“What?” I was confused.

“I knew you were coming” he kissed my cheek softly.

“Of course you did” I rolled my eyes playfully.

“I've known you for a year, even though I feel like I've known you forever,” he said as he took my hands.

“And we still have forever to go” I smiled.

“You make my world a brighter place, even in dark times. I love you with everything I have” he got down on one knee, holding my hand. “Baby will you spend forever with me, will you marry me?” he asked.

I couldn't find the words so I just nodded. He slipped the ring on my finger and the crowd cheered. He got up and pulled me close to him, kissing my forehead. He walked me off the stage and continued on with the show. I smiled as I looked down at my hand, I couldn't believe I met my everything at a concert.

-End of flashback-

I finally finished my makeup, since I ruined it by crying. I placed the vial back on my head, taking a deep breath in. It was time to marry my best friend. I stood at the door as my dad came beside me, started to walk down the aisle. I saw Shawn smile as I walked to him. Getting my hand from my dad before the ceremony started. It was perfect the day I always dreamed of, I just finally found my prince charming.

[19mrs-barnes17]

Friendly Wager

Summary: Nothing like a little friendly wager between old friends to stir up feelings

Part: 1/1

Pairing: Billy Russo x reader

Warnings: none?

Word count: 2,065

A/N: Hope you enjoy! Requested by anonymous

~

“Over here!” Emma waved her hand high, a gentle smile tugging at the edges of her lips, something in her spirit brighter than before.

“Someone’s in a very good mood.” She waves you off and passes you a cup filled to the brim with caffeine and foam. “What on earth have you ordered me Em?”

“Don’t question my expertise and drink woman.” She smirks as you sip the beverage and hum in delight, arching a brow at you. “That’s what I thought. Now, are you working late Friday?”

“No I think I’m off early actually, why do you ask? What are you planning?” You narrow your eyes at your former roommate, cautious of what you were getting yourself into. “Better not be a party.”

“No, no. Of course not, but as you know I am now living with my boyfriend Tom.” You gasp, placing a hand over your heart. “Oh quit it. He’s finally back from his trip today and I want you to meet him.”

“And let me guess, he’s free Friday?” She nods, her gaze a bit distracted by something over your shoulder. “Okay, I’m in but you should really be a bit more subtle if you’re gonna keep gawking at other men.”

“What? No, there’s this guy who keeps staring over here but I don’t  think he’s staring at me.” With your brow knit closely you begin to scan the environment until you land upon the subject in question and sigh heavily. “Do you know him?”

“Unfortunately.” 

“He’s hot.” You inhaled in shock far too quickly and began coughing, Emma raises a brow at what she assumes are theatrics. “Are you two a thing?”

“Are you trying to kill me Em? Asking stuff like that when I’ve taken a drink?” She shrugs and mutters something about a master plan before sipping her drink. “No, we’re just friends, he’s too wrapped up in himself for anything else.”

“You might wanna tell him that. Don’t think he received that memo.” The ringing of her phone saves her, and by the gentle tone of her voice you know it's Tom on the other end. “Sorry amiga, I’ve gotta go pick up Tom from the airport. Totally blanked.”

“For shame!” She swats your shoulder and pulls you into a hug before rushing out the door, flaming hair billowing behind her. 

Finishing your drink you toss the cups and exit the building, eyes landing on someone who seemed to be waiting for you. His soft smile made you roll your eyes as you approached. 

“Billy Russo. Back in the city are we?” 

“Fancy a walk to catch up?” 

You hadn’t the slightest clue why you agreed to the walk, he had never done anything to make you think he was anything but selfish. The man hadn’t even told you he had enlisted. One day he simply disappeared, no call or explanation. Social media plastered his face across the papers when he became CEO of Anvil, your only indication he had survived his service. And now he was back again, no call. 

The guilt was etched into his features as you told your side of the story, always ending up in the dark. His eyes softened and you almost believed his apology, but your stubbornness wouldn’t let it go that easy. Not with one single apology for years of mistakes.

“You’re going to have to do better than that Russo.” He arched a brow, curiosity overtaking his features. “If we’re actually friends you are going to have to keep in contact instead of disappearing and reappearing.”

“Deal. Daily updates it is.” 

“You could never, eventually you’d forget.” He walked in front of you and halted your steps, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“I could keep this up all week and longer.” 

“You couldn’t even keep this up till Friday.” He rolled his eyes, not backing down. “In fact, I wager you won’t.”

“It’s on.”

“What do I win if you forget?” He pauses, eyes locked onto yours for a minute or two before fumbling out that you could kiss him. You scoffed, not surprised he’d find that a promising prize and moved around him to continue the walk.

“Oh, come on Y/N you know you want to!”

“You are completely delusional!” Billy jogs to catch up to you, muttering apologies as you continue speed walking. 

“Okay, okay. If you win, I owe you a favor of your choosing. Valid until you decide to use it.” This slows you down, mulling the idea over before nodding. “If I win, you invite me to dinner.”

“What?”

“Your friend passed me by, I asked if you two were celebrating something and she told me she was there to invite you to dinner with her boyfriend.” He smirked, seeming rather proud of himself for acquiring such information.

“Remind me to tell Emma not to talk to strangers about our private plans.”

“Deal?”

“Deal, but only because i’m confident you’ll slip.” 

Somehow this bastard was doing it, each day your phone was flooded with texts from him about his day. He even asked about yours, which surprised the hell out of you. Something about him seemed different and you weren’t sure you trusted it. Instead of being the self-absorbed pretty boy you had met when your cousin came to visit, who used to occasionally reply to your emails, Billy was now the flirtatious man who sent you daily texts and replied fairly quickly. It was a 180. One you couldn’t allow yourself to be attached to for fear of being eventually disappointed.

He even called you when you were at home alone, talking to you about all manner of subjects and even on occasion making you laugh. Slowly the man was squeezing between a crack in your wall and you absolutely hated it. All you could think was that it was all an act for the wager. He was determined to win. Nothing more.

“Hey Em, you might wanna set another plate at the table.”

“And may I ask who this is for?” Her smirk traveled across the line through her tone.

“Oh please, you practically invited him yourself outside the cafe.” She was silent, you almost began to think she wasn’t there anymore. 

“Billy’s coming? Oooh.” 

“I may be on the other end of a phone call with you, but I know where you live and I will pound on your door at an ungodly hour.” 

“Duly noted.”

Tom was an absolute sweetheart, a tough looking guy with a heart of gold and you had to make a good impression. This man was dating your best friend and it seemed as though they were going to last, so if you were going to be seeing a lot of him you wanted to get off on the right foot. Billy being present made that a challenge, but one you were prepared to tackle. 

“So how did you two meet?” Tom was sweet, but you were beginning to think that he thought this was a double date. 

“I grew up with her cousin, served with him.” Emma sat back, eyes recollecting where she had seen him before.

“You’re in the photo we had hanging in the apartment. The one with the marines standing at attention.” His attention moved to you, smirk tugging at his lips.

“Don’t flatter yourself, my cousin is the reason that still hangs on my wall. You just happen to be in it.” 

“Oh, but of course.” There was something about the way he acted toward you that had you questioning your stance on him, the way he smiled and watched you out of the corner of his eye. How he offered to walk you home after dinner, maintained the distance you asked of him, and left without a smart-ass remark. 

Your back pressed softly against the door as thoughts began to race through your mind. He was so different from the man you knew before, and yet there was something in your heart that held back. It was just an act, you couldn’t have been wrong about that. You had merely miscalculated just how much he wanted to prove you wrong. It wasn’t out of love, it was out of competition. You were certain.

When he continued to message you the entire next week you pushed it aside, it was just him proving his point. He was gloating that he could keep up the act. Nothing more, nothing less. Just an act. 

Each week was filled with conversation, secrets began to be shared and slowly you became less and less sure about your stance. He was patient it seemed, but was he just devoted to his promise or was it more. It was driving you mad.

“We need to talk.” Billy was rubbing his face awake, eyes blinking slowly to regain their ability of clear sight. A yawn slipped from his lips as he moved aside to let you in.

“It's 3 in the morning you maniac.” He chuckles softly, shutting the door behind you and putting on a pot of coffee. Pulling out a stool Billy sat and awaited whatever revelation had brought you to his home. 

“I need to know something and I want the truth, no lies or evasion.” You point your finger accusingly and he wanted to feign offence but he was far too sleepy. 

“No accusations before coffee please, I have no energy to defend myself yet.” He smiles softly, features waking up a little. “What is it you have to know at this hour?”

“Why?”

“You’re going to have to be a tad more specific sweetheart.” You could smack him for the nickname, it made asking increasingly more difficult.

“It’s been two weeks since you won. You’re still keeping up the act. Why?”

“Act?”

“Pretending like you care, you never have before.” He slowly stood from the stool, brow knit together as he studied your face. “What’s your aim?”

“It’s definitely too early for you to be accusing me of lies. In my own home.” His confidence faltered, eyes tearing away from you to pour two cups of coffee. “I keep in touch because I promised to and I try to be a man of my word.”

“So is that it? Just to uphold a promise?”

“Did you want there to be something more?” He was very close as he handed the second cup to you, eyes watching you curiously. You were speechless, unsure how to ask him what you wanted in a way that would protect you. 

“That’s not what I asked.” He sighed, setting down his drink and taking a seat on the stool once more. 

“There may have been an ulterior motive, one i had hoped you would eventually reciprocate.” You tilted your head and this seemed to just break the wall down. “I love you Y/N, I have since I spent two tours with your cousin who watched your video updates every day. I fell in love with your smile, and your theatrical way of telling a story. Your life drama and your achievements became important to me. I suddenly felt closer to you than I had ever felt to anyone. I knew I’d have to do better before I could reintegrate into your life again.”

“You watched those?” He nodded before sipping his coffee, eyes beginning to wander to your lips every now and again. “You love me?”

“I do.” You pulled out the other stool and sat in silence, Billy said nothing as he drank his coffee and let you process everything. 

“I think I love you too.” Barely above a whisper, but his hand on your told you he heard every syllable. “Maybe I should have made a wager I was sure to win.”

“Why is that?”

“Because then I wouldn’t have come knocking and waking you at 3 in the morning and I wouldn’t have to tell Emma she’s right.” He laughs, eyes crinkling as he shakes his head. “She’s going to hold this over me for the rest of our lives.”

“That so?” He smirks before sliding off his stool and offering his hand, which you gingerly took. “Then we’ll have to make this worth the consequence, eh?”

“Don’t you tell another living soul, but you wouldn’t have to do a thing.” His forehead rested gently against yours as you swayed to the tune of some song Alexa played at his command. 

~

Tags: @qtmeryr​ @broken-hearted-barnes​ @asphalt-cocktail​ @gstran18​ @cantnkrusshedevil​ @alexaandraah​