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andrusi · 5 years ago

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I hate the song “Frosty the Snowman.” I hate Walter E. “Jack” Rollins and Steve Nelson for writing it. I hate Gene Autry for singing it. I hate it because it does something stupid that makes me angry and I can’t stop thinking about it.

Let’s pick out two stanzas:

Frosty the Snowman Knew the sun was hot that day So he said “Let’s run And we’ll have some fun Now before I melt away”

and

He led them down The streets of town Right to the traffic cop And he only paused a moment when He heard him holler “Stop!”

Now, there’s probably a discussion to be had about Frosty’s refusal to do more than the bare minimum to comply with the officer’s commands and whether it stems from distrust of the police system or simple disregard for personal safety in favor of his own enjoyment when it seems inevitable he’ll die soon anyway, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I just want to point out the rhyme scheme. The first stanza is ABCCB and the second is AABCB (though the lyrics are more often written with the short couplets combined into single lines, turning both stanzas into ABCB). Day and away rhyme. Run and fun rhyme. Down and town rhyme. Cop and stop rhyme. A verse of the song consists of two stanzas like the first one, one like the second, and another like the first again.

EXCEPT.

Let’s take a look at THE VERY FIRST STANZA. Let’s look at what Jack Rollins and Steve Nelson decided to ruin my fucking :ay with when they started writing this song. Look at this.

Frosty the Snowman Was a jolly, happy soul With a corncob pipe And a button nose And two eyes made out of coal

Look at this shit.

With a corncob pipe And a button nose

Pipe.

Nose.

That doesn’t rhyme, Walter.

I am not a linguist and I have not researched every English dialect in existence but I’m willing to bet that “pipe” and “nose” don’t ever fucking rhyme, Steve.

Why the hell did you let these two hacks get away with this, Gene? Was it greed? Was the money from “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” not enough for you? You make me sick.

I, uh.

I’ve kind of run out of steam here. Oh well. tl;dr the first verse of Frosty the Snowman doesn’t rhyme where it’s supposed to and it drives me up the wall.

#reika still remembers this recollection #insidious misandrusi

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allbestnet · 8 years ago

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