#walking in widsom

[thinkingonscripture]

Take Advantage of the Time God Gives

The Bible teaches God has assigned a limited amount of time for us to live in this world. David wrote, “in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for my life when as yet there was not one of them” (Psa 139:16). Job said a person’s “days are determined, the number of his months is with You” (Job 14:5). And David said, “LORD, make me to know my end and what is the extent of my days;…

[sistersorrow]

Random facts about me too uninteresting for their own posts

As a kid, I first learned of Alexander the Great in a children's book that was being distributed for free on a flight to visit relatives in the UK

In college I thought I simply didn't get hangovers, but it turned I was getting hangover but didn't notice cause I already felt like shit all the time

I used to burst into hives when exposed to faux fur

People often doubted I was my parents' child because I was a very pale baby

I have recurring dreams where the doors in my house won't lock and something is trying to get in

As a baby, I was bowlegged

My earliest memory is of a time I stepped barefoot on broken glass

One of the only people irl who knows I'm trans is my ex girlfriend and this fact haunts me

I have recurring dreams where I have a white cat and then something kills him

In dreams I generally have no strong emotional response to murder and will solve all my problems with murder

My mom does not remember the time I tried to come out as trans

Jared Leto's Joker is how I learned I was bi

The two things that got me into Disney Channel were the Mr Bean animated series and seeing Shego made young me feel a certain way

My least favourite field of biology is botany

Closing my eyes makes it harder for me to visualise things because when I close my eyes what I see can best be compared to boiling paint

If i sit in a quiet room and roll back my eyes, I can make myself hear whispers

I do not like wearing long sleeved shirts as they feel suffocating

I like wearing hoodies though

I first got into webcomics because 14 year old me was looking for places online to read Dilbert comics

I do not like mountains

When it gets cold, my finger joints swell and completely lock up

I got my chosen name from the Old World Blues mod for Hearts of Iron 4

I am 6'3" and walk quickly, but also have very quiet footsteps, so I often startle people

None of my widsom teeth grew in cause they're sideways

I eat coarse salt straight out the bag

Coming up with facts for this list was really hard cuase I can't think of many facts about myself

When cooking ramen I boil off as much water as possible to increase flavour concentration

Much of my taste in music comes from the Life is Strange soundtrack and Homestuck AMVs

I can't properly pronounce my birth name as it contains sounds not found in English

I hold mugs backwards sith the handle facing away from my hand

My go to alcoholic mixes are gin/vodka screwdrivers, tequilla and coke, or rum and tropical punch monster energy

[nerdasaurus1200]

Like, what were her ravens?

Were they here familiars?

Were they psychopoms who were waiting to take her soul?

Were they real raven who felt that she was already a walking corpse that should've croaked long ago and wanted to eat her?

It may have been a little bit of everything. Ravens are typically associated with widsom, shapeshifting, bad omens and death. And they’re pretty important animals in wiccan and other non-Christian religions. So it could’ve been Gothel’s familiar who was just waiting endlessly for her to keel over; and also something she could transform into because of how powerful she was.

Another really cool thing about it, it actually gives her a subtle connection to Cassandra. Cause if they kept that, then both mother and daughter would’ve been associated with birds of night/death.

[daydreamin-the-starscape]

Saturn Return

I've been so inactive recently, just being a lazy bum really, and the past week I've woken up with the worst knee and ankle pain. My google PHD says osteoarthritis which has to do with knee fluid and.. like.. are you kidding me??

Obviously I just need to start walking around more, but my saturn return starts in March, so Saturn(hard lessons) in Pisces(feet, knees, fluid) in my 1st house(physical body).

Also, I'm 85% sure that my wisdom teeth are starting to come in at the ripe old age of 27! Saturn(bones) Return(widsom??). I've been looking at clinics in Mexico since I live in dumbass Texas, but goddamn can the astrology not astrolagate sometimes?

[wangxiians]

5-day thesis anon back with my tips akdkdk

Engage hyperfocus. Get so far in the zone you forget the rest of the world exists

Moral support tea on the desk beside you

If you can - write to music. Helps get into the zone and makes you forget about time and word count. I like finding soundtracks with big battle songs bc then it makes me feel like a BAMF

Don't worry about grammar or word count at first!! Let your thoughts explode out first and then wrangle them into order after it's all written

Keep your tabs open until your chapter is done! Also keep any books to hand with the relevant pages marked clearly!! You never know when you'll need to come back to a reference.

Struggling to focus? Read over existing notes/what you've already written and it helps focus. Also use the "read a reference for 5 mins" trick bc sometimes those 5 mins are all you need to get invested in the work

Go for a walk!! If you get snagged and can't figure out what to do next and it's starting to be frustrating, put it aside and put it out of your head and go for a walk. You'll come back refreshed and calmer and sometimes your brain will connect the dots while you're not even focusing on the problem directly. If you're feeling sleepy the walk will also help wake you up a bit!!

Use the external pressure of a looming deadline to encourage frantic thoughts and fast fingers

Cry

Talk to someone/yourself out loud about your topic. Sometimes just talking makes all the words come together

Also I feel obligated to say - I absolutely do not recommend writing a thesis in only 5 days

i love that some of these tricks i'm already doing *glances over at my moral support tea and my emotional support spotify playlist that's on repeat* ٩( ˙0˙)۶

but like genuinely, i feel like your words of widsom will help me and others as we all struggle with writing such a gigantic chunk of words..... i aspire to have ur ability to do it in such a short time, but i am thankful for ur wisdom. i will come back to this ask over the coming weeks whenever i am at the '9. cry' phase.

[the-marron]

BokuAka fic recs part 1

Dear @mistermrbee I’ve been waiting, this is my moment in the sun I proudly present a short list of fics that will make you love BokuAka even more:

Canonverse:

arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to by earlygrey_ milktea

Bokuto Koutarou, contrary to popular belief, is the family disappointment.

One of my favs, Bokuto’s POV, angsty but worth it

Broken China by Looali

Akaashi Keiji owns a very special set of mugs. To the common eye, they would just be a normal set, practical and decorated with a cute owl design. Something he uses for his tea during morning practice and lunch, kept carefully wrapped up in kitchen roll until he needs it. For Fukurodani boys Volleyball team however, Akaashi Keiji’s mugs were life savers.

Adorable, truly adorable

Again and Again and Again by zinniapetals

"Step up your game Bokuto, use the L-word."

"Lesbian?"

"The other L-word."

"Lesbians?"

Bokuto has a really hard time conveying his feeling for Akaashi. Kuroo suffers

99 Days of Dating Bokuto Koutarou by carxies

Akaashi has never even considered being in relationship. His life is school, volleyball and extra practices late in the afternoon. When he gives it a second thought, Bokuto plays a role in all of these things.

Pining, denial and pining again. 10/10 would recommend

A Logical Chain of Illogical Events by mismatched_ideas

It was only logical that Akaashi wasn’t a starter his first year of high school. He didn’t expect to be. He was just happy to have been accepted to a school that was not only a volleyball powerhouse but also an academic one. He played in a handful of practice matches near the end of the year and during the Tokyo finals at the end of the year, he’d been the backup setter, which was impressive given his age.

But there wasn’t a single thing that was more surprising than the attention he received from a certain second year.

A very nice and convincing backstory for our favourite owls.

The Chocolatier's Widsom by Scrbhneoir for darumarina

Akaashi could just do it now, not a thought for the others around him. Everyone was already heading for the showers now anyway, he could probably keep Bokuto an extra minute to do the confession and get it over with - “Boys shouldn’t give other boys chocolates on Valentine’s.”

- Akaashi lowered the chocolate back into the bag.

Obligatory Valentine’s Day fic, very well-written.

Year-Round Love by masi

In his first year of university, Bokuto realizes that he really adores Akaashi.

Future fic where Bokuto finally gets it

third wheel by arsenicjay

"So you and Bokuto, huh?"

Akaashi's attention snaps back to Kuroo and he gives the other boy a blank stare. "What about us?"

Or, Kuroo figures out that Bokuto is interested in Akaashi long before Bokuto does himself and being the kind friend that he is, tries to help them along.

This one is simply great and I think I’ve read it like 10 times. Kuroo here wins everything.

stating the obvious by ThinkingCAPSLOCK

There's a lot of things Bokuto isn't sure about now that he's in university. His program, his new team, his future. There's only one thing he's absolutely sure of. He is not dating Akaashi Keiji. Not even a little bit.

Sure, Bokuto, sure.

AUs:

keep making trouble (til you find what you love) by Heronfem

Appearances aren't always what they seem.

In which Bokuto is the family disappointment and does his best despite his struggles, Akaashi has an enormous crush and wants to help, and they fall end over end in love surrounded by a shower of owl and vulture feathers.

Wingfic, really lovely, though a bit sad.With a happy ending, though!

That Baby Does Not Belong to You (But It Could) by multifascinate (talkativelock)

“You named the baby?”

Bokuto pouts again. “No, he came with this.”

Keiji takes the note Bokuto offers him. It’s written in an unfamiliar slanting script on a slightly crumpled piece of paper with a safety pin through it that Keiji assumes was used to afix it to the outside of the baby's blanket.

“My name is Hinata Shouyou,” he reads, “I am not lost, just looking for someone to be my parents. Please treat me kindly.”

In which Bokuto has an early midlife crisis because of a baby and Keiji has both a headache and a crush.

Adorable kidfic. They are all so precious here.

cat and kid by norio

Kenma doesn't mind if Akaashi talks on his phone. After all, owning a cat like Bokuto-san must cause Akaashi a lot of difficulty.

Kenma and Akaashi work together and Kenma observes Akaashi’s phone conversations. Hilarious

Star Catcher by yozra

Keiji is a catcher of wishing stars, and one day a very strange one lands straight into his arms.

Lovely, fairy-tale like story, a bit like The Little Prince in my opinion. 

The Siren and The Blacksmith by theauthorish

There was a man walking along the shore, just then. Even from afar, Keiji could see the tired slump to his body and the weary heaviness of his steps.

Keiji opened his mouth and began to sing.

Siren!Au written like a fairytale of old, it’s great and romantic and I couldn’t stop reading.

Heaven's a Heartbreak Away by The_Marron 

It was Kuroo’s fault. It was nothing new in Bokuto’s life, really, because most of the stupid, life-threatening and awesome things that happened to him were in some degree Kuroo’s fault, but still, this was definitely Kuroo’s fault.

Or, Bokuto gets roped into a dancing show and does not fall for his partner. He does fall for somebody else, though.

- shameless self-promo, you can ignore it, but I couldn’t resist.

This are good beginner thinks, in my opinion. If you are interested in angst, dark themes and very strange aus, do let me know, I will prepare a second list :) Glad yo welcome you in the fandom and let me know if you liked the fics!

[chilly-me-softly]

Ben Chilwell

fwb - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

Rivarly with James - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

Fight

Stop ignoring me

Not so private anymore

His son’s first game

Holding hands in public

Living abroad

A cute wedding

Rush relationship 

Bath or something more...

Club

Widsom teeth 

Clingy

A day out with your baby girl

Too much hair gel

Meeting his and your parents

Teasing him

New years together

Love not at first sight

Your own bubble

Cuddles

FIFA night

Engaged

Drunk girlfriend

Overhearing him

Late Late Show

Cheating prank

Rachel&Ross

Fame - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

Dating

Pregnancy reveal

Set you two up

Camera

You can’t be there for the game

The morning after the win

Post goal celebration

Pretending to be your boyfriend

He comes and visit you

Dubai club - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Booping to your song

Your baby boy jealous of him

He thinks you’re cheating on him

His girl is a Spurs fan

First post about you

Him trying to distract you

You feeling down but don’t tell anything

New doctor at Leicester - Part 1 - Part 2

Having a panick attack on the stage

Cutting you hair

Jealous about you and Madders

Shopping

Talking to your baby bump

Asking his dad advices for fatherhood

Puppy

Long drive

He wants a baby but you’re not so sure

Planning to propose

Taking a pregnancy test with him

Him being mesmerised by motherhood

He can’t keep his hands off of you

Coming home from an away game

Your son interrupts his interview

Telling everyone you’re having a baby

Early morning

Broken heart

Him being really protective last weeks of your pregnancy

Delivery room

Comforting him

First day at home with the newborn

Lazy day

Showing you on IG

Upset for not getting pregnant

New lingerie

Waiting together

His sister - Part 1 - Alternative part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Baby kicks for the first time

Decorating the nursery

His sister dating James

Baby moment

Showing off your bump

Bikini

First stroll around the neighborhood

Comfort you after a fight with James

Clingy

Drabble - #1 - #2 - #3 - #4 - #5 - #6 - #7 - #8 - #9 - #10

First time

Supporting you giving birth

Fancy family gathering

Blush

Handsy

Talk about your sex life

Heated situation

Waking you up with kisses

Aftercare

Make out session

Vacation

Jealous because James feels the baby kicking

Bring you baby at the stadium for the first time

Introducing you at the team

In love with your baby bump and the boys tease him

Messing around

Insecure

Dating him would include

Your birthday

Baby jersey

James sets you two up

Stressed by school

Playing in the garden

James interrumps you two

Netflix and chillin

Embarassing you in a lingerie shop

Asking you to be his girlfriend after a while

Fluff

Graduation

Clingy when you’re doing your make up

Language issue

Angst

Sex life

Visit him at training

Surprising him at a game

Jealous

Someone walking on you and him

Introducing you to his parents

Overhearing him talking about you with James

Cuddles after a game

Making out

He only wants kisses

He has feelings for his best friend

Popcorn and cuddle

Dating him would include

Showing you on instagram

Flowers

Flirting with you not knowing you’re Harry’s girl

Accidentally hit his head’s crush

Double date with James

He’s jealous of your baby

Writing a song about him

He and Dele having an crush on you

Newborn twins

Too shy

No judgment

Out in Dubai

See you again - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Jealousy

Illness

Do you wanna babies?

Together

Period pain at a bbq

Fluff moment

The dude from insta

Friends with benefict - Part 1 - Part 2

Argument

Feel secure in his arms

Trip

No make up

Insecure

Baby Chilwell

Training with the twins

Fight and talk - Part 1 - Part 2

Someone is not happy

Leicester Academy

First time at home as three

Weekends are always the best

Awkward one night stand

Injury

Like what you see?!

He loses his melon

Trip

Birthday dinner

Meeting your daughter - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

A new family

Jewel

Ring

Cuddle buddy

Tweets

Family

Fight

Shaved

IG talking

Waste so much time

Kids? No... I don’t know

It doesn’t matter

Graduation

1+1=3

Shy as much as you

Daddy shouted

New love, two kids

Wedding speech and a surprise

Late night conversation

Ex - Part 1 - Part 2

When baby Chilwell meets baby Maddison

Cute family moment - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

Rumors - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Domestic stuff

Young parents 

Rings

                                                                                                                                             Next >>

[okaybutlikeimagine]

Okay but what if Billy had to get his wisdom teeth removed and Hop had to look after him while he’s all drugged up

ohmygodd!! Billy is a menace when he’s SOBER, even moreso when he’s drunk, but W O WWW drugged off his ass???? He’s a Nightmare and Hopper has a permanent headache.

Hopper didn’t even THINK about dentists and stuff when he adopted these kids. He sure as hell doesn’t go to the dentist, so he totally forgot about it. But when Billy stops eating and gets a LOT grouchier and his temper gets even shorter, Hopper weedles it out of him that his back teeth hurt. Like a fuckton.

So he takes him to the dentist and figures out “your son’s widsom teeth need to come out.”

Hop forgot those even had a NAME.

El and Max are hanging out somewhere skating or something while Hopper is guiding a Drugged as Hell Billy into the house and onto his bed. and sometimes Sober Billy will chuckle or laugh at funny cartoons or something but Drugged Out Billy is giggling. And will not stop. Some part of it is extremely unnerving for Hopper, like The Shining or something. Esp as Billy reaches out a hand to Hop’s mustache.

“There’s a caterpillar on your faace-wOAH that’s rough! Woahh poor Joyce, having to feel that on her-”

“ALRIGHT. Shut up, kid.” Hop places a big hand over Billy’s mouth to shut him up and if Hop can tell anything about the kid’s facial expression through his eyes, he’d assume he was pouting.

He pulls his hand away fast when he feels something wet and warm on his palm. He was right, Billy is pouting.

“You don’t love me. You don’t want me here.”

“Good fucking lord, kid.”

“It’s true! I can tell. Just trade me in for a rabbit or something.”

“It’s not true, kid. You know it’s not.”

“I don’t know nothin’.” he kicks his foot out in what seems like anger but suddenly he’s giggling again. “My foot looks like those fist things in cartoons. With the big red glove. Where’s El?? I wanna watch cartoons.”

“She’s with Max.”

“Augghhh… tell them to come here i wanna watch cartoons.”

Hopper runs a hand down his face. “They’re not here.”

“I love that kid, she lets me watch cartoons. Max is cool too, i taught her how to skate. Love that kid.” *giggles* “I love Steeeve, where’s my Steve?”

“He said he’d be here after his shift.”

“Auggghhhhh video prison! when is he gonna be here?”

“Good lord, with any luck, soon.”

“See! You don’t love me!”

And Hopper is  t i r e d  but he gives Billy his salt water and pudding and plays “hippie music” for him, upon request, bc he wants to “experience Woodstock in the living room”.

And about half an hour later, Steve walks into the cabin to find a very exasperated Hopper watching Drugged Out Billy laying on his back in the middle of the living room, wiggling around to Jimi Hendrix.

[quidfree]

sirius being "The best-looking, most rebellious, most dangerous of the four marauders"? I'm not as attached to sirius as some of the other characters i think bcuz we didnt know him as well but i definitely think he's one of the most intriguing characters 2 of 2

yeah that’s totally fair! sirius is such an iconic hp character even to the gp (i think mainly bc we’re introduced to him in such a wild way and then his death comes as a massive shock) but he’s not actually featured in the books all that much- poa is “his” book but we only meet him in like the very last moments of it and we spent most of it thinking he was a crazy murderous death eater, and then we mostly see him again in ootp, wherein he’s depressed and frustrated and then dies pointlessly.

what we see of him is so intriguing to me precisely because every glimpse of sirius we get is of a ghost of a man, in a sense- everything about him relates to death and decay. he matters to the plot and to harry because of his connection to harry’s parents, who are dead; he’s spent a decade rotting in prison amongst the dying and the dead inside because of their deaths; he’s our proper introduction to the crumbling institution of pureblood wizards, trapped in an old empty house full of portraits of dead people with outdated views; his death is the first time harry loses someone who matters to him (and a parent figure at that). sirius, more than any other character, is trapped in the past- between james and lily’s murders and azkaban, he’s always written so the audience knows a massive part of him has died a long time ago. and yet at least imo he’s so different from a lot of characters like that- ofc he’s bitter and jaded and traumatised, but instead of being sad and apathetic and tragic, jkr makes sirius, well, cool- to harry and to us. he’s obviously very smart, and brave, and kind of an all round badass (he broke out of azkaban! he has a motorbike!) who talks to harry like an adult, knows a lot (and is willing to divulge a lot) about the order and death eaters, and has a sharp tongue & no fucks left to give. he’s also obviously a very flawed character- he makes little attempt to hide this, and narratively some of his “cool” traits are in fact his flaws- his recklessness, for one, and his stubborn pride, for another. sirius butts heads with an impressive roster of characters for someone with so little screen-time. to me all of this always begged the question: if this is sirius now, what was sirius like in his prime?

we kind of get some answers in the flashback scenes, obv (i will never forgive the movies for cutting those in DH)- sirius is, well, pretty much old sirius amplified by a thousand; low on angst and high on life. i love that the first things harry tells us about him are that 1/ he’s very hot and 2/ he could not be less interested in the people fawning over him because 3/ he only has eyes for james. in a sense what flashbacks give back to sirius is just james- what we have is sirius without james, hence the haunting. and suddenly all of sirius makes sense, i think- we know what he’s missing, and why he’s missing it. ofc we see all of the flashbacks from snape’s POV, which makes it all more negative and antagonistic, but it makes sense for young sirius to have been a cocky, permanently bored semi-asshole too charming to get in anyone’s bad books for long, clever and quick with his words and crueller than he needs to be. we see hints of that in him later, and we know the context.

so, to get back to the quote: the most rebellious, the most handsome and the most dangerous of the marauders? canon says yes. (he’s probably up there for most rebellious/most handsom/most generous chara in general, actually, with the disclaimer of some of the big bads in terms of danger, ofc.) sirius is a rebel both in attitude (leather jackets, motorbikes, sticking muggle posters all over his room to make a point) and in conviction (unlearning his family’s bigotry, spending his whole life fighting an oppressive movement); he’s also one of the characters jkr-via-harry spends the most time telling us is attractive, and as for dangerousness, well. sirius is dangerous, and he’s an interesting dangerous, because he teeters between acceptable canon dangerous (he’s a highly skilled duelist, he violently hates death eaters, and if he puts his mind to something he will accomplish it no matter the obstacle) and a more uncomfortable dangerousness, which both adults like molly or dumbledore and students like hermione take issue with (he feels little pity for anyone he considers in the wrong, cruelty comes easily to him, and if you cross him his vengeance borders on unhinged).

i think the quote kind of sums up why my nine-year old self was so drawn to sirius- he was a character that harry loved and looked up to tremendously, and he was so different from the kind of hero adult figures i’d seen before, always with a darkness to him, and cool in a way the other adults weren’t. since then, though, it’s the other things that have kept sirius near and dear to my heart- all the complex contradictions of his character, all the important things he teaches harry, the duality between the familial roots and traits he can’t shake off and his innate drive to do good and to make right. i’ve said so before, but the fact he’s the character that tells harry things like "we’ve all got both light and dark inside us. what matters is the part we choose to act on. that’s who we really are”, or “if you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals” is incredible to me. not only are they some of the core messages of the books, but they display such a worldly widsom, on behalf of a character you wouldn’t initially expect to have any such deep dumbledore-esque statements to make, which adds so much depth and nuance to sirius. the striking thing is that sirius is the one to tell harry (and us) these things, but they are battles he himself struggles with tremendously- he lives his life in black and white while thinking in grey, so to speak. it’s that kind of thing that has kept me coming back to sirius and will keep him close to my heart so long as i live- he feels so very human, both a walking greek tragedy and a cool uncle. not to mention he has the best roast of all seven books.

i could go on about sirius endlessly, especially sirius and james, because their relationship is such an interesting study of both their personalities while feeding into their personalities at the same time, but i think i’ve covered your question, so i’ll leave it at that for now, haha.

[kharrisdawndancer]

Bounty

The bite of the cider faded only slowly on Khaeris’s tongue. She’d maybe spiked it a little too much. … Maybe. Ha, oh well! No one to know but herself and Pollux. She smirked and took another full drink, holding it in her mouth and picking out flavors as she looked over the quiet Bazaar. People were at home celebrating and sharing food, occasionally people would walk past. She knew them some, Pollux’s neighbors, and they would wave and wish her a happy holiday. Contentment tried to cocoon her. She tried not to fight it.

It was a good day. It had been a small meal, just the two of them, but she was happy for that, too. Pollux had been able to be home more the last month or so. But she didn’t plan on him being there. Even subconsciously she shied away from thinking about next week, next month … tomorrow. He could get the call at any moment. Nothing had changed. Nothing could change, there.

But he was home now. Passed out on his couch and full of food with enough flavor that even his stubborn tastebuds felt it. Red cranberry. Spiced bread stuffing. The sharp sweet-savory of a small honeyed ham. The cider. She’d make more of that. It felt nice now, warming her.

She might not have family, but she held her people carefully in her heart and felt it swell. They weren’t all there with her, and might not be there with her again, but they were still hers in a way, and she was so thankful.

Pollux… things hadn’t been easy lately--ever?--but he was steady and he was solid. He saw her true--no pedestals there, and no masks. She didn’t understand what he said he saw, she didn’t know if she ever would, but they were trying to settle into … something. Whatever it was this week. Her nose wrinkled. Best not to think down that road. Just thankful he was home and safe and whole. He had done that thing where he’d pushed all his furniture to the edges of the room, and they’d danced while the food had cooked. They’d eaten seated next to each other, legs pressed against each others under the table, even alone.

She crossed her ankles down the steps and her bangles chimed, one a different note to pick out in the last few days. Her eyes fell to the new anklet. Early Winter’s Veil from Helal. It matched the one she’d worn on her wrist for years now. White enameled runes prettily giving circled protections. Helal was generous with her. Time, protection, affection. It could be dizzying. Thankful for his presence in her life. Always passionate. He shared so freely with her.

A breeze made her chin pull into the turtleneck of the sweater Pyraelia had made her last year. Pyraelia was either at her estate with her sister, or maybe at home in her own little place with her servants. They had agreed to exchange pies tomorrow. Khaeris intended to bring her some of the cider, too. They could get a little drunk and play Go Fish. Pyraelia always had a place for her. Whether she was ready to talk about things or just needed a soft space to hunker down in, Py made room for her.. There were sheep and alpacas and cats. They could start stringing the popcorn for the trees again. Maybe she could talk Pollux into joining. Things had softened between them again a little, and Khaeris was very grateful for that. They both looked at each other with awkwardness. They didn’t understand each other, but they weren’t fighting at least.

She snorted to herself. Fighting. She often felt the edge of a fight she didn’t understand. It happened more with Iloam than anyone. One moment he was careful of her, the next he was harsh. He never let excuses ride. He made her challenge her own views on herself. They didn’t agree on some things, but he didn’t let her bullshit herself, if he saw it. He was the fiercest rebuttal to her inner critic. She remembered the way it felt to break down in front of him, and she made sure she recalled the way he had offered to help, in his way. It would likely be the best gift she got for a long while--that afternoon of questions and answers. When he let her listen to his stories, too. She heard bits of his history when she never expected to be privy to any of it. It wasn’t a gift to take lightly. Intimacy in a way she craved. Solace given when she’d given up on it. Reignition of something she couldn’t explain, but felt deep inside.

She finished with her cider but was not ready to move inside yet. When she was alone Khaeris didn’t try to deny that she still felt off. Felt out of step with the world and her loved ones. She missed them. She ached in bittersweet depths for the ease and certainty of Andaeros. The secrets shared and forest relief of Ashraen’s hugs. The smiles and stories of Kenjai with their little magic scenes. The widsom and grace of Centori, so long admired. The swagger and understanding of Xiuhteena, with a delicacy of heart unrivaled. The new and shared warmth of Valarin, careful but sincere. Dicenne’s broad shoulders and open embraces. Kaistrae’s selfish certainty and wolfish grin.

Khaeris was rich. Even if everything fell away tomorrow, she was grateful. She would survive anything, but they all made it easier. She was lucky in her bounty.

@weekly-writing-challenge

Mentions: @polluxhale @helalthehallowed @pyraelia @ourcollectivefantasy (Iloam) , softer mentions: @andaerosdawnflare @valarin-sunstorm @xiuhteena @ashraenv @dicenne @straythepath @centoridellanir Kenjai (won't let me tag him)

[winterballads]

26 tolkien quotes for harry’s 26th birthday

❤️ He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of widsom.

💛 Short cuts make delays, but inns make longer ones.

💚 Such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world: small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere.

💙 ‘It was a compliment,’ said Merry Brandybuck, ‘and so, of course, not true.’

💜 He often used to say there was only one Road; that it was like a great river: its springs were at every doorstep and every path was its tributary. ‘It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,’ he used to say. ‘You step into the Road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no telling where you might be swept off to.’

💖 It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.

❤️ The wide world is all about you: you can fence yourselves in, but you cannot forever fence it out.

💛 Hill. Yes, that was it. But it is a hasty word for a thing that has stood here ever since this part of the world was shaped.

💚 I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.

💙 It is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.

💜 Still round the corner there may wait A new road or a secret gate And though I oft have passed them by The day will come at last when I Shall take the hidden paths that run West of the Moon and East of the Sun.

💖 Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.

❤️ There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.

💛 Sorry! I don’t want any adventures, thank you. Not today. Good morning! But please come to tea – any time you like! Why not tomorrow? Good bye!

💚 The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.

💙 May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks.

💜 I warn you, if you bore me, I shall take my revenge.

💖 In sorrow we must go, but not in despair. Behold! we are not bound for ever to the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory.

❤️ If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

💛 In western lands beneath the Sun the flowers may rise in Spring, the trees may bud, the waters run, the merry finches sing. [...] Though here at journey's end I lie in darkness buried deep, beyond all towers strong and high, beyond all mountains steep, above all shadows rides the Sun and Stars for ever dwell: I will not say the Day is done, nor bid the Stars farewell.

💚 Indeed in nothing is the power of the Dark Lord more clearly shown than in the estrangement that divides all those who still oppose him.

💙 We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner!

💜 In this hour, I do not believe that any darkness will endure.

💖 I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to.

❤️ Home is behind, the world ahead, And there are many paths to tread Through shadows to the edge of night, Until the stars are all alight.

💛 All’s well that ends better.

[love-beautiful-disasterxo-blog]

Mental Health

Mental health is something i personally dont think is taken seriously, i am writing this today to let anyone know dealing with mental illness’s know you are not alone. I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, OCD, depression and hypochondria and let me tell you it is pure hell. I wasnt dignoased untill i was 27 years old, about 7 months ago now. But i have always had anxiety and panic attacks here and there, but i was always able to control them and my worry. I have always been one to worry about my health and others close to me, but nothing like this. Let me give you alittle back story about myself. Both my parents were addicts my father was a funcontiong alcholic my mother was addicted to well about anything she could get her hands on. My father was always a drinker ever since i could remeber in every old photo we have theres always a beer in his hands. But of course being young i never thought anything of it untill one day him and my mom sat me down and told me he was going to re-hab, i remeber crying beacuse i didnt understand, why was my dad going away? And then they proceded to tell me that my dad needed help. So off my dad went to re-hab for 3 months, and i was left alone to watch my drug addict mother. My mom has very many health problems she has arthrits in every inch of her body she can barley move anymore. So when this first all started she was taking narkos 1000mg, then it turned into oxycottin, morphine, fentna patches, coke pretty much anything she could get her hands on. As this went on we realized my mom was going to multiple diffrent doctors to get pain pills and edventually she got “ red flagged “ whitch pretty much she got caught and then couldnt get any more pain medicine from any doctors in macomb county. So around the time that happned i was having terrible teeth issues, and headaches and i would tell my mom my teeth would hurt.. “ here take this” and it would be a 1000mg narko. when my mom would run out of her pills she would have me go to urgent care to say my teeth hurt and the first time i went they just so happened to give me vicodin. So that started my mom taking me to urgent care to give pills so she could have them. I was young at the time i thought she really needed them, all i seen was my mom in terrible pain !! And then i had to get all 4 of my widsom teeth surgericaly removed at once. So of course they gave me vicodin and i had about 3 reffills on them. I was in so much pain so of course i took them it was terrible !! Well my mom would eaither come into my room when i was sleeping and take some from me or she would come in and ask me for  “ a few “ i think i went thru 30 vicidons in 2 weeks beacuse of her taking them. So that is when i really noticed she had a problem. Fast foward a few months my dad was home from rehab clean,healthy, and happy ! But my mom was on a downward spiral. The first time i have ever seen my mom overdose.... i was upstairs in my room with my best friend at the time and all the sudden my dad was screaming my name ! of course i thought i was introuble ! so i walked down stairs to see my mom face down on the coffe table and my great dain on the other side of her with his head on the coffee table crying, i went into panic mode right away i remeber covering my mouth and starting to cry. My dad looked at me and said “ dont panic call 911 ! “ so i called 911. Before they had gotten there my mom had started to come to, she picked her face off the coffee table and she had busted her face all open. Her eyes were pinned, she had this scary look in her eye. The abulnace got there and of course they started asking her all these queshtions “ what did you take ? “ and she started fighting them...pushing them screaming at them. They asked her “ who is this girl?” and they pointed at me and she looked at me and said “ i dont know who she is.” my heart broke into peices. It was then my dad got out all her pill bottles and began coutning them and seeing when she had gotten them filled and what not. She would get a GIANT bottle of 1000mg narkos a month so i would say about 60 ? If not more. Plus all the other pills she was getting from the other doctors. My dad had someone figured out she had taken at least 4 narkos, 2 oxycottins plus her lyrica. She had overdosed. They finally took her away i remeber walking up to the stretcher crying and saying “ mom please you have to get better you have to come home .” and she just looked at me with this blank stare in her eyes and said nothing. On the way to the hospital she had i think 7 sezuires and some more when they put her in a room. They put her in ICU and put her in lock down beacuse she became viloent. The next day i went and seen her she still had this blank stare in her eyes. But she knew who i was...my mom was strapped downt to her bed beacuse she was trying to rip out everything she was hooked up to. I was about 13 years old ? Could you imagine seeing your mom like that at 13 years old ? So after a week or so they finally let her go home. My dad had locked all her pills in a lock box hide the lock box and he was going to start giving her her pills. Well a few days went by and my mom began searching for the lock box and i guess she had found it and figured out the passcode for it..... i came home from a friends house and there was 2 abluance sitting in front of my house so of course i rush into the house to find my dad,multiple paramedics doing CPR on my mom in her bed. She had overdosed again and actually went into respatory faluire this time. While the EMT was doing CPR my dad was cheaking her body for some reason....well my mom had gotten fenna patches..mind you your only suposse to put ONE on...she had 1 on each of her ankles, 1 on each of her shoulders and one on her chest, and my dad had also found cut up patches in the bathroom she had been sucking the pain medication out of the patches. And to be honest i dont remeber what happend after that. I know they took her to the hospital but that is all i rember. She came home and of course again we all are watching her. And shes walking around the house like nothing ever happned like everything was just fine ! Fast foward a few months things have “ calmed down “ at the house i guess you could say or at least we thought...i came home and my brother told me he went upstairs to check on mom and she had fallen alseep with a ciggarette in her mouth and the bed was starting to catch on fire my brother had to throw a melted bowl of ice cream on it to put it out. She would node off alot. Thats how i leanred how to drive... my mom would fall asleep at the wheel and i would have to drive. I started driving when i was about 13 years old. Around this time my sister was also 9 months pregnat. ( my story is all over the place sorry guys ) BEFORE my sister got pregnat my sister was also a addict and lived with her boyfriend at the time so she wasnt really around for alot of this, but when she was home her and my mom would fight SO BAD i mean fist fight..throw things at eachother and i would have to break it out. Anyways my sister was about to pop ! And she finally had my wonderful, amazing, beautiful niece. All was “ well “ once she was born my sister moved back home my mom was pretty concentrated on the baby. Fast foward a few months... me, my sister, my mom were talking about my niece and how she had started crawling and my mom got this look in her eye and just began to cry and said “ i dont remeber that.” even tho my mom was right there cheering her on and she cralwed. THAT is when my mom decied to go to rehab she didnt want to miss watching her grow up. So she went to this rehab that was actually pretty far away and she stayed there for along time...at that time i was in highschool i had to drop out. I felt like i needed to stay home and help my dad and keep a eye on him as well so he didnt relapse beacuse when he got home from dropping my mom off at rehab he walked into the house and grabbed me and hugged me as he cryed on my shoulders and said “ that was the hardest thing i have ever had to do.” so i was scared he was going to relapse. Now let me just say for the record i was not a good child by all means while all this was going on with my mom and dad i was out drinking every single night partying, and also popping pills. I thought i was just out being a teenage tho yano ! having fun living my life but now i know i was trying to numb the pain, earse these horrible memories. I was hangin out with the wrong people at the wrong time and i got caught stealing from a store... all my “ friends “ i was with bailed on me and left me to get caught. They called my mom she came up to the sore and said “ we can eaither band her from the sore or call the cops.” my mom told them to call the cops.. i was about 16-17 at this time. Cops came the store pressed charges on me. I had to go to court and all that great stuff. Well they were so close to sending me to a juvinal center but my mom and dad were sobbing and i think thats what got me out of that. Instead i got placed on probsation, had to do community service, substance abuse classes and i had a curfew. Mind you summer had JUST BEGAN. So at this time i was so pissed at my mom for making them call the cops yes i know she was trying to teach me a lesson. The first day i was on probation what did i do? I went out and got really really really drunk with friends, I was suposse to be in the house by 6pm every single night. Was i home at 6pm? no. my probation officer would call my house to make sure i was home and she did.... she was calling my phone along with my parents trying to figure out where i was and why i wasnt home. I was to drunk to care. All my frinds knew what was going on and they knew i was suposse to be home so they began trying to talk me into going home. And i just got angry at them beacuse i didnt want to go ! I remeber my one friend telling me “ get in the car we are runnning to the store.” so im like okay! they put me in the back seat and the turned all the child locks on and i quickly knew what was going on...i began screaming and crying and trying to kick out the windows of my friends car. So they finally got me home i was so drunk and angry by the time i got into my house my parents called amblunace to come take me to the hospital beacuse they thought i had alcholo poisning. All i rember is that amblunace coming and that is it. So after a night in the hospital...i think? I came home had to go see my probation officer of course whitch she then put me on house arrest for the rest of the summer. I was so upset and mad !!! ( But i did it to myself ) So my friends and boyfriend at the time would have to come over and sit at my house if they wanted to hangout. IT SUCKED !!!! So over this course of time i became really depressed and started cutting myself. But let me tell you i sure did learn my lesson i never ever again even thought about stealing ever again! Oh and before ALL OF THIS happened ( like i said sorry guys this is all over the place ) i had lost my grandmother when i was about 11 my grandma was my best friend. my grandparents had this beatiful house in lexington and let me tell you we were SPOILED KIDS! I would get so excited to go there to see my grandma, god she was just amazing and beautiful and the sweetest thing in the world !!! My grandma then got sick she had a anyersum whitch caused a stoke. she then lost the ability to speak and movment on parts of her body. After that happened she was in the hospital for a while, she came home and i rember her just having this huge smille on her face and she started talking to me and i couldnt understand what she was trying to say to me... i was heartbroken, scared, confused i didnt understand why she sounded like this? But i just hugged her crying and knodding my head. After a while you could start to understand what she was trying to say. After her stroke she LOVED to hum she would just hum all day long and she was still so happy !!! I can her her beautiful humming till this day. But then grandma had gotten even more sick...cancer. And she passed away. I remeber coming home from my aunts house and everyone was standing in my kitchen my dad, mom, sister, my other two aunts, and my grandpa. I remever feeling excited beacuse i thought “ yay grandma is here !” but everyone was crying... My dad told me to sit down, and my grandpa started to say “ hunny grandma..... and before he could finish i dropped to my knees sobbing. My grandmas death really took a toll on my like i said she was my best friend. Okay so going back again sorry guys ! around the time my mom and dad just got out of rehab, it was about 10pm at night and i was texting a few of my frends they were all together at a frineds house drikning and they wnated me to come over. So i went and asked my mom if they could come pick me up and i rember my mom saying” no ! it so way to late your not leaving !” so of course i got all mad and texted them i couldmt come, And the friend i was texting at the time was all upset beacuse they were on their way to come get me and blah blah blah ! he then texts me and says “ okay well we are going to go to the store instead then.” i remeber texting him back and telling him “ is that a good idea?please be careful and put your seat belt on!” he texted me back “ i will.” So a few hours went back and he wouldnt awnser my texts or pick up his phone. I thought okay maybe they all passed out drunk and went to sleep. so i went to bed. in the morning i woke up to about 28 missed called and about 30 somthing messages from a buncha of people telling me to call them asap ! I went downstairs and on the news was a bad accident a couple of teenagers had wrapped there car around a tree last night. Those couple of teenagers were the ones i was texting the night before... my heart sank i called everyone back that had called me thinking “ no this isnt real ! “ and they had all confirmed that had passed away. A few months had passed and i started getting messages on myspace at the time and texts from random people telling me “ it should have been me in the car, it was my fault they died.” and i totally thought it was my fault they were dead for years. Nowwww fast foward to when i turned 19-20 ? I had met this guy and started hangin out with him alot ! and i am still with him have been for almost 10 years. I moved in with him, his mom and grandma about 6 months into our realshonship. We spent every single day togehter i grew very close with his family. Fast foward about a almost a year we were downstairs watching tv with his mom and grandma like we always did everynight ! And all the sudden his grandma couldnt see out of her left eye, so we rushed her to the hospital come to find out she was having stroke beacuse she had abrain anersuym. So she was suposse to have brain surgery to get it removed a few months after they had found it. She had started to develope demintcha she would think my boyfriend who was 23 at the time was a baby and she would think she would have to go change his dipar. She would ask where my boyfriends dad is all the time and mind you he passed away from lung cancer when my boyfiend was 12. So it was really scary seeing that stuff. Fast foward a couple months the day before her srugery had came ! we were all really nervouis about it of course but not her she was a bad ass. She was just like yeah whatever ! So we all went to bed early beacuse we obvisally had to be up early to go to the hospital the next day. Well we got woken up by my boyfriends mom busting into our room screaming “ shes not waking up she wont get up.” my boyfriend ran downstairs while i sat upstairs trying to comfort his mom, then my boyfriend yelled for me to call 911. At this time we lived in a apartment that was likke a damn bomb shelter so we had no serive in that place. so i grabbed my phone and i ran downstairs to call 911 and there i seen him performing CPR on his grandmother. The ambluance arrived and again tryed bringing her back. But she was gone, she had passed away in her sleep the day before her surgery. As we sat around her body for HOURS waiting for the corner to get there. I think that is when it all started for me... just how fast it can happen like that...one day your here the next your not. That is when my fear of death started. Fast foward to about 2018. My grandma ( my moms mom ) had gotten sick, we all thought it was nothing and she was bounce right back like she always did ! she was a strong itlitan women ! But then we found out she had stage 4 lung cancer. The doctors said she had it for along time and it has taken over her lungs. Mind you my grandma always had a TERRIBLE hacking cough but she had always had that ever since i remebered !!! but that terrible cough was the cancer taking over her lungs. And the only reason she went to the doctors is beacuse she was a having a pain in her back and she was getting really out of breath and thats when they found it. I remeber i was at work when i found out, i texted her and said “ grandma youll get thru this, you have to get thru this i need you !” and she repiled “ dont worry sweetheart ill be just fine.” about a week later my grandma was in hospis. It took that short of time for the cancer to actaully spread to her bones and she got stage 2 bone cancer. One day we were all up there visiting her beacuse we knew she didnt have long and she knew it too.... the preiset came in and read her her last rights. And let me tell you that was the most saddest thing to watch and hear. To just know this man is hear to read me this beacuse i am going to pass away anyday now....after that my grandmother began deterating quickly, she slept 90% of the time, she didnt eat, didnt drink, she couldnt open her eyes. They had her on a 24 hour morphine drip just to keep her comfotable. We were all up there every single day. My mom and aunt would take turns staying the night at the hospital. Till one night my dad and uncle talked them into just coming home and getting some rest and they could go back tomorrow. That night nobody was there my grandma passed away in her sleep at 4am. The doctor said she had been waiting to be left alone so nobody had to be there when it happened. Its been 3 years now since my grandma has been hgone and god damn do i miss her. Now at this time me, my boyfriend and his mom had moved into this old farm house we were renting out from this TERRIBLE lady ! but we had no where to go. This house was fallling apart the windows wouldnt open, the floors were snking in, the foundation was cracking, there was mold in the back room, we had propain heat and this house was NOT ventailed well at al.... like i said it was like a old 70s farm house... and we had well water.  After about a year of living there i became really sad and thats when i noticed my anxiety. The house just didnt feel like home. We were about 30 minutes from the closest store it just sucked. and the landlord was terrible she would always yell at us for shit even tho we tryed fiixng that house up the best we could ! i scrubbed that house from top to bottom ! we re-painted i re-did the enire outside put in some flowers and what not to make it look some what decent. But she still treated us like shit. We always lost power, the wind would blow the wrong way and boom no power, the winders were very cold like i said we had propain heat and the only heater was in the living room the pipes would freeze if we didnt have the water running. We lived on a dirt road whitch in the winter time was nothing but a sheet of ice. And at this time me and my boyfriend both didnt have jobs we had just moved there. So i finally got a job at tacobell...worst mistake ever. That job broke me down til there was nothing left of me. It made me angry,sad and stresssed ! And i did it for 6 years ONLY beacuse my boyfriend had yet to find a job.... he went without a job for a long time.... and i was the only one with a car so everything felll on me....to cleaning the house, to working, everyone using my car, me buying things for myself, him and his mom. It was just realy stressfull. But that is when i noticed my anxiety getting alittle worse well at the time i didnt know it was anxiety but i ended up doing tones of research on it and everything pointed to anxiety. I woulld have panicattacks here and there but not very offten, and they were really random as well. And i was able to control them and my anxiety with home remidies and what not! But i have always been the person to stress before theres even stress to stress about but i never thought anything of it i just thought it was me stressing out ! And looking back now i would always have to clean the house and get things done when i planned to do it and it wasnt just vaccuming or dusting it was scrubbing the walks doing all the laundry, re organzing things, i would get home from work at 4pm and literally not stop untill about 10-11pm at night. so i was always on the go always ! i was working 50 hours a week, i was a store manager at the time so everything at the sore fell on me as well. So fast foward to november 2018 around that time i had noticed my attacks becoming more frequent. My boyfrind had finally found a good job and i was so excited i thought everything was going to change ! and 2 weeks into the job he quit, right back at sqaure one, at this point i had also leased a jeep so i now had 2 cars a truck and my jeep he was driving the truck, and of course it broke down and he never fixed it. so back to sqaure one with 1 car, things at work were becoming really stressfull with the holidays coming up so i was working alot more then 50 hours mind you i was salary so i only got paid for 8 hours. so stress from everything falling on me, him not working, the truck breaking, getting a new car, the winter ( i hate winter ), being depressed about living in that house and having no life beacuse i worked so much i was just a mess. So one night we go to sleep right everything was fine i was fine ! i had alittle cough so i took some cough medicine and went to sleep. We got woken up around 4am from his mom coming into our room telling us that his uncle ( her brother ) was in the hospital on life support, i was shocked and said but i was so tired i couldnt understand anything ! so my boyfriend jumped outta bed and went into the living rooom to see what happened. so it was 4am there was nothing we could really do, it was snowing like crazy so we all just tried going back to sleep. Now what had happened with his uncle is her had a tripple bypass i belive after he had a heartattack along time ago, his heart wasnt well, he was also diabetic and a heavyer set guy. He woke up in the middle of the night really cold i guess and his wife woke up and asked him what was wrong he said “ im really really cold !” so he got up to get a blanket and use the restroom, he then busted back into his bedroom telling his wife to call 911, so she did before she could even figure out what was hapeening. Well what was happenig his lungs were filling up with fluid and filling quickly, she was on the phone with 911 and he was begging her to tell them “ hurry i dont want to die .” he was sufforcating. By the time they got there he was blue and wasnt breathing he had died before they got there. Then in the amblanuce they brought him back and he crashed again. Then they got his to the hospital and got him back again but by that tiime it was to late he had went 17 minutes without any oxygen to his brain. His brain was swelling his lungs were stilling filing up with fluid. He was on life support for i think 3 days. So THAT morning i woke up and my entire life was flipped upside down.... i woke up having a TERRIBLE PANIC ATTACK i felt like my lungs had collapssed on me. I was having BAD disrealaztion whitch at the time i didnt even know excisted !!! So i woke up and ran outside beacuse before when i would have attacks i would go outside and it was ease up....not this time. My panic attack lasted about 1 hour i couldnt breath, i was so confused, i didnt know what was happening, my heart felt really weird, i felt like i didnt know what was going on around me, i was sweating, crying, hyperventalating, my hands started to go dumb and lock up on me. I finally calmed down a bit but i still felt SO WEIRD not only beacuse of the disrealazation but i just didnt feel like ME its like my brain just did a completely 180 on me, so we went up to the hospital to say our goodbyes to his uncle and what not, and the whole way there i was just freaking out beacues of the way i was feeling ! i remeber i was in the back seat and i HAD to be touching my boyfriends shoulder or i would just freak out ! We got to the hospital and i hugged everyone telling them how sorry i was.But after that its like i couldnt talk words just wouldnt come out of my mouth. we went into the room to see his uncle ( mind you hes on life supprort hooked up to all sorts of things ) and my boygfriend asked me “ are you okay are you going to be able to go in? “ i was like yeah i should be fine. So we went in and i wasnt fine....i just stood there in shock staring at his uncle beacuse we had just seen him and he was fine, laughing, joking around, picking on me like he always does! But now there he was having a machine help him breath, no brain activity, you could see his face swelling from the brain swelling. The whole room began to spin and i got really sweaty. I wanted to cry cuz i was really sad and upset about it ! he was a amazing man ! but i just couldnt nothing would come out !!! So after saying our goodbyes and talking to everyone we went home. Again i had to be touching my boyfriend in the back seat. We got home around 10pm i beliave and i started having these terrible attacks, i again felt like my lungs were collapssing but this time it felt really real my chest was hurting, my body was so tense i would barley move, i was so dizzy, i was this overwhelming feeling of just pure DOOM. I thought forsure i was going to die. i thought that was it. So my boyfriend rushed me to the hospital i could telll on his face he was scared too....i never had a attack like this not this strong.  As we are driving im begging him to go faster as im grabbing my chest telling him i cant breath. We get to the hospital and i try to explain to them whats going on. so they take my vitals whitch were all normal i think ? i dont remember. and had me go sit back in the waiting room, i was still sobbing cuz i was so scared and i couldnt breath i was still grabbing my chest, i tryed sitting down but i couldnt its like my insides were crawling !! so i had to pase the hallway untill they called me back. they finally called me back i got into the room and they asked me yet again what was going on and i told them everything i was felling they hooked me up to a ECG, blood pressure cup and oxyen finger thingy. Mind you i still couldnt breath and this is going on about 2 hours now. i ripped everything off of me and i walked into the hallway begging the nurse to put oxygen on me. I dont know why but i thought it would help me ! and shes like “ i really dont think you need it your not pasty or blue but if it will make you feel better yes.” so she came in and put pxygen on me i began taking deep breaths hopping i would be able to breath again and slowky i was able to breath again, they ended up running TONES of blood work on me, chest xrays, EKGS and urine tests on me. and everything came back fine.there like you had  a panic attaack. im like no ! i have had a panic attakc before it felt nothing like this !!! And they cointued to tell me theu found notrhing wrong at all. I was so fucking confused and scared so from there they gave me valium, first time i have ever had it ! and with in 10-20 minutes i was fine. really tired but fine ! i thought to myself “ okay that was just a really bad panic attack i was overwheilmed by everything going on ill go home go to bed and wake up and everything will be fine!” boy was i wrong.... i woke up having a terrible panic attack again, disrealazation was still with me strong as ever. I just kept thinking to myself this cant be happening to me again i am dying !!!! This one lasted about 1 hour and after that i was really tired but i still was feeling really weird really off like somthing just wasnt right !!! from that night on i had at least 4 panic attacks a day and inbetwwen those panic attacks i was having anxiety attavcks. i was in the ER almost everyday. in the matter of 3 months i was in the ER at least 60 times.and each time they found nothing. I began going to other hosptails beacuse i thought they werent looking hard enough i literally thought i was dying from somthing. disrealaztion for me lasted about 2 months straight. Then i started to get horrible memory loss, terrible night sweats, i couldnt sleep, i couldnt function. i wasnt eating or drinking. so everytime i would go to the hospital they would pump me full of fluids. when i started getting the memory loss i was freaking out even more i was conviced somthing was wromg with my head thats why this was all happening i have a tumor or somthing i thought to myself !!! so off to the hospital we went.... they did a nuero exam on me and said everything looked great and did stroke tests on me too said all looked fine ! i began crying hysterically. Then the dr said would you feel better if we did a CT scan, i said yes please !!! so they did so. all came back clear. I was so confused again and frustarted i didnt understand what was happening !!!! And the memory loss contuined to get worse so i went to the hiospital a few more times for it i had another CT scan a few months after that, still all clear. At this point in time i became obssesed in trying to figure out what the hell was going on with him ! I started googling none stop, reading books about anxiety, listing to popcasts, i began trying everything, journaling, mediataing, cut out all caffine, trying essental oils, breathing techinques you name it ive tryed it. Nothing seemed to help. I decied to go see a physcaligist ive never went thru any of this before so i didnt know what to expect. He asked me a bunch of queshtions but before he would even start asking me queshtions i started crying. So by the end of it i was dignosed with GAD, ocd and depression. He put me on lexapro and ativan. I took the lexapro for a week and it made every 10 times worse i couldnt take it anymore. At that point i decied to try the natural route and bought $50 worth of supplemts that didnt help. So i seen a diffrent physcartist beacuse i didnt really like him. She added another great ole trate to my diganoses health anxiety. She put me on paxil and ativan. The ativan is the only thing that kept me sane. It was like once i took the ativan all my problems fadded away but once it wore off i was full of anxiety again. Now here we are 7 months later. Still in and out of the hospital not as much. Still on paxil 30mg and ativan 1mg twice a day. Still fearing that i am dying every single day. I didnt belive the doctors so i took it apon myself to go see all these specialist, i just had this gut feeling like my body was telling me somthing was wrong !!! ( still do ) So i started off with a nueroligst told him all my smyptoms done and by the end of the vist he wanted me to get 13 diffrent tests done. So lets see if i can remeber them all... i had brain and nack MRI, a brain MRA, EMG, nerve testings on my legs and arms, some inner ear testing, VAG test, a test to see if i was having sezuires and theres more i just cant remeber them all. But at the end of it nothing was found but polyps in my sinus cavity, a vistbular disorder and thats it. Then i went on to see a rhymotligist where she testsed me for every autoammone diease possible, also arthrits and FYBO. she found nothing but slight carppel tunnel in my right wrist. Then i went and seen a ears, nose and throat docotor, he found a lump in my thyroid that i JUST had biopsied 3 days ago and waiting for the results. I also seen a cardioligist i wore a halther monitor for 2 days they found nothing but a few PVCS and one SVT, i had a stress test done whitch came back perfect and a echo whitch where they found a thicking of one of my artires but he said it wasnt effecting me at all and i probaly was born with it and my body has learned to work around it. I also seen a vision specialst and my eyes are fine just need new glasses. So like i said i now take 30mg of paxil 1mg of ativan and i make doctor appts on the regular still beacuse im still not convinced this is anxiety. I am suposse to see the nureoligist in sept. for a fallow up but i made a earlier appt beacuse of the symptoms im still having im still convined somthing is wrong with my head. And mind while all this is first starting im still trying to work at the job were i work 50 hours a week as a store manager, i had to demote myself to assistant manager beacuse i couldnt handle it anymore, and i was barley at work beacuse i was always at the hospital. so about 3 months after demoting myself they fired me. So me and my boyfriend were both without a job so lets add that on. So i had this brillant idea of moving..... i thought maybe its beacuse of this house we are in maybe thats my issue ! So i went out put a down payment on a brand new trailer and we moved smack dab in the middle of winter. But yet i still felt terrible, i wasnt even excited about moving i felt nothing. i felt numb to everything. So hear i am still suffering each and everyday in this new trailer. I did have a job but i recently just quit it 2 days ago. I couldnt stand working there i felt like it was bringing me down more. but the plus side of that is i have 4 interviews on monday ! oh and my boyfriend HAD a awesome job landscpaing making good money ! and he quit that about 2 weeks ago. We still are with 1 car ( mine ) beacuse he has yet to fix the truck. Ive been on paxil for about 3 months now and ativan for about 4 months. The paxil has helped ease the anxiety alot. the ativan is the only thing that keeps me sane. But i still suffer everyday. i am so depressed. i am not the person i once was. I use to love being outside doing things, i loved cleaning beacuse it calmed me and i felt better after doing so, i use to love having fun and laughing i use to love working ! i was the person that ALWAYS had to be doing somthing. But now i am the complete oppisite. i dont know what it feels like to be truley happy anymore, to laugh, to smile, to not be scared or worried. I have no idea what it feels like to be normal anymore. I wake up everyday wishing, hoping, praying today will be a good day, but it never is. Anxiety or whatever this is hit me like a god damn fright train and has totally ruined my life and who i am. I know this was a super long post but i need to know im not the only one out there feeling these things. I need to know i am not dying, i am not crazy. Is a anxiety disorder really THIS BAD ?! Thanks so much for reading guys and please please please feel free to reach out. im going to list my symptoms below. And im going to try to keep posting. Thanks guys.

Everyday symptoms:

when i wake up in the morning or from a nap i feel really weird and spacey.

Night sweats

Blurry vision

shaking

memory loss

mood swings

genreal feeling of just fear

always on edge

crying spells

my body aches ( almost feel as if my body is bruised on the inside)

ALWAYS TIRED

back and neck pain and stiffness

my legs and arms randomly go tingly

pee ALOT

sleep alot

i dont remeber my dreams

overwhelming saddness

my head offten feels weird, its a feeling i cant even explain it feels like my brain is just going to shut down

ears ring

headaces

brain fog

somtimes when i wake up in the morning i feel swollen but my body isnt actutaly swollen

heart palpations

twitching/cramps

i sweat alot

my appetite is eaither there or its not

random dizzy spells

pressure in my head

feel the need to do somthing but not sure what it is

lost all intrest in everything

always thirsty

feeling like anxiety or health issues are always on my mind

i dont talk much anymore

i have isolated myself from almost everyone

no sex drive

constant reassurance

craving for sugar

cant figure out my triggers ( this causes alot of anxiety )

WHEN IM HAVING A ATTACK:

my mind goes blank or my thoughts race

half the time i cant understand my thoughts

i think and feel like im going to die

body tenses up

hyperventalate

the strong urge to just give up

fear that this will be my life forever

I USE TO GET A RACING HEART BUT NOW I DONT*** now i just feel like my heart beats funny and i get palpations here and there

uncontroble crying

this scary feeling whitch im assuming is impending doom

sudden urge to pee

feeling like my body is just shutting down

my memory seems to get worse in the middle of a attack

i recently started having suicidel thoughts

thinking about whats going to happen later or tomorrow ( how im going to feel what im going to do )

i get so upset that i am having a attack and cant figure out why so i will try to think of why im having a attack

[fromafable]

One day I'll have that cottage in the woods, surrounded by old trees that whisper widsom on the wind between the leaves...

Tuning in to nature is crucial to us as humans. We are very much a part of this world, not separate from it. I'm craving a forest walk and some tuning in to the energetic flows. I've made it a habit to tap in daily whether I'm doing a specific magickal working or not. Either way, I walk with the magick, I breathe with the currents, and I exist within the flow. Have you checked in with magick today?

[mrs-johnny-cade]

Headcanon for getting your Widsom Teeth Removed

Request: hcs for the gang getting their wisdom teeth out / being with reader getting her wisdom teeth out? :) * Darry took the day off to drive/take care of you because your parents had asked him to as they had important work events that they couldn't miss

* Soda came home to see you asleep on their couch with a mouthful of bloody gauze

* He was confused to say the least

* Two-Bit probably used your sleeping stomach to hold a plate of cake

* Dally came in and sat on you by accident

* That definitely woke you up

* He yelled at you for taking up the entire couch

* You were really confused cause you were high on pain meds

* He started laughing at you when you responded with mumbled sentences

* Pony thought the gauze was disgusting and refused to look at you anytime you talked cause he didn't want to see the gauze

* Johnny felt sorry for you

* Pony kept asking if you remembered anything about the procedure

* You said no but he insisted that you had to

* Steve would mess around and ask you strange questions to get a funny answer

* He got you to admit things you wouldn't have answered if you were paid to

* Soda asked him to stop cause he thought it was rude

* Darry told him to go home if he was gonna pester you

* Darry still refused to give you food no matter how much you begged

* "Just fucking feed her already Darry, jeez, just make her shut up"

* Let's just say Dally isn't a fan of you today^

* They let you crash on the couch for the night

* You were confused as to why you were on the couch the next morning

* Pony updated you before he left for school

* Darry made sure that there was breakfast in the fridge for you before he left

* Dally stopped by to walk you home and made sure you got there safely

* Darry's idea, not his

[jamesbvck]

tagged by: @dawn-to-dusk-already & @wistfulwolf 💙

a - age: 24


b - birthplace: canada


c - current time: 9:06am

d - drink you last had: apple juice


e - easiest person/people to talk to: my ma.


f - favorite song: tiny dancer - elton john


g - grossest memory: stomach flu 2 years ago.


h - horror yes or horror no: i can’t do pop outs, i am a wimp. 

i - in love?: yeah


j - jealous of people?: it’s bad, yeah.


l - love at first sight or should I walk by again?: bring your crush a grilled cheese, works every time. 


m - middle name: taylor


n - number siblings: zero


o - one wish: be able to travel all over the world (stolen from princess petra)


p - person you called last: motherrrr


q - question you are always asked: “are those your real nails?”

r - reason to smile: cake

s - song you sang last: so much better; legally blonde the musical

t - time you woke up: 6:15am

u - underwear colour: grey


v - vacation destination: london, sanfran, milan

w - worst habit: overthinking


x - x-rays: dentist, for widsom teeth like 8 years ago


y - your favourite food: pastaaaaa


z - zodiac sign: capricorn

tagging: @bettsjuggjones @sweetpca @beanie-betty @flannelfogarty @always-klaus-forever-kol @bucknat @lilibug--xx @ninelittledevils @youbuildmeupbeliever

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Wisdom Teeth

Fandom: Star Wars (Modern AU)

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Summary: Poe gets his widsom teeth taken out. 

A/N: I was watching a whole bunch of videos of people after they got their wisdom teeth taken out. 

Poe was bouncing his leg anxiously as you and he sat in the waiting room at the orthodontist’s office. You couldn’t help but giggle, “You’re gonna be fine, babe! Stop worrying!”

“I can’t help, but worry! They’re cutting open my mouth!”

You laughed and shook your head, “You won’t feel a thing. You’ll be out like a light once you’re in that chair.”

“Can you go in there with me?” Poe asked like a scared 5 year old.

“I can’t, but I’ll be in the waiting room the entire time.”

Poe whined. The door opened and Poe’s doctor stepped out, “Poe? You ready?”

“Not really.” He mumbled under his breath as he stood up from his chair. He faced you, “Good luck kiss?”

You rolled your eyes and pulled him by the collar of his shirt and smashed your lips against his. You could feel him smiling against your lips. You pushed him off, “Now go.”

“How about a kiss for courage?” 

“Ugh!” You quickly pecked him on the lips, “Now go!”

“Fine! I love you!” 

“I love you too!”

It was two hours later when the doctor said Poe could go home. A nurse rolled Poe into the waiting room via wheelchair. His eyes looked droopy and his cheeks looked massive. 

Poe looked up at you and he giggled, “Yuh pwetty. Ya know, my gwirfwernd look jus like you.” He mumbled pointing at you.

You couldn’t help but laugh, “Babe, I am your girlfriend.”

Poe’s eye’s widened, “Wuh? Weally? Woooow.”

The nurse and the doctor giggled. The doctor handed you a mag of cotton, “Replace these when you get home and have him take some medication for the pain.”

You saluted the doctor, “You got it! Thank you so much!” 

You rolled Poe out into the parking lot and the nurse helped you get Poe inside. You struggled a bit because Poe began to panic.

“Hep! This wady is kidnapping we!” He yelled out as the nurse tried helping him stand.

You came up to Poe, “It’s okay, baby. She’s not kidnapping you. She’s helping you into the car so we could go home.”

“Oh. Sowwy.” 

The nurse chuckled, “It’s okay. Feel better Poe!”

You helped Poe settle into the passenger’s seat and buckled him up. As you drove away, he waved good-bye to the nurse. 

You set your camera on the phone stand that sat on your dashboard. You began to record Poe just in case something hilarious happens. 

Poe’s head kept lulling from side to side. You saw in your peripherals that he was rubbing his cheeks. He started sobbing and you glanced at him curiously, “Poe, what’s wrong?”

“They’re-They’re goooone!” Tears were rapidly streaming down his face.

“What’s gone, babe?”

“My cheeks! I can’t fweel ‘em! They’re gone!”

You bit your lip to stifle your laugh, “They’re not gone, baby.” You pulled down the sun shade and flipped open the mirror, “See? Your cheeks are still there.”

Poe leaned forward and narrowed his eyes at the mirror, “Oh.” He then giggled, “I’m silly.”

You smiled, “Yeah, you are.”

“I wan’ marry you.”

You side-eyed him, “Oh really?”

He nodded, “Yeah. I got you a wing too! It’s my ma’s.” Your eyes widened. You were pretty sure Poe wasn’t supposed to tell you that, “Don’ tell my girfwen doe. Issa suhpwise.” Poe said giggling to himself. His smile then faded into a look of confusion. He touched his lip and brought his hand to line of sight, a string of drool attached to his hand. 

You chuckled and took out some tissue from your purse, “Here, babe. Wipe your mouth. You’re drooling everywhere.”

Poe took the tissue and sloppily wiped his mouth. He then offered it back to you and you told him to hold onto it. He eyed your right hand that rested on the armrest of your chair. He reached over and pulled it towards him giving it a sloppy kiss.

You laughed, “Eeeww! What are you doing?”

“I’m twying to be secky (sexy). Am I secky, Y/N?”

You nodded playing along, “You’re very sexy, Poe. Even though you look like a drooling chipmunk.”

Poe smiled at you with a goofy grin. You drove up to your driveway and parked the car. You got out of your seat and Poe yelled, “Don’t weave me!”

You opened the door and he looked at you in surprise, “Woah! You were just dere (there) now yer hur. Yer magic!”

You smiled as you leaned over unbuckling Poe from his seat. You kept him steady as you helped him out of the car and into the house. As soon as he made it to the couch, he collapsed. 

“Sweep.” His eyes started to flutter shut, but you stopped him.

“Wait! You need to take your painkillers. Open your mouth.” Poe did and you popped two pills into his mouth. You took out the waterbottle from your purse and helped Poe drink from it. Some water dribbling down his chin, but you wiped it off.

“Okay. You can sleep now.”

Poe hummed, “Kay.”

When Poe woke up, he was still a bit drowsy. He rubbed his cheeks feeling his fingers on his skin. The numbness had mostly faded. 

“Y/N,” he groaned out. You came out of the kitchen with an ice pack. You set it on Poe’s cheek. He looked at you with a confused expression, “What’s that for?”

“During your nap, you woke up and tried walking only to fall and bruise your cheek against the couch. I just replaced the melted ice.”

Poe held the ice pack against his cheek, “Oh. Did I do or say anything stupid?”

You took out your phone and handed it to Poe. He pressed play on the video and rewatched the footage as you finished making soup for Poe. You hummed to yourself until you heard Poe yell out, “I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE RING?!”