#wakin bonk

[mrswardh]

I Am So Sorry [ ], [ ], [ ]. (2024, dir. Wakin Bonk)

[sleepywinchesters]

Ain't Afraid To Break

Earlier I was like why do characters never bonk noses in fic. And then I decided to write the fic I want to see in the world. 3 times Buck and Tommy accidentally injure each other in an intimate moment and it ruins the mood and one time it doesn't.

Buck was eager to get to Tommy’s and see his boyfriend. Another power outage had kept them both on shift for four straight days, dealing with the myriad emergencies that resulted from it. After the power came back on, and order was restored, they had both gone home and slept. Buck couldn’t remember the last time he had slept for twelve straight hours, but he had woken up feeling human again, if not a little stiff. There was already a message from Tommy saying to come over when he woke up.

Tommy had gotten off later than Buck, having to do some required maintenance on his helicopter. Buck almost hoped he was still asleep so he could start breakfast. There was nothing better than waking up to the smell of sausage and eggs and fresh coffee, and he hadn’t had the opportunity to surprise his partner with breakfast since early in his relationship with Taylor. If he was awake, well, Buck had other plans that would eventually involve breakfast.

He unlocked the front door of Tommy’s house, still a little giddy about having a key. It was dark in the living room and almost entirely silent. Buck toed his shoes off and left his jacket hanging on the coat tree. Tommy’s cat, Maude, wandered out to see who had entered her domain. She chirped happily at Buck, coming up to rub against his leg and get a scratch behind her ears before going off to continue doing what she was doing before Buck had interrupted. Buck padded over to the door of the bedroom, half closed, to peek in. Tommy was in bed, one arm above his head, eyes open, but blinking sleepily.

“Hey,” Tommy said, voice rough.

“Morning. Sorry I woke you.”

“Was wakin’ up anyway. Come here.”

Tommy’s hand emerged from under the blanket to wave him over, and the blanket slipped, revealing a good bit of Tommy’s chest. Buck shed his shirt and moved to crawl in next to him. Tommy looked like he could use a few more hours, and Buck wasn’t going to complain about getting to cuddle. 

Read on Ao3

[bunny-heels]

If analog horror series were ice cream flavors what flavors would they be?

TMC is dookie poo shit

THE BOILED ONE is red velvet

Polished Mercury by Wakin Bonk is cookie dough

We'll Be Right Back by Tapeworm is a swirl caramel vanilla

Basswood County is a very dark fudge chocolate

Angel Hare is vanilla with fudge

Vita Carnis is Toffee

GREYLOCK is Oreo with moose tracks

Midwest Angelica is Mint chocolate chip

Harmony & Horror is Birthday Cake

[mirawritesstuff]

The Cleric Pt. 1

"I hope we didn't kill 'er." A masculine, dopey sounding voice said from the darkness.

"It was jus' a little bonk on the head! We couldn't have killed 'er!" A more rough feminine sounding voice said back.

"Wait I think she's wakin' up!" The dopey one said again.

Enid groans softly as she tries to move, though she quickly realized she was tied up. She blinks a few times before realizing her eyes were covered by a blindfold. "Great." She thought to herself. Last thing she remembered she was traveling to the next town, hoping to meet back up with her party.

"What's going on?! Who are you?!" The cleric shouted as she struggled against her restraints.

"Oi calm ya tits! We'll take the blindfold off, just sit still." One of the orcs said. Begrudgingly, Enid calmed down and the orc removed her blindfold. "See? Was that so hard?" The orc asked.

"Unhand me this instant." Enid snarled, glaring at the two orcs watching her.

"Aw look at how cute the humans are when they're mad!"

"Oh shut it, Ug! Let me do the talkin'."

"Sorry, Brenna..." The orc named Ug said dishearteningly.

"Now, what do they call ya... A cleric, yeah?" Brenna asked.

"Why do you want to know?" Enid asked, her eyes narrowed. While her devotion to her faith wasn't exactly subtle, with her holy symbol hanging from her neck, she wasn't counting on these two to even know what a holy symbol was.

"Enough with the sass! We just have a request for yous. Or, our chief does at least. You clerics are known for blessin' stuff, and doin' weddings, so our chief wanted us to find a cleric for her wedding." Brenna explained, crossing her arms.

".... What?" Was the only response Enid could come up with. What did she mean? Enid knew very little of orc culture, though she heard that orcs "finalized" their marriage, not through blessings or romantic ceremonies, but through combat. The newly wed couple would spar in nonlethal combat and the stronger of the two became the primary leader of the tribe.

"You 'eard me. Our chief wants you to bless her wedding." Brenna repeated. "You're gonna do it whether you like it or not, it's just easier if you agree." She said, towering over the little cleric.

"Why does an orc chieftain want an elven cleric to bless her wedding?" Enid asked

"Well.... Our chief's marriage is a little.... Unconventional.." Ug said as he looked at Brenna, not really sure how to explain it.

"She's marryin' an elf." Brenna stated simply. "We don't get it either, but Chief Gavyn is the fiercest warrior in the tribe, we speak bad about her little elf, and she'll banish us." She said with a huff.

"An elf is marrying into your tribe?" Enid asked, still wildly confused about the whole situation.

"That's what I said isn't it? Are you daft?" The orc snarled.

"I just can't believe an elf would marry one of your lot." Enid snarled back.

"Your fragile lot would be lucky to marry into our tribe!" Brenna shot back.

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!" Roared a new voice who had barged in.

"Chief! W-We found yous a cleric!" Ug stumbled over his words, nervously looking at Brenna and the elven cleric.

"Stand down, Brenna. You harm a hair on our guests' head, and I'll have yours on a platter." Gavyn snarled. "Now untie her! Me and Niamh have wedding preparations they need to go over with her."

"Yes Chief." Brenna said with a huff, untying the elf. "You're lucky you're the chief's honored guest." She grumbled.

Enid rubs her wrists as she glares at Brenna before looking back up at the Orc chieftain. "So, you're marrying an elf?" She asked.

"Yes, and that's why you're here, so that way my love can have some of her traditions represented in our wedding. Now come, we have much to discuss." Gavyn stated, motioning for Enid to follow.

Enid thinks for a moment, a bit unsure before she starts following after the chief. What the hells, she's already here so might as well.

She just hoped her party was fairing well without her.

You, a cleric, have been kidnapped by a wild orc clan. Why did they kidnap you? Because as a cleric you have the gift of blessing others in the name of your gods, and the orcs want you to bless their chieftain’s marriage.

[annoyed-tampon-blog]

Sniper Goes Camping- 1

Chapter 1 Sniper rolled over in bed, a splitting headache forming in the back of his head, and slowly got up and gave a mighty yawn. He shivered a little as his bare feet touched the cold floor of his camper van, but he fought against it and got up to make himself a pot of fresh coffee, his cure for his caffeine withdraw. As he waited for his coffee to brew, he rolled out a map and studied it for a bit, memorizing the route he was going to take to get to a camping site about a state or two over from Teufort. Once he said his farewells to everybody for the four day weekend, he'd head out and be at the site around supper time. Because of the long weekend, a lot of the guys would be out and visiting families or doing whatever, be it training or whatnot. The coffee was soon ready and Sniper poured it into a large mug. The assassin left his camper and pulled out a folding chair and plumped into it, stretching out his long, slender legs and sighing happily as he adjusted his hat, watching the sun peek over the desert sands in the distance. To him, there was never the same sunset or sunrise. Each one was different: Different colors in the sky, different cloud formations, different sights and sounds each and every morning and each and every night. His most favorite would have to be the pink or red with a touch of clouds in the distance as the sun slowly rode up in the sky. To him, it was heaven. After finishing his pot of coffee, Sniper headed over to the base to gather some supplies for his trip. The usual essentials: some backup knives, Medkits and such. Never know if he was going to be mauled by a bear in the wilderness. Or if he was going to be stranded and having to keep warm in a bear he mauled for shelter. The shuffling of the noise was nearby Scout's room, so who would have guessed a young twenty-three year old city boy would wake up, totally interrupted of precious beauty sleep wasted by Sniper. Sniper was tossing out Frying Pans, trophies, swords, armor, and a rubber ducky behind him and hitting the wall, making a rather large pile. Who'da thunk? And he was in his boxers. Classic Scout. "Yo, Snipes. What the hell are ya doin'? Don't ya know what time it is?" Scout grumbled as he rubbed his eye tiredly, a look of unamusement on his face. Sniper didn't reply, as he kept trying to look for something. "Where the hell is that bloody tarp?" he asked himself, continuing to make a large mess behind him. "Sniper! Hey, I'm talkin' ta ya! Hello, earth-to-Snipes?!" Scout shouted near Sniper's face. Sniper's head perked up a bit and he turned to Scout, before turning up a corner of his lip in a scowl and returning to tossing items behind him. "Oh, it's you," was all the assassin said. "Yeah, 'me'. Seriously, what the hell's with all the noise? Ya woke me up!" Scout replied sharply, dodging another tossed object. Sniper didn't reply, since he was busy stuffing his arm into a hole in the closet of god-knows-what and tugging onto something before jerking back violently. More junk came out in a heaping pile at his feet, but Sniper got what he wanted. It was a green tarp, alright. The pegs he needed were already in his van, so all he had to do… Wait. "Scout, clean this up, will ya?" Sniper said as he walked off with the tarp. "What?! Hell no! I didn't make this fuckin' mess! You clean it up!" Scout shouted at Sniper, who continued to walk off. Defeated and enraged, Scout kicked an object in the pile and swore loudly, obviously forgetting he was barefoot. ._._._. Around breakfast, the Mercs were just starting to get up. Not by the sing-song birds, but because of Scout yelling his head off about having to clean up a mess he didn't make, in hopes the whole world would hear. In a way, they did. The German doctor, Medic, yelled at Scout to "Schnauze!" which Scout knew by now was "shut up!" as the Medic rubbed his temples from gaining a splitting headache over the noise. Medic walked over with a few other comrades to the breakfast hall, where Soldier, always up and ready, was sitting at the tables, an empty plate in front of him, like he was expecting to be "arrive first, served first, eat first". Pyro, the second to usually be up but wasn't this morning, was in the kitchen making breakfast, which was burnt pancakes. The lifesaver of breakfast, Dell, was in the kitchen with Pyro, making his famous bacon and grits, eggs to the Merc's liking and style, and some fresh homemade buttermilk biscuits to top it off. Usually the Mercs take turns with cooking breakfast on a rotation, but Dell always made the best out of everyone. A home cooked meal that'd "put some meat on your bones and give ya enough energy to last until supper time" as Engineer liked to say. Since Dell grew up on a ranch with his daddy, he knew "the start of a hard workin' day was a good, wholesome breakfast." "C'mon, guys, rise and shine!" Engineer called out to the dining hall as he started serving the plates of eggs, bacon and grits onto the long metal counter. "Biscuits are just about done, but they gotta cool a bit before ya eat 'em." Soldier was up and already filled his plate to the brim and began eating, claiming that "If you made mud pies in the war, Engie, it'd still taste like good ol' American home cookin'!" Medic also filled his plate, along with Heavy, Demoman and Sniper, who came in a little later after finishing up with packing for his trip, and they each sat at their respected seats. Medic and Heavy usually sat together, like any other morning, and spoke of different things. Today's topic was "Vhy vas Scout screaming?" "Little man has big lungs. Even in morning. Heavy has headache," Heavy sighed as he rubbed his head with a hand. "Jah, my head feels like it is about to burst. Like I drank a can of zat blasted BONK Scheiße," Medic replied, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Lil' wanker was whinin' because he had to clean up after me "mess". He did owe me for that one time," Sniper replied to the doctor before dipping his bacon into his eggs. "Tha' one time?" Demoman asked, puzzled. "Don' ask." Sniper took a long gulp from his coffee, and it was left at that. "Yo, who's idea was it to keep the jars fulla PISS next to my Mad Milk storage?!" cried the youngest merc, who stormed into the dining area and was, thankfully, fully clothed this time. "Says the van who stores his manners up vere it shouldn't be," Medic replied as he rolled his eyes. "Herr Scout, just sit down and eat." "Little man should eat. Best silence is when your mouth full of food," Heavy said, causing a few of the mercs to laugh a little. "Shut it, Fatass," Scout snarked back as he filled his plate with food. Scout sat down with the rest of the Mercs and began to shovel his breakfast. "Don't choke, boy." Scout looked up and saw Spy behind him, smoking as usual as he leaned against the wall in the back. "Don't cough up a lung, Frenchie. Seriously, it's eight in the mornin' and you're smokin'?" Scout replied as he stuffed more egg and bacon into his mouth. Spy just replied by taking a puff of his cigarette and blowing a long, slow stream of smoke. Scout just huffed and continued. "Spah's right, Scout," Engineer said as he brought over a plate filled with biscuits, which everybody took a piece or two. "Whatever. Snipes. What's with the mess this mornin' anyways and wakin' me up?" Scout said as he looked over to Sniper, bits and pieces of food popping out of his mouth. Sniper scowled again before he answered. "I was tryin' to find a tent tarp. I'm goin' out this weekend on a trip." "What, to Australia? Ain't those trips longer than four days?" Engineer asked this time as he sat with the rest of the group, Pyro sitting next to him with a strawberry milkshake for his breakfast. "Yeah, but I heard there's a place in Minnesota that's good for campin' out, so I thought I'd give it a try," Sniper replied as he munched on his bacon and eggs. "Pfft!" Scout said. "Campin's easy. Ya just sit on your ass all day doin' nuthin'. Just like ya do at your job." "I bet you can't last a day in the woods, Wanker," Sniper growled. "Oh yeah? I'm the BEST at everything! I'll prove you wrong, Snipes! I'll even go without technology! No phones, no nuthin'! I'll live off the land, no problem!" Scout said as he slammed his silverware on the table, a smug smirk on his face. "Alright. It's a deal. We leave tonight," Sniper replied, calmly finishing his cup of coffee. "Four days with no tv? Hah! Sounds like four MINUTES to me!" Scout laughed as he picked at his teeth with his finger. "Easy!" Demoman looked over to Soldier and leaned in to him and whispered, "I bet me crate of Scrumpy he'll be back within' the 'our o' leavin'." ._._._. After an hour of getting Scout packed and ready for the trip, Scout continued to boast as what he was best at, causing Sniper to take a bandana and stuff it in Scout's mouth, shutting him up… temporarily. "Ya'll come back in one piece, alright?" Engineer said as Sniper got into the driver's seat of the van. "Scout might be sent back in a body bag once I get annoyed by him enough. Trust me, mate… don't be surprised if he shows up within the hour," Sniper replied as he buckled up. Sniper turned on the van and waved an arm out the window as his farewell to hell with Scout. "Later losers!" Scout called out as the van drove off into the distance. Silence. Sweet, glorious silence. All the mercs took a fresh breath of air and exhaled happily. Silence. But that was a good five seconds before Soldier bellowed: "SURPRISE DRILL, MAGGOTS!"