#wait nvm im sorry

[aquapolis]

dumping every zenigata here all at once

[stirdrawsandreblaws]

hearing people whispering outside my door and i am going insane (the voices are real i just don't like hearing them bc i'm a traumatized chihuahua of a person)

[wish-i-were-heather]

goodnight

[perilegs]

oh my god i think i may be sick. i had so much planned for this week.

[sparrowsrandomthoughts]

“Oh do you like (person I ha en’t seen in 3 years)?” Oh do you like being hit with a bat

[ilynpilled]

this is such a funny comment to me like tf does he mean “im certainly going to be dealing with jaime” like is cersei gonna take a vacation? is she not gonna be certainly dealt with?

[autism-corner]

hear me out.... what if levi actually had a normal sized head.

(really quick edit vs actual card)

[tariah23]

I’ve seen this niggas disgruntled, anti Yuuta tweets for weeks in passing, he is fed UP

[orangespottedgiraffe]

So

[yanderespamton78]

its so weird watching tadc again after spending so much time listening to the background music by itself, because you suddenly notice it so much more. it feels kinda surreal hearing these tracks when i didnt hear anything before

[nicolos]

i just ....who am i lying to?

i don't really know what's going on. the truth is that i really am just fine one way or the other - but that my mind going into overdrive means i feel so terribly sensitive over it all. i can't help the way my mind fixates on things, but ...it's so much easier when it's a film, a tv show, an actor, anything that doesn't require response. because currently... i feel awful. i feel so dangerously up and down, and that frightens me. i need to find some kind of equilibrium that doesn't depend on this person or other people in general and i usually have it but not right now

the thing is i'm a cynic when it comes to me and myself. its easy to believe nothing will happen or nothing can happen. hoping is the dangerous bit. i don't want to hope because all that happens when i hope - whenever i want something or expect something or think something might happen - is that i'm disappointed in the end. i don't want to pre-lock myself into that just on the basis of how i feel, but what other option is there? i can't psych myself up, and i don't really have any third route

but i don't want this to be all i can think about. i want to be able to fall asleep at night with this nowhere on my mind. i want to go through the day without 3 thoughts dedicated here - or at least none of this indecision

[femmefaggot]

am i willing to wake up at 8am on saturdays for ttrpgs?

[ajdrawshq]

holy fuck?

[finely-tuned-line]

RP:

Log 219

FTL: FTLR-3 has started moving around. I can confirm that it behaves similarly to a lizard, though nothing especially like a cyan lizard specifically. It's been moving about the chamber, but it hasn't yet made any attempts to break out. It knows that it won't work.

FTL: This type of learning is not something that lizards usually do. They keep going and going, even if it's to their own peril. Though they have learned of typical signs of threat - but that's through cycles of experience and reinforcement. They have also been recorded as able to be tamed, which once again, is heavily reliant on external reinforcement. Learning within a single cycle that attempting to escape is futile without any sort of external source providing reinforcement showcases a level of learning capacity above that of any other sort of Rot - and above that of any other lizard.

FTL: As curious as I am about FTLR-3, I am completely aware of the fact that this makes it highly dangerous - moreso than most other Rots. I would continue to research it, ignoring the danger, but I don't believe that that's possible right now. Unfortunately. I may not value my own life, but interacting with it is not a good idea. Mostly due to the fact that LIFEGIVER's shipment has arrived. FTLR-3 will be eradicated soon. I... I will not interfere.

FTL: I'm highly disappointed in myself that I didn't manage to get more research done, but I do not think there was much research that could be done. My interest in the project has long since faded, and while rationale dictates that that does not matter and I should have continued my study, that would have been fruitless. There were no interesting behaviours from it, and there wasn't much I could have done.

FTL: As for the corrosive substance I was attempting to develop, well. I've succeeded. It would not be effective against Rot though. Or well, against anything at all. The liquid is corrosive, but barely so. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not cut out for chemistry. Thankfully so, as it is dreadfully boring. And now I do not have to continue in my attempts, due to LIFEGIVER's cure being here, as previously mentioned.

FTL: The organisms carrying the chemical have made their way into my structure, which was slightly unpleasant. The feeling of creature crawling around on me is not one I enjoy. I just wish that the creatures get to FTLR-3 as soon as possible, and let me grieve the loss of high potential for research.

FTL: I never did figure out what FTLR-3 truly was. A Rot, of course, but the fact that it doesn't fit into any of the three sub-groups bothers me heavily. I'll leave it as an outlier for now, but a new group shall be created if another Rot similar to FTLR-3 is ever created. Which is highly unlikely.

FTL: That does lead me to remember a train of thought I had earlier on in the cycle. Will FTLR-3 escape the confines of the Great Cycle as other Rots do? I believe that some iota of intelligence is needed in order to be part of the Great Cycle, alongside being mostly organic. That first requirement is what bars all Rots (and while us Iterators definitely do fit the first requirement, the second one is the reason why we are excluded. We may be organic in part, but we still are majority mechanical.), would it do the same for FTLR-3?

FTL: ...Let's hope it does. But the more I think about it, the more I doubt it. While I am unsure about the level of intelligence necessary, I do know that lizards possess it. As established before, FTLR-3 goes beyond that. Well. If this worst-case scenario does happen, then I will know. I'll be on the lookout, just in case it wakes up where it was first created, though I think it's more likely that it would do so in the containment chamber where it's been for the past several cycles.

FTL: What will- ....should I do if that does happen though? I cannot keep relying on LIFEGIVER to continue eradicating it over and over, completely pointlessly. And while I do relish the opportunity to potentially research it more, and with time to do so. It... I cannot release FTLR-3 as I do with my other experiments I no longer need. That would permanently wreck my regions. Nor can I allow it to continue inhabiting that room. As I've stated before, it will find a way out.

FTL: I do not know what to do. If it gets trapped in the Great Cycle, does that mean that it has Karma? If so, is it possible for it to ascend via Void sea? Either way, I have no options. I have no way to ascend it or remove it from the Great Cycle somehow. It'd just have to remain in the containment chamber, growing more and more dangerous by the cycle. I do not want that.

FTL: I do believe that I have no proper way out of this situation if FTLR-3 does happen to be trapped in the Great Cycle alongside most lifeforms. If that is the case - which I am now almost fully convinced it is - then I am most likely doomed to die via Rot. A very volatile one that can and will spread out easily.

FTL: I... I am not going to record the other things I was going to talk about in this log. Apologies to future me (...if you even exist) but I have no time.

FTL: I need to think.

[phagodyke]

had a very weird dream the place I worked was in the marine exploration industry and I was presenting a review of a deep sea probe we were retiring and then woke up extremely abruptly bc my body started digging my uterus out with a million tiny blunt spoons YOWIEEEEOWWW

[estrelladelatardecer]

.