#wait i need to finish op jack and john

[jacenotjason]

Can you please do opposite AU Shotty and Captain?? I am DEATHLY curious what they (more specifically, Shotty) would even be like

ok sorry this took so long i had to think about it (and kept getting distracted)

i was gonna make them police officers and just swap their personalities but thats LAME and also Jack's gang needed to be fleshed out a little more. he needed some goons lmao

i guess the rest of the gang can just be like... random background characters or references

or ocs

hey guys make your opposite au versions of your OCs part of Jack's gang

do it !

[aziraphale-is-a-cat]

This was probably one of the worse ideas Danny had ever had, standing at the door of his childhood home flanked by two actual fucking magicians ready to interview his parents on the basement dimensional portal that killed him when he was fourteen, but by the ancients, could he not back down now.

"So are you going to fucking knock?"

"You think I wanna go in there?"

John kicked the porch mindlessly, "Fair 'nough."

Danny steeled himself and finally pulled up the courage to knock, each beat against the door filling him with dread.

Six years ago he'd turned eighteen and left, and he'd promised himself he'd never come back. But here he is.

Almost as soon as he had put his hand down and stepped back the front door swung open as he was greeted by his father- and a glowing green gun in his face.

"Wait, Dan-O!" He failed while the gun was quickly replaced by his father's bright orange hazmat suit as his father pulled him into a bone crushing hug.

"Maddie, Dann-o's visiting home!" Jack turned back to the door after calling after his wife, seeming to only then notice the other two standing on the front steps. "Oh, and you brought guests! Come in, come in!"

Danny was barely able to turn long enough before getting yanked through the door, cringing at the horrified expression on Constantine and Zattana's faces.

Being essentially one-man frog marched to the dining table, he was sat down at his old seat, still covered in scratches and knife marks from battling breakfast in high-school as him mother came into the kitchen.

"Oh Danny, it's been so long! You never call or text!" She leaned over the table and kissed him on the forehead. "You really ought to get in contact more often."

He'd actually put a considerable amount of time and effort making sure his new contact information had no traceable connection to his old stuff so they couldn't hunt him down, but nodded and smiled like he was ever going to do that.

She turned to the other guests, "And who would you two be?"

"John Constantine"

"Zattana Zattara"

Both of them looked extremely put off by the whole shebang. Which was fair, turns out the guy you've been working with the past couple weeks was the kid of the nut jobs you've been making fun of together for the same amount of time. That would be jarring for anyone.

"Wonderful to have you, you know we were just about to have dinner and accidentally made way too much! It's such a stroke of good luck you came!"

Just then, his father leapt away from the oven with a whole cooked turkey on a platter. His parent's ability to fuck up in a somewhat useful manner never ceased to amaze him.

While both his parents were busy plating the turkey and putting in the last finishing touches, he took a moment to whisper to his now colleagues.

"If it's unusually green, don't eat it." Their eyes widened.

"Excuse me- what the fuck does that mean?"

But just then the turkey was slammed on the table, letting stuffing fly and making all the plates and cutlery jump.

"Dinner is served!"

What ensued was probably the most awkward meal of his life(?), with his parents sitting entirely unaware of the tension, chatting absently about the schematics for their next Geneva violation of a weapon.

The awkward not-silence was eventually broken by his mother once they'd all mostly finished, "So what are you two here for?"

"We're occult researchers actually," Zattana said, "We came here to talk about your portal."

Both Jack and Maddie shot up in their seats, excited at the idea of being able to talk about anything in the lab.

"Dann-o go show them the ops room, we need to go get the lab ready for guests!" And with that they were both gone.

"Those two fucking nutjobs are your parents?!!"

@little-pondhead @skulld3mort-1fan @phoenixdemonqueen @dannyphantomphan

Daniel J Nightingale is the absolute bane of John Constantine's existence, and yet here he sat, in the watchtower, talking to zattana, and eating John's fucking sandwich.

"I'm sorry, why is the fucking youtuber here, and why is he eating my food?" He asked, feeling pretty pissed.

Zattana sighed, "I know he has a less than credible internet presence, but he does have information about the Lazarus pits." She looked over her shoulder back at Nightingale, who was staring back at her with false innocence. "And I have no idea where he got that sandwich."

"Sorry man, I was pretty hungry."

"Oh mate, I'm sure you were!"

Zattana put her hand on his shoulder, giving what probably looked like a reassuring squeeze, but actually felt like a fucking vice on his trapezius. "We are trying to have a conversation about the pits, John."

"What in the everloving fuck is some trendy, backrooms influencer going to know about dimensional runoff??!"

"Hey," said Daniel, putting down the now half finished sandwich, "Do you actually think what people call 'the backrooms' are actually part of this dimension?"

"The fuck does that mean?"

"Okay," He said, putting his hands flat on the table and looking like he was getting ready to go on a rant. "So in the 90's to early 2000's a couple of scientists were able to discover a new energy source that existed in very faint portions all over the world, but mostly in graveyards and like, battlefields where people died. This energy would connect with the emotions of the recently dead and form extradimensional beings right here on earth-prime."

And the realization dawned on John, "No." He said, but Daniel nodded. "Not the Fentons, there's no way those nutcases were right?"

He nodded uncomfortably, "Well, they were psycho but they were right. Found a thinspot between dimensions over in Illinois and punched a hole right through, forming our fist stable portal to the Infinite Realms. AKA the dimension where both 'the backrooms' and your little Lazarus Pits originate."

Daniel picked the sandwich back up and let that new information sink in for a bit, picking up a stray piece of lettuce off the table.

Constantine felt like slamming his head into the nearest wall. The insane occult scientists had been right the whole time and now some fucking youtube hack was their best lead to taking down what was basically a magic crime ring.

Amazing.

[legendarymasterwolf]

E3 2019: My Thoughts on What We Saw

Alright, E3 is over this year, which means it's time to go over what we saw and my thoughts on it.

This is late, so some stuff here will be out already.

I'll be going by publisher alphabetically, so first up, we have...

Borderlands 3

I'm so freaking hyped to get lost in this hilarious world again. I've played Mordecai in Borderlands 1, Zero in 2, and Claptrap in Presequel. Still trying to decide who to play as in 3, but right now, it's looking like I'll pick FL4K, since he specializes in long range and has a few cute beasties by his side. Also, we're getting not one, but THREE action skills with each character. Not only that, but you can sacrifice your grenade skill for two equipped skills.

The Children of the Vault look like some worthy successors to Handsome Jack for title of "Best Borderlands Villains", though we'll see how they pan out on release date.

The gameplay that we saw of Moze looks smooth. Heck, everything about this game looks sleek and refined without doing away with the art style. Also, guns with legs.

Anyway, we not only got the gameplay reveal, but also Commander Lilith and the Fight for Sanctuary, a new DLC for Borderlands 2 that sets up 3, so I'm scrambling to finish the Handsome Collection on my PS4, which just got a lot more difficult now that I've bought RDR2 finally, along with several other games.

Control

I loved Alan Wake, and this is from the same people, so I’m hyped. The game looks great, has a suspenseful atmosphere, and it seems to play well. I’m looking forward to release date.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Reboot

I haven't bought a COD game since "Black Ops 2", though I have played the newer ones with a friend of mine. It looks good visually from the reveal trailer I saw, I'll say that much. No gameplay yet, but I know it'll be gritty, focusing on some of the more shocking moments of the original trilogy, like "No Russian" from MW2 or the nuclear explosion from MW1, so it seems we're bringing in more edge to the series. Still, I'm glad the campaign is back, and I'm interested to see how it will look.

12 Minutes

A twelve minute time loop where you're forced to relive the death of your wife and the only way to break it is to find out why she was killed? Sign me up.

Code Vein

I remember this one from last E3. Still the same opinion, too. Anime style souls game that I might buy for the story, which looks interesting.

Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot

So this looks REALLY good. It's like a deep RPG, deeper than Xenoverse was, with mechanics besides fighting like fishing, and as for the fights themselves, they seem to be more strategical than before, with a healthy dose of classic DBZ fisticuffs in there for good measure.

Elden Ring

A Souls game written by George RR Martin? Don't know too much about it besides that, but it looks cool based on the trailer.

The Dark Pictures: Man of Medan

Basically, another Until Dawn, but on the open sea during a storm. And I'm totally okay with that.

Deathloop

Another game from Arkane? The guys who made Dishonored? I'll take it. Besides, another time loop premise sounds interesting.

Doom: Eternal

If Fallout 76 was any indication, Bethesda desperately needs a win now to restore faith in their studio. Besides a few of the other games announced at E3 2019 that could do so, there was one that stood out in particular: Doom Eternal. I’ve already played all the Wolfenstein games, with the exception of one upcoming entry on this list, and based on what I’ve seen of Eternal, I’m going to like it due to the similarity in gameplay.

GhostWire: Tokyo

The presentation on the new game from the makers of Evil Within, another series to try now that I have a PS4, was memorable for a few reasons. First off, Ikumi Nakamura, the game’s creative director, was the main presenter and she was adorable. Seriously, it’s probably one of the best E3 presentations I’ve seen this year. I can’t remember the last time I saw one so genuine like hers, plus it helps that the Internet has fallen in love. As for the game itself, it looks great, with people disappearing in Tokyo and it being up to some guy with a bow and supernatural powers to find out why. The reveal trailer was all we got, but still, I can’t wait to play it.

Wolfenstein: Youngblood

The first game I’ve ever preordered, and this comes from a guy who never preorders on principle. It’s a Wolfenstein spinoff with BJ’s twin daughters, so yeah, I’ll buy it. Plus, it’s co-op, so I’m playing this with my best friend. Still trying to decide which twin to play, though. Probably Jessie, since my friend is gonna want to play Soph.

Paranoia: Happiness is Mandatory

Looks interesting, plus the gameplay reminds me of Shadowrun Returns.

The Sinking City

This one’s already out, but it looks good. Hopefully, it’ll be received better than Call of Cthulu before it. Plus, I’m all for a game where the protagonist is losing his mind, like Dead Space.

Werewolf: The Apocalypse – Earthblood

Set in the World of Darkness universe, like Bloodlines, except you're a werewolf instead of a vampire and it's from a different studio. Gameplay was revealed behind closed doors, but it looks good from what I've heard. We don't have too many werewolf games around.

Cyberpunk 2077

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY ALREADY!

Yeah, this might be the first game I preorder for myself, since now we finally have a release date: April 16th, 2020. The new trailer we got gave us a glimpse of a default male V as well as what may be Jackie’s death (please don’t kill off Jackie, CD Project RED, I like him too much already). After V’s employer tries to double cross him, V tries to kick ass with his twin arm blades, which look really unique, before said employer shoots him in the head. The trailer ended with a major surprise: as V comes to in a junkyard, a figure in jeans, a tank-top, and a silver left arm approaches, and kneels to reveal a face and voice that sounds suspiciously like Keanu Reeves.

Yes, that’s right, for those who haven’t heard by the time this is posted, Keanu Reeves is in Cyberpunk 2077 and he’s playing Johnny Silverhand, a legendary rocker in the world of 2077 who may not be what he seems.

After the trailer premiered onstage, Reeves came out onstage to promote the game. He could barely get through the start of his speech, people were that excited to see him in the flesh. There was even a great moment where he described the game as “breathtaking”, to which a fan shouted out, “You’re breathtaking!”, to which Keanu responded in kind. We don’t deserve this man.

Anyway, at the end of his speech, Reeves gave a new look at gameplay as well as the game’s release date. The glimpse was only about 20 seconds long, but still, the new look at the combat, hacking, and what is presumably a digital afterlife or something like that was enough to get me even more hyped for this game.

Seriously, I couldn’t be more hyped. This game is gonna be massive and I just might preorder it.

My Friend Pedro

Switch game, but still looks cool. It’s already out now.

Sea of Solitude

I need to play more games that make me feel like this. The art style looks gorgeous and the theme is depression, so yeah, I may buy this one if I like what I’m hearing.

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order

Honestly, EA's part of the the expo was kind of depressing, especially when it got to Anthem. However, we did get more of Jedi: Fallen Order, and for that, I'm grateful, because this game looks great. Both the combat and lightsaber look slick as does the gameplay in general, and the voice acting is on point, from Cameron Monaghan to Forest Whitaker. We need a good Star Wars game for current gen consoles, and while The Old Republic is still my favorite, that's for PC. Also, while it has been announced that there are no microtransactions in the game, I'm sure EA will find some way to screw it up, but for now, it looks awesome.

Greedfall

I’m interested. Story and premise have me, a mix of 17th century colonialism with horror and the supernatural. Gameplay looks like my kind of jam, and we may be getting romance options too, based on some trailer observations.

John Wick Hex

Gameplay seems unique, plus it’s John Wick. I will always take more of Keanu Reeves.

Grandia HD Collection

I like JRPGs like this one, though it’s for Switch, so I can’t play it.

Way to the Woods

Looks like a cute adventure puzzle game. I might get it for PC.

Wasteland 3

This series looks like tactical Fallout, so yeah, I’m likely to give this one a shot since it looks good.

Blair Witch

A Blair Witch video game? That’s psychological horror?! With an adorable dog companion named Bullet?!?! Yes, please.

We didn’t get much besides a trailer and some gameplay, but I’m eager to see more.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild Sequel

Ugh, why is it that last year I was complaining about not having a PS4, now this year I’m complaining about not having a Switch?!

Anyway, this looks great and I want to see more. Especially since I’ve heard it’s going to be scarier than Majora’s Mask.

The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

Looks good on the graphics front, plus the gameplay additions looks promising.

And once again, I can’t play it.

Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order

Out of all the games on this list, this is the one I want to play most that I can’t play because, you guessed it, I don’t have a Switch.

I loved the original Ultimate Alliance games, so I’m sure the new one is gonna be a hit, what with the new combos, character designs, and references to the MCU, plus it’ll tie us over until Marvel’s Avengers.

Pokemon Sword and Shield

The Pokemon look cute, it is set in the world’s version of the UK, gameplay looks improved, and once again, I can’t play it.

Empire of Sin

It looks cool, plus I need more Mob style games to play. It’s also made by the people who are responsible for the next game on this list...

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines 2

It’s only in pre-alpha, but still, this one looks good. The original is on the Steam store, and there are fan made patches that improved upon what was originally a disaster. The sequel looks like a smoother version of its predecessor, with a few new abilities and mechanics put in. Again, it's in pre-alpha, so the final product will look much cleaner, but for now, I'm excited for its release date.

Shenmue III

First off, I’m royally pissed that Epic stole this one. That being said, the game looks great and I’m looking forward to continuing Ryo’s story on PS4. The gameplay looks great, the atmosphere is enthralling, and the English dub sounds good this time around. Still pissed about Epic, but at least I can play it on PS4.

The Outer Worlds

This still looks great. Since Fallout 76 took a nosedive and kept on going, we need a game like this to get that bitter taste out of our mouths. This still looks like a cross between Fallout and Borderlands, the true New Vegas spiritual successor that we need right now. The companions actually look helpful, have personalities of their own, and the Flaws System sounds really interesting, giving your hero a perk in enchange for a debuff for the whole game. Also the humor is great, too.

Marvel’s Avengers

Yes, the character designs don’t look so hot. However, those can be changed on the road to launch. That aside, I liked what I saw. The gameplay looks great, the voice cast has some top tier talent for the industry, and the promise of more heroes to be added after launch without the attached microtransactions has my attention.

Dying Light 2

I only played the demo for the first one, a game I still need to play, but I liked it enough to want a sequel. The usual free running mechanics look smooth, plus the addition of player choice shakes up the game, making your playthrough unique, so yeah, more of the good old stuff with a few new things sprinkled in.

Final Fantasy VII Remake and Remasters

The remake of FF7 looks AMAZING. The hybrid combat system looks like a dream, plus the character designs look top notch. In addition, the voice cast sounds on point for their respective characters. The hype around this thing was evident from the incessant cheering, we want it that much. We even have a release date: March 3rd, 2020. It’s been a long time coming, but it seems the wait to experience this classic for the second time on a different system will have finally been worth it.

Also, there was content announced for FF14 as well as two remasters: Crystal Chronicles and FF8.

Bet your ass I’m buying the remaster for FF8.

Biomutant

This has been described as Fluffy Devil May Cry. It’s accurate. I didn’t know you’d be able to customize your character, to! Combat looks fun, and it appears there is humor present if the narrator is anything to go by, so I’m interested.

Destroy All Humans! Remake

I never played the original, but I did read about it and hear about it from a friend. From what I’ve seen, the remake looks fun! Good parody of the 1950s and the updated graphics look great. Plus, Krypto seems like a fun, grumpy protagonist.

Gods and Monsters

This looks like a cross between Assassin’s Creed Odyssey and Legend of Zelda. Considering it’s being made by the same creators of the former, I can’t wait to see more of this in the future.

Ghost Recon: Breakpoint

I’ll be honest, I still haven’t played any Ghost Recon games, so maybe here would be a good place to start. Gotta say, I like the way Jon Bernthal presented. He just seemed at ease onstage. Plus, Bernthal’s dog looks adorable. Bam Bam is the real hero of the Ubisoft press conference.

Anyway, it seems Bernthal is playing Cole D. Walker, one of the antagonists of the game. Didn’t see any gameplay, but still, the game looks good. I need to play more tactical shooters in general.

Watch Dogs: Legion

I played the first Watch Dogs game. Thought it was cool, but overall it was a bit disappointing. I still need to play the second one, but I heard it was a major improvement, even if it wasn’t a financial hit. Still, this one put a smile on my face. The ability to recruit and play as anyone? A sarcastic AI as your companion? A grandma assassin? I will take all of it, thank you.

Also, grandma assassin.

Did I mention there was a grandma assassin?

Can’t wait for March 6th.

LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga

The LEGO Star Wars games were some of the first games I ever owned back when I played on the PS2, so I’m hyped for a collection of all 9 films in one game. We don’t know much beyond the announcement trailer, but hey, I’ll gladly take this one when it comes out next year.

Baldur’s Gate III

A video game that plays like a DND game? I can’t wait. Haven’t played the other games, but I’m sure I’ll be fine once I play that tabletop prequel they mentioned.

Battletoads

It’s an Xbox and PC exclusive, but still, glad this is getting a remake.

Bleeding Edge

This looks like an Overwatch reskin. The combat itself looks unique, though, so we’ll see how it goes.

Gears 5

We got a little more on Gears 5 this time around. We’ve got a look at Kait and how the Locust influence is threatening to tear her apart (that’s what I’m assuming, I’ve never played the Gears games). We also got a new mode, Escape. I might get it, since it’ll be available for PC.

Halo Infinite

If this is what Xbox Scarlett looks like, then Sony might have actual competition for once. This is the best the Halo series has looked in years, and considering how let down some felt after Halo 5, it’s about time. We’re getting the same badass Master Chief back, this time with no AI companion, as Cortana has suffered corruption due to being around for longer than normal and has gone psycho as a result. Regardless, the graphics look amazing and I can’t wait to see how it looks when it releases Holiday 2020.

Ori and the Will of the Wisps

I never played the original, but I might have to now, because this looks cute. The art style looks great and I’ll always be interested in games where you fight things ten times your own size. Plus, it seems to run smooth, and just by the sound of the story, it already has my heart.

Psychonauts 2

To cap things off, let’s end with a game I’ve been excited for since I finished the original months ago. The game seems to be coming along great, if the first level is anything to go by. Returning voice cast, new enemies and powers, new environments to explore, Jack Black voicing a Brain in a Jar, need I say more?

Also, this game looks to explore the water curse put on Rasputin’s family, so it will be a more personal and chilling story as well.

________________

So, there you have it. That’s my thoughts on E3 2019, half a month late.

What are you guys excited for? Leave a comment letting me know, especially if there was something I left out!

Until then!

[frasier-crane-style]

Black Panther

It was okay.

-Just about every post or review I’ve seen of this has started with some variant of “I’m a white guy, so I can’t imagine what this means to black people,” which I find a little patronizing. If it meant a lot to you, I’m not going to denigrate that--although part of me thinks that some of that’s due to a cynical marketing campaign positioning this as the first movie that’s ever had black people in it. Just know that I can’t speak to how important a movie is to the black experience, either for or against, I can only speak to how I enjoyed it and what I thought of its various elements. 

-I liked most of the cast, I thought a lot of the way they visualized Wakanda managed to pull off the “grass huts and forcefield” level of technology Jack Kirby envisioned without coming off as cheesy--even if it doesn’t quite fit to the Hudlin, Wakanda has always been advanced, backstory (in the comics, there are giant panther mecha. In the movie, there are... rhinos with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads). I thought the Korea action sequence was good, as well as parts of the final battle--the action ranges from bad (the opening fight) to good, but I don’t think it’s ever as visceral as Cap and Bucky storming through a SWAT team, a throwaway moment that now comes across as a highwater mark in a genre of Homecomings and Ragnaroks.

-Some people have said that T’Challa was boring, I thought the character and the acting was fine in a story that didn’t give him a lot to do (see below). I’d rather have a quiet, Zen Black Panther then see Tacoma Whippits turn him into a joke machine, and the obligatory bits in the first half where he has to act like a dork so we in the audience “relate to him” or whatever are just the worst. You had Feige specifically comparing T’Challa to James Bond, but I don’t remember Sean Connery slipping on a banana peel to tell us viewers that he was a fun guy. Just make the guy a convincingly badass motherfucker, we’ll like him. It worked in Civil War. (This is half a petty nitpick since after the ‘Q’ scene, they knock it off, but still, first impressions are important.)

-Petty nitpick department: For a genius, you’d think Shuri would realize that it’d be a lot easier to launch jeep-disabling weapons from the jet instead of making them into tiny little beads that you have to throw as you fall out of a plane. Even Batman just goes ahead and puts a gun on the Batwing, you know.

-They make this big point of how advanced Wakanda is, but it really doesn’t seem that much more advanced than what SHIELD and Tony Stark have. Like, what’s the difference between a Quinjet and whatever Wakanda’s version of a Quinjet is? The Black Panther suit seems less advanced than Iron Man’s stuff. Yeah, you can store it in a necklace, but it can’t shoot repulsor beams, it can’t fly, you have to physically walk around in it instead of being able to pilot it by remote. And the heart-shaped herb is a good biomodification, but it seems on par with Captain America, and not really something that has a mark on the Hulk, Quicksilver, Extremis, or Spider-Man. Kinda seems like the whole country could be taken out by one of those advanced Helicarriers from Winter Soldier. I realize they don’t want to make these guys too op, otherwise the next Spider-Man would end with Peter calling in a Dora Milaje to take out Venom for him, but it makes the Wakandans come off as a bit sheltered. “My Vibranium armor makes me bulletproof!” “Yeah, we have this Luke Cage guy, his skin does that.”

-Half of the plot seemed kinda... pointless? This has been out three weeks, so I feel safe in discussing spoilers--why couldn’t Erik just show up in Wakanda and challenge T’Challa in the first five minutes? Hell, why didn’t he show up before Civil War and challenge T’Chaka’s old ass? Seems like that would’ve been easier, plus, that was the guy who actually killed his father. 

-I guess Killmonger’s plan was... and much of this wasn’t presented as such, so I’m just hypothesizing...

Phase 0: Wait for T’Chaka to die so Wakanda is vulnerable during the transition of power. Don’t, like, set out to assassinate him yourself, even though that seems perfectly doable. Just, you know, hope you get lucky.

Phase 1: Dangle Klaw in front of T’Challa’s face with a vibranium selling plot, then sabotage his attempt at capturing him to weaken T’Challa’s position within Wakanda. (No idea how T’Challa couldn’t find Klaw before when the Avengers and Ultron were able to do it with ease in AoU. I guess T’Chaka really was lying down on the job there.)

(-I’ve seen it suggested that T’Chaka let Klaw run free as a way of covering up N’Jobu’s death, but it seems like A. there’s no way Klaw could’ve known that much about it, B. it’d be far safer to just find him and kill him on the spot, and no Wakandan would question it.)

Phase 2: Kill Klaw himself to gain favor with the Wakandans, which will work, and cause T’Challa’s lifelong best bud to turn against him (even knowing that Erik was responsible for Phase 1).

Phase 3: Defeat T’Challa in battle. Phases 2 and 3 are now pointless since all of Wakanda is now honorbound to follow you.

-Speaking of, if you’re some superpowered guy in a supersuit, I should think you could pull off disarming some jabroni with a gun without stabbing him in the heart. I mean, Spider-Man does that five times a day, and he’s fifteen. I guess the implication was that they Jack Ruby’d him? But then Marvel doesn’t want to dirty up Wakanda that much, so...

-I get Erik’s dad smuggling vibranium out of Wakanda, but why would he partner with a racist psychopath like Klaw to do it? You’d think a prince pulling an inside job could set up something a little better. It’s the Marvel universe! There must be like fifty supervillains he could’ve called up.

-Didn’t like that T’Challa’s big fight with Klaw, his arch-nemesis, was Klaw getting in one hit that BP no-sold, then just winning. That’s John Cena bullshit.

-There’s no way in hell I buy that a week after her father is murdered in a terrorist bombing, the unbearable Shuri is making quips about her brother having a girlfriend, much less stopping a religious ceremony to crack wise. Imagine Princess Di interrupting a royal wedding to moon people. Now remember that Wakanda is supposed to be way more honorbound and traditionalist than Britain.

-The whole resurrection of T’Challa thing makes no sense. So, Erik has taken over Wakanda and burned all but one of the heart-shaped herbs. So, since only the royal family can take the herb and become a Black Panther, Shuri has to step up... no? She just kinda follows along while they take it to M’Baku to make him the new Black Panther? But conveniently he’s saved T’Challa so they can give him the herb and immediately repower him.

-And if M’Baku’s people are such Luddites, how come they’re able to take on the Vibranium weaponry of W’Kabi’s guys? Do they also have Vibranium weapons? If so, where exactly are they drawing the line? Is a sword that can cut through Iron Man okay, but not a flying car? (Yes, I know there’s an explanation about jabbari wood in the EU, but they could at least put in one line about it so we know how it works without reading the novelization.)

-For a country that’s apparently super committed to isolationism, Wakanda really easily gets on board with Plan Imperialism. I guess most of the Wakandan people are morally inferior to the Asgardians, since even in Ragnarok’s hatchet-job, most of them were depicted as either actively resisting Hela’s imperialism or being cowed by her army.

-And no, don’t say the Wakandans were honorbound to follow Erik, because T’Challa specifically shows up in front of everyone and says that the duel isn’t finished, so a whole parcel of them are deliberately choosing Erik over T’Challa, despite Erik being this outsider, out-of-wedlock, blasphemous murderer they’ve never seen before... who is also obviously a psycho.

-It just seems like Wakanda goes really quickly from being one hundred percent behind T’Challa to going “You’re weak! Erik is strong! We need a strongman to lead us otherwise we’ll get our asses kicked!” I don’t buy that the Klaw fiasco is enough to totally torpedo T’Challa and make Erik untouchable.

-I mean, it’s the same basic plot as the first Thor, only there it works because the Asgardians don’t know just how much of a weasel Loki is, plus he goes to the trouble of setting Thor up first. 

-I got it, the issue is that this is based on the Don McGregor storyline where T’Challa had been away from Wakanda for a long time, serving on the Avengers and macking on gaijin Monica Lynne, so all of Wakanda was pissed at him and willing to hear this Killmonger guy out. But in the movie, he hasn’t done any of that, so it comes off as forced and contrived that all of a sudden, Wakanda is telling T’Challa to get to fuck.

-In fact, wouldn’t it make sense for Killmonger to factor M’Baku into his plans and take advantage of that tribe in some way? Since that’s one of the few things he could conceivably know about Wakanda (he really got lucky that W’Kabi was the first Wakandan he came across and totally sympathetic to a coup by a complete stranger).

-I guess the implication is that W’kabi and a lot of other Wakandans want to take over the world as some mix of maybe well-intentioned extremism, warrior pride, and garden-variety ambition, and they’re just following Killmonger because he can sign the papers. Which, when you think about it, makes Killmonger the black Donald Trump and his followers the Republican Party--”yeah, sure, he killed one priest, but he’s passing our tax bill, so...”--but I guess we’re going to skip straight from that take to him being a weeb?

-(That’s not really an issue with the film so much as a lot of the audience--not black people, but, like, Tumblr in general--deciding ahead of time exactly how they were going to feel about the movie and all its characters, which seems crazy to me. Like, why even go see the movie? But, not the movie’s fault, fanthings bein’ fanthing.)

-I thought the whole Okoye/W’kabi relationship was underdeveloped--at the end, when she stands up to him, I was like “oh, yeah, those two are A Thing.” I can’t imagine how much more forced taking the time to say Ayo--who is pretty much just the third Dora from the left here--is specifically in a lesbian relationship would be. So that’s a free pass from me for this stupid “gay representation controversy”. Even the T’Challa/Nakia thing felt pretty half-hearted and obligatory. The character of Nakia is alright, I was just never sure why these two in particular are into each other besides him being hot and her being hot (especially when the one thing we know about them is that their worldviews fundamentally disagree). Maybe she’s just the only woman T’Challa knows who A. has hair, B. isn’t related to him.

-In fact, it’s weird how the entire conflict in the movie is really between isolationism and outreach, yet there’s really no character representing or arguing for isolationism, not even any of the villains. T’Challa, I guess, but obviously he changes his mind. It seems like there should be a ‘devil on his shoulder’ type deal arguing for tradition. I think M’baku should’ve been that--the guy who slinks off into the shadows at the end, warning T’Challa that he’s coming for his ass because he opened up the borders and fucked with resurrection. (Five points to whoever gets that reference.) Instead, the conflict is lopsided because everyone seems to be against isolationism, they’re just differing in how.

-Actually, the whole thing of Wakanda following Killmonger just because he’s won this bullshit trial by combat because it’s tradition, and T’Challa urging them to follow him because it’s the right thing to do, could’ve been an okay take on that conflict, but instead apparently Wakanda legitimately wants to follow Erik and take over the world. And they just don’t spend enough time developing that.

-I also think they don’t spend enough time on T’Challa being depowered and kicked off the throne. It seems like there could be a really cool movie where, in the first fifteen or thirty minutes, Erik Killmonger shows up out of nowhere, kicks T’Challa’s ass, takes over Wakanda, and for the rest of the movie T’Challa is forced to rely on allies like Ross and M’baku who he can’t completely trust or rely on, and he has to fight his own people who are just trying to do the honorable thing, and he has to rethink being the Black Panther and earn that position instead of just having it handed to him. I’m pretty much describing the Don McGregor storyline this was adapted from. But, you know, why would you take that and add all this filler with Klaw and South Korea and such, and then skimp on the actual dramatic material? It’s like a version of Iron Man 3 where Tony’s house doesn’t get blown up until an hour and a half in, and then he immediately calls in the Iron Legion and goes to kick the Mandarin’s ass.

-Speaking of Korea, it seems a bit hypocritical to make this big production of being woke, then to throw in this inaccurate and ‘exotic’ side mission. It just seems like it’d be more thematic for this deal to be happening in Haiti or Jamaica or any other African country, somewhere where they could further comment on the story’s themes and develop them more. Maybe have the setting reflect what some of the characters want in terms of their goals, or fear happening to Wakanda? We kind of get that with the Boko Haram guys in the opening, but they’re dealt with so glibly (like muggers in a Batman movie) that it’s hard to see them as credibly a factor in any character’s thinking. Is T’Challa worried people like that will drag Wakanda down? Is Nakia determined to stop them? Seems like it was just something BP dealt with in ten seconds so he could hang out with this girl he likes.

-It’s funny that they follow in the steps of Ragnarok and Doctor Strange by dirtying up the heroes’ forebears--almost like that plot point is part of some formula 🤔 🤔 🤔 --yet still find time to white-wash a lot of Wakandan society. The Dora Milaje don’t have the underage, wives-in-training aspect. M’Baku and Nakia go from supervillains to frenemy and love interest, respectively. (Yeah, they turn W’kabi into a villain, but he beat his wife in the comics, so that’s not much of a stretch.) And yet, the plot relies on much of Wakanda being horrible people--willing to conquer the world, but not accept refugees. It’s a weird mix of utopianism and ‘uh, yeah, we still need to have a plot where the villain isn’t immediately dogpiled by all the average citizens who don’t like hyperwar.” Again, the Don McGregor storyline makes a point of Wakanda being a flawed, imperfect society, so it makes sense that Killmonger can take it over, but the movie is making the exact opposite point--Wakanda is so advanced and it’s so wonderful--and the plot doesn’t work anymore.

-To go into fanfic territory, it probably would’ve worked better if there were a significant amount of Wakandans who were pissed at T’Challa for letting Zemo live, because traditionally, someone who’d killed the King of Wakanda would be done, so it’s another divergence between what T’Challa finds moral and his country’s traditions. Just have M’baku say “you let your father’s killer live!” instead of “you failed to protect your dad!” 

-I’ve also seen it suggested that Killmonger’s master plan could’ve involved finding Zemo, springing him from American custody, and then delivering him to Wakanda. That sounds a lot stronger, but it would also result in Zemo necessarily being taken off the board, and even a bastardized Zemo seems too important to the Marvel Unnie for that. Maybe he could have a cousin who’s really into their family history?

-I think there were a few too many characters in this story. Most of the ‘strong female characters’ just seemed to spend the finale getting their asses kicked by Killmonger, while Ross’s Top Gun moment seemed pointless when--if T’Challa won--it seems like he could just order the transport to turn back... what, were they going to start World War 3 the moment they left Wakanda’s borders?

-Like, did Angela Bassett actually do anything in this movie? 

-Shuri, for instance, I think was so clearly intended to be ‘the meme one’ and just ended up ill-fitting in the MCU’s realistic milieu. I mean, this is a universe where Peter Parker isn’t much of a science nerd, he has a ‘guy at the computer’ to do his hacking for him and an AI to help him out and all that. Then over in Wakanda, you have a sixteen-year-old super-genius that’s the best scientist in the country and it clearly clashes with the grounded feel of the universe, but they just plow ahead with it anyway because “oh, it’ll get women interested in STEM, it’ll show black girls can do anything.” And she actually gets the better of T’Challa and razzes him with her ‘witty one-liners.’ I just find it really condescending. She’s basically a black female Wesley Crusher.

-Petty nitpick department: The first stinger is a dog. They end the movie SHOWING that T’Challa is revealing Wakanda to the world and using its technology and wealth to help out the underprivileged. Cool, got it, very clearly established all of that. Then after the first set of credits, we get a scene of... T’Challa going before the UN and TELLING that Wakanda is being revealed to the world and yadda yadda. It seems like the more natural scene would be him going up to Tony Stark or whatever and saying “hey, I’m joining the Avengers, and the next time there’s a problem, count me in!” But they cheaped out on getting RTD, so instead it’s just a less visually interesting presentation of a plot point we’ve already covered. This in a movie that was already very long and apparently left out crucial plot scenes.

-It’s also strange to have him give this big speech about how we’re all one tribe and we all have to come together, but a lot of his team seems at least casually racist? Like, you don’t see T’Challa saying “hey, M’baku, Ross was being pretty polite in addressing you, you didn’t need to bark at him like a dog just because he’s white” or “hey, sis, Ross is actually a buddy of mine and a pretty cool dude, maybe you shouldn’t greet him by calling him a racial slur?” I’m just saying, you wouldn’t see an X-Men movie where Jubilee is an unrepentant homophobe and all of the other mutants are cool with it.

-They set up that BP’s big special move is absorbing kinetic injury and then blasting it back out again, only it isn’t really clear how much he can take before it starts hurting him, if it ever hurts him. Like, could the Hulk punch him, then he gets up and walks it off, or would that break every bone in his body but leave his suit all glowy? I get that Captain America’s shield is unbreakable, so is BP walking around in an entire suit of that? And wouldn’t that make him invincible/boring? And for such a tactician of a character, they don’t really have him find any clever ways of using it, he just gets hit, uses the blast, moving on. You’d think there would be a scene where he does something counterintuitive or painful, but it’s just him thinking three steps ahead and charging up this power so he can use it at a crucial moment. 

-It also adds to the video game feeling of a lot of the already pixel-y action scenes that he literally has a rage meter limit break thing.

-Petty nitpick department: The movie characterizes both Klaw and Killmonger as Joker-style wisecrackers, which makes me wonder what they’ll do for villains in a sequel, since that’s Reverend Achebe’s thing and he’s about the last big villain in Black Panther canon who isn’t either dead in the MCU or adapted into an ally. And three evil Cockney jokesters in a row seems like a lot.

(-I’ve heard Dr. Doom suggested for a villain, but I kinda doubt Marvel would job out T’Challa/Wakanda to him, and Doom really needs a W if he’s going to be Doom.)

-I also don’t think the movie really engaged with its premise of depicting an African society that had never been colonized. In the real world, racial dynamics vary enormously from America to Europe to Japan, but Wakanda pretty much has the same viewpoints that African-Americans would have: resenting white people, using American idioms (”Guess who just popped up on the radar?”), even quoting American memes. It seems like in real life, Wakanda would be more concerned with the rest of Africa instead of being obsessed with America. I mean, in the comic books, you had Wakandans with this sense of jingoism, who resent all outsiders, no matter their skin color. Them making a distinction between white Americans and black Americans (for instance) comes off like pandering.

-Like, they start off the movie with BP fighting Nigerian slavers who have taken a number of women hostage and conscripted child soldiers, and obviously BP is against that, but how does Killmonger feel about those guys? Zuri? M’baku? Black people oppressing black people in Africa seems like a more immediate concern than police shootings all the way over in Oakland, but the whole idea seems too complex to factor into this white oppression dynamic, so they just use them as action scene fodder and move on to black people oppressed, white people mean. Maybe that’s supposed to be Killmonger being hypocritical and prioritizing stuff that reminds him of his own suffering over other issues, but that needs to be played out in the text.

-Because it seems like a really obvious counterpoint to Killmonger that there are political situations much more complex than “evil oppressors vs. innocent oppressed”--just look at the Middle East--and hence his simplistically violent philosophy is doomed to fail. Instead, the movie kinda concedes that his position is right, he’s just going about it in the wrong way. Which I think is intellectually dishonest.

-Petty nitpick department: They have an entire bit about how Shuri has designed these soundproof boots for T’Challa, but he never uses them. In accordance with the rule of Chekov’s Gun, which states that if you show a gun in the first act, then in the third act, it should turn out that it’s only purpose was to be a dumb joke.

-Petty nitpick department: So this takes place immediately after Civil War, and Civil War ended with Captain America in Wakanda, but then they never mention him in this and he doesn’t seem to be hanging around. I guess he’s off freeing all his buddies from the Raft during all this? But then the stinger of this is Bucky having been revived, and he was frozen again in the stinger to Civil War. So I guess it goes Civil War >>> Black Panther >>> the stinger of Civil War >>> the stinger of Black Panther? Usually when continuity is this convoluted, Han is still alive.

[365footballorg-blog]

Stejskal: New York Red Bulls leading the charge in MLS-USL partnerships

USA Today Sports

March 15, 20184:53PM EDT

His team doesn’t start their season until Saturday, but New York Red Bulls II head coach John Wolyniec already has a couple of big victories under his belt in 2018.

The longtime New York forward saw six of his former NYRB II players lead the way in the MLS team’s 4-0 demolition of the Portland Timbers at Red Bull Arena last weekend. Vincent Bezecourt, Sean Davis, Derrick Etienne Jr. and Ben Mines all started in the blowout, while Tyler Adams and Aaron Long made second-half cameos in the resounding victory. All six of those players played for Red Bulls II before they debuted with the first-team, and all but Davis were on full USL deals before they ever inked an MLS contract.

Adams, Long and another USL alum, first-year MLS midfielder Florian Valot, also played key roles in the Red Bulls’ historic Concacaf Champions League quarterfinal win against Tijuana, each starting the second leg on Tuesday.

They’ve all played well to start 2018, particularly against Portland (highlights above). The 17-year-old Mines marked his MLS debut by scoring the opener, Bezecourt dropped a couple of assists, Etienne had one of his own and Davis played a huge role in locking down reigning MLS MVP Diego Valeri. Adams helped see things out after coming on in the 64th; by the time Long entered in the 82nd, the game was out of reach.

Through their five-game unbeaten start to 2018 in CCL and MLS play, 40 percent of all of New York’s minutes have gone to USL grads or academy players. 

“It feels great,” Wolyniec told MLSsoccer.com Tuesday afternoon. “I’m stuck somewhere in between being really excited and just recognizing the fact that these guys put a lot of effort in and it’s great to see them kind of see the fruits of their labor. Being able to move themselves up through the ranks and not only just get on the field, but be so successful and be so confident with the way they went about their business Saturday night, it was just a great thing to see.”

Together, their performances illustrate just how valuable USL, which will begin its 2018 season this weekend, can be to MLS clubs. For New York, who wholly own and operate Red Bulls II, the USL team is a bridge to the first-team.

Teenage academy stars like Adams and Mines can dip their feet into the pro ranks in USL before diving into the deep end in MLS. A player like Davis, who spent four years at Duke before signing a Homegrown deal, can get run in USL while working to beat out older, more established players for first-team minutes. Late-bloomers like Long and Valot can extend their developmental timelines in the league before potentially earning a look in MLS.

Now a starter for RSL and USMNT prospect, Glad cut his teeth in the USL after leaving the academy. | USA Today Images

Other clubs are taking advantage of the USL pipeline, though none to the extent of New York. Real Salt Lake have one of the better setups. They’ve used their USL side, Real Monarchs SLC, to continue the development of talented youngsters Justen Glad and Danny Acosta during that awkward period in a player’s path when he’s too good for the academy but not yet good enough for MLS.

Philadelphia have also gotten good mileage out of their USL squad. Current Union Homegrown players Auston Trusty, Anthony Fontana, Matthew Real and Mark McKenzie all spent time with the club’s USL team, Bethlehem Steel, last year. Trusty and Fontana started their season-opening win against New England on March 3, with Fontana scoring the winner in the 2-0 victory and Trusty performing decently in his first game as an MLS starter.

“A lot of people called for Auston earlier last year. Why not just throw him out there, we’re not in the playoff picture, that kind of thing. But it’s not as simple as just throwing them out there and letting them learn that way, because in some ways at a defensive position, a lot more can go wrong,” Union head coach Jim Curtin told MLSsoccer.com Tuesday. “An attacker can have a crappy 89 minutes and score a goal and everybody talks about the great goal. With a defender, it goes the other way. You can have a bad one minute and it can set you back, your confidence is gone, you feel like you don’t belong and it’s challenging.

“So we went with the 34 real games at Bethlehem Steel against pros, against men. We know that MLS is a bigger jump up for him, but I think giving him that full season there has really, really helped him. And he had some struggles there, he really did, but I think he grew from it.”

A few other clubs are effectively forging ahead in a slightly different manner. The Houston Dynamo, San Jose Earthquakes and Seattle Sounders all have hybrid relationships with USL teams, allowing local ownership groups to run the business side of the operation while maintaining full control over technical matters.

The hybrid setup has had its biggest early returns in Houston, who helped found USL side Rio Grande Valley FC in 2016. The Dynamo have promoted several players from USL to MLS and even hired head coach Wilmer Cabrera from RGV FC after he led the team to the USL playoffs in their first season.

Apart from Seattle, who will still share a training facility with Sounders 2 after they farmed out business ops of their USL side to the Tacoma Rainiers minor league baseball team this winter, the hybrid relationship usually involves a sacrifice. The Dynamo and Quakes save by not running the entirety of a USL team, but they lose the convenience offered by proximity. Houston and San Jose are hours away from their respective affiliates in South Texas and Reno, hampering easy training integration between their MLS and USL sides.

That distance can make it harder to develop young players, but many around MLS think it’s preferable to affiliating with an entirely independent USL team. Just like their MLS counterparts, independent USL sides are primarily in the business of winning games. For a coach who needs good results to keep his job, it’s often preferable to give minutes to more experienced, full-time USL players than a developing MLSer who might only be in town for a week or two.

No MLS club feels that disconnect more than FC Dallas. FCD have long had one of the more productive academies in MLS, leading the league in US Soccer Development Academy titles and in number of Homegrown players signed. Those are nice milestones, but they haven’t translated to Homegrowns succeeding with the first-team. Of the record 21 Homegrown players Dallas have signed, only three – Kellyn Acosta, Jesse Gonzalez and Victor Ulloa – have made an impact in MLS. That’s not a good hit rate, even with a fourth, starting right back Reggie Cannon, looking like he’ll join that group this year.

Kellyn Acosta (center) is one of the few Dallas academy products to become a first-team regular. | USA Today Images

FCD co-owner and president Dan Hunt acknowledges that Dallas have struggled to turn academy stars into impactful pros. He told MLSsoccer.com in October that he wants FCD to have a USL side in place in the next few years, a stance reiterated by a club spokeswoman on Tuesday.

“We’re going to have to bridge the gap, and we owe it to the player pool to ensure that they have an outlet to play games,” he said last fall. “Having players not play is detrimental. It’s not just detrimental to the players, it’s detrimental to FC Dallas and it’s detrimental to US Soccer. We’ve got to take that big jump to ensure that we control what happens with minutes played, the opportunities, the frequency and quality of training, the health and nutrition and the environment that leads to the development of successful players.”

Of course, owning and operating a USL team isn’t a catch-all. Teams like Seattle, Kansas City and Portland don’t have as deep of a youth talent pool as New York, and, while they’ve had success here and there, they haven’t been able to push as many impact players through USL to MLS.

Even the LA Galaxy, who operate in perhaps the most talent-rich area in the league and were the first MLS team to establish a USL side back in 2014, haven’t built an effective bridge from their academy to the first-team. The Galaxy didn’t have a single Homegrown in the 18 in either of their first two matches of 2018, though LA Galaxy II alums Daniel Steres, Dave Romney, Justin vom Steeg and Ariel Lassiter have made the bench in at least one game this season.

LA took on more of an academy and USL presence after former Los Dos head coach Curt Onalfo was hired to replace Bruce Arena last year, but the pivot didn’t pan out. USL alums like Nathan Smith, Jaime Villarreal, Bradley Diallo and Jack McBean largely struggled as Onalfo was fired midseason and the Galaxy finished with their worst-ever record. They’re hopeful that the current LA Galaxy II roster, which, according to a club spokesman, will be composed of about 70 percent academy products, will help get the pipeline flowing over the next few years.

Wolyniec has been instrumental in setting up the Red Bulls’ talent pipeline. | Courtesy of the New York Red Bulls

New York don’t have to wait – their system is already producing. According to Wolyniec, the Red Bulls’ success is driven by a multitude of factors. The most important among them? A market stocked with youth talent, an organizational commitment to playing youngsters and a clear tactical identity shared by their MLS, USL and academy teams.

Those integrated tactical principles were on full display in the wins against the Timbers and Tijuana. From the moment they stepped onto the field for their first-team debuts, Mines and Valot fit right in with the Red Bulls. They both pressed high, consistently looked to go forward with their first touches and hit their opponent hard in transition, with Valot tallying an assist shortly after coming on in Leg 1 against Tijuana and Mines scoring the aforementioned opener against Portland.

“It’s clear that the consistency with our principles helps develop the player and helps prepare the player to move up,” Wolyniec said. “If the demands are as closely aligned as possible, you get a good look at whether the demands can be met and then you’re also doing a good job of preparing the player to succeed once they do move up.”

But a consistent tactical approach doesn’t mean much if an organization doesn’t give the players in its pipeline a shot in MLS. The Red Bulls, who, it should be noted, have the advantage of being able to draw talent from the New York market, have made that commitment. They’re now starting to see real results.

The rest of the league is starting to see just how much USL can mean to an MLS first-team.

“If we want to be about playing young players, then we better help them and part of helping them is filling that gap,” said Wolyniec. “Whether it’s after high school or after college or however the player ends up in our system, we’re giving them an opportunity to get immersed in it, to develop in it, to start to put their efforts into it and give them time to adjust and learn and improve, so that when they do move up sign and MLS contract or step onto the field in an MLS game or a Concacaf game, they’re ready to go and ready to show what they can do.

“You can put young guys out there and help them develop and help them learn by being on the field, but if you give them a little bit more and prepare them, then a lot of times the results can improve. I think that’s important for our club and I think it’s important for young American players to have these opportunities throughout the league.”

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Stejskal: New York Red Bulls leading the charge in MLS-USL partnerships was originally published on 365 Football