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nevadancitizen · 9 months ago

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-> CH. 8: MIND PALACES & OTHER SHATTERED CRYSTALLINE DREAMS

synopsis: connor has a talk with amanda, and you have a talk with your own mind. connor reminds you, once more, that he's made of plastic and metal, not flesh and blood.

word count: 2.8k

ships: Connor/Reader, Hank Anderson & Reader

notes: i know there's a real life viktor petrov. atomic heart is just weird and named characters after real life people

HoFS taglist: @catladyhere , @foggy0trees0 , @princessofenkanomiya (if you'd like to be added to the taglist, just ask!)

HEAD OF FALSE SECURITY MASTERLIST

The Zen Garden is nice, if a bit humid. Connor’s footsteps are quiet as he walks on the marble that paves the sprawling paths.

Again, that stone stares at him, the soft blue glow entrancing. And just like last time, Connor kneels and touches it. The thrum of energy he expected still shocks his system, and still causes him to take an unneeded, artificial breath. With one last glance over his shoulder, Connor walks away.

When Connor approaches the dock, Amanda is waiting on the water in a quaint little rowboat, an orange and white wagasa resting over her shoulder.

“Hello, Connor.” She smiles. “I thought you might enjoy a little cruise.”

Connor steps into the boat, then pushes it away from the dock. He takes the looms of the oars in his hands and pushes the blades through the water to propel them backward.

After a few moments of looking around, Amanda speaks. “I love this place. Everything is so calm and peaceful, far from the noise of the world.”

She turns to Connor. “Tell me, what have you discovered?”

“I found two deviants at the Eden Club.” Connor looks away, then back to Amanda, then away again, like a nervous dog. He wrings his hands in his lap. He’s not sure why he feels the need to. “I hoped to learn something, but… they managed to escape.”

“That’s too bad.” Amanda’s voice is laced with overly-obvious sympathy. “You seemed so close to stopping them.”

Connor takes the looms of the oars and pushes the blades through the water again instead of responding. Again, there’s that voice (yours – he’s sure it’s your voice) in between his lines of code that tells him to snap at her, to tell her to stop with her fake worry and honeyed words.

“You seem… lost, Connor,” Amanda says. “Lost, and perturbed.”

Connor’s lips draw into a thin line. “I thought I knew what I had to do. But now I realize it’s not that simple.”

“You had your gun trained on those deviants at the Eden Club. The Officer even told you to grab the Lieutenant’s gun,” Amanda says. “Why didn’t you shoot?”

Connor looks down at where his hands rest in his lap. “I don’t know.” A deep pang of something shoots through his systems, and his eyes snap up to meet Amanda’s. “I don’t know.”

“If your investigation doesn’t make progress soon, I may have to replace you, Connor,” Amanda says, her tone cold and even.

“I understand,” Connor says softly. He can feel something within him twitch – an instability he’s confident will correct itself as time goes on.

The twitch pulls him to look to his left. In the surrounding trees, just barely on the treeline, is a little sapling Connor knows wasn’t there before. It’s silvery and wispy, and can’t be more than a foot in height. But trees shouldn’t be that color. And saplings are supposed to be covered in leaves because of their need to absorb as much sunlight as possible. This one is bare.

“Is something amiss, Connor?” Amanda asks.

“No,” Connor lies. He turns back to Amanda. “Just thinking. That’s all.”

Suddenly, a clap of thunder rolls across the sky even though the clouds above are thin and an orangey color. Amanda looks upwards, as does Connor.

“Something’s happening. Something serious.” Her eyes return to Connor. “Hurry, Connor. Time is running out.”

Your eyes snap open as you gasp, inhaling lumino-polymer. It floods into your lungs, causing the warm and pleasant feeling that comes with having another living being invade your system.

It doesn’t shock you that you’re here again – in your memories. Your mind loves putting you back in the Vavilov Complex, a place you frequented in your youth when you were able to feel solid ground beneath your feet. (Or, rather, above your head, as most of the complex is underground.)

The lumino-polymer that surrounds you is kept in a transitional state: a diffusion-sensitive, anaerobic-bacteria-friendly, translucent, and gluey liquid. The bacteria is suspended around you in little specks of glowing blue.

You’re not sure which way is up, but you kick your feet to propel yourself towards the light. After a few moments, you break the surface and haul yourself out of the pool, settling on your knees by the edge. Lumino-polymer sloughs off you like you’re a shedding reptile – in one gross, voluminous heap that quickly settles back into the pool.

You put a hand on your chest and take a deep breath. Now, there’s nothing in your lungs but air. But memories and minds work in weird and inconsistent ways, right? So that’s to be somewhat expected.

Yet when you look up, the one thing that’s always consistent is still consistent – the PEC-4 Birchtree is still there. The symbol of the Vavilov Complex and the capstone of its research efforts stands tall in her five meter-diameter by ten meter-tall cylindrical capsule.

She’s not the typical birch you’d usually think about. Her trunk is thin and silvery, and her leafless branches resemble a wispy mycelium complex rather than sturdy wood. They hang down, almost like weird, sinewy versions of the leaves of a weeping willow. She’s more angel than tree.

You look down and find a metal pail by your feet. It’s already been filled with lumino-polymer. You pick it up and start walking up the stairs.

When you reach the top, the PEC-4 Birchtree is staring down at you without eyes. Her branches wave despite the lack of a wind to move them. You kneel before the capsule and press on the fuel inlet. As soon as it opens with a soft click, you pour the lumino-polymer in.

When it settles in her soil, the PEC-4 Birchtree almost seems to inhale inside her capsule. Her branches relax soon after.

“Что мне делать?” You ask softly. You look down at where your hands rest in your lap. “Я чувствую себя… потерянно. Действительно потерянно.”

Look at where you are, my child, she responds from within your mind. She doesn’t speak in English or Russian or any other human language – she sounds like the electrical impulses from within your own brain. You’ve escaped from situations more dangerous than this. Remember where you came from. Remember your parents and the reactors they worked in and Chelomey as a whole.

“Я знаю, но…” You bring a hand to your face, then look up at her. Your voice is quiet and quivering when you speak. “Мне страшно.”

You don’t need to be, she says. You can always rely on yourself. Memorize the cards in your hand. Know when to play them. Stack the deck if you need to. Real life plays dirty.

“Да… да, вы правы.” You stand and put a hand on the plexiglass of her capsule. “Спасибо.”

You start to turn to walk away, but are stopped by the PEC-4 Birchtree’s voice permeating your mind again.

Please be careful, she says. They need you. Both of them. You can keep them on this Earth. Be vigilant. I love you.

“Да, мэм,” you say softly. “Я тоже вас люблю. Спокойной ночи.”

You zone back in and register your surroundings. You’re in the android autopsy room. Your autopsy table is empty.

Your tongue darts out to wet your lips, then you breathe in deeply. No lumino-polymer in your lungs. Just air. No PEC-4 Birchtree here. Just you.

A knock sounds at the door. You glance at the clock – it’s just past 6:30 in the morning. You stand and open the door.

Connor stands there, his blazer now clean. “Hello, Officer. I assume an adequate amount of time has passed for you to process the events of yesterday evening and early this morning?”

You step to the side, allowing Connor in. “Khm, yeah. I guess.”

Connor steps through and the door closes automatically behind him. He moves over and sits in the chair he was sitting in yesterday while you hop up on your autopsy table. (Internally, this only solidifies that chair as ‘Connor’s chair’ in your mind.)

“Why did you come here?” You ask. “I don’t really feel like reviewing case details right now.”

“I just came to talk, Officer,” Connor says.

You pull your legs up onto the table and cross them. “You talk an awful lot. And about personal things, too.”

“I suppose I do.” He looks down at the ground, then back up at you. “When I was in the car, you were talking to Hank. What were you talking about?”

You sigh and your eyes fall to the floor. “His drinking problem. How he gets when he drinks. His suicidal tendencies. How I can’t spend a second without worrying about him.”

“Are you coping well?” Connor asks.

“Of course not.” You let out a humorless laugh. “I went back to my apartment, but I just… couldn’t sleep. So I came here.” You gesture vaguely around the room. “Work is a constant in my life. I like filing reports and organizing data and everything that comes with it. But recently… it’s gotten turbulent.”

Your jaw clenches. “And with everything that’s going on? All the deviants? They’ll find one way or another to pin it on the Soviets. Something like a breaking news article about how a spy put a bug in an American android’s code to cause them to deviate, and it spread.”

“You won’t be able to work on the case without a good coping mechanism,” Connor says. “I suggest you find one.”

You exhale sharply and look at him. He’s leaning forward with his hands folded together and his elbows on his knees.

“You sound like Chariton Zakharov,” you say, a smile creeping onto your face. “Well, kind of. Like the way he cared about science more than the wellbeing of his employees.”

Connor’s LED flickers for a moment. “The Head of the Neurobiology Department at the Pavlov Complex of Facility 3826?”

“Yeah, that one,” you say. You don’t have to ask him if he had to look up that information this time, because you know he did – nobody would know that off the top of their head. “I remember the letter he wrote to himself that Dmitry Sechenov found after he died. The one about how man himself isn’t corrupt, but his body.”

“I haven’t read that letter,” Connor says. “And I can’t find that information in my database.”

You hop off the table and start to rifle through the drawers of your desks. “Hold on. I have something here somewhere…”

“You have a lot of personal effects in the autopsy room, Officer,” Connor says. “May I ask why?”

“It’s basically my office,” you say. “I have an actual desk, but I’m rarely there.”

You open another drawer and find the book you were looking for: The Life, Death, Neuropolymer-Induced Transformation, and Secondary Death of Chariton Radeonovich Zakharov. “Aha! Here it is.”

You put the book on the table and flick through the many worn, scribbled-on sticky notes jutting out of the side. When you find the one you’re looking for, you open the book to the pages you stuck it on. The text is in Russian, but you translate it as you read aloud. “Okay, here. The letter reads:

“Vice is a physiological property. In the magnum opus of “opium for the people,” the Bible, this is well shown, if allegorically. Man has become depraved not by tasting the mystic fruit, but by becoming aware of himself. The body dictates our depravity.

“We want to multiply, so there are rapists and perverts. If we want to eat, we steal money and food. We want to be pleased, and now we surround ourselves with stupid luxury. It is not man himself who is corrupt, but his limited, primitive shell, which needs food, sex, drugs, and care.

“The radiance of pure reason, and it alone, can illuminate the path of humanity. Because a human being is not a body. It’s a way of thinking.”

You look up and close the book. “Do you agree with Zakharov?”

“Agree with him on what?” Connor asks.

“That being human is not about having a human body, but thinking in the way a human does,” you say, then look away. “Actually, I guess that’s a redundant question. Because I’m asking you if you think deviants should exist.”

You meet Connor’s eyes again. “And you’ve been programmed to… exterminate them. Right?”

“Not exterminate,” Connor corrects. “I’ve been programmed to find the cause of deviancy and to help find a way to prevent it.”

“But you’re still a hunter,” you say. “And they’re your prey. No?”

Connor blinks. Once, twice. His LED flickers yellow and barely dips into red before turning back to yellow. “Yes. I am.”

“So you’re a regular Viktor Petrov.” You lean your hip against the table. “Not the Ukrainian one, but the Russian one. A man widely-regarded as a class traitor who’s just working for what he perceives as the greater good.”

“I’m not a man,” Connor says. “I’m just a machine.”

Your face falls and your stare hardens. “No, you’re not. I’m not saying that you’re not a machine – I’m saying that you’re not just a machine. You said it yourself. You can be whatever Hank and I want you to be. We’re Dmitry Sechenov, and you’re Major Sergey Nechayev.”

“How so?” Connor shifts in his seat. He can’t be that stupid – he knows exactly how.

“Nechayev devoted his life to the USSR. In return, he only earned isolation and numerous wounds – both physical and mental. Sechenov was the only one who treated Nechayev with basic kindness. And the Major folded like a cheap deck of cards.” You lean towards him with a hand braced on the table. “Sechenov took him in and molded him into his perfect pet soldier. All because Nechayev, in his vulnerable state, let himself be molded. Just like how you are.”

“I am not being molded,” Connor says. “I am an RK800 – a machine with a mission. I may have secondary missions, but tracking down deviants has always been my number one priority.”

“But you are,” you say. “You’re changing, whether you like it or not. Connor, when you were in my apartment… you laughed. Androids don’t laugh. Only deviants do.”

Connor stands, and you’re reminded of just how intimidating he can be. He moves over so that he’s standing just a yard away from you. (A faint flicker in your mind tells you that if he shot you right now, it’d be considered point blank. But you quickly dismiss it. Connor wouldn’t do that. Not to you. Right?)

“I laughed because I was mirroring the environment you created,” Connor says. “I was designed to work alongside humans. Humans mirror and are mirrored. I was just following my programming.”

You stand up straight and set your jaw as you look him in the eye. You’re searching for any kind of emotion, anything that looks like how Connor looked when he was with Bronislava. But no. There’s nothing. His eyes look dead – like prosthetics that can move.

“You don’t laugh when you’re with Hank,” you say softly. “Even when it’s an intimate environment, like the one in my apartment. He’s a riot. Why don’t you laugh?”

“It’s like you said,” Connor says. “Androids don’t laugh. Only deviants do. I know what I am, and what I am not. And I am not a deviant.”

“Leave.” You step back, turning to your autopsy table. You reach out and grab the book, then trace the embossed lettering with your thumb.

You glance over your shoulder. Connor’s still standing there, just like early this morning by the Detroit River.

“What’re you waiting for?” You grind out. You nod towards the exit. “There’s the door. As if you need to be told where it is!”

Connor’s jaw tenses, and he looks like he’s about to speak, but stays silent.

“You’re disobeying a human.” You turn away from him and look forward. “You know that, right?”

“I’m allowed to disobey orders if they contradict my mission statement,” Connor says. “If I’ve been given contradicting instructions, I opt to execute whichever has highest priority.”

“You’re not a regular android,” you say softly.

“Of course not,” he says. “I’m a prototype.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” You turn to look at him. “You’re…”

You look up into Connor’s eyes again. They’re still dead pieces of plastic. No emotions. No mirror of your own.

“You need to leave.”

“Officer –”

“Leave!” You bark. “Сейчас!”

Connor steps back. He almost looks… hurt. But you know better. You were taught better, by Connor himself.

He turns and leaves. The door shuts behind him. You move over and sit in Connor’s chair, then let out a shaky sigh. You draw your legs up to your chest and curl in on yourself.

“Боже, почему же всё так сложно…?”

#riptide writes 🌊#head of false security #dbh connor x reader #connor rk800 x reader #rk800 x reader #connor x reader #detroit become human #dbh connor #dbh rk800 #dbh x reader #detroit become human x reader #dbh connor x you #connor rk800 x you #rk800 x you #connor x you #dbh x you #detroit become human x you #connor rk800

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kidicaruslover911 · 1 month ago

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Chapter 5: Rhythm from Ancient Times

Mizu x Fem!Reader

a/n: I hate this chapter so much. It was so self indulgent yet I feel like it’s the biggest mess ever.

uhhh a wagasa is a traditional umbrella used to shield the upper classes from sunlight and evil spirits.

kichijoten is the japanese goddess of beauty, fertility, and benevolence. also I just hope that the ‘chemistry’ between mizu and the reader doesn’t feel forced, because like I said, writing this was tough😒

story on AO3

summary: Mizu and you get a tiny bit closer. But just as friends of course.

est. wc 11.2k

Silence filled the room as Ringo muttered something about resting thoroughly to Mizu before he slowly made his way out of the shrine.

’Huh?’

That was until he set his gaze upon a very lightly sleeping Mizu, a soundly dreaming Taigen and…that was it.

Your supposedly sleeping form was nowhere to be found.

At least, not inside of the shrine.

Your haori, hairpins and black kosode were left next to your sleeping mat.

But that was it.

He could only conclude that you had left in your only ‘undergarment’: a white and much lighter haori, made out of plain thin cotton, resembling the one Mizu wore underneath her blue garment.

“She went out like this?” He muttered under his breath, careful not to further wake his slumbering master.

“Strange…”

The other thing that surprised him was that you had managed to leave in such a quiet and secretive way, to the point where even Mizu hadn’t taken notice of your disappearance.

Mizu, the one person that always keeps her guard up.

And she didn’t notice anything? Damn.

‘And here I thought I could be quiet like a ninja…even Master hasn’t gotten wind of anything…’

Perhaps she was just pretending? Or maybe she was truly too tired to realize?

He couldn’t really tell.

On the other side, what he did know, was that yesterday’s question was now definitely answered.

And it frightened him.

It frightened him just enough to understand that the question you had countered his own with last night was more than just an answer, and the wise words you had spoken to him about how he shouldn’t trust people like Mizu or yourself to teach him anything about greatness made much more sense now.

You killed and so did Mizu. But you were also…more.

At least, unlike Mizu, your personality could give one the impression that you were more than just a soulless killer.

Not that Mizu didn’t have a personality of her own but you were much livelier than her and it may sound strange for some people but that was something he truly appreciated about you.

Then again, that was only his opinion.

‘Miss Y/N…’ He thought.

Only your katana was gone, which lessened Ringo’s worry a bit as he assumed that you couldn’t have gone too far away, hoping that the snow would help him guide his steps towards you as quickly as possible and get you back to the others again.

Deciding not to waste any more time, he took your black haori and kosode with him, so that once he’d find you, you could cover yourself properly again.

And to be very honest, Ringo didn’t feel like alarming Mizu or Taigen about you practically vanishing was something necessary.

Mizu needed her rest and he knew that you wouldn’t be a fan of of him sharing some of your rather… sneaky business with someone like Taigen.

Ringo had seen enough of your interactions with him to conclude that for a multitude of reasons, you did not like him.

And so he’d make sure to keep him out of your privacy.

So it was settled.

Stepping outside of the shrine, he looked around at the snowy surroundings in hope to perceive some footprints on the white ground, and lucky him, he was not disappointed.

As he entered the snowy woods, he paused to look around. The snow was falling weakly, and the woods were eerily silent, save for the crunches of snow under his boots.

He breathed a sigh of relief and began to follow the footprints, keeping his eyes peeled for any other sign that he might be getting closer.

The walk felt like an eternity, the prints leading him deeper into the woods as Ringo focused, trying to make out any signs of life through the thick tree trunks.

He passed eerie trees and strange paths, but he kept his eyes on the ground, focused on the prints in the snow, only the sound of his bell accompanying him on his short quest.

As the snow began to intensify, he could feel that he was getting closer and started to slow down his strutting pace, finally perceiving a figure that resembled yours with a sword in their hand.

A figure with a sword but this time, it wasn’t being used as a weapon…

Spoiler warning: It was you.

Ringo subconsciously stopped in his tracks, not wanting to frighten you with his presence as he decided he’d rather observe you from a safe distance.

He almost got killed by Mizu once and didn’t need you to try and unalive him as well.

Settling himself onto the ground, he squinted his eyes, trying to get a better view and understanding of what it was that you were doing all alone at such an early hour.

And before he could even register what was happening, Ringo’s jaw dropped faster than anyone could have ever anticipated, his eyebrows instantly shooting into his hairline as well.

Maybe it was all just an illusion and maybe he still wasn’t fully awake but you looked…unreal.

Ethereal even.

Your hair was undone and the white of your haori stood out in contrast to the snow, your tasuki keeping the sleeves out of your way as the small snowflakes in your inky hair reminisced of a thousand precious pearls, making the chubby man swear that you had somehow gotten even prettier over night.

Prettier than you had already been yesterday.

In the golden light of the morning sun, your skin looked like the rarest mineral, creating the illusion of you being cut off from the rest of the world.

A true vision, indeed.

Not only that, but to Ringo you were now the living proof that the goddess Kichijoten herself must have taken her sweet time with you… and therefore, she definitely did have her favorites.

The more he watched you, the more he understood that you weren’t really fighting anything or anyone but, it was more like you were telling a story.

A dance? A character.

It was the first time that he saw you in such a fleetingly concentrated way yet you still managed to emanate a somewhat hypnotizing aura, which he found extremely baffling.

All of that made Ringo decide to try and cherish this moment to the fullest as he intently kept on watching that captivating ‘performance’ of yours.

Unsheathing your blade, you touched its full side softly, before holding it over your shoulder, it’s smooth side pressing against you, like an umbrella.

Ringo liked how your movements made his imagination run wild and work out parts of the story.

Since there was no narrator, a lot of it had to be interpreted by one’s own mind.

From what he could grasp, in this specific context your sword wasn’t a fearful extension of your own body anymore, with rage or arrogance radiating from its tip but… a Wagasa.

At least, that’s what he thought.

And he couldn’t have been more right.

The sounds of the birds and the falling snow were the only music in the air, as if they were the melody to the unspoken story your movements were telling.

You started the ‘dance’ with simple steps, walking a straight line throughout the snowy ground as elegantly as possible while restricting your body’s movements to an understated performance and limiting your set of expressions as well.

Your face was like ice with no intention of breaking your character whatsoever.

‘A beautiful woman but…something is troubling her.’ Ringo could tell.

You walked around some more before suddenly snapping your head back, desperately looking into the distance as if you had been startled by something unusual, eyeing it suspiciously.

’An evil spirit?’ Ringo guessed.

Seeing you look away for a few more seconds, Ringo couldn’t really decipher that part of the story but soon enough, he saw you fix your gaze forward again, your hand still holding your blade against yourself as the other one pushing itself behind you with an open palm, reluctantly dismissing what you had just seen.

The movement was shared with the bending of your knees, lowering yourself just a bit before fixing your posture once again.

’Rejection…but why?’

Your eyes had fallen upon something truly despicable.

At least, in this tale they did.

It wasn’t long until the said hand found itself stretched out in front of you again, continuing your quiet path as some snowflakes grazed your soft skin, making it look as if you had come to a sort of conclusion.

A realization.

A sad one, a hard pill to swallow. A disgusting one even.

But moments later that didn’t seem to matter anymore, as you took your time and gracefully swayed your arm before you, seemingly appreciating the beauty of the moment which, to Ringo’s surprise didn’t last long.

Were those…tears in your eyes?

‘She really must be relating to this character a lot…’

Your walking stopped abruptly, which was quickly followed by the swinging of your sword towards the ground as its tip drew a line in the snow, before levitating it over your head, resulting in the dull side of your blade to find itself in your hand once more.

And then, there was a short pause, a pause that made Ringo tilt his head a bit, confused.

You looked at your blade again, eyes filled with melancholy this time, before almost immediately whirling it around, or so, your secret spectator thought.

Your ‘messy’ movements weren’t just random ones you had happened to think of in the heat of the moment…they were forms.

Extremely complicated ones even.

The more he watched, the more he felt like this was a ceremony or an emotionally relieving ritual he was assisting to, not just a simple dance.

Cutting through the air as this scene seemed to represent a blizzard, the woman trying her best to work her way out of it but to no avail, miserably unable to protect herself from the cold.

Now there was emotion, fear mixed with sadness and surprise in your eyes as you handled your blade with such intensity, and if Ringo would have moved a bit closer (and squinted his eyes), he could have seen how some of the snowflakes were cut in half by your hand.

Something you had been trying to achieve for years now, the precision and determination of your work now finally being rewarded, lightly feeding into your insatiable desire for perfection.

At least, when it came to the art of swordsplay.

The only thing Ringo understood was that you made it seem so flawlessly easy that he couldn’t even begin to fathom how much time and effort you had put into this living work of art.

The ‘umbrella’ you were trying to hold onto so dearly escaped your grasp and before Ringo knew it, you were carefully contorting yourself in the snow, as the woman in the tale died in the freezing cold, throwing herself onto the ground and ending your mystical performance.

After what seemed like a few minutes, you let out a deep breath, slowly rising up to your feet again as you brushed off the snow from your clothes, a satisfied smile resting on your lips.

’Thank you for your patience, mama…’ You breathed out, glancing up at your surroundings.

The sight of the falling snow had let your mind wander to be at peace, peace which didn’t last long as the feelings of regret and sorrow slowly began to tear your mind apart, making you bite the inside of your cheek mindlessly.

’Master…’

But now wasn’t the time for reminiscence as you’d soon hear the distant sound of a small bell behind you, hastily making you dry your wet eyes as you turned around to face your friends positively shocked apprentice, his sudden presence making you jump a bit.

‘Of course he’s been spying on me’ You deadpanned.

”MISS Y/N!! You…your dance!! It was-”

”How much exactly did you see of this?” You quirked a brow at him, making the man think for a second, one of his stumps resting on his chin.

”Uhhhh…Only the part where you…danced?”

”So you mean everything.” You assumed, not really expecting an answer as it didn’t bother you that much.

“I guess?”

Bending down to pick up your sword, you gazed at it shortly, muttering a prayer in favor of your master which Ringo didn’t question, handing you your haori and kosode back.

“You know, one time Master kind of almost killed me because she thought that I was a bad guy that wanted to kill her, but I wasn’t!! And since I didn’t want to startle you, I just thought it’d be better to let you finish your…uhm…is there a name for this?”

He had startled you regardless but that wasn’t important now.

“Kenbu.” You stated simply, thanking Ringo for his caring nature as you untied the tasuki sash behind your back, before tying it on your forearm, quickly covering yourself with your black haori again, thanking him for his caring nature.

Deciding that you didnt want to stay here any longer, you started to make your way back to the shrine, Ringo following right behind you.

And after a while, you decided to speak, answering his earlier question.

”To keep herself in good shape, my master would wake up extremely early in the morning, practicing various dances from different tales with her blade. And when she did so, I would take the chance and peep through the window of my room, desperately trying to study the complexity of her movements which…”

You paused sadly.

”She never taught me. At least not in this context. She always claimed that I ‘wasn’t ready’ or that I was too distracted to master such complicated concepts but that never stopped me from learning.” You chuckled.

”She never taught you?” Ringo exclaimed, excitement and a hint of adoration rising in his voice.

“Nope.” You answered bluntly.

You could hear Ringo’s impressed ‘woah’ ring in your ears, your eyes rolling at his reaction.

“She never taught me, except for one dance actually, one that I still haven’t completely mastered…but I was lucky enough to discover later on that it is her favorite.” You smiled fondly, turning towards Ringo.

It held a special place in her heart since it had actual lyrics to accompany the choreography, making it easier to follow.

Listening to the short description of a peaceful time in your past, the man only nodded at your words, carefully listening to you as you could see his eyebrows raise higher and higher at the sound of your story.

Then it hit him. He didn’t really register your words concerning your master but…

”’She’?…Wait, your master was a woman? And what’s the name of that dance she taught you? Also, is it super hard to master? And how is she doing by the way?” Ringo cheered softly, question after question escaping him which even if you didn’t show it, exasperated you a little.

”So is your own, no? And you wouldn’t know it anyway. It’s a foreign tale, one that I am right now too lazy to translate…” You grinned at him, making the man gasp at your oh so accidental revelation.

”As to how my master is doing, well…” You wouldn’t be able to tell him, because you didn’t know. “I believe that she is doing good.”

At least you could only hope so.

It had been 5 years after all.

5 years since you hadn’t been able to gaze at the alternatively colored planets that occupied her orbs, serving her as a window towards the world.

5 years since she had decided that she had no more knowledge to share with you, as the purpose you had chosen for yourself was one she knew all too well and tried her very best to dissuade you from.

But you wouldn’t listen.

5 years.

You were young and arrogant (you still are lmao), but that didn’t stop you to pray for her wellbeing every single day, hoping that one day you’d return to her safely once again.

That would be the day you could finally make peace with your inner self.

At least you could only hope so.

The moment Ringo had heard the word ‘translate’, his mind had began to run to all kinds of places, not knowing with what question he should start.

If you’d let him.

“Wait…’translate’? Are you saying- You mean that you can speak more than just Japanese?? Wait- what other languages are there besides Japanese? I mean, I did know that Japanese isn’t the only language spoken in the world but…Huh?? And was it hard to learn? Oh! And how did you learn? Oh my…Did your master teach you? Is she even Japanese? And if she isn’t, how come?” You could practically see the sparkles in his eyes.

It was 7 in the morning right now. How the hell did he find the energy to talk so much?

“Maybe.” You hummed innocently, Ringo’s overflowing curiosity almost making you laugh at its cuteness.

It was fun at first, but what first started as a few innocent questions soon turned into a game of dodging multiple of his more personal questions, which obviously touched topics you weren’t really ready to discuss yet.

“Now that I come to think of it, you didn’t tell me what you were doing up at such an early hour… What is it that you wanted anyways?”

Changing the subject, you remembered to have made sure that everyone was asleep before leaving in a haste, so why in the world did he end up following you?

Brace yourself.

”I wanted to get some ingredients for you and Masters medicine, so that the both of you could heal faster! Well, Master seemed kind of grumpy about it but I reassured her and told her that I wouldn’t be taking too long…but then I realized that you just disappeared and because of that I kind of followed the path you had left in the snow. And seriously, the walk was sooooo long but the surroundings were really nice and then I found you here and-“

Yeah, that was a lot more information than you actually needed.

”Ok, ok. I get it.” Cutting him short, you could already sense the eventful rant catching up to him as you let out a defeated sigh, side eyeing him shortly.

“You woke up earlier because of our conditions, saw that I wasn’t there and just followed me back there.” You resumed, an suspicious smile on your lips.

“Technically speaking, I only followed the footsteps, not you.”

“And practically speaking, that’s the same thing but it’s whatever you say, Ringo.” You replied instantly, shrugging at him as you could see him replicate that same careless move from the corner of your eye.

Not paying any more mind to it, you stretched yourself a bit, soon hissing at the feeling of your stitched side which made you break the tension fast.

”Then how about I accompany you to the fishers town? I won’t be going back to bed and you found me already so, we might as well get going. And, I’ll be able to help you pick out the best herbs!” You offered, as Ringo couldn’t have been more happier.

”Great then, let’s go!” You chirped, leading the path until you heard the man’s sudden question.

Yes, another one.

”Uhm, Miss Y/N? I know that you probably don’t want to talk about it and you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to…but what exactly is the story behind the dance from earlier? I tried to decipher it but…I couldn’t really understand all of it.” Ringo admitted in a disappointed tone, the corners of your lips turning a bit.

‘I mean…she did cry at some point…’

Ringo could feel the air grow thick as he watched you sit yourself onto a medium sized rock, a stick in your hand as you started to trace some kanji in the snow in the following order:

-‘愛’ (love),

- then ‘拒’ (rejection),

-‘憮’ (disappointment),

-‘憂’ (worry),

-‘希望’ (hope),

- ‘恐’, (to fear)

-‘裏切り’ (betrayal),

- only to finish with ‘死’ (death).

It took you multiple minutes to fully finish your calligraphy but Ringo could already read and associate some of those characters with the story you had earlier performed.

”In a time, before the all mighty Shogun ordained the sun to rise, there lived a beautiful, beautiful woman.” You started simply.

”She was so beautiful that the birds would forget how to fly and the fish how to swim whenever they caught so much as a glimpse of her face. Many men would kill themselves for her to at least read one of their sweet and promising love letters. Therefore, she lived miserably, having no one she could truly trust, talk to or love.”

You paused, tilting your head upwards at Ringo who seemed completely sucked into your story. So you continued.

”But those years of misery finally changed when one day, as if it was a vision gifted from the gods, she met a wandering ronin. A ronin who she’d soon fall madly in love with. Yet the ronin had no interest in beauty whatsoever and payed no mind to her incessant advances, carrying on his lonely path, which only made the hopeless woman follow him close behind.”

How ironic, no?

愛, Love.

“So you’re saying that he rejected her countless times but she just kept on going? Even with so many no’s? But why?” Ringo had settle himself next to you.

”Because she firmly believed that she loved him. No matter how much he pushed her away, no matter how much he tried to hurt her or to scare her away, somewhere deep within her, she still ‘loved’ him. Though at first, the feeling wasn’t mutual, after multiple full moons of trying, longing and desiring, the ronin finally gave into her relentless seduction, swearing fidelity to her but…not as his bride.”

拒, Rejection.

”That’s odd…” Ringo cut in, his brows furrowing in confusion at your words, before allowing you to keep going.

“After what seemed like a wave of golden years and happy tears, the ronin had taken notice that his partner could not give him what he wanted. The woman loved him, yes, but the children she wished to birth for him so dearly just wouldn’t come to life. Ever. They would die before they could even get to see the mother that carried them and kept them warm and safe inside of her for so long, which was something the ronin had a hard time living with.”

You breathed, your hands starting to shake which you blamed on the cold.

憮, Disappointment.

“Until some day, the ronin decided that it was time for him to leave his lady for another woman, which he ridiculously hid from her, telling her that he had a solitary wish to fulfill and that the possibility for him to return would be slim. It was a warning for her to leave him alone. And no matter how much she pleaded him, he just couldn’t be what she wanted him to be, abandoning her in the process.”

Ringo could hear the tone in your voice change, the tale affecting you more than you would have liked to admit.

The tale had some hidden truth in it and that… that just did something with you.

”A few days passed, then weeks, months followed and before she knew, the woman was worried sick for her lover, thinking that something terrible might have struck him. What if he had died? Or what if he had been terribly injured? Whatever it was, she was determined to find him again.”

憂, Worry.

“With her most beautiful kimono and an umbrella by her side, she went to look for her missing man, strutting forward and searching the entire country for him, stopping at every single village and town just because of the possibility that someone might have seen him but alas, he was nowhere to be found.”

‘Oh…’ Ringo thought. ‘That’s why her character looked so troubled.’

“But then came a night, a terribly cold one as the snow made any walking impossible and the by now gravely exhausted woman had to find a village to settle down and rest for the evening. Of course as she asked for shelter, her first instinct was to ask whether yes or no, her lover had been seen…and this time, the answer was positive.”

希望, Hope.

“That night, the sky was darker than ink itself and the snow had grown so thick and the wind so strong that, unbeknownst to the woman, a blizzard had started to form, engulfing all warmth and lively creatures with no mercy.”

恐, To fear.

“But that didn’t stop her unwavering determination, nearing herself to the house that was said to belong to the man she had been searching for oh so many moons. She soon wished that she had never done so, as a window had been standing open, sadly revealing the sinful noises of desire intertwined with the disgusting warmth the two individuals inside had been sharing so desperately with one another.”

裏切り, Betrayal.

“Her lover, embracing another woman with all his might and showering her with all his love, something she could only dream of, was what she had seen. The blizzard freezing her tears to oblivion as it was the last thing she would remember.”

死, Death.

Silence.

Ringo was silent. He was too stunned to speak.

Never would he have ever guessed that this was the meaning behind your dance.

He knew that it probably wasn’t a happy tale but, the more he listened to you, the more pity he felt for the woman in the story, and for some reason, also for you.

A heartbroken woman who froze to death in the snow while peeping through a window at her lover having sex with another woman.

Who would have thought?

And…

”You’re crying…” You heard the man’s voice note, a slight gasp leaving your lips.

You hadn’t realized. You hadn’t realized at all.

Halfheartedly laughing it off, you simply wiped your tears away.

This wasn’t you. It had never been. Why the hell were you crying?

After a few more instants, you got up , throwing the stick away as you reassured Ringo that you were fine, not wanting him to worry about you any more than necessary.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what-“ you started nervously, not knowing what to do with yourself.

“Don’t be.” It was simple, but it said so much.

“You are more than just a sword, Miss Y/N. And that’s ok.” Ringo emphasized as he placed his stump on your shoulder, attempting to comfort you. And it did.

Whatever had happened to you in your past, it probably wasn’t something you dealt with well.

”You don’t have to tell me but-“

”I’m fine…Ringo and I thank you for your concern.” You smiled at him weakly. “But I think that we really should make haste and get those missing ingredients, right?”

Brushing off his emotional support, you reminded him how he said that he wouldn’t be taking long and changed your whole demeanor in a few seconds.

”Right…Master should be awake by now too so, I guess that we should hurry.”

”I’m glad you think so too.” Your tone seemed indifferent.

But before you could move on, Ringo seemed to have yet another question which made you consider to just leave without him.

“Please, please, pleaseeee. I promise you that this is the last question I’ll be asking. After that, I’ll be quiet, like a ninja!” Ringo’s usual vibe had returned.

”Like a ninja?” This has got to be a joke. But it was whatever, and unfortunately he took it as a yes.

”Speaking of which…how do you move so quietly? I mean, I know that you don’t have a bell on your feet but…even Master didn’t notice that you were gone. Just how do you do it?”

A small giggle met his ears as all of a sudden, he saw how genuinely you were amused.

”I guess that you could say that I’m just naturally stealthy.” You winked.

_______________________________________________

“Jump and ring the bell.”

The woman you knew as your adoptive mother now spoke, hanging a small bell onto a tree branch, high enough for you to reach if you jumped.

You were young, about eleven years old when you had gathered the courage to ask her to teach you more than just medicine.

It did take you literal weeks to convince her that that was truly what you wanted and now, here you were.

5 in the morning. The sun was barely visible and yet this was something you had chosen.

You wanted to learn how to fight, your reasoning behind it being something she could understand, which resulted in you standing in the back of her courtyard, sleeping with open eyes as the order was given.

”But why?” You protested.

”Just do it.”

Great. You thought that she was going to teach you all the crazy moves she had been practicing but this, was not it.

”Why don't you want me to fight-“

“No talking.” Her sharp voice cut through.

“Tiào qǐlái qiāozhong” [Jump and ring the bell] She pointed at it, pushing her glasses back up as she eyed you impatiently.

You understood quickly. She was speaking in her native tongue and in that context, this was anything but a good sign.

An annoyed sigh left your lips as you did what you were told.

You jumped and ringed the bell just like she asked, giving her a glance of satisfaction.

”Again.” Huh?

”But you said that we were going to train!” You didn’t dare to raise your voice, but the fact that you weren’t happy about this was more than clear to her.

And it amused her.

”Jiùshì zhèyàng. zài lái yìcì.” [This is it. Again.] You knew that she wouldn’t budge, making you groan in frustration as you listened. Again.

You jumped, again, ringing the bell, before waiting for her judgment.

”That was easy anyways.” You mumbled with a mischievous grin.

Getting a bucket filled with water, she finally spoke in Japanese again while she poured some of it at your feet, explaining her deduction.

”Hm, this just won’t do. You lack precision, finesse and your breathing has little to no sense of rhythm at all. It’s almost as if your body is empty of all sort of balance or grace. Start again.”

Her words were very quick to make you laugh, not thinking that she’d be able to make such developed judgments in such a short amount of time.

“Please, you can’t tell all that from one jump, can you?”

”…”

”You can.”

Smiling at you, she roughly tapped her finger against your forehead, making you frown.

”On the good side, you have the energy of a bullet but you also have the lightness of a depressed bull.” She mused, tapping you again to stop you from making such a face.

”Hey!” You pouted. “A depressed bull?”

Ignoring your protests, she simply placed herself next to the bell again, her strict persona being back on track.

”Ok. Now jump up, ring this bell and do not splash the water.” Absolutely not.

Of course, at the time you were too stubborn to realize that for a start, she wanted you to get some sort of control over your body and weight.

To not simply throw your body around, but to become aware and more attentive about it.

How you moved and how you received.

Use it to your advantage.

”That is impossible.” You looked at your wet feet, the reflection of yourself and your mother dwelling in the water.

Or not.

“I thought that you wanted to become the strongest swordswoman alive?”

_______________________________________________

”’As I trust that you are a man of honor…’ blah blah blah, ‘follow my man Okiyama…’ blah blah blah, ‘where we can meet in common safety. Please accept this as a token of sincerity, from one eager for your acquaintance.” Turning towards Mizu, you grinned.

“From Heiji Shindo.”

You had been taken by surprise by some sort of giant, or an ogre, you couldn’t really tell.

But it seemed like this man, Okiyama, had three horses and a message ready for you, which you had scanned pretty quickly, making Taigen groan at you in disbelief.

“And the parts that you skipped?” Mizu questioned, suspiciously eyeing the ogre, before looking at you again.

”To sum it up, you’re being invited to a tea party!” You joked, handing Taigen the letter, who took the care to read it again.

It’s not like you didn’t know how to read, but he just couldn’t quite understand why Heiji Shindo would send Mizu an invitation for ‘tea.’

But before any of you could add anything, Mizu had already silently made her way to one of the horses, struggling to mount it due to her wounds, a low grunt resonating the air which immediately made Taigen state his unwanted opinion, talking about how this was an ambush and that there was no tea.

And in conclusion, for once, you thought so too.

But if that was where Mizu was headed, you’d be quick to follow her.

If she was in potential danger, might as well just jump right into it together.

”Taigen is…right.” You agreed, tilting your head at her.

“YOU SEE?!” He breathed a sigh of relief.

“So I’ll come with you.” You rolled your eyes, making Taigen deadpan, as you realized seconds later that there were only three horses.

“Woah! What are you doing?” The man held onto your wrist, making you glance at him over your shoulder.

”Hm. Going for tea, I guess.” You shrugged, trying to free yourself from his grasp but he wouldn’t let you.

Nope. Not on his watch.

“Listen, I need you two, alive. If Mizu dies, you die. And there’s no ‘tea’. He’s leading you to an ambush, you know that, right?” Taigen insisted, making you sigh heavily.

“My wrist.” You pointed out.

“What??”

’Gosh, why was he so slow?’

“If you could let go of my wrist, I would be very grateful. And again, why do you care?” You snarked. “We’re not kids anymore, thank you very much.”

A small stutter met you as he reluctantly let you go, still not believing that you would deliberately put yourself in such a situation.

But it seemed like he had no choice.

“We have a contract, remember? No one gets to kill you, but me!” The man spoke to her, trying to change her mind, but it was Mizu.

Stubborn as ever.

While Taigen kept on with his whining, you could only realize way too lately (again) that Okiyama had only brought three horses with him.

Ringo, Taigen, you and Mizu were four people. And there was no way you’d ride with Taigen. Absolutely no way.

You didn’t feel like Ringo would be a safe option either and Okiyama wasn’t even worth thinking about.

So someone had to stay back and that wasn’t going to be you. In your opinion, Taigen had no real business following her around.

Unless…

”You can…ride with me.” Mizu said, her kasa covering her gaze as she could already guess what you were thinking.

What?

“Huh?” You felt your body heat up.

”…I said, that you can ride with me. I doubt that you’d want to ride with him, and Ringo has never even been on a horse before.”

Were you dreaming? Well, you could have guessed that Ringo had never ridden a horse before but still.

Was she sure?

“But Mizu, your stitches-“ She knew what that meant. You’d have to hold onto something for support or else there would be a big risk for you to fall.

”You can put your arms around my chest. I don’t have any injuries there.” The woman stated dryly, Taigen mounting his horse with no comment as you couldn’t really think denying such an offer.

’Here goes nothing…’

Taking a deep breath, it was your turn to take your place behind her, feeling her grip on your arm to help you up as a sound of struggle left your lips. After all, you were hurt as well.

A few seconds later, you had finally settled yourself down onto the horse, cautiously wrapping your arms around her torso while trying to keep a confident front in the process.

Your embrace wasn’t too tight but it wasn’t too loose either. Safe enough for you not to fall during this long trip.

Just perfect.

“Tell me if I’m hurting you.” You spoke lowly into her ear, your voice making her pause for a moment before simply nodding in return.

You were close now. Some might say too close.

Since she was a bit taller than you, her kasa felt like a roof to you, protecting you from any more snow falling onto you which you found quite nice.

Besides that, she had a pleasant smell on her. As cliché as that might sound, her odor was a mix of fir and the sea, with a hint of sweat accompanying the calming combination.

But you liked it, you thought that it suited her well.

And she felt warm, from where you were practically hugging her, you could feel her chest rise and sink again, the feeling of her heartbeat making you smile just a little.

”Tomorrow by sunrise, we part ways.”

Tsk…To you, those words had aged like raw milk.

_______________________________________________

Hours had passed since your departure towards that mysterious location where, you weren’t too sure about it, Heiji Shindo would be awaiting Mizu.

Hours in which you had been holding onto Mizu’s chest for dear life, doing everything in your power to keep your arms from slipping down around her waist.

It was hard, really.

You couldn’t hold onto her shoulders either since both of them had stitches on them. And the last thing you’d want to do was to loosen them up.

Ringo had been having the time of his life, giggling and controlling the horses direction, like a child that had been gifted a new toy. It was adorable to see and it even made you chuckle a bit.

Mizu on the other hand didn’t seem too fazed by any of her apprentice’s antics and you hadn’t exchanged more than a few words, the majority of the trip being spent in complete silence.

Almost in complete silence.

Of course Taigen had been feeling talkative about how you were all going to get ambushed by weak samurai that could never defeat him, which made you groan in frustration and Mizu only tune out his talking.

Yet for the four of you this was a unique opportunity to take in the beautiful scenery, the landscape being filled with a blanket of soft white snow, spreading as far as the eye could see.

It was a winter wonderland of crystalized trees and frozen lakes.

As the sun rose higher in the sky, it casted a dazzling glow across the scenery, creating an otherworldly feeling.

Minutes ticked away and you almost felt like you were dreaming.

One thing stood out above it all.

In the distance, a majestic mountain emerged from the rocks, its peak covered in sparkling white snow. It was a breathtaking sight, a true wonder of the natural world, a testament to the beauty of nature.

That was when everyone halted to take in the living art in front of you. Shifting a bit to the side, you peeked over Mizu’s shoulder, a gasp echoing in the air as you had no words to describe the sight.

But Taigen did.

“They scattered white flowers onto the Buddha…”

“…and the flowers they scattered were piled as high as mount Sumeru.” You instinctively finished, only your eyes briefly smiling at him, still holding onto your friend.

Mizu didn’t say anything, deciding not to participate in your short exchange of words.

And you understood.

”Hm. You know your sutras…not bad, samurai.”

“What do you-“

But before he could answer your comment, Mizu had already ridden forward, leaving the man by himself, perplexed.

You could only scoff at her petty action, earning you a side glance as she seemed to be in deep thought.

’Just what is going on in that pretty head of yours…’

It didn’t last long until Taigen had caught up to the three of you, and while you could feel your eyes getting heavier by the minute, Taigen felt that this was the right moment to try and warm up to the two of you.

Why? He didn’t know.

He started talking about how he never saw a mountain until he was twelve and ran away from home and an abusive father.

It wasn’t exactly the same thing for you. People knew, they knew that something was wrong in your household.

But they never helped.

So, you just listened.

And you decided not to say anything about it.

“Do you remember Kohama?”

Silence.

Of course Mizu wouldn’t answer that, why would she? And you, you had tried to forget everything you knew about that place anyway which apparently, Taigen also did.

He could have become his father yet he decided to pick up a sword.

Once he had finished with his story, you only turned to look at him, eyes empty.

“Hm? What are you talking about? I’m sorry but you just took so long, I didn’t hear half of it.” You lied, muttering the words at him.

But why? Taigen only dismissed your indifferent remark, keeping his mouth shut.

Why did you feel the need to lie? Kohama wasn’t just horrors and bad memories…some of them, or more like, a lot of them had Mizu in them.

And that, that was more than enough to soothe your pain.

Mizu’s silence only intensified, her ‘C’ like posture immediately shooting up into the letter ‘I’, straightening her back the second she felt your head rest on the back of her shoulder, asleep.

A glance over her shoulder was enough for her to understand that you weren’t faking it.

You were exhausted. Emotionally.

And rest, even if the conditions weren’t the best, was something she wouldn’t even dare to deny you.

This was a lot for you, and your embrace had loosened, hugging her waist, the thing you had been trying to avoid all this time.

But she didn’t mind. Surprisingly, it had a contrary effect.

One that she’d rather die than to admit.

This was a ghost from your past speaking about how his own life was miserable, hence why he was being such a horrible person to the two of you.

You didnt exactly feel pity for him but, you also remembered that you were all just children back then.

And children can be some brainless and ignorant creatures.

But that didn’t excuse anything.

Seeing that one of your hands was about to loosen itself from her waist, she merely just placed her own on top of yours, intertwining her fingers with yours to keep them in place before covering them with her coat, trying her best to keep them warm.

To keep you from falling.

You were her friend after all.

Plus, she couldn’t have your hands freezing while you were alseep and if she could protect them from the cold, then she would do so.

“I remember Kohama.” Mizu responded with a small smile, not even sparing a look for Taigen, who couldn’t even begin to understand.

‘These two…’

_______________________________________________

”I am not drinking that.” Mizu stated clearly as you only scoffed, holding the bowl for her to take, which she did, eyeing its swimming contents with disgust.

”Oh come on, yes you are. Ringo and I woke up before the sunrise to get the ingredients just for you. Drink it. All of it.” You pressed her, Ringo agreeing with you from behind.

You could tell that she was asking herself if you two were just trying to poison her at this point.

It was evening by now and after an eventful day of traveling, your group had settled a camping fire in the woods, with everyone growing weary as Okiyama might have planned on eating someone alive tonight.

“She’s right. The first one brought your fever down. This one will speed your healing and rebuild your strength.” Ringo explained, having her raise her brows at the two of you.

”Yup. It has vegetables, cod liver, herbs-“

Your description was interrupted by a big gulp, Mizu placing the now empty bowl next to you as Ringo could only hum in satisfaction.

“Distasteful doesn’t even begin to describe this.”

“I know.” You shrugged.

”Besides, I’m not the only one that’s hurt here. Shouldn’t you also be drinking some of that…stuff?” She asked, making you laugh.

”Thank you for your concern but I already had my fill this morning. Plus my wound isn’t as severe as your own.”

“I’m not…concerned. I’m just being cautious.” Mizu said, avoiding your gaze.

“Well! I guess I’ll just relax and wait to be ambushed.” Taigen’s voice cut into your conversation, and honestly, you were sick of it.

And of course, he just had to start talking about the soldiers that would be ambushing you tomorrow and how none of them could duel him.

You had had enough.

”If you want, I can kill you now.” Mizu offered, her brow quirking at him.

Yet Taigen couldn’t even answer that provocation as you immediately intervened. Well, that’s how you’d call it.

“Just make it stop…” You stood up, stretching again, making him snap at you.

”…What?”

”Do you ever stop? That flapping thing you do with your lips and the sounds that you create with your mouth.” You just wanted him to shut up. Even just for a minute.

Just make it stop.

”You mean talking?” Duh, idiot.

This was strange, embarrassing even.

Just why were you being so impulsive right now?

”Yeah that. No more of that. You’ve been talking all day long, I could even hear you blabbering in my sleep. Don’t you ever get tired of it?”

Were you mocking him?

All you knew was that you had hurt his little ego, seeing Taigen’s nose scrunch up a bit, while Mizu only sat there in silence, Ringo silently cheering on you.

A fake laugh could be heard from him, before he started to speak, his finger pointing at you.

“You know what your problem is, Y/N? It’s that you that you’re oh so-“

”Don’t shake your finger at me, Taigen.” This was a simple request, but your eyes were digging holes into him as you slightly shook your head.

Who the hell did he think he was?

”First of all, you should stop interrupting me. You think that you’re so special just because-“

”No, no. Don’t shake your finger at me, Taigen. I am not your wife, nor am I your daughter. So you do not shake your finger into my direction when speaking to me. Got it?”

A warning. No, a threat.

You had defeated him once, you wouldn’t mind doing so again.

Now that got to him.

You could barely blink as he had stood up as well, walking up to you. Once again, he was hoping to intimidate you with his height and his gaze, looking down at you.

”You don’t impress me, Y/N”

”Well, the feeling is mutual, samurai.” You stared up at him, spitting those words with disdain in your voice.

A small giggle could be heard from Ringo which made the both of you whip your heads into his direction, shutting him up before returning your attention to Taigen.

”Listen here. I don’t know what the hell they taught you at the Shindo Dojo, but what I can tell you that this big shot samurai title has definitely gotten over your head. Taigen, we all know that your hair will grow back in no time but I can promise you that that small your dick of yours wont grow bigger once you get your honor back.”

Oh! Ok!

Sometimes, you thought that maybe you should just think before speaking because what did he do to deserve that.

From the corner of your eye you could see Ringo gasping the biggest gasp in the most quiet way he could while Mizu’s eyes had gone wide at the disrespectful comeback she had just heard.

She knew that you had quite the mouth on you but this…at this point no one could defend you.

Not that you needed to be defended anyway.

At least that’s what you would have liked to think.

You were done for.

You could literally see the steam coming out from his ears as he tried to keep a calm front, miserably failing.

”You should really watch that tone of yours, Y/N” Taigen practically growled.

”And that’s the exact tone that I’ll be keeping, Taigen.”

Fuck it. There was no backing out now so you might as well just go all in.

Did you ever say that you weren’t interested in stoking futile conflicts with him? Yeah that was a lie.

“I’ve won 24 duels. How many have you won?”

Fool.

”Do you drink sake?”

He didn’t have to answer that as it was quite obvious.

You took it as a ‘yes’.

“Then tell me, do you still remember all the cups of sake you have drunken in your lifetime?” That question said more about your abilities than you needed to explain.

You grinned coyly, and you could’ve sworn seeing a glimmer of envy or, no, surprise in your opponent eyes, making him shut up quickly.

‘Does she really mean that?’ It was hard to believe.

Pretentious very much? Yet it was only the truth.

His defeat against you was living proof for that. You doubted that he had forgotten already.

“You think you’re so special just because you know how to handle a sword, huh?” Not really, but if that’s what he wanted to think of you then you’d almost feel honored.

Stepping closer to him, your face was inches away from his now, the camping fire illuminating your blessed features as you provoked him even more.

”Like I said, I do not know what they taught you at the Shindo Dojo, but you still swing like a little boy.”

And with that, you turned around, breaking the thin ice you were on.

”And you still block with your face. Hah, I guess that must’ve been the fruit from that misfit teacher of yours.” His voice mocked.

Yeah, that was it.

Anything but that.

Suddenly, your hair loosened as you threw your hairpin at him, Taigen dodging it without hesitation as he only frowned at you.

You stood your ground, eyes narrowed in anger, your fist curled and ready to fight.

He had no right to speak of her like that.

You wouldn't allow it.

Yet Taigen only smirked arrogantly, certain of his superiority, getting in a defensive stance, ready to strike.

You were out of yourself right now.

Never would you have expected him to downplay the name of your master like that.

He knew that you were furious, and so was he. But your first move was so sloppy, it was obvious that he had hit a particularly sensitive nerve, just like you did, and yet he still had more control over his movements than you right now, which was extremly unusual.

You felt uncommonly self aware right now. You always were but at this instant, something was different.

But that didn't stop you.

Within seconds you rushed toward him, your anger fueling your movements, but he easily dodged your advances, tackling you to the ground and managing to pin you to the ground as you a loud thud echoed through your body.

It made you gritt your teeth in as huffed cry.

You were already hurting, he knew that much.

But that didn't stop him either as you shouldn’t have tested his mouth, because the truth would soon be his sound.

“But of course, you remember Kohama. Poor little Y/N had been neglected by both her parents, unwanted and not even married.” He started while you struggled against him, his words feeling like the worst torture one could ever imagine.

How dared he?

”A bastard child, that’s what you were. No, that’s what you still are.” With a sudden burst of strength, you pushed him away from you, your fist flying as he quickly stood up, catching it.

It was a game of back and forth, you attacked, he dodged, you stood your ground but he took it from you, deliberately kicking you into your injured side, a painful scream resonating in the woods as he just kept on going.

”You know, the village kids used to scare each other by saying that inside of your very own house-“

No.

“You wouldn’t dare.” You panted, holding onto your side. You already knew what he was about to say but you just couldn’t let him perturb you like that.

Yet he couldn’t care less.

“They said that in your very own home laid the rotting corpse-“

“Don’t say it. DON’T SAY-“ How did he know? HOW DID HE KNOW?

“…Of your mother.” Getting back at him, you tried to strike him yet he punched you in your gut again, making your stitches loosen and crimson blood drip onto the painfully cold floor.

He wasn’t one to beat women, but since you were being so bold today to the point where you’d speak ‘man to man’ with him, insolent as always, well, in his opinion you were basically asking to be treated like one.

He'd fight you like a man.

Disrespectfully.

And oh boy, did he deliver.

”STOP IT-“ He forcefully pressed you against a tree, hands around your throat but not enough to seriously choke you. Although for a second you did think about biting that ugly nose of his off.

He was way too close for his own good.

“…because your mad father just couldn’t stand the thought of getting rid of her. So of course, when you started hanging around Mizu…”

Spouting all that nonsense.

“QUIET!” You were about to kill someone tonight if he didn't shut his mouth right now.

Why the hell did he know all of that?

“ …everyone knew that you were the devils children, impending doom upon us all.”

You struggled again to free yourself from him, asking yourself what Mizu was doing as you had trouble thinking clearly.

All Ringo could do was to tell the both of you to stop, not that anyone planned on listening though.

His words had held you hostage in unpleasant memories you had burried a long time ago.

Or so you had thought.

“But then came that misfit doctor with her round eyes, saving you from your misery in an attempt to make you feel less of a bastard than you already are…”

How dared he? Again?

”You really have a thing for dogs, don’t you?”

Taigen had exposed you, not even in bright daylight, but in such a dark night, where just for a mere second, you felt helpless.

But that's when it happened.

Like a tornado of emptiness reflecting in your eyes. Your feelings of compassion towards him had long rotten away.

They were gone at this very moment too. A release, if one might say so.

Your pupils dilated, murder clouding your mind, kicking him into his balls while your fingers suddenly struck him in lower abdomen, making his breath hitch and drop to the ground as you proceeded to punch him in his face, not caring if you broke anything as blood splattered onto your fists.

Not much but murder was left. That, and your pure a silent cry for help:

Rage.

“MISS Y/N! STOP, YOU’LL KILL HIM!!” You heard Ringo plead you but his words just flew right over your head.

Who would have thought?

You were going to kill him. Him and that disgusting ego of his.

During all of this, Mizu’s mind was on fucking lag.

All that new information was just…she would’ve never thought.

Your father had kept your mother’s corpse with him all that time? And the doctor he was talking about, was that the same outlandish woman she had met when she was little?

So many questions yet so little time with the current situation at hand.

This had to stop immediatly.

Yes, Taigen had been an asshole to you but right now, Mizu did not need more dead weights on herself.

So it didn’t last long until she snapped out of her thoughts as she saw you kick Taigen in his belly again, and again, and again, and…

“Stop it.” You felt an iron grip pull you back by your arms, away from a coughing and agonizing Taigen, which in your opinion was well deserved.

Ringo didn’t waste any more time and ran to kneel right besides him, the technique you had used seconds ago making him go through a new sense of pain.

From the inside, not the other way around. And Mizu knew by his sounds. There is as only one person that could create such suffering.

One person, except for you.

Seeing Ringo take care of Taigen angered you even more.

He deserved all misery anyways.

“He’s not worth it.” She tried to reason you, keeping you caged in her arms and basically protecting Taigen from getting unalived once more.

“LET ME GO! I SHALL DESTROY HIM!! We’ll see if he’ll ever have the courage to spit on my masters name again-“ You shouted, not even caring to look at her right now, all you wanted was him. Dead.

Even if this was your doing, he had no right to speak of her like that. You simply couldn't allow it.

”Cease yourself.” Her grip tightened at her final warning and you knew that you just couldn’t win right now. You just weren’t in the right state of mind to resist.

And somewhere it was ridiculous.

Yes it was ridiculous...

But how could she? How could she stay so calm? He insulted her, your parents, yourself.

And your adoptive mother.

The person you valued the most in your life besides your blue friend.

He had to pay. Body or soul, you just had to make him regret it.

(I think he already was lmao)

”Y/N. Stooping to his level? The level of the price from a miserable lot? Tsk, and here I thought that you were trained by the best…” Her stern words made your rage ease up very slowly, putting out the hateful fire that had risen in your chest.

For now.

You had stopped squirming in her grasp but your eyes were filled with tears, shameful tears that you wouldn’t shed in front of her.

You were practically pleading her to let you go by now.

Which she did.

Watching you storm off into the woods, you mouthed an excuse, saying that you’d be back in a minute because you just needed to cool yourself down.

And minutes became half an hour

Angry tears.

You were alone, sitting by yourself with single tears dripping down your face, as Taigen’s truthful words had unlocked some of your worst memories, memories that weren’t supposed to be part of your reality anymore.

All of this just made you want to burn the whole world down.

But you wouldn’t. Mizu wouldn’t let you. You knew that.

Just what the fuck was wrong with you? Ever since you had decided to follow her, you just, you didn’t even know.

You were being much more of an emotional mess than ever and all the things you had banned from your heart had somehow found their way to sneak up on you again.

Shit.

You were startled by the crunching of the snow beneath one’s feet making you groan in exasperation. Immediately throwing your still sheathed tantō, followed by your fist, you were just done.

”I said that I was excusing myself-“

Speaking of the devil.

Both were caught.

Your tantō and your fist.

Your fist lingered in her rough hand, glaring at her as if you were threatening her, before letting go, your fingers shortly locking with one another as you turned your back on her.

Mizu got the message, and she wouldn’t address all the things Taigen had just revealed. You weren’t ready yet.

”It’s you.” You quickly wiped your tears away.

“Hm. I just came to give you your hairpin back and Ringo says that he’s waiting for you to come and eat soon. Or else, your food will get cold. About Taigen, I can assure that he is in no more mood to talk, he’s currently being treated.”

She handed you the said pin which you took, yet you knew that this wasn’t all she wanted.

As long as Taigen wasn’t planning on opening his mouth again, you were fine.

”Thank you.” She was the one thanking you?

“What?”

”Thank you for saving my life back there. I figured that I still hadn’t given you my thanks so, you have it now.” She explained, her rainy eyes never leaving you.

”It was nothing.” You brushed it off.

And I’m sorry, for not intervening earlier with Taigen. But you’re deeply skilled, you know how to handle yourself.”

“You just don’t know when to keep quiet and listen.”

You guessed that you weren’t the only one then. For the second part.

She didn’t have to excuse herself for that, you had deliberately provoked him. But now you just felt like being petty for no apparent reason.

”Apology unaccepted.” You joked lightly.

So that’s how you were going to be.

“I guessed so. Any other wishes, princess?” There it was again and you could literally hear the smirk on her lips.

That nickname she had for you.

It had been a little while since she had called you that.

But there was something in the air, something you couldn’t quite figure out.

It was something nice.

”Duel me. Seriously. If you want my forgiveness that badly then fight for it. But not today…I can’t provide you with full strength and focus right now.”

You didn’t protest this time.

About the nickname. You didn’t protest.

Well, it was Mizu after all.

It reminded you that you still hadn’t found an equally as painful nickname…Tsk.

She had accepted to grant Taigen his stupid duel, so how could she deny you?

“I’ll think about it.” She rolled her eyes playfully. That was a yes.

Sitting herself next to your in the snow, you only tilted your head at her.

“What?” You smiled. As she looked at you, you could see that her mind was in deep thought, once again.

It took her a few seconds to word it correctly.

You were such a strange woman. Just like her…

“That technique you just used earlier…what’s it called?”

’Perhaps, no, it had to be her…’

Instead of answering her question, you drew some kanji in the snow, scratching your neck at the sight of it.

”急所術“ You showed her, but you instantly tell that she was feeling uneasy or…ashamed?

“What’s wrong?”

”Nothing.” She answered almost too quickly, making it obvious that she was lying.

”Mizu.” Something was bothering her.

”It’s just…” She started.

”Just what?”

“It’s just …I never learned to read or write such complicated kanji. Only the strict necessary. You know, characters you see in your everyday life and pretty much anything related to swordsplay.” She narrowed her eyes in shame. Oh, that’s why…

You didn’t really know what happened to her after she had disappeared but you could only guess that she did knew how to read and write but that she just wasn’t particularly skilled at it.

So why not…

So why not teach her?

“That’s ok.”

Without even thinking you took her finger in your hand, feeling her tense up as you started to trace the kanji again for her to get the grasp of the different strokes.

It almost felt natural. To her. The way you simply touched and guided her through the elegant art that was traditional calligraphy.

It felt natural…

“You’ll just have to learn.” You smiled, keeping your eyes on the snow.

Like most things, calligraphy needs practice, or else, you’ll never truly get the hang of it.

And so, in complete silence, you used her finger as a brush, and she just watched, letting you guide her finger through the words.

The feeling of your hand on hers, just like earlier when unbeknownst to you, she kept your hands warm and protected from the cold.

Because you were her friend.

After what seemed like five or six times of writing the same characters, you stopped, glancing at Mizu for a short instant, your hand easing itself around her finger as her cold fingers had found themselves on your face, soothing your mind.

You had tiny dried blood drops on it, from your earlier encounter with Taigen.

Nothing was said as you let her wipe them from your cheeks, letting the cold deep in with her eyes locking onto yours, taking in your bewitching features, as if she was unconsciously trying to drink them.

“That’s how you…” your words trailed off, her fingers lightly grazing your lips, because of course, you had a few scarlet drops on them as well.

At least, that’s what she pretended.

Her thumb brushed against your lower lip, erasing some of the remaining blood but you could tell that there was something deeper going on.

For a mere instant it was as if her demeanor had…changed. Her gaze was heavy and her touch felt tantalizingly addictive…

’Those lips…’ Unexpectedly moving closer to her, your eyes now scanned her face intriguingly as well, instincts resonating with each other, noses almost touching while you could both feel each others desperate breaths on your lips…

Eyes finally closing, longing and waiting for something that was right in front of you…

Almost…

If only you could…

”Your food is getting cold.” You heard her voice snap you out of your trance as she suddenly leaned away, getting up hastily and unfortunately not seeing you chase after her lips.

Your eyes snapped open again and…

Of course.

This was not what you guys had agreed on.

You knew it. What did you expect?

“Oh, right. I guess so.” You mumbled.

What was that?

Disappointment? But no surprise.

”We should get back with the others.” Mizu added mindlessly, as if nothing had ever happened.

She was right. So why would you be disappointed?

Nothing had ever happened. None of this was real.

Mizu had come to give you your hairpin back and get you to eat with the others again.

That was it. Whatever that was, you’d be sure to forget it soon, as it was not something you wanted, or needed.

An illusion. That’s what it was. Yes…

Rising up to your feet again, you brushed the snow from your clothes, awkwardly following her lead.

“Touch of Death. That’s the technique I used on him.” You admitted later on as she only hummed in acknowledgement.

She knew it and that just told her everything she needed to know.

’Lady Yunjing…’

You definitely were that ghost’s apprentice.

a/n: ain’t not way there’s a 1000 paragraph limit on here…. posting the next full chapters in one go is going to be tricky

Masterlist | Next Chapter

#mizu x oc #mizu brainrot #mizu x fem!reader #mizu x y/n #mizu x you #mizu bes #mizu blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai x reader #caitlyn x reader #lesbian #wlw writing #the damsel of devastation #mizu x reader #bes x reader #taigen #ringo

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