#vulnerabilly

[something-tofightfor]

He’s Not Here - Part 10

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 4700

Rating: M (light swearing)

Author’s Note: I don’t own Billy’s character. I’m just writing this for fun.

Parts 1-9 can be found on my Masterlist (link in bio)!

Feedback is welcome - Always. I’d love to know what you think! Sorry about the delayed posting of this chapter... it’s a little longer than usual to make up for it. The night in question (drunk Billy) can be read about in the NSFW Alphabet’s “bonus” section (at the bottom). 

Summary:  You meet the Castles, Billy makes a revelation, and you remember something that acted as a catalyst for your current situation. 

** Takes place well before the events of Daredevil S2 and Punisher S1 **

Tagging: If you want to be added or removed, let me know.

@banditthewriter @breanime @obscurilicious @padfootagain @madamrogersstorytelling @ooo-barff-ooo @agent-bossypants@suchatinyinfinity @chibiyanai @songtoyou @doneobrien @ilkaeliseb @editboutique @marauderskeeper @delicatelilyflower @drinix @likethetailofacomet @king4thesirens @ymariejp @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @ethereal-heavcns @mr-robot-x @rageshots @shinebrightlikeafanbase 

In the five days since you and Billy had talked about what was going on between you, things had fallen back into place much more easily than you would have imagined. True to his request, you’d stayed in his apartment until Monday morning, (you’d gone back to your place to get clothes, toiletries and your phone charger, which had ended with the two of you in your bed for a change) and the time had been more than enough to show you that Billy had truly meant what he said. 

There were still moments throughout the days when you saw that Billy’s eyes would lose focus, his jaw would lock and even your touch wasn’t enough to draw him out of his thoughts, but you were getting less and less worried. Billy had gone to two meetings with his friend Curtis, a man that had been honorably discharged from the military after losing most of his leg in combat. Curtis’ meetings were useful, Billy had said, and it was a good way for him to get used to being back home by being around people that he was comfortable with.

“Hey.” His gaze was soft, a smile on his lips as he opened the door of his apartment for you, gesturing for you to come in. He’d finally unpacked, and the place was looking lived in again. “Have a good day at work?” Billy was in the process of finding a job, so he was at home while you were in the middle of planning an event for the same company that you’d been working for when you met Billy… and the irony was not lost on you.

“Yeah.” You set your purse down on his table and allowed him to tug you into his chest, arms going around you. “Yeah, I had a meeting with Emily and her father today. They’re excited to work with us again.” Billy hadn’t reacted at your use of the woman’s name, but you pulled back and looked up at him nonetheless, wanting to see if he had any sort of response. After all, she’s the last woman he was in public with.

“She texted me today, actually.” Billy leaned down, his lips brushing over yours slowly. “Wanted to know if I was interested in being her date for the event again ‘for old time’s sake.’” He shrugged, pressing his lips to yours more forcefully, one of his hands sliding up your back. “I told her that I wasn’t interested.” You stared at him, and for a moment he looked confused before smiling again - this one a brilliant grin. “She’s going to be so mad when we walk in together.” Oh. we’re going together? I hadn’t even thought of that.

“I can’t antagonize her, Russo.” You sighed and his lips met your forehead. “At least not until we’re there and we’ve already been paid.” His laugh warmed you, even as he let you go and you moved past him into the kitchen, taking in the different dishes on the stove and counter. “What time are they coming, Billy?” Even though it was the middle of the week, Billy had decided that it was time for you to meet his best friend in person - so Frank and Maria Castle were coming to New York City to have dinner with the two of you.

“They should be here in about 40 minutes.” He stepped behind you, hand grazing your waist as he moved to the stove, picking up a slotted spoon and stirring one of the covered pots. “Just enough time for me to finish this, and for you to get changed if you want.” His attention was on the food in front of him, and you moved to the edge of the room, leaning against the door frame as you watched his movements. He’s so focused. A smile tugged at your lips as he moved gracefully from the stove to the fridge and then back, bending down to open the oven. I could get used to this. As if he could sense that you were watching him, Billy glanced back at you over his shoulder, long hair falling into his eyes as he winked at you. I think I’m already used to this.

---

“So, Bill and I met about six and a half years ago, and we hit it off right away.” Frank and Maria were sitting across the table from you, Frank gesturing with a beer bottle in his hand. “He’s the best friend I could have ever asked for, you know?” Billy shook his head, looking down before he sipped on his own beer. “Maria loves him and so do the kids.” Billy was grinning, red in the cheeks and his neck. “Bill said that he had something to tell us, though.” What? You looked over at Billy and he met your eyes for a moment before clearing his throat.

“Yeah. Well.” Billy set his bottle down and casually reached over to put his arm around the back of your chair, his fingertips closing around your shoulder. “I… we…” He paused, and you turned your head to stare at him. He’s telling them? “We had a conversation the other day, and I wanted you guys to come over and meet my...girlfriend.” I guess he is. Frank’s jaw dropped and Maria’s eyes widened, but both of them stayed silent. “I don’t really have many other friends, and I know that you’ve spoken to her before Frankie, but…” He sounded unsure for the first time, and you bit your lip, waiting.

Frank and Maria had been friendly when Billy had opened the door, though they both looked surprised to see you lounging on Billy’s couch. Dinner had been a lot of fun, with both the Castles falling into easy conversation with you and Billy about a variety of topics. And the dinner Billy had made? It was perfect. Garlic beef tenderloin with mushroom gravy, mashed potatoes and roasted vegetables and fresh baked bread had seemed like a literal feast, but Billy had pulled it off without difficulty, and again you’d been surprised at what the man could do. And he did it to … for me? “Billy, that’s… wonderful.” Maria was grinning, reaching her hand over to grip Billy’s tightly. “I’m happy for the two of you.” Your blush matched Billy’s, but it was Frank’s words that really got to you.

“Finally picking quality over quantity, eh Bill?” Frank smirked, shaking his head. “I knew there was something different about this one.” He jerked his chin in your direction, shaking his head back and forth. “All those video chats and the letters? Never seen you like that before, Russo. Glad you didn’t fuck it all up.” That broke the tension, and all four of you laughed, Billy leaning over to kiss you on the temple. “Can I borrow her for a minute, though, Bill? Wanna talk to her about something.” Billy removed his arm and you stood, grabbing your beer and waiting for Frank to stand too. “Your balcony good?” Billy nodded as he and Maria stood to begin clearing the table and Frank led the way through Billy’s living room and over to the sliding glass doors.

After you were both outside, Frank was silent for long moments, elbows resting on the railing. You stood next to him, looking out over the city. Billy’s apartment was on the eleventh floor, so there were plenty of tall buildings around you, along with a ton of ambient noise. “Is there… What’s up, Frank?” The man licked his lips, shaking his head.

“Bill’s my best friend.” Frank’s voice was gruff. “He’s been with a lot of women, you know? I’m sure you do, you’ve been … you’ve known him for long enough.” You nodded. “He seems settled with you.” Oh? Really? “It’s… nice to see him relaxed.” Frank was silent for a moment. “What I’m trying to say is that he’s never introduced Maria to anyone. I’ve met a few of them, and they’ve all been...” He looked down, stomping his foot once. “Not like  you. Not at all like you.” You felt a warmth spreading through your body as Frank confirmed what you’d hoped was the case. “What do you know about Bill’s life?” Frank turned his head to look at you, and the expression on his face had changed. “About… his childhood, I mean?”

Of all of the questions Frank could have asked you, that was the one you weren’t prepared for. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. “He… hasn’t told me too much, Frank.” There was no reason to lie to Frank, and you hoped that he’d tell you something more - giving you an insight into Billy’s life. “He got drunk one night when we were out, but this was before anything had happened between us.” You frowned. “He mentioned that he grew up in a group home. That he didn’t have a family.” You felt your eyes prickling with tears as you continued. “He told me everyone leaves him, and so he’s always been more willing to leave others.” Frank nodded. “He’s never known what it’s like to be loved without question.” Frank looked at you, still silent, and though his brow was furrowed, it wasn’t an unfriendly stare.

“Do you love him?” His question caught you off guard and you didn’t respond. “You don’t have to answer that, because I can see the truth on your face.” Frank stepped closer, the hand not holding his beer reaching out to touch your arm. “Don’t hurt him. And don’t let his insecurity hurt you.” Frank leaned in, talking quietly. “He cares about you. He wouldn’t have done this if he didn’t. Bill’s not the hearts and flowers and romance kind of guy, but he’s still got feelings buried under all of...this.” Frank gestured to his face before taking a long drink of beer. “Don’t make him regret this - or you. If that happens, I don’t think there’s any coming back from it for him.” Frank stood up, finishing his beer and then pulling you into a tight hug. “I want to see you around a lot, because you make Bill happy.” He stepped back. “He didn’t stop talking about you when we were over there.  He used your name.” Frank laughed, swallowing hard. “He had a picture of the two of you in his pocket all the time, you know?” I didn’t. Holy shit.

“I didn’t know he had it with him.” Frank nodded, the smile creeping back onto his face.

“Don’t tell him I told you about it.” Holding up one hand, you promised that you wouldn’t and Frank led you back into the apartment, where Billy and Maria were side by side, washing dishes. Her laughter carried across the open space, and you felt Frank relax next to you at the sound. He made his way over to where his wife stood, his hands going to her waist as he stepped behind her, kissing the side of her neck as she leaned back into him, still laughing. Billy looked over his shoulder at you and you tilted your head to the side, smiling. I’m definitely used to this.

Half an hour later, Frank and Maria had said their goodbyes - the woman hugging you tightly as she whispered “be good to him” in your ear, and Frank putting one arm around your shoulders as he stepped out the door. Once they were gone, Billy sighed, stretching his arms toward the ceiling and offering you one of his hands. Taking it, you let Billy lead you to the couch, where he sat and pulled you onto his lap. After you’d leaned you head against his shoulder, his arms circling your waist, he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that I put that on you without warning.” His chest was rumbling as he spoke, and you brought one hand up, settling it on his shoulder. “I just didn’t know how to … I’ve never done this before.” He sighed. “I wanted you to meet Frankie and Maria, and I wanted to tell them… I wanted them to know that you’re mine...” He tightened his grip on you, and you felt his heart racing in his chest. “I know we decided that you and I were… but… I don’t know if…”

“Hey. Hey, Billy.” You sat up, looking into his eyes, which were filled with panic. “This was perfect. You caught me off guard, yes, but not because I didn’t want it to happen.” You shook your head. “I just didn’t think that you’d want to tell Frank so soon. I mean, he’s your best friend, and…”

“I talk about you in Curt’s group.” His voice was soft, and you froze. He does? “I’ve never used your name, but I talk about you.” He sighed, fingers stroking up and down your side. “I told Curt I need to get better and do better this time I’m home, and that I need to get myself back in the mindset that I’m not at war anymore… and that you’re a big part of the reason.” That’s serious. “It’s getting harder to come back home. Every time I go, I think I’m fine, but then when I get back here, everything goes to shit.” He sounded sad, but he was smiling, his eyes focused. “One of these days, I’ll tell you everything.” Everything? “I know Frankie took you outside, and I can only imagine what he said, but I hope he didn’t scare you away.” Leaning in, you kissed him, your hand moving to his cheek as you did so, and you felt him pull you closer.

“Billy, whenever you want to tell me about your life, I’m here.” Your forehead was pressed against his and he nodded once. Fuck it. “Frank told me that you kept a picture of us with you over there?” His soft laugh made his eyes crinkle at the corners but he nodded.

“I did.” He licked his lips. “I told you I wanted more before I left.” I didn’t believe him. I didn’t realize until just now that I didn’t believe him. “It was from the day we went to the Central Park Zoo.” That was from before we were… when we were just friends. “Do you remember when we took that?”

“I do. It was… your way of thanking me for taking care of you that night you got drunk.” He nodded.

“You stayed. You took care of me and you stayed and you didn’t try to take advantage of me - you didn’t want anything from me, and I wanted to do something nice for you that wasn’t at night.” He scoffed. “I was trying to prove to you that I actually did want to be your friend.” He tilted his head and nuzzled into your neck. “But really, it was getting harder and harder to see you in my place or yours without making a move on you, and I figured that if we were in public, it would be easier.” Humming at the feeling of his lips moving across your skin, you shifted your body, moving your hands to his hair and scratching along his scalp, closing your eyes.

“You kissed me that day, Billy Russo. So your plan didn’t work.” He laughed, nipping at your neck before he moved lower, tongue out and moving against your collarbone.

“Yeah, well, we got a good picture out of it… and I think that just maybe that picture was what got you to let your guard down with me.” You’re 100% right.

---

14 months earlier

“You know, you can walk next to me, you don’t have to pretend like we aren’t here together.” Billy’s voice was loud, and you immediately stopped, turning to look at him with a huge smile on your face. “I invited you here, I’d like to walk with you.” He made his way the final few steps to you, and you felt his hand brush against yours  as you fell into step next to each other, making your way through the zoo’s walking pathways. It had been Billy’s idea to spend the day together, and he’d brought it up a few days earlier, via text.

After the night you’d spent drinking together - when you’d had to help him home and into bed because he got drunk - he’d gone radio silent for nearly two days. You’d talked the morning after, seeing the surprise in his eyes when he woke up next to you, still dressed in his jeans and you fully clothed, his arm tight around your waist. He hadn’t questioned you; you thought he’d been too embarrassed to do so, and so you hadn’t mentioned the conversation you’d had, or the look in his eyes as he’d asked you to stay. He’ll remember it on his own, or he won’t. You’d cooked him breakfast as he’d done his own version of the walk of shame to his shower, jeans hanging low on his waist, hair messed from pressing against the pillow.

Even as you cooked, you felt an ache in your heart, because there was something familiar about moving around in his kitchen, about taking care of him. You’d never admit it out loud, but waking up next to Billy, feeling his arm around you and seeing those eyes when you first woke up had felt right… and that’s why the friendship hurt so much. But it’s also why you need to keep it this way, you reminded yourself as you’d flipped eggs onto his plate and added two pieces of toast and some bacon. Anything else is out of the question.

He’d come out of the shower looking much better and more alert, and though he was casually dressed in a pair of basketball shorts and a dark t shirt, he was all business, thanking you for taking care of him, for getting him home, and for making sure he didn’t pass out in the hallway or on the floor. Waving him off, you’d stayed long enough to make sure he ate while filling him in one some of the previous night’s details and then you’d left, giving him a quick hug. You’d waited to hear from him, and so on Friday night when his text had come through - ‘Busy Sunday? Wanna take you out and thank you for being so nice to me’  it was like a weight had lifted from your chest. You responded that you had no plans, but that it wasn’t necessary, and he’d sent back a short reply. ‘I want to. Be at my place at 11 am.’

And that’s how you’d ended up at the zoo with him on a chilly Sunday morning. He hadn’t told you where you were going until you’d arrived, and as you turned to him, a wide smile on your face, you’d seen in his eyes that your reaction was what he’d been looking for. “I know it’s a small one, but it’s close by, and since it’s cold, we can see everything pretty quick.” He actually thought this through. Before you could help yourself, you’d asked a question.

“Is this a date?” Though caught off guard, Billy didn’t flinch, shrugging his shoulders. You knew that if he hadn’t had a beanie on his head, he would have been running a hand anxiously through his hair.

“If you want it to be?” He sounded nervous, and so you’d smiled, ducking your head and stepping next to him as he’d walked to the ticket booth, paying for the two of you. The first few hours had been fun. You’d never been to that zoo before, and Billy pointed things out, talking about visiting with the Castles, about his favorite exhibits and about his life in general, asking you about your own past, too. The two of you had taken pictures of each other, enjoying the time you were spending together, enjoying the day… and it had been easy. You’d listened to every word he’d said, watched his every action with your heart pounding because as time passed, it felt more and more like a date. We’re out in the daytime. We’re doing something that’s not drinking or eating. This is… he wanted to spend time with me. More than once, he’d reached out to squeeze your hand, pulling you toward an exhibit, talking excitedly.

In the back of your mind, though, you were waiting for the other shoe to drop - for someone to recognize him, for one of his previous dates to call out… something, anything to ruin the time you were having and bring you back to reality… but it hadn’t happened that way. By the time you were in front of the grizzly bear exhibit, you and Billy had been laughing for long minutes, fingers twined together as you walked. It had been his suggestion to take a picture together, and you’d agreed without hesitation; after all, you had multiple pictures with your friends - how was one with Billy any different? Except you knew that you wouldn’t regard this one the same as you did all the others - no, this one was going to be special. You positioned yourselves so that the bears were visible behind you, and Billy had put his arm around your shoulders casually, pulling you closer to him. You could smell his cologne even through his jacket and you automatically wrapped an arm around his waist, getting closer.

It was easy. It was comfortable, and it was everything that you’d wanted it to be as you leaned into Billy, waiting for him to take the photo. “Alright, on the count of three, I want to see a smile on your face.” He was talking quietly, and you saw him looking down at you on the screen, biting his lower lip. “1...2...3.” His arm tightened on your shoulders and you couldn’t help but grin, staring at his phone. “One more.” You rolled your eyes but didn’t stop smiling, looking up at him and at the same moment, he looked down at you, a wide smile on his face. He got a picture of that, too. I know he did.  You were right, of course, and as he showed you both pictures, you felt that same uncomfortable ache in your chest again. Friends. That’s it. That’s all we can be. “I like these. We look like we’re having a good time.” His tone was still soft, and you nodded in agreement, looking up to meet his eyes.

“We are having a good time, Billy. You should send those to me.” He tapped on the screen a few times and you felt your pocket vibrate as he tucked his phone away, taking a deep breath. “Thanks.” You were still facing each other, staring for long moments until he turned away, looking at the bears with his hands on the railing, gripping it tight. “So what’s next for today? We going our separate ways after this?” Though it was only early afternoon, you didn’t have any reason to believe he had anything else planned for you and so you were surprised when you felt his arm go back around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. Oh, OK….

“I thought I’d take you to dinner.” He paused, “If you want to go, that is.” All day with Billy? This is… this feels like…

“This is a date. I want this to be a date.” You spoke for a second time without thinking, looking up at him and finding that he was again staring down at you, hat pulled low over his brow. He looked young and vulnerable, his beard dark across his pale skin. “And if this isn’t, then dinner definitely would be.” There was another pause and the next thing you knew, Billy had removed his arm from your shoulders, turning to face you completely and angling your body to face him. That done, he moved both hands up to your face and leaned down, closing the distance between the two of you.

“I’ve been waiting since the first night we met to hear you say that.” There was no taste of alcohol on his lips that time, and there was no hesitation in the kiss, either. Your mouth moved against his with ease, and you stepped forward, closing the distance between the two of you. Billy deepened the kiss almost immediately, tilting your head to give himself better access to your mouth and you felt something shift between the two of you.

You’d failed at keeping things platonic with Billy Russo, but in that moment, you didn’t care. When the two of you broke apart, you were both breathing heavily - his eyes were wide and dark, and your lips remained parted as you stared up at him. “I… was that OK?” There wasn’t a hesitation as you nodded, fingertips moving up to touch his cheek, and he closed his eyes, licking his lips. “Good.”

You didn’t make it to dinner until much later that evening.

---

[something-tofightfor]

He’s Not Here: Interlude (No Filter Necessary)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 2512

Rating: M. Language, mentions of sex. 

Author’s Note: The idea for this story popped into my head about 2 pm today, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So you’re welcome, and I’m sorry that I ignored my follower event stuff and writing other planned pieces to get this one out. 

This chronologically takes place between chapters 10 and 11 of He’s Not Here - before the second gala, but after Reader meets Frank and Maria. The relationship is still VERY new.

Parts 1-12 can be found on my Masterlist (link in bio)!

Summary:  Running into a few women from his past, Billy’s got to fgure out how to make an important announcement... but simply speaking it out loud isn’t enough.

Tagging: If you want to be added or removed, let me know.

@banditthewriter @breanime @obscurilicious @padfootagain@madamrogersstorytelling @ooo-barff-ooo @agent-bossypants@suchatinyinfinity @chibiyanai @songtoyou @dylanobrusso @ilkaeliseb @editboutique @marauderskeeper @delicatelilyflower @drinix @likethetailofacomet @king4thesirens @ymariejp @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @ethereal-heavcns @mr-robot-x @rageshots @shinebrightlikeafanbase @zaffrenotes @audreychaz @jovialyouthmusic@yesixoxo @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @swiftyhowlz @introvertedlibrary @littlemermaidprobz @ladyblablabla @writing-for-a-chance

Billy had been home from deployment for just over two weeks, and he’d run into his fair share of women from the past in that time, each of them wanting to know why he hadn’t called, why he hadn’t responded to their messages, why he hadn’t inquired as to whether or not they were available to ‘take care of him’. Billy had simply shrugged them off, unwilling to admit to them that he was seeing someone, that he had you to go home to, meaning that he didn’t need them anymore. You’d met Frank and Maria, and that made it more real for him, more… meaningful. He felt content with you, more than happy to climb into bed with you at night and wake up wrapped around you in the morning. He didn’t need them, but at the same time time, he didn’t feel like he should have to tell them why.

And it was a good feeling, but it was still one that Billy was uncomfortable with, because he’d never dealt with an attachment like you before, had never had to come up with an excuse as to why he couldn’t - or wouldn’t - go home with someone. A simple “not interested”, with a roll of his eyes had always been enough, but even though he’d been away from the bars, away from the women that had seemed to flock to him like they couldn’t help themselves for many months, they were still waiting, still hoping, still reaching for him in ways that he was unwilling to respond to. Circling. Like vultures. He’d been with other women after meeting you - and you knew it, because he’d been honest with you about them, but it had been a long time, so why were they still so eager?

 There had been two in the seven weeks between meeting you and actually taking you to bed. He didn’t remember anything about them, aside from the fact that they’d been more than willing to jump into bed with him with very little prompting. After you, when he was still trying to convince himself that you were going to be nothing more than a friend with benefits - that he’d be able to keep you at arm’s length, even when he looked forward to talking to you and seeing you - there had been four others, spread out over the course of nearly four months. Kaitlin, the first one after you, and Jen, the third woman had been two of the ones that he’d run into after returning. “William Russo.” Jen had stopped him, placing a manicured hand on his arm as he walked down the street, lips pushed out into a pout that he was sure she thought was seductive. “Where have you been?” He rolled his eyes.

 “Iraq.” He pulled his arm away from her, crossing both of them across his chest. “Just got back two weeks ago.” Her eyes lit up.

 “Need to blow off some steam, William?” She raised an eyebrow, and as he looked her over, he didn’t understand how he had ever found anything attractive about her. “I remember what you like.” No you don’t.

 “We fucked once, Jenny. One time. And I left immediately after.” He stared at her pointedly but the girl was determined.

 “Oh, come on. I’ve seen your Instagram posts, seen the way you show off for everyone. No girlfriends, no relationships, no attachments. I just wanna fuck you again, William.” She leaned in, her voice dropping. “It wasn’t a problem before.” Rolling his eyes, Billy shook his head and stepped away.

 “Good seein’ ya, Jenny.” As he turned and kept walking, Billy heard her laughing behind him, telling him she’d talk to him soon. What was I thinking?

 Kaitlin had been the same; Billy had crossed paths with her while at the grocery store, buying - of all things - groceries to cook you dinner. He’d heard her voice calling out his name from the end of the aisle, and as he raised his head to look at her, she smiled widely, showing off teeth that were almost as white and perfect as his own. “Welcome back, soldier.” Inwardly, he’d winced, but he’d just nodded at Kaitlin, gesturing to the basket that she carried over her arm and raising an eyebrow. “Quick stop on my way home. You look like you’re stocking up.” Billy had nodded, looking down at his cart, a smile tugging at his lips as he saw the bottle of wine you’d asked him to buy. “Um.” The girl had cleared her throat, stepping closer to Billy - but not uncomfortably close. “I know… it was a one time thing, Bill.” She sighed. “But if you’re…interested in hanging out sometime, I’m… available.” Goddamn women. What’s wrong with them?

 He straightened up, looking down at Kaitlin, with her curly blonde hair and bright green eyes. Billy had liked her - a lot, actually, at the time - but he realized that it had been a simple physical attraction, nothing more. There was no connection, no spark, no… “Thanks, Kait. I appreciate the offer.” Billy winked at her but it was a tired response, turning back to his cart. “I’ll keep it in mind.” The rest of the time he’d spent in the store, Billy thought very carefully about the women he’d been with, about where they lived (if he knew), and what they did, trying to figure out a way to avoid every single one of them at once. I could move out of New York, that might work.

 Though he knew it would have been easier to come out and tell them that he was seeing someone, the words wouldn’t discourage many of them, especially with how many of them he’d repeated the phrases “no attachments” and “no relationships” to them. Fuck, I’m an idiot. The words meant nothing, as he’d learned over and over while growing up. Actions were what drove home the point.

---

A few days later, you were at Billy’s apartment, waiting for dinner to get delivered. He was scrolling through his phone on the couch, thumbing through Instagram when he got a message alert. “Fucking hell.” Billy swore under his breath as he navigated to the list of messages, his eyes widening as he saw how many he’d missed from various people, how many message requests he had. Jesus, these fucking women. He quickly looked through them, shaking his head at the fact that there were multiple phone numbers, a few unsolicited pictures, even a few sexts that had gone unanswered. I should make my account private. He thought it over for a few minutes, and then Billy Russo did what he did best - he took action.

 Billy stood, slipping his phone into his pocket and moving into the bedroom, where you were sitting on his desk chair, brushing your hair. “Hey, Russo.” You smiled at him in the mirror and Billy leaned down, kissing you on the side of the neck. He felt the way you shivered as his lips made contact and he reached around you, encircling your body with his arms, his lips latching onto your skin. “Mmm, Billy, what’s this?” You sighed, tilting your head away from him as you watched him in the mirror, and when he glanced upward, staring into the mirror himself, he saw that you were smiling. Look at her.

 He stood, moving back to the bed and sitting down. “Come here. Now.” He waited as you put the brush down, standing and walking over to where he sat. “Sit.” You lowered yourself onto his lap sideways, and he brought a hand up behind your head, fingers in your hair as the other arm went around your body, pulling you closer. You mumbled against his mouth, asking him what was going on, and he shrugged his shoulders, taking your lower lip into his mouth and biting down on it. “I donno, I just wanna kiss you.”

 For the next fifteen minutes, that’s exactly what he did. Billy kissed you passionately, alternating between biting and sucking on your lip, teeth grazing against your skin, tongue slipping into and out of your mouth, yours doing the same with his. This. This is what they couldn’t give me. Just you. Breathless, Billy pulled away, looking down at you before pressing his forehead to yours and closing his eyes. “Billy…” Your voice was low and a little hoarse, and Billy loved knowing that he could make you sound that way, throw you off by doing so little. “The food, what are you…” He shook his head, bringing his mouth back down to yours as he eased you down onto the bed, one arm moving to his back pocket to pull out his phone. Quick.

 He unlocked the phone while the two of you were still kissing, quickly opening the camera app as you pulled away from him, taking a deep breath and tucking your face in against his neck. He smirked at the camera, half of his face hidden behind your head, his comforter clearly visible beneath the two of you as he snapped a few pictures, and then turned his head to press his lips to your hair before easing you back into a sitting position. “Just taking a few pictures.” You exhaled and looked at his phone, reaching out with one finger to touch the screen. “I thought… it was time that I post a picture of us.” I hope she says yes.

 “What do you… Billy?” You looked at him with wide eyes, tucking your hair back behind your ear. He set the phone down, reaching out with his fingertips to touch the side of your face. “Are you sure?”

 “Yes.” He nodded firmly, shaking his head. “I won’t tag you or anything, but…” He sighed again. “I’ve run into a couple of women since I’ve been back, and they’ve tried to… they asked… I just want to show them that I don’t need them or want them. Me saying it won’t matter but…” He picked up the phone again, tuning the screen to you. “This says something. This says… ‘taken’… it says ‘not interested’ it says… ‘I’ve got someone’.” You were frowning, but you nodded slowly.

 “My face is partially covered.” You shook your head. “I mean some people will know it’s me, but…” He frowned too.

 “We can take another one if you want, I just thought… you can stay anonymous for now, but…” He stared at the screen. “Women aren’t the nicest hen they want something. I want to keep you from that, keep you away from the stupid decisions that I’ve made.” You laughed, reaching up to take his chin between your fingers, pulling his face back to yours and biting down on his lower lip, teeth dragging along it as you tugged it.

 “Now I know why you bit me so hard and kissed me like that.” He raised an eyebrow and smirked again. Yep. “You wanted to make sure my skin was flushed and my lip was good and swollen… like you’d just attacked me with your mouth.” Billy licked his own lips, eyes focused on you. She gets it. You sighed, a smile on your face. “Fuck ‘em, Billy. Post it. Tag me. I don’t care.” You stood, straightening your shirt and running your fingers through your hair as you glanced back over your shoulder. “And Billy?” He inclined his chin at you, a grin on his face. “Next time you want to make your prior conquests jealous? Fill me in first. I can’t think of anything more satisfying.” You walked out of the room and he laughed loudly, flopping back onto the bed as he opened Instagram and selected a picture to post.

 His eyes were filled with a warmth that he almost didn’t recognize, but his mouth was curved into that same shit-eating smirk that drove everyone wild. His fingertips were visible, coming around the back of your head, and though the top portion of your face was obscured by your hair, your nose and lips - which were looking quite puffy and freshly bitten, if he was being honest - were quite visible below his stubble and against the skin of his neck , which was flushed, just the same as yours was. Perfect.

 Billy typed one word in for the photo’s caption, hesitating for barely a second before hitting “OK” and posting it, and as it came up on the screen, he let out a breath that he hadn’t realized that he had been holding and reread what he’d typed. Mine. He sat up, looking at the image again before standing and putting the phone back into his pocket. It’s out there now. He shrugged his shoulders and made his way into the living room, where you sat curled up on the couch with your own phone in your hands. He felt a vibration and pulled his phone back out, another laugh slipping out of his mouth as he sat down next to you. “Yours, eh?” He looked over at you and you nodded, darkening your screen and setting your own phone down on the arm of the couch.

 “Yeah, Russo. You told everyone that I was yours, I thought I’d return the favor.” Smiling, Billy pulled you onto his lap and buried his nose in your hair, feeling more at ease than he had since before he’d left on his last deployment. 

---

[something-tofightfor]

He’s Not Here: Interlude (History)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 4600

Rating: M. Language, and that’s it. 

Author’s Note: I don’t own Billy’s character. I’m just writing this for fun.

This chronologically takes place after chapter 12. It needed to be written, but I didn’t want it to be a chapter of the main story, just inserted to build the relationship more. I may do more of these excerpts down the road, but we’ll see. 

Parts 1-12 can be found on my Masterlist (link in bio)!

Summary:  Billy Russo doesn’t know how to take care of someone else, but he’s going to try. 

** 14 months out from the events of  DD S2 **

Tagging: If you want to be added or removed, let me know.

@banditthewriter @breanime @obscurilicious @padfootagain @madamrogersstorytelling @ooo-barff-ooo @agent-bossypants @suchatinyinfinity @chibiyanai @songtoyou @dylanobrusso @ilkaeliseb@editboutique @marauderskeeper @delicatelilyflower @drinix @likethetailofacomet @king4thesirens @ymariejp @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @ethereal-heavcns @mr-robot-x @rageshots @shinebrightlikeafanbase @zaffrenotes @audreychaz @jovialyouthmusic @yesixoxo@blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @swiftyhowlz @introvertedlibrary @littlemermaidprobz @ladyblablabla @writing-for-achance 

Roughly 16 weeks after Billy’s return home

He hadn’t had a chance to check his messages until after he’d finished with his last client of the day, but Billy was worried because you weren’t answering your phone. He’d texted back, tried calling… even tried FaceTime, knowing that you could never turn down a video call with him. But there had been no response, which surprised him. He didn’t like to admit it, but you were on his mind a lot these days, and lack of contact - especially from you - was concerning. Your series of unanswered texts had started at noon with a simple “Hey you” followed twenty minutes later with “Guess you’re busy. Just wanted to say hi.” A little after 1 pm, you’d sent a third message. “I’m not feeling the greatest, I’m thinking of leaving work early.” He knew how much you hated ducking out of work, and he’d been surprised. Bet she went home and fell asleep. Billy sighed, shaking his head as he pressed his floor’s button in the elevator. I’ll take a quick shower and head over there, make sure she’s OK.

 He unlocked the door to his apartment and stepped inside, ready to flip the light switch but paused almost immediately. Someone’s in here. Shutting the door quietly, Billy moved to the kitchen, opening the smallest drawer and grabbing his gun, holding it loosely at his side as he moved through the apartment, his attention focused. Bedroom. Finger hovering near the trigger, Billy slowly approached his partially open bedroom door, hearing a rattling sound that grew louder as he got closer. What the hell? He stopped a foot outside of the door, peering around the frame and into the room - which was darker than the rest of the house, as the blinds were completely closed. Oh shit. He froze as he realized what he was looking at - the pile of blankets on his side of the bed wasn’t an intruder… it was you. She used her key for the first time.

 Relaxing his grip on the weapon, Billy took a deep breath and frowned as he stepped into the room, placing the gun on top of his dresser. “Hey.” He spoke quietly, not wanting to startle you and although he could only see the shape of you under what looked like every blanket in his house, he smiled. “Making yourself at home?” He heard you groan as he approached the bed, sitting down on the edge and reaching out to put his hand on your shoulder. “You alright?” It took a moment, but you pulled the blankets down enough to peer at him in the semi-darkness, and Billy was shocked at how pale your skin was, how glazed your eyes looked. “Jesus, do you need to go to the hospital?” You shook your head slowly twice, staring at him. She looks awful.

 “‘ I… ‘m sorry, I just wanted… I thought that since your bed would smell like you, I’d feel better, even if you weren’t here. I must have fallen asleep.” She wanted to… I’d make her feel better? Your voice was weak and a little hoarse, and Billy immediately felt worse, but at the same time better. I’ve never… she’s…  “My germs are all over now, I shouldn’t have…” You coughed, squeezing your eyes shut and Billy froze at the sound - it was a wet, thick cough. “I don’t feel good, Billy.” Without hesitation, he reached out, flipping his hand to press the back of it to your forehead. Hot. She’s got a fever. “Felt fine this morning, but…” Another cough. “Chest hurts. Head hurts. I’m hot.” You cleared your throat, blinking a few times before closing your eyes. “But I’m so cold.”

 “You’re always hot.” He grinned, but when the joke didn’t get any response from you, he frowned. “You should go to the hospital, or to a Minute Clinic or somethin’, you don’t look good. I mean, you look sick, not that you don’t look good, because you do, I’m just...” You shook your head, opening your eyes again and looking at him.

 “No.” You drew your knees up to your chest - he watched the blankets move as you curled up into a ball. “I took medicine at work already, I just want to sleep, I…” You coughed again, and Billy stared at you, helplessly. “I was going to get food on my way here, but I was too…” You trailed off. What do I do? Go get food? Make her go to the doctor? I don’t know…

 “I can go get you food, just tell me what you want.” He reached out again, putting his palm against your cheek, thumb moving slowly over the skin beneath your eye as you automatically leaned into his touch. “Whatever you want.”  You didn’t respond, and Billy just stared at you as he listened to your breathing even out, though it still sounded… well, wet, and slightly wheezy. Damn. What the hell do I do?  “I’ll be back, OK? I’ll go get you soup or somethin’, somethin’ warm and…” As he pulled his hand away, your eyes shot open again and his name left your lips weakly.

 “Billy...no. Don’t leave. Please.” You coughed again, moving your arm under the blanket as if trying to push yourself into a sitting position and Billy immediately, responded, leaning back in, his hand moving down to your shoulder to keep you from getting up. For once in my life, someone needs me and is trusting me to take care of them.  

 “Hey, no. Just stay here.” You stopped, still staring up at him as he looked down at you, his eyes locked on yours. Ok, so I order. “I’ll go order something for you, it’ll just take a minute or two, OK?” You sighed but settled back onto the bed, muttering under your breath about how much you hated being sick. He leaned down without a second thought and pressed his lips to your cheek and then to your forehead, the second kiss lingering against your feverish skin. “Then I’ll come back and take care of you, I promise.” You sighed again, the corners of your lips curving upward slightly.

 “Ok, Russo.” You swallowed and he stood, sliding off of the bed. By the time he stepped out of the bedroom, he had his mouth set in a firm line. I’m going to take care of her. He looked around, tapping his foot against the floor, thinking. What first? Billy took a deep breath and reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone. He bit his lip as he stared at the screen, completely at a loss. No one had ever cared for him while sick - it had all been up to him, and his idea of “recovery” was hoping that each morning when he woke up, he’d miraculously gotten better overnight. That wasn’t going to cut it with you, though - Billy had a chance to truly help, but in order to do so, he needed some help.

 He took a deep breath and thumbed through his contacts before pressing the call button. One ring. Two. Three. When he heard a voice on the other end of the line, Billy finally sighed, sinking down onto the couch, his eyes closing and his free hand moving to the back of his neck. “Hey, Maria… I’m sorry to bother you, but I need your help. What do you… what do you do when someone’s sick?”

---

Ten minutes later, Billy was back in the bedroom, listening to your breathing as you slept. Maria had advised him that it would be a good idea to get you into warmer clothes, and to ensure that you were drinking fluids. “Lisa came home from school yesterday and said she felt crappy, too.  Sounds like the same thing. Might just be a 24 hour bug, could be broncihitis.” Billy had leaned back on the couch, his eyes still closed as Maria spoke, mentally going through what was in his cabinets. “She needs to eat. She needs sleep. She needs… Bill, she needs to not be alone. It helps. Just do what feels right.”

 After hanging up with Maria and placing a call into his favorite deli for soup and sandwiches, Billy had made his way into the bathroom, gathering up the medication that he had on hand - non-drowsy Robitussin, some cough drops, Advil Cold and Sinus - along with a bottle of cold water. He looked at himself in the mirror, hands gripping the edge of the sink. She needs me. Someone needs me. Blinking in the harsh light from the over-vanity fixture, Billy sighed. Maria’s words had comforted him, but he knew it was likely going to be a long night. He’d shot a text to his boss, explaining that his girlfriend was sick, a smile on his lips even as he typed the word, and said that he likely wouldn’t be in the following day.

 Billy moved quietly in the dark, reaching into his drawers and pulling out two pairs of sweatpants and a hoodie before he stripped his clothes off, stretching. “Not fair.” He turned to the side, one eyebrow raised at the you-sized lump in his bed. “I feel like shit and you’re nearly naked in front of me.” There she is. You coughed again and Billy bent down, tugging one of the pairs of pants up over his legs, settling them low on his waist before he walked to the bed, the rest of his clothes in hand.

 “We’re gonna get you changed.” He nodded, watching as you pulled the blankets down, revealing that you were still in your work clothes. “That’s what I thought.” He smiled at you, reaching out to touch your face again and you smiled weakly back. “I ordered us some dinner, too. But… it’s going to be a while, they’re down a delivery guy, and they said close to two hours.” You nodded, still staring up at him. “Can you stand?” With a deep sigh, you nodded again, and he reached out, pulling the heavy pile of blankets down more. “Hold on.” Billy stood, holding his arms out to you and you placed your hands in his, allowing him to pull you to your feet. She’s burning up.

 He made quick work of your clothes, waiting until you’d braced your hands on his shoulders as he bent down to pull the pants up your legs, thumbs gently running up the sides of your thighs, his lips pressing to your abdomen briefly before he stood. “Hmm, Billy.” Your voice was quiet but pleased, and as he was much closer to you, he heard the congestion in your chest with each breath you took. You took the hoodie from him, slowly putting it on, but allowed him to tug the hem of it down, completely covering you again. As if the entire interaction had drained you, you sat back down on the edge of the bed, looking up at him with the saddest eyes in the world - at least in his mind. “I hate being sick, Billy.” Swallowing, you shook your head. “I felt fine this morning.” He sat next to you, reaching out for the medication that was on his nightstand.

 “Well. I called Maria, and asked what I could give you.” He picked up the water, twisting the cap off and handed it to you. “Drink.” You took a long sip, and he watched as you swallowed it. “She said you could double up on the Robitussin and the Advil. She and Frank do it all the time.” You laughed - weakly, which caused another coughing fit, and Billy wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you toward him. “You’ll be OK.” You sighed. “Medicine first, and then I’ll cover you back up -”

 “Will you stay with me?” He nodded without thinking, leaning over to press his lips to the top of your head.

 “Of course. I’m not… I’m not the best at taking care of people,  but I’ll stay. Anythin’ you want.” He poured you a capful of the Robitussin and handed it to you, using the spare moments to shake out a dose of Advil into his palm, which you took from him, too. The medicine taken, you took another long drink of water before handing him the bottle. “OK, back under the blanket.” You nodded gratefully as Billy stood, waiting until you’d stretched out to pull the blankets back up around you - but not all of them because you were about to have something warm that you hadn’t previously: his body next to yours.

 Billy slid into bed next to you, slipping under the blanket and putting his arms around you as he propped himself up on the pillows. You moved closer to him, and he felt your hot cheek against his chest and heard you sigh as an arm went around him. It felt different to him, different and much more personal than any other interaction with a woman had before. Not only were you in his bed, wearing his clothes, but you were with him, dependant on him, waiting and hoping that he could make things better for you. Both of you were silent for long minutes and he listened to your breathing as it changed - your upper body was elevated slightly, and it sounded as if you were breathing easier. Good. “I…” You swallowed, and he felt your fingers moving across his chest, stroking absently against his skin. “Tell me something about you, Billy. I just… I wanna hear your voice.” She’s not usually like this, she must be really out of it. He thought for a few moments and then cleared his throat.

 “So I’m not good at… this.” He paused. “I’ve never had a … girlfriend to take care of, and no one really… when I was younger, it was just me, you know? No one was there to hold my hand in the group home, and the few homes I was placed in weren’t much better.” You sighed, but didn’t speak, scooting closer to Billy and hooking one of your legs over his so that there was no space left between you at all. He tightened his hold on you. “I never thought I’d… You bein’ here, askin’ me to do this for you, it’s really… you trust me.” Humming in agreement, he felt you nod against his chest. “I like that. I like that you trust me.” His eyes scanned the room, locking on the gun that was still on top of his dresser. Despite everything, even the things I did over there.

 “I didn’t know it was you in here, when I first got home.” He scoffed. “But when I saw that it was, it made me happy. You didn’t feel good, and you came to me to make it better. I never had that. I never had anyone to go to before. Maybe Frankie and Maria, but…” He trailed off, realizing that your breathing had evened out, your shivering less pronounced. “But never like this. You can come to me whenever you need, and I’ll be there for you. I’m here.” He swallowed, feeling a lump rising in his throat. She’s sleeping, keep talking. “I know what you did for me when I was drunk. I know that you took care of me and listened to me tell you about Megan and my first…” He sniffed, remembering the dark haired girl’s disdain for him as he disappointed her, the speed at which she’d told the story to the other teens in the home. “And you didn’t laugh. You… tried to make me feel better.” Billy closed his eyes, feeling tears begin to well in them. Crying, Russo? She’s good to you and it makes you want to cry? “There was nothin’ in it for you at that point, you didn’t even... We hadn’t even kissed more than that first night, and you already knew. You already knew what you thought ‘bout me. I shoulda known then, you know?”

 He looked down as you cleared your throat, but your eyes were closed. “That wasn’t even the first time you did somethin’ nice for me. You came when I asked you to with Kate, and we hadn’t seen each other in almost a month. We barely knew each other, and I... “ He took a deep breath. “I called you because I… liked you, and I wanted to see you again, but knew if I invited you out, you’d say no.” He stopped, looking down. “I thought you’d say no. But now I think I was wrong.” Was I? Would you have actually gone out with me back then? You tried so hard to just be my friend. “I wanted you.” He licked his lips, using his palm to rub your arm through the material of his hoodie. “And you were just out of reach, so I broke a rule, even back then. I… was your friend. And it… it was… worth it.” You sighed and Billy did, too. “We got here, to this point, and you keep… you keep proving over and over that I am worth something.”

 “Y’are, Billy…” You were whispering, and Billy froze, realizing that though he’d thought you were sleeping, you had in fact been awake for at least some of the conversation. “Worth every minute.” You turned your head, kissing his chest just below his collarbone. “I keep telling you…” You trailed off, and he felt himself growing warmer, trying to take in your words. He knew you cared, and he’d told you that he cared about you, too, but this was different. You had no reason to conceal your emotions - and he didn’t even know if you were able to. She means it. He shook his head, removing one arm from you and bringing his hand back up to run through his hair.

 “And even with Anvil, you’ve been… I donno, so supportive and so willing to just help me, to be there for me, to…” He licked his lips, lowering his face to your hair and inhaling. “I want Anvil. I want it bad. And you keep reminding me, keep pushin’ me forward. You…  I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve someone like you in my life, and yet here you are.” He closed his eyes and went silent. After the bank had turned him down, you’d been just as supportive as ever, trying to help him figure out ways to raise the money, to change the perception of the bank, to come up with ways to reach out to the community and gain support. “You believe in me. You.. always have.”

 “Someone has to.” You took a deep breath, tightening your hold on Billy, clearing your throat before you spoke. “You’re not alone, Billy Russo. You might think you are, but…” You laughed again, the sound still weak but he heard you in it. “As soon as you caught my eye at that dinner, Billy, you had me.” No I didn’t. I didn’t have you until I proved that I wanted something different from you. They were both silent for a few minutes, your breathing the only thing he could hear in the room. “You’re good at this.” He looked down, noticing that you’d opened your eyes and were staring at him. Though there was very little light coming in from the living room, he could see enough.

 “At what?” You raised an eyebrow. “At taking care of you?” A small nod, and he just shook his head, wrinkling his nose. “Nah. I’m just… tryin’ to think about what I’d want someone to do for me.” Talking about your failures? Real nice, Bill. He could almost hear Frank’s voice in his head, and Billy smiled at the thought, a radiant smile that he knew would melt you - and it seemed to work, because he felt you inhale sharply, eyes never leaving his. “Warm and fuzzy isn’t my style, it’s kinda hard to -”

 “Tell me some...something about your mom.” Billy froze. What? “I know you were really young, Billy, when she… when you went into the system.” He nodded, his heart still beating rapidly. “But you have to remember, there has to be something that you held on to.” You coughed, finally tearing your eyes away from his for a moment as you brought your hand up to cover your mouth. “Just something, Billy. Even something small.”

 “Why?” He pressed his lips together. “Why d’you wanna know?” I don’t want to talk about my mother, I don’t… not with you, not … she doesn’t get to taint this. “I don’t -”

 “There has to be something good, Billy.” You cleared your throat. “One good thing, one… memory that got you through the foster homes and the bullshit.” I… He was silent, eyes again focused across the room as he thought. It’s not really… we’ve been together for four months, but she’s been my friend for… there’s not…. Goddammit. “Forget it, Billy. I’m sorry.” You took another deep breath, the wheezing louder and Billy tightened his arms around you again. Without prompting, a memory popped into his head and he felt his chest get tight. Fuck me, I haven’t thought about this… Billy took a deep breath and swallowed, moving one of his hands up to press the fingers of his hand against the back of your neck, thumb tucked behind your ear.

 “So.” He licked his lips and took a deep breath, sweeping his thumb slowly back and forth as he leaned down, cheek pressed against the side of your head, lips close to your ear. “So when I was real little…” Are you doing this? “I had Chicken Pox when I was six or seven.” Your hold on him tightened, and Billy continued. “Carla… my mo...mother was already hooked on whatever by then, but she had moments, and that was one of ‘em. I didn’t have any spots above my shoulders, so...” His chest tightened, and Billy’s thumb stopped moving for a moment, then started again, accompanied with his fingers lightly dragging back and forth over the skin of the back of your neck.

 You hummed quietly, tilting your head slightly and he smiled at the movement. “She used to… she used to pull me onto her lap, and run her fingers over the back of my head and neck like this, just… holdin’ me and whispering into my ear, tellin’ me that I’d feel better soon.” He felt the tears leaking from his eyes but did nothing to stop them, not wanting to break the contact with you or stop the story. It feels good to tell her this, to talk about Carla. He turned his head a little more, his lips hovering over your ear. “Just like this. She’d say ‘I’m right here, William. I’m right here and you’re going to feel better soon.”

 He lowered his lips to the side of your head, fingers still moving. Though he wanted to keep talking, he allowed himself a few moments to think of his mother without anger or bitterness - just remembering her, remembering the smell of her Estee Lauder perfume - roses and jasmine and sandalwood - remembering her voice and the way that her eyes had sparkled as she watched Billy play in their small front yard, all knobby knees and scraped elbows, remembered the way that she’d hold him and comfort him before the drugs had taken over her life and she’d left him alone with the memory of a mother that he tried to forget. 

Forgetting’s easier. Rememberng is hard.  He exhaled, squeezing his eyes shut and remembered the feeling of being left alone, of feeling worthless and useless and sick to his stomach, feeling pain and sickness and fear. Sure, there were good memories, memories that stuck with him throughout his life and influenced his subconscious actions and behaviors, but there were bad ones, too - and those often won out in his mind, dictating the way that he lived his life. But I have a choice now, even though I didn’t then. And I choose her. This. Us.

 “I’m right here.” He was whispering and his own voice was unsteady, but Billy continued, along with continuing to move his fingers against your overheated skin, over and over and over. “I’m right here and you’re going to feel better soon.”

---

[something-tofightfor]

Love, love, love vulnerable Billy. This is all so new to him that is was smart of Y/N to not unload how she really feels about him because she knows that would just make him more scared and nerve. Baby steps. I just love this fic so much. It's so freaking good and your writing is phenomenal.

wow, thank you so much for this. i love knowing that these characters - and the way i see them/him  - are believable and that you’re enjoying it. i think that for anyone (and especially someone that’s not used to this type of feeling or situation), a relationship can be overwhelming. 

It’s taken him a year and a half basically to even come out and admit that he cares like this, so her going all in all at once isn’t the smartest idea. it’ll come, though - if there’s one thing that she is, it’s patient with Billy Russo. 

Again, thank you for this comment. I write for a living, so it’s always great to hear that I’m not horrible at my chosen profession… and that you’re liking the stories I create. 

Have a good night!