#voxnipop
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Hey.
You can teach yourself to read again.
I'm 32, and reading again now, but for several years, I just straight up never picked up a book. Between TikTok and games and work and depression, the appeal died.
And worse? When I tried, I couldn't muster the attention to get through more than a few pages, and was so discouraged I stopped.
But you can learn it again. Slowly, sometimes. More slowly than I wished. But the door isn't locked, or even closed, just a bit stuck.
Some things I did that helped me:
1. Short story anthologies. I know there are "best of the year" anthologies for horror and scifi/fantasy, and I picked a couple up.
2. Try different mediums. I can finally read on my Kindle again, but I digest material much better when I can annotate with paper. Play around. You aren't locked in
3. Read out loud, to yourself or others. One of my happiest memories of a really shitty time of my life was reading "The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas' to my friend while she was driving on a road trip. Speaking makes you slow down and personally helps me keep my mind from wandering as easy, since I'm engaging in two ways.
4. Reread a book you cared about as a kid. For me it was Where The Red Fern Grows and Frankenstein. Not so familiar you skim, but use those preexisting positive feelings.
5. Let yourself be frustrated. The number of times that first novel I had to close my book and walk up and down the hallway a few times is in the dozens. It's frustrating. That's okay.
6. Seriously, you might get frustrated. You are reacquainting your brain with a rusty skill, and building back up for ability to focus your attention. When my therapist asked me to try meditation, it was a very similar set of mental muscles flexing. If you wander, it's not a punishable offense, just redirect yourself back. You did good just by recognizing you were wandering.
7. Set aside time and create a ritual. I read first thing in the morning for twenty minutes before my walk, while the taste of the mint toothpaste lingers. While my mouth tingles, I read (and these days, I read until my backup timer goes off, since I'm beginning to be able to immerse myself quickly again.)
I really hope this helps someone, because as a once avid reader, I felt so ashamed and, well, just plain stupid, when I realized I couldn't anymore.
(and if you don't want to, that's fine too! There's so many great ways to engage with narrative and story. But I wanted to read again, and I'm glad I struggled my way back home.)
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Monster Match #24: Bugul Noz
The Traveler's Masterlist
For: @voxnipop: Hi there! I'm Ariel (Voxni on Kofi). I'm female-presenting agender, and use they/them pronouns. For a brief description, I'm a software engineer and genre-fiction writer. I love learning new languages and skills in my free time. Physically, I am clearly the designated nerd in a family of badasses. Tall, pale, and soft with curly red hair and thick thick glasses. (Compared to the rest of my tattoo-ed, super-athletic family. I love them though, do their taxes for them every year lol.) Always down for a fight to defend my family or friends, but thankfully as a super-soft sweet female-bodied person in the Southern US, most people disengage quickly after that.
In a partner, I honestly want to feel valued and protected. I know my default is to take control and basically be the protector and nurturer, but I'd like someone who reciprocates that care that I give. Intelligence isn't all that important as much as sweetness, and also maybe the ability to cook? I'm living that takeout lifestyle haaaard. Physically, I have a slight preference for larger partners, but I'd be pretty excited to see whoever the match happens with! No preference on SFW vs NSFW, whatever you feel more inclined/simpler to do. Thank you, and hope you hit your goal soon!
You’ve been matched with a Bugul Noz!
In Breton beliefs, the Bugul Noz, or "Night Shepherd"), is a fae-like being who lives in the woodlands of Brittany. He is the last of his kind and is said to be incredibly ugly, which causes him distress. His appearance is so awful that even woodland animals avoid him, and he sometimes cries out to warn others nearby of his approach, so that he won't frighten them and that they’ll go home. He is called the night shepherd because it is generally not safe in forests late at night, when he is most active. The Bugul Noz is not malicious (indeed, rather kind and gentle), he is always alone because of his hideous visage.
Rather than being a spirit to be feared, he’s said to, "fulfill a beneficial office, in warning human beings, by his coming, that night is not made for lingering in the fields or on the roads, but for shutting oneself in behind closed doors and going to sleep. This shepherd of the shades would then be, take it altogether, a kind of good shepherd. It is to ensure our rest and safety, to withdraw us from excesses of toil and the snares of night, that he compels us, thoughtless sheep, to return quickly to the fold."
It was the baleful moaning that alerted you, making the hairs stand up on your neck.
When you first heard the sound, you were spooked but unsure what you could do. You only had your bag, which had a map, compass, and a cellphone that had no service. You’d gone hiking before and never had a problem, but it only took one wrong turn in the woods to lead to disaster.
You didn’t work out much, as you kind of enjoyed being squishy, but walking along hiking trails was your favorite form of exercise because you could take it in your own pace and sit to sketch if you were tired.
You’d gotten lost while hiking during your vacation in France and night had rapidly come upon you. You eventually found yourself in some sort of ravine with a sheer cliff face preventing you from leaving. You followed it until you’d become tired, finding a cave-like cliff hollow to shelter under.
It was then that a gigantic brown bear decided to come back to what you realized was its den, and panicked. It reared up on its hind legs and bellowed at you, and you shrieked in reply.
“Oh, god, please don’t let me die,” You prayed. “All I wanted was a vacation in Europe before I became a serious adult! Please let me live to see the Louvre!”
You heard the moaning again, but it wasn’t coming from the bear. The bear came down from its hind legs and looked behind itself. It stiffened, and then jumped as if startled. The moaning grew louder, and the bear grunted, shying away from whatever it was. Apparently deciding that a fight with whatever it was looking at wasn’t worth it and moved on.
After a moment of waiting for the bear to return, you cautiously stood up. It was still dark out, the stars were clear and bright, but not enough to illuminate the way out.
“Hello?” You called to the darkness. “Who’s there?”
“Est-ce que tu vas bien?” The voice called. It was deep and scratchy, like someone who had a cough.
“I’m sorry,” You said. “I don’t speak much French.”
“Parlez vous anglais?” They asked.
“Angl--English! Yes, I speak English,” You replied, relieved.
“My English… not good,” They said in a very heavy regional French accent. “Follow, s'il vous plaît. Lead you to trail.”
“I can’t see you,” You said.
“C'est pour le mieux,” They replied. “Come now. Not far.”
“How can I follow you if I can’t see you?”
They were quiet for a moment. “Sing?”
“You’ll sing?” You asked, slightly amused.
“Oui,” They said. “Ça va?”
“Okay,” You said, unsure whether or not this was a better option than the bear. “Lead the way.
The… person… began to sing in French a song you didn’t know. Their voice was coarse, but they could carry a tune, and you could follow it well enough to be able to join them for the refrain.
“Singing est très jolie,” They said during a pause in the song.
“Thanks,” You said, smiling. “I like your voice, too.”
“Merci,” They replied with a happy, sing-songy tone. “Sing alone often. Nice to have… partenaire.”
“Do you live out here?” You asked as you walked.
“Oui,” They said. “Près de.”
“Close?” You asked. “I don’t want to impose, but I’m very tired and thirsty. I ran out of water hours ago. I just want to rest for a little while and have a drink and I can manage.”
They were quiet, and for a moment you wondered if they had understood you. You opened your mouth to rephrase it more simply when they said, “Juste une minute.”
“Thank you. Uh… Merci,” You said.
You followed their humming until you reached a hut made of stones. It looked old, like centuries old. It looked like someone had been keeping it up by replacing the old crumbling stones with newer ones. There was a simple door made of sticks and vines.
“Il y a un puits sur le côté de la maison,” They said. “Water. Must draw bucket. Go in. Sit. I get.”
Inside, there was a small fire inside a stone circle on a dirt floor. There was a rudimentary chair sitting next to it, and a simply carved table next to it with a bamboo cup. At the farthest end was a straw and large leaf pallet that you assumed they used for sleeping. Maybe it was an old man who shunned modern society and made his life out of leading lost people out of the woods. That would be noble.
Well, it was much better than your worst imaginings, which were running rampant in your head at the moment.
There was a thump at the door and you heard their voice again.
“Water,” They said. “Outside. You drink. I wait.”
You opened the door slowly, and there was a bucket sitting on the ground full of water. Though you couldn’t tell in this light, it looked clean enough, and you were too thirsty to complain.
“Where are you?” You asked.
“Here,” They said, though you couldn’t see them. “Go now?”
“Why won’t you let me see you?”
“Ugly,” They said. “Scare you.”
You laughed. “That’s silly. You won’t scare me.”
“I scare toutes les choses,” They said sadly. “Best no see. Get you home.”
“If you say so,” You said. “Okay, I’m ready.”
They began to sing again, and you followed the sound of their voice until you eventually came upon a trail. You laughed in relief and rushed to it.
“Go west,” They said. You heard shuffling, as if they were moving away.
“Wait!” You called. “What’s your name?”
“Auberi,” They said. “Be safe.”
You made it back to the town where you were staying as dawn broke. There had been a search team out looking for you, and they were relieved to hear you were alive and unharmed for spending an entire night in the woods.
You insisted you were fine, but they called an ambulance anyway. At the hospital, you asked the nurse, “Have you heard about someone living out in the forest?”
“Que voulez-vous dire?” She asked. “Did you see someone else out there?”
“Not see,” You said. “Heard. There was a person out there who led me out of the woods, but they wouldn’t let me see their face. They sang a song and I followed their voice out of the woods.”
“Ah,” The nurse said with a knowing smile. “You must have met le Bugul Noz.”
“The what?”
“Night Shepherd,” She translated. “It’s a kind creature that helps keep people and animals safe, but it’s said to be so ugly that it scares everything away from it. Not even animals will go near it if they see it. It is lonely and cries because no one will be friends with it.”
“Is the Night Shepherd real?” You asked.
“It’s a fairy tale,” The nurse replied. “But who’s to say it is real or not?”
A week later, you went hiking on the same trail, with a GPS this time in case you got lost again, and went searching for the Night Shepherd. You tried to sing the song they had, but you could only remember the refrain, so you sang that over and over, hoping it would draw their ear.
After a few hours of nothing, you sat down on a large stone and sighed unhappily. Perhaps you had hallucinated the voice, but how would you have hallucinated a song you’d never heard in a language you barely knew?
“Lost again, petit oiseau?” You heard the rough voice say.
“Auberi!” You said, jumping up and looking around only too see nothing but forest. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you?”
“Moi?” They said, sounding surprised. “Pourquoi?”
“I heard a story from the nurse after I made it out of the forest,” You said. “About a creature so ugly that no one would stay with it. Is that you? The night shepherd? Le Bugul Noz?”
They sighed heavily. “Oui,” The admitted. “Je suis.”
“Is that why I heard you crying before you drove off the bear?” You asked gently. “You are lonely, aren’t you?”
They were silent.
“You saved my life,” You said earnestly. “No matter what you look like, I want to thank you for that. Please, can I see you?”
“Je ne veux pas te faire peur.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Scare you,” They said. “Don’t want.”
“You won’t,” You said. “Come out, please? I have a gift for you.”
“Not ask for gift,” They said. “Just want safe.”
“I know,” You said. “But I brought you one anyway. Please? Please let me see you.”
There was a large breath followed by a deep, heavy sigh that blew the low branches around. Then the saplings in the low brush were moved aside as the creature came out into the light.
They were hunched and crooked, with a long neck like a horse, complete with a main of tangled, coarse tan hair. They had three pairs of arms, one of which worked in tandem with their feet to propel their large body forward. They were covered in the same coarse fur as their mane, only shorter and curlier. Their face was flat and revealed a dark hole that seemed to lead to nowhere. They had no visible eyes or ears, but they seemed to hear and see just fine. There was a long tail stretched out behind them that dragged the ground as they walked. You had no way to determine their gender, so you didn’t try.
They were certainly unusual, but you didn’t think they were ugly.
“Not running?” They asked, their head turning in surprise. You had no idea where the voice was coming from, as they had no mouth, just the dark maw in the middle of their face.
“Not running,” You said. “I told you, you saved me. As far as I’m concerned, you’re as handsome as a prince.” You reached up to touch them, and they shied a little in fear, but allowed you to put your hand on their neck. You stroked their hair and scratched their skin, and there was a strange guttural purring sound from the maw.
“I’m going to be in the village for another month,” You said. “And I came to France to learn about it’s art, it’s culture, and it’s people. You’re part of that. I think I’d like to spend my month with you.”
They leaned their head against your cheek, and there was an odd hollow whistling from the maw, but it wasn’t so bad.
“Teach you all my songs,” They said. “We sing together, petit oiseau?”
“I’d love to sing with you, Auberi.” You said, laughing and snuggling against them.
To get your own Monster Match, buy me a Kofi!
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Thanks for reading!
My Masterlist
The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist
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@voxnipop
Yuliya Kucherenko on Instagram / Etsy
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Creature from the black lagoon
what’s your favorite place to go for a break? (eg vacation spot or comforting place, book, etc) Today I went to the library and that was very nice. But my boyfriend’s apartment is probably the best place in the whole world for this.
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Positive Review: Voxnipop, #94760
Who: Voxnipop, #94760 What: Nest rental Why: Quick and safe service, good communication When: January 30-February 03 2015 Explain: Found via the FR Nest Lending thread, they were very pleasant in correspondence and took care of my dragons swiftly. They offered to take the pair when I asked about renting which was a couple days before the dragons were RTB, so I sent them. Got notification on the day they were RTB that they were put on a nest and how many eggs they laid, and sent parents + babies back in crossroads promptly 5 days later. They were so nice about everything; definitely recommended. Thanks !
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voxnipop replied to your post: Ok guys help me out. I have the girl u...
KEEP THEM. (And then ping me when they’re nested, please.)
Oh hey, I totally missed this but I've got it now! I definitely kept him and I've got you down for a ping, do you prefer tumblr or fr?
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Weird side benefits of prioritizing my well-being, moving out to the middle of nowhere, and giving up cushy corporate for contract work that gives me flexibility to occasionally spiral for a few days: I have quit nail-biting. After literally doing so since before I had teeth to rip them down. Maybe I don't have health insurance right now, but at least I can finally paint my nails, and holy shit, that is the gram of serotonin I needed today.
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Purple, for sure. [Have a great night!]
Yay! You too! :-)
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New follower welcome to voxnipop!!
Hi and welcome to you new sweetie!
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Do you have a recipe for brussel sprouts? I recently got a few from a friend and haven't the foggiest how to prepare them.
I actually do!
Word of warning: I’ve never tried this recipe because me and brussel sprouts aren’t friends, but here you are:
Brussels Sprouts with Warm Bacon Dressing (includes instructional video!)
Ingredients for 4-6 servings:1 1/4 pound Brussels sprouts (will make about 1 lb. trimmed and sliced)
1 tbsp vegetable oil
4 oz bacon, sliced
2 tbsp brown sugar
1/3 cup cider vinegar
1 lemon juiced
salt and pepper to taste
pinch of cayenne
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You are a khaleesi brave beyond your wildest imagination. Don't forget that you have the strength to overcome all odds. Just look within yourself.
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I know they love me, but I wish love in this family felt more like a guide wire and less like a snare.
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voxnipop answered your question:Work has now enforced a “no meat on Fridays”...
That is definitely pretty strange, especially with no heads up. Do you have a dining manager you can talk to?
I have a vague idea of who the dining manager is, but I'm on an auxiliary campus and I don't see her every day, so it's possible she's the manager for both campuses' cafeterias and splits her time. I'm not sure who the head chef is.
I realize it's not as bad as, say, being a vegetarian who was told there would be salad at a picnic, only to show up and be told "hot dogs and hamburgers or tough shit", because I'm fully capable of not eating meat for a meal, but it's still annoying. And there's bound to be someone here who's counting macros and/or keeps a fairly strict routine whose day would be messed up by not being able to get what they were expecting.
It just really bothered me that the chef wouldn't even reach into the refrigerator and pull out one of the already cooked chicken breasts and heat it up for me. The grill was on and I know they're in there, waiting to be cut up for salads or reheated for sandwiches. Offer meat-free meals and fish options all you want, but still make the full menu available for those of us who aren't abstaining. /grump
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HUFFLEPUFF IS HELLA-TOUGH
HUFFLEPUFF IS SUPER BUFF
HUFFLEPUFF HAS HAD ENOUGH --
WE GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS
unless you are hurt or offended by that, in which case we will kick your butt
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