#voice dysphoria also sucks and i’m starting to straight up hate my name

[jinxpologist]

weird question: has anyone experienced going on hrt and your dysphoria getting noticeably worse? i’ll have to wait like a month to see if this is a Certified Issue or just a for the moment thing (on my period lol) but im curious to see if it’s something anyone else has experienced

[simpcxty]

You said you needed ideas so hear me out-

Sfw- trans! Reader (ftm) with Tsukishima who gives tough love and hates it when you have really bad dysphoria days. Snaps at anyone who misgenders you.

NSFW- oikawa would be such a tease when you get needy and shit. Like this fucker would tease you after you beg because he told you to beg.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You have given me brain fuel, and for that. I love you 🧡

I have never written something in one day. Thank you, you have truly inspired me 😩👏

TW for Tsukishima: deadnaming and misgendering, deadname is your choice, but Y/n will be for your new name and Y/d/n for your dead name because no dads are mentioned here. Gets a little angsty but they figure it out.

I didn’t want to be disrespectful to anyone and choose a name that might be someone’s new name or dead name.

Also I’m sorry if my writing isn’t accurate for a ftm character. I did my best and I really hope you like it!

I did my best with the tough love but it does get a bit fluffy tbh.

Kei Tsukishima

Kei always tries.

He really does. You guys had started dating before you came out, and the switch from your dead name to Y/n had him caught off guard.

So did the sudden shift of pronouns.

But he didn’t leave, so he was trying to do his best all right?

But he’s already bad with emotions, these are a different kind that he doesn’t even know how to approach.

So he gives it the same energy he does with everything else.

Today though.

Something was very odd about today.

His normal words had you flashing him your best fake smile and turning away from him.

And trust me, he could tell the difference.

But for now, he chose not to comment.

Will it be one of those days today?

You didn’t like to talk about your Dysphoria but Kei always picked up on it.

Or at least he tried to.

He even had a custom made chest binder coming in the mail that should be here any day now.

But when you leave the room after Kei’s not incorrect but painfully blunt statement went straight to your very soul.

He replays the conversation in his head to see where he messed up.

He found himself doing that a lot.

‘I get that you’re trying Kei. It just sucks that other people don’t even bother.’

‘I don’t really think it’s that big of a deal. They’re stupid people who don’t even matter at least I’m trying. Imagine if I wasn’t?’

It made you question everything.

Did he even want to be trying?

Why are you being a nuisance?

Why are you putting him through this. He’s got much more important things to be focusing on as a senior in college this year.

You’re finally being true to yourself and putting him through unnecessary stress aren’t you? What is wrong with you?

All of these thoughts and more swarmed your head as you leaned against the bathroom counter trying to catch your breathing.

Stop it. Stop being such a big crybaby.

Kei Tsukishima doesn’t need a crybaby.

Why does it have to hurt so damn bad to just be a girl? He’d like you so much more as a girl.

“Y/n..?” His voice sounds so tired.

Damn it Y/n. Get your fucking shit together.

“Please talk to me.. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that babe.. I just-“ his eyes almost seem dull when you open the door, only to brighten when you open the door and he gets a good view of you.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that, I just- I don’t, I don’t know how to handle this sometimes, but I don’t want you to think I don’t care. It’s just new, and I can get adjusted-“ he feels his heart clench a bit when your next words come out.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t just stay who I was, I’m sorry I couldn’t just be a girl for-“ and he’s grabbing your face with his palms as tears start to well up in his eyes.

“Shut up. Shut up, because I love you however I can have you. I love you. I just want you, please don’t get confused and think I have a preference because I just want you Y/n. I love you, no matter who you are. Please don’t forget that.” The tears streaming down your face slow as he kisses your head and wraps his arms around you.

“Im sorry Kei.” He kisses your head again.

“Shh, stop it. Stop apologizing. You have nothing to apologize for babe, we do need to finish getting ready for class though okay?” You nod and he smiles.

———

When you get to school, he can almost feel the anxiety wafting from you.

But he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around you and pull you along with him.

“You have me, okay? I’m just as much yours as you are mine babe.” You nod and expect him to pull him arm away, and he does, only to entangle his hand in yours.

“Tsukishima!” No- because he recognizes that annoyingly high pitched voice, and he’s not in the mood for it. Nor will you be.

So he picks up speed. Keeping his hand tight around yours and pulling you in front of him, only to wrap his arms around you slightly and speed up even more.

“Kei what are you doing?” You think he’s going to ignore you until he speaks up finally.

“Don’t want to deal with her.”

“Y/d/n can you-“ he stops right in his tracks and turns around to acknowledge the blonde.

“Alisa is it? See how easy was that? I wasn’t even sure. You know for a fact that isn’t the proper name that he goes by. So correct yourself, or don’t talk to my boyfriend or me. Got it?” She goes to speak again but Tsukishima already has you two walking again and his ears are flushed.

“Tsuki-?” You’re blushing and he tightens his grip on your waist.

“It wasn’t right, I’ll correct anyone who gets it wrong. Even myself.” You smiled and he manages to crack a small one.

Kei Tsukishima always tries.

———————————————————————

NSFW CONTENT AHEAD

I didn’t know if you still wanted a ftm character so this one is just written female.

READ RESPONSIBLY PLEASE

Characters aged up 18+

“Beg.” You scoffed.

“I don’t beg.” Your hips are rising as he pressed his thumb harder against your clit and you whimper.

“I won’t do anything more until you beg.” You rolled your eyes and attempt to sit up. Only for him to wrap a hand around your throat and push you back down.

“Toru, I don’t beg-“ he tightens his grip around your throat and you whine.

“I said, beg.” The way he demands it in your ear has your thighs attempting to clam shut.

Key word, attempting.

“Are you gonna listen to a single thing I say princess? Or am I gonna have to leave you here like this?” You looked up at him desperately and his grip around your neck loosens a bit.

“Please, please just fuck me already. I need it Toru, it’s been too long please just do it already-“ you’re cut off with whines as his tip prods at your entrance, but the pressure on your clit is still hard and you know he’s waiting for more.

“Please! Please fuck me! I need you Toru please!” He chuckles and pushes in agonizingly slowly.

“Like you said babe, it’s been too long. I need to go easy on your pretty pussy.” You whine at that.

“Don’t want you to go easy- just fuck me rough please!” Tears of frustration pool in your eyes and he laughs.

“Awe, don’t cry princess, I’ll give you what you want. You begged so nicely.” The sudden snap of his hips has you unable to respond to his taunt.

Yeah so what you begged. You’re getting dicked down by this god of a man. I’d say that’s a win.

His hands were both on your hips now as he thrusted into as if his life depended on it.

“Missed you so much.” He whines and a particularly hard thrust has you reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck.

The new position has you sliding down on his dick so much easier, and the way he can just lift you up and down quickly has him whining more.

“M’gonna cum. Off.” He whimpers as you tighten and start to lift yourself off and grabs your hips. He’s never cum so fast but you don’t mind.

“T-Toru-!” He gasps as you tighten more and his hips thrust up desperately.

“Nevermind, I wanna cum inside. Please, please let me cum inside. You feel so good, just wanna cum inside your warm pussy hnngh~ please!” His hips are starting to falter and you know he’s getting closer as his hands tighten around your waist, lifting you up and down to meet with his sloppy thrusts.

“Please!” He’s begging and you almost laugh.

“Oh god please, just wanna cream inside you please!” He has to stop thrusting and you’d almost think he did cum.

But you knew better. His nails digging into your hips and his ragged breathing against your neck has you melting.

“Did you even really have to ask? Just cum babe.” Your words are so nonchalant that he’s whining and picking up his thrusts again.

“fuckfuckfuckohfuckyes” his voice is messy and it’s almost gibberish.

But as you tighten around him and his hips falter he’s moaning and whimpering into your chest and neck.

“So tight, ngHh shit~” he moans whorishly as you cum around him and cum spurts out of him and into you.

“You fuck me so good. So so good Y/n.” His hips are still sputtering and you’re wondering just how long it’s been since he’s actually gotten off.

“Thank you, Thank you so fucking much baby.” His cum is already spilling out of you and he’s still finishing.

This’ll be a fun cleanup.

He finally lays you down on the bed and lays his head in between the valley on your chest as he catches his breath.

“You begged.” He wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer, making you whimper while he stays inside of you.

“Do I need to remind you how you sounded when you wanted to cum Toru?” His head shoots up at that and his cheeks flush.

“But you’re so warm. So tight and comfy. I didn’t and still don’t want to leave.” He whines and wiggles his hips upward and you whimper. You can’t help but clench as he thrusts up again and whines again.

He keeps up the occasional thrusts. Neither of you have the energy for a second round. That much is obvious. But the bliss is overwhelming.

“Don’t want to pull out yet. Please don’t make me.” He whines and you just clench around him to tease.

“Fuck. Don’t do that. M’still hard and I’m ninety percent sure if you keep doing that I’m gonna stuff your already full pussy again.” You hummed and he wraps his arms around you.

“Empty threats. We’re both too tired, you know we’ll just go again when we wake up.”

“I’m gonna get you pregnant.” He says it confidently, you couldn’t even laugh at the statement. Because he probably and most definitely will.

“I mean if that’s what you want, I wouldn’t mind having a little Oikawa running around.” Almost all his stamina is back in that moment.

Congratulations you have unlocked

Breeding King with Toru Oikawa 🔓

Neither of you ended up sleeping that night.

[aquarianlights]

I'm the anon who wrote to you about airport security. I just wanted to tell you that for body scanners I didn't mean metal detectors. Just check on google 'full body scanners'. I believe these are in airports all around the US. When you pass through the scanner you or the officer have to push a male or female icon button based on your sex. These scanners can found anomalies on one's body. If so, then they opt for a pat down. I want you to know how many trans people are humiliated by this.

OH WOW Okay so they’ve changed since I’ve flown. Apparently the things I used to go through were metal detectors of sorts or maybe just... straight up metal detectors. I haven’t flown in a while. In fact, I don’t remember when the last time I flew was. Every time I’ve gotten anywhere, it’s been via driving all these years. Jfc. The last time I had to go through an airport, it was via... I’m actually p sure it WAS a straight up metal detector. Because it was just... one little walk-through box that you didn’t even have to pause in. It would just beep if you had anything. Like. . .jfc. The things I’m seeing online are things that actually take maybe even full CT images of you?

I saw that you can opt out of using them, but ...I mean... if you opt out of using them, then they have to search you another way and what other way are they gonna do it than with a more invasive way than what everyone else is doing? Which. . .would be via the metal detector wand or a pat down? I mean, I guess. . .since they’re going to have security that strict anyways, they have to make everyone go through the same thing.

But I don’t know enough about them to really say anything other than that. I didn’t do enough looking other than to view images and see what the difference between a backscatter scanner and a full-body scanner was. I’m sure I can do more looking into that later because I’m sure it’ll cause issues for me later. . .especially after HRT causes changes in the look of my body and voice maybe years down the road (if I’m lucky) and I get my name changed as soon as I become a legal resident of this state and county. I probably won’t pass anytime soon, though. The dysphoria will still be extremely strong, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t have any anxiety issues like a lot of people do so I don’t have any issues with getting pulled out of lines for a pat-down or anything like that. And if I don’t physically see them pressing the button as to female or male, that wouldn’t bother me. Do you know if you see them do it? Coz I know in the short introductory video I watched (that honestly didn’t show much, so I’m just guessing, feel free to correct me if you want), the officer is not allowed to see who is in the scanner for privacy issues. So they’re like. . .in this booth behind the scanner. And then there’s an officer on the outside with you. Or some sort of set-up like that. There’s a lot of privacy issues going on with this thing, according to wikipedia (but we all know how “reliable” wikipedia is. It’s a good place to start collecting information, but not a good place for research). Even one regarding child pornography? Jesus fucking christ. Like what the FUCK.

But yeah, I can see how that would be an issue for a lot of us. I can see how it would affect me in the future, most definitely, when I begin to pass. I feel like people with anxiety have their dysphoria affected way more in social scenarios like that. With me. . .with zero anxiety at all. . .I’m perfectly comfortable in social settings and I even enjoy having the spotlight put on me like that. I enjoy the attention. I don’t like the touching, so that wouldn’t be pleasant, but it wouldn’t bother me. It would only be if I were to be brought off on some charge that I would have any sort of, er. . .negative effect because then that would threaten my. . .Idk, it would just make me have catastrophic thoughts in general, I guess? Whenever any sort of scenario like that happens where someone in power CAN gain the upper hand, my mind goes to catastrophic scenarios because there has always been someone else in the mix who already HAS the upper hand who WANTS THEM to have the upper hand on me (aka, my parents, past lovers, ex people-who-I-thought-were-”friends”-at-the-time, etc. . .). So I automatically forget that I’m either a) on my own or b) with someone/people who actually, genuinely care(s). So I just go into panic mode and usually what gets me in trouble isn’t even whatever they brought me in on. . .it’s what they caused by bringing me in. Aka, whatever they made me think by doing that. And the reaction to the catastrophic thoughts.

So I guess since I don’t really have anything to hide. . .there’s nothing that bothers me about this? And since I don’t have anxiety that ties into my dysphoria and I haven’t experienced any sort of consistent passing yet and my passing is not close to 50% yet,. . .it also doesn’t bother me? I also am assuming that when I DO start passing, it WILL start bothering me. And that when my gender gets changed legally and when things get all switched over legally. . .things WILL become a touchy subject with me and I WILL start being snippy with everyone except medical staff over correcting them when they use pronouns incorrectly.

I CAN see how this would really fuck up trans people who wear prosthetic stuff, though. Like a penis or a breast plate or any sort of padding. Like. . .to be FORCED to explain those things must be EXTREMELY uncomfortable for some people. Whereas I, myself, am very open about those things if I were to wear them. . .I know a lot of other people wouldn’t be. And it would probably even OUT some people without them thinking about it until it happened. Jfc. Especially people meeting up with their LD friends or something. “Oh btw guys I wear a fake penis/boobs/something. Ya all cool with that?” What if you didn’t WANT to come out just yet? What if you’re underage and with your PARENTS. Yikes. Yikes. YIKES. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. NO NO NO. I can’t even imagine. Like... ahhhh. All I wear is a binder. Like. I don’t and never will wear anything below the belt because all genitals freak me out and I wish I could get a certain surgery before HRT kicks up, but that deff won’t happen because money. So. I just have to be extremely uncomfortable and hate myself. Lol. But it’s okay. Ugh.

But wow. I didn’t even think about all of that until it just hit me right then as I was typing that all of the ways it could really fuck up a trans person’s day/week/year/LIFE. Fucking TRAUMATIZE a trans person. I mean, hell, I was traumatized when I was outted by my best friend (who is still my best friend) accidentally to someone close to me before I was ready and they fucking abandoned me over it while I was abroad once. Like. It was absolutely insane. I’m STILL not over that and I don’t think I ever WILL be. Imagine if it had happened because of a stupid fucking TSA scanner. Jfc. . . I can’t even. Imagine being outted while underage by a scanner to your parents and having to sit on an extremely long flight with your parents and then a long drive home or, worse, to a fucking vacation with family...... oh god.... I can’t even imagine.... And I can imagine that’s happened. Only to come home and be disowned. I can literally imagine that happening. If I had come out or been outted while underage, that’s something my parents would have done. I didn’t figure out I was trans until I was in my fucking 20′s. So. . . I mean. . .I somehow avoided that. But. . .I can imagine that happening to TODAY’S youth since they all have access to the web and all these resources and WOW. And that’s fucking terrifying.

I just...can’t even. There’s a lot of other catastrophic scenarios I can imagine, but if I write down more, I’ll give myself a panic attack and my valium script is out. Lol. Like I said, a lot of PTSD issues lately. I may not have any anxiety issues, but I do have panic disorder, which is a totally different thing. I may have the better of the two imo, but it still fucking sucks. Ahhhh.

I’m so sorry. I miss flying. I miss it a lot. But. . .I don’t miss all the TSA bullshit. Especially THAT part. And these scanners are bullshit. Wow.