#voice changes and the way i act more masculine as well. just how he teaches me to. need him to show me how to take it on the a

[kunikisss]

thinking about keegan forcemasc yet again... sigh.

[gashinabts]

hands-on learner| (m)

Word: 3.5k

Pairing: hentai voice actor!Seokjin x hentai voice actor!Reader

Genre: mature, smut, fluff

Summary: seokjin teaches you in unethical way on how to give your best hentai voice.

Warnings: hentai, public sex, DEGRADING, humiliation, dirty talk, rough sex, slut is used multiple times, fingering, overstimulation, choking, spitting, unprotected sex, ass & pussy slapping

a/n: just a quick one-shot for my babes. hope you enjoy this fic :) remember that your comments and support are what motivates me to write!

When you were little you always wanted to help people. The teacher would ask you what you want to be when you grow up, and you would reply to a doctor or a nurse somewhere in the lines of helping people. But when you came to the age of realizing that you live in a world where being the person you want to be came with a price such as starving yourself in order to pay for college classes you changed what you wanted to be. 

You are still helping people but not in a way that people would give a noble peace award for. As in right now you are reading a lewd script and fake orgasming. “ Y/N, reshoot. The words are off,” the director tells you. You look at the screen and watch as the hentai girl is getting pumped by an overload of semen, and you do a voiceover of a few high pitch moans and cries. “ Okay! Good,” the director gives you a thumbs up. 

You smile and gulp the water soothing your throat, you get out of the sound booth immediately bumping into Seokjin's chest. “ Watch and learn how a real pro does his work,” he tells you in a cocky tone. Seokjin is just wearing a hoodie and jeans yet he looks like a high class model, his light brown hair is pushed back and he looks hot but too bad he is an asshole.

Rolling your eyes you push his chest away, “ No thanks. All you have is a couple of weird cringey dialogue and a few grunts,” you hear him laugh as he enters the vocal booth. You sit down next to Yoongi who is part of the sound engineer making sure everything goes well. “ I hate him. He thinks he is all that, look at him,” you scoff.

“ Yeah, it also looks like you want to fuck him,” Yoongi lets out a chuckle. Okay, he is not wrong. You want to fuck Seokjin at least once to get all the sexual tension out of the way but somewhere in the back of the mind you think Seokjin likes to fuck in front of mirrors so he can watch himself the whole time. 

The director taps you on your shoulder and brings you outside in the hallway, “ The team and I were going through the comments from the previous work we have done…” Mr. Kim pulls out his ipad. Your eyes zoom in at some of the comments that make you see red.

@lolligirls- She sounds so fake

↳ @Y/N’sbitch- dumbass all of this is fake. no one is actually having sex in these hentai videos

@hentitties- Clearly this voice actor never had sex...lol

@hrny4animethighs- I couldn’t get past the five minutes, I had to go to a different video

@hentaiaddict- Seokjin is such a good voice actor, I nearly creamed my pants from him just saying hello

“ Thank you Y/N’sbitch, clearly this person knows how things work,” you roll your eyes. You give the ipad back not wanting to see it anymore, what do these people know about voice acting, you're the one getting paid and making them ejaculate in tissue in their gamer room. 

Mr. Kim clears his throat before speaking, “ There are more praises and positive comments for Seokjin’s voice so I asked him to give you some pointers. You guys will have to send me a voice memo of the script I’m going to send you tonight,” you make a sound a protest but he gives you a look, “ Or else you will just have a supporting role in the newest project.” He walks off to the other direction. The minute he’s out of earshot you kick the trash can which makes the trash fall out causing you to get more frustrated. You pick up the trash and toss it in the bin, muttering curse words to yourself. Now you have to see Seokjin’s cocky face all night giving you stupid tips that you don’t even need. 

You walk back inside the studio, Seokjin is out of the vocal booth and flirting with a woman, while Yoongi is going over the vocal track. “ I heard what happened, in all honesty you are my second favorite voice actor,” Yoongi tells you as you sit next to him.

You sigh, “ Who’s your first?” The chair makes a squeak as you adjust the seat height. Glancing over at Seokjin, he makes eye contact while giving you a smug smile then turning back to his conversation with the lady. Scoffing, you turn your attention to Yoongi as he fiddles with track volume.

Yoongi looks at you, his eyebags are dark “ Jimin,” he nonchalantly says. You aren’t even surprise, since they are fucking around. They are somewhere in the lines of friends to lovers but they are both too stubborn to admit they have deep feelings for eachother.

“ I would have never guessed...at least you are going to be here tonight,” you take a sip of the water down the ice coffee you bought earlier this morning. If Yoongi is here, you have nothing to worry about.

“ Actually it’s just going to be you and Seokjin. Told Mr. Kim I have an important date,” Yoongi’s ears turn red. At least someone is getting dick you think to yourself. “ Try not to kill each other,” he tells you. 

****

Everyone has left the studio and it’s just you and Seokjin. You are going through your lines, a corny script of a girl spending the night with her boyfriend’s best friend and they end up fucking, nothing out of the ordinary. “ Okay, I’m ready. I don’t want to be here all night,” you look at him casually scrolling on his phone. 

“ Aww, don’t be so mean. I know you are dying to be here with me,” Seokjin puts his phone away, coming closer to you after he presses the start button. He tosses his arm over your shoulder, “ Okay let’s get the show on the road princess,” Seokjin guides you to the vocal booth. Immediately you groan, pushing his arm away but your ears turn red at the pet name.

The script is placed right in front of you and you start to read it, going through the introduction of the characters. 

Seokjin looks at you more carefully when it gets to the saucy part, his finger on his chin as if he is really inspecting you. “ Mmm, it feels really good,” you whine at the end, making sure you sound as lewd as possible. 

Seokjin makes a sharp clap, making you halt from any other sound. “ It doesn’t sound like it feels good. You need to make it sound more real.” Seokjin shakes his head, there’s a small smirk. Your eye twitches wondering if he just wants to purposely get you irritated. “ Do it again, but this time make it sound like someone is actually fucking you,” he nods his head for you to continue. 

The last time you got fuck was a year ago, and it was a bad experience. You didn’t even orgasm and the guy came in less than five minutes. This time you repeat the line but with a whiny and sultry tone. Seokjin sighs, shaking his head in disappointment and you get frustrated. “ Well okay then teach me, because I think I sound fucking great,” you pull at the strand of your hair. 

“ No need to get mad, I can help you,” Seokjin laughs at your frustration. He comes closer to you and you can smell his faint masculine cologne, his body is close to you. “ I want you to imagine it as if I was fucking you,” he whispers darkly. 

You bite your cheek from cursing him off, but you should at least try it out. So you envision him fucking you from behind. The image of his manly hand wrapped around your head while the other is around your neck. He’s probably the type to fuck you like you don’t matter and you can’t help it that actually turns you on. “ Mmm, it feels really good,” you moan as if he is actually ramming his cock into you. You look at his approval and he nods, a small sense of victory comes over you. Until you feel his hand pushing your hair to the other side you leaving one side of your neck bare. He is closer to you, right behind you, his chest barely touching your body.

“ Is this okay?” He whispers into your ear. You whisper a yes and his plump lips kiss your neck leaving a trail of wet kisses that leaves your skin tingling. “ I’m barely touching you and you are so reactive,” he takes notice of your heavy breathing. He licks a small part of your neck, then blows on it watching you squirm at the sudden coldness. 

“ Someone can walk in,” you look at the door. You don’t remember locking it, and what if the janitor comes in. Maybe that makes it more tempting for you, being caught in Seokjin’s lust. “ Seokjin,” you whine as he bites on your earlobe. 

“ You would like that...to have someone see you getting fucked hard by me. Drooling because of my cock is hitting you in just the right spot,” his hand goes under your shirt just resting on bare waist. Then his fingers tracing up and down your stomach meeting the underside of your bra but then going back down. 

“ I-no,” you shake your head in defiance. He laughs and grabs your jaw forcing your neck to twist and look at him. His eyes are darker, and he gives you a pointed look making you change your answer. “ Yes, I’d like that,” you whimper, as his rough hand pats your cheek heavily as a reward.

“ See silly girl, lying won’t get you anywhere,” he taunts you. His body then pushes you forward so you now against the glass window, you place your hands on the cold glass. Seokjin takes his time taking off your clothes. You are the only one naked on the and the cold air from the ac makes your nipples hard and from the lustful stare Seokjin has. “ I should just leave you like this and call everyone here to look at you,” Seokjin has a sinister smile when you shake your head in fear. “ Why? You look like a perfect slut. I bet you are already wet from just me kissing your neck,” he pushes your chest so your back is now against the cold window. 

The degrading names are something new to you, and your thighs squeezed together try to relieve some pain. “ Then leave me here. I bet someone else can fuck me better than you,” you shrug your shoulders, hoping he’ll get mad. 

His jaw clenches, “ Spread your legs,” he forcefully helps you by slapping the inside of your thighs. “ Look at you so fucking wet,” he comments looking down at your drolling lips. His hand then comes to slap your cunt, you flinch but then feel the pain subside to pleasure. Your body coming forward falling into his chest but his hand pushes you back to the glass, “ Take it like a good slut,” he tsk at you shaking his head. The slaps come in intervals as he chuckles at your betweens of moaning and whimpering. A few slaps hitting your clit and you cry out his name to slap you more. By the time he is done your cunt feels numb and your legs shake, your hands fisting at his shirt. “ We just started and you are already giving up on me,” he massages your cunt soothingly, spreading your arousal and barely entering the tip of his finger in your entrance.

Shaking your head, you look up at him, “ Seokjin, please fuck me. I want to be your good slut,” you deliriously say in ecstasy. His lips lift up and his two fingers thrust quickly into you, with no warning. Your head falls forward onto his hard chest staring at his fingers thrusting deep and hard, the juices becoming more apparent on his hand. You have never been this wet in your whole life, is this what you have been missing? 

One of his hands pulls your hair back to you looking at him, “ Open wide,” you do as you are told and he spits in your mouth. The spit slides easy as you swallow it, opening your mouth for more as if it was fiji water. He spits again and purposely misses your mouth landing on your cheek, “ Oops,” he smirks then wiping his spit across your whole cheek. And you don’t care, just consumed in the pleasure of his fingers still fucking you open. Your eyes roll back when his fingers curl, your stomach feeling warm. “ Come on my fingers you dirty slut, make them smell like you,” he watches you unravel.

 One last thrust and you come all over his fingers, thighs shaking when he continues to thrust at fast pace not stopping when you try to pull away. He pushes you even more to the glass so you have no escape but to come again on his fingers, your body is confused to having back to back orgasms. Screaming his name in ecstasy, your cunt pulsates at the euphoric sensation. Body releasing everything you got, your chest is heavy and you finally feel him pull his fingers out, his fingers then shoving in your mouth. “ My fingers are dirty because of you,” he chastises you. Your eyes widen at the sudden intrusion of you tasting your own come for the first time, his intense gaze watches you suck the juices off his fingers. Moaning around his finger just like it was your favorite flavor lollipop. Sucking one last time, your lips smack as he pulls them out, “ Fuck me like you hate me,” your hand travel to his hard bulge lightly squeezing it. 

You close your eyes and pucker your lips when he leans down, only for him to whisper into your ear, “ I don’t wanna see your face if I fuck you,” he twist your body so your breast are flat against the window, side of your face pressed down on it too. You take a deep breath partially because you're nervous yet excited about what is about to come. The sound of his buckle is being undone and his pants, there’s no preparation as he thrust his cock into. Yelping at the sudden force, one of his hands holds against your throat and the other tight on your waist. His thrust are fast and rough, fucking you to his own pleasure and you don’t mind. “ I’m surprise you're tight,” he thrust harder and you cry out in pleasure, “you’re not fucking anyone, right?” Your mind is blank, only focusing on the thickness of his cock stretching you out painfully good. His hand occasionally squeezes your throat, letting your life be at his hands. He slaps your ass hard, you cry at the stinging sensation. “ Answer me slut,” he spanks your ass again harder.

Shaking your head the best you could you answer. “ No. There’s nobody,” your body jolts at his thrusts. You try your best staying still, your hands holding against the window, not providing much stability. “ Fuck Seokjin, it’s too much,” you whine. Not sure what is too much. The feeling is overwhelming, you think. Never had been fucked this good. 

His hand leaving your throat slides down to your clit, “ Shut up, you can handle it,” he chuckles, slapping your clit, shooting more sparking sensation in your core. “ I can’t stand your fucking mouth. Always talking shit about me, stupid slut. I can hear what you say about me to Yoongi. The voice booth is two way,” he pinches your clit.

Your eyes widen and you mentally want to slap yourself, but who cares the amazing sex is the consequent of your big mouth. Seokjin jackhammers into you, constantly hitting the spot that makes your eyes go cross eyed. The stars are evident when he rubs your clit hard, clawing at the window trying to grab onto anything you moan his name so lewdly as you orgasm harder than the previous two, it sounds like it came for a high-budget porno. 

Your thighs tremble at the aftermath of your orgasm yet you want him to use you more. “ Are you gonna take my come like a good slut?” Seokjin asks. His hand moving from your clit to the back of your hair pulling your head back. 

“ Mmm, yes I want you to fill me up,” you moan at the thought of his come covering your walls. Three more hard thrust he unravels, grunting your name and coming deep into you, holding your body tight to his. 

There’s the feeling of his shirt sticking to your sweaty back but you ignore the uncomfortable feeling. Your body falling limply into his arms as he carries your weight. Breathing is loud from both parties, he kisses your head and rubs your arms in a soothing manner. “ I’m going to get tissues real quick, okay?” You nod, your throat feeling sore from all the screaming. He presses a quick kiss to your cheek before running outside the vocal booth to get a tissue and water. You slide your body on the floor muscles strained from the rough sex, he comes back with a concerned look.

He sits down beside you, but then puts you on his lap laying the back of your head against his chest. He gently spreads your legs, and wets the tissue then uses it to clean the mess he made. Your eyes close, not used to feeling this kind of emotion, like you want to be comforted and swaddled. “ Open your mouth for me, baby,” Seokjin presses the water lightly on your lips. Parting your lips the nice cold liquid travels down your throat, relieving a small part of pain. “ Good girl,” he whispers, one hand caressing your cheek. “ My beautiful baby did a good job today,” he kisses the side of your forehead. You hum in delight at the compliment loving the feeling. He continues praising you, hands caressing every inch of skin and kissing your cheeks.

When you finally have the energy to get dressed, the room is silent because for once you guys aren’t bantering. You look at him and he is scrolling on his phone like he didn’t just fuck you to oblivion. And it kind of hurts that he’s not looking at you despite him giving all that aftercare. Maybe it’s your after sex hormones making you emotional. “ Imma just go,” your voice is hoarse. He looks up quickly showing you his sparkly eyes, “ I can’t really work like this,” you point to your throat, there’s a slight burn as you speak. 

“ Wait, I ordered us food,” Seokjin stands up showing you the receipt order of kimchi jjigae on his phone. “ But if you want to leave, that's fine,” he rubs his neck. “ Let me at least order you a taxi,” he goes on his phone.

“ No!” You embarrassingly say loudly. His eyes widened at the sudden outburst. You blush like an idiot, “ I mean, no I would like to stay and eat kimchi jjigae with you.” Seokjin smiles and you smile back.

You and Seokjin waste no time eating the food, taking less than fifteen minutes to finish the food. “ I’m too tired to do the voice memo. I’ll just take the supporting role,” you lay your head back in defeat. 

Seokjin is cleaning the mess and he shakes his head, “ I’ll tell him that you did a good job and that we forgot to record it,” he throws the food cartons in the trash can. 

“ Yeah but those stupid comments,” you groan loudly. “ What if I do suck?” You ask yourself, thinking about @hrny4animethighs’ comment. 

“ Impossible. You are a talented voice actress, those comments are just trolls.” Seokjin sits down next to you. 

You face him, smiling at his nice comment. “ Really?” You get fuck by Seokjin once and now your head over heels for him. 

“ Yes.” Seokjin cutely rubs your head. “ But if you need any help, just imagine me fucking you,” he laughs as you groan pushing his hand away. “ You want to know I’m so good at hentai voice acting?” You nod at his question. “ Because I imagine you,” he likes the way your cheeks flush. 

He stares at your lips, “ Are you finally going to kiss me?” He doesn’t answer but kissing you softly something that you didn’t expect after the filthy sex you guys had earlier. His lips feel like soft pillows and you could feel yourself getting lost, your hands finally get to feel what his hair feels like. Soft and silky.

“ Go out with me,” he pulls a centimeter away. His breath hitting your lips.

The Kim Seokjin wants to go out with you? “ It’s only fair because you gave me some pointers,” you shrug. Seokjin chuckles and attacks you with kisses, wondering how he is falling quickly for you.

-------------------------------------

Do not repost, translate, or alternate my work in any way, onto any platform. I do not take plagiarism lightly.

[itsclydebitches]

What are your thoughts on Ted Lasso?

I finished season two tonight so I can finally write this very disorganized, but entirely heartfelt Ted Lasso Review!

Two disclaimers:

Spoilers abound, so if someone hasn't watched the show yet (and they should) you might want to skip this.

I know fuck all about sports. If anyone has criticisms and/or praise for how the sports aspects are handled... I will not know what you're talking about. Sorry lol.

So what’s good about Ted Lasso? The entire show.

/end review.

JK, I’m taking this seriously, I swear. Right, so I went into Ted Lasso knowing only “It’s a comedy,” “It’s about soccer,” and “Literally everyone seems to love it.” So I had a pretty vague, but otherwise firm picture of a sitcom-esque situation that would please the majority of watchers. The opening credits immediately tipped me off that this show was far more than a series of (very well-written) jokes and I couldn’t be happier to have my expectations obliterated. (Side note: I'll have to make a separate post sometime about the credits and how/when they change). I came in hoping for “Football coach tries to teach soccer” silly times and I got that ALONGSIDE “Wonderful commentary on toxic masculinity, the influence of fathers, how harmful the sports industry can be, the importance of giving others support so they can finally grow, and how utterly badass friendships of all sorts can be.”

The development of the entire cast is spot on, whether we’re talking about becoming a better person, or becoming the worst version of yourself. Nothing will ever be funnier to me than Roy pulling a constipated face for a solid 30 seconds before yelling “FUCK” because Jamie has finally grown enough to apologize for something, or respectfully voice his disagreement, and Roy has likewise grown enough to recognize what a big step that is for him, so he can’t just punch him in the face like he wants to, and ugh being a mature adult sucks.

Meanwhile, Nate’s journey (so far) has been so well done and so, so tragic. Rather than overcoming his insecurities thanks to Ted’s support, he latched onto him so fiercely that he sees Ted giving attention to anyone else as “abandonment." Instead of hearing the appropriate confident boost that Rebecca offered him—make yourself feel big and powerful in some private place—he twists that into an act of cruelty—spitting, notably at himself through the mirror—and that quickly spiraled into the belief that cruelty is the only way to gain respect. Nate has been sucked into this cycle of gaining enough self-respect to know he deserves more, turning that into wanting everything, not being able to handle life’s inevitable disappointments, and thus becoming furious and pointing fingers even when he does get what he thinks he wants—like with the team successfully using his strategy. Before the game is even complete, he’s saying that they’ll lose and everyone will blame him for that loss, OR that they’ll win and everyone will give Ted the credit. Nothing can please him, largely because the one person he wants to impress, his father, continues to ignore his success and Nate has reached a point where lashing out at everyone else is easier than sitting with the fact maybe he can’t make his father be a better person simply by achieving more. It’s so disheartening to see Nate turn into a man who would air Ted’s mental health struggles to the press just to make himself look better in comparison, but in a “Goddamn this is well written and I can easily see it happening” way. Nate has become Ted’s foil, especially on the pitch, someone who prioritizes (perceived) success over the love, respect, and mental health of his team. Ted, as established in episode one, cares more about the needs of everyone around him than what most assume is success in this sport: winning instead of losing. And he continues to become a better man by realizing that sometimes winning is what others need, whether that’s for practical reasons like not letting their careers go down in flames, or just because they can win and should be encouraged to reach for that. Ted is finding a balance while Nate plunges deeper into a black and white view that's eating him alive.

So the development is stellar (if I get into every character we'll be here forever lol), but so is the humor. I want to write Ted Lasso fic so badly now, but I know in my heart-of-hearts that I don’t have the skill to pull of this witty, pop-culture laden dialogue. Something in particular I love is how the dialogue doesn’t just sit as, you know, polished TV dialogue. The kind of stuff that’s so amazing you’re always thinking in the back of your head, “Yeah, but no one talks like that in real life.” And sure, Ted Lasso inevitably still produces that feeling, but it’s undercut by how often the characters acknowledge their own, verbal sparring. They frequently compliment each other on a smart turn of phrase, drawing attention to the fact that it is smart and worth taking a moment to admire, rather than the joke just sitting there, not commented on, because all people definitely talk like that, yeah? They also frequently mess up. One person will set the other up for that cool phrase and they miss it. Like Higgins’ “I’m Jimmy” while shaking his paper and Ted doesn’t realize he’s supposed to follow up with “Page.” We’ve got this dynamic where everyone is trying to playfully one-up each other. It takes work and it doesn’t always land. This, combined with how much of the dialogue relies on collaborative thinking (like Beard telling Lasso what he’s aiming for), as well as what are clearly long-established inside jokes, makes the whole thing feel natural even though this kind of writing shouldn't feel natural at all. There’s an extra layer of fun there that I really enjoy.

Okay, I’ve ranted for a page and a half now, but I do want to acknowledge some of the cons here too. Season two, while very strong in many respects:

did have some plotlines that fizzled out, most notably the boycott of the team's sponsor. Things were building for so long only to get resolved through a random text message. Sam asks to pull out of a contract, Rebecca is already dealing with the fallout of that, then the whole team comes out with the tape on their shirts, then Sam ACCUSES THE NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT OF CORRUPTION… and then a few episodes later his dad is like, “They stopped killing the environment! Good job👍‍” Don’t get me wrong, I love the conflict itself, but for a show that’s worked so hard to treat its relevant issues respectfully and realistically, this conclusion came entirely out of left field. I was waiting for the inevitable consequence of the boycott and the impact Sam’s press conference would have on his carrier, but nothing ever came of either decision (with the exception of another Nigerian wanting to snatch him up for that notoriety). “And then the environmental devastation whose wealth funds this sport was fixed off screen, yay!” doesn’t feel like it belongs to the same story where, say, Ted unlearns his prejudice about therapy and finally acknowledges his father’s suicide in a deeply heartfelt, relatable scene.

Side note though: cutting between Ted’s suicide story with Rebecca’s cheating story? Inspired. One of the best scenes of both seasons.

Also, sorry for anyone who’s a fan of it, but I cannot get behind Sam and Rebecca. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some prude who wants my storytelling to be free of any “problematic” content. It’s just that this feels like such an unnecessary move for two characters who, frankly, already have enough going on. (See: Sam’s activism.) As said, Ted Lasso is a show that’s very self-aware. From Roy’s comment that the nice, boring guy Rebecca was dating is “age appropriate,” to her freaking out and framing her texting Sam as “grooming” him, there’s not doubt the show is aware of how messed up it is for the 40-some owner of a soccer team to date her 21yo player. So when they realized they’d been anonymously chatting with each other this whole time, I was here for it as a funny, but somewhat devastating reveal. Rebecca clearly adored talking to someone as sweet as Sam and Sam, as evidenced by both his, “Three dots!” and calling for his haircut, had high hopes for this woman. The awkward humor of their realization combined with the gut-punch of losing that potential partner is the exact kind of emotional mix that has become Ted Lasso’s brand. It's good in that context.

But then?? They ran with it???

Why, why, why, literally why? There was no reason to do that. I could maybe buy this decision at the start of season one when Rebecca was coming off of her divorce and making bad choices left and right, but she’s come so far since then. Why the backslide? Except—and this is the real kicker for me—the show doesn’t treat it like a backslide. Rebecca freaks out when she first realizes she’s been flirting with Sam. Then she spends days talking herself out of what she knows is a bad decision. Then she convinces Sam to keep it quiet because she (again) knows that this isn’t right. Yet when the relationship is finally revealed… it’s treated as any old dalliance for the girls to gossip over. I was legit cringing through the funeral scene when Keeley, Sassy, and Rebecca’s mother were all acting like her dating a guy 20+ years her junior who she has complete power over is no different from the one-night-stands she was having with the hot dude who never wore clothes in the kitchen. I didn’t like Rebecca making that move in the first place, but I thought the show would at least unpack how questionable this is in terms of the power dynamics. It absolutely didn’t. We’ve left them having broken up only because Rebecca wants to work on herself some more and Sam very much implying that he stayed because of her, with every other character flat out ignoring the problems in this relationship. (Here, Ted's silence is the only one I can accept characterization-wise, just because he's established as a) always looking on the bright side of things and b) not someone who gets involved in other's love lives, like with Beard and Jane. But Keeley should absolutely be calling her out.). The show leaned heavily into the iffy nature of the romance and then swerved hard into classic romance tropes. It’s the one part of the show that really left me shaking my head going, “Nah. Toss that whole arc in the bin and replace it with more environmental activism, please.”

Right, this is getting long, so let me end with the biggest criticism of all: NOT NEARLY ENOUGH TRENT CRIMM. Also, I’m sorry, but where is my Trent/Ted plotline? Is this not the kind of rom com(monism) that Ted Lasso deserves? Hey, tumblr: is it queer to be a hard-ass sports reporter who thinks this coach’s existence here is a “fucking joke” and fully plans to write a piece utterly decimating him to the public, only to unwittingly be charmed over Indian food and then, a year later when he’s only gotten the occasional drive-by interaction, throws away his journalistic credibility and rats himself out to be fired all so that this coach would know who did him dirty and he decides to freely tell him all this while waiting for him outside his job in a super sexy wall lean, so focused on looking cool—“the whole vibe”—that he LOCKS HIS KEYS IN HIS CAR? IS THAT MAYBE A LITTLE GAY?

Trent wants to find something “deeper” yeah okay, season three can get on that 😏

Seriously though, I think a romantic plotline—either reciprocated or one-sided on Trent’s part—could actually be in the works. There’s a lot the show has already hinted at to support that as a future development (Trent’s presumed date with the other mustached man, Ted’s whole journey of improving his mental health and discovering who he is post-divorce, the final interaction of season two that comes across as quite flirty in places, the fact that, again, Trent made a HUGE decision that feels like more than just doing right by an acquaintance he “respects,” or even just using this to get out of a job he no longer loves), but I’ll be the first to admit that it’s easy for us fans to see the potential. That doesn’t mean the show will ever capitalize on it. HOWEVER, Ted Lasso has been so good about tackling representation and toxic masculinity that I can’t imagine they’re not aware of the actual, elephant sized criticism in the room: no queer rep. Outside of that moment where Trent puts his hand on another man’s arm, a fan being creepy with Keeley, and a Grindr joke, this massive ensemble cast doesn’t have a single, confirmed queer character in it. Which is ridiculous considering the focus on soccer and the theme of fathers hurting their children. Someone struggling with their sexual identity in the hyper-masculine world of sports and/or grappling with the fact that they’ve disappointed their father by not loving the "right" person is TAILOR MADE for this show. Which is why I think this is one of the rare cases where the fanbase should wait with high hopes, simply because this show has been too self-aware and that conflict is too relevant for us to go the whole series without it being addressed. We might not get any Ted/Trent, but I believe we'll be getting something soon.

Is it frustrating in 2022 to wait 2+ years for that kind of story? Sure, but the show has been excellent outside of one or two hiccups and a part of that excellence is knowing not to pack too much into one season. Season two was the first time we really delved into Ted. Not the endlessly optimistic version of Ted he sometimes hides behind, but the man still haunted by his father’s suicide and trying to do right by his surrogate kids (something that will undoubtedly come up after Nate’s accusation of Ted “abandoning” him. Bullshit or not, that’s going to eat at him). If the show is going to tackle Ted’s sexuality—or even any of the players’ on his team—I think it’s good that it’s happening later in the show, after the initial conflict of “Will this coach make it?” and “Everyone is backstabbing and learning to trust each other.” Now that we’ve settled into this found family, the characters can start growing in new, less obvious ways. We had to work through the inevitable "Jamie becomes less of a dick" and "Ted proves his worth" storytelling before we could get to the more complex "Nate has left them for Richard's team (right after Rebecca told Keeley never to work for him #yikes)" and, potentially, "Ted gets to explore his sexuality now that he's moved on from his wife and is regaining a strong sense of self-worth." Toss in the tidbit that Trent will have a significant role in season three and it honestly doesn't feel as impossible as it otherwise might. I come from old school fandom where we shipped what we liked without worrying about what was canonical, or even what had "evidence" to support it (all hail the crackship!), so know that when I say I think a relationship is possible, that's not my normal approach. I don't toss out, "Oh yeah, we might and should get the ship the fandom loves in canon" very often.

Seriously though, not to end on a joke, but of course I wound up loving Trent.

Me @ me: Hey, this is a huge cast overflowing with amazing characters you’re already attached to. This time can we please focus on one of them rather than some random side character with little screen time?

Also me: I want that one :D

[lilyrachelcassidy]

Moonlight

Draco x Reader One-Shot

Summary: This is based off the song ‘Moonlight’ by Ariana Grande. During the bad times of War, not everything has to be so black-and-white. Both Y/N and Draco know it just too well.

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: language 

tags: @drawlfoy @eltanin-malfoy

Composing yourself had been more than a hard thing to ask for lately.

The Death Eater had finally taken Hogwarts under their control; famous Harry Potter, who was allegedly supposed to play a hero, disappeared in the depth of the unknown; the plan of escaping the school turned out to be an utter failure since the Dementors encircled and blocked every passage of absconding, escalating the disappointment over students.

Yet you hadn't thought of the plan B as an alternative solution, but you were sure, even if you managed to find one, it might take a few more months to figure things out. And you had to admit that increasing anxiety about your parents made you cry yourself to sleep at night. Despite your insistent pleads of the letters to contact you, you hadn't received any response or other sign of life ever since over two months of a constant worry.

And yet, it wasn't the worst part.

The Carrows, who unwarrantedly preferred to call themselves professors Carrows from now on, had decided to introduce their new methods of teaching everyone. And punishing for any triviality.

Once, for example, in Charms class -- which was the worst nightmare of a week -- you had been asked to stand up in front of the class and demonstrate a Crucio curse on the First Year who happened to accidentally bump into Alecto in the corridor. Obviously, you hadn't obeyed an imposed task to which Carrows only reacted with unrestrained rage. Instead of punishing the eleven-year-old boy, the lesson had turned out to be your disciplining session of torture for not being submissive enough. Although the feat had brought you more renown later on, which served to make Carrows more flustered, you still couldn't get out of the Hospital Wing for whole three days.

All of that also led your Occulumency to suffer, which was doubling the struggle. There was for sure no doubt it was an important skill to have, not only to create a mental barrier protecting yourself from uninvited intruders; but also preventing others' thoughts from leaking into your head. It was already enough of bearing the non-stopping suspense in the air. So, the idea of accumulating more emotions on your account would probably navigate to an outburst.  

One thing, however, surprised you. You had found out that people who outwardly seemed to have quite a reputation of cruel tossers were actually more decent and human than you could think. In particular, certain Draco Malfoy, who had been selected as a Head Boy in terms of this year.

Wandering around the school and doing the night patrols, he had happened to find you sitting hunched over, face buried in your knees, and sobbing brokenly at the fate the Wizarding World was faced to deal with. He had flumped next to you, without question, silently accompanying and comforting you in moments of solitude.

Two other times of your encounter had been in the library: spotting you among the crowd of students, he would come over and take a nearby place. You didn't know whether it was a matter of pride or disposition, but he had never spoken up, which you, in fact, didn't mind. At first, you had been a little bit dubious about his sudden influx of approachability. However, as to mute your suspicions down, you tried not pondering about it too much.

Funny, how the real nature of the boy who you had known for a nonchalant sneer and teasing remarks, could suddenly become so interesting and mysterious.

It was on a Thursday late that you were strolling up to The Astronomy Tower to see the Thestrals soaring in the air. Normally, it was around the time when you would be putting yourself to the bed, but too many thoughts were buzzing in your mind, and you knew it wouldn't give you much space to sleep anyways. The only optimum, instead of staring aimlessly at the ceiling and flipping from one to the other side of the mattress, was busying yourself with something else. The lack of sleep was due to nothing else than today's lesson with Carrows. They had thought up an idea of having some practice with a Confrigo spell which, rather unfortunately, was presented on a living phantom. As always, a whole hour of torments was disastrous, to say at least, and even after classes, you couldn't shake off the echo of troubled screams and beggings, which carried over the petrified room of students. That's why you were thinking you could swallow your emotions down, quietly and undisturbedly, in the only place you could wish for some private space. Besides, it was the only spot resembling the old Hogwarts you had known from the previous years, showing the calming extent of green grounds.

However to your surprise, when you pushed the door to The Astronomy Tower, noiselessly, you could notice a silhouette of a man already standing at the barrier, which made you momentarily flabbergasted suddenly considering an option of running upon a teacher. To save yourself from much too unwanted detention, you decided to change your track, rushing straight into your dormitory. But almost as you succeeded doing so, in the last moment, a person shifted in their place and spoke up before you had room to move.

"Pretty late for a casual stroll, huh?" At once, a feeling of dread ebbed away, and you exhaled deeply air you didn't know you were holding as you recognized none other than Draco with his back turned towards you. His tone was as usually taunting, but something in a timbre of sadness was hitched to it as well. "Shouldn't be sneaking out of the room on the patroling hours, you know? I'm the least of who you could come upon today."

Your dignity told you to say something in order to defend your harmless saunter to calm down your nerves, which benefited only your mental account. However, he made a point -- you could have been caught not only by some random teacher but Currows themselves who, you were inexorably aware, wouldn't let a chance of dehumanizing others slip away. And besides, you were a little too dumbstruck to speak, realizing it must be the first time Draco fucking prince Malfoy had uttered more than a word to you. What was a coincidence of meeting up with him just on the same day as you had been wondering about your atypical relationship formed within this school year?

Before your contemplation ended, Draco's voice carried on with a conversation, echoing off the walls. "Care to join? Seeing as you're already here."

Frowning to yourself at how surreal the situation can become, you stepped off the stairs with no more hesitation. You truly wouldn't have suspected the things would turn out that way -- embracing his Head Boy position, you thought he would send you off back to the Hufflepuff Tower with his dismissive attitude as it usually was. Inviting you over to company him was a top cherry you hadn't even considered. Truthfully, it made you feel a little thrilled to accept this offer.

As you walked over to him, his facial features became much sharper than from afar. Now, as you looked at him closely, you could define the contours of his face were even more angelic yet still masculine than in daily light. The platonic hair glinted accordingly to the moon above; his blue eyes were focused on a black void in the sky, clearly pondering more than concentrating on a particular object; a mouth pursed into a line, not a mocking expression he was usually carrying himself with. Eyeing him like that and still not being capable of deciphering him suggested he must be someone between a completely unemotional git or an excellent master of Occulumency. You preferred to presume the second one.

Quickly, realizing you were staring, you turned your head to behold a collection of vivid stars hovering above your head. You knew it was only in the Wizarding World that sky flickered so brightly -- your father was a muggle, and a whole family dwelled among a non-magical society, which you didn't mind at all. And that's why you were able to recognize... differences existing between those two worlds.

"Why are you here?" you asked curiously, not quite capable of restraining yourself from doing so. You were standing close enough to him to smell his sandalwood cologne.

He gave you a perfunctory smile, and although it was a three-second gesture, it somehow made you lighter on the chest to know he was convenient with a conversation. "Needed someplace to think," he explained, not darting his eyes away from where he was looking. He took a pause there. "You?"

"The same reason," you answered simply, shrugging. "My roommates can be too loud sometimes, and I needed some silence to sort out...stuff."

Draco nodded in understanding, not interfering any further into the topic. Brushing your hair habitually with fingers, you scolded yourself for coming up here in the first place. How could you act so irresponsibly to think you could smoothly break a regulations' rule and without anyone finding out? Although you were desperate to hide it, the presence of Draco made you inexplicably nervous, and even though you tried to gulp it down, your stomach was churning when he was around. Time proved his intentions weren't bad after all, and you confronted with the truth ever since he first happened to find you at the moment of your meltdown in the corridor, clutching to him as if he was your sanity. But that didn't dispel your doubts about him becoming a fully active Death Eater, who praised with a Dark Mark on the left forearm like with a reward for some kind of acrobatic stunt.

Your gaze swept briefly over the rolled-up sleeves of his snow-white shirt only to assure yourself the mark didn't disappear off his arm with some help of the power of your imagination. Yet it was still there -- as always, tinted coal-black, scary and blood-curdling every time you looked at it.

That evidently didn't escape Draco's notice who, as though reading your mind, started. "You know, I didn't want this." He didn't have to show what he meant by saying so because you instantly figured it out. You looked up at him, and almost invisibly, his skin pale as it already was, changed even to the whiter shade. "He has bait on me. All of this: assassinating Dumbledore; obeying his will -- it's not because I want that."

The sudden shock welled up at these words, and you gawked at him stupidly, not quite able to process what he had just told you. Swallowing with some difficulty, you coerced yourself to a mutter. "Why... why are you telling me this?"

For the first time this night, his steely stare landed at you, scanning your face to detect signs of emotion. You attempted to conceal it, but he could see you were thunderstruck by his unexpected confession. Without preamble, he smiled slightly at you. "I thought you ought to know."

Ignoring the clenching in your chest, you did your best to not break eye contact with Draco when his eyes were intently locked on yours now. You could swear, something on the verge of interest and sympathy flickered in them for a second. "Why?"

"Because you're the only person who doesn't freak out when I'm around," he explained carefully. "Every time I go to the library or appear in any other public place, you're the only one who doesn't glare."

He closed his eyes, clearly relived with the fact he could confide the worries he had been carrying for a long time. Breathing out through the nose and his lips flinching a little, his head spun again to the blank of the sky.

It was a depressing sight to see him in such dejection, and the images of him being cast aside by his former group of friends with who he had been laughing merely a year ago rolled into your head, try as might to suppress it. You could only imagine what it must feel like to be rejected by everyone around; to play the main role in something you never wished to participate in.

For a moment, you thought he was going to continue because he grunted enigmatically, but the silence remained. Unable to restrain the urge to offer physical comfort, you affectionately grabbed his palm, squeezing it in the reassurance that you were there for him. He didn't attempt to break himself out of the grip, which presumably was a good indication.

"I believe you," you stated, for some reason, satisfied with the fact you're the one to comfort him. "You are a good person, Draco."

This time, it was he who clasped your hand, and he glimpsed at you once more, towering over you with his long legs. "No. In the past, things happened, and to say, I'm not proud of them. Jeering, mocking, insulting -- that wasn't fa-."

"Past is a past, Draco," you cut him off, knowing where it all was leading, and you wanted to bring it to an abrupt end. It was the least adequate moment for apologies. "You can't fix it. Good that you understand your mistakes by now."

He hummed in comprehension, smiling, and his grasp tightened around your palm as if you were about to run off from him, which he couldn't be more wrong about. Admitting to yourself, you loved his smile -- though it was seldom, it much differed from a smirk you were accustomed to at that point -- and you secretly hoped he could do it more often. You also loved that even if he didn't talk much, he was very successful in lifting you up.

Therefore, there you were: standing arm-to-arm with your ex-bully who you had happened to run across; observing the moon in its full exposure; holding hands in reassurance. Both of you clearly enjoyed this gratifying moment and were lingering towards it not to end.

"Thank you," Draco finally choked out. "Thank you for...everything."

Ultimately, smashing the wall of uncertainty down, he wrapped his arms around your neck, hunching a little to adjust to your height, and buried his face in the crook of your neck. At first, your body stiffened at the sudden touch and a skip of the boundary, but as not to agitate him, you adapted yourself soon enough by reciprocating the hug. You started to rub the slow, steady circles on his back, and little by little, he began stroking your hair, softly grazing your scalp.

How long you stood clinging to each other like this, you didn't know. Hearing Draco sigh quietly, feel the rise and fall of it against your hands. Your heart sunk when you heard him breathe out, and you prepared yourself for him to mix out of the embrace because of sudden consciousness he was cuddling with a half-blood Hufflepuff he had been mocking for half of a decade ('I should get going'; 'I didn't mean what I said earlier; 'leave me be, Y/S'). But none of this happened, and he was only murmuring into your ear.

"I presume I should escort you to the dormitory. I could tell you were the whole time with me so no one would get any suspicion if we run into...anyone," he offered, yet you felt him almost grimacing at the thought of ending a moment you were two having.

"Mhm..." you agreed with no more opposition. "But let's give it one more minute."

____________

A/N: This is so typical of me to do something other than what's necessary lmao ;) The second chapter of Summer Nights is almost up if anyone interested. As I think of it now, this one-shot gives me such a vibe of Loud Places/Turn. However, I hope you enjoyed it :) Oh, and I'm explaining the sudden change of schedule with posting: 1. I'm very irresposible; 2. I got the super inspo to scribble this one-shot. Hah, sorry...

[googledocsdyke]

for communitynatural: i think it's interesting that while abed & cas are paralleled, as well as dean & troy, abed and dean speak in near constant references because that's how they relate to the world, while cas and troy just. say things. because they aren't scared of being emotional

ALRIGHT unfortunately this is gonna be long. i wanna deconstruct the cas/troy thing but i’m gonna put a pin in that for now because you’re right! but you’re also wrong! both abed and dean constantly mediate the world through pop culture, in a way that initially makes them seem really similar, but actually when you look at the respective ways their References and Homages work, it actually highlights how different their characters are, and how well they work as foils (different, complementary) rather than mirrors (similar, paralleled)

i think the key difference is that abed uses pop culture to make sense of the world, while dean uses it to make sense of himself. like abed has a very clear & coherent internal sense of who he is, and he's comfortable with it. he knows that who he is isn't someone the world always perceives as "acceptable" or "normal", so sometimes he uses pop culture to translate that person into something or someone “acceptable” readable by the world. but it never actually modifies his internal sense of who he is! key moment: in early season 1, where the study group is intent on making him over so that a girl will like him, and "teaching" him to be "normal". he goes along with it, and when the plan fails, they all express regret that they somehow damaged his self-esteem by forcing him to think that he needed to change for other people. and you know what he says?

"when you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn't such a big deal." like this is a line that is SO key to understanding abed's character, and makes him like truly one of the best characters on television (it would've been so easy for his internal conflict to come from him hating himself for being autistic(-coded), and they DON'T do that, and it's GREAT) 

and like. can you IMAGINE dean winchester saying that. like can you imagine him saying that even as a joke. for all his efforts to present himself as a Coherent Swaggering Hero, he has DEEP internal turmoil over who he really is, and all the points at which this heroic masculinity fails. half the time, he is gripped by self-hatred. and when he "changes himself for other people" it's not something he casually flips on and off. it's at the very core of his identity. it's something he cannot remove from himself. he knows full well that "your taste in music? dad's. your jacket? dad's. do you even have an original thought?" he then proceeds to listen to the same music and emulate john winchester in essentially the same ways for the next decade and a half.  dean winchester only IS dean winchester because of the external influences that force him to change. and part of this comes from his own compulsion to be written as/write himself as Hot Action Hero at all costs. like literally at the cost of his own life. it's a game that he can't stop playing. when he gets hit by a CAR he wants to know "did it look cool, like in the movies?" abed would never ask that. abed would just know it looks cool. dean has this pathological need to see it reaffirmed by an Audience, a Ceaseless Beholding Gaze that compels him to perform action hero masculinity at all costs

there are two key points of comparison that really cement this for me:

when abed says "i got self-esteem falling out of my butt," it's like an incredibly sincere line. he genuinely is comfortable with himself and has a high opinion of himself. sure, sometimes he gets distressed that the world doesn't see him the way he sees himself, but he knows who he is and doesn't attempt to repress it or lie to himself about it

when dean says "i think i'm adorable" or "there are no men like me" or like any of the "i am dean winchester and i'm amazing and i love myself" swagger lines, it's a PERFORMANCE of self esteem masking, like, a deep core of self-hatred. his entire personhood is built on him lying to himself — (dean to himself in 5x04 voice: i know that lying face i've seen him in the mirror). he can't truly have self-esteem or self-stability because he doesn't truly have a sense of what his Self even is

the han solo thing. in the season 2 finale during the paintball war, abed very consciously takes on a han solo persona because the setting demands it ("it appears we've exited the western and are headed for more of a star wars theme"). he dressed up as han, drops an iconic line or two, and has a Hero's Makeout with annie (who’s “playing” leia) in-character. but as SOON as they're both soaked in paint (and thus their characters are Dead within the game) he snaps out of it with no problem whatsoever. annie calls him "han" afterwards and he literally says he only did it “because the context demanded it.” abed knows exactly when he’s playing a role and when he isn’t, and very consciously turns it on and off.

but dean. OH DEAN WINCHESTER. he is playing the pop culture han solo hero role at all times and will never admit to himself that he is performing. it soaks into like the very core of his being. to quote tumblr user minor-mendings, “dean is trying to be the movie cowboy, the outlaw, the han solo type, with no realisation that that person doesn’t really exist.” i go over this in more detail with my han solo + dean meta - in so many ways he is So Thoroughly Not the pop cultural role that he insists on playing with complete sincerity, and that the writers insist on writing him into with complete sincerity. abed always knows when he is Playing and Referencing and Homaging and Alluding. dean NEVER knows when he is Playing and Referencing and Homaging and Alluding because his whole life is play, an elaborate repetition of stylised acts

so you're right, i think dean and abed are really interesting characters to read alongside each other in that they both 1) sincerely love pop culture in its own right in very fun and neurodivergent ways and 2) use their pop culture knowledge in their own self-fashioning and the way they translate themselves to the world and 3) engage with the world through Homage and Play and enjoy playing Roles. HOWEVER. the way they respectively use pop culture is so deeply different and indicative of fundamentally different processes of self-fashioning and self-perception, that i can't read abed as a dean-figure or dean as an abed-figure. they're complete inverses of each other! dean is a troy mirror/troy-figure and an abed foil

[dangerousconnoisseurdonut]

Choice #7; Cowboy/Steampunk Fusion

Right, here we go with lucky #7; So, a Gotham that is still kind of young and a bit like the Old West like Back to the Future Part 3. The Wayne's are throwing a party with their 8-year-old daughter, Bryce in attendance.

Everything is going swimmingly until a youngish Theo Galavan and his Maniax show up, including 14-year-old Jerome and Jeremiah, as well as 'Matches' Malone intent on robbing the place.

Anyway, Jerome and Jeremiah think Bryce is cute but are a little messed up in the head so they think branding her with their mark is like a promise ring as they promise they are going to be big time Outlaws and treat her like a queen, and the brand is meant to scare other hoodlums off.

Thomas naturally goes to protect his daughter but Theo, who was looking for an excuse, shoots him, then Martha. He hits Bryce and sets fire to the home, figuring he's killed the last of the Wayne's, so now there's nothing stopping him from taking over Gotham.

Too bad he didn't see Matches go back inside to save poor little Bryce. Remember how Matches said he doesn't kill babies? Well, I expanded that to kids as well. Now, Matches feels bad for his part in Bryce becoming an orphan so he takes her and moves away from Gotham to help make her strong and train her to be a bounty hunter. Along the way, she meets and is trained by old west heroes like Bat Lash, El Diablo (Lazarus Lane), and of course Jonah Hex.

Matches also teaches her the most important thing she'll need to know to get close to Theo Galavan; how to act and sound like a man. To be a perfect duality; female vigilante and male Bounty Hunter. As she reaches her 18th year, he knows he's dying, so he kills himself after explaining everything she'll need to know, and makes it look like she killed him, so 'The Bat' will have her first Bounty, and she goes one step further; as she was branded, so too will she brand her victims with the insignia of a bat. For her male persona, she takes the name, Matthew Malone.

It takes her a year to make it back to Gotham as Matches took her to Mexico or something to keep her safe, and along the way she meets Lucius Fox who worked for her father, and Lee Thompkins, a doctor who was run out of Gotham by Galavan's partner, Sofia Falcone.

She helps Lee sneak back into Gotham, disguised as Thomas Leslie (if you have a better suggestion, I'm open to it). Gotham has changed a fair bit in the eleven years she’s been gone as there are now fairly tall skyscrapers, but people still get around by horse and buggy, though these horses are robots, hence the steampunk element. By an amazing coincidence, the saloon Matthew stops in at to get a cold beer, is patroned by the Valeska brothers, who still work for Galavan but now have their own crew; who else, but the Horribles. Everyone else clears out when the Horribles announce their impending arrival, but 'Matthew' wants to finish his beer, then he'll leave. Jerome tries to hassle him, but Matthew ignores him until Jerome goes for Matthew's gun (yes, he has a gun, I will explain later), only to find Matthew has a dummy gun that is coated with a mild form of Tetrodotoxin; not enough to kill him, but his arm and mouth go numb. Others would be offended at this; Jerome, his brother, and the others all find it hilarious; even Victor laughs at it. Matthew then pulls out $100 bill and pays for the first round of drinks for the Horribles as apology for the gun.

Matthew goes to leave but the Horribles invite him to have a drink with them; anyone who can shut Jerome up deserves a drink. They ask him if he's a Bounty Hunter with the kind of money he has, and he answers yes. They ask him about his family, and he‘reveals' he's the‘son' of Matches Malone, who Jerome and Jeremiah vaguely remember. When Matthew reveals his father was killed by The Bat, the others are intrigued and ask if he actually saw The Bat as no one is certain if she's real or just a legend. Matthew then rolls up his sleeve and reveals a 'Bat Brand', which she gave him when he tried to protect his father.

Before more can be said, Selina Kyle, protege of Tabitha Galavan and Bryce's childhood friend comes in with some news she just got from the telegraph office; The Bat was sighted not too far from Gotham, and may be on her way to their city. The Horribles are all excited to test their skills against The Bat, but Matthew warns them that she is lightning quick with her whip and daggers and is good at using the shadows to disappear, and that's without taking into account her horse; a large black stallion named Daredevil (if you think it should be Ace, tell me, but Daredevil sounded more ‘Old West’), a far cry from the steampunk horses everyone in Gotham uses. He then rises to leave, saying he's hoping to find lodgings and work in Gotham for maybe a month as his last Bounty managed to get him pretty good, and he could do with some steady work for a bit. Selina offers a room at the 'House of Instant Happiness' she owns; normally $50 a night, but she'll knock it down to $40 if he helps keep the rowdier customers under control the nights he's there. He agrees, and they shake on it; Selina notes in passing that, even for gloved, powerful hands, they seem a little small for a man, but brushes it off.

That night, someone from the Narrows is dragged out into the streets as he can't afford his ‘protection' this week, so Sophia is determined to make an example of him; as her enforcer goes to pull the trigger, however, a large piece of metal, later determined to be in the shape of a bat, comes whistling through the night and hits the guy right in the hand, taking it off; The Bat has come to Gotham. She swings down and informs Sofia that ‘she has never liked bullies'. Sofia responds that she doesn't like rodents that get in her way. The Bat responds that Sofia's face may be a little pinched, but there's no need to call herself a rodent.

A fight breaks out, and the worst injury The Bat gets is a black-eye while she takes down three of Sofia's best men and Daredevil takes out one of Galavan's men. The next day, Matthew is again at the Saloon when the Horribles arrive and they ask him if he's still looking for work. He responds yes he is, so they take him to see Mayor Galavan who is more than happy to take on the son of an ‘old friend'; it helps that Matthew can fight like nobodies business and is as good a shot as his father. While there, Matthew meets the Galavan's butler, and her heart clenches painfully in her chest; it's Alfred, and he just looks so downtrodden, not at all the man she remembers playing with her as a little girl. A week goes by with the days as Matthew and nights as The Bat, and Lee worries that Bryce will burn herself out before she gets her revenge, but Bryce is determined, more so ever since she saw Alfred. Matthew manages to move up a little when he manages to hold off the Bat long enough (maybe Lee in her costume? I haven't figured that out yet). What's surprising is how friendly Matthew gets with the Legion of Horribles as well as Deputy Mayor Oswald Cobblepot, his assistant Edward Nygma, and even his bodyguard, Victor Zsasz, all of whom are treated like dirt by Galavan and Sofia.

Bryce finally gets her chance; Galavan is holding a party at his house with his lieutenants, and Matthew is invited for protection. The setting is too perfect to pass up and she lays a bomb, ready to die herself if it means she'll take down Galavan as well. Problem is, Tabitha is there as well, which means Selina is there, along with the Horribles, Oswald, and poor Alfred is slaving away in the kitchen. She doesn't care about her own life, but she can't risk theirs; yes, Jerome and Jeremiah were there when her parents were killed and branded her, but she’s honestly come to like the two psychos. She manages to sneak a note to Selina, hoping she'll get the Horribles and Alfred out in time, signed by The Bat.

Selina manages to get the Horribles together and get them to Alfred, who was always rather nice to ‘The Freaks’ as Sofia and Galavan call them so they don’t want to see him get hurt either. When she shows Alfred the note, he just about has a heart attack; it may be more mature than when he last saw it, but he'd know that handwriting anywhere; it's *Bryce's* handwriting. He reveals a mark hidden on the paper near the signature; a heart with thorns wrapped around it;Bryce and Selina’s ‘secret symbol’ that they always signed their notes with to appear more ‘cool’. Selina can hardly believe her childhood friend is alive and well (if a little nuts to dress like some kind of Zorro/Bat hybrid and fight Outlaws) and Alfred, knowing his beloved little Mistress is alive, realizes why Matthew Malone looked so familiar. Matthew is really Bryce, which kick starts the reasoning in the twins minds; Matt, as Bryce, was the cute little girl they promised themselves to all those years ago. They manage to locate the bomb and disarm it.

Later, after the party, and Bryce mourns the lost chance of getting her revenge by warning Selina who must have found the bomb and disabled it out of loyalty to Tabitha, she meets up with Lucius at a cave just outside Gotham, unaware that the Horribles and Selina have followed her. They watch as Bryce, Lucius, and Lee all argue about just how far Bryce is willing to go in her revenge. Yeah, Lee wants to put Sofia in the ground, but she wants to be alive to enjoy it. Bryce responds that she has spent the last eleven years of her life training for this chance; learning sword and pistol, becoming ambidextrous so no one would even think to link left-handed Bat with right-handed Malone, learning to deepen her voice and more masculine habits so no one would suspect a thing. She hasn't gone through all that just to see Galavan get away with his crimes; she's going to kill him (remember, Bryce was raised by Matches, El Diablo, and Jonah Hex, not Alfred; she doesn’t quite have the same problem with killing as she normally would). Selina, Bridgit, Ivy, and Ecco all manage to get back to the city before Bryce and lay a trap in her room. When Matthew arrives, he and Selina talk for a few minutes before she deliberately calls him Bryce, and asks how she could not tell her that she was alive. Bryce goes for one of her smoke bombs to get out fast, but the others manage to ambush her, tie her up, and manage to knock her out before giving her to Jerome, Jeremiah, Jervis, Jonathan, and Victor so they can... interrogate her. ;)

They take her back to their private place where Jeremiah examines her arm and, sure enough, there's their old brand right where they left it when Thomas Wayne tried to stop them. He and the others, who are in a relationship, talk to her and find out her plan to kill Galavan, which they wouldn't mind as Galavan is a chicken-heart, no lip, slimy worm, but they also like Bryce so they don't want her to enact her suicide mission. To keep her from escaping, they tire her out with sex (cheesy, I know, but she is an escape artist and a very determined woman; they have to keep her energy low while they come up with a plan that doesn’t involve her dying). Bryce has had sex before, both as a woman and as a man (she has a strap-on, OK?), but it was always painful as her partners cared more for their pleasure than hers, which didn’t bother her as sex was just a tool to get close or a means of getting information. But the guys are all tender with her and make sure she enjoys it and she doesn’t know how to block this out like she does pain. Particularly with Jonathan as the little sweetie has never been with a woman before so the others guide him on what feels good for a woman; she’s embarrassed when he actually makes her squirt. But when she hears word that Galavan and Sofia have captured Lee and Lucius, she knocks them out with one of Jonathan's gas bombs, and goes to turn herself in. Galavan tortures her and Sofia goes to kill Lee, only for the Horribles, Oswald, Ed, Zsasz, and undercover lackey Joe Chill, who in reality is Marshal James Gordon to come charging in to save the day. During a scuffle, a lamp is knocked over, Sofia is killed by Barbara who wants Lee to be in a threesome with her and Tabitha (Lee: Hey, I’ll try anything once), and Galavan's house is set on fire. Bryce takes after Galavan, determined to see this end as it began. Victor can't follow because of all the flames and Jonathan's suit is hardly fireproof, so it's up to the other three. They see Galavan and Bryce fighting, but Galavan is about to get the upper hand and kill her when he's shot from behind; it's Alfred with a shotgun.

Alfred: Consider that my resignation from your service... Bloody Bastard.

It's not easy but they all manage to get out and Bryce will be laid up for a while, but she's done what she set out to do. Too bad she doesn't know what to do now that's gotten her revenge.

Bryce is in a room owned by the Sirens, surrounded by her friends just after the fire: Well, I should be up and around in about a week or two, then I’ll find a new city to go to and-

Ivy: Wait, you’re leaving?!

Male Horribles who have been waiting outside the room for the OK to come in but have been listening at the door: LEAVING?!

Bridgit sighs as she stands, rolls her eyes, walks to the door, opens it, and the male Horribles, excluding Victor as he naturally has more sense, all come tumbling into the room: Behold, Bryce; you’re idiots.

[betweengenesisfrogs]

The Triumph of the Marginalia

Marginalia, n.:

1 : notes or embellishments in the margins (as in a book)

2 : nonessential items

-Troll OED

Is it just me, or is Nepeta and Equius’s arc the most slept-upon piece of brilliance in all of Homestuck?

A brilliance, might I add, that culminates in possibly the most triumphant, fulfilling emotional moment in the entire work:

https://www.homestuck.com/story/7928

*stands back and beholds its majesty while from the background comes the sound of James Roach brutally murdering ska*

No, but actually, I mean this 100% unironically, and by the end of this post, I think you’ll agree with me.

By now, I think we all understand the Act 6 double metaphor: the series of temporal loops and universes that Lord English commands is paralleled with, and in fact totally identical to, the narrative of Homestuck. Our characters’ lives exist within this context. They struggle to escape it, and are defined both by it and by the rejection of it.

Enter Nepeta.

The metaphorical meaning of Nepeta in Homestuck is irrelevance, and that’s why she’s the most relevant character in any discussion.

Nepeta was one of the characters killed off during the Murderstuck arc. Hussie argued that she was perfect for this role. In fact, I believe he said something like “Nepeta is sweet, but if you look up the dictionary definition of ‘expendable character,’ you’ll see a picture of Nepeta playing with a ball of yarn and looking very cute.” She’s an endearing combination of shipper girl and apex predator, but not one of your Vriskas or Terezis in being a driver of the plot. Hussie, it seems, created her just to round out the troll cast. He described one of his purposes in Murderstuck as being to axe some of the less necessary trolls to reduce the scope of his character list.

Except that didn’t really happen, did it?

Like a cat with nine lives, Nepeta just keeps coming back.

Equius is another addition to the troll cast who gets pushed away from the main action. He was a character-writing challenge: how do you make someone who’s gross, uncomfortable, and racist kind of likable anyway? I’d argue Hussie succeeded, in large part because of Equius’s relationship with Nepeta. By the time you finish with Hivebent, you’ll probably have a little fondness for their moraillegiance. And if that doesn’t do it, the conversation that serves as their swansong in Equius: Seek the Highblood will tear your heartstrings to shreds.

Because Equius dies, tragically clownmurdered. There was, at the time, some stink over this from Equius fans. Would he have really let himself be killed so easily? Hussie countered: yes, and it was the most in-character thing he could have done. He died doing what he loved: being asphyxiated erotically and horrifically by a superior. Truly, there could be no more fitting end to his character than that.

And yet.

No sooner did Hussie complete his self-appointed story cleanup challenge than he immediately began to undo his own work. It’s almost as if, in declaring his intention to own those who preferred more characters to narrative economy, he immediately had to own himself??

By the time we get even a little way into Act 6, we’re deep in the dreambubble landscape, meeting dead characters left and right. And who should show up there but Equius and Nepeta? Equius attempting to get it on with a bunch of Aradias, who dump him. And Nepeta, living out her romantic dreams as a representative of a timeline where she got together with Karkat. They both appear as symbols of this deadness, this irrelevance. Except that that brings them back into the story, into the spotlight – the opposite of where they’re supposed to be!

Like many bits of commentary, Hussie continues to incorporate the metaphor Nepeta=Irrelevance into Homestuck. Karkat’s remark on their journey that he would love to meet “FIFTY FUCKING NEPETAS” and embark on “NEPETAQUEST” alludes to formspring remarks to the effect that, no, Homestuck was not going to have much time for the minor characters. Except it clearly did.

Why couldn’t the narrative let the meowrails go? Was it that despite the economy of Murderstuck, something was still incomplete? After all, one of Equius’s charms was that he appeared to be growing into a less repressed, kinder person. In Seek the Highblood, we see him letting his guard down enough to roleplay with Nepeta for a change. Their love for each other: wasn’t that ultimately what could redeem Equius in our eyes? So his dying and thus failing to protect her–isn’t that something that should be addressed?

You could imagine many a Nepeta and Equius fan saying this to Hussie back in 2011.

But Hussie was already saying it to himself.

The duo come roaring back into the story in the Trickster mode arc, mid Act 6, thanks to Gamzee’s ridiculous resurrections. True, Nepeta is still reduced as part of Fefeta, the character formed from killed-off girls who never speaks onscreen. But doesn’t using that fact as a running gag kind of draw our attention to it? Doesn’t the fact that Fefeta talks to Roxy constantly offscreen inform us that once we get outside the frame of the narrative, Nepeta has a rich inner life and countless stories to tell?

And it’s here that Equius gets something he never got in his original “arc:” the chance to apologize to Nepeta. You’d be forgiven for missing it since there’s so much else going on at the time, but he does, while fused with AR. Here’s what you’d miss, though: he’s grown as a person in the afterlife. He’s come to regret that moment of weakness, where his fetish kept him from protecting his moirail. Impossible as it seems, he’s continuing his character arc.

The scene ends with Fefeta exploding (she’s also, after all, dealing with Eridan), but it leaves us with a tantalizing question:

Will Nepeta forgive Equius? Is there even a plausible time and space in that story when she could respond to his words?

Do you see what’s happening here? Instead of being erased, Nepeta and Equius are starting to slip the bounds of the story that killed them. They leap in and out of the frame, half-mythical figures. Marginalized, they write their own stories in the margins. They exist in complete defiance of the original logic of Homestuck.

Lord English is an alt-Author figure, a dark, brutal reflection of narrative control and narrative necessity. His world, in which horrible choices are necessary, in which the alpha timeline is a ticking clock leading inexorably to his manifestation, is one that beats down people not deemed important enough by his narrative. Which makes it identical to the one we’re reading. Throw all the unnecessary characters in the trash. Kill them off, if it suits my purposes. The world doesn’t need Nepeta.

Which is precisely why it does. Because isn’t defying Lord English the entire point? Isn’t it what Homestuck reveals as truly heroic?

What might Nepeta be capable of?

Let’s talk about two other victims of English’s forces of marginalization. Davesprite might be the most quintessential example. He teaches us what the alpha timeline is and how it works, by going back to fix a doomed timeline and submitting to being doomed himself. Except he merges with a bird and avoids that fate. Okay, but he clearly gets killed off fighting Jack in Jade: Enter. Except he comes back and hangs out with Jadesprite. Okay, but he dies in the planetsplode in the Retcon. Nope, he comes back from that, too. Huh. He keeps slipping the fate decreed for him by – who else? Lord English.

But it’s a struggle, clearly. He’s caught up in various cycles of guilt and shame. Over being “not the real Dave.” Over his feeling that he has to be a hero in the sense Bro demanded he be. Hussie describes Davesprite as fitting the “way of the unbroken sword:” his experiences have led him to believe in being strong and capable at the expense of all else, in contrast with the other Dave, whose belief in Bros’ toxic ideas is beginning to slip – the “way of the broken sword.” And where did Bro get his toxic ideas from? At least in part, the whispering voice of the soul of Lord English.

Now we turn to Dirk. Like Dave, Dirk has a marginalized, “less important” splinter self but it’s more of a pressing concern. AR shows Dirk’s darker side: exhibiting manipulative tendencies that human Dirk is trying to move away from. He’s also a copy removed from humanity, who feels an understandable amount of disillusionment about being removed from physical existence and his own identity. But as much as Dirk may splinter, like his dumb anime sword, he never breaks. What this means in the symbolic language of Homestuck is that Dirk lives fully, instinctually, in the way of the sword. He believe in a world of hard choices, masculine heroism, and necessity. Ultimately, this, too, is part of what makes Bro so harmful to Dave. In AR and Davesprite, we have a strange parallel: two splinter selves, both of whom are enmeshed in the logic of LE.

Except AR, unlike Davesprite…kind of is LE.

What is Lord English composed of? Well, there’s Caliborn, the most unrepentant shithead of all time. There’s Gamzee, embodiment of horrifying clownery. And then there’s AR, a version of Dirk even more removed from the person he wants to be.

And…Equius?

Allow me a moment to get really indulgent and take a big puff on my Homestuck scholar’s pipe.

The metaphorical meaning of Equius in Homestuck is: sort of growing out of being a creepy racist.

Or maybe let’s say: the opportunity to do that. We said that Equius was on the verge of being redeemed (even had been, in the eyes of many readers). What does it mean to stick him in with Lord English’s souls? It means two things:

1) Equius is a product of his society, which was shaped by Doc Scratch, aka by Lord English, both of whom are kind of him, but Scratch picks up on his traits especially. This is a recognition of that fact: the part of him that sucks is, itself, Lord English in a dizzying loop.

2) Equius’s story is a tragedy. It is the story of a kid who started to escape his society’s tendencies, but was sucked back in by the evil force behind them.

Although…maybe that’s not the whole story.

Because both Equius and AR aren’t really that bad. AR’s pretty understandable, and by no means beyond the possibility of goodness. And the combination of the two? Honestly, pretty harmless. They counter each other’s worst tendencies by devolving into a weird goofball. In fact, AR even says he wants to do something heroic: to sacrifice himself for something really important. He does, kind of, mustering a last-ditch robohorse assault on Caliborn. But at the same time, this is the substance of his tragedy. A hero whose defeat of a great evil forces him to become the substance of that evil. Which could not be a more fitting summary of how these characters function in their story.

But maybe that’s still not the whole story.

Enter Davepeta.

At first glance, the creation of Davepeta seems like Hussie’s most batshit troll move yet. I feel pretty confident in saying that even those who predicted either of these characters returning didn’t see that one coming. However, a few pages of Davepeta’s presence reveals a fundamental truth:

Davepeta is fucking amazing.

In them, Davesprite’s depressive moods are buoyed up by Nepeta’s upbeat optimism. Nepeta’s reclusive shyness is balanced by Dave’s tendency toward brash banter. Both of them gain confidence from being the new person they are. They quickly let go of ideas inherited from the world that kept them from self-knowledge and happiness. Dave, his toxic masculinity; Nepeta, her fear.

A great point I’ve seen made is how much Jasprose and Davepeta resemble fantasy selves for Rose and Dave: indulgent, technicolor manifestations of people they could be if they let go of inhibitions and limitations. But I think Davepeta is the most unambiguously positive of the two.

The metaphorical meaning of Davepeta in Homestuck?

Growth.

Not giving a fuck about what the world thinks. The world, aka Lord English. Because Lord English could never have predicted that his machinations would also spawn a confident, powerful fusion of two beings he had discarded as totally irrelevant.

They’re also a multicolored non-binary furry, so that’s even more points in the pissing off shitheads column.

They are someone Lord English never conceived of, never could have conceived of, but which lay as potential within his domain all along.

And if Lord English is a reflection of the author, of what Hussie feels one has to destroy or sacrifice, than Davepeta is an indulgence existing in defiance of all that.

And this makes Davepeta the most powerful person of all.

They are the light at the end of the tunnel. They are the person you could be, if you could get past your mental shackles and just grow. It may not be possible to ever get there as a mortal human, may only be for a godlike sprite, but striving to be like them matters, is purpose and fulfilment enough.

And they love ARquius.

Nepeta believed in Equius, believed he could grow, and was growing. So as much as ARquius traps himself in a Lord English loop of his own making – grown, perhaps, out of Dirk’s belief that there should be a loop, that importance is admirable—Davepeta pulls from him, in his last scene, his finest qualities. His love.

Equius asks forgiveness again, and this time, Nepeta’s able to give it. Davepeta easily accepts ARquius’s apology, an apology which never could have existed within the confines of a normal narrative. A reconciliation that both of them fought for by defying their narrative, by existing outside it. By being not the trolls who lived and died, but their broader, conceptual selves, who exist beyond lifetimes. Beyond the comic page. And they consummate that reconciliation with that most cherished and loving of gestures:

A hug.

And even as this is Equius and Nepeta’s reconciliation, it’s also Dirk and Dave’s. Which, I should mention, is also taking place, simultaneously and circumstantially simultaneously, just below. It’s a more difficult one, certainly, especially as filtered through the splinters of Davesprite and AR. Here forgiveness is not quite the right word. But – knowledge, and recognition, and a kind of peace. It’s Davesprite’s chance to reunite with the part of his brother he loved, while also being a person who’s grown beyond him. And it’s AR’s chance to be loved.

Oh, sure, the art is ridiculous, the pose absurd. But that’s what makes it sublime.

I mean, what did you think that Sbahj comic was really about?

A boy distancing himself from his feelings through irony, never acknowledging that the story he’s telling is about two bros who desperately want to hug each other, but don’t know how.

Here’s the hug.

I want to dip into Epilogues territory for a moment, but it’s territory which is fairly well implied by Davepeta’s statements and role in Collide. The Meat Epilogue, I think, only illuminates what was already there.

Lord English is uniquely vulnerable to Davepeta.

And why shouldn’t he be? They, like so much else in Homestuck, are a consequence of his actions spiraling far beyond his control. But it’s more than that. Davepeta is finally able to lay the unbroken sword to rest by following the “prophecy” about Dave defeating Lord English. On the one hand, that’s kind of what happened. But it’s also completely different from what English intended, antithetical to his desires and goals. Which makes the victory all the sweeter. But at the end of the day, Davepeta doesn’t fight for the reasons Davesprite did. They’re free of that, now. Instead, they fight from a place of genuine compassion. Because Davesprite, like Dave, knows the true meaning of being a hero: caring about one’s friends.

But the most important thing about Davepeta is that they know Lord English, on a level that perhaps neither he nor they recognize. Both AR and Equius are in there, and both are capable of redemption. It’s only Gamzee and Caliborn who are truly beyond it.

How does Davepeta defeat Lord English?

With a hug.

They wrap their claws around him, and carry him into the sun like a piece of garbage. It’s an aggressive hold, but it’s also effectively an embrace.

And I have to wonder: in those final moments, did they sense a connection there? Did Equius and Dirk stir somewhere within Lord English? Did they give him a moment’s pause? Resist him? Make it just the tiniest bit easier for Davepeta to do their work?

If so, then that, too, is heroism.

At the very least, it’s circumstantially simultaneous with the hug we see in Act 6, and so it carries the same message:

Redemption.

Not for the shitheads, but for those who wanted to be better.

And if this isn’t enough, there’s a third reconciliation here, too: between author and reader, or to put it in other terms, author and character.

If Lord English is a shadow of the author, what part of the author can be redeemed? Maybe not the destructive, antagonistic urges. But the part that plans and designs and philosophizes as Dirk does. That part of Hussie wanted Davepeta to be there, to strike that final blow, and made it happen.

Because, when you get right down to it, as much as Hussie pretends to be antagonistic toward his readers and the characters they enjoy, it’s the fans, the shippers, the furries, those whose hearts go out to a cute, shy cat girl that he most celebrates.

Hussie fucking loves Nepeta.

Nepeta and Equius are, sneakily, the best characters in Homestuck, because they understand its fundamental message: that to succeed in Homestuck is to defy Homestuck. They defy everything it throws at them, and somehow, improbably, come out on top.

All of this is there on that page, a whole edifice of storytelling culminating in that singular, grand, supremely indulgent expression, a feast of looping leitmotif and color and imagery and meme and sound. It’s all there, if you know where to look.

Nepeta and Equius love each other, and that’s pretty fucking great.

See? I told you.

<> Ari

[madeofitzits]

In honor of the impending return of Brooklyn 99, here are 99 reasons that...

1. He was precocious enough to know, at 5 years old, that he wanted to change his name (x)

 2. He has a bunch of nicknames: Sandy Amberg, Young Sandwich, etc. but the most endearing one is 'Droidy', his family's name for him (x) 

3. He is still super close friends with people he's known since: Elementary School (Chelsea Peretti) (x)...

4. Junior High/High School (Kiv and Jorm) (x) 

5. … Summer Camp (Irene Neuwirth) (x)

7.  ...and Film School (Chester Tam) (x)

8. Before he met Joanna, he dated other famous ladies but - out of respect - he never discussed it/them (x) 

9. He loves turtles and tortoises. When he was a kid, he had a pet turtle that he named 'Squirt' because the first time he held it, it peed on him. His Mom, Margie, accidentally killed Squirt when Andy was at Summer camp... (x)

10. … Maybe this is why, when shooting 'Popstar', Andy fell hard for Maximus (Conner 4 Real's turtle). He says they "had a good thing going" and that he wanted to adopt him. In the end, he decided against it because there are a bunch of coyotes in his neighborhood and he was worried the little guy wouldn't be safe. (Popstar: DVD Commentary)

11. Speaking of his Mom, despite being a super private person, he appeared on 'Finding your Roots' so that he could help her track down her birth family (x)

12. When he succeeded he cried (although we never got to see it on camera) (x)

13. That's because, like all good boys, he loves his Mama which is why - as part of the same episode - he said "My mom is basically the kindest person I know… and many people would corroborate that" (x)

14. Andy's Sisters, Hannie (Johanna) and Darrow, used to make him wear diapers and put his hair in pigtails until he was 5 years old. He says he didn't mind because he just liked that they were paying attention to him (x)

15. That's why he sees his identity in comedy as being 'America's kid brother'. When he was young, he would annoy his sisters until they laughed and he claims to have been replicating that approach to entertainment ever since

16. Although a bunch of his characters have 'Daddy Issues', Andy definitely doesn't. He's super close with his Papa (Joe) and has said "he's a good man" and "the best Dad in the world" (x) 

17. Joe was Andy's youth soccer coach and in one scene in 'Hot Rod', Joe's favorite photograph can be seen in the background. It shows a very young Andy posing with a soccer ball, after "scoring the winning goal against Mersey" (x)

18. He's been a loyal Golden State Warriors fan since he was a little kid, living in Oakland (then Berkeley) and, in 2010, he correctly predicted that they would "win a Championship in my lifetime" (x) 

19. The proceeds from his Umami Burger ('The Samburger') went to a deafness early detection program in Berkeley. This cause is close to his heart because Margie uses hearing aids and used to work in the special needs program, teaching deaf kids (x)

20. He, Kiv, and Jorm have made multiple donations to their old school district, including $250 000 to its theater program (x)

21. On the subject of The Lonely Island; Andy always goes out of his way to make sure that everyone knows how much he owes to his buddies. For instance, he told Marc Maron, during his WTF appearance, that "I get a lot of credit for what Kiv and Jorm have done" (x)

22. He makes this face when he knows he’s said something naughty…

(Gif credit: @andrewsambags)

23. During his 'Wild Horses' appearance, he said that he can't watch scary movies because they freak him out too much. He told 'Complex' that he's still scared of 'The Shining' (x)...

24. … Similarly, when he was at UC Santa Cruz he worked at the Del Mar movie theater and he had a hard time coping with screenings of 'Species 2' (x)

25. He fell in love with Joanna, the moment he met her, when she greeted him by addressing him as 'Steve the C**t' (x)

 26. He listened to 'Ys', everyday for a year, before he and Joanna started dating (x)

27. He bought the original portrait that was used as the basis of the cover art for 'Ys' and gave it to Joanna as a Christmas present, so that she could hang it in her music room (x)

 28. He loves birds and goes hiking and birding with Joanna (x)

 29. Every new comment he makes about Joanna becomes an instant contender for 'most beautiful thing a person has ever said about their spouse' (x)

30. For example, he readily admits that Jake's iconic heart eyes are the result of him thinking about his amazing wife (x)

31. There are many stories about how incredibly romantic Andy and Joanna's wedding was and Jorm has said that it featured "the most magical vows I've ever heard" (x)

32. The Newsombergs now live in Charlie Chaplin's old house (x)

33. On the Emmys Red Carpet (2015), the year he hosted, they took a momentary break from posing for the world's press to whisper 'I love you' to each other (x)

34. At last year's Vanity Fair party, Andy carried Joanna's purse for her so she could grab a snack (x)

35. He was a semi-permanent fixture in the audience for her recent run of shows for the 'Strings/Keys Incident' tour, even officially confirming his status as the 'President of her Fan Club' (x)

36. He used his Golden Globes monologue to call out the government for framing and murdering the Black Panthers (x)

37. On the Carpet for the Guy's Choice Awards, he called the event "a ridiculous farce", adding that "men already have it so easy - it's insane that there's a show that celebrates them". That makes sense when you consider that he, Kiv and Jorm have made an entire career out of parodying toxic masculinity (x)

38. He once said that only "idiot-ass men" think that women aren't funny (x)

39. He’s been wearing glasses since 7th Grade and he has the most heartbreakingly cute habit of nudging them up his nose, (especially when he wears his Sol Moscot frames) (x)...

40. ... and of rubbing his eyes under them (x)

41. He barely ever wears glasses for roles but he also avoids contacts (because he doesn't like touching his eyeballs) which means he's almost always 'acting blind' (x)

42. He has worn his glasses in character a few times - as 'himself' ('Lady Dynamite'), as 'Paul' ('I Think You Should Leave') and during a very small number of SNL sketches (e.g. during his one appearance in a 'Gilly' with Kristen Wiig) (x) 

43. He can't tolerate glare and when that makes him squint it's a sight that's too cute for words (x)

44. He owns about six outfits and has been rotating them for well over a decade (x) 

45. He barely ever breaks during shooting/while performing, so when he does it's aggressively adorable. (x), (x)

46. He's a grown ass man who persuades people to come with him to the bathroom because if he goes by himself he'll get lonely (x)

47. He didn't announce he was leaving SNL, until after his last appearance, selflessly choosing not to detract from Kirsten Wiig's huge and emotional send-off (x) 

48. He undertook a quest to smell like Lorne Michaels (x) 

49. He's ageing like a fine wine (x)

50. To protect their daughter's privacy, Andy and Joanna never announced that they were expecting. They've never released their little girl's name or date of birth and most news outlets still report that they became parents in August 2017 (even though that's inaccurate) (x)

51. Although he's careful not to talk about his daughter often, sometimes he can't keep from gushing about her. For example, when asked about his first year of fatherhood he said: "It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just like a beautiful, incredible dream. It has surpassed every expectation I ever had. It’s definitely been very blissful" (x)

52. After their daughter was born, Andy and Joanna spent the first 40 days at home with her (in a practice known as 'confinement'). He's described it as being "a really special time". (x) 

53. Andy is famously mild-mannered but, when asked about what triggers his 'Dad claws', he admitted that if anyone attempted to touch his daughter, without permission, he'd "probably sock them hard in the face"…

54. ...Characteristically, he went on to add that he hopes that never happens, since he hasn't been in a fight since 6th Grade (x)

55. Cyndi Lauper was his first celebrity crush and he plays her record ('She's so unusual') for his daughter all the time. (x)

56. His is the very definition of a precious laugh (x)...

57. It's made even more wonderful by the way it makes his voice go high-pitched (x)

58.  … and the way it causes his eyebrow to rise involuntarily  

59. It's impossible not to smile at his impression of his Mom (x)

60. And laugh at his impression of John Mulaney (x)

61. He was so convinced he wouldn't win the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical, that he didn't prepare a speech. Instead, as he explained to David Letterman, he "just went… and started drinking". The resulting list of improvised 'thank yous' was perfect in every way (x)

62. As producers, Andy, Kiv and Jorm have given life to some amazing projects ('Alone Together', 'Brigsby Bear', 'I Think You Should Leave')...

63. … and gone out of their way to support women in comedy ('Party Over Here', 'PEN15') (x)

64. As well as being a comedy legend, he's a super-talented dramatic actor, who gave the performance of a lifetime in 'Celeste and Jesse Forever' but, after the movie wrapped, and it was time to do press for it, he was straight back to goofing around (x) 

65. His lip bite should be illegal (x)

66. Even though he wears the same vanishingly small number of outfits, over and over, he has a vast collection of the most excellent socks (x)

67. He always gives 'editing notes' during his own interviews (x)

68. He has a super sweet and sincere way of thanking interviewers when they compliment him (x)

69. He adjusts his hoodie constantly (x)

70. The two most perfect Jake laughs in b99 are actually real Andy laughs 'https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W38A_xuXaeg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sVm9nYrTWRQ

71. Virtually everyone who has ever worked with Andy has talked about what a wonderful person he is. This explains why so many of them have been involved with more than one of his projects (x)

72. It's not only his colleagues who talk about what a delight he is (x), (x)

73. This lovestruck fool wore his own wife's merch when he went out to dinner (x)

74. No one else uses the word 'dinky' quite like Andy (x). The same goes for 'snacky' (see point 70)

75. He does this with his tongue (x)

76. He still likes to play soccer but his eyesight is so bad that he has to keep his glasses on for it

77. When he lets his gorgeous floofy hair grow a little it sits perfectly over the arms of his glasses (x)

78. He gifted the world with Jakey's little curl (x)

79. At the James Franco Roast, he couldn't bring himself to be mean to anyone except himself (and Jeff Ross, a little!) (x)

80. In fact, he's always been willing to laugh at himself (x) and he still is (x)

81. He changes b99 scripts to make them more feminist (x)

82. Despite their humble insistence that they just benefited from 'good timing', the reality is that Andy, Kiv and Jorm (along with Chris Parnell) revolutionized digital media, when 'Lazy Sunday' popularized YouTube, increasing its traffic by 85% overnight (x)

83. He once attended the Vanity Fair party because his Mom told him to (x)

84. He has an amazing way of subtly but firmly shutting down inappropriate questions, like when this interviewer suggested that Holt being gay was something that could have been played for laughs https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=idQsYQfkR5o

85. He auditioned for SNL at the same time as Bill Hader. Hader thought he'd blown it because Andy had a bunch of props and Bill had none. In the meantime, Andy thought he'd blown it when he saw Hader and realized 'this guy doesn't need any props' (x) 

86. His bromance with Seth Meyers is one for the ages (x)

87. Every single second of this video is proof of why Andy, Kiv and Jorm deserve the world (x)

88. He once dragged Mulaney up on stage for SNL Goodnights, even though writers weren't allowed to join in (x)

89. He has a hilarious phobia of pooping anywhere except his own bathroom (x) 

90. His beautiful, beautiful, face: His smile (radiant), his eyes (caramel - hella disarming), his ears (adorably asymmetrical), his nose (perfect), His chin (the dimple… *swoon*), his jaw (could cut glass), The 'Sambeard' (another amazing layer of pretty) (x)

91. His body: His butt (x), his thighs, (x) his soft lil tummy (The ‘Sambelly’) (x), his hands. (x), his arms (x), his hips…

(Gif credit: @amystiago /@badpostandy on Twitter)

92. All signs point to the fact that, like Jake, Andy uses his glasses case as a wallet (x) 

93. Jake's "cool-cool-cool-cool-cool-cool" is an irl Andy-ism that the writers worked into b99 scripts. What's even better is that Joanna does it, too (x)

94. He has a really good arm and is low key competitive, which is super hot https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e32K_nBDy3Q

95. He's one half of the cutest Red Carpet pose of all time (x)

96. He barely ever seems to get mad but if angry Jake is anything to go by, maybe he should... (x)

97. He's a huge nerd, who geeks out over GOT, LOTR, 'Star Wars', 'Alien(s)' and anything relating to time travel (x), (x)

98. He has a gorgeous speaking voice, especially when he’s tired or a little sick. (Bonus points for any time he uses the word ‘correct’. See point 30) (x) 

99. He’s still so committed to his b99 fans and fam, even after all this time and is as excited as the rest of us that...

[angelhummel]

unpopular op: i never wanted bi blaine. bc when blaine met kurt he was already out and proud with himself. he was gay. if he was introduced as bi, it'd be ok. but him being bicurious after that kiss with rachel wouldnt make sense to me bc he was the one who pulled kurt up and made him feel okay with being gay, being out and proud. it'd be like, so yeah blaine is more masculine so make him bisexual and that'd be very stereotypical. but it could be ok if he was introduced as bi at the beginning

Okay so if we had bi Blaine then obviously I wouldn’t want it the way it was in canon. That was a big ol mess. So here’s what I would’ve done 

Starting with their first meeting when Kurt is like “Can I ask you guys a question? Are you guys all gay?” and then Blaine is like “No, no, these two are straight. But I’m not” so Kurt obviously takes that to mean he’s gay. And then Blaine tells him about being bullied for being with a guy and that’s why he came to Dalton and so it’s not brought up again for a while 

Blaine can have the crush on the Gap guy, same as canon. Then Rachel’s party comes around and maybe Blaine says something about how he’s enjoying being around girls for a change (maybe something about Brittany since she’s running around half naked) and Kurt is like “?” and then later in the night he kisses Rachel and Kurt is like “...” and then he acts interested in Rachel later on and Kurt is like “!” and so he confronts Blaine about it and he’s basically like “what are you doing?? I thought you were gay?” And Blaine is like “When did I say that?” and Kurt’s like “When we first met! You said you weren’t straight” 

And Blaine is like “I’m not. There’s more than just gay and straight you know?” and so that’s their argument at the lima bean and kurt feels a little hurt and betrayed bc he thought blaine was just like him and it turns out he’s not. so kurt feels like blaine was leading him on even though he wasn’t, bc it’s not like blaine had to disclose his full sexuality to kurt five minutes after they first met. and so kurt’s feelings are more understandable and also it’s not biphobic bc i’m writing this and i’m not biphobic rip to rm but i’m different

and maybe like kurt can voice some common misconceptions of bi people and it’s like a nice teaching moment for him and the audience. like saying something about how if blaine is with a girl then he’s “straight passing” and blaine is like “well being with a girl doesn’t erase the other parts of my sexuality, and being with a girl wouldn’t make me straight just like being with a guy wouldn’t make me gay. i’m still bi, no matter who i’m with” and he still dates rachel but he just realizes that there’s no real spark there and decides to end it 

and then in sexy when the girls give blaine their numbers kurt can say something about like ooh it must be blaine’s lucky day and blaine doesn’t really respond but he has this look on his face so we know he’s not really interested in them and he just passes the numbers on to one of the other warblers or something 

and so of course by the next ep blaine has realized he’s in love with kurt and they get together and that’s that. BUT just like in canon there’s lots of things left unsaid and bubbling under the surface and creating doubts and fears that our poor boys don’t know how to properly communicate just yet 

so maybe in s3 blaine gets to dalton and he’s like the new kid so people are interested in him. and of course he’s got all his duets and roles with rachel and that stirs up feelings of last year for kurt. and maybe some other girls at school are flirty with him and he enjoys the attention but also doesn’t pay it much mind. and so when sebastian comes along he’s just like the final nail in the coffin for kurt

and then instead of that fucking alpha gay bullshit nonsense there’s some other type of nonsense about how like kurt is worried cause blaine has guys and girls all over him and it’s really intimidating and he doesn’t know what to do bc he’s always scared blaine might feel like he’s missing something and “switch teams” or whatever. and of course blaine is like “i would never do that. i love you bc of who you are, not what parts you have” etc and so that’s what they argue over in 3x17 but of course blaine reassures kurt and kurt feels better and he stops feeling jealous or like he’s not enough and yeah

also bi blaine means he could date tina in s4 hooray no unrequited love triangles

[pro-ship-self-ships]

Transmasc HCs in Obey Me!

Is this self-indulgent? Yes, but I’m transmasc and there needs to be more trans and queer stuff in the fandom. I simply write partially from my own perspective.

General

If you were already out in some way in your school/workplace, your name was used on the application.

If you came out during the year and wanted to use your new name at RAD, the administration would immediately take action, informing all teachers of the new name.

Gender-neutral bathrooms are built with magic in case you’re uncomfortable with the gendered ones.

If you’re ever worried about whether you’re going to go to hell for being queer, your friends at RAD will remind that no, you’re not a bad person, and you won’t go to hell for being queer. Your queerness is a beautiful thing and you’ll be reminded of that.

Lucifer

He knew already, but appreciates that you came out to him.

If you come to him for name suggestions, he might be able to come up with something more classy than his brothers.

Your bullies mysteriously vanish if you talk about them with him.

He’s the one who helps the most with getting T and surgery (if you plan on going the human route).

Helps to get you emancipated if you have unaccepting family (he has jokingly suggested just murdering them, though it probably won’t happen).

He takes you and the others to Pride every June. He’ll typically ask which places you want to celebrate at (I’d personally choose NYC or LA)

The man to go to for voice training bless you Kazuya Yamashita (although he’d help with a professional later down the line)

Tries to give you lessons on being a “proper gentleman” but gives up if you don’t show interest.

Studies trans laws in different countries in the human world to make sure which ones are tran-accepting in case you travel with him.

Might help you keep track of which documents need to have your name and gender changed

Might start listening to music by trans artists and enjoy them  (he better listen to Cavetown sdhkvshdvdh)

He might make the occasional dad joke about your name or about being trans (you can’t tell he doesn’t enjoy dad jokes a little, especially after the credit card debacle)

Mammon

It takes him some time to understand when you come out, but my goodness is he a vocal supporter.

He’s the most likely to accompany you to public bathrooms if you feel uncomfortable. The others attempt to follow suit, but Mammon won’t let them near you.

Do not come to this man for name ideas, he’d probably come up with something like “Mammon 2: Electric Boogaloo.”

With your permission, he and Levi record your journey and post bits and pieces online

Confused if you choose human methods for transitioning, especially because of the price, but will still attempt to save money for any procedures you bring up.

Sends trans memes and might bring it up as an inside joke (if anyone knows the tiktok from jvckass that’s essentially “my chest is versace bro”, i mostly refer to that one)

If you get top surgery, he’ll remind you of some of the wack things you said while on anesthesia

Will comfort you if you bring up having an unaccepting family.

Will probably also start listening to music by trans artists (i will continuously preach the goodness of Cavetown)

Gets the money for it if you need a legal name change, gets surprised if you start crying

Jokingly teaches you about “being a man”

After top surgery, will try to keep the room to just the two of you (unsuccessfully). He’ll still bring up his money schemes as you lie there

Likes buying pride merch for you (flags, pins etc), will deny liking it though hfdigbdkh

Leviathan

If you came out to him and wanted to come up with a name for yourself, he’ll immediately suggest the name “Henry”. He gets a little upset if you don’t like it, but will subsequently throw names of anime characters as suggestions.

Also sends trans memes

Will help you experiment with your look through cosplay.

Records some of the wack things you said when you were still on anesthesia after top surgery

He also just wants to watch anime with you after the surgery. He also finds your chest scars to be pretty cool.

Will try to find anime and other things with trans characters and talk about them with you

He seems to act more like a Japanese otaku than a western weeb, but he would still have to probably unlearn queerphobic language

Satan

Would have probably read at least something on being trans

Would be the one to ask the most questions if they’re not too invasive

Likes to discuss multiple topics such as biology or sociology. Probably will name drop Judith Butler or Julia Serano and have a convo based on that.

Probably might want to watch some shows that have trans characters in them. Buys books with trans characters or by trans authors.

If you’re up for it, he’d give a pet your deadname to help distance yourself from it.

Would be the one to look up “(insert culture here) names for boys” to help pick a name. Gets pissed if teachers can’t pronounce it, regardless of when you came up w the name. Same goes for transphobes at RAD.

If you get surgery, he stays by your bed and reads to you.

Would attempt to make testosterone if you say something about expenses. Also might try to plan forms of surgery

Asmodeus

He’s the one to help with your wardrobe and look (you knew this was gonna be the case). He simply won’t allow you to walk around in that one hoodie. He knows about which shirts and tops makes your chest look flatter. If you want to continue wearing feminine clothes, he’ll help out with the best look. Would get you the rainbow binder as a surprise gift.

Regardless of whether you brought it up, he’d probably buy you a packer. He finds it hilarious.

He might buy a bunch of strap-ons and dildos for you if you don’t get bottom surgery

If you start testosterone in the Devildom, he doubles down on your skincare. Acne gets really difficult, so he’s always there to help.

If you decide to get top surgery, he is going to get you so many pillows. Same goes for bottom surgery.

He’s the one to get you pads if you need them.

On your trips to Pride parades and other queer places, he likes to create outfits for them.

Might try to get Solomon to cast a spell or make a potion to make you “more masculine”

He wants to be the one to cut your hair, but is okay with going to a salon with you

If you ask for names, he probably has a whole list already (it’s just a list of male exes)

Overall, he will remind you of how beautiful you are

Beelzebub

If you have have issues joining a sports team, he’s here to help convince any coaches necessary(although do demons have gendered sports teams is the question)

Encourages you to eat more than ever, especially if you’re on T. He understands when you get really hungry. Brings up foods that increases testosterone. Has you eat pineapples before you get top surgery.

Wants to give you a hug after surgery, but the others tell him about the stitches and fragility

Likes to cuddle you if you want to talk about your dysphoria (much to Mammon’s annoyance) and if you bring up height dysphoria, he likes carrying you around on his shoulders so you can feel taller.

Might try to come up with a food name if you ask

Will punch anyone who attempts to bully you over your queerness

Has you exercise with him more often, especially if you’ve talked about gaining muscle on T.

Belphegor

He doesn’t really mind, but he’s still supportive

Might suggest naps as a way of getting rid of dysphoria.

He gets the concept of transness a bit faster since he used to hang out with humans more.

Diavolo

He’s pretty accepting and finds human’s relationship with gender to be fascinating.

Orders the construction of gender-neutral bathrooms for your comfort

Makes dad jokes about being trans and your name (all in good fun, of course)

With your permission, he might plan a gender-reveal party or a debutante ball for you.

Assures you that you won’t go to hell for being yourself.

Barbatos

He was the first to figure out you are trans, as he was tasked with looking into your history for the exchange program.

He’s accepting as well. If you’re worried about your future, he might give you a couple of hints to show you’ll be ok.

Besides telling Diavolo and Lucifer beforehand, Barbatos is willing to help you stay stealth if that’s what you want.

Solomon

Depending on where’s he from, he might be a bit hesitant, but he’s still accepting (he has no reason to discriminate for religious reasons, he practices magic)

Might suggests magic to help transitioning, but will relent if you’re dead fast on human methods.

Also likes sending trans memes

Simeon

Finds it fascinating to find how far human technology has come for transitioning

If you’re really worried about getting into heaven, Simeon is the best one to reassure you that you will

A calming force for when you have dysphoria

Talks about transness to Luke so he’ll understand

If you can convince him, he might write a new series with a trans character as the protagonist (and other queer characters as well)

He and Asmodeus would team up to make a binder you could wear 24/7

Is a little uncomfortable with the hypersexuality of Pride parades, but understands their necessity.

Luke

The one that takes the most talking to about it, but Simeon accepts you, so Luke follows suit.

Likes to make trans flag cookies for you, especially after reaching certain milestones.

Gets jealous if you start growing taller from T.

Joins Levi on watching trans anime with you.

[vee-angel]

Non-consent Nancy (part 1, repost)

(Part of the Pervert Pentet Series)

Chapter 1, parts 1 and 2

WARNING: This story focuses on a lesbian black woman who fetishizes rape, misogyny, racism, and abuse. As such, there will be copious amounts of offensive language and themes, including the sexualization of victims. The story is fiction, and nothing written here should be taken as an endorsement for any of these view or activities. In fact, I wholeheartedly condemn nearly everything the main character thinks and does in this story. I believe that consent is a central tenet of morality, and violations of it are only acceptable in the context of fiction.

***

Introduction:

Nancy had grown up in a conservative, affluent neighborhood. Being one of the only black girls, she became a target for bullies and bigots at an early age. The fact that she dressed and acted like a lesbian before she even fully realized her sexual orientation certainly didn’t do her any favors.

Her mother worked hard to give her a better life than she’d had; as such, she could be a bit dismissive of her problems. When she was little, and informed her that she was being bullied at school, she simply suggested that she try to turn her abusers into friends. Taking her suggestion to heart, from that point on, Nancy always responded to cruelty with kindness. She want out of her way to accommodate bullies, to show them more kindness than she showed anyone else.

In middle school, she pressed her mother to tell her about her birth-father. After a long conversation, her mother finally admitted that Nancy had been conceived through rape by a man her mother had never met. She reasoned then, that her mother had virtually nothing to do with actually creating her. Her father was the one who took the initiative that resulted in her existence. Therefore, every moment of her life, every instant of joy or pleasure she took from being alive, she owed to a rapist. Her gratitude and affinity for rapists and abusers began to reach a level that bordered on worship, with those who defied them being, in her eyes, akin to heretics.

When she reached high-school, her views became even more extreme. She had internalized her affinity for sadists so much that she began to hate victims that tried to fight back. She felt as though they were dishonoring the blessing they had been given. When her best friend, Janet tearfully confessed that she’d been date-raped by a boy she had a crush on, Nancy insisted that she not tell anyone, convincing her that she must have enjoyed it and that she should call the boy and apologize for being such an ungrateful brat. She was proud of herself for facilitating the three-month abusive relationship that followed. Even prouder that she thought to secretly ask the boy out herself, allowing him to cheat on her best friend, as was his right and her honor.

Nancy loved how creative the young man was. He often had Nancy come over right before a date with Janet so he could fuck her and have Janet unknowingly suck her best friends cunt juice off of his cock. He liked to ask Janet for particularly humiliating naked pictures which Nancy insisted it was her duty as a good girlfriend to send him. She often assisted Janet with these photoshoots, helping her write humiliating words on her body, making sure she spread her ass far enough to make her holes clearly visible, ensuring that her tongue really was making contact with the inside of the toilet.

Their friendship ended after the boy mentioned to Nancy that her friend refused anal, and fought vigorously when he tried to force her. Nancy was appalled at learning of her friend’s refusal, insisting that she would help; that night, they stripped her naked and Nancy held her down and covered her mouth while the boy raped her ass. It’s no wonder she thrashed about so much, her barely-lubricated asshole was bleeding pretty badly by the end. Nancy made her apologize for ruining the boys sheets and made her give him money from her purse to replace them.

Janet didn’t talk to Nancy after that, which annoyed the budding rape-enthusiast. That left Nancy with the problem of how to distribute her former friends humiliating pictures as punishment for her ingratitude. Certainly she couldn’t allow the boy to be blamed for sharing them with their classmates. Hell, she would have happily lied under oath to ensure he didn’t suffer the consequences of taking what was his.

Eventually a solution became apparent. There was another girl in her school who always rejected the advances of the boys, a nerdy type who talked back when people made fun of her. Nancy eventually figured out that this girl was a dyke as well. She had no problem with dykes, per se, she was one herself. She had a problem with bitches who thought they were too good to be a plaything for cruel men. So she hatched a plan.

She pretended to befriend the dyke, and eventually the two of them became lovers. A few weeks later she broke up with her very publicly at school, making sure to loudly announce how bad her pussy tasted and claiming she was breaking up with her because she couldn’t stand the girl’s hardcore scat-fetish. This would ensure that the little bitch would be made fun of for the rest of her Senior year, and it would open the door to blame her for posting Janet’s humiliating pictures online.

When the authorities investigated, Nancy admitted that she’d helped Janet take the pictures (claiming that it was Janet’s idea, and backing up the boy’s claim that it was actually Janet who pushed for kinky sex, a story she’d arranged with him earlier). She said that the dyke must have hacked into her computer after she broke up with her, and distributed the pictures as payback. Nancy made sure to include a few compromising pictures of herself in the photo-dump just to make the story more believable.

The plan had worked, in one fell swoop Nancy had managed to humiliate that ungrateful bitch Janet, and teach that stupid dyke what she gets for refusing men their right to use her body. It was one of the great triumphs of her young life, but she only just barely got away with it. Nancy knew that she’d need to be more careful from now on if she wanted to continue abiding by her life’s mission to help all bullies, abusers, and rapists.

So when she got to college she reinvented herself. Publicly she was an advocate for every marginalized group. She went to feminist marches, she spoke at Black Lives Matter events, and collected donations for LGBT causes. This way, she could be seen as a champion for the abused, they would trust her. Never suspecting that she actually masturbated each night to the teary-eyed confessions by dumb bitches whose boyfriends smacked them around or sorority cunts who didn’t appreciate getting gang-raped when they were stupid enough to get drunk at a party.

A few years in, Nancy was majoring in psychology and volunteering at a rape crisis center as a counselor. This is when she met Darla.

Part 1

Nancy walked in that day with a button-up shirt and tie beneath her black vest. Her masculine fashion sense left little doubt to onlookers that she was a lesbian. It was form-fitting enough to display her slim body. Had she had her clothes ripped off in public, as she so often fantasized, observers would see a strong, athletic body with clear muscle definition beneath her smooth, dark brown skin. They would also notice the ample curves of her large breasts atop her six-pack abs, a contrast rarely seen in non-black women. Her hair was styled in neat dreadlocks that hung down just past her chin. Her whole style screamed liberal black lesbian feminist. Yet she dressed with enough allure that she hoped every misogynist, racist, and sadist that saw her went home and planned how to make her scream while they raped her dyke-nigger asshole bloody. She secretly believed it’s what all women deserved, and made it her life’s mission to ensure it happened to as many women as possible.

When she saw the defeated-looking woman with a bruised face in the rape crisis center office, she knew she was in for a treat.

“Hi, have you been helped yet?” Nancy said to the girl in a gentle voice.

“They said they don’t have anybody who can see me right now, and they said I have to wait.” she responded meekly, still staring at the ground, but obviously in distress.

Nancy squatted down in front of the girl to meet her eyes and gave her a reassuring smile. “My name is Nancy, would you like to go somewhere private and we can just sit together? If you want to talk, I’ll listen. If you want to just sit, that’s okay too. If you need a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to hold, I’ll be there for you if you want. And if, at any point, you think you’d feel better being alone, you’re welcome to leave, I won’t judge you or think less of you no matter what. I only care about making sure you get what you need right now.” She gave some version of this speech to almost every ungrateful cunt that came in. It made it easier for them to open up to her.

The girl nodded and Nancy led her to a small, quiet room where they sat across from one another. “Would you like to tell me your name?” Nancy asked.

“Darla.” She replied.

“It’s very nice to meet you Darla. What can I do to help you, today?” She asked softly.

“He raped me again last night.” Darla replied, her tone hectic. “I don’t know what I did! He always does this, even though he says he’s going to stop!”

Haha! What a stupid cunt! Nancy thought. “Who did this to you?”

“My ex boyfriend. Back when we were started dating, he said he understood that sex is something that’s really, really hard for me because of my childhood. But after a little while he said he didn’t want to wait anymore. And after that he stopped caring, and he didn’t even stop when I said no and begged him! That’s why I broke up with him, but he called me and said he changed. Except it seemed like he really meant it this time! He asked me to come over so he could give me a gift to apologize. But when I got there he…he…”

Oh, come on, don’t tease me you little rape-slut, Nancy thought, “It’s okay, you’re safe with me.” her gentle voice reassured the girl.

“He…put it in my butt.” Darla replied blushing, though the bruising on her face made it difficult to tell.

“This was the first time he’d forced you to have anal sex?” Nancy asked

Darla nodded, “That was always like really, really super off limits.” Tears rolled down the girls face. “And, and, and he knew that! I said I’d break up with him if he ever did that. He said he always wanted to, and that he was going to do it now that I can’t break up with him again.”

Well I can’t fault his logic! she thought as the girl cleaned the tears from her face with a tissue. Nancy briefly had a fantasy in which she congratulated the girl’s ex-boyfriend for a stellar job of tricking her into getting raped so many times, followed by the two of them laughing over how stupid she was to fall for it so many times. A brief moment later she considered how improved the fantasy would be if Darla were bound naked and gagged listening to them during the exchange as they prepared to rape her together. She was tempted to smile as she contemplated the scenario, but fortunately she was practiced at not letting her inner thoughts show on her face.

“You mentioned that sex was difficult for you because of your childhood. Was there something that happened when you were younger that resulted in you having a strong negative reaction to that particular act? Nancy asked.

“My parents used to make me do that when I was little. They used to make videos and let strangers do it to me for money.”

“They made videos of you having anal sex when you were underaged?”

“They stopped when I was fourteen, they said I was too old. But they only had men put it in my butt, because they said it’d be really bad if I got pregnant and had to see a doctor.” Darla explained, her lip quivering.

Jackpot! Nancy thought, I’ve got a real life porn-star in front of me! She wondered how many men and women had masturbated while watching her little asshole get sodomized. A spark of anger suddenly shot through Nancy. Ungrateful cunt, do you know what I would have given to have a childhood like yours?!? Her thoughts alternated back and forth between arousal and resentment. She compromised between the two emotions when she vowed to make Darla properly suffer for how blind she’d been for all the wonderful honors that her family and boyfriend had bestowed on her.

“Your boyfriend knew this when he anally raped you?”

“Yeah! He said he thought it was funny. He laughed and said that this keeps happening to me because I’m a whore, and I deserve it.” Darla said with tearful anger.

Smart AND a sense of humor! How dare this dumb bitch deny this charming boyfriend of hers the right to use his victim! She should be begging him to blister her cunt with a belt to show how sorry she is! God, I hate her!

“You’re a good-hearted person. It was very kind of you to keep giving him chances. But your kindness doesn’t mean you deserve to be raped.” The fact that you’re weak and you have a cunt means you deserve to be raped. Nancy finished the thought in her head.

The rest of the session continued along the same theme, with Darla pouring her heart out about her tragic life full of rape, molestation, and abuse. Nancy struggled to contain her excitement, but managed to maintain her professional disposition. Her only worry was that her cunt may have soaked through her slacks and left a stain on the chair. She resented this pathetic girl for having been given so much, yet being so stupid as to complain about it.

Finally finished with her cathartic confessions, Darla was finally ready to leave. Nancy, not wanting this delightful encounter to be fleeting, wrote down her phone number on a slip of paper and handed it to Darla. “I know you feel better now, but this isn’t something you can get over in one session. I’m taking a special interest in you. Feel free to call or text whenever you need, and I absolutely expect to see you back here soon.”

“Thank you, Doctor. That means a lot to me.” Darla replied before hugging her tightly. Nancy only had an Associate’s Degree, but chose not to correct her, hoping the assumption would work to her advantage at some point in the future. Darla walked out, riding on the high of catharsis.

***

Nancy stayed for a few more hours, but the rest of the afternoon was rather banal. A few girls came in asking about domestic abuse resources or abortion services. Much as she didn’t like helping these little rape-dolls, she had to if she was to keep her cover intact. Normally, she’d at least get a kick out of making girls give a few extra details before she provided them with what she wanted, but all she could think about is how she wanted to ruin and violate Darla.

When she left the center, she was so lost in thought, she hadn’t even heard the awkward footsteps of the girl racing to catch up to her.

“Hi, Nancy! I’m really glad that I get to volunteer here with you. You’re such an inspiration.” the girl said, failing at coming up with a natural way to start a conversation.

“Oh, Hannah. Hi, I didn’t notice you.” she replied. Hannah was a pansexual Jew-cunt that answered phones at the rape crisis center. She also took care of all the accounting. She’d been raped by her friend’s older brother when she was ten years old and it fucked with her self-esteem. She was desperate to get people to like her, a fact which Nancy regularly took advantage of. The big-nosed bitch always tried too hard, especially with people who treated her like shit.

“So, do you have any plans tonight?” Hannah asked.

Nancy smiled and took the Jew-cunt’s hand as they walked, interlocking her fingers. “I do! I’ve been dating a lot; getting pretty lucky in the romance department lately. But I don’t want to tell you about that, it’d be inconsiderate of your feelings. I’m sure you have something interesting going on. Tell me about that.”

Nancy knew that Hannah wasn’t especially popular and had a bit of a crush on her. Her background in psychology allowed her to utilize her knowledge to hurt Hannah in subtle ways while still pretending to be her friend. In a few sentences, she’d managed to remind her of the humiliating rejection that had occurred a few months ago; impress upon her the fact that while she has trysts with lots of women, she doesn’t find Hannah attractive enough to date; and put her on the spot to share plans that Nancy knew she obviously didn’t have.

The pair of them walked hand-in-hand as Hannah’s eyes frantically darted back and forth in thought as her chest slightly tensed, not knowing how to respond.

“Oh… ya know.” she finally replied with a forced smile.

“No, I don’t know. Come on, Hannah! Open up a little, you’re always so timid.”

“Ummm. Just… just catching up on some reading. Heh. Guess we’re not all as popular as you.”

“Hey, you’re a wonderful person. Any man, woman, or nonbinary would be lucky to be with you!” With that, Nancy kissed the lonely, desperate kike on the cheek and veered off in the other direction.

Nancy’s mind began to reel with delightfully villainous ideas. It’ll probably be a few days until I get a chance to see Darla again, she thought,  Maybe it is finally time to give Hannah some attention.

***

Part 2

That evening, Nancy went home and ordered a few spy cameras that she could use to record subsequent encounters with Darla. With that quick errand finished, she focused her attention on ensuring that her good friend Hannah the big-nosed Jew-cunt finally got put in her place.

Nancy worshipped individuals who violated others, but she did have a certain affinity for rapists on a cultural or societal scale as well. It’s why she has a strong veneration for men, whites, and authority figures (the last group being made up, predominantly, of white men). It was no wonder that she had developed a fetish for misogynist white-supremacists; in fact, she’d become a bit of one herself.

Jews like Hannah were among the worst, Nancy believed. As a shit-skin dyke, she couldn’t exactly claim superiority, but at least Nancy knew her place in the world. Hannah, however, was such a stereotypical Jew that it almost seemed intentional. She whined about being raped when she was little, she whined about her ancestors being tortured in the Holocaust, she even sometimes whined about her ancestors being enslaved in Egypt. In typical Jew fashion, she played them off like jokes, but Nancy knew that the little kike actually did feel as though these things were injustices.

Nancy hoped her friend would eventually learn her lesson and join her in honoring all the wonderful contributions that rapists and abusers make to society, but she was impatient and wanted to help her along.

A few months before, she sent Hannah a naked picture of herself out of the blue. She had picked up on the girl’s crush on her and hoped to use that to subtly humiliate her. Hannah’s response was ecstatic, she poured her heart out, saying how she’d loved her from afar for so long and was overjoyed to know that she felt the same way. After that followed a series of lewd images of the black-haired kike. Nancy didn’t reply, despite the increasingly nervous-sounding texts that followed. Instead, she confronted Hannah the next day in person. She remembered the conversation vividly…

“I felt like I owed it to you to explain this in person. I think you got the wrong idea yesterday. I had a great day at the gym and I was just feeling really good about my body, so I sent pictures to some of my close friends, but it was completely platonic, Hannah. I’m just a very body-positive person. I’m so sorry you got the wrong idea, it must have been so humiliating to you, but I could never be intimate with you. I value our friendship so much, so I just want to be clear. You are not attractive….to me. I still think you’re a great person, but I could never find you physically appealing.”

Nancy smiled as she thought back on that moment with pride. The look of pain and humiliation on Hannah’s face was priceless. She had run to the bathroom just after the conversation, and Nancy snuck in a few minutes later to hear her crying loudly. She felt an exhilaration at knowing she’d hurt the girl so deeply. In just a few moments, Nancy had left a mark in her mind and soul that would last for years, probably decades; words that would echo over and over again. There was a sort of romance to that, knowing that her friend would carry that moment with her for such a long time. It was the kind of gift that bullies left their victims with. But tonight, Nancy wanted Hannah to have an even better gift.

She knew that Hannah would be home alone tonight, so Nancy reached out to some of her online resources. She could be herself on the internet, and it made her many friends among rape-baiters and rapists. Those were the people she needed that night.

Nancy was posing as Hannah online, she was uploading the obscene images that the Jew-cunt had sent her a few months before and claiming that she was finally ready to fulfill her fantasy of being brutally violated by racists. She had even photoshopped an image she’d found of Hannah online. The original image showed her face holding a sign reading “I need feminism because no one believed me when I told them I was raped. I was 10.” But with some slight touch ups, in the new image, the sign read, “I don’t need feminism, I need my Jew-holes brutally gang-raped by Nazi cock.” Photoshopping “I need feminism” signs had become a bit of a hobby for Nancy, and she’d become pretty good at making them look real.

She was sure to include this new picture along with the other images of her naked body. She sent them to anyone with potential, even posted them online in a few spots with her name and location. Finally she got into a conversation with someone who was close enough and real enough to get it done tonight. Nancy shared private details, still posing as Hannah and claiming to consent to anything he and his friends wanted to do to her. She begged him for an assurance that he’d violate every hole, that he’d beat her. Even made him promise that he’d break her big Jew-nose. She warned him that she wanted it to be real, so she was going to beg and cry a lot, but they weren’t to stop raping her, no matter what.

The stranger online gave assurances that he’d do everything she asked and more. Nancy proceeded to give him Hannah’s home address, along with details of her house, and the location of the spare key. She finished by thanking him, then went off to masturbate for hours as she thought about all the wonderful things that could be happening to Hannah that night.

I’m such a good friend. She thought with a smile before falling asleep. 

[adamfoolcry]

The Rouge (Teaser)

pairings: Fem!Reader x Jaehyun

rating: 18+

warnings: consumption and mention of alcohol, cursing, fingering, public sex, explicit sexual situations

genre: smut, angst, fluff if you squint

synopsis: You have always put Jaehyun on a pedestal like he is some godly creature and in a way, he is.

word count: 5,640

beta-readers: Special thanks to @alreadyblondenow​ and @sly-merlin if it weren’t for you two this would have rot in my drafts.

tag lists: @ncteaxhoe

a/n: This will probably be a series for manic panic pixie dream boys featuring jaehyun, sicheng, and taeyong. This used to be a teaser then I edited it when I finished the fic not knowing dumblr tags don’t work for reblogged posts, so I am just gonna link the finished fic in the Keep Reading break.

"that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures." - Nathan Rabin

Staring at your back with such intensity, I thought I would bore holes at the back of your skull. But you didn't even seem to be aware of my heavy gaze since no movement on your part was committed. If only you would turn around and spare me a glance of that, I am sure of, my eyes can attest to my ever undying devotion for you. No, but you are ignorant of my feelings, or if I daresay ashamed of them. So, here I am content with just staring at your back while perusing your jet black silky strands at the nape of your neck, broad shoulders, a body gifted with sinewy muscles, and a lithe figure. Suddenly, a loud bell awoke me from my insignificant scrutiny. I squared my shoulders and internally lectured myself at my obvious and pathetic gaping at your person. Gathering my things and quickly divesting them in my backpack; I moved for the door. But as soon as I turned around and saw you advancing towards me. I was cursed to be rooted on the spot where I stand; befuddled and fidgeting as to why you are approaching me. Before I embarrassed myself, for being a salivating adolescent drooling all over you while you walked towards me. I decided to soften the hit by attempting to make a hasty retreat. Sidestepping your direction I let my feet lead me towards that door pure adrenaline running in my veins. For I know, once you cast your eyes upon me and spoke with that lovely sotto voice of yours everything will change. My left foot took the first step, and I never looked back, not even conscious of what I must look like, and what a coward I am. All was up to that door, for that door is freedom. Freedom from my insipid longing for you, dreaming of what it's like for you to reciprocate my attention. Since I first met you at that moving van when you moved to the neighborhood. You were supposed to be my friend, the one with whom I can play with. But no, when you ran towards the porch greeting me with your beautiful smile. Everything changed. Two more steps to go then I can escape. For it's due to long, these frivolous feelings welling up inside me eating me on the inside out. It was supposed to be just a petty crush, but it took root in my gut and blossomed into assaults of different emotions when it comes to you. My hand on the doorknob just a twist of my hand and the door will open. Do you still remember the bracelet you gave me or the way you peek at your window afterwards to stare at me? Maybe you don't, but me I do, and oh so clearly. I never wanted that moment to end for in that moment I thought that there was a possibility of you and I. What a grave mistake, and a horrible misconception for after that you acted as if nothing happened. Crushing the hope that settled in my chest. Life does go on though. And here we are in our senior year, where we are on the verge of adolescence and at the gate of adulthood. The cold metal of the doorknob felt so foreign against my skin, the coldness of the metal seeping into my overheated flesh, I twisted my hand, the creaking sound of the door opening was like siren wails in my ears. Then you called me:

"_______ ! Wait!"

My hand was frozen from its place, my body doing what is contrary to what my mind is saying. Run it said and never look back. I knew once you utter my name all was defeated, I knew whatever you ask of me I will do. It is so unfair to feel the way I do since I know all of these gut-wrenching emotions are one-sided. You never did feel the burden did you, Jaehyun? It was always me, taking the fall but you were never there to catch me. While I, on the other hand, all you have to do is call my name and I will abide by your wishes. If I continue to walk out of this door, away from you I will leave in one piece unscathed and with my dignity. If I stop this farce between us once and for all? Can I move on and forget about you? I was a slave to my own feelings, I never knew it was supposed to feel like this. It was supposed to make you giddy and happy all the time but this was the opposite. It's killing me slowly but surely. All I want is some closure between us before we part ways; we may not have a relationship, but I am sure there was something between us. Don't we? I don't know if I want to label it, for if I do it will be unrequited love. I being the victim, Give me some closure Jaehyun that is all I ask. I deserved it from suffering that much.  I maneuvered my body to face you, my back at the door. Away from the only chance of escaping you. Just this once, I will do the right thing and not be a coward, for all I ever do is run.

"Yes, What is it, Jae?"

I answered in a small voice, my head cast down at the floor. Egg-shell white the color of the flooring with an occasional smearing of dirt. I drag my stare away from the flooring slowly building up the courage to look you in the eye. Sweeping my gaze at you slowly ascending from the floor to your feet, your jeans, to your simple white shirt. Then your masculine jawline, your nose, then, at last, those eyes. Those warm brown eyes that I fell in love with I never did understand why? I just did. I am doing everything not to bolt up the door and flee away from you. All at once, you are suddenly up close to me while a few moments ago, I was content looking at your back. Then you spoke again with that voice of yours that caused my heartbeat to flutter.

"________, Can we partner up for the project?"

You looked at me in the eye, as if pleading me to agree, as if I have the strength to reject. You never realized how strong your hold is on me. But of course, I am only good at one thing - studies. I have long accepted that fact. No big deal.

"Sure, Jae."

I answered trying not to let my emotions rang the sentence out. I want it to be filled with vast nothingness like I want all my feelings for you to be void. I tried to flash a smile at you willing the end of my lips to curl upwards, or something that resembles one. You stared down at me piercing me with those succulent eyes the ardency of your stare too uncomfortable for me to bear. Like something wants to crawl out under my skin, I turned my head sideways. I look at the once more closed door, and the shiny metal glinting at my eyes as if teasing me for not running away a while ago. I reached towards the doorknob and twisted the door open, it was that easy. But nothing is ever easy with you. I started walking in the direction of the hallways. Wanting to feel the safeness that it may give me, away from you if I only listened to myself a while ago, and not let my emotions ruin what all I have left. But you called again and I enraptured by the voice looked at you.

"Thank you, _______."

Then you smiled.

Then I was wrecked.

Keep Reading

a/n: Read more of my works for NCT here:masterlist

[thegreathomestuckreread]

y’know i was going to dump all of this in the tags of this post but it started getting long so instead i think this deserves its own post because fuck everything about this situation

if u don’t want to click the link the tl;dr is that we see a lot of popular media representation of either 110% supportive parents or horrible cruel parents but there isn’t a lot of representation of like, your parents are liberal and surface-level accepting but you can’t tell what might be their ‘breaking point’ so to speak?

an example given in the post that really resonates with me is needing to “request they change the way they think about and refer to you”

i feel like that’s the limit with my parents :/ granted i haven’t tried to ask them to change pronouns, but the reason i haven’t done that is i’ve seen how they’ve responded to name and pronoun changes for my friends, and most importantly, i’ve seen how they’ve responded to changing name and pronouns for my trans man cousin (a person who they’re actually emotionally close with and have known for his whole life)

the name they eventually got the hang of, after like a year i guess?? but he came out over three years ago and they still fuck up his pronouns and don’t really care to put in the effort not to

they tend to get pissed when i correct them so most of the time i don’t which i feel rly bad about and it’s a horrible conflict-avoidant tendency that i need to get over :/

it’s so stupid, like i don’t even chastise them or whatever, they’ll just be like “blah blah she blah blah” and i’ll say “he” and they know exactly what the fuck i’m talking about, and that’s how i’ve done it every time, that’s literally all i say and i say it kindly and they get pissed at me about it

my dad is the fucking worst. my mom i get eye rolls from or a short “i’m trying” speech but my dad gets nasty with me

oh my god okay so

sometimes they use ‘she’ and sometimes they use ‘they’

and when they use ‘they’ it really fucking stings, because they’ve done a shit fucking job of using ‘they’ for anyone in my life who actually uses ‘they,’ like any of my friends

as an example i have a friend who i only ever use ‘they’ for but who has a masculine name, so before they met in-person whenever my parents talked about them like asking if they were coming over or whatever they’d use ‘he,’ but my friend is afab, so after they actually met in-person, my parents started using ‘she.’ like what kind of bullshit is that!!!!!!!!!!

but even earlier than that, when i was in high school, my at-the-time partner came out and changed their pronouns

and as i was explaining all this to my dad

we got into a fucking screaming match fight because he kept insisting that he wouldn’t use singular ‘they’ and that it was wrong because it was “grammatically incorrect”

and this happened multiple times, like there were i think three separate spaced out occasions where i tried to explain this shit to him and every time he got downright belligerent so eventually i just stopped trying, and that was a good few years ago

and now, a week or two ago, my parents and i were talking about my cousin because he’d told my mom about how he’s finishing a certification program right now (they actually talk regularly because they both do a lot of yarncraft and it’s cute as hell so it really fucking sucks even more that she’s not putting the effort in)

so my dad was going “they they they” talking about him and i was sitting there thinking to myself like ‘oh okay so you get to use ‘they’ when you don’t want to accept the fact that [name] is a man but you won’t use ‘they’ for my fucking friends who actually use it?????’

so i just did the same as i always do whenever i correct them, i just lightly said “oh you’re talking about [name], it’s ‘he’” (because i was actually confused in the beginning as to who he was talking about)

and he gave me a look, and then oh my fucking god, the bullshit that spewed out of his mouth

he had the gall to give ME a speech about how ‘‘they’ can be used in a singular context and it’s used that way all the time so get off my back’

he who years prior had screamed in my fucking face that it was incorrect and he would never use singular ‘they’

i saw fucking red let me tell you

i brought it up, i fucking told him “no, you don’t get to say that, when years ago you got into screaming arguments with me about it being grammatically incorrect, you do not get to say that to me” and i explained to him that if you know what someone’s pronouns are you should fucking use them, because we’re not talking about a stranger whose pronouns you don’t know so you should use the right fuckin’ ones

and i got a bit of sharpness in my voice when i was telling him how fucking dare he after what he put me through, but after that i was still talking pretty calmly and without any sharpness stating simply that “if you know what pronouns someone uses you should respect that and use them”

he looked pretty pissed but he didn’t respond after that, he was probably mentally dismissing every word i’d said since i’m not allowed to teach him things because me knowing something he doesn’t is blasphemy and he needs to be right all the time :)

so from all of the above and other tiny instances, i don’t think asking my parents to change my pronouns is going to go very well

they’re accepting of my being gay, like there were some bumps when i came out mostly related to how i did it but that’s a story for another day and everything resolved itself relatively quickly (actually i’m pretty sure i made a post venting on here when that whole kerfuffle happened so if i dig far enough back i bet i could find a relatively detailed account of that debacle lol)

they even were kinda chill when they accidentally found out i’m non-binary because i was interviewed for a paper and they read the article before i’d even had the chance to think of the possibility of them reading it (it was a tiny paper)

literally my dad was like “you know how in that article you said you were non-binary?” and my blood ran cold because this possibility had not occurred to me and i just went “yeah?” and he went on to say “yeah they’re casting ruby rose as the new batgirl she’s non-binary too” so i just went “oh cool” and it’s literally never come up again

but that’s the thing like, they found that out and they didn’t even think to ask if i wanted to use different pronouns, or a different name, and given the above experiences i don’t think they would change if i asked them to

their thoughtless misgendering hurts less if they don’t know that they’re doing it, if i haven’t told them and they don’t know then they aren’t doing it on purpose, they aren’t ‘not trying’ they’re just ignorant and acting on what information they have because i haven’t told them otherwise

so i numb myself to it, and i don’t say anything or ask them to do otherwise, because it hurts less this way

maybe one day. i don’t know when. but i do know it’s going to be an uphill battle.

[chelsfic]

Part 4 - Trustfall - August Walker/Reader - Mission: Impossible Fallout fanfic

A/N: I’m not sure if this is quite the tone I was going for, but almost every time I set out to write something it turns out differently than I originally intended. For better or worse! I really hope you enjoy this little chapter. There’s action and angst to come in the next part!

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

You wake the next morning with all the awkwardness and mortification it is possible to feel. Your arms are twined around August’s middle and your bad leg is screaming from being folded underneath you all night. There is an unmistakable drool spot on August’s t-shirt that you are choosing to ignore. 

To you, August seems just as cool and collected as always. He stretches, reaching his arms over his head, deliciously exposing a few inches of his stomach as his shirt hitches up. You don’t notice. His eyes flick to the clock on the wall and he huffs a resigned breath before violently cracking his neck. The blatant masculinity is positively overwhelming.

You clear your throat, “Uh...sorry about that. I didn’t mean to fall asleep here...with you.”

You slowly unfold your leg and hiss against the pins and needles, the painfully cramped muscles. August watches you with an inscrutable expression.

He grunts a noncommittal response, effectively ignoring your poor attempt to address the sudden, confusing intimacy of the previous night. You look back at him, at his unreadable face and realize, with a sinking stomach, that he plans to just pretend it never happened. 

He observes your nervousness with cool calculation. At least that’s how it seems to your eyes. You can’t possibly know that his thoughts are racing. That he’s recalling, relishing the feel of your small body pressed against him, the perfect trust that seemed to exist between you when your eyes drifted shut and you slept without a thought for the locked door that stood between you every night prior to last night. 

“Alright, then,” you chirp, needing to fill the silence. “I’m gonna jump in the shower…”

You trail off. As August shifts forward in his seat to stand up he lets his hand just graze over your shoulder in a comforting caress. It’s there and gone before you have time to process it. But it was definitely there. 

Maybe he wasn’t going to pretend last night didn’t happen.

***

In the days that follow neither of you brings up the strange night you spent holding one another. But the magic of that twilight hour seems to have had a healing effect. The air in the house is lighter. You feel the easing of the tension you’ve been unconsciously carrying around in your shoulders. And there are the touches. It feels natural. Right. That night had unlocked an intimacy between you that wasn’t quite forgiveness. It was more like an acknowledgement of things to come, of the possibility of things. 

Your fingers sliding together as he passes you a soapy plate to dry. The brush of your fingertips along the nape of his neck when you pass him sitting in the living room. And one night when he returns home very late with a blackened eye and a cut over his eyebrow. He walks through the front door and makes a beeline for you, sitting on the couch in the living room. He kneels before you on the floor and winds his strong arms around your waist, pressing his face into your soft stomach. You move your hands in soothing circles over his trembling shoulders. 

Things are...changing. And you want them to. You find yourself looking forward to seeing August at the end of the work day. Driving home with a smile on your face. And you worry when he stays out late...working. You feel the blossoming of possibility between you and you can see in his eyes and feel it in his touch, that he feels it too.

Of course things are bound to go wrong.

***

You’re running late, you don’t even have time to shower properly. You just stick your head under the shower spray to wet it and then throw your hair in a bun. Better than nothing. As you’re rushing out the door you hear August’s quick steps on the stairs. By now you realize he only makes noise when he wants you to know he’s there. Otherwise he’s capable of moving with ghostly silence.

“Y/N,” he calls, “you’ll be home late tonight, right?”

He’s dressed in a crisp button-down shirt and dark grey trousers. He must have business today. When he’s staying in he tends to dress down in denim and t-shirts or sweaters. At first you had found the sight of him in casual wear to be jarring--now it is the other way around. When he’s dressed for business you know there is the possibility of danger. You feel your heart in your throat at the idea of August being hurt and you wonder when that started, feeling protective of him.

“Yeah,” you reply, pushing away the question you have no answer for, “it’s my book club night tonight. I’ll be home around nine-ish.”

“See you then,” he says and takes a step toward you before stopping himself. 

You stand there for an extra beat, feeling like he’s left something hanging in the air between you. Finally you offer him a half-smile and wave goodbye as you walk out the door.

Stupid, he thinks to himself. What is he thinking? That he’s your husband, hugging you before you leave for work? This situation was getting confusing and he didn’t have time today to be distracted by feelings that would be better off ignored.

He needs to think over his plans for the day, the night. He’s arranged for a meeting between two clients, money for information. Simple. The buyer is most certainly a Russian SVR operative although he is representing himself as a businessman in need of insider intel. The seller, whom August will be representing, is some low-level DOD engineer looking to live dangerously. August will be taking a substantial finder’s fee from the deal which he’s arranged for this evening in the house. It isn’t ideal, but the original location he’d selected had spooked the Russian. So, this is his alternative. And it will be fine. It’s a one-time thing and it will all be fine. As long as he is certain that Y/N will arrive home well after his client departs.

***

“So, on a scale of one to dead how much trouble would I be in if I didn’t finish the book for book club tonight?”

You’re perched on the edge of your friend Jen’s desk wearing a sheepish expression. Jen’s classroom is next door to yours. You both started teaching in the same year and had naturally become fast friends. It is a little comical given how different you are. Jen is a garrulous, spiritual star-girl who spends her weekends at psychic fairs and you are a snarky, introvert with a natural skepticism for anything that can’t be verified in a double-blind study. There is just something inherently compatible and complementary between you that makes the friendship work. You suppose it’s a sense of humor and the fact that Jen never really pushes too hard to break into your personal space. Other than constantly bemoaning your lack of a dating life.

Jen laughs at your comically shamed expression and shakes her head in mock disgust, “Y/N...this is like the third month in a row you’ve asked me that question.”

“Hey! At least part of that time I was in the hospital. You know I’m going to milk that excuse for as long as I can,” you reply. You really enjoy being in the book club--it’s just Jen and a couple other teachers and it pretty much comprises the entirety of your social life since well before the shooting. 

As far as Jen and the rest of your coworkers know you were in a bad car accident. The lie has become easier for you to accept with time. Now you can joke about it.

“Mmm...no, sorry that’s not gonna cut it anymore,” Jen scoffs. “But...you’re actually off the hook because it turns out that Maddy and Lisa both had to cancel tonight, anyway.”

You raise your hands in mock victory, “Just as I planned all along!”

Jen rolls her eyes, “You want to go out for dinner at Zorba’s anyway?”

“Nope!” you chirp. “Canceled plans? I fully intend to go home and finish this damn book.”

“Uh huh,” Jen’s voice is laced with skepticism. “Don’t think I don’t know the real reason you haven’t finished it. You have a secret boyfriend, don’t you? It’s the surgeon who fixed your leg! You’ve fallen in love and are going to get married and have little surgeon babies!”

“Good grief! Next book is going to be strictly non-romance! You’re delirious!” 

You walk toward the door that adjoins your two classrooms and force a laugh as you wave goodbye. You can’t help it. The little stutter you feel in your heart at Jen’s words. It’s ridiculous because August is basically a scoundrel despite how nice he’s been acting to you lately. But you can’t lie to yourself. You’re happy to be going straight home after work instead of heading to bookclub. In fact the little bubble of happy anticipation in your chest floats you through your day until you’re once again driving home with a goofy smile on your face looking forward to seeing the man who has somehow, incredibly, managed to carve out a place in your heart.

Tags:

@thorins-queen-of-erebor @viking-raider  @onceuponathreetwoone @angelic-kisses13 @afangirldaydreams @peeyewpeeyew @calwitch @scuzmunkie @amy-choices​

[grimoireofwritings]

Hello and I hope you are doing well, is it okay (despite the fact you probably have a bit of matchup requests) if I could get a matchup for BNHA if that is okay?

Okay so the essentials, I am Male (trans) and Omniromantic Asexual (male/masculine leaning), 5'6ish, Capricon, INTJ, in between thin and chubby, brown eyes, red hair up to the cab muscles (henna dyed). My personality is hard to explain, every person has a different opinion of me but the main things I hear are intemidating, empathetic, kind, a serious & calm, and intelligent? (But nah the intelligence part is really only in spanish lol). I'm increadbly insecure in myself. Almost to the point where it becomes self deprecating and self humorous but I almost become hypocritical when it comes to other people feeling insecure/taking care of themselves, I'm also a self sacrificing freak in a way. However on the lighter topic, I believe I'm a good friend! I would offer my advice, comfort, food, help in the clothes of my own back, because of this I may be considered naive and people may see me as being flirtatious even if I believe I'm beings good friend. But all of that goes to dirt if I or anyone I was close to were to be insulted, I keep my friends incredibly dear to me. One more thing about myself, I am a emotional and a animal empath that can become very emotional when it comes to seeing riots/movements and just seeing a cute pupper. When it comes to this sensitivity I can also get overwhelmed by large crowds and by loud noises, usually what helps me is being in the dark and being held/constricted by something/someone. I just like the dark, it's comforting to me and I use it to my advantage. Now onto my likes, I have an interest in witchcraft/the supernatural and celestial, and as being someone that believes that everything exists in it's own way I have an open mind to these things as well as a few unnatural experiences. Naps...I don't get enough of em and that just makes my love stronger, I also really like cosplay and acting in general, and if drawing dark/vent art counts then count it right in! And if it helps my favorite animals in order are Wolves, Ravens, and Orcas. As to not end on a negative note I'll tell more things about myself. I'm very much into PDA if not in public then just in private at least, I want to be close to my significant other and I since I've been touched starved for a long time any touch of any kind I will accept. I am also sensitive to sound (if someone is raising their voice or yelling at me I will think they are yelling at me and try to run away) and light (I don't like very bright places it strains my eyes and hurts to be in for a while)

Hello! Thank you for requesting, you're actually the second request I've gotten for a matchup and the only one I had in my ask! I was super excited to write this for you!!

Your BNHA match is... Fumikage Tokoyami!

I passionately ship this already, I am positive it would be one of those relationships that helps both partners grow and they bring out the best in each other!!! I feel like he wouldn't be someone who feels intimidated by your outward personality - it sounds like you have a bit of a calm and collected exterior that people misunderstand or misinterpret, but you are deeply kind, gentle, and empathic underneath that. This is something he relates to a lot, and being misjudged or people making assumptions based on his dark appearance (his RBF) is normal, so I think if anything he'd be more attracted to you at first above all else and he actually finds your quiet nature very soothing.

He needs a deeply emotionally strong person and a supporter, he's very drawn to those who build others up and have kindness in their heart, so I feel that your relationship would always be full of lots of warmth, love, and a deep level of shared trust. He's very much a vocal person about his feelings in private and it's very important to him that both of you feel satisfied physically and emotionally with your shared affection; he's a cuddle bug but in a chill way, and this man can sweep you off your feet with the most beautiful poetic compliments and appraisal you've ever encountered in your life. Very chivalrous, and a believer in courting / staying persistent with his efforts even past the honeymoon phase. It definitely will help with your confidence in the relationship!

Speaking of which, physical appearance insecurities is something Tokoyami understands thoroughly. He has been aware since early childhood that he looks different than everyone around him for the most part, and despite a lot of diversity within quirks that's been integrated into society, he in particular got quite a physical variation and he always deep down fears he's not attractive enough or that he's too odd looking for a partner to stay interested in for very long. He thinks he's incapable of being handsome, and while he's pretty good at regulating these emotions and keeping them in-check, managing them gets difficult when he catches feelings for someone and he really gets into his head about rejection fears.

All in all, I feel like you both would relate and share some similar experiences in that area, and you could always build each other up and remind one another that you're beautiful inside and out.. and absolutely deserve the best treatment. He reminds you sometimes when needed to take care of yourself and set boundaries with others so that you keep your health as a priority.

Relationship Headcanons:

- 1000000% takes part in your witchcraft interests with you, he was utterly delighted when he found out about it and immediately offers to help you out in any way he can, even running errands to acquire supplies you may need. He wants to talk about it frequently and learn more ideas / in depth perspectives from you - you could teach him a thing or two, since he also practices!!

- After this is when he finally lets you see his room because he was kinda salty after class 1A saw it and made fun of him for it... Lol. But after that he knew you wouldn't judge him and now you both take frequent long naps in there on days off. He's very very cuddly and really enthused about being able to spoon you.

- He understands you have heightened senses and you may sometimes get overstimulated sensory-wise. He is constantly looking out for signs that you're overwhelmed, and always remains very aware and in-tune with how you're feeling. He's wonderful and super understanding - he took a lot of time learning exactly what to do and how to best assist you in these situations. If you get distressed by crowds, bright lights, or noises his first priority is to get you to a safe place and he will politely ask if he can comfort you in the ways you like; restriction probably with hugs and keeping you in a dark, quiet / calm environment so that your heightened state can relax and reset. He is patient and will never, ever punish you or get frustrated with you for needing a break.

- If you're also very tactile and find textures / certain sensations soothing, his bird like feathers / hair is very very soft... Feel free to touch and stroke whenever, he actually quite likes soft loving hands since I think he may also be a very affectionate person, and you're the only person he allows to do this.

- You'll always find gifts that he caters to your preferences in your room, with a poem or some heartfelt words on a note...He does it enough to remind you that you're worth the world and more, especially to him, but not excessively. He still wants it to be a special surprise every time!

- He never ridicules or judges your art, regardless of if it's dark vent art or not. If anything he always compliments your ability to put such emotion in your work and he likes them because it allows him to connect with you and understand you better.

- Overall he's a really aware, giving, supportive, attentive partner and he finds that your empathy and compassion has brought him healthy changes to his life, too. Y'all are goals!

[jeontaeh]

TWENTY TWO²²

✫  ✬  ✭  ✬  ✫

Jungkook cried out in pain, and instantly caught all six of the boys' attentions. The spear, it stabbed into his shoulder.

"Oh no-" Taehyung let out, eyes wide, sounding breathless. "Oh no no- baby," Taehyung said, rushing towards him and crouching down.

Taehyung grabbed his hands, and Jungkook let out a sharp cry, loud and piercing Taehyung's ears. "Don't!" He screamed practically, tears rushing down his eyes. "S-stop-"

Taehyung let go of his hands, and saw light silver bruises on Jungkook's hands, which began shaking.

"Taehyung stop hurting him! What's wrong with you?" Jimin snapped, and Taehyung looked at him in confusion.

"I-I d-didn't know-" Taehyung stammered, and Jin rushed to Jungkook, propping him to sit up.

"It's okay Jungkook, don't worry- it'll be fine. It's just a bad wound, don't worry." Jin repeated, and Jungkook was still crying.

"Does it hurt really bad, Jungkook?" Namjoon asked softly, while Yoongi and Hoseok got commands from Jin to get stuff from the nurse's office and rushed.

"I-it f-feels like I got s-stabbed." Jungkook stammered.

"Probably 'cause you did." Jimin whispered, and Jin glared at him.

"Okay, now just breathe for me- I'm gonna take the spear out. It might hurt a little, but-" Jin said, and Jungkook was breathing heavily, gulping.

"It's f-fine," He whispered, and Jin put a little ointment around his stab wound, and then gripped the end of the spear.

He began dragging it out slowly, and Jungkook let out a stifled cry, and then opened his eyes and looked to the side where Taehyung was standing, hesitant.

"T-Taehyung-" Jungkook squeaked. "C-come here- please," Jungkook said, and Taehyung walked over to him. But before he could kneel down to hold his hand lightly, Namjoon pushed Taehyung back.

He didn't mean to push him back roughly, but it happened, and Taehyung stumbled back. "No- Taehyung, don't touch him right now." Namjoon snapped, and Taehyung gulped.

Jungkook looked at Namjoon in confusion, but then closed his eyes when he felt more pain when Jin dragged the spear out, and began crying again.

Taehyung turned around and rushed out of the control room, walking to the hallways and leaning against the walls. He covered his face with his hands, trying to calm himself down.

This is all your fault. This is all your fault. This is all your fault.

✭

"W-why did Tae leave?" Jungkook asked with a pout, the spear finally out of him, his wound bandaged and cleaned up. Namjoon sighed, helping him stand up from the bed in the medical room.

"He just got a little overwhelmed, Kookie." Namjoon said, and Jungkook sighed.

"Oh, okay, I guess. It's not his fault, though." Jungkook mumbled, and Namjoon nodded. "I know. Why don't you go talk to him?" Namjoon suggested, and Jungkook nodded, walking out of the medical room.

He was shirtless, just in those teeny boxers (Jin didn't ask him to take his clothes off, he wanted to) and walked out the control room and down the hallway.

Jungkook walked past the lounge room where Jimin was teaching Yoongi how to dab and walked to Taehyung's room, opening the door.

"Tae?" Jungkook asked, and walked inside the room. Taehyung was lying on his bed, in sweatpants and a shirt.

"Hey, y-you alright?" Taehyung asked, and Jungkook saw the red in his eyes, seeming like he'd been crying.

"Yes- yes I'm fine now. Jin gave me that thing that makes the pain go away." Jungkook said, and then sat down on the bed. "Were you crying?" Jungkook chuckled, and Taehyung snickered himself.

"No. I'm not a pussy."

"You're the biggest pussy I know."

"You're the biggest pussy I know." Taehyung snapped back, and Jungkook frowned.

"No I'm not, I'm like the second biggest pussy you know. You're the biggest pussy you know." Jungkook snapped, and then they both heard a loud shout of pain from outside.

"Dammit Jimin! I told you not to do the shoot dance and dab at the same time!"

"You literally fucking dared me to do it!"

Jungkook giggled, and Taehyung did as well, and then Jungkook got up to go close the door, but Taehyung placed his hand on Jungkook's. "Don't- I'll go close it-"

"Ow!" Jungkook cried out, and Taehyung brought his hand back quickly, and gulped, seeing silver bruises on Jungkook's hands. "T-Taehyung you keep hurting me!"

Taehyung frowned, looking at Jungkook. "I-I'm sorry- I d-didn't mean to," Taehyung stammered, and Jungkook looked at his hands, mumbling something to himself.

Taehyung felt his heart drop a little, and got up to close the door, and returned and saw Jungkook looking angry. "Please don't be mad, Jungkook, I just-"

"I am mad!" Jungkook snapped, looking at him. "You can't have a big dick and be the top and have super strength. How the fuck is this fair?"

Taehyung smiled a little, chuckling, feeling a bit of relief. "You can change one of those things if you really want to, y'know."

Jungkook's eyes widened, looking at Taehyung, his mouth falling open. "I can get a bigger dick?"

"No, that's not what I meant-"

"I can get super strength?!" Jungkook gasped, and Taehyung sighed. "Nevermind." Taehyung mumbled, and then flopped onto the bed.

Jungkook lay down on the bed beside him, and turned, looking at him. "Taehyung-ah." Jungkook whispered, and Taehyung hummed, looking at him. "You seem upset."

"I just.. I feel like this is my fault. You keep getting hurt because of me." Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook shook his head, turning and laying his head on Taehyung's chest.

"No. It's not. Don't think that way." Jungkook said, and then looking at Taehyung. "You're protecting me." Jungkook whispered, and then smiled. "If anyone hurts me again, use your super strength and fight them off for me, okay?" Jungkook said, and Taehyung let out a weak snicker.

"Yeah, okay." Taehyung mumbled, and then turned to his side, placing his hand ever so softly over Jungkook's waist.

Jungkook looked up at Taehyung, and then reached his lips up, kissing Taehyung's lips softly. Taehyung hummed into the kiss, gripping his waist and kissing him back.

They rolled over so Jungkook was on top of Taehyung, and then Jungkook grabbed Taehyung's hair and continued kissing him, feeling Taehyung's hands squeeze his butt. Jungkook pulled away, sitting up on Taehyung's lap.

"You're gorgeous, baby." Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook smiled a little. He looked a teensy bit shy, a pretty blush spreading across his bunny cheeks.

"G-girls never told me I was pretty and gorgeous and never called me baby." Jungkook said, and then looked at Taehyung. "I like that. Keep doing it, please." Jungkook said in a small voice.

"What'd they do, call you daddy~" Taehyung said with a grimace, and Jungkook frowned, hitting Taehyung's chest.

"Hey! I am daddy." Jungkook snapped, and then Taehyung squeezed his cute little butt again. "Stop it!" Jungkook laughed, and Taehyung sat up and looked at him.

"Does your ass still hurt?" Taehyung asked, and Jungkook blushed.

"No." He mumbled, and Taehyung grinned. "Good. Kinda wanna fuck you again."

"No way Jose." Jungkook snapped with a growl, and Taehyung rose his eyebrow.

"It's pronounced Jose."

"Jose."

"No, Jose."

"Jose. I'm saying it right."

"No you're not. It's Jose."

"Jose- whatever!" Jungkook snapped, and then gripped his shoulders. "This time, I'm gonna fuck you. Gonna.. take my... dick and... put it in your-"

"Drop the act, Jungkook." Taehyung said, and Jungkook rolled his eyes. "Fine. Whatever. But I'm riding you."

"Kay." Taehyung smiled cheekily, and Jungkook scoffed, reaching his bruised hands up to Taehyung's mouth.

"Wait-" Taehyung said, and then grabbed his wrists gently and kissed his hands softly. Jungkook watched him kiss his hands, and then felt something shoot up his spine, a pleasurable feeling, and then- the pain was gone, and so were his bruises, and the hint of pain in his shoulder.

"Holy shit! H-how did you do that?"

Taehyung looked at him. "...Magic."

Jungkook gasped. "You're a wizard!"

"Yes."

Jungkook grabbed Taehyung's cheeks, and began kissing him hard. Taehyung grabbed Jungkook's waist, letting Jungkook kiss him with all his might, and meanwhile, gripping the top of Jungkook's boxers and pulled them off him.

Jungkook propped his legs up a little for the boxers to come off completely, and then Taehyung flung them to the side. Taehyung pulled away from the kiss to breathe a little, and Jungkook gulped.

"T-Taehyung-" Jungkook stammered, and Taehyung hummed, running his hands up and down his sides. "Is- is this how it's always gonna be?"

Taehyung frowned a little at his question, so Jungkook explained further. "With me.. as the bottom?"

Taehyung chuckled. "Baby," Taehyung whispered. "I'm only doing this because I know you like it. And you're doing it because you like it. Let go of this toxic masculinity in you, just do what you please, okay? Taking it up the ass won't make you less of a man." Taehyung whispered, and Jungkook huffed.

Jungkook gripped Taehyung's shirt and pulled it over his head, flinging it to the side as well. Taehyung leaned up, kissing him smoothly, and Jungkook began rocking their hips together lightly, feeling himself harden a bit already.

Taehyung pulled away breathlessly and reached over to grab lube from his table, and Jungkook grabbed Taehyung's sweatpants and pulled them off.

He grabbed Taehyung's semi hard cock and start moving his hand up and down it, hearing Taehyung moan in pleasure. Taehyung slapped Jungkook's ass lightly. "Watch it-"

Jungkook winced. "D-don't hit me so hard." Jungkook said, and Taehyung gulped. "Yeah, sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't, Tae. Relax." Jungkook whispered, and then Taehyung smiled and drizzled the lube onto his fingers. He reached his fingers to Jungkook's entrance and pressed two in at once. "Tell me if it hurts,"

Jungkook giggled. "I literally had, like 20 feet up my ass. 2 fingers is nothing."

"You had feet up your ass?????"

"Not like human feet, I mean the other type of feet."

"ANIMAL FEET??!?!"

"NO! Measuring feet! I meant like, 20 inches!" Jungkook snapped.

"Dude 20 feet is NOT 20 inches."

"You know what I meant!" Jungkook said, and Taehyung laughed, leaning up to kiss Jungkook with a smile on his face while opening Jungkook up, inserting a third finger in. They didn't hear the door of the bedroom opening and footsteps walking in.

"Hey guys isn't the mixture of a dab and a whip a whab-" Jimin's voice started, and they both turned their heads with widened eyes, and Jimin instantly turned around.

"Never fucking mind I hate every single one of you I hope you catch 12 STD's." Jimin snapped, walking out of the room and slamming the door shut. "And fucking LOCK next time!"

"Fucking KNOCK next time!" Taehyung shouted, and then heard Jimin yell some gibberish and turned back to face Jungkook.

Taehyung and Jungkook both giggled, and then Jungkook pushed Taehyung down until he was lying on the bed. Jungkook straddled him, reaching his open entrance over his cock.

"Never done this before. Wish me luck." Jungkook said, and Taehyung gripped his thighs. Jungkook slowly lowered himself down onto Taehyung's cock, and Taehyung grunted, throwing his head back and moaning.

Jungkook placed his hands on Taehyung's chest, moaning himself, his more light and pitched. "A-ah- t-this one's less painful," Jungkook said with pleasure, lowering himself further until all of Taehyung's cock was in his ass.

Jungkook closed his eyes, letting out little whimpers while bouncing on his cock. Taehyung continued moaning, seeing Jungkook's cock helplessly bob against his stomach, so he reached forward to jack it off.

"No- don't- I like cumming untouched." Jungkook said, and Taehyung snickered. "Fuck, okay." Taehyung said, and Jungkook reached his own hands to his face, covering it while continuing to bounce on his dick.

"Come on- don't hide your face-" Taehyung said, and Jungkook still covered his face, his bouncing slowing down. "Oh, baby," Taehyung said fondly, grabbing Jungkook's hips.

Jungkook reached his hands down, looking a little fucked out. "I-I feel a little- d-dizzy-" Jungkook hummed, and Taehyung chuckled.

"I fucked you up that bad, huh?" Taehyung smirked, continuing to fuck Jungkook down onto his cock.

Taehyung saw Jungkook spin his head a little, eyes looking hazy. "Damn, you look like you're about it-"

Jungkook let out a breathless gasp and then fell forward, eyes going unconscious as he flopped onto Taehyung's chest.

"-faint.." Taehyung mumbled, and then widened his eyes. What the fuck. Jungkook just fucking fainted.

✭

"What do you mean Jungkook fainted while bouncing on your dick?"

"I mean that Jungkook was riding me and then he fucking passed out!" Taehyung snapped, and Jin looked at Taehyung for a few seconds.

They both looked at each other, and then Jin stepped closer to him. "When I applied for a degree in Medicine, I thought  would be attending to those hurt by space related injuries." Jin said softly, and Taehyung gulped. A vein popped in Jin's neck. "But so far.. the only goddamn injuries that seem to happen are to Jungkook.. and they ALL happen because you FUCK him!"

"What happened?" Namjoon asked, and then frowned. "Why is Jungkook lying in the medical room with ice packs on his head and a breathing mask on his-" Namjoon started, and then looked at Taehyung and gasped. "You killed him."

"No!" Taehyung let out. "He just fainted."

"First your dick puts him in a wheelchair, now it makes him pass out. Dude, maybe, I dunno- he's allergic to your dick or something." Hoseok said, and Taehyung sighed.

"No, he's not. I think he was just fatigued and exerted himself." Taehyung said.

"It's almost as if he got a spear stabbed into his shoulder and shouldn't have been sitting on your dick in the first place." Yoongi said, and Taehyung sighed.

"For god's sake, it's not my dick's fault. Leave her alone." Taehyung snapped, and Jimin frowned.

"Your dick's a girl?"

"Yeah. God is a woman." Taehyung said, and Jimin frowned in confusion, but then they heard a loud gasp from the medical room.

Everyone turned to look there, and Jungkook sat up instantly, eyes wide. Jungkook turned to the side and saw Taehyung standing there, his eyes were big in confusion. He was lost.

Taehyung rushed up to him, and before he could touch Jungkook, Yoongi stopped him. "Don't touch him." Yoongi said, and Taehyung gulped and stepped back.

"Hey, relax Kookie. You're fine." Jin said, and Jungkook looked at Taehyung. "W-what happened?" Jungkook stammered, and everyone paused.

They all hesitated, and all five looked at Taehyung, who gulped. "You... um.. how do I put it this way- you- you-"

"After Jin cleaned your wound you went to sleep, cherry. You're fine now. Everything was a dream. You never rode Taehyung." Jimin said, and Jungkook frowned.

"How did you know what my dream was about.." Jungkook trailed, frowning at Jimin.

They all looked at Jimin now, who's breath hitched. "I... can fuckin'.... read minds."

"You can what."

"I can read minds."

"Really?! What is Jin thinking about?" Jungkook said in excitement, and Jimin looked at Jin.

Jimin paused for a little, and Jin gulped, looking at him, and then Jimin let out a deep breath. "B-beans.."

"He's right. I was thinking about beans. Anyways, Jungkook, why don't you go shower and clean up, and then we'll all have dinner." Jin said, helping Jungkook off the bed.

Jimin placed his hand on Jungkook's lower back, helping him walk to his room. "What am I think about now?"

Jimin looked at him hesitantly. "How we're all slaves under the capitalism regime."

"Oh my god! You're right!" Jungkook gasped, and then they walked off.

Taehyung looked at Namjoon, who was glaring. "I swear to god- this one wasn't my fault. Namjoon, I'm trying really hard, okay? I don't want to hurt him-"

"Of course you don't, Tae. But you are. So I'm sorry, but for better or for worse, you need to stay away from him." Namjoon snapped.

"I-I can't do that." Taehyung let out, and Yoongi scoffed.

"Yes you can. You're an adult, Tae. You either break things off with Jungkook to save his life, or tell him he's your soulmate but you'll kill him." Yoongi said, and Hoseok sighed.

Taehyung gulped. "Tae, it sounds bad- but you're doing it for his good." Hoseok said, and Taehyung looked down.

"You'll find someone else, Tae. Clearly it wasn't mean to be if you keep hurting him." Jin said to him softly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, whatever. I'll break it off with him." Taehyung mumbled, turning around and walked out of the room. All four older boys sighed, not liking the heavy feeling in the room.

✫  ✬  ✭  ✬  ✫

https://jeontaeh.tumblr.com/post/647228492884344832/twenty-three%C2%B2%C2%B3