#villain crown microfics

[villain-crown]

neutral | @jegulus-microfic | words: 1,309

critical care, part 9 (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8)

* a small amount of explicit content!!

a Jegulus nurse!AU

Regulus Black was an absolute nightmare. 

James knew this because he was watching the evidence of it in real time, in awe of the sweet-looking Slytherin who he knew to be anything but. 

After the heart attack-inducing moment when Sirius has unknowingly advised James to have dirty, unprotected sex with his precious little brother, James knew he was going to need something a lot stronger than coffee to get through the rest of this shitshow of a day. Since injecting vodka directly into his fucking bloodstream wasn’t in the cards, he’d begged, bribed, and bullied most of Gryffindor to order takeaway drinks with him from the nearest boba shop. He was just relaxing into the peace of his first sip when who else but the menace occupying his thoughts came sauntering up to the Surgical ICU nurses’ station.

James choked. 

“Hey, Reggie!” Sirius sang from near his elbow, rifling around the cardboard cup holders containing twenty plastic containers. “I have your order here.”

Taking advantage of his best friend’s momentary distraction, James couldn’t stop himself from checking Regulus out. He looked as fit as ever in his cute forest-green Slytherin scrubs, tilting his head with a devastating smirk when he caught James’s eye. 

The Gryffindor could feel his face redden as the other man’s eyes drew a long, heated line from his face, to his chest, to his waistband, and then finally, to his—

The suggestive look vanished like it was never there, replaced by something much more neutral when Sirius straightened up, holding a purple drink. 

“Here you go, kid.”

“I don’t want that one,” Regulus said with the most adorable pout James had ever witnessed in his life. He suddenly couldn’t figure out where to look or what to do with his hands when Regulus turned that look on him. “What did you order, Potter?”

Sirius raised a finger immediately as James tried to remember how words worked. “No. Don’t tell him, Prongs! No, you’re not getting your way this time, you little brat. You wanted the taro, I bought you the taro, you’re having the taro!”

Meanwhile, James thought he might pass out from the sheer intensity of Regulus’s undivided attention. 

Fuck, he’s pretty. 

“James,” the petite Slytherin cooed, and damn he was so screwed as Regulus bit his lip just so, his dove-gray eyes wide. He stepped closer so that his smaller build seemed even more obviously so compared to James’s height and muscle. Regulus’s powdery, amber scent was almost too much to resist as he tilted his neck, as though to show off the soft, unmarked skin there. “Please?”

“I… I already put my mouth on it,” James said stupidly, his lips oddly dry. 

“Oh, I don’t mind.”

That only prompted James’s imagination, which supplied a fantastic picture of Regulus not minding where else he put his mouth. For instance, Regulus with two of James’s fingers stuffed past his lips, coating them in saliva and teasing him with the warm, wet twist of his tongue. 

“Ugh, here, just take mine, Reggie.”

James was jolted back into awareness by a takeaway cup labeled Sirius being thrust into Regulus's line of sight. 

Panicking, James nearly tripped over himself for the opportunity to offer his sugary milk tea to him instead. 

“No, wait! Here, Regulus, try mine! It’s okay, really!” 

Sirius rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “Don’t encourage him, Prongs. It’s bad enough he’s got me wrapped around his stupid little finger. There’s still time to save you.”

No there bloody isn’t, mate.

“I’m supposed to be reinforcing boundaries with you,” Sirius added to his little brother accusingly. “And I didn’t have to buy your drink order, you know. You’re not even floating here.”

“Thank you,” Regulus offered with the loveliest combination of wicked eyes and innocent smile that James had ever seen on anyone.

Sirius sighed, folding immediately as he shook the drink labeled Reggie vigorously before stabbing the plastic top with a thick straw. “You’re bloody lucky I’d do anything for you, you little monster.”

That pulled a real smile to Regulus’s lips that made James want to melt.

“I’m going to bring Remus his. He’s about to admit a liver bomb and you know how busy that will be.”

Sirius wandered off, nursing his new drink, leaving just James and Regulus standing there, staring at each other. 

“What did he mean by that?”

Regulus blinked. “What?”

“That he’s supposed to be reinforcing boundaries with you.”

The Slytherin sucked at James’s straw, unconcerned. The Gryffindor watched him do so closely, imagining Regulus’s pretty curls framing his cheeks as they hallowed to suck the fluid from James’s cock. 

“Our therapist told him that.”

“Your…?”

Regulus looked at him like he was an idiot. “Therapist. You don’t survive our family without needing one. You’re his best friend. I figured he’d told you we were in family therapy.” 

James couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. While Sirius had not in fact told him so, it wasn’t that much of a surprise. From what he’d gathered about Sirius and Regulus’s parents’ underhanded and emotionally manipulative tactics, it sounded like Sirius had a hard time letting people see any sort of vulnerability, despite their years of friendship. 

But James had seen it. 

He’d seen it in the way Sirius bought his little brother boba and in the way he’d called him “kid.” It seemed like a poor repayment of their friendship, James turning around and railing Regulus in his bed for as long as the other man wanted it and his stamina allowed.

But Regulus… fuck, he was stunning and mean with an unexpectedly wicked sense of humor that was definitely going to get James killed.

Maybe if I just fuck him once, I’ll get it out of my system, James thought desperately. Sirius doesn’t have to know. 

“What’s this?” Regulus asked as he examined the white board next to them, oblivious to how his mere presence was twisting James’s thoughts and feelings into pretzels. 

It was a busy board, boasting the day’s nursing assignments as well as the names of the interns, residents, fellows, and attendings staffing the unit for July. At the top of the board in Doctor McGonagall’s severe cursive was the riddle of the day: her way of connecting with the Gryffindor staff, who James secretly thought she viewed as her own children.

“It’s the unit riddle. You text McGonagall the answer if you think you know it, and she gives you a prize if you’re right.”

“Wouldn’t people just Google the answer?”

James gaped at him, offended. “That’s cheating!”

Regulus laughed, a real, genuine laugh that made his heart stutter in his chest. A faint blush of pink dusted across the Slytherin’s fair cheeks, giving him a truly beautiful glow that was even more appealing than crowding him up against the wall of an elevator or watching him verbally overpower Tom Riddle (though it was a damn close call).

“Let’s see. ‘I have cities but no houses, mountains but no trees. I have water but no fishes, and islands but no breeze. What am I?’ Did you guess it yet?”

James was so wrapped up in the sheer pleasure of listening to Regulus speak that he didn’t answer immediately. “Oh. Yeah, but I wasn’t right about the answer.”

Speaking of riddles, if Sirius did hypothetically find out, he should only be too grateful that it was James Regulus was seducing instead of someone like Tom Riddle, who was honestly the most arrogant doctor James had ever had the displeasure of knowing. He still couldn’t believe Regulus had tolerated the man long enough for them to couple. 

Sirius hates Riddle, James told himself as Regulus contemplated the puzzle, smirked to himself, and pulled out his phone—presumably to text McGonagall his answer.

So I’m basically doing him a favor, sleeping with his brother.

((Click “keep reading” for the answer to Dr. McGonagall’s riddle! 🫶))

Answer: a map 🗺️

[villain-crown]

dust | @jegulus-microfic | words: 864

critical care, part 8 (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 9)

a Jegulus nurse!AU

James Potter was a catch. 

A brilliant, handsome, charming catch. He was confident boarderlining on arrogant, suave verging on dazzling, one of the smartest nurses in Gryffindor, and god help him, he was not going to fuck up the pass he was attempting to make at Regulus Black.

The very same man who had just texted him his clean STD panel after telling him in no uncertain circumstances that they would be fucking soon and enthusiastically.

[Of course, I expect you to provide the same results.]

Hell, James would take whatever test Regulus asked of him. He’d take the entire nurse licensing exam all over again if he wanted it. And blood results? James would stick himself with a rusty nail if it meant satisfying Regulus’s requirements. 

Play it cool, Potter. Play it cool. 

Not desperate, no; just cool, suave, James Potter. 

He had this. 

[For sure! You’re very organized lol!]

The answer: [I prefer no condoms.]

Holy shit, he did not have this.

“...you think Dorcas would go for that?” 

Sirius was still carrying on their conversation and did not seem to realize that James was about to pass out right in front of him.

“Sure, Pads,” he all but wheezed, fighting to keep a straight face. “Dorcas. Good idea.”

“Really, James, are you okay? You look… weird.”

He waved him off, clearing his throat. “No, no, I’m just… dust! There’s lots of dust floating around.” He coughed pointedly once more. “Keep talking, I’m listening.”

[Does that bother you?] Regulus asked while James was in the middle of saving his number. 

Oh, James was bothered alright. 

After some deliberation, he decided he needed some kind of code name for the Slytherin to be saved under. It would be nothing short of incriminating for someone to see Regulus Black texting him suggestive shit, but he needed something slightly less obvious than Sirius’s Hot Little Brother. He thought back to the little silver chain twined around Regulus’s gorgeous neck. Three letters hug off it: RAB. 

Perfect. 

…This was completely crazy. He was having a straight-faced conversation about possibly the most earth shattering, borderline-pornographic sex he would ever have in his life with Regulus Black and Sirius wanted to stand there and talk pranks.

[You’re so fucking hot. I am fighting for my life here.]

[You could stand to suffer more. So tell me what you’re into.]

Oof, what a loaded question. Well, apparently he was into best friend’s little brothers who enjoyed dirty sex, which was an interest he could do without. 

Good sense made him pause. 

Was he ready to hand over very personal, potentially humiliating information to a coworker he’d just met yesterday? The memory of Regulus’s gorgeous, lithe body standing on his toes as he leaned into James’s space to whisper the things I like might be a bit much for you was the deciding factor. 

Jame Potter would honestly hand Regulus Black a fucking loaded gun if this conversation would just continue. 

But what could he say in response to a question like that? He didn’t want to come off as too much, but Regulus didn’t strike him as the kind of guy that would be satisfied with too little, either. 

Fuck, what to do.

Apparently, Regulus has some ideas.

“Am I not entertaining you here, Prongs?” Sirius snapped loudly, forcing James to look up from reading the incredibly dirty texts that Regulus was starting to send. His best friend was glaring at him.

Suddenly, Sirius lunged for his phone. 

And James, who hadn’t expected it, found that he was too slow to keep custody of it.

“SIRIUS, FUCK OFF!”

“No! I want to know what’s so fascinating on here that you can’t be bothered to listen to me for the last ten minutes!”

He tussled with Sirius to steal it back, but with no luck. At a certain point in the scuffle, James became uncomfortably aware that the family of the patient in bed eighteen was blatantly staring at them. Embarrassed, James backed off, straightening his burgundy scrubs and trying to look professional. Sirius, who could care less what other people thought, didn’t even bother looking up, instead taking his time examining James’s text messages. 

He held his breath, desperately trying to come up with a solid defense for why Sirius’s precious baby brother might be texting him some of the dirtiest shit James had ever been sent. You know, just in case Sirius Realized. 

I was framed.

It was an accident.

He looks like my future husband. 

Weak. Weak defenses, all of them. 

Get it together, Potter! 

“No condom, huh? Wow, what a whore,” Sirius declared with the admiration of one who had shared that title. He glanced through the texts and negative STD results, making James nearly ascend. “I respect him. This guy knows what he’s about! Rab, huh? Who’s this again?”

“I didn’t say.”

Bloody hell, Sirius was going to kill him—kill him twice: once for having a single sexual thought about his little brother and again for letting Sirius say that about Regulus, who, according to Marlene, he believed was an innocent baby angel who could do no wrong. 

“It’s just some guy,” James finished faintly.

“Huh.” Sirius handed the phone back. “Hot. You should fuck him.”

…Well, if you insist.

[villain-crown]

challenge | @jegulus-microfic| words: 1210

critical care, part 7 (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 8, part 9)

a Jegulus nurse!AU

As soon as James set foot back in the critical care tower, it felt like everyone took one look at him and knew immediately that he’d fucked Regulus Black.

Which he hadn’t, by the way. 

He just desperately wished he had. 

They’d finished up their lunch with James dying to pull Regulus into a supply closet for some unsupervised quality time. Every sentence from that smirking mouth felt like his blood was being set on fire. But their breaks were nearly over, so he had settled for flirting more aggressively than he ever had in his life all the way back to the critical care tower elevator until James was so wound up that he was willing to be a bit reckless. 

“So what does a person have to do to get a goodbye kiss from you?” James quipped when they were alone in the lift with the doors closed. He was about a head taller than Regulus, and it felt good towering over the petite man. He braced himself with a palm against the wall just above Regulus’s soft black curls, looming above him and trying very hard to look cool. 

Regulus looked him up and down, evaluating him in that heated, challenging way that made James crazy. “Hm. Are you worth one?”

James stepped closer until he could feel the heat of Regulus’s breath. The Slytherin had to tip his head back entirely to look up through the lace of his eyelashes. 

“You tell me.”

And oh, it was so fucking close. The urge to pin Regulus against the wall right then and there was strong; to pull from his throat the filthy sounds he fantasized that the Slytherin would make when it was 2 AM on James’s bed. James was so there for it. But—

Ding.

“Oi! Reggie! Prongs!”

James sprung back like he’d been electrocuted when the lift doors opened swiftly and Sirius muscled his way in from the neurotrauma intensive care unit. He had the ICU transport pack slung over his shoulder and seemed to notice the tension in the air only after he’d inserted himself firmly between the other two nurses and the elevator door had started to close again. 

“What are you up to?” Sirius asked his little brother suspiciously. 

“Seducing your best friend.”

James let out a strangled noise as Sirius scowled. “Not funny, Reggie!” 

But Regulus just rolled his silver eyes in that maddeningly attractive way. “Oh relax, Sirius. It’s a joke, not a dick. Don’t take it so hard.”

Mate, you might witness your little brother getting dicked down right here in this elevator if he doesn’t stop talking.

“Reggie! No! Bad!” Sirius exclaimed, horrified, repeatedly hammering the doors close button like it’d make the elevator move any faster. “I know you don’t say that shit in front of our cousins! They just let you do whatever you want because they think you’re cute, you know. If they could hear what a menace you really were, you’d get away with a lot less.”

While this action was being carried out, James felt something being slipped into his scrub pocket. He shivered as Regulus’s fingers brushed teasingly against his inner thigh while his brother was distracted, but when James tried to meet his eye, he found Regulus’s face completely neutral. 

“That’s why I’m nice to them and a menace to you.”

Ding.

“Looks like this is your stop,” Sirius noted without answering as the elevator doors clicked open on the Slytherin floor. “Well, you’ve been a nightmare as usual. Thanks for that. Be sure to tell Snape we’ve sprayed for insects so he can’t float to our unit for another six months.”

“You’re so petty. And clearly pissed off that he passed his critical care certification first. Doesn’t that mean he gets paid more than you?”

“Not for long!”

“But for now.”

Regulus flounced out of the elevator, James’s eyes glued to his deliciously narrow waist. 

“UGH! He’s so annoying!” Sirius seethed in the background, jamming his finger against the doors close button. “I can’t stand that kid sometimes! Anyway…”

If he really was somehow telegraphing his intentions to absolutely rail Regulus, Sirius would have surely murdered him by now. Instead, his best friend was chatting him up about their latest prank as they wandered out of the elevator and over to the surgical ICU’s nurses’ station. James was trying very hard to focus on what Sirius was saying, but someone had to picture his younger brother in a variety of compromising positions and James’s imagination was certainly willing to take up the task.

“...and I know Snape thinks he’s got the upper hand, but c’mon. What are they going to do—fire all of Gryffindor…?”

He could see Regulus now, sinking gracefully to his knees in an empty exam room. Those stunning silver eyes would locked on his as he untied James’s scrubs, drew out his cock, and slipped it past his lips without breaking eye contact. 

“Prongs? Are you even listening to me?”

“What?” James asked automatically, feeling like a kid caught zoning out in class. These daydreams were starting to get a bit out of hand. “Yeah, I’m listening.”

Sirius didn’t look like he believed him. “Bullshit. Anyway, you know that Ravenclaw charge nurse, Pandora? I tried to ask her if she wanted to transfer her neurotrauma patient back up to their floor since they have the space, but guess what she said…”

A vibration from his pocket prompted James to fish his phone out while nodding supportively at all the right bits of Sirius’s story. The screen had lit up with a text, partially obstructing his background wallpaper of him and his parents beaming at the camera on their last vacation to the ocean. It was from a random number that he didn’t recognize, which made James nearly stow his phone again before he finally registered the words on the photo.

R.A.B: STD Screening Results.

James choked. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Sirius asked suspiciously, thoroughly oblivious to the fact that his baby brother had just texted James his sexual health paperwork.

“Nothing! Just, you know, about Snape. We should come up with a prank for him. Something really good.”

The surgical charge nurse brightened. “Oh! I had a really good idea for that! What if we…”

James looked over the text while Sirius spoke, rather impressed with Regulus’s efficiency. Judging by the timestamp, he’d gone in yesterday to have the screening done. He had tested negative across the board for any and all sexually transmitted disease or blood-borne pathogens. 

He had certainly tested negative for indecisiveness, which was actually sending James to his knees.  

[The only thing missing is a pregnancy test,] James joked, unable to resist teasing his thoroughness.

“...right, Prongs? Hello? Anyone there?”

“Oh!” James hastily stowed his phone, trying to remember the last thing Sirius had said. “Well, yeah, if you can get Frank Longbottom in on it.”

“I bet I could! I’ll get Alice to…”

A few minutes later, a new text came in.

It was another photo, which only made sense when James unlocked his phone and opened up the preview. On the vaguely recognizable Slytherin supply room countertop, a new, hospital-brand pregnancy test was laid out like a taunt. Someone had taken a sharpie and written one word on it in elegant cursive.

Negative. 

Negative for pregnancy, but positive for sarcasm. 

This fucking menace. 

[villain-crown]

regret | @jegulus-microfic | words: 1,255

critical care, part 4 (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9)

a Jegulus nurse!AU

Despite his conviction, James did not end up mustering the courage to ask Regulus out that day. He almost managed to get there a few times, but then Sirius would just pop out of nowhere with some meaningless side quest for him to work on. Each time James had finished doing what was asked of him, Regulus had moved on to busy himself with something else.

The next morning, James finally accepted that he had been left with no choice.

He would have to physically visit the “dungeons” himself.

Standing in front of the doors to the Slytherin cardiovascular intensive care unit two floors below Gryffindor, James took a few slow, steadying breaths. It was his lunch break and he was determined to finally speak with Regulus without Sirius running constant interference.

Do you want to go out sometime? he rehearsed in his head, swiping his badge to gain admission through the doors. No… more assertive. Let's go out sometime. Yeah, yeah that’s good—

“Who the hell are you?”

James pulled his gaze to find a Slytherin with platinum blond hair looking him over from behind the nurses’ station counter. She was perfectly put together in designer forest-green scrubs with a matching stethoscope clipped to her waist and her badge was decorated with multiple pins outlining her various professional awards and accomplishments.

James rolled his eyes upon recognizing her. “Oh come on Narcissa, we’ve worked together for five years!”

“Fine. What do you want, Potter?”

“To talk to Regulus,” he declared bravely.

Narcissa lifted a perfectly manicured eyebrow. “He’s busy.”

“I know,” James replied quickly. “I just need like thirty seconds to—“

“Did they finish up the chest tube?” Narcissa interrupted him to address her sister, Andromeda, who had just exited the patient room right behind him.

“Yeah, Slughorn’s fellow finally gave up on the resident and just shoved it in himself. This whole river of nasty yellow pus shot out of her left lung. It was wild. Hey, James. What are you doing here?”

James blinked as the conversation suddenly twisted back around to include him. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, Narcissa cut him off.

“He’s here for Regulus, apparently.”

Suddenly, both of them were sizing him up. Their critical gaze made him wish he’d thought to iron his burgundy scrubs or something. “Have you told him what happened to the last guy who was ‘here for Regulus?’”

“C’mon guys, I just want to talk to him.”

“Talk to him or sleep with him?”

James jumped as Bellatrix, the third Black sister, appeared from fucking thin air right at his elbow.

“Bloody hell, Bellatrix, where did you even come from!?”

“Excuse you, you’re the one barging onto my unit trying to filch our baby cousin.”

“You just snuck—“

“Potter,” Narcissa interrupted impatiently, tapping her wristwatch. “We have a fresh heart coming in. You’ve got till then to convince us we won’t regret this.”

“Lunch,” James replied quickly, straightening up. “I just want to take him to lunch, I swear.”

“Are you single?”

James flinched. “W-what?”

Bellatrix snapped her fingers in his face. “You’ve got sixty seconds. Don’t waste our time. Are. You. Single?”

“Yes!”

“You like our little cousin?”

“Yes… ma’am.”

“Are you fucking anyone at the moment?”

“Bella!”

“Are you?”

“No!”

Bellatrix’s dark navy eyes bored into him like she wanted to crawl into his head and take a good long look around. “Hm. To the cafeteria and back only—and keep your hands to yourself or I’ll snap them off and use them to hold pressure on room 18’s hematoma. You’d better buy his lunch.”

James had just enough time to gape at the Black sisters before the double doors to the unit opened and a procession of operating room staff came inching through, a heavily sedated heart transplant patient transported among them.

Seizing the distraction, James backed away quickly to locate Regulus, who he found resetting his workspace after a procedure, preparing an incredibly unstable older man for the next rocky hour of hanging onto life. Partially-clotted blood stained the floor, hastily covered by surgical towels from when they’d inserted an emergency dialysis line in the patient’s neck. A machine to filter his blood had been set up near the ventilator.

Regulus looked very cute in his Slytherin-green jogger scrubs and soft fleece zip-up. The loose coal curls atop his head shifted with each turn of his neck and his slight frame just made James want to scoop him up and put him on his lap.

“What, Potter?” Regulus finally asked when he’d hovered in the hallway for over a minute, depositing the last of the capped needles into the sharps container.

Let's go out sometime, he coached himself. C’mon, Potter, you’ve got this! Let’s go out some—

“Lunch!” he blurted out. “Er, Bellatrix said you can take your lunch now.”

“What?” Regulus frowned, glancing at the clock. “It’s barely noon.”

“We should go,” James said quickly. “At the same time, I mean. Together.”

Regulus quirked a dark brow, his silver eyes sizing James up in the bright hospital lighting as he paused in changing his dialysis machine’s filter. “Together?”

“To the same place.”

“I’m not a bloody idiot. I know what ‘together’ means.”

“Great! Let’s go!”

Regulus tilted his head in amusement. “Listen, Potter… you’re a bit of an idiot so I’m going to spell this out for you.”

Oh please spell out “take me, I’m yours.”

“I don’t get any nicer than this and some of my needs aren’t easily met.”

James felt his heart rate pick up. Fuuuck, he was in trouble. Sirius was going to kill him. Bellatrix was going to throw him off the roof of the critical care tower. He really did just mean to ask Regulus to lunch; maybe get to know each other a bit, make plans for the weekend.

But the mouth on him!

“I’m very good at meeting needs.”

Regulus didn’t seem to buy that. “Really?” he drawled, looking James up and down with obvious doubt, making the Gryffindor bristle.

“What makes you think I can’t?”

“You strike me as a bit too… sweet; people please-y. You’re aware that my stupid brother has forbidden everyone in this hospital from making anything resembling a pass at me?”

“It’s just lunch.”

“Is it?”

“Do you want it to be?”

Regulus smirked, taking the three slow steps necessary to close the distance between them, pushing himself up on his toes to breathe in James’s ear.

“The things I like might be a bit much for you.”

“I think you’re really underestimating the things we’ve already done in my head.”

Coming back down on his heels, Regulus ran his tongue over his teeth before biting down on his lower lip. “Hm. I’m intrigued. Fine, I’ll get Snape to cover my patients. You’d better have more to offer than that dazed look on your face, Potter.”

With that, Regulus walked away.

…Holy shit.

HOLY SHIT!

He had a lunch date with Regulus Black!

Left alone with his raging thoughts and a sedated patient, James fumbled with his phone to send a frantic text.

To ‼️📣Marlene📣‼️:

If he meets my parents on Friday, I can propose on Saturday, and spend all of Sunday absolutely railing him.

Looks like I have weekend plans ❤️❤️❤️

From ‼️📣Marlene📣‼️:

There’s no saving you anymore, Potter. You have a death wish, and at this point, you frankly deserve it.

RIP when Sirius finds out what you’re doing ☠️