#versus that bald chant

[elitehanitje]

Jimmy Fallon mocking and body shaming Shahid Khan cemented my hatred of him. He'd done this before when he insulted the president of my country's name, just because he couldn't pronounce his name and the fact it sounded funny to him. It was like Tina Fey insulted other Asian names because it sounded weird in English. And yes, I agree that Shahid Khan and Tony Khan always get this kind of treatment because they're not white (although technically Tony is half-white if you want to be technical about it).

[madluv]

👀

A tiny, crackling TV cramped up in the corner of the downbeat bar liked to remind Harleen on the hour, every hour, how the world was really, really going to the dogs. Maybe not the world, but the city at least. It was all the same to her. Screams and shouts bleating from the nearly broken speakers, bubbling like the beer in her hand, distracting the bedraggled customers, all weary eyes flitting to the flickering screen. Harleen’s arm ached the longer she waited, a warming pint in one palm, waiting impatiently for cash with the other wide open. Even a curt cough failed to pull the balding man before her from the news and she too succumbed to the ever bleak footage with a forlorn sigh. Riots, again. Film of the public attacking each other, attacking the police. Surging crowds slamming into shields, shaking vans and slashing tires. Shots of tear-gassed and tearful faces. People picketing wildly and angrily, chanting with passion and rage outside of the courthouses, at campaigns, in the shadow of the skeletal Wayne tower, with the cranes up top still continuing their work to complete it, climbing higher and higher into the sky.

‘Rich gettin’ richer, poor gettin’ poorer --’ the bald man muttered before handing Harleen a couple of crinkled notes and shaking his head.

‘Yer tellin’ me,’ she agreed in a tinny voice, till rattling as it swung open, change jingling in the drawer.

Though depressing, none of what was being aired was much of a surprise to any of them anymore. Harleen had seen the same on the news time and time again -- and on the way to work every damn day, she got to witness the real deal. She’d had to bustle through screaming crowds and cardboard signs just to get to her shift more than once. Every day another business was going broke and shop fronts were empty or smashed and looted, banks were being robbed, the homeless were growing in numbers, gathered around trash can fires in bigger and bigger numbers. The city had been overturned by the fear and anger of the Gotham citizens. It had exploded onto the streets the moment Thomas Wayne, their home-grown billionaire entrepreneur, had decided to run for mayor of the city -- and it hadn’t calmed since. It had only gotten worse. The impoverished versus the yuppies, the rich versus the poor, the divide of which had never been wider…

‘It’s always the same ol’ story,’ as far as Harleen was concerned, who always happened to be broke, was always struggling, just like everyone else in the godforsaken city, she was yet to catch herself a break. Weeks behind on rent and struggling to make any ends meet, Harleen was almost thankful at this point that she worked in a bar. The dusty, musky one on the corner of 83rd street, The Full Deck -- or not as it was less lovingly known. One of the only places on its road to remain open, it’s signature neon deck of cards sign showed its locale -- but it was only the red bulb for the heart that worked anymore, in a very, very irregular heartbeat, beaming blood red through the window. Well, it was this or joining those on the streets… She listlessly threw back her tangled bleached hair, forcing a wide, fake smile as another customer approached, patting down her pinny, she kept on with the show. ‘An’ what can I do for ya’ huh?’

The night lulled on, a slow but steady stream of tired, drunk and dazed men, their words ever more slurred, their limbs ever more sluggish as The Full Deck came to closing and emptied, one by one of its sad and sullen patrons. The bar was sticky with spilled beer and Harleen scrubbed (not quite as hard as required) hoping to get out and get home before midnight. There was a little satisfaction in finally switching off the TV, always signalling the end of her shift - - another day, another dollar. Tossing her cloth to the side and rushing to grab for her things, Harleen rummaged through the pockets of her puce coat for her cigarettes. The bell rung from the entrance -- and Harleen called out while still searching, ‘sorry but we’re closed!’

[cliche-ish]

Be comfortable in my own skin color

I was born with darker skin than most people in my country and than my culture’s beauty standard. My family and neighbors called me by the nickname “Đen”’, which means “dark skin” in a negative way and also the black color in my language. They even made up a chant that included all the worst quality possible of multiple body parts. It was something like “Bald head, protruding forehead, short nose, dark skin, slanted eyes.” Is that a haiku lol? In my culture, it is believed that you should not call a baby “cute” or “adorable” no matter if the baby is cute or not, because that can jinx it. Yup, calling a baby “cute” is believed to be all it takes to turn the baby into an ugly looking monster later... Instead, it is preferred to always call babies “ugly”. So even though I had none of those characteristics but the dark skin, that chant was my life theme song for a while. At least that was the reasoning of the people I grew up with. That chant was sung to me up until I was about as young as I can remember, maybe 4 or 5 years old. After that, the chant stopped, except for the dark skin part. The dark skin matter haunted me up to high school. 

In Vietnam and most East Asian countries, people are obsessed with having fair, pale, light skin. That is THE beauty standard for Vietnamese women. Beauty salons and cosmetic spas offer a wide variety of skin whitening procedures and products. Dark skin also means ugliness. It is the last thing you want to have if you are a girl or women there. What is worse, it was deemed to be associated with lower social status. People saw my dark skin and made rash assumptions (did I see a pun?) that I was poor and not well educated, because I had to work outdoor, laborious, manual jobs as a kid to help the family. That’s the stereotype. One time I went to the dentist for a quick simple procedure. During the procedure, the dentist said my skin was so dark, I must come from Miền Tây, which is a region where many people were poor farmers back then. (Reminder, I was born and raised in a middle class family in the biggest city in Vietnam, went to the top schools, and the only work I really had to do was homework and some housework.) I felt so offended, yet couldn’t correct her because my mouth was help open by a cheek retractor.

I saw many TV ads about skin lightening lotions and cosmetic procedures. I was still a teenager, so I could only ask my Mom if she could buy me the lotions. It was a big deal, because at that time in our culture, teenage girls were usually not allowed to use any cosmetic products, like makeup, hair dye, or nail polish. So I gathered all my courage to ask her to buy me those lotions. To my surprise, my Mom agreed to buy and let me use the skin lightening products. She probably wanted the best for me. I did use them, but didn’t really see any improvement. I thought it was probably because I was an active, sporty, outdoorsy girl who was out in the tropical sun the whole time lol. So my skin was still dark, and I was teased all the time. When I was little, I was so sad. When I was a little older, I just laughed along on the outside, but came home and cried alone in the bathroom. There were days I felt so shitty and so insecure about the way I looked, wondering why I was born like this. Once I became insecure and conscious about my appearance, it spiraled and more stuff was added to the list of things I was ashamed about: my fat ass (I have a pear-shaped body), my weird jaw (I have an asymmetrical face, you know, like a normal person), my body hair (who doesn’t have that), etc. That list got expanded quickly, as my self-esteem was shrinking substantially.

I started to gain a tiny bit more confidence in high school. I saw a few women on the street rocking their tanned skin with great sense of fashion and bold choice of color, looking like they were joyfully living their lives. Even though they loook different from the many other women out there, their confidence was beaming radiantly, and so I thought I wanted to be like that one day.

But it was when I moved to the U.S. that I truly became confident about the way I look. No one in the U.S. really teased me about my dark skin any more. People even approached me and complimented on how pretty I was. That never happened! I never thought of myself as “pretty”. That was when it hit me. Back in Vietnam my tint was somewhere further towards the end of that normal distribution of skin shade spectrum. That does make me more uncommon but in no way abnormal or ugly. But when I left home and moved to the U.S., a beautifully diverse country, I got shifted to somewhere in the middle, more common area of the spectrum. My point is, the spectrum, the standard, the perception of beauty, they’re all relative and changing all the time. It’s never going to be enough if I keep on chasing these ever-changing standards. I cannot be super skinny while also have an ass. I cannot have light skin while also getting that summer hot tan look. And every body is different, so what works for you might not work for me. I can’t let a few people decide what I and all billions of women in the world should look like to get the world’s approval. What best determines my worth is how I perceive myself. I am pretty and happy when I feel pretty and happy about myself. I’m in shape. Pear’s a shape. Body hair is not abnormal. It’s there for important functions, and we’re more closely related to chimpanzee, not dolphins. 🙂 Each and every part of my body is important, functional, unique, and a part of me. I appreciate them.

My appearance has changed a lot in the past few years, not because it finally adheres to new, updated beauty standards, but because I have learned to love myself, be comfortable in my own skin, and make myself prettier and healthier for me. I look up on what type of clothing fits my body shape. I cut my hair short, because short hair fits my personality and makes me feel like me. I eat right and work out to stay healthy, not because I want to get rid of my fat thighs. I appreciate and love my dark brown skin more than ever before. I look healthy, glowing, and sun-kissed without even trying, and never get sunburn. I mean, what is there to be upset about? I care less about what people think or comment on my appearance, if it is not objective or constructive. (i.e. “Why don’t you wear more makeup?” versus “I have this lipstick color that I think will fit you great.”) I spend more time enjoying life now rather than worrying over things about me that I think people think. I also realized people don’t really pay that much attention. It was just me paying too much attention and scrutinizing my own flaws. I learn to appreciate the diversity of body shape, and strike down those stereotypes or biases that being slim means healthy or being plus-size means you cannot be sexy or healthy or strong. (There is a scientific study about how body type is not a good indicator of health.) I look perfectly fine, and I will never let anyone tell me I am ugly, or not worth it, or not going to make it, because of how I look. And because of how shitty those mean comments made me feel, I promise to never let anyone treat others the same way, to say “I love your [...]. It’s pretty.” when I find something about someone pretty, and to be mindful and every time I am about comment on someone’s appearance.

There have been hopeful, progressive, and empowering changes that took place to challenge the culture based on toxic beauty standards. Several days ago I came across a news article about a decision made by Johnson & Johnson to stop selling skin-whitening creams, as a response to the Black Lives Matter movement. But it is also a great win for women in these countries, as such products had been feeding the toxic culture and the media that shames women for their look.

Recently, my Mom told me about a Vietnamese woman named H’Hen Niê. She is a Vietnamese beauty pageant who was crowned Miss Universe Vietnam 2018, and she was slaying it! She was widely recognized and loved by the Vietnamese people as she smashed every single Vietnamese beauty standards for being a minority with short hair and dark skin. Models who are plus-size, wear hijabs, have skin defects or disabilities are showing up more on American brands where I shop for my clothes. Finally, there are women on covers and who represents and advocates all girls and women of all shapes, sizes, colors, and cultures. Representation matters, because you can visualize yourself there, it’s easier to get there. This is so that more young girls and women would see “There’s someone who looks like me and she’s killing it.” Hopefully, they would feel less worthless, ashamed, and insecure about their features that society should not get to judge or label, and more inspired and empowered to love themselves and be proud of who they are. We have come a long way, and we still have a long way to go and a lot to do, but I’m optimistic that we are on our right track to building a better world for many young girls and women. 

Photos of kick-ass women: Left to right, H’hen Niê, Zozibini Tunzi (South African woman to be crowned Miss Universe 2019 who has been openly advocating and celebrating “black girl magic”), Halima Aden (first Muslim model to wear hijab in Sport Illustrated Swimsuit), Thando Hopa (firsl albino model to be on Vogue cover), Winnie Harlow (internationally recognized supermodel with vitiligo), Ashley Graham (plus-size model, covergirl, and TV presenter who hosts a section on the Ellen DeGeneres’s site, theellentube.com) 

[scotwresnet]

As we continue the celebrations towards Aberdeen Anarchy 2018 on September 1st I take a look back at the event that started it all at The Beach Ballroom. I wanted to take a look at this event specifically as I hadn’t watched it in full since being there live on June 1st 2013, over five years ago. It was my first Aberdeen Anarchy, my first WrestleZone event so there are plenty of memories about the event.

I remember not knowing where The Beach Ballroom was so I drove from New Pitsligo, where I lived at the time, then got the train from Inverurie to Aberdeen, the 25 minutes, then a taxi to the venue. My sense of direction hasn’t improved much since then as I just hung about the venue for hours even though Cadonas was a couple hundred yards away. The country bumpkin in me was lost. Anyway, I had bought two tickets thinking I’d find someone to go with me but alas it wasn’t to be and it was just myself toddling along. When I got to the meet and greet portion I bumped into a bald man in a suit, on his mobile device, who looked like he was important, so I offered my spare ticket which he accepted, about 5 minutes later he came past with £15 to reimburse my ticket as he’d sold it. It was the hottest ticket in town. Little did I know at that moment was I was speaking to Mr P, one of my favourites in WrestleZone nowadays.

So I lined up for the meet and greet to meet Billy Gunn and ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan. Being the fan I was I had prepared some items to be signed, a foam WWF Tag Team Championship for Billy Gunn and part one of the Royal Rumble anthology DVD set for ‘Hacksaw’. What I didn’t anticipate was the nerves. I stuttered out something to Jim as I bought his book and he signed an 8×10. He also signed my title because he asked if I wanted him to and who was I to deny ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan?? I got the picture then moved over to Billy Gunn, stuttered out something about being a fan, belt signed and picture taken.

Things I learned that day: prepare what to say being meeting people in general, don’t wear a thick hoodie on a summer day and don’t stuff your manbag with supplies because it’s a pain in the backside to carry around. I have since learned from this, and I have learned where the venue is so I can actually drive there, I say learn, I can make it to Aberdeen but Google maps does the rest.

So I went to the gym next door for lunch, yes the gym not any of the fine establishments on the beach like Pizza Hut or TGI Fridays, didn’t I tell you I’m an idiot? Burger and chips while I read Jim Duggan’s book. Once I had outstayed my welcome I kept reading the book in the play park nearby while I watched my phone battery die slowly but not before I recorded a video with the venue in the background!

I had just started OSWtv at this point, this is how long ago the event was.

So there were some wrestlers about as we filed in to the venue for the actual show, as I had VIP (oh yeah) it was a little earlier. When I went in I only recognised one wrestler as I had been watching some ICW, that being Kay Lee Ray. So I got a picture with her and two other blokes, who was steal the show later in the night, Stevie Xavier and Bingo Ballance.

I think that’s enough preamble about the show. Now to re-watch and relive Aberdeen Anarchy 2013! I’ll review the show and throw in my memories from the event.

Before the main show there was a VIP match triple threat but for the life of me I can’t quite remember what it was, I’m thinking it may’ve involved Cysto, Mr Malice and Blue Thunder but I could be wrong, there was a dog lead involved at some point.

I went back and found the match on the bonus feature of disc two.

Triple Threat – Blue Thunder defeated Cysto & Mr Malice by pinfall (I think).

The disc starting freezing and I couldn’t actually watch the match. Awkward.

Let’s move onto the main show.

A young, fresh-faced, Martyn Clunes was the first man through the curtain for the official show, even though the lights were low you could tell that the place was rammed. It goes to show how long ago this was when Martyn announced that the match was for one fall when there was no “ONE FALL!” reply.

Bingo Ballance defeated Stevie Xavier by pinfall.

Often hailed, by myself as well, as the best match in WrestleZone history. I was interested to see if this would still hold up in 2018 considering that there had been so many great matches since this one. The match started with quick counters, pinfall attempts and traded armdrags. Once they warmed up we got springboards, standing shooting star presses and dropsaults. The action was balanced with Bingo hitting a hard backcracker then a Monkey Flip. More dives to the outside with Ballance continuing the control. Near fall after near fall with the “oohs” and “aahs” getting louder and more frequent as the two threw everything into the match. A split leg moonsault from Stevie couldn’t get the job done as he climbed to the top rope he was only to be met with a springboard enziguri from Ballance. Ballance hit the G17 for the win.

Still holds up as a fantastic match in my opinion. It had loads of twists and turns with both having support from the crowd. They were there for the whole ride. I didn’t know if there was a story coming into the match so going from a cold open to being on the edge of my seat by the end was wonderful. As far as a singles match goes, this is still the best match in WrestleZone but with the added stakes and stipulation matches over the years it may’ve been knccked from the number one spot as my favourite match from Aberdeen Anarchy…

Scotty Swift & Ross McTavish defeated Sterling Oil (William Sterling & Alan Sterling) w/Mr Malice by submission.

So going into this one I was aware that Sterling Oil had been bullying Ross McTavish from the Evening Express. That was about it. The crowd were unglued for Scotty Swift’s entrance, a man that I had only seen in photos with his striking look. A slower start with the tease for Ross to be tagged in and when he was it was LOUD. William toyed with Ross, irritating him with hair brushes but Ross got a double leg take down into a kneebar as William scrambled to escape. A little distraction saw the Sterlings take over with slaps and chops to McTavish’s back and front, visibly leaving marks. William missed a big elbow drop as Scotty was tagged back in clean house.As Scotty was dealing with the Sterlings, Mr Malice interjected himself before being locked into a triangle choke by Ross. Swift busted out a rare hurricurana and tagged in a begging Ross McTavish who locked a prowling Alan Sterling into a triangle choke for the quick tap out.

While Ross didn’t have the finesse of a pro wrestler but what he could do he did well, when it’s non-wrestlers there’s an expectancy for cringe but this was highly enjoyable. A really fun match.

The disc was stalling at this point as it came to Zach Dynamite versus Damien. A quick ejection of the disc and a wipe with my t-shirt and it came back alive thankfully.

Damien defeated Zach Dynamite by pinfall.

This looked like it was a grudge match of some sort with the butting of heads in the beginning so quite rightly it avoided the collar and elbow and went straight to the fighting. Damien had the upper hand by keeping Dynamite grounded. Dynamite got back into the match with lots of pinfall attempts before Damien countered a sunset flip by sitting down and holding the ropes for leverage.

Something about this match just didn’t click for me. It didn’t get out of first gear and the ending was flat. Nothing much happened.

‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan & The Granite City Hotshots (Bryan Tucker & Shawn Johnson) defeated Aspen Faith, James Midas & Scott Maverick w/Crystal Rose by pinfall.

The first of the two special guests, the first half main event. The place went crazy for Duggan coming out with his America flag and 2×4. Grabbing a Scotland flag from someone in the crowd and waving it about, which actually gave me goosebumps while watching this back. The disc starting skipping again at this point so I didn’t see the end of the match as it cut out just as Aspen was on the offensive right at the start. Subsequent disc polishing saw glimpses of the match but it kept skipping back to the menu so had to give this one up.

From memory the place went crazy for anything that Duggan did, he didn’t have to do much and the place was going nuts for him. Duggan got the win for his team with the three point stance clothesline onto Aspen Faith.

Billy Gunn defeated Rob Cage by pinfall.

Onto disc two with the second guest for Aberdeen Anarchy, Billy Gunn, taking on ‘The King of the Shining Wizard’, before he was Uncle Bobby but he still had the most punchable face in wrestling. Billy Gunn got on the mic and said that he learned a new name for Rob Cage while he’d been in Aberdeen which was ‘sheep shagger’, although most of the fans suggested arsehole. Quote of the night came during this with Rob Cage shouting “I don’t shag sheep!” in response to the chant accusing him of diddling the woolen beasts.

The match really started on the outside with Billy Gunn slamming the face of Rob Cage into the ring apron again and again and again. Cage rammed Gunn into the ring post to get the upper hand. I couldn’t make out the chants but I’m sure there was a ‘he’s a fanny’ chant but I am a bit hard of hearing. Gunn hit a headlock driver but Cage was too close to the ropes. Cage had a lot of offense with digging kicks and chokes in the early going but Gunn fought back with punches of his own and a Stinger Splash, a Famouser for the three made this a quick one.

Fun match, it was cool seeing Billy Gunn. Gunn was never known for your technical clinics so I wasn’t expecting flips and fancy things but it was fun and certainly entertaining. It’s hard to not be biased as Billy Gunn was one of my favourites when I was a young lad, even his ‘The One’ Billy Gunn phase.

Lumberjill Match – Kay Lee Ray defeated Carmel Jacob by pinfall.

When it came to women’s wrestling in 2013 I knew three names, Nikki Storm, Princess Sammii and Kay Lee Ray. Whom I considered the second coming of Lita with her red hair and highflying-ness. The lumberjills in this was The Granite City Roller Girls.

Carmel attempted to leave early on but was blocked by the lumberjills. Who also blocked her several other attempts even throwing her back in at one point. Fairly even match with Kay Lee having the early advantage before Carmel dodged a top rope dropkick and took over. Folding her up like an accordion following a German Suplex. There was a great bit where Carmel hit a Celtic Cross and went for a lazy cover, Kay Lee grabbed Carmel by the waist and bridged up, turned her into a backslide position then lifted her before planting a Gory Bomb. It looked so cool. Carmel got back in control with a second rope draping DDT. Carmel went for a second from the top rope but Kay Lee fought back and managed to sunset flip Carmel off the off the second turnbuckle. Carmel missed a spear and was given another Gory Bomb. A Swanton Bomb followed and it was a win for Kay Lee Ray.

A bit stumbly and bumbly in parts but overall a really fine match, bar a couple bits at the start the lumberjills had little bearing in the match.

Martyn Clunes announced that the show was a sell out, over 30 years since wrestling had taken place in The Beach Ballroom. 1,103 fans in attendance to witness WrestleZone.

Undisputed WrestleZone Championship – Special Enforcer: Len Ironside – Crusher Craib defeated ‘Tenacious‘ Johnny Lions w/Richard R Russell, Damien, Mr Malice & William Sterling by pinfall to win the Undisputed WrestleZone Championship.

This was weird for me to watch. I had only seen Johnny Lions at SWE at this point and he was as babyface as they could be, so to see him scowling and being the bad guy just blew my tiny mind. His opponent was the big and scary Crusher Craib, who was cheered. I didn’t know what to think.

Len Ironside and referee Mikey Innes ejected Sterling Oil from ringside before the match even started.

Craib smacked Lions about in the early stages, dominating the Undisputed WrestleZone Champion. Lions dodged a big boot and aimed his attack at the leg of Craib to chop down the beast. It wasn’t without error with Lions slipping off the ropes but recovered quickly for a coast to coast dropkick to the knee of Craib. Lions was like a shark sniffing out blood as he used every move and leverage to punish the knee of Craib. Craib rose from the dead to grab Lions by the throat for a chokebomb for a two count. Craib went for a big boot but his knee gave way which allowed Lions to jump back onto the offensive with a Best Legdrop Evah. Lions went up top again but was met by Craib how threw him off with a Fallaway Slam. Craib went for a boot but kicked Mikey Innes in the face, a follow up Blackhole Slam couldn’t be counted as William Sterling and Mr Malice returned. Len Ironside soon dispatched of them before Damien snuck in with a Superkick. Russell jumped in and smugly revealed a referee shirt of his own, shouting that he had a referee licence. Len pulled him out and of the ring and smacked his face off the apron. Lions recovered but couldn’t land the Lion Cutter, Craib smashed him with a big boot as Len Ironside counted the fall.

This match was far better than I remembered. The crowd were loud all the way through, there was some shenanigans and we got a new champion at the end. A great way to end the show.

Often when watching shows back there’s a danger of remembering it differently or rewatching it in your mind with rose tinted spectacles, like Aladdin Return of Jafar, I loved that film as a child then I rewatched it two years ago and it was just awful, that’s why I’ll never watch The Pagemaster again. There’s a danger of making matches and moments bigger than they really were. I wasn’t disappointed when rewatching this as it was pretty much how I remembered it. The event holds a dear place in my heart and in turn WrestleZone did exactly what they were aiming for. I was the person they were aiming the show towards, not me specifically, but the casual that would be coming to see Billy Gunn, to see Jim Duggan, it was then up to WrestleZone to build a show around them to get folk like myself back to Aberdeen or to Inverurie, Montrose or Keith to see their guys wrestle minus the international names.

Was it a 5 star show? No it wasn’t, the matches were good to great, bar one match which just didn’t do it for me, but was it entertaining? Absolutely. Did it have me coming back for more? Yes it did, every year since.

Five years and one month I’ve been attending WrestleZone shows. This was the start and I hope it won’t end any time soon!

Review: WrestleZone Aberdeen Anarchy 2013 As we continue the celebrations towards Aberdeen Anarchy 2018 on September 1st I take a look back at the event that started it all at The Beach Ballroom.

[thedetroitcast]

The Detroit Cast discusses: Tom Green appearing at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle this weekend; Brad (err Chelsea err whatever) Manning criticizing former President Obama for being weak on social issues; Donald J. Trump tweeting that Manning is an ungrateful, traitor; Hillary Clinton considering hosting a television talk show; Tim and Matt Hassleback and their early baldness; the death of Mary Tyler Moore and her apparent legacy as a really big deal in 70s television; middle school teacher Thao Doan being arresting for banging her 8th grade student and complaining that the student blackmailed her for $28,000; Shia LeBeouf's lasted "art" project in New York City where he is live-streaming himself chanting "He will not divide us"; Big E's planned venture out to NYC to take part in LeBeouf's "art" display; Kraft Heinz announcing that it will not be paying the exorbitant price for Super Bowl ads and will be giving its white-collar workforce the day off following the game; the deliciousness of Heinz Ketchup versus its competitors; whether the Super Bowl ought to just move to Saturday to solve the productivity problems the following Mondays; Snickers announcing that it will air a live Super Bowl commercial, featuring Adam Driver; hacker Edward Majerczyk being sentenced to 9 months in prison for his role in the hack of celebrity nudes such as Jennifer Lawrence, Hope Solo, and Kate Upton; and, email.