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thelillykane · 7 years ago

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logan/veronica + things you said on new years eve (for @querulousgawks) ~

Veronica stares at the soft cream invitation and is proud of the way her hands don’t tremble.

Her dad leans over and glides the invitation across the length of their kitchen counter and it travels as if it is weightless, inconsequential.

“It was nice of them to invite us,” her father says after a moment, his voice rehearsed in its diplomacy.

The invitation is cold and clinical, no warmth in the simple “Mars Family” scrawled across the front in perfect rich, black-inked calligraphy. It’s handwriting Veronica recognizes from the handful of school forms Logan didn’t forge: elegant and precise in a faint, gentle manner.

Logan and Lynn make their F’s the same way, and Veronica wants to rip the invitation into pieces.

Veronica decides to go to the party two days beforehand and her mom insists on going shopping with her -- spending money they definitely don’t have -- to buy Veronica a deep blue dress and sparkly kitten heels.

“It’s New Years Eve, baby, you have to dress up,” her mother states, and for once her breath doesn’t smell cloying, that unfriendly mix of sharp disinfectant and melted cotton candy.

Her dad has to work, so Veronica and her mom show up together, their arms linked as though nothing is wrong, as if Lianne’s activities haven’t been reduced to passing out on the couch, jumping at the slightest noise, and insisting that they need to move to a new city.

Veronica does an automatic sweep of the room, looking for Lilly, seeking out her best friend’s bright laugh and carefree grin as she steals champagne glasses from the waiters.

Veronica remembers that Lilly will never do any of those things ever again and disengages from her mother’s grasp, too heavy to pretend.

An hour after she has lost visual on her mom and her face aches from pretending to smile at rich people she has never heard of, family members or friends of Logan’s he’d never bothered to mention he had, she slips away and makes use of the far left staircase, the one for the servants, and Lilly when she was sneaking into Logan’s and too drunk to climb up to his window.

Veronica had only been in Logan’s house a handful of times during their friendship, but she’s reverently grateful now for all of the stories the others have told, wild antics where they had to sneak Logan out of his house and then later sneak him back in, naturally while he was tripping on acid.

She knows which floorboards creak, which window’s have the motion triggered alarms on them -- activated every night from 9pm to 7am --, and which rooms she’s likely to stumble across Logan’s parents in at the most inopportune of moments (the first floor study, the half-glass sunporch, their bedroom located on the second floor and spanning the entire right side of the house, complete with a private staircase entrance).

Logan’s room is chilled when Veronica enters, lacking the holiday warmth orchestrated downstairs, but still smelling of the sugar cookie candles Lynn had dispersed across the tables. As usual, Logan’s room doesn’t reflect anything on Logan -- it’s too neat, everything stacked in organized little piles, the walls and single, lone bookcase adorned with expensive paintings and figurines she knows Logan hates. Even the books on the shelf aren’t titles that Logan would read, rather ones he would pick first to use as kindling at a bonfire.

The only reflection of Logan in the room is on the magnet board hanging behind his desk, featuring a scrap of paper, and a picture of Lilly herself, smiling wide, her arm draped around Logan, who, for once, has let himself be immortalized on film, gazing at Lilly with adoration.

She’s transfixed, which is why she startles when Logan leans over and yanks the photo off of the board, holding it close to his chest and staring at Veronica with hard, wild eyes.

(She hadn’t seen him downstairs, not that her secretly-a-sentimental-sap self had been looking. She’d seen Duncan, briefly, out by the pool, flanked by his parents on either side, looking down at the water’s edge like he wasn’t there at all).

“Is this something you do now?” Logan’s voice is brittle, but sober, and Veronica can’t tell if that will make this worse. “Invade people’s homes and try to seduce them dressed as some low-rate Vegas whore?”

Veronica sucks in a deep breath and lays her hand flat against the cool surface of his desk top, stopping herself from fiddling with her dress, cut lower than Veronica would have preferred and higher than Lilly would have wanted, both at the chest and at the hem.

While she’s distracted, off kilter, Logan reaches his hand out and yanks Veronica’s camcorder off of her wrist, the tie she used to wear it like a wristlet leaving behind red, raised marks and faint droplets of blood from the motion.

(She forgot she was wearing it, had slipped it around her wrist along with her clutch instinctively: hanging out with Lilly and the boys, must bring video camera).

Veronica is vocal about the pain, but Logan is talking loud and hysterical over her outcry.

“Were you planning on filming it? Getting me all drunk and sad and then releasing the tape for the whole world to see like your Dad did with the videos of Lilly’s body?”

“Give it back,” she says through low, clenched teeth.

Lilly gave her that camcorder for Veronica’s sixteenth birthday. Logan knows this because he was sitting next to Lilly when Veronica opened the gift, got a mouthful of her hair when she leapt across the coffee table to throw her arms around Lilly in thanks.

She makes a move towards Logan and he stretches his arm high above his head, a game they used to play where she’d have to jump to get the remote control out of his hands if she didn’t want to watch another Charmed re-run.

Logan isn’t playing now, and he makes it clear by walking backwards towards the staircase bannister and dangling the camcorder out over the edge, his eyes dead locked on Veronica’s the whole time.

“Don’t you dare,” Veronica half pleads, half threatens. “Lilly gave that to me, you know Lilly gave that to me.”

In response, he opens his hand and one of her last, tangible links to Lilly begins to plummet towards the floor. He catches it before it falls out of reach, but not before Veronica has begun crying, her eyes closed and her hands clenched into fists at her side.

The fast approaching click of heels has Veronica opening her eyes again, and Logan wordlessly passes the camcorder back to her.

Lynn says nothing as she observes them: Logan’s head bowed studiously towards the floor, his fingers twisting nervously into the sleeve of his dress shirt, while Veronica hitches her breath and tries to pull herself together, unwilling to cry in front of Logan’s mom, unwilling to cry in front of him.

“I didn’t drop it,” Logan half whines as Lynn remains quiet. “It was a joke, Ronnie just over-reacted.”

He calls her Ronnie to downplay his actions (and the things he said to her in his room), to brush it under the rug and act like it was a lighthearted thing among friends, and that -- hearing Logan’s old nickname for her whenever he was trying to convince her to let him copy her homework, or sneak out of her house and come to the Kane’s to go middle of the night swimming -- is what finally sets her off.

“You’re an asshole, Logan,” she hisses with all the venom she can muster and Logan’s face twists into something mournful.

He opens his mouth to volley something insulting back but Lynn reaches out and wraps her hand around his wrist, tugging on it gently to get him to look at her.

“I don’t want to see you doing something like that to Veronica again, do you understand me, Logan?”

Logan does a one-shouldered shrug and then squirms a lot, tentatively trying to free his wrist from her grip. Lynn patiently waits him out and finally Logan scowls and spits out, “Yeah. I understand.”

Lynn doesn’t make Logan apologize, instead embracing Veronica with her free arm and hugging her close.

“I’m glad you could make it, sweetheart,” Lynn says. “You’re welcome here anytime, you know that.”

Veronica sniffles in response and Lynn releases her, absentmindedly brushing a lingering tear off of Veronica’s face as she does. Out of the corner of her eye, Veronica can see Logan’s face fall, the energy slipping out of his limbs, the cruelty out of his eyes.

Lynn kisses Logan on the cheek as she goes to leave. “Come back downstairs before the ball drops, okay, angel?”

She leaves without waiting for a response, and Logan stares at the spot where she disappeared from view for a beat, that same raw look on his face.

Logan turns to go back into his room; Veronica follows.

It’s five minutes till midnight and Logan is rummaging through his closet, The Same Boy You’ve Always Known playing low in the background.

When he emerges it’s with a small bottle of absinthe that he wiggles in front of her face for consideration.

“No,” Veronica responds flatly, and he scrunches up his face before disappearing again.

This time he exits with a standard bottle of champagne, pouring her a cup full of the room-temperature stuff, the liquid sloshing over the sides when he hands it to her.

He sits down next to Veronica on the bed, close enough that their legs and arms are brushing against one another, and takes a long pull from the bottle, sputtering it out onto his shirt when Veronica pinches him hard in his inner thigh.

“You can’t drink until it’s midnight,” she scolds, plucking the bottle out of his hands. “You’ll earn this back after the ball drops.”

To be difficult, she sips on her champagne after her proclamation, Logan pouting at the unfairness while he rubs the sting away.

There’s no tv in Logan’s room anymore (she knows there used to be because the summer before Lilly started high school the four of them holed up with Logan and watched endless random movies, while Logan was mostly delirious with fever, curled up on his side with his head and upper chest in Duncan’s lap, his legs sprawled across Lilly and Veronica), but they can hear the tipsy voices downstairs counting down from ten, nine, eight...and then it’s midnight and all of the faint, distant voices cheer and whoop.

Veronica and Logan sit in stillness, watching the clock roll from midnight to a minute past.

“I want you to leave now,” Logan says.

Veronica obliges.

#i have upset my damn self #vm fanfic #logan and veronica #fic*#imkait #~

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theserenetheories · 3 years ago

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Scars to your Beautiful

As I stands straight looking my stunning reflection in the mirror. I was amazed how the dress could possibly fit in my body. I never thought that someday, I will be wearing this dazzling dress. And this is the day, my "not just a special day" but indeed a very special day because today is my first appearance to the people after a year. The first time that they will see me different from a fat and ugly girl, and to a now dazzling, alluring, charming and hot lady. I couldn't help but to wipe my tears as it dripped down to my rosy cheeks. I remember the sacrifices I had done. All the insults I ate from the people around me. I remember everything, the reason why I pushed myself to become a better version.

It was sunny morning and I was rushing to the bus stop because i'm already late. I didn't heared my alarm clock rings earlier. I was walking so fast and almost run when I bumped into someone. The man cursed and looked to my eyes, I can see how angry he was but it he became calm when I told him that im sorry and I was on a hurry. The tall guy just smile so I already waved my hands and bid a goodbye. As I steped on the campus all the people are looking intently at me. Everyone's keep on smiling and greeted on me I was touched on how people gives me a very welcoming smile which i did not experienced for the past 2 years in studying in that school . I paused for a minute when I remember the guy who I bumped that morning. I shake my head and roam my eyes at the campus. "Its been a while" I murmured. I went back to my senses when I heard some girls yelling and I also turned my head where the girls looking at, as I noticed that everyone is looking at the luxurious car as it entered the campus gate. All the people are whispering as the owner steps out of his car. No other than the ultimate heartrob on their campus. I gazes him as I remember the scenario earlier at the bus stop "He looks matured now but still handsome. i dont think he recognized me" I stated in the back of my mind looking at the man who's behind of my transformation. The man who broke my heart into a pieces, Nicolas De Vega.

The class is about to start. I find it weird when everyone looks at me intently it is like asking me who am I but I ignored my thoughts. When the professor entered the room they all stand up and greeted the prof politely. "Sorry sir, im late" Nicolas said while he still chasing his breath. "Where have you been De Vega? It's first day of school yet you are late." The professor state in a calm way "Im sorry sir, Coach Veron called me at the head quarters. He just discussed some varsity matters sir." Nicolas replied. "Is that so? You may sit beside her" As the professor pointed on me Nicolas eyes widened when she saw me. Did he remembers me? Nicolas was smiling from ear to ear as he walks toward his seat. "So let us start I know some of the students here. Im familiar with the most of them but there is also new faces in this class. Can you guys introduce your self here in front. Lets start with you miss?" And he pointed to me, but was nervous because this section I belongs is my section where I really belongs for the past school years. I knew that they wouldn't recognized me but Im afraid to introduced myself. Im afraid that I will receiving negative comments again. Just like when I used to, when I gain weighs 180kgs. But i still bravely stood up and walk in front of the classroom. "Hi everyone I am Tally Rodriguez, yes. The one you used to call 'FATGIRL' " Everyone on the room dropped their jaws as they hear those from me. They couldn't imagine that it was actually possible except Nicolas, he's looks cool sitting there and looking at me intently so I paused for a minute. Not becaused I saw the reactions of my classmate but becaused of the reaction of Nicolas caught me. "Why is he not in shock? Did he recognized me at first?" I asked her self. But then I continue "Trying to love yourself while you lose weight seems a bit counterintuitive. After all, you’re working hard to change your body, so that must mean you don’t love it the way it is, right? Wanting to get healthy and accepting the body you have today don’t have to be mutually exclusive. When I entered the campus on my first day here. I lost my self and i lost the respect that i needed. Many people are laughing because of how I look back then. Then I fall inlove with someones who is much better than me. I know that he doesnt care about me he didnt even knew about me. Im losing my self everyday. But then one day I felt that I needed to do something, I must change my life style and love my self more. I experienced many difficulties just to stand again here. But i change my self for me. Because i love my self and im bringing back the pieces again that I lost in the past. Self-acceptance is a condition of grace and appreciation for the great range of body shapes and sizes. We are all different, and who you are

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