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daisynik7 · 2 years ago

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Rush

Chapter 11: Something About Us

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x f!reader

Rating: Explicit

cw: violence, angst

Summary: It might not be the right time. I might not be the right one. But there’s something about us I have to say, ‘cause there’s something between us anyway.

Notes: Thanks so much for all of those who have stuck with this story through the end. Nervous and excited to hear what you all think. Also, I know it’s cheesy, but I did use song lyrics for the summary because I I thought it was fitting. Song is “Something About Us” by Daft Punk.

Previous Chapter | ao3 | Epilogue coming soon

Rush Series Masterlist

Rush Series Taglist

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Bam.

Eren’s knuckles collide with Reiner’s jaw, causing the latter to stumble into Bertolt, who catches him and shoves him back up to his feet. A trickle of blood seeps from the side of his mouth, a split lip forming from the punch. He wipes it with the back of his hand, a cocky smirk forming on his face, challenging. As soon as he advances, Eren pounces first, gripping his collar aggressively as he wrestles him into the ground.

“Don’t fucking talk about her you fucking piece of shit!” he screams, spit flying from his mouth, a blind rage clouding his vision.

“Eren!” Armin cries out, attempting to intervene.

Reiner glares at him with a wild expression, animalistic and violent. Almost snarling as he wraps his hands around Eren’s neck, nails digging into his throat, choking him. There’s a struggle between the two, Reiner getting the advantage momentarily as he rolls over on top. Eren’s fists are clenched around his big brother’s shirt, trying to shove him off him as he fights for breath. Unable to escape, he shoves a knee into Reiner’s groin, resulting in him loosening his death grip and clutching his abdomen in pain.

Eren takes this chance to pin him against the floor again, yelling out repeatedly, “Don’t fucking talk about her! Don’t fucking talk about her!”

A crowd of brothers surround them, yelling and cheering, rowdy from the scuffle occurring in front of them. Armin enlists Jean’s help, launching themselves into the crossfire to try to lift Eren off Reiner. Erwin and Levi break through and manage to drag a disheveled and slightly bloody Reiner away from Eren, who is still fighting to get his hands on him.

Once they are a safe distance away from each other, Erwin’s voice booms out, “What is the meaning of this?”

“Why are you two shits fighting?” Levi asks, glaring at them.

“He started it!” Reiner points at Eren, wiping the remaining blood off his mouth. “He’s fucking crazy!”

“Eren, explain yourself,” Erwin demands.

He remains silent, nostrils flaring as he breathes heavily, staring at Reiner with a ferocity overwhelming his body. With no response, Erwin sighs, frustrated. “Chapter room. Now.”

He picks up Reiner by his armpits until he’s standing on his own, shoving him towards the stairs. Levi approaches Armin, saying, “Come with us. I need you to keep an eye on Eren while we talk to Reiner in private.” Armin nods, agreeing to help.

They follow them to the chapter room, where Erwin and Reiner enter, leaving the rest in the hall. “Wait here,” Levi commands, disappearing into the room, shutting the door.

Eren slouches against the wall, burying his hands into his face, groaning. His head is heavy, the realization of what just occurred weighing him down. He stays like this for several minutes, almost forgetting that Armin is right beside him until he hears him speak, worry laced in his voice.

“Eren, what happened?” he asks, sitting right beside him. “Why did you do that?”

It takes a couple seconds for him to muster up the courage to reply to his friend. “Armin, I fucked up. Majorly fucked up. I’m a fuck up.”

Armin remains silent, listening and waiting.

“I lost it when he started talking about her. I just fucking lost it.”

Hesitant, Armin asks, “Is…is something going on with you two?”

Before he can answer, Reiner exits the room, avoiding their gaze as he quickly walks pass them and down the stairs. Shortly after, Levi appears in the hall, beckoning Eren inside.

“Wait for me downstairs. I will explain everything later. Please, Armin,” he begs, standing up to enter the chapter room.

Armin agrees, leaving Eren with Levi and Erwin to discuss his fate in the fraternity.

Inside, Levi directs Eren in a chair, facing the two seniors, who study him closely. The president is the first to speak. “Tell us why you hit Reiner.”

There’s a split second where he considers lying. Make up some bullshit excuse about how they were just messing around and it ended up going a little too far, leaving out any mention of the real reason. Continue being a coward and hide from the truth to protect whatever dwindling integrity he thinks he still has. However, he remembers the vow he made to himself just a few hours ago. No more lies, no more manipulation. It’s time that he’s honest. With her, with his friends. Most crucially, himself. He’s digging his way out of this ditch he recklessly buried himself in.

He takes a deep breath, trembling with residual adrenaline from the fight earlier. “He was talking shit about Sigma Nu Kappa. He’s always saying something disrespectful about them. Tonight, I got fed up and hit him.”

“What kind of disrespectful comments does he say?”

“Calls them losers. Ugly. He’ll insult them any chance he gets.”

“Has he been saying these things for a while now?”

“Yeah. Ever since the beginning of the semester. When we first partnered with them.”

Levi leans forward. “So why did you hit him tonight? What did he say that triggered you to react the way you did?”

He swallows hard. “He called my friend an ugly bitch. That’s when I really got upset.”

“Mikasa?”

“No,” Eren answers, then states her name.

This seems to surprise them. Levi sits back against his seat, seeming intrigued; Erwin’s brows relax as he states, “She’s the one you nominated for sweetheart.”

Eren nods. Levi, unable to help himself, blurts out, “She was Mike’s date to formal, right?”

He confirms this with another nod, the mention of formal causing him to tense up a bit. The night when everything came crashing down.

“What exactly did Reiner say about her?”

“Called her an ugly bitch,” he replies, feeling his skin tingle with anger again, recalling the conversation in his head.

“What would provoke him to call her that?” At this point, it sounds like Erwin and Levi are posing questions based on their own curiosity, rather than to investigate the incident. Either way, Eren continues to be completely candid, the truth flowing out of him naturally. In an odd way, it feels cathartic.

“He saw us kissing at formal,” he replies. “After I nominated her tonight, I guess he decided to confront me about it. This whole semester, he’s been telling me not to get with a Sigma Nu Kappa. Like it would be some disgrace or whatever. He’s a fucking asshole.”

“Wait, hold on. You kissed her?”

“Yes. We’ve been together for the past few months, hooking up in secret. Nobody knew.”

They pause on the interrogation for a minute, quietly absorbing all this information. Finally, Levi clears his throat, summarizing, “So, Reiner confronted you tonight about your secret relationship with the Sigma Nu Kappa, said some awful things about her because he’s a grade A asshole, and his disgusting comments provoked you to hit him. Is this accurate?”

Again, he nods. “I couldn’t stand around and let him talk about her like that. I care about her.” Admitting it out loud doesn’t scare him nearly as much as he thought it would. In fact, it doesn’t scare him at all.

Erwin says, “No matter how justified you think you were in doing that, violence is against our rules.”

Fearing what’s about to happen next, Eren murmurs, “Yeah, I get it.”

“It’s strictly against Alpha Tau’s code of conduct to strike another brother in anger. We do not condone violent behavior against one another, or anyone for that matter. We have no choice; we have to expel you from the organization.” In a more sympathetic tone, Erwin adds, “I’m sorry, Eren.”

His heart sinks. Another consequence of his rash decisions. He has to accept it. “What about Reiner?”

“We are investigating this further. Between you and me, he claims your violence against him was totally unprovoked and out of nowhere. Off the record, we don’t buy that. To be honest, he’s been on our radar for a while now. We’ve received several complaints from other brothers about his disrespectful behavior. Once we gather enough evidence against him, he too will be kicked out.”

Levi adds, “I know it seems unfair, Eren. I understand standing up for someone you care about. But rules are rules. Since we were just in deep shit with the Student Affairs Committee, this is the only way to deal with this without causing another big stink.”

“Yeah, I understand.” I fucked up, I deserve this.

“Off the record, why did you take that Delta Mu Pieck to formal instead of her?” Erwin shoots Levi a glare, which he responds with a roll of his eyes. “What? I said off the record.”

“Because I’m an asshole,” he replies. He could easily blame Reiner for influencing him the past few months. At the end of the day, Eren is the true culprit behind every one of his fucked-up decisions. It’s time that he finally takes accountability for it.

Levi lets out a small, disapproving hum, crossing his arms over his chest.

Eren adds, “If it’s any consolation, she ended it with me that same night. Not because I took Pieck, but because she had enough of my bullshit.”

Levi clicks his tongue. “Sounds like you deserved it.” There’s a hint of sympathy in voice when he suggests, “It’s never too late to apologize and make amends.”

“I’m afraid it is. For me, at least,” he comments, staring down at the hardwood floor.

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to try.” He clears his throat nervously, giving his last piece of advice to his now ex-brother. Erwin has a small smirk on his face, amused by Levi’s slight change in demeanor. “Anyways, come back later this week to drop off your pin and any letters you have. Sorry it has to be this way.”

Eren shrugs, saddened by the outcome, though not completely devastated. Definitely not in the same emotional state he’s been in the rest of the week. If someone had told him this a few months ago, even just last week before he got dumped, he probably would have thought this is the worst feeling ever. Now, there’s nothing worse than the dread in his heart, not knowing how to mend his relationship with her. Or the emptiness he feels in the midst of her absence.

He stands up and approaches the two seniors, placing an inverted fist over his chest. It’s their official fraternity salute. A final goodbye. They mimic him respectfully, Erwin adding, “Good luck, Eren.”

He slowly walks down the hallway out of the chapter room, taking it all in one last time. His fraternity career was short-lived, and he wasn’t the most outstanding Alpha Tau brother to ever exist. Still, he tries to savor it, knowing he’ll never experience it again.

If only he understood this feeling with her sooner. He would have never let her go.

Back downstairs, Eren finds Armin lounging on the couch in between Connie and Jean. When they see him, they all hop off and bombard him with comments, buzzing with excitement.

“Eren! Are you in trouble?”

“That was insane, man. You clocked that fucking bastard.”

“Reiner stormed out of here fucking pissed. It was glorious.”

Armin shushes the other two and repeats, “Are you in trouble? What did they say?”

Eren focuses his gaze at his feet, hands in his pockets. “They kicked me out.”

Connie and Jean groan as Armin’s eyes go round, almost in tears. “Oh, Eren.”

“Shit, dude. That’s fucked up,” Connie mutters, patting him on the back.

Eren shrugs. “I deserve it. Sorry guys.”

Jean surprisingly pats him on the back too. “Don’t apologize, man. I’m sure you had a valid reason for socking that asshole.”

To avoid the others from starting their own interrogation, Armin whispers, “Eren, let’s go get food at the dining hall before we head back to our room.”

Eren gets the hint and obliges, wanting to continue their conversation from earlier, privately. They bid farewell to Connie and Jean, then leave the house to head towards the cafeteria. He notices Armin send a quick text on his phone. “Mikasa is going to meet with us now, she’s just changing real quick.”

He nods, beyond thankful and appreciative to have his real friends there for him. All semester, he took them for granted, just as he did with her. What was he thinking these past few months?

Inside the dining hall, Armin sets a plate of fries for them to share as they wait for Mikasa to arrive. When she does, there’s a concerned look on her face as she rushes over to their table. “Is it true?”

“Yeah, it’s true. I’m no longer in Alpha Tau.”

“What?! Why?”

“I punched Reiner.”

“You what?”

He repeats himself, almost amused at Mikasa’s extreme reactions.

“Why? Why did you punch him?”

“I will explain everything. I need to preface this by saying this is my fault. None of the blame should fall on her.”

“Huh? Who are you talking about?”

Eren says her name. Armin doesn’t react, already somewhat aware of the situation from their brief conversation earlier. On the other hand, Mikasa’s face contorts into something between confusion and shock. She repeats her name. “My roommate? My sorority sister? What does this have to do with her?”

“We’ve been hooking up in secret for the past few months, ever since the first exchange. But I fucked up. I really fucked up.”

Before Mikasa goes haywire, Armin interjects calmly, “Start from the beginning, Eren.”

And so he does. Eren recalls the night of the exchange. His asshole behavior towards her initially, which he displayed in front of all their peers during that dumb Truth or Dare game. He leaves out the dirty details for the sanctity of his friends. In his own mind, he vividly remembers how the night ended, relishing the wanton moans escaping her luscious lips with every pump of his fingers. The sloppy and inexperienced blowjob she gave him to finish him off. The way he tried to initiate his fuck boy status by mentioning it would be a one-time thing, that he didn’t find her interesting enough to keep it going. It was the beginning of this beautiful disaster.

Armin and Mikasa interrupt him only to clarify a few details. For the most part, over the next half hour or so, they listen with intrigue as he goes through each of his disappointing choices. Shamefully confessing his depraved corruption kink to take her virginity. Intimidating her into keeping their budding relationship a secret. Denying her of any friendship outside of the bedroom. Refusing to even acknowledge her existence. Manipulating her into thinking the two of them would eventually evolve into something real, knowing all too well that he was too much of a coward to commit.

He relives their first time together. Grabbing her by the wrist at that party. Unconcerned about any prying eyes surrounding them, only focused on having her for himself. He’ll never regret being with her. He only wishes he made it more special. Something out of a romance instead of a dirty porno flick.

The day of the Sigma Nu Kappa’s bake sale, he tried his best to move on from her. Convinced he had his fill after their night of lust. He couldn’t get enough. He wanted her, and she wanted him. They started their little arrangement, their secret love affair. It was supposed to be no strings attached. They were using each other to fulfill their sexual desires, that was it. There’s no denying it evolved into something else.

He never meant for it to go this far. This is exactly what he feared. Every chance he could, he kept her at a distance. It seemed like no matter what he did though, they always found their way back to each other. He started to imagine how easy it would be to be together like a normal couple. Even fantasized about it, dreaming about spending their days hanging out with their friends, carefree and happy. He could never bring himself to make the right decisions to go this route. In typical Eren Jaeger fashion, he let his ego and cowardice lead him to destruction. And just as he was ready to turn it all around, it was too late. She walked out of his life for good.

He was so afraid of falling in love. Afraid of being vulnerable and letting her into his life. He was so scared to take that leap of faith, that he deprived himself of any chance at it, thinking he was protecting himself from getting hurt. Ironically, he’s hurt anyways, knowing what they could have been and how he ruined it.

All he wants is for them not to be two worlds apart, as ex-lovers so often end up. He wants to exist in her universe as much as she’ll allow him to. Whether it’s as an acquaintance, or better yet, as a friend. Anything is better than being a ghost of her past that haunts her.

It would be unfair to ask her to forgive and forget. Rather, he wants to be forgiven and he wants to atone. He may never be able to make up for the pain he caused her; he’ll spend whatever time she’ll give him trying to.

They can’t go back and change the past. Maybe now, they can rewrite their story with an alternate ending. One where they’re both happy, whether they’re together or apart. All he wants is for her to be happy. He wants that more than anything. And if that means living in her life as a background character, so be it. She deserves a fairytale ending that sparks a love so pure and real. One they almost ignited themselves.

His friends listen to him as he laments on his dilemma. Armin, who sits next to him, consoles him by rubbing his back soothingly. Across the table, Mikasa observes him with her arms over her chest, processing all of the information he’s shared. Her expression remains neutral, which unsettles Eren just as much as her angry look does.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this,” he says, seeking advice.

“Have you tried apologizing to her?” Armin suggests.

“I tried to talk to her the morning after, but I couldn’t. And she blocked my number, so I can’t get a hold of her any other way.”

Mikasa leans forward on the table. “Do you think you would have been able to tell her what you just told us if you did get the chance to talk to her that morning?”

Eren ponders this for several seconds. Sure, he was desperate to talk to her after what transpired, but his mind was a jumbled mess. He’s not even sure what he would have said to her. It might have made things worse. Now, with an entire week to contemplate, he feels like he has more clarity than he ever has. He’s no longer afraid to speak the truth, to be vulnerable. He wants to tell her everything. No more holding back.

“I don’t think so,” he answers. “But I think I can now. I’m not expecting her to take me back or even forgive me. I just don’t want it to end this way, with her thinking I don’t care about her. I don’t want her to move on with her life thinking that what we had meant nothing.”

She stares at him silently, deliberating. Sighing, she finally says, “Okay.”

Confused, Eren breathes out, “What?”

“I’ll help you.”

His mouth hangs open, surprised at her proposition.

She explains, “I’ll admit, I’m pretty pissed about this whole situation. I can’t believe you would do this, Eren. Even with her, I’m shocked. She didn’t say anything to me, even before you agreed to keep it all a secret. Maybe she was scared with how I would react…” She trails off, getting momentarily lost in her thoughts.

Armin chimes in, “We all have our reasons for keeping secrets.”

“I just wish either of you would have told me or Armin. We could have salvaged whatever fucked up situation you got yourselves into. Instead of going to us, you chose to listen to that idiot Reiner. What were you thinking?”

He shakes his head. “I wasn’t, obviously.”

“I’m disappointed in you. How could you treat someone like that? I’m disappointed in her too for allowing herself to be treated like that. Still, I’m willing to help fix this. Only if you’re genuine about wanting to.”

“I am. I promise you I am. I’ve made a lot of empty promises with her, but this time, I truly mean it,” Eren urges.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

He gulps nervously. “Seriously? Right now? You’ll help me?”

“Yes. No turning back. If you really want to do this, let’s do it now.”

He thinks for a moment, then responds, “Right. Let’s go.”

They walk out of dining hall to head over to Mikasa’s dorm room. Armin heads in the other direction. Before they part ways, Eren says, “Hey. Thank you. Both of you. I’m sorry. I wish this semester turned out differently.”

Armin gives him a small smile. “We all make mistakes. I’m just glad you’re willing to learn from them.”

With that, Eren follows Mikasa, his heart on his sleeve, ready to face her.

~~~

Eren got kicked out of Alpha Tau.

Mikasa’s words, combined with the grim expression on her face, lingers on your mind as you stare blankly in front of you, stunned.

There’s no logical explanation you can come up with that would lead to this. What could he have possibly done to warrant getting kicked out? It must have been a serious offense. Even with everything that’s occurred between you two, it’s hard to imagine him doing something atrocious enough to be punished like this.

During your short-lived fling, he was never intentionally malicious. His downfall was his overinflated ego and selfishness. You don’t believe it in your heart that he truly wanted to hurt you, not on purpose anyways. It could have been his big ego that blinded him from the destruction left in his path, until it crumbled beneath him. His behavior post break-up, if you can even call it that, caught you off guard. You didn’t expect him to plead with you just to speak with him. The guilt really must be eating away at him.

You snap yourself out of your thoughts and try to focus back onto your laptop. Earlier this week, you made a vow to yourself that you would move on. To do that, you have to stop thinking about him, stop worrying about him. You’ve been able to distract yourself so far by hanging out with your sisters and focusing on your studies. Every so often, there will be small fragments in your daily life where he sneaks back into your mind. With all of it being fresh in your memory, you forgive yourself for it. Over time, you hope to forget about him completely.

You spend the next hour watching Netflix on your computer, subconsciously waiting for Mikasa’s return so you can get the scoop about Eren. When it’s almost 11 o’clock, you get out of bed to clear up some clutter on your desk. You’re facing away when you hear the familiar jingle of keys and the door creak open. Smirking to yourself, excited and nervous to hear the latest update, you keep your back turned, still rummaging through your messy stack of notes.

“This better be good, Mikasa,” you tease, turning to face her. To your surprise, it’s Eren standing before you.

“Hi,” he greets. His hair is down. You don’t remember ever seeing him with his hair like this. It’s a different look for him. He seems vulnerable.

You stand up straight, stepping back defensively. “What are you doing here?”

“Mikasa let me in. She’s just outside,” he explains.

“Mikasa…? Does that mean – ”

“Yeah. She knows. I told her. About everything.”

Your eyes widen. “What?”

“I told her about us.” He bites his lower lip, waiting for a response. It’s not the same intensity in those green eyes you’re so used to seeing. He gazes at you softly, cautiously. Afraid to come off too strong or too aggressive. He leans against the door, aware that he’s in your personal space, not wanting to encroach it any farther.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I need to be honest with everyone. Especially with you.” It looks like he’s about to take a step forward, but doesn’t, standing in place. “I don’t know if you heard already. I got kicked out of Alpha Tau.”

“Mikasa mentioned it before she left. What happened?”

“I punched Reiner,” he answers. You take in a sharp breath, trying to reel in the large gasp you almost let out. He punched Reiner?!

He continues, staring down at the ground. “He saw us kissing at formal and confronted me about it. Said some awful things about you. So, I hit him.”

It takes you a few seconds to process all of what he says. “Reiner…?”

“Trust me, he deserved it. I should have done that a long time ago.”

“Still, why would you hit him?”

He lifts his head up to look directly at you. “Because I care about you. And I wasn’t going to let him get away with saying all that stupid shit. Not anymore.”

“You��care about me?”

“Yeah, I do,” he confesses. “I care about you a lot.”

There’s a brief moment of silence as you relax in front of him, the tension lessening in the small space between you two. A tiny part of you wants to close the distance; you resist the urge.

“What about Alpha Tau?” you ask. “You must be pretty upset about that.”

“I don’t care. All I care about is that you and me okay.”

You stay silent, unsure how to respond.

He fills the silence by starting, “I’m sorry. Sorry for hurting you, for making you feel ashamed and worthless. No person should ever make you feel like that. I’m so sorry it was me.”

He keeps his gaze on you. “I’ve been an asshole to you. I know that. I led you on, I toyed with your emotions. I was selfish and immature. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. Still, there’s no excuse.”

You swallow hard, taken aback by his apology. You’ve gotten used to him saying whatever he can to get his way. This time, however, it sounds sincere. Especially with the way he looks at you.

“I have plenty of regrets about what I did to you. But I don’t regret being with you. Not for one second. And I know my word means nothing. I know I’ve lost your trust completely. I’ve made too many empty promises. But if there’s one that you can believe, let it be this one. I won’t put you through that again. I swear on my life.”

He hesitates, taking a small step forward. “If it never works out between us, that’s okay. I’ll have to live with that. But I just want you in my life. As an acquaintance. Maybe one day, as a friend, if you’ll let me. There’s just something about us that I’m not ready to say goodbye to yet.”

You let his words sink in, your heart pounding through your chest you’re convinced he can hear it, “Eren, I don’t know.”

“I don’t expect you to forgive me yet. And I’m not asking you to take me back. I just want a do-over or something.”

“A do-over?”

“Yeah. Meet me for who I really am, and not whoever that asshole was throughout this whole semester. I’m leaving that fucking prick behind and never looking back. It’s really me now.”

“We can’t just forget and move on like nothing happened,” you tell him. If only life was this simple.

“I know we can’t. I’m not asking you to forget. You can hold it against me for as long as you want. All I’m asking for is a chance to redeem myself. I don’t know what exactly I have to do yet to earn back your trust. But I think starting from the beginning is a small step, right?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“So, let’s do it properly.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, perplexed by his statement. “What do you mean?”

He holds out his hand to you. “Hi. I’m Eren Jaeger. I’m a sophomore studying pre-law. I’m from Shiganshina District, born and raised. I like the ocean, Jaeger-bombs of course, and listening to rain pitter patter against the window.”

You take his hand in yours, reciting your own introduction back to him in a similar format. He smiles at you, eyes lighting up as you hold onto each other for a few seconds longer than necessary. Cherishing the feeling of his skin on yours, gazing at each other affectionately. It feels like the first time you’re actually seeing each other.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” he says, still smiling.

“You too.”

He loosens his grip but doesn’t pull away, letting you be the one to drop his hand. Rubbing the back of his neck nervously, he chuckles, “I should probably go before Mikasa starts scolding me again.”

“Yikes. I guess I should prepare myself, right?” you joke, grinning at him. It feels natural. Relaxed.

“Yeah, I’m sure she has a lot to say to you.” His eyes twinkle at you. “Thank you. I’ll see you around, okay?”

You nod at him as he gives you a small wave, turning the handle to leave. You hear him whisper something to Mikasa, who walks into the room, shutting the door. She stares at you with a curious expression. You’re nervous she’s about to kick your ass for lying to her for the past few months. Instead, she asks, “Are you okay?”

You let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

“I’m not going to yell at you. Not tonight, at least.”

You don’t respond, guilty about deceiving your roommate and closest friend.

“But I’m proud of you,” she says. “Even though you kept this from me the entire time, I’m proud of the way you handled it. Really proud.”

She steps forward, holding her arms out in an embrace. You let yourself be enveloped in her warmth, feeling as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. No more sneaking around, no more lies, everything out in the open. As it should be.

Instead of dwelling on the past, you’ll move forward, stronger and smarter than you were before. You’ll always remember the excitement of being with him. The passion, the heat. The rush. The little moments where you felt that spark. It’s the exhilaration from these memories that you’ll store away fondly in your heart. And while the painful memories may linger in your mind indefinitely, you won’t use it as a weapon against him. It’ll be a reminder of how you were able to learn from your mistakes. A valuable lesson in self-worth.

You’re unsure what the future holds for you and Eren. No matter how far out of his orbit you are, somehow you still find yourself gravitating towards him. This time, it’ll be different. You’re not the same naïve girl you were at the start of the semester. All your decisions will be on your own terms, not somebody else’s. It’s possible that one day, you’ll learn to like each other as friends. There’s so much you don’t know about him, and there’s plenty he doesn’t know about you. You both deserve a love that goes beyond the surface, one where it feels like your souls are at home with each other. Comfortable, safe, everlasting. Maybe eventually, you can find that type of love with each other. Or maybe it’s truly not meant to be. For now, you’ll let your story play out how the universe writes it, one chapter at a time.

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Rush

Chapter 8: Do I Wanna Know?

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x f!reader

Rating: Explicit

cw: cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, spitting, daddy kink, vaginal sex (mating press), heavy on the angst this chapter

Summary: After the events of Halloween, you finally start questioning your relationship with Eren. Meanwhile, he attempts to do some damage control to keep both you and his reputation in check, ultimately resulting in more damage.

Notes: Song is "Do I Wanna Know" by the Arctic Monkeys

Previous Chapter | ao3 | Next Chapter coming soon

Rush Series Masterlist

Rush Series Taglist

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The Sunday night after Halloween, Alpha Tau gathers upstairs in the fraternity house for their weekly chapter meeting. Tonight, Levi makes a particularly interesting announcement.

“In about two weeks, Alpha Tau will be hosting its annual fall formal. For you pledges that aren’t familiar with this yet, formal is a special event that happens each semester. It’s essentially a dance. There will be a DJ, dancefloor, photo booth. In addition, dinner will be provided. Luckily, because of our clean record so far this semester, thanks to our partnership with Sigma Nu Kappa, the Student Affairs Committee has approved us having an overnight formal. Meaning we will be renting out a hotel for the night.”

Most of the seniors cheer loudly at the last part, especially Mike. Eren clenches his fist, the memory of the other night still fresh in his mind. He can’t stand the guy, especially knowing he had his fingers in that beautiful body he’s made claim to. He’s not one to be possessive, but with her, he can’t help it.

Levi continues. “The cost of formal is already included in your membership fees, so I highly encourage every brother to attend. Also, each of you is allowed one guest. This can be anyone: a friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, whoever. If you plan to bring a date, make sure you get their signature on the sign-up form. I’ll be handing these out at the end of chapter. Please get these to me by next Sunday.”

Reiner turns around to face Eren. “Got a girl in mind you want to ask?”

He shrugs. “Not really.”

It’s a bold face lie. As soon as Levi mentioned a guest, he immediately thought of her. Her all glammed up in a gorgeous dress, them grinding against each other on the dancefloor, making love in their hotel room when the night is over.

He allows himself to fantasize about it for a minute before coming back to reality.

As much as he’d like to ask her to be his date, he can’t. As easy as it would be to just be with her, he won’t. He justifies it to “not being ready”. Asking her to be his date is another level of commitment that he’s not willing to step into yet. He needs time. This is what he’s convinced himself of.

The more time he spends with her, he finds himself forgetting why this relationship has to be so goddamn difficult. It’s on him; he knows that. His reasons are selfish and immature. Not being ready for commitment. Caring too much about his reputation, which isn’t all that great anyways. It’s all bullshit excuses at the end of the day.

Eren doesn’t want to fall in love. He’s afraid. Afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of getting hurt. Being in love complicates everything. He enjoys being free, unshackled, able to do what he pleases. Responsible only for himself and nobody else. Allowed to fuck up as many times as he can without repercussions. Because he will fuck up. He’s young, dumb, and selfish. Why burden anyone with his flaws?

But when he’s with her, he’s happy. In a way, he still feels free. Weightless, liberated, unbound. As if a whole new world has been opened up to him, as cliché as that sounds. She makes him feel worthy, makes him feel loved.

And that’s what scares him the most.

It’s not love. How can it be? Aside from the amazing sex, what do they really know about each other? Eren has done his best to avoid revealing anything about himself. She’s kept a similar guard, probably just as afraid as he is.

It’s lust. That’s all it is. That’s what he keeps telling himself.

He wishes he had met her in a different time in his life. Maybe after he’s gotten all this dumb, frat boy energy out of his system. It would be easier for them. It would be different. Better.

He knows what he needs to do eventually. He has to end it with her before it gets too serious. Their time together on Halloween night felt different. He exposed himself, revealed a little too much of his feelings.

She’ll never leave him; he’ll string her along until the time is right. He’ll continue to drag this out as much as he possibly can. Continue telling her what she wants to hear, getting away with his sins until he decides it’s time to move on.

He’s got it all under his control.

“You should bring that girl Pieck,” Reiner suggests, snapping Eren out of his thoughts. “Bertolt is thinking about asking another Delta Mu also.”

Eren shrugs again, unsure how else to respond. His big brother turns back around to face the front as Erwin makes his closing statements, ending chapter.

On the way out of the meeting, Armin nudges him. “Who are you really thinking of taking to formal?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just because Reiner is telling you who to bring, doesn’t mean you have to take them. Isn’t there anyone else you’d like to ask?”

He doesn’t answer right away, tempted to be honest with his best friend. However, Eren is still a coward that won’t admit to anything that shows off a sign of weakness.

“I think I will ask Pieck. I hung out with her on Halloween. She’s cool.” Wanting to take the focus off him, he asks, “Who are you going to take?”

“I’m going to ask Annie,” Armin states confidently.

“Annie? Really?”

“Yes, I like her. We have fun together,” he explains, smiling.

Eren can’t help being envious at how easy it is for Armin to confess his feelings. Again, he questions himself why he’s making his own relationship more difficult than it needs to be.

On their way to their dormitory, Eren gets a text message:

Mikasa is sleeping over at Jean’s tonight.

Without a second thought, Eren lies to his roommate. “I’m going to the library for a couple of hours. I forgot I have a paper due in a few days for Pyxis.”

“Oh, okay. Good luck. I’ll see you later.”

Eren turns to the direction of the library until he’s out of Armin’s line of sight. A few minutes later, he’s outside another familiar dorm building. There’s a mixture of excitement and anxiety as he waits for her to come down. They haven’t talked since that night. He abandoned her when they were caught by Hitch and Annie. In that moment, he panicked. Instead of explaining himself like any normal, mature person would, he fled the scene, hoping she would be able to fix whatever mess they created.

She’s in sweats when she opens the door, motioning him to come in. Even in this outfit, his heart flutters at the sight of her.

“Hey,” he greets her, a small grin on his lips.

“Hi.” She returns his smile with her own. Warm and bright as ever.

It would be so easy. So easy to be together, Eren repeats in his head, as he follows her upstairs.

~~~

Up in your room, as soon as the door is closed, he steps towards you with both hands on your cheeks, kissing you passionately. Your lips smack together, tongues sliding in and around each other’s mouths, hands pressed against his chest. You kiss like this for a minute, your pulse beating fast under your skin.

He breaks away, foreheads touching, noses nuzzling. “Hi,” he whispers.

You smile. “Hi.”

You get onto the bed and lie besides each other, his arms wrapped around your body. “How are you?” He gives you a smooch on your forehead.

“I’m fine. Chapter meeting was quick. How about you?”

“Same. Uneventful, as always.” He squeezes you tighter in his embrace. “I’m sorry about Friday night. For running off.”

You’ve had nearly two days to digest all that happened that night and how it plays into your current situation. The rollercoaster of emotions, beginning with denial, peaking at anger, and halting at shame, is causing you to spiral. You spent hours Saturday morning, lying in bed, refusing to accept that Annie is absolutely correct: you do deserve better. You are better than this. And when the realization finally hits you like a bag of bricks, the rest of your Saturday is wasted pacing around campus, letting off steam caused by this newfound contempt for Eren Jaeger. The blatant disrespect from him that you so fervently overlooked is impossible to deny any longer.

This leads you into Sunday, when the guilt of how you failed yourself starts to consume you. The burden of realizing that you got yourself into this mess weighs heavy on your chest; the burden to escape it weighs even heavier.

Yet, you lie here with him on Sunday night, wishing for a sign of redemption. Anything to prove that all this was worth it. That it still is worth it. Holding out hope for some type of forlorn act of love.

He clears his throat. “I freaked out when I saw them. I didn’t know what to do, so I just ran. I’m sorry.”

You stay silent, waiting for any additional explanation, maybe a more valid reason for ditching you. Nothing else comes out of it. Eventually, he clears his throat again, obviously uncomfortable, asking, “So, what did you end of telling them?”

You choose to leave out the details of what Annie said. It’s not the right time. You don’t want to confess to him that it’s been eating away at you for the past two days. Not yet. “I told them that we’re hooking up.”

“Did they have anything to say to that?”

“Not really. They were just surprised.”

He chuckles. “Annie isn’t necessarily the biggest fan of me, so I’m sure she’s secretly upset about it.”

She did not keep it a secret at all, you think to yourself, remembering her disgust very clearly.

“They’re not going to tell anybody, are they?”

“No. They’re my friends. They’re not going to say anything.”

“Good.” His relief doesn’t bring you comfort. Rather, it causes you more stress. He’s so desperate to keep you a secret, and for what? To save face? Protect a reputation that barely exists in the first place?

“Would it be so bad? If people know? What’s the big deal?” You’re already preparing yourself for a disappointing answer.

Before he replies, he reaches his fingers down to your chin to tilt your head up. “I want to be with you, okay? I just need time.”

“Time?”

“Yeah, to get used to this. I’m not really a relationship or commitment person. This is all new to me. Just give me time. I promise you. It’ll all be alright.” His eyes look earnest. Honest. Sweet.

The trouble with Eren Jaeger is that he is a master at his craft. Manipulating a situation to go his way is a skill that no one can compete with him in. And it’s taken you several weeks to recognize how easily you fall for it.

You leave it at that, tired of hearing excuses, exhausted of empty promises. You start kissing him, palming his cock until it’s hard beneath his pants. This is how it always ends up with you two. This is the only thing you’re good for.

A few minutes later, you’re both naked, you on your back, thighs spread open as he eats you out, pumping his fingers inside you. You’re the same obedient girl that gave your virginity to him. Allowed him to defile you, to ruin you. It’s what you wanted, what you fantasized about. And now you are dealing with the consequences. Picking up the pieces that you willingly let him destroy.

“Fuck, you’re such a good girl. Such a good girl for daddy,” he hums, flicking is tongue over your clit, middle and ring finger working overtime in and out of your cunt.

You allow the ecstasy to smother you, because the only way to feel good with Eren is like this. He doesn’t have to know that your mind is filled with doubts, regret, insecurity. And, as he sends you into your first orgasm of the night, you temporarily forget about all the imperfections in this shady relationship. You let the lust and pleasure justify why you’re still here in bed with him.

When you come all over his fingers, he doesn’t stop. He keeps going until his digits are wet, shiny, and sticky with your slick. He sucks on your clit until it’s swollen and sensitive. Until you’re whimpering with tears rolling down the sides of your face. Until he’s had your fill of you, and you’ve given him all that you can offer.

Without warning, he pulls his fingers out of you and slides his hard cock up and down your arousal, spreading your cum over your clit. You hear the click of the lube bottle, the soft squelch of oil being rubbed on his shaft, the gravely moan resounding from his throat.

“Are you ready, baby?”

“Yes,” you breath out.

He kneels in front of you, positioned between your legs. His cock glides into your sleek pussy easily, eliciting a low moan from his mouth as he bottoms out. He thrusts into you slowly, spreading your thighs out wider for a better angle. He watches you swallow his entire length, a satisfied smile forming at his lips, as he continues to penetrate your sloppy cunt.

“Fuck, baby. Look at you. You’re beautiful.” His eyes drift up to meet your gaze. You try to suppress the flutter in your belly, reminding yourself that he only says this when you’re beneath him, surrounding his cock. Giving him what he wants.

“Take this cock, take this fucking cock. Good girl, good fucking girl,” he growls, sliding his hands under your thighs and pushing your knees closer to your chest. He has you in a fucking mating press, pounding your G-spot ruthlessly, determined to milk you dry.

“Fuck!” you cry out, fists clenching the sheets, eyes shut tight as he drills you into the bed, completely lost in the heat of passion. You hear him spit twice, his saliva trickling onto your puffy clit. Suddenly, his fingers are on you, stimulating your messy bud smeared in his drool. The sensation overtakes you. Soon, you’re coming once more all over his cock, pussy throbbing around him.

“I want to fill you up, baby. Fill you up with my fucking load,” he moans. Both his hands are holding onto your legs, pushing them towards your shoulders into a goddamn yoga pose. Your cunt is so wet, you’re worried he’ll slip out any second.

He orgasms inside you, groaning as he comes down from his high. “Fuck, baby. Wish I could take a picture of this.” He pulls out to marvel at your drenched pussy, biting his lower lip.

Turning your head to the side, you stare blankly at the wall of your bedroom, brought back to reality. Nothing has changed. He’s still the same Eren. Your body feels good, spent and satiated, as it usually does when he’s finished with you. Your mind, however, is focused on all the problems that remain.

He chuckles, crawling next to you, asking, “You okay?” Completely unaware of the turmoil taking over your mind.

You nod, staying silent as you sit up, ready to make your usual post-coital trip to the bathroom. His hand grips at your wrist. “Hey. Baby. Seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just have to pee,” you tell him. Not yet. It’s still not the right time.

“Okay,” he relents, loosening his hold on you.

You slide into your pajamas, avoiding his gaze. From the corner of your eye, you see him looking at you with a worried expression. Does he actually care?

As you exit your bedroom, anxiety creeps into your chest. It feels like the calm before the storm.

Sometime soon, you’re going to crack. The burden of it all is going to break you, cause you to snap. Unleash the hell that’s burning in your fragile soul.

Not tonight, not in this moment. But soon.

You’ll finally be free.

~~~

The days pass and Eren’s timeline for turning his sign-up form is dwindling. He’s been debating with himself all week about how he should proceed with this.

Thursday night, the brothers of Alpha Tau eat dinner together in the dining room. Those that live in the house are prepared food everyday by their house chef. Pledges are allowed two meals a week, free of charge, as long as an active brother signs them up as their guest. Tonight, Reiner invites him to eat with them.

“Have you asked Pieck to formal yet?” Reiner shoves a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth, waiting for a response.

“I haven’t,” he replies, taking a bite out of the meatloaf on his plate. He knew this was going to come up eventually.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” In a hushed voice, he leans in closer and urges, “Just don’t take a Sigma Nu Kappa. Anyone but them. A lot of brothers are already taking them. We need to add some hot girls in there or else we’ll be the laughingstock to the rest of the frats.”

It’s a ridiculous statement. Truly. Reiner is an idiot. Apparently so is Eren for going along with everything he commands.

“I don’t even know how to get a hold of her. I only met her at the Halloween party.”

“Ask Bertolt to help you out. He’s taking another Delta Mu sister. She can let Pieck know you’re interested.”

Eren has been procrastinating doing this on purpose. Once he asks Pieck to the dance, he has no other choice but to break the news to her. He’s nervous for how she’ll react; she’ll probably come up with some smartass comment to make him feel guilty. She never stays mad at him, though. Never. He has her wrapped around his finger, and he shamelessly takes advantage of that.

“Fine. I’ll ask Bertolt to help me set it up.”

Reiner pats his back. “Don’t forget to sign up for a room with a single bed. I’m sure you’ll be using it.” He gives you a cocky smirk, going back to scarf down his meal.

Eren hangs out on the couch after dinner, digesting. He checks his phone frequently, waiting for any type of text inviting him over. He hasn’t talked to her since Monday morning, when he whispered a soft “good morning” as he crawled out of bed to get ready for the day. Even though they spent the night together, she didn’t say much. Usually, they chat with each other before drifting off to sleep. She was much quieter on Sunday, only nodding along and providing short responses as he babbled on and on. He attributes it to exhaustion from the amazing sex, Eren finally trying a position he’s been fantasizing about doing with her.

On his way out of the house to retreat to his dorm room for the night, he spots Annie walking out of the Sigma Nu Kappa house. “Jaeger,” she calls out, before he can avert her.

Reluctantly, he turns to face her. “Hey.”

“Come here for a second. I want to talk to you.” Her expression is the typical scowl she wears whenever she sees him. He wonders if she’s typically like this with others or if this frown is specifically reserved for him.

“What do you want?”

She sizes him up, eyes narrowed. “Geez, what’s with the attitude?”

“What do you want?” he repeats, already losing his patience.

She twirls a strand a hair between her fingers. “Armin asked me to formal.”

“Yeah, he told me he was going to ask you.” He still can’t fathom how his best friend, who is a gentle teddy bear, plans to attend a dance with someone as callous and deadpan as Annie. Then again, he hasn’t been spending much time with Armin to discuss this recent development.

“So, when are you going to ask her? I heard the deadline is on Sunday. It’s already Thursday.”

Eren plays dumb, placing his hands in his pockets and shrugging. He doesn’t owe anyone, especially Annie Leonhart, an explanation.

She glares at him, crossing her arms over her chest. “What are you doing? She’s a nice girl. Why are you messing around with her like this?”

The accusation irritates him. Defensively, he responds, “I’m not messing around with her, okay? And I know she’s a nice girl. Why do you think I keep her around?”

Her eyes get narrower, scrutinizing him. “She’s not a plaything, Jaeger. She’s a human being.”

“Yeah, I’m aware of that.”

“Do you even know how she feels about you?”

There’s a growing guilt building in his chest as he tries to remain unbothered by this hostile confrontation. He keeps silent, unsure how to react. Truth be told, he doesn’t want to know. Knowing will only make it more difficult for him to let go. To move on.

She scoffs. “You’re pathetic.”

“And you’re nosy,” he spits out. “What the hell did you tell her anyways? She’s been really distant lately. Hasn’t been talking to me much.”

A small smirk forms on her face. “I told her the truth. Told her what she needed to hear.”

“What does that mean?”

“If you don’t know, then you really are hopeless.”

Eren rolls his eyes, having had enough of this conversation. This is typical Eren. When he’s put in a tough situation, he walks away. Sometimes runs. He turns away from her, not at all interested in being harassed any further.

Before he moves, she warns, “There are a lot of people who care about her. If you hurt her, you will be reminded every day of how badly you fucked up.”

It sounds like a threat. With Annie, it probably is.

Without facing her, he says, “I care about her too, Annie.” His voice is soft, maybe even a little vulnerable. Admitting it out loud is unusual; he’s surprised to hear his own mouth utter these words.

“Then act like it. I thought you didn’t let other people influence how you think or feel. Remember you told me that? Don’t let Reiner influence your decisions. Believe it or not, I at least have more respect for you than him. Don’t be a disappointment.”

With that, he makes his way back to his dorm room, Annie’s words sticking to his mind no matter how hard he tries to disregard them. She’s right; he knows what he’s doing is wrong.

Don’t be a disappointment.

It’s too late for that.

~~~

Friday night, Sigma Nu Kappa hosts their monthly pizza night. The sisters gather in the kitchen, assembling their personalized pies, handing them over to their chef who bakes them in a portable wood-fired oven. During these special nights, all sisters, whether they live in the house or not, are allowed to participate.

Hange, who always tries to make the smelliest pizza possible, topped with anchovies, olives, onions, and garlic, is regulated in the corner of the room, eating her meal alone with a twisted smile on her face. Petra, Nanabe, and the other seniors talk amongst themselves as they munch on their dinner, discussing upperclassmen topics unrelated to the rest of the sisters.

You eat with Mikasa, Annie, and Sasha on the couch, watching a comedy movie on TV. After some idle gossip, Sasha brings up a topic that catches you off guard.

“Who else is going to Alpha Tau’s formal, besides Mikasa and Hitch?”

“Hey, I haven’t been formally asked by Jean yet. He wants to do it after a nice dinner tomorrow, bless his heart,” Mikasa explains, a sweet smile on her face. “Who’s taking Hitch?”

“Connie!” Sasha answers, proudly. “I set it up. Just call me Cupid.”

“Armin asked me. And I said yes,” Annie mentions in a quiet voice, blushing.

“Armin?! Oooh la la, Annie!” Sasha teases, resulting in a firm punch to her arm.

You notice Annie glancing at you, imploring some sort of comment.

“I didn’t even know Alpha Tau is having a formal,” you say. Eren hasn’t mentioned it all week. In fact, he’s barely contacted you since Monday morning, when he kissed you goodbye before leaving for his morning class. In his defense, you haven’t made any effort to reach out to him either. You can’t help but wonder if he’s planning to ask you eventually. There’s still that glimmer of hope you’re holding out for him, despite how fast it’s dwindling.

Annie glares, clearly upset. However, she doesn’t say anything, still adhering to her vow of silence in regard to your secret.

“Mike is probably going to ask you,” Mikasa mentions, smirking. She found out about your little fling with Mike on Halloween and has been pestering you about it since.

You return her smile. “Maybe.”

In all honesty, you wouldn’t mind going to formal with Mike. After that night, you still consider him a friend. The few times you’ve passed by him this week, he’s acted normally, greeting you with that handsome grin that he wears so confidently. If you weren’t so fucked up in the head by Eren, you could definitely see yourself falling for Mike, the way he deserves. The way both of you deserve.

Instead, here you are. Still wishing more than anything that Eren asks you to this formal. Setting your expectations so high, you can barely see the top. It’s laughable. It’s pathetic.

You spend the rest of the night at the house, watching another movie snuggled next to your sisters as you all share a big bowl of popcorn. Mikasa leaves before you, heading to Jean’s for the night. Instinctually, you reach for your phone, ready to text Eren. Before you can, Annie nudges you.

“Hey. Let’s walk back together. I want to talk to you.”

The two of you leave the house, slowly making your way towards the dorms. You’re concerned about what she wants to tell you, anticipating it has something to do with Eren. “What is it, Annie?”

She sighs, staring down at the ground as you both take your time walking. “I’m just going to say it, okay?”

You nod, eyebrows knit together with worry. Anxious for another truth bomb she’s sure to drop in this moment.

“I don’t think Eren is going to ask you to formal.”

It’s inevitable; your heart falls. The sinking sensation dwelling in the pit of your stomach slows down your steps, as if gravity is pulling you towards the ground. “How do you know?”

“I ran into him last night. I asked him and he didn’t give a straightforward answer.”

“Oh,” is all you can mutter as you process this information.

“Also, I overheard something.” She pauses, debating if she should continue.

“Annie,” you urge her, desperate for the truth.

She gulps loudly, admitting, “I heard he’s taking someone from Delta Mu.”

There’s a cluster of emotions rushing through your head. He’d rather take anyone else besides you, the girl he’s been fucking the past couple of weeks. He was on his goddamn knees just a week ago, begging to have you. Granting whatever wish you desired to nestle himself inside your body, the one you offered him on the fateful night that initiated it all.

You’re as much to blame as he is, falling for his tricks. For that low voice that can lull you into a trance and manipulate you into submission. Those compelling eyes that dazzle you, hiding the true nature of his cold, frigid heart.

While your feelings for him have always been true, there are far too many red flags now to ignore, to make excuses for. Time and time again, you’ve let the waves of pleasure purify the sins of your messy relationship, if only for a short while at a time. Not anymore. This is the final straw.

Now, you want revenge. To hurt him the same way he’s hurt you. Pull the rug out from under him like he’s done to you in the past. Make him feel something. It may sound cruel and petty, but you don’t care. For the first time since it started, you have clarity.

“Are you okay?” Annie asks.

“I don’t know. But I think I’m starting to see things more clearly now.”

She gives you a small smile. “That’s good to hear.”

After dropping her off to her building, you head to your room, alone. Repulsed by the idea of inviting Eren over with this new information swimming around in your head. Coincidentally, your phone rings, flashing his name across the screen.

“Hello?” you answer, attempting to keep your cool.

“Hey,” he greets, his gruff voice taking a different effect on you now. “How are you?”

“I’m okay.” You keep your responses short. Not in the mood for the typical pleasantries of a phone conversation.

You hear a sense of trepidation in his voice, as he says, “So, not sure if you’ve heard already, but there’s this formal coming up for Alpha Tau.”

“Yeah, I heard.”

You hear him clear his throat, nervous. “I’m going to take Pieck. From Delta Mu.”

Gut punch. Annie prepared you for this, but to hear it from his own voice doesn’t soften the blow.

Before you can respond, he continues. “It doesn’t mean anything. Reiner told me to take her, so I am.”

He’s a coward. A fucking coward. Always abiding to what his big brother demands him to do, for no good reason. And you’re a fool for letting it go this far.

“Okay.”

“Are you mad? It’s just formal. It’s not like I’m dating her or anything. I won’t even dance with her if it makes you happy.” The audacity he has to justify it, to make it seem like what he’s doing is no big deal. It takes all your willpower not to scream into the phone.

“If you really want to make me happy, you’d ask me to go with you, instead of some other girl,” you state.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re not supposed to be seen together yet. I’m not ready.” Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

“So, it’s okay to be seen with a Delta Mu, but not with me?” you challenge him, anger seeping through your voice.

“It’s not like that. Just give me some more time, okay? I just need more time.”

Officially fed up, you quickly say, “Yeah, okay. Got it. Have fun at formal.” You hang up, not waiting for a response.

Time. You’re sick of hearing this. He uses it as if it’s the magic word that erases all your problems, an excuse to prolong your suffering. You’re not even sure what he needs time for. Does he need it to get over his own insecurities? To grow up and make adult decisions? To realize he cares about you? Regardless, his time is running out. He didn’t even have the decency to tell you any of this in person. It was all through a fucking phone call.

Eren Jaeger truly is a coward. The biggest coward of them all.

Your limit has been reached. This is your breaking point.

You know what you have to do.

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End Notes: We’re nearing the end, folks! I have three more chapters planned, plus an epilogue. Thank you again for those who have read, commented, liked, and reblogged any or all parts of this so far!

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@roronoazorosbxtchh @f4irycafe @hello-juuliana @sideofthemoonn @imaddicted-b @belovedackerman @alicebleu @bunnyxgirlxo @butterfly-skinnylegend @bettydes8 @invisible-mori @yesv01 @letig0 @av-sos @stevelacyismyhusband @redhalia111 @rheeves @arminsgfloll @ayaahaddadd @kashxyou @midnightdrearyyy @mxddietherat @ilygia777 @6sakusa @nonsensicalblogging @chrollohearttags @erenputurchildreninsideme

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