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daisynik7 · 2 years ago

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Rush

Chapter 11: Something About Us

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x f!reader

Rating: Explicit

cw: violence, angst

Summary: It might not be the right time. I might not be the right one. But there’s something about us I have to say, ‘cause there’s something between us anyway.

Notes: Thanks so much for all of those who have stuck with this story through the end. Nervous and excited to hear what you all think. Also, I know it’s cheesy, but I did use song lyrics for the summary because I I thought it was fitting. Song is “Something About Us” by Daft Punk.

Previous Chapter | ao3 | Epilogue coming soon

Rush Series Masterlist

Rush Series Taglist

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Bam.

Eren’s knuckles collide with Reiner’s jaw, causing the latter to stumble into Bertolt, who catches him and shoves him back up to his feet. A trickle of blood seeps from the side of his mouth, a split lip forming from the punch. He wipes it with the back of his hand, a cocky smirk forming on his face, challenging. As soon as he advances, Eren pounces first, gripping his collar aggressively as he wrestles him into the ground.

“Don’t fucking talk about her you fucking piece of shit!” he screams, spit flying from his mouth, a blind rage clouding his vision.

“Eren!” Armin cries out, attempting to intervene.

Reiner glares at him with a wild expression, animalistic and violent. Almost snarling as he wraps his hands around Eren’s neck, nails digging into his throat, choking him. There’s a struggle between the two, Reiner getting the advantage momentarily as he rolls over on top. Eren’s fists are clenched around his big brother’s shirt, trying to shove him off him as he fights for breath. Unable to escape, he shoves a knee into Reiner’s groin, resulting in him loosening his death grip and clutching his abdomen in pain.

Eren takes this chance to pin him against the floor again, yelling out repeatedly, “Don’t fucking talk about her! Don’t fucking talk about her!”

A crowd of brothers surround them, yelling and cheering, rowdy from the scuffle occurring in front of them. Armin enlists Jean’s help, launching themselves into the crossfire to try to lift Eren off Reiner. Erwin and Levi break through and manage to drag a disheveled and slightly bloody Reiner away from Eren, who is still fighting to get his hands on him.

Once they are a safe distance away from each other, Erwin’s voice booms out, “What is the meaning of this?”

“Why are you two shits fighting?” Levi asks, glaring at them.

“He started it!” Reiner points at Eren, wiping the remaining blood off his mouth. “He’s fucking crazy!”

“Eren, explain yourself,” Erwin demands.

He remains silent, nostrils flaring as he breathes heavily, staring at Reiner with a ferocity overwhelming his body. With no response, Erwin sighs, frustrated. “Chapter room. Now.”

He picks up Reiner by his armpits until he’s standing on his own, shoving him towards the stairs. Levi approaches Armin, saying, “Come with us. I need you to keep an eye on Eren while we talk to Reiner in private.” Armin nods, agreeing to help.

They follow them to the chapter room, where Erwin and Reiner enter, leaving the rest in the hall. “Wait here,” Levi commands, disappearing into the room, shutting the door.

Eren slouches against the wall, burying his hands into his face, groaning. His head is heavy, the realization of what just occurred weighing him down. He stays like this for several minutes, almost forgetting that Armin is right beside him until he hears him speak, worry laced in his voice.

“Eren, what happened?” he asks, sitting right beside him. “Why did you do that?”

It takes a couple seconds for him to muster up the courage to reply to his friend. “Armin, I fucked up. Majorly fucked up. I’m a fuck up.”

Armin remains silent, listening and waiting.

“I lost it when he started talking about her. I just fucking lost it.”

Hesitant, Armin asks, “Is…is something going on with you two?”

Before he can answer, Reiner exits the room, avoiding their gaze as he quickly walks pass them and down the stairs. Shortly after, Levi appears in the hall, beckoning Eren inside.

“Wait for me downstairs. I will explain everything later. Please, Armin,” he begs, standing up to enter the chapter room.

Armin agrees, leaving Eren with Levi and Erwin to discuss his fate in the fraternity.

Inside, Levi directs Eren in a chair, facing the two seniors, who study him closely. The president is the first to speak. “Tell us why you hit Reiner.”

There’s a split second where he considers lying. Make up some bullshit excuse about how they were just messing around and it ended up going a little too far, leaving out any mention of the real reason. Continue being a coward and hide from the truth to protect whatever dwindling integrity he thinks he still has. However, he remembers the vow he made to himself just a few hours ago. No more lies, no more manipulation. It’s time that he’s honest. With her, with his friends. Most crucially, himself. He’s digging his way out of this ditch he recklessly buried himself in.

He takes a deep breath, trembling with residual adrenaline from the fight earlier. “He was talking shit about Sigma Nu Kappa. He’s always saying something disrespectful about them. Tonight, I got fed up and hit him.”

“What kind of disrespectful comments does he say?”

“Calls them losers. Ugly. He’ll insult them any chance he gets.”

“Has he been saying these things for a while now?”

“Yeah. Ever since the beginning of the semester. When we first partnered with them.”

Levi leans forward. “So why did you hit him tonight? What did he say that triggered you to react the way you did?”

He swallows hard. “He called my friend an ugly bitch. That’s when I really got upset.”

“Mikasa?”

“No,” Eren answers, then states her name.

This seems to surprise them. Levi sits back against his seat, seeming intrigued; Erwin’s brows relax as he states, “She’s the one you nominated for sweetheart.”

Eren nods. Levi, unable to help himself, blurts out, “She was Mike’s date to formal, right?”

He confirms this with another nod, the mention of formal causing him to tense up a bit. The night when everything came crashing down.

“What exactly did Reiner say about her?”

“Called her an ugly bitch,” he replies, feeling his skin tingle with anger again, recalling the conversation in his head.

“What would provoke him to call her that?” At this point, it sounds like Erwin and Levi are posing questions based on their own curiosity, rather than to investigate the incident. Either way, Eren continues to be completely candid, the truth flowing out of him naturally. In an odd way, it feels cathartic.

“He saw us kissing at formal,” he replies. “After I nominated her tonight, I guess he decided to confront me about it. This whole semester, he’s been telling me not to get with a Sigma Nu Kappa. Like it would be some disgrace or whatever. He’s a fucking asshole.”

“Wait, hold on. You kissed her?”

“Yes. We’ve been together for the past few months, hooking up in secret. Nobody knew.”

They pause on the interrogation for a minute, quietly absorbing all this information. Finally, Levi clears his throat, summarizing, “So, Reiner confronted you tonight about your secret relationship with the Sigma Nu Kappa, said some awful things about her because he’s a grade A asshole, and his disgusting comments provoked you to hit him. Is this accurate?”

Again, he nods. “I couldn’t stand around and let him talk about her like that. I care about her.” Admitting it out loud doesn’t scare him nearly as much as he thought it would. In fact, it doesn’t scare him at all.

Erwin says, “No matter how justified you think you were in doing that, violence is against our rules.”

Fearing what’s about to happen next, Eren murmurs, “Yeah, I get it.”

“It’s strictly against Alpha Tau’s code of conduct to strike another brother in anger. We do not condone violent behavior against one another, or anyone for that matter. We have no choice; we have to expel you from the organization.” In a more sympathetic tone, Erwin adds, “I’m sorry, Eren.”

His heart sinks. Another consequence of his rash decisions. He has to accept it. “What about Reiner?”

“We are investigating this further. Between you and me, he claims your violence against him was totally unprovoked and out of nowhere. Off the record, we don’t buy that. To be honest, he’s been on our radar for a while now. We’ve received several complaints from other brothers about his disrespectful behavior. Once we gather enough evidence against him, he too will be kicked out.”

Levi adds, “I know it seems unfair, Eren. I understand standing up for someone you care about. But rules are rules. Since we were just in deep shit with the Student Affairs Committee, this is the only way to deal with this without causing another big stink.”

“Yeah, I understand.” I fucked up, I deserve this.

“Off the record, why did you take that Delta Mu Pieck to formal instead of her?” Erwin shoots Levi a glare, which he responds with a roll of his eyes. “What? I said off the record.”

“Because I’m an asshole,” he replies. He could easily blame Reiner for influencing him the past few months. At the end of the day, Eren is the true culprit behind every one of his fucked-up decisions. It’s time that he finally takes accountability for it.

Levi lets out a small, disapproving hum, crossing his arms over his chest.

Eren adds, “If it’s any consolation, she ended it with me that same night. Not because I took Pieck, but because she had enough of my bullshit.”

Levi clicks his tongue. “Sounds like you deserved it.” There’s a hint of sympathy in voice when he suggests, “It’s never too late to apologize and make amends.”

“I’m afraid it is. For me, at least,” he comments, staring down at the hardwood floor.

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to try.” He clears his throat nervously, giving his last piece of advice to his now ex-brother. Erwin has a small smirk on his face, amused by Levi’s slight change in demeanor. “Anyways, come back later this week to drop off your pin and any letters you have. Sorry it has to be this way.”

Eren shrugs, saddened by the outcome, though not completely devastated. Definitely not in the same emotional state he’s been in the rest of the week. If someone had told him this a few months ago, even just last week before he got dumped, he probably would have thought this is the worst feeling ever. Now, there’s nothing worse than the dread in his heart, not knowing how to mend his relationship with her. Or the emptiness he feels in the midst of her absence.

He stands up and approaches the two seniors, placing an inverted fist over his chest. It’s their official fraternity salute. A final goodbye. They mimic him respectfully, Erwin adding, “Good luck, Eren.”

He slowly walks down the hallway out of the chapter room, taking it all in one last time. His fraternity career was short-lived, and he wasn’t the most outstanding Alpha Tau brother to ever exist. Still, he tries to savor it, knowing he’ll never experience it again.

If only he understood this feeling with her sooner. He would have never let her go.

Back downstairs, Eren finds Armin lounging on the couch in between Connie and Jean. When they see him, they all hop off and bombard him with comments, buzzing with excitement.

“Eren! Are you in trouble?”

“That was insane, man. You clocked that fucking bastard.”

“Reiner stormed out of here fucking pissed. It was glorious.”

Armin shushes the other two and repeats, “Are you in trouble? What did they say?”

Eren focuses his gaze at his feet, hands in his pockets. “They kicked me out.”

Connie and Jean groan as Armin’s eyes go round, almost in tears. “Oh, Eren.”

“Shit, dude. That’s fucked up,” Connie mutters, patting him on the back.

Eren shrugs. “I deserve it. Sorry guys.”

Jean surprisingly pats him on the back too. “Don’t apologize, man. I’m sure you had a valid reason for socking that asshole.”

To avoid the others from starting their own interrogation, Armin whispers, “Eren, let’s go get food at the dining hall before we head back to our room.”

Eren gets the hint and obliges, wanting to continue their conversation from earlier, privately. They bid farewell to Connie and Jean, then leave the house to head towards the cafeteria. He notices Armin send a quick text on his phone. “Mikasa is going to meet with us now, she’s just changing real quick.”

He nods, beyond thankful and appreciative to have his real friends there for him. All semester, he took them for granted, just as he did with her. What was he thinking these past few months?

Inside the dining hall, Armin sets a plate of fries for them to share as they wait for Mikasa to arrive. When she does, there’s a concerned look on her face as she rushes over to their table. “Is it true?”

“Yeah, it’s true. I’m no longer in Alpha Tau.”

“What?! Why?”

“I punched Reiner.”

“You what?”

He repeats himself, almost amused at Mikasa’s extreme reactions.

“Why? Why did you punch him?”

“I will explain everything. I need to preface this by saying this is my fault. None of the blame should fall on her.”

“Huh? Who are you talking about?”

Eren says her name. Armin doesn’t react, already somewhat aware of the situation from their brief conversation earlier. On the other hand, Mikasa’s face contorts into something between confusion and shock. She repeats her name. “My roommate? My sorority sister? What does this have to do with her?”

“We’ve been hooking up in secret for the past few months, ever since the first exchange. But I fucked up. I really fucked up.”

Before Mikasa goes haywire, Armin interjects calmly, “Start from the beginning, Eren.”

And so he does. Eren recalls the night of the exchange. His asshole behavior towards her initially, which he displayed in front of all their peers during that dumb Truth or Dare game. He leaves out the dirty details for the sanctity of his friends. In his own mind, he vividly remembers how the night ended, relishing the wanton moans escaping her luscious lips with every pump of his fingers. The sloppy and inexperienced blowjob she gave him to finish him off. The way he tried to initiate his fuck boy status by mentioning it would be a one-time thing, that he didn’t find her interesting enough to keep it going. It was the beginning of this beautiful disaster.

Armin and Mikasa interrupt him only to clarify a few details. For the most part, over the next half hour or so, they listen with intrigue as he goes through each of his disappointing choices. Shamefully confessing his depraved corruption kink to take her virginity. Intimidating her into keeping their budding relationship a secret. Denying her of any friendship outside of the bedroom. Refusing to even acknowledge her existence. Manipulating her into thinking the two of them would eventually evolve into something real, knowing all too well that he was too much of a coward to commit.

He relives their first time together. Grabbing her by the wrist at that party. Unconcerned about any prying eyes surrounding them, only focused on having her for himself. He’ll never regret being with her. He only wishes he made it more special. Something out of a romance instead of a dirty porno flick.

The day of the Sigma Nu Kappa’s bake sale, he tried his best to move on from her. Convinced he had his fill after their night of lust. He couldn’t get enough. He wanted her, and she wanted him. They started their little arrangement, their secret love affair. It was supposed to be no strings attached. They were using each other to fulfill their sexual desires, that was it. There’s no denying it evolved into something else.

He never meant for it to go this far. This is exactly what he feared. Every chance he could, he kept her at a distance. It seemed like no matter what he did though, they always found their way back to each other. He started to imagine how easy it would be to be together like a normal couple. Even fantasized about it, dreaming about spending their days hanging out with their friends, carefree and happy. He could never bring himself to make the right decisions to go this route. In typical Eren Jaeger fashion, he let his ego and cowardice lead him to destruction. And just as he was ready to turn it all around, it was too late. She walked out of his life for good.

He was so afraid of falling in love. Afraid of being vulnerable and letting her into his life. He was so scared to take that leap of faith, that he deprived himself of any chance at it, thinking he was protecting himself from getting hurt. Ironically, he’s hurt anyways, knowing what they could have been and how he ruined it.

All he wants is for them not to be two worlds apart, as ex-lovers so often end up. He wants to exist in her universe as much as she’ll allow him to. Whether it’s as an acquaintance, or better yet, as a friend. Anything is better than being a ghost of her past that haunts her.

It would be unfair to ask her to forgive and forget. Rather, he wants to be forgiven and he wants to atone. He may never be able to make up for the pain he caused her; he’ll spend whatever time she’ll give him trying to.

They can’t go back and change the past. Maybe now, they can rewrite their story with an alternate ending. One where they’re both happy, whether they’re together or apart. All he wants is for her to be happy. He wants that more than anything. And if that means living in her life as a background character, so be it. She deserves a fairytale ending that sparks a love so pure and real. One they almost ignited themselves.

His friends listen to him as he laments on his dilemma. Armin, who sits next to him, consoles him by rubbing his back soothingly. Across the table, Mikasa observes him with her arms over her chest, processing all of the information he’s shared. Her expression remains neutral, which unsettles Eren just as much as her angry look does.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this,” he says, seeking advice.

“Have you tried apologizing to her?” Armin suggests.

“I tried to talk to her the morning after, but I couldn’t. And she blocked my number, so I can’t get a hold of her any other way.”

Mikasa leans forward on the table. “Do you think you would have been able to tell her what you just told us if you did get the chance to talk to her that morning?”

Eren ponders this for several seconds. Sure, he was desperate to talk to her after what transpired, but his mind was a jumbled mess. He’s not even sure what he would have said to her. It might have made things worse. Now, with an entire week to contemplate, he feels like he has more clarity than he ever has. He’s no longer afraid to speak the truth, to be vulnerable. He wants to tell her everything. No more holding back.

“I don’t think so,” he answers. “But I think I can now. I’m not expecting her to take me back or even forgive me. I just don’t want it to end this way, with her thinking I don’t care about her. I don’t want her to move on with her life thinking that what we had meant nothing.”

She stares at him silently, deliberating. Sighing, she finally says, “Okay.”

Confused, Eren breathes out, “What?”

“I’ll help you.”

His mouth hangs open, surprised at her proposition.

She explains, “I’ll admit, I’m pretty pissed about this whole situation. I can’t believe you would do this, Eren. Even with her, I’m shocked. She didn’t say anything to me, even before you agreed to keep it all a secret. Maybe she was scared with how I would react…” She trails off, getting momentarily lost in her thoughts.

Armin chimes in, “We all have our reasons for keeping secrets.”

“I just wish either of you would have told me or Armin. We could have salvaged whatever fucked up situation you got yourselves into. Instead of going to us, you chose to listen to that idiot Reiner. What were you thinking?”

He shakes his head. “I wasn’t, obviously.”

“I’m disappointed in you. How could you treat someone like that? I’m disappointed in her too for allowing herself to be treated like that. Still, I’m willing to help fix this. Only if you’re genuine about wanting to.”

“I am. I promise you I am. I’ve made a lot of empty promises with her, but this time, I truly mean it,” Eren urges.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

He gulps nervously. “Seriously? Right now? You’ll help me?”

“Yes. No turning back. If you really want to do this, let’s do it now.”

He thinks for a moment, then responds, “Right. Let’s go.”

They walk out of dining hall to head over to Mikasa’s dorm room. Armin heads in the other direction. Before they part ways, Eren says, “Hey. Thank you. Both of you. I’m sorry. I wish this semester turned out differently.”

Armin gives him a small smile. “We all make mistakes. I’m just glad you’re willing to learn from them.”

With that, Eren follows Mikasa, his heart on his sleeve, ready to face her.

~~~

Eren got kicked out of Alpha Tau.

Mikasa’s words, combined with the grim expression on her face, lingers on your mind as you stare blankly in front of you, stunned.

There’s no logical explanation you can come up with that would lead to this. What could he have possibly done to warrant getting kicked out? It must have been a serious offense. Even with everything that’s occurred between you two, it’s hard to imagine him doing something atrocious enough to be punished like this.

During your short-lived fling, he was never intentionally malicious. His downfall was his overinflated ego and selfishness. You don’t believe it in your heart that he truly wanted to hurt you, not on purpose anyways. It could have been his big ego that blinded him from the destruction left in his path, until it crumbled beneath him. His behavior post break-up, if you can even call it that, caught you off guard. You didn’t expect him to plead with you just to speak with him. The guilt really must be eating away at him.

You snap yourself out of your thoughts and try to focus back onto your laptop. Earlier this week, you made a vow to yourself that you would move on. To do that, you have to stop thinking about him, stop worrying about him. You’ve been able to distract yourself so far by hanging out with your sisters and focusing on your studies. Every so often, there will be small fragments in your daily life where he sneaks back into your mind. With all of it being fresh in your memory, you forgive yourself for it. Over time, you hope to forget about him completely.

You spend the next hour watching Netflix on your computer, subconsciously waiting for Mikasa’s return so you can get the scoop about Eren. When it’s almost 11 o’clock, you get out of bed to clear up some clutter on your desk. You’re facing away when you hear the familiar jingle of keys and the door creak open. Smirking to yourself, excited and nervous to hear the latest update, you keep your back turned, still rummaging through your messy stack of notes.

“This better be good, Mikasa,” you tease, turning to face her. To your surprise, it’s Eren standing before you.

“Hi,” he greets. His hair is down. You don’t remember ever seeing him with his hair like this. It’s a different look for him. He seems vulnerable.

You stand up straight, stepping back defensively. “What are you doing here?”

“Mikasa let me in. She’s just outside,” he explains.

“Mikasa…? Does that mean – ”

“Yeah. She knows. I told her. About everything.”

Your eyes widen. “What?”

“I told her about us.” He bites his lower lip, waiting for a response. It’s not the same intensity in those green eyes you’re so used to seeing. He gazes at you softly, cautiously. Afraid to come off too strong or too aggressive. He leans against the door, aware that he’s in your personal space, not wanting to encroach it any farther.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I need to be honest with everyone. Especially with you.” It looks like he’s about to take a step forward, but doesn’t, standing in place. “I don’t know if you heard already. I got kicked out of Alpha Tau.”

“Mikasa mentioned it before she left. What happened?”

“I punched Reiner,” he answers. You take in a sharp breath, trying to reel in the large gasp you almost let out. He punched Reiner?!

He continues, staring down at the ground. “He saw us kissing at formal and confronted me about it. Said some awful things about you. So, I hit him.”

It takes you a few seconds to process all of what he says. “Reiner…?”

“Trust me, he deserved it. I should have done that a long time ago.”

“Still, why would you hit him?”

He lifts his head up to look directly at you. “Because I care about you. And I wasn’t going to let him get away with saying all that stupid shit. Not anymore.”

“You…care about me?”

“Yeah, I do,” he confesses. “I care about you a lot.”

There’s a brief moment of silence as you relax in front of him, the tension lessening in the small space between you two. A tiny part of you wants to close the distance; you resist the urge.

“What about Alpha Tau?” you ask. “You must be pretty upset about that.”

“I don’t care. All I care about is that you and me okay.”

You stay silent, unsure how to respond.

He fills the silence by starting, “I’m sorry. Sorry for hurting you, for making you feel ashamed and worthless. No person should ever make you feel like that. I’m so sorry it was me.”

He keeps his gaze on you. “I’ve been an asshole to you. I know that. I led you on, I toyed with your emotions. I was selfish and immature. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. Still, there’s no excuse.”

You swallow hard, taken aback by his apology. You’ve gotten used to him saying whatever he can to get his way. This time, however, it sounds sincere. Especially with the way he looks at you.

“I have plenty of regrets about what I did to you. But I don’t regret being with you. Not for one second. And I know my word means nothing. I know I’ve lost your trust completely. I’ve made too many empty promises. But if there’s one that you can believe, let it be this one. I won’t put you through that again. I swear on my life.”

He hesitates, taking a small step forward. “If it never works out between us, that’s okay. I’ll have to live with that. But I just want you in my life. As an acquaintance. Maybe one day, as a friend, if you’ll let me. There’s just something about us that I’m not ready to say goodbye to yet.”

You let his words sink in, your heart pounding through your chest you’re convinced he can hear it, “Eren, I don’t know.”

“I don’t expect you to forgive me yet. And I’m not asking you to take me back. I just want a do-over or something.”

“A do-over?”

“Yeah. Meet me for who I really am, and not whoever that asshole was throughout this whole semester. I’m leaving that fucking prick behind and never looking back. It’s really me now.”

“We can’t just forget and move on like nothing happened,” you tell him. If only life was this simple.

“I know we can’t. I’m not asking you to forget. You can hold it against me for as long as you want. All I’m asking for is a chance to redeem myself. I don’t know what exactly I have to do yet to earn back your trust. But I think starting from the beginning is a small step, right?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“So, let’s do it properly.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, perplexed by his statement. “What do you mean?”

He holds out his hand to you. “Hi. I’m Eren Jaeger. I’m a sophomore studying pre-law. I’m from Shiganshina District, born and raised. I like the ocean, Jaeger-bombs of course, and listening to rain pitter patter against the window.”

You take his hand in yours, reciting your own introduction back to him in a similar format. He smiles at you, eyes lighting up as you hold onto each other for a few seconds longer than necessary. Cherishing the feeling of his skin on yours, gazing at each other affectionately. It feels like the first time you’re actually seeing each other.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” he says, still smiling.

“You too.”

He loosens his grip but doesn’t pull away, letting you be the one to drop his hand. Rubbing the back of his neck nervously, he chuckles, “I should probably go before Mikasa starts scolding me again.”

“Yikes. I guess I should prepare myself, right?” you joke, grinning at him. It feels natural. Relaxed.

“Yeah, I’m sure she has a lot to say to you.” His eyes twinkle at you. “Thank you. I’ll see you around, okay?”

You nod at him as he gives you a small wave, turning the handle to leave. You hear him whisper something to Mikasa, who walks into the room, shutting the door. She stares at you with a curious expression. You’re nervous she’s about to kick your ass for lying to her for the past few months. Instead, she asks, “Are you okay?”

You let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

“I’m not going to yell at you. Not tonight, at least.”

You don’t respond, guilty about deceiving your roommate and closest friend.

“But I’m proud of you,” she says. “Even though you kept this from me the entire time, I’m proud of the way you handled it. Really proud.”

She steps forward, holding her arms out in an embrace. You let yourself be enveloped in her warmth, feeling as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. No more sneaking around, no more lies, everything out in the open. As it should be.

Instead of dwelling on the past, you’ll move forward, stronger and smarter than you were before. You’ll always remember the excitement of being with him. The passion, the heat. The rush. The little moments where you felt that spark. It’s the exhilaration from these memories that you’ll store away fondly in your heart. And while the painful memories may linger in your mind indefinitely, you won’t use it as a weapon against him. It’ll be a reminder of how you were able to learn from your mistakes. A valuable lesson in self-worth.

You’re unsure what the future holds for you and Eren. No matter how far out of his orbit you are, somehow you still find yourself gravitating towards him. This time, it’ll be different. You’re not the same naïve girl you were at the start of the semester. All your decisions will be on your own terms, not somebody else’s. It’s possible that one day, you’ll learn to like each other as friends. There’s so much you don’t know about him, and there’s plenty he doesn’t know about you. You both deserve a love that goes beyond the surface, one where it feels like your souls are at home with each other. Comfortable, safe, everlasting. Maybe eventually, you can find that type of love with each other. Or maybe it’s truly not meant to be. For now, you’ll let your story play out how the universe writes it, one chapter at a time.

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