#verdugo is bugs

[prettyflyshyguy]

Water Room's gonna do a number on him.

[nightmaresyrup]

RE4 Verdugos....hmm hmmmmm....

I am 🥵is it ok to have the hots for this?!? I already have weird deak with the uhh T0 fellas

[spidersorcerer]

Replaying re4r and I am seeing something… I’m having a vision.

[alvivaarts]

Cracked out white boy in your area!

This was only supposed to be a sketch/anatomy study. Considering adding Baby Eagle Scorpion in the back! Also considering adding gore! Until that decision is made, this will be he. I'm just lovin' having Plagas!Leon/Infected!Leon running around in my brain bonking the glowing thing that makes ideas happen.

I also can't wait for the point in the fic where he can just be fucking unhinged.

[citrine-elephant]

leon s kennedy post-plaga infection BUT

(don't know officially how the plaga itself works, apologies lol)

it was in his body long enough to start adapting his biology for itself, right? stronger, more durable, etc.

submissive plaga, whatever he had in there, he's still got bug boy chemicals floating around.

leon has occasional nesting behavior instincts where he tries to resist the urge to start making burrows to prepare for breeding season-

(whether or not his plaga/whatever insect thing it was or wasn't crossed with would've had breeding rights doesn't matter) (this would be leftover instinctual behaviors)

leon has pms but for bugs. grouchy as fuck. ready to bite anyone who tries to move his blanket fort.

bonus: mating display behaviors towards ada and chris. they are trying to figure out what the hell he's doing. absentmindedly, he's expressing his affection through strange movement. "dancing" isn't exactly what you'd call it.

[b1g4udge]

Quick Verdugo piece

[cannibal-wings]

HAHAHAHA I have like ten mins to go before midnight. I TOLD you all I'd get it done by today! Anyways, here's chapter seven. It has some of my favorite parts in it so far. Sorry again for the massive wait, sometimes life gets in the way of your previous break neck pace.

For those of you who don't know, You Pay the Cost is my Resident Evil 4 Remake fic where most everything is the same, but I also turn Leon into a bug monster, a Verdugo to be specific. We passed the 200 page threshold with this update, my word doc now struggles when I load it, the sign of a good project for sure.

Anyways, enjoy! Drop a comment on the fic if you like it, I love hearing from readers.

[foxingpeculiar]

RE4R blogging part… 3? Let’s say 3.

This time, I made it through the end of Chapter 10. So spoilers up to that point.

Okay. So. I started off with the ambush in the Wine Cellar. Which went badly. Tried to snipe a Crimson guy from a distance and all of a sudden, there’s like 10 dudes all over me. I didn’t blow up any barrels. I didn’t even get to do the cool chandelier thing I realized I could’ve done after the fight was over. Instead it was just a resource sucking war of attrition. But fuck em, we ball.

And then Leon and Ada get to have their whole like, murder flirtation thing for a second. That was fun.

As was the bit on the ramparts with the second giant, once I realized how stupid an idea trying to lob a grenade at it was. He definitely got me a couple of times, but then goddamn, shooting him in the face with a cannon was satisfying. The whole “oh! It’s back for a second before it’s really dead!” thing got me, but okay. Fair enough, game.

So then Leon finds Ashley and has that sweet big brother moment, before Luis is all “uh hey, sorry I fucked up, but help?” Fine.

One dog-infested maze later and we get to the ambush in the Gallery. This one went a little smoother.

The puzzles for the three heads of the Chimera were kind of fun, although the dinner table one took me AGES to fucking figure out. But no, I did it. I puzzled solved that shit like a pro. And what does Leon do? Gets his ass trapped in a cage.

So then there’s the bit where you play as Ashley. Which sucked. It sucked specifically because I was fucking around with the first clock puzzle and accidentally solved it without doing the whole Library section, just by sheer dumb luck. I was SO fucking proud of myself. Until I realized that if you do the Mausoleum before you do the Library, you can’t do the Library and you soft-lock yourself into a dead end. Which meant I had to go back to an earlier save, do all the Chimera stuff again, and then do Ashley’s bit again. Whoo. But by that point, I’d found the lamp stand in the Library already and was able to piece together the rest pretty easily, so at least it went fast.

And then she got captured again. Goddammit.

Okay, but then there’s that scene of Ada talking to someone about the Amber. Again, no idea what the Amber actually is, but okay. Who was she talking to? Based on his demeanor on the radio and what I know about the series as a whole, I have a guess. (It’s fucking Wesker, isn’t it? Who else would it be?)

At some point during the trip toward the throne room Leon… quips? Opines? Says “Fucking monsters.” And I felt that. In my soul.

But from reading a note about said “fucking monsters,” I did pick up that Cult Guy’s name is Saddler. Which is a stupid name for a messiah imo, but sure. Go off, I guess.

Oh, and then the room with the TWO big claw dudes. And some other guys. Definitely used a couple cans of First Aid Spray in there. Was yelling at the TV the whole time, but made it through without dying, somehow.

So then Leon gets to the Throne Room and there’s creepy-man-child Ramon again, making Ashley drink some kind of “Black Water” (a term from a note a little later). Still don’t really know what that is or does, but it definitely seems bad. And then, of course, Leon gets thrown in a pit. Which, great. Fantastic. Love that for him.

So I’m wandering through the pit and into the lab. And y’know, I’m a simple creature. I see a big red button on the wall, I push it. Did I know there were liquid nitrogen showers in this area? Yes. Did that stop me from being dumb? No.

But then I passed like 3 more of them. And I started to realize that I did not like what that implied one bit, from a like… game design, Chekov’s Gun kind of standpoint. Which turned out to be a correct instinct cos then I met The Verdugo (which, if I understand right, is the same guy who made the bug monsters, but then all virused himself up real good?). And yeah. That one freaked me the fuck out a little. BUT, I was paying enough attention to know what to do. And definitely took some hits getting him under those showers, but eventually I shattered him into a zillion pieces. (Used like all my heavy ammo doing it, but it was a lot of “nope. No. Don’t like that. Kill it with fire” kind of thinking.)

On the way up the elevator, there’s that vision of Saddler talking to someone and you see some eyes reflected in a knife. One of the few things I know about this game is that there’s an iconic knife fight, so… I guess that’s coming soon. Hm.

So then up out of the lab and who’s waiting for me/Leon but Luis. And his ass has some ‘splainin to do.

[cloudninetonine]

I had a most deliciously evil idea.

Legend being the third person to remember Player and doesn't take it well at all. Before this event occurs, he found a strange stone while the Chain were restocking on supplies at the nearest town. He instantly blows up on them once the two are alone as the Vet is not ready for such information yet.

To know someone who had been a constant for SO MANY of his adventures and understood his pain the most only to leave. Coup de grace? Legend yells that he wishes Player should have a real taste of the horrors a hero has to face on their own.

Words he wished to take back as they vanish before his eyes in a burst of light. That stone Legend found was a wish stone and it vanishes from his pocket after granting his unintentional wish. Everyone doesn't take this incident very well as things become tense within the Chain.

Hyrule, Wild and Wind took Player's disappearance the hardest. Looking into any clues or leads about their missing companion. Legend is downtrodden as he realizes just how unjustifiably horrible he had been to Player. Time struggles keeping everyone together since the incident broken whatever balance they had.

It's on one fateful night that Player comes back to the group but completely changed. They were in Wild's era and a squad of Yiga were planning to attack the group during Hyrule's watch. What the rogue Sheikah didn't know is something is now hunting them.

Everyone's immediately woken up by a harsh scream nearby. They go to investigate only to find the ambush squad all taken except for one Swordmaster whose being held by the throat. His attacker? Player but no longer human as they ended up in RE4R thanks to Legend's accidental wish.

https://www.tumblr.com/polarspaz/712917546550050816/after-beating-the-re4-remake-i-bring-you?source=share

It was there the wished away Guide got infected by a Las Plagas but the incident back in Purah's lab didn't agree with the parasite. The bug was instantly altered to benefit Player in a symbiotic relationship but not without completely transforming them into a Verdugo like form. Only when they help Leon defeat the final boss was the displaced guide able to return.

Specifically a few minutes before the Yiga were about to enact their assassination attempt. Player jabs the Swordmaster with their tail's stinger then toss them away only to notice the Chain. Hyrule and Wild immediately recognize their lost guide as the runes from the accident hadn't change despite the visible transformation.

Legend is bittersweet about this moment. Player was back but his hateful words had turned them into a monster.

Anon this is a pure evil idea- Legend having to deal with the consequences of his actions by watching Player sob into Hyrule's hair about being a monster and "What would my mum think of this?", when they talk about if they can now ever go back and they're stuck as this Plagas monster- it would only make him feel worse if they avoided him.

Let's not also forget that Leon had now also lost his Guide.

What a cruel idea (I love it)

[jtgunner]

New episode of my let's play of Resident Evil 4 Remake for PC is up on YouTube! We're stuck in a cave full of invisible bug people! To make things worse, Verdugo is after us! Let's kick him in the face and make our escape!

WATCH IT HERE: https://youtu.be/HdBMLgg4RyU

[savior-of-humanity]

I've been reading a lot of Resident Evil fanfiction lately, and I've had a bunch of headcanons (and other details) for my RE muses bouncing around in my head, so I'm just gonna dump them under the cut for y'all to enjoy because this is LONG.

(Note that some of these have probably already been posted about on my blog before.)

Leon:

Ever since his mission in Spain, he's had a strong fear of parasites. Or rather, the idea of being infected by parasites - he can handle seeing something like a tick or tapeworm with the same reaction as any normal person would. But when it comes to more extreme organisms like Las Plagas, it's going to get a much stronger negative reaction out of him. Just thinking about it is enough to make his skin crawl - god forbid if he actually gets infected by it again.

While my portrayal of him is based exclusively on the remake of RE2/RE4 (so far), he does have a scar on his cheek from his first encounter with Krauser in Spain (which is something that normally only happens in the original RE4).

For any scenarios involving his infected verse where Las Plagas is involved; the mutations he gets are heavily derived from insects, similar to that of the Vertugo, rather than being more "fleshy" like Krauser, Salazar, or Saddler's mutations. The exact details of his infection may vary depending on the thread (or the exact parasite/virus he's infected with in the first place!), but by "default", he undergoes a gradual metamorphosis where his Plaga-derived attributes will develop, as a result of leftover DNA from the Plagas parasite back in Spain. Basically; he's mutating, but because there's no parasite in him, he still has free will and actually has a measure of control over his mutations. Not at first, though.

For the process of mutation, it's not necessarily (severely) painful, but it is an unpleasant process. He develops chitin plates on various parts of his body, mainly along the spine and on his forelimbs. These develop directly underneath the skin before said skin literally sheds off - think of something like the velvet on antlers. Other features, such as spines, the tail, or the extra pair of limbs, just sprout from his body ""normally"".

The first time he undergoes the mutation process, it's something he can't control, and he's basically forced to gradually morph from a full-on human to what is basically a Verdugo. It is, however, reversible - whether by his own will or by a suppressive temporary vaccine. Later on, he gets the hang of controlling when and what to mutate, but it's still possible for it to occur when he doesn't want it to. This only occurs when his life is actively at risk.

A side effect of mutations is that Leon, when either in the middle of mutating or after, gets strong cravings for basically anything made from animal products. This is so that his body can replenish nutrients and other resources spent from... you know. Turning into a giant bug-human hybrid monster thing. He can still eat other foods just fine, thankfully.

Even though Krauser was responsible for Ashley's kidnapping, Leon was still ultimately against outright killing him, even though his former mentor/comrade/possibly ex-bf was literally trying to gut him open. When he beat Krauser and finished him off, he took his cap and knife as commemorative keepsakes to remember him by despite what he had done.

Ethan:

Post-RE7, while Ethan is biologically a human being, the Mold makes up such an extensive part of his body that it'd probably be more accurate to refer to him as a walking Mold colony in a near-perfect replica of a human being. While he still has the same biological functions as your average male homo sapiens, this comes with... unique abilities on account of him basically being a human-Mold hybrid.

First and foremost; his capacity to regenerate from wounds is insane. Obviously, he cannot instantly heal from an injury; he still needs to use medicine and stuff like stitches or bandages to treat and close wounds. But when they're actually treated, the Mold kicks in and facilitates the rapid repair of said injuries - it's basically what allows him to literally re-attach a lost limb just by pouring a shit ton of rubbing alcohol on it.

In high-stress situations, the Mold may begin to actually physically manifest on Ethan's body. This mainly presents itself with Ethan's face appearing as though it's been draped in shadow (something like this), with the extremities of his limbs turning pitch black. This is mostly done in 'preparation' for more extensive, temporary mutations - such as when he's in a life-or-death scenario, on rare occasions he might develop claws.

These situations also allow Ethan to regenerate more readily without needing prior treatment, at the cost of leaving him utterly exhausted afterward. On the plus side? He can literally survive being shot in the head with a pistol. He is simply Built Different.

Krauser:

Similar to Leon, he has a scar on his chest from their first knife-fight back in Spain, which is also something that normally only occurs in the original RE4 rather than the remake.

Despite having sided with Illuminatos under the premise of 'power', he was still very much so doing it to get back at the US government because of what happened in Operation Javier. The fact that he still clung to all the dog tags of his fallen comrades (which is something you can actually find in game) is proof enough of that.

While Krauser's mutations mainly consist of just his blade-arm and his shield/hand-arm, it's absolutely possible for him to mutate even further than that. Unlike Leon (in his infected verse anyway), who has to undergo a much more slow and gradual process of 'mastering' his mutative abilities, Krauser has full control of his abilities from the get-go due to him having the dominant strain of Las Plagas in him.

Wesker:

Much like Krauser, he has high control of just how much his mutations present themselves, though they can grow wild and unchecked should he grow unstable with his emotions - i.e when he fought Chris and Sheva at the end of RE5.

Despite Uroboros having a weakness to fire (to my memory at least), the Uroboros bonded with Wesker, in combination to him having the T-Virus in him, allows him to have STUPIDLY HIGH HEAT RESISTANCE. He was literally able to be half-way submerged in lava in an active volcano for almost a solid minute without dying from the sheer heat or from his body tissues being incinerated. Obviously, he'd probably still die from swimming in lava for any further than, say, two minutes, but basically; he can handle a little bit of a spicy dip.

It's 100% possible for Wesker to go toe-to-toe with a Spartan-II, on account of his insane Vash the Stampede levels of reaction speed (and the fact that he can move so fast that it looks like he's fucking teleporting).

The Merchant:

The reason why the Merchant appears at seemingly convenient locations throughout Leon's mission in Spain, despite how he should not be able to have a full-on shop set up at those spots by the time Leon gets there, is rather simple; he's an Arch-Judicator of the Worm-in-Waiting. Being an envoy of what is basically The God of the Multiverse, he pretty much works to provide his services to... mix things up, if you will.

Despite being a singular person and also referring to himself with words such as "I" or "my", he also frequently refers to himself with words such as "our" or "us". It's not really known why he does it, but it's probably to do with the fact that he can access other timelines when needed by his patron. It could be that he's referring to all instances of the Merchant that ever have and will exist.

[tangledbeast]

BONUS BULLSHIT THEORY

The merchant gets to chill in Salazar’s castle unbothered because he’s the only bitch left who can cook. Salazar is spoiled. No way would he eat ganado slop.

Now look at what merchant serves at the shooting range

(The verdugo maybe remember how to cook from when they were the manservant/caretaker but can’t do it now with their weird bug hands)

[sapphire-weapon]

For your and anyone else’s amusement. I have been playing the og Re4 randomizer. And it hates me.

I started with rocket launcher men falling from the trees. My village fight was rocket launcher men and more chainsaw men. All the random Ganados from the church to the lake and back were 90% verdugos.

My bear traps have usually transformed into garradors. For a while the only normal ganado I saw was specifically the one with Leon’s jacket.

I got to the castle, and got the island Ganados so the stun batons suck but I thought hey, my lucks changing. Then I had to collect the king’s chalice with the rotating doors and they just kept rotating to let in El Gigante’s in that tiny room :’)

I thought this can’t get any worse, went into the big room where Ashley gets snatched by a bug, and then all my bugs turned into double chainsaw men. They were raining down on me with their instant one hit kills.

And to top it off the controller I have to use is a switch pro controller so when it’s the quick time events it gives me buttons not numbers so I keep screwing them up.

Please, enjoy my misery while it rains double chain saw men on me.

jfc i missed that you said "OG" and i was just like "am i being fucking trolled you don't get the king's chalice in remake" 8( lmao

the re4make randomizer has forced me to learn to play with mouse and keyboard because i literally couldn't kill iron maidens fast enough with a controller, it took too long to line up a shot. it takes some getting used to, but i recommend making the switch, anon.

[citrine-elephant]

leon, but he has regen abilities similar to sherry, except a liiittle different....

the heat of battle, a big ol' bastard taken down in a hail of bullets and fire and a glorious 4th of july display of patriotism.

leon kinda just. stumbles. there's a look on his face. disoriented, confused. shock.

it's only as he makes it past a slab of concrete painted in hell's favourite shade that his teammates notice

as he turns with a thousand yard stare

and all his teammates see is a reanimated corpse as leon tries, and fails, to figure out where the fuck his arm went.

anyways to cut a long story short, boy gets the verdugo treatment and instead of deadpool'ing a fresh human arm back, he gets cool bug armoured fist uwu

looks kiiinda grody tho...

[lifewithoutmeds]

October 3, 2023

Haven't written in a while. Positive sign? Who knows.

Recap:

Wednesday, September 20: In office, but Dana wasn't able to make it out to lunch. Some combination of an AABS case going long (WFH) as well as a newly scheduled 2pm meeting meant she wouldn't be coming downtown. Salvaged the day by texting GY who was able to meet me at a local cafe for lunch. It was a breakfast sandwich that wasn't very tasty and was in wild need of hot sauce, but it was good to see her. Thursday, September 21: Coworked with Danielle. pet the doggy, went on walks, talked, probably cried a little, then walked over to get happy hours food and drinks and the vibe and service were terrible but then they forgot to add our last order of drinks so we just said nothing and giggled afterward. Friday, September 22: Had a doctor's appointment that i took off an hour for. kinda told him about what was going on. he had me get an impromptu blood test since i was on a new medication now and i wished i hadn't drunk so much the night before. Oops. later on my mom came by. i don't remember what we did. probably what we always do. eat something. she probably cleaned and washed my dishes and then she would make me watch some random korean show on youtube and i'd make her watch The Office on DVD and we'd both humor each other but not have any fun.

Saturday, September 23: Caroline's baby shower, hosted by her sister. Not particularly memorable. there were alcoholic beverages, which were nice, and then afterward gy and i went to eagle rock for some beers and caught up some. i went home for a quick nap then ubered to west hollywood for Hot Flash, where i met up with kim, her friend steph, and a handful of steph's friend. it was different and interesting, being in a group and not just circulating by myself. i wished i had done a bit more circulating, but it also felt nice to belong. got pizza with them then ubered home, close to 2.

Sunday, September 24: met up my mom for a few local open houses, then i think lunch. maybe ... fish king?

Monday, September 25: Yom Kippur, which normally would have no effect on me but Suzy had it off and we met for lunch in downtown, and i took an extra hour off. we caught up and i cried a little and she hugged me and we said we loved each other and my heart felt full and sad but also mixed with gratitude.

Tuesday, September 26: uncharacteristic in-office day, as the next Tuesday would be Halloween, so i guess ... somehow this would fix things? Don't really recall what happened this day.

Wednesday, September 27: ?

Thursday, September 28: Worked from home, then LT very nicely brought me lunch: my request of In N Out plus my favorite ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins: mint chip. it was really nice to see her. after work i sped off to sawtelle where i met 3/5 of my venice group: kendy, matt, and alex, and we ate at Tsujita Noodles, they brought me cards, and then we had some ice cream next door. We had deep/meaningful conversations, and then i headed home.

Friday, September 29: Amy cancelled on me for a morning hike as her kid had some stomach bug, so i think i just laid around all day until 5ish when Lana and Mirna scooped me up to go to sushi gen. gy met us there, and we ate around 7 some of the best sushi i had in a while, and then we drove over to verdugo bar, where we were met by grace k, her husband steve, amy l, and her pal jenny shin. they all bought me drinks and grace brought a beautiful homemade lemon tart thing and they sang for me and my heart felt full. it was only 8 people including me, but they were some of my favorite people. grace hung out a bit longer and we went to another bar across the street before ubering to our respective homes, where i got home around 2 again.

Saturday, September 30: Woke up at 8:58 and pulled on the clothing off the floor i had worn the night before in time to open the door for my mom who arrived at 9:01 a.m. so we could go to geoffrey's in malibu. without brushing my teeth or washing my face, i ran out and drove us to malibu. it was grey and a little drizzly, but we enjoyed a really nice view, ambiance, and service (but mediocre eggs benedict) before heading back home.

Sunday, October 1: my mom wanted to go to church to express her "gratitude" to God, so we went to lake avenue. i had wanted to go to this progressive, LGBTQ-inclusive church in glendale, but in looking at the photos, the demographic looked very young and i didn't want my mom to feel out of place so we went to Lake instead. it was a solid service, and we went to Sierra Madre for some highly recommended chinese food at a place called: Colette, but it was just okay, and there was this soup that was so bland my mom had to ask for salt and pepper. i probably just laid around the rest of the day.

Monday, October 2: what did i do? worked, i guess? did some dishes. threw out trash. chores. oh, i think i walked to the bank and deposited my mom's very generous birthday gift to me. i had a slight miscommunication with my mom regarding when she'd be coming by (she said wednesday, i thought monday), so she came by today anyway, and brought some rice, and we had dinner of kimchi jigae. she just put an offer on a very nearby condo so we talked about what needed to be done (moving, getting rid of things, etc.) and what it would be like for her to live so close by. oh i also went to the market for the first time in a while.

Tuesday, October 3: today was a pretty productive work day, intermixed with more chores. emails, RAS routing slips, commencement notices, dishes, laundry, floor sweeping, a shower, etc. after work i met caroline and patrick at sanamluang and we chatted and ate for about an hour and a half (their treat.)

this is the longest i've gone without crying. we are at: SEVEN DAYS. also i realized this is the first day in maybe the last month that i didn't text amir or danielle. i have been texting them daily, hourly at times, asking how they are, what they're doing, just desperate for human contact, to feel connected, etc. i've been falling asleep to youtube i think just to hear another voice. i'm sleeping later and later as my eyes dry out and glaze over, obsessively looking for an article that interests me, somewhere i might volunteer at, something i might want to buy, somewhere i might want to go, just desperately reaching, searching, for something to settle on, land on. i'm remembering pre-jadai kristal, and that's ... a lot of unsettledness, a lot of boredom, a lot of trying to figure my way out, to find a reason for being. it feels like two steps forward and three steps back.

oh well. at least i'm not crying, not journaling obsessively, not texting desperately. i guess this is progress.

the week ahead: 10/4/2023: in office day (wednesday) plus the postponed dim sum lunch with dana. 10/5/2023: wfh, but need to clear out my balcony for an inspection. 10/6/2023: taking the day off to take my mom to and from an endoscopy appointment. later that day i will go to costco to get my tires rotated. 10/7/2023: facetime therapy with kelda, then tam o'shanter dinner with Tracy and Ash. 10/8/2023: possibly try out that new church, then host kbbq at my place for lorena and reyna.

i've also been cleaning/tidying bit by bit some more. finally moved my icebox to the garage. finally removed my bbq stuff and camp chair from my car (to the garage.) lugged my rug out of the closet so there'll be room for the camp box to go in once i organize/inventory it. the place feels a tiny bit neater, freeer, cleaner. i'm hoping to get the place in tip-top shape in time for sunday's dinner hosting.

feeling ok today. better than i have in some time. hoping it just goes up from here.

[residentfurry]

ok explaining this one too

-the setting is a modernish bathroom. this bathroom is supposed to be Ashley's, which is supported by the sticky notes, photos, and stickers on the mirror.

-lighting draws focus to the mirror and to mari as the center of attention

-I take Ashley's canon casual clothes as a sign that she was deep into emo culture (it was the early 2000s) so I imagine her wanting to style up her living space with stickers (including pikachu, cause as i said before, it was the early 2000s)

-sticky notes! I imagine Ashley as someone who wants to keep on top of things, so she puts colorful sticky notes in her bathroom as a reminder.

-the pink sticky note is a list of things to do. At this point in the au he's taking a break from college for her mental health (and to recover from being kidnapped by a cult LOL) but the list reads

-write paper, do dishes, go for a hike

-it doesn't say that but this hike is where she found mari. the only other sticky note is "call Leon", but since it's crossed out, we can assume she already did (he didn't answer LOL) but next is GET BUG SPRAY, cause, well, ya'know. giant bug girl.

-the photos are all of Ashley, another clue that this is her bathroom. one picture is with her and her university friends, one is with Leon, and the cut off one is with her dad.

-mari is leaning towards the mirror, her reflection is human, but behind her is a verdugo. The verdugo is her, but mari hasn't let go of her human sense of identity yet and still mostly sees herself as human (she's in denial)

-thats where the line "i think i finally see what she sees" comes in. mari still sees herself as the human version of her and is unwilling to let go because she doesn't want to face reality. ashley sees a bioweapon. in this piece mari finally sees both and starts to come to terms with what she's become

i think i finally see what she sees