#verbotene liebe - next generation | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hazelestelle · 4 years ago

Text

Du hast gesagt, du bleibst für immer

@spacerhapsody wanted “angst and tears” and @onlymywishfulthinking wanted an “I love you”. Hope you like it! ♥

Also on AO3

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It’s late, sometime in the middle of the night, and they’re still in the hospital, waiting, not sure if no news is good news.

Livia is sitting on one of the benches, Bobbi leaning against her, her head on her shoulder, and Paul is still in Olli’s arms. He hasn’t let go, just like he said he would, and Paul can’t express how grateful he is for that.

Then, finally, their mum enters the waiting room, and everyone looks up at her.

She sighs, collecting herself, before she says: “He’s in a coma.”

It’s silent for a beat, then Livia asks: “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. He’s alive, but they don’t know when and if he’ll wake up. You…” She takes a deep breath. “You should go home. There’s nothing we can do here.”

Bobbi immediately shakes her head, and Eva takes her hands and pulls her up. “Come on, I’ll stay with you.”

Paul looks at Olli and almost asks him to take him home - to Olli’s place, he immediately amends inside his head, and when did he start thinking of that as home? But then he sees Livia, still sitting on the bench, hunched over and looking so small that he knows he can’t leave her alone now.

He looks back at Olli, not sure how to say this. “I need to be with her now.”

Olli nods immediately. “Of course. Want me to come with you?”

Unsure, Paul bites his lip. “I do want that. But..” He looks at his sister again, and trails off, sure that Olli will get annoyed any minute now.

But he just nods again. “Okay. But if you need anything, or if there’s anything I can do, call me.”

Paul blinks, overwhelmed again by Olli's unwavering support. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, whenever you want.”

He sounds so gentle, and he’s still holding him close, and Paul almost tells him then and there that he loves him, but this is definitely not the right time, and besides, Olli deserves better than a hospital waiting room, and what if he doesn’t even want to hear it. Before he can let these thoughts spiral further, he nods and just says “thank you” again.

Taking a deep breath, he hugs Olli again for a long moment, then he turns to Livia and takes her hand.

“Come on, you can’t stay here.”

She blinks, staring at him for a second, then she nods and gets up.

Putting their sunglasses back on, they prepare for the reporters that are no doubt still waiting outside.

Back at the castle, Paul realises how weird it feels to be back here. He’s mostly stayed at Olli’s place in the past weeks, and Livia has never lived here anyway. And now with their father in prison, their mum staying with Bobbi for the night, and Alex in hospital, it’s even stranger.

They look at each other for a moment, and then without a word, they head up to Alex’ room.

Livia sits down heavily at the foot of the bed, and Paul takes a slight detour to grab a bottle of vodka from his brother’s collection before he joins her.

They pass the bottle in silence for a moment, then Livia says “What if…”

Paul shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“He’s always been... “ She sniffs. “And now he’s…”

She buries her head in his shoulder and he puts his arms around her, and together they just sit there.

At some point, they must have fallen asleep, because when Paul blinks his eyes open, it’s light outside. His whole body hurts and he thinks that this was definitely not a good position to sleep in.

Livia groans and sits up a little. “Ouch. What time is it?”

Paul reaches for his phone, noticing that it’s late afternoon already, and sees a missed call and a few texts from Olli, and Livia clearly sees them too when she looks at the time.

“You should go to him”, she says, and Paul shrugs, so she continues: “It’s fine. I’ll check on mum and Bobbi. So you should go. He’s clearly worried about you.”

Paul sighs. “I know. Just…”

“Just what?” Livia frowns. “I’ve seen you at the hospital. He’s good for you.”

“Yeah, too good.” That much is clear as day, and it just feels easier to let him go than wait for the day where Olli realises that.

“Paul!” Livia scrubs her hands over her face, then she takes him by the shoulders. “Okay, listen. You know you deserve good things, right?”

And Paul can’t answer that, can’t tell her that he doesn’t really believe that, that he thinks that everyone is right about him when they say that he’s a useless disappointment. But of course she gets it anyway.

“I know I’m hard on you sometimes, but I love you. Of course you deserve that. And that guy of yours?” She smiles softly. “He clearly thinks so too.”

Unconvinced, Paul shakes his head. “Maybe. But for how long?”

Now Livia grins. “From what I heard, for as long as you want.”

Paul’s heart skips a beat at that, and he still can’t believe that Olli said that to him, twice now even. He also still can’t believe that he really means it.

“I’m damaged goods though”, he admits quietly, and Livia shrugs.

“So? Aren’t we all? Doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to be loved. So go to him! Okay?”

She lightly pushes his shoulder, but he’s still not convinced.

“I don’t know.”

“Fine.” Livia rolls her eyes and grabs his phone, and before he can do anything, she has texted Olli: “Can I come over?”

The reply is almost instant. “Of course.”

“See?” She grins, clearly proud of herself, and he sighs, giving in, because he knows that he has no choice now anyway.

He does shower and change clothes though, not wanting to show up looking like the disaster he feels he is.

When he arrives at Olli’s place, he takes one look at him and hugs him again, and Paul all but melts into the embrace.

After a moment, Olli softly asks “How are you?”

Paul takes a deep breath. He has tried to stay strong for Livia, but now, safely in Olli’s arms, he can’t stop the tears from falling.

Olli starts gently rubbing his hands up and down his back and softly murmurs things like “It’s okay”, and it just makes Paul cry harder.

After a while, he pulls back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

Olli immediately interrupts him. “You have nothing to apologise for.”

He pulls him into the apartment and they settle on the couch, and Olli keeps holding his hand.

“Any news?”

Paul shrugs. “Livia is checking in with mum and Bobbi, but nothing changed with Alex. And dad… I don’t even know if he knows. Not that he’d care.” He adds bitterly, and Olli squeezes his hand.

“I’m sorry.”

Paul looks at their hands, then up at Olli, whose expression is so warm and gentle that his heart skips a beat.

“You’re amazing, you know that, right?”

At that, Olli smiles. “You’re pretty amazing yourself.”

He leans in to kiss him softly, and Paul responds happily, but then Olli’s hand wanders under his shirt and he pulls back sharply.

“I…” He can’t believe he’s about to say that. “I can’t.”

Olli immediately pulls back too. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry! I…” His heart is beating frantically now and he can’t believe he’s doing this. He knows that sex is the only thing he’s good at, the only thing he’s good for, and refusing Olli now… He should never have come here like this. Olli has been nothing but kind and supportive and wonderful, and now he can’t even do this.

He shakes his head at himself. He should just push through and do this, he owes Olli that much.

His mind made up, he leans back in, but Olli stops him. “What are you doing?”

Paul frowns. “I… You wanted…”

“Yeah, but do you?”

“Of course!” He tries to kiss Olli again, but he leans away even further, and Paul panics a little. Has he fucked up things already?

Olli sighs and looks at him with a serious expression that makes Paul even more nervous.

“Okay, let me ask that again, and be honest with me: Do you want to right now?”

Paul closes his eyes, the lie ready on the tip of his tongue, but then he thinks about how amazing Olli is, and he can’t lie to him, not now, not like this, maybe not ever. So she shakes his head slightly, and with a deep breath, finally says it. “No.”

“Okay.” Olli sounds so final, and Paul feels his heart breaking. So this is it. He knew he couldn’t keep someone this wonderful in his life forever, but he didn’t expect it to be over soon.

Shakily, he gets up. “Right. I’ll just… go.”

“Why?” Olli gets up too and takes his hand again, and Paul doesn’t understand what’s happening.

“Because I… and you…” Does he really have to spell it out?

Olli frowns. “You don’t have to leave just because we’re not having sex.”

“But you wanted to.” Paul is still confused.

“And you didn’t. It’s as simple as that.”

Paul blinks, because nothing about this is simple, and Olli’s frown deepens.

“Paul, you do know that you’re allowed to say no, right?”

He just shrugs, because that’s never really been an option. Not if he wanted to keep seeing whoever he was seeing at the time anyway.

Olli suddenly looks furious, and Paul shrinks in on himself, sure that the inevitable fallout is finally coming.

But Olli just gently cups his cheek with his free hand, making him look at him. “Hey, no, I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at whoever made you think that.” His thumb brushes over his cheek, and Paul wants to cry again. “You can say no whenever you want, okay? You have to know that I’m not in this for the sex. Though that is pretty spectacular”, he adds, making Paul grin fleetingly.

“And even if I were, you’d be allowed to say no anytime. Okay?”

Paul shrugs again, still unconvinced, and Olli sighs.

“Look, I want to be with you. You’re sweet and adorable and funny and sexy and a million other things. So yeah, of course I want to sleep with you. But if you don’t want it too, it’s not gonna be much fun, is it? And besides, that you’re comfortable and safe and happy is way more important than sex could ever be, okay?”

At that, Paul can’t hold back the tears anymore, and he doesn’t really want to anyway.

“I am, you know?”, he says, and Olli looks a little confused.

Paul is sure he’s blushing now, not used to feeling this much, but Olli deserves to hear it.

“When I’m with you, you make me feel all that. Comfortable and safe and happy. So fucking happy.”

“Good.” Olli’s smile is blinding, and when he hugs him again, Paul thinks that maybe he should finally start believing his luck.

They move to the bed not soon after, and Paul falls asleep in Olli’s arms, forgetting about all his troubles for just a moment.

When he wakes up, he notices that they’re still in the same position they fell asleep in, Olli on his back, and Paul half on top of him, his head resting on his shoulder and Olli’s arms wrapped around him, and he realises how true what he said yesterday is. He’s never felt this safe and happy in his life, and it still feels unreal that he gets to have this.

When he feels Olli moving slightly, he lifts his head and sees Olli looking at him with an expression so open and gentle that his breath catches.

“Morning”, he says softly, and Paul smiles.

“Morning.”

“Coffee?”, Olli offers, and Paul considers it for a moment.

“Yeah. But not yet.” He presses a kiss to Olli’s cheek. “Can we just stay here for a bit?”

“Of course.” Olli gently kisses his hair. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Paul sighs. “I don’t know. It all happened so fast. Dad, and then Alex, and I don’t even know what happens with the company now, and everything we worked for with Green Lights, and then you…”

He trails off, and Olli frowns. “I’m adding to your stress?”

“What?” How can he even think that? “Olli, you’re the one good thing in all of this. In fact, the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Olli smiles, but he also looks a little unsure, and with everything he has said, Paul would have never believed that he has doubts too, but maybe he should be clearer about all of this. Even though it terrifies him to let someone see all of him, he knows that Olli deserves it, and he will be as gentle with him as he has been this whole time.

So he takes a deep breath and makes sure that Olli is looking at him when he says: “Olli, I love you.”

Olli’s mouth falls open, but he seems too overwhelmed to even say anything, and Paul smiles.

“I mean, how could I not fall for you? Your kindness and your beautiful heart and your patience, and just your everything. I’ve never felt this way for anyone, and I’m fucking scared, but you make it so worth it.”

Olli blinks, and finally replies, his voice thick with emotion: “You never have to be afraid with me.”

Paul huffs a laugh. “Yeah, that’s probably not gonna go away completely for a while.”

“Hm. Guess I’ll have to keep proving it to you then.” He leans in to kiss him softly, then he says: “I love you too”, and Paul’s heart soars.

Maybe his whole future is uncertain right now, but Olli surely makes him believe in forever.

#olli x paul #verbotene liebe next generation #polli #paul verhoven #fanfiction #mine

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