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iambic-stan · 19 days ago

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Benevolent Heretics

I started writing this the other day and didn't stop until it was done. Can it please happen IRL? I plucked an older character, Vera, from this dream-turned-story and here she is, a bit older and bolder but still somewhat self-conscious.

If it was a waiting room, it certainly didn't feel like any I'd ever occupied. First of all, there was complimentary coffee. Don't misunderstand me, though--it wasn't a slender Keurig sitting next to some Styrofoam cups. There was an actual barista with beautiful taupe skin, box braids, wide-leg jeans and a crop top that said "Hillman College." There was a fancy La Marzocco espresso machine and freshly baked pastries. The lemon basil mini bundt cake looked delicious but I couldn't bring myself to eat. That, and the pastries weren't free and I'd almost gambled all of my paycheck on this visit, hoping for, but not counting on, reimbursement from my insurance. I eyed the dry erase board of specialty drinks, trying to read through ingredients quickly so the barista wouldn't become impatient.

"Baby, you can take your time," she said. "I love your hair, by the way. What do you call that color? It's like there are little specks of gold in the blue when you turn a certain way."

I beamed. "Thank you so much. Lapis lazuli."

"Oh, perfect!"

"Do you have a favorite scene in A Different World?

"When Diahann Carroll is telling Dwayne Wayne to just die," she said without missing a beat.

I laughed. "Oh, I suppose I wanna try a hot Purple Haze?"

"Medium or dark roast?"

"I guess medium?"

I stared at the art behind her. It depicted a dark-haired white man sitting in a booth, a sort of frustrated expression on his face. Seated next to him was a great blue heron that almost seemed to be wearing a smile. So strange.

"And what's your favorite scene?" she asked, setting the drink in front of me, little purple crystals sitting on top of the cloud-shaped foam art. "Lids are on the counter to your right."

At that moment, an older middle-aged woman opened the door across the room, said, "Vera?" and looked in my direction. I took her in for a second. Her long, curly brown hair cascaded over a kaftan with, was it narwhal print? The straps on her sandals were ocean waves.

We made eye contact. "Ready for you," she said, smiling airily.

"Oh!" I said. 'Ok." I grabbed my drink and started walking toward her, then recalled the question. Before I disappeared down the hallway behind the woman, I turned and called out, "When Lena is explaining the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet!" I thought the barista was smiling but it was hard to say.

The hallway was a bit of a labyrinth, but every twist and turn had a surprise. The first treat was a banana ball python in a terrarium. "That's Bert," the woman said, turning back to glimpse my face. "Ernie's at the vet overnight, but he's fine."

"Oh that's adorable!" I exclaimed, sipping my lavender and chamomile latte.

"By the way, I'm Celeste," she said warmly. "It's great to meet you in person." She reached for my hand, her bangle bracelets clanging against each other.

"You're the lady I talked to all last month!" I blurted out. I took the hand she offered, and she gently placed her other hand on top of mine, soft and smelling like jasmine.

I looked up at her, then down at my feet. This woman knew just about everything...about one thing. But it was one of the most important things in my life. It felt frighteningly vulnerable. I racked my brain to recall what I knew about her so I'd feel less disadvantaged. It felt like I was running a search in Windows for "celeste" and opening every relevant file of hundreds, not quite knowing what I expected to find. I knew she was married and had two black labs. She started out as a physical therapist and then decided to specialize in....whatever this was. My own physical therapist had recommended her. She loved David Lynch films, Isabelle Allende novels, and lots of Brazilian bossa nova singers I'd never heard of. She loved Italian restaurants but never ordered spaghetti because "you can make that much better at home." She sang in the choir at the Unitarian church down the road. She researched everything she bought to ensure it was vegan. She had family in Washington, the state. She really liked Animal Farm when she read it in school, too. Everything I knew about her felt so surface level compared to everything she knew about me. And some of what I knew was from doing my own internet research, if I was honest. She let go of my hand and I shuddered for a second when she turned and said, "Just a bit further; we're almost there," and kept walking.

Up ahead, I saw that the walls turned into aquariums full of colorful fish: gouramis, oscars, cichlids, danios, and barbs. I stood mesmerized as she opened a door and motioned for me to step in front of her. "The fish are always a big hit," she said. I followed her into an office-like room with a very 70s vibe. The groovy aesthetic went so far that it had one of those conversation pits with an orange plaid couch and bookshelves. I started reading titles and spotted I Can't Date Jesus and A Queer and Pleasant Danger. She stepped down onto the couch, sat down, and started writing notes in a little pad.

"You can sit," she said, noticing how I was just standing there, my eyes flitting from macrame hanging pots to lava lamps to fabric posters, overwhelmed by all the mustard yellow, avocado, and earthy brown tones everywhere.

I rubbed my sweaty hands together and sat several feet away from her on the same side of the square-shaped couch. I looked her way and my eyes fixated on her turquoise necklace and the movement of her chest as she breathed. My eyes travelled up and I searched for a neck pulse, then quickly looked away as soon as I realized what I was doing. She stopped writing and looked straight at me. "Whatever you're thinking is ok here," she assured me. "Nothing to feel self-conscious about."

"Do you see a lot of people like me?"

"In what way? Do you mean cardiophiles? If so, not a lot, but you're not the first."

I let out a long sigh. "There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about this," I confessed.

"And there's nothing wrong with that. It's more common than you think, even more so for neurodivergent people like yourself."

"I prefer 'neuro spicy,'" I chuckled. She smiled, nodded.

"Is your heart beating fast, Vera?" she asked plainly. It was a simple question, but as soon as she uttered it, the words stretched out in my brain like cold cane syrup. I stared into her eyes and heard the words "heart" "beating" and "fast" over and over again for several seconds. I was so entranced that I didn't hear myself say, "Yeah. It is," until it had already escaped my mouth.

She laughed casually. "And that's perfectly normal. The last time we had a cardiophile here, he was an older man, many years ago. He was recovering from cancer treatment--that was what led him to physical therapy, and then to me. I started out as a more traditional physical therapist, and in my practice I learned about the more unusual ways that physical intimacy healed--for those who have interests that aren't mainstream, and nonsexual kinks, if you will. It works in tandem with conventional physical therapy. I set my own boundaries because I have to, and they are firm, but you might be surprised how much one can do with clothes on, and how gratifying that can be for the client. I don't have a personal investment in most of the services I provide here, but in my line of work I've become deeply interested in sensuality and the multitude of ways that humans experience it. The pre-visit chats are designed to help us feel comfortable with each other, and if you're wondering--yes, they are covered under your insurance, as are our in-person appointments. As long as your therapist and I can justify to the insurance company that you're making progress, they will provide at least partial coverage."

"What if...I no longer need physical therapy but I still want to come here and do this?"

"Many people do, and you can discuss payment plans with Yasmin up front. She's the barista who served you."

"Oh wow. Ok, great."

"Do you want to play music? Since your interest is largely about listening and being listened to, I know that might be a distraction, but I could play it at a low volume. Also, this is something we ask every client."

I nodded, and she continued, "We have a record player and mostly 70s music to fit with the room's motif, but if you want something else, I should be able to pull it up for you."

I only thought about it for a moment. "Do you have Fleetwood Mac's Tusk album?"

She nodded, ascended the two steps that led out of the conversation pit, and crossed the room to an refurbished old phonograph with an oak horn. She flipped through a crate of records and within a minute had retrieved Tusk. "For the longest time, it was all about Stevie for me," she said. "And then, I don't know, I was at a party and they were playing Mirage. Somehow I'd never heard 'Hold Me' and I just thought Christine and Lindsey's voices blended so well. I love all of Christine's tracks on Mirage now, even the cheesiest." I smiled at this anecdote, closed my eyes and listened to the soft whine of Lindsey's slide guitar. Christine's vocals came in as smooth as honey, and I thought about how a song with such insecure lyrics could be so soothing sonically. The sound mattered much more to me.

She reached into an armoire and pulled out a cardboard box. She placed it beside me as she stepped back down into the pit. "You can pick out a stethoscope from there. Or like I said the other day, you can bring your own. I just need an extra minute to sanitize it. Just standard procedure," she shrugged. I rifled through several stethoscopes and pulled out a Littmann with a rose gold teardrop-shaped chest piece and a pink satin finish.

"It's like if Glinda had one," I heard myself saying.

"You liked Wicked?" she asked. "I need to find time to go see it."

"Oh it's sooooo good," I told her.

"Alright, so we have thirty minutes left. I'll lead the session, but your job is also to let me know if there's anything else you need or if you're uncomfortable. In the case of the former, I'll see if I can accommodate, and in the case of the latter, we will stop and discuss what needs to change. Does that make sense?" I nodded. "Ok, if you don't mind, I need you to unbutton the second button on the top of your shirt." I did as she asked, all the while wondering if she could see my heart pounding. My chest was small, so I wasn't revealing any cleavage, but my thin build almost made it easy to see through. She slowly placed the palm of her hand over my heart and kept it there for a few seconds. "I can feel it; it's so fast," she remarked. The practiced smile on her face really only indicated a passing, and I suppose professional, interest in my heartbeat, but that was enough for me.

By the time she was wearing the binaurals and positioning its chest piece on my bare chest, the frantic, rushed "The Ledge" was playing and my heart pounded along with Lindsey Buckingham's bass. Unlike any doctor I'd ever seen, Celeste moved the chest piece all around the terrain of my chest, stopping for a bit at each location to hear what my valves would do. I took deep breaths without realizing it, and I looked down to see the stethoscope rise and fall with my body. "I haven't listened to a great deal of hearts in my line of work, but this one sounds pretty great to me." I looked over at her face, the metal tubes peeking out from behind her hair. There was something so reassuring about looking at someone wearing binaurals like that, knowing they were listening to me. I saw her eyes on her phone and wondered what she was looking at until she said, "109, how about that? That's pretty fast for resting. I'm glad I've gotten your heart to engage with me so fully." I thought I would melt. When she was finished listening, "Think About Me" had played and the mercifully short "Save Me a Place" had just ended.

"Would you like to listen to my heart?" she asked. "It's a little fast because I think it has reacted to yours. Just a heads up. You're welcome to listen if you'd like. But also know that it's ok with me if you don't want to. Either way."

"Can I lay down on the sofa while I'm listening?"

"Absolutely, let me grab one of the throw pillows for your head."

The entirety of "Sara" played while Celeste held the chest piece under her narwhal kaftan and I closed my eyes while facing the ceiling. I mean I knew that "Sara" was the next cut on the record, but the noise-cancelling feature of the stethoscope worked so well that I couldn't even tell music was playing. I just heard her fast heartbeat layered with her steady breathing. For a moment, I wondered how old she was. At least mid-50s, probably? Maybe older. Definitely at least ten years my senior. And all the while, I thought to myself, she'd had this organ working inside of her all the time. Unless she'd had a transplant, I reasoned. But my mind didn't dawdle on those thoughts. With my eyes closed, I could imagine I was swimming, or hiking, or biking. I settled on imagining I was floating in a blue lagoon, seeing a waterfall up ahead. I swam a leisurely breaststroke to the waterfall and let it pour all over my body. And then my mind just went blank. There was just nothing--except for the sound. And the sound was crystal clear and exquisite. I didn't realize how much time had passed and was surprised to hear "but never have I been a blue calm sea," when I took the stethoscope off. We were already at the end of "Storms"?

I sat up, turned around, and saw that Celeste was smiling so warmly I could've mistaken this scene for a Hallmark movie. My brain wanted to stop and take a screenshot of the moment she handed me the other end of the instrument and our hands were both touching it--hers a deep olive, mine rosier. My hands were unadorned but she wore delicate little rings with tiny rhodolite and hematite stones. "You can put it on the end table to your left," she indicated.

"If it was mine it would have a gender and a name and everything," I told her excitedly.

She laughed heartily and I had a revelation that being proud of making your therapist laugh applies to just about all types of therapists. "How was that?" she asked.

"It was wonderful. You sound great. It--it was great," I said with the imagination of a Tumblr bot.

"Did you tell me a few weeks ago you have an electronic stethoscope?"

"Yes--an Eko Core 500 named Christine, actually."

"Feel free to bring her next time." She pulled out her phone. "I have you down for...this time in two weeks. Does that still work for you?"

"Yes, that sounds great," I said like a broken record. I would have more and better words for the experience later.

She asked if I had any questions, and if this was what I'd had in mind. No and a million times yes. We exchanged more small talk about weekend plans--work and a hike for me, house cleaning and possibly seeing Wicked with her partner for her. She walked me back through the labyrinth and I waved goodbye to an indifferent Bert. I made sure to give Yasmin a thumbs up on my drink as I sipped the rest on my way out, and when I stepped out into the chilly December morning, I felt brand new.

#cardiophilia #cardiophile #stethoscopes #auscultation #cardiophile story #cardiophilia story #therapy #70s #Fleetwood Mac #A Different World #1970s

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alldancersaretalented · 7 months ago

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How many placing dancers won 1st at regionals (including Radix)

disclaimer: just thought it might be interesting, especially because certain dancers who won 4/4 times didn't place at all.

Minis that placed:

4/4: Belle Marie Arauz, Stella Brinkerhoff

3/4: Sylvie Win Szyndlar, Kennedy Marble, Mikayla Isler

2/4: Tatum Self, Junie Beus, Chase Lang

1/4: Savannah Jackson, Harper Schwalb, Abbey Scott, Melina Biltz

Dancers that won at regionals but didn't place in overalls at TDA LV (only including dancers that scored a DJ's Pick!):

3/4: Jessica Sutton (1)

1/4: Aria McCrea, Soleil Lynch, Kinley Harper, Naomi Harper, Remington Frye, Kaci Oh (6)

Juniors that placed:

4/4: (0)

3/4: Aria Du, Ella-Nani Knight (2)

2/4: Skylar Wong, Kelsie Jacobson, Brooklyn Ward, Charlotte Shinnefield (4)

1/4: Isla Gardner, Monica Gonzalez, Violet Schwarz, Bella Charnstrom, Vera Escamilla (5)

Teens that placed:

4/4: (0)

3/4: Makaia Roux (1)

2/4: Lilly Allen, Taylor Morrison, Claire Monge, Kylie Kaminsky, Stella Condie, Keelyn Jones (6)

1/4: Savannah Manzel, Laci Bloss, Klaire Simek (2)

Dancers that won at regionals but didn't place in overalls at TDA LV (only including dancers that scored a DJ's Pick!):

1/4: Failenn Daley, Gigi Mourad, Kinley Bertrand, Alexis Alvarez (4)

Seniors that placed:

4/4: (0)

3/4: Izzy Lynch, Hudson Pletcher, Caleb Abea, Lola Iglesias (4)

2/4: Keira Redpath, Cameron Kennedy, Ayla Rodriguez (3)

1/4: Eric Barker, Caroline Skrable, Brielle McCoy, Bella Jarvis (4)

Dancers that won at regionals but didn't place in overalls at TDA LV (only including dancers that scored a DJ's Pick!):

1/4: Charly Frost, Gianna Mojonnier, Kieran Holmes, Mia Ibach (4)

#just thought this was interesting #just shows that dance is subjective #which some people on here don't understand #dance #dancer #dancers #talent

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nkirukaj · 7 months ago

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Our Renaissance (3)

Pairing: Human!Alastor x Fem! OC

Warnings: Swearing, Implied Racism (Threats of Lynching), Threats of Sexual Assault, Graphic Depictions of Violence, 1920s Slang

Genre: Slight Angst (& Humor!)

Word Count: 5.8K

1925

A pale fist connects with Alastor’s chin, while another hits his gut, and the last hits him right in the crotch. He’s not holding back, however, he lands a few on the other three guys, but nowhere near causing the same amount of damage as they did to him. One came from behind him, wrapping their arms around his throat, he searched for air for a few, until landing a kick in the assailant’s crotch. Alastor reaches out to land another punch, getting his skin slit by one of the men’s knives, he cries out in pain as the punches continue on. He was completely unaware of his surroundings until he heard a voice calling.

“Alastor? What are you doing? Alastor? Alastor!”

The moment he saw her, all of it came rushing back. He wanted so badly to be angry with her, but looking at her beautiful face, he just couldn’t.

“What’s going on here? Leave him alone!”

“Stay out of it broad,”

That fired Alastor up and he landed his bloody fist on the guy’s face

“Alastor, come on. Please?” she stares into his eyes and he spits the blood out of his mouth, choosing to walk away after the guys got one last hit to the shin

“That’s what I thought! And you!” The leader points at Vera “Watch yourself, Jane, next time to stop us from taking our cut, we might end up taking the cut outta you, dollface!” He winks at her, thrusting towards her as she grimaces at their lewd gestures. Alastor’s expression darkens.

“Hear that boy?!” they call after them “We all gon’ take a piece of her!” He points to himself and his friends “1,2,3! Take her from the back. Though I might wanna see that pretty face!” Their voices get quieter as Vera and Alastor increase the distance between the two groups. Vera turns to him

“Why were you fighting?”

He scowls, not responding at first “They said Maman would make a pretty tree ornament,”

Vera doesn’t understand immediately, but gets it within a few moments “Oh,” she says with a blank face

“Yeah,”

She looks at his bleeding hand “We ought to go to your mama-“

“No!” She stops to look at him “I can’t let her know I’ve been fighting again.” He mumbles

“All right then, I suppose that I could fix you up, but I don’t have much experience with boys.”

“Where have you been anyway? Feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” he asks once they get to her room. She pulls out her first aid and sewing supplies.

She rolls her eyes, while she bandages his knuckles “It’s only been 2 years. And my daddy said that I wasn’t allowed to come the past two because I needed to focus on my schoolwork.”

He furrows his brow “I thought you were grown,” he smirks

“College,” she says like it’s obvious

“Oooh you a college girl,” he wiggles his eyebrows

She blushes “Well, I did just graduate. And now, my daddy says after Mardi Gras I can head off to LA!”

“Ah, that’s right. You wanna be an ‘actress’” he speaks teasingly

She stares at him, offense taken “And you wanna be on the radio.” she spits back, her voice full of venom “I don’t see why you think your dream is more reachable than mine.”

He stares down at his bloody hand as she cleans it “I don’t.”

“Then why do you keep mocking me?”

“Oh, darlin’ I’m not mocking you. I just think that radio is a superior medium.”

“And why is that?”

“Because all that matters is the voice. If you’ve got the voice, people will listen. You can be successful, no matter what you look like.” He watches her place the hydrogen peroxide on his wound and he hisses with pain.

“Sorry,” she looks a bit sheepish

“Anyway, with movies and plays, you gotta look exactly how they want. That’s unrealistic. Well, I mean not for you, since you’re a regular Sheba. But for folks like me, we wouldn’t exactly fit on the movie screens.”

She’s taken back a bit by his compliment, but she doesn’t show it “You think you’re ugly?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“You said I’m a regular Sheba when you’re a Sheik!” she prepares the needle for the amateur stitches she was about to give him.

Alastor wiggles his eyebrows “You think I’m sexy?” he leans in toward her

She giggles and pushes him back, “You have to stay still. Here, gimme your hand.” He places it in her hand and she starts to sew up the gash. Alastor tried to hide the pain, but each wince made it clear how he was feeling when the needle pierced his flesh. “Sorry,” she said again

“It’s alright darlin’ it’s not your fault I busted my hand.”

“No, I mean…I’m sorry for not writing to you, and not coming since 2 years ago. I bet you thought I forgot about you.” He had thought that, but he chose to stay silent instead of responding. When she finished sewing up the wound and knotting it, she held his hand in both of hers “I’d never forget you.” she said

There’s a beat of silence, where he stares at her and she stares at his hand that she continues to hold, before she clears her throat and drops it, causing him to wince once more. She looks apologetic and reaches for him, but pulls back at the last second. Alastor clears his throat and breaks the silence.

“Ugh, I would hate for Maman to see me like this,” he turns his hands over, looking at the crudely stitched-up gash on his otherwise smooth skin

“Maybe wear some gloves then,” she chides him. Vera reaches into a drawer on her nightstand, pulling out a pair of black gloves and handing them to him. He looks skeptical “They’re made of the best material. They stretch! Try them!”

Alastor takes them cautiously and looks them over. He looks up at Vera and back down at the gloves, thinking about whether this was a good idea, but considering he had no other options and nothing else to lose, he slid the gloves onto his hands. Surprisingly they did fit. Either these gloves were as stretchy as Vera claimed, or he had some seriously small hands.

“Thank you,” he said

“See? Perfect fit.”

He reaches for her hand and intertwines his fingers with hers “So is this,”

He leans toward her large pink lips and she lightly pushes his chest with her gloved hand “Um, bank’s closed, Alastor” she chuckles

Alastor moves back only a few inches, staring at her with relaxed, lidded eyes “Cash or check?”

Vera blushes furiously “Excuse me?” She giggles “How do you know there will be another chance?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t think about me.”

She glances around the room “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” blushing harder

Alastor raises an eyebrow, his mouth harboring a giant smirk “Don’t tell me you forgot. Last time you came, I took you in the woods…”

She waves her hands in front of her face, trying not to smile “Don’t remind me.”

He scooches closer “Why not? It’s such a…pleasant…memory” he leans in again and finally his lips catch hers in a small kiss, then back in for a longer one. She rests her hands on his chest, sliding them up to his shoulders and neck. As they’re necking, his hand slides up to her breasts and he takes one, squeezing it. Vera moans quietly as he massages it, occasionally feeling her nipple through the fabric.

The sound of footsteps is heard coming up the staircase and Vera gently pushes Alastor, whispering “Someone’s coming,”

“So?” he pulls her closer to him by her waist, making her giggle while he kisses her cheek and jaw

She pushes him “I’m serious,” she says between giggles

“You don’t sound like you’re serious Miss Giggles,” he tickles her further

“Alastor stop!”

“I hope it’s not your father!” he whispers

The doorknob turns “Young lady we do not lock doors,” Cassius says on the other side

“Now you have to hide,” she whispers

“I do?” he asks, like a jerk

“Stop! This is serious!” she playfully slaps his chest while whispering

Cassius turns the knob further “Vera, what are you doing in there? Open the door! Vera!”

“I can’t have boys in my room. Hide in the closet,”

“Alright…” he allows himself to be pushed into the closet

He watches through the crack as Vera undoes her clothing slightly, pulling it off her arms. Alastor feels a throbbing in his crotch as he watches her peel away the layers.

“Vera!”

She opens the door a crack “Yes Daddy?”

“What’s going on in here?” he asks with a scowl

“I was trying to get dressed, I got dirty on my walk so I had to change clothes. Did you need something?”

He looks past her in the room “I heard some…noises in here, I thought you might be up to something…inappropriate,”

“No, it’s just me,”

Her father purses, his lips “Remind me to check you out. That whole ‘talking to yourself’ thing makes you sound screwy,” and he walks away

“Oh my,” Alastor speaks from the closet when she goes to open it, “I thought he’d never leave,”

“You almost got us caught!” She slaps his chest

“Aww,” he purrs “Scared Daddy would think I was defiling his daughter?” he gives her an evil grin “Already did that,”

She blushes “Enough games! You need to leave,”

“Do you really want me to leave?” He leans down toward her, his grin stretching the ends of his face

“You need to leave,” she says, not looking directly at him

“Alright, alright,” he puts his hands up “I will just be out in your backyard..working, as always,”

“Go! Shoo!” she whisked him out before anyone else could catch them.

______________________________________________________________________

Alastor was crouched down, examining each individual flower, their stems and petals when Vera snuck up to him and spoke.

“You ever been to a party?”

He is caught off-guard by her voice to the point where he falls over, she giggles at the sight and he is mixed with a sense of humiliation and adoration, quite confusing for him. He stands and dusts himself off, replying “I’ve been to my mother’s birthday party. Is that what you’re getting at?” with his brow furrowed

She shakes her head “No, I meant a cocktail party. Like the ones you see in films? Where they dress all ritzy and dolled up, and drink margaritas and of course, cocktails?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,”

“You’ve never seen a film?”

“Once. After Maman saved up,”

Vera purses her lips “Hmm,” she leans her weight on one leg “Would you like to attend one?”

“A film?” he raised his brow “I don’t know, I have much work to be done-“

“No! A party!” Vera smirks

“A party?” Alastor almost laughs in her face “Oh, definitely not,”

Vera looks perplexed “And why not?”

“I am not going to a party surrounded by a bunch of fat cats in suits, looking down on me,”

She rolls her eyes “My father is bringing me as a networking opportunity, you should come too!”

Alastor’s complexion is touched with a hint of pink “I don’t think I would fit in very well there,” he replied simmering with anger at his situation

Vera’s eyes are filled with confusion “Do you not still want to work in radio? To be a radio star?” She asked her tone dripping with wonder

“Yes,” he mumbles

“Then come with me. I will not take no for an answer.” She stands her ground, with her arms crossed

“I’m not sure doll, am I even allowed?”

“Oh I’ll take care of that, don’t you worry about it.” She winks at him

He stares at her apprehensively “I suppose,”

She startles him again while he is cutting grass by hand, almost chopping off his own finger.

“Guess what?”

He jumps back “You must stop doing that!” he sounds deeply irritated when saying this

She leans back and crosses her arms “Would you like to hear it or not?

He stands and sighs “Go ahead,”

Vera giggles and jumps up and down “Your attendance was approved!” she grins at him

“Hmm? Oh, the party, wonderful,” he offers a false grin “However, I did just realize that I do not have the proper attire to attend. I do not own a suit,” he offers

“Okay! I’ll get you one!”

His grin falls slightly “I could not ask you to do that,”

“You’re not,” she asserts “We will pay your mother to make you one,” she claps once

His smile falls completely “Do not make her do that, she has more important things to do,”

Vera raises her brow “Like her job? Which is to make what she’s paid to?”

“For her clients,”

“That’s us!” she tilts her head

He squints at her, his expression darkening, but she seems not to notice “You’re doing it for me,”

“I’m doing it for me,” she gives him a sly smirk

“Yes because a woman needs a suit,” he spits sarcastically

She rolls her eyes again “You are my plus one, this is for me,”

“I suppose,” the confidence in his voice dropped. This would be an amazing opportunity, but to wear his mother’s labor? He would be no better than Vera’s father, or any of the other customers who requested work from them. Would he become the fat cat?

“Have we reached an understanding?”

“We have,” he states plainly

The door to the backyard was open so that all- of Vera’s kin - could see out.

“Son!” Mr. Bates called from inside “I’m sure you’ve got more work to do, don’t you little Fontenot?”

Alastor’s eyes set in his head darkly, as he stares at him through his dark lashes, as Mr. Bates stares him down.

“Vera, I have something for you sweetheart!” she brightens up at the thought of a gift “But you must come inside to receive it!”

“Is it my gown?!”

“I’m not sure, you’ll have to come inside and see,” he sings

She runs towards her father with glee “Oh!” she turns back to Alastor “It’s tomorrow night!” and runs inside the house, her father slamming the door behind her, as the rain starts pouring down, Cassius stares as Vera opens the parcel, fully expecting the work to be finished.

___________________________________________________________

“It was so nice of Miss Vera to invite you, don’t you think baby?” May asks as she threads the final part of his suit together. She looks up at him “Alastor? What’s eating you?”

A deep scowl is present on his face, the storm in his mind evident. “It doesn’t feel right,”

“What doesn’t feel right?” she stands up

“Them having you make this for me, so I can stand around begging for some from these narcissistic high-brow men and women. It’s like we’re objects to them!” he crosses his arms,

May waves him off “Oh don’t be silly Alastor! This is an amazing opportunity for you! Miss Vera is so thoughtful to think of your dreams when attending this party, and Mr. Bates is so considerate to allow you to attend. They didn’t have to pick you,” she fixes his collar and tilts her head “This could do wonders for you Alastor. You could end up a big-shot radio host because of this night. I know you’ve got what it takes,” she pinches his cheek

“Maman,” he laughs and swats her hand away “I’m a man now,”

“You wouldn’t know it living here with me,” she laughs “When you get big you can move out and live on your own. And you can stop picking and pruning flowers for your Mama. Besides, you’ll always be my baby,” she smiles warmly

“I told you, I don’t like leaving you alone,”

“Sure, that’s why,”

“Besides we don’t have the money for that kind of transition at the moment,”

“But you will, after tonight” May hands him a box

He looks it over “What’s this?”

“I think, that since Miss Vera was so kind as to invite you to this party, you should bring her a gift,”

He opens the box and smiles, looking up at his mother “Of course Maman,”

Alastor fiddled with his tie during his trek to the Bates’ vacation home. The bow tie fit him well, but his neck was not used to the sudden constriction. His hands trembled, almost dropping the box twice. He thought about this chance and all the ways he could mess it up. The chances that he would regret it were astronomical. He walked up to the front of the house and saw Mr. Bates and Vera standing in front of a car. Mr. Bates in a navy blue upper-class suit and Vera in a gorgeous extravagant cocktail gown in light pink. When he approached, Vera’s lips pulled back into a large grin, while Mr. Bates’s remained a tight line.

Alastor opened his mouth, but his words were stolen by Vera and her beauty.

“Hi,” she says in a low velvety voice

“Salutations,” he spoke breathlessly, staring at her in awe

Mr. Bates clears his throat “The car has been waiting,” he turns to his daughter “Shall we?”

“Of course, Daddy,” she turns to Alastor “Come then,” she enters the car and he follows her

The ride is quiet and tension-filled before Vera speaks again “Your mother made you a very nice suit. You clean up very well,” she glances at him

“Hmm, I suppose I look quite well in it,” he looks down at himself giving her a small smile

“I guess May hasn’t quite learned how to make hats,” Mr. Bates commented from the front seat

“Daddy hats are for older men,”

“Ugh, you think I’m old?” he asks playfully

“Yes,” she answers laughing

Alasstor sits, fiddling with the box not knowing what to say

“Hello Alastor?” she calls for his attention “Bonjour,” she glances at him with lidded eyes

“Bonjou cher” he responds, deep and silky

She giggles “What is ‘cher’?”

“It’s just a Creole term of endearment. Would you prefer I call you, ‘my dear’?”

“No, I like it. ‘Cher’,” she smiles

He grins widely “This is for you,” he hands her the box he’d been holding, and his smile brightens seeing her face as she opens it.

“Oh my goodness! Is this a corsage?”

He nods “Indeed it is,”

She tries to fasten onto herself but fails miserably.

“If I may?” he reaches over to help her fasten the flower to her dress

“Doesn’t really match the dress now does it?” Mr. Bates called again

“Daddy, I love it! It’s so gorgeous!”

“Alright alright,”

Alastor leans back in his seat, unsure of how the rest of the evening would go. Walking into the venue was just as nerve-wracking as he thought that it would be. All the rich people stared at him as if he were an animal, something to tame or even worse, something meant to entertain them. He was silent as the Bates’s were greeted, he was no longer Alastor, he was simply ‘+1’.

“Cassius! My dear friend, so good to see you!” one of the men embraced him with a handshake

“Stanley, my good man, how have you been?”

“Not too shabby, I invested in some promising stock these past few months. But you know all the hub of the women and the coloreds asking ‘rights this’ and ‘rights that”, you must know how it is Cassius,”

Mr. Bates nods “I do indeed, which I raise my daughters up the right way. By you remember, my eldest daughter Vera?”

The man turns to Vera “Vera? This is Vera?”

“Hello,”

“Last time I saw you you were about 10?”

“Oh, 10 and a half, as she always said,” he chuckles

“My my, you’ve grown into such a lovely young woman, do you have an intended?”

“She does not,”

“Is she looking?” They cackled

Vera looks around in confusion. She whispers to her father “I do not understand,”

Mr. Bates grabs her arm “Shh,”

“Cassius come and see the other fellows,”

He turns back to his daughter “Go around and introduce yourself, and mind your manners, young lady,” and like that, he is whisked away

Vera turns around and is startled to see Alastor behind her “You were so quiet, I forgot you were there,”

“Oh no, just observing,” he offered

Observing indeed. Observing how these fat cats felt about and treated ladies and colored folk like himself. How they treated the help. If he was meant to fit in and network with these people, then this was a lost cause.

“May I have a drink?” she asks one of the men carrying glasses on plates. He hands her one, “Two actually, one for my friend here?” Alastor reaches for the glass cautiously as the server gives him an unwelcoming look. “Thank you,”

They can feel it, they can see it, they can smell it. They know I don’t belong here, I don’t know how they know it or how they can tell, but they know it, everyone knows it and I’m the fool staying here knowing that I don’t belong.

“Are you okay?” she asks him, noticing his wandering eyes and his shaking hands

“I’m just fine my dear,” he lies “The party is lovely,”

“Drink,” she tells him “One glass will calm your nerves,”

“I shouldn’t,”

“But you should,” she presses onto his arm, pushing it up towards his mouth

“You are trying to get me in trouble, Miss Bates,”

“I am trying to get you to let your walls down,”

“You’re trying to get me to break the law,”

She flutters her lashes “No one here is going to tell,”

“Well if they did I’d have to kill them,”

She laughs and he similarly smiles “Watch,” she takes her drink and downs it in one go, placing the empty glass on a counter “See?”

He sighs “Fine,” and swallows it down, the warmth rushing all over him

Vera leans into him “Now how do you feel?”

“The same,” he chuckles

“Just wait,”

Within the hour the drink had taken its toll on Alastor, his grin took up his entire face as he listened and watched people move to the gorgeous tones of the jazz music being played by the band.

“Someone looks happy,” Vera glides around to the front of him

He shrugs “I suppose I am…enjoying myself,”

“Enough to dance with me?”

He blinks behind his lenses and stares into hers “Sure, why not?” he takes her hand, leading her to the middle of the dance floor, grasping her tightly as he leads her, moving to the music. He is quite light on his feet, in a way that she could not imagine, she is stunned by his dancing ability and finds herself charmed further by the garden boy.

“And you said you’ve never been to a party,”

“Not these kind, my dear,”

“You’ve been dancing with older ladies? Hmm, you might make me jealous,” she smirks

His eyebrows raise with intrigue “You jealous? Why is that?”

“I suppose because this is how I have to find out that I’m not your only dance partner,”

“You know you can dance with me anytime you want,” his grin is bright and charming, a wide white grin that had her heart doing flips inside of her chest. His eyes were unmoving and bore directly into her, causing her cheeks to redden and her eyes to avert from him. As his fingers were about to turn her chin back to his face she heard a masculine voice calling her name.

“Vera!” She turns towards it seeing a face familiar to her “Oh Vera is that you?”

She pulls away from Alastor, eager to stop feeling exposed and vulnerable, but his hand remains on her waist. Vera pushes a piece of her hair behind her ear.

“Sonny?” she asked stunned

“Vera!” he approaches her with his arms open and she embraces him, fully removing herself from Alastor’s grip.

“Oh my goodness, I didn’t see you when you first came in, so I thought you hadn’t come!”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily!”

They laugh like old friends as Alastor looks the man up and down, he’s tall and thin. Pale, with short blonde hair and a large nose. Alastor wasn’t exactly sure how to feel, all he knew was that he wanted this man to disappear immediately

“So Vera who’s this youngster I saw you getting cozy with on the dance floor?”

“Well, do you remember the promising young man that I wrote to you about?”

“Oh, right Alastar? Alastore? Where is he?” he looks around

Vera sarcastically gestures toward Alastor “Alastor, pleasure to be meeting you, sir. Quite a pleasure,” Alastor sticks his hand out to the man to shake. Sonny takes it and shakes it with wide eyes.

“Oh! Alastor, what an…interesting suit you have on,” Sonny looks him up and down

Before Alastor can scowl, Vera interjects “Alastor is very passionate about radio,”

“Oh? Listen to the radio quite a lot? Interested in my work, huh?”

Alastor’s eyes popped, he finally understood what Vera was doing by introducing him to this man, she was networking for him. “Yes indeed sir. I believe radio is the future!”

“Well, you are very right about that. I want to bring radio to future generations, making sure that it lasts,”

“Genius idea sir,” Alastor replies humbly

“I was pretty much the brains behind the beginning of radio,”

“Now don’t con him, Sonny,”

Sonny waves her off “Oh I’m just teasing. Well, you two have a great night. Vera, tell your father I said hello,” he turns to leave

“Wait, Sonny!”

“Hmm?” he turns back around

“Remember how I told you that he has a really dynamic personality?”

“Uh huh?” Sonny raises an eyebrow

“Perfect for a…radio show host…?”

Sonny sighs into his hands “Vera, may I speak with you for a moment?” he places a hand on her waist and pulls her off to the side.

Alastor fiddles with his fingers as he watches the two of them converse across the bar. Conversing, about him. His heart begins palpitating and he can’t control his own thoughts. They would never want me. What am I doing here? Why did I let her convince me to come here? What a ridiculous dream.

“Vera,”

“Yes?”

Sonny sighs once more “I understand that you’d like to help your little ‘friend’…but I will explain something that you as a lady would not know. You cannot have nobodies coming from nowhere as part of your business. It’s just bad press, what would the papers say?”

“That you’re revolutionary for turning this ‘nobody’ into a ‘somebody’? Besides, every somebody was a nobody at one point,”

“Ah, but the difference is…those nobodies were able to pay to get themselves where they are. I cannot just have anyone on the radio, especially someone who looks like their mother still dresses them,”

They both glance over at Alastor, who fiddles with his fingers, looking down.

“I thought radio wasn’t about looks,”

“You have to see the bigger picture, it’s not just about radio. It’s about being around the right people to get the radio where I want it to be. I want to move forward, not backward,”

“Is it not progressive for you to have the first local station to have a colored man on your broadcast? Let alone have his own show?” she stares him down

He ponders Vera’s words, looking back and forth between her and Alastor “Fine.” he saunters back over to the young man “You young man, will report to WWL at 8 pm sharp. You will have six seconds, you will wow me with those six seconds or it’s not happening. And you,” he gestures for Vera to come to him “If he does not wow me in those 6 seconds, it will cost you your acting career, you won’t even have a chance to have a career, and your father will be done. Do we have an understanding?”

Vera’s wide grin falls “Yes,” she says solemnly

“Great, have a good evening” he tilts his hat to the young lady and exits the party, pushing past Cassius who looks over and scowls in Alastor’s direction.

Alastor has no control over his thoughts or body once again but is on the opposite side of the spectrum. He doesn’t move when Cassius sees him, when Vera approaches him, or when she starts speaking.

“So…I believe thanks are in order?” She leans on the table near him

He snaps back at attention, rolling his eyes “Thank you,”

“You’re welcome, I just put a lot on the line for you,” she speaks as though this was not a big deal

“Well, thank you. I appreciate it,”

“Seriously, everything we’ve worked for depends on you,”

He lids his eyes “That is a lot of pressure,”

“Indeed,” she stares up at him, eyes boring into his now. At this moment he was the one who wanted to shirk away from the gaze, but there he stayed captivated by her gaze, at least until feeling a large and heavy hand fall on his shoulder.

“Vera, how is your night going, sweetheart? Drawing a lot of attention to yourself huh, son?” He turns to Alastor, who pulls away from his touch

“Cassius, I didn’t know you dabbled in charity work,” A woman passed by, placing her hand on the man’s arm.

“Vera, did you have enough fun tonight?”

“I was meant to speak to Shannon tonight, but I cannot find her,”

“Yes, you know she’s busy with her baby,”

“That’s right, she did have a baby,” she remembers

“I think It is time for us to turn in, do you not agree?”

Vera pouts “Oh father,” she whines

“Now now, do not pout. It is unbecoming of a lady,”

Alastor feels as though he’s floating on air when he speaks “I believe that Vera handled herself with the utmost amount of poise and grace tonight. She is a young adult, and she can stay out for a few more hours in my opinion,”

Vera turns to her father with hopeful eyes and a grin, silently pleading.

“Return to the car Vera,”

Her grin drops and she turns her nose up “I will pout all I please,” she walks out, pushing past her father

Alastor begins to follow her toward the car when he is stopped by Cassius’s hand on his chest “You, come with me,”

Cassius leads Alastor out the door, but far away from the car that Vera waits in.

“Is there something you need sir?” Alastor falsifies humility, smirking all the while

“Cut the shit,”

Alastor’s grin gets wider, though he pretends to try to hide it “I’m sorry?”

“You should be. You should be very sorry. I don’t know who you think you are, but you and your mother are this close to being unemployed. Then you can go from living in a shack to living on the street. Wouldn’t that be fun? Don’t you love the music?” he asks passive-aggressively

Alastor’s grin falls at the threatening of his mother “How dare you threaten my mother?” he scowls, his expression turning dark

“Aww, I didn’t know the poor had feelings,” Cassius looks smug “Listen to me, boy. You can be as much of a smartass as you like, but you and your other will always live in that shack. You are here because of me. I could tell them all about you, truth or lies, you are here because I am respected, with my word, you and your mother could end up hanging from trees like ornaments. So watch who you’re speaking to, and who you contradict,” The flames in Alastor’s chest burned brightly and angrily, his fingers making a fist “And one last thing, stay away from my daughter,” he walks toward the car where Vera waits, “Enjoy the walk home,” he says before entering the car

“Where’s Alastor?”

“He wanted to take a walk to clear his mind,”

The engine revs up and pulls away, leaving Alastor standing as it begins to rain again.

“Lovely,” he spits

With his hair and his clothes stuck to his body, Alastor trudges on his way back home, hearing the familiar voices of some idiots he’d met before.

“Hey boy!” they called out following him, whistling and taunting him “Hey! Where’s your little Jane? Huh?”

Alastor trudges forward, it was all he could do to not react. He was almost home, and then he could peel off these shoes and this suit and wallow in his own misery.

“Hey, boy! Hey!” they whistle “Hey negro! See that’s what happens when they get right, they forget how to show respect,” he spits and throws a beer can at Alastor, who stops and readjusts his jaw, allowing them to catch up

“Hey boy,” he hears the man flip open his knife “thick you too good to speak?”

“We gon’ have to teach you a lesson?”

The knife guy chuckles “I could take it out of that pretty little doll you was with last time? Where she at? Huh? She not gon’ save you?”

“Or we could take outta his motha’”

The guys start laughing as the rage builds up inside Alastor, and he loses control of his body and thoughts for the third time that night, grabbing the man’s knife and stabbing him repeatedly, splattering his blood all over his suit and skin as the man falls to the ground, bleeding out. The others stand and watch as both twitch, the man in pain and Alastor in anger.

“Why you fucking-“ another guy runs up toward him, but Alastor counters by slitting his throat, the third man jumps, tackling Alastor from behind and taking him to the ground.

They roll around on the grass, Alastor struggling, as the man tries to choke him, punching and hitting him in the gut and wrapping his hands around his neck and squeezing, Alastor kicks backward, in the third man’s shin and he falls back to the ground as Alastor falls to his knees, searching the grass for the knife, finding it right as the last man goes to pounce on him. He rolls from under his spot, getting onto his feet and plunging the knife into his back over and over and over again. Hearing his spine crunch and his organs splatter, he digs the knife in and twists, taking pleasure in the eradication of scum life, the power coursing through his veins. He kept going long after the man had stopped moving, and when he finished, Alastor took a deep breath, finally feeling in control once again.

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child0feden · 3 months ago

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˖◛⁺⑅do you have any favorite songs? (metal or non-metal, both are cool!!)

also, i love your account. your writing, even when you're just answering asks, is so good!! 🫠

is writing something you study, or is it more like a hobby for you? i always get inspired whenever i read your stuff tbh.

seriously tho, your whole vibe is so sweet (｡･･｡) just wanted to say i really appreciate what you do here! 💖

oh goshhh… i have so so so many favourite songs! you have unleashed a demon through this question lolol! hopefully you don’t mind that i am about to put quite a damn few hehe

despair by trembling void ( just a genuinely gorgeous black metal song, the drums and guitar really do something for me, not to mention the vocals! but to be honest, the whole album is very very very good and i would recommend you check it out )

sorci��res by darvulia ( another black metal song where the instruments are just… so good! along with the vocals, of course! very amazing song, love their band logo too )

where restless souls wander by sarastus ( the first time i heard this song, i was absolutely gobsmacked at how much my brain loved it! i think i’m very easy to please but everything about this one just hits right for me, the drums especially )

odin killer of nazis by nuclear hammer ( the horn blowing and drum banging in this one just wowww, my brain loves it for some reason! vocals are of course very good too )

pines and mist by old tower ( arghhh, i just love some good atmospheric music! another one where you should definitely check out the whole album )

xtal by aphex twin ( who the hell does not love some aphex twin? just got this album on cd a couple days ago, love it )

siccmade by brotha lynch hung ( you just cannot go wrong with some lynch! the friday the 13th “ ch ch ch ah ah ah ” in the background of this song is just… chefs kiss! i find myself saying “ oh what a bloody mess ” every time i get my period because of this song )

unshaken by d’angelo from the red dead redemption II soundtrack ( just such a beautiful song, damn near makes me cry every time i hear it! his live performances of it are always just amazing too! his voice is just jaw dropping to me )

snake eater by cynthia harrell from the metal gear solid V soundtrack ( another just absolutely beautiful song with an even more gorgeous voice… her live performance of this in tokyo was absolutely fucking incredible! just one of those “ must listen to at least once in your life ” songs )

promise by akira yamaoka from the silent hill 2 soundtrack ( this song, to me, belongs to mary… whenever i think of this song, i just think of mary and the end of the game! the remake version of this song is just so so so good too, it played during the credits and did i cry? yep, like a fucking baby! the guitar work touches my soul so deeply )

okay, those are all of the reasons i’m going to give but here are some of my other favourites! just to keep this post at least a little short lolol! i could keep this list going for so long…

isolation by jute gyte - exhibition by corentin brasart from the decarnation soundtrack - involuntary disturbance by avith ortega - all or none by pearl jam

i am the black wizards by emperor - straighten up and fly right by the andrews sisters - frankensteina strataemontanus by carach angren

a world of madness by akira yamaoka from the silent hill 2 soundtrack - blood on my swordblade by godkiller

contempt by entombed - you’re not here by akira yamaoka from the silent hill 3 soundtrack - flesh ripper by hellripper - thunder of darkness by immortal

she’s my witch by kip tyler - to hell and back by venom - no care by daughter - blood spattered banner by carcass

we’ll meet again by vera lynn - my dark subconscious by morbid - day of suffering by morbid angel

you spin me round by dead or alive - every day is exactly the same by nine inch nails - necromancer by mortuary drape - goatcraft torment by urgehal

thank you so much! i’m super glad you love my blog… still find it hard to believe, even months down the line of creating it! awh, thank you again! sometimes i worry about my writing not being the greatest but then you guys come in and just shower me in so much love, more than i could ever feel worthy of…

writing is just a hobby for me, at least at the minute! i’m not studying anything right now, just kind of getting my life back on track after years of mental health issues and so on… learning how to live normally again, slowly! maybe later down the line i’ll go to college or something but we shall see… i would like to go into writing professionally if it was an option, my mother thinks i would make a good game or tech reviewer lolol! ever the supportive mother, though it’s kind of my whole family at this point… i think my dream career paths would be a game reviewer, music journalist or photographer! having one of those jobs would certainly make me happy

i’m so glad to hear that you feel inspired when reading my writing, you don’t know how happy that makes me! if you want to get into writing yourself, i could not encourage you more to try it out… i only started writing fanfiction early this year! i had never ever wrote fanfiction before then but i just kind of threw myself into it… and now here we are! really just let yourself try it out, let yourself sink into it and see how it goes :)

thank you once again for this ask and message, honey! you’re flattering me all too much here! you guys have always been nothing but beyond sweet to me, i would hate to treat all of you any different… you deserve nothing less than to be treated with love and respect! you appreciate what i do and i love doing what i do, more than i could ever ask for <3

#vera ✩#ask answered ✩#music ✩

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jacklynchh · 7 months ago

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BASICS

Full Name: Jack Harper Lynch

Age & D.O.B: 39, Jan. 4th 1985

Gender & Pronouns: Cis man, he/him

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Relationship Status: Dating Rory Anderson

Occupation: Gardener

Hometown: Burlington, Vermont

Time in Blue Harbor: April 2024 - Present

Neighborhood: Forest Lake

Faceclaim: Tom Hardy

PERSONALITY & MISC.

+ traits: Empathetic, loyal, passionate

- traits: Disorganised short-tempered, self-critical

Likes: Quiet places, motorcycles, plants, cold beers, cherry pies, the smell of bonfire smoke, long baths, historical novels, old movies, 80s dad rock, vera lynn, the sound of rain on glass

Dislikes: Cilantro, being the centre of attention, running, change, sales people trying talking to him at the store, getting trapped in small talk, hospitals

Hobbies: Botany, whittling, reading, camping, hiking

Habits: Smoking, picking at the hems of his sleeves when he's nervous or stressed, frowning when he's thinking, chewing his lip

Allergies: Kiwi, shellfish

BIO TD;LR:

trigger warnings: cancer, spousal death, depression

Grew up in Burlington, Vermont.

Quiet kid who struggled with social interactions.

New neighbours moved in when he was 12. Their daughter, Grace, was in his grade and the two of them became fast friends.

When Grace moved to Massachusetts for college he moved with her, though he didn't yet know what he wanted to do with his life.

Realised he was in love with Grace. Didn't tell her because he was afraid of holding her back.

In the end she was the one who made the first move, taking him by complete surprise.

Went to community college, then transferred to a four year to study botany.

He and Grace got married at 30 after a long engagement.

Started his own gardening business.

At 34, Grace was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She passed away in 2022 after a long battle.

Fell into a depression and pretty much gave up.

Finally started to snap out of it. Moved to Blue Harbor in 2024, hoping for a fresh start.

#intro.bh #jack.intro

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the-truth-is-there · 1 year ago

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UCM Women part 2

- Xu Xialing (Meng'er Zhang) - Maya Lopez/Echo (Alaqua Cox) - Maria Rambeau (Lashana Lynch) - Agatha Harknees (Kathryn Hahn) - Thena (Angelina Jolie) - Sersi (Gemma Chan) - Ajak (Salma Hayek) - Makkari (Lauren Ridloff) - Sprite (Lia McHugh) - Janet Van Dyne/Wasp (Michelle Pfeiffer) - Katy (Awkwafina) - Betty Ross (Liv Tyler) - Sharon Carter (Emily VanCamp) - Ying Nan (Michelle Yeoh) - Ying Li (Fala Chen) - Michelle Jones/MJ (Zendaya) - May Parker (Marisa Tomei) - Christine Palmer (Rachel McAdams) - Ancient One(Tilda Swinton) - Elsa Bloodstone (Laura Donnelly) - Layla El-Faouly (May Calamawy) - Eleanor Bishop (Vera Farmiga) - Ava Starr/Ghost (Hannah John-Kamen) - Darcy Lewis (Kat Dennings) - Laura Barton (Linda Cardellini) - Ayo (Florence Kasumba) - Riri Williams/Ironheart (Dominique Thorne) - Namora (Mabel Cadena) - Antonia Dreykov/Taskmaster (Olga Kurylenko) - Valentina Allegra de Fontaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus)

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clamjams · 9 days ago

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2024 reading q&a except no one asked for it

1. How many books did you read this year?

about 125

2. Did you reread anything?

nope

3. What were your top five books of the year?

no particular order bc i just can’t but:

Never Saw Me Coming - Vera Kurian

The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer - Jennifer Lynch

Crush - Richard Siken

Poor Things - Alasdair Gray

Anarchism and Other Essays - Emma Goldman

4. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

Eliza Clark, Kathryn Harrison, Anne Carson, Richard Siken

5. What genre did you read the most of?

Romance, Fantasy & Contemporary

6. Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

Lots. Apprentice to the Villain by Hannah Nicole Maehrer and Queen of Dreams by Kit Rocha to name a couple.

7. What was your average Goodreads rating? Does it seem accurate?

3.38. Yes.

8. Did you meet any of your reading goals?

Yes, I read much less this year & met my goal of 10 sapphic books (I read 13).

9. Did you get into any new genres?

Poetry & Short Stories! I also truly attempted to read more classics this year.

10. What was your favorite new release of the year?

maybe She’s Always Hungry by Eliza Clark? hard to say

11. What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

Poor Things - Alasdair Gray & Notes from Underground - Dostoevsky

12. Any books that disappointed you?

plenty. I really wanted to get through Crime & Punishment but wasn’t able to (a me problem i’m sure). Both novels by S.T. Gibson disappointed me, but A Dowry of Blood especially. I expected more from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, as well.

13. What were your least favorite books of the year?

some that i shan’t even name. but here’s some: When I Was Ten - Fiona Cummins, The Stranger Beside Me - Ann Rule, Electra vs Oedipus: The Drama of the Mother–Daughter Relationship - Hendrika C. Freud…idk i read some random stuff this year

14. What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

Book 1 in The Witcher series (Blood of Elves)! but it’s a slow read for me so i’m not hopeful

15. Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year?

some may have won awards, but not this year. some nominations.

16. What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson 😬 I’m sorry. Perhaps it’s one of the those that was something new and unique when first released but is now…kind of ordinary? like i expected something incredible but it felt very standard and unintentionally predictable.

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King. My first Stephen King read…I thought that it was very good for what it is and didn’t feel boring like some How To writing books. If only I liked his novels.

Assistant to the Villain by Hannah Nicole Maehrer was very charming and fun which I didn’t expect after seeing it marketed as a booktok romance.

Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant opened my mind to more kinds of horror fiction.

18. How many books did you buy?

too many, mostly poetry books

19. Did you use your library?

once. until very recently i lived somewhere with a very shit library with no libby

20. What was your most anticipated release & Did it meet your expectations?

i’m going to be so real - i can’t remember

21. Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

nope it’s not easy to integrate into booklr like where is everyone let me innnnnn

22. What’s the longest book you read?

Zodiac Academy: Restless Stars. 1,153 pages.

23. What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book?

like 5hrs i think

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

quite a few. my attention span was SUFFERING this year which meant if i wasn’t into a book then i just couldn’t finish it. most notably I DNF’d Crime & Punishment at about 50%…I WILL finish it one day. Mayhaps i’ll try a different translation.

25. What reading goals do you have for next year?

read no more than 100 books. Read more literary fiction. Read more WLW stories. Read more classics. read more translations.

#sorry for all the tags #i want to be in booklr #user: clamjams #user: writeasiread #what i read 2024 #what i read #books of 2024 #booklr #reading #2024 reads #book recs #books and reading #book recommendations #reading ask #book asks

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vidreview · 4 months ago

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VIDEO ESSAY ROUNDUP #6 [PART 1]

[originally posted august 1st 2024]

at last, it's time for another roundup! things were fairly dry for a minute there. i tend to go through peaks and valleys vis-a-vis video essay consumption, where i'll watch a bunch of them for a few months and then not be able to watch any for a few months after that. this has been especially true as i've been getting back into the habit of making my own scripted essays. did you know i did one about the Doctor Who 60th Anniversary Specials a few months ago? i share this so you can judge for yourself if i know what i'm talking about enough to be worth taking recommendations from. i am a fallible beast, and our tastes are likely not the same! also i'm proud of that video and i'd like you to watch it.

but we're here to talk about other people's work, and let me tell you, the last month and a half has yielded a real bounty. let's jump in.

"Investigating a forgotten Edward Snowden Quote" by Allie Meowy.

youtube

edward snowden was a bit of a mystery to me beyond the headlines. all i knew was that he leaked highly classified documents detailing secret mass-surveillance, and that he liked hentai games.

this is one of the funniest, strangest essays i've encountered in years. what happens when the wikipedia page for games based on movies doesn't include Elf: The Movie: The Game for the Nintendo Game Boy Advance, and also you happen to discover that Edward Snowden is on the record as liking "some" hentai games? i'm not even sure what this essay ultimately adds up to, but i had such a blast watching it that i honestly don't even care. a wild ride that's well worth your time.

"a pocket full of stones" by Glouder Glens.

youtube

i've been thinking about an interview with People's Joker director Vera Drew where she talked about how many young queer artists have relegated themselves to the anti-recognition of youtube. if her film was proof that there's room in the film fest circuit for artfully essayish digital cinema, then we have no choice but to campaign for the incredible works of Sylvia Schweikert, AKA Glouder Glens, to reach a similar level of recognition. if you've yet to encounter its work, Sylvia's half-essay half-werewolf-erotica about it/its pronouns is a classic, but everything on her channel is a gem (not to mention its excellent short films). lately, Sylvia's been experimenting with the form in a big way. her last essay, "Self Discovery Stories," is artfully vertical, a true phone video that digs deep and hits hard. "a pocket full of stones" takes a huge step sideways, rendered in 4:3 at a scalding 360p and edited with a post-adobe-flash Lynch-esque animation style that rockets you back in time to the earliest days of internet video in the best way. what i wouldn't give to see this one on the big screen, i'm telling you. this kind of work simply doesn't have a place on youtube as far as youtube's concerned, so it's up to us as champions of the medium to share widely what the algorithm will not. definitely heed the content warnings though.

"The Miraculous Horror of Stop Motion" by Henry Kathman.

youtube

here's a cozy, enthusiastic dive into the often unforeseen externalities of stop-motion animation, that doesn't outstay its welcome or get too sanctimonious. i appreciate Kathman's use of alternate backdrops to give each section its own mood. through three unique and interesting examples of stop motion, he explores how the medium itself is an artform that can't be streamlined through technology the way so many other forms of animation have been-- even just to recreate the feel of stop motion digitally, you still pretty much have to hand animate it with an equivalent amount of brute labor. it's a satisfying analysis, which is unsurprising from the ever-consistent and thoughtful Kathman. and the soundtrack by Molly Noise is, as always, fantastic.

"The Religious Gamification of Indika" by Pim's Crypt.

youtube

i watched an essay a couple weeks ago about Indika which heavily criticized it for being boring and overly talkative, that really just convinced me that i wanted to see someone look at the game on its own terms. Pim here does a great job doing exactly that, wasting zero seconds of the universe's limited window of coherence on lip service to the harsh critical consensus in favor of simply examining what Indika says on its own terms. they explore how the complexities of faith are successfully gameified in Indika, making a compelling case for its quality. i've highlighted Pim in a previous roundup, and i'm happy to see them back with another solid work.

"So What's Up With Those PS2 Castlevanias?" by Trans Witch Reviews.

youtube

this one's pretty much what it says on the tin. when it comes to analyzing game franchises long-running enough to have titles across multiple console generations, i'm always drawn to essays that dig into the red-headed step-children no one ever really talks about. like the PS2 Castlevania games. i didn't even know they existed until now! granted that's probably because i never owned a Sony console before the ps4, but whatever. like a lot of games with 2D roots, Castlevania seemed to struggle finding its feet in the third dimension, and the historical consensus seems to have largely landed on "the 2D ones were best." i think this Trans Witch makes a very compelling case that at the very least Castlevania: Curse of Darkness is an underrated classic-- enough so, anyway, to make me want to give it a shot. i appreciate how she highlights the music of the series by focusing on the work of specific composers, though i think she lingers on those samples for a bit too long. regardless, this is a well put together essay made with readily apparent enthusiasm, and sometimes that's all you need.

"Why The Ring Didn't Use Color Grading" by WatchingtheAerial.

youtube

an astonishingly thorough deep-dive into the very specific in-camera techniques used to give Gore Verbinski's American remake of The Ring its signature blue look. like a lot of people i always assumed this was accomplished with digital color grading, though unlike many detractors i adore The Ring's visual identity and think it's at least as worthwhile a film as its Japanese counterpoint. this is the kind of video essay i adore-- a technician with extensive domain knowledge utilizing resources laypeople wouldn't know about to answer a seemingly simple question at exhaustive and surprising depth. the real kicker here though is that the creator also wants to recreate this technique for themself, all the way up to tracking down the kind of film stock The Ring was shot on and using it in a 35mm stills camera. i immediately went from this video to watch everything else on his (?) channel, and i wasn't disappointed. here's someone who cares a lot about the labor of shaping and lensing light, and the emotional properties these processes bring to a film. "Collateral & the Death of Neon" is SUCH a satisfying watch if you care even a little bit about the visual identity of city streets across history. great stuff all around

#vidrev #video essay #video essay review #video recommendation #allie meowy #glouder glens #edward snowden #henry kathman #stop motion #pim's crypt #indika #trans witch reviews #castlevania #watchingtheaerial #the ring #the ring movie #the ring 2002 #color grading #Youtube

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incrediblyfastfilms · 2 months ago

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INVASION of the BODY SNATCHERS (1978) written by W.D. Richter (from the novel by Jack Finney) produced by Robert Solo directed by Philip Kaufman starring Donald Sutherland Brooke Adams Leonard Nimoy Jeff Goldblum Veronica Cartwright Art Hindle cinematography by Michael Chapman edited by Douglas Stewart music by Danny Zeitlin

JAWS (1975) written by Carl Gottlieb (from the novel by Peter Benchley) produced by Richard D. Zanuck and David Brown directed by Steven Spielberg starring Roy Scheider Robert Shaw Richard Dreyfus Lorraine Gary Murray Hamilton Carl Gottlieb cinematography by Bill Butler edited by Verna Fields music by John Williams

E r a s e r h e a d (1977) written, directed and produced by David Lynch starring Jack Nance Charlotte Stewart Allen Joseph Jeanne Bates Judith Roberts Laurel Near Jack Fisk cinematography by Frederick Elmes Herbert Caldwell edited by David Lynch sound design by Lynch w/ Alan Splet special effects by Lynch w/ Frederick Elmes

P s y c h o (1960) written by Joseph Stefano (from the novel by Robert Bloch) directed and produced by Alfred Hitchcock starring Anthony Perkins Vera Miles John Gavin Janet Leigh Martin Balsam Simon Oakland cinematography by John L. Russell edited by George Tomasini music by Bernard Hermann

A L I E N (1979) written by Dan O'Bannon (story by Dan O'Bannon and Ronald Sushett) directed by Ridley Scott produced by Gordon Carroll David Giler Walter Hill starring Tom Skerritt Sigourney Weaver Veronica Cartwright John Hurt Harry Dean Stanton Yaphet Kotto Ian Holm cinematography by Derek Vanlint edited by Terry Rawlings music by Jerry Goldsmith

John Carpenter's The THING (1982) written by Bill Lancaster (from the novella "Who Goes There?" by John W. Campbell) directed by John Carpenter produced by David Foster Lawrence Turman Wilbur Stark starring Kurt Russell A. Wilford Briley T.K. Carter David Clennon Keith David Richard Dysart Charles Hallahan Peter Maloney Richard Masur Donald Moffat Joel Polis Thomas Waites cinematography by Dean Cundey edited by Todd Ramsay music by Ennio Morricone

The Exorcist (1973) written by William Peter Blatty (from his novel) directed by William Friedkin produced by William Peter Blatty Noel Marshall David Salven starring Ellen Burstyn Max Von Sydow Jason Miller Lee J. Cobb Jack MacGowran Kitty Winn Mercedes McCambridge Linda Blair cinematography by Owen Roizman edited by Norman Gay Evan Lottman music by Jack Nitzche "Tubular Bells" by Mike Oldfield

R e p u l s i o n (1965) written by Roman Polanski Garard Brach screenplay adaptation by David Stone directed by Roman Polanski produced by Gene Gutowski starring Catherine Deneuve Ian Hendry John Fraser Peter Wymark Yvonne Furneaux cinematography by Gilbert Taylor edited by Alastair McIntyre music by Chico Hamilton

THE SHINING (1980) written by Diane Johnson Stanley Kubrick (from the novel by Stephen King) directed by Stanley Kubrick produced by Stanley Kubrick w/ Jan Harlan starring Jack Nicholson Shelley Duvall Danny Lloyd Scatman Crothers Barry Nelson Philip Stone Joe Turkel cinematography by John Alcott edited by Ray Lovejoy music by Wendy Carlos Rachel Elkind

Night of the Living Dead (1968) written by John Russo George A. Romero directed by George A. Romero produced by Karl Hardman Russell Streiner starring Duane Jones Judith O'Dea Karl Hardman Marilyn Eastman Keith Wayne Kyra Schon Judith Ridley cinematography by George A. Romero (uncr.) edited by George A. Romero (uncr.) Hugh Daly

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) written by James V. Hart (from the novel by Bram Stoker) directed by Francis Ford Coppola produced by Francis Ford Coppola Charles Mulvehill Fred Fuchs Michael Apted Robert O'Conner starring Gary Oldman Winona Ryder Anthony Hopkins Keanu Reeves Cary Elwes Richard E. Grant Billy Campbell Sadie Frost Monica Belluci Tom Waits cinematography by Michael Ballhaus edited by Anne Goursaud Glen Scantlebury Nicholas C. Smith music by Wojciech Kilar

TWIN PEAKS fire walk with me (1992) written by David Lynch Robert Engels (from the television series created by David Lynch and Mark Frost) directed by David Lynch produced by David Lynch Mark Frost Gregg Fienberg Johanna Ray John Wentworth starring Sheryl Lee Ray Wise Moira Kelly Grace Zabriskie Chris Isaak Kiefer Sutherland David Lynch Miguel Ferrer Harry Dean Stanton David Bowie Michael J. Anderson Frank Silva Al Strobel Jurgen Prochnow Dana Ashbrook James Marshall Frances Bay Catherine E. Coulson Kimberly Ann Cole Walter Olkewicz Lenny Von Dohlen Madchen Amick Peggy Lipton Julee Cruise Kyle Machlachlan cinematography by Ron Garcia edited by Mary Sweeney music by Angelo Badalamenti

Let the Right One In (2008) written by John Ajvide Lyndqvist (from his novel) directed by Tomas Alfredson produced by Frida Asp starring Kare Hedbrant Lina Leandersson Per Ragnar Henrik Dahl Ika Nord cinematography by Hoyte Van Hoytema edited by Tomas Alfredson Dino Jonsater music by Johan Soderqvist

W A R of the W O R L D S (2005) written by Josh Friedman David Koepp directed by Steven Spielberg produced by Kathleen Kennedy Damian Collier Paula Wagner Colin Wilson starring Tom Cruise Tim Robbins Dakota Fanning Miranda Otto Justin Chatwin Amy Ryan cinematography by Janusz Kaminski edited by Michael Kahn music by John Williams

Hannibal (2001) written by Steve Zaillian David Mamet directed by Ridley Scott produced by Martha De Laurentiis Dino De Laurentiis Ridley Scott starring Anthony Hopkins Julianne Moore Ray Liotta Gary Oldman Frankie Faison Giancarlo Giannini Francesca Neri Zeljko Ivanek Hazelle Goodman cinematography by John Mathieson editing by Pietro Scalia music by Hans Zimmer

The Hunger (1983) written by Ivan Davis Michael Thomas (from the novel by Whitley Strieber) directed by Tony Scott produced by Richard Shepherd starring Catherine Deneuve Susan Sarandon David Bowie Cliff De Young cinematography by Stephen Goldblatt edited by Pamela Power music by Michel Rubini Denny Jaeger

DON'T LOOK NOW (1973) written by Allan Scott Chris Bryant (based on the novella by Daphne Du Maurier) directed by Nicholas Roeg produced by Peter Katz starring Donald Sutherland Julie Christie Hilary Mason Clelia Matania Renato Scarpa cinematography by Anthony Richmond editing by Graeme Clifford music by Pino Donnagio

Prisoners (2013) written by Aaron Guzikowski directed by Denis Villeneuve produced by Broderick Johnson Kira Davis Andrew A. Kosove Adam Kolbrenner starring Jake Gylenhaal Hugh Jackman Maria Bello Viola Davis Melissa Leo Terrence Howard Paul Dano cinematography by Roger Deakins edited by Joel Cox Gary Roach music by Johann Johannsson

The Company of Wolves (1984) written by Neil Jordan Angela Carter (from the short story in Angela Carter's book "The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories") directed by Neil Jordan produced by Chris Brown Stephen Woolley starring Sarah Patterson David Warner Angela Lansbury Micha Bergese Stephen Rea cinematography by Bryan Loftus edited by Rodney Holland music by George Fenton

A Quiet Place (2018) written by Bryan Woods Scott Beck John Krasinski directed by John Krasinski produced by Michael Bay Andrew Form Brad Fuller starring Emily Blunt John Krasinski Millicent Simmonds Noah Jupe Cade Woodward cinematography by Charlotte Bruus Christensen edited by Christopher Tellefsen music by Marco Beltrami

W O R L D W A R Z (2013) written by Matthew Michael Carnahan Drew Goddard & Damon Lindelof (from the novel novel by Max Brooks) directed by Marc Forster produced by Brad Pitt Dede Gardner Jeremy Kleiner Ian Bryce starring Brad Pitt Mireille Enos Daniella Kertesz James Badge Dale Peter Capaldi Pierfrancesco Favino Ludi Boeken Matthew Fox Fana Mokoena David Morse cinematography by Ben Seresin edited by Roger Barton Matt Chesse music by Marco Beltrami

LOST H i g h w a y (1997) written by David Lynch Barry Gifford directed by David Lynch produced by Mary Sweeney Tom Sternberg Deepak Nayar starring Bill Pullman Patricia Arquette Balthazar Getty Natasha Gregson Wagner Robert Loggia Robert Blake Michael Massee Jack Nance Henry Rollins Gary Busey cinematography by Peter Deming edited by Mary Sweeney music by Angelo Badalamenti

N e a r D a r k (1987) written by Kathryn Bigelow Eric Red directed by Kathryn Bigelow produced by Edward S. Feldman Steven-Charles Jaffe Charles Meeker starring Adrian Pasdar Jenny Wright Lance Henriksen Bill Paxton Jenette Goldstein Tim Thomerson cinematography by Adam Greenberg edited by Howard Smith music by Tangerine Dream

S e c o n d s (1966) written by Lewis John Carlino (from the novel by David Ely) directed by John Frankenheimer produced by John Frankenheimer Edward Lewis starring Rock Hudson Salome Jens John Randolph Will Geer Jeff Corey Murray Hamilton Frances Reid cinemtography by Tak Fujimoto edited by David Newhouse Ferris Webster music by Jerry Goldsmith

Nosferatu The Vampyre (1979) written by Werner Herzog w/ Tom Shachtman Martje Grohmann directed by Werner Herzog produced by Walter Saxer Werner Herzog Michael Gruskoff starring Klaus Kinski Isabelle Adjani Bruno Ganz Roland Topor Walter Landengast Martje Grohmann cinematography by Jorg Schmidt-Reitwein edited by Beate Mainka-Jellinghaus music by Florian Fricke Popol Vuh

30 DAYS of NIGHT (2007) written by Steve Niles Stuart Beattie Brian Nelson (from the graphic novel by Steve Niles Ben Templesmith) directed by David Slade produced by Sam Raimi Robert Tapert starring Josh Hartnett Melissa George Danny Huston Ben Foster Mark Boone Jr. Amber Sainsbury Megan Franich Manu Bennett cinematography by Jo Willems edited by Art Jones music by Brian Reitzell

f r e a k s (1932) written by Willis Goldbleck Leon Gordon (from the short story "Spurs" by Tod Robbins) directed and produced by Tod Browning starring Wallace Ford Leila Hyams Olga Baclanova Roscoe Ates cinematography by Merritt B. Gerstad edited by Basil Wrangell

the M i s t (2007) written and directed by Frank Darabont (from the novella by Stephen King) produced by Frank Darabont Martin Shefer Liz Glotzer starring Thomas Jane Laurie Holden Marcia Gay Hardin Andre Braugher Toby Jones William Sadler Frances Sternhagen Jeffrey DeMunn cinematography by Rohn Schmidt edited by Hunter M. Via music by Mark Isham

Invasion of the BODY SNATCHERS (1956) written by Daniel Mainwaring (from the novel by Jack Finney) directed by Don Siegel produced by Walter Wanger starring Kevin McCarthy Dana Wynter Larry Gates King Donovan Carolyn Jones Jean Willes Ralph Dumke cinematography by Ellsworth Fredericks edited by Robert S. Eisen music by Carmen Dragon

#the Horror... the Horror #Horror movies #Great Horror Films

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