#vent? shitpost? secret third thing?

[smollerghostbot]

unsure if the solution to the painful isolated feeling i'm feeling is to get back into the dating scene... or just to jork my it real good and then take some nyquil.

[bolszaja-miedwedica]

yall what about bpd

[another-trans-puppygirl]

I have been out for 4 years and never gave myself the space to express myself properly so i am making it for myself today

(first vent post so apologies for messiness lol)

tw// r*pe, transphobia, parental trauma, not sure what else but idk its heavy for me so just heads up

since i came out my life has changed insurmountably and it has all been terribly overwhelming. ive never really been one to use social media aside from horrifically embarrassing teenage shitposting, so ive just sort of let it all mount up and carried it around. i have a couple of transmasc house mates who i am terribly grateful for and consider them to be family but it has ultimately been terribly lonely not being aroud or talking to other transfems.

i will almost definitely talk about it in more detail on here at some point, but to keep things simple for now, i had very little control over how i came out to my family. it just sort of got revealed to my mum who insisted that my dad and brother (who didn't live with me, messy divorce) would never accept me and otherwise she was very unreactive initially. she feigned support whilst keeping it a secret from everyone in our immediate family but told lots of her friends for about 3 months but had expressed very negative views of trans women before so it felt very false to me. in january 2021 she decided she didnt support my "decision", as well as shouting at me for not telling her i had been r*ped and blamed everything on my dad. i didnt feel safe in her house anymore, so even though it was the middle of a covid-19 lockdown in the uk i had to take all of my belongings with me across almost the whole of england to get myself back to my uni campus. it was easily the worst day of my life and the hardest thing i ever had to do and i havent spoken to her since. i broke my collar bone as a young teenager and carrying all my stuff like that has made it hurt all the time, and i find it so hard not to think about it all whenever the pain is really bad. i was at university for animation, something i had always wanted to do my entire life. i could not bring myself to go to classes for the entire year so i deferred to the next. then i still couldnt bring myself to come in for most of the year. for some reason they didnt kick me out despite my attendance so i tried again the second year, and it went better but i was still really disappointed in myself. in my third year, things got complicated. i started to try really hard and believe i might be getting somewhere. i was the only person in my whole course that was doing traditional animation, my course was advertised as supporting traditional animation but i was not given a tutor so i was totally alone to try and fit my assignments to my limited skillset and resources. i had some ideas for projects i was really passionate about and started to develop and then it happened again and i got overwhelmed and decided i really couldnt do it anymore so i stopped going entirely. during this time i have also wrestled with the fact that i knew deep down that i am a lesbian. recently i have given up fighting it and have accepted that i am a lesbian, i think being on estrogen for one month as of today has played a big part in that, as it has rekindled my emotions and i just cannot fight that feeling anymore. but it has also brought on a terrible loneliness that i think i was suppressing beforehand too, and it has just made me feel incredibly lost. i am really happy somewhere in there about it, but it is overshadowed by a terrible sadness that i have let myself hide away this whole time. it has filled my heart to the brim with love and i feel like i have nowhere to put it and i just want to scream. i have been so scared to say any of this anywhere to anyone for fear of burdening people but i cant keep it inside anymore so i want to shout about it here because i have nowhere else to do it. so if youre reading this i am sorry for taking your time, just know it means the world that anyone even knows any of this and that bending your hypothetical ear will hopefully ease the load even if just for a moment.

[puckpocketed]

how do you stay enthusiastic when your basically talking to yourself on here about some teams??

TAKE MY FIN !!! the master plan really was to infiltrate popular hockeyblr tags and then once i got followers/mutuals, to inflict upon them untold amounts of propaganda about my obscure special little guys...! the idea is to drag fandoms around them into wretched existence one shitpost and gif at a time. anyway (with soooo much rizz) is it working is it working is it working ? <3 biting every single person who has ever liked my posts about my players from the juniors/AHL and relatively dead liveblogs ...!

as always because i take some asks too seriously, we are breaking character under the cut <3

this all boils down to the unfortunate fact that someone has to be first lol

and to wit, I don't know if I'm ever talking to myself on here. i think we rarely are, even if it seems like we're alone. is that what you're concerned about? I'm trying to interpret your ask, but of course we can't exactly have a conversation (unless you hop off anon!!). anyway!! often I'll make posts about a new special little guy I've picked up off the ground and it turns out 1-2 other people really love that special little guy as well, and then i get to make a new friend !! I have unearthed some incredible things from old blogs! I imagine someone searching for their guy could stumble on my stuff and find a little connection and kinship knowing someone else loved that guy first, because that's how I feel when I'm the one finding people's posts about my guys. someone has to be first! and someone has to be second. and so on.

most recently, beloved Sharks prospect Luca Cagnoni has let me meet a really cool person (whose gifs and edits are immaculate btw.. meg if u see this i am a big fan as you already know !!!) they are perhaps the only other person on this platform who has gifed him besides me, and that's our common point of interest!! but again, someone had to be first. and then i was second <3

idk. if no one ever posted about their special guys because they thought no one else cared, no fandoms would ever exist. enthusiasm is infectious. I love to listen to my friends talk about their special interests so much. I love to hear propaganda about other people's special little guys. that's half the reason I pick up new guys!!! so deep deeeeeep down, I am hoping just a little bit that my enthusiasm for my guys catches, and someone reading my posts about my guys wanders by and thinks "whats all this??" and is compelled to join in on the fun :3 sometimes i'm the second or third person, sometimes i'm the first. i don't mind either way <3

as for the answer to your actual question... I'm enthusiastic because I'm just posting on my blog, which is the place where I can talk about my interests. that's what tumblr is all about, no?? <3 I stay enthusiastic because it's fun to yell into the void, I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't feel that way!! i get a kind of emotional catharsis venting my affections and thoughts about, say, Brandt Clarke (current mind cow, offensive defenceman who is banished to the AHL... all due respect to that league, I think his development is being hampered by staying there, he does not belong there so PLEASE LET HIM BE ON THE KINGS ROSTER FULL TIME NEXT SEASON @ ROB BLAKE AND UNNAMED HEAD COACH <3) even if like 2 other people on here know who tf he is!! even if 0 people know who tf he is!! also (voice of an only-child who has had to make their own fun) aside from my secret hope that I'm making effective propaganda, i figure that the way i feel about my teams and players exists independent of how others feel about them. why does it matter if im mostly talking to myself?

You ask me how i stay enthusiastic talking to myself, and I'm hearing "isn't it lonely?" and what I'm saying is i wouldn't be posting about anything so enthusiastically in the first place if I didn't love it enough to rant at a wall <3 and truly the answer is get obsessed. get deeply immersed. learn the deep cuts and the lore. develop parasocial beef with your team's GM for not calling up your special guy. rail at the systemic barriers (height discrimination) that keep your guys from being taken at the draft. narrativepost about them. make art and gifs and edits and poetry web weaves. write rpf stories if you are so inclined! enjoy a team or a player for exactly what they are, and do it with sincerity. no irony. no holding back. and because hockeyblr is a big and beautiful place, someone out there probably agrees with you and you'll find each other by way of yelling loud enough!!! if not now, then one day soon. do it because someone has to be first and it might as well be you <3

[thatpersonrightbehindyou]

Blog meme: Lysandre, Ganondorf, and. Q, if only because the idea of Q with a Tumblr is amazing.

Lysandre:

their blog url

Has a radical environmentalist blog at green-wood-and-forest-fires and a ventblog at hvm4ns4r3th3pr0bl3m

the kind of posts they reblog

On green-wood, ton of ‘we HAVE to do x!!!’ ecofriendly posts that propose methods that are only accessible to the upper crust, dubious statistics and infographics about how fucked the world is, generally one of those blogs that looks really useful but turns out to be a circlejerk of scaremongering and misinformation if you look too deeply at the sources. Probably a few Onion articles taken seriously, too.

On hvm4ns, basically just a ton of images and anecdotes about the horrible things humanity has done. Animal abuse, gore, death, a general ‘humans are inherently evil’ theme. Not much on human on human mistreatment other than classical/historical stuff, so the Crusades and bedlams instead of institutional racism or lgbt+phobia.

the first person they followed

green-wood followed Sycamore’s blogs first, and occasionally reblogs cute Pokemon pictures from it en masse under the tag ‘#feel better’

hvm4ns browses tags for content and follows back those with similar content

what kind of theme they’d have

green-wood is soft grays and whites with dark orange text, pixel font and three columns. There’s a tag page that’s meticulously updated but most of them only have a few posts in each because everything’s subdivided so much.

hvm4ns is one of those nightmares formatted like tumblr’s ‘search’ feature. there’s an about page and a tags page, but no links to them, so you’ve got to type in the URLs manually. each page has a different theme, always along the lines of high-contrast black/white/red/yellow.

what kind of text posts they make at 2am

most 2am posts are posted to green-wood then deleted later in the morning with a ‘sorry wrong blog’ because he meant to post them to his vent blog. mostly just complaints about the state of the world, the inherent goodness of man, and first world problems.

Ganondorf

their blog url

if it’s not something really smart in Gerudo transliterated into english-equivalent, it’s a pun involving it like ‘voe-betide-you’. it’s supposed to be secret squirrel but anyone who’s had a five minute casual conversation with him will recognise his horse from the pictures.

the kind of posts they reblog

Tons of political activism stuff, especially bashthefash and black bloc resources. Names, addresses, and phone numbers of people who have done something to warrant the torrent of abuse (neonazis, defenders of state/police brutality, rape endorsers, ect). Many rants and callout posts about racism and cultural appropriation, also historical revisionism and international politics. Also lots and lots and LOTS of pictures of animals, especially his horse, doing cute things.

the first person they followed

Unknowingly followed Zelda’s political activism blog. Ends up following Link’s blog for all the cute animal photos through the aforementioned.

what kind of theme they’d have

Fairly plain, large text with a sidebar on the left and the rest of the page devoted to posts. Decorated with desaturated traditional art bordering the edges of the sidebar and each individual post.

what kind of text posts they make at 2am

Self-doubts and reflections, under Read Mores and usually deleted by morning. Expect a lot of “is this even the right thing?” and “i want to do right by my people but it’s never worked before” and “the definition of insanity is repeating the same course of action and expecting a different outcome each time” and just generally vagueposting about the cyclical nature of reincarnation. Because he does not exactly have a good time of it from what we’ve seen.

and finally, the one you’ve all been waiting for: Q!!!

their blog url

Along with his icon, he changes it CONSTANTLY. Usually it’s a pun, like q-can-depend-on-it or why-dont-q or areqkiddingme, but also cycling through some of his favourite quotes from his favourite starfleet members. take-your-domestic-off-my-ship lasted nearly a month.

the kind of posts they reblog

Shitposts, diss tracks, surreal memes, unreality shit, accurate and amusing historical trivia, inaccurate but amusing historical trivia, and complete bullshit are the permanent elements. He’ll generally switch ‘main’ topics depending on who he’s hanging out with at the time, or who he’s trying to butter up, so a lot of moral/ethical discussions and landscapes for Picard, cute animals and relaxing videos and coffee porn for Janeway, ect.

the first person they followed

The first person Q followed was Picard. the second was Janeway. the third was Riker’s supposed-to-be-secret anti-sjw vent blog, literally just for the drama. Fourth was a mostly-humorus riker hateblog, of which he makes a point of always reblogging the ‘Number of femenine-presenting crewmembers Riker has not attempted to hit on’ counter. He tags Picard every time it falls below double digits.

what kind of theme they’d have

Much like his URL, it changes constantly. Every page has an entirely different theme. All of them have autoplay, except the ones you’d expect to have autoplay. Which are they? Only you know. Font size is different everywhere too.

what kind of text posts they make at 2am

Mixture of shitposts (’what if birds could fly? how fucked up would that be’ ‘oh wait’), his own take on deep philosophy (’if your only encounter with higher lifeforms is at their discretion, and you are to them what an ant is to you, and an ant is to you what a cell is to an ant, and a cell is to an ant what an atom is to a cell, and so on and so forth, the most reasonable hypothesis is that the rabbit hole goes up indefinitely as well and those more powerful than the likes of the Continuum have simply not deigned to interact and frankly i’m offended they want to miss out on moi’), and personal moments of self-doubt and reflection (’have i made the right choices in life? have i done the right things?’ ‘ive been trying but have i been trying hard enough to be a good parent?’)