#venomous naruto: the breaking of team seven

[dark-elf-writes]

I’m literally cackling thinking about Shino’s reaction to everything that went down. He would have been praying for both Sasuke and Sakura’s downfall since day one, but this is a declaration of war.

Maybe Naruto and Sasuke somehow still had the kiss happen and Shino was just in the background buzzing like an angry eldritch god. Or he saw Sakura hit naruto one time and decided one day she would die vry painfully and be humiliated.

Shino has never liked the Haruno girl or the Uchiha.

Both of them have swatted at the stragglers in his hive more than once (the girl had actually screamed when she did it then called him a plethora of names that had Naruto vibrating with anger next to him) both of them were childish and arrogant at best seeing themselves as so much more than the rest of them regardless of the fact that the race for the top was far closer than either of them were willing to admit.

Worst of all, however is how they treated Naruto.

Most of the class was, if not friendly, then willing to ignore his friend for the most part. There was his odd not-friendship with Kiba that persisted through the years, and the fondness he had of both the Nara and Akimichi, but most of the rest of their class had taken one look at those fangs slick with venom and decided that polite distance was their best option.

Their loss, truthfully. There was never a more devoted friend than Naruto.

(Not that Shino was offering to share. He had been the one to see Naruto’s worth from the beginning.)

But Haruno and Uchiha had never been the same way.

He remembered Iruka-sensei watching him out of the corner of his eye the first time the girl had hit Naruto in annoyance, even as their teacher rushed forward to correct the behavior. The buzzing of the hive filled the classroom. So loud that Iruka-sensei had to raise his voice to be heard over them. Most of their classmates had edged away from him with wary eyes and disgusted expressions. Not Naruto who tucked himself under Shino’s arm and asked loudly with their teacher only feet away if Shino wanted to skip the rest of the day (Iruka-sensei didn’t even try to stop them.)

The less said about the Uchiha the better. It had taken all of Shino’s self control not to lungs at him when Naruto was knocked practically on top of him and their lips met only days after he realized he was head over heels in love with his best friend.

But this?

This?

Naruto sobbing into his chest, gasping out mangled explanations and apologies between each one. The horrible truth of what had happened on Team Seven’s first and only mission out of the safety of the village.

(That the two of them had nearly let Naruto die twice?)

His father met him at his bedroom window that night after he had claimed to go to sleep, hands tucked into his jacket and a single eyebrow raised high enough to be seen over his sunglasses.

“Go back inside, Shino.”

Shino’s hive buzzed loud enough that he almost didn’t hear the order. His fists clenched on the window sill so tightly the wood creaked.

“They hurt him,” Shino spat voice shaking, buzzing in his rage.

His father nodded. “And they are being punished. You can go help him if you are thrown in prison for killing your fellow Shinobi.”

“Technically they aren’t Shinobi anymore.” His father did not look impressed at the distinction.

Shino can’t breathe, poised halfway out his window with his father watching him and the horrors Naruto had confessed to him only Horus before. Can’t think of anything except.

“They hurt him,” He says again, weaker now. Defeated more than enraged.

His father comes closer, climbs up to meet him in the window and pulls him in to a side hug (the first hug Shino can remember from his father in a long time. Physical affection is not their clan’s way.)

“I know,” His father says.

Shino sags against him. Neither of them move until the first light of morning breaks over the horizon.

[phantomchick]

Naruto Fic Rec Masterpost!

Adoption by Defenestration; or, A Family Can Be A Fox Demon, Its Jinchuuriki, and Three Dozen Highly-Trained Assassins  by elumish Oneshot, Gen, Fluff, child neglect, Naruto gets unofficially adopted by his anbu guards and it’s incredibly cute Summary: He will not be the ANBU who let the jinchuuriki plummet to his death out a fourth story window. Let that be another ANBU’s legacy.

Being Over-Prepared is Impossible (and other mottos)  by Pleasedial123 Longfic, Gen, Team Seven, team as family, Bamf Kakashi, Bamf team 7, au, kakashi pov, Complete but part of a three part series and the third part is still ongoing, still highly recommend, what team 7 should have been, Skilled Teacher! Kakashi Summary: In one world, Kakashi awoke, felt grieved at being assigned a team he sees his own in, and he let that grief make him a lazy teacher.  He saw himself in Sasuke, Obito in Naruto, and Rin in Sakura. He woke, saw himself in them, and took a large step back, regretting accepting them as his new team.  In that world he was quite hands off - merely a watcher because it was so very painful to watch. He saw himself and all his mistakes in this new team of his. 

In this world, Kakashi awoke, saw the similarities, and instantly panicked. 

He suddenly realised what he had done, passing a team.  Kakashi was left scrambling not to repeat old mistakes and regrets. This team would not suffer the fate of his team.

In this world, simply put, Kakashi became a teacher.  This is the beginning of a new team seven.

Something in the water by maldoror_gw  Oneshot, Gen, Teen and Up for language, hilarious, Tsunade pov, fluff, mild crack, pre-shippuden post naruto,

Summary: "Sakura...what is that man reading?" Tsunade asked in a dangerous voice. Sakura's gaze twitched away from her ex-teacher to her new - and temperamental - mentor. "Erm...a book...written by a...well-respected member of the community...about...romance?" Tsunade noted with passing approval that Sakura was demonstrating both loyalty and quite a lot of imagination in defending her one-time team leader (who was now trying to edge around a pillar to get away from Tsunade's venomous glare).

backslide by blackkat Time travel, time travel fix it, mature, fluff, team seven, m/m, slow build romance, Naruto adopts himself, Uzumaki heritage, bamf Naruto, complete longfic, Summary: Naruto’s friends are gone, his lover is dying, Konoha is destroyed, and Madara’s second return has pushed the entire world to the brink. Hunted and harried, Naruto is sent back in time to upend Madara’s plan before it even starts, and sets about changing everything. Butterfly effect nothing: the world is at stake, and Naruto is hardly about to let it fall to ruin once more. Not while he’s still breathing.

Tobirama Kicks Some Sense Into Konoha by allseer15 Hurt/comfort, whump, emotional whump, time travel, fix it, time travel fix it, The ‘what if Tobirama came to the future saw an orphaned Naruto and adopted the shit out of him’ Fic, Iconique, child neglect, child abandonment, fluff, so much fluff, completed longfic, look I have a weakness for the time travel fix it trope at the best of times but this fic is good even looking at it without focusing on that! Prolonged Tobirama content, Senju lore, senju feels, Summary: The Hidden Leaf Village in Naruto's time seems to have forgotten just why the village was founded and have lost their way.  Through a mishap with a hiraishin seal, Tobirama finds himself during Naruto's time and he is having none of this nonsense. His brother may be gone, but he won't stand to have Hashirama's dream trampled so. And if he has to cause a civil war or burn the village down to the ground? Well that depends on how much resistance he meets. All Tobirama does know for certain is that no child will suffer underneath the protection of Konoha and if he has to take them in and care for them himself, then he will.

Hardest of hearts by blackkat Oneshot, Gen, look I really like blackkat’s naruto fic okay, part one of a completed three part series, all three parts are great, Fix its are the best, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix It, Orochimaru redemption story, the sheer shadenfreude of one baddie fucking over another baddie, in this case Danzo, Obito has a ‘bad guy but not that bad of a guy’ solidarity moment with Orochimaru at the start and I loved it so there’s that, featuring a low key constantly horrified at this turn of events Minato,

Summary: Orochimaru gets one more chance. Just maybe, it will be enough to save him—and the entire world as well. 

A Snake In the Grass, a Wolf At the Door by blackkat Mature, Completed ten chapter fic, Orochimaru redemption story, Orochimaru/Kakashi’s dad, you read that right, quality Sakumo content, Families of Choice, Humour, Fluff and Angst, somewhat crackish, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, baby Kakashi being a cutie Summary: Orochimaru is on the edge of breaking when someone unexpected pulls him back to solid ground. When the time comes, he returns the favour.

Nukenin by WhisperingDarkness Gen, dimension travel, team seven, team as family, Kakashi actually being a good sensei even when he’s not a sensei at all, possessive kakashi, Team Seven is his team, Kinda Fluffy, Protective Kakashi, the ‘this might as well happen’ adaptability is real, Kakashi adopts team seven and team seven adopts kakashi, even though he’s illegal, 4 chapter fic, marked as complete as author doesn’t plan to continue it, but even taking these chapters as stand alone this fic is great,

Summary:  In the sealed scroll he finds a Bingo Book – his own page marking him as an S-class nukenin with flee-on-sight orders.  “Ok. That is definitely different.”  In his head he blames Naruto – even if his number one unpredictable student had been nowhere near him on this mission. When things go this stupidly impossibly wrong it must somehow be the future Hokage’s fault.

Ear to the Wall by Vodkassassin Ongoing, it’s really really good though! great Kakashi content, Minato is very stressed and I love him, Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort, whump, PTSD’d Kakashi gets to relive his childhood but gets a little bit of a real childhood along the way, ADHD Rin, time travel fix it, look I like what I like and what I like is fix its and time travel apparently, Kakashi adopts Orochimaru before he descends into douchbaggery, Orochimaru Redemption story, everyone is alive,   Summary: The Minato-sensei beams at him, and replies, “Kakashi! I’m glad you’re awake,” and, yup, that’s Minato-sensei’s voice. Kakashi falls back down against the bed, closing his eyes. It’s too short of a way down, and he clenches hands that are too tiny and feeble and not his in dog-print sheets he hasn’t owned for decades.

How To Save The World With No One Even Realising by IncompleteSentanc (Erava) Gen, Teen and Up, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, time travel fix it, Canonically Accurate OP Team 7, SuperBadass!Sakura, SuperBadass!Sasuke, SuperBadass!Naruto, RegularBadass!Shikamaru, Canonically Violent Sasuke, Equally Violent Sakura, Saving The World One Murder At A Time, Various Jinchuuriki, Team 7 As Super Villains, Doing Super Villainy Stuff, Like Murder, And Professional Eyeball Removal, Poor Obito, Poor Minato, AKA The Worst Four Months of Minato's Life, And Everyone Else's Too, Dark Humor, Bittersweet Ending, Dark Comedy, Crack treated seriously, completed 3 chapter fic, Well worth the read, Team 7 To The End! Summary: Minato knows at the beginning of the week that it's going to be a hellish one. Mostly because it starts with the kidnapping of one of his two remaining students, only a year after they'd lost the first one. He just doesn't realise at the time that it's not going to be a hellish week - it's going to be hell for quite a bit longer than that. It all starts with Rin's kidnapping, and her subsequent rescue at the hands of a mysteriously appearing, monstrously strong, murderously violent woman. A woman with cotton candy pink hair. It only devolves from there.

Just Killing Time by Elizabeth Culmer (edenfalling) Gen, Oneshot, Short and Sweet, Classic of The Fandom, Ficlet, Team 7, Kids being Kids, Fluff, Fluff and Humour, Slice of Life, Cute Kids

Summary: After Wave Country and before the chuunin exam, Team 7 kills time while waiting for Kakashi to show up. 

there lies a trail of fire behind us by BowAndDagger Gen, Madara is extremely confused but mostly on board, Time Travel au, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bamf Naruto Uzumaki, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Except Zetsu, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Fix-It, Founders Era, clan wars era, Pre-Slash, POV Uchiha Madara, the Completed part one of an Ongoing/Incomplete series, completed 4 chapter fic, Summary: As he returns from a mission, Madara makes a strange encounter with an even stranger shinobi. Then, he’s summarily kidnapped to go on a quest to save the world by said weird shinobi. (He absolutely did not choose to follow the stranger on his own free will. He was kidnapped. He did not give chase. He did not.)

A Political Perspective by VJ Riddle  / MueraRashaye Ongoing, Possibly (Probably) Discontinued, Teen and Up, Gen, Team 7, training montage deluxe, Konoha is a murder village, Good Teacher! Kakashi, AU, slowly developing into Bamf team 7, Bamf Kakashi, slowly developing into Team as Family, lots of fun ideas, not crack, Minor Spoiler: Zabuza and Haku get x’d before their character development gets its chance to shine in this fic, Sometimes people don’t warn for that in the tags and it can be a dealbreaker in fic for me as I love those two, not a dealbreaker in the case of this fic though! Really good fic so far, kind of verging on dry in places but it always stays fun in the end with lots of interesting elements, I enjoy the character insight from the pov switching, and also how much of a headcase Kakashi is, graphic depictions of violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence,

Summary: Hatake Kakashi was a shinobi, and as a shinobi, the only people who could give him orders were his military superiors. The idea that a Council made up of civilians and peers was under the impression they could give him orders...displeased him. Or: He was ordered to pass Team 7. He was fine with that, until they actually passed.

Integrity by Liz_Starling Oneshot, Gen, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Compliant, Integrity, Child Neglect, BAMF Uzumaki Naruto, Reflections on Naruto’s inner workings as a person, promises,

Summary: Naruto keeps his word. Some people are loyal to their families. Some, their orders. Naruto is loyal to the only thing he’s been able to count on; the promises he makes.

Foundation (Build It Higher, Bury It Deeper) by RayShippouUchiha Ongoing, BUT EXCELLENT, it made me cry, Naruto feels, 6 chapter fic thus far, Bamf Naruto, Bamf Tsunade, Naruto deserved better, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Mature, Team 7, Uzumaki Feels, Abandonment, Tsunade gives Naruto the personal talk he deserved instead of finding out from a chakra imprint when he was dying, so we stan, I love this fic

Summary: It’s just… he’d thought, given his fight against Neji and then his confrontation with Gaara, that someone would finally really acknowledge what he’d done.  That beyond Iruka-sensei’s crushing hug and Kakashi-sensei’s absent pat, someone would actually notice that he’d won against both of them.

That he’d beaten a genius on his own and then had battled another jinchūriki to a stand still.

So while he hadn’t really expected to be promoted too he’d still ...

¦ part 1 ¦ part 2 ¦ part 3 ¦

[dimancheetoile]

I want to know what you look like without a weight on your soul

Written for @shikasaku-week​

Day Six: Hokage (or read it on AO3)

"And from now on, you shall be known as Hachidaime Hokage."

Sakura doesn't listen to what the Councilor says after. She can hear the blood rushing in her ears, her heart beating too fast and making her sick. Faintly, she registers Kiba's hand in the small of her back and Neji's wrapping around her arm when she feels her knees weakening.

She barely nods, accepts the folded mantle with the hat on top and promptly shoves everything in Kiba's arms. She bows awkwardly and almost runs away from the room. Sakura rushes to the bathroom and barges into a stall, throwing up the next second. She's panting when she slides against the door, curling up in a ball in the narrow corner. She wipes her mouth with a shaking hand, but the nausea is too strong and soon enough, she's emptying her stomach again.

Neji finds her a few minutes later, near the sink where she's washing the taste from her tongue (and he probably waited for the sake of her dignity, the gentle bastard). He brought the clothes too, probably because Kiba is too much of a coward to deal with feelings. Silently, she takes the mantle and drapes it over her shoulders, before putting the hat on her head. Sakura doesn't look at herself in the mirror. She turns around and leaves the bathroom, to much of a coward herself to face the judgement she's sure to find in Neji's eyes.

Kiba joins them shortly after, appearing in a swirl of leaves. The three of them walk to the office and Sakura is thankful to find the Councilors gone. She bites the inside of her cheeks hard enough to draw blood and goes to sit on the dark chair. Like faithful shadows, Neji and Kiba stand guard behind her back and she calls in one of the teams waiting for debriefing.

And just like that, the circle is closed and the student became the master. Sakura is Hokage, as were both her teachers before her.

In a hospital room, the Nanadaime is entering his sixth month of sleep.

It takes three days for the word to go around the village. Sakura hasn't left the office, with the amount of work postponed when Naruto's prognosis was still positive falling on her shoulders. Kiba or Neji occasionally go out to bring back some food, but Sakura is still in the same spot forty-eight hours after her nomination.

It's also the three days it takes to come back from Suna, and it's no surprise that at seven in the morning on the fourth day, the door slams open. Sakura takes a breath and braces herself, before relaxing slightly when she recognises Shikamaru (albeit followed by the Council). They're arguing loudly and don't pay attention to the people in the room. She tries not to listen too openly, but they're fifteen feet away from her.

"What were you thinking?" Shikamaru shouts, rage colouring his features. "Don't you have any respect left for your Hokage?"

"Our Hokage is in this very room, Advisor. We made the best of the situation."

Shikamaru scoffs. "You mean her?" And Sakura freezes, the venom in his voice draining the blood from her face. "She's as ready as Naruto was after the Fourth War. Naming her was an incredibly stupid decision."

"We know that, but we had to appoint someone and as his teammate, she's trusted to uphold his legacy."

"Riiight—"

Sakura rises so fast her chair falls on the ground. "Don't talk about Naruto like he's dead!"

Both Shikamaru and the Councilor jump in surprise, having apparently forgotten that she's here.

"We are making progress and he will wake up! So don't you dare talk about him like that!"

She doesn't realize that she put her fist through the desk until the shocked expression on the Councilor's face registers. Shikamaru has an eyebrow raised and looks so haughty that for a minute, she can't add up the man in front of her and the Shikamaru she knows.

Sakura throws the hat on the remains of the desk and motions to Kiba and Neji. "I'm taking a break." And with that, she vanishes through the window. The ANBU barely exchange a glance and Kiba follows after her. Slowly, Neji turns to Shikamaru and the Councilor backs down before leaving the room.

"You, Nara, are a disgusting prick," he spits, acid filling his tone.

"Oh, shut it. I—"

"You nothing. Do you have any idea what you just said to her? That woman saved our collective asses more times than I can count. She healed me at the cost of her own safety when my own cousin had given up on me. She healed Naruto and the Uchiha, Kakashi, and then even Ino and you. She saved your father by lifting a fucking building with her bare hands!"

Neji is seething and Shikamaru looks so stubborn he just wants to break his jaw.

"She almost killed herself trying to keep him alive long enough for the medics to come. Without her, Naruto wouldn't be in a coma, he would be dead. A now, they put on her shoulders a position she never wanted and feels like she stole from her best friend. And what do you say to her?"

He's nose to nose with the Nara heir, a chakra-covered finger pointing at his chest.

"That she's not good enough? Do you think she doesn't know that? Do you think she doesn't wake up at night sobbing and pleading Naruto to come back? She tearing herself apart in this fucking office trying to run an ungrateful village and you, her friend, come home to put her down? Fuck you, Nara. Fuck you."

And Neji leaves Shikamaru on the spot to run after Kiba and the walking disaster he is when he tries to comfort people he loves. Damage control. He will deal with the fallout of this clusterfuck later.

Sakura slips into the office forty minutes later. She bled herself dry of chakra, giving as much as she could to Naruto before coming back. She managed to loose her ANBU on the way to the hospital and she revels in the solitude. The chair is back on its feet and the desk has been changed (she knows for a fact that there is small supply from Tsunade's days).

She slumps down in the chair and takes a deep breath, her eyes fluttering closed. She takes five seconds to center herself, before every mask she's forged in her life comes covering her like an armour. She rolls her shoulders and gets back to work. In a corner of the room, hidden in his beloved shadows, Shikamaru is watching her.

When it becomes clear that Sakura is really going to work barely an hour after he accused her of incompetence, he hides his face in his hands. No one felt as much of a dick as he feels right now. So he carefully lets out his chakra as to not startle her. He watches as she tenses progressively, her hand tightening around her pen when she recognises his chakra.

"What can I do for you, Shikamaru?" Even her tone is neutral, like he never insulted her in the first place.

He comes out of the shadows. "I came to apologise."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry."

"Okay."

He shifts from one feet to another. "Are we good?" She frowns almost imperceptibly before answering. "No, we're not, Shikamaru. You've been disrespectful, insulting and completely unhelpful as an advisor. We're not okay. But I'm glad you apologised."

He swallows with difficulty but nods, accepting her judgement. Her face seems to soften a bit and she asks if he wants to sit down.

"Can you take a look at this mission report? I think something is missing if you compare it to the genin's report."

"Sure."

When Kiba and Neji come back, pissed off at their Hokage but glad they finally found her, Shikamaru and Sakura are working side by side. The silence is amiable and the smiles are warm. It's not perfect, but it will have to be enough. They have a village to run.

[abhisheksingh098]

KONOHA 12 RAP CYPHER | RUSTAGE ft Dan Bull

KONOHA 12 RAP CYPHER | RUSTAGE ft Dan Bull

KONOHA 12 RAP CYPHER | RUSTAGE ft Dan Bull - Lyrics

**Lyrics**

Naruto Uzumaki (Rustage): Let's go When i'm cloning with my doppelgangers Racking up the numbers See you wonder If you ever gonna beat me See these hands Put em in to motion Making Ninjas understand I'm the strongest in the land like what Better than a Sharingan I hit you with my battle plan I rep the Uzumaki clan When striking with a Rasengan I'm a beast Coming with the Nine Tails Under my command Greatest, yeah i do it back to back cus i made it Stopping the Akatsuki attack and they hate it Cus i'm bringing Sasuke back and it's fated Give another limit to crack and i'll break it Chuck a load of Shuriken at Madara He's pretty cocky but in moment he's feeling heartache, hah Looking at my history i've traveled far But i've bought the bars Coming Genin to Hokage <![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ]]> Sakura Haruno (DaisyBanaisy): Punch in to battle i channel my Chakra Attacking with staggering power ay Pumping adrenaline, breaking their skeletons Letting my enemies cower ay Medicine prepping encounters I'mma get louder Thrusting my fists will devour, doubter You wanna mess with a Ninja Blossoming up like a flower Training by Tsunade she taught me to be the best Striking at the pressure points putting pain in the chest I can never rest Hitting every villain who's willing to keep on killing A minute, and now you're dead Repping Team Seven i'll teach you a lesson I'm constantly opening pathways Watch where you're stepping, My bars are like venom Cus i'm on the level of Kages <![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ]]> Neji Hyuga (VideoGameRapBattles): Uh yuh, Neji, you know me Uh yuh, strongest Shinobi Uh yuh, think i'm controlling the wind but I'm really just riding the dope beat Eight track mind Eight Trigrams Sixty Four Palms Catch these hands Ya suck your gone With the vacuum palm I'll blow away your clan Damn yeah, they tried to brand my band But ain't no man can seal my fate I'mma teach you all the rage Fix my branch and rise above my place Naruto taught me a lesson, My future's not tried and tested Nothing is set but you mess with the best I'mma put you to rest cause your loss is predestined rah <![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ]]> Rock Lee (NonelikeJoshua): How's a Ninja gonna doubt me when i'm Rock Lee Cause it doesn't matter if i only know Karate See i'm working harder better faster than anybody No, my speed cannot be copied, you are not Kakashi My Taijutsu cooler than Neji with Eight Palms If i open up a Gate, my power's like an A-Bomb So how come Sakura can't see that Sasuke's soft? Saying it out loud is really taking all the weight off If you want to fight it, i won't hesitate to spar ya I'm the only Ninja that could punch on Gaara Wait until i drop the bars Around my hands without the Chakra I'm the realest Ninja, You would never have to read a Manga You can party with me, But beware, i drank up all the vodka Like a Baka Then i fought ya better, even if i can't recall the Time you end up like a Kimimaro with no tomorrow Now she want the Front Lotus, How i got Metal's babymama <![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ]]> Ten Ten (Stargirl): It's a dead end Call me Ten Ten Bring your best men And i'll rend them See them fend then Watch them bend when I will snap them Like a pen pen Ninjas they better not step to me Repping my weaponry, Cutting up all of my enemies Steadily i can see through your discrepancy Said to be destiny, this is my specialty woo Packed in my scrolls I've got unlimited powers and new moves Who knew If i had more screen time I could prove i'm good too Manipulate space time I don't waste time I'm not like most Intimidate great minds Hitting every time With my eyes closed <![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ]]> Shikamaru Nara (Dan Bull): Uh, Shikamaru Nara, Uh, i do it for team Asuma Whom i assume you're familiar with But if not, well Hakuna Matata, no matter The death of my mentor then meant a momentous vendetta to settle So you better accept, as a method of death, Getting buried alive is excessively metal No body bag, that's probably bad What a drag I don't need a gun so i don't need the ammo, When i'm roaming the shadows I'm an undercover puppeteer, You're probably shedding a couple of tears I guess this is a troublesome biz, Getting in scuffles is tough as it is <![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ]]> Choji Akimichi (GameboyJones): Big boy Not an outcast And these Ninjas Looking like snacks The mission Needs to be three thousand Benjamin's When i count that Feeling like Rick Ross Cause i'm the boss Up in this thing I ain't talking bout no chicken When i say that i got wings Karui really likes me People think she's got some screws loose Took her to my room And hit her with expansion Jutsu Took my shot and made it You can call that Carpe Diem When the chips are stacked against me Better know that i'll just eat em <![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ]]> Ino Yamanaka (Savvy Hyuga): It's the best blond chick coming in with the switch It's not up for discussion imma make you submit 'N i'm more than a healer i know how to land a hit Got the village by my side can you handle it Whether it's sensory or mental infantry I'mma be the one that your always gonna need on your team Don't you see the repeat in theme There's no way you can beat my technique Even if i was blind, your Chakra i could find With all of your thoughts transferred from your mind My teams attacks all perfectly timed Since i'm making you a puppet yea i caught you from behind I thought you were trying but you didn't gonna blow With a girl this fine did you think i was here for show Yea you took me as a joke but now it looks like you know Since you went toe to toe with Konoha's Ino <![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ]]> Kiba Inuzuka (Shwabadi): That's rough, coming up against Kiba Soon you'll feel the fangs of the Inu, Shiba Green as grass, yes you've been outclassed When i track you down, then vanish, see ya (bye bye) Feel insane, got the brain of a canine I'm making my style look quite unique, okay You're in pain in the gaze of a tamed wild beast Fear the on all fours technique I'm the peak, bringing it to ya Your defeat is coming soon (uh huh) I'm elite, clan Inuzuka Shinobi that howl at the moon (woo) We got a pack of well trained friends I don't need to summon frogs Now's right about when the fight will end This match has gone to the dogs <![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ]]> Shino Aburame (IBDL): Aburame nation, Shino Gotcha defecating like Tayuya played the B note Now welcome to my keynote, But class my patience's zero Show you how i spread my bugs around Patient zero And i can guarantee ya, I'll freak you with my beetles And also in the sheets Ask your girl, yeah, She know I define the Ninja, What the little kids are wishing they could be 'Cause in "Shinobi" I be puttin' in the "Shino" <![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ]]> Hinata Hyuga (Sophia Dere): Shaking i'm feeling quite nervous Stuttering lyrics are wordless If Naruto's hurting I'm sorry but honestly you will deserve this Hit em with the Sixteen Palms Hitting em i'm spinning and he's gone Another job done You better run You can not handle my Byakugan Striking together like iron Better with Neji i'm ready for fighting Feel like a titan, joined the Alliance Center my pressure i'm bringing Twin Lions Ay, i'm coming out of my shell Ay, gentle but bringing you hell Ay, kill it i'm doing it well Ay, Hinata's the name i excel <![CDATA[ (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ]]> Sasuke Uchiha (Dreaded Yasuke): Yeah, time is the essence, Gotta stay calm and collective When my whole clan really had a hard lesson To learn with a lot of damn questions, Now turn my body in a weapon, Using my blessing Keep me from the sideline of the yes men, Now fighting with the top line with aggression So you better watch out who you stepping to Will toss you around like i'm coat checking these dudes, Forgot that i was just the talk of the town, Leaf Village didn't wanted my smoke, They choke when their ceiling couldn't hold me down, Even though i didn't follow with the crowd, Gotta little heart for the others Knew me as the child, Face them using Chidori Level couple stories Take it to the ground

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BATMAN: THE MERCILESS (DC)  A METAL tie-in! Featuring the evil, other-universe Batman/Wonder Woman hybrid!

INFINITE LOOP: NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH (IDW) Sequel to the initial hit mini! Great-looking art.

GENERATIONS: CAPTAIN AMERICA (Marvel) Sam and Steve, time travelin’ pals.

GENERATIONS: SPIDER-MAN (Marvel) Miles and Peter, time travelin’ pals.

FU JITSU (Aftershock) This looks pretty fun. Fu Jitsu is an unaging genius adventurer, who counts Einstein and the Wright Brothers among his friends,  who exiles himself to Antarctica to get over a bad break-up. That’s just bonkers enough to be amazing.

CAPTAIN KRONOS (Titan) European-styled, good ol’ fashioned vampire hunting!

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[isolavirtuosa]

Starting Over (For Real?) 9-10

[fanfiction] NaruSasu

Read the previous parts here.

- 9 -

  “Come on,” Naruto urged me, keeping his hand hooked under my knee as he pressed it towards my chest.

I stared at him.

“What…?”

I decided he didn’t need to know that I found anything even remotely sexual about our physical therapy.  “You suck at this,” I said instead.

“You’re just weak,” he said, putting on more pressure.

I tried to push back with all of my strength, but it was like pushing against a mountain.

“Good,” he said, easing up.

“What was good about it?” I grumbled.

“I could feel your strength,” he said, moving to the other side of me and picking up my left leg.  “Okay, ready?”

I glared at him.  No, I was not.

He pushed gently, easing my leg to my chest.

I pushed back, my whole leg shaking with the effort.

“A little more,” he urged, exerting more force.

“Fffuck,” I breathed out.  My body just wanted to give up.

“See, you did it,” he said.  He guided my leg back straight to the floor.

The sweat dripped off my face as I tried to catch my breath.

“You look like I put you through a real workout,” he said with a grin.

“Shut up and die.”

“No,” he said, pinching my side.

I scowled, flopping my arm around at him to get him to stop.

“Then take it back and say something nice,” Naruto said stubbornly.

“I’m not taking it back,” I growled, finally locking my grip on his wrist and putting chakra into my fingers.

He felt the heat, felt the threat, and decided to pinch me harder.

I pinched him back, flames dancing on my fingertips.

“Holy shit, bastard, that hurts!” Naruto snapped.

“It’s supposed to.”

We glared at and continued to hurt each other.  Then it was like a switch turned off and Naruto immediately let go.

I pinched him harder.

“That hurts,” he said in a calm voice.

Had I imagined this mature Naruto to torture myself?  “Clearly it doesn’t hurt enough,” I said, burning into his skin.

He twisted his wrist suddenly, breaking my hold and locking his fingers around my wrist.  “You have my complete, undivided attention, Sasuke.”

I felt like he was scolding me, like I was some kind of child acting out to get him to notice me... which I wasn’t…  “Who’d want that?” I muttered, looking away.

“Do we have to keep playing this game?”

“Stop talking like that.”

“Like what?  Like someone who isn’t an idiot?”

“…yes.”

“Well, sorry to disappoint, but I’m not actually a complete and total moron all of the time,” he said, letting go of my wrist.  “You know, you want to keep ragging on me about how I’m confusing my feelings for Dream Sasuke with my feelings for you.  But aren’t you the one who keeps comparing me to Your Naruto and finding me lacking?”

His demeanor, his vocabulary, his everything was just not My Naruto, and it filled me with a sudden feeling of complete loss.  It was stupid, though.  I’d lost that Naruto when I’d woken up in my second world.  There was no reason to regret his absence now.

“Hey,” Naruto said quietly.

“Fuck off,” I responded, not looking at him.

“Yeah,” he said, getting up and leaving.

I always felt so stupid and pathetic when we fought now.

“Coward!” I yelled into the empty room.  Then I put a hole through the floor, because that surely wouldn’t show how stupid and pathetic I was.

I needed to get out of here.  I needed to find a way to be able to live on my own.  If only I could speed up the physical therapy process.

“Are you done?”

I glanced towards the stairway, where Miharu was watching me warily from above.  “I will fix it and I will leave.”

“Honey, where ya gonna go?” she asked, shaking her head.

“That’s not your concern.”

“Kakashi put you in my care,” she said.  “I’m not gonna betray that trust.”

“…you can’t stop me.”

“Maybe not, but I certainly have a set of pipes on me, and I’m not above calling Mr. Uzumaki back here,” she said, her expression flat.

I wondered what her connection to Kakashi was, why she said his name so casually.  Maybe I could exploit that.  Anything to keep her from calling the idiot in.

“Can we talk about this in the morning?” she said, cutting off anything I might have said.  “I feel like you owe me that much.”

I didn’t usually respond well to people acting like I owed them something, but Miharu was simply stating a fact.  She didn’t have to take me into her home and feed me with her dwindling food supplies.  She didn’t have to take part in a conspiracy to hide my existence from the Konoha Council.  “All right,” I said.

She nodded at me.  “Good night then.  Get some sleep.”

“Good night,” I said, looking at the hole in the floor, shaped perfectly like my fist.

Naruto came back in the middle of the night.

I knew this because I was wide awake.

Naruto knew that I was awake, but he didn’t say anything, unfolding his futon and lying down.

“I’m leaving,” I finally said into the darkness.

“That was the plan, wasn’t it?” he said.  His voice sounded flat.

“By myself.”

“You’re an idiot.”

I blanched at being called an idiot by the idiot.

“We’ll leave in two days,” he continued, like his manner of addressing me was completely normal.

“You seem pretty used to giving me orders, Hokage-sama,” I said, letting the word drip with as much sarcasm as possible.

“I’m going to sleep,” he said, not rising to the bait.

It pissed me off.

He slept like a baby while I seethed.

The next morning I got to work fixing the hole in the floor.

Miharu didn’t comment and went about fixing breakfast.

Naruto came back in from wherever he’d disappeared to first thing in the morning, and he had plenty of comments.  “What the hell’d you do to Ms. Miharu’s floor?!”

I ignored him.

“Maybe you shouldn’t go runnin’ off every time you two have a quarrel,” Miharu commented from the kitchen.

Naruto squawked in protest.

I hid my grin and continued working.

We ate a quick breakfast, then Naruto started nagging me about doing my exercises.

“What’s the point?” I grumbled.  “Aren’t you just going to leave in the middle?”

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “I never thought I was going to have to take crap from you about leaving.  Can you roll up your pants?”

“I don’t know, can I?” I muttered, yanking each leg up to my knees.

“Why do you have to be so pissy?” Naruto complained, sitting next to me on the floor and running his hand up my leg.

I glared at him.

He looked away and started massaging my leg.  I could feel his apology in the pressure of his fingertips.

We did better with actions than words.

“I talked to Sakura,” he finally said as he moved on to my other leg.

I had let my eyes slide closed, but now they were open and focused.

“She said she can’t leave the village,” he said.

“Why would she?”

“Uh, for our mission,” Naruto said like it should be obvious.

“I wasn’t aware that we had one.”

“Uh, we talked about it.  Find food, investigate clan massacres.”

I had thought it would just be the two of us.

“I’m gonna try harder to convince her, but she seems to think that her soul belongs to Konoha Hospital,” he said with a sigh.  “I get it, though.  She’s not gonna leave before Baa-chan’s stable.”

I could see the sadness in his eyes, but he’d never talk about it.  Naruto talked about everything except for what was important.

“Lay back?” he requested.

I did so with a frown.

He picked up my left leg and started to get it moving.  “I talked to Sai, too.”

“I don’t know Sai,” I said flatly.

“Yeah, but I think you’d like him,” he said.  “He’s really mean to me, and you’re really mean to me, so you’ve got that in common.”

I could say any horrible thing to Naruto that I wanted, but if someone else said something…  “No.”

“Whaddya mean, no?  He’s a really good ninja!” he cried.

“If we’re taking a team, we’ll take my team,” I said, wincing as pain shot through my leg.

Naruto paused, rubbing my leg soothingly before continuing.  “Nobody knows where your team is.”  He didn’t seem happy about the suggestion, but was less venomous that I expected.  I knew he hated thinking of any team as my team that wasn’t Team Seven.

“I can find them.”

“Okay, but would they even care about the mission?”

“Karin’s an Uzumaki, you know.”

He paused in exercising my leg.  “…what?”

“Karin’s from the Uzumaki clan, so, Uzumaki Naruto, you two might have something to talk about.”

He put my leg down.  “You’re serious.”

“Yes.”

“Oh,” he said, rubbing at his eyes.  “Oh.  You know she… she has red hair like my mom…”

Of course I knew that, and I was going to tell him what an idiot he sounded like except he looked so sad that all I could do was reach out and rest my hand on top of his knee.

Blue eyes met mine, and then he was throwing himself at me in a hug.

I grunted as I took his weight.  “We are not huggers,” I informed him.

“We are now,” he said, hiding his face in my shoulder and keeping his arm locked around my neck.

“I didn’t agree to this,” I said.  I let him stay where he was.

We were both quiet.

“I’m getting overwhelmed,” he said quietly.

“What do you mean?” I asked, my hand subconsciously going to rest at the back of his neck.

“I…” he trailed off, his hand gripping tightly at the back of my shirt.  “Everything’s just… messed up…”

“We’ll go,” I said, massaging my fingers into his scalp.  “Just you and me.  Right now.  Let’s just go.”

He peered up at me.  “And what’s that going to solve?” he asked, smiling.

“You need to move forward,” I said.  “You need to take action.”

“Sometimes I feel like you’re looking inside of me,” he murmured.

I didn’t know why that made my face go red.  “It’s not like there’s much going on in there.”

“Jerk,” he said, laughing a puff of air into my neck.

I held off a shiver.

“I like when you’re nice to me,” he whispered, looking weirdly vulnerable.  “Can’t you be nice to me?”

“No,” I said, pushing him back an arm’s length.

“Yes, you can,” he said, pulling me back in.  “Try.”

I wanted to hurt him.

“Sasuke,” he pleaded.  He saw it flickering in my eyes.

“Finish the damn therapy,” I muttered.  “Before you get mad at me and run away again.”

He sighed, ducking his face back into my neck.  He started rubbing his nose against my skin, shifting until he was rubbing right under my jaw.

I breathed out heavily, keeping any other kind of noises buried deep inside.  “What are you doing?” I complained.

“I dunno, I think it’s a Kurama thing,” he mumbled, continuing to nose at me.

“…did you just… smell me…?”

“Mm.”

“…and you think that’s a normal thing to do…?”

“You smell good,” he said, his voice lower than usual.

I didn’t know how to react to all of this, so I just sat there letting Naruto snuffle at my neck.

He finally seemed to get a hold of himself, pulling away and having the decency to look embarrassed.  “I uh…”

“You uh what?” I scowled at him.

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t… appropriate,” he said, his eyes not meeting mine.

“Then why the hell did you do it?”

“Animal… instincts…?”

“Everything you do pisses me off,” I said.  I wanted to walk out on him, but I still didn’t have functioning legs.

“I know,” he said, looking pathetic and still thoroughly shamed.  “I’m gonna… go…”

It pissed me off even more when he walked out on me.

I finished my physical therapy spitefully, then just lay on the floor staring at the ceiling.

This was never going to work.  I needed to get out of here.

 - 10 -

  All Naruto ever had to do was give me one of his self-deprecating grins while he rubbed nervously at the back of his neck and I somehow forgot all the stupid things he had said and done previously.  Well, not so much forgot as made allowances for his nonsense.

“This whole you and me traveling thing is not going to work,” I tried to say.

“It’s the only possible thing that could ever work,” he responded, then went off on some strange tangent about how we had been chosen by destiny to protect the world from all outside forces, and that we needed to right the wrongs of the past.

“Stop talking,” I finally said.

He looked at me pathetically.

“We’ll leave tomorrow as planned.”

His grin lit up his face.

“I’m not going to be carried,” I added.

“Sakura said I can have a wheelchair from the hospital,” he offered.

“You’re not pushing me around in a goddamn wheelchair.”

“…I feel like you’re not actually ready to go out into the world if I can neither carry you nor push you in a wheelchair.”

I glared at him.

He touched my face and it took me a second to flinch away.  “You are the most frustrating person in the world,” he informed me, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“Don’t be so modest,” I muttered.

“What, are you implying that I am the most frustrating person in the world?” he asked, touching his nose to mine.

I wondered if we were going to have another ‘Kurama’ incident.  “You’re a creep.”

“How am I creep?!” he demanded pulling away.

“Do I need to go into detail about the way you touch and or smell me without my permission?”

His face went completely red.  “I…”

I had rendered him speechless.  I couldn’t help but smile.

“You like when I touch you!” he finally snipped, staring at the ceiling like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen.  “…don’t you?”

“I don’t like to be touched.”

He breathed in sharply.  “Oh…”

I could see him mentally adding up the number of times he had touched me in just the last hour, stewing and regretting.  “Naruto.”

He looked at me, eyes full of self-doubt.

I hated that look on his face.

“Get the wheelchair.”

He forced a smile and nodded.

“Now,” I said, extending my arm to him.

He blinked.

I waited.

He finally got a clue and offered me his back.  “This is okay?” he asked hesitantly.

“Idiot,” I said with a sigh, locking my arm over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I touch you all the time,” he said glumly as he bounced along the trees.

“It’s fine.”  Because it’s you.

“It doesn’t seem fine now that I think about it.”

“Is that what that burning smell is?”

He stopped, dropping to the ground, and turned to stare at me.

Our faces were very close, not that I noticed or cared.

“I think we need to talk again,” he said, setting me down.

“Us talking never accomplishes anything,” I pointed out.

“I made you cry tears of penance at the Valley of the End,” Naruto declared.

“…is that how you remember things?”

“Sasuke,” he whined.

“This is your conversation, I don’t know what you’re looking at me for.”

“Fine,” he said.  “If we’re really going to travel together, I need you to stop belittling me at every possible opportunity.”

“…then what would I have left to say to you?”

“Oh, hey, I don’t know, why don’t you tell me about your dream world where Dream Me and Dream You were getting it on?” he suggested, his eyes narrowed.

“We weren’t-” I tried to spit out, stuttering to a stop.

He knew.  He knew.

I couldn’t speak.

“Just be honest,” he said, his expression still hard.  “You don’t have to put up all these walls and pretenses with me.  I thought you trusted me.”

I looked at him.

His expression wavered, uncertainty creeping into his eyes.

“I want to trust you,” I finally offered.

“…but you don’t…?”

I didn’t answer him.

Naruto looked away, staring off into the forest.  “Is it ’cause of all the unwanted touching?  Or ’cause you think I’m spying on you for Kakashi-sensei, which I’m not?  Is it because I was gonna cheat on my wife with you?  Do you think I’m an adulterer?!”

“I want to trust you,” I repeated.

Naruto huffed out a frustrated-sounding noise.  “Talk to me, you bastard.”

“No,” I said.

“Sasuke!” he shrieked, sounding like he was 12-years-old again.  “How can y-”

“I don’t even know if this is real,” I cut him off before he could really get going.

He sighed, his head drooping.  “How do we move forward then?”

“The same way we always do?”

“By ignoring our problems and picking stupid fights with one another?”

“Or just running away and hiding from said fights?”

“Hey, you,” he said, cuffing me on the arm.  “Do you not get that I have to walk away?”

“No, actually, I don’t get it.”

“Oh,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Sorry, I just turn into a little kid in front of you and act so dumb.  It’s embarrassing.”

“You run away because it’s embarrassing?”

He gave me a pathetic look.

“Stop running,” I said firmly.

“Even if I call you names and sucker punch you?”

“Like you could sucker punch me.”

“Sasuke, I’m serious, I completely regress into my 12-year-old self,” he said, shaking his head.  “It’s not a good look.”

“I want all of you.”

Naruto went red and I looked away, trying to play it cool like I hadn’t just said something so ridiculous.

“I want all of you, too,” he finally said, reaching out to touch me and then suddenly pulling back.

“You can touch me,” I said.  “Within reason,” I added quickly.

“I have no rhyme or reason,” he said, giving me a rueful smile.  His hand continued to float between us, awkward and undecided.

“Touch me,” I ground out irritably.

“I never know…” he started, then dropped his hand on my shoulder.  “I never know… where to draw the line.”

“The shoulder is fine, Naruto.”

He slid his hand down my arm, cupping my elbow as his eyes met mine expectantly.

“Fine.”

He let his hand continue its travel, ending up with his fingers curled around mine.

“Gay,” I informed him.

“Okay, but we’re being gay together, so that’s a good thing, right?” he asked, genuinely looking for an answer.

“As long as you don’t make a habit of it.”

“Fine, I won’t make a habit of being gay with you and will only do it at prearranged times and dates.”

“You’re dumb,” I informed him.

“Stop hiding behind your insults,” he said, pinching my cheek with his thumb and pointer finger and stretching the skin as far as it would go.  “Say what you want to say.”

I smacked his hand away.  “I think I’ve already said enough.”

He looked at me.

“Let’s go,” I said.

He shook his head and offered his back to me.  As we started moving through the trees again, he raised his voice and asked, “Could you tell me about your second dream world?”

“Why?” I growled at him.

“Because I want us to be closer,” he answered easily.

I didn’t answer for a while, and we got closer to the hospital.

“We dispelled the Tsukuyomi, we were hospitalized, I left,” I explained succinctly.

“Why’d you leave?” he asked.

“Exiled.”

“Is that why you thought Kakashi-sensei was gonna exile you here, too?”

“Do you have any notion at all of the crimes I’ve committed?” I asked, feeling annoyed.  I didn’t understand how he could just live in such complete obvliousness.

“You were a child,” he said sharply.

I laughed.

He stopped and we plummeted towards the ground.  He landed on his feet hard, dirt exploding around us.

“What the fuck are you crying for?” I asked incredulously.

He put me down, keeping his back to me as his shoulder shook.  “You don’t even realize…” he managed to get out before getting lost in his sniffling again.

I was mystified.  “What am I supposed to be realizing?”

He took some deep breaths before turning around and sitting in front of me.  “The village abused you.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Perfectly aware of that, Mr. Obvious.”

“No, you’re not,” he said, shaking his head.  “From when you were a kid.”

“Naruto, did you miss my entire pre-pubescent avenger phase?  I know what the village did.”

“And what did the village do?” he asked.  He’d calmed down, but there was something off in his eyes.

“They decided on the genocide of my clan and manipulated my teenage brother into doing the dirty work for them.”

“And then they kept you.”

I looked at him.

“They kept you,” he repeated, looking like he was about to get weepy again.  “They kept you, and they used you, and they discarded you when you weren’t useful anymore…”

“Again, I know all this…”

“You don’t think that you’re a victim.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Of course not.”

He continued to look at me like I was breaking his heart.

“Can we go already?” I asked, looking away.

Naruto reached towards me, his hand wavering before finally settling on my shoulder.  “I think you’re a jerk, you know.  Stubborn, selfish.”

I could feel a returning insult bubbling up.

“But I don’t blame you.  I don’t… think of you as a criminal.  Because you’re not a criminal.  You’re not all those things that you think you are.”

“Don’t carry on like you know me better than I know myself,” I protested.

“I’m not saying that,” he complained.  “There’s just this part of you, when it comes to your family and stuff, that you can’t see clearly.”

“And you’re going to enlighten me on the subject?”

“Yeah, doofus, I am,” he said, flicking me in the forehead.

“And what about what the village did to you?” I challenged him.

“I haven’t forgotten,” he said quietly.  “Nice deflection,” he added.

I felt my face go red.

His hand moved from my shoulder to my cheek.

Why did he always have to touch my face?

His thumb stroked along my skin as he tried to get me to look him in the eye.

I wasn’t one to back down from a challenge.  “Enough,” I said, looking into his eyes evenly.

He took his hand away slowly, like he didn’t really want to.  “I… I just… I wish you didn’t think of yourself that way.”

I stared at him.

He sighed.  “Can we hug?”

“Why?”

“I need a hug.”

I breathed out of my nose heavily, then held my arm away from my body.

He took the gesture as an invitation, attaching himself to my waist and burying his face in my neck.

I didn’t return the hug.  “Let’s go,” I repeated, avoiding burying my own face in his hair.

“Hug me.”

“Is that an order?” I scoffed.

“Yeah, it’s a best friend order.”

“So it’s not a gay friends order?”

“No, it’s a platonic order.”

“So you’re not going to start snuffling at me sexually again?”

I felt him bite his lip, the briefest brush of his teeth against my skin before he quickly sat up, looking rightfully embarrassed.  “Sorry, I uh… sometimes I don’t control myself so well.  But see, I’m very in control now, giving you a very nice hug.”  His hand was still looped around my waist and he was basically straddling my lap.

I patted his back.  “This is awkward,” I informed him.

“How is a best friends hug awkward?!” he demanded, glaring at me.

“Well, first of all a hug usually requires two arms to complete it-”

“Oh my god, are you discriminating against me for only having one arm?!” he cried.

“Yes.”

“Oh my god!  You one-armed bitch!”

“…you did not just call me a one-armed bitch.”

“I did!  And I’ll do it again!”

“My second point was going to be about how you can’t really call something a ‘best friends hug’ when you keep telling said ‘best friend’ how much you want to be gay with him, but I feel like nothing I say gets through your ridiculously thick skull anyway, so why bother trying?”

He pouted, and fuck me if it wasn’t the cutest thing I’d ever seen in my life.  “Just ’cause we’re gonna be gay together doesn’t mean we can’t still be best friends.  Aren’t you supposed to be best friends with your spouse?”

“When the fuck are we getting married?!” I cried incredulously.

“I dunno, after a couple years of dating?”

“We’re not getting married, you idiot!”

“We’re not?”

“No.”

“Why not, I mean we’re best friends and soulmates, and we’re both totally gay for each other-”

“Stop talking, Uzumaki,” I growled, covering his mouth.

There was that pout again.

“Don’t throw your life away on me,” I muttered, taking my hand away.

“Do you not get that this self-loathing thing of yours is exactly the point I’ve been trying to make?”

I stared at him.

He stared back.

I opened my mouth.

He covered it with his hand.

I bit him.

He shrieked.

I smiled.

“Fucking sadist,” he complained, cradling his arm to his chest.  I’d barely drawn any blood.

“Then maybe we shouldn’t-” I started to say, and the look in his eyes stopped me.  It was inescapable.  We were going to leave the village the next day, no matter how impractical it was.  “Let’s go.”

He nodded, adjusting his crouch so I could get on his back.

I didn’t feel warm at the closeness.  It was demeaning and I just wanted to walk again.

Naruto stopped a little ways from the hospital, both of us frowning at the rooftops.  “They must be there to guard Baa-chan,” he said, linking his fingers with mine as we performed the henge.

“I didn’t think that enough ninjas had recovered to be acting as an ANBU squad,” I said, my feet dropping heavily to the ground.  It was definitely time to get the fuck out of Konoha, crippled governing body or not.

We went through the front door of the hospital this time, eyes following us in.

Naruto made a beeline for the morgue.  “I’ll take care of everything,” he said, helping me onto an empty slab.  The one next to me wasn’t so empty.  “Be right back.”  He flashed me a grin before taking off.

My skin was crawling.  The sight of those ANBU lurking on the roofs had set something off inside of me, some instinct that was screaming at me to get away.

Naruto was taking a long time.

I didn’t almost put a kunai through his neck when he came back with Shigeo, throwing the door open carelessly without any regard for his own safety.

“Hey, bastard, I brought the cavalry,” he said, his eyes catching the glint of the kunai as I slid it back into hiding.  “Uh… yeah…”

“Hello, Mysterious Man in the Morgue,” Shigeo said, approaching me with his clinical detachment that I admired to a degree.  “Have you seen any improvement?”

“He can kinda stand on his own,” Naruto put in.  “But-”

I silenced him with a look.

His lower lip came out.

“I feel like your partner here would give me more information than your stony silence,” Shigeo said, running his chakra over my leg before digging his fingers into the muscles.

It wasn’t quite as painful as the last time, but I still started to sweat.

“So Sakura actually went home and is sleeping like I told her to do a million times,” Naruto said, brushing my sticky bangs from my forehead.  “We should go see her in the morning.”

“…why?”

“To tell her our plan?”

I looked at him.

He looked at me.

Shigeo did something incredibly painful.

Naruto cradled my face, looking pained.

“Fuck off,” I muttered, pushing him away.  He really needed to stop acting like that in front of other people.

He sighed pulling his hand away.

I flexed my leg.  I could move it better than I expected.  The muscles weren’t strong enough to support my weight, but I might be able to use chakra to move short distances.  I gave Shigeo an approving look.

“Say ‘thank you’ like a normal person,” Naruto complained.

I ignored him, but I shook Shigeo’s hand when he offered it to me.

As we left the hospital, we were both on guard, feeling the distant signatures of the ANBU lurking around Konoha.

[dark-elf-writes]

Maybe the third is Sai? I’m not sure how he’d fit in but it’d be interesting.

Maybe he’s another hatchling or Naruto pulls a kakashi and gets him out from root?

I mean it could be a “Danzo desperately wants control of the Jinchuriki who has all but ruined his chances to get his hands on more weird Uchiha eyes” so he sends in Sai early only for him to be adopted by an incredibly smug looking Orochimaru.

[dark-elf-writes]

Shino is very much 'I like to wear sunglasses so people don't know what I'm looking at' then is fully head turned towards Naruto in a crop top, about to face plant into a brick wall.

IM WHEEZING

That is exactly what he’s like.

Kiba makes fun of him constantly. Hinata has let her crush go because there can only be one disaster in their team obsessed with Naruto Uzumaki and Shino has very loudly claimed it. Kurenai thinks it’s adorable and doesn’t even hide the fact that she’s laughing every time she pulls Shino out of the way of whatever inanimate object he’s about to run into next.

Shino thinks he’s hiding his crush very well thank you.

[dark-elf-writes]

So what happened after the wave mission to team 7 after their return in your "Venomous Naruto" ?

Sasuke being the last Uchiha and the last born sharingan user in the village gets shuffled into the older years at the academy while everyone claims that it was clearly Mizuki’s influence that made him the way he his.

I’m not sure if I want them to be forced to do the same to Sakura because her parents will flip their shit tbh at a clan kid is getting a second chance and she doesn’t or if I want her parents to have been offered the chance for her to go back through the academy and deciding to pull her anyway. Like I love her so much but I don’t see Konoha going out of their way for a civilian kid that almost got the Jinchuriki under Orochimaru’s protection killed twice you know (even if Sasuke was more at fault. She is the more convenient scapegoat without a clan name to back her up and it’s Konoha.)

[dark-elf-writes]

How did Venomous Naruto get so much longer so quickly?!?

Yes! Wave is a Probation, only in this case Sasuke doesn't try to save Naruto and he doesn't do the folding big Shuriken thing against Zabuza with Naruto, causing both Kakashi and Naruto to get hurt a lot. After the Ice Mirrior Dome breaks, where Sasuke has been put in a death like state anyway, Sakura crys over his body and starts yelling at Naruto who is visibly bleeding but still standing saying it should be Naruto who is dead instead.

Sakura loses her ability to ever be a shinobi after the Wave mission and Sasuke is going back to the academy until Naruto makes Chunnin, when Oro/the Sannin will take over his training and Kakashi can train Sasuke on a new team, but if Sasuke still fails the team test he is a Forever Genin apprenticed to Kakashi to master his Sharingan.

Because it lives in my head rent free and I have not been able to think of anything other than this sunshine boy with fangs and only a few bites keeping him from taking out his enemies.

Tbh I might split the au at the formation/first test of Team Seven because I love both ideas so much. And with it being the size it is already an au of an au isnt that bad.

Under a read more because this got away from me tbh.

But absolutely I love that. Naruto tries to get Sasuke to work with him but he yet again doesn’t which means that he has to find a different way to save Kakashi only to get what would be a sure kill blow on anyone else but instead Awakens The Demon™️ and Naru stomps Zabuza into the fucking ground fox style until Haku pulls him out of there. Naruto hits the ground having lost a lot of blood and severely chakra depleted because demon. Kakashi very nearly fucking drowned and also took a fair number of hits that could have been avoided. Still as hurt as he is he doesn’t trust either Sasuke or Sakura to carry Naruto so the rest of the trip to wave is spent with a very obviously injured Kakashi carrying Naruto while Tazuna looks between Team Seven like “oh shit not only am I going to die but at least one of these kids is going to as well.”

Naruto kind of wakes up that first night actually in wave enough to show that he’s clearly scared and just barely keeping it together because he’s not in a safe enough place to break yet. Kakashi gets some food into him before he passes back out then drags his other little genin out for the lecture to end all lectures.

He tells them if he thought he could safely get them all back to the village right now they would be abandoning this mission and going the fuck home immediately. He tells them that they nearly got two of their teammates killed by refusing to grow up and work together. He tells then that anyone who wasn’t Naruto that got those injuries would have died and if if Kakashi had been able to get out of the water prison on his own without drowning they still would have been returning home with a dead child in tow. He tells them that if they can’t get their shit together before the mission ends he’s sending their asses back to the academy because if they’re going to keep acting like children on the field they should be with the children where they can’t get someone killed.

He sends them to bed, as far away from where Naruto is sleeping off his chakra exhaustion as he can considering the size of the house they’re sharing. Tazuna at least seems to understand as he rearranges some things to make sure Kakashi has easy access to all of his students even with the added distance. He thinks that will be the end of it.

For any usual Shinobi graduate it would be the end of it. A dressing down of that severity from a commanding officer in the field and a very real threat that their careers would be back to square one in the most humiliating of ways? That should be enough to get through the thickest of skulls to drive home the point that what they did was wrong and should never ever be repeated.

Only it is.

Only when he’s facing off with Zabuza he hears Naruto screaming for Sasuke to “just fucking listen to me dammit!” Before his so recently injured student so screaming for real.

He sees out of the corner of his eye, like the swordsman had intentionally cleared his mist to give him a front row seat to his own failures, as Sasuke sees the wave of senbon coming right for the both of them for Naruto’s kneeling and half conscious form already so full of needles clearly unable to catch his breath enough to see the danger coming his way and dodges away leaving Naruto to take more.

He’s sure Zabuza is laughing at him as he growls low in his chest. Sure that the gods themselves are laughing at him too.

So he calls in the pack and splits them.

He sees Uhei drag Naruto out of the way of another attack just in time for him to come to. Sees Sasuke pull away from Bisuke with two newly formed sharingan narrowed ably to jump straight into an attack. He sees the choking red hatefilled Chakra cover Naruto as he screams in rage.

He doesn’t see much after that. Focused on ending his fight as fast as possible to get to his students.

It doesn’t make shoving his Chidori through a child’s chest feel any better. It doesn’t make Naruto’s second shriek hurt any less.

The fight is over by the time he lays Haku’s broken body on the ground. Before Zabuza makes his last stand against his former employer. Before Naruto is able to release the Kyuubi’s chakra surrounding him. Before his ninken can report on the state of the kids. It is over.

Kakashi manages to get an arm around Naruto’s waist before he hits the ground as that chakra fades with his shock. Manages to haul him close to his own body as the kid bares his dripping fangs, coated with venom in Naruto’s rage, at the group of men. He can feel how much the kid is shaking. He wonders how he’s still standing.

“Sasuke!” Sakura shrieks, shaking her teammate. Bisuke tries to nudge her away. Tries tot elk he that the pup is hurt but will still live tries to—

“This is your fault!” she screams at him with hate in her eyes. No. Not at him.

At Naruto.

“It should have been you!”

Even with Zabuza fighting at the other end of the bridge. Even with the approaching feet of the rest of the village. Even with the roaring waves below infuriated that the blood of one of their own was spilled. The words were loud enough that Naruto flinched.

Enough.

Kakashi has had enough.

“Shut up!” he snapped, settling Naruto on a clear-ish portion of the bridge and signaled Bull and Pakkun to watch over him. Bull settled at the boy’s side while Pakkun wormed his way into Naruto’s lap, sliding under shock numbed hands and pressing close to his already healed chest to provide some comfort.

He turns on the other two, grateful for his mask so Sakura can’t see him baring his own fangs in irritation, and hits his knees for a quick check over his student that tells him everything he already knew.

“Sasuke is fine.” He growls, and sure enough a moment later the Uchiha gasps and coughs, curling around himself a little as he blinks up at the two of them with dark eyes once again.

Kakshi wants to shake him. To shake them both.

He doesn’t.

Kakashi takes a deep breath. Takes another when Uhei leans against his side.

“It will be my recommendation when we return that you both go back to the academy,” He says at last, eyes narrowed on the two of them. (He’ll never forget their faces. Wouldn’t even if he had taken the time to cover his sharingan) “With what the mission reports will show… I’m not sure if they will take that suggestion or if they will refute you both in the spot.”

Two stunned faces looked back at him. He didn’t let his glare waver. Didn’t let them squirm away from his disappointment as he wrapped Sasuke’s injuries with careful hands before standing again.

The fight was over.

The curse of Team Seven had struck yet again.

[dark-elf-writes]

Hinata nodding vry sympathetically bc only Shino’s vry clear crush stops her from passing out with a nosebleed every time she sees Naruto. Kiba would have thought it’s funny if his mom didn’t have to do the same for him the first few times.

Meanwhile, Tsume and Shibi delight in watching their kids embarrass themselves. At least until they realize they have no shame whatsoever. The only things Shino fears is Naruto’s rejection (unlikely. Why? They have been friends for many years and even if his romantic interest was not returned it is doubtful it would end their friendship) and being feed to Naruto’s fish (he wouldn’t allow them to have such a subpar diet).

Crying. Absolutely.

Like everyone Gets It™️ okay? All it takes is one look at Naruto’s sweet smile and the way his muscles move as he’s training for anyone to understand why Shino is so far gone on him. Particularly his team who gets to see the more unguarded side of their friend when Naruto drops in on their training during the times Kakashi is needed on a mission outside of the village that he cannot being his genin on. It is painfully clear that the two of them are hopelessly in love with with other and has no idea the other feels the same way.

That doesn’t mean Shibi isn’t torn between laughing and rolling his eyes when he sees his son nearly trip over Akamaru whose growls go unheard because a Shino is far more interest in watching Naruto’s pull up competition with Kiba.

[dark-elf-writes]

Itachi: so you…got demoted to academy student because you were ready to let your teammate die?

Sasuke:

Itachi: how the hell are you gunna kill your bff to awaken your eyes if you don’t make friends in the first place bitch?

Sasuke:

Itachi: I killed our whole family and I’m less screwy than this

Itachi coming to terms with the reality that he broke an entire child and now has to deal with the consequences (i.e. suicide by brother is not looking like a viable option before his body gives out on him)

[dark-elf-writes]

And what will happen to Naruto ? Can he take the exam?

I would probably shuffle him into an older team, (still Kabuto’s team but with their third being some OC that is the only chill one Kabuto has ever been on a team with? Jury still out) maybe a Jonin sensei and one of the older teammates are in the hospital after a mission went wrong as well around the same time to Kakashi is handed to teenagers on top of his now apprentice and told to figure it the fuck out.

The three of them (unsurprising if one is Kabuto. Very surprising if he is not there) bond incredibly quickly and are everything a team is supposed to be and by the time the Chunin exams roll around no one can even think about splitting the three of them up because they work so well together. Naruto was already far above a recently graduated genin level anyway due to his training with his family so he slots right into the new team skill wise.

The rest of the rookies (minus Shino who has definitely contemplated setting his bugs on both of Naruto’s former teammates) are stunned when the dead last comes in with two older kids and the two top scoring if their head nowhere to be seen looking actually happy for the first time since team assignments were announced.

[dark-elf-writes]

I’m dying, dead, deaded.

Shino: I am the secret that’s lost in the wind. The mystery hidden in the shadows. The meaning within the question and the key beholden to no one, not even a lock. I am subtly!

Shino: *sunglasses slipping off his face from how much he’s leaning forward to look at Naruto’s back dimples*

His dad is in the background absolutely shaking with laughter because Shino’s definitely his mothers son.

Shibi, Kakashi, and Naruto’s siblings all have a betting pool for when their respective disasters will realize they’re head over heels in love with each other.

So far it’s looking like Shibi is going to win because he knows exactly how oblivious he was to his wife’s affections and Shino absolutely got that from him.

[dark-elf-writes]

So are Haku, Kabuto, and Naruto on the same team? Or is Haku dead dead in the au of the au?

So Venomous Naruto splits at the test for team seven

In Venomous Naruto: the breaking of team seven there was no medic with them when Haku took a Chidori to the chest so he is very much dead.

In Venomous Naruto: (more specific title to be decided) Kabuto was with them during the wave mission and was able to save Haku who eventually becomes a part of their team.

[dark-elf-writes]

"This is your fault!" she screams at him with hate in her eyes. No. Not at him. At Naruto.”

Kakashi probably had a brief flashback of Rin when she did that. His nightmares overlapping with reality and her blaming him for Obito’s death. Her own too.

Kakashi who has on some level thought everything was his fault since he found his father’s dead body at like six: U rite.

No but for reals he was 100% seeing Rin at that moment and he realized if he didn’t step in and make sure these kids got more time to grow up in the academy they would never get a chance to grow up at all and would more than likely take others down with them.