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leprosycock · 1 year

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pls educate/ advertise f0b / peterick yaoi to me. i know nothing about it but i want to.

uhhhhh okay this is gonna be really fucking long and deranged because i've been into them for like? nine years and i promise you from the bottom of my heart that nothing i will tell you is exaggerated or made up, their relationship really is this twisted and intense and insane. a lot of this is gonna be under the cut for obvious reasons

faII out boy are officially formed in the summer of 2001 when p4trick stump overhears joe tr0hman talking about music in a boarders bookstore and feels the need to jump in and correct him because patrick is extremely pretentious and insane about music, having grown up around it due to his blues-performing dad. joe is personal friends with pete w3ntz, a legend in the chicago music scene that patrick has personally admired for ages. joe invites patrick to come try out for a band that pete wants to start on the side next to his other projects, something just for fun. patrick intends on just becoming a drummer- until he meets pete. then his life is changed forever.

to really put things in perspective, pete is 22 years old and patrick is barely sixteen when they meet. pete is an unstable college kid with unmedicated bipolar disorder and kind of a huge sex freak who's very mean to girls and patrick is a loser virginal high school kid. pete is short and covered in tattoos and his hair is buzzed and he has whiskey-colored eyes and bright big teeth and a smirky smug pouty mouth. patrick is shorter and pasty and a little chubby and he has choppy strawberry blond hair and a big pink mouth and big baby blue eyes. both pete and joe show up to patrick's house to hear him audition and patrick is wearing shorts, black knee-high socks, and an argyle sweater. we know this because pete has repeated this story of their first meeting many, many times.

patrick insists that he wants to play drums and has never thought about singing before, but pete bullies and pokes and prods until patrick finally gives in and sings for him and joe as long as pete promises to be the actual frontman and lets him sink into the background because he's unbelievably shy and insecure. pete is immediately taken with patrick and calls him "the kid with the voice" and a "golden boy" and he gives him a knit cap so he can hide his face in front of the microphone. patrick is wearing this same hat on the cover of their first official debut album, take this to your grave.

their tentative first album, evening out with your girlfriend, is a rushed slapjob full of embarrassingly delightful fruity pop punk hits that patrick today is ruthlessly ashamed of. this was recorded with two other former members, tj and chris, who eventually leave in pursuit of other projects that they believe will be more successful. they continue to be friends with the other boys for a while until pete tries to convince chris' girlfriend to use sex dice with him and this causes a rift and leads to chris cutting pete off and, by extension, the band. after these two leave, pete brings in a permanent drummer, andy hurley. andy is a pacifist and a vegan and has a voice like a kitten and is an all-around good guy and well-rounded adult who's around pete's age. they record take this to your grave. during the summer, pete takes his pet high schoolers and his fellow hardcore music scene buddy around on tour in joe's mom's shitty old van so the boys don't have to miss school. (or, more accurately, he has joe do it, because pete does not have a valid driver's license at the time.)

one of the singles on tttyg is called saturday. pete and patrick write a lot of lyrics together for this album and saturday is another joint effort. here are some lyrics:

and here is the description for the music video:

The video features all of the band, but particularly frontman Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz. Pete is killing the other band members and their friends, leaving a Queen of Hearts playing card with each of the bodies. Patrick is a detective tracking the "killer". During the bridge of the song, Patrick and Pete are seen in the same position, sitting on a bed with a wall of pictures of Pete's victims in the background, suggesting that Patrick and Pete may be the same person. In the end, Pete kills Patrick, but because Pete and Patrick turn out to be the same person, Pete dies as well.

they perform this song at the end of every show and they have since 2002. pete spent their entire tour in 2015 grabbing his dick during this song for some reason ?? idk but i have pictures:

during the tttyg era, pete and patrick become VERY fast and VERY intense best friends. patrick is extremely temperamental and impatient and has a short fuse and pete has routine breakdowns and is a general violent, obnoxious asshole who likes to torment patrick for fun, so a lot of their interactions tend to ignite like throwing a match on gasoline. he once famously strangled pete with a gas pump, has thrown punches at him in the studio, and cursed him out over small disagreements. for those curious, this feisty little sweaty golden firecracker of a boy looked like this:

just so you know what we're dealing with.

the rest of them looked like this ^ andy, pete, patrick, and joe respectively. patrick did that gay little wrist flick in photoshoots a lot for some reason

it's important to note that pete was a genuine creep around patrick and was VERY WEIRD WITH HIM. during this van days era, pete tried to carve a peephole into his bedroom door when they all shared a shitty apartment together in roscoe village and never left his side. he talks about him frequently on livejournal and their website and i will quote some of these incidents here: 04/16/05: patricks birthday is tommorrow. i am in love with him so give him presents. 06/09/05: when i want patrick to sing in my ear i call him on the phone and he does it 06/16/05: that kid is my best friend and the rest of the world could blow up and fall out boy can break up and he still will be 10/11/05: i dreamt him. q&a incidents from the official fob website:

pete fucking adores this kid with everything in him. patrick is routinely frustrated with pete and his inability to grow up, but he's still just as maddeningly in love and still maintains a sense of hero worship for him and considers him a tragic figure that needs to be protected. they become very codependent.

during van days, they record and release an acoustic album called my heart will always be the b side to my tongue. they also release a dvd called release the bats, which is a hideous nightmare clusterfuck involving a lot of pete doing really gross shit for attention such as vomiting on the floor, pissing in garbage cans, and hurting himself and his friends alongside showcasing some of their live shows and performances with other friends in fueled by ramen, a borderline incestuous record label where everyone knows each other and is constantly collabing and doing shows together. included on this dvd is a short film that pete and patrick make called bedussey. they film this while sharing a dirty disgusting mattress in an even smaller apartment than the last during their writing sessions. it's fucking awful, watch it

just before the release of their second studio album, pete overdoses on ativan in a best buy parking lot while hallelujah plays on the radio. the first person he calls is patrick, who doesn't pick up, and then he finally tries his mom and his doctor. he writes two songs about this, 7 minutes in heaven and hum hallelujah. he also talks about this incident in his book, grey, but that comes much later. not terribly long after this, his nudes get leaked and it's ambiguous for a while as to who posts them, but it's theorized that it was actually chris or a friend of his. i can't honestly remember how much of this was confirmed. pete's life is surrounded by tragedy and flashbulbs constantly popping in his eyes and it's a mix of him bringing it on himself and not finding the help he needs and having terrible, terrible luck in love and in himself.

during this time, he's in an incredibly twisted and unhealthy relationship with a seventeen year old named jeanae white. she cheats on him five million times and vise-versa and they're very mean to each other. she also plays a pivotal role in his book later on. they break up for good in 2006. there's also a vague theory that he had a brief fling with mikey way in 2004 which is referred to as "the summer of like" by those invested. it may very well be true but i couldn't give a fuck about that if i tried; i'm a peterick loyalist. he marries ashlee simpson in 2008 (most likely due to her unplanned pregnancy, even though he was pretty in love with her at the time) and has a baby boy named bronx with her. during this era, patrick is in a committed relationship with a girl named anna who eventually cheats on him and it tears him apart.

jumping back a bit, from under the cork tree is their third official studio album (if you count b side, which i do) and it contains a lot of very interesting music.

the original lyric was meant to be "just friends" and for some reason, patrick changed it to "best friends" in the final cut. the name of this song is 'i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth (summer song)'. pete LOVES to use the idea of summer in his music, which is so interesting, because fall out boy's first tour was in the summer, he and patrick have spent the fourth of july in a beach house together (REMEMBER THIS), and their biggest projects have been produced over summers. it's also worth mentioning that pete has kissed patrick on the neck more than once during shows. even more worth mentioning that pete is REALLY fucking clingy with patrick on stage.

^ they sing this at each other. i don't really know what else to say

their next album, infinity on high, is slightly more artsy and, in my opinion, a fucking masterpiece. one of the most valuable tracks on this album is g.i.n.a.s.f.s. (gay is not a synonym for shitty) and i will explain why

"trade baby blues for wide eyed browns" alongside literally walking in someone else's shoes and physically trying to become them or embodying them is just following a theme that pete and patrick have been portraying for years, about how the two of them are inherently the same person, two sides of the same coin. pete says they experience cryptophasia, an implicit, intimate language that can only be used by twins. their next album is even titled folie a deux, "the madness of two". pete later writes about a character named martin (patrick's irl middle name) in grey, who he talks about saving the main character's (pete's) life on the roof of a hotel. "some nights it gets so bad i almost pick up the phone" = pete has said multiple times that patrick has sang to him on the phone to calm him down or help him fall asleep because patrick's voice really is that healing for pete. also possibly another reference to pete's suicide attempt and how his call to patrick failed ?

lastly, here's a quote from pete's livejournal in 05 when he was babbling about patrick:

"i know i am sal and i feel damn lucky to have the wind blowing in the thru the windows as he keeps us at 80mph. make no mistake, there is a difference between a parlor trick and true blue magic. i will remember this til the day i die."

fuck you

2007-2008 is full of massive, massive drama. alongside pete's ongoing war with the media and his almost immediate marital issues with ashlee, he's ALWAYS fighting with patrick inside and outside the studio, both physically and verbally. the band is constantly getting called sellouts and posers and were heckled very badly during the tours they did to promote folie a deux. it's kind of the beginning of the end.

for folie, pete writes a song called what a catch donnie. this is a ballad that pete writes from patrick's perspective that he is very, very nervous to show to him and almost doesn't. showing him something so heartfelt and vulnerable is dangerous given the current nature of their relationship. this is that song.

the music video stars patrick as a sea captain who's lost and lonely and trying to get home and he's eventually rescued by many of his irl close friends through fueled by ramen. but pete never appears.

after the round of tours for fad ends, they release a greatest hits album called believers never die and the coffin lid starts to slide closed. the band is well and truly dissolving; the reception for fad was very poor and miserable and pete and patrick truly cannot work together anymore and both joe and andy are tired of trying to put up with them. pete tells the boys he's going to leave and the breakup is mutual, to say the least. pete has his head shaven on stage as a ritual of mourning during 'saturday'. pete says in interviews that he thinks his name and his marriage and all the drama that saturates his life became a hindrance to the band.

fob is on hiatus from 2009 to 2013. during this time, pete forms the band black cards and seeks out a female vocalist specifically because he doesn't want to "replace patrick". he writes grey, opens nightclubs, divorces ashlee, abuses prescription drugs, and wants to die. patrick loses a bunch of weight and produces a solo pop album called soul punk. it has a very poor reception and he's bullied and tormented by fans who go to his shows just to tell him he sucks and he wants to die just as badly as pete does. he also gets married, but whatever

he bleaches his hair and dresses like this the whole tour because he's a massive faggot:

i have this whole theory about how his song run dry is about gay sex. a lot of the album is about infidelity too. he claims that this is because it's a "concept album" but it .. really kind of isn't. patrick is not very good at lyrics. (SOMETIMES. we'll come back to this too.)

pete and patrick do not talk to each other for a bulk of the hiatus. pete says that the hiatus felt like a breakup and hurt just as badly. closer to the end of this painful spell, pete calls patrick to say "i helped buy your house and now you don't even know my kid, that's messed up" and they have to learn how to be friends again. there are vague statements from the band about how they had a series of work meetings before seriously discussing the idea of reuniting. patrick also sends pete a postcard, telling him he has music he wants to show him if he's willing to see it.

in 2013, out of fucking nowhere, like a couple weeks after pete assures the media that fall out boy will never reform, they drop an album called save rock and roll and the band is back for good. as they release this album, they also release a massive and incredible series of eleven music videos for the entire album called the young blood chronicles. essentially, fall out boy plays a group called the members of the faith and they have to essentially defend music from courtney love, who plays a nazi-esque dictator leading a group of leather-clad women who want to establish a dystopia where music doesn't exist. music = faith. the women steal patrick away and put a demon in him and chop his hand off and he turns evil and starts to murder the rest of the band, including pete.

the most important track on this album is miss missing you.

pete wrote a good chunk of the lyrics for this album, as he is wont to do (this changes later on but it's still mostly pete for now), but this song is all patrick. this was a song he wrote for soul punk, but he never recorded it because, in his words, "it sounded too much like a fall out boy song". this particular installment in the ybc involves solely pete and patrick, separated from the rest of the band after joe and andy have left. this entire music video is about patrick trying to kill pete and struggling to do so, at war with his own humanity that keeps slipping through the cracks. pete has said that this is his favorite music video that the band has ever made.

relevant quotes:

"pete's my best friend. i was the best man at his wedding, i love that man to death. i'd take a bullet for him."

"[patrick is] probably my best friend in the whole world. this is one of the only people in the world that i would take a bullet for."

also! summer! summer summer summer! summer never dies!!!

2013-2014 are essentially a honeymoon phase. fob do tons of interviews, immediately make plans for a brand new album to follow srar up with, and they record an insane ep on a whim called pax am days. they do it while ridiculously drunk. it's REALLY good and SOOOO underrated and some of the most interesting music they've ever made. pete and patrick record a commentary track for the ybc. they're best friends again- admittedly less physically clingy, but they're older and more grown up and pete is more secure in his relationship with patrick. they're easygoing and comfortable and they love being around each other again and they're irrevocably in love.

late 2014-early 2015 birth their next album, american beauty/american psycho. i have a lot of emotional attachment to it because i was old enough to witness this release in real time and this was the height of my obsession. there are a LOT of fascinating things to pick apart in this album, but here are my favorites (tumblr won't let me add more than 30 images per post for some reason ?? i didn't know there was a limit but alright. Sure):

And in the end I'd do it all again I think you're my best friend Don't you know that the kids aren't al-, kids aren't alright? I'll be yours When it rains it pours Stay thirsty like before Don't you know that the kids aren't al-, kids aren't alright?

very obvious. the kids aren't alright was more or less confirmed to be about patrick and pete tended to get very lovey-dovey on stage whenever they performed it.

Do you, do-do you remember When we drove, we drove, drove through the night And we danced, we danced to Rancid And we danced, we danced And I confessed, confessed To you riding shot-gun Underneath the purple skies And we danced, we danced With windows down And we danced, we danced (Spin for you like your favorite records used to) (Spin for you like your favorite records) You were the song stuck in my head Every song that I've ever loved Play it again and again and again And you can get what you want but it's never enough And I spin for you like your favorite records used to And I spin for you like your favorite records used to

And I can’t, I can’t I can’t remember just how to forget Forget the way that we danced We danced to Danzig And we danced, we danced And when you ask, you ask me how I’m doing Like you know, you know how much better off I am And when we danced, we danced With windows down And we danced, we danced (Spin for you like your favorite records used to) (Spin for you like your favorite records)

favorite record is a big one because of pete's "patrick is an ipod full of my favorite songs" and "you ask me how i'm doing, like you know how much better off i am", a possible reference to the hiatus and their inability to communicate. i'd also like to firmly call back to pete's quote about driving with patrick and remembering that day until he dies.

and, lastly, fuck me:

I'll be as honest as you'll let me I miss your early morning company If you get me You are my favorite what if You are my best I'll never know And I'm starting to forget Just what summer ever meant to you What did it ever mean to you?

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean any of it I just got too lonely, lonely, whoa In between being young and being right You were my Versailles at night

It was the fourth of July You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fireworks That went off too soon And I miss you in the June gloom too It was the fourth of July You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fireworks I said I'd never miss you, but I guess you never know May the bridges I have burned Light my way back home on the fourth of July

My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars Again and again 'til I'm stuck in your head Had my doubts but I let them out You are the drought And I'm the holy water you have been without And all my thoughts of you They could heat or cool the room, and no Don't tell me you cried Oh, honey, you don't have to lie

I wish I'd known how much you loved me I wish I cared enough to know I'm sorry every song's about you The torture of small talk with someone you used to love

fuck!!!! fuck!!!!!!! summer again!!!! we're back to summer and back to the fourth of july i told you that would be important later. finding your way back home on the bridges you burned. memories of squandered youth trapped in these moments from years back and viewing someone as this grand monument worthy of worship and posterity. "my nine to five is cutting open old scars", pete's job, what he's been filling his life with for years, the music that he makes for a living. "i'm sorry every song's about you" = doesn't have to be literal. i believe it's more so about the idea that so many songs are about patrick and it's more tongue-in-cheek, despite how melancholy it is. i believe this song is a grand release for pete and a way for him to reconcile his feelings after years of confusion and longing and torment. but that's all just a theory

it's also worth mentioning twin skeleton's, which a lot of peterick truthers theorize is about pete and patrick having flings in hotels during tours throughout 06-09. it's not really definitive and it's very conspiratorial, but i do enjoy thinking about it

there's a three year gap between albums this time and then we get mania, which is by all accounts awful. people can defend this album all they want, but i think it's fucking terrible and patrick admits that it was rushed and he doesn't like it and he's right and he should be ashamed. i hate this album. it sounds terrible and there are very few good songs on it. they did a ton of promotion for this record and did a pop-up event where they had rooms you could go through based on each track of the album. they really, genuinely tried, but it was a miss. i was so frustrated with this album that i really don't have much to say about it peterick-wise, but this tour was the first time that i was actually able to see them live, so i can't really stay mad at them. they played thriller and opened with disloyal order <333 (which, by the way, is also about patrick, confirmed by pete himself! he said that "half-doomed and semi-sweet" is a literal description of himself and patrick.)

i do like young and menace, hold me tight or don't, and wilson, but none of them feel like fob. moving on.

they release the lake effect kid ep in 2018 and believers never die volume two. lake effect kid is a BEAUTIFUL fucking track and it made me actually ache for what mania could've been if they'd just returned to their roots. that'll come soon though.

Boomerang my head Back to the city I grew up in Again and again Forever a Lake Effect kid

Oh, I got the skyline in my veins Forget your nighttime Summer love on a gurney with a squeaky wheel And joke us, choke us 'Til Lakeshore Drive comes back into focus I just wanna come back to life Spark my crazy head to keep you warm at night

summer love :))) it never ends :))))))

2023 saw the release of so much (for) stardust. this is one of the strongest albums they've had since the hiatus and i really, really love a lot of it. as New as it feels, it's still very fall out boy at its core and it's full of heart and it's passionate and it's pure.

We were a hammer to the statue of David We were a painting you could never frame and You were the sunshine of my lifetime What would you trade the pain for?

^ love from the other side. pete has likened patrick to sunshine, sunsets, sunlight, and the color gold many, many times while talking about him. there are a lot of songs where he uses the sun as a metaphor for longing, something he can never reach because he's eternally eclipsed in shadow.

My moodboard is just pictures of you, but I'm not sad anymore So make no plans and none can be broken, no plans and none can be broken But I didn't take the love when I had the chance, but I swear I'm not sad anymore So make no plans and none can be broken, no plans and none can be broken

Do you laugh about me whenever I leave? Or do I still need more therapy?

Love is in the air, I just gotta figure out a window to break out Buried alive inside my dreams, but it was all a fake-out And I don't care, I just gotta figure out a window to break out Buried alive inside my dreams, but it was all a fake-out, fake-out

Oh-oh, we all started out as shiny dimes But we all got flipped too many times We did it for futures that never came And for pasts that we're never gonna change

fake out makes me want to die in the most intense way, mainly because there's something so utterly familiar about it. it's SO fob and it's one of the best tracks they've put out since the hiatus. it's also .. so ..... it's very similar to fourth of july for me. this is recovery from the pain and finally coming to acceptance while acknowledging the past, love that was never reciprocated. it's not something that ever really goes away. it'll linger, especially when you still see so much of that golden boy that you first fell in love with the second he opened his mouth and began to sing to you.

i will state emphatically that through all my speculation, none of this is meant to be taken at face value aside from the direct quotes and irl incidents. most music comes from anywhere and everywhere within an artist. artists draw from their real life and nothing has to be literal, but pete writes about a lot of real people. grey is about as subtle as a sledgehammer when it comes to his representation of people he knows irl. sometimes he's writing about exes and sometimes he's writing a story. sometimes he's writing about patrick. we never really know for sure. but it's fun to think about!

i'm really passionate about them and i adore their relationship inside and out. a lot of it is really fucked up and weird and twisted and crazy and a lot of it is genuinely so beautiful and tragic. even if they're not fucking and never have and have never thought about it, they're undoubtedly soulmates in any way you feel like interpreting that. they love each other massively and endlessly and it's a fire that has refused to really die for over twenty years. i love them a lot and i hope you enjoyed this essay!!!

#this is also just the tip of the iceberg i hope you know. this isn't even half of it .#i have so many fun facts about them locked away in my head forever and they're fucked up and sick and twisted.#bunnyaskz

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edwinspaynes · 9 months

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buckle up, buttercups, i'm about to tell you about the most insane two weeks of my life

okay. so to preface this, i have definitely had an edible or two. so it's going to have kinda weird prose.

when i was a junior in high school, i went with my chinese class on a 2 week long exchange program to china. it was a really amazing country, rich in history and culture, and i am so glad i went.

but there was a catch.

my chaperon - we'll just call her laoshi - was the absolute worst chaperone ever. like, literally, worst in the history of mankind. before we went to china, she refused to get a new cell phone sim that would work in the country. so we had absolutely no means of contacting her if we didn't know her whereabouts. she also failed to convey our allergy information and other dietary restrictions in china, so i was fed oily carrot soup. (she also deadass gave us alcohol several times)

but everything was worse for my raw-vegetable vegan roommate. we'll call her o. o was a wonderful person.

when we were in china, we were on a tour trip. so we got all of our amenities. part of that was one (1) bottle of water to last the entire day. laoshi failed to get us more water, and it was scarce in our locations. tap water isn't potable, so we were at the whims of street vendors with water bottles and they were not everywhere. even if they were, laoshi wouldnt necessarily let us stop. it was about 115 degrees farenheit.

she also did not tell us where she would be staying. we asked her to take us to the pool one night, she literally just told us to get in the van with a strange dude and went to her room qhere we had no way of contacting her. we declined the ride and the trip to the pool because we had to be responsible for ourselves.

two of the kids in my group started dating, d and k. they were staying in each other's rooms every night and having sex. the teacher, at the end of the trip ddid not know they were dating and they were super into pda.

my o the raw vegetable vegan has no choice but to eat meat for the duration of the trip. this inevitably makes her extremely sick. one night, she is throwing up from the other side of the hotel bed. over and over. she is so ill and so miserable. i am scared for her safety but WOOT WOOT can't call a teacher. so i, age 16, am now tasked with this situation. so i go down to the desk and ask the hotel manager where she is. they don't know. it is a nightmare. i ask for them to send a cleaner.

i go back up to the room. o thinks some tea might settle her stomach a bit and i agree, so i make a pot of tea. i am so exhausted. it is like 4 am. i have been cleaning up after o and helping her all night. so i am stupid and i pour the hot, BOILING water on my hand. i shit you not. i sustained third degree burns. but still have no means of contacting an adult.

the cleaning lady comes. she begins to vomit sympathetically.

i am in the worst possible position. o is crying and apologizing and i am crying over my hand. so i go down to the front desk to get burn heal cream. we also had a conversation about getting a laxative for my roommate. i don't know how to say laxative. i say 'you take medicine, you get diarhea' because laoshi had taught us those words.

the entire rest of the trip is me applying that (very good) salve and reapplying gauze in the bathroom so laoshi doesnt notice the serious medical issue emerging on my hand.

o is meanwhile still vilely ill. i'm sad because i love her. we are super close at this point because we've undergone this horrific experience together in 2 weeks.

the rest of our trip, she doesn't notice. we get on the plane. i ask d and k if they want me to change seats so they can be together. laoshi asks why

@thevagabondexpress

#personal

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sarahlovesadultcartoonz · 1 year

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Had to make a introduction abut me cuz idk

My name is Sarah

My favorite shows are the muppet show, animaniacs, ghost and Molly McGee, casagrandes, the loud house, don't hug me I'm scared, sonic x, sonic boom, the letter people, Eddsworld, sesame street, Rocko's Modern Life, Ren and Stimpy, CRiTORA, Catdog, moral Orel, muppets tonight, fanboy and Chum Chum, Fred Figglehorn, cartoonmania, mandela catalogue, walten files, Fred the Show, hi hi puffy Ami yumi, your favorite martian the series, nostalgia critic, angry video game nerd and potter puppet pals

My favorite movies are the muppet movie, the muppets, muppets most wanted, adventures of Elmo in Grouchland, Fred the movie, Fred 3 the movie, Fred 2 night of the living Fred and CartoonMania: the movie

My hyperfixations are mad scientist cartoon, the rockafire explosion, goosebumps, vocaloid, utau and clone high

My favorite music artists are lemon demon, neil cicierega, your favorite martian, will wood, will wood and the tapeworms, tally hall, Bart baker, ghost and pals, your favorite martian and oingo boingo

My favorite video games are quiplash, trivia murder party, trivia murder party 2, Friday night funkin, five nights at Freddy's, Dave and Bambi, sonic the hedgehog, Omori, team fortress 2, roblox, item asylum, survive and kill the killers on area 51, my singing monsters, my muppets show and my singing monsters dawn of fire

My comfort media are inanimate insanity and peewee's playhouse

I am a bisexual, pansexual polyamorous aroace non-binary transgender genderfluid and xenogender boy

I use he/they/faun/xem/it pronouns and neopronouns

I make xenogenders

I make headcanon about characters from every media

I'm neurodivergent, autistic and ADHD

DNI if:

Homophobic

Transphobic

Ableist

Racist

Vegan

Imvu players

P3d0

Autism speaks supporters/defenders

Xenogender anti

Neopronoun anti

RCTA

Z00ph1l3

N$fw

F3t!sh ppl

Inflation and v0r3 enjoyers

Lemon Demon anti

Spam bots

Favorite characters

Muppets - Uncle deadly, Dr phil van neuter johnny Fiama sal minella marvin Suggs Mr poodlepants chip bill the bug bobo the bear lew Zealand doctor Bunsen honeydew beaker Wayne and Wanda waldo C graphic digit newsman bill the bubble guy Wilkins wontkins bobby Benson link hogthrob Constantine the frog Sam the Eagle Howard Tubman Carter Zelda rose and Mulch

Sesame Street - Count von Count, Bill the Bug and Limbo/Nobody

Bart Baker - Taylor Swift, PSY, Lorde, William, Britney spears and Adam levine

Lemon Demon - Neil Cicierega

Animaniacs - Wakko Warner

The Ghost and Molly McGee - Sharon McGee, Leah stein-torres, Pete mcgee, Libby stein-torres, jinx, Molly McGee, scratch, Darryl McGee and Ezekiel tugbottom

Battle for Dream Island - Puffball

Friday night Funkin - Meri, Beepie, Dave and Bambi

Fred Franchise - Fred Figglehorn

Jashin-Chan - Hatsune Miku

CRiTORA - Kimi canicani, Iggy digahol, Avery Darling, eggy, queen virus, dundun qwerty, Pluto Georgia, spottie Leonard and Ernie joefreckler

Adventures of Elmo in grouchland - Huxley

Channel Awesome - Nostalgia Critic/Doug Walker

Muppets 2011 - Tex Richman

Cinemassacre - Angry Video Game Nerd

Muppet Movie - Max, Doc Hopper and Snake Walker

Pokemon - Sylveon

Fred the Movie - Kevin and Judy

Peewee's Playhouse - Cool Cat, Dirty Dog, Conky 2000, Randy and Chairry

Muppets from Space - K. Edgar singer

Rockafire Explosion - Rolfe Dewolfe and Dook Larue

Cartoonmania - Lucifer Killingsworth, Rufus, Ed Ted Ned and Fred, Anne Mermaid, Roy and Professor Qwertyson

Muppets Most Wanted - Dominic badguy

ABC Muppets - Pache/Pizza

Don't hug me I'm scared - Colin and Shrignold

Muppets Tonight - Heather Locklear

Muppets Wizard of Oz - Wicked Witch of the west

Crash and Bernstein - Crash

Fraggle Rock - Large Marvin fraggle

Clone High - Topher Bus, Abe, Professor Scudsworth and Mr. butlertron wesley

Scott the Woz - Scott the Woz

Owl House - Collector

BFFS list

@elle-eedee @emishows123 @splashy900 @boogiestronic80s @nightmaremp @moshywoosh @cheezecirno

Might pin this later 👀

This was inspired by @emishows123

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benoitblanc · 1 year

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the driver’s side door and other affairs of the heart

maybe he should have brought her something, mulder thinks. not flowers, which, in this fucked-up life they lead, evoke jolly-roger brain scans and the sharp tang of antiseptics, but champagne, maybe—no, too eddie van blundht. but even boxed mac and cheese for emily would have been an acceptable offering, or a pint of full-fat phish food, because scully deserves better than that self-flagellating vegan crap she buys. something, anything, except the two things he actually has: a box in his pocket and what he’s hoping isn’t the dumbest idea he’s ever had in his head.

(or, there is no casket full of sand, and mulder gets out of the car.)

read driver’s side door on the ao3

#arwen writes #the x files #txf #the x files fic #txf fic #msr #fox mulder #dana scully #todayinfic #SCREAM. THIS IS STRESSFUL

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crisp-nightime-air · 2 years

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Here are me and my gf favourite dndaddies quotes. (Up until season 2 episode 23)

**spoilers to come

“I’m hungry and I kinda wanna fuck”

“He is my seed!!!”

“I burned down my first school!!”

“Who wants grape nuts?”

“No one!!!”

“Now two sad bags of bones that used to be people with hopes and dreams”

“Natures orgasm”

“Jizz likely”

“I’m wearing the condoms Ron!!!”

“ the Birkenstock’s were in you all along”

“If we all get into the fanny pack then the bear can get into the van”

“Daryl what do your dilf eyes see”

“Is that a d4 in your pocket or are you just that poorly endowed”

“It’s like watching a man chase down his very specific kink through tabletop role play”

“It’s role play masturbation”

“I can’t respect your choices when you don’t make good ones”

“You find more knives than not knives”

“Look at my butt hole dad”

“Yea look at his butthole”

“Balfazar drop me a fat ass poem”

“So your edging your cat??!???”

“Get yourself together the snake is dying”

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me”

“Dick daddy”

“My cat has never nutted and will never nut”

“We don’t need seat belts where we’re going”

“The horse doesn’t get the money, Glenn”

“Mountain don’t think, mountain do”

“It’s like a bra for your penis”

“A bunch of sexualised but private part not having felines”

“Do they have BUTTHOLES??”

“I’m hard rock big huge”

“Eldritch candy emergency”

“The entire episode is spent inside Darrell's butt”

“The curious case of the poop in the bathroom”

“John the Baptist flipping through the Old Testament “ain’t no rules says it can’t happen””

“A homunculus made of confidence and urine”

“Trapped in a piss boy”

“Frankly my dear I don’t have a frank”

“You do the hokey pokey and you turn into an eight year old”

“Don’t you ,forget about yeet”

“Human sized bird on a tiny pony”

“I’m fully cocked”

“I hate it when I go to the grocery store looking for Tapatío and they’re like “We only have Old Assblower” and I’m like “Okay, fine.”

“A brief encounter with a problematic vampire”

“Father! The after life…it is dark”

“Because Glenn could not stop for Death, we kindly killed Glenn”

“I’m burnt out from caring”

“Tell me it’s comic sans and I will cum”

“Never send a Matt to do a Glenn’s work”

“Why don’t you come down here and punish me daddy”

“I’m not that easily penetrated”

“That’s the last time you gonna see anybody come”

“I don’t have to be nice I’m aerodynamic”

“A Real man belongs in a mouth”

“It’s like my dick, my ass, and my balls have all seen a ghost”

“Does your butt look like house md now”

“Down with the immigrant”

“Matt nipple play Arnold”

“I’m Beth miracle nip May”

“You can finger something without touching the sharp end”

“Goblin? On deez nuts??!!????!?”

“Women are friends not cubes”

“You can’t really do a battle cry on resolving conflict”

“Tomorrow might be m for mature but today is for e for everyone”

“You couldn’t do 30 seconds of childhood”

“FOMO fire opportunity murder other thing”

“I turn to my directionless hippie family”

“Disenfranchised acolytes of oakvale”

“My daddy is god! My daddy is god!”

“I am willing to psychically dominate your father”

“If it’s a private school…..how do you know about it?”

“Say something racist William campos”

“Have you ever watched a porn?????? No one wants to see the guys face!!!!!”

“I got a detention in my pants”

“You see in order…..the same man twice and a boy that’s wrong”

“My husband is an heiress”

“The Apple doesn’t fall far from the weeb”

“Goth the friend zone iguana”

“We clocked the teen boy at 30 miles an hour”

“Coming out of my mom and I was feeling just fine”

“Scorpion slut”

“I have never pleasures a woman in my life and I don’t plan on starting now”

“Dick Spencer’s the name dick pleasures the game”

“It’s time for centrist vegan ice cream”

“I don’t think the fbi can help with this growth”

“My one dad left because he saw how gross the growth is”

“That means they’ve listened to me jerkoff 67 times”

“A routeeny”

“I’m not the smartest kid in the shed”

“This hole was made for me”

“I’m gonna wrap my vajay around your neck”

“You hit him directly with your vagina”

“Let the yeast do its thing”

“I love to please when I get head to…damn”

“The raccoons name is laaannhehahheh”

“Can you order calzone people?

Oh yea like a stripper”

“Jsut order party calzones!!”

“Does he want sentient or none sentient calzones?

He said he doesn’t want feet on them”

“You see the price on the recipe after we charge you”

“The sensual ghost Italian music playing in the back”

“A woman shat in the bathroom”

“You wanna slide inside a calzone with dad”

“To old to share a calzone with your papa”

“It’s not gonna be pleasant in that calzone”

“I have returned to the woomussy”

“Deep inside your pizzussy”

“Hi my name is Matt Arnold known misogynist”

Hi I’m will campos known woman lover”

“Hi I’m Beth may known woman”

“My first kiss was a threesome”

“You hear the sphincter of the cat open”

“Guys act like calzones!!”

“There’s a nipple on the bus hot shot”

“My neck, my back, MY PUSSY BUS!!”

“New you would pussy out you would pussy in”

“Don’t get cocky kid this is the only pussy you’re ever getting in”

“The dick kids don’t fall far from the dick tree”

“It’s been two days since you last jerked”

“She Johnny on my Apple tell I seed”

“What ever revs your engine as long as I get to drive the car”

“Come here baby and hold your body against mine and rub it around a little bit”

“”We‘ll talk about in a second” is the Wilson fucking family crest”

#dungeons and daddies #dndaddies #dndads #dnd #long post

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moonfox281 · 2 years

Note

Please, do you have some happy or cute hcs?

I like hcs about eating so why don't we talk about food?

Dick: half-ass healthy

Like: Milk bread, any type of large fish, pickled ginger

Dislike: non-bake cheesecake, canned products, greasy foods

Personally, I like the idea that he has a set routine and healthy diet, but doesn't keep it consistent. Actually, his diet and expenses are ridiculously controversial. He's very aware of savings and keeping his expenses in check, but has a really mixed conception of what is cheap and pricey.

Dick: Brunch in Diamond district? Too hoity-toity.

Also Dick's weekly grocery cart: kokyu shokupan, wild salmon, Iberian ham, tropical fruits, use only truffle oil for salad.

This contradiction is probably caused by the swift jump from living a quick, backpack lifestyle with the circus to living in a four stories billionaire mansion with a British butler.

Jason: practical AF

Like: meat

Dislike: shitty coffee

Jason spent his childhood on the street and in poverty, he, later on, spent most of his post-resurrection time in harsh training and backpack traveling, you can say he can't really afford to be picky when it comes to food. He'll eat anything consumable and doesn't really get food poisoning or salmonella thanks to the Pit.

But if you want to please him, just take him to a good BBQ or steak house.

(He'll break your bank though, cause by all means, he's a heavy eater.)

Tim: teenager

Like: street foods, chili dogs at carnivals, fresh pastries at local coffee houses

Dislike: Starbucks (will argue with the barista about their size names)

He's still a boy, his taste changes once in a while. Also, Tim has been very much of a reporter/detective most of his life, he's constantly on the streets, behind a screen, never has enough time, always reaches out for something quick and filling.

Also, you often see him surrounded by his teammates, friends and family. He doesn't like eating in general and sees it as a basic action to keep functioning his brain and body, but having foods that can easily be shared by a crowd and bring people together helps his appetite a lot.

Damian: aristocrat

Like: roasted beetroot with mango sauce, pumpkin velouté, spinach ravioli, and hot chocolate.

Dislike: anything Jason and Tim touch (until Dick tells him to try)

The boy is like Bruce but vegan coded. He is raised in wealth and has a palette that proves so. While he will never downgrade himself to try anything made in a van or on a kiosk, the boy will (not so willingly) test things out if dragged by the family.

While it's true that Damian has a sophisticated taste in food, he's still very much a child, you may not be able to bribe him with candy or pizza night, but you'll still earn his heart with a cup of hot milk with honey before bed (at least that was how Dick did it.)

#batboys #batboys headcanons #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne

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learnstransformation · 3 months

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Healthy Lifestyle Books For Health Conscious People

In today’s fast-paced world, maintaining a healthy lifestyle is more important than ever. Exercise, a balanced diet, and self-care practices are essential for physical and mental well-being. However, finding the motivation and knowledge to stay on track can be challenging. That’s where books come in handy. Welcome to our comprehensive guide to the best books for healthy lifestyle and fitness-conscious individuals.

Whether you’re a beginner looking to improve your fitness level or a seasoned athlete seeking to optimize your performance, this list has something for everyone. From nutrition and diet to mindfulness and exercise, these books cover a wide range of topics to help you achieve your healthy lifestyle and fitness goals. Dive into this curated selection to find the perfect read that will inspire and guide you on your health journey.

Best Books for a Healthy Lifestyle:

"The Fitness Mindset" by Brian Keane

A motivational guide to transforming your body and mind.

"Atomic Habits" by James Clear

Discover how small changes can lead to remarkable results in your health and fitness routine.

"How Not to Die" by Michael Greger, M.D.

Learn about the impact of diet on longevity and disease prevention.

"Thrive: The Vegan Nutrition Guide to Optimal Performance in Sports and Life" by Brendan Brazier

Perfect for athletes looking to enhance their performance through plant-based nutrition.

"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.

Understand the connection between mental health and physical well-being.

"Mindfulness for Beginners" by Jon Kabat-Zinn

An excellent introduction to the practice of mindfulness and its benefits.

"The 4-Hour Body" by Tim Ferriss

A comprehensive guide to rapid fat loss, incredible sex, and becoming superhuman.

"You Are Your Own Gym" by Mark Lauren

Learn to use your body weight for resistance training and achieve peak physical fitness without a gym.

"Intuitive Eating" by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch

Promote a healthy relationship with food by listening to your body's natural hunger cues.

"Eat to Live" by Joel Fuhrman, M.D.

A nutrient-rich approach to weight loss and health improvement.

These books are geared towards health-conscious individuals and anyone else who wants to stay fit by encouraging a healthy lifestyle. Embrace the knowledge and inspiration from these experts to take your fitness and well-being to the next level.

To know more: https://giftor.in/best-books-if-you-are-a-health-fitness-conscious/

#HealthyLifestyle #FitnessBooks #WellnessReads #MindBodyHealth #Nutrition #ExerciseMotivation #SelfCare #HealthJourney #FitnessGoals #HealthyLiving

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bylersbear01 · 4 months

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Some things about me!<3

1. I’ve been vegan for almost three years

2. I eat a hclf (high carb low fat) style diet which means you eat fruit, vegetables, rice, potatoes, pasta, nuts, beans, etc. Anything whole food plant based! I’ve been doing this for almost a year, which is in July, I still can’t believe it:)

3.i have a twin sister

4. Im 17 and my birthday is November 9th

5.I obviously love byler 💙💛

6.i love animals with my whole heart!

7. I love tiny homes and van life

8. I love astronomy, although I don’t know that much about it yet, Im still learning:)

9.ive been homeschooled since the middle of 9th grade

10. My favorite weather is rainy and cloudy (I also enjoy when it snows) (although sunshine can be nice on certain days)

11. I want to go to Ireland

12. I love the tv show The Middle ( highly recommended I laugh every time I rewatch it)

13. My favorite season is fall

14. I have two cats (I love them more than anything<3)

That’s it for now, I can’t think of anything that interesting at the moment, but I might add to this if I think of something:)!

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acti-veg · 2 years

Note

About the Soup Activism. I'm not upset about it since there was a glass panel. But I don't see how it accomplishes anything & to me it's bad optics. Targeting a painting in a public museum of a man who died in poverty has nothing to do with the climate (yes I've read their reasons). Do that in places where the disruptions will matter, like a bank or a private jets terminal or a slaugher house or a golf course. This anti oil group accept crypto donations & seems to be focused on travelling 1/2

a lot to do demonstrations like this. To be fair they also use the money to organise talks. Still the stunt events seem to be the focus and it doesn't do anything apart getting people talking and hyping the media to make more people hate climate activism. Just words and using polluting methods to spread them. That seems counterproductive 2/2

What does any lone climate protest achieve? Can you name for me an achievable protest that would materially address climate change? Because I can’t. That’s not what protest is - this is one act among a global collective of activists aimed at disrupting institutions and individuals to the point where it has to be addressed. Climate protests will continue to get stranger, because that’s the only way to get anyone’s attention on this issue now, good or bad.

You’re missing the point - no Van Gogh’s work has nothing to do with climate change, but they weren’t protesting Van Gogh. It is has nothing to do with the man, the work, his life or is death, or the fact that it’s an ‘oil’ painting which I’ve seen a depressing number of people parroting - the painting was just a public stage for them to say what they wanted to say.

As for crypto, it’s a non-issue and is just a great example of the kinds of things people will reach for to discredit a protest movement. It’s yet more of the same things all protestors deal with every day, as a vegan activist I constantly get ‘what are those shoes made out of bro’ ‘hey bet you killed loads of bugs on the way here in your car didn’t you lol.’ They take what money they can get to do the work they do, so long as it doesn’t influence the kind of work they do or who they target I really don’t see the issue.

In terms of bad optics, that criticism has been levelled at just about every protest movement to have ever existed, especially those who challenge a status quo that many of us currently benefit from. Do I think this is the best thing they could have done to promote positive public engagement? No, of course not, but I’m at a loss as to what else they’re supposed to do at this point other than grab the public’s attention and try to hold it.

You said it yourself - you read their reasoning. Do you know what an accomplishment that is for a small protest? Two protestors with a couple of cans of soup? To get potentially hundreds of thousands of people to Google what you did and why? It may not have been perfect or popular but it is more than most of us will ever accomplish.

More palatable education and protest campaign are happening every single day, and this needs to be viewed in that wider context. In fact, this very group has done plenty of other more ‘softly softly’ kind of work, we just don’t hear about it because the media doesn’t cover it. We are at a crisis point now, normal life cannot continue in the face of what will be a catastrophic climate catastrophe, we need a covid level response and people will get increasingly desperate the more it is pushed to the sidelines of public consciousness and political debate.

Climate protest is going to get more and more disruptive because it has to, because we cannot let it be ignored in the way it is being now. Not all of it will be things you like, or things that give climate protestors ‘good optics.’ The point is to disrupt, to engage, to educate - one protest can’t do everything but unfortunately this one act has got people talking about climate change more than the millions of people all over the world who are suffering and dying because of drought, extreme heat, floods and all the other effects of a rapidly deteriorating planet.

We talk about this issue as if we have time to do this nicely, to make sure every protest is on message and won’t piss off the public but we just don’t. At this stage of a global catastrophe and a collective turning away I’ll take any public attention on this issue that we can get. At least they’re doing something.

#ask #climate change #protests

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felinemotif · 10 months

Note

i am also nosy <3333

4, 21, 24, 33, 34, 41 (or other hot drink), 43, & 46

two nosy gals <3333

4. which cryptid being do you believe in?

listen i LOVE cryptozoology my dream is to one day go to the annual mothman festival in west virginia and spend an entire weekend. i don't necessarily believe-believe but if at least one were real???? like say....the yeti... i would not be shocked. honestly it makes me pretty happy to think that there are all sorts of interesting creatures out there. so maybe not true belief but wanting to believe?

21. something you’ve kept since childhood?

my childhood dog passed on when i was a teen. her name was jackie, and she had a white collar with a diamond bejeweled bone. the leather got worn down over the years but i still have the jeweled bone!! eventually i would like to get a copy of it tattooed + have the pendant remade into a bracelet or hair clip.

it's actually one of the only things i still have from my childhood! some things are just worth saving.

24. if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

definitely eating for one. i don't know how you feel about fast food but it's not something i eat bc i worry about cross contamination (no meat outside of seafood for me) so it'd have to be either a picnic or convenience store snacks. totally painting each other's nails and talking about childhood comforts and fiction.

33. the last adventure you’ve been on?

i did a roadtrip with an old coworker of mine. he moved out to idaho about a year and a half ago now, but we were good friends fast so we try to stay in contact. he had to drive back my way on his way to go see his parents so he stopped, picked me up, and then we went all the way up to NH together. it was a lot of fun. i really appreciate his calm way of going through life; he lived out of his van by choice for a few years straight out of hs and then saved up to buy a plot of land so he could start building his own place. he's like a strange cousin to me.

34. is there a song you know every word to by heart?

so many!!! memorizing lyrics is easy for me. i've been singing un puño de tierra by becky g (my girllllll) in the shower though lately. and while washing dishes. and driving. basically all the time. i rarely even play the song anymore since it's already so stuck in my head.

41. how do you take your coffee? (or other hot drink)

if i'm very tired i'll just drink regular old black coffee to wake up, no milk. for hot drinks i really prefer to have matcha or a bay leaf and cinnamon stick tea.

43. what’s your take on spicy foods?

i'm latina; if it's not spicy, i don't want it lol. i have been really into indian food recently actually and have been learning tons of new recipes bc they have such a large amount of vegan and vegetarian dishes that all have a kick to them. it's great.

46. favorite holiday film?

i'm a the nightmare before christmas girl all the way. one of my favorite films in general, even outside of the holiday category. i also like to watch the low budget horror films they come out with for holidays (mostly the halloween ones but the christmas ones are always pretty funny too).

#thank you for asking~~~#ladytauria #replies #ask games

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sacredjoanne · 1 year

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INFP 4w5: Personality Breakdown

The INFP 4w5 is an introspective dreamer with a knack for art and a love for deep, philosophical musings.

They’re like a unicorn at a horse derby, often misunderstood, yet undeniably intriguing.

This combo results in individuals who are fiercely individualistic, introspective, and emotionally intense, with an insatiable curiosity about the human condition.

The INFPs, categorized as the ‘Healer’ in Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), are introverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceptive individuals who are known for their empathy and strong value system.

Meanwhile, the 4w5s in the Enneagram system are introspective, creative, and often experience a deep feeling of not belonging anywhere specific.

Together, the combination of INFP 4w5 results in an intensely introspective and creative individual who has a natural affinity for the beautiful chaos of emotions.

INFP 4w5 in a Nutshell

Strengths: Creativity, Empathy, Perceptiveness.

Weaknesses: Overwhelm, Isolation, Self-doubt.

Soulmate: Someone who respects their individualism, can navigate their deep sea of emotions, and is patient with their need for solitude.

Guidance: Your individualism makes you special, but connecting with others adds an invigorating dimension to life’s experience.

What Is The INFP 4w5 Like?

Oh, INFPs – adorable creatures, as soft as marshmallow peeps, packed with as much complexity as a season finale of Westworld.

They’re the dreamy idealists, the intuitive messengers of the MBTI world – always seeking authenticity and dancing in a world of endless possibilities.

These compassionate misfits, with their hearts on their sleeves, can feel the emotions in a room like nobody’s business.

Now, let’s talk about the 4w5 Enneagram.

This is the rebel poet in a punk band – using wit and words as weapons, disguised as lyrics or profound tweets.

They wear their individuality like a statement t-shirt, are as emotionally intense as a season of Grey’s Anatomy, and they’ve got the wisdom to match.

But, oh boy, they can oscillate between reclusive and expressive like nobody’s business.

So, mix these two together, and what do you have? The INFP 4w5, darling, is a fascinating cocktail.

Imagine a deep-sea diver who moonlights as a slam poet.

They navigate the ocean of emotions with grace and explore the depths of their soul with precision (and a great sense of humor).

Their individualistic mantra? “I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.”

4w5 INFPs might seem reclusive, but when they open up, it’s like a Broadway show.

They’re a delightful paradox, wrapped in emotion, smothered with authenticity, sprinkled with intellect, and served with a side of sass.

A joy to know if you can handle the emotional rollercoaster!

What Are the Main Traits of the INFP 4w5 Personality?

Strengths

Empathetic: They have weird, wizard-like abilities to feel what others are feeling.

Intuitive: Their gut feeling is like a GPS system – rarely ever wrong.

Inquisitive: Think of them like personality-type detectives.

Expressive: They could probably write a bestselling novel about their trip to the grocery store.

Idealistic: They have this built-in Disney fantasy, where everything is rainbows and unicorns.

Creative: They can turn a plain box into a magical kingdom with just their imagination.

Independent: They don’t need a crowd to make them feel good.

Weaknesses

Overly sensitive: They might go into emotional hibernation over a poorly timed joke.

Inconsistent: Today they are vegan; tomorrow, it’s “meat-lovers pizza” day.

Pessimistic: Gloomy Gusses got nothing on them.

Aloof: Sometimes, they’re on “Do Not Disturb” mode for no apparent reason.

Unrealistic: Their dreams often involve unicorns, rainbows, and unlimited pizzas.

Avoidant: They hide from confrontation like it’s a zombie apocalypse.

Introspective: Sometimes, they overanalyze things so much, they might as well be studying quantum physics.

With a toolset like that, INFP 4w5s are like the Van Goghs of maneuvering through life.

They can connect with people on a level that borders on psychics, which is a huge plus in relationships (who doesn’t want a human lie detector?).

But sensitivity can become a double-edged sword when they start taking things way too personally.

Their creativity makes them super interesting, but the occasional trip to la-la-land can leave them with unrealistic expectations.

The key for our INFP 4w5 comrades is to find a balance between their dreamy nature and reality.

Life isn’t a Disney movie, but it’s not a bleak noir thriller either – unless you count the 2020s, of course.

I mean, who needs a thriller when you’ve lived through a pandemic, amirite?

What Sets INFP 4w5s Apart From Other INFP Types?

Emotional Depth vs. Regular Ol’ Feelers

INFP 4w5s are like the Russell Crowe of the Gladiator Arena of feelings – they’ve got depth, and they’re not scared to show it.

Fueled by an ever-burning need for authenticity, they hitch a ride on every emotional roller coaster that comes their way.

Not saying other INFPs don’t know their way around the ‘feels’ department, but let’s just say they’d rather chill in the kiddie pool.

Lone Wolf Vibes vs. The Need for Social Acceptance

Picture an elusive creature, chilling in solitude, occasionally penning down a poem or two. That’s a typical INFP 4w5 right there.

They’re part lone wolf, part misunderstood artist, and always 100% unique.

Other INFP types, on the other hand, still crave a sense of belonging.

They might be introverts BUT they’re still trying to get those good Facebook likes.

Perfectionism on Steroids vs. Regular Perfectionism

When an INFP 4w5 does something, they don’t just do it, they DO IT.

They’re not just painting, they’re creating a visual symphony. Not just playing a guitar, they’re summoning the spirit of Jimi Hendrix.

Their brand of perfectionism is like regular perfectionism but with an artsy, existential twist.

While other INFP types are content with ‘doing their best’, a 4w5 is more, “It’s perfect or it’s trash.”

What Are The Major Fears and Desires of the INFP 4w5?

Fears

Fire-breathing dragons…Joking! It’s losing their individuality.

Being insignificant or unimportant.

Not living a meaningful life. (Aka being stuck in a Groundhog Day-type of existence but without Bill Murray’s company.)

Being ignored. (Who doesn’t want their moment in the spotlight, amirite?)

Falling into a rut of normality or mediocrity.

Being dismissed emotionally.

Having their creativity stifled. (The horror!)

Desires

Being the most unique unicorn in the field.

Leading a life packed with significance and purpose.

Expressing their true selves creatively.

Being emotionally understood.

Being appreciated for who they truly are.

Maintaining their true autonomy.

Being adored for their unique insights and perspectives.

Now that we’ve done the list thing, let’s break it down.

You see, INFP 4w5s are like this delicious complex recipe—throw in heaps of uniqueness, a dash of creativity, a big dollop of emotional understanding, and a sprinkle of sassiness.

Their fears and desires are two sides of the same vinyl record that keeps their life’s soundtrack going.

INFP 4w5s crave uniqueness like a cat craves a laser pointer, and they fear mediocrity like a vampire fears garlic.

This desperation to be meaningful drives them to be deeply creative and fiercely independent.

But it’s not all abstract paintings and interpretative dances; this fear of conformity can also translate into emotional turbulence and misunderstanding.

But hey, it’s all part of the package with these fascinating folks! So, let’s raise a toast to the beautifully complex, ‘one-of-a-kind’ INFP 4w5s! Bottoms up!

How Do I Know If I’m An INFP 4w5?

Questions To Ask Yourself

Do You Hide Your Emotions, Only To Share An Oscar-Worthy Monologue Later?

So your feelings are like a secret treasure chest, huh? Unlocked only in the right company or after a few glasses of wine? Sounds like you have the classic INFP 4w5 trait of being private yet deeply emotional.

Do You ‘Deep Dive’ Into Situations Too Soon?

When faced with a situation, do you dive deeper than Jacques Cousteau on a submarine mission? You want to know every detail, even if it drives people around you nuts.

Is Your Inner Circle Smaller Than A Kardashian’s Waistline?

If your friend list is more exclusive than a private jet, you’re probably an INFP 4w5. You cherish those close to you, and you’d rather have a few true connections than a legion of loose acquaintances.

Do You Have A Knack For Seeing The ‘Hidden Meanings’ In Things?

You’re the type that thinks the barista drew a heart on your coffee for a deeper reason than just a friendly gesture, aren’t you? Well, your intuitive and analytical nature is a key INFP 4w5 characteristic.

Is Your Alone Time Sacrosanct?

If you view your me-time with the same reverence as the Queen’s guard views their duty, you’ve got the trademark 4w5 desire for solitude to recharge and reflect.

Are You Idealistic To The Point Of Stubbornness?

Do you cling to your ideals like a cat on a curtain during a vacuuming session? If you can’t help but stick to your guns, despite others’ pragmatic pleas, you, my friend, might be an INFP 4w5.

Is Your Imagination Your Favorite Playground?

If your daydreams are more captivating than a Game of Thrones episode, you’ve got the imaginative capacity typical of this personality type.

Key Signs and Behavior Patterns

You’re The ‘Chill’ Person Who Secretly Cares A Lot

You may seem laid back on the surface, but underneath, you’re more emotionally invested than a die-hard sports fan during finals.

Your Inner Critic Could Win An Award

If your inner critic had a job, it’d be that tough boss who demands perfection. You’re constantly striving to meet your own high personal standards.

The World Is Your Personal Mystery

You approach life like it’s a Dan Brown novel, full of symbols and hidden meanings that only you can decipher.

You’re A People Watcher

Not in a creepy way, but you find human behavior fascinating. You probably know more about your neighbors’ habits than they do.

You’re Prone To Mood Swings

You can swing from euphoria to melancholy faster than a pendulum on caffeine. It’s all part of your deep, complex emotional landscape.

You Need Alone Time Like Fish Need Water

You love your friends, but you love your solitude even more. Alone time is to you what spinach is to Popeye.

You’re A Dreamer With Goals

While you have your head in the clouds, you’re no stranger to rolling up your sleeves. You have dreams and you’re not afraid to hustle to achieve them.

What’s The INFP 4w5 Man Like?

Emotional Deep-Sea Divers

Think of an INFP 4w5 dude as that friend who can effortlessly transform “How are you?” into a 2-hour soul-searching session.

They’re not just paddling in the kiddie pool of emotions. No, they’re scuba-diving into the dark abyss of feelings.

But don’t worry, they’ll come up for air… eventually.

Creative Chaos Makers

If you’ve ever wondered what it might be like to live inside a quirky indie movie, look no further.

INFP 4w5s are bursting with originality and often channel this into their hobbies.

So you’ll likely find their living space is a strange fusion of modern art installation and mad scientist’s lab.

Adorable or frightening, depends on your taste!

Lone Wolf Syndrome

Who needs a pack when you can be a lone wolf? INFP 4w5 males don’t just enjoy solitude, they crave it like chocolate fudge brownies.

Fine by me!

But don’t be surprised if they occasionally drop off the radar to recharge their mental batteries or write the next great American novel in their heads.

Or both. Probably both.

What’s The INFP 4w5 Woman Like?

Daydream Divas

Bless their hearts, these INFP 4w5 ladies are always up in their heads so much that, occasionally, they schedule appointments in Dreamland instead of the real world.

It’s not that they’re spaced out, it’s just that their inner world is a Netflix Original series and it’s currently binge-hour.

Emotionally Articulate

These women have more ways to express “I’m feeling a little blue” than Eskimos have words for snow.

And by golly, they’re not shy about sharing.

You’ll hear a heart-wrenching sonnet about their inner turmoil before you even finish your morning coffee.

Uniqueness Is Their Middle Name

Conformity? Pffft. These gals would rather knit their own sweaters from yak wool than follow the herd.

Being unique isn’t a choice for our INFP 4w5 friend, it’s as mandatory as breathable air.

So take a deep breath and embrace your individualistic, sometimes head-in-the-clouds, emotionally articulate comrade.

Life with them is anything but monotonous.

INFP 4w5s In Relationships & Compatibility

Alright, let’s talk about romancing an INFP 4w5.

INFP 4w5s are sensitive, like a raw nerve on a cold day.

They’re dreamers, musing over the mysteries of life while staring blankly at a sandwich. But they’re charming in their own weird way.

Did I mention they can be moody and introspective?

So, here’s the thing, they’re like a riddle wrapped in an enigma, dipped in mystery sauce. Fun, right?

MBTI Matches

Look for an ENFJ, the Protagonist, who’s warm, outgoing, and values deep connections.

They’ll actually drag the INFP out of their dreamland occasionally and remind them people and sunshine exist.

Then there’s the INFJ, the Advocate, who shares the INFP’s passion for soul-searching but with a dash more structure.

Finally, there’s the ENFP, the Campaigner, who matches the INFP’s daydreaming but also brings a healthy dose of spontaneity and excitement to the table.

Enneagram Matches

As for the Enneagram matches, we’ve got Type 9, the peacemaker, a calm presence to balance out the INFP’s emotional waves.

Type 2, the Helper, can shower the INFP with love and affection, something they guiltily relish.

And Type 5, the Investigator, matches their intellect and love for deep-dive discussions.

How to Interact With 4w5 INFPs

Give them space: They need their alone time, like a cat, but less aloof. Respect this to the core, they carry an ‘Introvert’ badge and will use it unabashedly.

Embrace their mood swings: One moment they’re laughing, the next they’re contemplating the universe’s mysteries. It’s like a weather app that updates every millisecond – make sure you’ve got the emotional umbrella handy.

Encourage them: Their self-esteem is often as stable as a tower of Jenga after six beers – so boost their confidence, motivate their passion and they’ll love you to the moon and back. Or, at the very least, to the corner store and back.

Best Careers For The INFP 4w5

Key Skills

Creativity

Introspection

Intellectual Curiosity

Organization

Analytical Thinking

Best Jobs

Researcher

Writer

Psychologist

Philosopher

Healthcare

The INFP 4w5 personality type is often characterized by a unique blend of introspection, creativity, and empathy, combined with a strong intellectual curiosity and a desire for authenticity.

These traits can translate into a variety of key skills that are highly valued in the workplace.

For instance, their empathy allows them to connect deeply with others, making them effective in roles such as counseling or social work.

Their creativity and introspection can lead to compelling written work or original artwork, making them well-suited for roles such as writer or artist.

Their intellectual curiosity and analytical thinking skills can make them effective researchers, able to delve deep into complex topics and derive meaningful insights.

Their strong organizational skills can be useful in roles that require managing information or resources, such as librarian.

Finally, their authenticity allows them to stay true to themselves and their values, which can lead to meaningful and fulfilling work in a variety of fields.

Final Thoughts

So, in a nutshell, my friends, your INFP 4w5 is like that quirky artist in the coffee shop – a sensitive, introverted, and deeper-than-Marina-Trench kind of insightful.

They’re a blended cocktail of dreamy idealism, creativity, and just a dash of existential angst. Got it? Good.

Now, unraveling your personality type is like reading your own DIY manual.

It’s crucial for your self-growth, healthier relationships, and, let’s be real, it saves you from a lot of ‘why am I like this’ moments.

Official post by Joanne at Sacred Joanne

https://sacredjoanne.com/infp-4w5-personality/

#astrology #personality types #mbti #enneagram #symbolism

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mahvaladara · 2 years

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Just Stop Oil or Just Stop hypocrisy?

I love how a group of climate change activists thought the way to call awareness to climate change was to throw soup at a piece of art belonging to an artist whose goal was to through his art communicate “joy and comfort”.

Yes, because the oil painting from the artist who lived in misery his entire life who only wanted to bring the joy and comfort he did not experience in his life to those who saw his art is completely at fault for climate change, and not the multi-million dollar oil companies exploiting the world and society.

You hear that @juststopoil? Totally Van Gogh’s fault!

Someone needs to explain the difference between oil paint and petrol oil to these activists.

Actually, allow me.

A quick google search can answer that for you:

IDK about you but linseed oil sounds very vegan and environmentally friendly.

Actually, I think activists and environmentally conscious artists should start using oil paint instead of silicone based acrylic paint... Like the paint in those activists shirts. Yeah.

The paint to make that print words on their shirts? It ain’t linseed, just so you know.

Yeh. I didn’t see any linseed in there either. Lots of silicones and plastics though.

All you’re achieving with these protests is becoming a joke to the people who actually support you, Just Stop Oil.

But sure, Van Gogh is totally to blame for climate change. And not the plastics, and silicones and petrol used to make the super glue your activists used to glue themselves to the walls.

Ooooh! I can smell the hypocrisy all across the Atlantic!!

#just stop oil #van gogh #hypocrisy

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drugstoreglitter · 1 year

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location : uncle joe’s crab shack, fort lauderdale, florida.

featuring : FRANKALLIE !!!!! but it’s an au in which they’ve never met

for : @gallagherisms

it’s a red-hot florida summer, tide low, coast sandy, and the temperature’s already pushing ninety. saturday was meant to be her day of rest and relaxation in a rare week off from the yachting season, but so far all she seems to do is pick up the slack left by her brothers. she should be out in the van, tearing down the highway with dolly blaring from her tinny speaker, flowers in her hair and incense hanging from the mirror. she could even be tanning on an aft deck off the adriatic coast right now, a shammy in her hand and the sun on her back, had she booked on for another week of work rather than taking a so-called ‘holiday’. instead, she’s trapped inside uncle joe’s crab shack covering for leo while he plays hooky to nail some chick from arizona, because technically she owes him one, and when a castro makes a promise they take that shit to their grave. but fuck if she doesn’t wish she were someone else right now. take that cute curly-haired chick with the killer smile, for example — probably a holiday maker, sat with a bunch of other fresh faces, laughing at kai who runs the whiskey cove paddle board tours — looks like she’s having the time of her life, a stress-free existence, where all she probably has to worry about is what colour bikini to wear and whether or not she’s gonna let kai get the home run tonight. why do girls like that always end up with douchebags like kai. it’s fucking unfair. still, frankie’s trying to be a force of positivity, live laugh love in the moment and remind herself of everything there is to be grateful for, but it’s hard when it’s hot enough that it feels like sweat drips from the ceiling like stalactites, and her supposed ‘break’ has been pushed back so many times that she’ll likely have to go without. whatever. four’s only like, an hour away. she can manage ‘til then.

can you check on table fifteen, it’s the big one with the out-of-townies, kelly’s asking her, loading frankie with another two plates before she can leave the kitchen, wince bitten in by her teeth. feels like being a stewardess all over again, but there’s a reason she’d made the switch to deck crew. she’s not good at saving face and sucking back how she really feels when faced with opposition. she can’t just lie back and think of england, never had a mother who stuck around long enough to teach her the secret handshake that held the code to being a girl. “ can’t you just get bodhi to do it ? i’m already covering, like, five tables, and those guys look super picky. ” kai’s always asking for like, the weirdest thing on the menu, and then adding on a load of vegan, gluten-free, soy-free extras, as if he wants you to fuck up his order so he can write you a bad review on tripadvisor. the only thing worse than working when you’re supposed to be on holiday is serving people your age who are actually out having fun. “ fine, whatever. i can get their drinks orders. but then i gotta take my fifteen minutes. let me just run these lobsters over to table twelve. ”

somewhere in the short commute, the instructions get lost in translation, frankie instead standing before the HBO remake of forgetting sarah marshall at table fifteen, all of them fresh from the surf and smelling of saltwater. “ two surf ‘n’ turfs ? ” frankie asks, ignored at first, then clears her throat, asks for the second time, cutting through the conversation a little more coarsely. “ anybody order these surf ‘n’ turfs ? ” these plates are fucking hot. her eyes are kinda pleading with the curly girl on the end, and it’s only when she feels a tap against her back and a child’s voice that says, uh, i think those are ours... that frankie realises her mistake. “ balls. ” embarrassed, she whips around on her heel with such a voracity that there’s no time to slow her roll, and there’s a body where an empty space is meant to be, an edgar wright smash cut to something wholly unexpected, like that scene where regina gets totalled by a bus. she smacks straight into bodhi, now outfitted in the contents of his two seafood platters, her own spread of steak and lobster flying into the customer behind her’s lap, too startled to even hear the gasps of the hawaii five-o extras or the kid that’s covered in chowder. prawns hanging from her uniform, frankie turns back to the to the customer ; a lobster now sits like a cat in her lap and beef dripping clings to her shirt. “ holy fuck... i am so sorry. like, you have no idea. ” kelly’s gonna put her fucking head on a roasted halloumi and vegetable skewer. cautiously, frankie plucks the lobster from her lap. in her head, he grows an animated mouth, tells her cheer up, kid, it might never happen. well it fucking has happened. the most ridiculing moment of her life, thus far. “ please don’t tell my boss, i’m not even meant to be working today, i’m just covering for my stupid... jesus, why am i saying this ? you don’t care about my idiot brother. ” foot in mouth disease. sighing, frankie drops down, and begins plucking the fragments of plate from the floor where the sad steak sits in a pool of it’s own trimmings. “ um, i can like... cover your meal ? ” she says, her eyes scanning back up to the surfer chick covered in surf ‘n’ turf, the full florida experience. “ or your drinks, if you’re just drinking. ” though it’ll probably cost her the entire day’s pay check with the shit they’ve been drinking. it’s like margaritaville on crack. “ look... can you just... tell me how i can make this up to you ? because if i don’t then i’m not gonna sleep tonight. i’ll just keep seeing your face and bolting upright in bed like that rigged little dummy kid in monsters university, y’know. ”

#this is the ANTI meet cute x #meet gross !!!!!#frankie & callie.#can't believe im seeing their names together again.... after all this time.....#⥂ frankie castro. ╱ threads.#⥂ verse. ╱ frankallie au.#anyways it goes w out saying dont match this JKDGSKDJKGSJKHDKGHSDHG #not sure what possessed me.....#clearly i love talking abt the stresses and pressures of the hospitality industry !!

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softkult · 1 year

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𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐻𝑂𝑈𝑆𝐸 ; 𝐴𝐿𝐵𝐼𝑂𝑁

The House has been waiting for so long. A square blotch of darkness against the landscape, like a townhouse but sitting alone, lonely with its back to the trees. The House was once a pale limestone, but over the years it has blackened. The House sits a little way back from the main road, but choking fumes from the exhaust pipes of passing trucks settle on the House's skin. The House doesn't like this. Filth, it thinks. Disgusting filth all over my body no one to wash me but the rains no one to wash me but the rains yet a storm will come and cleanse me surely. The House's front faces that busy road and, over the other side, a tower block, jutting upwards, tall enough that its shadow is cast over the House's face. All the House can look at is this; the modern world, and it despises what it sees. Its back is to the forest, the trees encircle it and then stretch out up the hill behind it, growing thick and deep and dangerous.

Thirty years ago, a man, not from here, snatched a young girl who was walking home from school. He locked her into his van, and kept her there for a week, before dragging her out beneath the trees. He butchered her there. Then, after doing what he did, he buried her beneath the largest tree, like an offering. The man will die in prison. He will rot.

There had been a train station, once, where the tower block now stands. Thatcher's government gutted the trains, and many of the stations faded away, the land they were built on sold off to men in dark suits waiting in the wings for the right time to build, and profit. Some nights, some of the people who live in that tower block walk, without knowing why, to their windows and look down, across the black expanse of the night, across the busy street, towards the House. They stand at their windows, their breath fogging up the glass. If you asked them what they were looking for, or why, none of them would have a clue. The House looks back up at them. I'm still here. I'm still here. You can see me.

A man named Jeremy was trying to recover from addiction. He lived, alone, in social housing, in a depressing flat in that exact block. But, despite the sometimes-grim environment, he was doing well. Narcotic's Anonymous had helped him work through everything immensely. In fact, he hadn't touched the drugs in half a year, and now, with the help of a local housing charity, he had been able to secure this flat. A place to live, safely. He found work at a little cafe that sold vegan food. Jeremy wasn't vegan when he started there but, after being there a month, he felt like he would never touch meat again. A routine grew organically around him. He went to work, he came home, he watched TV, ate simple meals, slept. This was the cycle of his life. He hoped to take up a hobby soon. Perhaps, he thought, I might start birdwatching. Birds had always made him happy.

On the evening of December 3rd, 1998, he walked, without thinking, to the window that looked down from his flat, across the dark expanse of the road, towards the House. It wasn't visible tonight. There was a thick fog in the air. When cars and trucks shot passed, down the road, their headlights looked like the eyes of ghosts. He felt drunk, although he had not had any alcohol, not for over a year now. But the world rushed around him. There was a stairwell beneath his feet, his footsteps heavy. Then the cold air, the fog all around, cloaking the streetlights, cloaking everything, wet and cold on his skin. He stumbled forwards, in the direction of the House. Come to me. He couldn't hear it, of course. It had no real voice. But still. It sat there, in the dark on the other side of the road, calling for him. He was so confused and so intent on trying to get to the House, that he never saw the National Express coach which ploughed straight into him as he tried to cross the road, leaving a wet, bloody mangled mess behind it that looked nothing at all like Jeremy. They had to wash him off of the street.

That block of flats has the highest-percentage death rate of any block in the city. Nobody knows this, or, if they do, they are not the sort of person to care. Pets go missing from the flats there more than anywhere else, especially cats. The cats.. it was inexplicable. They’ll be there one day, mewing and beloved, but the next they're gone, with no clear sign of where they went. Cats vanish. It's a simple fact. Something that everybody who owns one has to deal with, sooner or later. Not every cat, of course. But cats, in general, are not like dogs, they don't stay at your side loyally. They vanish. They have secret lives that you will never know about. Somebody a few flats over might say they thought they saw the cat heading towards the House, over the road, and the owner is anxious that the cat was tun over, just like that man, Jeremy, had been only the other week, but they can't find any evidence of that. However much they love their cat, they do not look for it in the House. Sometimes, the House wants them to. But, if they are in their right mind, they do not follow the trail of breadcrumbs that leads through its broken doorway and up its dark stairs into its throat which is crimson and wet, dripping with decay. No, if the cat went to the House then it will never be seen again. That is a fact of life for those that live here. The owners can hope and pray that instead, it might have run into the forest, to live on a diet of field mice and shrews, but who can say, really.

There are a number of unexplained suicides in the flats. People killing themselves, without ever having shown signs of mental illness previously. Of course, people do not have to show symptoms to be struggling, but... don't you think it's strange that all these working-class people, single mums, second generation immigrants, will walk to their windows, and look down at the House, a splintered but welcoming visage, the House looking up at them, wormwood eating through its guts... don't you think it's strange that they all decide, then and there, to take their own lives?

Haunted houses are rarely neat. If the House was truly haunted, then that haunting spilled out of its broken or boarded up windows, soaking into the fertile earth around it. The trees still grow, but the squirrels in their branches often feel the sudden need to bite each other in the eyes. Even if the cats from the block of flats made it safely into the trees, they may not be safe. But despite all of this, people still choose to live in those flats. They still hike in the woods. There are some who immediately feel safer, knowing that the House is there, and there are some who do not. For someone to be comfortable, another has to be uncomfortable. For someone to feel safe, another has to be unsafe. And the one who is safe may not even be safe, they may just feel safe, up until the moment they don't. For someone, the majority, to prosper, another has to... well. I think you understand what I am saying, and why. For a house to be built another has to be knocked down, converted, the occupants flushed out into the wilderness with nothing to hold on to. For one live organism to continue to exist, another live organism must stop existing all together. The House sat, waiting for its boys.

#⠀♱ ⠀⠀𝐴𝐿𝐵𝐼𝑂𝑁

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not-a-space-alien · 2 years

Text

Savage Sunset chapter 12S

Story masterpost

Complementary chapter

Road trip with the besties?

Content/Content warnings for this chapter: Nonconsensual bondage/restraint/being trapped, gag/muzzle, aftermath of torture, starvation, heavy emotional distress

Lex was awarded yet more juice, for the incredible feat of being the most adorable little teddy bear who’d needed to get stitched shut to keep all her fluffing stuffing in, she’d claimed. Ari had refrained from commenting, instead taking a pretzel rod from the secretary’s desk, munching on it as they walked outside.

Lex was particularly bouncy because the local anesthetic on her neck from getting the stitches hadn’t worn off yet. “And we can–We can show him our VHS tapes, don’t you think he’d like them? Do you think he’d like Star Wars?”

“You’re such a geek. No one but you likes that shit. It’s not gonna catch on.”

“Star Trek then?”

Ari rolled her eyes. “Well, we can ask him. I doubt he…Look, I don’t think vampires really do that stuff, yeah? Like, they’re not…really people the same way as us, aren’t they? Do they watch TV, even?”

“Maybe,” said Lex. “...I don’t know. They have to hurt people just to eat, so they have to think at least a little bit differently from us, right? Most humans wouldn’t be able to handle that, I think.”

Ari held the pretzel rod between her fingers like a cigar. “Hmmph.” She strode across the parking lot.

“Ari, you should have seen how hard he tried,” said Lex, bouncing behind her. “He tried everything before he finally fed from me. He tried to drink the rotten sludge that was all over the kitchen floor before he finally bit me.”

Ari huffed. “Well, I dunno, I still don’t really buy this idea you have that he was synthesizing blood. But if…and that’s a big IF, but if it’s true, then we owe him a hell of an apology. But you’re not doting on him like he’s your fucking hamster,” she added quickly, seeing the excitement on Lex’s face. “He’s still an apex predator. We need to think about things like how to feed him and make sure he doesn’t attack anyone before worrying about whether or not he’ll like your VHS collection.”

“I don’t think he’s done anything wrong, Ari.”

“Don’t get carried away,” warned Ari. “Even if he wasn’t here to kidnap anyone, he’s still a vampire. He had to be eating something up till this point, and I doubt it was 100% ethically sourced, vegan blood from perfectly willing volunteers every day for his whole life.”

“What do you want from him? He was born that way, he can’t help that he has to drink blood. He can only do the best with what he was given.”

“Hmph. Well, I’m not gonna let him go free until I’m 100% sure he’s not gonna hurt anyone. It's our job to keep vampires under control, and regardless of what you saw, he still almost killed you. Even if he’s not evil, he’s still dangerous...Like any animal that's wounded and starving."

“...Or at least he could be dangerous," said Lex quietly. "If he had the strength to stand on his own."

They’d reached the back of the van. Ari rapped the window lightly with her knuckle. “Hey, we’re back. I’m opening the door.”

She unlocked the cargo doors and cracked them open. The only sign anyone was in the back among the furniture and boxes was a single booted leg sticking out from under a quivering mound of black cloak, which withdrew further into the cargo area away from the intruding sunlight.

“There he is,” said Ari. “Didn’t move an inch, just like we asked him to. Thanks for sitting so pretty.”

“We’re about halfway there,” said Lex. “Maybe it’ll be dark by the time we get home. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

"Everything okay?" said Ari, giving a tentatively thumbs up. "At least, relatively speaking?"

Valen pulled the cloak off himself with shaking hands, eyeing her apprehensively.

"Anything you want us to do before we drive off again?"

He held his wrists up, twisting them to show that the chain had slipped a little off the cloth, so now a few links were grazing his skin, where there was now a considerable red mark.

"Oooh, poor little guy, let me fix that," said Lex, coming over and fiddling with the cloth to pull it up and block the contact between the bare silver and his skin.

Ari shot Lex death glares at the way she was talking to him, but made no move to stop her. When she finished, she stepped back and Ari repeated: "All right, all good? We're getting there but it's still a while to go. Thumbs up if it's all good."

He gave a shaky thumbs up.

“All right,” said Ari. “See you in a bit.”

She shut the doors.

They went around front, getting in, buckling their seatbelts and starting the car. Lex turned in her seat to look into the back, to catch a glimpse of him all the way at the rear of the vehicle, the piles of stuff between them. He was sitting limply, leaning into his end table, vacant gaze downcast at the floor, tears pattering onto the bed of the van. He didn’t seem to notice her looking at him.

***

They stopped for Burger King, which Ari ate as she drove. Lex started to turn around and offer some of hers to their captive in the back, until remembering partway through why that wouldn’t work.

It felt like they were half dead by the time they dragged themselves up in front of their house. Ari pulled the van up, killed the ignition, then they both just sat there for a few moments.

“I’m fucking exhausted,” said Ari.

“Me too,” whined Lex.

They’d had a full day of regular work, then stopped by the director’s office in the evening, followed by going straight back to the hunter’s compound to give Valen a pencil that night. Then they’d spent the whole night into the morning getting kidnapped and drained of all their blood and throwing together a mad dash to give chase, respectively, and then they’d spent that whole day packing a moving van, and then doing another road trip. It was starting to get on a full 36 hours since they’d slept, or even rested.

“We’ll unload all this junk in the morning,” said Ari. “Christ. That should be fine, right?”

“I think so. I’m so tired I can barely think.”

They got out of the van and opened the back door. It was, in fact, still light out, so the vampire scrambled backwards away from the sunlight.

“How about it?” said Ari.

He trembled.

“Lex, go make sure the neighbors aren’t watching, would ya?”

Their house did have a generous yard setting them apart from the neighbors, along with a tall hedge fence… They would probably have enough privacy, but best to head off problems that could arise from someone seeing them carrying a bound and gagged person into their house. Everyone around them did know that they were vampire hunters, so they could probably make up something to explain why he was here, and random humans nearby would definitely be too scared to argue with them, but still best to avoid having everyone see him unless absolutely necessary.

Ari sat down on the edge of the van while Lex scurried around. She felt a small tug on her sleeve, and turned to see the vampire looking at her with a tearful expression.

“We’re at our house,” said Ari. “Nick isn’t here, and he doesn’t know where we live.”

That seemed to relax him slightly.

“All right,” said Lex, returning. “Ella isn’t home, Delores wasn’t answering the door so I assume she’s asleep, and I told Abraham we’re moving some stuff and it sounded like he was preoccupied with something, so I think we’ll be okay.”

“Great.” She gently pulled at the fabric on Valen’s lap. “Get your cloak.”

Valen pulled the cloak over his head with unsteady hands, crying softly.

“No need to get worked up,” said Ari softly. “All right, come on buddy.”

She leaned him over her shoulder, carrying his limp form like a sack of potatoes.

“You’ll like it here,” said Lex, shutting the van. “It’ll be nice.”

They went up the crumbling cement stairs up onto the porch, which had ancient white paint peeling from it. Lex was suddenly embarrassed, as though maybe Valen would judge their abode for being messy and out of date.

Lex unlocked the front door, holding the screen door open while Ari took him inside. She then shut and locked the door, then walked around and drew all the blinds.

Ari stood Valen up in the center of the room, then removed the cloak from over his head. He was still crying, cheeks flushed dark red and snot dribbling down from his nose.

“Oh, sh, sh sh,” said Ari, taking a napkin and wiping his cheek. “It’s all right. No need for that.”

“We’re home now,” said Lex.

Ari sighed. “Listen, Lex and I are tired as fuck, and we’re not in any state to be making decisions, especially not ones that affect your wellbeing. So how does it sound that you just lie down on the couch for a bit while we get some sleep?”

He ground his jaw, not answering.

“Is that okay?” said Lex guilty. “I know you’re, well…” She looked him up and down. He desperately needed a bath to wash all that blood and gunk off of him, but she currently couldn’t think of any way to give him a bath or shower that wouldn’t be basically waterboarding him. Last time, the gag had been metal, but this time it was cloth. And they’d need to come up with a plan for a way to take the gag out while minimizing the amount of harm he could do, if for no other reason than just to avoid a repeat of what’d just happened.

“I’ll go get the liner for the couch,” said Ari.

Lex assisted, getting a clean trash bag from the kitchen and wrapping a pillow in it. Ari came over with a huge plastic sheet and tossed it over the couch.

“There,” said Lex. “How does this sound for now?” Her head was swimming with exhaustion. This should be fine, right? It would be comfortable enough, and relatively safe for all three of them.

He was still standing petrified in the middle of the room. Ari gently guided him over to sit on the couch, which now crinkled under his weight.

“Is that comfortable?” said Lex.

He didn’t respond.

“Hello?” said Ari, waving a hand in front of his face. His eyes bounced to track the movement. “Yes, no?”

He nodded.

“Okay. Listen, now, okay? You don’t need to try and escape. We’re not going to hurt you, and tomorrow we’re going to figure out a way to feed you.”

His eyes brimmed with hopeful tears at that.

“First thing in the morning,” said Lex. “We’ll figure out some way to let you talk that’ll be safe for all of us.”

“It’d be a bad idea to try and get out anyway,” said Ari. “You know you won’t make it on your own outside in this state.”

He slowly lowered his head.

“Here, lie down,” said Lex, patting the pillow.

Lex helped him swing his legs over, so he was lying down on the couch. Ari took another cloth out, and started to loop it around his ankles.

He leaned into the pillow, hiding his face as Ari tied a knot, securing his ankles together. “Just as a precaution,” she said. “It’ll come off first thing in the morning.”

“Okay,” said Lex. “Will you be okay if we leave to go to sleep?”

He peeked out from the pillow, tired, haunted eyes looking up at them. He nodded weakly.

“Okay,” said Lex. “Good night.”

She flipped the light switch on the way out, plunging the room into darkness, broken by the light reflecting off the two red eyes in the direction of the couch.

Lex and Ari collapsed nearly as soon as they got into the bedroom. Lex had already changed out of her bloody clothes earlier, and knew she should probably get a shower, but the siren song of the bed was too much for her to resist. She lay down immediately. “Hell.”

Ari crawled into bed. “I guess we need to think of some brilliant idea soon, then.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” said Lex, already half asleep.

Ari contemplatively looked out the window, at the clouds streaked pink by the sunset, and set her alarm an hour before sunrise.

***

Tag list <3

@annablogsposts

@darlingwhump

@nicolepascaline

@oddsconvert

@pumpkin-spice-whump

@soursagas

@thecyrulik

@whumpsday

#hurt/comfort #angst #vampires #whump #vampire whumpee #whumpblr #my writing

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