#vampyrepsychward

[vampyrehospital]

if im not reassured that you dont hate me daily i will convince myself you want me to kms

[vampyrehospital]

having a favorite person with bpd is like hugging a thornbush and hoping that if you hug it tighter itll stop being sharp

[vampyrehospital]

how do mental health facilities manage to neglect you while watching you 24/7 thats like. a genuinely impressive feat

[vampyrehospital]

remember when i was so overmedicated i lost function of one of my organs and was hospitalized ?? bc i feel like someone shouldve apologized for that i deserved an apology

[vampyrehospital]

_ _ ˇ† 𓈒ֺּׅ ₀₀ 𓏼 𓈒 𐔌 ݂۫ · welcome to vampyre hospital ݂۫ 𓂅 ་∔་། 𓎢𓎟𓎡

⠀ ⠀   ͝ ꒡⠀† ݁ ⠀ ⏝∔⏝ ⠀ ݁ †⠀꒡ ͝ ㅤ ˖ ﹫ azrael ࿈ any prns ⠀⸝⸝` ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ٠ 8teen ︵ usa ٠ †། ͝ ݁ ︶♱︶ ݁ ͝ །†

♱ mostly about my life, occaisional vents, as well as aesthetic things i like (any vents will be trigger tagged)

♱ "others" in my brain will post on @brainparasytes

♱ hospital and doctors office frequenter (sick by both definitions of the word)

♱ i like to draw and do makeup, im in college (kinda) and hoping to study medicine + become a surgeon :>

♱ music i like -- los campesinos, jack off jill, garbage, hole, kittie, she wants revenge, the killers, insane clown posse, cute is what we aim for

༝ i have memory issues so be patient please ༝

[vampyrehospital]

might not be super active im having my annual spring depressive episode. might od might not well see lol

[vampyrehospital]

i hope the next illness i develop kills me. im so, so tired

[vampyrehospital]

if you want more reasons to hate the place i was institutionalized: a kid that just got released was sa'd there.

[vampyrehospital]

cant tell if im splitting but i think shes ignoring me over me saying i wanted to stop making out bc i was dissociating,,

[vampyrehospital]

i want a relationship but i know i cant give anyone what they want. ive grown up and people expect sex now but im still that little kid that would force himself to vomit so he could stay home alone and avoid the abuse

[vampyrehospital]

vent idk why im posting it here if anyone has any ideas on how to stop having bpd thatd be awesome (idek if im still diagnosed or if they undiagnosed me again bc i fit the criteria its just that some physicians font believe in bpd as a diagnosis so they remove it from my chart and then someone else re adds it)

hearing about how they were just kinda chilling during the two years we didnt talk meanwhile i had the worst anorexia and bulimia relapss ive ever had where i got so sick i had to leave school for two months, was bedbound, was incontinent, and developed permanent health problems. meanwhile i got addicted to opioids and ended up hospitalized from an od and then in a psycj ward and then institutionalized. meanwhile i had major surgery and abused the oxy i got. meanwhile i spent months barely ever sober. meanshile i spent two years self harming more and more ssverely and not stopping even after i got nerve damage thats likely permanent.

and during all that they were just,,, fine without me. this is the difference between a mentally healthy (mostly) person and someone w bpd. bc i physically could not function without them and they have a life that doesnt revolve around anyone else, they just do thjngs for themselves. why cant i be like tjat. why did i have to be so truamatized

[vampyrehospital]

this pisses me off so much shut the fuck up

[vampyrehospital]

okay who told my late 50s father what onlyfans is and why has he been telling me to make one since i was 17. kill me.

[vampyrehospital]

most of my search history is just googling how much of a substance itd take to kill me

[vampyrehospital]

oh and ive also been so overmedicated that one of my organs stopped functioning and i had to be hospitalized

[vampyrehospital]

people ask why im no longer in therapy but i literally had a therapist tell me im not anorexic im "just bored" and my eating disorder is "something to occupy my mind" my brother in christ i got so sick i had to leave school thats not boredom thats a mental illness that leaves permanent damage and chronic illness