#valentines day but add unbearable pining

[ughgoaway]

first anon so I'm a bit nervous 😭, but I've been thinking about this all day

teacher girlie and annie making matty a valentine's day card (or some sort of craft)!! I'm thinking it would be something very cutesy pinterest diy because teacher girlie is a teacher (obviously), and she probably has pinterest boards FULL of cute little holiday crafts she wants to do with the kids!! - 🎸

omg welcome!!! first anon?? please, I am BLESSED! welcome to the chaos that is my blog, I am very happy to have you contributing to it :))))

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now... I'm feeling emo today, and I love a bit of pining SO, I'm thinking pre-dating here. as you said, you're a teacher, so you always do holiday crafts for the kids, and valentines is no different! for today, the kids have a few options, they can make a card, make some paper chain hearts, and they all get a rock that they can make a heart out of their fingerprints on!

(this is the vibe with the rock craft lol)

you have separate Pinterest boards for every holiday, and each one is filled with little activities. (Once you and matty do get together, he does make fun of you slightly for this... but he also has the time of his life when you practice them at home and rope him into it.)

but back to pre-dating time, you are mopey all day. you try to be upbeat for the kids, but it's hard when you're in love with a person who you absolutely can not date, and who has no feelings for you. (or so you think...)

most of the kids are oblivious to your feelings but not Annie, so she ends up dragging you around with her all day and doing the crafts as your co-teacher handles the rest of them. now, she's trying to be thoughtful, which you appreciate endlessly, but it's agony sitting with her all day.

little Annie healy is a carbon copy of her father. the same curly hair, mischievous smile, and cheeky laugh. so instead of distracting you from thinking about matty, it only makes it 100 x worse. especially because she won't stop chattering away about him and telling you about how she's going to give alllll of this to her dad.

you help her with the paper chains first, she folds them up and you glue them together, and she is quite happily nattering away.

"my daddy is going to hang these in the studio i think. he would put them over his bed, but he has too many pictures hanging over it already." she nods assuredly, which only makes you daydream about what mattys bed looks like. (and what he looks like in it)

"oh that's nice! Will your daddy's friends like them too?" it pains you to even talk about Matty today, so you're hoping she'll start talking about the boys and their partners.

"Oh yeah! my auntie charli and uncle George are going to really like them. They're having a posh dinner, not McDonald's or anything!" she then chatters on about the Hann's plans (dropping baby hann of with their mum and going to the cinema) and uncle Ross and his girlfriends valentines day (going to the theatre and then more fancy dinner.)

then, she goes onto matty, "but my daddy doesn't have a girlfriend, so he's not doing anything. but uncle George says he should "get over himself and ask her out" so I think he likes a girllllll" she drops her voice as low as it can go when she imitates George, and giggles when she mentions her dad having a crush.

to say you feel fucking heartbroken is an understatement. she really got your hopes up there by mentioning he was single, only to shoot them back down by saying he has a crush. and you'd swear you could almost see her face if you thought hard enough; young blonde model, 5"10 and 90% legs, wears beautiful clothes and laughs slightly too hard at all of his jokes. and they're both fucking smitten with each other, totally in awe of their collective beauty.

you do the rock craft next, and annie insits that one of the fingerprints is yours, so you do it. but it does feel like a dagger to the chest. Yet, it somehow gets even worse when she demands you sign the card too, "but you helped me miss y/n! you have to put your name too!"

so you scribble down your name with a strained smile and tuck it away in the envelope, trying to not let your soul die in the process.

soon enough, it's pickup time, and annie is the last one. Matty is usually late, but you can't stop thinking of why he's late today. did he ask the girl he likes out? did she say yes? maybe they're planning a date right now. or kissing and being all stupid and happy.

ugh.

but matty rocks up, thankfully alone and with a small gift bag in his hands. probably for his beautiful girlfriend you think briefly, but you manage to plaster on a fake smile and greet him.

"hi matty!" you smile, watching Annie run over and give him a hug.

"oof, hi peanut! you have a good day?" he flicks his eyes up to you and mouths "sorry" he knew he was a few minutes late, but you waved him off and gave him an gentle grin.

"yeah! I made you sooo many things today, daddy. miss y/n helped too!" Annie is scooped up into matty's arms as she chatters away, describing everything she did in detail.

"Right, Munchkin, we've got to go to Uncle Adam's house and get your cousin! his grandma can't look after him anymore, so we're having a sleepover!" Annie squeals quite happily at this information, and you feel like you could too. you highly doubt mattys got a hot date whilst baby sitting two children under 10, so any image of a hot model falling off his arm is wiped from your mind.

"oh here you go by the way y/n, happy valentines" matty says with a smile, handing over the small bag with a nervous grin on his face.

you try to act slightly cooler than you feel when you accept it, and if it was any one else they would see right through you, but matty was so blinded by nerves he didn't notice anything.

"Wow! thank you so much, that's really kind of you. " Your heart is racing in your chest, as is Matty's. if anyone were around you and saw the lovesick look in both your eyes, they would know exactly what you were both thinking. but you were alone, so it stayed unspoken and unnoticed.

matty gives you a shy wave, and walks off with Annie in his arms. leaving you shell-shocked and holding that little bag full of mystery.

[sexysilverstrider]

Exhausted Pining

 Astrals, she couldn’t feel her legs.  There were days that fatigue tightened the muscles in her body. There were days where pants of air became her source of breathing rather than the regular flow. But even those days Djeeta managed to hold on and move forward like nothing is wrong.  And then, there were days where fatigue had had enough of her.  Vision started to blur and break into two. Squeezing both eyes shut, she shook her head, only to gain regret as ache clawed her temple. “Ugh…” One hand pressed lightly onto her head. The soft thudding sounds of shoes against hard wood reminded her that she was safe inside the Grandcypher; at least she made it back to the ship.  Now all she needed to do was head back to her room.  Easier said than done, she soon feared.  “Well, well, well. What do we have here?”  Looks like there’s nothing easy about this at all, Djeeta soon rued.

 The all too familiar voice lulled too close to comfort beside her. Her body still ached, still cried for the feel of soft bed in her room. A low groan peeped just the slightest from tightly pursed lips.  As for Belial, he concluded the sound akin to something of sheer, disgusting acceptance. “It seems you’re a little worn out, Singularity.” Hands on his hips, Belial bent closer to her face. “Did lil ol’ Sandy get you so worked up? I see your legs are shaking.” White teeth gleamed menacingly at the scornful skyfarer. “Is that sweat between your legs? Or…do I see a trickle of something thicker the more you shake?”  If it wasn’t for the fact that she was so agonizingly exhausted, she would swing one fist to his face right now.  Brown eyes shot a deadly glare at a pair of reds. Dizzy as she may be, Djeeta could perfectly make up the sharp shape of his dangerous face. “There was…” Her voice ragged, wheezed just the slightest, “…a primal beast that went loose a few days ago…” Ugh, even her throat felt sore. The Captain tried to shake her head, but the intention stopped short when she remembered what happened the last time she did that.  “I’m just—tired.” Truly, she didn’t have time to deal with him right now. Nearly a week of handling a stakeout, only to then deal with a powerfully furious primal beast really did take a toll on her physically and mentally.  Laughter beamed disgustingly in the bright blue skies.  “Oh, you poor thing.” Not a twinge of guilt trickled his tone at such a guiltless laugh. “Was the beast too big for you to handle? No wonder you’re shaking.” One hand lightly tapped his lower, red lip. “Next time, you should start with something smaller, though wider in girth, I might add.”  Gods above, she wished she had even the tiniest bit of strength to slap his mouth off his face.  A deep breath was taken. A deep sigh was exhaled. “Bye Belial.” She wanted to get out of here. She needed to get out of here. As much as she actually found it enjoyable about the fallen angel’s shitty remarks, her drained body and mind truly made her irritated by his presence alone.  Without a word, though mildly aware of his stupid smirk, Djeeta moved forward.  Or at least, that’s what she thought. ---  “Oop.”  With swift moves and a quick mind, Belial easily caught her falling body with one arm.  Did she get smaller? He wondered.  Right arm draped under her stomach, Belial stretched his left hand and held her shoulder. Indifference outlined every inch of his face as he turned her. The Singularity’s head tilted backward, which he then slid the same hand to the back of her head for support.  She was alive; the first thing that came into his mind was that.  Funny, he laughed a little.  Crimson eyes scanned her body from head to toe. Bits of blood and dirt marked her armour and skin. A single whiff was all it took for the Primal to confirm that the blood on her wasn’t actually hers.  Very funny, he found himself amusing.  Her breathing was steady, albeit a bit slow. Her heartbeat was normal, though chest heaving slightly. One hand still on the back of her head and on her back, Belial leaned closer.  She looked fragile, small.  He knew she was anything but.  The Singularity stirred lightly in his arms. Indifference flickered to amusement. Amusement sparked akin to something of an emotion he would not dare to perceive. With swift and nimble movements, Belial moved his hands and quietly carried her in his arms.  Her head tipped to his neck. Her nose and lips brushed against the warm surface of his skin.  He was slowly starting to find this not funny anymore.  “You better wake up, Singularity.” Huskily he whispered, tone dark and low as he lowered his head towards her. “Or else I’ll wake you up myself.” Distance dangerously close like the many times he had done to her, Belial gently bumped the tip of his nose against her forehead.  Her eyes were still closed.  Curiosity tweaked along indecency. His nose slid down between her eyes. Luscious lips hovered around her own. Warm breath caressed the corner of a pursed mouth. Her skin felt smooth, he noted. Despite the faint scars on her cheeks, her skin felt soft and plush with the caress of his nose. Not once did his gaze wander away. Each sight he took stuck deep inside his mind. Each scent he sniffed sent a knot inside his stomach.  Hunger lurched from within; Belial brought her closer.  This wasn’t getting funny for him.  Sharp teeth gritted inside a closed mouth, he calmly walked towards her room. ---  Once he reached inside her room, Belial soon realized that his sanity was near to snapping when he felt her nudge closer.  “Getting daring, are we?” Sharp teeth gleamed maliciously as he whispered on her forehead. Door kicked gently with one foot, the Primal walked towards her bed. Gently he placed her, hands then slid and caressed the side of her waist and cheek.  He didn’t want to lose the touch of her body. Not yet.  This slowly infuriated him, and he knew damn well why.  Upon feeling the magnificent feel of a soft mattress, Djeeta stirred and mumbled until her back sank cozily into it. Her head tipped slightly to the right. Pale pink lips then parted as air started to flow regularly from her.  He hated that he couldn’t take his eyes off her.  Why would he feel this way? When did he feel this way? Love was a mass of contradictions; he remembered saying that to the one person he loved and devoted to all his life. But as years and years passed by since she accepted him into her crew, Belial soon realized the feelings he had for his creator before were slowly passed down to the last person he wouldn’t dream of.  The pain was unbearable—worse, if nothing else.  She cared for him. He sourly remembered how she saved him from his anticipated doom. He wished to die, to finally rip this disgusting immortality if it meant being with the one he loved. But alas, it seems fate was his worst enemy as he was saved, as he was still alive.  She saved him. She was the first one to trust him. Distrust and doubt heavily lingered in the air of his presence. Even Belial knew that it would take a millennia for Sandalphon to trust him. In truth, the Supreme Primarch would rather have his head rolling down to the endless land below than to see him walking about as if he belonged in the Grandcypher.  He didn’t.  But she made him think that he did.  Ah, he despised this.  A tiny frown curled the edges of his lips.  3 years had passed. He wanted to betray her. To kill her. To avenge the sins she had shamelessly committed against him and his beloved. He wished so sorely to rip that smile off her face, to bite those lips and tear it mercilessly until blood spurted out like vile, bloated paint. He craved deeply to shove one hand into her stomach, to clutch her intestines and rip them out like strings of flesh.  All those years were perfect as he fooled her to gain his trust.  But, as the years passed by, Belial soon realized that he was the one who got fooled.  She took notice of him. She laughed at the countless innuendoes he had spurted at her. Though at first she either got flustered or angry after his brazen comments, it would seem that the Singularity got used to him so fast that now, every nasty remark he made whether it was about her or anyone, would be responded with a roll of her eyes or a laugh.  The latter was baffling when he first saw it.  He hated it.  He hated that she went to him when he got injured. He hated that she oftentimes came to him to check on his wellbeing, He hated that she gave him chocolate for Valentine ’s Day – 3 years in a row now without fail. He hated that she made him want to return the favor during White Day. He hated that she entrusted him on many missions, on trusting him to have her back. He hated that she would find time to talk to him, to be near him.  He hated that he now anticipated all those times alone with her.  He hated it. Hated it. He was meant to betray her. To take her life for another. He was supposed to tear her limbs apart, not hold her hands. He was supposed to choke out her screams, not bring out bubbles of laughter. He was supposed to rip her mouth apart, not crave for a warm, wet touch.  He was supposed to make her shriek in agony, not moan in needy, delicious pleasure—  Creak…  The faint sound brought him back to reality. Crimson eyes darted forward, realizing that his left hand had tightly clutched the sheet beside her head. Heavy breathing halted immediately in his lungs, for Belial quickly realized the position he had placed himself in.  There, leaning and towering above the sleeping Singularity, Belial remained frozen in his place.  She slept so peacefully. Slumber and fatigue knocked her cold despite the shift in weight of the mattress. The Primal stayed perfectly still, legs locked on the sides of her right leg. Shock rarely flashed his face, but now was one of the rare moments that it did. He didn’t know how it happened, how he had lost control of the reality around him.  Ah, he figured, gaze fixated on the sleeping person below him, it’s because of you.  Crimson eyes darted low to her nose, lower to her lips. Soundless sights brought him to her moving chest, to the tiny crack of her breasts that nuzzled cozily in the squeeze of her clothing.  A single gulp burned his throat.  “Wake up, Singularity…” His voice croaked, choked. “Or are you having such a wonderful dream without me?” His arms stiffened by the sides of her head. Body levelled a few inches above hers, Belial lowered until lips neared her left ear.  “What are you dreaming right now?” He hoped it was about him. “I wonder if I can make your dreams more pleasant…” He desperately hoped he invaded her mind.  Because fucking hell, she surely was invading his—  A hiss spat through clenched teeth at the sound of her sweet, soft moan.  Fingers curled to tight knuckles. “Singularity…” The nickname slurred heavily near her ear. “Singularity…” His lower hip arched and stilled. The hunger inside of him burned, flared, scorched madly with every sound of her breathing. Irises squeezed to slits, Belial brought his head up and lifted her chin with one hand.  His thumb caressed her lower lip. Inviting. Tempting. Putting fuel to the fire down south.  “Singularityyy…” The word heaved so faintly. “Singularity…” His breathing was warm with lust. Eyes were glued on her face, on her lips. Belial inched closer…“Wake up…” and closer…“Djeeta—”  The split second her name broke out of his waiting lips, he stopped immediately.  As if the name alone was a spell that broke the curse, Belial snapped back. Both hands pressed hard on the sides of her head. Both eyes hazed and sharpened at nothing in particular.  He then saw her.  He saw a tiny smile. Sincere. Loving. So filled with bliss he knew damn well he could never have.  Ah, turns out there was a far greater pain than losing his messiah.  In a blink of an eye, Belial jumped off her and stumbled a few steps back.  Minutes felt like hours for the Primal. He gaped and gawked as she slept so soundly. Heat still rushed through his body. Shivers still prickled every inch of his skin. The tightness in his pants ached for a touch – for her touch – but Belial was too preoccupied with bafflement to settle his desires.  His desires for her.  His desires for her love.  Ah, the pain was getting unbearable again.  And yet he smiled, then broke to a short, demeaning laugh. Both hands cupping his beet red face, he stared at the Singularity – at the captain, at the fragile mortal, at the only creature who accepted him.  How amusing.  Sliding one foot backwards, Belial limply slid his hand to where his heart bled.  How fucking amusing.  Face still burned a bright red, heart still pounding at the speed of sound, Belial turned around and stampeded his way to the door.  No reason… He chuckled bitterly, scornfully. No reason…  As one hand clutched the doorknob and whipped the door open, Belial quickly made a silent escape out of the bedroom.  No reason for me to deserve your love…  A single teardrop hit her bedroom floor before he left. END

[cinemavariety]

Cinema Variety’s Top Favorite Films of 2016

Well cinephiles and friends alike, my annual list of favorite films has finally arrived. I had to take these first few weeks in the new year to re-watch some of this years gems to order my list accurately. Through careful deliberation, I present to you my favorite films of 2016. Make sure to check out my top pick lists from previous years provided below! 

Top Picks of 2015 List Top Picks of 2014 List Top Picks of 2013 List Honorable Mentions: The Wailing Elle Goat The Sea of Trees The Witch Green Room Lemonade The Odyssey Black Mirror: San Junipero ** THIS LIST IS IN ORDER ** #18 - The Childhood of a Leader Directed by Brady Corbet

Brady Corbet’s directorial debut is a chilling fictional tale about the rise of fascism in the early 20th century. The result is a character study focusing on the origins of evil. Corbet is clearly inspired by the aesthetics of Michael Haneke, Ingmar Bergman and even a little bit of Andrei Tarkovsky. Long tracking shots and an overpowering orchestral score brings the audience on this artistic journey. The conclusion of the film left me shocked, watch out for it. #17 - Operation Avalanche Directed by Matt Johnson

Operation Avalanche is a true hidden gem for anyone who delights in films centered around conspiracy theories. The theory of the moon landing being a staged production might be one of the most ridiculous hoaxes out of them all - and there are groups of people who truly believe it. However, this film is made in a way that actually makes it seem like a very possible reality. The movie is cleverly filmed in a POV mockumentary format with a classic 60s filter. The film shifts in tone from a comedy of sorts and ends in paranoia. I found it to be one of the most underrated films of the year. #16 - Swiss Army Man Directed by The Daniels

It’s an impressive feat when a film featuring constant flatulence and directional erections can also end up being a heartfelt and existential story of friendship. There are very few comedies on this list, or on any of my other annual lists for that matter. Swiss Army Man succeeded on making me laugh multiple times. I praise it simply for its originality and the fact that the filmmakers tackled on such ridiculous themes in a way that they didn’t become immature or worthy of an eye roll. Another shoutout to the energetic score and colorful production design. #15 - La La Land Directed by Damien Chazelle

The musical genre is most definitely one of my least favorite ones. Other than a few exceptions (Across the Universe, The Wall, Dancer in the Dark), I have found most musicals to be unbearably cheesy. The cheese is still there in La La Land, but it is effective because that is the intended tone. It truly is a throwback to the golden age of Hollywood filled with allusions from earlier infamous musicals such as Singing in The Rain. I anticipated this film from the start both because Damien Chazelle blew me away with Whiplash and because Ryan Gosling is my favorite actor working today. Shot on a film, in a dazzling Technicolor format, it also features some of the most awe inspiring cinematography out of all the movies released this year. I believe La La Land is the film that we needed to end 2016 with - a film filled with magic and hope for a better future. #14 - Manchester by the Sea Directed by Kenneth Lonergan

Man did this movie crush me. It squeezed everything out of me and left me a hollow shell. I went home and sat on my couch and just cried after leaving the theatre. Don’t let this lead you astray from watching it, it’s just such a realistic heart-wrenching drama that I couldn’t help but be affected by it the entire day after seeing it. It might not be a masterpiece as such critics claim it to be, but it is a moving insight on the loss of loved ones and the emotional wreckage that can come out of it. There is no overly-done melodrama or redemption in the denouement. Instead, it focuses on little moments that end up forming a much greater whole by the end. Casey Affleck’s restrained performance was something I empathize with as he held a tragic rage behind his eyes. #13 - Jackie Directed by Pablo Lorrain

This was a film that grew on me days after seeing it. I was absorbed by it while I watched it in a small art-house theatre, but it was afterward where it really began to resonate with me. The JFK assassination is a momumental tragedy in history that has always greatly interested me. I remember being haunted by the video footage when it was shown to me in a college history class. While the script may be lacking in areas, the performance by Natalie Portman is the saving grace of this production. Portman has transcended her star status in this role by flawlessly emulating the former First Lady. Jackie is a film that plays like a fragmented memory - it jumps in time throughout. The production design transported me to the 1960s and Mica Levi’s score really is the standout aspect of the film. #12 - The Blackcoat’s Daughter Directed by Oz Perkins

I believe The Blackcoat’s Daughter is the year’s most underrated and ignored horror film. The very few critic reviews I found online all have positive things to say, while most audience reviews are the opposite. This is the feature film debut of director Oz Perkins. He has created a richly nuanced horror film that never reaches any outrageous or flashy climax, which is a breath of fresh air compared to the usual tripe that comes out of Hollywood year after year. Perkin’s directs the film with a restrained control that would make his horror-icon of a father, Anthony Perkins, proud. There is a thick haze of dread that doesn’t ease up until the film’s bleak finale. The films minimal use of dialogue works perfectly in unison with the nonstop rumbling score. The entire aesthetic of The Blackcoat’s Daughter is what made it work so well for me. Loads of unnecessary dialogue and jump scares are replaced with well executed tracking shots and genuinely upsetting violence. The end product is a deliciously evil exercise In dread. #11 - The Eyes of My Mother Directed by Nicolas Pesce

The Eyes of My Mother is the type of art-house horror film I feel like I’ve been waiting all year for. Everything about it speaks to me as a horror fan. The story seems as if it was ripped out of one of my worst nightmares; Or better yet, if you could visualize the musings of a demented asylum patient - the result would be The Eyes of My Mother. This film would never have been as effective if it wasn’t for the lush, gorgeous black and white photography. Camera shots are shrowded in shadows which adds to the aforementioned nightmare effect. Thank god this film has such a short runtime (it’s only a little over 70 minutes). I wasn’t sure how much more I could take of this grueling tale. The last 20 minutes of the film takes a plunge into the heart of darkness - which to many viewers could be considered completely morally reprehensible. Well, a desensitized horror junkie such as myself was pleased by the filmmaker’s decision to conclude this story as depraved as possible. I decided to celebrate Christmas this year in the holiday spirit by showing this movie to my brother. By the end of it, he just turned to me and asked: “Why do you do this to me?”. #10 - The Light Between Oceans Directed by Derek Cianfrance

Derek Cianfrance is one of my very favorite directors working today. His first two films (Blue Valentine and The Place Beyond the Pines) both have found a place in my top 15 favorite films of all time. Needless to say I’ve been tirelessly anticipating his latest feature. It didn’t have the same impact on me as his previous features; however, it still ended up being an impressive and heartbreaking picture. Adam Arkapaw works wonders as the DOP. His camerawork captures the coast of Australia beautifully. Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander work perfectly off of each other (yet another instance of Fassbender completely investing himself in a role). Keep an ear out for the perfectly utilized “Funeral Canticle” track that has never failed to give me goosebumps since the first time I heard it in The Tree of Life. #9 - Cemetery of Splendour Directed by Apichatpong Weerasethakul

Describing this film is a challenge in itself - let alone reviewing it. This is the second film I’ve seen by Apichatpong Weerasethakul and they both are masterpieces in my eyes. Cemetery of Splendour, much like the soldiers affected by a sleeping epidemic in the film, lead me down the rabbit hole into a deep trance state. I love films which feel like I dreamt them after they’re over, and that’s exactly what this movie achieved. The long takes, minimal use of a score, and gorgeous natural scenery worked together to create a relaxing and mind expanding experience. #8 - Moonlight Directed by Barry Jenkins

I might not think that Moonlight is the very best film of the year, but it might just be the most important. It’s not everyday where you hear about masterful films that deal with homosexuality in the African American community. Jenkins tackles this subject perfectly by not making this aspect of the character’s persona the focal point of the film. It’s just as much a coming of age story about masculinity than it is a story about a guy struggling with his sexual identity. I related to this film on a very personal level because I know what it’s like being harassed by peers in school on the basis of being gay. Moonlight follows the central character Little from his adolescence in grade school all the way until manhood. Although three different actors are playing the same character, I was utterly convinced it was the same person for they all adopted the same mannerisms and personality traits. Moonlight makes a grand statement about finding out who you truly are. It sends the message that it’s possible to find acceptance by people other than your immediate family. #7 - Midnight Special Directed by Jeff Nichols

Jeff Nichols is being praised this year on the award circuit for his touching film Loving, but it’s this film that stayed with me after watching. Never has there been a film made about supernatural abilities that has hit me on such a deep level. Midnight Special deals with a plethora of themes other than a child with superhuman abilities. These include the responsibilities of fatherhood and the special bond between parents and their child. It opens ambiguously and the intelligent plot slowly unfolds in such a way that questions are answered little by little until the absolutely soul-touching finale. Even though she has limited screen time, Kirsten Dunst added to this films perfection. The sheer humanity displayed through her performance as a mother who will do anything to keep her child out of harms way is an admirable thing. Midnight Special is a sci-fi film for the ages. #6 - Embrace of the Serpent Directed by Ciro Guerra

The fevered madness of the jungle is alive in this flick. Embrace of the Serpent addresses the duality of man. His ability to create yet also his sure-fire knack to destroy goodness. His willingness to help others yet also falling victim to his own egoic desires. In this film, the Westernized man leads to the downfall of an ancient Amazonian civilization. Serpent focuses on two different white men, separated by decades in time, who traverse into the depths of the jungle guided by the last living member of a tribe. Both of these men are looking for a hallucinogenic plant - one to cure his terminal illness, the other for purposes of being able to dream. The end product is a head-trip into psychedelia where plant medicine is the supreme deity. #5 - Arrival Directed by Denis Villenueve

Villenueve knocked it out of the park again this year with his latest film. Is there anything this man cannot do? The French-Canadian filmmaker strayed away from the dark and somber tone of his previous works and created something life affirming. Arrival is an example of smart science-fiction that has been coming out of the film industry recently (something along the likes of Interstellar). Humanity is put to the test in this movie as they try to figure out the intentions of the alien visitors. But it’s a story about love and loss above all. Arrival is edited perfectly by manipulating the viewer’s sense of time. Once I reached the ending and pieced it all together, I was a wet-faced audience member in that dead silent theatre as the other attendees sat dazed. #4 - The Neon Demon Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn

Is it a dazzling grand statement on the depraved narcissism of the professional modeling industry? Or is it just more pretentious artistic masturbation which has become expected of Refn? My thoughts are with the former. Refn’s auteur style that he has developed upon since the release of his magnum opus Drive has been particularly polarizing among critics and audiences alike - almost as polarizing as Terrence Malick. I believe people dislike The Neon Demon for some of the same reasons why the general masses reacted so negatively to Spring Breakers: it tries too hard to be artsy, it’s just a boring music video, the dialogue is unrealistic. At the same time I feel as if these audiences didn’t grasp onto the fact that these films which shed light on the hedonistic lifestyle of deranged young women are purely satirical. They’re supposed to be absurd. The irony is is that this absurdism is actually reflective on the types of females that move to LA for the pursuit of fame and recognition. It certainly is the best looking Refn film to date, with even banal or commonplace locations drenched in neon hues. And Cliff Martinez has outdone himself with the synth-heavy score which guides us along this fairytale of horrors. How far would you go to get to the top? In Refn’s surreal vision of Los Angeles there is no such thing as going too far to reach fame, even if it means bloodshed. As one character says in the film: “Beauty isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” It would be nice to write off this statement as pure subjectivity, but what else has the media taught us but this ideal? #3 - Nocturnal Animals Directed by Tom Ford

Do you ever really know the person you love? This is the thought running through my mind while watching Tom Ford’s romance story disguised as a crime-revenge. Ford has created a highly innovating form of storytelling with Nocturnal Animals. A violent story of revenge is presented to symbolize the betrayal that Amy Adam’s commits against Gyllenhaal’s character. What made this film so enjoyable was the aspect that it was like two different films in one, yet both stories suitably complement one another. The frustratingly ambiguous ending was delightful as the audience searches for the intentions of Gyllenhaal’s character. The whole thing was a stylish story of betrayal. #2 - Knight of Cups Directed by Terrence Malick

My cinematic idol returned in 2016 with many ambitious projects: two different documentaries about the birth and death of the universe with Voyage of Time, a festival premiere date set for his forthcoming Song to Song, and the stream of consciousness visual poem which is Knight of Cups. I believe there is such thing as a Malick gene. His films either strike people with such awe and wonder that they come out of his films feeling enlightened or they are the cinematic equivalent of taking an Ambien for others. I have total faith that this film will be considered a classic masterpiece in decades to come. Sometimes it just takes time for a film to receive that cult status. Unfortunately, a formula which critics took such a liking to with The Tree of Life quickly became redundant and meandering in the public’s eye with his two follow-up works. Just like with all great art, it takes repeated viewings to really appreciate the philosophical mastery of this film. I’ve seen it over five times now and each time I walk away with something new -  a blossoming appreciation that such abstract and soulful cinema can be financed. If you have any idea about Malick’s life then you understand that Knight of Cups is the last film in his autobiographical trilogy. I see it as a sort-of spiritual sequel to The Tree of Life. A sense of disassociation is felt through the floating camerawork which follows Christian Bale on an odyssey of temptation in Los Angeles. Malick abandons small-town rural settings and older time periods for a tale set in the present day luxury land of LA. I must admit that when the credits started to scroll I couldn’t help but ask myself: “that’s it?” The abrupt finale left me feeling a little hollow. It left me with nothing. But I soon realized that this was Malick’s intention. This was the loneliness and isolation he felt as a big-shot Hollywood director even though he was surrounded with admirers. So to save himself, he leaves that lifestyle and finds his redemption through the glories of divine Mother Nature. I am so happy that there is a director who I feel so connected to, someone who expresses his eloquent ideology through some of the most beautiful movies ever in the annals of cinematic history. Knight of Cups is a fervent reverie on love, loss and life. A haunting meditation of redeeming oneself after a swift fall from grace. #1 - American Honey Directed by Andrea Arnold

A film so filled with life that I couldn’t help but feel exhilarated after it ended, American Honey is an epic road trip story for the millenial era. Its plot is open and free flowing much akin to the characters who traverse across the midwest in a van selling magazines to folks from all different social and economic backgrounds. American Honey exposes the dark underbelly of American households, especially for low-income ones. Youths search through trash cans in order to find a fitting meal. A drunken stepfather takes advantage of his stepdaughter. A junkie mother falls unconscious on the couch unable to take care of her young children. I might be making American Honey sound like a film filled with sorrow and hopeless situations. However Andrea Arnold takes the subject matter and actually gives it a twinge of hope. The chemistry between all the characters, most particularly between Sasha Lane and Shia Labeouf, makes it practically impossible to look away at could very well be a trainwreck waiting to happen. As soon as you think some awful event is going to happen to end the roadie’s journey of freedom - it doesn’t. American Honey sometimes feels more like a documentary than a feature film. The dialogue comes off as mostly improvisational and the plot is minimal at best. Arnold has taken cues from Larry Clark’s style of filmmaking when he released his controversial HIV drama Kids in 1995. Considering that film is in my top 10 favorite films of all time, it’s clear as to why American Honey was my favorite work released this year. With its unique aspect ratio, colorful and eccentric characters, and one hell of an eclectic soundtrack, American Honey breathed new life into me. By the end I felt almost as purified as Sasha Lane does as she takes a dip into a lake, descending to the bottom only to emerge from the surface a newly realized person.