#val stop ghosting your therapist challenge

[miwtze]

mediocrity is a skill in its own right (sakusa kiyoomi x reader)

cw: insecurity in ones self, self hatred, depression yk the good stuff 😐 post time skip

wc: 1.2K 

notes: i dont ever edit anything so as per usual no beta i die like a bitch. 

you feel stupid. it’s another day past twelve when your body crumbles with exhaustion but your mind doesn��t allow you to rest. you can’t count the number of times you’ve stayed up attempting to shove the thoughts of inferiority eating away at your soul. the feeling of giving yourself up whole only to never be enough. after all no one wanted someone mediocre.

sometimes you wonder would what it would be like to be like sakusa, a person who cultivated a skill into a talent that’s become second nature. maybe if you stuck to one thing instead of throwing things at a wall to see what stuck you would feel more complete. you can’t find it in your heart to be upset at the sakusas of the world or even the hinatas of the world, who have been blessed with both talent and ambition. of which you have neither. you don’t have the desire to be something great, to be standing at the top, to be the sole messiah leading a legion of lost souls but you crave to anything, anything at all.

it was dizzying the amount of times you’ve tried to grow as a person only to be left with the fleeting sense of being just okay. maybe you were selfish for wanting more because technically being half way decent at anything is better than being dogshit at it. you wish you could hold on to the moments where you felt as though you had potential, to bottle it in a jar and let it build up but like sand in an hour glass it always seems to slip though.

you always find yourself telling yourself that if you can spend time feeling like this you can spend energy doing better. but you never do, instead you always find yourself curled into yourself letting the bubbles of insecurity trickle down from your eyes. you’ve gotten good at keeping quiet when you cry, never wanting to bother sakusa in his slumber who found it unpleasant to be disturbed by mundane things.

when you shuffle around to curl into sakusa you’re met with tired eyes looking down on you. you realize that everything that has can be given to you will always settle with dust no matter how hard you try to brush it away. at some point or another, becoming far too exhausting to clean up and way to dirty to keep around. it feels like lifetimes pass as you stare into each other completely unsure as to how to navigate the situation presenting itself on your queen sized mattress. eventually sakusa shifts, gesturing for you to sit up as he reaches over to turn the nightlight on. you wait with your palms folded over each other for something.

“you know you can talk to me right?” he seems uncomfortable, like words he wants to say aren’t the ones coming out of his mouth. “i know i’m not the most approachable person by any means but i don’t want you to be alone.” he’s words are gently, heartfelt. you can’t bring yourself to believe that someone would speak to you with such affection. “i know you don’t reach out when you need someone. i know you’ve been upset for a while i just didn’t know how-”

“it’s not your fault, omi. i didn’t want to be a burden is all.”you wanted to ease some of the tension you placed on him, but when you see his jaw clench, you realize you’re probably doing more harm than good. “i didn’t realize i was being so loud, i’m really really sorry i didn’t mean to make it hard for you.” he sighs opening his arms, you crawl into them with your heartbeat in your ears.

“that’s not the reason why it’s hard for me. i want to be able to support you the way you support me, but you’re about as emotionally constipated as me. fuck, actually you’re probably worse.” you giggle into his chest as he brushes through your hair. “i’m not a therapist or anything but i can always listen and comfort you.”

you tilt your head up to meet his eyes, the tears poking the corners of your eyes were threatening to spill into a whole new emotion. one that made the butterflies in your stomach go crazy even as your head tries to reel them them in convincing you that you didn’t deserve his love. “do you really want to know or do you want to go to sleep and your conscience won’t let you go to sleep without at least doing damage control.”

“babe if you’re going to be annoying the only thing my conscience is going to want to do is toss you out the window.”

“omi we’re on the first floor nothing will come of that.”

“no critical damage then.” he leans down to place a kiss on your lips, hovering over to rest his forehead on yours. “so what’s got your feelings all twisted?” you want to tell him it’s okay, that he should go to sleep, that he has practice in the morning but more than anything you want to let him into the dusty hallways housing your insecurities on picture frames that you can never seem to tear your eyes away from.

“you know like it’s kind of stupid.” he shakes his head, encouraging you to continue. “but i just, i don’t know, really want to feel fulfillment in the things i do you know? but for someone like me-” you’re crying again trembling in his arms as he coaxes you into spilling more. “-i can never really be anything more than just okay at something. and it’s hard because you’re so amazing, almost everyone around me is but i’m just some npc support character. i just wish i had more to offer because you deserve someone better and can-”

“i’m not sure where you got the idea that i am the one that deserves more when i know you offer the world and back to be when i can only give you myself, but rather than that i feel like-” he stops picking his next works carefully as to not unintentionally hurt your feeling. “-you’re spending more time comparing yourself and ultimately end up ignoring the little things that make you reason that you’ve become a pillar in my life.”

“but i’m so so just boring and normal.” he smiles down at you, brushing away your tears.

“you’re the only one that sees yourself that way. maybe you’ll always only see yourself as mediocre but i hope you know that people have define normal in different ways.” he pulls you down into bed placing you on his chest and securing you in his warmth as he continues. “you’re far more than normal. there really isn’t a word that can justify what you mean to me and how otherworldly you are.” he pauses. “maybe extraterrestrial?”

“omi you were doing so good.” it’s hard to hide the laughter spilling from your lips.

“what you don’t like katy perry?” but it’s much harder to ignore sakusa’s growing smile. 

[daddy-hotline]

Dads react to finding out their s/o was abused as a child?

[i forgot to mention in my intro post that I’m auggie fan number one and I practically started the fan club okay? okay on with the daddies]

(Trigger warning for childhood abuse mentions)

Brian⛳️: “What a disgusting person!” Brian bellowed throughout the empty house. It wasn’t like him to get angry and although you appreciated the love and protection behind it there were worse things going on in your head at the time.“Please don’t yell.” You practically squeaked. He turned around, red in the face and exhaled deeply before pulling you into a hug.“(Dadsona), I’m sorry. It’s just… I can’t stand the thought of someone doing something like that to you.” You were hardly listening as your head rested against his chest, focusing on the sound of his heartbeat rather than the thoughts and memories rushing through your brain.“I shouldn’t of brought it up—““No, I’m glad you did.” Brian interrupted, streaking your head. He pulled away from you and placed his hands on his hips, his expression had turned to something you’d see on someone who won a game show. “Now I have some proper butt to beat!”“Brian!”“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” He laughed before adding, “You already know I’m the best at butt kicking so it’s not like I need to practice.”“You? The best? I beg to differ.” You scoffed, placing your hands on your hips also.“I smell a challenge coming on—““Dad! No!” Daisy shouted from the front door, placing her bag on the floor as she got home from school. “I’m not bailing you both of our jail for beating up people.”You all shared a laugh and couldn’t even remember what you were thinking about just moments before.

Mat🎶: “Mat! Come here!” You called as you entered the baristas house, not taking your eyes off the page in front of you. He emerged from the bathroom shortly after and placed a small kiss on your cheek bone.“Hey (Dadsona), what’s that? Another bill? Because I swear if it is I’m gonna have to ban Carmensita from using the water, those bills are huge man!” He exclaimed, eying down the paper but not attempting to peer over and examine it.“No it’s not that,” You told him before turning the page so he could see it. “I just got back from my therapist appointment and I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder because of my childhood abuse.” Mat was silent for a minute before he repeated, “Childhood abuse?”You looked up and made eye contact with him, “Didn’t I mention that before?”“No… Oh my god, (Dadsona) are you okay? What happened? No, don’t answer that you probably don’t want to think about it. Oh gosh I’m sorry I should be more mindful, does anything I do trigger you? What can I change?—“ by this point in time you could see Mat was sweating furiously. You took his sweaty palms in his and cut him off.“Mat, don’t change a thing. You’re doing amazingly already, just do what I do and pretend it never happened okay? I mean, that’s harder for me but as long as you do it maybe I could follow along?”Mat took his hands out of yours and wiped the on his jeans.“Of course, (Dadsona).”

Joseph💒: “Joseph, please stop asking questions.” You speak shakily, your head in your hands.“I just want to know what happened, don’t I have a right to know?—““No, not really.” You snapped, looking up at him. You brung yourself to stand and walked over to him, placing your hands on his shoulders. “I thought out of everyone you would understand… but you don’t. Can’t you just support me without having to know everything? Can’t you just leave it?” You decided to stop talking, knowing that the lump in your throat was bound to give way soon and you’d end up in tears.“I… (Dadsona)… I have no words…”“Good.” You snapped again, feeling slightly bad that time. You were quick to apologise. “Jo, I’m sorry but this is really hard to talk about—““I know. I’m an idiot. This is none of my business, I’m so sorry.” When you looked up at him you noticed tears streaming down his cheeks. You sighed, wiping the left side of his face with your thumb before planting a kiss on his cheek.“I shouldn’t of been so hard on you.”“I shouldn’t of been so pushy.”“You know I still love you, right?” You asked before wiping the other side of his face and adding, “You big mess.”He let out a low chuckled, “I love you more you even bigger mess.”

Robert🥃: “(Dadsona), what’s wrong?” Robert chuckled as he emerged from his room shirtless. You couldn’t keep your eyes off them, those scars, the ones you saw at the ghost tour you tried so hard to forget. As your period of silence grew longer so did Robert’s patience, he may of thought of himself as a ‘silly old man’ like Val always joked but even he knew something was wrong here. Robert abandoned his route to the fridge and stepped towards you, bringing you back to reality as his rough hands brushed up your forearm. You dropped your half eaten piece of toast and looked up at him dead in the eye.“I… I love you but could… uh, you please put a shirt on?” You quivered, partly from the memories and partly from the fear of his reaction.“What? Don’t like what you see anymore?” Your boyfriend joked as he reached for a shirt that was within arms reach, classic Robert. When he noticed your silence once more his smile dropped and he really began to worry. As he slipped the piece of fabric over his torso he was about to ask what was wrong again before you cut him off.“I was abused.”Robert didn’t dare to try and speak as his breath caught in his throat. You kept going with your comment, knowing it would be odd if you just left it at that.“I don’t want to go into detail, maybe another day, but your scars remind me…” This time you were the one cut off as your words muffled into his chest and he pulled you into a hug.“Whoever hurt you, I will kill. Whoever plans to hurt you, I will kill. I love you, (Dadsona). I always will, I promise.”

Hugo🤼‍♂️: “Hey Hugo I’m— what are you going?” You asked as you entered his house. The teacher was surrounded in books, which wasn’t any different from a normal Friday afternoon, but these books were different to the ones he usually was buried in.“You remember how you told me about your early childhood trauma last week? Well, I decided to start studying it because not only is it interesting but I thought maybe I would be able to help.” Hugo suggested, showcasing the book in his hands called ‘Damage Of The Human Brain’. “Did you know the earliest the brain can remember something bad is 9 months old whilst something good is at least 19 and a half months old?”You couldn’t help but chuckled as you stepped towards him, “Yeah I think I did know that actually.” You gently took the book off him and pulled him to his feet before wrapping your arms tightly around him.“What’s this for?” He asked, a smile practically lacing his words.“For understanding and trying to help.”

Craig🥇: “I will protect you to the death!” Hazel shouted dramatically, bowing down to her twin. “But Romeo! What if they find out?” Briar gasped just as dramatically. Hazel stood up and took Briar’s hands in hers, “Oh Juliet I would never let that—“ Before she could finish her sentence Amanda burst through the door with Rive in her back and a pair of cool sunglasses on. “Everyone get on the ground!” Your daughter shouted, pointing her finger guns at the two. They both groaned but laughed, “‘Manda wrong play! We don’t want to disappoint our audience!” Hazel complained, gesturing to you and Craig who were sitting on the couch and watching the ‘performance’.“Acting was never your strong points.” Craig laughed at the girls as he watched the three bicker. He turned to you and raised an eyebrow, “It was never your strong point either.”“What do you mean?” You asked, mirroring his look.“Daaaaaaad we’re going to duel outside with Amanda!” Briar said.“Wait, ‘duel’?” Craig repeated but by the time he finished his sentence the girls were gone. He sighed and continued his sentence.“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” He questioned. You knew exactly what he was talking about and couldn’t help but slowly nod. He only sighed and rested his head on your shoulder, “I know it’s hard but…. please don’t. Why don’t we go for the weekend again, huh? Take your mind off things?”You placed a tender kiss on his forehead, “That sounds awesome. You’re the best.”

Damien🥀: You loved spending time with Damien in the garden, it was one of your favourite things to do but something distracted you that day from the beautiful flowers and your ravishing boyfriend. Suddenly, his voice broke your thoughts.“I love you my dear, you know that?” He questioned, his tone serious and almost sad.“Dames, of course— oh god is this a break up?” You blurted out and saw an expression of panic cross your boyfriend’s face.“What? Darling, I would never!” He exclaimed, “It’s just… I know you were abused when you were a kid and… you told me the date it all started one late night and I couldn’t help but notice what day it was.” He trailed off at the end, when he saw you look at the calendar he panicked again. “Oh dear, did I remind you you? Sweetheart, please forgive—““Damien, shut up for a moment please.” You calmly interrupted. He did as he was told and you sighed deeply, “You didn’t remind me, I’ve been fretting this day for weeks. Yeah, I’m really devastated remembering what happened but I’m more grateful. I’m so glad you’re here and we have Amanda and Lucien and I could never thank you enough for you support. You make this a little more bearable and though I may hate this day I look forward to the many years of extra love I get from you for it.”

~Mod Jaidyn♥︎