#vagina ≠ inherently safe and non-abusive

[briefnytw]

Defining Sex & Kink Terminology (Part 2)

The BDSM-kink world has its own vocabulary to help acquaint people to the community. The terms and phrases help people understand the many different types of sexual attraction, as well as strengthen a culture built around safety and consent. Below is a small list of terms that one may commonly find when diving into the world of sex and desire. This is by no means an all-encompassing glossary, as there is an ever-growing amount of facets to BDSM.

Munch (noun) - a social event for kinksters, usually held in a public space not designated for play or sex e.g. bar or restaurant; an event for community to gather, talk, share interests, or plan events.

PIV Sex (noun) - an acronym that stands for "Penis in Vagina" intercourse.

Play (noun, adjective) - a general term to indicate BDSM actions; or precedes specific BDSM interests.

Power Exchange (noun) - the act of exchanging power, from one or more parties to one or more other parties, often in the form of control and/or sensation.

RACK (noun) - an acronym that stands for "Risk Aware Consensual Kink" that encourages a consent-culture and safety-oriented attitude that could include more inherently risky play.

Sadist (noun) - someone who likes giving pain.

Sadomasochist (noun) - someone who likes to give and receive pain.

Safeword (noun) - a pre-negotiated word that either party can use to pause, check-in, or end the scene or play; functions in the same "no" or "stop" might otherwise.

SSC (noun) - an acronym used to refer to "Safe, Sane and Consensual"; one of the first acronyms to first come onto the scene in the early 80's that described an aware, safety-oriented kink world to differentiate between abuse and SM.

Subdrop (noun) - an emotional, psychological, or physiological state that can sometimes come after play; usually involves feelings of loss, loneliness, abandon, worry, misgivings about the play or one's identity as a kinkster, and sadness.

Submissive (noun, adjective) - also called "sub;" to give up control.

Subspace (noun) - also referred to as "flying," or "floating"; a state of mind referring to a blissed-out, otherworldly place bottoms can go during heavy play; usually a combination of endorphins and adrenaline that, in the right mix, have an almost drug-like affect.

Switch (noun) - someone who likes being both a top and a bottom; also could refer to a flexible, wooden rod.

Top (noun) - the person giving sensation or doing the action; not to be confused with a dom(me), who can create and control the scene while still receiving sensation or the action.

Topdrop (noun) - an emotional, psychological, or physiological state that can sometimes come after play; usually involves feelings of loss, loneliness, abandon, worry, misgivings about the play or one's identity as a kinkster, and sadness.

Topspace (noun) - also referred to as "top frenzy"; the counterpart to subspace, and includes feelings of all-powerful euphoria and a desire to never stop.

Vanilla (adjective) - used to describe non-kink oriented sex.

Image Source: GQ Magazine

[nightcoremoon]

the harmful misogynist hypocritical movement called "pro life" seems pretty cut and dry on the surface. they say abortion is murder and women shouldn't be able to do them. counter argument is it's the woman's body and as such the woman's choice, and that women should always be able to have access to a safe medical procedure, especially if you consider that most abortions are done on dead fetuses or fetuses with issues that will end up killing the mother. I'm gonna be using some pretty cisnormative language here and piss off pro-lifers and a lot of catholics, so here's the disclaimers. I'm trans and I'm saying women and mother because it takes less time to say that than "cis dfab and trans dmab people" and "uterus-owning fetus gestation host", I was pro-life a couple years ago, and fuck the world's biggest cult called catholicism. with that out of the way, let's proceed.

I don't think it's quite as simple as "abortion is murder". clearly it's not. factually speaking, a lot of abortions are done within the first few weeks before the zygote could conceivably be even remotely resembling human, let alone live if separated from the mother. a lot of them are also done when the fetus dies prepartum. this spares the mother the pain and trauma the pain of childbirth to a baby that's already dead, and may even save their lives, and it will certainly spare them the costs of hospitalized childbirth which costs a lot of money. there are cases in which the fetus could conceivably survive out of the womb and its birth wouldn't endanger the mother any more than childbirth usually does, but those cases aren't any less justified because let's look at the reasons why women might get abortions.

(trigger warning: rape mention ahead.)

but first let's look at why transgender people with uteri specifically would get them. gender dysphoria, in addition to the nine months of hormonal hell pregnant people go through, would be like... double hell. passing purposes for trans people who cannot let people around them know they're trans (usually for work and things like that) are also of importance as if you see a pregnant man that challenges the social norms instilled in most of society and because of misogyny and transphobia might alter the way you communicate with that person on an even larger scale degree than just everyday misogyny that alters people's interactions with pregnant cis women versus non pregnant cis women.

anyway, there are other reasons that affect both cis women and dfab trans people. there is rape, of course. sad as it is, it's a common fact of our society. people with vaginas frequently get raped; 1 in 6 I'm pretty sure is the statistic. and rapists aren't usually known for condom usage. also pedophilia which constitutes rape. many children become pregnant from rape and anyone with an ounce of compassion and logic knows it's wrong to force a literal child to carry a baby to term. there are also abusive cases in which pregnancy in unhealthy relationships can occur, and some women may get abortions for their own safety. also, specifically in china, there are women who will get abortions to comply with the child limit laws, or to abort female fetuses to avoid their husbands either killing or abandoning them because that shit happens a lot and it's fucking toxic masculinity "I need a son to carry on my legacy and not a weak woman that won't" misogynist bullshit. and there are women with careers who literally don't have time to be parents as well, and if they do then they have to balance commitment to their work and their baby and that's unfair to both the parent and child, and they're forced to make this concession because god forbid the father steps up and parents the child he helped fucking make; the world won't easily let women have children and careers because "a woman's place is at home with the family in the kitchen making dinner" tradwife bullshit.

all of those are bad things but I'm not gonna be discussing them in this post.

everything up until now has been based on facts and evident social trends. from here on out it's all speculation.

I think the pro life movement is so much more insidious than just misogyny. sure, that's there. some people feel that women only exist to get pregnant and give birth to predominantly sons because they're degenerate redneck filth who hate females. however, analyzing everything else that's part of it, it feels a whole lot worse. let's run through every point I've made so far:

bodily autonomy

medical safety

preventing death

gender dysphoria

rape victims

pedophilia victims

abusive relationships

chinese women's safety

women's career importance

now, that paints an interesting picture. it's all rights and safety for women, minorities, and victims of sex crime. somehow that's just not enough to sway people from thinking "maybe there are good reasons for abortion and we're being assholes screaming at and physically assaulting and killing people who take part". somehow they're still parroting "abortion is murder" like they don't think for themselves.

they don't care about women having rights to a career or bodily autonomy, especially sexual, regardless of their age, even if it includes their very life... & they don't care about trans people.

and that shit invaded the weirdest spaces. fanfiction dot net circa the late 2000s was chock full of girls with profile descriptions with anti abortion copypasta. but why? how on earth did that get into a community predominantly composed of young impressionable teenage girls? ...oh wait a minute.

let's also take into account the juxtaposition of slut shaming, sexual objectification, a total lack of male willingness to use condoms, and rape, as well as everything in that bulleted list.

it really feels to me like pro lifers desire to live in a world where babies born with vaginas solely exist to become sexual objects the moment they become sexually appealing (which can be at any age honestly from a pedophile's POV), but not because they desire to (since they'll be labeled sluts) but because a man desires to fulfill his sexual desires (double standard), whether she wants him to or not, and when she gets pregnant she's locked into a relationship no matter how old she is (like the hundreds of pentecostal forced marriages at 11 years old, for example) and no matter whether it's healthy as long as the Man™ gets his son and his hot dinner at 5pm like it's fucking 1953 (because god forbid the woman be the breadwinner or even leave the house to do anything but shop for groceries, let alone vote, amirite), and if she dies during childbirth, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ oh well, the heartbroken man suffering from Manpain™ will just pick up another lady off the street at half his age who will cure his broken heart with her vagina and replace the last one, since women are apparently inherently replaceable; and if a wife gives birth to a daughter, hey, she'll be a carnation, pure and sweet until she becomes sexually appealing and starts the process all over again. also everybody is cis and straight. and also white, neurotypical, able bodied, rich from hard work and daddy's money, oh yeah and christian, but not the protestant heathens, I mean the catholics who are the only ones who won't go to hell. everything exists to serve the man.

okay wow so it's not just basic misogyny. it's the systematic patriarchal eurocentric values.

the pro life movement is just a small subset of all of the other things wrong with the world.

"but sheena you can't say that pro lifers are all misogynist, transphobic, racist, queerphobic, ableist, classist, rife with religious intolerance, anti feminist, and otherwise harmful in other ways! it's an stereotypical overgeneralization!"

show me one fucking pro lifer who isn't at least half of those. show me one. I only wanna see one. I just wanna see one pro lifer who isn't bigoted towards any demographic of people. prove me wrong and show me ONE. please.

you can't. they're all mouth breathers incapable of singular conscious thought outside of a hive mind of facebook memes and post-evangelical moral superiority and smug condescension and an obsession with the 1950s. they're physically incapable of individualism, intelligent thought, and basic empathy skills. I know this because I WAS ONE OF THEM. THAT'S HOW THEY ARE.

there may be some deviations here and there but we all know the dangers of "#not all _____".

so fuck the pro life movement and fuck you if you're pro life. you're pro death penalty and pro military and pro cops and pro letting homeless people starve and pro letting people die from preventable causes because of lack of access to healthcare and pro letting women die from childbirth because ~abortion is bad~.

you're not pro life.

you're just anti choice.

and anti woman.

(and anti trans because you all use exclusively cisnormative language to the point that I used it while speaking on the subject).

so go ahead and send more money to trump to save unborn babies. he'll spend that money on bombing the middle east and building a racism wall.

you care more about white fetuses than about brown skinned people in general including their babies. your ignorant hatred is transparent.

because you're not pro life.

above all else,

if anything,

you're fucking pro death.