#v: this new life •au• {jocelyn}

[turquoisesea01]

~ Welcome to TurquoiseSea ~

This is an 18+ Art Account.

Which means this account does not want minors interact with this blog. Any ageless blogs will be blocked immediately. If you’re an adult who hasn’t put their age in their bio yet, I advised you to do that immediately, especially to the people who are new to tumblr. People will think your are just a bot and will block you immediately if they don’t see anything written on your bio.

Anyways, once again, NO MINORS ARE ALLOWED TO INTERACT NOR FOLLOW THIS ACCOUNT. THIS IS AN ADULT SPACE. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE. And no. I do not care if you’re turning 18 this month or 3 days or a week early, you’ll have to wait to interact this blog until you’re actually 18.

Another thing, I don’t want any, pedos, zoophiles, homophobic/transphobic content interact with me, keep that shit away from me.

Who Am I?

Hello! I am TurquoiseSea! But that’s just my username for art. My actual name is Jocelyne, but I usually go as Yoshi!

Why Yoshi? It’s just a nickname I had since childhood and I prefer that more than my actual name ^v^!

This is my sona Yoshi! ^v^

I am 21 years old, I am a pansexual Demi romantic cis girl and my pronouns are she/her! I am Salvadoran and Peruvian! However my Spanish isnt my best language to

Im an artist that loves to draw Yan characters, drawing fanart of anime and video game characters I like! I usually draw self inserts and my ocs, especially Virgil Evans!

Just a heads up, in this account I’ll also be venting through text posts and vent arts and will let you know that I’m okay. I just only want to get something off of my chest.

Who is Vigil?

Virgil Evans is an oc I had since childhood. At first he was roleplay character I use for, well, roleplay! Until when I stop roleplaying, I ended up making him his own character and eventually grew up with me throughout the years! He played a huge role throughout my life so expect to see much Virgil content in this blog.

HOWEVER!

To those who have gotten to this blog through my VN blog of Yan Virgil, Would You Stay, I’m not posting any Yan Virgil content in this blog. So please do not ask me any Yan Virgil or my VN related questions in my inbox. Those questions goes to my VN blog.

Yan Virgil in WYS is just an alternate version of my Og Virgil if things gone wrong in his world. Think of it as an alternative timeline.

Which fandom I’m currently in?

Yandere Visual Novels (more like a community than a fandom lol) : Such as See Thru Need A Friend? , Restart Heart, YOU and HIM, MINE VN, You Guardian Angel, My Ange, Camp WillowPeak, Drop In The Ocean, Favor, etc. ^v^ Im practically everywhere lmao (although I try my best to make fanart ;v; )

Degrees Of Lewdity : You can expect artwork of Kylar. I am a Kylar girlie lmao, I love that stinky icky lil skrunkly <3 My disgusting lil meow meow.

Obey Me! One Master to Rule Them All/ Obey Me! Nightbringer : Oof currently I’m burning out of the two games but I still lurks around in the fandom and sometimes draw fanart with my Mc :3, however! I have an AU about Lilith, if she were alive! So feel free to check out my side blog if you’re interested! Also I am a Barbatos simp! <3

Genshin Impact : The only time I draw fanart is Wanderer and a sketch of Nahida. And my ocs if they were Genshin playable characters lmao. But either way, RAAAAA I WANT TO PULL FOR NEUVILLETTE BUT I GOTTA WAIT A LITTLE MORE TILL I GET AT LEAST 50 PULLs PLEASE COME HIME NEVU—

Twisted Wonderland : I’m currently hyperfixated on the game for like since the English release came out lmao, I already have like two ocs! And two are basically based on the live action of Alice in Wonderland characters! Fior Rosehearts (based off of the White Queen) and Jasper Woods (based off of the Jabberwocky!) but eeee I’m so excited for the Glorious Masquerade event!

What Are My Boundaries?

Please don’t sexualize or be weird about my ocs who are minors. Such as Kota, Miski, Irvin, etc. Or even when I drew my adult ocs as their young version, do not be weird about it.

I do not mind playful flirting, virtual smooches, cuddles, hugs are okay with me! I don’t mind nicknames as well! Sexual flirting is ok as well, usually as jokes lol. But please keep in mind that I am also a human behind the screen, I have feelings and thoughts. I will feel uncomfortable if you go out of your way to my inbox to threaten me for sexual purposes, you will be blocked

I absolutely don’t mind if you shipped yourself or ocs with my ocs! As long it’s not problematic! I also don’t mind if my sona is also being shipped lol.

Feel free to ask me any questions! However do keep in mind that I might respond late due to me thinking carefully of what to answer or I get distracted lmao or if the question has gone too personal for me to answer, I’d rather not answer.

Once again if you came from my VN blog, do not ask me questions related about Yan Virgil. That’s for my WYS VN blog.

Please don’t ask me to draw for you unless I am taking art requests. I usually draw for the people I’m close to or my moots!

Sooo that’s pretty much it! I’ll add more if I remembered something! ^v^ I’ll have to add tags later but that requires me to organize my tags! So it will take awhile!

[hisuian-history-makers]

Post-Masterlist

General Stuff

Things to consider when making Self-inserted/Reincarnated OCs

You made a deal with Death to avoid processing being dead (snip)

You move into an apartment and fix up issues, the neighbors are supernatural creatures (snip)

You had been chosen and trained to save the princess in your first life. This is the sixth. (snip)

The Emotion-Reading Pen (attempt at poem)

Kingdom Hearts - What if a Nobody was separated from its Heart for several years? (What if?/Theory.)

Sonic Forces: The Phantom Ruby Affect (HC)

Ideas for Dimension-Hopping/Traveling OCs

Jocelyn “Joy” Brewer DH!Elytra Wearing (OC)

The Owl House—Post-Series Finale HCs.

Leopard Seal Selkie is Selkie’s Boogeymen!

—

Pokémon Goodbye Ash and Pikachu

SV SI-OC Carmen, plus my playthrough so far.

Legends SI!Caitlin: Befriending Hisuian Zorua and Zoroark, Gyarados and Magikarp, Notices on Galaxy Hall Bulletin Board (snip), Space-Time Distortions items plus curious Uxie (snip)

Legends SI!Mackenzie: Progress Report, Prep Training Session for Kleavor (snip)

Rockruff and Lycanroc Thoughts

Pokemon Aren’t Pets (Ft Askjourneysgang)

Charicific Valley Flop (Ft Alolanrain)

Egg Moves, Inherit vs Taught

PMD: Why don’t Humans freak out more?

PMD: Team Meanies, The “Rival” Team

Pokemon Journeys, Represents Us + Future

Anime-Tapu Fini’s Mist (Ft Alolanrain)

Frostbitten + Drowsy = Frozen and Asleep

Battle Etiquette, Aka Don’t Crush the Rookies

Surveyshipping Hypocrite Prof Laventon

Past Lives Theory—SV Spoilers

“Can I borrow all three?” Sky-faller Rei (snip)

Random General Poké-World Headcanons

Ash going to Paldea’s academy (ft alolarain)

Questioning Pokemon Worldbuilding.

SV Post-Hisui’d Protag and Rivals Headcanons (ft bitchapalooza)

PMD RT Hero HCs: Stumble, Not Strut

Kyurem’s Reluctant Acceptance

—

Digimon

Digidestined vs Hackers/Sleuths Digimon limit

—

Danny Phantom

Ghost King!Danny Meets Giratina

Danny vs Booster Gold, Twitter Feud

Valeria thinks Sam is a Witch

Guaranteed Delivery Pizza Boy in DC (rblg)

Infi-Map to Anywhere, Anywhen, and... Anywho (Original Drabble.)

—

DC

Damien and Danny are stuck in Pokemon (Ft im-totally-not-an-alien-2)

Connor/Kon El/Superboy names (Ft batposts)

—

Marvel

Spider-Man screws w/Nick Fury via time-travel

A café waitress lifts up Mjølnir in front of Thor

—

Undertale

Determined until the end, and from the start?

—

Hello Puppets!

The Puppets’ Initials

Where’d Riley get a Bone Saw?

The Owen Connection

—

Murder Drones

Oddly-themed Dream

Uzi mistaken for Murder Drone by J, V & N (ft healthy-orch1ds) + Anon Ask

The Pine Tree Lab (rblg projectanomaly)

One Day Till Ep 4 + Theory

Post-Episode Four Theories/Discussion

Theory: Is Copper 9, Saturn’s moon Titan?

Cyn-ful — Ep 5 Promo Thoughts

MD Post-Ep 5 Thoughts and Speculation

Nurse Stain (OC) Pt. 01

Murder Drones Finale Thoughts.

—

9 (2009)

Were humans paranoid enough to survive?

—

Nimona (2023)

Random Headcanons

—

Poppy Playtime

Red Smoke tests brain activity and nerves?

—

Indigo Park

Salem the Skunk (Theory and Headcanons)

Casual Casualty AU (Idea) Pt2

—

Cult of the Lamb

A conversation between a new and old player.

—

The Amazing World of Gumball

The Joy Infection AU idea.

[xwildatheartx]

Ovb Jonathan lmao

If they had a kid meme

Name:  Emmet Nathan Reid

Parents: Frankie (mother, biological), Jonathan (father, biological), Jocelyn (mother)

Gender: cis male

General Appearance: dark brown hair and brown eyes, estimated to be tall like his father.

Personality: Quiet, but funny. Helpful and caring.

Special Talents: Weird hybrid born of a vampire and a werewolf- yet neither at all. Does have heightened senses, and strength. (Suspected more might show up later as he gets older.

Who they like better: loves allll of his parents and has special things he does with each of them.

Who they take after more: Dad

Personal Headcanon: Emmet is incredibly passionate about music and loves to hang out in his mom’s (Frankie’s) record store.

@blccddoc

[affcgato-archived]

fandomless / professional chef

Culinary student/professional chef au. After finishing a dual degree in Culinary Arts & Photography, as well as an extensive externship at Osteria Francescana in Modena, Italy, Jonathan now works under Lilith at Per Se while he cultivates a following of his own & saves up to open his own place.

verse: → jonathan morgenstern // archimágeiras (v. — professional chef) status: open, default for out of fandom interaction.

Jonathan never knew his mother growing up - after his parents’ bitter split when he was less than a year old, he was raised by his father in a remote village on the border of France, Germany, & Switzerland. He was diagnosed with moderate hemophilia when he was young, which limited his ability to keep up with his father’s outdoorsmen lifestyle.

Cooking was something her learned out of necessity - his father believed largely in self-sustainability, & Jonathan learned quickly that if he wanted to enjoy what he made himself, he’d have to teach himself how to make that happen. He spent hours after school in the library reading anything he could get his hands on.

When his father passed away shortly before he started college, he took advantage of his dual citizenship & moved to New York City to start at the International Culinary Center-New York, New York. He completed the requirements for an AAS in Culinary Arts, as well as additional certifications & intensive training in farm-to-table.

Currently works at Per Se under Lilith. His goal is to open his own restaurant, but currently it would seem Lilith has no intention of letting him out from under her heel. His frustration is growing given Per Se garnering a reputation for being outdated & overpriced, but Lilith refuses to allow him breathing room to experiment or offer a fresh slate for the restaurant.

verse-specific notes

Because of where he was raised, he speaks French, Italian, & English fluently, as well a German & Romansh passably.

Classes he took include Food Styling for the Media.

Because of the generous estate left to him by his father, he additionally completed an intensive sommelier course.

He lived in Modena for four months during his externship, living in the city & working in Osteria Francescana. He also spent some time working at Franceschetta 58, Bottura's informal dining brasserie & bar serving small plates.

pan-alternate universe headcanon; Jonathan was diagnosed with a form of mild-moderate hemophilia at a young age & has lived with it all his life.

In this verse, Jonathan was raised by Jocelyn after his parents’ nasty divorce. He lived with his father for some time before showing up on the doorstep of his mother’s Brooklyn home without warning, surprised to be greeted by his younger sister that he had only somewhat knew existed.

Jonathan went into culinary arts shortly before his sister went into art school, wanting to stay close to his family but also wanting something that allowed him to exact the control he strongly felt he needed to have. Cooking felt like the perfect combination of his needs & creative impulses.

Currently, Jonathan works at the trendy restaurant, Per Se, owned & operated by Lilith Duvall. As the owner of the top restaurant in the city, Lilith only takes the best & the brightest with the highest potential, but the cost is steep - one year of working for her will net anyone any position they want in their world, but only if you can grind it out the entire time.

Jonathan’s signature style is finding new & creative ways to incorporate spices into dishes. Given that he collects cookbooks, he’s always researching new recipes & new ways to ‘spice up’ dishes - literally.

One of the people whose style & work he’s followed extensively is René Redzepi. Another is Dominique Crenn.

He took a sabbatical from Per Se in February of 2019 to join his former externship supervisor in opening Torno Subito in W Dubai - The Palm on Palm Jumeirah. Later that year, in May, he was also present for Massimo's opening of Casa Maria Luigia, a 12 room guesthouse with a dining venue in Modena, Italy - not far from where he first got started.

[aph-fanficchallenges]

aph-fanficchallenges Writer Directory - mobile

Username: 52px Writing blog?: no Tag: my writing NSFW/Triggers: tagged Requests: accepts Other content: edits and fanarts About: As she studies it extensively, Jocelyn mainly writes Historical Hetalia and Nationverse. Her work centers around both the canon APH Ancients and her other Ancientalia OCs, such as Carthage and friends. She’s always open to answering questions about her OCs or helping others with their history!

Username: feyna-v Writing blog?: no Tag: feyna’s writing NSFW/Triggers: no NSFW, triggers are tagged Requests: doesn’t accept Other content: headcanons and meta About: Feyna is an Italian girl who has always had a passion for writing, but had mostly limited herself to original content. In Hetalia, she found a creative freedom that made her fall in love with fanfictions and eventually want to try posting something of her own. She’s particularly fond of touching family moments and exploring non-romantic relationships and dynamics. Most of her writing is gen and it revolves around Canada, America, England and occasionally France, as they are her favourite characters.

Username: jywait Writing blog?: yes Tag: my writing NSFW/Triggers: tagged Requests: accepts About: jywait just joined hetalia about 2 months ago, and wishes she had years ago. She loves to write and read fics with pining and unrequited love, but is open to literally any ships, and as she’s new, please tell her when her characterisation is wrong, or can be improved. She’s still new to the fandom so please be nice to her, she has no idea what’s going on ever.

Username: merciful-mercenary Writing blog?: no Tag: my writing NSFW/Triggers: tagged Requests: accepts Other content:  About: Cookie has made it her goal in life to be one of the best SpaPort writers. Thankfully it’s a rare ship and there’s not much competition, making it a very easy goal. She also occasionally writes FrUK or EngPort when in the mood for writing old married couple bickering. She focuses mainly on canonverse in her fics, though there is the occasional fic that takes place in an AU. She’s most proud of her fic "The Cygnus Thief”, and even though she takes a while to update she always makes sure to give the best updates she can! Her inbox is always open for requests and ideas, they might spark an idea for her next oneshot! ʕ•̀ᴥ•́ʔ✧

Username: nethwan Writing blog?: no Tag: fanfic NSFW/Triggers: tagged Requests: doesn’t accept Other content: aesthetics, edits and headcanons About: On this blog she posts mostly NedTai (but she have written about other ships like aushun, gerita, spabel and prumano). Nethwan likes to write about the most simple things in life, also about the thoughts and feelings of characters, showing another side of them.

Username: paperbarks Writing blog?: no Tag: my writing NSFW/Triggers: tagged Requests: accepts Other content: gifs and headcanons About: This user is an Australian studying both law and history, with a strong interest in Australian history in particular. She prefers to write sibling relationships more than romantic/sexual relationships and tends to focus on APH Australia and fleshing out the historical backdrop for his character.

Username: uncreative-lesbian fanfiction Writing blog?: yes NSFW/Triggers: tagged Requests: currently not accepting About: Rita is a teenager who use the variety of characters and relationships found in Hetalia to further her writing abilities and explore new things. She likes reading, knitting, cats, and talking to other people. Rita takes a passing interest in history and hopes to one day publish original fiction.

Remember, if you want to join, check this post and then send and ask, submit or fill a form here!

[aslcved]

Jocelyn’s Verses

[ under construction ]

winter spirit and Guardian of Fun, physically 18 yo, actually 300+, bright blue eyes, silvery white hair, 5’ 5.5’’, lithe and lean, pale skin, slightly cold to the touch, always with her shepherd’s crook, visible to all mythos and believers, invisible to non-believers

{ v: Mainverse ; }

briefly: It was not easy being clueless and alone and invisible for three centuries, but after the incident with Pitch Black, Jocelyn Frost started to regain memories of her past life and understood who she was meant to be. The newly appointed Guardian of Fun now worked together with North, Toothiana, Sandman, and Bunnymund to keep all children around the world safe, spreading fun (and mischief) through her wintry charm.

human, 18 yo, earth-brown eyes, dark brown hair, 5’ 5.5’’, lean body, lightly tanned skin

{ v: Modern ; }

briefly: Recently moved out from a small town in Pennsylvania, Jocelyn Overland was getting her bearing in the big city. She lived on her own in a rented, small apartment while preparing for the start of college, and juggling a part-time job as a barista/cashier/server in a coffeeshop. Once or twice a year she went to visit her mother and little sister who stayed in Burgess.

human, 18 yo, earth-brown eyes, dark brown hair, 5’ 5.5’’, lean body, lightly tanned skin, often with her shepherd’s crook

{ v: Colonial Time ; }

briefly: The first daughter of the Overlands was not quite what the people would have expected of a young lady. She despised housework, was hopeless at cooking, too outspoken for her own good, and enjoyed running around in the wild. But all she lacked in the demure department she made up with a sunny disposition and an upbeat lookout throughout life. Always looking for the best in others, the girl was quick to befriend practically anyone. While people still thought her unusual, it was hard to not at least be amused with her shenanigans. She worked often to help her family, either shepherding the villagers’ sheeps or running to and fro neighboring villages, delivering letters and goods. She dreamed of one day traveling far away from home, seeing the world, though the wish conflicted with the unbearable thought of leaving her family behind.

human, 10 yo, earth-brown eyes, dark brown hair, 4’ 3’’, lean body, lightly tanned skin

{ v: Childhood ; }

briefly: Set in colonial time, Jocelyn Frost is your average ten year old girl, living with her parents and baby sister. Cheeky, curious, and feisty, the little girl finds herself in the midst of trouble more often than her peers, but all worth it for a bit of fun, right?

winter sprite (in training), physically 4 yo, actually ??, bright blue eyes, silvery white hair usually in a ponytail or a single braid, 3’ 1’’, pale skin,slightly cold to the touch, visible to all mythos, invisible to most humans

{ v: Little Sprite ; }

briefly: Set in modern time. When little Jocelyn woke up at the frozen lake, she knew nothing but her own name and the fact that she was alone in the world. Thankfully it wasn’t long until a group of spirits–all with white hair and pale complexion–found her wandering the small town Burgess.

“Why, little one, what are you doing here all by yourself?” one of the older spirits asked. She shrugged, mumbling, “Nothing much.” “Are you lost?” another quipped, peering at her with intense blue eyes not unlike her own. Jocelyn pondered the question. “I’m not lost. I just.. don’t know where to go. I don’t know where I came from,” she finally said, feeling smaller than ever. “Come with us, then!” The one who suggested this couldn’t be much older than Jocelyn. “You are winter, are you not?” The little girl did not know how to answer, but the others seemed to have come to a conclusion nevertheless. They nodded eagerly, smiles warm in the midst of falling snow. It was then when Jocelyn realized that most of them were donning clothes that should only belong in warm weather, and yet none seemed bothered the slightest bit by the cold. Then she noticed, neither did she.

human demigod, staying at Hermes cabin, 15-16 yo, coffee-brown eyes, dark brown hair, 5’ 2’’, lean body, slightly pale skin

{ v: Demigod ; }

briefly: Nobody paid much attention to the pouring snow when Jocelyn arrived at the camp, accompanied with Damon Forrester, the satyr that found her. Not to blame them, of course, a gryphon chasing close was a pretty big distraction. But Jocelyn knew the harsh weather was somehow at her aid. That without it she and her satyr friend would’ve never made it into the border safely. After recovery came the regular camp activities, and while it was hard, she could honestly say she enjoyed staying there, feeling like it was where she belonged finally. At 15, she was a little behind on her training so it was decided she would stay year-round for now, and visit her family every once in a while. She had learned that the gods and goddesses should claim their children by the age of 13, the latest. None claimed her, but she had a pretty good feeling who her parent from the immortal side was. It didn’t really bother her, after all she already had a family to call her own back home: her little sister, her father, her mother. Well, stepmother and half-sister as she only came to discover lately. She had never shown what she could do, or told anyone at camp about her hunch. Partly waiting for the official claiming, just in case she was wrong, and the other part thinking she’d much rather stay with the lively, fun Hermes kids then being separated on her own. Only few weeks after her arrival, she witnessed a successful quest of the trio: Jason, Piper, and Leo. One particular aspect of their story sent her heart tumbling, learning how her possible mother was siding with the enemy. Jocelyn gazed around the huddled group, taking in the faces of her new friends. How do people treat a child of an opponent goddess here? What would she do if Khione turn up and ask her to join the other side? If there was hesitation before, Jocelyn was certain now. She would not tell anyone about her parentage. At least not now, not when a war is coming. She needed to lay low. Hide the one thing she had given from her mother, and also her abilities. Couldn’t be too hard, right?

.

winter spirit, physically 18 yo, actually 100-300 yo, bright blue eyes, silvery white hair, 5’ 5.5’’, lithe and lean, pale skin, slightly cold to the touch, always with her shepherd’s crook, visible to all mythos, invisible to non-believers

{ v: Dark Days ; }

briefly: Set pre-movie, somewhere between the colonial and modern time, Jocelyn Frost wandered the earth, alone and without a cause. The Moon told her her name and she found out what she could do, but not what she should. With her winter powers and charm of fun she tried her hardest, but no one ever saw her.

.

{ v: Blackened Snow ; } ally with Pitch Black AU

{ v: The Seas Be Ours ; } pirates AU

{ v: La Mer ; } mermaid AU

{ v: Witchcraft and Wizardry ; } hogwarts student AU

{ v: Post Apocalypse ; } dystopia AU

{ v: Mirrored ; } reserved for doubles and Jacks

[preserving-ferretbrain]

City of Stupid

by Dan H

Monday, 06 October 2008

Dan "reviews" Cassandra Clare's City of Bones

I'd like to start this review (which like most Ferretbrain reviews will actually be more of an extended ramble and will involve strong spoilers from the outset) by citing a quote from the last page of City of Bones (told you there'd be spoilers) which I think perfectly highlights the problem I have with Urban Fantasy: 

"And there it was spread out before her like a carelessly opened jewellery box, this city more populous and more amazing than she had ever imagined: There was the emerald square of central park, where the faerie courts met on midsummer evenings; there were the lights of the clubs and bars downtown, where the vampires danced the nights away at Pandemonium; there the alleys of Chinatown down which the Werewolves slunk at night, their coats reflecting the city's lights. There walked warlocks in all their bat-winged, cat-eyed glory; and here, as they swung out over the river, she saw the darting flash of multicoloured tails under the silvery skin of the water, she shimmer of long, pearl-strewn hair and heard the high, rippling laughter of the mermaids."

Now I freely admit that this is a personal bugbear, but it actually kind of pisses me off that in order for the good Miss Clare to find any sense of wonder in the city of New York she has to imagine that it's full of cheap, derivative White Wolf characters.  Repeat after me, Urban Fantasy writers: vampires do not make the world more interesting. Werewolves do not make the world more interesting. There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamed of in Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter.  Anyway, onto the book. By the way, this gets kind of incoherent. This is because reading City of Bones has actually caused me to suffer physical brain damage. 

First Things First: The Harry Potter Connection  I really, honestly, didn't want to do this. I spent the first half of the book saying "no, it's just because you know she was from that fandom, just because the villain's got an agenda of racial purity, a name beginning with V, and a secret society backing him up which he started when he was in high school, that doesn't mean it's not still an original work of fiction."  Then it turned out that the scruffy, bookish older character, who had a crush on the heroine's mother and while never popular at school had managed to find his way into a clique of popular kids and was very pleased about it was a fucking werewolf. His name is "Lucian," by the way.  In short: it's a Harry Potter AU in which Lily married Voldemort and gave birth to Draco and Hermione, while Remus Lupin hung around looking sad.  Okay, it doesn't map exactly: the Voldemort-analogue's Death-eater-analogue seems to have started out as more of a Marauders-analogue, and the Dumbledore-analogue appears to have been part of the group as well. There are enough parallels, however that if you're already aware of where the author started off you just can't stop making comparisons.  Although Mr Not-Lupin was my breaking point, it's the villain that really strikes me as being a bit similar to a certain well known figure from a certain well known series. His name is Valentine (that's his first name, by the way, his last name is Morgenstern). Everybody starts the book thinking he's dead. Many years ago he started a war which nearly tore apart the Shadowhunter World, and although he was defeated people still fear his return. His rise to power relied on a sinister organisation which he founded at the age of fucking seventeen. Oh, and of course he's dedicated to an agenda of racial purity, and talks about blood all the time.  So, yeah. Bit familiar really.  And I never thought I'd say this, but the difference between Valentine and Voldemort is that Voldemort actually works (at least until the point where he gets resurrected and starts acting like a muppet). In a children's series set in a boarding school, you can accept the idea that the path to world domination begins in the sixth form. In a Young Adult series set in actual New York you really can't.  But that's enough about Why It's A Bit Like Harry Potter, because it really is too easy.  Style, Plot and Pacing: Full Tilt to Nowhere  It has been said that Drama is real life with the boring bits taken out. This is almost certainly true, for a reasonably strict definition of the "boring bits". Certainly I wouldn't want to watch a drama that was actually, genuinely shot in real time, with hour long scenes of the characters doing housework or playing World of Warcraft (note that 24 in no way counts as "shot in real time," it's just a 24-episode drama series that happens to give its episodes numbers for titles). However it's important to recognise that there are lots of bits which don't count as boring, and which good drama leaves in. Things like establishing character, laying the groundwork for your plot, and having lines of dialogue that aren't fucking one-liners.  City of Bones is real life with all the bits that don't involve people being actively awesome taken out. So the dialogue consists entirely of characters exchanging pithy quips or heated emotional outbursts, the action judders from fight to explosion to exposition without passing through anything in the middle. Our esteemed editor gave up on the book on page 63 when she got to the "Jace on the Piano" scene, I very nearly gave up on the book about a hundred pages later when it was revealed that Clary's mother had been married to Valentine.  I'm just going to let that paragraph hang there for a bit.  Hopefully you're now thinking "hold on Dan, why did you find that so annoying, are you going to explain to us why we should care about this, or are you just going to leave it there with no context or explanation."  Which is exactly how I felt about that scene.  Valentine, in case you've already forgotten (and to be honest I wouldn't blame you) is the racially motivated villain of Clare's totally original fantasy world. By page one-hundred-and-whatever we know bugger all about the guy except that he's the Designated Villain of this particular secondary creation. He apparently started a (totally original) war a few years ago in an attempt to purge the world of non-humans, and everybody thought he was dead but maybe he isn't dum dum dummmmm!  The problem is that the only thing that Valentine has done so far is maybe not be dead and possibly be implicated in abducting Clary's Mother because he's maybe looking for a thing called the Mortal Cup. It's sort of like having the "I Am Your Father" scene in Star Wars take place before the destruction of Alderaan. We find out that Jocelyn (Clary's mother and before you ask, no, nobody in this entire book has a name that isn't stupid) was married to Valentine before we really find out why we should give a shit about either of them (insofar as we ever do).  Incidentally our esteemed editor has pointed out that, tellingly, the moment she gave up on the book was the moment that made it bad romance, while the moment I gave up on it was the moment that made it bad fantasy. Make of that what you will.  Anyway, the basic plot is that there's this waste of space called Valentine who started a totally original war about sixteen years ago, and who is now looking for a thing called the Mortal Cup because he wants to create an army of Shadowhunters to wipe out the Downworlders (non humans to you and me) and safeguard the world from demons for all time.  There's a couple of things I'd like to say about that.  Firstly: Bored. So bored.  Secondly: Apart from the fact that he's Designated Evil, what exactly is wrong with this plan? Half the Downworlders we meet actually are horrifically dangerous and actually do kill people. It's not unreasonable to suggest that they should be dealt with, and the idea of making more Shadowhunters is actually a really good one. But Valentine is evil so, whatevs.  Anyway, in order to safeguard the Mortal Cup from Valentine they for some unfathomable reason have to go on a long CRPG quest where they talk to people, who send them to talk to other people, who help them to unlock Clary's Super Special Self Insert Memories which apparently contain the Key to Everything. After about five chapters of "now you must go here, now you must go here, now you must go to a party with a gay warlock" they finally find out that actually her memories will come back on their own, she just has to give them time, and also the magic feather isn't really magic and it was just her all along.  Sorry, I'm actually boring myself writing this.  So then there's a filler chapter where they have to rescue one of the supporting cast from vampires and another filler chapter where the vampires are attacked by werewolves and Jace and Clary go flying on a vampire motorbike. Then there's some angst and drama, then they go get the Mortal Cup because Clary realises that she's known where it was all along, but only she has the power to retrieve it because zomg special. Then there is Betrayal! Then there is Exposition! Then eventually the fucking thing ends and I can go back to doing something more interesting like unblocking our waste disposal unit.  The final revelation of the book is that not only was Valentine married to Clary's mother but that he was also her father. The book seems to expect me to be surprised at this, but given that her real father was supposed to have died before she was born leaving no personal effects whatsoever or any evidence that he'd ever existed and since, true to form, Shadowhunters never marry Mundanes (because what would somebody who isn't Teh Speshul possibly have to bring to a relationship) anybody with half a brain has already worked out that Clary's father is probably her mother's husband.  But! It also turns out that Valentine is Jace's father, having faked both his and Jace's death, and assumed the identity of Michael Wayland (one of his followers, who he killed) in order to evade detection. Then he faked his death a second time and sent Jace to live at the Institute. The institute which is full of photographs of the real Michael Wayland, and of Valentine, which Jace somehow never recognised. This final whammy ends in a classic exchange that goes something like this: 

"But, the Wayland ring-" "Ah yes," said Valentine, looking at Jace's hand, where the ring glittered like snake scales. "The ring. Funny isn't it how an M worn upside down resembles a W."

No. No it fucking doesn't, you moron. For a start it's a ring, and rings are fucking circular. You can't wear it "upside down" because people look at your hand from different angles. And what the hell kind of family crest is it that's just the first letter of your freaking surname with no context or decoration? Where the hell did that come from, My First Heraldry Kit? And why didn't the people at the institute, most of whom were your former allies, recognise your family crest? And why didn't you just have him wear the actual insignia of the family you were pretending to be from you stupid, derivative stock villain?  In short the plot is stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. The pacing is shot to hell, full of scenes that seemed like a cool idea at the time, or which only exist to showcase some part of the setting. It's full of cheap shortcuts and copouts and unadulterated nonsense.  "Characterisation." You Notice I Used Sarcastic Quote Marks  There isn't any. I'm really sorry to come back to the fanfic thing again, but the fact is that the only way to get sense of personality from any of the characters in the damned book was to assume that they were their Harry Potter analogues and work from there.  That's right guys. This book makes Harry Potter look like a thoughtfully constructed work of character-driven drama. While Voldemort's actions frequently seem at odds with his alleged motivation (if he's so afraid of death, why does he treat his Horcruxes so carelessly, if he cares so little for life, why doesn't he kill the heroes when he gets the chance?) at least I know that he's supposed to have some kind of reason for his actions. Valentine on the other hand just feels like a puppet going through the motions of villainy in order to provide the story with some semblance of direction.  Then there's Jace. Who. Never. Says. Anything. That. Isn't. A. One. Liner. And okay, I know that part of the deal is that he's been so terribly hurt that he can't allow himself to have normal feelings which is why his love for Clary is so special but fuck that. "Makes constant wisecracks" is not a psychologically realistic portrayal of an emotionally scarred teenager, it's a cheap bit of sub-Buffy wish fulfilment. Towards the climax of the book they face an honest to god Demon Lord and he actually gives it sass.  Look, it really is very simple. Your readers take their cues from your characters. If you show us a scene in which your protagonists fight a Big Scary Demon and they act like it Isn't Scary At All, then we, the readers will assume that the Big Scary Demon is in fact Not Scary At All. If your characters are unimpressed by your world, it doesn't make the character look cool, it makes the world look unimpressive. Those who are following in their textbooks will find this principle outlined in Chapter One under the heading "Show Don't Tell, Dumbass."  Let's see, who else is actually in this turd of a novel? There's Alec, who is gay and Isabelle, who is his sister, who wears thigh high boots and carries a whip, and has hair "nearly the precise colour of black ink". Leaving aside the fact that the description makes her sound like the World of Warcraft Succubus her main function in the book is to be theoretically sexy but only enough to make the quiet, unselfconscious beauty of Clary to look special by comparison.  Then there's Hodge, who betrays everybody, which would come as more of a shock if I had the slightest grip on his personality beyond "well he's probably a bit like Dumbledore but I don't know really".  And that's it. Jesus Christ there are only about eight characters in the entire fucking book, you'd think one of them might have had some semblance of an identity. You would have thought wrong.  Unanswered Questions: Who Runs This Idiot World?  So, how did Jace not recognise that his father looked like Valentine, and not like the man who was actually supposed to be his father?  Why, if the only way to get more Shadowhunters is for them to be born to existing Shadowhunters, or for them to be made with the Mortal Cup (at a terrible risk) why the fuck don't Shadowhunters ever marry Mundanes?  Why isn't the Clave doing anything?  How did Valentine manage to put together a world-dominating secret conspiracy at the age of seventeen?  What's so fucking special about Clary?  Why is saving the world being left in the hands of five teenagers?  Are there really two more books in this series?  Why didn't I do the sensible thing and stop reading on page 114? 

Themes: Books, Sci-fi / Fantasy, Young Adult / Children, Cassandra Clare

~

bookmark this with - facebook - delicious - digg - stumbleupon - reddit

~

Comments (go to latest)

Wardog at 16:24 on 2008-10-09

You make me so damn glad I stopped reading at page 63. So. Damn. Glad.

permalink - go to top

Wordless at 07:05 on 2009-11-10

I could've realized something when i noticed that the people who positively reviewed the series were a) Stephenie Mayer and b) Cassandra's close friends. To be honest I was a bit suspicious when Holly Black referred to her as "Cassie". but my main issue is this: 

Why, if the only way to get more Shadowhunters is for them to be born to existing Shadowhunters, or for them to be made with the Mortal Cup (at a terrible risk) why the fuck don't Shadowhunters ever marry Mundanes?

Why, if the only way to get more Shadowhunters is for them to be born to existing Shadowhunters, or for them to be made with the Mortal Cup (at a terrible risk) why the fuck don't Shadowhunters ever marry Mundanes?

Are Shadow Hunters...sterile? Obviously not, since Jocelyn had two children and both are successful shadow hunters....noting one even has "special powers" from them doing the nasty. Sooo what's the issue then? I pondered this for a good fat chunk of the book until i came to: "Sure," Jace said "But we haven't had the cup for years now, and a lot of us die young. So our numbers slowly dwindle." "Aren't you, uh..."Clary searched for the right word."reproducing?"....(skin a bunch of irrelevant ramble)"Sure he said."we love reproducing. It's one of our favourite things." okay heres the thing using the shadow cup 20% success rate, doing the old-fashioned ovaries and sperm route-about the same thing.So whats the point? I mean going after valentine would just kill the few shadow hunters they have and so why bother? Apparently seeing as everyone's doing like they do on the discovery channel let him have the cup. but this issue was left abandoned instead pursuing the predictable Jace heritage. in short i was bored and sickened....and confuzled but much later. After my feet stopped cramping.

permalink - go to top

Wordless at 07:52 on 2009-11-12

Also the werewolves....*sigh*the werewolves...These are supposed to be human well at least half human. so I don't understand how sentient beings would kill each other for leadership of the pack. Really...that set evolution back at least a hundred years. Aleast. I mean even in the wild though male wolves fight they don't KILL each other...because that would be stupid. okay sure I'm taking some liberties but seriously when i read that i was like WTF.

permalink - go to top

Shim at 13:15 on 2009-11-12

Actually, although I agree it seems kind of sad she can't find wonder in the city as it is - to me the most grating thing is that the "wonder" in America is all European. I'm just about willing to buy werewolves (being basically human) and even vampires, although I don't like the modern twist on vampires anyway. But mermaids in the rivers in ANY city? Easily visible? Not flippin' likely given the pollution, tidal barrages and so on you get. However, I'd like to reserve my major anger for the "faerie courts in Central Park". All fey-based mythology I know of has them inhabiting a kind of overlapping reality, usually underground or in magical hills or whatever, and rarely having any contact with humans. There's no reason for them to up sticks en masse and move to America. Especially given that in a world where this stuff is real, America would be quite full enough of the indigenous fantastic races like Baykok or Ishigaq or Kushtaka (all of which I just looked up; what do I know about Native American mythology? still more than CC, apparently). Or does she imagine the Faerie imitated their mortal cousins and had their own little genocide?

permalink - go to top

C J Morgan at 17:03 on 2009-11-12

Or does she imagine the Faerie imitated their mortal cousins and had their own little genocide?

Now there is a story I would read. ...or write. *adds to list of ideas*

permalink - go to top

Dan H at 23:58 on 2009-11-12

Hi guys, sorry for the lack of commentage, blame NaNoWriMo

okay heres the thing using the shadow cup 20% success rate, doing the old-fashioned ovaries and sperm route-about the same thing.So whats the point?

To be fair, presumably natural born Shadowhunters have about a thirteen year period where they're just kids, so the cup would be a better way to build an army *fast*. Of course Valentine does not in fact *do* this.

[xwildatheartx]

“It’s never about        belonging to someone.     It’s about belonging                  TOGETHER.

Jonathan + Jocelyn + Frankie