#uzi doorman “worst sidekick ever. asked to leave the agency”

[bitemedotmp3]

‘  i have an idea, it’s very uncool. it’s not illegal, technically. but it is a dick move.  ’

Uzi can't help but grin, swinging around in her chair. "Oh, now you're speaking my language. I mean, I know you're straightedge beneath your cool-guy exterior, but I could be up for a dick move or two!"

Hawks matches her grin. "You don't know what I'm capable of. Maybe I've done tons of crimes, and I'm so good at it that no one knows."

"Then you'd also be the world's best actor, because I've seen you post about getting a 'really good burger' from McSpiral's. You love attention."

"Ah, guilty as charged. But seriously." He leans in a little, lowering his voice. "You know about techy stuff, right Uzi? Is it possible to remotely-"

"Accessing someone else's computer without permission's illegal."

Hawks' smile doesn't falter. "Not when it's part of a criminal investigation."

"I mean, I'd still do it either way. I don't give a shit." Uzi reaches across the table and pops a battery in her mouth.

"You'll break the law? You'd admit to doing that, in front of a hero?"

"Yeah? Do something about it."

"We're getting off track," says Hawks, sliding the battery packaging across the table. "Also, those are mine, for my TV remote."

"So you invite me over to break the law, and you won't even give me snacks? Bite me."

"Well, I didn't invite you over here to just eat my stuff."

"Now you're doing the dick move!" says Uzi, reaching across the table for the batteries. "Some hero you are!"

"Okay, okay, how about this? You help me, and you get the batteries. Deal?" says Hawks, lifting them above his head.

Uzi groans and grumbles and huffs, and finally nods. "Yeah, fine. There's a couple ways you can do it. If you can get on the same network as the device, you could try uploading a virus, or maybe even just access stuff directly, depending on all the systems involved. That'd probably be the easiest. If you can get physical access, I have an interfacing device you could attach that would let me access the system. And it only works for my OS, so you wouldn't be able to use it."

"And you could do these things?"

"I'm probably one of the most advanced bits of tech in the city, outside of whatever the hell the Stars are working with. Yeah, I could do it. Kind of insulted you'd ask, honestly." Uzi leans back in her seat and pulls out her phone. "For all you know, I put a backdoor in your laptop when I was fixing it," she says, tapping the screen.

Hawks glances over his shoulder at his computer and frowns. "If nothing else, I'm impressed by the audacity," he says. "But look, I'm less interested in taking files from a computer as I am adding things. And maybe getting them to play automatically?"

"It's a two-way street, so if you can do one, you can do the other," she says, glancing up at him with a raised brow. "And you said this is part of a criminal investigation? You have something in mind?"

"Long story, not looking to explain it. And yeah, have you ever heard of Rickrolling?"

Uzi groans for an impressive 6.3 seconds. "Yeah, I've heard of your dumb, thousand year-old meme. So you just wanna bother someone with an annoying video?"

"If you can do it."

"I already told you I can! Sheesh." Uzi sighs and leans back in her seat, fingers drumming at the table. After a few moments, she sits up, nodding. "Yeah, didn't really have anything else planned today. Alright, I'll help."

Hawks slides the batteries over to the girl, smiling. "The city of Spirale will be able to sleep safely tonight."

Uzi snorts. "Yeah, but you won't."

Behind Hawks, some synthy drumbeats begin to play from his laptop speakers, followed by a smooth voice proclaiming what kind of emotions he was not a stranger to.

Cackling, Uzi crunches another battery as she leans back in her seat. "What did I tell you? Could do this in my sleep."

Hawks idly wonders about not getting on her bad side, as if a kid like this actually has a good or bad side, as opposed to just being an equal-opportunity annoyance.