#uuh what tags did I use last time

[ultravioletness]

gay knights and dames collages part two

[puppy-phum]

get to know me 🌻

got tagged by zey @thasorns a long time ago ♥ thank you and sorry for taking a while! i think now is a good time to do this tho bc am avoiding things haha

-

do you make your bed? - every morning. obsessively. i think i might've forgotten to make it only once or twice in my whole life haha

what's your favourite number? - 3 (tho i don't really have a favourite)

what is your job? - currently studying so no job. was working at a gas station last year part-time and did my internship at the children's literature institution last fall tho

If you could go back to school would you? - really depends tbh. i am still in school, technically, but if i had to go back to primary school – which i consider the most school a school can be – then not really. not even if i miss some of the ppl from there

can you parallel park? - in theory yes. i have a driver's license so i should know how to parallel park lol but if you told me to do it rn? probably no

a job you had that would surprise people? - uuh i've only ever had odd summer jobs but i worked in parks for a couple of summers and then "worked" as the lights technician at a smaller theater a couple of years ago which i considered personally really random

do you think aliens are real? - might as well be

can you drive a manual car? - yeah. in theory. learned to drive manual but i never really got the hang of it...

what's your guilty pleasure? - umm. idk? can't really say.

tattoos? - nope. but would love to get one of those watercolor flowers or something like that

favourite colour? - (pastel) purple and baby blue

favourite type of music? - anything really but i listen to a lot of indie, usually slower songs. melancholic, deep, dark. it's quite a change compared to how i used to listen to a lot of house and dubstep/nightstep at some point :'D

do you like puzzles? - absolutely adore them. i do not know anything better tbh but i rarely have time or space for those bc i now only want to do the big ones

any phobias? - not really but i freak out over centipedes

favourite childhood sport? - basketball. and badminton! tho i still adore that

do you talk to yourself? - quite often yeah. mostly without even noticing and sometimes it feels embarrassing if i realize that someone heard me hhhh

what movie(s) do you adore? - rurouni kenshin, the whole series. the yin-yang master: dream of eternity. the handmaiden. brokeback mountain. dew the movie. fast & furious movies. pirates of the caribbean (og trilogy). am probably forgetting a huge amount but these are the ones i've watched several times

coffee or tea? - tea. i cannot stand coffee

first thing you wanted to be growing up - i think it was either a vet or a police officer

-

tagging: @hils79 @jimmysea @icouldhyperfixatehim @i-got-the-feels @ongsasun @ongsasuns @moonkhao @chinzhilla ♥

[calimera62]

I've been tagged by @flo-nelja, thank you!

If you want to do it, tagging @naehja, @istadris, @saemi-the-dreamer, @modocanis, @amethystsworld, @garnetrena and @andersssandrew

1 How many works do you have on AO3?

100. Most of them are OS and I still have to publish fics I've posted on tumblr and ffnet.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

397,865

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Der Vampire, my multichapter Tanz der Vampire fic (195 kudos)

Baise-main, a Kaamelott OS Arthur&Perceval. Not my best work so I'm surprised it has been liked so much (152 kudos)

Die Fledermaus, a Tanz der Vampire OS and self-indulgent bat!Krolock fanfic (139 kudos)

La Marque, my platonic soulmate AU Kaamelott OS between Arthur and Perceval (132 kudos)

Couronne, my first and last Arthur/Guenièvre OS that I wrote after KV1 (128 kudos)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, I try to, though it can take me a long time to do so ^^;;

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hum... difficult question. I don't usually write angst. There's a Van Helsing OS but I haven't posted it on AO3 yet. I do love to write certain characters turned as vampire against their will, a lot, but I can't say which fic about that trope is the angstiest... Maybe My Blood in Offering, a Krolfred OS, or even La bête humaine (Harry Potter, a Beast of Gévaudan AU, kinda). I can't say for sure...

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

LOL, most of my fics are happy fics so it will be hard to choose which one I consider to have the happiest ending. Maybe Auld Lang Syne or Sleeping Arthur, two Kaamelott OS with Arthur and Perceval.

7. Do you write crossovers?

Rarely, but it happened. I once wrote a Makai Ouji/Black Butler crossover Nevermore, and I would like to try writing for this crossover again. I also wrote a Harry Potter/Charlie and the Chocolate Factory crossover where Willy Wonka was a wizard (Le Procès de Willy Wonka), I had fun writing it!

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No and I hope it won't happen in the future.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I did (two Krolfred OS: Behind closed doors and L'abîme des songes), not very ambitious since I'm not used writing smut but it was an interesting challenge. I also have two Grindeldore OS (À fleur de peau and Nos rencontres éphémères) but the sexual content is really non-graphic.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Le Soleil Levant (Francis&Napoléon, Hetalia) has been translated into Polish; also two Tanz OS (Behind closed doors and My Blood in Offering) translated in Russian.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No and I'm not interested in doing it.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Aaah it's a difficult choice. How can you expect me to choose?

Though, if I see the amount of works on my AO3, I've written for Grindeldore (Gellert Grindelwald/Albus Dumbledore) the most.

Most of my fics are mostly about platonic pairs than romantic ones.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Uuh... Maybe L'Alouette (a FrUK OS) or L'ennemi de mon ennemi (a Van Helsing multichapter fic)

15. What are your writing strengths?

Good question. I love getting into the characters's head, writing their thoughts and feelings, as well as writing platonic pairs, but I don't know if it's a strength of mine.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm so bad at describing places and clothes and furnitures D:

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

You mean adding words or sentences in another language when I'm reading fics in my own language or in English? Well... I don't mind if it's a couple of words in a sentence (and if the author adds the translation, though I found it annoying to have to go in the author's notes, at the end of the fic, to go check the translation)

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

No fandom comes to my mind, but I would love to write Alfred/Sarah (Tanz der Vampire), though Krolfred is my OTP, I have a lot of fondness for this ship and I would like to try writing about them. Same thing, I would like to write a Arthur/Francis/Ludwig fanfic (Hetalia) one day. I also wish to write about César/Astérix one day and not just them as a platonic pair

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Ouch hard to decide again. I'm still proud of La Marque as well as Sleeping Arthur regarding my Kaamelott fics. Regarding Tanz, I really love A New Perspective and Die Fledermaus. For Makai Ouji, I still love Innocence and Curiosity, though The Witching Hour is very self-indulgent hehe. I'm also fond of some fics from Gauloiseries (Astérix); but I really can't choose, between these fics, which one is my absolute favourite.

[sillie82]

Fifteen Questions

Are you named after anyone? Well... not after a family member or anything, but my mom did have a doll called Silvia. :')

When was the last time you cried? Yesterday. Was writing down birthdays in my bulletjoural and realised it's the birthday month of a good friend that passed last year.

Do you have kids? Nope. I have cats.

What sports do you play/have you played? Haven't played any sports. I do like swimming though.

Do you use sarcasm? Yep.

What's the first thing you notice about people? Hmm, not sure.

What's your eye color? Blue.

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings.

Any talents? (portrait) drawing, crochetting.

Where were you born? the Netherlands.

What are your hobbies? drawing, crochetting, any other form of being creative, gaming, reading.

Do you have any pets? I currently have 2 cats.

How tall are you? 6' or 183 cm.

Favorite subject in school? Oh god, school was so long ago. Uuh... art and biology, I think.

Dream job? Illustrator.

Thank you @stelly38 for the tag.

I'm tagging @sbslink, @jackymedan, @monicawoe, @tapdisneyintome, @felisblanco and @chiisana-sukima. Don't feel pressured to do it, and if I didn't tag you and want to do it, consider yourself tagged. :)

[alwaysonthemend]

thank you so much @puzzle-gvf and @mountain-in-springtime for the tag!

15 questions for 15 mutuals 🫶

where you named after anyone?

yes! my actual name is from shakespeare but my nickname is just from my dad's broken sense of humor 😂

when was the last time you cried?

probably recently but i don't remember. im a crier so it's usually pretty often

do you have kids?

nope!

do you use a lot of sarcasm?

only with certain people

what's the first thing you notice about people?

probably the clothes that they wear.

what's your eye color?

brown!

scary movies or happy endings?

im a sap for a happy ending. but i do love horror movies

any special talents?

uuh not really? i can play the harmonica but that's all i can think of

where were you born?

alabama (i wish i was kidding)

what are your hobbies?

crocheting, jewelry making, hiking

have any pets?

two! i have a dog named anubis and a cat named kitty kittens (i was like 12 when i named her lol)

what sports do you play/have you played?

ive been doing martial arts since i was 7 and im now an instructor! and i did track all through middle and highschool and im running track in college now too

how tall are you?

a whopping 5 ft 2 in

favorite subject in school?

english or latin

dream job?

archeologist (which is what im studying in college now)

tagging (no pressure!): @ignite-my-fire @takenbythemadness @joshsindigostreak @lightmylove-gvf @jakeyt @jakeykiszkas @im-derty-dan @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @mybussyinchrist @ageofwagner @wetkleenex-gvf and anyone else who wants to participate! 🤍🤍

[aceofshitposts]

5 QUESTIONS, 15 (or whatever).

Got tagged by @generatorcat and @glaciya ❤️

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYBODY?

My birth middle name was also my paternal grandmother's name, so I was kinda named after her. But then I went and changed my legal name to something I liked better lmao so...

Ah shit. I did name myself after something. My middle name is now Draco 😂😂 BEFORE YOU JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS. IT WAS ACTUALLY ONE OF MY FAVOURITE NAMES DUE TO THE MOVIE DRAGONHEART and its my favourite constellation.... But I am also a Draco Malfoy apologist 😔

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Uuuuh someone last week? I was in the throes of another bpd episode and having a Time

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Absolutely not. I'm not a child rearing kind of person. I've never really wanted children and I still don't. It's funny cuz of course the idea will come up when you're with friends like I'm school and I just sort of picked names to fit in but I truly was never able to actually picture myself as married or having kids or what I would want it to be like.

4. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

Oh yes haha I've been told my delivery is so dry that people have trouble telling if I'm actually joking or not 😅

5. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

Used to play volleyball in school. Briefly did some track stuff.

Now I do dog sports like agility :) or well I will once Al is old enough. I used to do ability with my old boss's dogs and help teach the classes though.

6. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT SOMEONE?

Oh that's tough. Uh usually whether or not I like them on fist instinct and whether I think they like me lol

7. EYE COLOUR?

Brown

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

I love both?? Scary movies though often compel me because there's like things going on and puzzles to work out

9. ANY SPECIAL TALENTS?

I can catch things without looking? Uuh, I wouldn't call this a talent but people are mystified by it anyway: my ability to get dogs to listen to me lol

It's all about persistence

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

hospital, almost exactly one month early

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Video games, writing, art of various types, photography

12. DO YOU HAVE PETS?

Yes! I currently have a great pyrenees/gsd/golden retriever mix and I love him very much. He's 4.5 months now and such a sweetheart. He's doing really well with his service work training too but he's still got puppy brain lol

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5'6"

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

Honestly it's hard to say since I really struggled with school my whole life. I always loved evolutionary science, though, and still do.

15. DREAM JOB?

Running a wolf-dog sanctuary. These animals don't deserve what the get just because of people's ignorance and would love to run a place where they're safe and loved by someone who knows how to handle them.

Honestly I'd probably expand it to other unreleasable wildlife too but my main passion is canids.

Right now I'm settling for opening my own doggy daycare 😂

Another one would just to be independently wealthy and run my own little farm ala harvest moon/story of seasons and have like 15 dogs.

Gonna tag @yasmindifference @krizariel @nanapop @penumbra-twist

[insertmeaningfulusername]

Tagged by @synthwwavve thank you sm 🥰

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not by first name, but my second name is my paternal grandma's (who I never met RIP).

2. When was the last time you cried?

I uuh I don't remember but I think it was recently. Probably when I finished S5 of TCW last week.

3. Do you have kids?

Hahaha NO. I don't want to traumatise little humans.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Sometimes? But I feel like its use mostly happens in negative contexts so I try to avoid it.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

The most I've ever done is couples dancing and yoga.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Faces maybe? Or details, like an interesting hairdo or jewellery or clothing.

7. What's your eye colour?

Brown, baby. I'm Din Djarin coded.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies WITH happy endings :D

9. Any special talents?

I can cock my eyebrows separately.

10. Where were you born?

Good ol' Basilea ✌️

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing, reading, watching series and movies (mostly Star Wars atm), making and meeting friends, doing culture stuff like seeing theatre pieces or visiting museums, going for walks to stare at nature, sometimes fucking around with craft stuff.

12. Do you have any pets?

No but I wish I did 😔 Last year I had a jumping spider living in my bookshelf.

13. How tall are you?

6'

14. Favorite subject in school?

Biology and visual arts.

15. Dream job?

Unironically housespouse. Or marine biologist.

Tagging without obligation @hraishin @doublechocolate @elwenyere @insert-meaningful-username @krispyscreams @veradragonjedi

[lichtecht]

thank you for the tag @michameinmicha 😌

Are you named after anyone?

yes, actually! i got my middle name from an actress

When was the last time you cried?

i'm so glad you asked, cause i keep track of a lot of stuff, including when i cry. the last time was last thursday, but that was only kind of tearing up, not a full-on cry. the last time i really cried was on the 4th of may

Do you have kids?

nope, and i dont plan to

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i honestly don't know

What sports do you play / have you played?

i did swimming and inline skating when i was younger, but i don't really play sports nowadays...

What's the first thing you notice about other people?

uuh. their... facial features??? i don't know i guess the shapes of their facial features ? it's the artist in me

What's your eye colour?

dark brown / black

Scary movies or happy endings?

i really dont like scary movies, happy endings for sure. life is scary enough on its own

Any special talents?

i know the first 24 numbers of pi. i know a lot of random trivia? (that's not a talent though.) i'm good at drawing, i guess

Where were you born?

i'm not answering that question :)

What are your hobbies?

i hate to be asked this question. heck if i know (drawing. reading. writing letters. being on this website, i guess) (making art?? going to the library?? listening to music?? i really don't do a lot, i'm sorry)

Do you have any pets?

yes! i have a very old cat. he is so loud and stinky <3

How tall are you?

i haven't measured in a while, but it's something around 160 cm

Favourite subject in school?

it really depended on the teacher, but i liked english and german and science

Dream job?

i don't really know. maybe book illustration

i'm gonna tag @padmedala @capitaen @sillygooseness (if you want to, of course)

[nebulaofchaosandwoe]

Okaay, never did this before so im pretty nervous but let's goo

Thanks so mch @orbitingplutoinmysocksleepingbag for the tag 💜

Top 5 favorite books: Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern, the Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater, Missing in Clairdelune by Christelle Dabos, Radio Silence by Alice Oseman, there's more but this'll do

Top 5 favorite shows/movies: Steven Universe, used to be big fan of Once Upon a Time, 2005 Pride and Prejudice, oh Young Royals, Heartstopper, Shadow and Bone

Fav movie genre: fantasy mostly with a bit of (queer 🤧💕) romance and mystery

Top fandoms: raven cycle, grishaverse, osemanverse, studio ghibli, star wars and just realized i read 10 pjo books but don't talk it

Top fandoms you'd like to be more involved in: osemanverse (only read 3 books), the owl house (s2), oh oh our flag means death (im in ep 1)

Top artists you listen to: (mine always changes) Luiza Brina, Dodie, Alabama Shakes, Akira Rae, mxmtoon

Top songs currently: this whole playlist actually!

Song(s) that describes you perfectly: exausta by luiza brina, 'a bad dream' by keane, and 'if im being honest' by dodie

Top music genres currently: its the last playlist, so mpb, indie and pop

Fav music genres/vibes: hmmm indie pop rock alternative, all mixed up in a great queer soup with not-understandable but beautiful lyrics

Love language you're most comfortable giving: uuuhgg idk, guess quality time?

Love language you like receiving: when i receive hugs and touches from people i admire and love, it is the most wonderful thing in the world and makes me cry, but also quality time and affirmation words

Fav aesthetics: uuh i don't really know... i loved powerful women with magic ruling the world stuff!!!!! but now it's intimate queer friendships, skies in the afternoon, music to mess my mind, and cloudy villages with soo many trees

Characters you kin: the worst in Frances and Aled combined, noah czerny, matthew pynch, a bit of zachary ezra rawlings, steven and stevonnie (su)

Fav color and why: purple, cause meeting simon (yr) saved me, it's beautiful in the bi flag and it's also blue and pink together (also fav colors)

Interests you love to talk about: vegan and affective recipes, books I'm currently reading (osemanverse!!), the queer experience™, praise trans and nb people, goddesses in different cultures, magic and yeh

16 personality types: INFJ-T

MTG color quiz: Planeswalker of The Bant Shard! (Blue, white and green, no idea what this means)

Silly fear: don't talk about human body interiors next to me, i might faint ✌️

Guess I'll leave the tag open! Feel free to answer <3

[mygeekcorner]

Tagged by @ablazenqueen

Name (as far as Tumblr will ever be concerned): Geeky, even if I have outed that I’m an Elisabeth lol

Sign: Aries

Height: 177

Time: 9.55pm so about 10 minutes before my brain logs off entirely

Birthday: march

Favourite Artist/Band: uuh... but I guess Fall Out Boy keeps showing up on my spotify wrapped for a reason

Last Movie: Seriously no idea, sorry. Or we did try to watch Pride and Prejudice when I visited @imaginarydragonling but it was late and so I just saw their first meeting lol

Last Show: Finally finished Minato Shouji Coin Laundry and it was just as adorable all the way through as I had hoped 🥰

When I Created This Blog: 2011, so if you’re wondering about the outdated memes used for my tagging system that’s why

What I Post: fandom stuff? with some cute animals and lots of shit posting in between

Other Blogs: a very inactive blog about @javis-glorious-butt that has had maybe 5 posts since he retired from competitions rip

Do I Get Asks: Rarely, but I appreciate that two of you took the time to pick things from that ask list I posted earlier this week <3

Average Hours Of Sleep: 9ish?

What I’m Wearing: Towel with ladybugs on it

Dream Job: I actually like being in customer service, no matter how hard I shit on it from time to time lol but growing up I wanted to be an actress.

Dream Trip: New Zeeland, and I’m not jealous of @averysiriuschromie for going there, not at all T_T

Favourite Songs: Currently in a skipping-every-song-mood, sorry ^^;

Tagging @averysiriuschromie @imaginarydragonling @nevergonnafallfor​ @krippe90 @smyx and anyone else who feels like doing this ^^

[buttsmasher]

Annoying Roommates

@one-inch-chick submitted a very hot photo to go along with this post. If you'd like to see that photo you'll have to go to NewTumbl to see it. Thanks again @one-inch-chick who's been a fantastic friend and fan! You photo submissions have been getting me through this whole situation.

This is a complete rewrite and reimagining of a story I've written before.

Warnings/Tags: Face Farting, Willing Victim, Gay Farting, Gay Face Farting, Roommates

You’re playing Fallout 4 in your bed when a shirtless Kian busts into your room. “Ever heard of knocking?”

“No.” He says sarcastically. “Do you have a second?” He makes himself comfortable by laying on his stomach next to you. He’s a little closer than you’d like but you give him your attention.

“What’s up?” You put your controller down and give him your full attention, trying not to stare at his boxer clad ass.

“I know I’m supposed to do the dishes today, but… Do you think you could do them for me?” He gives you a slight pout and bats his eyes. You roll your eyes and start to shake your head no. “I’ll make it worth it for you.”

“How could you-what are you doing?” Kian gets onto his knees and bends downward so his ass is sticking up in the air towards you.

PFFFFFFFFFBRBRFFFFFFFTTTTT

“What the fuck man?” You shake your head in disbelief. “I’m not doing your fucking dishes.” He wiggles his ass in what you believe he thinks is seductive. “Seriously, don't you have something better to do? Like, I don’t know, the dishes?”

“Nope,” He pops the p. “Not really.” He goes back to laying down on his stomach and focuses his attention back towards the TV even though you aren’t doing anything. The fart finally hits your nose, and it’s awful.

“Jesus, what did you eat?” You pinch your nose.

“Oh you know,” He pretends to be in deep thought. “Beans, broccoli, oh and a bowl of ice cream.”

“Fucking hell dude, get out before you stink my whole room up.” You unpinch your nose, the faint smell of his last fart lingering.

“Why? I thought you were a fart loving bitch?” You cringe at the joke that constantly gets brought up.

“I literally watched that weird porn once. Stop calling me a fart loving bitch!” You throw his right leg off the bed making him hang off the bed partially. You do your best again to not stare at his ass, but the way his boxers are framing his nice ass is making it hard.

“Oh come on, don’t deny it. I see how you look at my ass.” He shakes his ass again and you can’t stop yourself from staring.

“I do not-” You begin but get cut off by Kian’s ass.

PFFFFFFFFFFFTTT

“Uuh,” He groans as the fart escapes from his ass. “And it’s okay to like what you like, I ain’t judging.” The scent is as bad as the first one. “I’m just trying to make a deal that’s, you know, mutually beneficial.” You use your hand to fan in front of your face.

“That’s just rank man.” The smell is honestly equatable to a skunk, it’s terrible.

“And it’s all for you. You just have to wash the dishes.” Your eyes linger to his ass again and back to your face.

“That’s all? I get to huff on yer stink and all you want in return is me to do your dishes?” You ask somewhat in disbelief.

“Yup, you can even stroke that small cock of yours if you want.” You both stare at each other in silence for a moment, both of you waiting for each other to make the first move.

“I’m good.” You finally say turning your attention back to your TV. “I can find any guy I’d like to fart in my face and not have to do dishes.” He glares at you. “Not that I would want that anyway, that’s just groaty.” Kian gets back onto the bed and puts his legs to frame your body, and angles his ass so it’s facing right at you.

“Last chance bud, you know I got that gassiest ass here. This tank is full and is waiting for you.” He slaps his ass hard making it jiggle in front of you.

“Uh-uhm. What?”

PFFFFFFFFTT PFFBRBRBFFFFTT PFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTT

He lets out several blasts of air that get blown right at your face.

“Jesus fucking fuck!” You yell out as you get subjected to his ass bombs. It smells like raw sewage and you don’t think anyone would be able to withstand that. For some reason though, your cock is hard as rock. You do your best to cover up your crotch with a pillow so he doesn’t notice.

“See you do like it.” Kian points at the pillow you just moved.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFBBBRRRFFFTTTTTTT

“See, I think we can come to an arrangement.” You take a large inhale of his butt fumes before you shamefully nod your head.

“Fine, fine.” You shake your head. “Just pull yer undies down and I’ll do the dishes.”

“And clean the toilet.” He quickly adds trying to take advantage of the situation.

“Fine, and clean the toilet.” He laughs as he pulls his boxers down revealing his hairy ass. He backs his ass against your face and get’s comfortable.

“Gimme the controller.” You hand him the controller as his hole presses snuggly against your nose.

PSSSSSSSSS

You grimace as a warm fart gets shot right up your nose and it burns it’s way to your lungs. It’s awful and has one of the worst scents you’ve had to endure close up. “God, you're disgusting.” You manage to say as you keep sniffing.

“Not as disgusting as you, fart lover.”

PFFFFFF PFFFFF PFFFFFFFFF PFFFFFFFFF

“I mean, you’re down there getting off on my ass bombs.” He pulls the pillow away that was covering your crotch. “I mean look at your tiny dick straining in your shorts.”

“Shut up.” Your voice gets muffled under his ass.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

“Sorry, couldn't hear you over the sound of my manly farts. Oh shit deathclaw.”

“What?” You try to get him to move but he doesn’t budge.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFF PFBBFFFFFF

He sighs in relief as the last fart hits your nose. You take another deep breath in and you feel your eyes go cross. The scent is absolutely horrid but it doesn’t stop you from sniffing like a dog. You swear you can almost smell the beans that he said he ate earlier.

“Shit, I died.” Kian lifts off your face and looks back at you. “Alright, well I expect the dishes and toilet cleaned by eight. That gives you enough time to jack off right?”

“Fuck you.”

“I think you meant to say thank you. And you’re welcome.” You roll your eyes as he slams your door shut. But he’s not wrong, as soon as the doors closed your hand is in your pants stroking your dick until you’re shooting your load inside of your shorts.

You feel a little ashamed, but at least you’ve got a working deal now with Kian. Whenever he wants out of chores he makes a stop at your bedroom and you get to plant your face into his sizable ass and inhale the most toxic fumes of your life and get off all at the same time. Guess he was right; it was a good deal.

[misslilli]

Thank you everyone who's still with me with this story 🥰

Felix Felicis

MSR. AU. E for a little UST?. | tagging @today-in-fic | read on AO3

Chapter 51 - A Little France and Little Italy

[ DS ]

"You're baaaaaack!" I'm not even halfway across the front hall of our school on my way to the classroom, books in one, tumbler of tea in the other, when a flash of brown hair and bright green backpack zooms towards me, almost knocking me over with the force of his hug.

"Good morning, Felix. I heard you missed me, huh?" Nodding vigorously, he takes my tumbler from my hand to slip his into mine, holding on so tight as if he's afraid I'll disappear again.

"Yes!! You’ve been gone forever! I’ve got sooo many things to tell you, did you know that Marie Antoinette never actually said 'Let them eat cake'? It was a big conspiracy to get her killed!” He whispers the last part in awe following me into my classroom, conspiracy theories seem to be a big hit with the Mulder boys.

“That’s true. You know, some say that what she said was 'Let them eat brioche' but no one actually knows if that’s accurate either.”

“Brioche?” Head tilted, Felix tries to wrap his mouth around the foreign word with a curious expression on his face.

I sigh at the chaos that’s my classroom, their teacher being out sick really makes the kids test the boundaries of the poor substitute teacher, so I start to tidy up my desk first. “Yeah, it’s a French pastry, really good and easy to make!”

“Ooh maybe you can come to my house one day and we can make it together! Dad’s a really good cook but sadly for me, he can’t bake.” If he only knew that this is not only a maybe-scenario if things continue to go as well as they are right now.

“Mh-hm maybe. You better get to class, if you don’t want to listen to me telling off my kids for the mess they left yesterday!”

“Uuh no thanks, I’d rather not! I’ll tell you about the Guillotine at recess okay?” Backpack bouncing, he hurries off to his own classroom, whistling the Marseillaise under his breath. Man, he’s cute, and incredibly smart for his age too.

Great, now I've got the French national anthem stuck in my head for the rest of the day, it's a really catchy tune and at times, the kids tumbling into the classroom in the morning certainly feels like the storming of the Bastille.

Aux armes, citoyens!

The only upside to being out sick is the way the kids's faces light up when they see that you're back, falling over themselves to tell you how much they've missed you and how awful it was with anyone who volunteered to take over the classroom in your absence. "They just don't get us like you do, Miss Scully, you know?," is Kyle's wry comment, accompanied with a nonchalant shrug, on the whole situation.

"It's nice to be missed, guys. Now sit down, we need to talk."

"And then, whoosh, the blade comes down and off comes the head, drops right into a basket, ugh, isn't that the most disgusting thing you've ever heard, Miss Scully?"

I'm treated to the history segment of The Felix Show at recess today, grinning at his flailing arms and obvious excitement about the French Revolution.

"It's pretty disgusting, yes." I don't tell him that the last beheading in the United States took place not as long ago as the French Revolution, it was in the 1930's. I also don't tell him that there's still a death penalty in several states to this day, I'm sure he'll find that out on his own some day. "How do you know all this, Felix?"

"Oh, I found a book on it in my mom's library and after hours of convincing her that I'm not too young to read about it, she finally gave in! She even let me keep it! Isn't that so nice of her?" 'After what she did to you at Christmas, giving you a book is the least she can do…' is what I think to myself, to Felix I agree with his statement, yes, that's very nice of her.

Going from Little Felix's France at noon to Little Italy in the afternoon, Mulder and I head up to Boston to have a bite to eat at a cute place, with its red and white checkered tablecloths and Italian music playing quietly in the background. The owner is a short, portly, loud man so quintessentially Italian, it adds a lot of authenticity to his restaurant and he greets us at the door with open arms.

When he notices the hand that rests protectively on the small of my back, he rightly deduces we're here for a date. I'm only glad he can't notice the familiar shiver that runs up my back from that spot.

"Aaah lovebirds. I have-a the perrrfect table for-a you!," he exclaims in his adorably exuberant way, ushering us to a corner booth along the glass front that runs along the length of the restaurant, giving us a little privacy away from the late lunch / early bird crowd, the curve of the booth also allows us to not sit across from each other awkwardly, but much closer together.

————

[ FM ]

In my head, I pretend that the slight sway of her hips Scully adds to her walk over to the table is there just for me, to draw my attention to the snug fit of her jeans and I also pretend not to notice the heads turning when we walk by the many booths. Pick your jaws off the floor fellas, before I make you.

We slide into the booth, going through our little routine of her picking the wine while I stare at her awestruck, taking in the perfect arch of her eyebrow, the scrunching of her nose in concentration and the slow tongue-tracing of her lips that seems to help her think while it only helps my own thoughts to fly right out of my head.

Adding one more step to our routine, I read out the dishes from the menu I think she'd find most disgusting out loud, just to make her laugh.

"You know, the Italians will have your head for using a spoon to do this.” Following her teasing gaze to my hands twisting spaghetti around my fork with a spoon, I shrug sheepishly.

“I’m sure I’d be a big hit over there, I also love to put pineapple on my pizza!”

“Ugh, no! Why did you have to tell me that??” With a chuckle at her wrinkled nose, I point my fork at her accusingly.

“Don’t go all culinary high-and-mighty on me Miss Scully, I’ve seen you eat a burger, with a fork and a knife. That’s un-American, you eat that with your hands!”

Testing the waters during dessert, I point out the gentleman having lunch at the bar, the one that's been turning his head for the entirety of our meal from antipasti to tiramisu, to stare at her with unveiled interest. My statement earns me a playful little shove to my arm and an incredulous look.

"He does not gaze at me, Mulder!"

"Does too! It's like I'm invisible!" I insist peevishly.

With a flirty smile on her lips, she leans over, bringing her face so close to mine I forget to breathe and think for a fleeting moment. "Good thing I'm too distracted by you being decidedly non-invisible to notice, hm?" Mh-hm, good answer.

The innocence and matter-of-factness with which she states the obvious paired with the sweet kiss she presses to my lips raises the hairs on my arms and before I get past wondering if she has even the faintest idea what she's doing to me, she's back on her side of the table, scooping up another forkful of tiramisu.

——————

[ DS ]

“That was absolutely delicious!” Sitting back giving a contented sigh, Mulder spreads out his arms over the back of the booth and his knee bumps into mine almost as if on accident when he spreads out his legs too. I’d pass it off as an accident if it didn’t happen again and this time, he keeps his knee exactly where it landed.

"So, the gas-stove-dishtowel story had me thinking. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be and why?"

The casually placed knee stays right where it is, even with his upper body angled towards me posing that odd question and now I’m not only distracted by the way his shirt stretches deliciously over his broad chest but also by the excited tingle that spreads from the small spot where our legs touch.

A million things come to mind, the three coffee cups I've kept from our Starbuck's dates, the ticket on its lanyard from our trip to the chocolate factory, the giant teddy from the Carnival that has taken over the armchair in my office… all of them prized possessions, but there's one thing that's of even more significance to me.

"When I was about six or seven, my dad had to leave for an extended period of time and we were so sad to see him go, he built us each a replica of the ship he was going to be stationed on. What would you save?"

He trails his fingers along his sharp, afternoon-stubbled jawline, taking a minute to ponder his answer and I find myself subconsciously mimicking his motion, desperately wishing it was his fingers trailing down my neck instead of mine. The thought burns in the tips of my cheeks with a deep blush and I have to take a deep calming breath with a small shake of my head to clear the image of his wandering fingers out of my mind. I'm so distracted, I don't even hear his answer to the fire-saving-thing.

“Ma’am?”

The concerened waiter I hadn’t noticed appearing at my side that has interrupted our conversation to ask if we'd like to order a digestif and an amused Mulder are both staring at me, waiting for the answer to the question I seem to have missed staring at my date.

"Uuh.. yes?" I have absolutely no idea what I just agreed to to cover up my embarrassment. Lucky for me, it's just one last refill of our wine-glasses.

Needing something to do with my hands, I fidget with the watch on my left wrist, sliding my thumb back and forth under the band in an attempt at a soothing motion, trying to come up with a question of my own to find out more about what makes him tick.

“What’s something about yourself that you really like?”

————

[ FM ]

The smile that has been stuck on my face ever since catching her staring at me and the flustered attempt at a cover-up fades just a little, that's a pretty hard question to answer. Usually, we're too focused on the things we'd like to change about ourselves. Rubbing a hand across my neck I rack my brain for an answer.

"I'm…huh… I think I'm a pretty decent Dad to Felix. A lot more present than my own Dad while I was growing up. What about you? What do you really like about yourself?"

Judging by the way she scrunches up her nose and twists her hair around her fingers self-consciously, she's having a much harder time coming up with things she likes about herself. I on the other hand could easily fill a notebook or two with the things I like about her.

"I think… I like taking care of people. I don't know, I guess it makes me feel good if the people around me feel good?" I nod in agreement, she certainly makes me feel good and cared for, especially but not only last weekend while I was sick.

“What’s something about yourself that you would change, if you could?”

At my question, she turns her head to look out the window without actually seeing the people passing by, her thumb pressed into her lips thoughtfully. Deciding how honest she wants to be with her answer.

She turns back to me with an unreadable expression on her face, her hands now toying with the salt-shaker, nudging it around on the table. “I wish I was as confident and sure of myself in my personal life as I am at work.”

“What would it take, to change that?” My hand reaches out to cover hers as if on it’s own will, my mind’s busy puzzling out how I could help her with this. Looking down at her salt-shaker friend as if it held all the answers, she finally scoffs with a wry smile and a lift of her shoulder. “More therapy? I don’t know…”

“To be honest, I like the fact that you’re a little softer around the edges outside of school, also more … giggly and fun. But you are a badass at school… and a bit scary.” I add a smile to my comment and a gentle squeeze of her hand before I pull mine back, to convey that it’s meant as a compliment.

“What about you?” Now it's my turn to ponder how honest I really want to be, about how much of my insecurities are safe to reveal on date 3. But she opened up about hers, showing me her vulnerable side, so I decide to do the same. The thought pops into my head that it's very promising that we've carved out a safe space to open up about doubts and fears, hopes and dreams so early on.

“I wish I was more… manly, you know?” She’s barely suppressing a giggle biting her lip in that distracting way of hers, thinking I'm kidding. “What’s so funny?”

My narrowed eyes tell her I’m actually not joking and the grin disappears. She places a kind hand on my arm, sliding it down a few inches to give my biceps a tiny placating squeeze.

“I’m sorry. But I don’t understand, you’re pretty… manly already…?” To emphasize her point, her hand slides over to give my chest an appreciative pat that gives the heart underneath her hand a jolt so it misses a few beats and I swallow around the lump in my throat.

“That’s not what I mean.”

—————

[ DS ]

“Then what do you mean?” With a start, I realize that my hand has been resting on his chest far too long to be passed off as a casual gesture, so I yank it away, hiding my embarrassment in a sip of wine.

He takes his own sip for courage, swirling the liquid around the glass thoughtfully.

"I mean… that I don't exactly match the textbook description of what a man should be like. You know…" He trails off, leaving the textbook definition to my interpretation but I've been with enough toxic masculinity riddled a-holes to know how exactly he doesn't meet it. I've seen him cry, on the phone over Christmas break.

Something tugs on my heart when I imagine the teasing and humiliation he must have had to endure growing up to make this the only thing he'd change about himself. When in reality, it's one of the character traits that I cherish most about him, the way he wears his heart on his sleeve and is not afraid to show his emotions. Which is why I tell him exactly that, that I appreciate that side of him more than he seems to realize and the bashful smile I get in return spreads an affectionate warmth through my chest, from my heart outward. A feeling that increases ten-fold at his shy and reluctant admission of "I haven't told anyone that before…" .

"What’s the best thing someone has ever said to you?" I'm really enjoying the game of 20 questions we're playing right now and I realize I have no idea what time it is, I haven't checked my watch or my phone once, too enthralled by our conversation.

"Whenever a kid slips up and calls me Mom. It shows that they really trust you and feel close enough to you to make that honest mistake." The words are out of my mouth faster than my brain working out the thought that this could get really uncomfortable really quickly should he ask if Felix ever… but he doesn’t, thank God, and I hurry to volley the question back at him.

"Kids are incredibly honest sometimes. It's not always what you want to hear though…" At that, I laugh and nod my agreement, I've been on the receiving end of honest comments such as 'Miss Scully, did you get a haircut? Your hair looks funny today!'.

"Anyway, I've got something along the same lines: One day, during dinner, Felix suddenly looks up at me and says 'Dad. Do you know what I love most about you? That I can talk to you about anything!' That was the best compliment I've ever gotten, to be honest."

I wonder if he knows how much I love the way his face lights up with love and adoration whenever he talks about his son, or how rare their special relationship really is.

"What’s the most mischievous thing you did as a kid? I bet there's a few good stories from your childhood that you would never share with Felix.."

"Oh God, where do I start?"

————

[ FM ]

There's actually a wide array of stories I would never tell my son, my poor mother was gifted with a son who was never short of stupid ideas and mischievous plans, carried out with precision until the very end, when I would either barely get away with it or I'd get into a lot of trouble. Both of which didn't deter me from doing more stupid things.

"Weeeell, let me tell you about the Fox and the Chicken Coop." I recount the story my mom told Felix at Christmas, getting more of that beautiful laugh here and there, and just as I'm getting to the good part, I pause for effect, thinking myself a very clever storyteller.

She leans forward, interested to hear the end of the story, but my train of thought is effectively derailed when my eyes are drawn downwards to her slender fingers sliding her cross back and forth on its chain absent-mindedly.

The words I was about to say wiped off my mind, all I can get out is an embarrassed stutter of “Uuh … I uhm… lost my train of thought, sorry.”

Her head tilts to the side with a curious little smile and she mercifully lets go of her cross that comes to rest oh so innocently between the soft curves revealed by the unusually deep V of her shirt. My collar feels much too tight to breathe and my mouth is so dry, I have to reach out for my glass to take a sip of water and pick up the pieces of my scattered brain.

“The farmer and his wife were looking for…” she adds helpfully, setting down her own water glass gingerly, her tongue darting out to catch a stray drop on her lips.

“Aah, yeah… they were looking for the fox that did it, but they had no idea that he was right under their noses, pretending to help them look.”

She laughs at that and leans closer, placing a warm hand on my knee, giving it an almost imperceptible squeeze.

“You’re funny…I like that in a guy!” I’m taking every chance I get to bring out the crinkles around her eyes, and it’s nice the effort is appreciated.

Leaning even closer, the dryness in my mouth is back despite the gulp of water a few minutes ago and once she’s so close I can see each and every freckle across her nose, I close my eyes and tilt my head to the side in tingly anticipation of a kiss.

“Hold still, you got something…” Instead of the brush of her soft lips I was desperately expecting, there’s a gentle brush of a thumb across my cheek instead and when I open my eyes, I see she’s presenting me with an eyelash to blow away.

“Make a wish!,” she says airily, much lighter than I would be able to with my collar still so tight it’s almost strangling me.

There's only one moment I desperately wish for that comes to mind when I blow off the eyelash, the moment when she finally tells me she's ready, not only because she's driving me way too far out of my mind with her lips and eyes and fingers and legs and her everything. Mostly, it's because I can't imagine anything better than to be her last good-night and her first good-day.

————

[ DS ]

The end of our date approaches far too quickly but I do get one last moment of 'What the heck are you doing?' when he excuses himself to go to the bathroom and I can't help myself, I trail his retreating form with my eyes and end up marveling inappropriately long at the way his jeans don't leave much to the imagination.

My breath hitches and a crimson blush creeps onto my cheeks when he turns just before disappearing into the bathroom, catches my glossed-over eyes and the dreamy look on my face from across the room. And then he winks. Oh sweet Jesus.

Signing my name onto the credit card receipt to pay for our meal, still a little mortified, realization slowly dawns on me that the culminations of feelings, emotions and reactions he elicits are it. The Zsa Zsa Zsu. The feeling most people chase after their whole lives, that butterflies-in-your stomach feeling you get when you realize you not only like a person, but you've got to have them.

My mind has finally caught up with my body in the knowledge that I have got to have him, in all ways possible.

Not today. But when the time is right, I'm ready.

Maybe after our movie date we've agreed to, on Saturday.

————

[ Felix ]

Wednesday, after my baseball practice with Principal Skinner, we always do laundry and since I can't work the machines too well, I'm on pre-sorting by colors and folding duty afterwards. I can hardly wait to share what I find in-between the white shirts and towels with Suzie on Thursday, I'm bursting with the news all through the day, wriggling in my seat impatiently for recess to arrive.

I'm out of my seat grabbing Suzie's hand the second the bell rings, tugging her to our office on the stone wall to show her the piece of fabric I've found breathlessly. She just stares at it confused.

"What is that?"

"I think people use it to blow their noses? I don't know, I think I read about it somewhere, they used it before tissues! Look, maybe it's a clue!" There's a gagging sound from my best friend and a disgusted scowl when I shove the handkerchief into her face.

"EW get that away from me, that's gross!"

"It's clean, silly, I got it out of the laundry yesterday. What's interesting is that I've never seen it before. What do you think it means? Do you think it belongs to Squirrel?" We look down at the newfound clue curiously.

"Uhm, Felix?"

"Ya?"

"That's… not a guy's handkerchief. There's daisies on it, see?" My frown of confusion only deepens when she adds "Have you ever considered the fact that the Squirrel guy might actually be a girl?"

"You mean my dad might have a friend who is a girl, just like you and me? Huh… that's kind of neat, isn't it?"

[chilei-the-hotsauce]

oooh thanks for tagging me yay :D

Are you named after anyone? george washington

When was the last time you cried? tuesday

Do you have kids? do i look like i have kids?

What sports do/ did you play? i used to do ballet for ten (10) years but stopped quite some time ago. then i did badminton and had like a week long swimming course back in china.

Do you use sarcasm? what no of course not

What’s the first thing you notice about people? depends on the person really but hair i guess

What’s your eye colour? dark brown

Scary movies or happy endings? yes

Any talents? no. i do draw and write i guess but those arent talents just skills i suppose. because im not that good at either of them.

Where were you born? hospital

What are your hobbies? drawing, writing occasionally, reading, tumblr and playing videogames

Do you have any pets? cat. jupiter.

How tall are you? 160 cm

Favourite subject in school? english or art but i sucked penis at everything lmao

Dream job? uuuuuh, game designer or something like that???

i am speedily running out of mutuals to tag uuh @technologyvoid @undead-dreams-of-overmorrow @hyperfixatezz @i-am-1142 @whatcouldpossiblyg0wr0ng and yeah anyone who feels like joining too

15 questions 15 mutuals

tagged by one of the loves of my life @doodledrawreblogs

1: are you named after anyone? yes!

2: when was the last time you cried? ough like... five days ago? if we're not counting tearing up. bc I do that very often

3: do you have kids? my fanfics and my fanfic ideas and also @starrybouquet

4: what sports do you play/have played? I like to swim, ski, play basketball, I recently started pickleball which has been interesting, baseball, track (help), horseback riding (I am a horsegirl), and I think more but I don't know them off the top of my head

5: do you use sarcasm? sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. which means yes

6: what's the first thing you notice about people? I think their height tbh? I am small

7: what's your eye color? Green

8: scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings I have a VERY overactive imagination that likes to cause me trouble

9: any talents? I write, I draw, I can do impressions okay I think? and idk I've probably got more but who has the time

10: where were you born? I'm assuming a barn since that's where my mother says I was born whenever I'm annoying her

11: what are your hobbies? writing, reading, drawing, is eating a hobby,

12: do you have any pets? yes !! I Love Them

13: how tall are you? 6'5". in my heart

14: favorite subject in school? good question I have NO idea. maybe english

15: dream job? paLEONTOLOGIST PBLEASE

no pressure tags: @manicpixiedreamjop @mavspeed @malewifebillcage @kingslionheart @calamitouscynic @lookforanewangle @claracaboozle @officious-sea-lawyer @chicken-poncho @halcyonterror @majorxmaggiexboy @morgaussy @laikawriter @aortaargent @thorst

[docheros]

Egoshipmas day 10: silence

Pairing: Jameson/Anti (dapperanti)

"That, and Jameson was finally able to enjoy some silence. He loved his boyfriend, but when he got stressed he wouldn't shut up for a second."

Word counting: 535

≡≡≡≡≡ ≡≡≡≡≡ ≡≡≡≡≡ ≡≡≡≡≡ ≡≡≡≡≡ ≡≡≡≡≡

— Hey Anti, where the…

Jameson looked to the side, seeing his boyfriend leaning against the car seat, his chest rising and falling slowly and his mouth slightly open, snoring softly; his arms were crossed and the seat was tilted back.

JJ sighed smiling, turning the music down so as not to disturb the glitch. Anti was so cute, he looked so calm and at peace, unlike his everyday self. And lately he was more stressed, more reckless, and his insomnia got worse every night. So seeing him in a sleep that seemed so deep, even in a car seat, was a good thing to see.

That, and Jameson was finally able to enjoy some silence. He loved his boyfriend, but when he got stressed he wouldn't shut up for a second.

But it's not all roses, and there was a problem: they were lost and late. Between the two of them, only Anti knew the route to Chase's new beach house, and he had already driven much of it at night, so now they should only be an hour away. But JJ had been driving for an hour and a half, he didn't know where they were and felt like he had seen those same trees like 7 times already.

He huffed, pulling to a corner of the road. Wake up Anti or try to understand the cell phone, and consequently the GPS? Best to the last one. He took his boyfriend's cell phone, turned it on and saw the password.

Uh… what was Anti's password again?

He tried several words that Anti could use as a password: JJ, Jamie, Jameson, Jameson Jackson, puppet, candy, halloween, knives, uh what was the name of that thing he liked? The Magnus Archives, Jonathan Sims, Martin Blackwood…

Nothing worked and now the damn phone was locked for five minutes. He was about to hit his head on the steering wheel when he heard a noise and felt movement beside him.

— I'm hungry… — Anti yawned, scratching his eye and turning his face to Jameson — Jamie, are we there yet?

— Uuh… We're close! — He smiled broadly, and Anti frowned at him.

— Jameson Jackson, you're lying.

— AntiSepticEye I'm lying — he sighed, lowering his face and scratching his neck — I'm lost, but I didn't want to wake you up and tried to face the GPS.

— And?

— And it turns out I forgot your goddamn password and this fucking cell phone's will be locked for five minutes — he huffed, crossing his arms.

— Oh my God — he chuckled, stroking his boyfriend's arm — I'll guide you there, my puppet.

— But you need some more sleep, bug — he took his hand, pressing a kiss to its back — you know the kids won't leave you alone. Just wait for the phone to unlock, put it on the GPS for me and I'll have my way.

— If you say…

— By the way, what's the password?

— Oh — he chuckled — it's a stupid password, but only I can write: V̵1̸̴r̴̷u̴s̶ — Jameson gave him a strange look.

— How did you do that with your mouth?

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jameson: what could be my boyfriend's password

jameson, trying his own name:

he knows his bf, it just that anti sometimes don't talk about what he likes

tagging: @the-pastel-kitsune @theprinceofflies @unpredictably-ghostly @dapperstein @glass-trash-bab :]

[kyoupann]

here's the second crack-prompt-turned-whatever fic.

Screenshot of the ask at the end so that you can have fun trying to guess what the original prompt was.

Word count: 769 Warnings: nothing, it's just uuh...

Three hours.

They had been staring at the engraving on the pillar for exactly three hours and counting

At first, it was entertaining to see every boy try to solve the puzzle in their own way. They came up with explanations of how it looked like something they had seen and done before, repeating what they had done before, just to be met with nothing. Not a single mechanism activating nor even a tiny rock moving out of the way.

He never thought that it would ever come in handy in a situation like this. But here he was, probably kilometres below the ground, trapped in a cave system that seemed endless, and with a group full of youngsters who apparently had never attended a normal celebration once in their lives.

Sky had suggested lightning the torches in the room one by one in cardinal order.

Twilight had supported that and when nothing happened, he proposed putting them out with the Gale boomerang counterclockwise.

That didn’t work.

Legend had looked at the sequence again: right, left, right up, left up.

The torches in the room didn’t work, which had left the 5 rays of dim light coming through the top.

Legend tried to block and unblock them in order. Nothing happened.

Wind and Four had suggested pushing the pillar so that it would be aligned with the one on the other side of the room. Nothing happened. Maybe they had to move the other pillar instead.

It had been fun while it lasted. But now, three hours and fifteen minutes in, Time had grown impatient. So without any word, he just walked towards the pillar, opening his way through the crowd. He stopped the Veteran from throwing a punch at the Captain, his patience having grown inexistent. Though he must admit, he would have done the same, the Captain’s suggestion to solve this little riddle was plainly idiotic.

He stood in front of the pillar, examined it once more, just to make sure his assumption was right. And it was; the sequence was clear, as clear as the worn-down rock showed it, but clear nonetheless. If anything, he could only spot one minor difference from the version he knew. No worries, he could easily adapt to it; it was a good thing then that he wasn’t as pressed about accuracy as Malon, as he was sure that not following would not only be a waste of time, but also extremely embarrassing for him if it didn’t work at all.

He had to focus and put on his best poker face. He put his right hand out, then the left one. Now with both arms stretched in front of him, he turned his right palm up, followed by the other.

Confusion settled in the room, but Time hadn’t tried anything yet and everyone was curious to see what would happen, so they let him do whatever that was.

He crossed his right hand on his left shoulder and repeated the same movement with his left hand. He brought his right hand to the back of his head, his left hand mirroring the other once more. One by one, he put each hand on the side of his hips

“What the fuck is going on,” he heard one of the boys say, probably Legend, just proving how uncultured they really were.

“Some sort of… spell? Dance?” Hyrule tried to explain, “it’s hard to tell by how dead he looks."

But he did not let such comments stop him. He was confident in his moves and that in no time they’d be out of that place.

Finally, he moved his hands to the back of his hips, rocked his hips from side to side in a quick motion and on the last sway, he hopped and jumped 180° degrees, finally facing the group of heroes in varying states of shock.

The room was completely silent for a few seconds and seeing that nothing happened, shame was starting to slowly colour the tips of ears. However, he did not let it show on his face; he kept a straight look. Then, a clicking sound reverberated through the chamber. On the far end to the right, a passageway opened.

He only cocked his head chin towards the new entrance , commanding the boys to follow after him.

“What the fuck was that?! Why did it work?!” Legend shouted at him.

Time shrugged and turned to inspect the tunnel, “whoever designed this had a sense of humour.” He simply said as he crouched down, “anyway, looks like this gets smaller the further it goes. Sailor, Smithy. You two go first and get back to us on how to proceed.”

* * * * * *

Original prompt:

Spoiler: the next room is achy breaky heart but fast aka payaso de rodeo

I know I asked for this but anon this was too much. I don't even know how or why I just. I just got whiplash when I read this one. This was a real challenge, I'll give you that. I hope you're proud

Anywussy, check my AO3 for some decent stuff (mostly Four-centred), or my tag Kyo writes for some quick, light-hearted reading material (: and if you want to send another crack prompt for me to write eventually, feel free to do so! and thanks for reading, tkm y'all <3

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

WAIT STOP THE PRESSES- Okay but like human normal Ransom and reader but Ransom finds all the abo porn on your phone/computer and makes you call him Alpha next time in bed. (Idk but now I’m a sucker for it)

A/N- Whew, babes, this is a hell yes. Im a sucker for it to. 

Fuck how you loved this man, the thought somehow filtered through your mind as you gripped tighter to his hair, his name coming from you in soft gasps while you pushed his face tighter into your cunt, currently, he was fucking with his tongue. Hard laps to your clit, before spearing his tongue into your channel to stroke the walls till the clasped around him. Your body begging for him to bring your release as much as your mouth was. 

“Fuck Ransom please, I need it.” You cried over his grunts that vibrated into your cunt. Messy, and sloppy, you could hear all the obscene noises and it was enough to make you beg for him. Ransom could be an ass at times, selfish, and needy, But there was one thing he never failed to do, and that was to make sure you would orgasm when he had you in his hold. He prided himself of it. Hearing you beg fed his ego, Sharp Blues snapped up from between your thighs where he held them wrapped open in his arms, and smirked just above your cunt, having you right there, so fucking close. “Come all over my tongue Baby, what the fuck you waiting for?” 

Of course, he had to say it like you were the one holding back, and that next slurp of lips and spearing of the tongue, he sent you over, wriggling in the mattress until you sink into a pleasured floating space that left you humming. 

Letting go of your thighs, and planting his hands on either side of your body, he kissed his way back up, a few licks of his warm coated tongue over your belly, a kiss on the rips, and bite on your still heaving breasts that caused you to moan and jolt under him, firmly fitting himself into the snug hollow between your thighs. You expect him to be soft, strokes of his hands over your body to bring you back up again. You almost hum with joy at the thought of his hands all over you. But instead, he fists a hand in your hair and tilts your head back hard enough to tilt your chin up, leaving you giving a surprised gasp. 

“Say it, Sweetness.” He makes a growling sound that leaves you biting your lip, confused. His nose runs along your clavicle, to your throat where he growls again to vibrate through your neck, filling your head with the noise. His tongue trails up your throat and over your chin, till he reached your bottom lip, teeth sinking into the pink plumpness, and biting hard enough to make you say his name in shock. 

��Ransom!” 

“Oh no Sweetness, those are not the words I want to hear.” Leaning up enough to run his hands along your arms as he laid claim to your lips, a spearing of his tongue much like earlier, only he muffled all protests you might have had, distracting you with your essence. Before you knew it, your wrists were captured in one of his hands, pinned above your head, you're caged by him. completely now. When he pulled his mouth away from yours, he bared his teeth at you, in the most animalistic way. Fuck if you didn't want to grind your thighs together at that. Seeing the way his smug perfection almost turned beastly. He knew it too, the corners of his eyes crinkling a bit in amusement. 

“What do you want to hear Ransom?” You ask with a whine, and he pressed his groin into you, making you feel just how hard he was. 

“Call me Alpha.” 

Fuck... your eyes widened at his knowing ones, and you can feel the heat racing up your neck, he once more nipped at your jutted chin, making that animalistic growl again. “Don't keep me waiting Sweetness” 

God damn why do you feel so tongue-tied, and he grabbed your throat with his free hand, pressing you down in the pillows, and legs immediately wrapping around his hips, and your stuttering out the words in a rush. 

An aroused as fuck, making you hot and tingle all over, need him to fuck you now rush. “Alpha, Fuck Me.” 

“I plan on it Omega.” Ransom hissed back at you, while lining himself up to thrust into you, a burning stretch that brought tears to the corners of your eyes, your fingers digging into your palms, and an arch that crushed the few inches of space there might have been. 

“Yes Alpha! Again.” You craved for it, using the name, seeing those possessive eyes bearing into yours with the pink tops of his cheeks and his swollen lips hover so close with a smirk. He obliged with a rut of his hips, dragging his cock back only to claim you again. It was slow, teasing, making you have just enough to keep you begging for it. 

But then your sweet cries turned into demands, which he unleashed himself. If it wasn't a cock driving you into the mattress, it was a flurry of teeth sinking into your shoulder, fingers tugging on your nipples, or a forearm across your throat, relentless as he dragged out those orgasms. One after another, making you count as each one had you clenching, milking his cock. But he never gave in, not till you were weeping under him. 

“I- I don't have another in me...” 

Gripping your jaw, as he loomed over you with another thrust pressing against your sweet spot, causing you to tighten all around him, rubbing your over-sensitized body against him although it burned. “Oh Sweetness, You didn't use the proper word.” He spat in your mouth, claiming a biting kiss, from you, drawing out your moaning words, calling him Alpha, and sure enough, he dragged out another Orgasm, counting it as you finally felt him lose himself into you. 

Rugged thrusts, and growling hisses against your neck had him spilling into you, and his carefully controlled body smothered yours, both you sweaty and spent. You slowly came back, moaning as you tried shifting. 

Apparently, you weren't going anywhere. Glancing down, you could see Ransom pressed against your breasts, his hair in spiky mats where you clung to him earlier, you could feel his lips pressing against the curve. Groaning into your softness, he rubbed his face against you, and his blue eyes lifted to see you were back with him. “Hey, Handsome... Uuh, where did Alpha come from?” You quirked a grin, which he smirked back in that cocky way you loved, shifting till he was closer, face to face with you, drawing you into a kiss. 

“When I was ordering our take out earlier with your phone, you left a tab open. And guess what I found Sweetness.” His tongue dragged over your lips one last time before shifting off you a bit to lay on his side, hand rubbing up and down your waist and over the back of your thigh still hooked over him. “That my girl seems to like herself a bit of Alpha action.” 

You bit your lip and nodded, looking up at him. “Okay, yea... Its really hot to read that.” 

“Well, I figured we would try something new. And Hell if you didn't just respond, in the best of ways.” He bit at your neck, leaving you laughing and squealing. 

“RANSOM!” 

His hands pulled you closer, and you wrapped yourself around him again, hiding against him, laughing. 

Tagging- @what-is-your-plan-today @ransoms-sweater-holes @stargazingfangirl18 @star-spangled-beard-burn @donutloverxo @patzammit @stardancerluv @onetwo3000 @what-just-happened-bro @princess-evans-addict @ozarkthedog @evans713 @jtargaryen18 @nekoannie-chan