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patt-writes-stuff · 4 years ago

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Beach Days with The Genshin Characters!

Wc: 1.7k+

Type: Headcanons

CW: umm nothing except mentions of alcohol and maybe people being creeps? (None of the chars or you tho it’s very brief)

A/N: HI IM BACK FROM THE DEAD! These were supposed to be a lot shorter but I got too excited. If you by any chance wanna see some for your fav character lmk! I know it says request are closed in my bio but since it’s just hcs it’s a lot less (and I really enjoyed writing these so ajdhdhdk)

🔥Diluc:

This man cannot swim. Tell me otherwise, I dare you.

Kaeya tried to jokingly push him off a lil diving cliff area when they were kids.

He almost drowned. Kaeya was in a lot of trouble.

So, good luck getting this man to actually get in the water. The most he’ll do is sit on the shore where it’s very shallow.

He usually prefers to just stay under an umbrella on the sand and keep an eye on you.

Calls you every two hours in advance and helps you reapply sunscreen.

He’s very pale so I feel like he burns pretty easily, meaning he needs to reapply super frequently otherwise he will become a tomato. He brings like three bottles of the good shit. Tch, rich boy.

If you ask him to build a sandcastle, he will pretend to be annoyed but do it anyways. Ends up finding it kind of enjoyable.

He has the maids prepare a nice picnic basket for the two of you!! It’s got all your favorite foods plus grape juice cuz y’know.

If any creepy peeps approach you, don’t worry. He brought his vision and his claymore.

Of course, he won’t have to resort to such violent lengths. Everyone in Mondstadt knows who Diluc is and they probably know you’re his s/o, so they’re usually smart enough to mind their own business.

If they don’t, don’t worry. Diluc’s glare is more than enough to scare them away.

All in all I definitely recommend a beach day with him! I’ll give it a solid 8/10 (-2 for not wearing floaties and getting in the water with you or letting you teach him how to swim.

🖌Albedo:

You guys definitely 100% take Klee out with you on a beach day.

You guys bring snacks, beach toys like buckets and shovels for optimal sandcastle building, a picnic blanket, etc.

Jean definitely packs a lot more stuff for you guys to take with you than you actually need.

It’s only cuz she’s worried for Klee and is nervous about not being able to go with you guys though! It’s very sweet really.

Klee tries to bomb the fish and cause havoc at the beach 😭

I think Albedo is a good swimmer and gets in with you and Klee so that he can help her (which is very cute omfg)

He’s set total workaholic, as we know, so it took a lot of convincing to get him to put down his experiments and accompany you to the beach (however, he’s particularly weak to yours and klee’s puppy dog eyes so he caved eventually)

Though, looking at you and Klee happily building sandcastles and decorating them with pretty seashells of all shapes and colors, he can’t really find it in himself to complain.

He, of course, takes this opportunity to take out his sketchbook and draw the waves, seagulls, you… Of course he won’t let you see the sketch book no sir. He’s a bit embarrassed to be honest, but an artist such as himself recognizes beauty when he sees it so he simply had to draw you. (God I love him so much)

If a creepy person approaches you,- well don’t worry. The sight of a small arsonist child blowing up fish is enough to scare them away 🥰

At the end of the day, all three of you are all ticketed out. Albedo has to carry Klee back to Mondstadt because the poor baby fell asleep the moment you started drying her hair with the beach towel. You’re, of course, carrying back Dodoco and your bags. (You also manage to sneak a peak at Albedo’s sketchbook and find some very pretty drawings of you and Klee with your sandcastle)

At the end of the day, you guys tuck Klee in and read her a bedtime story (she woke up and insisted). Afterwards Albedo takes you back home and thanks you for coming with you and Klee (which you ofc say wasn’t a problem because how could you not???)

All in all? I’ll give it a solid 10/10. You’ve got tasty food, fun times, your boyfriend and his cute kid adoptive sister (yes I am very biased idc)

🦋Xiao:

I think it would take a lot of convincing to get Xiao to go out on a beach date with you.

He’ll probably see it as a distraction getting in the way of his slaying of monsters and demons.

However, he also worships the grounds you walk on (hehe, simp XD), so I don’t think it’ll take that much convincing on your part (especially because it’s is self appointed duty to keep you safe so if you insist on going with or without him, he supposes he’ll have to go)

Is definitely a bit tense at first. He doesn’t know how to let loose and chill so while you’re sun tanning on a beach chair he’s like 🧍‍♂️ahdgshjsjd

Eventually calms down a bit though! You get him to relax and eat some almond tofu you brought along with you. It definitely gets him to perk up.

I don’t think he would mind getting into the water but I do think he’d rather walk along the shore and collect pretty seashells and sea glass.

He later gives the ones he deems pretties to you (he hands them over to you with a blush on his face and pretends it’s not a big deal and he definitely gets all pouty and grouchy when you coo at how adorable he is)

As for creeps, Xiao is both intimidating and well known in Liyue. No one is brave enough (or, let’s be honest, dumb enough) to approach you with any bad intentions.

Sure, Xiao has sworn never to harm a human/citizen of Liyue but that doesn’t mean he can’t scare the absolute shit out of them.

I think Xiao would definitely enjoy a beach day 🥺🥺. He’d find it very relaxing to go out with you and just hear the sound of waves and feel the sand under his feet.

He’d definitely hint at wanting to do it again later. Of course, he won’t tell you. No, that’s a foolish mortal activity and he has much better things to do.

Wait no, don't turn around, yes he will go with you next month.

All in all, I give Xiao a 9/10. It’s a very relaxing day (which he deserves 😤). And you get to see a whole new side of him.

💎Ningguang:

OK SO ORIGINALLY I WASN'T GONNA WRITE ONE FOR HER (at least not in this post) BUT THEN I THOUGHT OF LADY NINGGUANG TAKING YOU TO A WHOLE ASS PRIVATE BEACH

She knows you don’t care about how exclusive the beach you go to is (in fact, the fact that you don’t care about where you are or what you do is one of the things that make her fall more and more madly in love with you) but you deserve the best so she’s gonna go all out.

She’s a busy lady so days like this where the two of you get to go somewhere and be together are few and far between.

She knows it’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who is busy 24/7, so she appreciates how you remain by her side despite all hardships. (Y’all are a whole ass power couple istg)

The two of you spend your day relaxing. Sun bathing, drinking piña coladas, maybe taking a dip in the ocean. It’s all very pleasant!

Ningguang doesn’t quite feel like the type of person who would sit in the sand and make sandcastle, however you’re more than welcome to make some yourself. She finds it endearing <3

If you insist on her helping, she’ll eventually comply. She loves you too much to say no. I feel like she’ll either be terrible at it or like a total architect.

Sand is technically like tiny rocks right? So maybe she can use her vision to help her? If that’s the case, she’s making a replica of the Jade chamber out of sand.

If any creepy person comes up to you don’t worry. Ningguang will buy the whole beach and then use her right of admission as owner to permanently ban them from the beach you’re at.

The only downside to a day at the beach with Ningguang might be that there’s a big chance she’ll be called to tend urgent matters, seeing as she is the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing and all.

If that does happen, she’ll be sure to make it up to you somehow, whether it be rescheduling or taking care of the matter as soon as possible so that the two of you can get back to your day of relaxation and fun.

All in all?? Lady Ningguang will treat you like total royalty and the two of you will have an amazing time! I give her an 11/10 (she would literally buy a whole beach for you to be comfortable I mean c’mon)

🍃Venti:

BEACH DAYS WITH HIM ARE SO FUN!!

Swimming? Yeah, he’d love to! Sunbathing? Sure! He’ll ever conjure up a light breeze for the two of you. Sandcastle building? WELL OF COURSE WHY DO YOU THING HE BROUGHT ALL THESE BUCKETS AND SHOVELS?

No but seriously, he might be the best person out of everyone here to go to the beach with. He’s fun, free spirited, and he’s a traveling bard who’s been alive long enough to know where all the best beaches in Teyvat are. (He also knows a guy- er, well, dragon I suppose- who is willing to fly them to any place).

He’ll play some soft tunes while you doze under the sun.

HE PICKS PRETTY SHELLS AND GIFTS THEM TO YOU!!!

He will bring booze. I’m pretty sure this is a necessity. If you’re a little upset about it, he’ll probably “eheh~” his way out of it. That slick bastard.

If you really insist on him not drinking, he won’t consume much alcohol.

If some creepy person approaches you and tries to ruin you your day of beach time fun, all of their stuff will suddenly be blown away, causing them to scramble back to their spot and (almost embarrassingly) flail around trying to catch everything. What a shame…

At the end of the day, he’d be a little sad to leave. Definitely makes plans about tbe two of you going back soon.

I gotta give him a 10/10 he’s just so fun omg.

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tempestuous-cosplay · 4 years ago

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just cuz

Ask me these probing NSFW questions ‘cuz I’m bored

SEXYTIMES EXPERIENCES

1. How many people have you had sex with?

13? somewhere around there.

2. Can you remember the names of everyone you’ve slept with?

if I try hard enough, yeah, but off the cuff, no

3. With whom did you first do the sexytimes? Was it good?

My first Bf, and hahahaha no. Not at all.

4. What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?

a close friend and i took MDMA and fucked for, like, 4 hours and it was lovely.

5. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?

this guy i banged in collage who was just bony, small, boring, and ignored me after.

6. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex?

In a tent? Or the time in a church.

7. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve masturbated?

I don't have any fun or interesting stories about that.

8. Have you ever been caught doing the sexytimes?

NOPE

9. If you masturbate, when did you start, and how?

around middle school or early highschool but it was very rare bc i didn't get much from it. But the first time I actually orgasmed was when I hit 22 and got on T. then jacking it became a regular thing.

10. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

My dad walked in right before I was about to get started. that was the worst.

QUEER SHIT

11. How would you describe your sexuality using only adjectives (describing words–busy, fluffy, squishy, etc.)?

weird and complicated but friendly

12. Have you ever been in a queer relationship?

a solid 95% of my relationships have been queer. Only 1 wasn't.

13. Have you ever been in a straight relationship?

Just one. Gross

14. How and when did you realise you weren’t straight?

the moment i knew it was something that was possible. so very early.

15. Are you out to everyone you know?

p much

16. Where do you meet queer folks to date? Do you find it difficult?

I don't really date. But I made my friends through cosplay and then by meeting their friends and it just keeps going.

17. If your parents know about your sexuality, how did they react?

They always knew. I never really "Came out". I have p chill parents

18. Does your best friend know about your sexuality? How did they react?

Duh. I've slept with a number of them.

19. Describe your first queer kiss.

Much better than my first straight kiss.

20. What’s the queerest shit you’ve ever done?

My queer platonic partner :3

LET’S GET PHYSICAL

21. Are you happy with your body?

happier than i was and on my way to making it exactly how I want. Tho i do wish I was taller.

22. What’s the raddest part of your bod, and why?

my eyes are very pretty

23. What do you do with your body hair (pubes, underarms, legs, etc.)?

I don't do jack shit. Im lazy

24. Do you have stretch marks? Where?

Some where my tits used to be, inner thighs, and my love handles.

25. Describe your nipples in too much detail.

theyre kinda lopsided bc of how they were reattached during top surgery. the right one is super sensitive to touch and its kinda painful bc NERVE DAMAGE and the left one is totally numb

26. (Vagina-owners) Do you have an “innie” (small, tucked-in inner labia), or an “outie” (more visible/larger inner labia)?

supper innie. I, like, don't have an inner labia at all. Its WEIRD

27. (Vagina-owners) Is it very obvious when you’re turned on (swelling, wetness etc.)?

Yeah bc my clit is HUGE now thanks to T. It gets HARD

28. (Penis-owners) Describe the size and shape of your penis. Are you happy with it?

its, like, an inch an a half long and really small :3. I like it

29. (Penis-owners) Have you tasted your own cum? Did you like it?

Yeah, its kinda tart

30. (Breast-owners) How does the size of your breasts compare? Is one bigger than the other?

Back when I had them, the left one was a lil bigger than the right one, but i had huge badonkers. Just MASSIVE. They were nearly perfect, but they were on me, so it was horrible.

SEXUAL FANTASY LAND

31. Describe your most unusual/taboo fantasy.

consensual non-consent in fiction. I don;t think i could do it IRL.

32. Do you fantasise more about real situations, or imaginary/impossible ones?

It fluxuates, but mostly its very fantasy.

33. Who’s the oddest person you’ve fantasised about?

The Devil from The Arcana

34. Do you ever find yourself fantasising absent-mindedly, or is it something you do on purpose?

it fluxtuates, but horny daydreams are common

35. Do you always fantasise while you masturbate?

sometimes, yeah

36. When you fantasise, does it usually lead to masturbation?

it actually doesn't more than it does.

37. Have you ever had sex with someone while fantasising about someone else?

nah

38. Do you have any celebrity crushes that you fantasise about?

Hozier has had more than one sex dream in my head.

39. Have you ever fantasised about something by accident, and felt weird about it after?

oh sure. thats p normal.

40. Describe your most sexy fantasy.

hah, no. THats too much to type.

KINKTOWN USA

41. How do you feel about BDSM?

im fine with it

42. What’s your most unusual kink?

probably being a living sex doll

43. In an SM context, do you prefer giving pain, or receiving it?

Im not the biggest fan of either but I would rather receiving bc im too scared of accidentally really hurting someone

44. Do you consider yourself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither?

Im a sub leaning switch.

45. Describe your most recent bondage experience.

got tied up in cosplay for a photoshoot.

46. In a BDSM context, have you ever referred to anyone as “daddy,” “mommy,” or any similar term?

nope but i've been called daddy

47. Do you have a kink for any bodily fluids (pee, saliva, blood, tears, cum, etc.)?

cum, blood, and spit to a small degree.

48. Have you ever revealed a kink to someone and had them react negatively?

not yet tbh.

49. Do you have any kinks that you’re ashamed of?

nah, not really

50. How much money have you spent on equipment for your kinks (toys, whips, chains, etc.)?

OOF!!! A good several hundred dollars. Like...... its a fairly high number.

COME FOR THE QUESTIONS, STAY FOR THE SUBHEADINGS

51. (Vagina-owners) Do you ever squirt when you come?

I have a few times!!

52. Have you ever come solely from penetration (anal or vaginal)?

no, that I haven't managed.

53. Can you have an orgasm without your genitals being touched?

HAH I WISH but no

54. Describe how you like your genitals to be touched.

Nice slow strokes on my clit like a dick with some gentle rubbing on the lips.

55. How sensitive are your nipples? Does nipple play turn you on?

One is numb and one is very painful. So no.

56. Do you find it easier to orgasm with another person, or through masturbation?

Jacking it. I almost never cum with a partner. Sex is more for bonding than personal pleasure tbh.

57. Have you ever had an orgasm that you weren’t expecting?

A few times, yeah!!

58. Do you get off easier from rough contact, or gentle?

rough ish??

59. What’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had?

the few times ive squirted.

60. Did it take you a while to have your first orgasm, or were you an early starter?

took until i was 22

ORAL FIXATION

61. Do you enjoy giving oral sex? Why?

YES!! Its a good mouth feel.

62. What’s your favourite position in which to receive oral?

not sure yet.

63. Describe your oral sex technique.

suck and wiggle. suck and wiggle

64. Do you find it easier to give oral to someone with the same genital configuration as you (eg., you both own vaginas/both own penises), or different?

theyre about the same amount of effort for me.

65. Describe the worst oral sex you’ve ever received.

too much teeth.

66. Describe the best oral sex you’ve ever received.

I was..... on some drug or another, can't remember what, and bro, i mELTED

67. Do you ever simulate oral sex while masturbating (sucking on dildos etc.)?

rarely but sometimes

68. How sensitive is your mouth? Is it an erogenous zone, for you?

not much? but its fine

69. Do you like 69ing?

never tried, not super interested

70. Can you deep-throat?

anything smaller than 6" yeah.

EVERYTHING BUTT

71. Do you like it in the butt?

yeah but it takes a lot for me to be willing to do it.

72. What’s the strangest object you’ve had in your butt?

a phallic shaped kite handle (I was young and stupid)

73. Do you enjoy being rimmed?

sure

74. Can you take a lot in your butt, or just a little?

just a lil

75. Describe your most recent experience with buttsex.

I was, again, on drugs a little under a year ago and let my best friend pop that particular cherry.

76. Do you like doing stuff to other people’s butts?

im indifferent leaning on rather not.

77. (Prostate-owners) Have you ever received a prostate massage?

nope

78. Do you own any buttplugs?

nope

79. Have you ever had an embarrassing buttsex experience?

not yet, hopefully never

80. Have you ever pegged someone (ie., worn a strapon and fucked them in the butt)?

not yet

SHARING IS CARING

All questions assume you’ve done group sex of some kind

81. Describe your most recent group sex experience.

got one coming up in about a week? but an orgy at a furry convention.

82. Have you ever had sex with more than two people at once (eg., foursome, moresome)?

sure have

83. Have you ever had an orgy? Would you?

yup, and YUP!!!

84. Do you enjoy watching your partner(s) having sex with others?

ehehehe yeh

85. Do you prefer to arrange group sex beforehand, or allow it to happen organically?

both are fine!

86. Have you ever felt left out during group sex?

nah, im too sexy for that

87. Have you ever done a gangbang (ie., lots of people have sex with one person, but not each other)?

not yet but i WANNA

88. Have you ever teamed up with someone and given a double blowjob/double cunnilingus?

not yet :O,,,, WAIT!!! YEAH I HAVE!!!!

89. Have you ever been penetrated by more than one person at the same time?

not yet but god I wanna

90. Have you ever been ejaculated on by more than one person at the same time?

not yet

**BONUS DARES**

100. Send me $500.

#red talks #wanna know way too much about me?

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solohqrry · 5 years ago

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get to know me uncomfortably well

@eatmyshiftsticky tagged me, this was a long one mama i ain’t gonna lie but ily

What is your middle name?

selene (pronounced like seh-leh-neh).

How old are you?

When is your birthday?

January 31st

What is your zodiac sign?

aquarius sun :-)

What is your favourite colour?

yellow!!!! and pink

What’s your lucky number?

i don’t think i have one to be honest

Do you have any pets?

i have two cats, sesame and sage, and two dogs, thor and ginger

Where are you from?

texas yeehaw

How tall are you?

5′7″ (i’m the shortest in m family but apparently i’m tall to other people)

What shoe size are you?

US 7 1/2 or 8

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i wanna say like 20 pairs, but i haven’t worn like half of them in ages

What was your last dream about?

i have wild, inexplicable dreams i couldn’t even begin to explain what i dream about but last night i vaguely remember there was something about the holocaust involved which is pretty dark, who dreams about that

What talents do you have?

absolutely none, i am talentless my only talent is being a whore, and i’m not even good at that sometimes

Are you psychic in any way?

i definitely feel like i am, it’s a little mexican thing where we think we have this gut feeling that lets us know when something bad is about to happen, 8 times out of 10 the gut feeling is right

Favourite song?

ugh so many some of my all time favorites are robbers by the 1975, yes i’m changing by tame impala, sign of the times by harry styles, don’t cry by guns n roses, and kashmir by led zepplin

Favourite movie?

Napoleon Dynamite or Moana

Who would be your ideal partner?

god, i really wouldn’t tell you without sounding like a shallow bitvh. i just want a guy that looks like he hasn’t slept in 6 years, is tall, skinny, has long hair, makes me laugh and loves to kiss and cuddle, maybe a dreamy boy that will write poems about my loving stare and soft kisses who will take me on roadtrips that go anywhere, or maybe a jerk that’s rude and rides a motorcycle and never smiles unless he’s around me, i don’t know though

Do you want children?

god no

Do you want a church wedding?

no, i want an outdoor wedding during the fall time, in a nice forest with family and friends

Are you religious?

i was raised catholic and go to church but i don’t know if i believe in everything i have been taught.

Have you ever been to the hospital?

yes i want to say like twice in the past four years

Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

yes :/

Have you ever met any celebrities?

no :(

Baths or showers?

showers

What color socks are you wearing?

pink

Have you ever been famous?

i wish

Would you like to be a big celebrity?

only for the money and to have a bigger platform

What type of music do you like?

indie, rock, punk, rap, spanish music pretty much anything except country, i loathe country music no one can change my mind

Have you ever been skinny dipping?

nope

How many pillows do you sleep with?

four, two under my head, one under my legs, and one to hold onto at night (i’m v lonely)

What position do you usually sleep in?

on my side with one leg hike up and the other stretched out one arm under my pillow under my head the other holding another pillow, or in fetal position

How big is your house?

one story, 3 bedroom 2 bath house, i have a huge front and back yard, i love my house

What do you typically have for breakfast?

a granola bar

Have you ever fired a gun?

never

Have you ever tried archery?

in middle school, i was pretty shit at it

Favourite clean word?

i say heck a lot

Favorite swear word?

bitch!

What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

2 and a half days

Do you have any scars?

i have a lot i was a clumsy kid that got into places i shouldn’t have. my most gnarly scars are on my elbows, knees, and one on my hip where a shard of glass stabbed me.

Have you ever had a secret admirer?

i think maybe as a joke

Are you a good liar?

i am a great liar, i think i could be an actress because i lie so well

Are you a good judge of character?

i am a bit naive if im being honest, it clouds my judgement

Can you do any other accents other than your own?

my british accent is top notch, i can do a super exaggerated cockney accent, and a somewhat good australian accent (don’t quote me on that @eatmyshiftsticky)

Do you have a strong accent?

i don’t think i do, i grew up in a predominantly mexican city so compared to most people here i don’t have an accent but when people from out of town meet me (white people) they say i have an accent, i hear it sometimes in some words but idk

What is your favourite accent?

i love a french, australian, and spanish accents

What is your personality type?

neutral chaotic edgy thot, typical aquarius, peace and love, treat people with kindness type bitch

What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

my platform doc martens which cost me a whopping $180, i am very frugal with everything basically so this was a big spend to me

Can you curl your tongue?

if you mean can i make a taco with my tongue, yes!

Are you an innie or an outie?

innie.

Left or right-handed?

right-handed

Are you scared of spiders?

yes i absolutely hate spiders, if i see a spider i am either swatting that thing or running away

Favourite food?

mexican food specifically nachos and enchiladas, and chinese food

Favourite foreign food?

i like italian food

Are you a clean or messy person?

i’m a tidy person, like i’m messy but not to an extreme my room looks clean at first glance but then you notice little things that make it look messy

Most used phrase?

“on god?” or “no mames” or “mamadas”

Most used word?

i don’t know, i think i say sis and dude a lot.

How long does it take for you to get ready?

ugh makeup and hair and outfit is like a good hour and half, i need time or else i get crabby the rest of the day.

Do you have much of an ego?

not at all

Do you suck or bite lollipops?

suck??? if you bite into your lollipop without sucking it you’re a psychopath

Do you talk to yourself?

all the time, literally i talk more to myself than i do to my family, i’m thinking i should just start a youtube channel so i could talk to myself but with a purpose

Do you sing to yourself?

very badly but yes.

Are you a good singer?

not at all, and i was in choir for two years where did my talent go i wish i knew.

Biggest Fear?

losing my parents

Are you a gossip?

not really unless it’s like good gossip in spanish it’s called chisme and if someone is a gossip they’re a chismosa, sometimes i’m a chismosa i like drama.

Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Gone Girl

Do you like long or short hair?

on boys long hair is my absolute weakness, on myself i prefer my long hair

Can you name all 50 states of America?

i think i can name a solid 30

Favourite school subject?

english or history

Extrovert or Introvert?

i’m very introverted

Have you ever been scuba diving?

no way being in the open ocean terrifies me

What makes you nervous?

driving, talking to people, ordering my food at a restaurant, school, big crowds, literally everything because i have a generalized anxiety disorder.

Are you scared of the dark?

mmm when it’s outside yes, but not inside my house or room or whatever

Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

idk if it’s my business or affects me than yes

Are you ticklish?

YES the sides of my tummy are my tickle spot and i HATE when people tickle me there

Have you ever started a rumour?

no i would never

Have you ever been in a position of authority?

no, too much pressure is not good for me

Have you ever drank underage?

i was given tequila as a toddler by my grandpa so yes i have had my fair share of alcohol in my 18 years

Have you ever done drugs?

i have had edibles, i have smoked weed, and i have taken molly (please don’t do that it’s only fun while you’re on it).

Who was your first real crush?

i was in love with this boy named alejandro from like 7th grade to 10th i kissed him once, he was a complete ass and broke my heart.

How many piercings do you have?

my ears, my septum and two secret ones.

Can you roll your R’s?

of course i can.

How fast can you type?

on my phone i type pretty fast on a computer i am very slow

How fast can you run?

not fast at all, i can’t run for shit i have baby lungs

What colour is your hair?

dark brown

What color is your eyes?

dark drown

What are you allergic to?

cats :( and grass :( and pollen :(

Do you keep a journal?

no, my therapist always says i should start one but i just get bored or forget about it.

What do your parents do?

my mom is an elementary teacher and my dad is disabled.

Do you like your age?

i’d say 18 is a pretty solid age

What makes you angry?

the world, america mostly.

Do you like your own name?

mmm yeah, i forget i have a name because no one really says it, is that weird?

Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

i know i said i didn’t want kids but i know if i do have them i am going to name them after planets.

Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

a girl

What are you strengths?

i’m free-spirited and intellectual and loving

What are your weaknesses?

i can be mean, i can take out my anger on people who don’t deserve it, i want comfort but push people away

How did you get your name?

my mom named me after the movie with audrey hepburn

Were your ancestors royalty?

no lol

Do you have any scars?

battle scars dude

Colour of your bedspread?

a nice cream color

Colour of your room?

pastel yellow!

i tag @malibubarbievince @kountessbathory @guns-n-crue and whoever wants to do this, this was fun because y’all get to know more about me so thanks for the tag addy baby!!

#i love tag games #get to know me #about me

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harelan · 6 years ago

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Can we have the fluff and angst asks with Matilda and Solas 😔...

oh FUCK yeah babey!! thank u griff 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

1. What are things they both find funny?

they’re often dry and snarky with other people, which amuse each other. alone together they usually do stupid deadpan humor. solas seems very serious but really his sense of humor is just niche and very subtle unless you know exactly how to get at it, which matilda does.

2. If they could each describe each other in one sentence, what would it be?

answered here

3. If they complimented each other, what would they say?

answered here

4. What would be their ship name?

listen there’s just not a good combination of matilda/tannen and solas. solen? tanas? TAN ASS? “ma ghilana vhenan” fits them well as a descriptive/poetic phrase.

5. What activities do they enjoy together?

i cannot stress enough that they’re basically inseparable from the attack on haven until the temple of mythal, however long that is. they do everything together. solas is an absolutely horrendous cook but he helps as best he can, they eat all their meals together. they spend hours in bed reading separate books together. they go on walks or rides together. when he’s painting, she’ll sit on the sofa and crochet to keep him company. they explore the fade together literally every night.

6. What is/are their love language(s)?

they have quality time. unique to solas is words of affirmation, unique to matilda is acts of service.

7. Write a ~300 word love scene for them.

how great his responsibilities, how short his time, and how he could not help himself.

it was early, early morning, mist curling off distant fields as the rising grey sun burned it away, in a silent, secluded garden off a little stone manor house, all but drowning in ambling wisteria vines, such that the rough bricks beneath them were hardly visible.

a lack of courage in facing the front door had brought him there. the garden, half in shade and all in bloom, was almost enough, so steeped was it in her. he could almost breathe in the smell of every herb she ever cooked with as it grew here, and know that matilda’s tender hands planted them, and he could love her and go without ever troubling her.

almost enough. he fingered one of the petals as if he'd never touched a flower before.

he had been content to receive occasional news of her, content to linger, mostly unnoticed, in her dreams. content to shoulder the burden of longing heartache and imagine that it granted her freedom.

as his hand dropped from the flower, as though he had summoned her with the motion, the white-painted door that led into the house from the garden opened. were this the fade, this was the moment he would have vanished. but it was not. he was stuck, stiff, in this solid, sluggish earth, bare feet sinking into the soil. he could not flee, and so he gaped.

matilda was half-way to putting up her hair, red waves gathered but not secure, and she was every bit as beautiful as he remembered. more beautiful than he remembered: how could simple, fallible memory ever do her jusice?

she froze, too, and gaped, one foot on the neat clay tiles just inside the threshold and one on the rain-wet dirt, and she searched his face with a sequence of silent whats and whys and hows that came in shadows across her face. and then her face crumpled, and he only had time to see her eyes water before she threw her arms around his shoulders, and buried her face in the crook of his neck, and they were pulled by their collective weakness to their knees in the dirt.

8. What were their first impressions of each other?

ok so. matilda is waylayed on her way to the conclave with her retinue, she and a handful of other mages get cornered in a keep in the hinterlands and lysas asks the inquisition to go find her bc fiona might listen to her. that’s the setup.

anyway solas already knows who she is before they officially meet and he respects her marginally as an influential player in the mage rebellion. he also immediately respects her magical ability because when they fight their way through the templars to reach her, she springs a trap on them and could definitely have killed them if she wanted to.

matilda doesnt kill them mostly because of solas. he’s the mage in the party and she’s willing to believe him if he says they’re not with the templars. so she immediately trusts him more than she’d trust most people.

9. Have they made each other cry?

OH BOY HAVE THEY.

she cries during crestwood like straight up in front of him. he waits to cry until later. uhhh they’re both prone to bouts of Angst about one another between the breakup and trespasser, which sometimes end in crying. matilda cries during trespasser mostly because she’s afraid of him, and that just tears him up inside. listen they cry a Lot that’s what solavellan is FOR

10. Write a ~300 word argument scene for them.

im so sorry i literally cant write arguments i’m not argumentative enough to relate

11. What causes them to fight?

not a lot? they both have very few things that they care strongly enough about to fight about, especially solas, and the things they DO feel strongly about, they agree on.

12. Do they have differing political opinions?

a little. obviously matilda is more attached to this world and more eager to identify herself with it. but like lmao in general “stop enslaving/imprisoning people, stop treating people like second class citizens” they agree on. the underlying philosophy of the inherent freedom owed to all sentient beings, they agree on.

though theres the big difference where he wants to end the world and she doesn’t but, yknow.

13. Name something they would never do for the other person.

there’s not a lot, man. i mean, with sufficient reason they’d do literally anything for each other, except i think kill one another, which, in case da4 doesnt happen or is bad, matilda fucking GAMBLES on during the Final Confrontation.

like i’d say matilda wouldn’t kill for him, but she would, if he persuaded her it needed to happen for some necessary reason. yknow? this is a cop out answer.

matilda wouldn’t kill an innocent for him. solas... listen i don’t know what he wouldn’t do.

14. What would be a dealbreaker?

again, no dice. home boy straight up came out and said he’s a godlike being hellbent on ending the world and she’s still like heart eyes at him. i don’t know that there’s anything matilda would do that would make solas stop loving her. like there are things she could do, but nothing realistic. she’s not gonna start torturing and enslaving people.

15. What are traits they dislike in one another?

now this is a good question.

solas is too secretive. he refuses to take moral stances on things and will turn around and lecture her about seeing things in black and white when she does. he’s too often unsympathetic, unemotional. and he’s hypocritical.

matilda is modest to an at-times modest degree. he always expected that -- that she would insist on playing second fiddle to everyone in her life. she lets anger cloud her judgement on too many things, damn the consequences.

16. If they broke up, what would be their opinions of each other?

for the purposes of this question, since they’re still in love and want to be together, i’m not considering them really broken up. mutual “this isn’t working, we should end this” though -- they’d probably still be friends, honestly. they’re in love because they respect and trust one another and just because they decide to break things off doesn’t mean they stop clicking.

although, given the other real life dudes like solas i know, he’d probably be the kind of guy to cut all contact with exes. matilda definitely tries to be friends with her exes.

#dont @ me im proud of that love scene #im MUSH good BYE #carly tells tales #carly's ocs #oc: matilda #x: ma ghilana vhenan #nathanielhowes

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imadeletingmysocials · 7 years ago

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My scores for E3, because apparently now i’m a dumb 4channer who thinks this /v/ meme shit matters, like it’s not gonna affect sales or anything it’s pointless as all hell [this is lenghy, but hear me out ok]

EA:

4/10 - people will probably play the games regardless of how shitty this presentation was but... It felt pretty insulting.

Battlefield V is probably gonna make a lot of money regardless cuz people like war games and it seems pretty well done, the more footage they have shown seemed better than their weird advertizement that made world war 2 seem very wacky, which honestly regardless if you’re a sexist neckbeard or not, seemed like a poor advertizement move.

TinyBuild:

No one watched this lol and it was just 1 GAME and a fun cute musical that made people who aren’t strong enough to musicals die, 6/10 because it made nerds die and their song is catchy, i dont really care about their 1 game.

Microsoft:

9/10 - I'm giving this much of a high score because I would play practically almost all of these games showcased (they’ll probably be available on PC which I’m biased for cuz I have a gaming PC), no kidding, I pretty much liked everything I saw and it was fairly straight to the point. Many gamers don’t appreciate the finer details of each game and think they’re generic but that’s just fanboys who haven’t played a single game outside of their favorites.

Also my cousin uses those Xbox One netflix rip offs that gives you games so i’m happy for him. The presentation had a lot of diamonds in the rough games that will I will probably appreciate more over time (they might even become cult classics like Metro or Dying Light) than any of other games at other e3s. As for the stuff I won’t be playing: It’s mostly harmless so eh.

There was an abundance of trailers! It was like one after the other, pure goodness, it seems as if they left out all of the Sports games to EA to present and the only thing they showed that might not be anyone’s cup of tea was “Forza”, but honestly? I appreciate it, it seems like a good racing game even if I’m not one to buy racing games.... But the more you think about the number of good games presented, the less you’ll think about that, I mean they showed DEVIL MAY CRY 5!!!

...The Funko Pop game made me scream though.

Bethesda:

8.5/10 I cannot deny that these are games I will want to play regardless if they’re good or not. Sad to see nerds not enjoy the opportunity to meet ANDREW W.K. but I’m glad all of the divisions they own are making sequels to stuff I already like, so pretty much Bethesda played it safe.

Devolver Digital:

8/10 It’s like that one b-movie film your college students made and you had a laugh with creating.

Square Enix:

5/10 seriously, 30 minues of just trailers? Most of which we saw?? I guess it could be worse but who uses E3 screentime for mostly MMORPG deals! The new stuff was too vague to be excited about too.

Ubisoft:

7/10 - I liked it when they made funny quirky things and their games are probably gonna be okay like usual, Ubisoft has dedicated fans that like their collectathon games they release every year, and it’s usually that one game you play when you’re bored and got nothing else, it’s okay.

Gamers hate fun and dancing and all that stuff but I kind of find stuff like that exciting, while nerds who never went outside and who are sensitive as all hell to any representation of fun find it “cringey”. A panda dabbed, and that settles it, Ubisoft was the only E3 Brave enough to dab this year.

PC Game Conference (it was fairly long):

I know none of you watch this one cuz y’all fake as hell but listen... Fuck you LOL, these are the type of games people actually play over 400 hours and really get people’s money. Like these are games built to last that might be on the best-selling Steam front page for MONTHS, like how Frostpunk was comfirmed last year during this conference, PC Gaming has been known for sleeper hits that nobody knows about (because the attention goes to cinematic experiences on consoles most of the time) but suddently everyone’s playing it.

PC gaming has always been an alternative lifestyle and seeing as many people didn’t watch this one, that just proves the point that it still relatively alternative. Maybe it’s because everyone sounds dumb as fuck when saying “PC GAMER MASTER RACE” and acting like an elitist.

The PC Gaming conference is always more of a talk show than a regular E3 which is why I respect it every year, fuck the hyperactive gamers that just wanna see flashy trailers, this one’s more SOPHISTICATED!! It feels a lot more human and less artificial. Either way, lot’s of what you might’ve expected: Simulators and Survival games you’ll probably spend 3 years playing until they make a better minecraft clone.

Gamers like to act as if they’re tired of Battle Royale (already? It’s a new fad it still is here to stay for a little more) but the numbers and success of it doesn’t lie that it isn’t a fad that proves itself to be highly tempting to try out for developers. Go cry to valve that they didn’t release Half-Life 3 cuz you haven’t played any other FPS game without even researching that Valve pretty much fired all of it’s developers and you’re just being annoying.

I feel as if I need to comment what I saw at this e3 cuz nobody watched, they made a mod I liked from skyrim into a fully-ass game, they’re rebooting Star Control which not a single gamer today knows of, the HP Lovecraft open world detective game also seems very good. YAKUZA IS COMING TO PC!!!!!!!!! Killing Floor 2 stuff, Road Redemption stuff, SHARK RPG, cute indie games, Jeff Goldblum was there, Wall-E with a gun in VR which seems to have promissing good vr design by Insomiac games (yes the spyro people), 2 games about Taxi driving... Like sure I think it’s a good format for story telling but.

A cell-shaded art game, star citizen is still being made, and it’s gone to the point nobody really wants it anymore even if it’s... Still being made you know? So most guys are wrong that it was gonna be canceled. After that was the technical graphic card stuff which gamers don’t have enough capability to understand, stuff like 9k laptops that SELL a lot mind you. Rich people love that technical stuff.

A space defense sim game, Don’t Starve Sequel, Just Cause 4 detailed explanation of the engine, Overkill’s The Walking Dead gameplay which has been in development hell for years now now has a release date, I discovered Clementine’s voice actor is white... Go figure, a literal pixelated roguelike (not what you think it is, it’s Noita),

Theme Hospital REBOOT!!!! YES!!!!!!!!! And the doctors were cute. Probably one of the funniest games presented... Followed by REALM ROYALE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That harvest moon clone with a cute art style is still being made: Ooblets, no release date sadly. Anno is still going, cyanide and happiness still exists? and they’re making a battle royale? lol okay. How was Hitman 2 not announced during Square Enix?? Anyways it’s here at the end, the trailer was amazing and it’s coming out this year.

I don’t have that much strong feelings because it’s just a normal conference and not a special one you know? But I’ll give it a 8/10 or 7/10 im not sure cuz I seem to like most games and I found Frankie cute.

Sony:

Yo usually Sony makes like a huuuuuuuge thing about their conferences (like this year they didn’t even showcase indie games) but this year they started from a church for the sake of immersion?? It reminded me a little of their first E3s during the 90s, and it almost felt like a indie gathering for musicians, I swear to god, Sony is borderline experimental trying to balance out their E3 across stages. Jeb played the banjo and people just ACCEPTED it... AND THEN someone played some JAPANESE FLUTE? aRT. It might come off as a bit arrogant for some tho.

Nerds hated it and thought it was bizzare, which is why it means it’s good. HAPPY PRIDE MONTH BITCHES. Anyways could have been a little more fast-paced... But then again when it was fast-paced it was just like: Huh? What was that? I’m a big Resident Evil Fangirl, RE2 was my childhood but ignoring that for a sec: finally, Death Stranding gameplay, remins me of shadow of the colossus but post-apocalpytic, survival horrorish and abstract sci-fi.

Kind of feels more Metal Gear than MGSV did already Cuz Norman Reedus sounds like snake a lot more than the 24 hours guy, and because from what I’ve seen in the footage, someone acts like Otacon to “Sam”. I think most now can figure out the plotpoints of this game with what has been established. I might be a bit sad at the fact that this will be a PS4 exclusive just like Metal Gear Solid 4, which I still haven’t played fully because it’s PS3 exclusive and I only have a gaming PC.

Also this E3 was surprisingly entirely SINGLE PLAYER, I sorta don’t believe in the “single player doesn’t exist” myth honestly, especially now. I’m not sure if that makes Sony’s E3 better or worse, maybe it needed more variation, like I’ve commented, usually they have an indie showcase which this year did not. There were few games shown but for what it was worth, it’s still interesting... But yeah just 5 games? No Spyro? (easy picking), nothing extra? I can understand why many people felt this E3 was upsetting.

8/10.

Nintendo

Here it is, the most overhyped developer of all of E3, the source of “Nintendo wins E3 by doing nothing” memes because Nintendo fans really don’t care about anything except Nintendo and then act surprised when they only care about Nintendo when they try to be a little more open-minded (and fail) even if other E3s probably make more games built to last in comparisson, cuz we gay people only care about NINTENDO YOU KNOW? Shade asside...

I was pleasantly surprised this E3, it wasn’t just a series of okay at best releases, a strong 9/10.

tHAT WAS WHAT I WROTE IN PREPRATION....

BUT THEN???? IT WAS JUST THAT??? NO PRIME 4 NO ANYTHING LIKE JUST 3 GAMES BASICALLY? (maybe there was 5 games but eh) I mean smash is good.. It’s pretty much just an update of the last smash, every character is REALLY FUCKING GOOD BUT.... JUST THAT? jeez.. Like, the only stuff I wanted from it was Mario Party and Smash... Okay maybe that 1 Mecha game. Also I guess fornite is now on Switch but I can play that anywhere else really.

I guess a 7/10 is all I can give to just Smash, if there was a little more I’d give it a 9/10 for sure but... ehh Just Smash? jeez, fuck... i MEAN I kind of get it, Nintendo doesn’t do “e3″ normally, they usually do 1 big game at E3 and then wait a couple of months to do that little seasonal announcement thing they do across the year, ugh.. Okay. Yeah I guess i shouldn’t have expected much. Still isn’t it weird that Miyamoto was in Ubisoft’s E3 but not this one??? what!

Anyways

#e3 #i'll post that image at the end individually #long post #Sony #Nintendo #Bethesda #Microsoft

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dirt-goth · 7 years ago

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answer all the numbers

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survivormontenegro · 5 years ago

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Episode 2: “In all seriousness, I think I’m just stupid.” - Mo

youtube

Oop, so Madeline went bye bye without hitch. And Mitch lol sort of popped off a bit which turned out rub some people the wrong way.

Well as long as it doesn’t endanger me, it’s ok. Except for the fact that Michael brought up my name to Julia as a potential target just because we haven’t had good talks.

Honestly tho, talking to Michael is hard because he’s like a robot or whatever. He really is a big blue robot or whatever.

Right now, I think I’m in a good spot to not be that worried on Michael. I’ve got an alliance with Jason and Julia. Though we haven’t solidified a duo or whatever, Jared and I are working together as well probably. I’m getting closer with Ali and Benji and I have had talks of watching each other’s back.

So far the potential targets if we lose are Mitch and Noah. I have talks with Mitch and I think he’s sort of a lose cannon but right now he trusts me I think so yeah. People are leaning towards Noah because he talks the least with people.

But I do hope we win immunity, UgH!! I blame Drew for not putting me on a dominating tribe grrrr where’s the monte Rosa winning streak power when you need it.

youtube

AHHHHHH BEEEP BOOOP BEEEP BOOP. This twist sucks. There is a power dynamic that is going on. Julia, Ben , Ali , and I are in an alliance. Seperataly though. I don't think they are aware of how much strategy I talk with Julia (which is how we want it). It seems Ian Jason are the biggest threats since they are liked and have numbers. BUT I CANT TAKE THEM OUT BECAUSE OF THE TWIST AHDHEUEJIDKD. So it seems Mitch is the target but I can't let Ian and Jason stay too long otherwise I am fucked. It's only a matter of time before they realize what I'm doing and I become a target (maybe even next tribal). BEEEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP

So last tribal went super smooth. Madeleine bye girl, but you were a ticking time bomb and you needed to go. And you also threw MY precious name out to Jared. In my first confessional I said I didn't want you here, and I got what I wanted. Now we are on this round. A puzzle challenge for immunity? Seriously? This has me FUCKED up boo. But I don't know weather to worry or not about tribal council. Last round, after I stirred the pot a bunch for the Madeleine vote she had an elaborate plan to get Mitch out that I myself pressured her into doing. I let Mitch know about her plan and at tribal shit got interesting. He blew the fuck up on the girl. And this was beautiful. It put a target on his back. So I might just be in the clear. His name will definitely be brought up just for that. This tribe doesn't like crazy explosive people (lol me in crossroads). But I also have gotten so far on this idol board, I might have the chance to snatch that bitch up. Lets pray everything goes well for me!!!

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I realize in hindsight that im coming off as really mean in my confessional, but it was just like,,, in the moment? Yk??? A more concise version - usually when people like JJ fly high and take control early on, people get mad and they crash and burn really quick. So as much as it might break my heart, I might have to let that happen.

Forgot to mention thoughts on relationship statuses atm: Jules says she trusts me Alex says he trusts me Mo says he trusts me JJ says he trusts me Tom is iffy but I feel like we have a stronger relationship? Especially if he’s closer with JJ (which I personally believe he is) he’ll feed him info that’ll go back to me I have a good relationship with evan for the most part ? We talk on and off but we’re both just busy lol Caeleb my grandson/angel and I have a great relationship - we talk about Pokémon a lot Willow and I are iffy but like a fun iffy And David is the most innactive, but we bond over not talking on calls sometimes

So first things first thank GOD we won immunity I was not getting good vibes from people so I think I would been gone. Anyhoot, I definetly feel like there is an alliance already formed between Tom and JJ for sure and then possibly Jones Jules and lets throw in Alex, Those 5 seemed to be so comfortable and non scrambly this past tribal that im SUS. Going into this challenge wowie a math puzzle, not good for me and it showed! I definitely think we are losing now so I really have to push the vote for like Evan maybe because a bitch wants to stay and he's probably more inactive than I. Listen guys I really want to be on more but as Rihanna said I just gotta Work Work Work Work Work Work so that's that on that. I just hope they let this bitch stay!

Okay so let's get INTO this:

I know that my biggest weakness is the fact that I don't do a great job at times of talking to people. Ever since Day 1 though I've been making a solid effort to speak to every single person on my tribe two or three times every day.

So let's start with the first reward challenge. I tried really hard because I wanted to make a good first impression challenge wise. I feel like if you put in a solid performance in the first challenge, your tribe will be more understanding if you struggle in a future challenge.

As soon as I saw the flag part of the first immunity challenge, I knew that we were going to probably lose it no matter what, and there was strategy behind me wanting to take it on. Everyone on my tribe was already hyping up the fact that the other tribe had that part in the bag, so I knew that if I put in a solid effort and lost, it would be seen as "He stepped up for us and tried hard even though he had no shot" rather than "he fucked it up for us". I had to step on Madeleine's toes and kind of be rude to make sure that I got to do the flag, but that didn't really concern me since nobody seemed to like her anyway?

Now when it came to the first vote of the season, pretty much the whole damn tribe told me they wanted to do Madeleine. I think the fact that she really didn't talk to anyone until she NEEDED to is what played a major part in her elimination. Honestly, I didn't really like her at all LMAO, so I didn't mind seeing her go home.

The fact that Madeleine was already basically screwed and confirmed to go home was great bc it gave me the opportunity to take advantage of that situation for myself and build up my trust/credibility with other people. Madeleine came to me just a couple of hours before the voting deadline with her plan to get a group of people to vote against Mitch and send him home. I basically just was like "yasss I agree that's a great plan sis omg you're MIND". I asked for a list of who her 'numbers' were before agreeing to vote with her, and of course with her being desperate, she had no choice but to comply. Sis sent me a whole ass list of her alleged allies, and I was gagged becuase literally all of them had been shit talking her and saying that they were voting her out ALL DAY.

I took that information to Mitch and let him know about her plan, which gained me some brownie points and trust building with him. And then I went to the people she listed and was sort of like "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that she's going around telling people who she thinks you're voting for". Overall, I think that Madeleine's messiness really benefited me and my connections with the tribe.

Following Madi's elimination, if I had to rank my tribemates in terms of who I trust most to least, it would work out like this:

1) Julia 2) Ali 3) Mitch 4) Jason 5) Ben 6) Jared 7) Ian 8) Michael

Julia, Ali, Mitch & Jason interact with me the most. They always respond when I message them to start a conversation, and they aren't shy about hitting me up and initiating conversations. Ben, Jared & Ian won't really initiate conversations with me, but if I message them first they'll always message me back pretty quickly and engage with me. With Madeleine gone, Michel is now the most difficult for me to socialize with. Our conversations tend to die quickly if I don't put in maximum effort, which is kind of annoying, but I'll keep trying because I relaly don't want to end up like Madi and have everyone vote me out because I didn't try with them.

I'm kind of nervous at the moment with this vote just bc nobody is really giving me names yet? I'm hoping that the reason why is that they are waiting for tomorrow morning and just don't want to throw out names too early. I feel a bit like Sandra in the sense that as long as it's not me, I don't care. I'm not sacrificing my game for ANY of these people. That's what I love about these TS orgs; these people aren't my friends and I don't feel bad at all about sending any of them home LOL.

I'm really hoping to form a more formal alliance soon, but I want to be VERY cautious. I'd rather keep it small with just a few people that I trust not to go throwing me under the bus and leaking shit. An ideal situation would be me, Julia, Ali & Mitch as a strong foursome, but I need to talk to them separately as individuals first and try to figure out if any of them are already in group chats/alliances before I try to pull them into a commitment. The last thing I want is to try to form an alliance with people that are already set in other groups.

Anyway, I'm just going to try to continue being super social and hope that it plays out in my favor. BTW this twist is evil and I despite it, but I'm just going to have to work with it and adapt.

tom was really drunk and messaged me all these nice things so i really want to make him my ally now even though he's messy!!!

Well, today we probably lost the competition. Considering I was 4x faster than my maze partner. Willow doesn't know how to do math. David probably hasn't done his competition.

But in the same light, Evan and I did really well in our competitions. So, who knows? I might actually like to lose a competition. It would be interesting to see if people's heads are actually where they say they are.

I’m so upset, I always get fucking challenges in games that I CAN’T do I don’t know how to do it. Then we talk about our scores and Evan was like oh I did it in a minute but I could of done it quicker if I had a mouse and I’m just like I SCORED 16 MINUTES AND IM FINE BECAUSE I DIDN'T SCORE OVER TWENTY MINUTES.

In all seriousness I think I’m just stupid. Like when I was doing the challenge I was confident. I always go in with a “I’m gonna do great!” attitude and then I hear about how well the others did and it’s like getting hit by a car.

I'd also like to give an update on how I feel about everybody in this game.

Alex seems like he's the person I'd like to work with most, but he also seems the most hesitant to commit to any kind of long term alliance. Jules & Jones are really difficult to tell apart, but they're both lovely people. They seem to be super open to working together, and they both compliment me out the butt hole. Tom is really sweet. He seems to be very easily woo'd by attention and compliments, which shouldn't be too difficult. He's like. Super cute and very fun to talk to. Mo is cool, we share a lot of the same sense of humor, lots of the same references. Its also super comforting that he's also on the same timezone as I am. Evan seems really cool. I feel awful about never responding to his messages on time, which could really hurt my game. Caeleb is so fuckin cute. Like he's just a wholesome lil bean, I don't know how he's going to survive in such a cutthroat game like survivor. Maybe that's his strategy, have everyone underestimate him. Maybe he's scary and spooky. ^ Y'all really got me out here talking like a tumblrina.. Anyways, onto Willow. We seem to have the same conversation everyday and it never really goes anywhere. Awkwardddd. For David, whenever he does go on call, he never talks, and it just becomes this awkward silence, he really brings down tribe morale.

https://youtu.be/71NJ9oc-WrI <- Video didn’t embed

Video afterthoughts: According to Alex JJ seems more interested in the idea of a swap happening and is now turning onto the idea of voting David? I’m gonna actually talk to jules about how they feels tho bc they said they trust me and I wanna like,, show the trust in return? I want them to feel good w me as much as I feel good w them

It seems like me and Julia created the vote once again, and AGAIN it is not traced back to us. Michael is under the impression he created the vote (lol) which is good for us, no blood on our hands. The reasoning behind planting Mitch and Michael as targets into people's head was to see how they scrambled so we could flush every alliance. We now know Mitch and Michael are working together. If all goes well it should be unanimous (if we even had to go to tribal).

We didn't go to tribal the first time around so David got to stick around. I have an odd feeling that we didn't win immunity so tonight will be the actual chance to do so. I really do think it'll be him because he's so inactive and I think its best to keep our tribe active and playing rather than scrambling and weak. Plus I have talked to many people about it so it would be a pretty big blindside if it was someone else and I would be left aghast!

JJ is clearly an influencer in the tribe, and I think he likes me and wants to keep me around and I am perfectly fine being a number in his game. At least for the time being, because at this point that's a strong strategy for me. I think I am making real genuine connections that I can profit from, both strategically but also personally because we have some fun people here :).

okay so this is the end, hold your breath and count to ten. i'm going home. i can just sense it, its my time and i can feel it hap-hap-happenin'. the vote is theoretically noah, but everyone is going quiet so i think its me. my takeaways are that i was too wishywashy, and left myself vulnerable due to my poor social game.

in other news, if the vote is noah i will be SHOCKED. i think we will probs swap too, so we will see. I think it wont matter this is the end, I'm going byebye very very soon rippy rip!

https://youtu.be/KdBeFE1iYWg <- Video Confessional from Day 6

https://youtu.be/ZQZ1ktG2lU0 <- Tribal Council #2 Vote

(Both did not embed)

Day Numero 6; Honestly nothing is popping off in this game for me! So hard to type a confessional because i could be highly naive about my position in this game and i could be getting votes tonight but i have not heard any names except for david once again.

youtube

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cautious-adventure · 8 years ago

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1 to 104 HENNY

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? -Probably just ask how the fuck that happened 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?-He went back home? We are friends I guess3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?-it depends on the drug like weed isnt a dealbreaker but meth is4. Is your last name longer than six letters?-yep5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?-Drunk6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?-nope because I am an underachiever 7. What does your last received text say?-no8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?-once9. Where was your last kiss at?-the basement of my friends condo10. When is the last time you saw your sister?-like an hour ago11. What do you drink in the morning?-iced tea or juice12. Where did you sleep last night?-in my own bed13. Do you think relationships are hard?-probably 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?-yeah I would not have gone to my last college 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?-nope 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?-i feel dead inside right now so rainy17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?-i know people with the white version of my middle name 18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?-pj pants 19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?-probably 20. Does anyone like you?-not that i'm aware of21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?-nope22. Is the last person you kissed gay?-it was a gay dude23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?-oh yeah24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?-I actually really want a couple but I have to wait until I move out25. In the past week have you cried?-bitch please i've cried in the last hour26. What breed was the last dog you saw? -it was a poodle mixed with something27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?-out of the shower28. Have you ever kissed a football player?-i kissed a guy that used to play football29. Do you think you’re old?-no30. Do you like text messaging?-yes i wish people would text me more but i suck at replying 31. What type of day are you having?-a boring one32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?-ugh I want to do that too but my job doesnt allow it 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?-i like cool weather like the Fall34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?-no35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?-either would be fine36. Are you a simple or complicated person?-im borh37. What song are you listening to?-caroline by aminé38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?-As a rule I ONLY say sorry when I mean it39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?-I think so40. What made you start liking the person you like now?-I dont like anyone ATM41. When did you last receive a text message?-yesterday at almost 8pm42. What is wrong with you right now?-anxiety43. How well do you know the last female you texted?-i've known her for 2 maybe 3 years44. Does anyone disgust you?-donald trump45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?-it all depends on who they are46. Are you in a good mood right now?-not at all47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?-my mom48. What color shirt are you wearing?-solid black49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?-my sister told me she liked it better when i was gone50. Anyone you’re giving up on?-not yet51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?-a bit52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?-no i usually just tell them to fuck off53. Do you like rain?-to a degree54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?-as long as its not hurting anyone i dont55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?-everybody56. Do you like to cuddle?-yes cuddles are nice57. Are you shy?-im not shy as much as able to readily trust people58. Do you get along with girls?-quite well i think59. Have you dated the person you texted last?-oh my god no60. What do you carry with you at all times?-phone,house key, wallet61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?-it depends on what its haunted with because i dont fuck with demons62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?-how hard can it be63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?-I had a thing with a guy idk if that counts64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?-no65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?-no66. How old are the last three people you kissed?-19-18-16?67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? -i dont like getting my nails done so neither 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? -both of those are gaudy as hell69. Do you have any stickers on your car? -no but i also dont own a car yet70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? -Lil wayne for sure71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? -iphone72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? -december73. Do you like diet soda? -nope it tastes weird74. What color are the walls in your room? -bluish green75. Are you 16 or older? -older76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? -i used to77. Do you have a job? -yes i work in fast food 78. What are your initials? -ca79. Did you ever have braces? -for like a year80. Are you from the south? -no way81. What does your last status on facebook say? -i dont use facebook82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? -we are friends 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? -my mom84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? -i did gymnastics but couldnt take it seriously 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? -Moana86. Do you smoke? -no sir87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? -flippy floppies88. Is your phone touch screen? -of course, its not the middle ages89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? -its usually in a braid90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? -my house creaks too much for that reckless white people shit91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? -any of those is fun92. Have you ever made out in a car? -nope93. …Had sex in a car? -hell no94. Are you single or in a relationship? -single95. What were you doing last night at midnight? -scrolling through the tumbla96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? -new years eve97. Do you like the camera on your phone? -i wish it was better but it does its job98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? -nope99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? -never100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? -no101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? -lollll no102. Name your favorite Kesha song: -either Take it off or Your love is my drug 103. Do you have any tan lines right now? -nope I am all pale again104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? -dear lord NO

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arabellaflynn · 8 years ago

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I remember predicting when we moved into this place that I'd spend my bad days sitting in bed, staring out the window at Dorchester Bay. Right now I'm staring at where the bay would be, were it not for the intervening fog, but otherwise my guess seems to have been rather accurate. My left hip hurts. I'm not sure if it's something in the joint or in my lower back that's objecting, but it's doing so vociferously. It has the same peculiar electric quality as the moment you bash your funny bone, or bite down on tinfoil with a metal filling. It's not the dull throbbing red ache or the sharp stab of having actually injured myself; it's the pointless pain of a nerve that is holding a grudge over something, possibly something imaginary, and doesn't want to let go. It started before Arisia, but I had a show to do, so I ignored it until I noticed it was starting to make my gait go funny on stairs. Funny thing about neuropathic pain; even if it didn't begin with you actually injuring something, your body responds as if you had, by knotting the muscles around the sore spot in order to protect it. I wanted to put my foot sideways and tip my knee in so I could pull myself up stairs with my thigh rather than push from behind, even though that did nothing to change the way anything felt. Survival instincts are odd sometimes. In any case, walking cockeyed like that will eventually do real, tangible bad things to your knee. So I made myself locomote normally until I got home from work on Friday. I made sure I had nothing to do over the weekend. I think I had a peanut butter sandwich for dinner. And then for the next two and a half days, my meals consisted of tea and painkillers, because fuck me. Certain kinds of movement help, but shockingly enough, there is a limit to how much hula hooping I can do in one go. I don't know what it is, because I make myself stop at the end of the movie, but I assume this limit exists, especially when I'm getting most of my calories from instant Thai tea mix with "cream" (read: dried milk solids and non-dairy coffee creamer powder) and sugar (amazingly, real sugar). I've spent most of the rest of the time trying to pull my left knee over my right shoulder. Me being me, I am having an unreasonable amount of success at this, but can't get anything new to pop, so as soon as I let go it goes right back to hurting. People ask me, "How much does it hurt?" I don't know. More than 'ouchie' and less than 'I can't stand up'. The standard pain scale that runs from "happy face" to "crying frowny face" isn't very useful for chronic things. It's more good for acute pain of recent onset, where you can compare how much something hurts now to how much it didn't hurt before. If you were fine 48 hours ago and now you're doubled over and begging for a morphine smoothie, that's important diagnostic information. If it's hurt the same for a week and a half... maybe that's normal? Who knows? This is more useful. It ranks pain by how much it affects your ability to function, rather than how it 'feels'. This is something I can note intellectually even when my internal monologue is mainly reminders to smile at others, interspersed with a lot of free-floating, family-unfriendly words. I have a rule that says I am allowed to think whatever I want, as long as I behave like a civilized human being. I routinely do not notice how much something hurts until I realize that, while I've been physically negotiating the T like a normal member of the herd, I have been fantasizing about kidney-punching every. single. person. in front of me until the fucking crowd fucking moves fucking faster go just go what is the fucking matter with all of you JUST GO. According to that chart, I have learned how to compensate for up to about a 6.5. I don't know how seamless it is; I can't tell from inside, because it is an altered state of mind, and it's distracting when every other thought you have is ow fuck i want to go home. Probably if you knew me well you'd notice I wasn't the zippiest I've ever been, but for people who aren't accustomed to me and my big mouth, it would be undetectable. I hit 5 regularly, usually with musculoskeletal stuff that makes moving uncomfortable. I kept putting off a trip to the supermarket, because while walking down to the T stop would be moving and therefore better, exiting both the house and the station at the other end would involve stairs, and being on the train would mean sitting or standing still for a while, both of which made things much worse. I can do certain things up to about a 7, especially if nobody bugs me to take my hat or sunglasses off. (Those are usually either from migraines or eventually bring one on, so light is my mortal enemy.) I have to be given time to make a plan, and then allowed follow through on it without any interruptions or alterations. I don't have enough capacity to recalculate if something changes, or make any new decisions, however small. If you try to force me to do either of those things, I deadlock and fall apart. Being sick will also grind me down that far. I remember a time, years ago, when I had the honest-to-God flu, and a roommate who was trying to be nice asked me if I wanted her to leave the windows open or closed when she left for work. I hauled the blankets over my head and wailed at her not to make me responsible for the state of the windows. Around 8 is when I start bowing out of plans on the grounds that I am 'sick'. At that point I am not physically capable of giving a shit about consequences anymore, so I just send out cancellation messages and go to bed. You could set the house on fire around me and I'd just curl up tighter in bed and think 'huh. fire now. okay i guess'. A guy on reddit recently illustrated how depressed he'd been in the past with the story of how a guy with a gun jumped out at him one night and demanded his wallet, and he just said, "No." The mugger was very confused and eventually went away, but the point wasn't that he was stalwart or brave or fierce; it was just that was in such a state of shutdown that he had no feelings left one way or the other about being shot, and lacked the energy to be robbed properly. [I don't recall ever hitting 10, but I may have hit a 9 when I was five and broke my forearm. The part I do remember is that they kept giving me IM Demerol, and I kept telling them it wasn't doing anything. They finally topped me out and had to set the bone no matter what. I don't recall that specific chunk of the night, which is probably a thing my brain has done on purpose. I'm told I went dead white and nearly passed out. I definitely hit a 9 the time I cracked a molar and exposed a root, which was infected by the time I could afford to go to the dentist. It is the only time I have ever seriously considered banging my head against the floor until I passed out, because the initial bottle of Vicodin and the later bottle of Percocet did not work. I coped by sleeping as much as I could, titrating myself full of NSAIDs, and knocking back DXM until I was no longer aware of having teeth.] People also ask me why I keep doing stuff, if things hurt 'that much'. Firstly, define 'that much'. Nobody ever tells you when that is, or gives you any good criteria for deciding for yourself. If you're sitting down, it doesn't hurt 'that much' and you're a lazybones who should be working like everyone else. If you're still doing things, then it's your fault for not taking care of yourself by sitting down when it hurts 'that much'. I do it for the same reason I walked home last night festooned with four bags of groceries and two hula hoops, in sleet and wind gusts of up to 40mph: There isn't another option. I was at the T stop. I needed to be at home. So I walked. It was unpleasant. Lots of things are unpleasant. You learn very quickly that your feelings do not matter. The universe is a cold sociopathic kidnapper holding a gun to your head and telling you that you will do the thing or you don't get to survive. So you do the thing, and shut the fuck up about it before worse happens. If you're incapable of doing the thing, you might get mercy the first couple of times, but it's at the whim of your captor. Someday they're going to run out of whims. You trudge home in the sleet anyway, in case that that day isn't today. I hope that didn't sound inspirational. It wasn't meant to be. I am incredibly cranky right now, and that was meant to be an illustration of my current mood, and why I have given up and decided to just spend the day in bed crying. I do not do things while I am in pain because I am strong or courageous or whatever. Don't kid yourself. I do things under duress. from Blogger http://ift.tt/2juazKg via IFTTT -------------------- Enjoy my writing? Consider becoming a Patron, subscribing via Kindle, or just toss a little something in my tip jar. Thanks!

#IFTTT #Blogger #Unsolicited Advice

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goodguidanceptc · 7 years ago

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Race Report: Ironman Arizona Race Date: November 19, 2017

2017 started with the mantra, “Make the Kona choice.” I used this to plan and execute training, diet, meal timing and portions, as well as social activities, bedtime, even reading materials. As training data and assessments coalesced, I tweaked it to a more intrinsic, “Make the sub-10 choice.”

Why sub-10? According to www.coachcox.co.uk (which I highly recommend for robust IM data analysis), over the last ten years, the Average KQ time for AG males, 45-49 at IMAZ is a vicious 9:34. In fact, to even sniff at KQ at any Ironman, sub-10 only sometimes gets you in the running.

As volume and intensity of rides and runs increased over months of training, “Make the sub-10 choice” was truncated even further to: “1-5-4,″ an oversimplified shorthand for my expected S/B/R splits. Aggressive? Sure. Mistake? Maybe. But “Aggressive Mistakes” could be the tag line for every middle age endurance athlete. I wanted to redeem a terrible 2015 IMOO, be one of the guys at the pointy end of the bell curve, and with a healthy injection of luck, maybe earn a Kona Qualification.

To help make rides and runs (and lifting sessions) fun, like most folks, I built a playlist library. As I shuffled new songs in and out, the playlists became a mish-mash of blues, hard rock, EDM, classical and funk. Fun. Odd. Me.

I’ll save you some time (ha!)... I didn't get anywhere near sub-10. I made great strides in fitness, learned quite a bit and had some big fun doing it. Falling well short of a 10 hour Ironman has generated a mixed bag of emotions. So, not unlike my playlists, now that IMAZ is done, I’m all over the place. Here’s my race report.

Day Before and Race Day

In light of the result, one very small detail stands out from the day before: as a light snack at about 3:30, I had some corn chips and approx.1/2c guacamole.

Race day: All good. Proper fueling, proper timing, proper execution.

Lesson: I’m well prepped on race day. Very little anxiety or stress; I planned the race and I’ll race the plan (mostly). But remember that guac snack.

Swim (1:08:32)

Tempe Town Lake is basically a giant, unfiltered pool, murky but calm, a Lake Michigan Lite. Two challenging aspects of the course are 1) officials make it very tough to preview actual course and 2) about 400 yards of swimming directly towards a 7:02 sunrise.

The new self-seeding race start works fine for me, I’m no mass start purist and I’m happy to navigate fewer dolts over the first couple hundred yards. I’d been in this water twice over the past 30 days and shaded goggles got me through.

In candor, while there’s always room for improvement, my Garmin indicated 1:26/100 avg. over 2.58mi and mapped very close to where Ironman says the buoys were placed. So in terms of efficiency, the extra .18miles could be attributed to race-start procedures/location, where I hit my T1 button as well as some normal jostling.

Lesson: better sighting and overall technique will help improve time.

T1 (5:14)

Smooth. Almost half the time my coach thought I’d take. I don’t fuck around in transition.

Bike (5:41:43; 19.7mph avg)

My plan was simple: “Front side strong side, back side fast side.” I’d muscle uphill to the Shea Road turnaround (strong side) and let gravity and aero deliver high speeds back into town (fast side) for three loops. This also fits my general race strategy of “take what it gives you.”

Furthermore, even the windiest rides I’d taken over the month that I lived in Tempe to train, the gusts rarely got above 15mph. So 5-10mph wind forecast was manageable. I had a solid, tested nutrition plan. I’d rented a small profile front wheel and disk back (practiced on during my stay) and a respectable 289 FTP. I made my race weight goal of 162lbs (74kg).

But Ironman is a bitchy trickster.

Because on race day, that bitch wind that usually hits at Beeline Highway, was already in everybody’s face at McKellips Road, a full 10 miles earlier (per loop), than any practice ride. However, logic indicates that if it’s that nasty outbound, it’s at my back inbound! Sure enough, IM tracker data supports this over first and second loops, essentially indicating 17mph outbound, 26mph inbound, though less dramatically on third loop data (16mph out/19mph in).

To stay conservative, I deliberately turned down watts to manage the additional 30miles of headwind on McKellips. Garmin says: 183 avg watts (63% FTP) overall. This may indicate I left some power out there, or(!) that good technique and aerodynamics on the “fast side” kept watts down despite high avg mph.

On the front side of the second loop, lots of “47″ and “46″ male calves passed me. I really hate getting passed. IMAZ results say I ranked 39th out of the water but 60th off the bike. So you just gotta believe me when I say that I let a lot of people go. Is that a positive step in my evolution as a competitor? Or was that concession to windy course conditions? All I know is that I took too long on the bike and there was a lot of conflicting chatter in my head.

To compound the problem, every time I peed, i had to gear up/mash hard in order to coast long enough to straighten a leg as I went. And if a few guys got past me as I peed, I had to catch them. Was that racing my plan? Yes and no. Yes I’d always planned to pee on the bike, but the wattage spikes to regain momentum may have caused problems later. On the other hand, 183 avg watts! So it’s a circular conundrum.

Two other items of note.

I ate one Clif Bar within the first hour, as planned.

As is my habit, I thank volunteers as well as first responders (police, EMTs, Firefighters) as I go.

Lesson: trust the training. A good plan, well executed, will get it done.

T2 (2:49)

Again, smooth. No issues. I’d gotten all my nutrition and hydration in on the bike and my full body scan was all good. Even gave Susan a quick peck as I went by.

Run (4:21:26 or 9:58/mi)

Ten. Minute. Miles. Criminal. A heinous crime.

What happened? Started slowly--as planned-- and knew the course. Everything for the first two miles was A-OK! I wasn’t pushing. What happened? No problems on second loop whatsoever, I had the legs and the stomach was fine. Cola provided a great boost around mile 24. I ran the last two miles at sub-8:00 pace but did not negative split. I didn't get anywhere near my expected average pace of 8:30s or better. What happened?

One. Bad. GI moment. At Mile 2, forced porta-pottie stop to release the terrible pressure.

So let’s Tarantino this crime... let’s go back... rewind... maybe you already know where I’m going...

IF I had started cola earlier (mile 16?), I could have negative split...

IF I had not had a brief but sudden bout of diarrhea at the second aid station (symptoms started bubbling at first aid station)...

IF only I hadn’t over-reacted in FEAR, slowing at every aid station to ensure that I was never too far from a port-pottie.

Did I need to walk every aid station? Absolutely not!

In other words, despite near perfect race day plan and execution, that one single, sudden burst of diarrhea blew up the whole run. Because once it started, that fear of it becoming a serial killer dominated my race management. Now, in the court of my post-race opinion, where does the blame belong?

Infinite formula? Both bike and run formulas were used extensively during training. Verdict: Innocent.

That Cliff Bar early on the bike? Circumstantial evidence does point to this suspect, given IMOO results and frequent immediate distress after some(!) training bricks, but the timing doesn’t seem right and, again, used plenty in training. Verdict: Innocent.

Heat? It reached mid-80s. But I never felt that oppressive burn (or other symptoms) of being overheated AND I’d been training in it for over a month AND I did not cramp up afterwards. Verdict: Innocent.

Loss of Confidence? I don’t think of myself as a runner despite having completed multiple 70.3s and lots of long training runs, not to mention the friggin’ Chicago Marathon, sub-4 in 90+ degree heat. Verdict: GUILTY, Aiding and Abetting.

Guacamole? Forgive my grossness here but this suspect matches the volume and consistency of evidence left in the second aid station porta-pottie. Timing fits, too. Verdict: GUILTY.

Lesson: sometimes “take what it gives you” is not the right move. Sometimes fortune favors the bold. Should have and could have run harder and let the poops fall where they may.

OVERALL RACE TIME: 11:19:26

OVERALL RACE GRADE: B-

I had faster time expectations in all three phases, especially the Run. Honestly though, it is somewhat disingenuous to suggest that 11:19 is not impressive. It is. Especially given that this was only my second ever full 140.6 race.

Did I redeem a terrible 2015 IMOO? Unequivocal YES.

Am I one of the guys at the pointy end of the bell curve? SORT OF, depending on how pointy #48 out of 495 ranks in my AG (largest AG at IMAZ).

Did I KQ? Unequivocal NO. Not even close.

Furthermore, I admit that 1-5-4 was a stretch goal from the very start, especially given my limited time in the sport. I also have to admit that there was never any data to support the kinds of power or paces I know to be required for sub-10 results, including but not limited to:

1-5-4 does not account for 10-15 minutes of transition

A 5 hour bike split indicates a 22.4mph average speed

3.2 - 3.4 w/kg is well below elite ratios of 4.0+w/kg

A sub-4 standalone marathon does not project to a sub-4 IM marathon

A 5-hour 70.3 does not project to a 10-hour full

SWIM: A-

Could reasonably trim 7-8 minutes, or about :10-:15 seconds/100.

BIKE: B+

Wind. But also, could have managed/reduced surges better. Could reasonably trim :30 minutes with a few extra watts.

RUN: C

That initial shock of FEAR so early in the run created a tactical overreaction predicated on a lack of faith in my own abilities. I’ve just got to start thinking of myself as a runner. Then, run.

Finishing / Post Race

I’m very grateful to my lovely wife Susan and my wonderful kids, Peter and Veronica for their support. Susan, you are my salvation.

I’m grateful to have the expert professionals Coach K and Coach Sharone and the entire Well-Fit staff who share their wisdom.

I’m grateful to my inspiring and impressive training partners, including but not limited to the TriFam (Adam, Anjelica, Bernie, David, Kelly, Lauren, Megan, Sach), the Well-Fit Elite Team (too many bad-asses to list) and other triathlete rockstars like AJ, Jeremy, Kristin D., Laura B., Thomas, Tony, and all the Pauls and Mikes.

Special gratitude to Tatsu, Jeremy and Paul Z who were involved, but thankfully not harmed, with my training ride crash. Tatsu was especially gracious and understanding. Thank you.

I’m very grateful to anybody willing to excuse my terrible smell, deplorable language and barbaric sounds during FTP tests.

Maximum gratitude to Well-Fit, FFC, UIC, Whitney Young, Get-A-Grip, Live Grit, Fleet Feet, the Lakeshore path, Joliet Bicycle Club, PSHS and the pros at Moxie Multi-sport in Tempe.

I’m grateful for Crushing Iron (C26), Matt Fitzgerald, Joe Friel, Training Peaks, Scott brand bikes, Garmin, Apple, Chipotle, Lifetime Fitness, Ironman.

Thank you to all the on-course maniacs cheering and making signs and wearing all sorts of crazy outfits to show love and support.

Special thanks and appreciation to Matt Dryden, Rob Lemons and Bernie Mc for the most amazing on course support--with special Top Marks to Bernie the Leprechaun!

I’m grateful that I’m able to race triathlons.

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