#usopp is jus trying to make it to another day

[onepiecehiperfixation]

Random: That's a weird fucking tone man. Usopp: THat's the way Zoro sounds. He has an asshole voice. Zoro tell him he's okay. Zoro: Everything is great. Usopp: DuDe.

[kbstories]

Synthesis

syn·the·sis (n.) A higher truth gained from two contradicting ideas.

Every man has a breaking point - even Luffy. Good thing Usopp knows a thing or two about overcoming boundaries.

(Or: Sabo is in danger and Luffy is stressed)

Tags: Post-Wano, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Nakamaship, Canon Compliant (up until Chapter 977), Recovery, Usopp is MVP as always, Mentions of Ace

Spoiler warning up to Chapter 977. Anything beyond that is pure speculation.

***

There’s a poetic sort of justice to the fact that everyone knows and Luffy doesn’t, this time.

It’s fucked up, sure, a twist of fate so morbid only Robin would find joy in it, and even she looks vaguely sick. You see, repetition is a fantastic rhetorical device: There’s nothing more satisfying than a story coming full circle, when the intricate mosaic of setup and payoff results in much-needed catharsis. Simple and effective, any storyteller will tell you – and Usopp is damn good at telling stories. It’s the one thing he can be proud of, when everything else fails.

Usopp doesn’t feel particularly good about that – or anything really – right at this moment. Perhaps in future he will, by all the seas, he hopes he will because that means this too will pass, and they will emerge from it victorious, just another miracle by the miracle-working crew from the East Blue.

But right now, surrounded by the shaken faces of his crew mates, all he feels like doing is crawling back to bed and passing out until it’s all over. To run for the hills and never return.

Usopp can’t and Usopp won’t, however. Because it’s Luffy, and because he made that mistake once before and swore: never again, never, never–

The newspaper lies innocently between them, a few days old by the time it made it past Wano’s crumbling borders via a confused News Coo, a clearly-alarmed Bepo (he hadn’t even apologized for almost running over Brook in his haste to get to his captain, and looking back that should’ve been the first red flag) and Law bursting into the room the Strawhats have claimed for their recovery, covered head-to-toe in gauze and all warmth drained from his expression.

Usopp did not miss witnessing their ally that close to despair. It makes the bright smile Law shared with Luffy in their moment of victory seem like a distant dream, perhaps part of one of Usopp’s more ludicrous tales.

“They got him. They got Sabo.”

It’s like he dropped a live grenade in their hands, if grenades were made of words torn kicking and screaming from a nightmare they all share. Usopp wants to ask – They, who is they?! – and there’s always a ‘they’, the Marine or the World Government or CP0 or some other shadowy organization pulling the strings of corruption and misery. But it hardly matters because this… this is real, a realization that passes from Strawhat to Strawhat along with the black-and-white print staring at them from pages increasingly crumpled by nine sets of shaking hands:

Revolutionaries Defeated at Mariejois: No. 2 of the Revolutionary Army Successfully Captured!

And in their midst slumbers their captain, huddled in the softest blankets they could find and snoring away his injuries, and he doesn’t know.

The irony – horrible, grotesque, unfair, unfair – isn’t lost on Usopp. Two years ago, he would’ve killed to have this, to be there, to catch Luffy as he bled and screamed and burned at the pyres of his brother’s death. To save Luffy just as he saved every single soul in this room, Law included.

Please, is all Usopp can think of, begging to every deity he’s heard of and those he hasn’t, to anyone who will listen, let him rest. Luffy doesn’t deserve this, not again. Please, have mercy–

Zoro is the first to move and something in Usopp moves with him, a fledgeling sense of optimism fluttering pathetically in his chest. Because it’s Zoro and Zoro always leads them right when their captain is off saving the world or a country (or two). Yet all Zoro does is sit at Luffy’s bedside like a mountain shaken into rubble, a measured kind of collapse that hits Usopp square in the gut. He doesn’t know what the others are doing, doesn’t dare look away from their first mate, but someone is crying and someone else is murmuring comforting words, and that at least sounds like Sanji so the first must be Nami.

There’s only a handful of times Roronoa Zoro has yielded without mounting a counterattack right afterwards and none of them are memories Usopp wants to revisit. Not now, not ever.

“Who else knows?”, Zoro asks, the steel in his voice worn down to a dull edge at best, and Zoro’s hand settles on Luffy’s head so gently it brings tears to Usopp’s eyes, too. Luffy mumbles in his sleep and smiles, nuzzling further into the covers with the clumsy comfort of a napping dog.

Law, too, is staring blankly at that gesture before blinking, focusing anew. He’s so tense a muscle visibly twitches in his jaw with the heavy swallow working its way down his throat.

“Bepo, me. Now you. Kidd is suspicious but he won’t leave Killer’s side, not yet anyways.”

The mere mention of Killer serves as an additional sucker punch on top of the veritable tsunami crashing over them, on the mend as he may be. That could have easily been Zoro, or Bepo, and the haunted glint in Law’s eyes says he’s thinking of it, too.

Zoro nods, absently. “And how long till we can set sail?”

For the briefest of moments, Law looks like he’s going to protest. The Trafalgar Law they met a few months ago would have, grim and annoyed, and the one from just last week would too, exasperated and loud–

Since then, they have beaten one of the Four Emperors and sent another one packing with her tail between her legs, and that feeling of having your dreams within reach if you only try hard enough, if you truly believe in it and your friends and yourself, it forges a bond like little else does. Hope is a dangerous thing – it can heal as much as it can wound, and Luffy has taught them all, one by one, how to endure both sides of that coin.

This pirate alliance of theirs has long stopped meaning what Law had wanted it to, and instead turned into what Luffy promised all along: Something permanent, something unbreakable, that all-or-nothing sensation of trust that is as much a freefall as it is flying.

So Law just… sighs. He rubs at eyes deeply smudged with missed hours of sleep and close calls all around, and Usopp can see his shoulders bend under the weight of being a captain.

“I… I don’t know. But I’ll find out. I don’t need to remind you all that this– It’s not like Kaido. Our chances against Kaido were slim to none but they were there. That report, it’s already outdated. The world has been shifting with us being none the wiser, and it could be that Luffy’s brother is already…”

It’s like Law can’t bring himself to say it, as if even speaking the possibility into existence will make them lose something they can’t get back. His gaze flickers to Jinbei, briefly, then to Luffy, and sympathy deepens the lines on his face.

“I’ll find out”, Law repeats, firmly. “Just… be there when Luffy wakes up. Then we’ll decide.”

And though many things may have changed, two years and countless battles later, this remains the same, always, always. Being at Luffy’s side is a privilege and a duty no Strawhat will ever turn their back on.

Blinking the blurriness from his vision, Usopp looks at the bandages wrapped around Luffy’s chest with loving care and the deep purple of bruises peeking out underneath, and he clenches his trembling hands to fists and hopes. As long as there is a sliver of sky above them and the wisp of a current below, they will follow their captain to the end of the world and beyond.

Come whatever may. Because this time, they are here and they're not letting go.

*

Luffy starts craving food the next morning.

It startles Usopp, the hand that knocks against his head and snaps him out of his doze by his captain’s side. He stares at the questing fingers for a few uncomprehending seconds. Usually he’d laugh, spirits lifted by the prospect of Luffy waking up sooner rather than later so they can celebrate properly.

There is nothing usual about this. Usopp reaches behind himself to the solid weight slumped against his back, shifting fitfully.

Sanji comes to with a tense breath. “It’s just me”, Usopp mumbles and doesn’t ask if his friend is alright. None of them are. Instead he says, “He’s looking for you”, and watches Sanji’s eyes soften somewhere between relief and heartbreak behind the strands of his fringe, weirdly unkempt.

“Mh, thanks”, Sanji replies in a raspy whisper; he gets up and leaves, side-stepping the jumbled puzzle of limbs that are the Strawhat Pirates. Only once he’s out the door does he reach for the pack of cigarettes in his pocket.

Sighing, Usopp rubs his eyes until they ache in an effort to wake up. Fuck, it’s like he hasn’t slept for a year and it’s been barely twenty-four hours. Beside him, Luffy’s hand inches its way towards Nami – sleeping close enough to brush knees with Usopp, head pillowed on crossed arms – and Usopp reaches out, takes it gently.

Luffy’s palm is warm against his, slightly damp from the fever he ran the first few days of recovery. His knuckles are a busted, swollen mess even now, and Usopp is careful. It wriggles impatiently, this hand that knocked a literal dragon out of the sky, and then it settles in Usopp’s grasp and Luffy sighs in his sleep.

Usopp can’t help but smile a little. “Food is coming, captain”, he tells him quietly. “Be patient with us, okay?”

Back to waiting it is. Not for the first time, Usopp plops his chin on the edge of the bed and just… looks. With his straw hat set aside (and safely tucked against Jinbei’s chest where he finally found a semblance of sleep, napping against the wall on the other side of Luffy’s bed), Luffy is sporting a truly impressive case of bedhead, the rest of him lost in a helpless tangle of blankets he tried to kick off during the night. He actually looks his age, Usopp’s age, like this – just some nineteen-year-old punk among many and not the one-of-a-kind captain of a crew famous the world over. It’s a rare chance to soak up this side of Luffy, the expression on his face relaxed and peaceful and lacking the chaotic energy that’s so infectious even eternally-grumpy Law had to give up fighting it off.

A selfish part of Usopp wants Luffy to remain that way, safe in the afterglow of a war well-won and unburdened by the cruelty of reality. It’s the same part of him that remembers the loving smile Sabo directed at Luffy, sleeping soundly in someone else’s bed just like this, and asks, why? Why didn’t you stay put? Why are you risking everything when your little brother is right here–

It’s selfish because stopping someone from doing what they truly want is the exact opposite of what Luffy is all about. Because the thing Sabo yearns for is freedom, and as long as the Celestial Dragons rule over their paradise built on the backs of countless slaves, no one is well and truly free.

If there’s a fight worth dying for, it’s that one. And yet–

“He’s going to be okay, you know?”

Usopp jumps a little, his neck protesting painfully as he whips his head around. Nami snickers at the wince on Usopp’s face before she sighs, the brown of her eyes bright with emotion.

“This sucks but… Luffy is strong. He’ll know what to do. Traffy is with us, we have a fleet to back us up, we’ll call in every favor we’re owed, and then we’ll show those fuckers hell for taking what’s ours. Sabo will be fine. I’ll kill him myself if he isn’t.”

She huffs, then, having talked herself into that righteous kind of fury that’s uniquely Nami even if she keeps her voice down for Luffy’s sake. Usopp finds himself chuckling.

“Say, what’s our going rate for personal rescue missions against impossible odds again?”

“A lot.” The grin on Nami’s grin is knife-sharp. “The Revolutionaries will be in a world of debt just for making Luffy worry.”

“Good”, Usopp says, and grins back just as fiercely.

*

They let Luffy eat his fill, for one because his healing factor is largely based on burning through incredible amounts of calories in no time at all, and also because Sanji looks like he needs to see it.

As much as their cook has his gripes about the bottomless pit that is Luffy’s stomach: Only when his captain is back on solid foods and on track to regain the weight he lost while unconscious does Sanji allow himself to relax. For Usopp, this means making sure his own plate is damn near licked clean by the time Sanji lets out a quiet breath and shuffles to the open window to smoke. The rest of the Strawhats eat, too, a low hum of conversation taking some of the tension out of the room they’ve barely left since Kaido.

The only exception is Zoro, and Usopp can’t help the glances he gives the door every few minutes, as if he’d magically reappear just like that.

The negotiations have been going on for ages now. As far as Usopp gathered, the Heart Pirates are heading intel and logistics, while Momonosuke assured them whatever resources Wano Country can spare – after taking care of their people, Zoro had added with a huff when he’d checked in on Luffy around dawn.

That’s not the problem, then. Eustass Kidd is, and after all that happened around the Kidd Pirates and pirate alliances, Usopp isn’t exactly surprised the guy refuses to compromise when it comes to his crew. Killer is awake now, though, and judging by the explosive arguments raging on outside, Kidd is not happy with his partner’s input on the matter.

The all-too-familiar sound of three swords being drawn is loud in the ensuing hush, and every scrap of metal in the room vibrates from the near-oppressive wave of magnetism sweeping through it.

“Oh? Who’s fighting?”

“Zoro and Kidd”, answers Usopp automatically, sighing. “Again.”

“Ah, okay. Not seriously though, right? We promised them a party after all. Like, a big one.”

“Kinda? It’s hard to tell honestl–”

Usopp blinks and turns to see Luffy awake and tilting his head at him. His hands are yet to stop shoving food in his face and Usopp stares with his mouth agape.

“Y-you’re awake!”

“Yeah!”, Luffy says with enthusiasm, and not a second later does he lift his plate away from the ball of fur charging at him with the force of a bull. Calmly, Sanji grabs the food and sets it aside for later. 

“Luffy!”

Chopper’s tearful wail is followed by a breathy oof from Luffy as the reindeer clings to his bandaged chest in a flurry of hooves. Luffy chuckles, “Hey Chopper”, sounding pleased as punch that the doctor is walking all over him. Then he meets the half-circle of relieved looks around him, his smile only getting wider and wider.

“Hey everyone! I slept in again, huh?”

“Hey yourself”, Sanji murmurs around a smoke-filled smile. He leans out the window and calls, “Mosshead! Crew meeting!”, and the clanging of swords on metal immediately stops.

The Strawhats coalesce from all corners of the room, crowding around their captain whilst leaving enough space for the impromptu check-up Chopper is conducting. This, at least, is familiar. Frazzled as they are, Usopp’s nerves are soothed by Luffy’s easy-going compliance with Chopper’s orders to make a fist, breathe deeply, cough, does this hurt? and if the doctor’s hooves are marginally less steady than usual, well, it’s only to be expected. There’s a line forming between Luffy’s eyebrows though, and Usopp knows none of them are ready to answer the questions forming behind that pensive look–

It’s in that moment that Jinbei steps up, eyes a little solemn even if the smile on his lips isn’t. “Glad to see you awake, captain”, he says, and offers Luffy his hand, palm-up. Cradled with infinite care between webbed fingers, Luffy’s beloved hat looks small and unassuming; met with immediate delight by its owner, it might as well be a crown made of gold and the finest jewels far and wide.

“My hat! Thank y– Jinbei!”

The name rings with joy the same way it did during battle, and while Jinbei regards Luffy with some measure of perplexity as he’s drawn into a rubbery hug along with the hat, Usopp exchanges fond looks with some of the crew. Dire news be damned, it’s still a little unreal to have their tenth crew member finally with them, like, permanently.

They couldn’t have found a better helmsman in any of the seas, that’s for sure.

“It’s so cool you’re back! We gotta celebrate! Oi Sanji–”

“Not so fast, Luffy. We gotta talk.”

Those gruff words cut through the smiles and laughter like they’re made of washi paper; finally Zoro is there, skin glistening with sweat and droplets of blood pooling around fresh scrapes, and the unhappy slope of his mouth is an important reminder that fate doesn’t care about reunions and banquets of epic proportions. 

The change in Luffy is instantaneous, eyes snapping to Zoro’s. His attention shifts like the wind, a physical force in this limited space. Almost absently, he places his hat where it belongs, a captain once more.

“Zoro? What’s wrong?”

No one answers, the silence lasting a mere heartbeat and an eternity all at once. This is it, Usopp thinks, the moment balancing on the precipice before a future as murky and uncertain as the ocean’s deepest trenches. He closes his eyes.

“What happened? Tell me.”

It’s said with authority, a weight similar to Haki but kinder, reassuring rather than suffocating – and resolve takes shape in Usopp’s chest, an urge to keep his head high and watch it all unfold with courage in his heart.

It has a similar effect on Zoro and it’s only then, with his shoulders squared and gaze steady, that Usopp realizes how miserable he had looked without Luffy by his side. Guilt creeps on Usopp, acidic in his veins. (Later. He can feel shitty about all of this later.)

“It’s Sabo. Things… are not looking good.”

Zoro produces the paper – a different one, newer, and Usopp feels his heart clench – from the sleeve of his yukata and hands it over, pre-folded to the relevant page. All Usopp can see from his angle is Sabo’s smile, determination apparent even upside-down. It’s a re-print of his wanted poster.

Next to him, Robin draws in a trembling breath and Usopp reaches out for her hand, interlacing his fingers with hers to stop them from shaking.

“Sabo?”

It’s with clear surprise that Luffy utters his brother’s name, and Usopp watches helplessly as Luffy’s pupils flit left to right, reading, skipping over dense paragraphs and coming up to the picture at the top over and over–

Then he looks up, and Luffy’s eyes are wide with worry and confusion so earnest it hurts Usopp to the core. “I… What? But he was there, at Dressrosa. And he was fine…? I don’t understand. Is this a joke?”

Zoro’s eye narrows, something wounded there and gone like a shadow. “It’s not. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand”, Luffy repeats, insistent now, and he turns to Robin because that’s what Luffy does when something doesn’t make sense to him. “Robin?”

Robin’s hand squeezes Usopp’s, near-painful. All Usopp can do is squeeze back.

“The revolutionaries, they… There were plans to rebel against the World Nobles. The people in bubbles on Sabaody, remember?” Robin’s voice evens out and yet, her lashes are wet with unshed tears.

“It looks like they failed. We don’t know more than that – the Marine has kept the papers scrubbed clean, as always – but it seems your brother was in charge of the mission. They’re sending him to Impel Down, Luffy. That’s what it means.”

Impel Down.

Usopp can see the exact moment those two words sink in: all blood drains from sun-kissed skin, leaving Luffy’s face close to pallid in contrast to the mottled bruises underneath; Luffy’s mouth opens but no sound arises, no word of protest, no nothing, and Usopp would honestly prefer to see him scream to the heavens or burst into tears than this, this petrified sort of shock that doesn’t belong anywhere near Luffy. Then–

“We’re ready, captain.”

That’s Zoro again, and there’s a hard edge to his tone that Usopp recognizes as sorrow only because it mirrors his own. 

“Law has a plan, we’re fully stocked, the fleet is one snail call away. Killer wants to help so Kidd will come too. It’ll take a week to get there, tops. Just say the word and we’ll–”

“No.”

It’s nothing more than a whisper and yet, they all hear it. And even if they didn’t, Luffy repeats it once, twice, gaining in volume.

“No, no. We’re staying here. Sabo–”

Luffy’s voice cracks, and Usopp’s heart breaks clean in two, and Luffy pushes on, panting like he’s running a hundred miles in a hurricane.

“Sabo has his friends, and my dad. He’ll be fine, okay? He’ll come back. Sabo always comes back. So we don’t need to worry.”

That’s how it works: If Luffy believes in something, his crew does, too. It’s how they’ve always worked, how they’ve pulled off miracle after miracle and will continue to do so until they have sailed the entirety of the Grand Line and their captain is made King.

Something burns in Luffy’s eyes now and it’s not… that. It’s desperate, hunted, wrong. A lie said like a truth, and Usopp would know.

It occurs to him, in a distant part of his mind, that this is the first time he’s seen his captain truly afraid.

And it’s that what kicks Usopp’s brain into overdrive, because on this crew of reckless monsters he’s the one tasked with a healthy sense of fear, to manage the doubts everyone else doesn’t have because those are important, sometimes.

Because true bravery is a road made of boundaries and the means to overcome them, again and again and again – as many times as it takes to reach the end.

“Luffy”, Usopp says, and his voice doesn’t shake. He doesn’t let it. “We got this. We can save your brother. You have to trust us.”

In many ways, this is Usopp’s personal nightmare come true. He sees Luffy clench his trembling hands to fists, and his eyes narrow, and the vulnerability there bends into anger in an instant and it’s all so familiar.

“It’s not about that. It’s my decision to make, and I’ve decided. We’re not going.”

But this time, Usopp breathes. He forces himself to pause, just a moment, just so he can think and not lose himself to the panicked rush of blood to his head.

“We’re not gonna die, Luffy. We went through hell before and we came out alright, didn’t we? So we have to go. Please let us go.”

Suddenly Nami moves, kneeling next to the bed. She places a hand on Luffy’s wrist, gentle over the tense line of muscle there. “Luffy. Usopp’s right. Sabo’s your brother. He’s family.”

“I know that. I know–”

Luffy pulls away from her, from all of them, hides his face in his hands and pushes his fingers into his eyes hard enough that the bones in his hand show, thin and fragile-looking. One by one, tears start dripping down his palms and to the covers below.

“You guys don’t understand”, he says, his voice a hoarse, quivering mess. “You think you’ve seen hell but you haven’t, ‘cause Impel Down is hell and if we go there– There’s no way we’re getting out. Not a-all of us.”

It’s so quiet Usopp can’t even hear anyone else breathing but Luffy, every inhale hitched and barely realized before rushing back out. It’s like he can’t but speak, the horrors he’s seen and never talked about strangling him from the inside.

“Back then I wasn’t thinking ‘cause it was A-Ace, and he was trapped in there and not free, and just the thought of him dying like that made me sick. I only survived ‘cause I had a ton of help and ‘cause a bunch of people died instead of me.”

Luffy stops, and breathes, and rubs his arm across his face until the tears are gone. Usopp doesn’t mention he’s probably ruining the careful work Chopper put into binding that arm. Chopper himself is too busy crying his eyes out against Franky’s shoulder to really notice.

“I’m not risking it”, Luffy says then, eyes dull and red-rimmed. “Mariejois – that’s at Sabaody, right? Marineford and G-1 are around there, too. It’s gonna be a huge mess, again, and I…”

I can’t do it, not again.

It goes unsaid, in the end; perhaps, despite everything, Luffy isn’t actually capable of expressing something so devoid of hope, so close to giving up. That’s… more than nothing, it’s enough to hold on to, and that’s exactly what Usopp does.

“Then we won’t go to Impel Down. And we won’t go to Marineford, or G-1, or wherever those assholes are gonna make a show out of– That. Okay, Luffy? We won’t go to any of those places.”

“But… then how…?”

Usopp searches for Zoro, his gaze bridging the few feet between them that feel endless and Zoro blinks and gives him that devil-may-care smirk of his. To Zoro’s credit, it almost looks right.

“We’re pirates”, says Usopp with enough conviction for both Luffy and himself. For all of them, really, for one brilliant moment.

“We’re going to catch them at sea, because we have the best navigator and the fastest ship and the most skilled helmsman. We’re going to fuck them up because we have the strongest swordsman and a musician who can cut through souls and a freaking cyborg with laser beams and Nico Robin. And we’re going to be fine, because Sanji’s food raised you from the dead just this morning and Chopper can heal any wound and because our captain always leads us right. And even if they manage to account for all of that…”

Usopp grins with far too much teeth.

“We just have to get in range. I’ll shoot those bastards from so far away they won’t even see it coming, and if anyone even thinks of laying a hand on your brother I’ll shoot those off too.”

Luffy just stares at him like he’s seeing him for the first time, eyes swimming in tears. Then he laughs, an awkward, hiccupping kind of laughter that’s raw relief more than anything else. “That’s right”, he gasps, a hand rubbing at his chest where the starburst scar is currently hidden from sight.

“You’re right! We’ll save Sabo, and everyone will be okay, and then we’ll throw the biggest party ever. Right?”

“Right”, Usopp says, “and don’t you dare forget it”, voice wobbling all over the place now that his captain is smiling again, and he hears a fond sigh from Sanji to his left and a melodic chuckle from Robin to his right and Nami looks at him with so much pride Usopp doesn’t know what to do with himself.

It’s Jinbei he settles on, who gives his captain a soft look before he meets Usopp’s eyes half-way and nods, his smile full of admiration. For him. Usopp, son of Yasopp, from Syrup Village, East Blue.

None of his storybooks taught Usopp what to do after the heroic speech is over and the day is saved. And perhaps there is no trick to it, no how-to guide to achieve that dream of his – perhaps, for now, it’s enough to let himself be dragged into a rubber-limbed hug that threatens to crush his ribs, and share the laugh that found its home in his captain once more.

If that’s the case, then Usopp thinks he’s doing alright on the hero front after all.

[britishassistant]

But I Like One Piece (5)

Naruto is not being helpful.

At all.

“Make him the orange curry.” He says. “I heard he loves curry, believe it.”

“You mean the chicken tikka masala, which you described as ‘fire in food form’?” She asks wryly.

He points a dramatic finger at her. “YOU ADMIT IT!”

“Inside voice please, Naruto-kun!” Okaa-sama calls from the other room.

“Sorry Mayu’s Okaa-san!” He calls back. “But yeah, you should make him eat the fire curry, believe it.”

She sighs. “I’m not gonna make him eat the ‘fire curry’. I’m not sure if I’m gonna make him any food yet.”

She looks up when he scoffs, but continues, “...I don’t know if he needs it or not—whether he’s going have a live-in caretaker, or go into the Orphanage with Lee or what. I’ll wait until he comes back to the Academy and then we’ll see.”

“S’not what it sounded like last week, believe it.” Naruto grumbles.

He’s sitting on the countertop and banging his heels against the cupboards behind her. Loudly.

She tries counting to ten in her head.

She makes it to seven.

She turns and grabs his ankles. “Look, what’s this about?”

“Nothin’! Leggo!” He scowls and tries to tug his legs out of her grip.

She wraps her arms around them to prevent his escape, scowling right back.

“You weren’t like this when I fed Sakura and Lee, or shared food with Kiba and Chouji.” She points out, tightening her grip to stop him from kneeing her in the chin on accident. “What’s so special about Uchiha?”

“Everyone thinks he’s special!” He yells, going red in the face. “They’re all like ‘oh, isn’t it sad he’s all alone’, like I wasn’t alone too!! I’m sorry his family died, but I never knew mine!! I never had mine!! And no–nobody e-ev-ever told me ‘sorry your parents are gone’ or c-c-cared about—about me being all on my own, except Jiji an’ Teuchi an’ Ayame an’ you an’ Okaa-san an’ Otou-san, an’—a-an’—”

She watches, horrified, as fat tears slide faster down his face. “An’—an’ now you’re gonna make food f’r him, and you’re gonna like him better’n me, jus’ like Jiji does, an’ you won’t wanna be my friend any-any—”

She pinches his arm sharply, ignoring his pained yelp.

“Don’t.” She threatens, swallowing around a lump in her throat. “Don’t you dare spout that nonsense around me, Uzumaki Naruto, do you understand?! How could you—how could you even think that?!”

“You were gonna give him food.” He sniffs, glaring reproachfully.

“What—you think—you think I just feed people because I wanna be their friend?!” She asks, incredulous and insulted.

Naruto nods, hesitantly.

She drags her hands over her face, ignoring that they come away wet.

“Right. You listen to me Uzumaki, and you listen good. I. Will. Always. Feed. The. Hungry. Even if I hate their guts.”

Naruto blinks, looking slightly alarmed as she rants. “I didn’t even know Sakura’s name when we made that cake together! I just cooked with her because she was hungry. Shit, if my worst enemy were trying to kill me, and couldn’t finish the job because they were starving, I would feed them. Maybe with foods they hate, but I’d still feed them. Because I am a bloody professional and those who let people go hungry are scum.”

He startles back as she grabs his knees again. “You are not my friend because I fed you. You are my friend because you stuck around and took me to Ichiraku’s and defended me and you’re nice and funny and gave me a drawing of Luffy and Habu-san and I like you, you little shit. You’re my best friend. I am not replacing you. Not now, not ever. You’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not.”

Naruto gulps, eyes shining bright again and lower lip wobbling.

She sniffs fiercely, ignoring the trembling in her hands.

“Ketsugi Mayu.” Okaa-sama’s voice comes from behind her, and her blood runs cold. “What have I told you about using profanity?”

That’s how she ends up on another week-long ban from cooking.

Naruto tries to make it up to her with a stream of too-tight hugs.

It partly works. Partly.

Otou-sama clicks his tongue at her when he gets home and Okaa-sama tells him what happened, and musses up her hair.

Then he picks up Naruto and spins him around like he used to do to her when she was small, and carries him into the entrance hall to sit on the stairs, the one place in the house where there are no nearby windows.

She tries to listen in while she’s setting the table, standing closer to the door than she really needs to.

“...not for that, you’d be wearing a pelican...” is all she hears before Okaa-sama grabs her shoulder and steers her back into the kitchen.

Naruto’s eyes are swollen again when her father carries him back in for dinner.

Hers and Okaa-sama’s ramen still isn’t as good as Teuchi-sama’s at Ichiraku’s. But Naruto eats it just as quickly, eagerly gulping down the shoyu broth and pouting over-dramatically when there aren’t seconds.

Okaa-sama insists he wash his face before he leaves so his eyes aren’t sore tomorrow.

It’s cutting very close to his curfew when he finally leaves, twisting around to look back at them as he walks down the street.

Okaa-sama and Otou-sama hug her before she goes to bed that night and tell her how proud of her they are.

She returns the embrace greedily, whispering she’s proud of them too.

Sasuke Uchiha doesn’t return to school for another two weeks.

During that time, Kiba managed to insult Shino by repeatedly asking if he was sure his bugs weren’t fleas.

She didn’t understand the comment, until literal insects begin pouring out of Shino’s sleeves and chasing Kiba and Akamaru.

Well, that explained the buzzing.

Ino added to the pandemonium by shrieking so loud she thought her eardrums would burst and swatting a load of the insects in one swipe. Which made Shino howl in pain and turn his wrath on her as well.

The teacher had given them all detention, on the grounds that none of them stopped the incident from happening or went and snitched to him.

She sat between Shino and Sakura and doodled Usopp on the worksheet they were supposed to be working on.

Ino was sandwiched somewhat unwillingly by Chouji and Shikamaru, who were whispering furiously to her. Kiba was in a similar position with Hinata and Naruto.

“That person cannot be real, or you are bad at drawing.” Shino said, peeking at her paper. “Why? Because his nose is impractically long.”

“Shino!” Sakura hissed from her other side. “That’s not very nice!”

“He may not be real, but I like him anyway.” She replied, tapping the pencil against the paper. “His name is Usopp. He’s a pirate sharpshooter who can hit anything with a slingshot.”

“Unlikely. Why? Because a slingshot does not have half the accuracy or firing power of a bow, a shuriken, or a firing arm.”

“For him it does.” She says fondly. “He’s also a coward, but he’s brave when it counts and he loves insects. It’s funny, because they’re just about the one thing he doesn’t run away from.”

“Ah.” Shino says. He takes another, longer look at the drawing.

The next day, Ino and Kiba apologize to Shino with a wounded air.

He nods stiffly, but still flinches away from Ino.

At lunchtime, he sits in between Shikamaru and Chouji, and Ino switches places with her to be at the end of the table, away from him.

She offers him half of an egg and watercress sandwich. He accepts it with a nod.

He lifts his sleeve onto the table.

While everyone else draws in a wary breath, insects, shiny-black and dull brown, crawl out onto the table.

They crawl around and settle down and hold still in a certain pattern. Black ones mimicking waves of curls and dark eyes with long eyelashes. Brown ones outlining a bandana, a jawline and an impractically long nose.

It’s Usopp.

Or the not-very-good drawing of Usopp she showed him yesterday. But still. Usopp.

She grins widely, darting a pleased look up at him.

Shino nods again, the insects breaking formation and trundling back up his sleeve. He begins eating the sandwich.

She looks up to find Ino looking...strangely elated?

Sakura wiggles her eyebrows at her, mouthing ‘we are going to talk’.

She rolls her eyes and tucks into her own lunch.

“Mayu-chan, is it true you’re in love with Shino?!”

Naruto bursts out with this question just as Otou-sama takes a sip of his orange juice at breakfast.

Otou-sama chokes on his juice, and Okaa-sama leans over with a concerned “Anata!” as he coughs, going red in the face.

Gai-sensei stares at her, lower lip wobbling.

Lee just tilts his head at Naruto and goes, “Who is Shino?”

“He’sh the bug guy.” Naruto says with his mouth full, the traitor. “He did Mayu-chan a pishture with bugs.”

Rice falls from her chopsticks and splats onto the table.

“HOW YOUTHFUL!!!” Gai-sensei wails. “Mayu-chan is experiencing the blossoming of ROMANCE!!”

“No.” She says desperately. “I’m not. Really, really not.”

Shino is seven years old. She’s mentally twenty (most of the time) and not a pedophile.

“Ah! Congratulations, Mayu-chan!” Lee beams. “I hope your love is as passionate as the Will of Fire!”

Nami give her patience.

“Naruto, who did you hear this from?” She asks.

Her chopsticks creak in her grip.

“Sakura-chan!” He chirps, pointing an accusing finger at her. “She said you showed him a picture of long-nose-guy who likes bugs after Ino squished his, and then he did the picture in bugs, an’ you were really happy! She called it suuuuuuper ro-man-tick, believe it!”

“He’s not ‘long-nose-guy’.” She seethes, plotting Sakura’s demise. Or not demise. Inconvenient disappearance due to her hair turning green, maybe. “His name is Usopp.”

Okaa-sama kneels in front of her. “Mayu-chan...would you like us to send a request for marriage negotiations to this boy’s family?”

It goes so silent one could hear a pin drop.

“Marriage what.” She wheezes.

Okaa-sama squeezes her hands. “I know it may seem sudden.” She says. “But...with the Ketsugi clan being what it is...”

“What your mother’s trying to say Mayu-chan,” Her father cuts in, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Is that clans are required to do things certain ways, or else they risk dissolution. Even branches like us. But we want you to be happy. And if you think that you l-love this boy, and that you would enjoy living your life with him...”

Her mouth works soundlessly. Naruto and Lee just look extremely confused.

Gai-sensei has stopped crying, at least. But he’s frowning, bushy brows furrowed.

“Your father and I...we were very lucky with each other.” Okaa-sama smiles softly. “We want you to have that same luck, or better, if you can.”

“You did not have a choice in your love?” Gai-sensei’s voice is strangely soft.

Her parents immediately fluster, going redder than beetroot.

“That’s, um—” Her father stammers. “We, ah—” Her mother squeaks.

“HOW INCREDIBLY YOUTHFUL OF YOU TWO!!!” He yells, tears springing anew to his eyes as he somehow sweeps both of her parents up in a hug. “TO MANAGE TO FIND LOVE IN EACH OTHER WHERE OTHERS ONLY CARED ABOUT OBLIGATION!! I AM OVERWHELMED WITH ADMIRATION FOR YOUR DEVOTION!!”

She can practically see the steam coming out of Otou-sama and Okaa-sama’s ears. That much blood in someone’s face can’t be healthy.

She shoves the last of her rice into her mouth, shooting Naruto a look that has him eating his double-time and helping to feed Lee the remnants of his breakfast while he’s left starry-eyed by the adults’ display.

She scribbles a brief note explaining that no, Shino’s just a friend, there’s no need for any marriage arrangements until she’s at least twenty.

Then she grabs Naruto, Lee, and their bentos, and runs like her life depends on it.

Sakura makes the mistake of waving when she sees them come in through the gate.

Her expression goes from smiling to wary when she sees Mayu drop the two boys and zero in on the pink-haired girl

“Haruno.” She growls. “Run.”

Haruno Sakura runs.

And escapes up into a tree. Which she’s never been very good at climbing.

She scowls and kicks the trunk, wishing it would break.

“Get down here so I can punch you in the shins.” She tells the tree grumpily.

“What?! Why?! I didn’t do anything!!” Sakura’s voice emerges from between the leaves.

“You told Naruto I was in love with Shino.” She hisses.

The tree is suspiciously quiet. “...No I didn’t.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Yeah, pray to Usopp to make you better at lying. Because that one’s awful.”

The tree’s leaves rustle indignantly. “But I didn’t! I was just talking to Ino about how you two would be cute as a couple, and Naruto was eavesdropping!!”

“You told INO?!” That’s it, her life here is over, time to run away to become a pirate before the engagement can be arranged.

“Sakura, I’ve just barely convinced my parents to stop planning marriage negotiations!!” She seethes. “Ino will tell everyone and set back all my progress!!”

There’s a moment of quiet.

Then a strange, high-pitched noise begins emanating from the tree. Across the schoolyard, Akamaru whimpers and buries his head in his paws. It sounds a bit like a dentist’s drill, so it takes her a moment to place it.

“NO!!” She roars, red-faced and pointing an accusing finger at the tree. “STOP SQUEALING! THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO SQUEAL ABOUT!!”

Sakura does not listen.

She ends up squealing and kicking her little legs so hard she falls out of the tree.

Luckily Lee dives under her, and she considers the expression Sakura makes at realizing exactly who caught her adequate punishment.

It takes her an entire day to sort this mess out.

Ino and Sakura take sadistic joy in her suffering. Lee is confused but supportive. Hinata and Shikamaru stay out of it as much as they can.

Kiba and Naruto exploit it to tease her and Shino for all they’re worth. So does the rest of the class, once they realize they now have prime taunting material.

Hell, even the teacher gets in on it by telling Shino he doesn’t know what he sees in her, and that a kunoichi who wasn’t afraid of hand signs would be a much more suitable match for a clan heir like him.

She gets detention for flipping him off.

Only Shino and Chouji seem to be as upset as she is.

She never realized what a loyal and true friend Chouji was before this.

She needs to appreciate him more.

She brings extra pork belly for him in her lunch the next day, to thank him for not betraying her.

His eyes light up when she gives him the food and a hug, and he eats eagerly.

Shino spends all of that morning with his head on the table. He only turns it to the side when Shikamaru finally pokes him.

“I am contemplating running away.” He says solemnly. “Why? Because my father spent all of yesterday evening trying to reassure me about the rumors surrounding Ketsugi-san and myself and telling me I will be a catch when I am older.”

She grimaces in commiseration. She finally got through to her parents and Gai-sensei, but they had then insisted on telling her similar platitudes all throughout breakfast.

She thought she knew embarrassment. She was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spots a dark-haired head where there isn’t one normally.

She does a double take.

“Wait,” She asks, throughly confused. “When did Uchiha get back?”

The table freezes. Most of them twist around to confirm that, yes, Uchiha Sasuke is sitting at a desk at the far end of the classroom, glaring at them darkly while eating a tomato slice.

“Yesterday.” Shikamaru says dryly.

He then winces at Ino’s ear-piercing shriek, berating him loudly for not saying something earlier.

That people forget (mostly) about her and Shino is about the only good thing to come from Uchiha Sasuke’s return.

She vaguely remembers him pre-massacre. He seemed alright enough, but he hung out with a different group of people to her and Naruto, so they never interacted much.

Those people appear to be gone now though, given how alone he is now.

This suggests he never had any friends outside of his relatives, which she’ll admit is a bit odd, given how large that group was.

Guess there were more Uchiha in the class than she thought? But that doesn’t feel right...

Point is, he was an okay kid with friends.

Now, he’s...not.

Not for lack of trying of course. She finally understands what Naruto meant by “special”.

Even outside the well-wishers who repeatedly try to convey their condolences, half the girls in the class seem to lose their heads over him as the weeks go on.

Ino in particular begins to sing his praises endlessly, going on about how “aloof” and “cool” he is, to the point where Chouji, patient, kind Chouji, begs her to talk about anything else.

This is why she should’ve been reborn into One Piece. She wouldn’t have had to deal with this romance bullshit in a series where the main character’s asexual.

Sakura just sighs and stares at him, ignorant of how Naruto droops every time she does so.

(She tries to console him with extra food and too-tight hugs. It partly works. Partly.)

Even the teacher uses him as the standard against which all their work is judged, praising his stance in the Academy katas, his precision with throwing weapons, his answers on tests.

To hear others say it, Uchiha Sasuke is a prodigy who’s overcome his trauma through sheer determination and talent.

So why does he keep glowering at their lunchtime group like they’re somehow part of his tragedy?