#using the stuff you learn at uni for fanfic as is right and proper

[rauchendesgnu]

⭐ For At thy will!

*cracks knuckles* alright, so (I have no idea how tumblr is gonna treat this post lol)

I am going to elaborate on a few things: medieval marriage laws in what would later become Germany (and how my seminar on middle high German became the catalyst for this fic), a few details on the restrictions and powers of being a dominant or a submissive, and how the marriage laws and misogyny translate into fantasy sexism.

Before all that I have one more thing to say, though: the fic is inspired by the AUs I read in the Witcher fandom (the designation marks are heavily inspired by this fic specifically).

That being said, I hope I can satisfy your curiosity without boring you.

First: medieval marriage laws in the area that would later become Germany (I keep saying this because at this time there are a ton of principalities and small factions. It's only later that something like a nation is founded. I'm a language student, though, not a historian, so if you're interested in that, I'm probably not the right person to ask).

There are two types of marriage, the "muntehe" and "friedelehe" ("ehe" meaning "marriage" and "munt" meaning something akin to tutelage. i forgot what "friedel" means, I'm afraid). The first one, "muntehe", is much (much!!) more common, and the reason why I am writing this fic right now instead of finishing my other wips. The family of the bride and the family of the groom (or the groom himself) make a bargain. The bride goes from the tutelage of her father (or eldest remaining male relative) into the tutelage of the groom/her husband. The bride's family then receives money for her to use should her husband die before her. She has no rights and no say in the matter at all. (I believe there are one or two things I'm missing, but you get the idea.) The wedding has, of course, to be consummated, and sexual abuse within marriage did not count as rape in Germany until 1997 (which is very fucked up and not actually part of the medieval laws, but it still makes me really mad (as it should)).

the "friedelehe" is a form of marriage where both members consent to getting married. There are a few differences, first: the bride has more rights and may divorce her husband if she decides to do so, but: there is also no money, since her family is not selling her (it doesn't say so in the text book, but that's basically what happens). If I recall correctly, the ceremony at church is also not a thing in this one. My professor said this form of marriage happened more or less never.

In general, this wasn't news to me, but discussing it at university, realising I could technically read the laws written down over 500 years ago, sort of started this whole thing.

Second: being dominant versus being submissive. The visual difference between both is the designation mark: a long, black bar from the wrist up to the crook of the elbow on the left arm for the dominant and a thick, black cuff around the left wrist for the submissive. There are conventions, but much like the whole "men can't wear dresses" thing, that's a society problem (which I will get to later). To be submissive means the body requires submission in order to function properly, and to be dominant means to guide someone into submission. Should those needs not be met (as Martin mentions), physical and mental consequences follow (in the worst case, depriving oneself of the submission/domination ends in death, like it did with Martin's mother). Scenes do not have to be sexual. There is one thing that makes it more complicated: the dominant can use their Voice to force a submissive to obey (I'm pretty sure most of what I'm currently saying is pretty standard for the AU, but I haven't seen it around in a while, so I'll just leave it here and hope nobody is annoyed).

Third: The fucked up part about how society screws it all up (aka fantasy sexism so we can still make it gay while also discussing how sexism is very fucking shitty). In this AU, submissives take on the role of brides/wives in medieval Europe. No citizenship, no rights, the only way to escape the arranged marriage is to pledge yourself to a religious order (like Jon tried with the Temple of Beholding). There is a very strict set of rules ("etiquette") on how submissives have to behave around their dominant, but also other dominants and neutrals (neutrals being the majority that can, but doesn't have to, assume either position if needed). Submissives are also taught to cover their hair (this was custom in medieval Germany). This does not apply to neutrals or dominants, although it is very frowned upon to Command a submissive that is not your own (writing this makes my skin crawl).

There's probably more, but this post is getting pretty long. Feel free to ask any further questions you might have and I'll try my best to answer them. Here are some sketches I did to illustrate my point (plus Jonah Magnus' smug face in case any of y'all wanna punch it)

Thank you for this ask and for letting me ramble about the world of my wip. It ended up being more of a "I write down a shit ton of stuff I feel like mentioning" and less "I pick something specific to talk about", but well.

If you haven't read the first two chapters yet and you're interested, you can find At Thy Will here.

[wolf-howl3]

One Last Dance ~ Jikook

Hey, this is a story I wrote for a school project, we had to make up an informative story about a cancer of our choosing, and being the massive ARMY I am I just had to make it into a fanfic. I’m actually kind of proud of this so I thought I would share it, instead of it just sitting on my computer forgotten. This is my first ever attempt at writing a fanfic so I welcome any helpful tips and critique you can give. This story does focus on lung cancer and isn't the happiest of endings, so if you feel like you might get triggered or upset by that I totally understand and you don't have to read it.  There is no ‘hyung’ or anything like that in this story either, I thought I would give you a heads up on that, I know I got kind of confused when I was writing this but I left that stuff out cos I know it would have confused the hell out of my teacher. XD  Anyway I’ll stop rambling, I hope you enjoy my story.

Frustrating. That’s the word Jungkook would use if he was asked about his day. Jungkook woke up late missing the first half of his class, which earned him a stern lecture from his professor after class, and made him late to his next class. This seemed to be a recurring event throughout his day.

After a horrid day at uni the last thing Jungkook wanted to do was have to catch a bus to the hospital. Now don't get him wrong, he loves his nan and was so worried when she fell in the garden at home, but right now Jungkook just wanted to go back to his apartment and sleep.

After finally getting off the bus and into the hospital Jungkook spent no time at all getting up to his nan’s floor. While walking down the hallway Jungkook passes a boy standing in the waiting room. The boy seemed to be about Jungkook’s age but almost a full head shorter than him with dirty blonde hair that just passes his ears, he looked to be as frustrated as Jungkook felt today. The boy seemed to be alone and pretty close to tears, Jungkook felt an urge to go over to this mysterious boy and comfort him, but by the time he got the guts to go over to the boy, he had already disappeared down another hallway. Annoyed at the missed opportunity Jungkook made his way to his nan’s room.

Jungkook really loved his nan. He’d been living with her since he was eight after his parents had a bad divorce and neither of them had the money to support him on their own. When Jungkook moved out to attend university and stay in a apartment he now shared with his best friend to be closer to the campus they both attended, Jungkook would try and visit his nan as much as possible, worried she’d become lonely.

After a good three hours of talking to his nan, Jungkook left the hospital with the promise of coming back tomorrow. Making his way towards the bus stop Jungkook notices another person there. As Jungkook gets closer he notices that the person was shorter than him and was shivering, which is understandable during a cold autumn night. When he makes it to the stop he soon realises it’s the same boy from the hospital. Just as he starts to build up the courage to talk to this boy again, the bus pulls up and the boy rushes on to try and escape the cold. Annoyed at not being able to talk to the boy for a second time he follows the boy onto the bus. Jungkook has no idea why he’s so determined to talk to this boy but when he sees the boy sitting alone at the back of the bus, Jungkook forgets about his thoughts and sits next to the boy.

There’s an awkward silence between them for a few minutes. It dawns on Jungkook that he has no idea what he’s doing, the boy just seemed so sad before that Jungkook thought he’d try and comfort him and that he has no clue what to say or how to start talking to him.

“Can I help you?”

Shocked that the boy spoke to him first, Jungkook tries to quickly compose himself before replying back.

“Uh��� hi, I uh… I-I saw you at the hospital today and I just… uh… I just wanted to talk to you, I guess.” Jungkook silently berates himself for suddenly not being able to form proper sentences.

“Why?” the boy asks sounding annoyed.

“Uh… well you just seemed really frustrated and kinda sad. So I thought I could help, somehow,” Jungkook replied suddenly realising how weird this was. “I’m Jungkook by the way,” Jungkook says with a wary smile.

“Jimin,” the boy replies after a short pause, “and I don't need some stranger to comfort me. You don't know me and have no idea what I’m going though so just leave me alone,” Jimin bites back before standing up and departing the bus.

                                                      ——

For the next few days Jungkook starts visiting the hospital more regularly to try and catch a glimpse of Jimin. He tries talking to the boy but he usually gets ignored. There were a few times where there was another person with Jimin, this person was about Jungkook’s height and had broad shoulders. Those days Jimin wasn't on the bus.

Jimin isn’t at the hospital for the next three weeks which worries Jungkook for reasons he doesn't know. A week later Jimin is back when Jungkook makes his way down the hall. For an unknown reason the sight of Jimin makes Jungkook really happy. Out of excitement Jungkook approaches Jimin to try and talk to him again.

“Hi,” Jungkook says happily.

Jimin gives him a weird look before sighing and saying, “Hi.”

Surprised to get a response Jungkook stammers for a moment before replying “Um… hi, uh… heh, sorry I wasn't expecting you to reply. H-how are you? I mean you haven't been around the last couple of weeks and I was just wondering if you were ok. Which you probably are because you haven't been in hospital and all but… uh sorry, I’m rambling.” Jungkook stops himself and shyly looks up to see Jimin with an amused look on his face.

Jimin gives a slight giggle then replies, “I’m going good, I guess. Well as good as you can be while having chemo. It’s also why I’ve been away for a couple of weeks, my body needs a break from the drugs and stuff.”

“C-Chemo?” Jungkook stammers at the new revelation.

Chuckling softly Jimin replies back, “What? Were you so distracted by my pretty face that you didn’t notice where I was going every time I left you standing here?”

“Uh, uh I-I guess so,” Jungkook says shocked with himself that he didn't realise the sign hanging over the hallway entrance saying “Cancer Ward”.

“Well it’s nice to know that someone noticed me before my cancer for once,” Jimin says back.

“B-But your hair…?”

“A wig.”

“Ah…”

There’s a stiff silence for a few minutes before it’s interrupted by the same broad shouldered man Jungkook has seen a few times before.

“Jimin! What are you doing still standing here? Your going to be late to your appointment,” the man says, concern entering his voice.

“Sorry Jin, let’s go. See you later Jungkook,” Jimin replies before leaving with Jin.

                                                       ——

The next few weeks seem to fly by. After their first proper conversation Jimin seems to have started opening up a bit more to him, which Jungkook is super happy about, and has started to get to know Jimin. They never spoke about the cancer, Jungkook doesn't even know what type it is, but that’s ok with him. He doesn't want to pester Jimin with questions if he doesn't want to talk about it. Jungkook doesn't mind though because Jimin himself is such an awesome and interesting person to talk to.

Talking to Jimin is so easy for Jungkook, they always have something to talk about. Their main interest to talk about is music, with Jungkook minoring in singing and Jimin who majored in dance, they always had something to talk about. Whether it be about a new song a favourite artist released, watching Jimin’s old dance performances or a new song Jungkook has to learn for his class.

“I want to show you something,” Jimin states suddenly.

“What?”

“Come on.”

Jimin pulls Jungkook off his couch where they had been sitting playing video games for the last two hours and drags Jungkook out of the apartment to the bus stop.

“Where are we going?”

“My old dance studio.”

“Wait? Why?” Jungkook asks stunned as they board the bus.

“Because I haven't been there since I found out I had cancer and I’ve been really wanting to go back lately, but I don't want to go alone. I just want you there for support… is that ok?”

Honoured that Jimin would choose and trust him enough to do this, Jungkook gives a shy smile and replies, “That’s definitely ok. I’m kind of surprised you’d choose me and not Jin though.”

“Yeah. I don't know, there’s just something about you that makes me feel really safe and comfortable. I feel like I can tell you anything, even things I can’t tell Jin.”

Rendered speechless by that confession, Jungkook lets himself be dragged off the bus and into a small building just down the street. There’s a small reception desk to the left and a long hallway straight down. There are multiple doors along the hallway. Jimin starts to pull Jungkook a door, he notices the subtle rhythm of music on the other side.

Jimin opens the door and the sudden blast of the music hits the both of them. The room is small, and when entering Jungkook notices a huge mirror covering the entire back wall. There’s a stereo and laptop set up to the left, where the loud music is coming from. In the middle of the room there’s a young man dancing, he seems completely entranced with what he’s doing and doesn't even realise Jungkook and Jimin has entered the room.

It’s not until the music ends does the man come out of his hypnotic state and sees the two other men in the room.

With a big, bright smile the man runs over to them and screams, “JIMIN!” And scoops him up into a tight hug.

Laughing, Jimin reciprocates the hug.

“Oh my god! Jimin you’re back! How are you? Are you doing better? What took you so long to come see me? I’m so sorry I haven't been able to visit you lately, I’ve just been so busy with the next performance coming up,” the ecstatic man babbles on.

“Haha, it’s good to see you too Hobi! It’s ok, I understand. Sorry I haven't been able to see you here, I just haven't had the guts to come back I guess.”

“Don’t worry man I totally get it,” Hobi exclaims before turning to look in Jungkook’s direction. “Now are you going to introduce me to your extremely attractive friend here or do I have to find out for myself?”

Jungkook blushes slightly as Jimin gives an awkward laugh. “This is Jungkook, we met at the hospital.”

“Ah maybe I should start taking over Jin’s job of taking you to your chemo sessions if it gives me a bigger chance of finding myself a super hot boyfriend,” Hobi says as a smile creeps onto his lips.

Frozen by that comment Jimin stutters trying to reply. Thankfully Jungkook gets over the shock first. “I-I’m not his boyfriend, we’re just friends.”

“Ah, ok totally whatever you say man,” Hobi retorts back with a confident smile. “Oh shit is that the time?! Hey I’ve got to go. I’ve got a class to teach soon. I’ll see you later Jimin, we’ll have to catch up sometime soon. Also nice meeting you Jungkook, the ‘not boyfriend’.”

Hobi exits the room laughing, leaving Jungkook and Jimin in the studio with flustered faces.

After a few seconds Jimin sighs at his friends antics and tugs Jungkook over to a small two person couch near the door opposite the mirror.

“Interesting friend you have there,” Jungkook laughs.

“Yeah he can be a bit eccentric sometimes.”

“So, what are we doing here, I know you wanted to come back and all, but are we just going to sit here or do you want to look around?”

Taking a few minutes to think of a proper reply Jimin shyly states, “I actually wanted to come here to tell you about myself.”

“What do you mean? Isn't that what we've been doing these last couple of weeks?” Jungkook asks confused.

“No, I mean about the other part of me… my cancer. I know you want to know and I’m thankful you haven't been badgering me with questions about it, but I feel like I can trust you with this side of me and I wanted to tell you here because this place has always been a second home to me. I guess I just wanted to talk about this somewhere I feel most safe.”

“Oh… yeah, I’m actually kind of flattered that you would trust me with this sort of thing.”

“Yeah, well you’re someone special to me now, so I trust you.” Not knowing what to say after that confession Jungkook stays quiet, but thankfully Jimin keeps talking.

“So I should probably start by saying that I have lung cancer, specifically the last stages of stage three non-small cell lung cancer, which basically means it’s in both of my lungs.”

“It was actually Jin who suspected something was wrong at first. Because Jin’s a medical student, he could see the signs before I did. It started as just not being able to keep up with Hobi anymore while we were dancing. I needed more breaks, I had shortness of breath and I got tired more often even with a good nights sleep. Then I developed a really annoying cough that just wouldn't go away. Jin started pestering me about going to the doctors but I just kept telling him it was just a cold that I’d caught. He stopped pestering me about it after we’d gotten into a small argument with me telling him that he was just being paranoid because he’d just finished a big project on cancer, ironically.”

Jimin takes a moment to pause before continuing.

“I started randomly losing weight and my appetite about a month later. Jin started getting super worried again. I just kept brushing him off saying I was obviously just working too hard, he didn't believe me though. It wasn't until one night Jin, Hobi and myself were sitting on the couch in my apartment that I finally believed Jin. I started having a massive coughing fit and…”

Jimin pauses, trying to calm his racing heart down. Jungkook, seeing this, puts his hand on Jimin’s which seems to do the trick.

“… and when I’d finally stopped coughing I pulled my hand away from my mouth to see it covered in blood. I don't really remember much after that of that night, I think I started to have a panic attack. Hobi told me he had to try and keep calming me down while Jin rushed me to the emergency room.”

“I had a bunch of tests done. I had a chest x-ray, a CT scan, a PET scan and a biopsy and they all came back with me having stage two lung cancer. I’ve had surgery to have part of my right lung removed, I think it was called the lower lobe or something, you’d have to ask Jin about all the medical stuff, I don't really get it,” Jimin says, giving an airy laugh.

“It didn't work though, they must have missed some of the cancer or something because it ended up coming back worse than before, the start of stage three. The doctors considered me having another surgery and taking out my whole right lung but the thought of having my entire right lung removed scared me so much that by the time I’d had multiple conversations with both my doctor and Jin, the cancer had already spread to my left lung. With both of my lungs now slowly weakening the surgery wasn’t an option anymore.”

Taking a deep breath Jimin gives a sad laugh and says, “You know I sometimes blame myself for all this. When we were trying to figure out what caused the cancer Jin and I would stay up all night looking through his medical books tying to find an answer. I’ve never worked with dangerous substances like uranium or radon or asbestos so we crossed that off the list. I’ve never had any other trouble with my lungs in my life, I've never had HIV so that’s crossed off. I have no idea of my family medical history, so that only left one thing… smoking. But I’ve never smoked in my life. It wasn't til Jin asked me if I knew anyone who smoked that I knew what caused all this.”

Taking another short pause Jimin continues.

“Both of my parents have smoked for as long as I can remember. I don't blame them though, I should have avoided them more or put more distance between us when they were smoking. I brought this upon myself by not taking better precautions.”

By this point there were tears starting to well up in Jimin’s eyes, Jungkook couldn't stay quiet for any longer, he had to say something.

Taking both of Jimin’s hands in his, he looks into his watery eyes and says, “It’s not your fault, it is not your fault Jimin. Your parents should have been more careful who they smoked around. Don't you dare blame yourself for something that you had no control over.”

“I-I can’t blame them, my parents died in a crash a year before this all happened, I feel like I’m dishonouring them if I blame them for this.”

“You’re not dishonouring them, I’m sure they would feel so guilty if they were still here. They would hate to see you blaming yourself for something that was unavoidable for you. If your parents have been smoking for that long you probably started getting second-hand smoke when you were just a kid, when you wouldn't have known any better. I’m not saying you need to start hating your parents but you need to accept the fact that this isn't your fault, you had no control over this and it’s not a bad thing to blame the actual cause of this. Ok?”

After a bit of hesitation and contemplation Jimin eventually replies, “Ok, I’ll try.”

Jungkook gives a big smile and gives Jimin’s hands a light squeeze. “Good, that’s all I ask.”

Reciprocating Jungkook’s smile, Jimin wipes his eyes. “Sorry I went off track there, heh, what was I up to…? Oh, right surgery. Um… so yeah both my lungs have cancer in them now which means I can’t have the surgery, which I’m kind of glad about. The thought of having one of my lungs removed still scares the shit out of me. The doctors put me on radiation therapy but my body reacted really badly to it. Like other treatments like this there are side effects but they affected me quite badly. I got a lot of skin damage on my chest like peeling skin and blistering as well as I lost my appetite and lost a whole lot of weight. It got to the point that the doctors took me off the treatment about two and a half months ago, then after a little break put me on chemotherapy, which I’m still on now with about 3 or 4 weeks of chemo left… If this doesn't work, nothing will.”

“It’ll work. It has to.”

Giving a sad smile Jimin replies, “We’ll see.”

There’s a heavy silence that covers the room. Jungkook looks around the room trying to find a way to break this somber silence that fell over them. He spots the stereo in the corner of the room. Smiling excitedly Jungkook looks to Jimin before pulling him up with him and walking over to it.

“How long has it been since you last danced? Two years?”

“Four. Why?” Jimin asks suspiciously.

“Wanna dance now?”

Giving a wistful laugh, Jimin looks to Jungkook sadly. “You know I can’t. I don't have the energy to anymore.”

“Sure you do, we’ll just do it slow,” Jungkook says happily, while looking through his phone for the right song.

“We?”

Suddenly soft music starts playing though the stereo speakers. Looking up in confusion Jimin sees Jungkook looking down at him with a loving look in his eyes and a soft smile on his face, with one hand stretched out awaiting for Jimin to take.

“Yeah, we.”

Stunned and confused as to what’s going on Jimin takes Jungkook’s hand in his and allows himself to be pulled into the middle of the room. Guiding Jimin’s hand to his shoulder, Jungkook puts his on Jimin’s waist and slowly begins to take small steps in a circular pattern, as himself and Jimin begin to dance. Astounded by this outcome Jimin starts tearing up, finally realising what’s happening. For the first time in four years Jimin is dancing, overwhelmed by these emotions flooding over him Jimin tucks his head into Jungkook’s shoulder and starts to silently cry. Holding Jimin close as they continue dancing Jungkook wordlessly comforts Jimin.

They dance together for another twenty minutes before Jimin pulls away from Jungkook.

“I’m starting to get tired, I think I need to sit down,” Jimin states. They make their way over to the couch where they sit down, closer to each other than they did before. They sit in silence for a while as Jimin gains his energy back but it’s not a heavy awkward silence because both boys are content and happy. “Thank you.”

“You don't need to thank me, I enjoyed it. I’m sorry if I stepped on your toes, I’m not the best dancer.”

“Ha, don’t worry you didn’t, you actually seemed like you knew what you were doing. But really, I enjoyed that. Thank you.”

Smiling happily, Jungkook put his arm around Jimin’s waist and pulled him close. “I’m glad, you look better when you smile.”

“But it’s getting pretty late, I have an early class tomorrow and you said Jin was taking you out . We should probably start heading home,” sighed Jungkook as he looked down at the time on his phone.

“Yeah your right. Even though I really enjoyed that dance, I’m buggered.”

Laughing, Jungkook pulled Jimin off the couch and made their way out of the dance studio.

                                                        ——

Over the course of a month Jimin and Jungkook became really close, spending almost all their waking time together that they could. After Jungkook’s nan was discharged from the hospital he had no reason to visit Jimin there every day. So when Jin wasn’t able to accompany Jimin during his chemo sessions Jungkook would take his place, which neither of the boys complained about. But not everything was as happy, Jimin was now on his last couple days of chemo and would be seeing his doctor soon after some tests to see if the treatment had worked. This had everyone on edge wanting to know if it had actually worked of not. The anticipation was killing everyone.

The day of the appointment arrived, after years of treatment, after years of fear and pain they were finally going to find out if the treatment was successful or not.

Everyone came. Jungkook, Jin and Hobi came to support Jimin, even Jungkook’s room mate and best friend Yoongi came, even though he had only met Jimin a hand full of times. Jungkook accompanied Jimin into the doctor’s office while everyone stayed in the waiting room. “Jimin, it’s good to see you. How are you feeling to day?” The doctor asked.

“I’m ok, bit tired today. This is my friend, I hope you don't mind him being here,” Jimin said gesturing at Jungkook.

“Of course I don’t mind,” the doctor said turning towards Jungkook, “My name’s Dr. Kim, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Jungkook, nice to meet you to,” Jungkook said shaking the doctors hand.

“Now please take a seat, we have a few things we need to discus today,” Dr. Kim said, suddenly serious as he sat down at his desk.

“Can we not beat around the bush too much today please, I just want to know if the treatment worked or not,” Jimin conveys, clearly hearing the nerves in his voice.

Sighing Dr. Kim looks at Jimin. “It didn’t.”

The second the words leave the doctor’s mouth Jungkook grabs onto Jimin’s hand.

“Ah… so I’m still dying then,” Jimin responds very quietly.

“Well…yes. I’m sorry,” Dr. Kim says dejected. “Your cancer in now in the stage four area. The cancer has completely spread throughout both of your lungs and will most likely soon start spreading to your other organs as well. We’re going to put you on some palliative care treatments.”

“What does that mean? I thought there weren't any other treatments,” Jungkook interrupts confused.

“There isn't anymore we can do to stop the cancer, but palliative care focuses on improving Jimin’s quality of life by reducing his symptoms so he’s not in so much pain. We’ll give nutritional and emotional support,” Dr. Kim answers before turning back to Jimin.

“I know you didn't want to go to any therapy sessions Jimin, but they will still be available to you during this time and to any of your friends and family that might need support as well. What we’ll focus on now is trying to make the rest of your life as easy and as enjoyable and comfortable as we can make it,” Dr. Kim finishes.

“Ok, I guess if I’m going to die soon anyway I should enjoy what little time I have left.”

“Yes, good I’m glad you think so. I apologise, but it’s hard to tell just how much time you have left. I’d estimate that it’s around a year. I’m so sorry.”

“Ok… can I leave now?”

“Yes of course go, we’ll make another appointment for another time to talk about this in further detail.”

“Thank you,” Jimin says quietly, as he gets up to leave still grasping tightly on to Jungkook’s hand.

Quietly both boys leave the doctor’s office walking towards their friends. Jin is the first one to see them coming and jumps up out if his seat in anticipation. No words need to be spoken as Jin looks into Jimin’s eyes, it’s clear on both boys expression what the answer to their questions are. Tears start welling up in Jin’s eyes as he tightly embraces his friend. Jimin hugging back just as hard but still refusing to let go of Jungkook’s hand.

The group of friends all quietly make their way to Jungkook and Yoongi’s apartment where they all sit down, and Jungkook explains what the doctor told them, as Jimin has gone silent only sitting on the couch next to Jungkook clutching onto the taller boys hand like it’s his life-line.

                                                      ——

Over the next few months everyone tries their hardest to pretend like nothing is wrong and try to just make the atmosphere as comfortable and happy as possible, but there’s still that looming fear over everyones head like a giant timer just waiting for the day that the peacefulness breaks.

It happens one afternoon. Jungkook and Jimin are cuddling in Jimin’s bed watching a movie as he’s finding it gradually harder to go places without getting exhausted so quickly. When Jimin starts having the most violent of coughing fits. Jungkook tries his best to attempt to calm Jimin down but when Jimin begins hacking up blood sending both boys into an immense panic, Jungkook calls for an ambulance immediately while still trying to keep Jimin’s fear and panic under control.

The ambulance takes no time at all to make it to the apartment complex and rush Jimin out of the building and into the van with Jungkook trailing behind trying his absolute hardest to keep his sheer panic and anxiety under control.

When they make it to the hospital Jungkook is forced to stay in the waiting room as a medical team try their hardest to calm Jimin down and stop his coughing. Completely and utterly terrified Jungkook calls the first person he can think of.

“Hello?” A low baritone voice answers.

“Yoongi,” Jungkook croaks out breathing heavily.

“Jungkook? What’s wrong? Are you ok?” Sudden concern in his voice.

“Jimin. Coughing. Hospital.”

“Ok, ok kid calm down, I’m on my way right now, I’ll be there in five minutes” Yoongi replies before hanging up and rushing out of his class.

Jungkook doesn't start calming down until Yoongi’s been with him for a whole twenty minutes. Jungkook’s so glad he has Yoongi as a friend, even though the shorter man is four years older than Jungkook, they both make great friends for each other. They’ve both known each other for almost three years now since they started sharing an apartment together. Being a university student definitely doesn't pay well, so living on your own in a two bedroom apartment wasn't an option for Yoongi, which is why he put out an ad looking for a flat-mate. It just so happened that Jungkook was the one who saw the ad, and they’ve been close friends ever since.

“You calmed down now kid?” Yoongi says while slowly rubbing Jungkook’s back.

“As calm as I can be,” Jungkook states quietly.

“He’s going to be fine, don't worry,” Yoongi replies unconvincingly.

“Are you the one who came in with Jimin?“ A female voice swiftly says breaking the silence.

“Yes. How is he?” Jungkook’s voice suddenly on edge.

“He’s doing much better and in a stable condition. I can escort you to his room if you would like.”

“Yes, yes please. Yoongi can you call Jin and Hobi and tell them what’s going on?“

“Sure kid.”

The hospital room is small with only a single bed and chair. Jimin lays quietly on the bed breathing slowly while hooked up to multiple different medical devises that Jungkook has no clue about their purpose. Walking carefully into the room Jungkook makes his way over to the bed and sits down on the chair to Jimin’s right.

“Hey,” Jungkook says as quietly as he can, scared to break the peaceful silence.

“Hey,” Jimin replies back, voice hoarse and sore.

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired, sore, not too great to be honest.”

“You scared the shit out of me, you know,” Jungkook’s voice laced with concern.

“I scared the shit out of myself,” Jimin retorts, giving a small smile and a soft laugh.

They sit in a comfortable silence for a while just enjoying each others presence after such a traumatic event. A hour later Jin and Hobi come by, faces full of worry for their good friend. Yoongi comes in with them after giving Jimin and Jungkook some time by themselves. After a while everyone leaves to give Jimin some time to rest, Jungkook having to basically be dragged out by Yoongi as he had refused to leave.

                                                          ——

Jimin has been in hospital for almost two weeks now. Jungkook has basically started living in that small room with Jimin as well, only leaving to get food and hasn't been to any of his classes in those two weeks. Jin, Hobi and Yoongi visit as much as they can, as well as Dr. Kim coming every other day keeping a close eye on Jimin’s condition. The cancer is now in Jimin’s liver and is continuing to spread. Everyone can see it, Jimin is fighting a losing battle. That unseeable countdown is nearly over.

                                                         ——

It’s late at night, the moon shines brightly through the windows of the hospital room, two boys lay quietly on the small bed staring out into the night sky. The room is completely silent, Jimin had all the cords and wires removed the day before. He knew he was dying and it was just a waiting game from now on, Jimin didn't need that damn heart monitor constantly beeping to know that his heart was slowing down and soon would stop, he didn't want that sort of reminder. Jimin has accepted that he’s going to die, has for a while now, he could feel death looming over him, as if the Grim Reaper was standing right over him just waiting for the opportune moment to strike and take him from this world. So he relished in this quiet tranquil moment, strong arms wrapped around him from behind, soft breath fanning over his neck, the knowledge that he wasn’t going to die alone, with Jungkook comforting him in his last few moments.

“Sing for me,” the weak voice so quiet Jungkook had to take a moment to figure out if he actually heard a voice or not.

“What?” Jungkook questions scared to speak to loudly.

“Sing for me,” Jimin replies slightly louder, turing around to look Jungkook in the eyes, “Please?”

“What do you want me to sing?”

“Anything.”

Contemplating for a moment as to what to sing Jungkook opens his mouth and softly starts to sing.

When you say that you love me, Feels like I’m walking across the sky, Tell me about forever, just one more time, When you say that you love me, I just need those words, That you’ll never change, just one more time,

Jungkook sings softly and slowly, the soft baritone voice washing away all of Jimin’s fears and concerns.

You’re everything in this world to me, Harder, so it hurts, hold me tight, We shared something, And you can’t make it nothing, I hope you don’t forever, You’re my, Day by day, Summer, winter, Even if you don’t know,

Jimin relaxes, that Grim Reaper seems to fade away replaced by a soft comforting feeling like a angel floating above them.

You got the best of me, You got the best of me, So please just don’t leave me, You got the best of me,

Jungkook holds Jimin tighter as if he knows what Jimin is feeling right at this moment.

I haven’t seen the end to myself either, But if there’s such a thing, wouldn’t it be you?, I wanted to be a warm wave, But why didn’t I know you’re the ocean?, What do I do? I’m speaking in your language, I’m breathing in your breath, I’ll be you, you hold me, I’m kissing your sword,

Jungkook starts choking on his words as he feels Jimin’s breathing getting slower and slower.

So take my hand right now, I can’t believe myself, Words I said thousands of times only to myself, Don’t leave me, You got the best of me, You got the best of me, Whether this is a dream or reality, it’s not important, Just the fact that you’re by my side, Thanks,

Both boys know what’s happening, but Jungkook continues to sing and for that Jimin is grateful.

Day by day, Summer, winter, Even if you don’t know,

You got the best of me, You got the best of me, So please just don’t leave me, You got the best of me,

Jimin can feel his heart slowing, his limbs feeling heavy and he’s finding it increasingly harder to keep his eyes open.

You’re my salvation, you’re my shield, I just need you, You got the best of me, I need you, So please just don’t leave me, You got the best of me,

Jungkook is crying now, tears start streaming down his face but he continues to sing. He won’t stop, Jimin wanted to hear him sing so he’s going to sing.

It was raining, It was snowing, But all unhappiness stopped, You brought heaven to me, Don’t speak so easily, Because without you, there’s no me, You’re the best of me, The best of me,

Jimin’s vision is getting fuzzy, the clear night sky doesn't look so clear anymore. All the stars blur together. That doesn't matter though as long as Jimin can hear Jungkook’s voice and feel his arms.

Just give me assurance, That’s all I want, Even if there are no rules, Laws of love do exist, Who got the best of me?, Who got the best of me?, No one knows but I know me, My greatest master is you,

Jungkook can’t see anything any more, eyes filled with tears as he feels Jimin take his last breath. Jungkook keeps singing though, clutching tightly onto Jimin’s now still form, and doesn't stop until the song is over.

You got the best of me, You got the best of me, So please just don’t leave me, You got the best of me,

You’re my salvation, you’re my shield, I just need you, You got the best of me, I need you, So please just don’t leave me, You got the best of me,

When you say that you love me, Feels like I’m walking across the sky, Tell me about forever, just one more time, When you say that you love me, I just need those words, That you’ll never change, just one more time. (Artist: BTS - Song: Best of Me)

I’m sorry. I feel like I need to say that, it is a pretty sad ending, I teared up while writing it but hopefully you enjoyed it.

I do have one question though. Who did you imagine Dr. Kim to be? Because at the start I imagined Namjoon but he somehow turned into Taehyung by the end of me writing it, so I’m curious about what everyone else imagined.

[rollertoasteroflife]

These Things Are Fun Lets Give It a Go

Tagged by @katyaton heyyyyyyy!

RULES: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. (…yeah I don’t know that many people...)

tagging: @deaded123 @showmethestarlight and if anyone that follows me wants to please do but you two are the only ones that actually reply to these things and I can’t be arsed to go through all of my followers when no one does them anyway :D

1.      coke or pepsi: coke definitely

2.      disney or dreamworks:  oh god ummm i love disney cos that was my childhood but dreamworks have done some truly amazing films and they gave me how to train your dragon which i love far more than is probably normal...

3.      coffee or tea: *whispers* both definitely both...I drink so much coffee and tea and currently green tea I’m probably 70% hot beverage at this point

4.      books or movies: ah fuck. um I have to say finding a favourite book feels so much better than a favourite film but like I literally work in the film industry so I honestly love them too but yeah imma have to say books (that was really difficult D:)

5.      windows or mac: windows cos it’s what i know

6.      dc or marvel: um I’ve seen more marvel so I’ll say marvel but I’m not particular opinionated on the matter

7.      xbox or playstation: I am abysmal at playing games so again not really my question. however i have finally worked out how to use my housemates xbox as a dvd player so woo

8.      dragon age or mass effect: I don’t play them

9.      night owl or early riser: Permanently tired pigeon here but more of a night owl.

10.  cards or chess: Oh god um  actually can’t choose because i grew up playing card games and i really love them but i have a massive sentimental personal thing about chess so yeah i can’t choose here

11.  chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate what am I? dumb?!

12.  vans or converse: Converse 

13.  lavellan, trevelyan, cadash, or adaar: I do not understand

14.  fluff or angst: um in like fic reading or my life?? because my favourite fan fics are often angsty ones but I get wayyyyyyyyyy too emotional about them and yet still tend to read them over fluffy ones. Yet in actual life my life has enough problems please cover me fluffy things i’m tired

15.  beach or forest: beach because there’s sea but i fucking love forests so much!!

16.  dogs or cats: Cats!! but puppers are great too!!!

17.  clear skies or rain: Fucking rain I love rain!!

18.  cooking or eating out: I really like cooking it’s what I resort to when I’m having issues with life not working out.

19. Spicy food or mild food: I don’t like massively spicy food but I will fight you over bland food so like somewhere between the two??

20.  halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: I only really started doing halloween like a couple of years ago but i do enjoy it (woo for fancy dress) but i do really love christmas!

21.  would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: cold definitely i hate the heat. It was 15 degrees c today (59 fahrenheit thanks google) and i was dying and complaining most of the day

22.  if you could have a superpower, what would it be: Shapeshifting!!!! 

23.  animation or live action: Again with the whole job thing, live action but i love animated films too!!

24.  paragon or renegade: eh?

25.  baths or showers: i shower more often but my house doesn’t have a bath and i really miss it. also currently with my leg injuries i would love a bath because they ache so bad D:  

26.  team cap or team ironman:  umm i don’t know?? I’m not gonna choose sorry

27.  fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy but scifi is awesome!

28. do you have three or four  favourite quotes? if so what are they: Presume not that I am the thing I was - Shakespeare Henry V

The planets and heavens will move for you. - this is a quote from a poem @deaded123/ @breathingtheworldinwords wrote for me which is my favourite poem

I am constantly coming across quotes i want ot remember but i never write them down so yeah...

29.  youtube or netflix: netflix

30.  harry potter or percy jackson: Harry potter but am currently working my way through the percy jacksons series which i do enjoy and rick riordan is an awesome human!

31.  when you feel accomplished: when i remember how far i’ve come from what i was and how hard i’ve fought to be where i am now. Also I once forgot what happened in a battle on an history exam so proceeded to talk about the battle of helms deep and cut the orcs and elves. I got 100% on that paper. ;)

32.  star wars or star trek: star wars......it was my childhood and i love it so much

33.  paperback books or hardback books: i do love me a good hardback but my paperbacks have kept me company for a long time

34. horror or rom-com: ummm i’m not great at horror but it depends so i’d probs watch the rom com and just be cynically sarcastic throughout...(the fact that i enjoy rom coms when i’m not great and actual romance annoys myself)

35.  to live in a world without literature or music: that is just mean :P but i’d have to chose literature as my life is based around stories

36.  pastel colours or dark colours: dark definitely!! other people look aweosme in pastels but i don’t like wearing them and honeslty just feel kind of suspicious of them as a colour group (i have no idea why i have such storng opinions on pastels or why i am suspicious...)

37.  tv shows or movies: Tv shows as you go through so much more. Also it suits my attention span better

38.  city or countryside: can i have like a town?? i love the countryside but i also need to be around other people or i get very morbid

39.  if any other zodiac sign could describe you, what would it be: i don’t understand??i’m a leo and honeslty haven’t looked at the others enough to know the traits!

40.  if you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life what would it be: i would currently choose one of sia’s albums as just yes

41.  cinema or theatre: cinema because i love films but i do enjoy theatre

42.  if you could be any fictional character’s best friend, who’d you be: hmmmmmmmm i honeslty don’t know as my favs are people like me but being around someone like me as a best friend is kind of an odd thought...pass?

43.  smiling or smirking: smiling to me means just being free and comfortable to be happy and smirking in my mind is the silly little in jokes that tyou have with friends in the middle of a conversation or when you’ve thought of something inappropriately funny both of which i do a lot.

44.  are you an ‘all or nothing’ type or are you more consistent: all or nothing probably

45.  playlists or your whole library on shuffle: shuffle because i’m too lazy to make playlists

46.  travelling or staying at home: Travelling,but i like to have a base somewhere. but yeah i get bored of places easily and am not attached to anywhere as a ‘home’ as a concept i’ve never really got that feeling about anywhere? um it’s hard to explain so i’m just gonna stop cos i don’t know what my point is

47.  books or fanfiction: both are literature and they’re both stories and i fucking love stories in all forms! right now i’m reading more fanfiction because when i need to work lets get lost in emotions about fictional characters right?! but seriously i have a bunch of favourite fanfics which i keep rereading and most are novel length so like not much of  a difference!

48.  If you could live in a fantasy world, what world would it be: the chronicles of ixia world probably but like god there are so many that i’d want to be in!!

49. your favorite cartoon: um i don’t really watch that many cartoons... cacn i claim the Dragons tv series that accompanies httyd? it’s animated......

50.  name the weirdest five songs on your itunes, current or past: um ok so i have a bit of  a weird thing about my music in that i don’t like talking about it too much...i’m getting better but yeah i don’t want to answer this :)

51. mountains or plains: Mountains!!!!!!! they give me liiiiiiiiiife

52. favorite anime (or tv show if you don’t watch anime): Yuri on ice is the first anime i’ve watched and honeslty have fallen in love with it and it has ruined my world right now (it’s what my anxieties are currently directed out instead of at my work which i’m cool with) and the only other one i’ve seen is ouran high school host club which i actually watched half of yesterday whilst working as a friend loves it, it’s amusing :)

53. which social media platform are you most like yourself on: err i don’t really do social media much. i have facebook to talk to uni people, a couple of group chats with home people and it’s the only contact i have with my dad’s side of the fam as most don’t live in england but i don’t actually post anything except about work i’ve got donea dn funny photos of my friends. obvs i have tumblr which i overshare about myself way too much but this is probs a very accurate summary of my shit sense of humour, tv shows, and everything else in my head! though i do sometimes get concerned about my oversharing on here cos y’know internet safetyand all D: oh i have snapchat too but i mainly use it to talk to 2 friends one is in germany so i can’t ring her like i used to and the other we pretty much just send each other selfies with a lot of heart emojis! i’ve been debating getting instagram but haven’t decided yet...

54. What are some of your passions:anyone that knows me or reads my frequent oversharing will know i work in costume stuff so yeah i can literally talk about costuming and historic fashions for days and not get bored so yeha don’t ask about that unless you ready to learn!! ;) um i’m also an archery instructor, really love drawing, and just yeah the various tv, film and book obsessions that i go through (currently it’s yoi but i do try and keep my obsession from fully taking ove rthis blog-80% of it is still my shit sense of humour

55. Favourite food: I will fight everyone to get a proper roast dinner with yorkshire puddings and also chocolate.....and pomegranates.....and sugar snap peas......

This was fun!!!