#using that tag to refer to the autism that makes me not want to shake hands and the autism that makes this clip play on loop in my head

[kidneys-and-custard]

This is my Roman Empire

[traumastories]

This blog is not run by user traumasurvivors (April). I have decided to take the burden off her shoulders.

Some information about me, for anyone who needs it: I am 30+. If you must refer to me, my pronouns are he/him. I am a transgender and white-passing Latino. I am a fellow trauma survivor/endurer with diagnosed Level 1-2 Autism and Inattentive Type ADHD along with (C)PTSD. I also live with chronic pain as well as the chronic disabilities that come with those congenital and mental issues.

This is meant to be a place to encourage peer support, and hope it becomes that. I understand how beneficial it is to be heard and able to vent your story anonymously when you can't access mental health care or aren't quite ready to speak up openly yet.

Adding this on the 30th of July, because it seems to be a concern. All stories will be anonymous. If someone accidentally sends it off anonymous, I will let them know and will not post it. Further, if that happens, you can be sure that your identity will not be revealed to anyone. The exception to this rule can be someone using a burner account in order to get direct interactions from other users, in which case, the person should let me know it's a burner, that is, an account not associated with them. An alternative to this, in case you want direct responses, could be a burner email account. That is a risk, though, so you must consider the possibility of having to take responsibility for potentially triggering messages.

By sending your story/ask, you must understand that the internet is unforgiving and there are chances of people being rude and mean. By submitting your story, you take responsibility for the possible triggering remarks of other users. I say this, not to shake off the responsibility, but because I cannot control what other people say.

I will not respond to the stories, only tag. I will not judge, but if your story is posted, you can be sure that you have my support.

The purpose of this sideblog is so that people can have a place to share their stories without having to do it with their face attached to them. Venting is allowed. Supporting the person is strongly encouraged. But I will ask that people who want to give advice in the replies or reblogs, do so respectfully.

Again, all that is being asked for is respect for the people behind the screen. We don't know where someone is coming from and their circumstances. Practice kindness and compassion.

If you must judge, as people do, judge with compassion and understanding. Hateful or rude asks and off-topic asks will be thoroughly ignored and deleted. The same will happen with inflammatory replies. Depending on how rude it is, it may warrant a block.

Sending stories and directly asking for advice from other people who may want to give it is allowed (specify if you want mine as well, but I will say that I am not a qualified mental healthcare professional and I have the tendency to react emotionally and go above and beyond, so really think if that's what you want).

I hope this anonymous venting place helps more than it harms.

Again, everything will be tagged appropriately and if you see your story and the tags aren't accurate, send a message and I'll change them. Further, if you read a story and feel that something wasn't tagged, let me know and I'll add it. I won't reply to more asks about that. I will just make the changes. More personal replies will be tagged as "not a story" and "info". Trauma stories will be tagged as "trauma story". And requests for advice will be tagged as "advice request" as well as "trauma story", if it applies.

Finally, remember that while you didn't ask to be born and endure the trials you have had to endure, you are worthy of compassion, of life, and of wanting to find happiness. Love is stronger than hate, even if hate is louder.

[transgenderdoctorwhomst]

Pinned post!

Hi, I'm Curtis, he/they! My ask box is open for chatting and whatever random ideas I write are up for grabs by whoever wants to use them!

If there's content you'd like me to tag, you are free to ask! In general, if it seems like a reasonable ask, I will.

I am a supporter of peoples right to explore taboo, dark, and mature content in fiction, whatever I personally feel about it. My standards are basically "is it tagged accurately?" and "is every real human being involved a consenting adult?". I will not be getting involved in debates about this for the sake of my sanity.

Links: Kofi page | AO3 | XIVModArchive | My DW Drive

Some things I post/reblog: DW, 11th Doctor and companions, NuWho stuff, FFXV, kink/fetish stuff, Being Transgender, Assassin's Creed.

If you don't want to see any of those things, I tag accordingly so you can blacklist!

Below the cut will be a basic list of my organization tags and what I use them for, so you can find specific content on my blog easier.

General original post tags:

#Ramblings - Original posts tag, what it says on the tin.

#Concepts to elaborate on - Fic ideas, AU ideas, meta stuff I'm generally exploring.

#Meta posting - what it says on the tin. Meta exploration and discussion.

#blanket permission to steal concept- concepts and ideas anyone can just take and use if it inspires them.

#Curtis Makes Stuff - tag for my own writing, photography, fanart, stuff i've made in general

#Fobwatch!Eleven - Tag for my Fobwatch!Eleven AU. He's a human man named Oliver Smith, living with the Ponds in their spare room, unaware he's actually a Time Lord trying to shake his various enemies off his tail. Alt tag #oliver smith moments

Fandom organization stuff:

#pond family nightmare - [amy/rory/(11]/river), also known as "amy rory and 11 are in a relationship, and also 11 is still married to river". my apologies to screenreaders for that brackets nightmare.

#ac tag - assassin's creed posts

#Curtis assassins the creeds - assassin's creed blogging. Trust me, i apparently need this tag.

#FFXV - Final Fantasy XV posts

#x files - x files posts. generally mulder/scully. i post x files very infrequently so i don't have character tags for it.

#fanfics - reblogged or written fanfiction

Character tags: I generally tag characters for organization. Most of the time characters are tagged by full name.

The Doctor and the Master are tagged by incarnation.

Assassin's Creed characters are generally tagged "#ac (first name)"

Other stuff:

#reference - reference posts. links to media, interesting stuff, etc.

#transgendering ref - trans specific reference material

#nsfw - not safe for work/horny posts

#kink/fetish - what it says on the tin, posts related to kink/fetish stuff

#the autisms - posts related to autism or are about autism To Me. can you tell based off this pinned i might be the autisms

#hypno stuff - i like hypno stuff a normal amount (lie)

[the-mandalorian-clone-lover]

Aces in Space Chapter 5

Happy Ace Week Y’all!!!!!!! 

Ok I am so Excited for this part (I hadn’t planned for it to be during ace week but it actually works perfect!)

Roman is finally getting to go to the support group he told Butch about! I put a reminder of what Butch looks like because I’m also introducing a new character, Hannah, her reference photo is below (one of my real-life model friends, she’s cool:) as well.  Tags: @sunshinepascal​ @rentskenobi​ @maybege​ @obaby-wan​ @princessxkenobi​

I’m going outside to muck about with my lightsaber again, I’ll add the links to the previous chapters tonight :D Enjoy and thanks for reading!!!

Warning for excessive cuteness y’all this gets adorable 

 (Roman at the support group at the local library, brought Butcher along, 2 months dating)

Roman is absolutely certain it’s been years since he sat in the passenger seat. Thankfully, it isn’t Butch’s first time in years driving or he’d be thrilled to get out of the car. As it stands, they’ve been sitting in the parking lot of the local community center (its adjoined to the library) for three minutes and neither of them have moved. It won’t make them late, they got here 26 minutes early out of a panic induced need to be over-prepared, but it doesn’t make the silence any less awkward. Butch had insisted they would look even more out of place in the suits they’re both used to wearing so they’ve somehow ended up in jeans (again) and t-shirts (Butch added a flannel but Roman is convinced it’s to hide his side-arm and not to ward off any chill, the rolling of the sleeves further cements this thought). Roman settled for a band t-shirt that Erica had bought him though he’s never heard their music, and he has a leather jacket but he’s somehow convinced it’ll look like he’s trying too hard if he puts it on.

“It’ll be cold in there boss. Always is” Butch says helpfully, as if he knew the struggle of the other man, though his eyes haven’t left the window since they arrived.

“Yes. Well.” Roman starts, unsure where exactly this sentence is going “I’m, glad, you came along.”

Butch huffs out a laugh, “Well, Ms. Erica is a good one, so if you coming around here helps keep her around, I’ll be along as long as you want me” He finishes smiling at Roman and Roman is certain that he’ll never find anyone as good as Butch as long as he lives, no matter the standard of measure.

“We better get in there.” Butch speaks again helpfully.

“No, no,” Roman starts “best wait till 45, any sooner we might be the first one’s here, and I’d like to avoid that.” Butch shrugs again, conceding the point. He supposes they’ll be facing this either way, sooner or later.

When they do make it in, Roman walks to the desk with every intention of finding out from the librarian where he should be. He’s put on his business air, he can feel it, and it’s a nice change from the panic of the parking lot. He starts in a low tone to avoid startling her “Ma’am?”

Her eyes shoot up and then to his right where no doubt butch is looming, she swallows, then smiles and looks back to Roman. “Yes? Can I help you?”

Choosing to ignore the obvious glance that was directed to Butch (he has every intention of inquiring further into that during the car ride home) he pushes on. “Could you tell us where to find the, well, the support group for Asexuals?” He has to take a breath in-between but decides to be brave about it, using the full title instead of ‘aces’ reminding himself that this is for Erica. Her eyes widen slightly, then flit between the two of them and Roman realizes in a moment how they must look and decides there isn’t anything for it other than to grin and bear it.

“Oh,” she starts, and sounds, almost disappointed? “Yes, down the hall and the room on the right. They should be starting soon.” She indicates with a (rather long) manicured fingernail.

He nods then, giving her a small smile, and starts down the hallway, only getting a few steps in before realizing Butch isn’t following and he hears a small “what’s your name?” from the large man as he turns. The sight shouldn’t be shocking, Butch is a grown man after all, and fully allowed to find people that interest him but he’s become so soft in the moment; leaning over the desk to look deeply into the eyes of the librarian who is now looking short of breath.

“Hannah.” She manages to gasp out and Butch smiles kindly, “I’m Butcher, but I go by Butch pretty often”. He seems to have gotten nervous halfway through and is looking at his feet, but she’s smiling and reaching to cover his laced fingers that are on the desk. “That’s lovely” She says, smiling like Butch was a bouquet of flowers. Butch looks up, slightly shocked, looking at their hands (his dwarf her own to a ridiculous extent Roman notes) before looking back up to her eyes.

“Not as much as you are”

It’s the final nail in the coffin before they both start giggling and Roman is absolutely certain he’s never seen anything so adorable (even as he goes to a support group in order to better understand his girlfriend). Butch stops laughing before she does, pausing to appreciate her (Roman knows that’s what the look on his face is, he looks at Erica like that all the time now himself) before he watches Butch tell her he better get on now. Roman has the decency to act as though he were extremely interested in the shelves to his left- away from them- before he’s rejoined by a Butch who has the softest grin he’s ever seen on his face. As they walk down the hall Roman decides to leave the whole thing till they’re in the car again, if the dopey smile is anything to go by, he won’t be getting much from Butch anyway. He takes a deep breath at the reminder of what they’re both walking into, ignoring the urge to feel ridiculous, and brings out his phone to open the notes app before sliding it into his pocket again. They walk through the door, Butch first, he’d insisted on the drive over that he was still Roman’s bodyguard and would act as such, and find a group of about 15 milling around the room quietly, cake and bottles of water sitting on a table on the far end of the room. Beyond that (and Roman has to suppress the urge to sigh audibly) is a circle of chairs. They’re approached by a smaller blond boy, who greets them with an energy filled “Hello! Are you here for the support group for aces?” he pushes the large rimmed black glasses he wears further up his face as he looks between them and Roman exchanges a glance with Butch before answering

“Yes, is um, is there a protocol to this?”

He blames his nerves for the formality of his response, but the boy seems too thrilled with his presence to be bothered.

“Not at all! We all grab a snack, because cake am I right? And then head to the circle, though, to be honest, most of us couldn’t sit in a chair to save our life.”

Despite his confusion at what he’s sure is a joke the boy is assuming he’s in on, he nods. “We’ll just, help ourselves then.”

The boy nods back at him before freezing and exclaiming “Oh God! I forgot!” his hand shoots out and Roman knows Butcher is already having a conniption at the outburst before the boy finishes “I’m Tom! Jenny says it’s important to tell people my name when I meet them”. His eyes flit behind him as he mentions the other name and a similar looking woman, an older sibling maybe, Roman thinks, smiles affectionately. Roman nods to her then, before bringing his eyes back to the boy, shaking his hand with a “I’m Roman, and this is Butch”. He doesn’t think he needs to add more but the boy’s brow seems to furrow as he shakes Butch’s hand.

“Do, um, are you both Ace?” It’s a timid question but Roman can tell the boy means well, he can also however see the woman, Jenny his mind supplies, making her way over to them quickly.

“I’m so sorry” she says, barely reaching them before apologizing “Tom hasn’t quite learned yet that not everyone wants to say” her hands find the boys shoulders and he turns with a protest “Jenny! I’m almost 22! I’m not a child!”

“Have you said hello to Marie yet?” She changes the subject “I think she brough cookies today”

Almost immediately the boy lights up and is off to explore the new person. Jenny’s eyes go back to Roman, “I’m sorry, he’s on the autism spectrum, I’m still working with him about filters”.

It’s Butch that cuts in this time “It’s alright, I had a sister who was too, I’ll keep him company”. He walks to the snack table then, leaving a stunned Roman alone with Jenny. As long as he’s known Butcher, he never knew he had a sister, let alone one on the spectrum. He makes a mental note to ask Butcher about that on the car ride too. He turns back to Jenny then and manages a smile.

“I’m uh, well, neither one of us is ace” he sees tension begin to fill her body at that so he rushes on “but my girlfriend is and, I want to better understand the whole thing. Butch is here for moral support.” He jerks his head to indicate the other man in case she hadn’t heard the name and hopes for the best. She does seem to relax at that, eyeing him gently “That’s sweet. Of both of you.” It’s said kindly, and somehow, Roman is already feeling more comfortable about this.

He stays a little longer after they finish to ‘confirm next week with jenny’ give Butch time to get a phone number from his librarian and tells Butch he’ll meet him at the car.

**********************************

Chapter 4 Chapter 3 Chapter 2 Chapter 1

[blipblorpsnork]

like god okay what a small detail like. okay so like shoves all my thoughts into a cup and shakes it til they meld properly OKAY. So like I’m super used to third wheeling, and not even in an explicitly bad way. I walk a bit slow, and when I’m out with friends and we’re window shopping and shit if it’s three of us it genuinely always ends up that I get left out of conversation because I wander and am a bit? Idk like, zoney? Like wispy, when I’m out window shopping, with or without friends, I’m not sure how to explain that.

oh my god this is three miles long so I’m putting it under a cut

Anyways the thing is, people always end up walking ahead of me; I always get pushed to the back (partly because I DON’T like people walking behind me in groups unless it’s in a structured line, it freaks me out) and like because of that, and because I’m very bad with social stuff sometimes I almost always get excluded from conversations. I don’t know how to add to them, and I don’t get addressed because I don’t participate, so eventually between the autism and the hearing issues I just tune people out because it makes more sense to do my own thing a lot of the time.

Last night we were wandering around Walmart, the three of us, just kinda browsing and window shopping because our Walmart is WEIRDLY nice, like it’s one of the best I’ve ever been in and we get loads of cool stuff none of our other friends do, including J despite the fact that he like, lives maybe a half hour to forty minutes out from us near Atlanta. Like it wasn’t anything special; just looking at stuff and making dumb remarks and like. Plastic Mermaid jokes tm lmfao.

J literally made sure I was included the entire time in a way that didn’t even feel like he was going out of his way to do it. Like, he kind of wandered between me and E, and talked with both of us, and when E was going off on one of his tangents to himself (something he does a lot, which we all acknowledge and unless he’s addressing us directly we’re free to listen or not, at his behest; it’s just a thing he does so we aren’t ignoring him by not interacting, just for reference’s sake) J would like, point something out and make a cheeky comment at me, or silently show me a thing that I could ogle or touch because it was soft and stuff like that. And like E wasn’t really paying attention but J and I kept making jokes about all the shoddy plastic mermaid stuff in the kids’ section and kept finding more and more stuff to make increasingly hilarious jokes about, to the point he was like “This is my new aesthetic now” and I was like “Time to delete your page and make a new one!” (He has like 60K + followers on Insta bc he does loads of emo mua stuff)

Like we had so many little inside jokes and he and I kept geeking out over the FNaF stuff together and like, even the little tacky ribbons and bows (like the genuinely ugly ones) in the girls’ clothing section and how even though it was awful we both liked it and like!! Ya know!! And like the entire time all THREE of us were included, but not all the time at the same time if that makes sense? Like we didn’t all have to always be engaged, but we were still all involved, and like we each had little dichotomies going on between us as pairs (me and J, me and E, them two), idk if I’m wording that right lmao. But it didn’t feel forced and it didn’t feel excluding! Which?!

I’ve never had that. Like he always makes me feel like I matter and am literally a part of the group, instead of an afterthought or a tag-a-lolng. And like he does it in a way that makes me know he’s making sure I know, but also does NOT feel like he’s going out of his way to do it. Like it feels super natural. God like it was such small, little things dude like?

And E isn’t into FNaF pretty much at all, but knows we both really are. So he’ll point stuff out to us because he knows how much we love it, but he can’t really engage in the freaking out lmfao. But J was like freaking out with me left and right over so much stuff like over watches and plushes and figurines and stuff (all in Walmart like damn, now that I’m breaking this down we really DO have a good fucking store lmao) and we like discussed lore and made jokes and like.

I HAVEN’T HAD THIS IN SO LONG OKAY????

And then like, so I work somewhere I get an employee discount, and then an additional clothing discount (even on clearanced stuff, which is FANTASTIC because that means if we have clearanced shirts I like, I can get brand new clothing on the super cheap which is something I very much so value as someone who lives well below the poverty line) and because of that I managed to get two FNaF snapbacks for just over 5 dollars after tax, or just under, idr precisely. But basically two LICENSED OFFICIAL SNAPS for 5 bucks. These are 20 dollar hats lmfao. And I gave one of them to J because that’s why I got two of them, yeah? And so like, he got this new hat a week or so ago that he’s OBSESSED with and he wears it everywhere right now, and of course he was wearing it when he got here. I gave him the snap and he IMMEDIATELY swapped out his bunny hat for the snap, and then wore it the literal rest of the night. (Also? It looked REALLY gd good over the red wig he was wearing, god damn that was a look.)

So many little things, you know?? Like so so many holy shit. I’M NOT DONE AAAA

So then like when we got back we decided to marathon Monster High because E and I have never seen it and J is completely in love with it and does loads of cosplays and makeup looks for it on his account right. We marathoned 2 full seasons of it last night, all three of us bundled on the couch in separate blanket piles. (It was actually really fucking funny looking tbh xD) And like I mentioned he could use the blanket I made if he wanted so he spent the rest of the night with it wrapped around his shoulders dragging it everywhere lmfao and then like he mentioned he was in a bundle up and cuddle something quiet kinda mood (all three of us were pretty low energy yesterday so it worked for the best, I feel) so I gave him Ace, who is my current comfort plushy I got recently (he’s a Squishmallow!!) and he spent HOURS just hugging and cuddling and idly playing with Ace and it was the cutest fucking thing oh my g o d.

And like so he and E are close. Dating. I hate it. I still love E. I don’t want to. It hurts. It. Really hurts. And I’ve never really talked about it because I don’t fucking want to, it REALLY hurts me. And every time E would get kinda tentatively snuggly with J (they’re very considerate of me and kind of not sure what they are, so it wasn’t malicious or anything, but it was painful) I would get kinda quiet and just make sure I was focusing on the show or my phone. But by the end of the night, E was laying half on J’s shoulder, and J was sitting cockeyed and leaning heavily into me in a way that didn’t mush my spine or hips (usually a big issue just because I’m fragile lmfao) and like I was casually in contact with him for the last couple hours he was here and just.

So many small things.

And like god fuck you can all ignore this jfc xD But!! So his favorite favorite character, like kin-level seriously-relate-to-him-so-much cosplay-him-on-the-regs character is Jackson. And he really loves Holt as well cause duh of course he does. And like!!! I relate to him so fucking MUCH. And I’ve only seen two seasons but I was internally freaking out because of the way Jackson is and like the music being the trigger for Holt Hyde because I’m extremely sound sensitive and like!!! AAAAAAAAAa new character attachment babey and he was like SUPER SUPER SUPER excited that we both loved MH as much as we did and that I was so IMMEDIATELY attached to Jackson and just.

Gaaaaaaaah. I just. I’m happy. I’m in trouble lmao but man. Right now,,, I’m just happy.