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5hfanfiction · 7 years ago

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From the Dining Table

Why won’t you ever be the first one to break?

Even my phone, misses your call, by the way,

February 2019

I stare at the girl, dumbfound and in love.

Lauren hadn’t reached out to Camila, it was already January, three months since their fight. Since their last kiss, their last touch.

Lauren pretended not to care. She assumed Camila never did.

Lauren pretended not to care when she saw Camila leaning against a building, a cigarette between her lips and bags under her eyes. Or when she saw Camila roughly push Austin away, her features distressed and sad.

Eventually, Lauren pretended not to care enough that Camila started to believe she never did. Though Camila couldn’t expect much, never really have given Lauren a reason to care.

‘How’s Camila doing?’

‘I don’t know dad.’

‘Will we go to Lauren’s place again this summer Kaki?’

‘I don’t think so Sof.’

Camila doesn’t feel clean, doesn’t feel sober.

The thoughts of Lauren keep her in a constant state of dizziness and tragic ecstasy.

She’s felt withdrawal before sure, but her blood itching for Lauren is the worst kind.

The white of Camila’s walls doesn’t soothe her, despite being her favourite colour. In fact, she’s never felt more claustrophobic.

It’s hard to remember a simple kiss, blurred by pulsating music and alcohol scented air.

But the memory of Camila’s last kiss with Lauren is fresh against her mind.

She doesn’t think the wound will ever heal.

Camila has spent her time checking her phone, a futile habit. Though there’s never a notification from Lauren.

Her thumb hovers over the call button almost every night, her sight blurry from tears and lungs strangled from missing the green-eyed girl.

Lauren deserves better, that’s what Camila reminds herself every time her thumb is a little too close to the call option, and though it burdens her with profuse sadness, she believes it to be the truth.

‘You need to go to that crappy ass music building.’ is how Dinah greets Lauren the minute she steps into the green-eyed girl’s room.

‘Urm, hi?’

‘Yeah, hi, fucking hello, hola, whatever. You need to go there.’

‘And why’s that?’

‘For fucks sake Lauren, for once just listen.’

‘Comfortable silence is so overrated, why won’t you ever be the first one to break?’ her voice fills the lonely room, her fingers dancing along a dusty piano. The hurt in her voice echoes against the walls of my heart, dense with sorrow I wish I could erase.

I never knew she could sing, or even play the piano, though I never knew much about her anyway.

I watch as she finishes the song, exhaling deeply with her gaze set on the piano. I let out a heavy breath myself, not sure how to approach her, if I should at all.

‘Oh, for fucks sake.’ Dinah’s voice comes from behind me, and before I know it, I’m being pushed inside the room, making Camila’s head snap up.

Her eyes are flush with weariness, cheeks caressed by slow tears and I find myself resenting for not being there for her.

‘What do you want Lauren? If you’re here to bask in my plight the-’

‘I’m sorry.’ I croak out, the realisation that this is the first time we’ve spoken in three months thick in my throat.

She laughs at that, wiping at her cheeks and standing up.

‘I’m the one who slapped you remember?’ she mumbles, gathering her things.

‘I deserved it.’

‘I’ll see you around Lauren.’ she makes a move to walk past me and three months of my heart crawling against needles flash before my eyes, and before I know it, I’m pulling her into me, kissing her desperately.

I expected her to kiss me back, or even push me away, so when she trembled against my lips, a sob escaping her own, I was more than surprised. It was heart-wrenching, seeing the love of my life breaking into pieces that I had no clue how to put together. To watch the lips that only deserved to be smiling breathe out desperate cries.

All I could do was wrap my arms around her, hoping they can lay a blanket of comfort over her shaking shoulders, the both of us sliding down against the wall. Silence stood still in the room, occasionally broken by Camila’s mumbled apologies.

We stayed like that for a while, the girl falling asleep in my arms, and I spend the time watching the fractured sunlight flirting against the glass, a cold breeze dancing its way around the curtain. The ill-fated evening, as odd as it may be, seemed to resonate well with me, and I couldn’t figure out why. But I’m sure the brunette in my arms had something to do with it.

I turn towards her, the sad features no longer present in her sleep, and I wonder what she’s dreaming about. If she’s dreaming at all. Lightly brushing away the hair from her face, I press my lips to her forehead.

‘Camz, wake up.’

She stirs, not heeding to my request, instead burying her face in my neck, the action making me smile, despite the tension in my bones.

‘Camz.’

‘You’ll leave.’

‘I’ll be stupid if I do, which I won’t by the way.’

She looks up at that, and it’s clear she doesn’t believe me, but I let her eyes wander around my face, hoping she finds the sincerity she’s looking for.

‘Why?’

‘I want to stay with you.’

‘I hurt you.’

‘I hurt you too.’ I mumble, not proud of how I treated her.

‘You don’t get it.’ she breathes out, getting up, her tone exasperated.

‘Then tell me.’ I reply, following suit.

‘Can’t you figure it out? You think you’re so fucking smart.’

‘Well I am smart, but apparently so are you, so tell me. What is it that I’m not getting?’

‘I hurt you, and I’m not- I’m not like you, I- I don’t deserve you, and I never will.’ she whispers, her tone numb.

Anxiety bubbled its way through my veins, and everything I told myself I should never say was clawed at my tongue, desperately wanting to be heard. Ask her to yours. Tell her you love her.

‘You can do so much better Laur.’ she smiles sadly, picking up her things and making her way to the door, a sight that crumbles my insides into pieces.

‘I’m in love with you.’ the words feel foreign on my tongue, to the point I don’t even realise I’ve said them.

Her footsteps halt, but she doesn’t turn around to face me.

‘I’m in love with you Camila.’ I say it again, walking towards her slowly.

‘I’ve been in love with you since the day you made my bed feel warm, even after you left. I’ve been in love with you since the day you reminded me that I could feel and that I was alive. I’ve been in love with you since you started telling me your stupid fucking jokes whilst ripping my clothes off. I’ve been in love with you and nothing makes me feel more than knowing that.’

The confession makes me feel weak, as though I’ve let out all the energy held within me, and my only comfort is the girl in front of me. So, I wrap my arms around her, basking in her scent.

‘I’m in love with you,’ I whisper the words against her neck, ‘I want you and only you.’

‘You’re not hungry? You haven’t touched much of your pizza Camz.’ I ask her, the both of us sitting in some low profile Italian restaurant that was sympathetic to our wallets.

‘I just- I don’t know. I’m just tired.’ she replies, the mentioned tiredness evident in her tone, but I wasn’t giving up that easy.

‘Did you hit your head? You love pizza.’ I manage to elicit a tiny smile from her, though her mind still seems to be elsewhere.

‘What’s wrong?’ I ask, hoping to actually get an answer.

Instead, her reply is a shake of her head, her eyes shying away from my own.

‘Okay. We don’t have to talk about it. But just remember I’m here okay?’

She nods at that, resuming her meal.

‘What do you say we go to yours after this and watch that movie you love. What was it called again? A Walk…?’

She mumbles something, but I don’t bother to pay attention, too busy trying to remember the name.

‘A walk… urm, fuck.’ I whisper, embarrassed to have forgotten the name of her favourite move.

‘Laur.’ she mumbles my name, and I’m almost certain it’s to turn down the idea, but I didn’t want to leave her alone. Not tonight (or ever really).

‘Okay I’m sorry, I forgot the name but it doesn’t mea-’

‘I love you.’ the blurted words cut me off, catching onto the air in my throat, choking me.

She immediately comes at my side, rubbing my back and everything tunes out, Izone out from whatever she’s saying; all I can hear is a high-pitch string of three words repeating themselves, over and over and over again. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

It was comically beautiful, hearing those words, in the middle of a restaurant neither one of us remember the name of, in the audience of a streetlamp that’s about to let out its last breath, flickering against the window we were seated by, the both of us surrounded by careless commotion. The girl that I was recklessly in love with just told me she loved me.

My vision blurs, and I’m almost certain that every nerve inside of me fogs into something I never thought I’d be capable to feel. Everything makes sense yet nothing makes sense at all. Adrenaline surges through my veins and I’m suddenly immune to feeling, yet I’m feeling everything at once.

‘Lau-’

I kiss her, eager and desperate, the touch of our lips burning out the streetlamp completely, and I’m sure I hear a plate drop somewhere behind us but fuck I was kissing the girl I loved, the same girl who told me she loved me back, and nothing else mattered in that moment.

It didn’t matter what happened between us, where we were, or what the future held. It didn’t matter that her confession was scattered. It didn’t matter that we had both broken each other in one way or another.

All that mattered was how her love was soaking into my bones, bringing with it a home that I thought I’d never be lucky enough to have. All that mattered was that she broke down her walls just to be with me, forgetting anything her younger-self had told her about people. All that mattered was that she was pulling me closer, kissing me back with just as much love. All that mattered was her telling me she loved me.

‘I love you.’ she breathes against my lips, and I’m left feeling hazy from tasting those words.

Though I’m sure, I’ll remember this night for the rest of my life, her raw confession engraving itself in my heart.

From the dining table.

a/n: and there it is :) I’ll admit this wasn’t going to be a camren endgame, because i suck at those kinda endings (for real, I have a million drafts for the last chapter), but I thought to try :)

Thanks again for reading, liking, messaging and all that jazz :)

#UPDATE #series #AU #camren #laurinah #based on song #angst drama #submission #Untitled

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