#upon which vibes can be built. can’t even think of an example but those ones where you know stuff happens but you never remember what

[itspileofgoodthings]

@joons Chelsea this is so funny I’m going to SCREAM

this movie HATES that it has to deal with plot it just wants vibes but it's Austen so everything is connected and it can't get away from plot no matter what it does

[og-danny-dorito]

[ Random Male!Yautja Headcanons That Are Just Sitting In The Back Of My Mind ]

here, have some disorganized pieces of information that are the product of my semi-obsessive daydreaming

- this is pretty common but it’s not uncommon for yautja to be protective over their mates/offspring instinct wise, but i know for a FACT that those instincts are intensified since you’re human

- it’s not that he doesn’t think you can’t handle yourself or anything! its just that... you know...- s i g h, okay, he doesnt really think you can handle yourself as well as he can. or better phrased- as well as a yautja can

- it’s not that he doesn’t think that you’re incapable, but there are some differences in between your biology that make it hard to think that you aren’t consistently vulnerable to attack

- if you’re the type of person to consistently be on alert and be able to handle yourself in a way that’s good enough to survive then he’s gonna let up with his protectiveness over you, but it’s hard to completely ignore the urge to throw hands with the guy who looked at you weirdly in the parking lot, yknow?

- the reason behind it though is that he just cares a lot about you even though it’s a little hard to show since there’s more than just a cultural barrier there

- for instance, in terms of biology, i’m pretty sure that yautja will do something similar to purring when they’re injured, relaxed, or just feeling some good vibes

- the only issue is that it’s a bit startling when this isn’t mentioned beforehand and you’re cuddling with your alien bf and suddenly he just starts vibrating when you touch the base of his dreads like a cat

- he’s kinda confused as to why humans don’t do that?? like he gets it, you’re a squishy race with soft faces and tiny bodies (he likes to make it a POINT that you’re collectively tiny compared to him), but he didn’t know that you didn’t have a built-in soothing system either and it’s almost odd to him

- he takes it upon himself to substitute for your “evolutionary hinderance” though, as he’d like to say. feeling upset? don’t worry, you’ve got a 7 foot tall alien to pull you into his arms and purr your stress away. feeling sick? let him get you a bowl of soup (or a yautja remedy that’ll fix the problem in like 5 seconds flat) and some complimentary vibrations to heal your body a little bit

- and, although he didn’t see much of a point in it at first, he makes an amazing cuddle buddy. it’s not just because he purrs though: i’m pretty sure that all yautja are walking space heaters

- i’ve read some of the comics and in a codex entry i’m pretty sure that it mentioned that yautja can withstand below freezing temperatures for very long periods of time, so it’s safe to assume that they’re just naturally hot (in more ways than one obviously ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

- that or they’re just good at temperature control which could honestly go both ways

- but their anatomy is kinda just like,, better if that makes sense. like the quite literally Built Different and i don’t know if that’s for better or for worse

- it makes for some interesting interactions though since there are also some things that they are definitely not built for in reference to the human structure of things. a good example could be your house

- now it’s unlikely that you’ll live together in YOUR home, but on the off-chance that you do it’s likely to assume that your humble abode will gain some... uhhh- modifications, to put it lightly

- for instance, the doorframe isn’t really built to fit a 7 foot tall alien through it and at some point you’d get tired of ducking to get into certain rooms. it was kind of inevitable that you’re going to get an involuntary extension on the top half of your doorframe that’s awfully yautja shaped

- he also thought that your choice of decor was missing a few things, so he helped you decorate with some taxidermic heads of his enemies! to show off how prosperous and capable he is as your mate, of course

- and those aren’t even the most notable new traits of your household

- that big ass knife made of some metal not discovered by humans yet sitting next to your cutting board is what you use to slice veggies and bread. the extra extension to your couch (which consists of 3 beanbags and a blanket) is so your boyfriend’s hellhound can sit comfortably with you while you watch tv (it almost tore a hole in the couch by rolling around on it last time). the extra-strong bed frame you ordered is only here because your himbo of a lover broke the last one while blowing your b- ahem,,, you get the idea

- all in all there a bunch of extra little things in your house that kinda tie together the differences in world perspectives that makes the two of your fit so well together. like yeah he doesn’t understand a lot of human behaviors and you don’t understand yauta ones, but you make it work and that’s what matters

[ That’s all I have so far, but thank you for reading!~ ]

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

to help answer the question of if catholic churches in the US are ugly...here of some pictures (from google) of churches i’ve been to. these are all in the same geographic area

this one is older, built in the 1880-1900ish. it’s considered the “nice” church people have weddings and baptisms at

this one is brand-spanking-new built in like 2012 i think? lots of people think the murals are stupid including my brother who loves to point out that the deer shouldn’t have both spots and antlers because when deer hit puberty and get antlers they lose their spots. 0/10 on the color scheme and like what the fuck even are those stupid peach/white stripes on the arches

no idea when this one was built. maybe the 1970s based on vibes

and this one is a very rad Irish Catholic basilica, even as an ex-catholic i can still appreciate the art and shit. built in 1890ish

overall i’d say the older ones are cool and the newer ones tend to skimp on the details like fancy light fixtures, stained glass, metalwork, etc. that give it a “catholic aesthetic”

My first reaction upon seeing this was “why is there so much blue⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️“ since the color is not usually used in Philippine churches. We mostly stick with reds and browns and golds (although i only attend church when it’s a family obligation like during christmas and holy week, perhaps in other days they have different color schemes?)

Unfortunately, I can’t find any interior photos of most churches I wanted to show as an example. Here’s one that’s renowned for being our oldest church i think and being very baroque and very pretty.

pretty sure this was 1500s. you can see the place where priests used to stand to give their homily (the elevated brown stand on the right side) which im surprised to not see in even the older churches you sent. When we do visita iglesia during holy week (viewing seven churches in a row during holy thursday and good friday) it’s churches like this that we frequent.

I would say this is the usual color scheme i see, especially if they’re old. newer ones (built in the 2000s) fall into more minimalist designs of white and brown.

This is the church I did my first communion in.

it’s significantly less grand. finished in 1994.

anyway, this has been fun! especially where and how i grew up where even if you’re not particularly religious, catholicism still plays a huge part in your life, seeing how stuff differs in other places is super interesting! Thank you so much for sending this in!

-Grey <3

[tossawary]

Chapter 24: “Seeing is Believing” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” random favorite lines and commentary. Not a full list or full commentary, but longer commentary than usual to talk about quest construction. 

-

AN: This was... a weird chapter to write. When I started outlining, I had... the conversation with Shen Qingqiu planned... the conversation with Shen Yuan planned... the fact that SQH, SY, LQG, and LFL was the quest party... and the fact that they get the Eye at the end of it. That was everything. 

The entire rest of this chapter came together FRIDAY LAST WEEK. 

Huan Hua Palace wasn’t going to be there. The Weeper didn’t exist. The Eye or its previous owner wasn’t at all connected to the Garden Master. The Shadow Cave Wolf Spiders didn’t exist. The murder plant didn’t exist. The mysterious monster showing up at the end wasn’t originally planned either. 

I mean, I had a lot of pre-existing plot threads to tie in and weave with, but ohhh boy! Picture someone lying facedown on a floor like, “I forgot to plan the contents of the super important quest...” 

I was originally going to have the Eye quest a lot simpler, but given the weight “Death of the Author” had when I finally reached this part of the story, that wasn’t really going to do! It had to be bigger than that! It needed oomph! This also felt like a good opportunity to really establish the new SQH-SY dynamic. To explore SY fumbling to find a place in this world without strict character role, especially in relation to settled and well-supported SQH. 

- 

“One attempts to remain dignified,” Shen Qingqiu agrees. “As there is little point in kicking and screaming about how such ignobility isn’t fair.”

“Ha! Is there ever?”

“Not in my experience.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely not cute when I do it,” Shang Qinghua jokes.

Shen Qingqiu’s lips actually twitch at that.

Success?!

- 

AN: I wasn’t going into this fic with the intention of writing any Shang Qinghua and Original Shen Qingqiu almost friendship! But it started developing and it seemed a shame not to explore Shang Qinghua developing a real relationship with Shen Qingqiu (though not a particularly close one) when the man is suppose to be the scum villain (and the readers know that the man might get replaced by Shen Yuan). 

I can see myself writing more Shang Qinghua and Original Shen Qingqiu content in the future. Someone dropped a particularly nice prompt for them in my inbox that I’m looking forward to exploring at some point. 

(I mean, not to say that Shang Qinghua has a type, but Shang Qinghua has a type and it’s handsome, deadly, intimidating, frosty men with a villainous character design and trust/abandonment and communication issues. I could make it work.)

- 

“Ah, well, two ‘ideal’ situations come to mind: severing the personal relationship for good… or, ah, talking about how to do better and trying that. You don’t have to forget or even forgive if you don’t want to! But, ah… there’s got to be a difference between totally swallowing your anger and cutting ties forever, right?” Shang Qinghua says awkwardly. “If there’s… ever going to be anything good afterwards…”

Shen Qingqiu stares at him for a sweat-inducing length of time.

 “Ah, fuck,” Shang Qinghua thinks.

“Sorry,” he says. “Ahhh, I’m just… thinking about something someone told me… in… in regards to some of my own problems. Never mind! Never mind!”

- 

AN: Luo Jiahui really is out here making Moshang and Qijiu get their fucking act together just by setting a better example. 

- 

“Shizun, my apologies for the interruption, but I came to ask Shizun if he would be willing to join our music lesson today? The disciples have missed his playing and are eager to present their improvements.”

“...Very well, unless anyone here would disagree…?” Shen Qingqiu looks directly at the Qian Cao Peak cultivator, as though daring her to object and die.

“It’s an excellent suggestion!” the Qian Cao Peak cultivator says quickly.

The young woman smiles. “And perhaps Shizun could sit in on the calligraphy lesson afterwards? In order to offer his opinion on my progress as a teacher?”

“Fishing for compliments is unbecoming,” Shen Qingqiu says dryly.

“Wait, what?” Shang Qinghua thinks.

- 

AN: So, this has all been happening in the background, but Shen Qingqiu accepted this House of Rejuvenation woman onto his Peak about... 6-ish years ago now? This is kind of meant to parallel Shang Qinghua’s once-secret relationship with Luo Jiahui. 

Shang Qinghua was out here trying to be a better person and Shen Qingqiu noticed; now Shen Qingqiu has his own positive (platonic) relationship with a nameless background character who was meant to die for plot reasons. What a thing, huh? If the story was saved because Shang Qinghua started a domino effect of saving random people who went on to change things? 

- 

After all, as Shang Qinghua said to the kid, besides Peerless Cucumber’s apparent talent for cultivation, he knows that his fellow transmigrator has three very important skills that will serve him well on An Ding Peak! 1) An encyclopedia knowledge for even seemingly pointless bullshit (which is kind of flattering, honestly). 2) The willingness to fight total strangers over seemingly pointless bullshit. And 3) a sharp enough tongue to win.

Peerless Cucumber didn’t find these points as funny as Shang Qinghua did.

- 

AN: Shen Yuan was always going to end up on An Ding Peak. I thought about sending him to Qing Jing or Qian Cao or Qiong Ding... or any other Peak... but that would take him too far away from Shang Qinghua to really explore their relationship and to move him around conveniently in the story. And SY sticking to An Ding seemed to best illustrate the fact that SY is lost and doesn’t know what to do except cling to SQH. 

- 

“It’s not much, sure, but it’s yours,” Shang Qinghua says finally. “You’ll be joining the talisman classes soon, so don’t try anything from a book and then need to request some home repairs.”

Peerless Cucumber nods and puts his stack of manuals down on the table.

“How’s your tutorial mission going?”

“Fine,” the kid says shortly. “Have you found anything for the other one yet?”

“Ah, not yet.”

- 

AN: “Are you winning, son?” meme energy here. 

- 

Ah, now Shang Qinghua recognizes his fellow transmigrator’s expression! That’s the same stunned expression one of his Huan Hua not-disciples, Yu Chaonan, made upon meeting the Bai Zhan Peak War God for the first time. Shang Qinghua assumes that Peerless Cucumber was expecting a man who looked more like a musclebound giant and less like a pop idol (if one with amazingly muscular arms), which is a super common and never-not-funny misconception people have about Liu Qingge.  

“Brother of one of the most beautiful women in this world, bro,” Shang Qinghua reminds his fellow transmigrator, amused. Aha! Now Peerless Cucumber’s vehement disinterest in the harem stuff is making even more sense than before!

Shang Qinghua’s assumption gets 100% confirmed when it comes time for Peerless Cucumber to fly with Liu Qingge for the next leg of the journey. The other transmigrator is so embarrassed and awkward about it that Shang Qinghua’s super direct brother-in-law asks if the young man is alright.

- 

AN: This was so fun to write. Shang Qinghua really can use the Liu siblings to gauge people’s sexual/romantic orientation. 

- 

The map (or rather, the copy Shang Qinghua made of the delicate original map) takes them to a green and grey landscape of leafy trees crawling over a wide network of tall cliffs and deep gorges. Gurgling rivers cut through twisting rock formations. Shang Qinghua can’t see any of these rivers on the map. Or these deathly drop ravines. From the outside, the whole thing looks like a natural maze (holy shit, there could be so many monsters and death-traps in there!), and Shang Qinghua would know those golden robes flying low over the hanging trees anywhere.

“Huan Hua,” Liu Qingge mutters.

“Do you think they’re looking for what we’re looking for?” Luo Fanli asks.

“That’s usually how it goes,” Peerless Cucumber says, before Shang Qinghua can.

- 

AN: I came up with the skeleton idea first. Then I was like... “I should give it three eyes.” And then I was like... “But who IS this dead author? A god? A spirit? What grander implications am I spinning here?” 

And THEN I remembered that I had some ambiguous powerful being force the Garden Master into exile due to a flood. This was because, in the Epic of Gilgamesh, the immortal man Gilgamesh meets in the abyss is the survivor of a great flood. So I was like, “Reduce! Re-use! Recycle! There’s my skeleton!” 

So I wanted to relate the skeleton to water because of the flood angle. Water as a symbol of cleansing/reincarnation is a big thing throughout many cultures. I can’t remember exactly how the crying aspect came up, but I knew there was going to be water in the temple now, so at some point my brain like was, “Bro, this skeleton should totally be crying because mythology vibes.” 

So I built the surrounding land off the idea that there was water flowing from or around this temple. At this point, I had decided that Huan Hua Palace should also be looking for this artifact, so I had to come up with a way to hide the temple, yet have a way for SQH’s party to track it down. 

- 

The damage to the doors is worse: someone once upon a time collapsed a part of the cliff face around the entrance, essentially leaving only the top fourth of the utterly smashed stone doors visible. It’s a wall now and has been for ages. It looks like it would take days to dig through the rubble. Someone has even super helpfully carved, “These doors will never open again,” just above the wreck.

“Guess we’ll have to go in as intruders rather than guests!” Luo Fanli says.

“What would be welcoming us inside a lost temple exactly?” Shang Qinghua asks vaguely, inwardly cursing the fact that explosive mining techniques will definitely attract the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators’ attention and also probably collapse the whole cliff on them.

“We only have to clear a passage for us, not the whole door,” Peerless Cucumber says optimistically. “Is there a special technique for this kind of thing?”

“Aha, not really.”

“Oh.”

“Why don’t we just keep following the water?” Luo Fanli says.

“...How so?” Shang Qinghua asks.

“Some of those waterfalls could be passages inside,” Liu Qingge explains, because he and the little sister-in-law apparently share the same brain. He’s already eyeing the waterfall wearing down the giant statue on the left.

- 

AN: Temples in quests need to have traps and obstacles and monsters! Well, not ALL of the did, but this one did. I based the obstacles they faced as much as I could around the whole “Death of the Author” theme, while using this whole quest to explore Shen Yuan, Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua, Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge and Luo Fanli, and so on. 

The idea here with the door is that the “author” is not going to let them inside the temple to take the interpretation of the narrative (the Eye) for themselves. The story is over (the temple is closed for business)! The author is dead! If they want to get inside, they have to break inside or slip inside as intruders. 

This also creates a convenient obstacle to hold up the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators so that our party can be nearly caught later! And shows off Shang Qinghua, Liu Qingge, and Luo Fanli’s twisty lines of thinking. 

- 

Luo Fanli is holding the light and Shang Qinghua passes the other transmigrator to her, while accepting Liu Qingge’s hand for help getting out of the water.

“Ahhh, that was fun,” Shang Qinghua mutters.

Then he notices that Liu Qingge has the Cheng Luan sword out and ready. Shang Qinghua looks through the surrounding darkness, but all he can see are columns and water. For a moment, he thinks he sees something, a prowling shadow at the other end of the cavernous room, but he wipes the water out of his eyes and it’s gone.

- 

AN: The water in Shang Qinghua’s eyes briefly lets him see a flash of the invisible monsters who show up later! It helps up the tension. 

- 

Another low growl rips through the darkness and Peerless Cucumber shuffles a little closer to Shang Qinghua. Because that sounded really fucking close and yet Shang Qinghua still can’t see the thing that’s making that sound.

He doesn’t see Liu Qingge lunge at him either. He only feels his brother-in-law shove him into Peerless Cucumber, knocking them into the water, out of the way of something that howls when Liu Qingge slashes at it with his sword. Shang Qinghua rolls off Peerless Cucumber and looks up just in time to see dark blood splatter across the watery floor. Liu Qingge pursues the attacker with a second slash, but only seems to meet thin air this time.

“It’s invisible!” Luo Fanli cries. “Fuck!”

“Behind you!” Liu Qingge snaps, and spins to slash at the thin air beside him. Dark droplets of blood hit the water again and something hisses at him.

Luo Fanli whirls and slashes, searching for an opponent.

“They’re reflected in the water!” Liu Qingge yells at her, standing guard over Shang Qinghua as he gets to his feet again. “Listen for their footsteps and vocalizations! Feel the demonic energy and air displacement!”

- 

AN: I got this from a list of Dungeons and Dragons puzzles. The idea is that there’s some puzzle that must be solved, but the truth of the room can only be seen in the reflection of the nearby water (or mirror or whatever). 

Which felt fitting for a “Death of the Author” quest! Whatever an author’s intentions, the story is what they actually wrote, so the audience interprets a text without the context of the author’s insight. The truth (of the story) is in the reflection (audience interpretation)! It felt like a fun idea. 

It also allows Shen Yuan to actually contribute to the quest via monster lore and bring up his impaired vision problem. And to confront Shen Yuan with the reality of this world. And to show off Luo Fanli’s fighting skills. And to show off LIU QINGGE’S legendary fighting skills, instincts as a warrior who fights many dangerous beasts, and the fact that he’s clever and observant! 

Liu Qingge is good at what he does! And this is what he does! 

- 

Someone has… angrily… or desperately… carved a lopsided message into the wall.

 “‘If I go blind, so does the world,’” Peerless Cucumber reads.

“...That’s probably not good,” Shang Qinghua says.

“Nooo…” Fanli agrees.

The messages continue as they climb, carved into the walls, the ceilings, the floors. Most of it is illegible. Some of it is just nonsense. Some of it looks like the same kind of historical records carved into the broken tablets. Some of it looks like someone attacked the walls after reading what was written there. There are deep gouges in the walls and cracked marks that would match a giant’s hands.

 “‘The water cleans the lies,’” Peerless Cucumber reads. “‘I am the only one who can see.’ ‘Lies everywhere, lies everywhere, lies everywhere.’ ‘The water cleans the evil.’ ‘I do not have enough tears.’ ‘Everything is nothing now. Everything in vain.’”

“You really don’t need to read them!” Shang Qinghua tells the kid. “It’s fine. It's totally fine.”

- 

AN: This is mostly here to up the tension, but it’s also here to try and give insight into this being and relate them more to the “Death of the Author” and the “Seeing is Believing” themes. 

I also saw the phrase “If I go blind, so does the world” while I was browsing a list of riddles for D&D campaigns and I was like, “THAT’S SICK, I’M USING THAT.” Really brings the “an eye for an eye” and vengeance vibes. (The riddle was longer than that one phrase, but the answer was “the sun”.) 

- 

The top of the temple reveals one massive room that looks like someone was alternatively scratching their insanity into the walls and tearing chunks out of the interior design with their bare hands. Overtop of the rubble is that eerie overgrowth. There’s a fine layer of water over the floor. At the center of it all is an incredibly enormous desk, cracked in half, with a robed skeleton sitting behind it, slumped over the top. It’s a little too large to be an ordinary human.

Plus, its skull is a little too long, probably to accommodate the third eye socket in the forehead. There’s something gleaming softly yellow in the third eye socket.

“Is… there water dripping from its eyes?” Luo Fanli whispers.

“It looks like it…” Peerless Cucumber whispers back. “Like it's crying…?”

“Still…? Is it dead or not?”

 “Holy shit,” Shang Qinghua thinks, slightly nauseated. “System, bro, the worst bro I’ve ever known, tell me that we have not been swimming in a three-eyed skeleton’s magical undead tears or something this whole time.”

The shitty, no-good System stays unsurprisingly silent. 

- 

AN: Okay, so the idea here is that this being was someone who recorded history and shared their knowledge freely. This being had the ability to discern the truth of a person - they were extremely perceptive. (The Weeper is either female or doesn’t have a gender, by the way.) 

The Weeper met the Garden Master at some point. The Garden Master was an asshole, a liar, arrogant, etc.. The Weeper and the Garden Master clashed badly, until the Weeper sent the cleansing flood that nearly destroyed the sect and the Garden Master essentially had to flee to a personal abyss. 

The Garden Master sent the plant as a final “fuck you” to the Weeper. The plant caused the Weeper to slowly go mad. The smashed tablets and destroyed temple are the Weeper’s work. The Weeper (not in a great state of mind) had the temple closed themselves once they realized they and their work had been corrupted. This was a “you destroy my (embellished) reputation, I destroy yours (and your entire life)” plot by the Garden Master. 

The idea behind the tears is the whole “water is cleansing” thing. The Weeper tried to clean away the madness using their magical water-related abilities... and it actually worked for a long time. But eventually the madness began to overpower the effects of the magical water. The Weeper’s tears are from frustration and helplessness at losing control. 

The water inside the temple combats the plant’s physical effects. Also stabbing the root killed the plant and essentially broke its mental/spiritual powers. 

- 

Unfortunately, to get the fuck out of here, they have to go back through the temple. But hey! That’s still a lot better than an extended hike through an underground, haunted desert in darkness! The battle with the now-dead plant caused its growth to writhe around the temple. The vines need to be hacked through sometimes as they travel down through the rooms of broken shelves and shattered tablets.

“So much history lost…” Peerless Cucumber murmurs.

 “He still thinks of himself as a reader - an observer, a visitor, separate from the flow of fate.”

- 

AN: This is... absolutely based on the Heart from the Dishonored franchise. But this sort of item didn’t originate with Dishonored and I need it! It’s a surprise/mystery tool that will help us later! 

The Eye isn’t exactly a mind-reading object. I mean, it kind of is, but it works in a very specific way that I’m looking forward to getting into. 

- 

From there, their path back out of the natural maze is even more careful and stressful than before, now that the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators are actively looking for them rather than the temple. It’s slow-going and stressful and silent, except for when the Weeper’s Eye presses too close against his chest.

 “He is afraid that if he starts screaming, he will never stop,” it tells him, when he’s looking at a pale-faced Peerless Cucumber, as they fly over a particularly deathly-looking drop.

 “Oh, me too, bro!” Shang Qinghua thinks. “Seriously! Tell me something I don’t know!”

- 

AN: Having Shang Qinghua be totally unimpressed by an object like this was very funny to me. He’s the author! He’s a transmigrator! He knows these people well! He already has insight into their situations. 

- 

Shang Qinghua groans, but supposes that Peerless Cucumber would have at least been disguising Liu Qingge from the back. “You tell them that you were tracking thieves who stole something from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect,” he says quickly. “Rule of embarrassment! Admitting something that makes us look bad to a rival makes it sound true. Don’t tell them what was stolen and act really offended if they try to poke into Cang Qiong business. I’ll come back as soon as I get these two out!”

Liu Qingge nods and launches forward into the fight.

“We’re just leaving him?” Peerless Cucumber says, as they do exactly that.

“I’ll get changed and come back ‘looking for him for urgent sect business’ as soon as I’ve dropped you two off in the last town,” Shang Qinghua says. “I’m really good at acting stressed and confused, and at desperately needing an unstoppable wandering Liu Qingge back at Cang Qiong Mountain Sect immediately. Now let’s go! Let’s go! Mission isn’t over yet!”

- 

AN: Shang Qinghua is, at heart, a liar. I love him. 

[thedenimdentist]

Role Club Engineers: Worth the Wait?

Introduction (Part I): History of Engineer Boots

Engineer boots are definitely a polarizing style of footwear within the heritage/amekaji boot community. For one, they utilize an ankle strap for fastening in lieu of laces, and second, their tall stovepipe shafts don’t integrate quite well with the slim tapered esthetic of modern denim/trousers. While often associated with motorcycles and bikers, engineer boots were actually designed as protective gear for firemen working on railway engines back in the 1930s. (Hence the name “engineers.”) Their minimal design and use of buckles over laces made them ideal for this line of work. The tall shafts provided protection for the lower leg, while the slip-on design allowed for quick removal should anything dangerous (such as hot coals or embers) slip down the shaft into the boot. This style of footwear lost some popularity following the introduction of lace-up combat boots during World War II, but would later be picked up by motorcyclists who found use of their insulating and protective features. (And there is your history lesson for the day, courtesy of Wikipedia. Lol)

Introduction (Part II): How I Got into Engineer Boots

I first got into more well-made boots back in early 2019. Like most boot n3wbs, I was completely infatuated by that lace-up service boot esthetic, and insisted on wearing them with the slimmest, most tapered denim I could find. My first boot purchase was (of course) a pair of Red Wing Iron Rangers, followed by three pairs of Truman service boots in pretty quick succession. That first summer was when I discovered @brianthebootmaker on Instagram and YouTube, and instantly fell in love with his Underdog design, which I later purchased in August 2019 and received in May 2020.

At that point in time, Brian’s popular Underdog boots fit perfectly within my slim service boot style. However, Brian’s most iconic boot pattern was (and is) definitely his engineer boots. I admit I wasn’t sold on them at first, but I was intrigued. Did they fit my wardrobe at all? Nope. Would they even fit under the 6.75” leg openings of my PBJ denim? LOL nah. Nevertheless, I found myself constantly going back to Brian’s Instagram page and browsing all the photos of his engineer boots. Eventually, I grew to really love the look of engineer boots, ultimately placing a second deposit with Brian for a pair of engineers in October 2019. I had no idea how I was going to fit them into my wardrobe, but I figured I’d make it work somehow. (Luckily, since then my denim preferences have actually shifted toward more relaxed cuts, just in time for the arrival of these engineers.)

The Ordering Process

For most customers purchasing online, Brian requires you to take a set of measurements on your own feet, which he uses to build your boots remotely. However, those lucky enough to live nearby can actually visit Brian’s shop in LA to be personally measured by the boot maker himself, as well as discuss any details or questions you have regarding your specific makeup. I was one of these lucky people who could actually visit him in person, and used those measurements to order two pairs of boots from him: first a pair of Underdogs, and now some engineers. Both pairs were built on different lasts (which I will discuss more later), and both fit perfectly. (For a more detailed summary of being measured in person, check out my previous review of my Role Club Underdogs.)

My Specifications

While you can’t really go wrong with any of Brian’s engineer makeups, I personally loved the design Brian designed for himself: brown CXL horsehide hand-finished black, a full leather outsole, and full woodsman heels. They definitely have a more western, cowboy, workwear vibe compared to most other engineer boots out on the market, but in my opinion these are one of the best patterns, with some of the cleanest construction to boot.

A few screenshots I took of Brian's engineer boots, taken off his Instagram.

I did make a few tweaks/upgrades from Brian’s boots when designing my own, which I’ve listed below:

Model: engineer boots

Shaft height: 10”

Upper leather: brown Italian vegtan horsebutt, hand-finished black

Toe track: yes

Upper stitching: black

Hardware: brass roller buckles

Last: 2307 last

Unstructured toe

Edge finish: black

Welt stitching: white

Sole: full leather sole, black heel cap

Heel style: full woodsman heel

Metal toe plates

Custom built-in orthotics (same as my Underdogs)

One of the biggest reasons I keep going back to Brian is that he’s able to use the orthotics I typically slip into all my footwear and actually build them into the insoles of my boots. Not sure how difficult this actually is for a boot maker, but Brian has absolutely nailed the fit on my ugly feet both times, and it’s super convenient to not have to worry about a removable orthotics.

Price, Lead Time, & Shipping

The initial deposit to reserve a pair of Role Club boots is $200 regardless of which model you are ordering, with the remaining balance due upon completion. I visited Brian’s shop in Los Angeles on 8/21/2019 and placed my deposit on 10/15/2019, with an estimated completion date of November 2020. However, due to delays in construction (including waiting for my custom metal toe plates to come in), my boots weren’t actually completed until 3/25/2021 (nearly five months late). Inconvenient, but it’s not like I was wearing boots and going out much anyway due to COVID.

When I placed my first deposit for my Underdogs in August 2019, the estimated wait time was just 8 months (April 2020). However, when I placed my second deposit for these engineers just two months later, the wait time had jumped to 13 months (November 2020). To be honest, I’m not even sure how long Brian’s queue is now. Last I heard it was sometime in 2023 or 2024. (Freaking insane. So thankful I placed my second deposit when I did, before his waitlist exploded.)

At the time I placed my deposit, the base price for Brian’s engineer boots was $1350. After a few upgrade fees (hand-finished leather, toe plates, etc.), the final price of my specific makeup was $1500. Minus my initial $200 deposit, my final payment for these engineers was $1300 + $20 shipping. I made this payment via Venmo on 3/26/2021, my boots were shipped the following Monday 3/29/2021, and I received them via USPS on 4/2/2021.

At $1500, these are not a cheap pair of boots by any means. However, for engineer boots this price is actually not unreasonable, as there are some other brands selling engineer boots at a higher price point in stock sizes with limited to no customization (i.e., Clinch). #perspective #itsallrelative (To be completely honest, I roll my eyes when people scoff at a pair of boots in this price range, claiming they’re “too expensive” or that they can’t afford it, and turn around and buy 2-3 pairs of average Vibergs instead. Just stop. Clearly it’s not the cost, it’s your personal values and priorities. #endrant lol (Also, not knocking Clinch or Viberg or anything. Just a few examples to prove a point.))

ANYWAYS. For those hesitant to commit to such an ungodly wait time, I will point out that the cost to reserve a pair of Role Club boots is just $200, regardless of which model you are ordering. In fact, you don’t even need to finalize your order at the time of deposit. You can continue to brainstorm, change your mind, and discuss with Brian about your specifications long after the deposit is placed. (I mean, you have like 2-3 years before he even starts working on your boots anyway, so you have ample time to decide. Haha) Also, should you decide you can’t wait that long (or you suddenly become more financially responsible, lol), I hear you can also use that $200 deposit for something else more affordable, such as a resole of another pair of boots. Either way, hopefully this knowledge makes the $200 deposit a little less daunting and scary of a commitment.

Unboxing

The boots arrived in a single standard shoe box enclosed in a standard plastic shipping bag. There was zero padding included, so the box did arrive with some dents and dings. Inside the box, each boot was slipped inside an individual clear plastic sleeve. Unlike most other brands, no extra padding, tags, or shoe bags were included. Just the boots. (Though, they are some freaking amazing boots. Lol)

“HFB” for Hand Finished Black.

360 Degree View

The 2307 Last

When trying to pick a last for these engineers, I was debating between his 1940s last and the 2307 last. Ultimately I picked the 2307, mostly because it had a lower toe bump. I do think that his 1940s last is his most popular for engineers, and the toe bump really doesn’t make too big of a difference once the unstructured toe collapses. (For a more in-depth summary of all the lasts/toe shapes Role Club toe has available, I will link you to Brian’s YouTube video.)

Profile views of both the 1940 and 2307 lasts. Notice the more pronounced toe bump on the 1940 last in comparison to the 2307.

I had my Underdogs built on Brian’s 100 last, which typically has a significantly slimmer, almond toe shape in comparison to the 2307 last. However, due to my awkwardly wide feet and bunions, the MTM 100 last ended up not being too dissimilar from my MTM 2307 last. I definitely like the 2307 more, as the outer sweep of the toe box has a more angular, elegant curve in comparison to my 100 last, which kinda just looks like a thumb.

As you can see, my Underdogs were supposedly built on the 100 last, but ended up being way more rounded than expected (which I’m happy about).

The Leather

Brian most often sources his leather from the Horween Tannery, specifically CXL horsehide and shell cordovan. Brian used brown CXL horsehide hand-finished black for his own pair of engineer boots, which has aged incredibly. Personally, I tend to opt for vegtan leathers whenever possible, as it’s more environmentally friendly and in my opinion tends to build a nicer patina than chrome tanned or combination tanned leathers. Luckily, Brian happened to have some brown Italian horsebutt lying around his shop that he was willing to offer me. At the time, Brian didn’t remember the tannery from which he sourced the horsebutt (which, according to him, no longer exists), but he was able to send me a few photos. I immediately said yes.

A few photos of another pair of engineers Brian made in the same Italian brown horsebutt. Loved the depth of color...which I had painted over. lol

I was hesitant at first to have Brian hand-paint black dye over this beautiful brown leather. However, I was pretty set on getting some classic black engineers, and I trusted that the black dye would slowly fade away in high abrasion areas, resulting in a beautiful black-brown pseudo-tea core finish. For horsebutt leather, there actually isn’t too much visible grain/marbling within the leather). It has a fairly smooth, consistent finish, which I don’t mind at all. Also, I can already see some browns peeking through, which gives me hope as to how the black dye will chip away as these boots break in.

Some of the brown undertones can already be seen beneath the black dye, which is most apparent on the vamps.

The Pattern & Stitching

I absolutely love Brian’s take on engineer boots. His pattern works perfectly with his lasts, creating a very well balanced, properly proportioned boot that looks just as good sitting on a shelf as it does on foot.

To my understanding, all of the boots in the Role Club Collection are branded with the same two markings: an embossed logo on the left boot and a sewn-on tag on the right.

The back stay is simple and clean. No extravagant stitch patterns or anything, just very clean, vertical lines. Nice, conservative, elegant. I like it.

I think of all the engineer boots I’ve seen on Instagram, the buckles Brian uses are some of my favorite. Flat, rectangular, roller buckles. Again, nothing gaudy. Some other brands choose to use more elaborate, bulbous buckles on their engineer boots, which kinda just look out of place. Maybe they’re too eye-catching, making it seem like they’re trying too hard. In contrast, Brian’s simple flat buckles are clean and minimal, allowing the pattern and construction quality of the boots speak for themselves. Less is more.

In general, I tend to like the look of 3-4 rows of stitching as opposed to just two. It just looks more substantial and sturdy. (Does it actually increase the quality or longevity of the boot? Probably not. I just like how it looks.) Also, can we take a moment to appreciate just how absolutely pristine this upper stitching is?

Perhaps my preference for 3-4 rows of stitching stems from my appreciation for higher levels of craftsmanship when it comes to boot pattern and construction. Having additional rows of stitching all perfectly spaced and parallel requires a little more attention to detail, and it looks amazing when properly executed.

2, 3, and 4 rows of stitching, all equally dense, evenly spaced, and perfectly parallel. Perfect execution. I haven’t found a single stitch out of place on the uppers of either boot.

Another little feature I opted to include on my boots were hand-crimped toe tracks running up the vamps of each boot. To be honest, I didn’t know too much about why it’s done or it’s benefits. However, here is an explanation I found on superfuture from Brian himself, posted by @beautiful_FrEaK:

The indentation you see on the boots is called a toe track. The reason a boot has a toe track is because the vamp went through the crimping process. It is used to get all the stretch out of the vamp because when a bootmaker needs to turn something that's 2D into 3D it is more work if the vamp is not crimped. Another benefit when a vamp is crimped is it keeps the vamp smooth without any wrinkles. The crimped vamp sits well on the shoe last.

There are different way to crimp a vamp. For example Buco puts their vamps into a crimp machine. It is a hot blade that folds the vamp in half and indents the leather. I wouldn't mind having a crimp machine (really expensive!) but I use crimp boards at the moment. It is the same process but more hands on. I last the vamp on a piece of board to get all the stretch out and it naturally gets the toe track.

Personally, I mostly chose to have the toe track for esthetic purposes, but understanding the reasoning behind it is pretty cool too.

The Heel

Unlike my Underdog boots, which have a low woodsman heel, I decided to go all out with the full woodsman heel on these engineers. I will admit, walking with such elevated heels will take some getting used to. It also definitely adds to the whole western cowboy boot vibe, but I dig it. Plus, the added lift makes me over 6 feet tall now. Added bonus.

The Sole

This is my first pair of boots with a full leather sole. Felt a bit risky putting it on such an expensive pair of boots, but whatever. They look great on Brian’s pair, so I wasn’t too worried. Plus, I live a pretty sedentary lifestyle in the California Bay Area. I don’t go on many nature hikes, nor does it ever snow here (or rain really, for that matter). Thus, I don’t really have a need for much grip or traction with my footwear.

The sole channel stitching is all pretty clean, minus one little wonky spot on the inside portion of the right boot (pictured above in the top left corner). Not a big deal though, as no one is ever gonna see it.

My biggest concern with full leather soles was the reduced durability/longevity from walking on concrete, specifically at the toe. To combat this, I asked Brian to add metal toe plates to my boots to prevent premature wear at the toe. Crisis averted.

Here’s a close up of one of the toe plates, cut into the leather sole as to be nice and flush. Apparently these had to be custom ordered to accommodate for the width of my foot, adding 4-5 months to my wait time. Meh. Worth the wait in my opinion, if it meant getting it done right.

The Welt Stitching

Similar to my Underdogs, the welt stitching on these engineers is all very clean and consistent. If I were to point out anything, it’d be that a little bit of black edge dye got on the white stitching in some areas, and there’s a small tuft of loose thread ends popping out on the inside of the left boot. However, if these are the biggest errors I could find on the whole boot, I think that’s pretty amazing.

If you look closely, you can see the spots where some of the black edge coat got onto the white welt stitching. Not the cleanest, but doesn’t bother me too much.

Here’s the small tuft of loose threads at the end of one of the 270 degree welt stitches. Again, very minor, and won’t keep me up at night.

Try On & Initial Thoughts

Being completely honest, I’m actually still blown away at how amazing these boots feel on foot. I can really tell that these boots were made to measure. I shouldn’t be surprised though, as the Underdogs Brian made for me last year fit amazingly. Although, being lace-up boots that can by cinched down with laces, they naturally are less prone to fit errors such as heel slip. Engineers, by comparison, are much more difficult to fit properly, but Brian did so masterfully. 

First of all, right out of the box I actually had very little trouble getting the boots on and off. I feel like this is often the biggest struggle in breaking in a new pair of engineer boots, but not this time. Sliding my foot down the shaft felt appropriately snug, until my heel snapped past the “pass line” and sucked down into the heel cup. (I actually didn’t even need to unbuckle the strap to get them on, which was double surprising.)

Once fully seated, I could feel the built-in leather-lined orthotics beneath my feet, and the adjusted width of the 2307 last comfortably fit my bunions. What I’m most shocked by is how little heel slip I have in either boot. Until now, I had just assumed that heel slip was to be expected with all engineer boots, and only with break in and wear would that slip maybe go away. Apparently I was wrong, as these engineers already exhibit less heel slip than some of my other boots and derbies.

In designing these engineers, I chose to try out a couple things for the first time: first full leather soles, and first full woodsman heels. I know it’s still early, but I’m already loving the full leather soles. They seem to breathe much more than half and full rubber soles, and they flex and move much more naturally with the movements of my feet. I feel as though I can “feel the ground” better, if that makes sense. I will admit that I can definitely tell these leather soles have significantly less traction than rubber/cork half/full soles. However, I knew that from the get go, so me and my sedentary lifestyle are completely fine with it. I haven’t slipped yet, so it’s all good. Second, the full woodsman heels on these engineers are by far the tallest heels of any boot I own, yet once on foot, I can barely even tell the difference. Even with the steep drop off from the full woodsman heel to the leather sole, walking felt completely natural.

The last thing I’d like to note is how nicely the Italian horsebutt is breaking in. I know it’s still early, but so far all the leather on the vamps and shafts seem to be nice and tight with very little grain break or creasing. Loose grain and unsightly creasing are definitely some of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to boots, so props to Brian on absolutely killing it on the clicking. (At least so far.) I can’t wait to see how this leather continues to break in, and for the black hand-paint to chip away to reveal that beautiful brown horsebutt underneath.

If I had to pick out one spot that may require a little extra break-in, it would be the top rim around the shafts of the boot. They bounce around while I walk, knocking and banging into my shins. I expect this is probably true for most engineer boots, but hopefully this break-in period doesn’t take too long, cuz it doesn’t feel great. Until then, maybe I’ll just have to rock some longer tube socks as shin padding.

(Note: I do my best to remain impartial and objective in all of my reviews. That being said, it was difficult not to sound like some fanboy trying to sell you on a pair of Role Clubs, but this really my honest opinion. I really just love these boots. Lol)

Conclusion

If you couldn’t tell already, I’m absolutely through the roof with regards to these new engineers. The construction quality and level of finishing are pristine, and the comfort and fit out of the box is surprisingly on point. In my opinion, I think Brian and Clinch design two of the most beautiful engineer boots (on Instagram, at least), yet at the same time they exhibit two totally different vibes. Brian’s engineers draw from more rugged, western, cowboy influences, while Clinch engineers are a bit more refined, fitting very nicely within the whole Japanese workwear esthetic. Both styles are very cool, with some of the highest quality construction available.

A comparison of Role Club (top) and Clinch (bottom) engineers, both new and worn. (Photo credit: top left: me, top right: @brianthebootmaker​, bottom left: @bsw_keisuke, bottom right: @partial2vintage.)

While I’ve barely owned these for a week, and already I can confidently say that these are one of my favorite pairs in my collection. With such a beautiful pattern and solid construction, I could pick them up and stare at them all day. Also, not gonna lie, the fact that Role Clubs are so difficult to come by these days does make me feel even cooler for owning a pair. Haha

Anyway, I’ll try to write a follow up review once these are more broken in. Until then, you can follow along my journey breaking in these engineers through my instagram (@thedenimdentist). Ttfn!

[thegospelaradia]

Crystal Matrix Basics

Hello my witches, baby witches, aspiring spell casters, students of the occult, and seasoned shamans alike! I'm coming at you today with a brand new entry in my special series on intermediate to advanced sorcery. I'll try to keep updating this blog on at least a weekly basis - if not more often. But, I'm only an interdimensional multifaceted galaxian xenine quantum manipulation nexus in a human body, after all!

Crystal matrices are a component of a much larger school of magic, and one that I always enjoy teaching: the art of WARDING!

To ward means to guard or protect. We do this in the most basic sense a lot of different ways. Someone making the sign of the cross, spitting upon seeing a bad omen, casting a circle of salt, amulets, talismans, gris gris bags, a chicken's foot, eleke beads, a pocket full of iron nails - these behaviors all have one thing in common: they're wards.

My Catholic mother rarely makes the sign outside of church, but when she does? It's a whole production. Spitting to her left and right as she crosses herself, raising her eyes to the sky, and muttering what I imagine is the Hail Mary. There's a rarity to it, because of the severity to it. My mom is in the habit of crossing fingers and knocking wood, and there's always a crucifix around her neck. That, combined with her morning and evening prayers, is typically enough to keep her feeling "warded" all day.

All cultures have their own warding rituals, and it's very likely there is a specific tradition (I find "superstition" racist and colonial) from your own family's culture. If there is? Use it. The magic of your ancestral lineage is always going to be more powerful than a spell you find online.

I've gotten a bit off track, but it's important to realize that all people, from all cultures, and from all walks of life perform some manner of warding magic.

Now, the working we'll be learning today is a bit more complex than the sign of the cross, but as a witch I believe we have more complicated needs when it comes to magickal protection.

Whenever we create sacred space in a traditional manner or cast a Wiccan circle, it's important to remember that these practices are fundamentally seperate from warding spells. A magic circle is a space in which to raise and contain energy in a cone of power. They are NOT circles of protection. No matter how deeply you are embraced by the magick, there is very little chance that a circle of salt is going to "protect" you. That's why we have banishing spells after our rituals.

Why is it important to have this in mind? In my practice, demons and spirits are what we make of them. All demonolators know that just as one might work with the Greek and/or Roman gods - for example - demons can also be part of your pantheon. Not even a very accomplished Magus could cast a warding spell to keep out Diana or Bacchus, and the same goes for demons. At best, a magical circle keeps out all the negative "vibes" that we're increasingly bombarded with.

I have a labyrinth of selenite as a permanent part of my altar - they're great at absorbing EMF and negative energy, and I keep them front and center for just that reason. But, back to demo

Demons are the gods that Christianity tried to eliminate. There's really not much to be afraid of where they are concerned. Working with demons is something best attempted by shadow magi (those who have integrated their shadow selves) but again - I'm not teaching wards that stop demons, angels, or gods. Do you really think Belial or Leviathan can be bothered to pay you personally a visit?

A fear of demons is a Christian concept. The word originally (the Greek Daimon) was a sort of guardian spirit everyone is born with. The Devil isn't the source of all evil (that's capitalism) and demons aren't in shadows waiting to ruin your life. Few things are.

Now, let's get to the magick!

With those disclaimers and background out of the way - let's talk crystal matrix warding!

For this enchantment, you will need:

Palo Santo, Agua Florida, Holy Water, Black Salt, Yerba Santa, or any other purification medicine. (Remember: white sage is over farmed and culturally specific.)

A magic broom / a bundle of tree leaves, esp. from the druid sacred trees.

Copal, sandalwood, cedar, francincense, myrrh, or your preferred incense.

4 quartz points*

A small table

Incense holder

Wand

Athame

Optional: an equal number stones of various types.

Optional: an orgone pyramid, a large piece of vanondanite, a meteor, or a large free-standing piece of selenite/himalayan pink salt

*as these are the only requisite stones, and will be doing the brunt of the work in the spell, choose 4 crystals that are at least 1.5 to 2 inches and well shaped for the task (jamming into the corners of your room).

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of spells that come with long lists like wedding registries. Brujería on a budget is my favorite kind of magic. That said, you should always have purification medicine (I can't ever remember NOT having a bottle of Agua Florida), at least one sacred incense (Nag Champa is a great substitute), and some kind of ritual tool (don't have a wand made of elk horn, emerald, and gold? Enchant a kitchen knife or paint brush. Consecrate a Sailor Moon wand replica. Go outside a stick, hold it up, and shout "this is my magic stick!". You really don't need to drop a lot of cash on this.

Oh, and a magic broom.

Seriously.

Your broom needs to be functional but sole-use. Using the same broom to sweep the kitchen and then your sacred space? It almost cancels out. A magic broom must have a single purpose - to sweep away negative energy.

Your magic broom doesn't have to be fancy. You need not buy a hundred dollar bundle of twigs from Etsy (you can though, if you want). In a pinch, buy a hand broom (not that comfortable) or a regulation size broom from a home goods store.

TBH? I just finished my masters degree so I've had to get very creative with my spell ingredients. Rather than go make an Ikea trip to find a nice witch broom, I gathered a few thin branches from a cedar tree. I've also - when they were blooming - used stems of my yerba santa and basil plants. These work best with holy water, but consecrating is a breeze. Find what you have on hand and use that - don't blow all your money on magic.

OK, now down to the actual spell! Let's go through it step by step.

First, cleanse and purify the room you want to ward. Using either a standard broom or a bundle of herbs dipped in holy water, sweep or swish from the center out - widdershins.

Light your incense in the center of the room. Sit in front of the censer and enter into a state of contemplation. Slow your thoughts. Follow your breath.

If you work with deities, divinities, demons, orishas, etc. - invoke their power.

With a clear mind, close your eyes and begin to meditate on safety - set your intention: "harmful forces: be this your bane. Go ye back from whence you came." Your intention is to block negative energy - not spirits. Most supernatural beings are indifferent to you.

Walking clockwise around your room, place into each corner a quartz point. Whisper into the stone your wish - that no negative energy will enter.

Once you've placed all four crystals, take your athame in hand. If you have a compass, locate the NE or E crystal. Check that the crystal is secure (I shoved mine in the wall cracks) and then touch it with the tip of your athame/tool.

Here you'll need to utilize your visualization skills. Using your athame/tool, draw a line of energy (gold, white, or blue are good choices to envision) from the first crystal to the next.

Repeat this process until you return to the first crystal. You will have a line of magical light running along the wall and around the bottom of your entire room.

Starting at the first crystal, raise a line of magick up to the ceiling. Repeat the previous process.

When you are done, (you should be going up, across, down, back up, across) you will be in a cube (or irregular polygon) of magical energy. Focus on the crystals as you move.

Sit for a moment in front of the censer and strengthen the visualization - you are sitting in an irregular polygon of energy.

With your wand, walk around clockwise from the first crystal. This is where your creative energy comes in - draw (like a light drawing) magickal and protective symbols as if on a wall that sits like skin atop the physical wall. Invent your own mantra to chant. "Ommmmmmm" works in a pinch.

Your room is now a cube or polygon of energy, covered on all sides with magical graffiti. These symbols will protect you. The crystals have become sentient guardians. Imagine, if you can, a spider web of runes and protective symbols stretching across it.

This is optional, and a bit labour intensive, but the next step would be to create a "generator" to "power" your warding. On a small table, lay out a cloth and place in the center a crystal pyramid, an orgone pyramid, or any other large power stone. Around it, either in an ordered or organic manner, place various small crystals.

Once you are confident with your "core," enter into as deep a meditative state as possible. Channel energy from above and below, push it into your core matrix, and then envision beams of the same magical energy from the central matrix to the other, larger one. In your mind's eye, see the energy swirling clockwise from the generator outwards. Your matrix is now powered by a crystal core.

For the next few days, meditate on your matrix and the core (if you built one) to reinforce the permanence of the ward.

It's easy to find crystal matrix cloths online - especially on Etsy. I use a Cube of Metatron crystal matrix cloth - because it's pretty. You can use anything, honestly. The energy and intent are what's important.

And that's pretty much it! Keep your matrix in mind as often as possible. Maintenance is importance so this spell isn't a one time deal. In addition to reinforcing the wards, it also will give you a good indication as to when the system needs to be recharged - from the core outward.

I know, I know; this is a lot. I just hope you haven't gotten too confused by what should have been "crystals in each corner and some more in the middle of the room."

Complicated and long as it may be, this spell has given me a peace I didn't know I could have. As someone with PTSD, feeling secure and safe anywhere is massive. And it isn't just me: everyone who comes into my space remarks on how safe and warm they feel in the matrix. As I said - forget demons and "evil" spirits. Once you're protected from the rampant negative energy radiating from your surroundings, you'll thank me.

And then there's my favorite protection charm - my Black Magic woman.

But that will have to wait until next time, my witches!

-Magus Aradia

[movienotesbyzawmer]

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019)

I mostly like Quentin Tarantino's movies, but when I saw this in the theater I considered it one of his worst. But I still liked some stuff about it. I liked the thick atmosphere of late-sixties Los Angeles, and I liked Leonardo DiCaprio's character's arc & his performance, and I liked some of the playful touches, even though some of them feel indulgent. "Indulgence" is a big concern when it comes to evaluating QT's movies. Sometimes his indulgences are charming and sometimes not so much. I'm kind of hoping a second viewing will make me like this movie a bit more. Okay, here goes…

Vintage Columbia logo. That kind of thing always works well on me.

First five minutes or so are cinematic in a familiar way, not much to note. But at about 0:06:15 there's a jarring little interruption where a narrator tells us LD just lied. The only moment of narration at all.

Then Al Pacino is reflecting on some of the movies he's been watching, and we see some clips. They look kind of vintage, but also kind of Tarantino-y. Like, that scene where LD torches Nazis doesn't actually look like it could be from the 60s.

"Bounty Law! Starring Rick Dalton!" Then a cut to a dorky TV musical sketch. Kind of funny. Not subtle. I love that announcer voice that says "Bounty Law!"

One thing that often works well in QT movies is when he has an actor deliver, and savor delivering, a weighty minute or so of dialogue that really sets up a situation. Think Christopher Walken's monologue in Pulp Fiction or the first scene with Christoph Waltz in Inglourious Basterds. This AP conversation where he talks to LD about where to take his career is like a mini version of one of those but doesn't last as long.

0:15:10 - First really nice period shot of LA. Very nice to look at.

I think the intended audience for this movie knows details about the Manson murders that most moviegoers don't actually know. For example, the ominous close-up of the sign for Cielo Drive. I don't think it's a mistake; I think he's knowingly alienating some viewers so he can give a better experience to those who do know about them. So I can't imagine recommending this movie without also strongly suggesting studying the Manson murders first.

Brad Pitt speeds down a boulevard in West Hollywood, a filming location which has been very lovingly decorated in the style of the period. The production design of this movie was rightly heralded.

Sequence with BP in his trailer making dinner for himself and his dog. Vivid; at one point they cut to a closeup of a pinup poster. Doesn't seem to be a reason for that except for "I'm Quentin Tarantino and I do whatever I feel like". Indulgent, is what I'm saying.

Also indulgent is this minute we're spending watching Roman Polanski drive to this party at the Playboy mansion.

I don't remember noticing this before, but that's Damian Lewis playing Steve McQueen and that's kind of perfect.

Scene where Kurt Russell is telling LD that BP has a creepy vibe and killed his wife, then we cut abruptly to apparently a scene of BP having a mundane argument with his wife maybe… okay, leaves the audience wanting more info, but maybe in kind of an irritating way.

Now this scene with Bruce Lee holding forth. Bruce Lee probably didn't generally speak in arrogant, bullying Quentin Tarantino monologues. Entertaining scene though.

But the left-me-wanting conversation from the previous scene helps this scene with Bruce Lee be more tense. Also the not-ringing-true snottiness of Bruce Lee makes it funny how that fight goes down.

0:52:30 - Okay, LD is in costume as a bad guy on a show, and he's got the long hippy hair that was spoken of in the AP scene. Just saying, I like that it was described and now we're seeing what I'd pictured.

And now this memorable conversation between LD and the little girl actress. The kid acts so grown up. This could have failed because of course no eight year old talks like this girl. But this scene is awesome. And without movies by QT, there aren't scenes like this.

Now Margot Robbie. We've seen her in a few scenes so far as Sharon Tate, but she's only been depicted as a dancing starlet bopping around town. For those of us that know she's a Manson victim, it works in a certain way. But does it work otherwise?

Okay, this is a peculiar part of the movie, it's pretty fun but kind of insider-y. LD is talking about being in the running for Steve McQueen's role in The Great Escape, and they edit in some outstanding CGI scenes of LD in the actual movie of The Great Escape. Playful, but just a weird bit of color…

…but then here's this next scene where MR, playing Sharon Tate, happens upon a cinema playing a movie she's in, and after a leisurely-paced interaction with the cinema workers, she goes in and watches the movie. Unlike the CGI trickery demonstrated in the last scene with LD, we watch actual Sharon Tate on screen. MR is visibly delighted to see "herself", and to hear the audience reacting to her performance. It all works, maybe more in spite of than because of QT's ever-present choice-broadcasting (which is also why we get a good look at MR's feet in this scene).

This is followed immediately by the sequence of the TV show LD is shooting. More playful indulgence. We see the scene edited as it probably would have been edited in 1969, but shot with modern cinematography, and interrupted by LD calling for his line, then backing up and redoing some of the scene. Can it be justified beyond just the undeniable fact that it's pretty interesting? Maybe that's enough. Maybe I'm being a snob, but also, what, was I not supposed to acknowledge it at least?

Stuff now starting with BP picking up Margaret Qualley's dirty hippy flirty cultist character. Before she even has any lines, the screen is practically bulging from the force of MQ's personality. It's entertaining.

1:28:30 - More of the TV show. We get to see LD's character be a good actor, and impress the director and the kid actor, which touches him, it's nice.

It's an hour and 38 minutes into the movie, and now we're to the scene on Spahn's Movie Ranch. I'm already thinking that by now we should be deeper into some kind of story than we are, and now this scene that I remember vividly. Not totally in a bad way, but for all the good things about it, it is stretched way out. Suspense is built up, skillfully, but without the kind of payoff we'd probably like. I mean, it's like a horror movie, with the rat squirming in the trap and the tense music and the "HE MAY BE TIRED" line from Dakota Fanning, but then it's back to not being a horror movie….

…in fact, it's on to this charismatic-tough-guy scene that feels Pulp-Fiction-y. Our MINDS are BLOWN that he hit the guy so hard and made the cultists so mad, it's a fantasy come to life, but just in a movie!!! This stuff is long, but not THAT boring, but maybe it could have been a little less boring, plus more relevant to later events.

LD and BP are now watching an episode of a show he'd done. Way more violent than TV shows probably were in 1969. They like watching his little "heavy" role and chuckling about it.

Then a SIX MONTHS LATER card, and some narration for the first time since that little jokey bit in the beginning. Also jokey is the fact that this new section is narrated, VERY narrated, and is the fact that Kurt Russell is the narrator also jokey?

2:02:50 - "…going back to Missouri." LD's character is from Missouri? With that accent? Is this also an in-joke?

The aforementioned narration persists for a long time. Seems gratuitous. QT was clearly like "We'll do the first two hours of the picture without a narrator, and then suddenly there will be a whole bunch of stupid narration hahahahahahaha! No one else would do that!!! That's reason enough for me to do it!!!!"

Finale is going on now with the Manson cultist killer people approaching the house. If you know what really happened, you're freaking out. But if you know what really happened and you already know how this movie changes that story… it's entertaining. What I'm saying is that it's funny this second time through, without the worry about seeing what really transpired.

"And you were on a horsie!" "Nah something dumber than that" Hahaha BP is super funny in this scene.

Dang, the dog just mutilates Tex, and it's funny!

He violences that woman very very very much, it's nuts, kind of funny but so disturbing.

LD flamethrowers that girl in the pool. She's in the pool. But still dies from being on fire. /shrug

We never did get the whole story about BP killing his wife.

The last scene, MR talks to LD, inviting him up for a friendly drink with her friends. It ends with us thinking how nice it would be if she and her friends hadn't been the victims of a cruel slaughter just moments earlier. That's not a bad way to end a movie. But it's a long movie, and I'll say this again: indulgent. You might not feel that in on the jokes, and even if you do, you might not have as much time for them as this movie requires.

[tisthenightofthewitch]

Ghost frontman Tobias Forge on the band’s 5th album, songwriting and what’s to come

In less than a decade, enigmatic rock band Ghost has earned a Grammy, released four albums, two EPs, a live album and its latest double-single, Seven Inches of Satanic Panic, but it has built and continuously expanded upon a deep backstory about the band members themselves — the “Nameless Ghouls.”

Each album cycle welcomes a brand new ringleader/singer, each portrayed by frontman Tobias Forge, who is the founder and sole songwriter of the band. The mythos of Ghost is now massively popular among many of its diehard fans.

Now that the Swedish group has wrapped the final North American leg of its highly extensive Ultimate Tour Named Death tour, they’re gearing up to put out their fifth album — a “heavy” one that Forge promises will be “seminal” in Ghost’s timeline.

So does that mean fans should expect to see a new frontman in the near future? Very likely, but not for a little while. For now, Forge, 38, still portrays Cardinal Copia, a charismatic and theatrical character who adds a tinge of humour to Ghost’s explosive two-hour set.

The Cardinal claimed the throne after the “death” of Forge’s Papa Emeritus III character in 2018. He was the first to break the tradition of Pope singers in the Ghost timeline, and it seems his run will soon come to an end. Or will it? We don’t actually know.

What we do know is that next March, the “Final Gig Named Death” is set to take place in Mexico City. It will wrap the heavy promotional cycle for the band’s latest album, Prequelle (2018) — which kicked off in 2018 with the Pale Tour Named Death.

Prequelle launched the Swedes into mainstream success with its first single, Rats, which spent seven weeks on top of the rock charts. The album also included the unexpected disco-inspired smash-hit, Dance Macabre

Ahead of the band’s show in Hamilton, Ont., on Oct. 17, Forge/Cardinal Copia spoke with Global News about Ghost’s newest singles, their live spectacle, progress on the upcoming fifth album, and why he doesn’t like to record with heavy metal producers.

Global News: You’ve outdone yourself on the Ultimate Tour Named Death with not only the beautiful stage setup, but the extensive setlist and detailed choreography. It’s very humorous too, yet you still want more. Is it even possible for you to top the current show?

Tobias Forge: I’m certain, yeah. [Laughs] But it’s hard to say that without sounding like I’m soiling the one that we’re currently doing. [Laughs] I am fairly certain that a lot of the things that I have in mind right now, I will be orchestrating about a year from now. It will definitely be a vast and advanced version of what we’re already doing. You have to remember that the even though the show we’re doing right now is our most accomplished one so far, it started with us playing in theatres, and now we’re playing arenas… so the stage setup is still in its Frankenstein phase, meaning that we’re still working with the smaller production we had from first year of this tour. Right now, it’s like we’re repairing an old house, whereas next time we can start something fresh.

Similar to the production jump that Iron Maiden took from the World Piece Tour to the World Slavery Tour in the ’80s then? [Earlier on, Forge reminisced on touring with the band, which he called one of his “old heroes.”]

TF: That would be a very good analogy for it actually. [Laughs] I compare it a lot to what bands like Iron Maiden and Metallica have done and continue to do. They’ve always done it right, and so will we. Next time we can start from scratch with a production that is purpose-built for our album and tour, whereas this is more of a mixture between the stuff that we did on the last album cycle, too. It’s just extended, right? We’ll build the set from the ground-up.

Did you always know that Ghost would become such a theatrical band?

TF: I definitely always had a picture of there being a stage show, but 10 years ago, I had no idea it was going to be as [vivid] as it is now.

Are we going to be introduced to Ghost’s new frontman at what you’re calling the “Final Gig Named Death” next March? Will we meet Papa Emeritus IV? Or is it possible that Cardinal Copia might live on?

TF: Well, it’s the last show of this touring cycle, so something will definitely happen. I just can’t tell you anything about it. [Laughs] But this tour has been really incredible, it’s just time for us to do something new. As much as I love being here in Canada, I think we picked a great time (and place) to end this tour. I genuinely love being on the road. I love playing the show, and ultimately, I’m feeling very good about the band this year — who are so extremely fluid.

Overall, everything is working out really well for us, but now it’s like ‘OK, so the restaurant is just running now?’ [Laughs] You start thinking about the next one. It’s just not enough. You go, “I feel like I’ve pretty much done my thing here…” Except of course for coming in and making the infamous carbonara every night; going through the old ancient recipe, you know? [Laughs] My mind is always thinking forward though, and I’m already thinking about the next time we’re coming back here.

You actually paid homage to one of Canada’s greatest songwriters recently, Leonard Cohen. What prompted your decision to cover something as iconic as Avalanche for your latest album, Prequelle?

TF: I think it was the one song that right off the bat just felt most Ghost-like.  It would feel weird to cover Take This Waltz or something like that. It just doesn’t fit our script. It isn’t actually my favourite Leonard Cohen song. Intuitively, I’d probably choose one of his prettier songs, but Avalanche felt very Ghost-like.

What about the future of Ghost? With such a busy schedule have you even had time to think about a plan of attack for the fifth album?

TF: Oh, I think about that a lot. Currently, we’re in the planning stages of it all, which means that I’m hamstering all my material as we figure out scheduling and who’s actually going to be producing it. I’m working very hard on it right now, and as much as I often contest ideas by thinking about what I should and shouldn’t do, I know it’s easier to define that just by looking at your previous experiences.

So for example, our last four records. Having said all of that, overall, I have a fairly good idea of where I’m going with this one. I want to create a record that lives up to my lifelong dream of being able to kick-off a touring cycle in arenas, so by that logic, this album needs to be by a band that starts touring cycles in arenas. You know? You just can’t f**k around with that. You really need to be on your absolute top game.

Is Seven Inches of Satanic Panic a taste of what’s to come for this album?

TF: It’s not a taste of the new record, no. Those songs are like a side note of Ghost — still fitting in the universe, I think — but they’re definitely not close to what I have in mind. [Laughs] The new record will be more in line with the previous four, in the sense that it will feel like part of the whole story. Whereas that of the singles and cover EPs, which are a little bit more tongue-in-cheek. [Laughs] There’s a dichotomy between a lot of the things that we do though, like for example, the records and the live show.The records are like the script, or Bible, they’re not meant to feel humouristic. Whereas in our live show, we present the ideas in a humorous way. Not in a sense where we are mocking our bible or story, but in the same way that a church might go through rituals with children. Where people are giggling a little because they think it’s silly. “A-ha.” Everybody knows it’s a little stupid, but for some reason, it feels purposeful, because your kid is being baptized or whatever. [Laughs] So that’s that’s what I’m shooting for. I don’t want the records to be too fun or silly, I want them to convey a message and have a clear meaning.

Your lyrics contain such unique concepts and qualities too. Do you write Ghost’s albums all by yourself? After all, this band is your project.

TF: Usually. But what I’ve learned and cultivated a liking to do in the last few years, is collaborating with outsiders. I’ve always been accused of — especially in my own bands — not being able to work well in a team. People have said I’m just overall bad at teamwork, and that was the fact for a long time. But when I made Meliora, I did so together with a producer named Klas Åhlund — who is both a producer and a songwriter. And that’s when it dawned on me that I can work really well with people, but I need to choose who I work with. It’s like … I like kissing people, but I just want to choose who I kiss. [Laughs]I’ve been in bands where there’s always someone, or some people, who just f**king crowbar themselves into the process, and that does not work for me at all. That’s unfortunately when I become like a dictator. Whereas if I choose to work with someone, I’m actually quite flexible. Like working with any professional songwriter, you need to establish a little bit of a vibe together. [Laughs] We need to be aiming for a very similar thing. That person needs to have some sort of … hard-on for rock music, or for what we do in Ghost, otherwise, it might be hard if it’s someone who works against that.

Do you find that collaborating helps with the songwriting, then?

TF: Oh yes. You can make incredible progress in your songwriting that way, because all of a sudden you have this person who’s not at all locked into the traps of being in your band; someone who is not the bass player that suddenly wants a bass solo or the drummer who wants to make the album very drummy. If I find those collaborators, it’s like a catalyst for me to write more, write better and ultimately, step up because I want to impress that other person.

In one or two days, I’ll come up with a skeleton of a song and go, “This is my idea, this is the chorus, but I don’t really have a pre-chorus yet. What do you hear? What do you think?” And then once I hear someone else tinkering with it … I become a little bit like a husband who agreed to a wife-swap. In this case, the song would be my partner, and when I see someone else [kissing] her, I’m like, “No! Let me do this.” Then you go and you do it properly, because it wakes you up. [Laughs] It’s really all about just having to impress someone else. If I don’t make the changes right then and there, then the idea is just gonna drift away. It’s a perfect way for me to write, because it really brings me to life.

You produced Opus Eponymous by yourself, and since then you’ve worked with a completely different producer for each of Ghost’s albums, including Dave Grohl. Do you just not want to do the same thing twice, or are you ultimately trying to find the perfect collaborator?

TF: I believe that there are exceptions to all rules of course, and I believe that a good team truly is a good team. But I also believe that it’s very healthy to make sure that you don’t get stuck in your comfort zone, because it can become too comfortable. I’ve had that in the past with at least a couple of my previous producers, where we’re almost too good of friends; we’ve actually hung out so much, that we’re buddies now. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t always allow for further growth, which is exactly what I want to do. In this case, I have to make our fifth record. I want it to be a seminal record for us. That’s why the process right now is to find that perfectly balanced producer that is gonna make sure that we’re making a rock record — it needs to be a heavy record — but it needs to be someone who understands the factor of, “This needs to be relevant, now.”

Ghost is unique for a metal band in the sense that you don’t often work with metal producers. Is there a reason for that?

TF: I’m sure people in the heavy metal sphere might have noticed that too. … And there’s a reason for that: metal producers are very purpose-driven. They do a fantastic job and they know exactly what they’re going for. They’re experts in doing exactly that. And I have nothing against it, but that’s not what I’m trying to do. So I need to be fully aware and completely awake in trying to find the right producer for Ghost in that moment.

Klas was perfect for me. His whole professional life, he has been writing pop music and playing in Teddybears and writing records for Robyn and Ellie Goulding. You have all these different artists and this huge variety, but he started off playing prog music. He was a guitar virtuoso playing Yngwie Malmsteen/Ritchie Blackmore-type stuff. So when I came and talked with him about making a rock record, he was just like, “Yes, I’ve wanted to do that for such a long time.” It was perfect for both of us, because we were able to talk about all the common denominators. We could reference things from Euro Disco all the way to Slayer just to explain a simple idea. Whereas if you end up with the typical metal producer, they might say, “Slayer, of course. But everything else you mentioned is just ‘ordinary music.'”

I’m not saying that every heavy metal producer is like that, I just feel like metal today, as opposed to 1975, is such a defined genre, that people our age and younger have lived their entire lives knowing exactly what heavy metal is. But people who were around when they made Back in Black didn’t really know what that was. There’s so many rules now. It’s too refined. The whole culture breathes a little bit of a puritan-like conservatism. In order to make new records, I think sometimes you need to try not to think too much about all of these rules.

GLOBALNEWS.CA

[carumens]

hi! i hope you’re well. i love love love your wip the fire shadow and i was wondering why did you choose to set your wip in japan? i’d love to write a dystopian novel set in a country other than my own but i don’t know how to do that and make sure i’m culturally appropriate. since your wip is so good would you mind giving me some advice? i’d really appreciate any information you can give me like what kinda research you did (if you did some!) and that kind of thing. thank you!

hello, anon! first of all, thank you so much for your kind words, it's always a moral boost when someone tells me they like my writing and the stories I create!

I chose Japan, and more specifically Tokyo, as my setting for The Fire Shadow because for me, Tokyo is the ultimate futuristic city. I think when you're writing fiction, anything's possible, but you as a writer need to be convinced of what you're writing. Since TFS is a sci-fi/cyberpunk wip, the setting had to be a place that I as a writer find plausible to be a futuristic city. In my mind, any other city in the world doesn't come close to the futuristic and cyberpunk vibes Tokyo gives off for me. I am also an admirer of the Japanese language and culture, so much of the research that was necessary was knowledge I already had.

I can see why you're concerned about being culturally appropriate, I am always concerned about that, so what I recommend is that you read a lot about the culture and country you will be writing about in your novel. Obviously, that's an enormous topic to research, so I recommend that you start with the small things that are the base of every culture: religion, family structures, naming system, social jerarchy, popular culture.

Since TFS is a dystopian futuristic story, there were lots of things I didn't need to worry about. For example, I don't need to know the exact geography of Tokyo, because in the future I have created, the city was completely destroyed and built anew, so neighborhoods and buildings are not the same. BUT I did need to know about the location of Tokyo and some natural phenomena that surrounds it (rivers or mountains, for example) because these are likely to still exist even after a nuclear war. To learn about geography, I recommend to just go on google maps to get a general idea of the layout of the country or city, and the you can delve deeper into it once you have the general idea clear.

What I also really took into consideration when creating my world is the day to day culture. In my wip, the world is now controlled by the US, so it makes sense that a lot of elements of the American culture had been integrated into society. However, these elements will probably be more noticeable in official institutions or things that the government can actually control. So, for example, it would make sense that the schooling system is now the same as the one in the US, or that the official language is now English. What governments can't drastically change from one day to the next, though, is how people interact with one another. So, for example, even if the official language is English, my characters have mostly Japanese names. The naming system of a culture is very important to understand many things about that culture, and even when that understanding might have been forgotten by natives (because of war and occupation and colonialism) names are core to identity.

I am rambling a bit, but what I wanted to say with all this, is that when you're writing a fantasy/sci-fi story you're much more free to make some decisions regarding politics, religion, geography, etc., but you still need to keep those seemingly small little elements upon which whole societies and cultures are built. Also, one last thing: beware of stereotypes. Stereotyping a whole society or culture is, in my opinion, one of the most disrespectful things you can do as a writer.

so, uhm, I hope this long nonsensical answer helped you somehow, and if you ever have anymore questions feel free to ask! ill help as much as I can!

[keepyourpantsongohan]

10 reasons you like kakayama

1. Partnership - There’s something really nice about the way that Kakashi is always asking Yamato to be around. It’s one thing that he’s assigned to Team 7, but then Kakashi consistently wants Yamato by his side for stuff. Not just Naruto’s training, but on the Itachi Pursuit Mission, or to see the Raikage. It’s more than about duty, because especially with the latter event, it’s a non-combat mission and is also far outside the bounds of what could be reasonably asked of Yamato. But they go together, because they trust each other and they’re a team in every sense of the word. 

2. Teasing - I’ve already talked about this at length, but I genuinely think it’s so funny how playful their relationship is? Like I said here, it’s shown that Yamato was well aware of what Kakashi was doing here (i.e. “sweet-talking” him) and yet he falls for it anyway. And then, as shown in that same post, he’s just as ready to make fun of Kakashi at the Kakuzu and Hidan fight. I love that they have such a relaxed relationship.

3. Synchronicity - I love how often they won’t even exchange words to communicate a plan, but somehow they know each other well enough that it doesn’t matter. You see this almost every time they face an obstacle together - from the Itachi Pursuit Mission, where Kakashi merely says, “Yamato” to have him launch a jutsu multiple times, to the Land of Iron, when they perfectly surround “Madara” in seconds. This could also fall under a “Battle Couple” trope, if you wanted to label it that way. 

4. Their established history - Tied to the last point, but I love how they’ve got this background context you can play with as you like? The anime gave them a specific story, but you’re not limited by that if you want to change the duration of their history, or how exactly it played out. All the specifics we get from the manga are that “[Yamato] was teamed with Kakashi in the ANBU,” and that the name Kakashi knows Yamato by is “Tenzo.”

But take for example when Kakashi uses the rasengan: Naruto is absolutely shocked. We, as the readers, are shocked too, because we’ve never seen Kakashi demonstrate this ability. But Yamato isn’t the least bit surprised! He just looks faintly proud. You could come up with dozens of reasons why Yamato might know this about Kakashi. With such a long-standing bond, you have so many moments to play with, both past and present. 

5. Parallel Powers - A lot of the most significant relationships in Naruto (romantic or otherwise) are built on common ground. Kakashi and Yamato are no different. Both had their powers, in part, foisted upon them, in bodies that weren’t really meant to handle it. No one can understand those burdens more than each other. 

6. “Tenzo” - This is a part of their history but I think it deserves a point of its own. I love that there is a name that only Kakashi calls Yamato by. Not only does it mark their closeness, but it’s such a sweet name too. One definition, as referenced here, is “heavenly creation.” It’s particularly an endearing thing to call Yamato, given that his powers were artificially induced.

7. Taking care of each other’s kids - Again, this is something I’ve already spoken on at length but it is so significant to me that Kakashi goes out of his way to make sure Sai knows that Kakashi accepts him, and that Yamato does the same for Sasuke. I’m a sucker for a good Found Family trope.

8. Office Romance - Since we already get this impression that there’s a lot of talking behind the scenes between Kakashi and Yamato (Yamato telling Kakashi personally about the Tenchi Bridge mission, them arranging Team 8 to partner with Team 7, them being in a tent together after the Pain attack) the idea that all these conversations took place while they were A) kissing, or B) possibly vibing with each other, is a lot of fun. 

Even if they were to get together when Kakashi’s already Hokage, it’s still an office romance because Yamato’s ANBU. The idea of Kakashi dating one of his ANBU guard is both hilariously unprofessional and incredibly entertaining. (“Kakashi stop assigning your boyfriend to guard this room so you can kiss him,” says Shizune. “I’d never do that,” Kakashi replies, even though he definitely would and did.)

9. Tenzo genuinely seems to have feelings for Kakashi - Tenzo makes it clear that he thinks Kakashi is a strong ninja; he tells Tsunade he would be honoured to take on Kakashi’s team, and he believes that Kakashi should be Hokage after the Five Kage Summit more than Kakashi does. The data books even put Kakashi in his “Would like to fight” section which is generally code for That’s Who I Think is Strongest (e.g. in the first data book Naruto wanted to fight Sasuke and the Third Hokage, Sasuke wanted to fight Itachi, Kakashi wished to fight Minato, etc.) 

But more than that, there seems to be a running subtext in a lot of the Naruto media that Yamato’s a little into Kakashi. The data books describe Yamato’s feelings as “bordering on adoration.” It’s hard to chalk up a phrase like that to mere idolization, especially given how many times he offers a contrary thought to Kakashi both to his face and indirectly. 

If I’m being real for a moment, I think on Kakashi’s end, any relationship people want is a projection of who you think he’s suited for. He doesn’t express romantic feelings for anyone for the duration of the series. The only time he ever addresses romance at all is in regard to Rin, and even that’s tied up in a whole lot of guilt so you can’t be certain how he feels in all of that. But to me, since there’s this person whom I perceive to have feelings for Kakashi, who is his friend, who balances his traits, whom he relies on, teases, and who knows him so well, it’s very easy for me to see a situation where he could look at Yamato and be like, “Oh shit. Me too.”

10. Happy endings - They have such a rough go of it. Especially during the war, where they are both forced to confront the sources of their deepest trauma. Kakashi, dealing with Obito being a different person, a person who hurt all the people he cared about, and him, and then changed his mind and died. That’s so much to unpack, and it happens in the span of a few days. And Yamato, dealing with being subject to mokuton experiments again and used against the people he cared about. So I love the idea of these two characters who have struggled and fought their way to recovery finding some measure of peace in each other. I just want the characters I like to be happy and goofy and in love (see Konoha Hiden for them smiling at each other while wedding planning for Naruto like the saps they are). 

[girlbookwrm]

ok but why isn’t it called avengers assemble tho

AKA THE GREAT MARVEL REWATCH PART THIS-IS-NOT-AS-GOOD-AS-I-REMEMBER-IT-BEING-WHEN-I-FIRST-SAW-IT

Avengers is a movie that has not aged well for either me or The Roommate (aka @goteamwin) and we had a whole conversation about how at the time it came out we were excited about Avengers, even though neither of us were yet hip-deep in the Marvel fandom. But we were !excited! because !Joss Whedon! and now we are ?disappointed? because ?Joss Whedon?

This movie, in retrospect, might be The Tipping Point of Joss Whedon’s career? like? It contains everything that was Great about his movies but also contains the seeds of his ultimate self-destruction.

ANYWAY ON WITH THE REWATCH, AKA STEVE ROGERS AND THE CUBE THAT WOULDN’T FUCKING DIE

this opening scene is so expositiony and on the one hand at least it doesn’t contain a flashback but on the other hand? it’s bad?? It’s a bad start???

sidenote by The Roommate: so i know that it was recently confirmed that Loki was being mind-controlled in Avengers but also. Was there ever any question about whether Loki was being mind controlled? or am I just That Fangirl

Sidenote to the sidenote, By Me: She is not That Fangirl, but i suspect that she was perilously close to becoming That Fangirl at some point in her past.

oh hey phil’s here

i do appreciate that they’re prioritizing evac. that’s nice attention to a detail that usually does not get addressed.

the line about the tesseract “misbehaving” being followed immediately by a line about the Tesseract “behaving” dRiVeS mE FUCKING B O N K E R S I HATE IT SO MUCH????

anyway

Every once in a while I forget how hot Jeremy Renner is. 

The Roommate: Yeah it sneaks up on ya.

IT’S JUST BAD WRITING? MISBEHAVING AND BEHAVING ARE LITERALLY ANTONYMS.

ANYWAY.

“You have heart” is also maybe kind of bad writing.

We had to pause and rewind to confirm that yup Loki trips there, because he is having A Trouble (at The Roommate’s urging. Perilously close, my good dude.)

Loki like a labrador getting to ride in the back of the truck for the first time. The Smells! The Sights and Sounds!! The Wind In My Hair!!! THE EXPLOSIONS!!!!

Phil says: “what do we do” and I look at my roommate and say: “The dialogue in this movie is.......... not good.”

it’s just so out of keeping with the Professional Military vibe these three have going otherwise? it’s very ooc sounding to my ear??

anyway

I actually really like this scene with the Black Widow and the russians and that’s all i have to say about that.

actually, you  know what really Makes It for me? Phil bopping along to the sound of  Nat beating up bad guys like it’s on hold music. That’s Just Great.

“‘‘“““budapest”‘‘““““‘‘ aka a clip from later in this movie but flipped.

we can’t talk about the brucenat yet that’s for the aou rewatch

“i’m sorry, that was mean” GOD RUFFALO IS SUCH A GOOD BRUCE???

also Natasha is clearly having A Moment whERE ARE MY 8000 METAS ON WHATEVER NAT IS CLEARLY HAVING A FLASHBACK ABOUT

hey it’s these shadowy figures from the shadowy global organization

“it’s won by Soldiers”--transition to--> Steven Grant Rogers this is an A+ transition and it just makes me angrier that we did not get the full Sadsack Steeb scene from the deleted scenes which is EXCELLENT.

SERIOUSLY. THAT’S A GREAT SCENE. I LOB IT.

*steve’s butt comes on screen*

Me: Ohhhhh say can you SEEEEEE

*the flashback happens*

The Roommate: THis is Un. Necessary.

Me, looking at her, knowing that the first time she saw Avengers she had not seen The First Avenger yet: ..............

Me: un necessary? UN? NECESSARY???

has Steve been sleeping at all tho?

“C eLeBRaTingG??” CELEBRATING WHAT, NICHOLAS? ALL HIS FRIENDS ARE DEAD???

“he’s... not from around here.” THAT IS WILDLY OVERSIMPLIFIED.

“Shoulda left it in the ocean.” 

“shoulda maybe left me in the ocean too” *tired old man sounds.*

Tony is. So Neurotic. About Everything. I Lob Him.

I Think the problem is at least partly that some of Joss Whedon’s lines (in this movie especially) are just so transparently set ups for Snappy Comebacks™

Pepper Potts is also equal parts mom and girlfriend and it seems likely that this is exactly why No Kids, Tony.

Oh Phil.

sidenote from me: Phanboy Phil is a perfect example of something that is Unexpected but Not Out Of Character. Joss Whedon loves doing The Unexpected but he’s not always so great at making it Not Out Of Character

“need a little old fashioned” I WOULD LIKE IT KNOWN THAT AT THIS POINT I WAS IN FACT DRINKING AN OLD FASHIONED CHEERS I DRANK TO THAT BRO

To Loki: Hey bro. how u doin? (spoiler alert: Not Great) u let ur hair grow out and i hate it.

MA’AM he calls her MA’AM steve is such a N E R D

sidenote, at this point i had to pause the movie because i was having An Emotion, because Steve is all sadsack talking to Fury and then equally sadsack talking to Phil and then he comes out of the Quinjet like “Ma’am. Dr. Banner. Word Is You Can Find The Cube. Why What A Wonderful Day It Is Here In The Future Golly Gosh I Sure Do Love It A Lot” in his Olde Tyme Radio Announcer Voice.

and it made me s a d

The Roommate: Well of course he’s talking like an olde tyme radio announcer he has anxiety and this is a stressful situation, so he’s using his Please Don’t Hate Me™ Customer Service™ Voice™

*sadness intensifies*

The Roommate: Steven. I know you were in the army but surely even you know that submarines do not have flight crews.

Maria Hill here, assessing Cap’s assets.

I talk (and will continue to talk) a lot of shit about this movie, but it gave us a lot of Really Good Things, and Nerd!Phil is one of those good things.

Cap’s suit is VERY MUCH NOT ON THE LIST OF GOOD THINGS.

Okay i hate to go on about this (no i don’t) 

But at this stage of the movie, the Avengers have only met Captain America. Like, he’s in the spangly suit, he’s got his Customer Service Voice on, his hair is pomaded to kingdom come, he tucks his plaid shirt into his khaki pants

This is Captain America

This is Not Steve Rogers.

None of the avengers have met Steve Rogers yet and that is just so

* S A D N E S S   I N T E N S I F I E S *

Who built this eyeball device? why? where does it come from? how do they get it? why is it like this? IT IS SO! UNNECESSARY??

“you crave subjugation” loki. Loki. LOKI. i feel like you are talking to yourself. this feels like you’re talking about you. just say you’re a bottom, find yourself a nice service top to take care of you and stop making these poor bastards part of your Extra™ Nonsense.

“we ended up disagreeing” said Captain America.

“nOt TOdAY!” OH HEY STEVE IS HERE GOOD TO SEE YOU STEVE.

“FoR an OldER FEllOW???” WHAT AN EXCELLENT TIME TO POINT OUT THAT TONY STARK, AT THE TIME OF THE AVENGERS, IS, LIKE, FORTY TWO. AND STEVEN ROGERS IS, LIKE, TWENTY-SIX.

*lightning happens*

The Roommate: OH YOU GUYS ARE SCREWED NOW

“I have a plan. Attack.” TONY TEDWARD STARK THAT IS NOT A PLAN.

Last Known Instance of Steve Using a Parachute.

Loki: I’m listening.

Me: Thor is already Gone. so that snappy comeback™ is for whomst???

CHILDREN. STOP FIGHTING. GRANDPA IS HERE.

“are we done?” yeah, they’re all just too Manly to say owwwwwww

Upon Rewatching It Is Painfully Obvious that the Producers Had No Idea that the Mind Stone was in the Staff.

“I understood that reference”

I know it’s overused, but it’s still a Golden line

Steve is so proud of himself.

Tony’s eyeroll is Un Paralleled.

God this is such a group project, and they all fit into their roles so well.

Thor: Well Meaning but Entirely Useless Jock

Steve: Neurotic Organizer With No Applicable Skills

Tony: Genius. Would Be MVP If He Could Be Persuaded To Give A Single Shit. Keeps Suggesting They Do Something Else.

Bruce: “uhhhhhhhh i just wanna finish my work here, and--”

Also: No one in this room is wrong, and that is actually pretty good writing, imo.

“I’ve got a cluster of shrapnel...”

Tony.

Honey.

That is not at all the same thing.

Stop comparing those things.

S T O P.

Thor: In my youth--

Me: THOR YOUR YOUTH WAS LIKE TWO MONTHS AGO.

so this scene with Loki and Black Widow feels very Blocked and Staged but that does not stop it from being Very Good, IMO and no I will not be taking input on that assessment, I really like this particular interpretation of the Black Widow.

Steve: Phase 2 is S.H.I.E.L.D. Uses the Cube to make weapons. Sorry, computer was moving a little slow for me.

HEY LOOK IT’S STEVE!! STEVE THIS IS EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY, THIS IS STEVE.

Fury: BECAUSE OF HIM.

Thor: me????

Me: THOR HAS LITERALLY DONE NOTHING WRONG LEAVE HIM A L O N E

a) clint rly likes that bow move but more importantly b) clint? u ok? does the brainwash gang get naptime? u look like u could use a nap, sweetums.

TONY LAST MOVIE U HAD THAT PACKED IN A SUITCASE WHY IS IT IN A BANK VAULT???

Did Bruce invest in some kind of specialty pant company? like? kickstarter or something?

Steve goes outside like It’s Cool I Don’t Need Air. 

digi steve is VERY DIGI.

let it be known that thor is coming into this VERY BLIND he has LITERALLY NEVER SEEN THE HULK BEFORE. is he just like, internally ???????IS THIS NORMAL FOR HUMANS?????????????????

“It seems to run on some form of electricity.”

AW STEVE’S HERE AGAIN. 

captain sassmerica

Steve does an awful lot of high kicks and i’m pretty sure he learned those on the Star Spangled Circuit

that arrow-in-computer thing is R I D I C U L O U S.

On the one hand, I definitely shipped Clintasha when I first saw this movie, on the other hand, I can totally see a brother/sister “we were raised in the same dysfunctional foster family” dynamic and I do actually like it.

“It’s Barton”

Natasha: *clint???* *HE HAS CHILDREN.* *AUNTIE NAT POWERS ACTIVATE* “this is agent romanoff. I copy.”

OH NO PHIL

do you remember when character deaths had meaning?

good times.

good. times.

sidenote:

The Roommate: I actually really like this Clint/Nat fight scene there’s no monologuing just Real Fighting

Me: Yeah, with Real Hair-Pulling and Real Biting.

*THONK*

Me: And Real Concussions.

LOOK EVEN PHIL KNOWS THAT LOKI IS BEING MIND CONTROLLED SERIOUSLY WHY WAS THIS EVER EVEN A QUESTION

god it’s so sad that phil is like “no this is fine. it’s cool. we all know that someone has to die in order for them to stop fighting like children.”

let. phil. clock. out.

Tony Stark: I Am Very Dramatically Leaving.

“old fashioned” NICK THAT IS R U D E. YOU K N O W WHAT YOU’RE DOING TO STEVE HERE.

“big and green and buck ass nude” THIS GUY. I LOVE THIS GUY.

what is this insta filter.

“cognitivive recalibration” becomes a meme in shield. like, that butterfly meme but the guy is saying “IS THIS COGNITIVE RECALIBRATION” and on the Butterfly it just says TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY.

Possibly The First Ever Steve Rogers Door Lean Scene™

The Roommate: The subtext that I got, from this scene, the first time I watched it, was that those cards belonged to Nick. Like, Nick had his own vintage set in near mint condition that he bloodied up

I just think it’s adorable that that’s where her brain went with that information. it’s nice. it must be nice for her.

Dear Dr. Selvig: Should You be gendering the Tesseract?

JESUS DID THEY DIP LOKI’S HEAD IN ELMER’S GLUE? IT’S SO GROSS AND GREASY??

“We’re damn sure going to avenge it” 

The Roommate: That’s not a good tagline.

Me: In their defense, it’s not a great name, and they were kinda stuck with it by this point

tony’s dead, these people are dead, maria’s dead from that grenade she caught earlier everyone is dead dead dead dead dead

The chitauri mean. Nothing. to anyone. and they don’t mean anything until Infinity War roles around, you know? that just. sticks in my head.

“did you stop for drive through??” YES. YES THEY DID. THERE WERE NO MEALS IN THE BRAINWASH GANG AND STEVE WON’T SHARE HIS THIGH ZIPPER SNACKS.

is it madness? Is It?? IS IT???

Peggy’s reincarnated husband???

“As a team” STEVEN GRANT ROGERS THAT IS NOT A PLAN.

bruce’s motorcycle: Puttputtputtputtputtputtputtputt

Nat and Cap are so in sync? It’s almost like they were trained by the same person?? But Where Could Natasha Have Learned How To Fight Side By Side With Someone Who Had Gotten The Superserum??? W I L D??????????

“And he didn’t invite me?” It’s ok tony u don’t invite him to civil war so.

Hulk And The Marvelous Wonderful Yes Good Very Smash Day.

he’s just having so much fun?

The Roommate: Steve in this suit is very Adam West Batman

Me: Tiny Turtle of Freedom!!

The Roommate: Yeah especially when he does that.

Clint: Nat whAT ARE YOU DOING??

Me: HER BEST

Jarvis is so tired. “IT’S THE SAME THICKNESS FROM THE INSIDE AS FROM THE OUTSIDE SIR.”

the SHIELD pilot here is very chilled out for a man about to commit mass murder.

“What, are you getting sleepy?”

aw steve’s here!

The Roommate: Pepper Potts’ superpower is saying no and calling the authorities. Her kryptonite is phone calls.

#accurate

no shawarma for you, loki

pooter!

“where are the Avengers?” TAKING A DAMN NAP. THEY’VE EARNED IT.

god that shot with the tesseract STEVE’S FACE JESUS CHRIST.

steve wear a helmet.

“...is to court death”

Thanos: *grins*

Me: IT IS SO PAINFULLY OBVIOUS THAT THEY DID NOT KNOW HOW THEY WERE GOING TO DEVELOP THANOS. LIKE THIS IS A CLEAR FORESHADOW OF THE THANOS/DEATH SHIP AND THAT! DOES! NOT! HAPPEN!

om nom nom nom nom nom 

(ps yes we did eat shawarma whilst watching this movie because of course we did)

[vorpalgirl]

Dumb Geek Boys Make Me Roll My Eyes

So like, there was a guy who posted a comment to an article, wherein he claimed Iron Man would win in a fight against Batman because he is, and I quote: “smarter than Batman”.  And like, the thing wanted me to register to even reply and I decided it’s not worth it but like. I had Thoughts. Those thoughts are: Yes and no, and and additional no, all of it because we have to begin with the question of "what do you mean by 'smarter'?". He is a smarter ENGINEER than Batman.  So if you need someone to design you, oh say, an apparently current-understanding-of-physics-violating energy source to power a wearable fighter jet, obviously Tony's your man. Hands down. However, Tony Stark's biggest flaw is he is EXTREMELY impulsive and emotional, with a mouth the size of Texas that has absolutely zero filter. Batman's biggest shtick is that he's an extremely good long-term planner with extremely good self control - the chessmaster who thinks ten moves ahead - and he's also credited as "the world's greatest detective".  He’s not called “smart” because he knows how to build things - in many continuities he just hires that grunt work out. No, he’s "smart” because he can think STRATEGICALLY, even in tense and emotional circumstances. Tony, in contrast, falls for quite a lot of obvious manipulation and doesn't have enough ability to stifle his hindbrain when he gets emotional, which is literally the entire driving force of at least one whole movie (CA:Civil War literally doesn't work as a plot without Tony's impulsiveness and his highly emotional side basically being baited into taking stupid paths). If you fluster Tony Stark or throw him off balance, you can ABSOLUTELY be smarter than him, because he starts getting "stupid" real fast when his emotions get the better of him (which is fairly often)! Now, I don't say this makes him a bad character - in contrast, I think a brilliant-but-emotional hero is one of the things we need depicted in the world, not only because it's more balanced as a character (you need flaws and vulnerability in a character to make sure the stories don’t get vulnerable, more on that in a moment), but BECAUSE there are different kinds of intelligence, and because I honestly really like Tony BECAUSE of that emotional side making him more dynamic and more relatable (most of us aren't hyperlogical, we're not built for it no matter how clever we are at making things!) But if we're looking at this objectively, the only reason Batman is at all competitive with pretty much anybody in a superhero universe is he's extremely good at tactics and good at keeping himself in a coolly logical frame of mind. The best example of the contrast between these two characters comes, funnily enough, from somewhere that starts out as a similarity - both men are orphans, whose parents were (in film continuity anyway) murdered. And there's at least one story for each where they learn or think they learn who killed their parents. Tony's reaction in the MCU? Is to lose his shit and just go straight to HIT ALL THE THINGS mode.  Bruce Wayne's reaction in the comic that showed this concept? Is to stalk the guy and taunt him with his presence for days, before handing him a gun with one bullet in it and basically outright telling him "this is the gun you used to kill my parents" and leaving (technically, I think he just tells him it’s the gun used to murder Thomas and Martha Wayne, but the man puts two and two together just as Bruce intends and figures out Batman would only care as much as he does if, of course, he was the Waynes’ son). The Batman story there ends with the mobster who murdered the Waynes deciding to kill himself with that one bullet, upon realizing that he "created Batman", and that he would never have a moment's peace and in fact if the crime world ever found out he was at fault for causing Batman to be, well, Batman, he'd have even LESS peace etc That is a huge contrast, guys. Each of them faced the man they could directly blame for murdering their parents, and each of them reacted totally differently; even though both understandably wanted said man dead, they went about it in completely different manners! That is the difference between a hero who has emotions but is largely capable of repressing them just enough to think strategically, vs one who is ruled by his emotions, enough that he partly forgets how to think strategically. Tony is a great hero. But he's not "smarter" than Batman just because he can build things. He's "smarter" than Batman AT building things, which is absolutely not the same thing as being literally, completely, totally and entirely “smarter than” Batman. He's the man Batman would love to hire out to pimp out the Batplane, but if Batman had even a moment to prepare for battling with him and knew anything about Tony Stark at all psychologically, he could absolutely (granted, I think by the skin of his teeth) win the fight, is my point. It absolutely depends in this case on how much of a head start he has, and frankly if you can’t beat your opponent WITHOUT surprising them, you’re not “smarter than Batman”, now are you.  I’d also like to add to this, that this isn’t unique to Iron Man vs Batman; this is Batman with MOST opponents. The only other hero Batman CONSISTENTLY loses fights to is Wonder Woman. Diana tends to trounce him easily every time they've faced each other. She's also the ONLY one who tends to trounce him easily when they face each other.  The reason is simple, and Batman has literally stated it outright in the past: she has no known weaknesses. She - to quote Batman himself - “doesn’t have a kryptonite”. Her powers aren’t dependent - cough cough, ahem! - on a machine, or the light of a yellow sun, or wearing a special ring, etc. She’s not vulnerable to a special type of radiation, she’s not weak against a specific color, etc. She’s pretty much a goddess (literally a demigod, in some contuinities, but always of magical or partly-magical birth). And she’s also a skilled warrior, trained by some of the best martial artists in the world (the Amazons), since childhood. She too can think strategically when in the heat of battle.

Contrast this with Tony Stark. Tony, whose “powers” in combat are dependent on a machine which has certain limits (power source + mechanical limitations), and who has a LOT less direct combat experience and is BAD at repressing his emotions to the point where I would say he’s practically incapable of doing it at will. It would be easy to goad Tony, and it’s also hypothetically possible to take down his armor simply by knowing your engineering facts or knowing a good bit about computer hacking (in fact, people HAVE hacked his armors in the past!), and if he had to engage in regular hand to hand, he would probably lose against an experienced martial artist very quickly. Tony would not win because he's "smarter" at engineering. He would only win if he had the surprise jump on Batman, with his superior firepower...and in fairness, the same goes for the US military (who literally have in fact captured Batman before, in a recent Detective Comics arc from Rebirth era), so at that point, that's not a very compelling argument lol.    PS: Tony Stark is canonically not even the "smartest" person in the Marvel multiverse or even 616 (main Marvel comics continuity). Even at ENGINEERING. Even if we ignore Reed Richards, that would be Riri Williams, aka Ironheart, who is 15, a student at MIT, and built her own Iron Man style suit in her dorm room. TONY admits she's "smarter" than him when it comes to engineering, and you know that’s valid because Tony has confidence (in what abilities he does have) to the extent of hubris, so for him to admit she’s better than he is, means she’s definitely better than he is....  At engineering. In other words, stop pretending there is only one kind of “smart”. For that matter, stop pretending that just because one character would lose a fight (or even COULD lose a fight) to another, means they’re not a ~good character~ which frankly is the vibe I get from such “no he’d totally trounce him” comments. If anything, “who would win a fight” is a tiresome argument because it gives credence to the completely childish idea that being able to best someone in physical combat means you’re “better” than they are.  No, you aren’t. You’re “better” at exactly one thing. That doesn’t make you “better” in GENERAL, just better at one thing (combat). Which is a boring thing anyway, in terms of character-driven or frankly even plot-driven stories (isn’t it more interesting if there’s actually a sense the hero could lose?? Where’s the tension there??)  I mean, look at how Tony functions socially - despite being kind of an impulsive ass sometimes, he’s well-liked, and sociable. He has friends. He has lovers. He has hobbies (tinkering with stuff). He has a life outside of Fighting Crime. Bruce Wayne kinda doesn’t, really. What he has isn’t a “social life”, so much as a plausible cover story; what has aren’t “hobbies” - they’re aggregated skills and knowledge that could come in handy while fighting crime including all those weird themed supervillains. The real Bruce Wayne deep down is paranoid and barely functional EXCEPT when Fighting Crime. That doesn’t make him a better person - the early Nightwing: Rebirth comics (issue 1-8, if you ignore the Night of the Monster Men crossover) even go so far as to suggest he needs to have a bond with someone who’ll hold him back from NOT being a good person, because he has serious Issues. And that’s not considering he sometimes has to be reminded to eat or bathe (that’s actually legit something Alfred has had to remind him of at least once in the comics), which again. I would say Batman’s intelligence at investigating and fighting crime is high, but his emotional intelligence and ability to function by himself as a human being outside of Life or Death Emergencies, are fairly low.  They’re inverses of each other, in other words. One is sociable and brilliant at making things, but overly emotional; the other is able to be extremely logical, but sometimes is out of touch with his own emotions and can hyperfocus too much on his One Big Lifelong Obsession. Both of which are valid character concepts. If you think Batman doesn’t interest you? That’s fine. Just admit it. You don’t have to make up illogical, half-assed arguments for how he’d supposedly automatically lose to someone, in order to “prove” the other character is “better”. “Better” shouldn’t depend on being able to kick someone’s teeth in. We’re not the goddamn Spartans.  tldr both characters are valid. Both characters are “smart” in one area or the other, because there’s more than one kind of “intelligence”.  And both characters have flaws. Neither character is objectively better or worse, they. are. both. valid.  And “who would win a fight between” doesn’t make either of them “better” than the other, so stfu with that nonsense already; you’re not just wrong, you’re wrong in a way that’s incredibly. fucking. TIRESOME at this point.

[aion-rsa]

I Think You Should Leave Season 2: Ranking Every Sketch

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

How on Earth did we survive two years without new episodes of Netflix’s brilliant sketch comedy series I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson? The first batch of six episodes premiered on April 23 of 2019 and proved instantly iconic. 

Contained within the season’s roughly two-dozen sketches was absolutely hilarious and essential comedy that provided ample memetic kindling for the internet’s conversational fire. For the focused enough mind, it’s entirely possible to communicate with one’s friends exclusively in I Think You Should Leave memes. Lord knows, I’ve tried it.

Thankfully, ITYSL season 2 has finally arrived on Netflix after its COVID-19 delay. It features 28 sketches that range from “pretty funny” to “I can’t stop laughing. Oh God, I can’t stop laughing. It hurts, surely this is the end. Surely, I will die.”

Check out our rankings below and then begin yelling at our chances like Spectrum is dropping your network.

28. Credit Card Roulette

If nothing else, Tim Robinson and I Think You Should Leave co-creator Zach Kanin are incredible comedy scouts. Through two seasons, the show’s sketches have been a who’s who of up-and-coming comedic talent, like the wonderful John Early who is featured in this sketch. Unfortunately Early is not served well by the material here, which doesn’t rise to the same ludicrous heights as season 2’s other sketches. The best moment is Early’s immediate resolve that he’s not paying the bill, but the sketch doesn’t go too far after that. 

27. Dave’s Poop Double

The sketch that serves as the cold open of season 2’s final episode doesn’t get things off to the best start. The concept of Tim’s “Luka” hiring a guy who looks just like his coworker Dave to take monster shits every time he gets up is certainly fun but missing an important layer of added absurdity. Luka is probably the best name for any of Robinson’s random characters yet though.

26. Little Buff Boys Pt. 2

Season 2 features many more callbacks to previous sketches than the first season did. This followup to Little Buff Boys is the worst of the bunch but still quite funny. Perhaps the only thing more absurd than a Little Buff Boys competition is someone being proud of running “one of” the biggest LBB competitions in the Greater Cincinnati area. This sketch also passes up an easy Cincinnati Chili joke in favor of creating the truly vile “cherry chuck salad.”

25. Detective Crashmore Trailer

This trailer for action thriller Detective Crashmore is funny enough on its own but doesn’t reach another comedic level until the AOL Blast interview two sketches later. Still, I unironically want to see an action film with a lead character whose main quip is “Eat fucking bullets, you fuckers. You fucking suck. You fucking SUCK!”

24. I Should Have Got That

I Think You Should Leave deserves a big spread in AARP magazine. No other sketch show revels in the talents of older comedians quite like this one. After 81-year-old comedian Ruben Rabasa stole the show in season 1, season 2 ups the ante with many more sketches letting old folks shine. It’s Bob McDuff Wilson’s turn this time around and his child-like obsession with his student’s burger kills right up until the shockingly dark kicker.

23. Office Surfing

“I almost killed myself, Jullliieeeeee” is one of the best line-reads of the season. The sketch it’s built around isn’t too remarkable but man, does Robinson knock that one out of the park. 

22. “No, I Don’t Know How to Drive”

This is a quickie but a goodie. Robinson’s characters break down in tears quite often this season and this is one of the better occasions. How far have Tim’s characters come – from reveling in the existence of four-wheeled motorcycles to looking at the inside of a car and weeping “I don’t know what any of this shit is and I’m fucking scared.”

21. The Capital Room

Speaking of top tier comedic talent, thank God Patti Harrison stopped by another season of I Think You Should Leave. This time around, we get two heaping doses of Patti. This one, the first of the two, is the inferior but still quite great. In the span of roughly 30 seconds, Harrison unveils the saga of a woman who A. Got sewn into the pants of the Thanksgiving Day parade Charlie Brown float, B. Hates all bald boys, C. Sued the city and won a fortune, D. Is now helplessly addicted to wine, and E. Is tragically self-aware that her money will run out soon.

20. But It’s Lunch

Just like last year’s opening sketch, “But It’s Lunch” (this is probably a good time to mention, that I’m naming all of these things myself. You could very easily call this the Hotdog sketch but that would confuse it with last year’s hotdog sketch) sets the perfect opening mood. The sight gag of Robinson’s Pat trying to stealthily eat a hotdog is wonderful, and the fact that things so quickly escalate to hotdog surgery and puke is just sublime. 

19. Carber Hotdog Vacuum

The follow-up to “But It’s Lunch” occurs a full two episodes later and proves to be a hell of a pay-off. Robinson’s unnamed character (who is obviously Pat) very quickly reveals that there is one very specific reason he made this hotdog vacuum invention and you’ll never guess what it was. We all make mistakes. We shouldn’t be fired for them.

18. Insider Trading Trial (Stupid Hat)

This sketch somewhat mimics the experience of trying to explain what I Think You Should Leave is like to someone who has never seen it. “So, this guy took too small a slice of toilet paper…” or “…and then he has to have to have sex with his mother-in-law.” “Insider Trading” rotely describes the bizarre behaviors of one of Robinson’s deeply strange characters, Brian, as it’s being read into the court record. Brian and his stupid fedora with the safari flaps is in attendance to provide a visual aid. As are some hilarious flashbacks in which Brian attempts to roll the hat down his arm like Fred Astaire and instead encounters only wheelchair grease. 

17. The Ice Cream Store is Closed Today

Before he was a criminal lawyer, Bob Odenkirk was one of the most legendary sketch writers of all time. It’s only fitting that he stop by ITYSL season 2 to provide his comedic blessing. Odenkirk is great from the get-go but this one doesn’t really get rolling until the end when Robinson finds himself truly immersed in the fictional life of this sad old man. “His wife’s sick but she’s gonna get better” is a shockingly emotional moment amid pure farce.

16. Barbie and the Blues Brothers

This is the sketch that climbed the most in my rankings upon a second viewing. What first seemed to be a waste of Conner O’Malley’s manic comedic energy became a semi-classic once I submitted to its strange vibes. I don’t even know what to call this one but Robinson’s character refusing to stop dancing as Barbie the dog melts down is hilarious. O’Malley is better served by last season’s “honk if you’re horny” sketch, still he gets some bangers in this time around like “She thinks he’s a whole new guy because of the glasses and the hat” and “it’s her house, she’s doing what’s right!” Robinson once again closes this nonsense out with some well-earned tears. “It’s just me, Barbie. I’m not the Blues Brothers.”

15. Jaime Taco (I Love My Wife)

“Jamie Taco” is a prime example of just how rapidly (and how well) I Think You Should Leave is able to veer into pure nonsensical genius. At the top, this sketch comes perilously close to making an actual statement about how men are too quick to pretend like their wives are horrible nags. This sketch, however, has its sights set on something much dumber…and therefore better. Our hero (played hilariously by Richard Jewell’s Paul Walter Hauser) loves his wife because she helped him through his darkest moment, which just so happens to be when snotty young actor Jamie Taco refused to let him say his Henchman lines in a play.

14. Comos Restaurant 

All hail the return of the great Tim Heidecker! Heidecker, of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! fame, is one of the few comedians with a strange enough sensibility to be reasonably seen as an I Think You Should Leave forerunner. His season 1 turn as a walnut-obsessed jazz douche is a classic and this one reaches similar heights. This time, Heidecker’s character, Gary, and his lovely date, Janeane (Tracey Birdsall), have good reason to be annoyed by their date night at the sci-fi cosmos restaurant being interrupted by some hacky jokes. Of course, they use this opportunity to reveal that Jeannine’s mom used to drink puke for the Davy and Rascal radio show to pay for school supplies. It’s oddly refreshing to have a Heidecker character given a game partner and Gary and Janeane make one great team.

13. Detective Crashmore Interivew

While the Detective Crashmore trailer is the setup, this interview with AOL Blast is the punchline. Detective Crashmore is played by Santa Claus, because why not? Actor Biff Wiff’s gruff, nasally Midwestern timber is the perfect accent to accompany this lunacy. This is a Santa who in one breath demands to be taken seriously as an actor (Billy Bob Thornton-style) and in the next admits to seeing everyone in the world’s dick.

12. Sloppy Steaks (I Used to Be a Piece of Shit)

From here on out, it’s nothing but absolute homeruns. “Sloppy Steaks” could very well have been number one on this list and few would have batted an eye. The setup here is amazing as it gives Tim Robinson a reason to essentially have beef with a baby. The baby cries because he knows Robinson used to be a piece of shit. But don’t babies understand that people can change? That’s funny enough to begin with, but the real gut-busting moment here is the reveal of what “being a piece of shit” really means. In this case it means slicking one’s hair back and dousing the steaks at Truffoni’s with water to make sloppy steaks.

11. Johnny Carson Impersonator

Just a quick rundown for those who are confused…

Johnny Carson = Can Hit. George Kennedy = Can’t Hit. George Bush = Can’t Hit. 

10. Driving School (Her Job is Tables)

This is the rare I Think You Should Leave sketch that actually provides an answer to all the lunacy. As Robinson’s character’s Driver’s Ed class watches Patti Harrison’s actress in some dated videos, they can’t help but wonder what she does for a living. “Tables,” Robinson answers over and over again. This would be funny enough on its own but the reveal that Harrison provides tables to Monster Cons is a rare and valuable moment of “Ohhhhh that’s why” for this show. Equally as valuable is Harrison, who really sells that those tables are her lifeblood.

9. Claire’s Ear-Piercings

One has to wonder how much time goes into choosing the perfect “order” for the sketches in I Think You Should Leave. Two seasons in a row now, the show has selected pitch perfect opening and closing sketches. This closing number is oddly melancholic as the Claire’s orientation video for girls who want to get their ears pierced somehow gives way to one 58-year-old man named Ron Tussbler’s existential dread. If we really get to see the “highlights” after we die, forcibly fake laughing every ten minutes to make the voyeuristic experience all the richer sounds like a good strategy and not sad at all. Hang in there, Ron.

8. Little Buff Boys Competition

What. A. Crop. It was a virtual certainty that ITYSL season 2 would feature a spiritual successor to the classic “Baby of the Year” sketch in season 1. Thank God “Little Buff Boys” is up to the challenge of replicating that magic. This one has all the right elements to be another hit: Sam Richardson (in a wig this time, no less), a grand pageant hall, and some precocious youths. Troll Boy also joins the canon of young ITYSL characters who everybody instinctively hates alongside Bart Harley Jarvis.

7. Tammy Craps

There’s something weirdly nefarious about this commercial for a poisonous doll that doesn’t have farts in her head anymore. It’s a criticism of late stage capitalism crossed with the cursed nature of the Annabelle movies…while not being like either of those things at all. In reality, this is just another absurdist concept sprung from the terrifying inner depths of the writing staff’s mind. It also happens to be a particularly great one. The girl weighing her clothes down with rocks so she can hit the magical 60-pound threshold to safely play with Tammy Craps is one of the best gags of the season.

6. Karl Havoc

“Little Buff Boys Competition” and another upcoming sketch are likely to produce the lion’s share of memes and quotes from this season of ITYSL. But the one quote that’s stuck in my mind most aggressively comes from this hilarious episode 1 clip. The sight of Robinson’s Carmine Laguzio posing as the dead-faced freakshow Karl Havoc and muttering “I don’t want to be around anymore” is quite simply one of the funniest things I’ve ever witnessed. This is a marvelous, unnerving, utterly hilarious sketch. That there are somehow five better sketches speaks to how strong this season is. 

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

5. Dan Flashes Pt. 1 (Office)

I Think You Should Leave is now two for two in introducing the most cutting edge items in men’s fashion. Season 1 featured the arrival of the highly practical TC Tugger shirt. Now season 2 ups the ante with the stylish Dan Flashes. This sketch succeeds because it takes a simple question “Why is Mike laying down during a business meeting?” and divines the most outlandish answer possible. Mike isn’t eating because he’s spending all his money on Dan Flashes shirts. 

4. Dan Flashes Pt. 2 (Hotel Menu)

It’s one thing to introduce a hilarious concept, it’s another thing entirely to put it into practice. This second entry into the Dan Flashes canon is amazing. Back in part 1, it seemed as though the intricate patterns on the Dan Flashes shirts have a hypnotic effect on men who look exactly like Tim Robinson. Seeing the reality of that – pasty men battling one another to get their credit cards to the cashier before the other – is truly hilarious stuff.

3. Coffin Flop

This is the second sketch of the entire season…the second! And holy shit, does it set a strong precedent for what’s to come. This impassioned message from the Corncob TV CEO for Spectrum to save his network and its precisely one television program is a masterclass in shock humor. Watching body after body busting out of shit wood somehow never loses its grim luster. Somehow, in a sketch that features dozens of naked corpses flopping to the ground unexpectedly, it’s Robinson’s monologue that hits the hardest. “This world is so fucked up. And people are mad at me because I showed a bunch of naked dead bodies with their spread blue butts flying out of boxes? Really?”

2. Calico Cut Pants

Every episode of I Think You Should Leave season 2 features five sketches save for episode 4 which has only three. And that’s because episode 4 is dominated by a near 10-minute epic called “Calico Cut Pants.” In many ways, Calico Cut Pants is the platonic ideal of an ITYSL sketch. It takes place in a nightmarish world where every bizarre action only leads to an even more bizarre reaction. Nothing ever cools down. There is always something stranger on the horizon.

In this instance, Mike O’Brien (longtime SNL writer and the creator of the terminally underrated comedy A.P. Bio) plays an office drone who enters into a living hell merely because his co-worker helps him out of a mildly annoying social jam. Robinson’s character introduces him to a website that advertises pants with piss stains on them. That’s all well and good but once you know about Calicocutpants.com you Always. Have. To. Give. It’s like PBS, but more demonic. This remarkable sketch includes everything that’s great about this show, right down to characters with inexplicable idiosyncrasies like Tim Robinson’s adamance that doors must always be held open for him.

1. Ghost Tour

The funniest moment in ITYSL season 2 (and maybe the funniest moment in the history of the world) occurs in this sketch. Tim Robinson’s character has been admonished for his potty mouth during a ghost tour over and over again. The tour guide even said he’s ruining his job. But this poor man sincerely cannot understand why he’s in trouble. This is a tour for adults and he’s following the rules by using adult language. Like any good Robinson character, he truly believes that he’s the sane one and it’s the rest of the world that’s taking crazy pills.

So in his darkest moment, the man musters up his strength through tears and delivers the following query:

“Not trying to be funny. Not trying to get a laugh. I don’t want anybody to have the worst day at their job. But. Do any of these….fuckers….ever blast out of the wall and have, like a huge cum shot?”

Cue: riotous, damn near apocalyptic laughter. What a treasure and blessing this whole show is.

I Think You Should Leave season 2 is available to stream on Netflix now.

The post I Think You Should Leave Season 2: Ranking Every Sketch appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3yCWxMF

[shirlleycoyle]

How the Whiteboard Took Over the Office

A version of this post originally appeared on Tedium, a twice-weekly newsletter that hunts for the end of the long tail.

You know something that you probably haven’t had to deal with in a while if you’re an office drone? The whiteboard.

A classic example of what happens when you have a space to collaborate, the whiteboard had a bit of a moment in the late 20th and early 21st century as offices around the world embraced them for writing down ideas and brainstorming with a group of their peers—all things that people now do in the discomfort of their own homes.

But as rumors emerge of people being pushed to go back to the office, the whiteboard might be ready for its big comeback, even if you, personally, might not be.

Let's talk whiteboards, dry-erase markers, and why the chalkboard stuck around for decades after it was made obsolete.

Image: Roman Mager/Unsplash

Before we talk about whiteboards, let’s discuss the dusty nostalgia of the chalkboard

I don’t know about you, but the most drive-me-crazy noise I can think of is nails on a chalkboard. It’s a pretty aggressively painful noise, and I don’t know about you, but when that’s my overarching memory of chalkboards, I’m fully in favor of retirement in most cases.

I will concede chalkboards are great in certain settings, such as when painted on a wall or used in a hipster restaurant or coffee shop, where the artistic value of the chalkboard outdoes the questionable functional value of the material.

But chalkboards were never perfect for their primary use case. Today we may talk about things about our computers in terms of dark mode, but we weren’t using bright, overbearing OLED screens to display information within a foot of our faces—we were trying to convey information using dark blocks of slate, usually black or a dark green and definitely not backlit, to teach students from a long distance. And honestly, it was hard to do—the contrast was simply bad, and it was just not as easy to see as a plain white surface.

For some reason, chalkboards evoke a certain quaintness in dining establishments. Image: Egor Myznik/Unsplash

And of course, chalkboards created lots of dust. And dust, honestly, sucks—a major byproduct of trying to display information on slate. Back in 2011—you know, literal decades after we were fully into the era of whiteboards—researchers with India’s National Environmental Engineering Research Institute researched the impact of chalk dust in a “clean room environment.” and found that while there was no toxic effect, it could create allergic byproducts.

And the research, highlighted in The Guardian by Ig Nobel prize organizer Marc Abrahams, generated this once-in-a-lifetime bon mot: “During teaching, entry of chalk dust in the respiratory system through nasopharyngeal region and mouth could be extensive in teachers due to their proximity to the board and frequent opening of mouth during lectures and occasional gasping and heavier breathing due to exhaustion.”

Which is why it’s probably a good thing that we finally made the move to the whiteboard, which solved the problems with contrast and, at least for some teachers and students, minimized the potential health impacts that came with teaching with such a dusty material.

But it took a while for the whiteboard to finally break through in the classroom. A big reason as to why might very much be tradition—because there is evidence that the whiteboard was introduced more than 80 years ago, and it didn’t take off for decades afterwards.

“The old-fashioned blackboard is on its way out of the schoolroom today. Whiteboards are the newest thing. In fact, the whole idea of going to school is becoming glamorous.”

— The lead sentences from a 1950 Associated Press story reporting on new trends highlighted at the convention of the American Association of School Administrators. (Yes, that’s correct. There was a time we talked about whiteboards like we talked about Chromebooks or iPads.) At the time, the report noted that the primary tool that teachers could use with the writing surface was crayons.

There is an apparent whiteboard inventor who is not getting any credit for his work, despite originating the idea two decades before other claimed inventors

We know that the whiteboard is common today. But who the heck invented it?

This is a classic example of a story where if you simply Google it, you’ll miss out on some clear evidence of prior art. (And if you are a regular Tedium reader, you know the importance of looking past the point where the answer emerges.)

If you look on websites about whiteboards (here’s an example), you will read two names credited for its invention—Martin Heit and Albert Stallion, both of whom came upon the idea in the 1950s. Heit apparently surfaced on the idea after using a marker on a film negative, while Stallion, who worked for a steel company, came upon the idea of putting enamel on steel—an idea apparently met with skepticism from his employer.

Both sparks led to companies that eventually commercialized the devices in the early 1960s. Stallion founded a company, Magiboards, that is still around today; Heit, who died last year, sold his patents to a company called Dri-Mark, which is better-known today for selling the markers used to test whether or not a bill is counterfeit. (Which feels like a Tedium piece in and of itself.)

These two men may hold claims to popularizing the invention and introducing what became common materials for building whiteboards in the modern day, but evidence of putting writable white surfaces on boards predates their work by two decades.

One early claimant that surfaces at least two decades prior is a man named Paul F. Born, a mechanical engineer who (in a syndicated photo and newspaper article) is credited as installing one in a classroom in Elgin, Illinois, where he served as head of the district’s school board, in 1937. Given the chance to write on his invention (using compressed carbon rather than chalk), he wrote:

This “White Blackboard” is dedicated to the eyesight of school students and to the creation of a more cheerful atmosphere in the classroom.

A teacher said of the invention: “Boy, what a relief from the dismal, funeral-like appearance of most schoolrooms.”

If Born did invent it, evidence is relatively strong he was first—as mentions of the idea picked up soon after Born’s experiment surfaced in the news—but he does not seem to have patented the idea. There were differences—rather than plastic or steel, Born’s innovation relied on painted glass. Nonetheless, Born’s work caught the attention of Edward Podolsky, a medical doctor and writer whose book The Doctor Prescribes Colors, published in 1938, nicely dovetailed into Born’s idea.

“Not only is black chalk on white board easier to read, but the white color of the board imparts a decidedly cheerier atmosphere to the entire classroom,” Podolsky wrote of the Elgin experiment. “After several months of use it has been found that besides. relieving eyestrain, the whiteboards combined with light-colored walls make the classroom more cheerful, and learning a much more pleasant adventure.”

This seems to be the general vibe around whiteboards at the time—the first mention of the material in The New York Times, in 1938, seemed to imply that educators and parents alike were ready for a little less blackboard in the classroom. “Yellowboards and greenboards have been tried and found wanting,” the short editorial comment stated. “But glass treated with white pigment seems to fit the bill.”

And it did nonetheless draw skeptics. After news of Born’s work earned a strong reaction in Texas’ Lubbock Morning Avalanche in the fall of 1937, members of the school board, not understanding that chalk would not be necessary for a white blackboard, expressed concerns that “things would get pretty dirty” if black chalk was used. (To be fair, the newspaper made it seem like black chalk was necessary based on the cutline in the prior day’s paper.)

Of course, if you’re reading this, you most assuredly know that the whiteboard did not enter most classrooms until the 1990s or later. After a few years of early interest—including an appearance at the Metropolitan Museum of Art that may have been the first public experience many New Yorkers had with whiteboards—the Times barely mentioned the surface again for more than 40 years afterwards. Personally, I graduated more than 20 years ago, and can’t remember seeing a single whiteboard in my various schools during my time in K-12. (Maybe I wasn’t observant.)

But when I went to college, I remember they were relatively common—though not fully replacing chalkboards. If the whiteboard was clearly better, why did the chalkboard stay so dominant for so long afterwards?

For one thing, we have to talk about the materials used to write on whiteboards.

1993

The year the company Microfield Graphics first released Softboard, a dry-erase board that featured built-in networking capabilities. Basically, you could write on the board using traditional dry-erase markers, and then the board would detect the colors using built-in laser scanners and recreate them for virtual users over a dial-up modem connection. Despite its seemingly niche nature, the tool found lots of use in the federal government during the late ’90s, with FCW reporting that NASA, the U.S. Postal Service, and the U.S. Supreme Court all using the tool. The idea found interest among computer science students who saw an opportunity to render whiteboards obsolete. Oops.

Admit it, this is a familiar setting for you. Image: Slidebean/Unsplash

Why the whiteboard became popular in the corporate world before the classroom

It, of course, took a while to come up with the right approach to solving the problem of blackboards. It wasn’t just having white surfaces to write on—it was also about coming up with a way to clean those boards with the same ease of use as a chalk eraser, dust notwithstanding.

In the late 1960s and early 1970s, two competing teams—one in Japan and one in the United States—were working to solve a problem that perhaps threatened the long-term mainstream status of the whiteboard: cleanup.

One inventor working on this was named Jerome Woolf, who worked for a company named Techform Laboratories, who developed the plastic surface and the general concept of the easy-drying and quick-erasing ink from the markers. The other was the Pilot Pen company, which perfected the ink that became the key element of dry-erase markers.

“The writing ink of the present invention is designed to dry almost immediately after being applied to an impermeable writing surface of metal, plastic or ceramic material, yet retain sufficient water after drying so that the ink may be removed from the writing surface by wiping with a dry erasing material even under conditions of low humidity,” the Pilot patent stated.

The dry-erase marker has become an overly common part of the business-world experience. Image: Mark Rabe/Unsplash

And once that problem was solved, the whiteboard found its way into businesses, becoming a hot commodity starting in the 1980s, but schools—where whiteboards were first implemented—proved much slower to embrace the technology. As a 1987 New York Times piece noted, whiteboards faced more practical concerns in schools that businesses generally didn’t have to worry about:

Whiteboards have not caught on well in schools because of higher prices and the tendency of students to walk off with the markers. But in corporate offices and conference rooms, it has been bye-bye blackboard, as the screech of the chalk and the cloud of chalk dust fade into memory. Aside from permitting color presentations, whiteboards can double as projection screens for slides or transparencies.

Whiteboards moved into schools slowly, however, and part of the reason for this is that they often weren’t retrofitted into old schools, but added to new ones, because it was treated as an element of the school’s design.

There’s also the element of permanence. For many businesses, whiteboards developed around thin layers of plastic are fine. But teachers were often working with whiteboards or chalk boards for hours each day, and their work needs to hold up for long periods of time. Which means that whiteboards in schools need to be made of higher-quality materials than whiteboards in offices.

Ultimately, when you break it down, a modern chalk board is not all that dissimilar to a modern whiteboard—these days, they’re both treated sheets of metal, something called a “porcelain” surface, which tends to cost more than the plastic sheets but is much higher quality. (After all, if you’re a school and whiteboards are essential to your teaching, you don’t want the cheap stuff.)

But the difference is what goes on those sheets; whiteboards tend to use glossy enamel, while chalk boards have moved away from slate and now use a less glossy, more ceramic enamel.

And, of course, there’s the whole nostalgia element of this. A 1996 Hartford Courant piece pointed to this when interviewing teachers critiquing the differing surfaces. One teacher told the newspaper that the familiar sound of chalkboards was important to them (and that they hated the smell of the markers), while a company that sold traditional chalkboards made the bet that they wouldn’t stick around.

“I think that the markers are just a fad,” said Dave Allen of the Connecticut Blackboard Company, which was still selling slate boards to schools.

That feels like a bad bet.

In the 1970s, artist John Baldessari perhaps created the first work that lived up to the whiteboard ethos, a self-explanatory document called “I Will Not Make Any More Boring Art,” in which the phrase is written numerous times in a cursive script, not unlike the way that Bart Simpson wrote on chalkboards in the intro of The Simpsons.

As part of a broader artistic project at the school where he taught, the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design, Baldessari had his students write the phrase all over white walls, and he did some of that writing himself. (He also disowned his earlier works, so there was no turning back. The boring art was dead.)

Baldessari’s approach, something of a modern art rallying cry, was basically dry-erase art without a dry-erase board. It looks like the kind of thing that people create with whiteboards today when they’re looking for some kind of mental spark that leads them to their next big idea. In a lot of ways, Baldessari was brainstorming at the widest possible scale.

These days, the whiteboard has found increasingly novel contexts, beyond the office or the classroom, and even the pandemic hasn’t entirely dampened its potential. A popular note-taking tool, the RocketBook, has gained popularity by mixing the best elements of whiteboards (that is, the erasability and reusability) into something that looks like a traditional notebook, offering a little of the manual and the automatic in one package.

But the thing is, whiteboards are amazingly well-suited to office environments, as they encourage deep thinking in a setting where anyone can pick up a dry-erase marker and go. Compare it to, say, journaling. Some people’s brains just work better that way.

My favorite collaborative moments involving a whiteboard didn’t involve a meeting or a discussion session, but a game of hangman on a wall of whiteboard paint during Friday-night happy hours. It created a way for us to mentally meet up with our coworkers over a beer and have a little fun that had nothing to do with impressing a client.

Whiteboards became a tool for collecting the storms of our brains in groups, a powerful element of discussion that went far beyond what we could do with paper and pen alone. And even in an era of screens, sometimes the handwriting just carries more power.

But let’s give some credit to the guy who made a pitch for them first, because it seems like he deserves a lot more notice than he’s been getting.

How the Whiteboard Took Over the Office syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[thebigladjake]

Year 2: Summer Brief: Dreamcatching - TV Pitch 2: Research

My second TV pitch was an attempt to go out of my comfort zone, try a series that has no narrative, little to no consistent characters and a different story each time. However, one for adults that’s actually for adults. Just like how Cognitivation was inspired by a poor attempt at Earthbound. Dreamcatching was built upon a series known as “Love, Death and Robots”.

It didn’t begin as a straight up “Love, Death and Robots but done right”. The anthology idea came a little later. But, for a while, I was quite fascinated by dreams, one day I was thinking about it and said “What if this was a TV Show? An adult TV show about dreams.”

Initial Idea

What fascinates me about dreams is how everyone’s subconscious is different. I usually have dreams somewhat based in reality, everything is technically possible and very rarely does something that cannot happen appears in them. Whereas I’ve heard friends say they can have dreams in fictional worlds such as games and TV shows, or some that just have nightmares, or some that have much darker themes that you become kind of worried.

It’s interesting to see what the subconscious chooses to take in, what you think about when your body is off, but your mind is still on. What exists inside of your subconscious is what you choose to exist and I think that’s very cool. How we represent people or problems or even symbolism in dreams.

It was then I realised this could work as an anthology series and recalling the last anthology I watched, I began to think on how an adult animated anthology should really be handled.

Research and Development

Like I said earlier, the anthology idea came around when I remembered my experience watching the adult animated series “Love, Death and Robots.”

This series had potential and I really wanted to like it, but a lot of it annoyed me because some of the shorts simply were uncomfortable with being for adults without featuring some kind of nudity or swearing. The first example that jumps to my mind for this was the short, “Blindspot” which was a short I remember liking.

Blindspot was a short about a group of cyborgs that performs a robbery on an armoured convoy. I absolutely love the visual design, the concept and the various weapons and machinery, I think this has great potential as an actual show because it shows off a lot to this universe. What these characters are up to, what they are like and how their deaths don’t really matter as long as their data is backed up and can be restored. This is an awesome concept and I’d love it, if it wasn’t for one thing. Swearing.

In a scene where they are going over the plan, one of the more experienced members of the team makes fun of the character above (Rookie) for being a... Rookie. To which he replies “F*** you, Sui.” and that took me out of it a little.

It’s not that swearing offends me because I swear so much, it’s basically a part of my language. But, when a series has to go out of it’s way to swear it doesn’t feel natural. It felt a lot like “Ooh! Look he said a naughty word! This isn’t a kids show!! This is for aduuuults!” and it kind of kills my vibe with a show.

This isn’t just a problem with Blindshot, a few of the shorts had this problem. It was either swearing or characters having sex that took me out of it. This wouldn’t annoy me so much if it wasn’t for one episode, “Zima Blue”.

The part of this post where I absolutely love Zima Blue (Please go watch it if you can before reading)

This episode appears as the ninth episode I believe and at this point, I was annoyed at the try-hard adult-ness of all the other shorts. So, when I see a lady going to see a weird metal, blue, naked man, immediately I thought, “They’re definitely going to do the dirty deed.” Probably not exactly like that, but this is an academic blog, so I can’t really say what I thought.

However, what I was treated to was the most adult short on the entire anthology... And it had no nudity, sex or swearing.

The short is about Claire going away to Zima’s private island to interview them about their art pieces. Starting off doing portraits, before moving to murals and the next step in this direction was creating pieces with a specific type of blue in them. Zima Blue.

Example of Zima’s work.

When I saw this, immediately I was like “Oh shut up. How pretentious.” It reminded me of those hoity-toity artists that see “Oh there’s such a deep meaning to this art piece indeed!” and it’s like a dot on the canvas. So, I was about to think this was going to be a sexual and pretentious romp, but I carried on watching.

Zima is built up as a character who has it all, fame, fortune, immortality, everyone loves his work and believe him to be a man with robotic elements, but when Zima tells Claire about his past, explaining that a Zima Blue coloured tile was the first thing they ever saw and their whole purpose. We discover that Zima was originally created as a pool cleaning device, who’s job it was to clean the tiles as they move around the pool and replacing any damaged ones with the same Zima Blue tiles.

This was the one job that they felt they truly were good at, what gave their life meaning and this is why they become obsessed with the colour ‘Zima Blue’ and add it into everyone of their pieces. So, as an unhappy artist that feels like they no longer have a purpose. Zima organises one final artistic event for everyone to see.

A pool. A pool that when he falls into it, causes his body to malfunction and come apart. Giving you the impression that something has gone wrong before...

He transforms back into the simple machine that he once was. Automatically going up to the nearest side of the pool and starting his job all over again. Because it was the one piece of art that he was truly satisfied with.

And with that, is the most mature of all of these shorts. Because it doesn’t need to pander to adults, it doesn’t need to prove it’s not for kids. It’s an animation for adults and that’s one of the reasons I absolutely love this short. In fact, it’s a good thing the rest of Love, Death and Robots is so garbage because it just makes this short even better.

But, that’s not all of it’s merits, it’s a genuinely good short and captures how being an artist can feel with work your never happy with. Feeling like no matter what you do, your art will never be enough and you’ve got no purpose. Animations that make you think like this, is adult animation.

[moayoub1]

The Best and Worst Times to Visit Japan

We love it so much that it's difficult to envision that there are ideal and most exceedingly awful occasions to visit Japan. Truth be told, we'd recently live there all year on the off chance that we could! In case you're arranging a once in a blue moon trip, however, you will need to time it right. Having been there on various occasions throughout the years, we do have a few proposals for taking advantage of your time.

Japan is a heavenly nation in Asia with a rich history and excellent culture. Notwithstanding the numerous noteworthy locales and cafés, you'll find extraordinary exercises consistently. Do look into dependent on close to home inclinations before booking your outing to locate the best and worth occasions to visit Japan.

Finding the correct fit will rely upon what you're searching for. Japan sees each of the four seasons, so in case you're planning to climb Mt. Fuji you will need to maintain a strategic distance from the coldest and wettest seasons. Everybody discusses the Cherry Blossoms, so if that is on your must-see show, you have to know when they are in sprout. Here are a few hints to assist you with beginning arranging.

January

Much the same as numerous pieces of the world, Japan will be for the most part shrouded in the snow in January. Through March, the nation will see it's coolest temperatures. It's very tranquil, however. If it's all the same to you the tidying, you'll appreciate some staggeringly pleasant scenes. The first occasion when I visited Japan was over 20 years prior. It was around the special seasons, so I spent Christmas and New Year's in the Kansai district. It was awesome!

We needed to wrap up, yet we're so thankful for the warm nourishment and beverages accessible in comfort stores. The first occasion when I tasted an impeccably improved, hot milk tea from a candy machine, it was too acceptable to even think about believing!

Here are a few things you can do in Japan in January:

The climate will be cold and blanketed

Skiing and other winter sports

Sumo New Year Basho in Tokyo

Cherry Blossom season starts in Okinawa

Extremely, perhaps the best thing about Japan is that they realize how to get warm. On the off chance that things get excessively crisp, simply head to a hot onsen (natural aquifers) or get a blistering bowl of ramen to warm up following a day of investigating wide open to the harshe elements climate.

February

As you would have envisioned, February is frigid and cool in Japan. It will, in general, be the coldest month of the year (at any rate it's radiant and dry, however!). In case you're intending to visit during this time, wrap up and think about the accompanying before booking your outing:

It will be freezing (coldest in Hokkaido, hottest in Okinawa)

Plunging season starts

Snow Festival in Sapporo

Igloo Village in Hokkaido

Have a warm cup of purpose to shake off the chills and afterward head retreat for progressively fun! Despite the bone-chilling temps, I can just envision how lovely it is bouncing on the Shinkansen (shot train) and hurdle through the open country. Experiencing childhood in Canada, I built up solid gratefulness for winter sports (which is the reason I love tubing so a lot!), so I'm certain I'd have a ton of fun in Tokyo in February. Obviously, on the off chance that you despise winter, you'd most likely think February is one of the most noticeably terrible occasions to visit Japan. Go to Mexico rather 🙂

March

Visitors love to visit Japan in March. Spring is dazzling in many places on the planet, however, it's out and out supernatural right now. The climate is heating up, yet the sweltering, sticky long stretches of summer are still weeks away. It's likewise when we begin to see everything returning to life. Here is a portion of the reasons why March is probably the best time to visit Japan:

Gentle climate

Cherry bloom season begins – book well ahead of time!

One of the merriest seasons

Sumo Spring Basho in Osaka

This is certainly one of the most well known seasons to visit Japan, so be readied. It will be occupied! If you do design an outing, you'll need to make a beeline for Okinawa where the cherry blooms will presumably be done blossoming before the month's over. It's completely terrific, and you've most likely observed nothing like it!

April

When April moves around in Japan, it will be an ideal opportunity to get together the skis and winter gear. Spring climate will formally be in progress so you won't need to pack the same number of layers for your excursion! Likewise, in case you're planning to see humpback whales or manta beams in Japan, evade April and May. You most likely won't perceive any! There are still a lot of different things you can do, however. Look at the accompanying:

Climate is heating up

Dust and allergens are high

Cherry bloom season proceeds

Ski season closes

Warm climate without the summer heat

Brilliant Week starts on the last Sunday in April

This is an extremely wonderful season to visit, even though it may pummel hypersensitivity sufferers. On the off chance that you truly need to visit Japan during this time yet have hypersensitivities, converse with your primary care physician. They might have the option to endorse a solid antihistamine to make you progressively open to during your movements. Else, you could be hopeless (and who needs to feel terrible on vacation?!). We didn't pay attention to this, and it was unpleasant!

May

What would I be able to state about May but reveal to you that it is my FAVORITE season to visit Japan. The pre-summer vitality is humming, the climate is perfect, and there are a lot of activities with little groups. What more might you be able to request? On the off chance that you love flower scenes however can't make it during cherry bloom season, head to Japan in May. There will at present be a lot of other wonderful things to see!

On my mom little girl trip with Hayley, we picked May. In addition to the fact that I chose for the current year dependent on climate and exercises, yet she likewise commended her sixteenth birthday celebration in Tokyo. Discussion about sweet! Shockingly, we lost each other for 47 minutes in the Osaka train station, which was alarming so we'll spare that story for one more day. Beside that, the excursion was immaculate. Here are a portion of the reasons for what reason May is perhaps the best time to visit Japan.

Warm (yet not singing sweltering) climate

Occupied, yet not overwhelmingly swarmed

Wisteria, azalea and iris blossoms sprout

Brilliant Week is the principal seven day stretch of May

Sumo Summer Basho in Tokyo

In case you're attempting to keep away from swarms, skirt the principal seven day stretch of May. Brilliant Week (a bunch of national occasions) will cause everything from cafés to amusement parks to feel like a bazaar. Also, the costs during that time may be ridiculously high. In case you're wanting to visit Japan explicitly for Golden Week, good karma! We were there in mid to late May and went to Universal Studios Japan close to Osaka and Fuji-Q Highland close to Tokyo and the group size was extraordinary. We likewise didn't need to stand by long for tables at eateries, in spite of the fact that, we ate at a great deal of comfort stores as well!

June and July

We were there toward the finish of May and just got a pinch of it, yet June and July are Japan's stormy season (read our endurance tips!). It's truly no joke. Because of our uneasiness and OCD, touring while at the same time wearing soggy (or doused) apparel is totally activating. For other people, it's not such a serious deal. Gauge this cautiously, however, in light of the fact that cloudy skies will affect your photography and how plainly you'll have the option to see tourist spots, for example, Mount Fuji.

Warm and stormy/hurricane season

Rich, green view

Sumo Basho in Nagoya

Mount Fuji opens for climbers toward the beginning of July

Fuji Rock Festival (starts a weekend ago in July)

There's no deficiency of activities in June or July, yet anticipate the warmth and downpour. The stickiness is a big deal either. A few people feel awkward wearing tank best in Japan, in any event, when it's hot, so be set up for that. We saw individuals wearing them (Hayley did likewise) and nobody said anything. We felt a little unsure, however!

In case you're wanting to visit Universal Studios Japan or Fuji-Q Highland, the groups will most likely be at the very least during this time. Either plan by buying Express goes from sellers, for example, Klook, or be set up for long queues on the attractions (single rider lines speed up, however!).

August

The finish of summer is extremely occupied in Japan. It's likewise incredibly stunning. The climate is still warm, however the downpour is decreasing and everybody is clutching those last days before harvest time moves around. The vitality is practically substantial, but at the same time there's a chill vibe noticeable all around. Ok, Japan. How we love you!

Most sultry climate

Obon occasion regarding the dead (August 13-15 out of 2020)

Monstrous celebration season

Elusive lodgings

On the off chance that you book ahead of time and plan for swarms, you may truly like August in Japan. It's an enjoyment time and the Japanese accept that, during Obon, the living and the dead are brought together. You'll be overwhelmed by this recognition and the customs. It might simply make you ponder the existence cycle.

September

You'll despite everything have the option to appreciate some great climate, yet with less visitors in September. Behind May, this is my second-most loved time to visit Japan. Why? Since we love amusement parks and open air exercises, the two of which work out very well in September. Less groups, warm climate, less stickiness. So decent!

Nothing is great, obviously, so you'll need to watch out for the climate. In the event that you travel to Japan in September, it could be hot — or it could be pouring. In any event it keeps things energizing!

Erratic climate

Mount Fuji climbing trails close

Sumo Basho in Tokyo

September is likewise the best time to sneak in before cold and influenza season starts (you know how my movement uneasiness functions!). Get your visiting in before the nation is attacked by hacking, wheezing, and sneezes. In the event that it strikes, however, in any event you can feel good wearing a cover to secure yourself!

October and November

Much the same as most places on the planet, October and November are the point at which the leaves start to truly change in Japan. You've never observed a wonderfully diverse scene like the one's along the Japanese wide open in harvest time. The temperatures cool, and Halloween festivities are getting progressively normal so in the event that you love wool and creepy stuff, this is an incredible time. Simply remember that the Japanese are specialists at being unnerving and frequented attractions are on an entire other level!

Cooler climate

Plunge season closes

Incredible time to see deer in Nara

Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios Japan

In the event that you love train rides, this is the ideal time to see the fall foliage across Japan. Attempt to get a decent seat by the window so you can simply kick back and absorb the excellence. You can reserve a spot on the Shinkansen or even the Hello Kitty train. We love the course among Osaka and Hiroshima!

December

Who wouldn't have any desire to spend Christmas in Japan? As a matter of fact, when I showed up on my absolute first outing over 20 years back, it was Christmas Eve. It's such a wonderful time, yet expect winter climate — and an incomprehensible fixation on having KFC for Christmas supper. The entire nation is chowing down on seared chicken on December 25th!

Chilly, cold conditions

Pinnacle cold and influenza season

The travel industry is high

Regardless of whether you're packaged up with a runny nose, however, you'll likely sob at seeing a snow-shrouded sanctuary or hallowed place. It truly is that amazing! Your body may be chilled deep down, yet being in Japan during the Christmas season will make you feel good inside.

By and by, I think May and September are the best occasions to visit Japan on the grounds that the climate is nice and it's only outside of the wiped out season. You know us restless explorers — we love seeing the world, yet we have our limits. Honestly, however, I'd move to Japan instantly so I surmise whenever of year works for me!