#update okay the buzzing i mean shaking stopped after i saw a passing chaewon pic lol

[ienvieu]

i need therapy my god i don't know what to do with myself anymore i feel repelled by myself pls don't read if triggered by mental health talk or sh shit and whatnot

i don't know where else to write this im trying so hard to distract myself from my body i feel everything tingling this is disgusting i feel so fucking disgusting all of my scabs and scars are itching so bad the more i think about them i hate going into the shower and seeing them god i feel so icky in my own body this is so messed up i wasn't like this two years ago i feel so sorry so really sorry oh my god i don't know what to do with myself god im so sorry i feel disgusted i can't even look at myself this is god i don't know i want to start over again i hate this so much why did i not listen fuck this i feel so stupid i knew i should not have tried it the first time i knew that anyone who started would not be able to stop until too late and yet i felt so curious i was so stupid god i want to take it all back they won't come off they won't go away i feel so disgusting im covered and no one knows i hope they never know god i had a nightmare again my mom found out and ripped my clothes off me i felt so so terrified i woke up in cold sweat god what am i going to do they'll find out eventually it's been a year they still haven't but someday they will god oh my god i don't know what to do i feel like throwing up i never should have come online then i wouldn't have known what cutting even was god i could have stuck with punching things like i used to before or just getting therapy for fucks sake i went online bc i was lonely and ended up getting ideas i regret this so much it's all coming down on me this is so nuts im having a breakdown lmfao god what do i do im shaking this is oh my god i never really looked at myself i should not have oh my gos what have i done stupid stupid i remember sitting down after midnight just picking that thing up in the middle of my studying session and then just doing it my god what did i do Nd then i didn't stop and it became a habit and a sweet release and now i have to live with these for the rest of my life god i am so so stupid this is so rich it got worse how is it supposed to get better im praying im praying i feel so sorry