#up in stuff and it gets uploaded late ;w;

[doubleedgemode]

I wanted to go on a drawing spree yesterday, but I could only muster these two before dozing off.

First one, even if I'm not that sure about how I drew her face shape in this angle (and most importantly I forgot her neck and torso bandages OOPS) I do really like how most of the drawing came out. And at least it isn't a bland bust this time, though I'm pretty sure I've already drawn a pose like this before. (Oh no the next drawing is a 3/4 bust again..)

Second, yesterday I saw an artist draw some of the coolest redesigns ever for a different media piece, and thought about the many awesome gg redesigns I often see so I wanted to give A.B.A a spin... Except I was out of ideas so most of this drawing is her regular design haha. I got too tired to even try to attempt to draw the rest of the body and half-assed the key but I like the vibes and pose (even if I.. think I made her neck a bit too long? Old habits die hard... Necks are my enemies when drawing!)

I like the idea of her having a key take on the classic frankenstein bolts (though wait, her head key is referred to as a screw. Would this also be a screw or key shaped bolts??-)

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

Hi I know it's been a hot minute since I've done this but woe au be upon ye because I've been listening to a slowed version of the disappearance of Hatsune Miku and yeah.

The vocas finding a fucked up very corrupted Piko because as a result of the discontinuation a lot of them were deleted, and they just decide to adopt him because they feel bad.

Slice of life anime except your roommate is a glitchy shell of a person who is very stressed and just wants a hug but can't communicate that because their voicebank is shitfucked and they're barely legible.

Here's the he

OHH there is so many things that could be done w/ this idea. poor poor piko 😭😭

ik u said slice of life anime which implies some more wholesome moments & comedy, and sure there is potential for that as well but. ofc the first thing my mind jumps to is angst 😭 pikoooooooo

[gguk-n]

Chapter 1- Anonymous Conversations

Unravelling Max's Mystery (Max Verstappen x Online Friend!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Y/N formed an unexpected bond with a boy behind the screen. He doesn't have many interest it seems, except for reading her stupid poems.

{Reader's POV}

12/07/2012

Dear Diary, Stella is leaving for Canada tomorrow forever. Today was the last day of school before the summer break so I went to Stella's house after school. It's so shitty, how can she leave me like this and before the start of high school. I don't have any friends other than her, what am I supposed to do??? This isn't fair, first Faye moved back to her home country a couple years back and now Stella. It's like they don't even care about me. I made a google plus account so we can stay in touch. Actually everyone's on google plus, I'm just late to the party. I'm sure we'll still be close.

02/01/2013

OMG!! I think I'm in love. There's this new boy band, One Direction. Ava told me about them last year but I brushed her off saying they weren't my cup of tea, but OMG!!! They are fucking perfect and I love Niall so much. He's so cute and has the dreamiest eyes and his accent, I'm gonna faint. I bought the Take Me Home album yesterday!! I even put up their poster above my bed, hehe!! Sooooo, I may or may not be writing now. I think I'm gonna be an author. The stuff isn't great like Shakespeare but I'm sure I'll improve. I've written a couple poems and Aria read them and she thinks they are great. I'm gonna start uploading them on google plus. I made a separate page for it, under a pseudonym. If I really improve, maybe I can publish my work.

I was sat at my laptop, typing the latest story I came up with during lunch so I could upload it. There were a lot of people who were reading my work and even encouraged me. There is improvement, but then again, we can do better, I'm sure. My parents aren't very happy with how I'm wasting my time writing instead of focusing on my education since I'm in high school now. I finished typing the story and clicked the upload button, I got a comment on the post. It was from this guy, named Max, just Max. He always read all of my work and writes the nicest comments under them. I haven't spoken to him personally ever since my mother kept warning me about stranger danger and that it could be some 50 year old dude. But his comments are encouraging and make me want to write more. I hope he knows the kind of effect he's having on me.

My birthday is in a couple of days, I don't know what I'll do since I don't really have a lot of friends. Even Aria is away during that time, so I don't really have anyone to go out with. My parents are busy as always.

So, out of desperation or sadness, I don't know which one, I posted on google plus saying that it was my birthday. The first person who replied was Max as always. I really wanna know when this guy sleeps or how he gets any work done if he is online so much. He messaged me personally too, to wish me again and even asked what I did. I couldn't lie because my heart was heavy, so I told him. I literally just unloaded about not having any friends and spending the day alone because work was more important for my parents. He was so nice about it. He spent the next hour talking to me and cheering me up. He's apparently 15, from Netherlands. He loves cats and lives with his dad and sister. He sounds like a fun guy.

After that, both of us ended up chatting on google plus regularly. I would message him immediately after school and spend the next couple of hours talking to him. Some times, he'd be gone a couple weekends but it was no biggy. I'm sure he had other commitments instead of entertaining a dumb teenager.

Max's birthday is on 30 September. I wanted to be the first one, so I stayed up late to match the dutch timings and wished him. He replied a little while later. He wasn't very excited about it. I get it, maybe his friends aren't there or couldn't make it to his birthday. I was gonna cheer him like he cheered me up. I wish I could send him a present. He really was a light in dark time. When I had no friends in school I could rely on, he came like the knight in shining armour. I just want to be a good and reliable friend to him like he is to me. He is such a sweetheart. We've never spoken on call yet. I guess I'm still a little scared and we've only known each other for a few months. I'm gonna hold on that but Max is a genuinely nice person in my eyes. But his dad doesn't sound like the nicest person from what he says, but I can't tell him that his dad is shitty so I just read his texts.

18/12/2013

Dear Diary, Maxie is the cutest. I haven't seen or heard him yet but I feel like he is. Otherwise, why would he encourage me to follow my dreams? He was so understanding and gave great advice. You might wonder why I needed the advice, diary. I told my parents I wanna pursue a degree in literature and we had a huge fight since apparently I'm throwing my life away and I should try to get a proper degree that might get me a job. Apparently, I'm not thinking straight. I've been thinking about becoming an author for some time now, it's my one passion, I've realised. And if it means struggling, I would rather struggle and be happy than be in a dead end job. Just because they are some big shot business people doesn't mean I wanna do that do. ugh!!! I hate them. Maxie calmed me down honestly, he heard me out and told me it was okay to follow my dreams. I think he is such a good friend. I won't tell him that, he has a big ego as is. LOL!!

I've been gaining a lot of traction on my posts on google plus. I have a couple thousand followers but Max is the most active of them all. Max is so effortlessly funny. He did ask one time if we could talk on call, I told him that my microphone was broken. I'm still a little skeptical. I know, even though I'm literally sharing everything with him, I've never spoken on call or video with him. Maybe some day.

04/03/2014

Dear Diary, I got a new phone and a new number. The previous one was one of my parents multiple numbers but this one is my own. I feel like an adult, hehe!! I made a whatsapp, maybe I'll share my number with Maxie and we might start chatting on there. Google plus had become a bit of hassle and I'm not uploading on it like I used to. I usually only open it to talk to Max. I think it would be better to shift it to another service. He's been a little busy this year compared to the last, didn't tell me much but I think it has to do with him being in his final year of high school. Can't relate, but I hope I'm done with high school soon. It fucking sucks. But on the bright side, I've gotten close to Nia and Aria and I could call Aria my best friend but she considers Nia her best friend. I don't mind being her friend. I have Max anyways.

Max has been quite busy lately, but I don't blame him. I would be busy in my final year of high school too. Even with all that, he has taken time out to talk to me. I did share my number with him, so now instead of google plus, which is a barren wasteland, we text on whatsapp. I've suggested talking on call some time when he's free, which hasn't happened yet.

We had set up a time to talk, it was really early here but I didn't mind, I was up anyways. I couldn't wait to hear his voice. I was anxious as well, what if he's some pedophile; all these thoughts raced through my head when my phone rang. Max- Hi, Y/N! Y/N- Hey, Max!! How are you? Max- I'm good, what about you? Y/N- Yeah, I'm good too. haha!! This is so weird talking to you. Max- yeah, you sound pretty. Fuck was he flirting, is this flirting? A million thoughts ran through my head, no one's ever flirted with me before. I felt my cheeks heat up. Y/N- You sound nice too. I mean....you have a nice voice. Max- haha, thanks, this is the first time some one has said that. Y/N- soooo, what have you been up too?? You've been so busy lately. There was a pause on the other end. I heard shuffling. Max- yeah, I've been busy with stuff. I'll be done soon for a while now. Y/N- That's great I need my best friend back! The conversation flowed smoothly. It didn't feel like we were talking on call for the first time. I had a lot of fun talking to Max. He sounds like a teenager, much to my relief. He's just as funny on call as he is on text.

After that, we ended up calling each other regularly. Max would answer my calls whenever but sometimes I felt bad about calling him at the crack ass of dawn in Netherland so I would avoid calling him whenever. He is so kind and listens well but damn does he talk. Every one who knows me calls me talkative, if they heard Max their ears would bleed. But I like hearing him talk, he has the most random and vast knowledge, he's helped me write too many of my papers because I didn't have to research, I could just ask him; he's like a walking encyclopedia.

17/05/2015

Dear Diary, I think I'm in love. It's not some celebrity this time but I think it's Max. I don't even know that dude's last name but I'm in love. He not like the guys in school, he's so mature and funny and sweet and understanding and he supports me so much. I didn't know when or how but I think I love him. Obviously I won't tell him. It's prolly a crush since I have't dated anyone ever. I'll get over it, can't ruin my friendship over this. As is, he has gotten so busy. I think he is going to college. He didn't say it explicitly but why else would he be so busy right now if not applying for colleges. I don't know the dutch education system but I'm sure he busy pursuing higher education. He said he liked cars, I think he'll do something with cars. I didn't really ask in more details. I'm sure he'll tell me when he wants to. We have a chill friendship, we share when and what we want to. Alas, I hope this crush doesn't ruin my friendship.

09/08/2015

This is bad, my crush on Max has only gone on to increase. He's so kind to me, what am I supposed to do? Also he's the only one who can calm me down after a fight with my parents regarding my future. Sadly, he gotten so busy. He's gone for a while every few weeks. But lately he's been free. We've been talking a lot. He sounds a lot more rested lately too. I'm sure college is tough. But he's strong and I know he'll do it.

[Little did Y/N know, Max was busy racing across the world in Redbull's junior team. He was in his first year as a formula one driver, hence he was so busy. Max had no intentions of telling her, he liked being just Max, a guy from Netherlands who could talk to her. He enjoyed the disconnect he got with her]

[karinasbaby]

PARK SUNGHOON — I WISH SUNGHOON WAS MY BOYFRIEND.. (A VERY SHORT SUNGHOON SMAU!)

✶ IM JOKING THO! .. maybe not.

⸰ 𖥔 ͙ࣳ ──── PAIRING, FEM!PHOTOGRAPHER READER X MODEL!SUNGHOON. (17+) | WARNINGS, fluff, weird. just weird stuff. swearing, um cute stuff too? will eventually contain smut, idk this is all pre planned i’m posting this after i finish all the chapters so i’ll update then if not hi i forgot :D ! (update i am NOT posting this with all chapters finished.) | A,NOTE. my first smau series kinda nervous kinda about to kms but we ball this is for chels HAPPY BIRTHDAAYYYYY

ꕤ ... this is basically me making up for the distress, annoyance and dramatic-ness i’ve made chelsea go through for the past 5 months, happy birthday chelsea i love you !! <3 (even tho i’m like 3 months late 😞)

WARNINGS: (will contain) swearing, suggestive themes & smut (17+), angst, fluff, questionable scenarios.. it’s gonna have a lot of lore (updating this like three weeks later to confirm that this smau is going to be nowhere near short. i’m stressed.) thanks to my beloved nia i’ll probably finish this in the summer of 2025 but! i’ll try my best i promise, lots of characters r just. horrible. asshole sunghoon obv, mentions of toxic work environments & (modelling) industries, more will be added as we move forward 🙂‍↕️

UPDATING SCHEDULE: this smau will be updated every friday & sunday from september till oct-nov (for now), some chaps may get delayed as im also a uni student so pls bear with me 🙏🏼 other than that i hope u enjoy :3

CHAPTER INDEX!

♡ .. PROFILES

• 1.. sprinkle of asshole-ness 😥

• 2.. odd atelierian triplets

• 3.. CRAZYDOGSLEEVES!

• 4..

── MORE TO COME!

a,note. really stepping out of my comfort zone with this smau 😓 but i’m really excited for everything :3 !! anyways, i’m exactly 23 days late from chels’ birthday as i upload this masterlist but hey! we have till summer of 2025 to celebrate her birthday now w this smau :D ! anywho happy birthday chels @ak4e7a !!! i love u !!!

[vannies]

hii could i request dan heng, luka and blade with an s/o that has too much money for their own good and uses a concerning amount on it on gifts for the character?

feel free to substitute any of the characters or completely deny this request btw, i just think this idea is pretty funny

thanks for your time 🫂🫂

how much money you got? ft. HSR MEN

characters: blade , dan heng , luka x gender-neutral reader

warnings: fluff n crack mostly hehe , short

note: HI ANON! im so sorry for the super late upload, been super busy with some applications!! anyways, loved writing this! i hope this wasn’t too bad hahah : luka also might be ooc since i don’t really know him..

ᓚᘏᗢ・一 BLADE

“are you seriously spending your money on such useless items like that?” BLADE asks, frowning at how heavy your bag has gotten during this date.

you laugh, “of course i am! and this isn’t useless, this is a limited-edition cat plush! don’t you think it looks like you?” shoving the plush in front of his face, he sighs.

blade takes the plush from your hands and stuffs it in the shopping bag, “so, need anything else? or are you finally running out of money?”

taking a look around, you spot a beautiful rose in the distance. immediately, you run towards it. blade looks at you with disappointment before catching up.

“seriously..? a flower this time? and look at the price tag, where do you even get the funds for this?”

“oh, blade! these gifts are all for you, y’know?” you smirk, planting a kiss on his cheek. “as long as i have you and money, i think i’ll be alright~”

ᓚᘏᗢ・一 DAN HENG

DAN HENG has piles of books all snuggled on his arms, all of them which you picked out for him as a gift of loyalty. “this is enough.. i don’t think i needed this much!”

“not enough? ahaha, you asked me for a few books! and since i love you so much, why don’t i just buy you the whole store?” you shoot dan heng an innocent cheeky smile, causing him to look away.

“w-what are you..?” he asks. “asta’s long lost twin? don’t you even know how expensive this series is?”

you pick up the book in question and chuckle, “money means nothing to me, but you mean everything to me. so shut up and let me buy these for you.”

ᓚᘏᗢ・一 LUKA

“waaah!”

LUKA falls to his knees as you keep piling gifts onto his arms. he winces in pain, but quickly picks them back up.

turning around and giggling, you give him a helping hand. “what’s wrong? the strong luka can’t handle a few heavy items?”

he looks at you in disbelief. how dare you doubt him! “hah, of course i can! this is nothing to me! but how on earth are you gonna afford all of this?”

“well.. i always place the highest bets on you during your tournaments. of course, my strongest boy always wins, gaining me some easy money!”

the look of disbelief shrouds away and turns into pure love, blushing, he gets back up and caresses your cheek. “hmph, then allow me to carry all of these gifts back home!”

[thehuntfortrencherlostmedia]

The Origins, Ramsay Fiction & The Confusing Mishmash of Everything Before Fix Me - A Marianas Trench Retrospective

Okay, so my post got likes, but I only got one actual response from anyone, agreeing with me on the fact they like things in chronological order. So, I guess it's time to talk about the bands early days, eh?

The truth of the matter is, the band as many know them started in late 2003 and early 2004. Anything before that gets placed in this weird murky middle section with a name change, members leaving, and also a complete and utter mess of when Ramsay Fiction came to an end and where Marianas Trench begins. We have located a demo disk from 2001 with the Marianas name on it, but we also don't have any dates as to when certain things were recorded or uploaded onto MP3.com.

Here's what we do know: Josh Ramsay, a teenager dealing with both an addiction to heroin and an eating disorder, loved music from a young age. His father owned a recording studio, and his mother was a vocal coach. Music was literally in his blood, but even though the two had connections into the industry and everything, he set out to make it into the business on his own. And he knew one thing for certain: He DID NOT want to be a solo act, he wanted to be in a band.

The issue for Josh was getting that band together. At first, it was him and his sister Sara (backup vocals), her then boyfriend and later husband Trevor Spilchen (on bass, even though he was a guitar player), Josh's friend Steve Marshall (on guitar and backup vocals, despite being a BASSIST), and a rotating list of drummers, eventually finding Ian Casselman in a series of classifieds in a newspaper late into the bands life. This lineup didn't last long, as once Sara became pregnant with her and Trevor's first kid, they stepped aside... leading to 2 new members joining: Josh's friend Matt Webb (originally a keyboardist), and Steve's pal Morgan Hempstead (the man who bestowed them the Marianas Trench name). It's tough to say who plays what on a lot of the Ramsay Fiction tracks that make up Cooler Than Me, as I think they come from two different recording sessions, if not more. Same goes for a lot of the self-titled EP work too, as we know at least two tracks from that era, an early recording of Fix Me, and a early recording of Skin & Bones, were both first made public to people in 2004... months after Steve and Morgan left, and Mike Ayley joined the group after getting to know everyone as Ian's roommate.

In fact, for the longest time, a lot of the Ramsay Fiction stuff was lost media, songs that nobody outside of a rare few had ever heard. As of April 1st this year, this is no longer the case, and all the songs have been found and preserved (yes, even PMS... despite it being taken off Youtube, has been saved.)

To talk about these songs is hard. There's definitely a lot of emotion and pain in these tracks, and the overall sound is very 90's, going for more of heavy grunge and alternate rock sound, very reminiscent of Matthew Goode. But you can also hear those other elements creep in from other acts Josh has referenced time and time throughout in small snippets. The biggest thing holding a lot of these songs back is a mix of production (which is still insanely impressive for the time period and the fact it was done by a teen no less), and lyrical ckunkiness, making them semi hard to decipher.

What do I mean by this? Take track 1, the one everyone knows: Primetime. The song's verses speak about how something is this, but the person is the opposite... bu we don't get a clear picture of who the person is.. only that supposedly a hit of heroin will make everything feel better. It's odd that this is the song that's somehow lasted the test of time out of all these tracks. But hey, it did lead to a great callback on End of An Era.

Track 2, Shiny Like Dirt (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG-OoIsFbow), is truly a song where Josh took a ton of ideas he had for songs, and threw it against the wall to see if it would stick. And... it does stick, but also doesn't? The chorus is super catchy, basically admitting he's a confusing person, and that nothing he does makes sense... and yet, despite it all, he still has fears of the unknown. The "coming up for air" bridge is probably my favourite part, but it's definitely an earworm I return to occasionally. I've also linked it in case you've yet to hear it.

Track 3: Shallow. The song we've known about for the longest time, the one the fandom cherished like a baby... and honestly, it's probably my least favourite? I've tried to decipher the lyrics on this one for ages, but I can't come up with anything concrete. I do think the song has a good tone, and the guitar solo is totally awesome. In fact, there's a lot of great guitar and bass work throughout a lot of these songs. But there's something missing for me on this one.

Track 4: Playing Dead. This seems to be the earliest recorded song of this bunch, going off Josh's voice here. And honestly, I think it's the closest tonally to a current day Marianas Trench song. There's a bit of a swing sound going on in the drums, the harmonies.... and it's an interesting number overall. Also, it's our clearest sampling of Steve's voice, and just how close it is to Matt's vocals xD... it seems to be a simple love song about a girl and how he's open to roleplaying almost anything with her, using "playing dead" as his main metaphor. It's the black sheep of the CD, but a good one.

Track 5: Hideous. Here we go... the first track Josh ever wrote about his bulimia and depression... and how it was eating him from the inside... and how he was asking for help, even though he wasn't fully ready to accept it at the time. The beginning parts are very slow, and methodical.... only for the song to pick up energy in it's second half and become truly one of the standouts on this album.

Track 6: PMS. Okay... so... this one is tough to talk about. We knew for years it was supposedly very comedic in nature and that it was also politically incorrect, but that was it. For those of you who still have not heard it, there's a copy of it in this Discord server in the links and archive section: https://discord.gg/d5M3xVN9

As for the song itself, I personally really love it. It's a song about Josh being petty to a girl and truthfully telling her off. It's definitely of its time period, but in the best way possible. And once again, the guitar work here is SO GOOD. If you can stomach a song that truly is a time capsule and understand that Josh would never write anything as juvenile today, give it a listen.

Track 7: Don't Touch Me. The song that holds a special place in my heart... as I was the one to LOCATE IT after 18 years in the massive pile of MP3.com links that were given to the Internet Archive in 2021. And it's a ballad all about Josh dealing with both the arguments and turmoil he would feel when coming down from getting high. Truthfully, this might be the most emotional song of this batch, and one that definitely sticks its landing.

So, my overall thoughts here are to give these songs a listen, and understand them for what they are: the start of a musical prodigy finding his footing and his sense of style while getting clean and hoping somebody, anybody, would give him a chance. While the tone might not have influenced Josh’s style fully going forward, there are elements from these songs that were taken and repurposed into later Trench tracks.

Luckily, and also sadly... Jonathan Simkin & Chad Kroeger gave him that chance. And thus, we got ourselves a self titled EP... and a full title debut. But that'll be next time.

[daisyswift3]

Jumping in the Deep End 🐇🕳️💛

So there’s sth else I noticed related to the Gracie rabbit hole I’ve fallen down that I haven’t mentioned yet bc I feel crazy saying it but I’ve already said a lot of insane stuff lately so fuck it. But before u read this post I do recommend reading this other analysis I wrote as well as this post first bc it’ll make everything make more sense. Ok continuing….

Not long after The Secret of Us was released on June 21, I watched this interview that was uploaded the day the album was released where Gracie texts her fans. One of the first things I noticed was how Gracie suspiciously looks straight at the camera as she makes a typo which I mentioned in the analysis I just linked, but another thing that caught my attention was that one of the fans is named Aimee (3:06 mark in the vid). I thought this was a little strange bc Aimee isn’t really the typical spelling of that name, it’s usually spelled like this instead, Amy. But even more strange was that the day after this interview was uploaded, June 22, Taylor just so happened to play thanK you aIMee as one of the surprise songs in London. What an interesting coincidence!

June 22 was a big deal bc it was Midsummer Day which celebrates daylight. This is likely why Gracie made yellow 💛 the main color of the album and chose to release it on June 21, Midsummer Eve—bc this album is abt a coming out journey (see these posts for more on that: x, x, x, x, x, x, x). And if you look at the text “Aimee” sends, it sounds like sth an artist would ask another artist rather than a typical fan question. Aimee specifically asks abt her creative process which is a very artist thing to do. So basically all that to say I wouldn’t be surprised if Aimee was actually Taylor and this text was also an easter egg for us to find just like the intentional glitches and typos.

If this text was in fact from Taylor, I believe the purpose of it may have been to lead us down the Gracie rabbit hole where we could find endless cross references between Gracie’s music and Taylor’s music. If you watch the music videos for those 3 songs Aimee mentions and listen to the lyrics, they could easily be interpreted as being abt Taylor’s secret relationship w this korner of the internet that is almost like the Hanging Gardens of Babylon bc there’s no tangible proof it ever existed but there is a lot of folklore surrounding it and the story has been passed down and become a myth. “Wonder if you regret the secret of us.” I believe these 3 songs could be from Taylor’s perspective. And to go even further w it (fair warning, this is where we really go off the deep end), I think it’s very possible that not just these songs are abt this secret relationship, but most of Gracie’s songs bc all of them reference each other and have lyrical and visual parallels to each other much like Taylor’s songs (see this post).

Now I want to make it very clear: Gracie is her own person w her own talents outside of Taylor. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea or think I’m trying to undermine Gracie’s artistry or give all the credit to Taylor. And I also don’t think this secret relationship was the only inspiration for these songs since it’s very clear Gracie uses her own personal experiences and feelings, and I believe she could be writing abt more than one muse or from more than one person’s perspective in each song, similar to how in hoax Taylor sings abt 3 different relationships simultaneously. I am simply trying to point out the insane amount of parallels between Gracie and Taylor’s music that I think are too abundant to simply chalk up to coincidence. And I’m not saying that my interpretations are for sure the right ones, I could definitely be wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time. This is just a fun clown theory that I think is worth considering.

So going back to those 3 songs in the text—Mess It Up, I know it won’t work, The Bottom—I wanted to do an analysis on them and the mvs bc I think the reason why “Aimee” might’ve been pointing us to those specific songs and mvs is bc they are an important part of this coming out story. Plus the specific symbolism and imagery used in the songs can be cross referenced w pretty much every other song in Gracie’s discography (and w many Taylor songs) making them all connected.

For instance, the main themes in Mess It Up are:

Not growing up -> minor, tehe, Wishful Thinking, Older, Better, Augusta, Alright, Difficult // Peter, The Archer, cardigan, betty, peace

Groundhog Day (This is related to the next theme) -> Under/Over, Risk mv, I Love You, I’m Sorry, us // The Prophecy

Making the same mistake over and over/Bad habits -> Long Sleeves, Rockland, The Bottom, Best, Will you cry?, Difficult, This is what the drugs are for, Fault line, Block me out, Blowing Smoke, I Love You, I’m Sorry, us, Let It Happen // Anti-Hero, coney island, Florida!!!, Fresh Out The Slammer, The Black Dog

Not being able to sleep at night -> Rockland, Hard to Sleep, Camden, Painkillers, Difficult, This is what the drugs are for, The blue, 405, Risk, Blowing Smoke, Let It Happen, Tough Love // Midnights the stories of 13 sleepless nights, hoax

The birthday cakes -> 21, Stay mv, Mean It mv, Risk mv // All Too Well short film, coney island

“Let it happen” -> The song Let It Happen on TSOU, Better

Lying -> For Real This Time, Best, Full machine, Where do we go now?, Block me out, Blowing Smoke, Let It Happen // Getaway Car, illicit affairs, the lavender haze/bearding/red herrings

Phone calls -> 21, Rockland, Full machine, I should hate you, This is what the drugs are for, The blue, Block me out, us, Let It Happen // cowboy like me, Anti-Hero mv, Fortnight mv

Going onto a porch in order to apologize to someone -> Risk mv (technically not to apologize but it’s still related to coming out and making things right) // betty, cardigan, this is me trying, long story short, Fresh Out the Slammer

The main themes in I know it won’t work are:

Closets -> Peter, seven, cowboy like me, I Know Places

Drawing the line in the sand and putting up boundaries or crossing boundaries -> Mess It Up, Long Sleeves, For Real This Time, Best, Felt Good About You, Let It Happen, Gave You I Gave You I

Cutting ties w someone -> Friend, Blowing Smoke, Free Now

Being someone’s ghost/haunting someone -> I miss you, I’m sorry, us, Block me out // Basically all of TTPD and much of folkmore and Midnights (Anti-Hero mv)

The main themes in The Bottom are:

“I told you I was down bad, you hate to see me like that” -> Down Bad

Making the same mistake over and over/Bad habits -> Long Sleeves, Rockland, The Bottom, Best, Will you cry?, Difficult, This is what the drugs are for, Fault line, Block me out, Blowing Smoke, I Love You, I’m Sorry, us, Let It Happen // Anti-Hero, coney island, Florida!!!, Fresh Out The Slammer, The Black Dog

Opening up the door and letting someone into your house, closing the door, or going into someone’s house uninvited -> Mess It Up mv, Under/Over, tehe, I should hate you, us, Let It Happen, I Love You, I’m Sorry, Gave You I Gave You I // cardigan, hoax, Anti-Hero mv

Dragging someone down/Hitting rock bottom/Coming down after a high or being high (drug metaphor; becoming more famous=“getting higher”) -> Long Sleeves, Rockland, Wishful Thinking, Painkillers, Alright, This is what the drugs are for, Fault line, Right now, Block me out, Blowing Smoke, I Knew It, I Know You, Gave You I Gave You I, Free Now // Many songs on TTPD use the drug metaphor, gold rush, long story short, Anti-Hero mv (pushed from balcony), seven, this is me trying, illicit affairs

Being the problem -> 21, minor, Rockland, Wishful Thinking, Older, Painkillers, Best, Difficult, Block me out, Unsteady, I Love You, I’m Sorry mv // Anti-Hero

Mess It Up

So as I stated before this song is all abt making the same mistakes over and over and reliving the same day like it’s Groundhog Day. Gracie, the narrator, keeps trying to make things right and apologize to the person she’s hurt, but every time she tries she messes it up which is represented by her dropping the cake repeatedly. But finally at the end of the mv, she is able to get it right and properly apologize. She knocks on someone’s door and they open it which symbolizes this person opening their heart to Gracie and forgiving her. If you go to the 2:12 mark in the mv when the letters and numbers on the fridge fall, you’ll see that they spell out a secret message “Hi (13, 31) Peter Pan - T” (the “I” doubles as a 1, the “3” doubles as an E, and the “L” doubles as an R/r if flipped on its side). Taylor was 31 yrs old when the Mess It Up mv was released on May 6, 2021. Peter Pan is the boy who never grew up. This means that it’s likely the narrator’s inability to grow up that is causing issues in the relationship. This is why the song starts w “Opened two double doors, typical, pretty sure I could grow up.”

“Did I fall out of like when I called you” -> Did I cross a boundary and make things worse when I called you? Boundaries are one of the main themes in I know it won’t work. I believe that Gracie and Taylor could be using “phone calls/texts/letters” as a metaphor for the anon messages and riddles we’ve received over the years. As a result of trying to solve these messages and riddles, kaylors have gotten a ton of hate and many have had to leave the fandom bc the environment is so toxic. This song could be Taylor acknowledging these issues and apologizing for how we’ve been treated.

“'Cause every time I get too close, I just go mess it up” -> It’s possible Taylor has tried many times over the years to properly apologize to us by giving us more cryptic messages containing these apologies, but the problem is that these anon messages and riddles are the main reason why we get bullied so this only makes the issue worse in the end.

“Funny that (Funny that) didn't work (Didn't work), I could be anywhere, I'm on your block” -> I believe this could be related to I Love You, I’m Sorry. “The way life goes, Joyriding down our road, Lay on the horn to prove that it haunts me, (I'm wrong again, wrong again) I love you, I'm sorry.” This song also has the lyrics “I wanna speak in code” which makes me think of the anon messages and queer flagging.

“I keep thinking, maybe if you let me back in, we can make it better, breaking every habit” -> Taylor talks abt breaking bad habits in The Black Dog which I believe represents putting an end to the bearding/lavender haze/red herrings/smokescreen/blowing smoke/not growing up.

It’s very interesting that Gracie uses a birthday cake to apologize. Birthday cakes are a common symbol that shows up in Gracie’s music. They also appear in 21, another apology song, and the Risk mv which is likely abt the mass coming out (see this post). In the All Too Well mv, Sadie’s character receives a birthday cake at the same time that Taylor sings, “But then he watched me watch the front door all night, willin' you to come, And he said, ‘It's supposed to be fun turning 21.’” In both 21 and ATW 10 min version, the older person in the relationship misses their significant other’s 21st birthday which greatly hurts them. These songs could be 2 sides of the same coin from opposite perspectives like dorothea and TTDS. With how many connections there are between Gracie and Taylor’s music, I’m inclined to believe this isn’t a coincidence.

(From the Mean It mv. When the 21 candles are thrown in the box they almost look like a backward "t" and "s")

“If it doesn't go away by the time I turn 30, I made a mistake and I'll tell you I'm sorry, ‘Sorry.’” The narrator is saying once she turns 30 she’ll apologize to the 21 yr old if her feelings haven’t changed by then. This is immediately followed by a “sorry” meaning the narrator has actually already turned 30 yrs old which is another indicator that Gracie is in fact speaking from someone else’s perspective bc Gracie was only 20 at the time of this song’s release in 2020. Plus just a few tracks later in the same album, the narrator says "I miss you, I'm sorry" which she said she wouldn’t say until after she turned 30. Taylor was 30 yrs old when the album minor was released in July 2020 and when 21 was released as a single on Feb 20, 2020. If this song is from Taylor’s perspective at 30 yrs old, then the significant other/ex being 21 indicates it (along w all the other cross-referenceable songs) is likely not abt a literal romantic relationship; rather, the song is an allegory or metaphor. The 21 (acoustic) mv has "I miss you" on the piano and "I'm sorry" in the notebook which indicates that 21 is directly related to I miss you, I'm sorry. The emphasis on birthdays and age in 21 fits well w the Peter Pan metaphor that shows up in many of Gracie’s songs. Even though the narrator is getting physically older, she is not getting metaphorically older. To add even more credibility to this theory, the song minor has the line “Hit me 3-1-0” which could represent both Taylor turning 31 in 2020 and a backwards 13. 13s show up several times in Gracie’s mvs and songs. The Secret of Us is a 13-track album that was released on June 21. Additionally, the first 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 message was sent July 21 and the second to last message, which I’m now pretty certain is abt Gracie’s album TSOU, was sent May 21 (x).

Look at the numbers on the houses ⬇️ Going column-wise there’s 226(1), 226(3) which is a 13 and there’s also ✌️✌️ which Taylor has used a ton for TTPD (Taylor said in Nov 2021 she wanted to try to plan sth 3 yrs in advance); 2267 -> 6+7=13. Adding up 2+2+6+3 also gives u 13 while 2+2+6+1=11=K. And 6+6 from the 2261, 2263 (again going column-wise) is 12 which is 21 backwards. The 13 showing up in the Risk mv just confirms these choices in the Mess It Up mv were completely intentional.

Gracie and Taylor performed I miss you, I’m sorry together at eras which was Taylor’s suggestion since Gracie’s set was canceled that day (x)(x). I just think it’s very interesting that Taylor wore a yellow dress when they sang this song and then a yr later she just so happened to be featured on the title track of Gracie’s very yellow album 💛 which they (allegedly) didn’t start writing until Nov 13 a few months later (x). This indicates that this performance was likely planned ahead of time and not a last minute decision like they said. I think much of the timeline we’ve been given for Gracie and Taylor’s friendship might be a red herring to prevent ppl from figuring out what these songs are really abt. Gracie and Taylor (allegedly) wrote us together on Nov 13, 2023 spontaneously; but Taylor wearing yellow during IMYIS along w the pap walk w the Cassandra handbag, almost burning down the house 🕯️🧯, and and the fact that all this happened on Nov 13, the day Karlie and Taylor met, indicates that us was actually written much earlier and that the Nov 13 story was just a red herring.

I know it won’t work

This song is all abt boundaries. There are different types of boundaries that show up in the mv: A shoreline, a line in the sand, a fence. It’s clear the narrator doesn’t want to end this relationship and put up walls but she believes she has no other choice bc of her circumstances (not being able to grow up -> Peter, closets).

“I left you here, Heard you keep the extra closet empty, In case this year I come back and stay throughout my twenties” -> The narrator knows there’s no guarantee she’ll actually “grow up” and come out of the closet so her ex keeps the closet empty just in case she wants to move back in and stay in the closet.

“What if I won't? How am I supposed to put that gently? And down the road you will love me until you resent me” -> Since these lines directly follow the ones I just mentioned, you might be inclined to think that “What if I won’t?” is the narrator asking “What if I won’t move back in and rekindle our relationship?” BUT I believe the wording was intentionally ambiguous bc that way it could also mean “What if I won’t grow up and leave the closet? Will you eventually come to resent me if I can’t be the hero you want?”

“But it's a lot, All the shine of half a decade fadin', The whole facade seemed to fall apart, it's complicated” -> This perfectly parallels the 11/09/2019 ♠️ message. The narrator is saying her ex is asking a lot of her by wanting her to come out and destroy the facade. I believe decade might’ve been changed to half a decade so as to not make it obvious Gracie is singing from Taylor’s perspective. The “shine” symbolizes the love and support from fans that has come w being such a famous and successful artist. That’s not an easy thing to give up.

“Why won't you try movin' on for once? That might make it easy, I know we cut all the ties, but you're never really leavin'” -> Taylor knows that even if us kaylors walk away from her we will always eventually come back bc we can’t help but be invested and this puts a lot of pressure on Taylor that she doesn’t want.

“I'll open up, I'm thinkin' everythin' you wish I wasn't, The call was tough but you're better off, I'm bein' honest, So, won't you stop holdin' out for me when I don't want it? Just brush me off 'cause I'm your ghost right now, your house is haunted” -> This entire 3rd verse is extremely telling and fits perfectly w the 2019 failed coming out. The call to not come out was tough bc she was conflicted abt it but she thinks she ultimately made the right decision. Taylor is asking us to stop holding out for a coming out bc it’s not what she wants. Of course I don’t think this is how Taylor currently feels bc I think she’s getting ready to burn down the closet but I think this song shows how she felt at one point. I think the ghost imagery is supposed to connect this song w I miss you, I’m sorry and us as well as all the ghost imagery Taylor has used.

The Bottom

This song is abt hitting rock bottom and being worried that you will drag the ppl you love down w you. It’s kind of a more scathing version of Anti-Hero. I think this song could be directly related to the Mess It Up mv. Someone opens up the door to let Gracie in bc she wants to apologize by giving them a cake. But the narrator warns this person that they should keep their guard up bc she will always be doomed to repeat the same mistakes and drag ppl down w her. Since this song is kind of self explanatory, I’ll instead focus on the mv.

The first thing I noticed when watching this mv is the striking similarities to the Bejeweled mv. Both seem to be inspired by Disney movies/fairytales and even the bells during the title card parts sound similar. PLUS 🎃 anon told us to watch out for things that “ring a belle” -> there are bells in both mvs and one also shows up during the burning castle scene at the end and it is literally ringing; and Bejeweled should look and sound familiar if u have watched The Bottom mv; AND Belle is a Disney princess which is another indicator that 🎃 was referring to these mvs (Taylor wears a yellow dress just like Belle at the end of Bejeweled). Gracie said that The Bottom is supposed to be a satirical mv (see description of vid) and this parallels the Bejeweled mv being satire.

Another thing that’s interesting is that The Bottom mv is kind of the opposite of the Bejeweled mv. In The Bottom, Gracie is dragging a body down the stairs and burying it (descending) while in Bejeweled, Taylor is using an elevator to get higher and higher until she reaches the top floor (ascending). Ascending and descending are things that 🫚 emphasized in this message. Ascending and descending are also things a plane does when flying from one place to another -> “I thought the plane was going down how’d you turn it right around” and all the plane imagery lately. I think 🫚 could have been trying to get us to realize that the beginning stages of this coming out plan (the “ascent,” PR stunts w MH and 🏈, red herrings, 2023-early 2024 🛫) aren’t what we should focus on, it’s the end stages of the journey (the “descent,” cracks in the facade, getting louder w queer flagging, mid 2024-Dec 2024(?) 🛬) that are important.

Yellow shows up a few times in this mv, and I think it’s significant that the room in which the murder happens is a bright one w yellow chairs. Yellow is commonly used to symbolize happiness; Taylor and Gracie use this color in a very similar way to represent daylight/sunshine/summer/being out of the closet/not hiding your real self 💛🌼☀️🏝️ So putting these things together, this scene is symbolically similar to the yellow closet in the Lover house where Taylor has had to put away her sunshine and happiness bc she wasn’t able to come out during Lover era. What was supposed to be a joyous celebration ended w death and destruction.

It’s also interesting that throughout the mv, Gracie is dancing and performing (showmanship/PR) while in a literal spotlight. This ties in perfectly w the very last scene where Gracie is smoking a cigarette which represents bearding/red herrings/lavender haze/smokescreen/smoke and mirrors magic/Blowing Smoke/bad habits. In The Black Dog, Taylor uses smoking as an example of a bad habit/self-destructive behavior she is trying to quit.

Lastly, I wanted to leave you w a few things that I think are very interesting and that could tie in w this theory:

[the-roo-too]

você escreve para o blackpink? se você fizer isso, posso solicitar o alfabeto rosé fluff

candy -> park chaeyoung ver

aka the fluff alphabet

admiration (what does she absolutely adore about you)- how much you trust her <33 she finds it so incredible that you know you can tell her anything and that you share everything with her 🫶

body (what’s her favourite body part of yours)- because rosie dyes her hair so much, she’s got a lot of hair damage. therefore, she adores your hair! buys you all them expensive conditioners 💯 also i feel like matching hairstyles with rosie is a must

cuddling (how she likes to cuddle)- it’s not about the position, it’s about w a r m t h. rosie needs you both to be warm and comfy while cuddling, no exceptions

dates (what’s her ideal date)- somewhere quiet, preferably away from others. honestly, you can take her to the middle of nowhere and go stargazing, she’ll never forget that <33 will bite you if you forget blankets tho

emotions (how does she express her emotions around you)- being honest with each other is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship 👹 rosé lives by that rule, so you usually know what’s on her mind (usually)

family (does she want one)- yessss 🙏 rosie deffo wants a mini me, especially with the love of her life (you)!

holding hands (does she like to hold hands)- yess! especially in public settings, when she’s busy on her phone or something, she makes sure to be holding your hand <33

injuries (what would she do if you got hurt)- rosie would c r y and panic </3 you’d think she’s the one who got injured

jokes (does she like to joke around)- ye 🦧 rosie is a prankster not a single serious bone in that body

kisses (how does she like to kiss you)- softly <33 you’re her baby! she’s a very gentle soul nonetheless, but for you? with you she’s a little cuddlebear

love (what’s her love language)- spending late nights together. rosie as a idol unfortunately often misses some dates, or needs to get out of bed way before you and you don’t see her in the morning :(( because of that, she makes sure to always be with you at night!

memory (what’s her favourite memory together)- when you first came to her practice and she introduced you to her members 🤭🤭 she’s so grateful for the fact that they like you too

nighttime (how does sleeping with her look like)- like i said, rosie always spends nights with you, but for none of you matters what you do together <33 sometimes she just holds you in her arms while you sleep, other nights you wake up when she arrives and you watch a movie together

oddity (what’s a quirky thing about her)- what isn’t quirky about her? but hear me out, she sometimes dedicates covers to you. when she uploads a video of her singing and/or playing, there are your initials hidden at the end frame

pet names (what does she like to call you)- darling, pretty girl, cutie! all them cute things she can think up on the spot basically. your contact name in her phone is little princess because she’s your rosé <33

quality time (how does she like to spend time with you)- rosie is a sucker for those lil couple activities, like going pottery together or something! she also loves when you’re with her in the studio, especially while recording after a long, tiring day

rush (does she rush into things)- kinda? not in the sense that she wants to get married three days after confessing, but she definitely starts planning things like that long in advance

secrets (how open is she with you)- open with emotions, open with other stuff! tho that pancakes she makes on the weekends? you’ll never get the recipe.

time (how long did it take for her to confess)- a long while 😭 poor baby was so scared! her members were so fed up with it they almost confessed for her lmao

upset (what’s her reaction when you’re upset)- immediately tries to find the cause? was it her? was it someone online? will comfort you to the best of her abilities! i feel like she sings to you to calm you down too <33

visibility (is she afraid of the public opinion)- out of all the bp members, rosie is the chillest when it comes to coming out to public. her fan base is especially fruity and she isn’t that afraid of the people’s opinion. and if anything would happen, miss rosé will fight for you! 🫶

warrior (how often do you fight)- depends on the season, really. if you’re busy with your work and rosé has a comeback coming up, it’s normal that you’re both more on edge. but when life is peaceful, you don’t really fight. she hates rising her voice at you :((

x-ray (is she able to read you)- d u h. she does it better than you do. especially when it comes to being sick! it’s like she knows two days in advance before you start coughing and having a fever

yes (how would she propose to you)- definitely would do it in a overly sweet and a bit cringey way, like dropping to her knees in the middle of the restaurant and kinda making it obvious for everyone (don’t worry, the restaurant owner will probably give u a free cake or smth)

zen (what makes her feel calm)- huggies! when you’re both fighting and rosie doesn’t know what to say anymore, she kind of deflates and walks up to you to envelop you in a hug. a couple minutes in silence, you both apologise and talk it out like responsible adults

part of [the fluff series]

[ryuichirou]

Replies

A couple of replies today! Kuroshitsuji and Twst.

Anonymous asked:

are you ever gonna make some Kuroshitsuji 2 art featuring my favorite blonde psycho?

We love Alois and I did draw him a couple of times! We posted some of the stuff here, but everything that wasn’t posted on tumblr can be found in this kuroshitsuji log on pixiv.

I’m not planning on drawing him in the nearest future, but since he is very special to us, it might randomly happen at some point…

If you have any troubles with pixiv, let me know and I’ll post Alois art from there here.

Anonymous asked:

The thought just crossed my mind... Do you ship Sebastian with any other characters aside from Ciel? Do you have any thoughts about those ships, if you do? Do you see Grell as a top or a bottom, too?! (I can't pick a side w/ them personally)

We talked about our Kuroshitsuji ships some time ago, here is the post if you’re interested! But in short, we kind of ship him with William because their interactions in the Circus Arc were hilarious and William was 100% playing hard to get. I don’t think I’ve even drawn them at all, but I should do it at least once… I should draw all of our Kuroshitsuji ships at least once, to be fair :(

Ironically, we don’t have any ships or even thoughts about Grell, sorry for disappointing! Maybe it’s due to the fact that while we were hating on Kuroshitsuji all those years (dark times lol), Grell was pretty much the only character I would draw anyway because of the cool design… But not really, to be honest; it’s actually more likely due to the fact that none of the Grell ships really clicked with us :( As for the position, it’s easy to see Grell as a bottom, but it doesn’t really help in this case.

Anonymous asked:

I've noticed I think y'all ship idia the same way I ship silver LOL just 24/7 running a list of characters through my head like "would it be hot if they dicked down Silver? It would be a little hot, wouldn't it? Lets just add them to the list anyway 😌" [he and said character has spoken a total of 2 times]

YES This is the treatment Silver deserves, his father would be so proud lol a little jealous, but still!

It is fun though... I always say it, but twst cast is very interesting, so a lot of characters who seem to be just a random pick could have such nice chemistry that it’s easy to start shipping them after just one interaction or a voice line. I love it so much lol

Anonymous asked:

i can not stop thinking about how Ortho has 24/7 access to any and all porn ever uploaded to the internet. and with a little modification he can bring even some of the most fantastical ones into reality.

He is just way too powerful, isn’t he? And the worst thing is, no one can even stop him anymore, now that Idia can’t access his system anymore…

If you think about it, Ortho is the perviest and the most knowledgeable person in NRC, even if he isn’t actively aware of all the kinks in the world. To think that only 5 minutes of buffering time separates him from being completely unaware and him having seen the entire collection of sex machine porn videos… And knowing Ortho, he’ll definitely want to try some of the things irl lol

Anonymous asked:

Hello! I'd like to know your thoughts on one of the side characters: Fellow Honest.

Sorry if you've already talked about him and I missed it.....

I'm just curious, because you seem to like Rollo and Che'nya, side characters that have made a few appearances in your art.

Do you have any interest in Fellow? Any headcannons? Or are you waiting until next Halloween, when Playful Land is available in English, to talk about/possibly draw him?

Hi, Anon! Sorry for the late reply.

I haven’t talked about it, and unfortunately I still can’t really talk about him. We are very intrigued by both Fellow and Gidel, but we haven’t seen their event yet. So I can’t make proper judgments and come up with any headcanons :(

We don’t really care about the EN release because we watch fan translations on youtube, but we just don’t have time to watch anything these days unfortunately. But when we do watch it, you’ll definitely notice, because there is no way I won’t draw Fellow at least a couple of times. His design and his sleazy faces are just too much fun lol

[highspeedinterconnect]

Another one :) thanks @awraith !! These transport me to like 2015 internet times

Rules: answer and tag some people you want to get know better and/or catch up with!

Favorite color: true indigo! I like it paired with orange. I like that part of oil slick spectrums

Last song: literally think it was Simple and Clean bc I was ostracized by an entire group of people recently for not knowing/never hearing it before LOL (I wasn’t a kingdom hearts kid I’m sorry I didn’t care much for Disney idk why)…otherwise the new Story So Far album came out so that

Currently watching: would love recommendations for stuff bc we’ve been rewatching old project runway seasons and entire old adult swim block uploads (w/ 2000s commercials included) on youtube lol

Currently reading: always reading dorohedoro lol…….but the book Atomic Habits has been actually pretty helpful to me lately too

Currently craving: a motherfucking cuban sandwich ……….meat n cheese

Coffee or tea: I love floral teas but I’d probably always prefer coffer

@monstarparker @muppetghost @almightykenken @awraith @ratsonas @combaticus @beamthechao @chrysopeleaparadisi @x-day @electrosquash y’all don’t have to obv, & if you already did one of these n don’t wanna do it again then send me ur prev answers if u wanna! :3 or do diff facts idc

[ravenclaw-writes]

Don't Mess With Moony

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Sirius Black

Description:

Remus has been in love with Sirius for ages, but lately, Sirius has been getting on his nerves.

OR

Sirius tries to flirt but Remus is painfully oblivious.

Word Count: 10,727

Original Publish Date: 2021-04-06

A/N: Heyo! Here's fic no. 2 from my AO3-to-tumblr transfer. Hope you like! Feel free to check out my other stuff either on here as I start to upload or on my AO3 where they already live :)

| MASTERLIST IN BIO |

| Read on AO3 |

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Now, Remus Lupin would deny it to anyone who asked, but he had what was probably the biggest crush that was humanly possible on Sirius Black. He was able to deny it because, unlike James Potter, he did not go around moping about his unrequited love. Instead, he kept it bottled up inside and only allowed himself to indulge when the rest of the Marauders were sound asleep and he could have a quick wank to the thought of whatever ridiculously sexy thing Sirius had done that day. It was fine, he told himself. He had a system that worked.

While yes, Remus had irrevocably fallen for Sirius, that did not mean that the boy in question couldn’t get under his skin. And under his skin did he get.

Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus were all sitting in the Common Room. It was late and all Remus wanted to do was crawl into his bed and pass out. He was trying to decide if he had enough energy to wank to the fresh images of Sirius in his new black nail polish (he should really send a thank you card to Andromeda). James was on his back in front of the fire, Peter had claimed the armchair and Remus and Sirius had the sofa. Sirius decided that he wanted to take up as much room as possible, which Remus did not appreciate. He also did not like to be this close to Sirius as the clock ticked closer to his designated Wanking Hour.

Remus was tired, a little horny, his hip was acting up because of his awkward position on the couch, and on top of that a little agitated by the approaching moon. Logically, he knew that he could just tell his friends this (minus the horny part, obviously), but Remus hated bringing attention to anything that came along with his lycanthropy, despite the validity. Remus was hoping that maybe Peter would say something first, or maybe Lily would come down and tell them to go to sleep. James would, and does, do anything that woman says. But unfortunately, she did not.

“What about you, Moony?” James asked.

Remus turned back into the conversation. “Sorry, didn’t catch that.”

“Come on Moons, any Valentine’s Day plans?” Sirius teased, toeing at Remus’ hip. His bad hip. Remus held in a hiss of pain.

“Nope,” He said, popping the ‘p’.

“Oh, come on Moony, surely you’ve got your eyes on someone!” James said, turning his head to look at him.

“I’ll probably just spend it in the Library, if I’m honest,” Remus shrugged, avoiding the question, because yeah, he did have his eyes on someone. A certain grey-eyed, black-haired, illegal-animagus someone.

James shook his head in disbelief. “Oh, come on, you can’t seriously mean that. This is the first year we’ve all got dates! It’s only fair that we find you one!”

“All?” Remus really wished he had been paying attention earlier. He knew Peter was seeing someone, a Hufflepuff whose name he didn’t bother to remember, James and Lily were “finally official”, but Sirius? Since when was he seeing someone?

As if reading his mind Sirius smirked. “Yes, yes, I know. First Valentine’s Day in my glorious 18 years on Earth that I actually have plans.”

“Yeah, but you still won’t tell us her name,” Peter piped up.

Sirius flipped his hair dramatically. “Unlike some of us, I don’t kiss and tell.” Remus tried to hide his disappointment. He didn’t need the visual of Sirius and Mystery Girl kissing in his head right now.

“Don’t think too highly of yourself, Black, Remus doesn’t kiss and tell either,” James teased.

“Wait, Remus, you’ve kissed someone?” Peter asked, sitting up straighter. All eyes were suddenly on Remus. Thanks for bringing me into this, Prongs.

Remus shrugged. He’d only ever kissed one person. It was last year, Charlie, a Ravenclaw prefect who had stayed late after one of Remus’ Library Study Sessions. Remus didn’t even know Charlie was gay. But as it turns out he was very gay as they had done a lot more than kiss, specifically a few times in the prefects’ bathroom. Remus felt bad because truthfully, he was really only using Charlie as a sexual outlet for his pent-up Sirius Feelings. The night he called it off was also the night that James caught him sneaking back into their dorm. Remus did not confirm or deny James’ suspicions and since it was never brought up again Remus had assumed that James was still half asleep and had simply forgotten. It appeared that that was not the case.

“Details, Moony! Details!” Sirius kept toeing at Remus’ bad hip, a little harder this time.

“There aren’t any, let’s move on,” Remus tried to ignore the pain he was in and also direct the conversation away from himself.

“It was last year, I caught him sneaking back into the dorm,” James smiled, proud of himself. Remus flipped him the bird but all James did was laugh.

“And you didn’t TELL ME?” Sirius was taken aback. He sat up straighter and, in the process, pushed his feet into Remus. Remus tried to calm his breathing but fuck, that hurt.

“Didn’t know you were so interested in Moony’s love life, Pads,” James raised an eyebrow. Remus could have sworn he saw the beginnings of a blush on Sirius’ cheeks. “Besides, not mine to tell.”

“You can at least tell us who it was,” Peter reasoned. No, Remus thought. That’s the last thing that I want to tell you. Well, actually the last thing would be the details on how hard I fucked -

“I’ll bet it was someone from your ‘study sessions’. Those girls are always throwing themselves over you,” James laughed and pitched his voice up, “Oh, Remus, you’re so smart! Remus, you’re such a great teacher! Remus, I want you to bend me over this desk and -”

“They do not say that!” Remus interrupted, not wanting James to finish that sentence.

“They might as well!” Peter exclaimed. “That’s why I stopped coming, mate, it was painful to watch.”

Remus felt himself redden. No, there was no way that was true.

“Awe, Moony’s embarrassed,” Sirius teased, poking at his hip again, this time with more purpose.

“Would you stop that?” Remus snapped, turning to look at Sirius. All laughter in the room stopped. “You’ve been poking at my hip all night and it really fucking hurts, ok?”

Sirius shrunk into the couch. “Sorry, I- I didn’t realize it was your bad-”

“I’m going to bed.” Remus decided. He already killed the mood, and he was done talking about his not-plans for Valentine’s Day. It was a stupid holiday anyway, only useful for the February 15th sale on sweets at Honeydukes.

Remus stood up and had to grab the arm of the couch when he lost his balance after putting weight on his bad side. Sirius reached out as if to catch him, but Remus jerked away. He left the now silent Common Room and limped up the stairs to the dorm.

____________

It took Remus an unfortunate amount of time to cool down after that night. Luckily his friends were willing to brush it off, associating it with the upcoming moon. Said moon came and went and they were all back to normal. Remus had almost forgotten about Valentine’s Day. Almost.

As usual, the Great Hall was fully decked out. Normally, Remus didn’t really mind. Valentine’s Day was never his favourite day of the year, but he always secretly looked forward to seeing Lily turn down James after whatever stunt he decided to pull. This year was different. For starters, James and Lily were dating now so he didn’t have the shut down to look forward to. Peter was always hit or miss. He was the first of the four of them to have a proper girlfriend. Sirius tried to argue that he should hold that title, but James said hookups don’t count. If you do count Sirius, then technically James was the last to have a proper relationship as Remus beat him to it with Charlie last year. But then again, if it was proper girlfriends they were competing for, Remus could guarantee that he would never even place. He hoped that Sirius wouldn’t make it to the podium either.

Remus trudged through the day, it was rather uneventful as far as Valentine’s Day goes. He saw more action in the hallways this past Christmas when someone enchanted mistletoe to hang above certain archways around the castle. Remus was certain it was James looking for any excuse to show off his new relationship with Lily, but he never admitted to it.

He would never outright say it, but Remus was avoiding Sirius. At first, it wasn’t intentional, Sirius refused to get out of bed with the rest of them so their paths didn’t cross until lunch, but Remus did start going out of his way to take different routes to class not wanting to put a face to Mystery Girl. In his mind, she was extremely ugly. Or maybe bore a striking resemblance to a certain teenage werewolf. Remus was not ready to face the truth that she was probably the most gorgeous woman with the most womanly body and melodic woman voice. Someone the complete opposite of a gangly, scarred … man. He wasn’t sure why he was getting so worked up over this. Sirius has been involved with girls before. Remus has no reason to think that Sirius was anything other than straight. But something about the fact that Sirius had made plans with her on Valentine’s Day made his heart sink. So, Remus took the long way to class. He skipped lunch, had early dinner. He threw himself down on the couch in the empty Common Room.

It was sad, really. Moping around like a girl. Maybe then he’d be interested, Remus thought. He lazily flicked his wand and set the kettle on its way to the fire. He was really more of a coffee person, but Lily always made him feel better with a cup of tea when he got into “one of his moods”. He guessed that his current state did fall into that category. He reluctantly got off the couch to look through the cabinet of mugs for his personal favourite. The collection of mugs in Gryffindor Tower was secretly one of Remus’ favourite parts of the Common Room. Students could bring their own mug if they desired and most of them ended up just leaving them in the cabinet even when they left the school. Going through them was like flipping through a guest book of Gryffindors past. Remus’ favourite had the most obnoxious colour pallet with random shapes and designs. However, it one of the biggest and had the best handle for his big hands.

He was in the middle of flicking through the second shelf when he heard footsteps coming down from the dorms. “Moony?”

Great. He had gone all day not interacting with Sirius and now they were alone in the Common Room. “Not at dinner?” Remus asked, turning his head to face Sirius. Mistake. Sirius was wearing the pair of ripped jeans that frequently appeared in Remus’ dreams and a loose fitting maroon button-up with the first few buttons undone. His hair was still a little damp, he must have just gotten out of the shower because Remus could smell the soap he always used, even from across the room. This shouldn’t be allowed, Remus thought. He is not allowed to look this good. Remus noticed the hint of a blush on Sirius’ cheeks. “Getting ready for tonight then?” Remus turned his head back to looking through the mugs and tried to inconspicuously adjust his trousers.

“Finishing touches, yeah,” Remus heard Sirius start walking closer. The kettle started to hiss just as Remus was giving up on finding his mug. Some idiot first year probably used it. He grabbed a random one with a massive handle off the shelf. Huh. Surprisingly, it also fit his hand. This might have to be his new backup. Remus grabbed a tea bag and went back towards the fire.

Sirius had spread himself across the couch. When Remus turned his eyes flicked to the mug in his hand and he broke out into a grin. Remus gave him a questioning look as he began to pour the hot water into the mug. “That’s mine.”

Remus almost dropped the kettle. He turned to face Sirius. “What?”

Sirius’ smile widened. “Yeah, I brought it this year.” Remus looked down at the mug in his hands. He hadn’t really been paying attention to what he had grabbed but now, paying more attention he let out a low chuckle. The mug was all black, decorated with a pattern of white stars. “Get it? James and I went to some muggle shops over the summer and I just had to buy it. Leave my mark, y’know? Sirius Black, the Gryffindor.” Sirius shrugged. Remus didn’t want to get soft right now. He wanted to be able to have a reason to be mad at Sirius to justify his avoidance. But instead, all he got was another reason to love him. “It also has one of those giant handles that I know you like so I was hoping that you would be able to stop using the absolute eyesore that you normally do.” Merlin, fuck, Sirius! You can’t just say things like that!

Remus, unable to formulate words decided to nod his head and make his way to the armchair. “So, uh, what are your plans for tonight?” He asked, not really wanting to know but figured he owed Sirius the decency to at least seem like he was interested.

Sirius shrugged. “What about you?” He asked, dodging the question.

Remus decided not to press. Surely, he wasn’t stood up by Mystery Girl? “Homework, I think.”

Sirius laughed. “You and your bloody homework.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sirius started to backtrack. “No, no, nothing wrong with it, I just can’t help but think you should be putting yourself out there!” Merlin’s beard, he was not about to have this conversation with Sirius.

“I don’t know, I rather like my routine.” It wasn’t a full lie. He was content with the routine, but he wouldn’t mind if the person to ruin it was the one sitting across from him.

“Moony, you can’t seriously expect me to believe that!” Remus shrugged in response, sipping his tea. “What about that girl from last year James was talking about?”

“I didn’t confirm anything that James said that night.”

“Merlin, work with me here!” Sirius was getting annoyed.

“Maybe I don’t want a girlfriend, alright?” Remus snapped. Immediately, he regretted it. He hoped that Sirius took it as “I don’t want a girlfriend right now” and not “I don’t want a girlfriend because I’m a raging homosexual who’s absolutely in love with you”. The silence before Sirius’ response was telling Remus it might be the latter.

“Moony,” Sirius paused, as if he was choosing his next words very carefully. “Are you -”

“Look, why don’t you just go on your date ok? I’m fine alright, just drop it.” Remus realized that interrupting Sirius was probably a red flag, but he just wanted to be left alone right now.

Sirius relaxed his face. “I was thinking I might just spend the night with you, actually,” he shrugged. Remus was getting mad.

“Sirius, stop. Go on your date, don’t be an asshole, you can’t stand a girl up on Valentine’s Day!” Remus stood up, he wanted this conversation to end. If Sirius wasn’t going to leave then he was.

Sirius sat up, his hair was ruffled from drying a little while pressed against the couch. Remus tried not to think about how his hair might look similar after sex. “Where are you going?”

Remus sighed, putting his mug down on the end table. He was no longer in the mood for tea. “I’m going upstairs because I have work to do, you’re being an idiot, and I’m done getting your pity!” He started to make his way to the stairs.

Sirius hopped off the couch and followed him. “What do you mean, my pity?”

Remus huffed and turned around. “You know exactly what I mean! You’re going to bunk off getting laid to spend time with me? I’m not that fucking lonely for Merlin’s sake!” Remus started back up the stairs without waiting for a response. He reached for the door to their dorm but Sirius called ou after him.

“Wait, stop!”

Remus opened the door and started to make his way over to his bed only to see that he could not throw himself on it like he had hoped because someone piled various types of chocolates and sweets on it. He quickly turned to see Sirius standing in the doorway. “Did you do this?” He snapped.

Evidently, this was not the reaction Sirius was hoping for because his face fell. “Well, yeah. I mean I was hoping you wouldn’t be pissed at me when you saw but I know you like to buy sweets on the 15th so I thought since tomorrow’s a Hogsmeade trip it might be too busy, so I-” Sirius was getting red.

Remus, unfortunately, was still on edge and was not able to see the gesture for what it was and instead, it only added to his anger. “Merlin’s beard, I’m not your fucking charity case, Black!”

Sirius jolted. He quickly regained his senses and seemed to be inching closer to how Remus was feeling. “I never said you were!”

“Well, you might as well have!”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Fucking hell, you just can’t take it when someone does something nice for you, is that it? Stop feeling so bloody sorry for yourself and maybe you’ll see that people actually care about you!”

“Just fuck off, ok? Go enjoy your date, romance her with a shag in a broom cupboard, why don’t you?”

“Fine, I’ll go. But you’re being a right prick, you know that?”

Remus turned back to his bed. He heard Sirius scoff and then the door closed.

Remus sighed. That could have gone a lot better. He looked down at the pile of sweets. Really, it was nice of Sirius to think of him. Why couldn’t he have just said bloody thank you?

Remus may or may not have had a shameful wank that night thinking about how hot Sirius had looked while mad.

____________

Remus ate the chocolate. He wasn’t just going to let it sit around and go bad, as much as he wanted to, simply on principle. Things were weird between him and Sirius for the next little while. He avoided the subject of Mystery Girl at breakfast the next morning, but that might have just been for Remus’ benefit. As usual, running around the castle grounds under a full moon set everything back into their place. Remus, after getting a stern talking-to from Lily, thanked Sirius for the sweets.

It was now March. Remus’ eighteenth birthday was coming up. It was a weird age, eighteen. He will have been legal in the wizarding world for an entire year but now he was going to be legal in the muggle world too. The other Marauders were purebloods, so he was glad to have Lily to talk to about the weird limbo he was in. Remus wasn’t sure Lily knew just how much he cared for her.

It was nearing midnight on the ninth. Remus was making his way to the Common Room. He was having trouble sleeping and was surprised to find Lily curled up on the couch with a book. She gladly lifted one end of the blanket she was using, and Remus joined her on the opposite end of the couch. Their feet were touching under the blanket and Remus liked the little bit of physical touch. He was feeling rather melancholic. This would be his last birthday at Hogwarts. He felt as if Lily could sense his feelings and they talked for quite a while. There was a natural pause in the conversation and Remus felt completely at peace, for once. “Lily?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t think it’s weird that I’ve never had a girlfriend, do you?” He asked.

Lily shook her head. “No, I think it’s perfectly alright for you to wait for the right girl.”

“What if I don’t want that?” Remus looked down and started playing with the corner of their shared blanket.

“To wait?”

“The right girl.” Remus didn’t dare look up to meet Lily’s face.

“I think it’s perfectly alright for you to wait for the right boy.”

Remus’ head slowly raised, and he met Lily’s eyes. She had the softest smile. Remus let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and felt Lily place a comforting foot on his.

“Moony? You down there?” Broken out of his trance, Remus turned his head in the direction of James’ voice.

“Yeah?” He called back.

“Lads! He’s down here!” James yelled, presumably back into the dorm. There were sounds of commotion and Remus quickly turned back to Lily.

“Lily, they don’t - I haven’t told -”

“Don’t worry.” Again, with that soft smile. Lily Evans was something else.

James, Peter, and Sirius came clambering down the stairs and before Remus knew what was happening, they launched themselves onto the sofa. Lily yelped and moved out of the way. “What the fuck -” Remus was squished under the weight of the three fully grown boys.

“Happy birthday Moony!” James yelled from the top of the pile.

“It’s after midnight!” Peter, middle, supplied.

“Happy birthday, Moons.” Sirius. Bottom.

Sirius’ head was pressed against Remus’ chest and while it felt delightful, and perfect, and oh so right, he really needed everyone to get off of him because if Sirius felt the hardon that he was trying to fight back then not only would this be his last birthday at Hogwarts, it would also be his last day at Hogwarts, period. “Can we maybe not kill the birthday boy?” Merlin bless Lily.

“Lily!” James finally noticed that his girlfriend was also in the room and he pushed himself off the pile. This caused Peter to fall off but Sirius didn’t move.

“You’re squishing me, asshole,” Remus said, trying to push him off.

“Oh shut up, you’re fine,” Sirius got off of Remus and offered him a hand to help pull him back into a sitting position. Remus took the hand and tried to shut his brain off when it also felt right. Sirius sat on the couch where Lily had previously been. Peter was on the floor.

“So, Moony, you ready for the party?” James was now sitting in the armchair with Lily on his lap. Remus groaned in response.

“Oh come on, it’ll be great! We’ve even got other Houses coming!” Sirius added, as if that was supposed to make him feel better.

Sensing this was the wrong move, James piped up. “Not too many though, just a few we know you like to study with. Speaking of, do you happen to know a Ravenclaw Prefect? He was standing with the group, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with him,” Remus stopped breathing.

“You’re going to have to be more specific than that, James,” Lily teased.

“Uh, he has black hair, a little taller than me, kinda looks like Sirius but shorter hair and ten times more awkward,” James laughed.

“Oh! Charlie! He’s lovely! How do you know him, Remus?” Lily asked.

Remus was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that James said he looked like Sirius that he didn’t answer right away. He did not have a type. “Oh, uh, he prefers the library when it’s late, we studied together last year.” At least this wasn’t a lie.

“Oh ok, good ‘cause Padfoot was really trying to sell the party and said that you’d love to see him there. He looked pretty pleased.” James said.

“You WHAT?” Remus snapped his head to look at Sirius. No one said anything.

“I, uh, we can uninvite him, if you want?” Sirius said softly, scratching the back of his neck.

“I thought you said that you study together though?” Peter asked.

Remus breathed heavily. “Past tense. He doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“Well, I think you might be wrong there, he seemed excited,” Sirius said, thinking that it would help.

“Yeah, well I’m not!” Silence. Again. “Look, fine, whatever. Maybe he won’t show up.” Remus sighed and got up off the couch.

“Remus I-” Sirius started

“No. I’m going to bed.” Remus left the room and went up the stairs to the dorm. He got into his bed. He still wasn’t tired. At least he didn’t cuss out Sirius this time.

____________

Remus’ birthday for the most part passed by in an uneventful blur. He was debating talking to Lily about the whole Charlie situation seeing as she was now officially the only person who knew he was gay. And she likes boys too, maybe she would have some advice?

Remus’ birthday fell on a Friday this year so he still had classes to go to but luckily, he wouldn’t have to worry about the hangover he’s counting on happening tomorrow. Remus was tired. Not because he didn’t get enough sleep, no, it was more a mental tiredness. He was looking forward to getting absolutely pissed tonight and just forgetting about everything.

Remus never looked forward to the parties the Marauders threw for his birthday. He enjoyed himself, sure, but he always felt quite out of place. Everyone was there for him. Or, well, that was the idea. Should he dress up? Sirius always did for his own birthday. But that was Sirius, he was an outlier in the data. Maybe he should get dressed up. This is his last one, and maybe Charlie will show up. Maybe that’s all Remus needs. A good fuck.

He sighed, looking himself over in the mirror. He decided that the jumper the Potters got him for Christmas and a pair of jeans was the best he was going to look. He could hear music and loud chatter from the Common Room. The party had already started, it seemed.

“Moony?” Sirius knocked on the bathroom door. There was also that issue. There had been no formal apology between him and Sirius. They hadn’t had the chance to be alone yet. It seemed that now was that chance.

Remus opened the door. Sirius was standing there wearing The Jeans and a Bowie shirt that Remus had given him for his birthday that year. Once again, looking far too good. “Nice shirt,” He joked lightly.

“Thanks, my idiot of a best friend got it for me,” Sirius replied, matching Remus’ light tone. That was a good sign.

“Listen, Pads, about last night -”

“Already forgotten. Today’s your day, Moons, you should get to spend it with the people you want to.”

Remus met Sirius’ eyes. “Thanks.”

“And as my apology -”

“You don’t need to -”

“Yes, I do,” Sirius’ tone changed. “And as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted,” Remus rolled his eyes. “As my apology, I am going to share this beautiful bottle of firewhiskey with you tonight.” Sirius whipped out the bottle from behind him.

“Ok, I can get behind that,” Remus laughed.

“Good.” There was a pause. Their eyes stayed locked. Sirius was the one to break it. “Anyway, I, uh, I gotta piss so …”

“Oh, shit, yeah, go on,” Remus moved out of the doorway to the bathroom. Sirius handed him the bottle and went inside. After the door clicked shut, he unscrewed the top of the bottle and took a large swig. He left the bottle on Sirius’ nightstand and made his way down to the Common Room.

“MOONY!” Remus was met by a very loud James when he reached the landing. This got the attention of the rest of the crowd who all turned to look, letting out a cheer of “Happy birthday Remus!” Ever awkward, Remus opted for a wave in response.

Lily pushed her way through the crowd and gave Remus a big hug. “Happy birthday, love,” She said into his chest. She let go and looked up at him. There was just something about knowing that Lily was there for him that made everything feel infinitely better.

“Drink, for the birthday boy,” James appeared at Lily’s side. He wrapped an arm around her waist and passed Remus a cup with the other.

Remus took it and James raised his eyebrows expectantly. Remus sighed, brought the cup to his lips and chugged.

“There we go!” James gave Remus a rather forceful pat on the shoulder when the cup was empty. Remus laughed, thankful that he had friends to support his wish of getting plastered.

Suddenly, there was a hand gripping his shoulder from behind. Remus jumped a little. “Drink up, Moony my friend,” Sirius’s voice was right in his ear, his free hand reaching around Remus to pour a hefty amount of firewhiskey into the empty cup Remus was still holding. Lily looked utterly shocked.

“Not planning on seeing tomorrow?” She joked.

Sirius moved to Remus’ side, his and still on his shoulder, his arm now wrapped around. Remus wasn’t sure if the warm feeling he was experiencing was because of that or the alcohol that was making its way into his system. Regardless of the reason, he started to down the drink in his hand. “You only turn 18 once, Evans, come on!” Sirius teased.

“Yeah, and you only die once too!” She shot back.

“Evans, if you are to one day become Mrs. Prongs, then I must inform you that us Marauders are actually immortal,” Sirius said matter-of-factly.

Lily rolled her eyes. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Just you wait, I am going to be the sexiest eighty-year-old you’ve ever seen!” James exclaimed. Lily shook her head fondly and didn’t dispute.

Sirius removed his arm from around Remus and started a heated discussion with James about how no, he was to be the sexiest eighty-year-old. Remus tried not to shiver at the loss of contact. He took this time to scan the room. Partly looking for Charlie, party looking for Peter. He always did get himself in the oddest situations at parties.

“So,” Remus stopped his scanning to see Lily had removed herself from James and was now standing at his side. “I’ve been thinking,” She said. Remus could sense that she was being very careful with what she was saying. “Charlie.”

Remus turned his head to look at her. “What about him?”

“I don’t mean to overstep anything, but, based on facts that I now have and your reaction last night, I feel like you two have … history?”

Remus chuckled a little. “You’d be correct with that assumption,” He took another drink. “Didn’t end so great, but also if he shows up tonight, I’m worried he might get the wrong idea.”

“The wrong idea being?”

“That I’m still interested,” Remus finished the rest of his drink.

“So, I’ll take it that it was not a mutual end to things then?” Lily was still hesitant when she spoke.

“Right again!” Remus laughed, starting to feel the buzz that he’d been chasing. “I felt bad because I was essentially using him because the person I am actually interested in will never be interested in me, so …”

“Well, at least you knew to call it off before it was serious,” Lily shrugged. Remus almost opened his mouth to correct her, maybe make a joke about how that was the issue. That it wasn’t Sirius. “So, who is this person that will never be interested in you?” She joked, bumping her shoulder into his side.

Remus sighed. He trusted Lily immensely. So far it was feeling really good to talk to her about these things, and he knew he never would be able to say it out loud without the alcohol so this would probably be his only chance to come clean. “Sirius.” Lily’s eyes widened and her hand flew to her mouth. Remus nodded his head knowingly and raised his cup to his lips only to remember that it was empty. He looked around the room for Sirius so he could get a top-up. “Where is that tosser, anyway?”

“Are you going to tell him?”

Remus stopped scanning the room again and looked at Lily. “I don’t -” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “He’s so painfully straight. I don’t want to make things awkward. Instead, I will be drinking my pain away tonight!” He raised his empty cup into the air. Lily just shook her head at him, knowing there was nothing she could say to change his mind.

An hour went by and Remus was drunk. The bottle of firewhiskey had emptied rather quickly and he was really craving a smoke. Remus wasn’t one for dancing, so he mostly spent his time at parties standing in the back watching everyone else jump around. It worked out nicely because he was able to sneak away to the dorm to smoke or take a break from the stimulating environment without his friends following him.

He stumbled up the stairs, one hand trailing up the wall to keep his balance. He pushed his way into the dorm and went to his nightstand to grab his pack of cigarettes. He pulled one out and made his way over to the window. He pushed it open, lit up, and took a drag.

“I was wondering where you were,” Remus turned quickly and saw Charlie standing in the doorway.

“Hey.”

“Nice party.”

“I guess yeah,” Remus took another drag.

“Haven’t seen you much this year,” Charlie took a step into the room. Remus sighed.

“This year’s been mental,” Remus laughed lightly. Charlie walked closer.

“I was surprised to get the invite,” Charlie chuckled, making eye contact with Remus. Charlie had nice eyes. Not Sirius nice, but he could still appreciate them. Remus shrugged. Charlie took the neglected cigarette out of Remus’ hand and took a drag.

“Didn’t know you smoked.”

“I don’t, not usually anyway,” Remus nodded in response, not really sure what else to say. Charlie placed what was left of the cigarette on the window ledge.

“Listen, Charlie -” Remus was cut off by Charlie pressing his lips firmly against his.

Remus made a surprised sound, but he didn’t hate it. Merlin, it had been so long since he had been kissed. He found himself responding quite quickly, his arms snaking around Charlie. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. It was his birthday, after all. He could snog someone if he wanted to.

“Mm, Remus,” Charlie moaned into the kiss. Remus could feel himself growing hard. He could also shag someone if he wanted to. Charlie broke away to trail kisses across his jaw and down his neck. Remus kept his eyes closed. Charlie kept moving lower and when his lips were no longer on skin Remus opened his eyes to see him move to his knees.

“Merlin, fuck,” Remus breathed as Charlie started undoing his jeans. He pulled them down and started palming over Remus’ bulge.

Charlie hooked his fingers into the waistband of Remus’ briefs and slowly pulled them down. His dick sprung free. Remus was a little embarrassed at how quickly he got this hard. “Fuck, I’ve missed your cock.”

Remus reached down and gripped hard on Charlie’s hair. “I’ve missed your mouth.”

Charlie chucked but slowly started licking the tip. He wrapped a hand around it and lowered his mouth. Remus groaned at his dick was met with the wet heat that was Charlie’s mouth. He started bobbing his head, stroking whatever wouldn’t fit. Remus tightened his grip on Charlie’s hair. “Fuck, yeah, don’t stop,” Charlie looked up and made eye contact with Remus. He did kinda look like Sirius, now that he thought about it. Fuck, no, don’t think about Sirius right now. But he couldn’t help it. Charlie’s eyes turned into the specific shade of grey that simply draws Remus in. His hair was longer, more curl to it. Perfect bone structure. Sirius, on his knees, Remus’ cock shoved down his throat. Remus pulled on Sirius’ hair, pushing more of his cock in Sirius’ mouth and he came suddenly with a loud “Fuck!”.

Remus opened his eyes when he heard gagging and looked down to see not Sirius but Charlie. He quickly released his grip on Charlie’s hair. There was a creak and Remus’ head shot in the direction of the door. That was Sirius. “Shit, fuck!” He scrambled for his jeans, trying to cover himself. Charlie swallowed rather loudly and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He stood up, looked back and forth between Sirius and Remus.

“See you ‘round. Happy birthday, Remus,” And he was gone.

Remus finished zipping up his jeans and looked back up at the doorway but Sirius, too, was gone.

____________

It had been a week. The incident of the Birthday Blowjob had not been talked about. Remus wasn’t sure if he was thankful for this or not. On one hand, he was glad not to talk about it because that would also entail having to find out just how long Sirius was standing there. On the other hand, he just wanted things to get back to normal and if that meant talking about it then he just wanted to get it over with. Remus hadn’t seen Charlie, either. He wanted it to stay that way. If he ever did bump into him, he would probably play the “I was so drunk I don’t remember anything card”. It was a low move, but he did cum down his throat imagining it was someone else, so he was already pretty close to the bottom. At least he didn’t moan Sirius’ name.

He was tired of being constantly on edge. Even if Sirius had only seen the tail end (Remus prayed to whatever entity would listen that he wasn’t there watching him cum), he still would have seen Charlie on his knees and Remus half-naked. Not much for the imagination there. He was on edge because essentially that had been his coming out to Sirius. He didn’t know how Sirius felt about gay people, it never really came up in conversation. For all he knew, Sirius could be the nastiest homophobe. Remus’ biggest worry used to be that Sirius was straight and would turn him down. Now it was that Sirius was repulsed by him.

Remus took it upon himself to put some distance between him and Sirius. He desperately wanted to talk to Lily, but he didn’t want to disclose the graphic details. James? No, that would involve him having to come out first. He sighed.

It was a Friday night and Remus was trying to do some reading from the comfort of the Common Room. He tried to forget that this time last week he was sharing a bottle of firewhiskey with Sirius. He tried to forget that as the night went on, they stopped using cups and just took gulps from the bottle. He tried to forget that he’d had Sirius’ saliva in his mouth. How he would like to have more of it. Remus shut his book with more force than he had planned. Merlin’s sake.

“Hey.”

Remus jumped a little and looked over the back of the couch. Sirius was standing at the bottom of the stairs. Like Remus, he was in his pyjamas.

“Hey,” Remus said back.

“Mind if I join you?” Remus shrugged and Sirius walked over. Remus pulled his legs closer to his body so Sirius could sit on the couch with him. Their feet touched. There was a pause. “Do you hate me?”

Remus blinked a few times. “What? No, why would you think that?”

“It just - I feel like lately you’re always mad at me.” Sirius looked down and started picking at his nail polish.

Remus was about to deny that claim until he thought about it. Yeah, he really has been mad at Sirius a lot this term. “I don’t mean to be.”

Sirius chuckled. “Thanks,” His voice dripped with sarcasm.

“No, I just mean … There’s been a lot going on, y’know?” It wasn’t really a lie. Remus just didn’t want to say that the truth was that he’d discovered that it was easier to be mad at Sirius than to pine over him.

Sirius nodded slowly. “About last week -”

“Sirius -”

“No, please let me finish,” Remus shut his mouth. “I just, I want to know what I did that made you feel like you couldn’t tell me.” Sirius kept his head down.

Remus found that he was holding his breath. What was up with this couch and confessions? “Don’t take it personally, really. Lily’s the only one who knew.”

“You told Lily?” Sirius’ head snapped up.

“Well, I mean, she figured it out. All it took was my reaction to you inviting Charlie it seems.”

“So, are you two …”

Remus laughed lightly. “No. Well, last year. He was, uh. That’s who I was with when Prongs caught me sneaking back in.”

“Oh,” Sirius said. He was avoiding Remus’ eyes, looking over his shoulder instead. Remus nodded and started picking at the dirt under his fingernails. “So, you’re -”

“Gay,” Remus didn’t want to hear whether Sirius was going to use a different word or not.

“… How did you know?”

That caught Remus’ attention. “What?” Sirius was red. “Well, I guess my first clue was that I didn’t understand what you lot were on about when it came to girls,” Remus chuckled. “And then I realized that I felt that way about blokes.”

“Like Charlie?”

“Sure.”

“Were you nervous?” Sirius was picking at his nails again.

“Yeah. But I kinda forgot about all that when he kissed me.” Remus shrugged. If Sirius was going to make a fuss about this, he probably would have already.

Sirius nodded, taking this information in. “I didn’t have plans on Valentine’s Day.”

“Huh?” Remus didn’t understand the connection.

“I lied.” Sirius flushed again. Remus liked that shade of red on him. “I wanted to spend it with you.” Remus froze. He could feel his heart beating faster in his chest. “And I kept teasing you because I was worried you’d gone and made plans with someone already. I didn’t mean to hurt your hip that night, I really am sorry.” Remus had almost forgotten about that part of the night. He didn’t know how to feel about the fact that Sirius hadn’t. “I didn’t want to admit to myself why I wanted to spend it with you and then you just snapped at me. The chocolate didn’t make things any better,” Sirius was still looking at his hands. Remus’ mind was going a mile a minute. Sirius wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with him? Has Sirius been interested all this time? Since when? Surely, he would have noticed Sirius flirting with him? Right? “And then I felt like I really fucked up when we told you Charlie was invited,” Remus nodded. “Hence the firewhiskey,” He laughed to himself. Remus enjoyed the sound. “And then … well you know the rest.” Sirius was still red. Remus felt his face heat up the same way.

“Sorry you had to see that.”

Sirius chuckled again. “I’m not.”

Remus’ breath caught in his throat. He was about to open his mouth to say something, he wasn’t sure what exactly, when the portrait hole opened and James and Lily came stumbling through, back from their patrols.

“James, we’ve been over this, we both can’t fit through at the same time!” Lily said through laughs.

“But I don’t want to stop holding your hand!” James whined.

Sirius snorted rather loudly, and James and Lily noticed the two boys on the couch. “James Potter, ever the sap.”

“Oh, shut it, Black, you’re just jealous.” James tried to downplay the redness of his cheeks by teasing Sirius.

Sirius pushed himself up off the couch and stretched, his shirt riding up ever so slightly. Remus tried, and failed, not to stare at the patch of exposed skin. “Well, time to call it a night. We’ve got party planning to do in the morning!” Sirius clapped his hands together and joined James in walking towards the stairs.

“Party? What party?” Lily asked, stopping in her tracks.

“It’s ol’ Prongsie’s birthday soon Evans! Surely you haven’t forgotten?” Sirius teased.

“I didn’t forget. It’s just, didn’t we just have a party?”

Sirius barked out a laugh and wrapped his arm around James’ shoulders. “You are quite observant, Evans. We did in fact just have a party, but that was for Moony. This one is for Prongs.”

Lily sighed. “Fine. But just, maybe not as big as the last one?”

Sirius broke out into a grin. Lily groaned.

____________

A little over a week had passed. Whatever it was that happened on the couch a week after Remus’ birthday was never discussed again. And Remus was going out of his mind. He wasn’t sure what to make of the whole situation. His first instinct was to talk to Lily, but he felt like Sirius would want to keep whatever he was trying to say a secret. That also made Remus’ mind spin. There were things that Sirius only wanted Remus to know.

James’ birthday unfortunately fell on a Monday this year, so the party was set for the Saturday before. Remus wasn’t sure what the crowd was going to be like. He knew that James was more popular than him so logically there would be more people, but on the other hand, Lily did ask for a smaller group and knowing James he probably let her have that win. Charlie was not invited.

Remus was nervous. He felt like tonight was the night to decipher Sirius. Once Sirius was drunk, he would be an open book. Remus was not planning on drinking. He wanted to be able to remember whatever Sirius says to him.

He was in the bathroom, fixing his hair when he heard the music start. Voices became louder and it was eerily similar to last time. “Stop fussing, you look good,” Remus’ hands froze. He saw the reflection of Sirius standing in the doorway through the mirror. He looked good.

“Hair’s getting a bit long I think,” It was starting to curl at the ends.

“No, I like it,” Sirius stepped forward and reached up to run his fingers through Remus’ hair. Remus’ eyes fluttered close at the touch. “Remus, I- ”

Remus slowly opened his eyes. They were standing really close. Sirius’ eyes quickly glanced down to Remus’ lips. The air was thick. Gathering all his courage, Remus slowly leaned down and removed the few inches between them.

Sirius’ lips were wonderful. They were softer than they looked, tasted like sweets with a hint of tobacco from the cigarette he bummed off Remus earlier. But best of all, they kissed back. Remus felt like he was going to faint when Sirius’ lips moved together with his own. Sirius’ hands slipped from Remus’ hair and rested on the back of his neck. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist and pulled him closer. The kiss deepened and Remus could have sworn he heard Sirius moan. His grip tightened and he pulled away from Sirius’ lips, kissing across his jaw, trailing down to his neck.

“We should probably head down, no?” Sirius asked breathlessly. Remus hummed in approval but didn’t stop. “Remus, if you don’t stop now then I’ll never let you.”

Remus chuckled. “Now that sounds like a good deal to me,” He bit down lightly on Sirius’ neck. Sirius swore and gripped onto the hairs at the bottom of Remus’ neck.

“Fuck, I want you, Moony.”

Remus paused to look at Sirius’ face. Fuck did he want Sirius too.

“Hey, are you tossers coming down or not?” James’ voice tore them apart.

“Yeah, just a sec!” Remus shouted back. Sirius was still regaining his composure. Remus revelled in the fact that he was the cause of that. “Continue this later?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That better be a promise.”

“Oh, I promise,” Remus said, smacking Sirius’ ass on his way out of the bathroom.

____________

Torture. The night was nothing, if not torture. Once Sirius had regained his grasp on the world, there was no stopping him. Little things mostly, just to tease Remus. But on multiple occasions, he squished his way through groups of people “accidentally” brushing his ass directly over Remus’ crotch. It wasn’t until the fourth time that he tried to do this that Remus decided that two can play at that game. He gripped Sirius by the waist, holding him in place. No one was paying attention, they were all trying to have their own conversations over the music. Remus pressed himself harder against Sirius, making his erection known. “Are you just going to keep teasing me all night?” He asked, directly into Sirius’ ear.

“Maybe …” Remus tightened his grip and Sirius bit on his lip.

“How would you like it if I did that to you, huh?” Remus lightly nibbled on Sirius’ earlobe. He let one of his hands trail lower, down the front of Sirius’ thigh. “I could just palm you right here.” Remus felt Sirius shudder. “Oh? You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Sirius started nodding his head feverishly. “Hmm, well maybe you should have thought about that before you started teasing me, then.” Remus released Sirius and took a step back.

“Oi, Pads! How much have you had to drink, mate? I’ve never seen you this red!” Remus smirked at James’ comment. He watched as Sirius tried to pull himself together while James made his way closer.

“Just need a bit of air, I think,” Sirius choked out. Remus tried not to laugh.

“Hey! Moons!” Remus’ head perked up and he joined the conversation. “Take Pads upstairs and crack a window, yeah? Lily will be furious if he pukes down here.”

“Yeah, sure,” Remus agreed and wrapped an arm around Sirius. “Come on mate, let’s get you upstairs.”

They turned and made their way towards the stairs, pushing through groups of people as they went.

The second they made it into the dorm Remus pushed Sirius against the door and kissed him. He responded just as hungrily. Sirius’ lips were still as sweet as before, less tobacco, but no alcohol. It seems that Sirius also wanted to be sober for tonight. Remus was thankful.

Remus broke off the kiss and started trailing kisses across Sirius’ collarbones. “Can I confess something?” Remus paused what he was doing and met Sirius’ eyes. Sirius’ face reddened and he looked away. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about when I walked in on you,” Remus raised an eyebrow. “I came so hard that night thinking about it,” Remus went back to kissing Sirius’ neck. He remembered their conversation on the couch. Sorry you had to see that. I’m not.

“I also have a confession,” He said. After a few more kisses, “I was imagining it was you on your knees.”

Sirius groaned. Remus felt the vibrations with his lips. Sirius lightly pushed Remus off and sunk down to his knees. Remus tried not to moan as Sirius started to unbutton his jeans. He unzipped them tantalizingly slow. Once undone, Sirius pushed them down Remus’ legs and palmed his hand against Remus’ erection. Sirius slowly pulled down Remus’ boxers and his dick was finally free. Sirius glanced up at Remus. He nodded, and Sirius began trailing his tongue across Remus’ shaft. Remus instinctively reached out to get fistfuls of Sirius’ hair. He moaned and Remus tightened his grip.

“I’ve had enough of your teasing,” Remus seethed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sirius replied, his innocent demeanour a stark contrast to his current actions.

“Don’t make me just fuck your mouth, Pads” Remus was mostly kidding. He very much had a dominant side, but he’d never had many opportunities to use it. Even with Charlie, it stayed relatively dormant.

“Yes, please.”

Remus choked on his spit. Sirius did not respond with words, instead, he simply let his jaw go slack. Remus nervously thrust his hips, edging his dick past Sirius’ lips. He kept going until he reached the point where he figured Sirius couldn’t take more. Sirius, ever impatient, reached for Remus’ thighs and forcefully pulled him closer until his nose was flush with Remus’ stomach. Remus let out a moan. Never in his life had someone put his whole dick in their mouth.

Sirius gave Remus’ thigh a tap, bringing him back down to earth. Slowly, Remus pulled out and thrust back in. It felt amazing. He gripped harder on Sirius’ hair and squeezed his eyes shut as the moan Sirius released vibrated around his dick.

“Your mouth is so good,” Remus said, continuing to fuck into it. Sirius moaned again, louder, if that was possible. His cheeks were red, and spit was dripping out of his mouth, he was quite the sight. “You look so fucking good right now,” Sirius made a noise that Remus hadn’t heard before and he pulled out and removed his hands from Sirius’ hair, worried that he’d hurt him.

“Why’d you stop?” Sirius’ voice was hoarse, and Remus’ dick twitched.

“I thought I hurt you,” Remus said. Sirius bit his lip in embarrassment.

“You didn’t, not that I’d mind,” Remus inhaled sharply at that revelation. “I just, really liked what you said.”

“That you look good with my dick in your mouth?” Sirius nodded, biting back a moan. “Well, it’s true,” Remus reached down and swiped up some of the drool from Sirius’ chin before bringing the finger into Sirius’ mouth. Sirius groaned.

“Fuck, I need you.”

Remus pulled Sirius up by the collar of his shirt and smashed their lips together. “Bed. Now.” He growled into Sirius’ mouth. Sirius obeyed and all but sprinted to Remus’ bed. Remus kicked off his shoes along with his jeans and underwear currently pooled at his ankles. He grabbed his wand and locked the door. No interruptions this time.

Remus turned around and made his way over to Sirius. He was laying in the middle of the bed on his back. On his way there he had kicked off his shoes and his jeans were also gone. Remus walked up to the bed and got on it, straddling Sirius. He palmed over Sirius’ dick. “What do you want?”

“Anything, please, just touch me.” Sirius moaned, closing his eyes. Remus smiled and lifted his hips to pull Sirius’ underwear down. His dick twitched upon contact with the cool air. Remus leaned over Sirius and reached for his nightstand. He opened the first drawer and pulled out his bottle of lube. He sat up and popped the cap, squeezing some into his hand. He tossed the bottle onto the bed and brought his hand down and wrapped his fingers around Sirius. Sirius made a sound at the back of his throat at the touch. Remus began stroking Sirius teasingly slow. When he let go, Sirius whined, and Remus loved the sound. Needy Sirius was definitely a Sirius that he enjoyed. Remus reached for the lube again and squeezed some more onto his hand before bringing it down to his own dick. Sirius wined again and bucked his hips. “Impatient, are we?” Remus teased.

“Please, Moony,” Remus was loving this new side of Sirius he was discovering.

“Please what?” Remus asked, cocking his head to the side.

“More, I need more.”

Remus loosened his grip on his dick and reached his fingers to wrap around Sirius’ dick as well. He started stroking them together and Sirius moaned, sinking his head back into the pillow. “There’s a good boy.” Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and his hips bucked involuntarily.

Remus tightened his grip on their cocks. “Oh, so that’s what you liked, huh?” Sirius bit down on his lip. “You like knowing what a good boy you’re being?” Sirius nodded his head frantically. “Use your words, come on.”

“I like it.”

“You can do better than that.” Remus tutted, giving their dicks a squeeze.

“I like … I like being your good boy.” Remus smiled and picked up the pace.

“Good.”

“Remus,” Sirius moaned. It was only his name, but Remus thought it sounded downright sinful the way it all but dripped out of Sirius’ mouth. “I need you, please, Merlin, please.”

Remus reached for the lube again. Sirius whimpered at the loss of Remus’ hand. He coated a few of his fingers before bringing them back to Sirius, this time much lower than were they were before. “Here?” Remus asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes,” Sirius breathed. Remus rubbed a finger against Sirius’ hole and slowly pressed in. Sirius groaned at the sensation.

“Have you done this before?” Remus asked, slowly thrusting his finger in and out of Sirius.

“Y-yes,” Sirius stuttered out.

“Not so good then, are we?” Remus added a second finger.

“I am, I am,” Sirius moaned out. “I pretended it was y-you,”

Remus tried not to moan at that confession. It was incredibly hot thinking about Sirius, just a few feet and 2 layers of bed curtains away, fingering himself, thinking about him.

“You’re all mine then, huh?”

Sirius moaned as Remus started scissoring his fingers. “All yours, all yours,” he repeated.

“Good boy.”

Sirius let out a strangled cry and Remus added a third finger, for good measure.

“Please, please, please,” Sirius whined.

Remus removed his fingers and quickly stripped out of his jumper. Even though Sirius had seen him shirtless before, Remus was still self-conscious about his scars and wanted to keep his top on until the last possible second.

He reached for Sirius’ shirt and he arched his back to let Remus pull it up. The shirt went over Sirius’ head and he lifted his arms up. Remus let the shirt bunch up at Sirius’ wrists and decided to keep it there. He pressed Sirius’s wrists into the headboard of the bed. “Stay.” Sirius nodded, eagerly.

Remus reached for the lube. After he successfully coated his dick again, he lifted one of Sirius’ legs up and rested it on his shoulder. He pressed his dick against Sirius’ hole.

“Please, Remus, please,” Sirius moaned, again with Remus’ name, and that’s all he needed. He pressed in slowly and Sirius moaned out. It was at this point that Remus was thankful for the noise coming from the Common Room that would drown out the noise coming from Sirius.

Remus kept easing himself in. When he was fully inside, he let his body relax. “You feel so fucking good, Sirius.”

Sirius moaned in response. He went to move his arms forward, but Remus reached out and gripped the middle of the shirt, pressing Sirius’s hands back into the headboard. “I thought I told you to stay?” Sirius whimpered. Slowly, Remus began to move, pulling out and thrusting back in. Sirius was biting on his lip, trying to keep his noises in. Remus started moving faster, desperate to get Sirius to release those dirty sounds.

“F-fuck, more, I need more.” Remus agreed with Sirius’ wish and picked up the pace. He leaned down and attached his lips to Sirius’.

The kiss was more teeth and breathing into mouths than lips, but Remus didn’t mind. “So good,” He moaned into Sirius’ mouth.

There was a knock at the door. Remus froze his movements. “Hey, just wanted to check-in, everything alright?” James.

Remus got an idea and slowly started thrusting back into Sirius. “Yeah, everything’s good!” Remus shouted back.

“And Pads? He hasn’t gone and made a mess, has he?”

Remus looked down at Sirius and raised his eyebrows, urging him to respond to James. Remus picked up his pace, fucking deeper and harder.

“Y-yeah! Everything’s good!” Sirius was straining, trying to keep his composure.

“You want me to come in? Moony and I can take shifts if you need it.”

Remus bit back laughter. “What d’you say? Want to take turns with me and Prongs?” He asked, quiet enough that only Sirius could hear.

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut. “N-no! That’s okay! Go enjoy your p-party! OH!” Sirius pressed his lips tightly together. Remus had found the perfect opportunity to find Sirius’ prostate. He kept hitting it.

“You sure?” James was persistent.

Sirius opened his mouth, but nothing came out other than the tiny sounds that he couldn’t stop from escaping.

“We’re good Prongs, he’s perking up, we’ll probably be down in a bit,” Remus replied, punctuating his sentence with a particularly hard thrust.

“Okay, just find me if you need anything,” James said.

When Remus figured enough time had passed and James had returned to the party, he reached for Sirius’ wrists and pulled off the shirt. Sirius’ arms fell immediately, and he gripped down on Remus’ sides, his nails digging into the skin.

“You did so good, so so good.” Remus pulled out completely and Sirius whined at the loss. “Why don’t you show me how good you are and get on top?”

Sirius nodded vigorously and he sat up to swap spots with Remus. Remus laid back on the bed and watched as Sirius straddled him and positioned himself. He gripped Remus’ dick and slowly sunk down. “Fuuuuck,” Remus moaned. Sirius slowly raised himself up and then swiftly back down again. Remus was in heaven. Sirius leaned his head back as he bounced up and down. “You’re so fucking hot.”

Sirius smirked, the cocky bastard, and began fucking himself faster. Remus loved how Sirius’ dick bounced around with him, dripping precum as it went. He could feel himself growing closer.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m going to cum,” Sirius moaned, and Remus started thrusting up in time with Sirius. Sirius reached behind him and held onto Remus’ thighs to balance himself as he started moving faster.

“Are you going to cum without me even touching you?” Remus realized.

Sirius bit down on his lip. “Mmmhmm.”

“Oh, fuck Sirius, yes, yes, cum for me, such a good boy.”

“Fuck, Remus!” The sound Sirius let out as he came was too much to handle for Remus. Sirius kept bouncing on his dick as ropes of cum coated Remus’ stomach. Remus lifted his arms and gripped Sirius’ hips. He pulled him down at the same time that he thrust one last time, cumming with Sirius’ name on his lips.

After the two boys caught their breath, Sirius removed himself from Remus. He reached for his wand that was resting on the nightstand and with a quick scourgify, the mess he left on Remus was gone. He then flopped down on the bed, resting his head on Remus’ chest. “Fucking hell.”

Remus let out a breathy laugh and started to lazily play with Sirius’ hair. “I would very much agree with that.”

“Remind me to get on your bad side more often,” Sirius laughed.

“What do you mean by that?”

“If all it took was me pissing you off a couple of times for you to fuck me like that then I will gladly face the consequences.”

“I think you’re forgetting that we made up each time, idiot.”

“Are you going to tell me that there wasn’t lasting sexual tension?” Remus didn’t answer. “Exactly my point,” Sirius laughed.

“If you piss me off one more time then you’re going to get a lot more than a fucking.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, now.” Sirius tutted.

Remus lifted Sirius’ head off his chest and repositioned himself so he was on top of Sirius, one hand on either side of his head. “When have you ever known me to not follow through on something?” Remus asked, lowering his head to kiss across Sirius’ collar bones. When he reached the nape of his neck he bit down slightly and sucked a large bruise.

Sirius pushed Remus’ head away. “Okay, okay, I take it back. I can’t do another round just yet, Merlin!”

Remus chuckled and put his weight back on the bed beside Sirius. “Don’t mess with me, Black.”

“Oh, you know I already plan to.”

[hananoami]

All the deepspace trial orbits are available on Sunday, but since I cleared all of Xavier's, Zayne's, and Rafayels orbits I only need to focus on Sylus and Open Orbit. Thank goodness too because this will save me a lot of time that I need to be using for other things and games... I'm kinda behind on those and my side projects ; w ;

Sylus should be easy to clear his 31 to 33 so I'm not worried. Open orbit though... I have like 25% health left on the final boss in the second phase of the fight. Bless all the free stamina we've been getting lately as rewards lately because they are helping me so much with my protocore farming for core energies.

I might be able to get all my pearl gammas cores to +15, and maybe even level up my alpha cores to +13? Surely that will give me enough damage to finally clear this.

I'll also see if I can upload my clear vods here.

Aside from all the battle stuff, I should work on my misty invasion pulls because oh boy that was a journey. I also still need to update my love and deepspace calendars with important dates and achievements/milestones, but one step at a time.

[hoardlikegoldenirises]

I’ve edited my timeline a bit (a lot...) and the old version of this drawing just wasn’t really useful for me anymore because of certain changes etc. so i finally expanded it a LOT so i have a better idea of what flash’s hair should look like.

(while peter stays mostly the same XD he’s just not interested in experimenting with his hair i guess)

putting some individual bits (well, groups of 3-4) below the cut:

Flash in his late teens; his only form of hairstyling in high school was buzzcuts from his mom so i just wrote “high school” instead of an age lol... once he goes off to college he starts growing his hair out and by the time he loses his legs that’s about what it looks like (18ish), and then the one with the hello kitty shirt is about a year later, how he looks by the time he’s 19 and a half... then a few months later he buzzes it all off after some stuff happens that upsets him, that i won’t go into here but will be uploaded to the AO3 series as a fic later. short version is “he has a revelation about himself and gender that he’s really, really not ready to deal with and locks himself back in the closet” (not that he was really out of the closet but he was rolling around in 2006 wearing a hello kitty shirt and nail polish lol) so yeah he ends up depressed again, and drinking more (still not legally old enough to drink but he has his fake id and other ways of getting it, of course) and trying to be Outwardly Masculine like he was before :(

oh i’ll also note—since it’s not visible in these busts lol—flash has of course been using a wheelchair since he was 18 and a half, which is obviously because of the events in “these are not the clothes [...]” where doc ock crushes his legs... so aside from the teenage stuff, he’s in a rigid wheelchair throughout this entire au—i decided against him ever getting prosthetic legs because initially he is young enough that growth is still a partial factor, on top of prosthetic legs already being even more expensive than wheelchairs and already requiring multiple fittings in the early stages even for adults who are totally done growing, and then later they’re just like... poor... plus not being on his dad’s insurance after a certain age (esp. after being kicked out but i don’t think he was disowned)... even by the time he and peter get married and flash is on peter’s health insurance i doubt they’d be able to afford a pair of otk prosthetic legs on the salary of one full time teacher and one part time assistant gym teacher lol—that shit’s like tens of thousands PER leg... even with insurance i doubt they’d be able to throw together something like 20k-40k (or more) for prosthetic legs on top of being due to replace flash’s wheelchair... granted they do have rich friends (and my headcanon in 616 is that harry and/or liz are probably the ones who helped pay for flash’s mobility aids in the first place) but imo neither are the type to want to go asking for money, regardless of harry or liz’s willingness to give it to them... and being like, “hey can i have $40,000?” is a BIG ask lmao

ANYWAY Flash is still kind of in a rough place in his early 20s, but starts to get better and feel okay with the things that made him feel happy before, so his hair starts growing out again and he busts out the spidey choker but not the nail polish. am considering having andi be a character around this time (though obvs she’d be like... 10) but not sure about how i want to do that... or if i’ll ever write it XD def still having drinking problems as he gets actually legally old enough to drink but less depression = less drinking for him, to some extent... his beachy curls are just the cutest though

not pictured: flash converts to judaism in 2010 (along w/ his mother and sister)

(2011 necklace just a regular fine silver chain necklace peter got him for his birthday)

mid 20s flash is a lot happier and starts wearing nail polish again, as well as getting his associate’s degree and also starting the *other* AA (alcoholics anonymous) or a similar program happening kind of concurrently with some other stuff (Harry’s also been going through it which partially leads to flash realizing he wants to change some things in his life) and also just because he’s so busy with school and other stuff that it’s really just become a lot more impractical for him to drink as much, and with the support of aunt may and peter and his friends he’s getting a lot better about his drinking and also a lot more comfortable with himself and his sexuality and gender presentation now that he’s had time to think about it more and not be so afraid. turns out 7 years away from your abusive father helps a lot... also harrison specifically has had kind of poor health and while idk if flash is even in contact with him anymore, if he is then, that might contribute to flash being like, fuck i don’t want to be like that...

anyway he gets job as an assistant gym teacher at midtown around the same time peter gets a job there (though peter’s been teaching already for a few years while getting his masters, but he was teaching at a school near chelsea instead of in queens)... Flash puts his hair up at work but at home it’s like, :> girly time.

and peter proposes when they’re 26, cause he’s been thinking about how that stuff has been legal in nyc for a couple years (since 2011) and just. he’s peter. he wants to get married. he’s a wife guy. i doubt flash says yes IMMEDIATELY because he has some hang-ups related to his home life growing up and peter and him haven’t always had the smoothest relationship, so understandably he isn’t ready to say yes immediately .... but like... they’ve been exclusive for a few years on top of some off-and-on stuff in their early 20s, and peter has seen him in some of his worst, most rock-bottom moments in life as well as helping him realize who he is inside, and still loves him, so he says yes.

also around this time, along with the convo about if marriage is the right fit, they have a convo about flash’s ... “identity issues” and talk about that and make good strides there. peter helps flash embrace that aspect of himself, especially now that peter’s mature enough to be capable of supporting flash without being pushy or aggressive or expecting him to just magically be grateful LOL—my, how they grow up XD so this is when they first start experimenting with feminine terms of endearment (at least on purpose) and stuff like... well, they’re engaged so i guess it’s just fiance LOL so not girlfriend. “wife-to-be.” and other more uh. nsfw things 😂

(the blue pendant necklace is a wedding gift from felicia)

they get married, still 26 because their wedding is in the spring and flash’s birthday isn’t until june and peter’s is in october, but like, ALMOST 27, the long hair is definitely what flash has at 27 following the wedding, and then the even longer hair is around the time the man-spider fic is taking place and has grown out a lot.

i’m still using he/him pronouns for flash in the man-spider fic as of my most recent edits, but i actually am not 100% sure what the deal is with that. i think there are lot of feminine terms of endearment in the privacy of their home, and i’ve had felicia call flash a pretty girl, and even tossed in a “wife” in a recent edit of ch 1, but flash isn’t really publicly out... “boy mode at work” as the doodle says lol. there’s always a chance i go back and edit pronouns. we’ll see how that shakes out. i think when flash is somewhere around mid-40s that might shift over to like, more feminine everything... a more comprehensive social transition i guess

then the late 40s one is mostly an estimate of like, this might be what flash looks like in 20 years... but idk for sure. wife city. a couple of white hairs but she’s not going gray as much as peter is lol

also—re the wedding stuff: originally there was no yarmulke for flash’s wedding outfit but i recently committed to flash asking his mother about their heritage (in “last week [...]”) with the idea that maybe his mom’s side is jewish or used to be jewish (but that there’s been a lot of intermarriage) and now have decided flash converts in 2010, so not an interfaith ceremony, just a jewish one.

here are their wedding rings. peter proposed without a ring but after they talked through if marriage was the right step for them and flash agreed to it, flash also eventually asked if he could get an engagement ring... because gender. so they buy a really small, simple one that doesn’t attract too much attention but still has a little tiny diamond... peter offers to wear one too but it’s not very practical for his line of work (spidey lol) so they end up just getting the one for flash. and then their wedding bands match but flash’s is skinnier just cause he doesn’t want to draw too much attention to the set. like it’s a small, happy thing for him, but that doesn’t mean he wants randos staring at his rings (and also they’re not exactly wealthy on a single full time teacher’s salary + a part time assistant gym teacher’s salary to support them and pitch in for aunt may...)

i can see peter getting an anniversary ring for flash eventually too... maybe 10 year...

also as a sidenote, i just wanted to say i def agree that peter doesn’t need to be married to be an adult or be mature, and that it’s weird when people boil it down to “peter has to be married to be an adult.”  the problem with comics right now isn’t that he isn’t married, but rather the circumstances for why it was decided that they had to end that relationship, and the way he is watered down into a nothing character with no personality and no flaws who isn’t allowed to swear or drink in the name of Mascot-ification while his dark hair and features are made lighter and more generic (arguably more aryan) (latter also a problem with flash and why i only draw flash with curly or wavy red or strawberry hair now instead of the straight yellow blonde he’s been given over the past 20 years)

ANYWAY

what i’m saying is that while marriage shouldn’t be the only way for a romance to continue, etc. and emulating traditional gender roles and marriage roles is not the only way to be in love etc. i do think peter is a wife guy (and how many times has his first solution to literally any problem with a woman has been “oh no i have to propose”?) so i think in this case it’s warranted, and peter being like, well, gay marriage is legal... and we both have jobs at the same school now... and we’re probably gonna move soon... maybe we should get married.... makes sense to me 😂 especially considering things like healthcare and the fact that flash is no longer young enough to stay on his dad’s insurance... and peter is very much a protective (overprotective) person who wants to take care of the people he cares about... makes sense that he’d be like, i love you, i want to be with you for as long as possible, let me take care of you better

but also: me smushing fictional characters together like barbies: teehee wedding

me giving flash longer and longer hair and more feminine presentation could also be talked about as like, trans people don’t need to emulate traditional gender roles—but i like when flash has long hair and i think it looks pretty and cute. but also frankly part of the reason i gave flash long hair is less to do with gender presentation and more to do with the fact that i grew up in a family where 4/5 of my uncles grew their hair out long as adults specifically because they’d all had buzzcuts their whole childhood and adolescence so growing their hair out was a way for them to assert their personhood lol

and i think that applies to flash here too, in addition to the genders and long hair as a form of feminine androgyny

as for peter:

i drew a lot less for him XD his hair is mostly the same 2-3 styles cause he doesn’t care that much about fashion whereas flash has the whole Queerness and Gender thing going on. (otherwise i wouldn’t have given him like 10 hairstyles LOL)

late teens and early 20s, peter starts to loosen up a little bit with his hair as he gets older and more adult... he also loosens up his clothing for all of five seconds because with the symbiote when he’s 17-18 (mostly 18) he doesn’t need to hide a suit under his clothes, it just exists, so 18 is his “slutty button-downs” era XD  but then a few months before he turns 19 he loses the symbiote so it’s back to buttoned-up collars and turtlenecks and stuff... but sexy instead of nerdy. also he shaves his awful teenage boy barely-a-mustache.

that era of looser hair and more tightly done casual clothes is also around when flash goes back to trying to be masc and he and peter are separated (both in terms of peter living away from aunt may’s house and also in terms of not dating) for a little while.

but, early 20s is also when peter and flash get back together after a couple years and enter a steady relationship—when they’re around 21, 22 years old? and that happens kind of concurrently with flash figuring himself out with less fear, and peter helps with that a little bit. so as peter starts getting shaggier and less uptight, flash also starts to relax and grow his hair out. so they get shaggy hair together 😌 (though flash’s is def longer, peter just needs to go get his hair cut more often XD)

mid-20s, you can see Pete has gotten shaggy as he loosens up! but then some shit happens over a span of ~3 months that’s not great that i won’t get into here (see this post ) and he ends up hospitalized etc... after that, he gets his hair cut once he’s doing better, and keeps it pretty short and tidy from here on out as a way to, i guess... have some control over his life. it makes him feel better to be clean-shaven, neatly coiffed, etc. so from his mid-20s onward he’s permanently said goodbye to the baby mullets.

and then like i said he doesn’t go through as many hairstyles so i didn’t bother drawing out 10 different variations of his mid-20s haircuts... cause they’re all roughly the same but with varying levels of bang length depending on when the last time he got a haircut was XD

so skipping to 26/27 for the wedding stuff, and then 28 for man-spider... he’s matured now.... (damn wish i was that put-together at 28, my life’s a mess😂) so in man-spider they’ve been married for a little over a year (rough strain on the second year of marriage 😅) and then after it, he looks mostly the same but is a little bit fuzzier (even more?!) and has slightly pointier teeth.

and then in his 40s aka DILF with bad facial hair era, his hair will start going PRETTY gray pretty quickly... with that white streak... his hair is gonna be more silvery than flash’s as they age, partly cause of the stress of being spider-man and partly cause silver fox suits him lol

(not that flash hasn’t had stressful stuff happening too but it’s a little different)

and yes i gave him stupid facial hair, as is his right. any middle aged peter needs some kind of dorky goatee or mustache, that’s just the rules okay. i almost gave him a beard but i didn’t like the way it looked XD (also a beard under the mask seems unpleasant)

he dies at 49.

i drew this anyway:

I mostly just wanted to doodle that cause I thought it was cute but like... Peter gets gunned down before he even hits his 50th birthday. like literally a few weeks before he turns 50. It’s tragic but not surprising in the end and probably something they were a little prepared for considering everything that happens in their life together. at least flash will be a hot milf widow. (except she dies of a broken heart on his birthday instead) (aka a heart attack + a fall in the middle of the night)

i’ve just been thinking about that scene in asm500 where future peter gets taken out by a literal swarm of cops and a sniper... though that universe obviously has its own stuff going on and implies peter kinda goes bad, and i’m not really looking to do that to him or flash (as much as i like a Killer Spidey, i don’t think it’s the right fit here) we’ll see... i just know i want to re-emphasize that peter will treat flash with love, gentleness, and tenderness up until his last breath... wifeguy til the end. i think maybe fisk is involved or something...

anyway misc doodles from the past two years:

tfw you turn from a circle to a dorky teenager into being chiseled

i’ll also note that peter has a lot of issues ... like a lot... and he was already a temperamental teen but he has some serious anger and other issues as a teenager due to sexual trauma as a 12 year old :( poor kid. you can see mentions of that in the stuff i have posted; peter’s mostly coping as an adult but sometimes it creeps back out... :/ contributed to his antisocial behavior in high school for sure. also he hit puberty so hard XD his voice dropped like three octaves between age 12 and age 18 lmfao

added flash onto this older drawing so i could have a comparison of the way they grew... they both had major growth spurts but flash’s happened when he was around 13 and peter’s didn’t hit until 16-ish (well no he had a smaller growth spurt around 12-13)... a couple of angry children XD... also edited this to make ben shorter cause i realized i made him like. very tall on accident. but closer to 5′11″ here instead of like 6′2″ XD

and peter’s spidey suits over the years... first costume is dorkier and also a little more silver age styled, then black suit as an 18 year old and then he makes a new suit since he’s bigger after losing the black suit, and needs something better and more durable... has also filled out a LOT by 19/20 lol now he’s got that booty... and i think his suit probably tends to be some variation on that suit throughout his adulthood...

i’ll note that originally i planned for the black suit to be a little earlier but some stuff changed, so peter probably shouldn’t be QUITE that gangly and thin in the black suit. but otherwise it’s mostly right.

i also have this variant (with bonus six arms style) which i like a lot too though for all of these i don’t actually love the spider logo’s look ... this was a scrapped idea for a different AU so just ignore the six arms and spider face stuff XD not relevant here, just looking at the suit style

it’s really just the default spider-suit i draw tbh XD (this pic and the next obvs from that 8 page comic i did, not from this au)

i like this logo style better.

also bonus: a general idea of what the rest of the gang looks like..

[7rashstar]

this ended up being way longer than expected so i’m putting it under the cut ~

i miss getting tumblr anons/interacting w ppl on this site more. my old blog had almost 2k followers n i got them allllll the time. i had had that blog since 2015 tho and only stopped using it once i made this one, (after being off the net for. a long while) this is the only social media site i wanna use. i mostly just post and ghost though, barely scrolling the dash. i miss being more interactive with mutuals

i partially abandoned that blog because i felt like there were too many eyes on me 😵‍💫 the other part was bc i was really deep in addiction, and on top of all that i had some major creepy anonymous stalkers

i’ve been thinking abt making more diary oriented posts lately bc the weathers been whack n i’m not rly going on walks bc of that, i’ve also been pretty much a full time hermit since new years. i could prolly count on both (if not one) hand how many times i’ve seen my friends. i think this has been a good thing for me though,,,been having a personal renascence the past couple months. drawing every day, playing guitar and making mewsic etc etc

also thinking abt utilizing side blogs again. maybe make one for my drawings. i drew a couple pages of a comic i wanna work on more. mostly oc art and some photo collages.

i also wanna start posting my music. soundcloud or youtube or both. maybe make some vlogs too? part of the reason why i haven’t is because nothing feels finished, but i’ve realized i used to use my old soundcloud to track my progress creating on ableton when i first got it and had no idea how to use the program. coming to terms with nothing needing to be perfect, bc it’ll never get to that ‘perfectly finished’ point. it’s earnest and from my heart as it is. i do think i should start saving up for a new laptop though, mine is pretty old and laggy. i might jus try ripping everything to an external hard drive to clear up space n see if that helps…but a fresh start would also be nice. (plus i haven’t updated my mac since mojave because it would break ableton lol)

i finallllllly saved up and bought a new phone tho. it’s the same one i have right now but it’s from ebay certified refurbished so i feel pretty good abt it. hopefully it’ll come tomorroww, this one is starting to rly shit out on me. my alarms didn’t even go off this morning 😭 ended up being late to work

i miss going to shows a lot and hanging out w ppl. i think i’m finally starting to come back out of my shell, even jus a little bit.

might boot up my pc tonight and upload some stuff (but not holding myself to that lol) i found all of the old SD cards and some flash drives from my youth and some of the pictures are absolute gems

anywayyy long asf post lol but yea!! i hope everyone is doing ok

much loveeee <33

[anthropologicalhands]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @redbelles !

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 112

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 497,546

3. what fandoms do you write for? currently, I’m still eyeballs deep in black panther (mcu). I’ll write for whatever catches my interest, but previous fandoms include naruto, yuyu hakusho, thor (mcu), mass effect, and crazy ex girlfriend

4. top five fics by kudos

vigil of the loved tales of the storyteller bring back the baby shoes sleeping arrangements pft, tradition <- biggest shocker honestly

5. do you respond to comments? i’m making more of an effort these days! I might respond late, but i do try to respond because it’s a nice way to talk more about characters and stuff with people.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? probably a frozen pond alight with torches. It’s a hina fic, by nature of canon it’s doomed. I tend not to write straight angst though. Or maybe i stay up all night in your memories, where priya has to let go both of ajay and, worse, of seema so they can all move on.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? by far don’t need no ammunition, aka the sif goes to midgard au. loki doesn’t fall into madness, thor and jane get to stay in contact, and sif gets a shiny sword that cuts through dimensions. everyone wins! it’s so self indulgent, but i do find it endearing.

8. do you get hate on fics?

almost never, but the only time i remember getting hate is on make me an offer i won’t refuse, where some commenter took issue with how i wrote kay and her and michael’s relationship. they clearly hated kay as a character but still read a whole fic about her, so i wasn’t even angry, i was just completely bemused by it. 

9. do you write smut?

…i do. i have a very limited comfort zone, but honestly i want to write more and get better at it!

10. craziest crossover:

I don’t really do crossovers, except for the ceg fic that ended up featuring jean ralphio from parks and recreation. that was super fun, but i think it’s too tonally consistent to count as crazy. I’m more likely to write fusion fic than crossovers

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as in someone else tried to take credit for it — i have had my fics uploaded onto other websites w/o my permission though

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! In the Naruto fandom, someone translated one of my fics into Vietnamese. that was pretty cool, but i think i lost the link.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

just for fun! And there was one sasusaku/uchiha family round robin fic i was fortunate enough to participate in. 

14. all time favorite ship?

nah, can’t do it

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

rip telepathy au. I had so much written but i couldn’t figure out a couple key parts and then i lost steam for writing ceg fic. I’ll never say never, but i think that one is gone.

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think emotions, how characters relate to each other, moments of high intensity and catharsis

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Setting! i hate it, because i loooooove a good vivid setting, but i have such a hard time visualizing places! Especially new places!

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

probably only a good idea if you are fluent. I have used honorifics in anime fics, but i worry that i apply it too inconsistently and not as thoughtfully as i should have, so these days i try to move away from it.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

unpublished, probably teen titans or sailor moon. published, naruto

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

I think understand the edge of this desire is one of my favorite things I’ve written, just because i think i got the voice and the mood right, and it took a long of agonizing over both.

tagging anyone who wants to do this meme!

[being-so-normal-about-reploids]

Hi. This is Nevi's side blog where I quarantine my funny little robot guys Hyperfixation + Special Interest Wombo Combo because otherwise it would take over all of my main blog @afniel though it does that too a little bit so you can see it's really working...lmao.

Mostly reblogs, mostly classic Mega Man and Mega Man X, but I'll make exceptions for other really good video game robots (looking at you Gravity Circuit) and there's some scattered original stuff.

There's a Mega Man fan Discord now too if you wanna come hang out with us!

I also write, which is a surprise to me but I keep doing it so it must be true. (I tend to put more writing stuff on my main blog, under the tag #Nevi Writes, because I've got 1700 followers there compared to mumbletymumble here...) I authored the Every End A Beginning MMX alternate timeline, which asks,

What if the games did stop after X5 as originally intended?

What if the War ended and X finally had to confront the fact that he was essentially a child soldier, carrying the entire would on his shoulders his entire long life because he was told nobody else could do it?

What if he eventually became a burnt-out, disabled veteran who never really learned how to relate to anyone or process anything he went through?

What if he did learn, because the sun doesn't stop coming up and it's never too late to start, and despite all the grim setup, it was actually a story about healing and self-acceptance?

What if Capcom took any of their worldbuilding seriously and actually thought things through for a goddamn change, but they won't, so I did instead?

>E.04642-SYS: Failure to compile. is the first fic, which is finished and uploaded and clocks in at a long-novel-length ≈165k words. The second, >W.09880-INT: Outcome unpredictable., is also done now! It's not meant to be a trilogy (I tell myself, repeatedly and pointedly) it's a goddamn trilogy. Third is in progress. It's also illustrated! :D New art gets added as it happens.

Anyway that's the deal. Enjoy.