#until i decided to just do it right then right there (at almost 10pm) bc it wont get better anyway =3=b

[autism-corner]

erm

[sluttyten]

.

[freeabortionslol]

family addition (quinn hughes x gf!reader)

summary: reader finds a stray kitten and decides to bring it home, not telling quinn about it until he gets back from his roadie

warnings!! cursing

a/n: another short fic while i'm writing a longer one. also ik that it's a much longer process to adopt a stray and get it's shots, but this is fiction. i had to give some love to playoff beard quinn bc we love him sm.

wc: 1.8k

10pm walking home from the gym became a routine. You always preferred to go at night, considering there were less people men to bother you. It was about a .5 mile walk back to your apartment that you shared with Quinn. You weren’t too worried about walking alone at night considering you trusted the city, and Quinn always made you carry a taser in your belt bag. He was unfortunately out of town for the next few days, playing the Canadiens and the Leafs. Still every night you would make your walk to and from the gym, headphones out in case anything were to happen, and every night it was normal, except tonight. It was drizzling ever so slightly causing your annoyance to peak as you made your way back. The drizzle quickly turned into a more powerful downfall the closer you got to the building. Frustratingly you sprinted your way up the steps, punching in your passcode at the door ready to go inside, when you heard a faint “meow” from the bushes next to you. You stepped away from the door, trying to follow the sound of coos and whines. You leaned down on the pavement to the plants where you saw the smallest gray kitten you’d ever seen. It was alone in the dark, in the rain, pleading with you to give it shelter.

“Hey angel.” You spoke softly, reaching your hand out towards the kitten. It immediately moved closer, nuzzling its head in your palm. Your eyes turned into hearts at the sight, knowing you couldn’t just leave it out here in the rain. You weren’t even thinking about what you were doing when you gently picked the cat up, bringing it inside with you. Both you and the kitten were grateful for the warmth of the heating system inside. It trembled in your arms, its tiny body pressing closer to you as if to soak up every bit of warmth it could find. You carefully carried the kitten up to the apartment, cooing soft reassurances as you climbed the stairs. By the time you unlocked the door, it had relaxed in your arms, a quiet purring sound vibrating against your chest. The sight was so adorable to you, you almost cried. That night the kitten slept in the bed with you, curled up against your chest. The next day was spent at the vet's office, getting it the right shots to be sustainable, then the pet store to get food. You spent the whole day with this kitten, falling in love with it by the minute. The thought of Quinn’s reaction crossed your mind several times throughout the day. You didn’t know what to expect, considering you’d never talked about pets with him. You’d seen how much he loved his parents' golden retriever, but you didn’t know how he was with cats. After all, it was his apartment so he ultimately had the final say on keeping Puck or not. That's the name you gave him after finding out his gender, hoping that the hockey roots would make Quinn fall in love just like you had. The cat slept curled up to you once again for the second night. In the morning, you got out of bed quickly knowing that Quinn would be home soon. You knew how he was after long roadies; tired, hungry, and mentally exhausted. You left Puck in the bedroom, shutting the door behind you, to start making breakfast. You decided to make Quinn’s favorite, chocolate chip pancakes topped with strawberries and whipped cream in hopes that it would sway his decision. You had a soft playlist ringing quietly throughout the house, mostly Cigarettes After Sex. You piled three pancakes on a plate, quickly topping it when you heard the lock of the door twisting. Quinn entered the apartment wearing a plain black t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair falling messily in his face. His beard had grown ever so slightly since he left last week, and you made a mental note to tell him how sexy it looked later.

“Hey, baby.” Quinn placed his suitcase by the door, quickly walking over to engulf you in the longest embrace ever. You took in the scent of his cologne as his grip around your waist tightened. “What are you doing up so early?” He said before placing a chaste kiss to your lips.

“It’s not early, it’s 9.” You laughed, running your hand along his bicep, grateful he was finally home.

“You’re avoiding the question.” He smiled softly as you ran your fingers through his tousled hair, covering his face. You slipped out of his grasp to turn around and present him with your homemade breakfast. “No way.” He said, quickly taking the plate from your hands. He sat at one of the barstools along the kitchen island, already diving into your hard work. “What’d you do?” He asks in between bites, mouth full.

“What are you talking about?” You gave him a sly smile, leaning against the kitchen sink across from him.

“You only make these when you’ve done something wrong.” He shakes his head looking down at the plate.

“What? No! I made them just to show you how much I love and missed you.” You couldn’t have sounded more guilty which he took note upon, squinting his eyes and sending you a half smile. He laughed it off and the two of you continued your small chats as he devoured the pancakes down to the plate. He told you stories about the guys from this week's games, and you told him about brunch with your friends and your shopping trip. You left out a key detail; there was a kitten in his bedroom. You had let it slip your mind, forgetting about it entirely. When he was done with his breakfast, he loaded his plate into the dishwasher, and the two of you went to the couch to relax. You were both sitting up, your head leaning on his shoulder while his arm wrapped around you. He went to pick up the tv remote when you heard a little “meow” coming from the bedroom. Your heart dropped in hopes that maybe he didn’t hear it?

“What was that?” Fuck. he heard it.

“What was what?” You laughed it off, trying to play dumb, but the cat cooed again.

“That!” He said, desperately trying to figure out what it was and where it was coming from.

“M-maybe it’s the stove. I probably forgot to turn it off.” You quickly got up from your seat, headed towards the kitchen.

“Stove doesn’t sound like that, baby.” He said looking back at you from the couch. You were pretending to adjust the stove when you heard the kitten begin to scratch at the bedroom door. “Hey, babe?” 

“Hm?” You cracked out, anxiety filling your lungs.

“What’s scratching at the door?”

“The…stove?” You let out, not able to find a better excuse. Quinn started walking towards the bedroom, to which you responded by racing there first, standing in front of the door to block him.

“What did you do?” He asked in his gentle parenting voice.

“I- uh…I love you?” You gave him a sheepish smile. He tilted his head to the side, his face becoming more stern. “Okay okay- just…Ugh!” You covered your face with your hands. “Just shut your eyes and hold out your hands.” Quinn did just that, stepping out of the way so you could open the door. When you turned the knob, Puck was sitting there in desperate need of affection. You pouted your lips at the kitten, knowing this may be the end of your wonderful friendship. He eagerly climbed into your arms, and you handed him over to Quinn whose eyebrows furrowed trying to figure out what was in his hands. “Okay, open.” Quinn looked down at the kitten, widening his eyes. His mouth parted slightly but no words were able to escape as he pulled it up to his chest. His eyes quickly softened when the cat curled up into him, purring against him. You bit your bottom lip in anticipation wondering what he would say, but his attention was fixated on Puck. “I found him outside the building I had to take him in.”

“Baby-”

“It was raining.” You gave him puppy eyes. “He was all alone in the cold city.” You pet the kitten's head. Quinn sighed and threw his head back slightly.

“He’s really fuckin’ cute.” He said, causing a hopeful laugh to escape your lips. “But, we can’t keep him.” You looked up at him, eyebrows knitted and pouting your lips.

“But, wh-”

“It’s just too much, babe. We’re always out of town, you have work, and I don’t even know if the complex allows pets.” He gave you a sympathy filled half smile.

“For god's sake, you’re Quinn Hughes! I'm sure the complex would allow the captain of their favorite hockey team to keep a kitten, especially one as precious as Puck.”

“Puck?”

“Yeah, that’s what I named him. Figured if I added a bit of hockey into the mix it might sway your vote.” You spoke softly, tears welling in your eyes. Quinn sighed heavily, looking down at the kitten who’d fallen asleep in his arms, then back to you. He knew adopting a cat wasn’t the most responsible thing to do at this time, but he also couldn’t bear the sight of you like this. 

“Since you’ve already grown so attached to Puck in the last two days, I suppose he can stay.” You looked up at him, your smile growing wider by the second. “Don’t make me regret this.” He laughed, stroking the kitten’s head with his finger.

“Thank you, thank you, thank youuu!” You exclaimed, wrapping your arm around his neck for a hug, making sure to not squish the kitten. “I love you so so much!” You began placing kisses all around his face, until eventually landing a peck on his lips. His face grew red and his smile widened before pulling you back down to the couch with the kitten in his hands. You all got settled into your spots, your head lying down on his thigh, sharing the spot with Puck as Quinn gently rubbed your back. Quinn put on a romcom the two of you had seen several times, just happy that he was finally home, even if it meant he had to deal with a new roommate.

“If this thing pisses on any of my furniture-”

“He won’t.” You dragged out in playful annoyance. Quinn sighed, trying to keep his moody attitude, but eventually failing, realizing why you wanted the kitten to stay so bad. He pet Puck gently, watching as he curled up into a ball on his lap. He couldn’t help smiling in awe, grateful that you had been so impulsive on your walk back home from the gym.

“You love him.” You mumbled, smiling as you drifted into sleep.

“Shut up.” He chuckled, running his fingers through your hair. “Maybe just a little.”

[ashstar1111]

babysitting storytime?? not a good one tho lol

its kinda long so be aware. also, sorry for any spelling/grammer mistakes, english isnt my first language.

ok so BACKROUND: theres this couple + two daughters (7 and 5 y/o) who lives two floors below me & my family, and both the parents had to work and they needed someonw to watch their girls from 8am to almost 5pm (so about 9h). 

Usually my little sis babysits for them but she had plans + she didnt feel like shes ready to babysit for so long (its the first family shes babysitting for), so she offered me the job. and me, being me, took it without thinking twice (spoiler alart, BIG MISTAKE).

so i wake up in the morning and i feel really ill, i almost threw up a few times and my stomach really hurts, but i dont have much time to worry about it so i suck it up like a big kid, drink my coffe, take the dog for a walk, come home, finish my coffe, and go to their house. 

so, get to these girls apartment at 8am sharp, and everything is fine for the first few hours, they’re snacking some chips and drinking WAY to much chocolate milk, as well as watching wired youtubes on the tv, they were honestly very well behaved at the begining tbh, so i just let them be. 

at like 11:30am they started being hungry and they asked me for some fruites, so i was like “okay :)” and went to cut some fruites and stuff for them. i cut them a peach and washed them two different types of grapes, put it all on a plate and brought it to them.

then, they said they want corn schnitzel and i was like, “okay, well you can eat the fruites while i make u some” and went to the kitchen. what i didnt know was that they were starting to play with the fruits instead of eating them, so i came back to find the grapes, still uneaten, but covered in green liquid sope (???), and one (1) pice of peach was eaten. thats it. no girls.

at this point its about 12:45pm and they’re not in the living room where i left them. why? because APPARENTALLY, they decided that braking into their parents room (which was locked, btw, dont ask me how tf they got in) to steal some Mentos, was the best thing to do after murdering fruites.

i caught them right before they found the Mentos, and brought them to the dining table to eat the schnitzel they asked for. after they ate they decided to play a game called “trying to get into mom and dad’s room to steal stuff”, and i had to literally STAND AND GAURD THE DOOR TO MAKE SURE THEY WERENT STEALING SHIT. 

then, as they relized that I was the main problem, they decided to start trowing things at me. moestly shoes and crayons and markers and dolls. i asked them to stop multipul times and tryed to talk to them like big girls, until they decided to take it one step forwared, and throw a PAIR OF SCISSURES directly at me. 

it didnt hit me bc i moved, and then i yelled at them that they’re not supposed to be throwing sharp stuff like that, especially not at people. they didnt give TWO SHITS, and their way of showing me that was to throw the scissures at me AGAIN.

at that point i kinda gave up, maybe bc i was tired, maybe bc i was feeling kinda ill, maybe bc i was hungry, or maybe bc ive had enough stuff thrown at me a this point. fuck knows, the point is, i fucking had it.

i got away from the door and yelled at them that i hope they treat the next babysitter to watch them better than that (bc FUCK IT im not going back in there, especially not for enother 9 fucking houres.) and that ill be telling their mom everything. 

they obviusly were like “yeah we dont really care”. and when im telling u i was so close to snapping, i mean i was SO FUCKING CLOSE. so, i did what every reasonable adult would have done, and i sat on the couch in the living room and had a silent meltdown while the girls i was supposed to be watching were stealing cendy from their parents :).

after about 15 muinets (so it was about 2pm) of silently crying, they came to apologize to me, but i was so fucking angry (i still am and its 10pm) that all i did was telling them that i dont want their apology, and again, that i hope they would treat the next babysitter better, and then i got up and went to the kitchen floor to text heir mom.

long story short: their mom called me and scolded them that it wasnt ok and shit, but im still angry (both that they think they have the right to throw a pair of scissures at me, and that they actually made me scared. the rest of the babysitting they behaved and shit so i hid in the bathroom, bc i was shaking (im still a bit shaky for some reason) and honestly i didnt feel like i could face them).

[everalii]

So, today is the last day of my crazy december working hours and I must say a few things that happened

I had terrible cramps on my period, my boss had to change my shift bc I was almost passing out at work. I loved that she did it, bc I got some rest, the medicine did it’s job and I was finally a functional human at night.

I became quite a good saleswoman (is this the right term? correct me please). Experience is all, and I learned to manage the different types of customers. Some do require more of your social skills, others are quite rude, and others are just quiet and want to do their shopping in peace. 

Honestly, multi-functionalism sucks, but if you have to do it, you do it. And I did it. Taking care of the office and part of the store at the same time sucks, I almost got insane. But somehow, everything worked out fine.

If you have fibromyalgia, working in stores might not be your thing. I know that from experience. While I’m grateful for everything I did, learned and endure, for the strength I realized I have, I’ll never work like this again. And this is a vow. I’m currently looking for another job, one that’ll not demand so much from me.

Last night, I ate a cake one of my coworkers brought to us, and I got intoxicated. Terrible stomache ache, headache, dizzyness, mind foggyness, pain all around, even threw up a couple times. I was in no condition to stay until 10pm, so I asked my manager if I could call it off for the day to go to the hospital. Se saw me rushing to the restroom to throw up, so she decided I had to go. I’m better now, my boyfriend took care of me.

The stress is real, y’all. The whole team is almost jumping on each others necks because we’re so drained we can’t even look at the each other. We needed a whole week off just to rest and recharge. But, this is capitalism, we’re not allowed. I got to a point where my ADHD and tiredness simply took over and I can’t function, I’m using a calculator to add 4 to 96, my brain can’t work right anymore.

So that was my experience from working monday-to-monday, 9am to 10pm in december. This is UNHUMAN, CRUEL and VILE. I learned a lot, yes, but mostly of what I don’t want in my life ever again.

And please, BE KIND TO THE SALESPEOPLE! I’ll never get tired of screaming this to the world. BE KIND TO US!

[luvrsofbts]

Can you write a fluffy jimin oneshot where he gets jealous of your new puppy bc u were drowning the puppy in attention leaving jimin behind.

Clingy, fluffy, whiney Jimin is my weakness 😩

Puppy Love

Pairing: Park Jimin x Reader

Genre: Fluff, crack

Summary: You didn’t think your 27 year old boyfriend would act this way after you’ve gotten a puppy.

A/N: HI BABE idk if you are alive 😭 but here is this long, overdue writing for you <3 forgive me pls I stopped writing for months and then here I am, back ?? Hopefully this goes well. Enjoy!

-

When Tae and his dog, Yeontan, came over to visit the new apartment that Jimin and you have just finished moving into, you couldn’t help the aggressive cuteness growing in your heart. You decided that maybe getting a new puppy would be good for Jimin and you, and your little apartment.

“Really? That’ll be great! We could have pet play dates!” Tae exclaimed over the phone after you have just told him about your idea.

“I know right! And it’ll be a great surprise too!” You reply, already imagining Jimin’s reaction.

“Alright, I have to go now, but let me know how it goes!” Tae said his goodbye as you agreed.

You jumped off your shared bed excitedly, in a hurry to put on your shoes and get the newest family member today. Jimin was still at work, so you had all day to get a puppy until he came home.

-

“And this is Levi. We found him on the side of a road on a rainy day, so we took him in,” The worker said, showing you the light brown puppy.

“Oh my gosh, he is so cute!” You grinned from ear to ear, playing with the puppy a little bit.

“He seems to really like you; he’s never this energetic when people come to see him,” She commented, admiring how the puppy instantly started to play with you.

“Really? Wow, maybe he’s the one,” You gasped, picking up the puppy and holding him to your chest.

“Well, if that’s so, then Levi finally has a home to go to!”

You nodded, looking back at the puppy in your arms.

-

“And this is your new home, buddy! Do you like it?” You giggled as you opened Levi’s cage, letting him explore his new home as he barked happily.

“Daddy’s not home yet, but in the meantime, why don’t we set up your stuff and toys?” You kind of splurged on Levi’s needs, but you couldn’t help it! You loved the puppy too much.

After a long evening of putting up Levi’s stuff, it was already 10pm, meaning that Jimin will be home any minute now.

You picked up the small puppy in your arms, walking to the front door just as Jimin came in.

“Hey ba- is that a puppy?” Jimin gaped, looking at the tiny little creature in your arms.

“Surprise! This is Levi, the newest addition to this family,” You exclaimed, showing him Levi.

“Oh my gosh, baby, he’s so cute. You got us a puppy?” He laughed, taking the puppy from you.

“Yep! I figured since we moved into a new apartment together, why not get a pet too?”

“You are so cute, pretty girl. This is great; I love you,” Jimin smiled before giving you a peck on the lips.

“I love you too, minnie,” You reply before giving a kiss to Levi as well.

-

“Baaabe, when are you coming to bed?” Jimin whined from your shared bed.

“Soon! I’m almost done teaching Levi this trick,”

“You two have been going at it for almost three hours now! Don’t you miss me?” He frowned.

“I always miss you, you big baby. Just give me five more minutes and then I’ll come to bed,” You teased.

After 15 minutes, you still weren’t in bed and Jimin had become even whinier.

“Levi’s taking up all of your attention and I don’t like it,” Jimin pouted as he stood in front of you, frowning while giving you the saddest eyes.

“Jimin, he’s a puppy, of course he’s going to need all of my attention. You should be giving him attention too, you are the dad!”

“I already gave him a lot of attention earlier! It’s time to go to bed!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll be with you in a minute,” You promised, taking the furball into your arms and walking over to his bed.

“Time to go to bed, buddy. Mommy will play with you tomorrow morning, okay?” You whispered to Levi before putting him down. He circled his bed a few times before finally going to sleep.

You admired your puppy before turning and walking back to the bed, where your cute boyfriend laid in, all snuggled up with a pouty face, waiting for you.

“My clingy baby, have I been neglecting you?” You giggled, sliding into the warm bed next to Jimin.

“Yes. Now you have to give me extra cuddles,” He murmured.

You hummed.

“-and kisses, and hugs, and attention,”

You laughed at his neediness, “Okay, minnie. Anything else?”

“Hmm. No, just want you to love me now,”

“That I will definitely do,” You assured him, running your hand through his fluffy mop of hair.

[catgirlforkaeya]

hello! i hope you're doing well and as a kaeya lover myself i love your account sm it brings me sm comfort! idk if you're taking requests rn but i just need soms hurt/comfort and maybe fluff (?) if u have time ofc!! let's say that reader and kaeya just got into their first relationship and they had an arguement but since they're still new into the relationship can you write how they resolve it?

i expect kaeya to be the one who communicate first since reader is kinda ignorant? i'd say their personality is almost like albedo haha i probably didn't project reader into myself ANYWAY SORRY IF THIS IS TOO LONG OR CONFUSING TY <3 can i be anon 🐏?

first fight

kaeya x gn!reader

hurt/comfort + fluff at the end

warnings: all lowercase + not proofread + i haven’t written in almost 2 months so it’s prolly bad asf + alcohol mentions + past arguments + teeny tiny mention of scars bc im evil to you guys

a/n: I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ANON 💔 AND YES U CAN ABSOLUTELY BE 🐏 ANON!! i also apologize if there’s errors i haven’t written in awhile i’m rusty eueueu

it had only been a few months since you and kaeya got into a relationship. you both were new to all of this, so when you two got into your first argument you were honestly clueless on how to resolve it.

you’ve known kaeya your whole life— you two grew up together in mondstadt. throughout all of those years you never fought, but within the first couple months in your relationship you had your first fight. it was a fairly serious fight. you’d gotten annoyed of how overprotective kaeya had been within the past few weeks, and that confrontation just caused a whole spiral of arguments. you said some vile comments, ones that you regret every night.

about a week or so ago you two decided to take a break after your argument. you didn’t break up or anything, just took some time off. that whole week was… interesting to say the least. you weren’t used to not talking to kaeya everyday. you were used to coming home and falling asleep next to him, waking up in his arms with your figures pressed tightly together. you missed hearing him whisper sweet nothings while you two were drifting off to sleep. as much as you missed everything you couldn’t bring yourself to go and apologize. deep down you knew you were wrong, but on the surface you acted otherwise. you knew you’d have to eventually say something if he didn’t.

you’ve done your best to avoid kaeya this week. you hated doing it but you knew it’d be way too awkward if you two ran into each other. avoiding the tavern, taking the less-busy sidewalks to places, doing your best to avoid the knights headquarters, etc etc. thankfully you hadn’t run into him.. yet.

-

it was already around midnight as you made your way into the knight’s headquarters. you should’ve turned these papers in to jean earlier, but you were still avoiding the headquarters the best you could during the day. right now was the perfect time for you since you knew kaeya would probably be at the tavern or back home. he rarely ever stayed overtime to work on paperwork nowadays, so you figured that you were in the clear.

your footsteps echoed throughout the hallway as you entered. everything was silent in the building, not a soul to be seen in the main part. all of the doors that were cracked had a dark room behind them. some were closed so you couldn’t tell if those had anybody in them, but you doubted. mostly everybody went home for the night around 9pm-10pm.

the light in jean’s office was off, so you had to aimlessly feel around on the wall until you found the switch. you were glad to see that jean had went home earlier than she usually does, you were just wishing she’d left the light on. you wanted to get in and out, fumbling around trying to find a light switch was just adding onto the time you spent in the building. finally your fingertips brushed across the switch.

you walked across the wooden floor, some of the boards creaking underneath your feet. jean’s desk was organized as usual. important paperwork and pens on the right side, stuff that wasn’t important was on the left, and new and untouched paperwork in the middle. your paperwork would be classified as the middle stack, so that’s where you placed it. you took a small glimpse at the paper on top. you recognized the handwriting— it was kaeya’s. only he would write his A’s and E’s in an abnormally curvy way.

just as you placed the paperwork on top of his, you heard a cough come from behind you.

your whole body tensed up for a second. you definitely were startled, simply because you figured that nobody else was in the building. apparently you were wrong though. slowly, you turned around to see who was behind you.

kaeya was standing in the doorway behind you, leaning up against the frame with his arms across his chest.

speak of the devil.

“we need to talk, [name],” kaeya spoke. for the first time you couldn’t quite place what tone he was speaking in right now. was it anger? was it sadness? was it just a normal tone? disappointment even? you had absolutely no clue.

“y-yeah, we do,” your words caught in your throat a little. he was right, you two did need to talk. if you wanted any chance of mending your relationship you couldn’t put it off any longer. you just weren’t prepared for confrontation right now. “can we do it somewhere else though?”

“my place?” he asked, almost as if he read your mind. it was the closest to the headquarters, so that would save you two a painfully long and awkward walk. you gave a small nod, following behind him out the doors. you shivered as the cold air hit you in the face, almost felt like icy needles against your skin.

you two moved throughout the city in silence. the only sounds that could be heard was your steps on the concrete and the small howl of the wind. any other time you wouldn’t really mind the silence between you two, but this time the silence allowed your mind to run wild with thoughts. the conversation that was bound to happen within a matter of minutes would determine whether you two moved forward in life together or break apart. you didn’t want the latter, you two had been friends since before you were teenagers. you didn’t want your foolish outrage where you spoke without thinking to be the downfall.

you couldn’t help but look over at kaeya and wonder if he was feeling the same way or not. you couldn’t read his face so you had no idea where this was going to go. guess you’ll find out soon.

—

as you stepped through the doors of kaeya’s house, you were greeted with a mostly dark house. you could see the glow of a light from his bedroom, but everything else was dark. the only thing illuminating the room was the moonlight shining on through the windows. shockingly the moon gave a good amount of light; you were able to see stuff clearly. not as clearly as if there were a lamp on, but clear enough.

you turned around to face him once you heard the door close. he was in the same position he was in when you saw him at the headquarters— one shoulder leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed. that’s one of the ways that he usually stands though, so it wasn’t too shocking.

you subconsciously mimicked his position too. you had your arms crossed as you stood, the only thing that was different was there was no wall to lean against. you had your calves pressed against the side of the couch. another difference was that your figure was a lot more tensed, while kaeya’s was more relaxed.

silence hung between you two once again. neither of you knew where to start. so many words that needed to be said were hanging on the tip of your tongues, but if you were to say them you were afraid of what would happen. deep down you knew this was going to get resolved, but the amount of anxiety and fear that this was the end drowned that out.

“we can’t avoid this forever,” kaeya was the one to break the silence. his voice echoed across the room to you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“i know,” you answered. you tried to keep your voice at a medium tone but it kept sinking lower and lower. this response almost sounded like a whisper, so you weren’t even sure that he heard it.

“i really don’t want to lose you over this, [name],” he began, “we’ve known each other for over two decades, i don’t want our first argument to be what makes everything go down in flames.”

you stood there for a moment, rolling your head up to look at the ceiling for a second. almost as if you were begging whatever was up there to let this go the right way.

“i’m sorry about everything i said. i didn’t mean to call you obsessive or a stalker. i was a total asshole th-that night— i’d gotten drunk off my ass that night and wasn’t thinking before i spoke. i kn-“ your voice started to crack mid-sentence. you felt your eyes begin to sting, tears welling up fast. you bit the inside of your cheek as an attempt to stop yourself from crying, that did nothing but leave a sore. “-i know that you have good intentions and want to keep me safe and i do the same for you. i don’t want this to be the downfall either— i’ve been up all damn week trying to figure out how to approach this. i’m also sorry i didn’t come to you first i was just afraid i’d like— cause another argument. you didn’t deserve the way that i treated you and i’m so sorr-“

the next thing you knew you felt kaeya’s arms wrap around you, pulling you tight against his chest. you don’t even know how you two ended up like this— you’d gotten so lost in your panicked apology ramble that you didn’t pay any attention to what happened. you didn’t know if you’d gone to him, if he’d came to you, or if it was a mutual action.

“it’s okay,” you heard him whisper, his grip on you tightening. “i forgive you hun. i’m sorry about everything that i said too. i was an asshole too.”

“i forgive you too,” you said with a shaky breath, tears threatening the spill even harder now. “i missed you so much.”

with that you both broke down. you buried your heads in the crook of each other’s necks and just cried. you had no clue how long you two cried for. a few minutes? a whole hour? who knows.

—

within a few hours you found yourself right where you felt like you belonged. laying in bed with kaeya, curled up tight next to his side with your head resting on his bare chest, and his arm wrapped around you rubbing small circles against your skin.

it was about 3 in the morning now. you two were wide awake but neither of you cared. you both were just happy to be back into your regular routine.

you tilted your head up to look at kaeya. he was focused on a book he was reading, but you knew he was watching you out of the corner of his eye. you just laid there for a few minutes admiring him. you’ve seen his face almost everyday for twenty years but it’d never not be pretty. everything about him was perfect to you. all the things that he swore were flaws, even the darkest sides of him were perfect in your eyes. many other people would disagree with you on this, but they didn’t know kaeya like you did.

you always knew you had feelings for kaeya. it just started out as some silly crush that children get, but it stuck with you throughout the years. even when you had a s/o, it would never feel real. their love and your love just felt very fake. you did have feelings for whoever you were with, but your feelings for kaeya would always get in the way. all of those relationships never showed you what it was like to be loved. you never knew what truly being loved felt like until you and kaeya started dating. honestly looking back he made you feel loved since the day you met, but at the time you didn’t realize that. sandbox love never really dies, does it? you two were living proof of that.

after awhile of looking at him you had to return to your original position. the way you had your chin resting on his chest as you looked up put an uncomfortable strain on your neck.

once you were comfortable again you placed a hand on his torso, aimlessly running up and down it. your fingertips brushed over some burn scars that he had on his abdomen. you let them linger there for a couple of seconds. you felt his abdomen tense for a small second, but you knew he didn’t mind. this was one of the many ways you two would silently say “i love you”— tracing over each other’s scars.

another hour passed before you felt your eyelids begin to grow heavy. kaeya must have been getting tired too because he finally put the book down and flicked off the light switch. now you two were laying in the dark, trying your best to go to sleep.

“goodnight darling,” kaeya mumbled, you could tell he was on the brink of sleep just by his voice.

you shifted around some so that you could give him your goodnight kisses. first you placed some lazy kisses to his jawline, then some more kisses on his lips.

“goodnight bub,” you whispered against his lips between kisses. “i love you.”

“i love you more,” he said in response as you shifted back to the way you were laying before.

right before you let sleep consume you, you let out a small sigh of relief. you’d been stressing about your argument all week, and now it was all over. everything was okay now, you and kaeya were okay.

you and kaeya were okay.

© all rights reserved to catgirlforkaeya. reposting, plagiarizing, modifying, and translating is NOT allowed.

[zukuist]

beach [hcs]

“you go on a beach vacation with them”

includes: todoroki shouto, shinsou hitoshi, bakugou katsuki

your name is shortened to y/n, f!reader, no corona au, engaged au with shouto, bilingual reader??

notes: i thought of this because i watched twice’s momo and sana hawaii vlog, and they literally looked like they were having the best time of their life?? so i decided to make this <3

-

todoroki shouto

so this is how it all began

todoroki comes home to you sitting on the couch, scrolling on your phone

and he moves behind you to rest his head over yours, and he sees you looking at hawaii pictures

todoroki’s like “do you wanna go there?” since you were just staring at that one particular photo

and you’re like “maybe?? i would visit hawaii if i got the chance.”

todoroki’s like.. “i have money, and time so.. do you wanna go to hawaii?”

but you’re like “but.. aren’t you a pro hero? what if something happens?”

“i can take a few days off, and besides— we’re engaged so staying in hawaii for a bit doesn’t sound bad.”

and that’s how it all began

the both of you guys are so hyped for this vacation, well.. most especially you since you wanted to go there

you wanted to split the expenses with him, but he already paid for the nicest hotel </3

todoroki can only watch in amusement and adoration, as you sit there all cute beside him on the plane going there

japan and hawaii are really far from each other so.. the both of you guys take a lot of naps— heating you up with his left side as y’all do so.

people stare at y’all a lot, but most especially shouto because.. hello? who wouldn’t (he doesn’t stare back at them though, his eyes are glued on you.)

shouto has basic english knowledge, so it’s not as good as yours— so he has to rely on you for a bit.

but the actual trip was super enjoyable

he purchased you some cute clothes for you to wear, and he absolutely loves seeing you in summer dresses

the dress compliments your skintone so well, insert todoroki simping

will also probably buy you a cute lil hair clip

lots of pictures taken there. have mercy on his storage bc it’s all jusy burst photos of you

his cheeks go a little red when he sees you in your swim attire— but gosh! look at him in his swim wear, that fine mofo

he’ll help you apply sunscreen on your back if you need help, and he’ll just watch you play in the water from afar

but don’t get me wrong, you’ll eventually drag him into the ocean

he’ll help you dry off after swimming (if you have curly hair, he’ll just watch you dry your hair, as he dries your body off.)

then, y’all will take a walk around the place— enjoying the scenery while talking about whatever

then he’ll bring you to the restaurant for some dinner, and he’ll get you anything— dessert, drinks, etc (uGH pls marry me)

at the end of the day, y’all head back to the hotel extremely satisfied—

and the both of you guys fall asleep in each others arms, his right side cooling you off

shinsou hitoshi

shinsou’s not a big vacation person, so y’all don’t go on vacations a lot

but he feels like he should do something for you, since the crime rate has gone done drastically

and he wants to celebrate with you, but he just doesn’t know what to do yet.

until he sees you looking at bahamas pictures on pinterest, and suddenly— he knows what he wants to do

“do you want to go to the bahamas?” he’ll bring it up when y’all are eating lunch

“hm, i want to! but there’s just no correct time.”

“ah but, the crime rate has gone down by a lot— so i want to celebrate by bringing you there.”

your eyes brighten up, and it seems to be that bringing the bahamas up has made you happy

y’all both plan it out maybe 5 days before, and the both of you split the expenses

i headcanon that once you guys are old enough, you get a cat

so you had to drop off the cat at a friend’s house, because you’d be at hawaii for nearly a week

encourages you to sleep on the plane ride, but this man won’t sleep on the plane at all (you won’t catch him lacking)

he’s a little overwhelmed when he gets there at first, because.. it’s so bright tf

but it’s actually a really relaxing place.

compliments you when he sees you wearing your swim attire. he looks very casual but on the inside, he’s freaking out

he’ll watch you play around in the water from the shade,

and if he thinks you’re going a little too far, he’ll probably jump right in and bring you back lol

another person that’ll take a lot of pictures, but they’ll be so memey </3 so he’ll have something to tease you about in the hotel room

but don’t get me wrong, he takes good pictures of you

he’ll let you lay your head on his lap while he dries your hair (that is, if you don’t have curly hair)

but if you do, he’ll just let you rest on his lap— as he checks your body for any sun burns

ugh you look so fine in your sundress though, he’s tracing your sides as he tells you how “pretty you look in that dress, kitten”

y’all will probably get room service, since hitoshi prefers it in there— since he can talk about how good you look so openly

then, you’ll take a walk around the shoreline, enjoying how the beach looked at night time— brieflu before returning back

will ask if you enjoyed the entire experience, hand in yours as he luls you to sleep

bakugou katsuki

okay.. but you have to convince him for a long time, and you have to be consistent

at first, he’ll scoff at you and say “no, do you know how expensive that is?”

but you’re rich? tf bakugou

okay but he actually wants to go with you, he just wants to plan this trip at least 2 months prior.

and he’s a big tsundere

but he does all the planning, because everything has to be correct for y/n!

but he’ll still go to you for confirmation.

okay but.. he’ll make y’all leave at 6pm for your flight at 10pm, and then he’ll nag you to go to sleep on the plane

like smh— why are we so early??

anyways, once y’all arrive there— he’ll watch you run around the beach, basking in the beautiful scenery

he’ll just smirk in amusement as you do so

you’ll buy those flower clips, and he’ll just laugh and say they “don’t look that bad”

but he’s actually simping hard for you, so don’t be misguided.

when he sees you in your swimwear, his cheeks will be red,

then he’ll say stuff like “can we just stay in? you look so good rn it’s unreal, y/n”

a lot of people stare at him for multiple reasons.

one— he’s hot

two— he’s such a beefy pro hero

but he’s actually trying his best to be on the down low, because this is a trip for you and him.

he doesn’t care about anyone else rn.

he’ll take a few pictures of you and him, and he’s surprisingly a good photograper

(i feel like all of them are, but in their own way.)

will laugh at you playing in the water, and he’ll probably take one video of you being absolutely wrecked by a wave

but if he sees you getting dragged in too much, he’ll come and save you lol

“idiot,” he scolds as he dries your body off, flicking your forehead as he goes on a tangent about how you almost drowned

man’s the son of 2 fashion designers so you bet he was the one that bought you new clothes for you to wear

he’s still pleased by the appearance of you in a pretty dress.

y’all will probably buy ingredients in hawaii, so he could cook y’all something (you could do that there)

then, he’ll probably feed you the food— as he asks you how you feel about everything, and if the experience was perfect

after dinner, he’ll probably offer to massage your feet just because he can (he doesn’t do this a lot so !!)

bakugou really enjoyed going to hawaii, surprisingly. he’s just very tsundere about it

he’ll probably arrange more vacations with you from now on

—

©️izukulie 2021, bnha|mha belongs to horikoshi kohei. do not steal ❕

[yakultberry]

daffodils in winter (1); l.jh

✪ summary: in ancient times, only two lovers were able to sway hades into granting them a second chance at life together. even so, a single look back doomed their love story to inevitably remain a tragedy. but is fate truly set in stone or are we able to mold it with our own hands?  ✪ pairing: orpheus!jihoon x eurydice!reader  ✪ genre(s): angst, fluff, reincarnation au, modern greek mythology au, just,,,, a lot of pining ✪ word count: 3.2k words 

✪ a/n: surprise @custardheart​!! i’m your cwc secret santa! c: <33 i had so much fun trying to not to make it obvious that it was me HAHAH i even told you my dog’s nickname in case you had seen him before. i always love our conversations hahah it feels like we could just talk for hours and hours, especially since we have so much in common hehehe you are literally one of the sweetest people i know on cwc and i’m so glad to call you my friend!!

anyway, this took me so long and it’s not even complete 😔 i really wanted to try making a fic that caters to you and all the things you like reading so i just tried throwing it all in there LOL also peep the banner bc i tried to imitate your blog aesthetic too (which i LOVE by the way). since i didn’t want to leave you empty-handed or for you to think i forgot about you while i complete this fic, i decided to just release it in parts adkjsfals hopefully that’s ok!! 

merry christmas and happy new year, taylor!! I LOVE YOUUU 🥺💖

It was nearly 10pm but the night was as lively as ever with people bustling and weaving along like the small stream that flowed through the middle of the stone-paved walkway. They strolled down the worn path on which thousands of footsteps had passed before them, their breaths lingering in the December air as they laughed together and whispered soft wishes. The harsh bite of winter never deterred couples from coming  out to the walkway; in fact, many lovers used the cold as an excuse to clasp each other’s hands tighter, to press their warm bodies closer together. Even on the harshest nights, the walkway welcomed a handful of couples who would stay until the early hours of the morning. 

This could, in part, be attributed to the walkway itself, or rather what could be found on the walkway. Anyone who stepped along the trodden path would soon find the walkway’s source of life and warmth: a flower stand. Now there were many walkways with flower stands, some even host more than one stand, but none ever seen like this. Even in the middle of winter, the humble stand teemed as though it were early spring with its variety of soft pink tulips, vibrantly purple violas, dainty white snowdrops, and daffodils so yellow they nearly glowed. Each flower was in almost unnaturally pristine condition-- there was never one droopy petal or dried up leaf. Rumor stated that if you bought a bouquet for your significant other, your relationship would surely last a lifetime, outlasting the winters that you might endure. 

Jihoon, of course, knew that this was all a very elaborate marketing scheme to lure out crowds of hopeful couples. While he didn’t have a green thumb himself, he figured that technology must have advanced enough to allow for such beautiful flowers to exist despite the cold, but he wasn’t all too invested in finding out the how’s and what-for’s of the small stand. As long as it brought out the crowds, Jihoon couldn’t care less if the stand scammed naive romantics into throwing away their money for some flimsy symbol of everlasting love. What mattered to him was finding an audience, and he knew, without doubt, that he would find one here. He could already feel the lingering eyes of passersby as he arranged his amp and microphone, filling him with a bubbling anticipation that made his fingers itch for his guitar. 

Despite the tattered appearance of the case, the guitar within seemed to be lined with gold along its edges, gleaming fantastically under the light of a street lamp. Upon closer inspection however, it was apparent that the instrument was well-worn with its own array of scuffs and scratches along the neck and body from its many years of performance. The guitar fit into Jihoon’s hands as if it were molded to be held by him, and he smiled to himself as he strummed each string to check for tuning. Just like that, he felt home. 

“Do you always have to set up so close to me?” At the sound of your voice, Jihoon felt his grin widen, and he immediately looked up to make sure that you saw it in all its smug, cheeky glory. You stood to the side with a pair of stem clippers in hand, which he might have found intimidating had you not been holding a daffodil in the other. The endearing smile that itched at the corners of your lips didn’t do much to scare him either.

“This is where all the foot traffic is, so yes,” he mused teasingly. He then pointed to the flower in your hand. “I see you’re getting ready to shower me in flowers after my performance. People usually throw roses though, you know.”

“Okay, just don’t let it get of hand this time,” you said over your shoulder, already turning back to return to your flower stand. He didn’t dare look away, because on your third step back, you always twirled to face him for a moment to flash your unfaltering smile at him, which he mirrored.“The whole neighborhood must have thought you were having a concert with all the people that came out.” 

“That wasn’t my fault!” he called after you, but you had already returned to your post, greeting several new customers who looked at your bouquets with awe and wonder. 

As you began to gather flowers for a couple’s request, you could hear Jihoon finally open his set with a healing, energetic tune that had the small crowd clapping along to the beat. The first time he had come out to the walkway, it had shocked you how the first note he strummed had immediately taken a hold of you, how it had somehow melted your concentrated frown into a smile with ease. It had been the end of a long day and you were ready to close up shop when a boy had set up for a busking session nearby. Although he only brought one small amp, you felt each note resonate in your chest, and felt the music brush your skin as though it hung in the air like a mist. Suddenly, thoughts of your stressful day had dissipated, dissolved by the boy’s guitar and clear, pure voice. It was unlike anything you felt before.

And yet, it was so easy for you to give in to the enchanting sensation, falling into its embrace like you were reunited friends.  

Now you anticipated the way the melody gently tugged your lips into a smile and how your heart beat seemed to fall into rhythm with each chord. You knew you weren’t the only one so strongly moved by the music though. The customers you were currently tending to, a young couple new to the walkway, had immediately turned their heads towards Jihoon as he continued his set with another lighthearted tune about confessing and butterflies. Their sparkling eyes told you that you weren’t the only one moved by Jihoon’s music, and you couldn’t help but notice how they subconsciously reached for each other’s hands, fingers intertwining fondly. Much to your concern, a wistful sigh escapes your lips at the sight. Your eyebrows furrowed as you felt a dull ache blanket over your chest. 

You tried shaking your head to rid yourself of the feeling, rushing to finish wrapping up the flowers in brown paper and string. “Your bouquet is ready!” you said much louder than intended, snapping the couple from their daze. Both blinked in surprise at their clasped hands as if just realizing how close they’d gotten, and you bit back a giggle when they could no longer meet each other’s eyes. Much like many of your other customers on the nights that Jihoon busked, they immediately joined his audience after paying, unable to get enough of his sweet voice. You stared after them for a bit, feeling somewhat intrusive as they overcame their initial hesitance and held hands once more. And suddenly it was there again: this time it felt more restless like you were waiting, but for what, you didn’t know. 

It wasn’t the first time you felt this way.  In fact, every time it creeped up on you like this, it frightened you how it settled in the pit of your stomach so effortlessly as if it had made a home there, deep inside you. It made you feel like you had been waiting for tens of thousands of lifetimes. Like you had been waiting so long that you forgot what you were waiting for.

At this point, you weren’t sure if you wanted to remember. 

Throughout your life, the weight in your chest had made itself known only a handful of times, usually in quiet moments when the dark felt like it could swallow you up. It was the reason why you took refuge in the bright hustle and bustle of the walkway and why you lingered if only to be surrounded by your flowers. But now, it followed you even in the middle of a crowd, in the midst of the music. 

“Hi! Could I get some roses?” The voice of a new customer finally tugged your attention from the couple, allowing for the pressure in your chest to dissolve for the moment. 

 “Of course you can, sir,” you chirped, relieved for the distraction. “What color?  Would you like a bouquet?”

The customer, who stood alone, seemed to wiggle in thought. “Red, I guess! Don’t worry about wrapping them up! I’ll just take them as is, since I’ll be throwing them to that busker over there.” 

“Oh! Wow, he must have made a real fan out of you, sir.” 

At your statement, he let out a chuckle. “Oh, for sure. I wish he chose a warmer venue though.I guess that can’t be helped,” he said, giving you a meaningful nod, eyes gleaming as they always seemed to. You were taken aback by the sudden realization: You’ve met him before. 

“Right,” you replied absentmindedly, forcing yourself to focus on gathering the last of your customer’s order in an attempt to mask your bewilderment. You were positive that you had never seen this man’s face in your life, yet you were struck with the insistence that not only did you know him, but that he knew you too. He was there, somewhere in your memory. But the closer you tried to get, the further you seemed to step into a murky fog; was it a far away memory or was it just a dream? Chancing a glance at him only served to fluster you even further, especially with the way his smile made you feel as though he could sense your inner bewilderment. You cleared your throat and timidly returned his smile as you handed him his roses. “Anyway uh-- here is your order, sir! He’s about to play the last of his set, so you should probably get over there. Hopefully he likes them!”

“Oh, I’m sure he will love them,” the customer grinned, placing cash in place of the flowers. “Well, I’ll see you around!” 

And with a quick wink, he made his way to join Jihoon’s audience, and once more, you were left to deal with your thoughts on your own. What was it with the customers and launching you into emotional reveries tonight? You decided that that was a good excuse as any to close up shop for the night; you weren’t sure that you’d be able to handle another bout of deja vu or inexplicable longing. Plus you wanted to properly watch Jihoon’s last song, as you always did. You glanced over at him as you cleaned up,  but you were quick to avert your gaze when he suddenly met your eyes and offered you a wide grin. 

As much as you enjoyed his music, you couldn’t ignore how his appearance in your life coincided with these recurring feelings. It was perplexing how it seemed that with one strum of his guitar, he somehow brought you both comfort and simmering unease. But if you were being honest, you couldn’t say you hated it. You knew that if you asked him to set up  a little more upstream, your flower stand would undoubtedly become your haven once more. It was an easy fix. Simple. But even when his weekly busks frequented to every other day, you only found yourself clutching tighter to that moment of elation when he began a performance. 

When you stood there and listened to him play, you had a growing certainty that you would go through any length of suffering if it meant you could keep that moment. 

Jihoon was barely able to sing his last note when the crowd drowned him out with applause and, to his surprise, showered him in several roses from the stand. He caught one in his hand, eyes shining with laughter as he immediately searched for your face. Instead of finding you though, he caught sight of someone that wiped the smile from his lips. Before he could so much as curse under his breath, the man took hold of his microphone and addressed the audience.

“Bravo, bravo! Ladies and gentlemen, please give another round of applause for Woozi, Olympic Entertainment’s feature producer! Woo!” the man boomed a little too close to the mic. “Olympic Entertainment sincerely thanks you for all of your love and support from this past year. We hope that you can continue supporting us and listening to Woozi’s ballads in this upcoming year. Please be on the lookout for his new single that we will be releasing on New Year’s Day!”

As the crowd erupted into murmurs and whispers, the man turned to beam at Jihoon, who replied with a stare as cold as the wind. “Soonyoung, what are you doing here?”

“The boss wants you to stop screwing around and get back to the studio,” Soonyoung said with a shrug. 

“I’m not screwing around! You know damn well why I came out here--”

“Hey, those were his words not mine-- I’m just delivering them.” Jihoon tensed when he felt Soonyoung’s hand on his shoulder, having half a mind to shrug it off. He knew though, that Soonyoung had little choice when it came to the boss’ word, and neither did he. There was no use in taking out his frustrations on his friend, especially when the damage was already done. “You know that I would never have taken it that far if I didn’t have to.” 

Jihoon sighed, nodding. “I know. I’ll just see you tomorrow.”

The crowd gradually dispersed as Jihoon packed away all of his equipment, and suddenly, he felt the full force of winter without the warmth of the crowd shielding him. He hadn’t expected that it would be so cold. After his previous busk sessions, several people in the audience would stay a while longer and approach him, usually to make conversation about his music or to simply thank him for the performance. Now they kept their distance, looking his way discreetly while they whispered about who he really was like he couldn’t hear them. Jihoon scoffed and slammed his guitar case shut, numb fingers fumbling at the clasps.

“Are you okay?” He didn’t have to look up to know that it was you. 

“I’m fine,” he huffed out, jaw clenched. When you didn’t make any move to leave, he gave in and looked at you, a grave mistake on his part. At the sight of your sympathetic smile, he sat back down on the bench; there was no use struggling to put up a front when you seemed to see right through it anyway. You sat on the opposite end of the bench, facing him to show that you were there to listen. After all those times he came here, this was probably the closest you’d ever gotten to him, and yet Jihoon found himself wishing you had sat closer. “Well, I’ve been better.” 

“I’m sorry that I sold that guy those flowers. If I had known that he was going to do that, I--” 

“No, that was all on me,” Jihoon said quickly, unable to let you apologize any further when you were merely doing your job. “You probably think I just came here for some promotional stunt.”

“I mean I didn’t, but now that you mention it…” Without knowing it, Jihoon let out a chuckle at your teasing.  “Even if it was for promotions, I don’t think anyone here would mind. Plenty of people busk to promote themselves. I don’t think that makes their songs any less genuine.” 

He shook his head, the sigh that left his lips hanging in the air for a moment. “I mind. I love my job and everything, but I really needed a break from all that extra stuff. I came here because I knew it would just be about the music. No one had stopped to listen because it was my music or if it was a Woozi production or whatever. They only listened because they liked it. Now I won’t know if that’s actually the case.”

“I don’t see why they can’t enjoy your music while knowing who you are,” you said, eyebrows scrunched together, and Jihoon watched as you rested the side of your head against the back of the bench. Have your eyes always been this captivating? You dropped your voice to a stage whisper. “Is that your secret? Is your music magical only for those who don’t know your true identity?”

“Something like that. Isn’t my music a bit more impressive if I’m just a regular person and not a professional producer?” Jihoon laughed. “I mean, imagine if people knew the secret behind how you grow your flowers in the winter. Don’t you think they’d be less inclined to buy them?” 

You snorted. “I don’t have a secret, though?”

“Oh come on, you literally sell springtime flowers in the winter! You must get them imported or have some kind of fancy greenhouse.” 

“I literally can’t even rent a space to sell my flowers indoors. I can’t afford any of that! They’re just flowers that I’ve grown in my garden. I tell people how I grow my flowers all the time and it doesn’t change anything. It still means something to them,” you said insistently. And then, softer, “Just like how knowing you’re some big shot producer doesn’t change the fact that I’ve never heard music like yours before.” 

Jihoon swallowed, wanting more than ever to close the distance between the two of you. It was a gravity that he felt ever since his first performance, something he had originally attributed to the walkway and how perfect it was for his busks. As he sat here beside you though, the force seemed to tug at his chest almost painfully until it was aching. With his hands clenched, he tore his gaze away from you, unsure of what he was going to say next. His thoughts were fuzzy, like a static television screen going in and out of focus, and the only image he could make out was you. Or at least he hoped that it was you. 

“By the way, ballads? I’ve only ever heard you play happy songs.” 

“This was the only place I could play them,” Jihoon replied quietly. When his eyes met with yours, he was taken aback by how much he meant it; even if he tried to play these songs in the studio, he was certain that it wouldn’t be the same at all. Forcing a smile, he finally met your eyes again. “It was nice while it lasted.” 

“Wait, are you not… are you not going to come back anymore?” 

“I don’t think I should. There wouldn’t be any point, right? Since people know who I am now.” 

“Oh.” I still don’t know who you are. This time, you were the one to turn away from him, a small frown on your lips. A harsh wind came in then, ruthlessly rustling the bare branches of trees and lifting loose petals from the ground around your stand. They swirled in the air wildly for several moments before raining down on where you and Jihoon sat in silence. Seeing how he shivered, you took the scarf off your neck and wrapped it around his own. “Here take this.”

“W-what about you?” When he moved to return the item, you shook your head and smiled.

“I’m used to the cold.”

[heartbeetz]

teacup + moonlight for whoever youre thinking about today! -kombatgf

@kombatgf I'm going to do each of these with a different f/o, just bc I feel like that gets the most interesting results.

Teacup + Carlos : do you make things for your f/o often? do you make them a favorite drink, dessert, etc?

Yeah! I love cooking, especially for other people!! I'd make tons of stuff. One of my favorite desserts, though, is chocolate mousse. It's really easy to make but still comes across as a "fancy" dessert, so I'd probably make it for him a lot. I like to think he'd enjoy it just as much as I do.

Moonlight + Owlan : what are your nighttime rituals like? which side of the bed does your f/o sleep on? what time do you usually head to bed? do you even share a bed?

Thinking about this made me realize I almost always sleep on the right side of the bed... I'd never thought about it before. But! That doesn't apply as much here. Since my s/i Baryl is a mogma, he usually stays up a lot later than most people do. Owlan likes to call it a night around 9 or 10pm after tending to his plants, but Baryl stays up fossil hunting until around 3am. Afterwards, though, he'd probably curl up on top the covers and the two could rest together until morning (whenever they decide that is).

[ontochristine]

02.01.21

Two weeks since EK’s birthdate. I had hoped to write this sooner, while things were still fresh, but I’m learning that newborn care takes a lot of attention!

To recap my labor & delivery...

My EDD was 1/29. Up until January’s Kaiser appointments, EK had been measuring a little larger so we all thought he’d come sooner. Then Jan’s appointments showed he was back on track. It was both good and disappointing news. Work picked up after the holidays and my coordinator just started, so I needed the time to catch her up and get things in order. On the flip side, at 37 going on 38 weeks, I was really uncomfortable; sleeping horribly, back hurting, eating endlessly, etc. In other words, I was ready for baby to come out asap. By mid-Jan, DK & I figured baby would come closer to his EDD, whereas before DK figured he’d come around 2 weeks early and I thought he’d come 1 week early.

Fridays became my favorite days of the week while pregnant because 1) end of work week, 2) our takeout day and 3) sleep aid night (sleeping was awful during pregnancy and the sleep aid helped me get one full night of rest). So Friday, I wound down and went to bed between 9-10pm, while DK played DOTA in the second bedroom per usual. Sat am, I woke up with a spreading warmth waist down. I thought at first maybe I had like triple the layer of blankets in that area until I felt the wetness with my hands. Then thought to myself, “Is this my water breaking?” So I started to yell for DK but he was knocked out. I waddled my way to the bathroom, stripped, washed off my body & my PJ pants. At this point, I figured, “Well who knows how urgent this is. I’ll wake up DK after I’ve called Kaiser.” So I call, they advise to come to hospital as soon as possible - but no crazy rush - and I wake up DK, who doesn’t leap to his feet but more annoyed/groggy haha. This man doesn’t like to be woken up anyway. Knowing we have time, I put on makeup (I admit it! I’m vain!), try to figure out how to stop the leaking with the limited pads I have, and start packing last few things into the hospital bag. Then I eat an apple and write Janice’s bday card (whyyy do I irrelevant things during times like this). We finally head out and because of COVID, only I walk into the hospital where I’m seen in the triage area. Since it’s so early (before 8a), the hospital is really quiet and a Korean nurse comes to see me. I count both these things as God’s hand over me :) She chatters on and on about this and that and tells me that DK should definitely bring up snacks and it’ll be a while. So I send DK to Costco and he ends up coming to the hospital around 1p, after I’ve moved to the L&D unit.

The medical staff administered pitocin around 11a (?) and from 11a-4p, we just waited for the contractions to build up. Started a new show called Cobra Kai and ate the popsicles from the hospital. ALSO important to note that I sent DK to buy snacks in the am and then we later found out once Pitocin is in my system, I can’t eat solids until baby is out. I had like 8 popsicles over the course of waiting. Anyway, come 4p, the contractions were painful enough to request the epidural and by then, I started crying from the pain. It was just like the miscarriage contractions. I think the reminder of that mc coupled with the new pain made it an emotional experience for me again. The tears wet my mask, I muffled my gasps bc of the nurses and I was embarrassed, and my mind was just blank from the pain. I don’t know how women deliver without the epidural!! With the epidural hooked up and several tubes and devices on me, the pain subsided but around 6-7p, a bunch of nurses and doctors stormed into our room saying “baby is a little grumpy so we’re gonna do XYZ”. One staff member started reading off C-section risks to me to get my verbal consent, others tried to get me into an all-fours position, while another put an oxygen mask on me. I think the oxygen mask really freaked me out. Meanwhile DK was off to the side just watching and I didn’t say anything. Eventually things calmed down, we didn’t need the C-section and DK & I agreed that some calmer context would have helped haha. We waited overnight to dilate fully and by 5am on Sunday, we were ready to go! After pushing for 5 minutes, EK was born (cone-shaped and blue) and my first words were, “What the heck!” Once we cleaned up, it hit me how freaking adorable he was. DK sent photos and messages to both families and that was that!

As the epidural wore off and the catheter removed , I was introduced to the wonderful & embarrassing world of urinary incontinence. Almost immediately, I wet myself (a lot!) and the nurses had to tend to me. Thankfully, I heard, read or watched YT videos about this so I was pretty shameless about it. Like, what can I do? I have no control! We got moved to the post partum unit before Sunday noon which was slightly smaller and there, we had a nurse or doctor check on us or EK every other hour. Going to the bathroom every three hours to prevent serious leaking was annoying and the IV became super painful, since I started to move around and hold EK. I was on email for about an hour, canceling & consolidating meetings, and crafting my final week at work message. I decided I needed one more week (even while EK was here) to transition everything smoothly and feel at peace, which is another way of saying “I know it’s unconventional but this is how I want to do things!” I finally checked my phone - not sure why, but I hated the thought of texting or holding conversations during the L&B/pp time. I think I was just exhausted. I slept so poorly with the nurses coming to check on me every hour from the night before and I was just mentally and physically off. 

Come Monday am and with the prospects of going home soon, I felt better and Facetimed umma & appa. When I got wheeled Covid with EK in my arms, the nurse covered his face with the swaddle...covid things to recall years from now. Finally, we got home! And as we lifted EK out from the carseat, DK & I were both kind of amazed. “It’s like we went shopping and came back with a baby!” And the first few nights, of just me and DK, were so special. Just figuring it out. Powered by adrenaline and burning desire to do things right for our baby.

On night 2, EK’s circumcision bandaid had come undone and hung onto his skin by a thread. We didn’t know what to do, since we were told this & that about the circumcision healing process. Anyway, we decided to pull it off and EK’s cries broke me - and I’m pretty sure it tore at DK too. We knew it was already painful for EK but the sight of the swelling, bright red part + his crying was too much for these two new parents. I cried and cried and cried haha. But to conclude the whole circumcision story, after about 1 week of careful tending, he is fully and perfectly healed :)

[kang-euigeoni]

Night Shift

Summary: Ong Seungwoo is a part-timer in your local convenience store who gets a little bit too involved in your life.

Genre: romance, fluff

you go home late everyday at around 10pm and pass the same convenience store on the way home

you eat a late dinner here often

you’ve tried almost all the brands of ramyeon and they have your favorite kind of bread

seungwoo works here as the part-time cashier and knows you’re a regular, but you never seem to notice him and you never talk

tbh it would be hard not to notice you bc there’s not a lot of customers at 10pm

and you look like you’re around his age so he’s curios about u

he just watches u eat at the table near the glass windows not in a creepy way or anything he just finds you cute

he knows that you always get junk food or instant dinners

one day the manager says to close down early

it’s a holiday the next day, and business at night in this area is slow anyway

seungwoo wants to argue at first, knowing that it’s one of those nights that you usually stop by late at night

so he keeps delaying closing the store by taking his time cleaning, recounting the cash in the register thrice, slowly, and stalling the delivery guys who came to deliver new stocks just before closing

in the end, he couldn’t delay the manager much longer and they lock up at around 10pm

--which is of course, right when you arrive

you ask seungwoo why they’re closed and he’s surprised because this is the first time you’ve talked to him and he gets a little flustered

he explains why and notices you look really disappointed

just then, your stomach chooses to conveniently grumble really loudly, and you’re absolutely devastated because you just embarrassed yourself in front of a stranger

but more importantly, you’re hungry, so you turn around to look for somewhere else to eat

seungwoo panics a bit and yells, “WAIT!” which kinda scares you but you turn to look at him anyway

he’s nervously scratching the back of his neck and mumbling something

“uh i notice you’re always eating like, unhealthy stuff from the convenience store and i know that sounds creepy but i’m not creepy at all i was just wondering if maybe you’d like to get dinner since you seem hungry and maybe you just need to eat something healthier but it’s totally okay if you don’t want to i mean freedom of choice and uhhhhh sorry i’m blabbering”

you find it cute and laugh, but you tell him you don’t have money

but he says he’ll treat you so you look at him like he’s an angel sent from heaven which btw he is and eagerly agree!!!!!!

he’s not rich too so you eat at a street food stall he knows downtown

but he’s hilarious and energetic, and has an atmosphere that makes you feel comfortable, and he seems so carefree. you almost forgot where you were going because you were so caught up in your conversation

“if it weren’t for the food, i wouldn’t have come with a stalker like you. but food is my weakness,” you joke

“yo, i’m not a stalker, i just work there and you come in all the time!! i wouldn’t have invited you if i wasn’t worried for your health because you only eat convenience store meals”

“why do you work so late at night anyway?”

“I’m a trainee right now, and between school and practice, the night shift is the only shift that fits my schedule”

“must be tough” you say, but he shrugs. it’s for his dream, he says. to be a performer on stage. and so you ask him to perform for you right now, and he does but

his “performance” is singing REALLY LOUDLY in the middle of the street in front of the street food cart, and it’s almost midnight and the streets are empty but you’re screaming “ONG SEUNGWOO! I’M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!” and the street vendor is laughing and the drunk guys at the next table are cheering him on

after he calms down, he asks you why you’re always out so late alone and jokingly asks if you don’t have a boyfriend to spend time with

you tell him that your college classes end late at night but you can’t afford a dorm so you commute home every night, but by the time you get home everyone’s asleep so making yourself dinner would be too noisy, so convenience store meals it is

seungwoo looks really serious as you talk, but then you say “also no, I don’t have a boyfriend.” and he can’t hide his smile

he doesn’t ask you out but after that day you stay a little bit longer after eating at the convenience store

and sometimes he brings you healthier dinners, refusing to ring up your cup ramyeon and instant rice and making you real meals that he makes himself

granted sometimes they’re probably just as healthy as convenience store meals but it’s the thought that counts

and seungwoo insISTS on walking you home because it’s dark and late, but you insist that you can’t just sit there and wait until his shift is over, and that you can handle yourself and nothing’s happened in this neighborhood anyway

but one night as you’re happily walking out of campus you can’t help but feel someone watching you, but when you turn around, no one seems out of the ordinary

but as you get farther away from the more crowded area and head towards your quiet neighborhood, you know you hear footsteps following you, and you try not to get too paranoid and tell yourself they’re just going in the same direction

so you speed up but you hear the footsteps match your pace, and you’re terrified and feel like crying because after all that talk about being able to handle yourself, you don’t think you can take on anyone when faced with a real fight

but THANK GOD you’re getting closer to a familiar place--the convenience store, the only bright light in the empty street, like a lighthouse in a storm (dramatic i know)

so as soon as calmly as you can you walk up and wait for the automatic door to slide open and it feels too slow, but as soon as you can fit through the door you rush to the counter

seungwoo sees you looking panicked and asks what’s wrong, and you take a worried glance towards the glass window to see a big, buff guy in a gray hoodie and a bucket hat that covers his eyes about to enter the convenience store, and you look really panicked

but then the guy lifts his hat and waves at Seungwoo and he doesn’t look scary AT ALL?? he looks like a giant puppy???

“Oh, Niel! I don’t get off work for a while, so wait a bit, okay?”

“I-is this guy your friend?”

“Oh, hi! You must be Y/N! I heard all about you from seungw--” “SHUT UP, MAN”

seungwoo says, “this is Daniel, my best friend. he goes to the same college as you, maybe you know each other?”

you explain that you thought he was stalking you, but it turns out he was just going in the same direction as you

“well, Y/N, since seungwoo here is too busy to eat dinner with me, and he’s told me you eat dinner here, how about i eat dinner with you instead?”

you laugh and agree, and seungwoo looks really shocked and yells “don’t flirt in front of me”

daniel jokes, “okay, we’ll just flirt over there,” and turns to you and asks for your recommendations on the best ramyeon flavors. both of you go to the back to pick, and you see seungwoo’s ears go red

the two of you go to your usual spot and daniel just makes fun of seungwoo the whole time, making you laugh

but all seungwoo sees is that you’re having a good time, and he gets super jealous

finally, he’s had enough, and as soon as his shift is over he rushes over to the two of you and yell, “hey! store is closing! get up, the two of you! shoo shoo!”

“wow, i should complain about customer service” you poke seungwoo as you gather your stuff. as soon as you pick up your bag, he grabs it and carries it himself. “come on, Y/N, i’m taking you home”

you feel yourself blush as you demand “what? why?? all of a sudden?”

“you just had a stalker follow you here!!!”

“uHM that was DANIEL?????”

“ong, as your best friend, i’m offended,” daniel said. “also, what about our dinner plans??” seungwoo snapped, “hey, go away, you stalker! shoo!”

daniel just laughed at how jealous his friend was being, so he just agreed and waved goodbye

and you teased seungwoo about being jealous, but when he didn’t deny it, you got all shy and couldn’t look at him anymore

so walking back home was a little tense

but it was worse for seungwoo, because it was basically admitting he liked you but he was too scared to say it out loud. moreover, it was like you didn’t even react, so he thought it must be one-sided

as you walked, he was silently deciding whether to properly confess or to tell you to just forget about it

when you reached your house, seungwoo gave you your bag, and he was about to say something when you suddenly gave him a peck on the cheek

and he just froze in shock and touched the part on his cheek that you kissed

you just smiled and said “see you tomorrow!” before heading into the house

you look out the window to see seungwoo dancing like a lunatic in front of your gate with the goofiest smile in the world and you’re looking forward to tomorrow’s dinner

[yoon-kooks]

Coffee for Two

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Summary: Yoongi’s love for coffee was no secret, and neither was your love for him.

Genre: Fluff

Prompt: “I’m gonna hold my breath until you say you love me.” (request by anon)

8:57PM Mean Yoongi “are you free on saturday?”

You had been staring at your phone screen for at least an hour, trying to decide whether the boy was asking you out on a date or if he had other evil intentions. The two of you could be considered friends, but lately you noticed he had been acting differently around you. For instance, rather than taking a nap during lunch, he’d help you with your last-minute homework—only after calling you an idiot for procrastinating, of course. He’d also do little things like send you low-quality memes of Jungkook and your other friends. The boy never failed to make you smile. And you weren’t quite sure what the reason was for him suddenly changing his habits around you. But it probably had to do with the fact that you told Taehyung a secret about your teeny-tiny crush on Yoongi.

10:09PM Y/N “maybe”

10:10PM Y/N “why”

10:12PM Mean Yoongi “bc theres gonna be buy one get one free coffee”

10:13PM Y/N “but i dont drink coffee”

10:15PM Mean Yoongi “thats the point”

10:16PM Mean Yoongi “come with me so i can get 2 large americanos without looking weird👍”

10:17PM Y/N “whats in it for me???”

10:25PM Mean Yoongi “you get to go on a coffee date with me”

You froze. To be honest, a date with Yoongi was something you thought of more often than not. But it wouldn’t really a date. If you agreed to go, you’d only be playing into that boy’s hands just so he could get his caffeine fix. And you weren’t about to give him any hints that you liked him.

10:28PM Y/N “lol a date with you 😂😂😂🙌”

10:29PM Y/N “nope nope nooope i will not”

10:30PM Mean Yoongi “really? thats so funny”

10:32PM Mean Yoongi “bc i heard you had a C R U S H on me”

Your jaw dropped at the sight of the Yoongi’s text. He knew.

10:35PM Y/N “tell tae to watch his back 😡😡😡”

10:36PM Mean Yoongi “lol sure. but you still have to come get coffee with me”

You were pissed that Taehyung had exposed your feelings, but at the same time, maybe this was your chance. Yoongi was already aware of your feelings for him, so at the very least you wouldn’t have to confess to him. The scariest part was already done and over with.

10:40PM Y/N “fine but youre buying me lunch”

-

As the week went by and Saturday approached, you felt more and more nervous and self-conscious. What if Yoongi was just using your feelings to get what he wanted? What if coffee was more important to him than you were? What if he was only asking you out so he could reject you in person?

You sighed as you got yourself ready for the ‘date’. You spent about half an hour debating on whether you should put together a pretty outfit, or just not give a shit about what you looked like. Yoongi probably wouldn’t notice anyway. But what if he thought you were cute…? You let out a loud groan. Being in love with your friend was driving you crazy. Sure Yoongi knew how you felt about him, but you still had no clue how he felt about you.

A black car pulled into your driveway, right on time. Yoongi looked up at your window from the driver’s seat and waved. You took a deep breath and walked down the stairs to meet him.

The first thing you noticed as you opened the car door was a sweet vanilla scent. Usually he was covered with an aroma of freshly-brewed java, but it was nice to breath in his cologne for once. And the dark circles under his eyes were no joke either. The boy needed his caffeine.

Yoongi eyed you up and down as you hopped into his car and buckled your seatbelt. “You look cute,” he said, backing out of your drive way and heading in the direction of his favorite coffee shop. You mumbled a thank you, almost inaudible in case the boy didn’t really mean what he said.

The coffee shop was relatively far from your house, and part of you was dreading the long drive because you knew how grumpy Yoongi would be until he had his dose of coffee. He would always vent to you about his roommates, exams, work, or whatever. And you’d just sit there and listen, knowing that what he needed wasn’t advice but rather someone to hear him out. But to your surprise, he was in a pretty good mood. He turned up the radio and hummed along, and went on and on about how wonderful Americanos were.

By the time you entered the coffee shop, you still didn’t understand how an Americano was any different from regular coffee, but you weren’t about to tell that to Yoongi. You loved seeing him so happy and excited, even if it was only over coffee and not you.

Yoongi had you order whatever food you wanted first. You felt out of place buying plain water rather than coffee or tea, but it would have to do. “And two iced Americanos for this guy.” You pointed at the boy next to you and smiled innocently. He narrowed his eyes at you and pushed you along to a table for two.

After your order came, you stared at Yoongi’s two huge cups of coffee and chuckled when his face brightened from a single sip. It was almost as if the caffeine had magically cleared his skin of any dark circles. He was glowing.

He set down his cup and nodded in satisfaction when he noticed your stare on him. “Wanna try it?” He held out his precious Americano for you to taste. You already knew you weren’t the biggest fan of coffee, but you also weren’t going to say no to the boy.

You took a small sip, but as soon as the coffee hit your tongue, you made a face and almost choked. It was more bitter than you ever remembered coffee being. And then you remembered Yoongi didn’t like anything too sweet.

He laughed at you as you downed your bottle of water to remove the bitter taste on your tongue. You paused to glare at the boy before finishing the rest of your water.

“Here.” He slid you a few packets of sugar. “Try adding these before you decide you hate it.”

You took a packet and shook it gently. “But you don’t like sweet things.”

“It’s fine. You can have the whole drink if you like it.”

“But-”

“It’s really fine, Y/N.” He took the lid off the cup and dumped a ton of sugar into the coffee. After securing the lid back in place, he slid the drink back over for you to taste.

“Thanks, I guess.” You angled the straw into your mouth again, with caution this time. You kept your eyes shut as the beverage worked its way up the straw, and when it finally hit your tongue, your eyes shot open. It was a thousand times better than your first try. So you took another sip as your face brightened. You were enlightened.

“Is it good?” Yoongi chuckled as the coffee was quickly being drained from your cup.

“Not bad.” You licked your lips and nodded.

“I’m glad you liked it.” Yoongi gave himself a pat on the back, proud to have converted you from coffee hater to coffee rookie. Maybe someday he’d even promote you to coffee enthusiast like himself.

“Thanks for bringing me here.” You hid your blushing face behind your cup. “Were you actually planning on drinking two of these though?”

“Of course not. One was for you.” For you. Your heart jumped at the sound of those words. “And there’s no point in trying to hide behind a clear cup, silly. I already know your feelings, remember?”

“Thanks for reminding me, meanie.” You crossed your arms and puffed up your cheeks.

“So you really do like me then?” He raised his eyebrows. You weren’t sure if he was just teasing or if he was genuinely curious. “Taehyung wasn’t lying?”

“What do you think?” Your cheeks were burning.

Yoongi took a moment to study your face for clues, but the blush was a dead giveaway. “I think you like me. Am I wrong?”

You took a sip of your coffee and didn’t respond. Or rather, you didn’t know how to respond. You thought Taehyung and your red face was enough evidence. You thought you could avoid having to confess. But it was as if Yoongi wanted to actually hear how you felt about him.

“Ah, I’m right, huh.”

No response. All you had to do was say yes, but for some reason, that felt like the most difficult task in the world.

“So stubborn…” He shook his head at you and took a long sip of his drink. You almost thought he gave up until he opened his mouth again with a new idea. “I’m gonna hold my breath until you say you love me.”

Before you could shove the boy for challenging you to such a childish thing, he already had his cheeks puffed up with air. Of course, you knew he wasn’t actually holding his breath. But he did look super cute.

So you just let him hold the position and stared at his squishy face for a good two minutes. “I know your breathing through your nose,” you finally said.

After being exposed, he deflated his cheeks and instead gave you his infamous pouty lips. You’d never ever admit it, but his pout was your greatest weakness.

But that got you thinking. Why was Yoongi trying so hard to get you to say you loved him? Did he have a crush on you as well? Because if that were the case, you’d gladly confess to the boy. But the thought of uncertainty scared you.

“Well what about you?” You turned the question to him. “How do you feel about me?”

“I like you,” he answered immediately.

You waited a moment for him to say something more. He had to be joking. “I meant romantically.”

“I know,” he chuckled. “I like you, Y/N.”

You blinked with your jaw dropped. Min Yoongi, the boy you had the biggest crush on, really just said he liked you. Your head was spinning, and you weren’t sure if it was because you and Yoongi shared the same feelings, or because you had overdosed on caffeine.

“You like me more than Americanos?” It might’ve sounded silly, but it was a genuine question. You knew how much that boy loved his Americanos, and how he needed them practically every day to function. If he could really say he liked you more than that, you’d believe he truly meant it.

Yoongi stroked his imaginary beard, pretending to be deep in thought. Just when you were about to tell him to hurry the fuck up, he answered. “Yes, I like you more than Americanos.” He gave you a nice gummy smile and touched behind his ear, a cute little habit he did when he was embarrassed. “Although it was a pretty tough decision.”

You tried to look annoyed by his last comment, but a smile quickly slipped, unable to suppress your feelings any longer. “I like you too, Yoongi,” you said softly.

“Took you long enough.” He ruffled your hair around before getting up and extending his hand out to you. “C’mon let’s go.”

You grabbed your drink and took the boy’s hand, still unable to stop smiling as the two of you walked back to his car.

But before you could open the door, you felt a gentle push with your back pressed against the car. Yoongi looked into your widened eyes before leaning in for a kiss. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about what it’d be like to kiss him before. You had always assumed it’d be bitter, with the aftertaste of coffee. But thankfully, his lips were sweeter than sugar. And in that moment, you realized you never had anything to worry about in the first place. Because Yoongi was the sweetest boy.

[buckygirl-fanfiction]

Sparks Chapter 22

Pairing: Bucky(POV) X Reader(POV) ft. other characters from the avengers team

Word Count: 7.1K 

Summary: Going to a club with Bucky and his new “girlfriend”. Feeling overwhelmed bc life is stressful and slipping into old ways. Bucky taking care of you when you’re high out of your mind and having mini anxiety attacks bc contrary to popular belief drugs fuck ya up kids...

Warnings: Drug use.

A/N: I spend months thinking about this particular scene and I had quiet the mental struggle deciding wether I should built up to this or include this. But, I feel like I should bc its something close to my heart... I hope I do it justice. Bc lately i’ve been feeling like my writings been shit. I tried guys.

May 6, 2016

 9pm

 y/n’s POV

 It’s been quite the quiet month. No new attacks or threats. Only downside with quite is the foreboding sense of impending doom that comes along with it. The night looks still from my office window. Even the usually busy friday night traffic of the city seems somehow calmer. I look over at the clock and it reads 9.02pm. I might as well call it a night, i’ve been here long enough for one day. I’ve stopped working weekends so i’ll have the next two days off. Tony doesn’t seem to mind, especially after everything that’s happened. I guess everyone is still walking on eggshells around me, which to me is completely unnecessary.

 I walk over to my desk and stuff a couple papers into my bag and sling it over my shoulder. I walk through the lab and notice how deserted it is. Makes sense, it’s Friday night everyone is probably out. The elevator ride down is long and uninterrupted. I don’t know what to do when I get home. Sleep? That’s what I should do. I’ve been trying to take better care of myself. For Cho’s sake, she’s been concerned. But regulating your sleep schedule requires a lot of energy, especially since sleeping through the night never seems to work for me. I just need something… more. I can’t keep living this bland, empty, numb life…

 When the elevator dings open to the lobby I step out and spot Bahni standing a couple feet away with her back turned to me. “Hey!” I say surprised to see her. I haven’t seen much of her lately. But I’ve heard enough of her from Bucky to consider her a little more than a casual acquaintance. She turns to face me and she’s shining in a sparkly silver dress and a pair of matching holographic heels. I almost envy her for a second. I crave the simplicity of her life. She’s smart, beautiful, a leader, strong, and somehow still intact. All the things I used to be. Yet, now i’m left feeling like a shadow of my original self. Like i’ve decayed away. Well I have to credit myself as well, so I don’t envy her for long. She does work in legal, her job presents way less life or death situations. What’s the worse she’s faced this month? A lawsuit? I’ve stared death right in the face and i’m still intact aren't I? Well I am for the most part…

 “y/n!” she says smiling. “It’s been too long,” she says walking towards me.

 “It has. You look great by the way! Headed out?” I ask curiously.

 “Yeah. A couple people from legal are going out. I’m just waiting for Bucky we are going to grab a drink before.” She says in an almost unbelievably perky voice. I remember those days, going out with Wanda, Cho, and Nat. Actually having fun. I don’t know why they seem so far off. It hasn’t been that long. I met Bucky what? Almost a year ago? But I feel like all the events that have occurred since then have aged me infinitesimally.

 “That sounds fun.” I reply.

 “Hey you should come! It’s still early you could always meet us at the club!”

 “Thanks but…” I trail off and just as i’m about to make an excuse I reconsider her offer. Maybe this is what I need to finally kick me out of this funk. “That actually sounds great,” I say pulling out my phone to look at the time.

 “Awesome so I know the bouncer at the club we’re going to i’ll text him your name and i’ll text you the address. We’re all meeting there around 10 but I mean it won’t matter if you’re late.” She says pulling out her phone. “This is going to be so fun! You haven’t partied till you’ve partied with legal. We know all the loopholes that way you can do all the illegal stuff you want and not get arrested,” she says winking.

 “Haha,” I say genuinely, “alright i’ll see you there.” I leave her with a smile and walk towards the glass doors. I walk home through the chill night. It’s getting warmer. There’s still a breeze the memory of winter lingering, but for the most part summer is well on it’s way. It’s calm and  peaceful outside and i’m glad to be walking home alone. For a good 3 weeks after the… incident… I had a protective detail shadowing my every move. It got to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore so I opted to chip myself instead. That way the tower would always know where I was. It’s a micro tracker implanted in the forearm. A very non invasive procedure as simple as being stuck with a slightly larger than usual needle. Most field agents have one. But, i’ve always been wary of trackers. I value my privacy. But, if it means I didn’t have to be babysat every minute of my life then it was the better option. Now I get to enjoy my late night walk home again. I love walking through the park at night. The breeze in the trees, the dancing leaves, the shadows and whatever lurks behind them all make me forget, even if it is for just a second, about all that is and was and will be.

 Bucky’s POV

 It’s almost 11pm now and still no sign of y/n. I’m hoping she changes her mind and doesn’t show up. I know she’s not alright, despite the well built wall she puts up I know she’s not okay. What she needs is some calm, quiet rest not strobe lights, loud music, and strangers. I’m with Bahni, the girl loves going out. I imagine from all the times we’ve gone out that we’d already been to every club in the city. Yet, somehow she always manages to find a new one and drag me there. It’s fun I must admit. Although i’m not always a fan. Sometimes it’s nice to blend into the darkness and lose yourself in some music amongst strangers who have no idea who you are or what you’ve done. Her latest discovery a warehouse on the east side that’s been recently converted. It’s crowded and loud and i’m sat by the bar with Bahni and a couple of her friend who are throwing back shots and shedding their week's worth of stress. A part of me wants to cut loose and laugh like the rest of them, but a part of me worries about y/n. I pull out my phone and text her again: ‘are you still coming?’ I scroll up through our messages:

 9.34pm Bucky: Bahni told me you’re coming tonight. Are you sure you’re up for it?

 9.45pm y/n: I’m fine Bucky. If you can go out so can I.

 9.46pm Bucky: I’m not the one hurting right now. It’s okay to sit out for a while.

 9.50pm y/n: We talked about this. Stop babying me.

 9.51pm Bucky: I’m not babying you i’m just concerned.

 9.57pm y/n: i’ll see you there.

 9.58pm Bucky: I don’t think you should come.

 10pm Bucky: I can come over and keep you company if you’re bored.

 10.02pm Bucky: We can stay in and watch a movie.

 10.02pm Bucky: Bahni won’t mind she has her work friends with her.

 10.05pm Bucky: y/n don’t leave me on read

 10.42pm Bucky: Are you still coming?

 I sigh when the minutes tick by and she doesn’t reply.

 “Bucky come dance with me!” Bahni shouts past the music pulling me by the arm towards the mob on the crowded dark floor. I slip my phone back into the back pocket of my jeans and follow her to the dance floor. I was never much of a dancer since I woke up from cryo. But Bahni has brought some of my old flare back. After about 10 minutes of being lost in the music with her I feel a tap on my shoulder. I open my eyes to see y/n through the flashing colored lights. She’s wearing a short hugging blue velvet dress and she looks stunning. She almost looks like y/n before. The y/n that dragged me places and laughed and was unharmed by current events.

 “Hey!” she screams through the music.

 Bahni sees her and screams, “You came!”

 “Yeah!” She yells. She sounds happy? My concern for her slowly begins to fade away with every passing second. Maybe she is alright. Maybe she’s finally okay. “I’m going to go get a drink!” She says smiling genuinely. Bahni turns back to dancing and I watch y/n slip past the crowded dance floor and towards the bar. For the first time tonight I feel carefree. She looks happy. She finally looks happy.

 y/n’s POV

 Looks can be deceiving and I’m getting a lot of looks tonight. I wonder which means what. The purpose of tonight was to have fun and since i’m trying to cut back on the binge drinking maybe a guy is exactly what I need right now. I’m sitting at the bar sipping on a cosmo waiting for something to happen, for the alcohol to kick in, for the music to move me, for some feeling. But i’m getting nothing but looks. Maybe I should have called Dean. Maybe some good sex is exactly what I need right now to get my endorphins running. Just when i’m about to pull out my phone a guy walks over to me.

 “Hey,” he says. He’s tall and dark and has long curly hair. Just my type.

 ‘Hey,” I say back smiling at him. For some reason this smile has been stuck on my face all night. It’s odd it doesn’t reflect my true self at all. But I guess it works for me because curly hair is smiling right back.

 “My names Clay. What’s yours?” he asks.

 “Doesn’t matter.” I say standing up from my perch at the bar, “Wanna dance?”

 He takes my hand and leads me through the crowd until we are one with it. Our bodies entwined and moving with the energy surrounding us.  I feel his hands on my hips and my short dress riding up, but I could care less right now. I’m caught up trying to chase a high that is seemingly unattainable and it’s so frustrating. It’s never fun when you’re thinking at a party. That’s the entire premise of a dark room with loud music filled with strange people; to stop thinking for just a little bit. To stop thinking about life and regrets and problems. But, even with his hands running up and down my body all I could think about was every bad thing that has happened over the course of the last couple months. What’s worse, I can’t feel anything. Not fear for the future, not sorrow for the past, not anger at the perpetrators… nothing.

 “Get me a drink!” I shout past the music. He smiles at me and leads me back to the bar. It’s just one shot, what’s the worse that could happen? I swallow the contents of the glass he hands me and we’re back on the dance floor and i’m slowly losing myself in the music again. Or at least i’m trying to. His knee is between my legs, his hands on my waist. I slowly feel every wall i’ve built come crashing down one at a time. Wow, for just one shot I feel pretty free right now.

 “Wanna get out of here?” he yells in my ear and I take a step back stumbling a little to look at him.

 “You know what I think i’m just drunk enough to say yes to that,” I say giggling. He takes my hand and navigates me through the crowded floor towards one of the exits. Once we’re outside I feel a slight chill run through me. It’s surprisingly warm for May and I stumble towards the wall along with him. We’re in a alley behind the warehouse and I can see the streetlights slightly illuminate the dark concrete floor. I’m back to chasing something trying to find the little piece of euphoria that i’m desperate for. It shows in the way I pull him towards me clashing my lips with his. He backs me up against the brick wall of the warehouse. I don’t feel anything though. I don’t feel the passion that usually comes along with a really amazing kiss. But, i’m determined to feel something. Every second that goes by the more tipsy I feel. I barely had anything to drink, wow my tolerance must be slipping. I can’t seem to think straight. This is usually when the euphoria kicks in, but this time it doesn’t. All I feel is a calm run through my limbs. A heavy peaceful calm. I stop kissing him and he notices. Instead he moves his lips down my neck and further south. I lean my head against the brick and look up at the sky, I can see the moon. It’s beautiful. I let him continue his trail down my neck. I can feel his hand slowly move up my dress in between my thighs. Despite everything he is doing the only thing my mind can seem to focus on is how beautiful the moon looks. The white circle contrasted against the dark blue canvas. He shoves his hand under my panties and I instinctively push him off. “I don’t feel anything!” I yell. He smiles at me and says something I don’t quite catch and then he is back on me, his lips on mine. And I try, I swear I try, to feel something, but I just can’t. God what’s wrong with me. I shove him off again and he raises an eyebrow at me, “I can’t feel anything!” I yell again.

 “Oh baby I got somethin’ that’s gonna get you feelin’ real good,” he says smirking at me. He takes a step back towards me and lifts up my left leg and hitches it on his hip and grinds his pelvis against mine.

 I begin to giggle, “No you don’t understand!!I don’t feel… ANYTHING!” I shout.

He sighs and takes a step back letting my leg fall back down. “I got something that can get you feeling again… if you want it.” He says pulling a small case out of his back pocket. I’m just drunk enough now to be too curious for my own good.

 “And what’s that?” I ask. But my question is answered before he has a chance to speak. He pulls out a small white pill and holds it up to the light. I can already feel myself slipping back into old memories. I had some pretty amazing dark times in high school. Coping with the loss of both your parents is always better with some stimulants.

 I know what’s waiting for me on the other side of this choice. And despite my state of intoxication I was capable of making a conscious choice. We all have choices in life don’t we. We all have paths to choose and as of now I saw two paths before me. Both equally terrifying: Resign myself to this new numb existence that has now become my reality or let go, just this once, and feel alive. And I want to feel alive so badly. We all have choices to make in life and sometimes the right choice seems so very unclear.

 Just when I begin to question how it’s possible for me to be this intoxicated from a shot and half a cosmo I realize he must’ve put something in my drink. I smile at the thought as if the idea of horrifically drugging someone means nothing to me. The thing is I just really didn’t care. I didn’t care when he put the little white pill on his tongue. Or when he kissed me pushing it into my mouth. Or when I swallowed it. Or about anything else…

 Bucky’s POV

 I’m back at the bar, Bahni is off dancing with one of her friends that girl has so much energy. I look around trying to spot y/n but this place is huge. For some reason when I saw her smiling earlier most of my concern for her faded away. Maybe she will be fine after all…

 y/n’s POV

 I feel amazing. Like the best day i’ve ever had but intensified and crammed into the span of one minute. All the serotonin stored in my brain finally flows freely through my bloodstream after months and months of nothingness. I suddenly realize this isn’t going to last much longer and time feels almost infinitesimally sped up. I can’t waste this. I push the man who is currently pressed up against my body and he backs off looking at me curiously.

“I can’t feel anything,” I yell again. He’s not working. I have to find someone else.

 “Calm down baby,” He says pushing me against the wall once again.

 “Get off me!” I yell and when he doesn’t my impatience gets the better of me and I knee him hard and he buckles to the ground.

 I stumble back into the warehouse that’s still booming with life and flashing primary colors. Other than the flashes of light, mostly blue, that is illuminating my path everything else is left dark. Darkness is very liberating, even with that random stranger bumping into me every five seconds. I’m caught up again in the beat of the music and the bright shining euphoria that’s running through my entire body, electrifying my soul. But even with some stranger feeling me up I don’t feel anything. The man across from me serves as a brief distraction and i’m lost again flowing peacefully with this great sense of elation. But like always lucidity returns in sharp stabs tearing through my bliss. One second my eyes are closed and I feel rapture then the next everything comes back and i’m left with the fear, the anxiety, that soon this upper will leave me falling all the way back down to reality. I’m not ready it can’t end not yet. I open my eyes and tilt my head up to the ceiling where I see the source of the flashing lights. I feel another pair of foreign lips on my skin and it feels electrifying. I’m lost again, eyes closed and  at the cusp of glory, when my anxiety chooses to return. I shove the stranger off of me and start pushing my way through towards the bar. I have to find that guy again. I can’t go back now, not when i’m this high, not when i’m finally this happy. I can’t go back to my numbed existence. I need more. I just need it to stop for one second. I need it to stop for one glorious second in the sun.

 Bucky’s POV

 I throw back the contents of my glass and venture out into the crowd to find Bahni. It’s a little past 12 and i’m just about ready to drag Bahni back home when I spot y/n pushing against the crowd lost, just as I am. She spots me through a flash of red light and begins to stumble towards me. She looks scared.

 y/n’s POV

 I’m scared it’s going to go away. The glorious feeling is going to fade away soon. The spin of the universe is faster and every second that passes I can’t seem to get back. It’s going to wear off and I can’t, I can’t go back to nothingness again when i’ve seen what i’m capable of feeling. I have to find that guy again. In my frenzy I spot a familiar face and I forget my anxiety for a second. I smile walking over to him.

 “James!” I yell through the music. Once I reach him I put my hands on his shoulders and lean on him.

 “y/n?” he says instinctively grabbing my waist trying to steady me. “What’s wrong?” He shouts.

 “Nothing!” I say laughing. Nothing is wrong. Everything is perfect and calm and electrifying and eternal and endless. “Dance with me James,” I lean up whispering into his ear and even through the blaring music I know he can hear me.

 He seems stiff and I laugh. I wish I could share my euphoria with him, I wish I could make him as happy as I am right now.

 “Do you feel it!” I yell closing my eyes and tilting my head up to the heavens. “Do you feel it. I feel it all.”

 I pull him closer to me bringing his hands back to my waist. He’s so warm, everything about him is warm. He is summer and sun and light. He is an extension of me. I didn’t know it was possible to feel this connected to another person. Then suddenly every good amazing thing I felt was once again ripped away from me in another moment of lucidity. What am I doing? This is Bucky. But before I could think about that, an overwhelming sense of fear overtakes me. It’s going to go away. This feeling, it's ephemeral.

 I can’t let it end. So my panicked mind goes to the next thing it knows to bring itself a little ecstasy.

 Bucky’s POV

 I am basically holding her up. My arms grasping her shoulders. She looks panicked now, whatever jubilation she had a second ago rapidly leaves her face. She stares at me with wide eyes filled with terror. I’ve got to get her to calm down. Fuck what did she take, I should have been watching her. I knew this was a bad idea.

 “Kiss me,” she yells trying to push past my hold once again. But right now she’s fragile little y/n and I’m the strong one. She struggles against my grip to move closer. “Please i’m scared it’s going to stop. I can’t lose it again,” she says and my heart drops at her expression.

 She looks like one of those wounded puppies struggling for life, for something to hold onto. I want to help her but I don’t understand. She stumbles a little and I move to catch her. I put my hands around her waist, my fingers dig into the blue velvet of her dress.

“Do you think i’m beautiful?” she asks looking up at me with panic filled eyes.

 “What?” I stutter. “God… yes.” I say it as if it’s a private confession being torn from my lips.

 My guard is lowered by her words and in a split second she breaks from my grip and pushes her body onto mine. I feel her lips on mine and her tongue along side my own and I forget. I forget where I am, who I am, everything… and I just let it be. It’s the calm before the storm. I feel her arms wrapped around my neck pulling me down and holding me in place. It’s not like I could break away from her now, even if I’d wanted to. She was apart of me now, an extension of me.

 y/n’s POV

 I feel his warm tongue on mine and I feel the helium move through my body lifting me up again. And in this moment, in this glorious moment, I know that I will never experience another like this in my entire life. It is true euphoria and I don’t know if it’s the MDMA or the kiss or him or me but I know.

 I never have and I never will and just like that it’s gone. Time moves so fast here in this magical place. Once something is gone you can never get it back. I try, I try to hold onto it, I wrap my arms around his neck tighter and pull his body towards mine. But it’s gone and I can never get it back. And that’s when the panic sets in again.

 Bucky’s POV

 Then it’s over. She pushes off of me, releasing me from whatever spell she’d cast. The loss of her lips burned like a brand.

 “I don’t feel it!” she yelled past the music surrounding us.

 “y/n,” was all I could say and it came out as barely a whisper. Fuck I need to snap out of it, I need to get her somewhere safe. I need to make sure she’s alright.

 She takes a wobbly step away from me and stumbles against someone on the crowded dancefloor. I move towards her to help her up but she puts her palms on my chest and pushes me back, “No!” she yells. “You… you don’t work anymore, I need, I need more.” She looks around as if she’s trying to find someone.

 y/n’s POV

 I’m lost. I see the flashes of light and the people and I feel something comfortingly warm around my waist. I feel the cold air on my skin again and the music is muffled. I’m outside. Back against some brick wall. The high is back but I feel it fading like the waves after a big storm. Like the ocean slowly returning back to it’s calm state.

 I’m still holding onto him. I hope it’s him. I can’t see much, everything is so blurry and bright. I feel my way to his left arm and squeeze and i’m comforted by the feeling of hard metal. I run my hands up his chest and grab his collar pulling him back down to me. “God I feel amazing. I didn’t feel anything with that guy,” I say thinking out loud for some reason.

 “What guy? Are you alright?” he asks and I can hear the panic behind his tone.

 “Haha, I can take care of myself,” I reply.

 I hear a sigh and he replies, “I know. I know you can.” He tries to move back out of my grasp, “I’m going to get us a cab okay?”

 But I don’t let go, “Come on Bucky it’s not going to last much longer.”

 “What’s not?”

 “Touch me, God I feel it, don’t you? I didn’t know anything could feel so good, i’m scared it’s going to go away.” I say wrapping my hands around his neck. “I’m scared James, I’m so scared. It can’t go away.”

 “It’s okay i’m right here, what did you take?” I hear him say trying to maintain a calm soothing voice.

 “I’m scared I don’t want it to stop, kiss me.” I say pulling him back down to my lips.

 “y/n. Calm down.” He says pulling away from me. Instead he puts his flesh hand on my cheek and I lean into it. I release my grip on him and put my hands over his holding his warm palm to my cheek.

 “Make me feel something,” I beg. Just for a second, I think the warmth of his hand is enough. But then, just like always the fear returns. I feel so empty and numb.

 I wanted him to crush my fragile ribs and make me feel something. Oh god I just want to feel something. I knew it would wear off faster than i’d wanted it to. I need to get it back. I just wanted to feel something. Anything, I didn’t care what it was pain, pleasure, despair I would take it all.

 “Fuck me, make me feel something.”

 Bucky’s POV

 I can tell she’s grasping, clawing, at anything to make her feel and it’s tearing me apart because I know just how terrifying that is. But, this isn’t about me. I have to be strong for her. I turn to the street making sure not to let go of her and hail a cab.

 “Come on,” I say putting my arm around her. She follows me, thankfully without much protest. Once we’re in the cab she closes her eyes and rests her head on my shoulder. It’s a relatively short ride back to her place. I would take her back to the tower, but I know she wouldn’t want anyone she knows seeing her like this.

 Once the car comes to a stop in front of her building I get out first then carefully lift her out. The cab pulls away and I walk her lifeless body toward the lobby door.

 “Oh god,” I hear her say from besides me. Then I feel a warm liquid run down my left side. She bends down and pukes. I quickly grab her making sure she doesn’t fall. “I’m so sorry.” she says. “There’s vomit all over you.”

 “Are you alright?”

 “No god i’m so sorry. I… can. I can wash that for you.” “y/n are you alright. You need to answer my questions alright?”

 “I… oh my god there’s so much vomit in my hair,” she says looking down and picking at the strands.

 “Don’t worry about that.” I say lifting her face up to meet her eyes. They look lost. “Are you alright? I need to know if you feel okay. So I know if I need to get you help.”

 “No! No!” she says in a panic. “I’m fine. Don’t tell Cho.”

 The panic is back and I need to calm her down, “It’s okay i’m not going to call Cho. I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

 “I am. I.. I just need a shower.”

 “Okay, come on.” I say leading her carefully to the door. Once we’re inside she stands at the foot of the long staircase and looks up.

 “Do you want me to carry you?” I say looking at her. It’s seven floors up and I don’t want her to fall.

 “No.. no I can do it.” She says taking on the challenge like in every other aspect of her life.

 It’s a long climb but she finally makes it upstairs. I walk close beside her holding her hand making sure she doesn’t slip. I unlock her apartment door and let her inside. She stumbles towards her bedroom and I run after her. She makes it to the shower and slides open the glass door and turns on the hot water and sinks down onto the tiled floor. I’m beside her and stray splashes of water hit me soaking my clothing.

 “Do you need help?” I ask kneeling beside her. Not caring that i’m getting wet.

 “No.. no I can…” she pauses. “Bucky?” she says looking up at me. Her hair is wet now and her makeup is running.

 “Yes?” I say.

 “You’re… you’re getting wet.” She says with genuine concern filling her eyes.

 “It doesn’t matter. Do you need help.”

“Yes.” She lets out a small sob. “I’m so sorry.”

 “It’s okay I say grasping her hand. You don’t have to apologize okay. Everything is okay.” She looks back down and closes her eyes.

 “I’m cold,” she says. I lean over and turn the hot water up. I’m surprised the heat of the water doesn’t melt her skin. Even to me it’s uncomfortably hot but I stay beside her.

 I slowly undo the clasp on her heels and take them off and place them to the side. “Do you want me to take your dress off?” I ask.

 “Yes,” she says after failing to do it herself.

 She leans over and I unzip it slowly. “Can you stand?” I ask maneuvering her out of the soaked fabric while she’s still on the floor would be tough.

 “Yes,” she says trying to push herself up.

 “Here put your arms around me,” I say leaning over her. She wraps her arms weakly around my neck and I pull us both up. We’re both standing under the water now and i’m completely soaked and I don’t care. It could matter less to me that i’m covered in vomit and standing fully clothed in a shower. I slowly peel the blue dress down her body and toss it to the side. She’s not wearing a bra and she shivers at the loss of fabric. Her arms are still around my neck and I slowly back her towards the wall so she can stabilize herself.

 “I’m going to run you a bath okay?” it occurs to me that this process would be much more comfortable if she’s in a nice warm bath. I make sure she can stand and I walk over to the tub and turn on the hot water.

 y/n’s POV

 It’s so cold and no matter how high I turn the hot water knob I can’t seem to warm up. I pull down my panties and toss them with my dress and sink back down towards the floor hugging my knees.

 Bucky’s POV

 I turn back around and find y/n on the floor and rush to her. “Hey, hey are you okay?”

 “Yes,” she says, “It’s just hard to stand.”

 I put my arms under her and lift her up and walk towards the tub. I carefully place her in the hot water and she seems to relax when her skin comes in contact with the scalding liquid. She stretches her limbs in the water and leans her head back. “I’m going to go get a bowl okay? To wash you hair.”

 Before I can leave she grabs my arm. My metal arm. “James.” She says. “You are very noble.” I look down at her sitting in the tub. The water slowly rising covering her half submerged naked body.

 “It’s okay y/n i’ll be right back.” I say leaving her alone in the bathroom.

 y/n’s POV

 He’s back in a flash and I can feel him slowly sit me up. I lean my head back and I feel him pour water over my hair. Then his fingers, then a comb slowly combing out the stray chunks of vomit. I close my eyes and feel myself melt into the water. After a while my hair is knot free and clean. I feel a soapy loofa slowly rub my skin and I lean back against the tub and enjoy the calm feeling on my skin.

 “y/n?” I hear him say.

 “Hmm?,” I hum in reply.

 “I need you to tell me what you took.”

 “Some good old X,” I say. “MDMA, it was big in the 80s. Were you around for that?” I says with the faintest amount of humor in my tone.

 “Yes I was around for that.” he replies.

 “You can’t tell Cho okay?” I say. “She will worry.”

“I won’t.”

“Did you know I had a whole drug problem in college. Cho would kill me if she knew what happened tonight.” I say confessing some of my most well kept secrets to him. “It was mostly Amphetamines, back then you know.”

 “I didn’t know that.” He says.

 “Good, I don’t like people knowing. It makes me feel… less than. I like people knowing i’m strong.”

 “You are strong y/n. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve known.” He replies.

 “Bucky?” I say.

 “Yes?” He replies.

 “I’m sleepy.”

 “Okay. I can take you to bed.” He says getting up to help me out of the tub. I giggle at his phrasing, “What?” He asks.

 “You’ve got to admit we’d have some pretty amazing sex.” I say. Apparently I’m thinking out loud now.

 “What?” He says his voice breaking it’s calm and controlled tone.

 I slowly put my arm around him and he lifts me up to my feet. I carefully step out of the tub and we walk towards the bedroom. “Admit it. You’ve had to have thought about it.”

 “Have you?” he asks after he sits me down on my bed. It’s cold and I feel another shiver go through me. He walks over to my nightstand and digs through the draws.

 “I have actually. That’s how I came to my previously stated conclusion.” I say laughing. More at the situation than at him.

 He walks back over to me with a sweater and I lift up my arms as he pulls it over me. He lifts my left leg up and pulls it through the leg of a pair of thick grey sweatpants I own. Once my other leg is in he carefully helps me stand up and pulls them up snug against my waist. I sit back down and he kneels in front of me. The room is dark. Neither of us bothered to turn on the light when we came in. The only light in the room now radiates from the bathroom and the streetlights outside my window. He looks into my eyes debating whether to speak or not.

 “Why are you so confusing y/n?” he asks finally.

 “When am I ever confusing?” I say smiling at him.

 He sighs and lifts my leg again one at a time to pull on a pair of fuzzy socks. “Warm enough now?” He asks.

 “Yes,” I say lifting my legs over and onto my bed. I slip under my covers and turn towards Bucky who is still kneeling bedside. He gets up and turns, but before he can leave panic grips me and I reach out and grab his arm. “Stay with me.” I say not wanting to be left alone with my thoughts.

 “I will,” he says looking down at me. “I’m just going to go shower and clean up okay?”

 “Okay.” I say.

 I watch him walk away towards the bathroom and I close my eyes. I feel so relaxed like i’m melting into my bed. Like everything in the world is good.

 Bucky’s POV

 I strip off my sick covered clothes and step in the shower quickly washing myself. I sigh standing under the jet of water. I think I’ve seen her soul tonight. I’ve seen her naked, i’ve seen her bare emotionally I mean. I turn off the water and step out of the shower. I find a spare towel hanging around and wrap it around my waist. I pick up our clothes off of the floor and walk outside back to the bedroom. She’s asleep. Good. She looks peaceful asleep. I quietly walk towards the kitchen and toss our clothes in the wash.

 By the time the drier comes to a stop, I’m basically asleep myself. I pull our clothes out and lay out y/n’s dress on a chair and pull on my boxers and shirt. I walk over towards the bedroom and peek my head in. She’s still sleeping. I make my way back out to the living room and lay down on the sofa. I slowly melt into some much needed sleep. This is the fastest I’ve fallen asleep. Usually it takes me awhile, but i’m not even conscious long enough to ponder this idea.

 “Bucky, Bucky?” I hear a voice call pulling me out of my sleep. It’s a faint, but i’m a light sleeper and I sit up. It’s coming from the bedroom and I walk towards the sound.

 “y/n,” I say poking my head in.

 “I thought you left,” she says sitting up.

 “I’m here, I was just asleep outside.” I say reassuring her. I walk over towards the bed and sit on the empty side. “Go back to sleep.”

 “Stay with me,” she says reaching out for my hand.

 “I will. I will,” I say trying to assure her, not wanting the fits of panic she’s been getting all night to return. She pulls my arm and I lay down beside her.

 She lays back down and turns her body so that she’s facing mine. Sleep is slowly beginning to wash over me and in between my heavy blinks I can see her watching me.

 “I’m not confusing James. You just never ask.” she says smiling at me.

 What? Her words echo through my brain. I look at her and her eyes are closed again. She’s peacefully breathing and the sound is rhythmically soothing. I never ask? I never ask. I’ve never told her…

...

 More than anything I want to kiss her. Just once more. I want to feel her lips against mines. Taste her. But above all I want to feel her reaction, I want to know what she thinks and feels when she thinks of me. I want to ask her. I want to know if she would pull away, disgusted. Or if she’d stand there, shocked. Or if she’d feel betrayed to find out i’d been hiding behind the mask of friendship while concealing deeper feelings within. Or if by some miracle I’d like to know if she’d kiss me back. Not when she’s high out of her mind but when she’s sober and clear. I want to know how that would feel. Pushing her tiny frame against mine. Her lips moving back in time with my own. Her small hands in my hair. The gasp she’d let out against my mouth. I want to feel all of it. And I can, I can find out the answer to my question right now. She’s asleep next to me.

 I can do this, “y/n” I shake her awake and she looks up at me with wide eyes. It looks like she’s almost glowing, an angelic figure. Then I do it. I lean down and gently kiss her. It takes everything left inside me to restrain myself, to kiss her gently, softly. Then I let her go and move my face away from hers to see her reaction, she’s still looking up at me. I’m ready, i’m ready to ask her now. I’m ready to tell her.

 “I knew you were plain old vanilla James,” she says before I can speak. She grabs my hair and tugs me back down towards her lips. This kiss was different it was rough and searing. Her tongue invaded my mouth and I was too shocked to react. She tasted like something sweet… mango? She tasted like mango ice cream. Like the ice cream she gave me on our first movie night. James? y/n never calls me James. I stop and pull my face away from hers. “No,” she moans still holding onto my neck. “Don’t you want me James?” She’s glowing. Literally glowing. I move my left hand to touch her glowing face. I know it’s a dream when I see it. Instead of my metal arm I brush her cheek with the fingers of my human hand, the one I lost so many years ago.

[goddessnemain]

What Would You Do If You Were Me?

What would you do if you were me?

What would you do if you met someone incredible, potentially life-changing incredible, could potentially fall in love with incredible, would consider packing up your whole life and leaving everything you ever knew behind incredible, leave the only town you’ve ever lived in incredible, someone who makes you feel like you’re the most gorgeous woman on the planet incredible, tells you you’re beautiful incredible, sends you a photo of themself pouting, wearing a shirt I had borrowed for all of 45 minutes, telling me he was pouting because his shirt smelled just like me and he was wearing it so he was just sitting there smelling me and making him miss me more incredible.

I guess I should explain.

See, September long weekend I was at a music festival outside my small town. He’s a drummer. I caught his band- they were the second last act of the Saturday night- and my brother went on as the last act that night. My brother was the only reason I was even there. The next day, the Sunday, I was sitting at a picnic table with my friend, we’re chatting with some people and this drummer just asks if he can sit down beside me. Next thing I know, he’s asking about the tattoo on my forearm, so of course, I show him- I love this damn tattoo! I show everyone who asks!- and he starts running his fingers across the lines. Not in a creepy way, but in a ‘taking his time to really check this thing out and touch me a little’ way. We started talking. And talking. And talking. And hung out all afternoon and into the night. Himself, his bassist, and the bassists' girlfriend even stayed an extra night so we could hang out. We just hit it off. We drank, we danced- he asked me to dance- and neither of us knows how to dance but holy crap was it fun. We sat around the ‘gypsy campfire’ that night, watched an amazing lightning show and hid in camper trailers when the storm hit.

The next morning when they were leaving, his phone had died, but he was determined to get my number. It wound up on a receipt only after he dug one out of his bassists’ Jeep and asked 5 different people for a pen. I never asked for his. I found out later that he drove his friends crazy the whole 2-hour drive home asking them when he should text me, “is it okay if I text her as soon as we get home? Is that too weird?” They told him to give it a day. I had a text 2 1/2 hours later. And they just kept coming. And then the late-night, 2-hour, 3-hour phone calls started happening.

Before I knew it, I was driving 90 minutes on a Saturday morning to go to the city so we could go on a date. Yeah, a real date. I didn’t think those were still a thing either. He took me for lunch, we went to a science center and wandered around, watched a film about space. Playful little touches here and there, flirting like teenagers. We were devising plans to steal the ceiling lights because I liked them. He took me for dinner and drinks, we played pool, went to the movies. He wouldn’t let me pay for anything- which drove me crazy- I had to basically body check him out of the way so I could pay for the popcorn. By the end, it was almost 10pm, dark, and he didn’t want me to drive home in the dark. I’ve driven through the northern Alberta/BC mountains at 4am in the middle of a Canadian winter and enjoyed it, but he was concerned about me driving 90 minutes in the dark in warm, dry conditions. Eventually, I agreed to stay. We checked into a hotel, grabbed a bottle of whisky, and talked for hours.

Of course, I already knew about the ex by now. I knew she showed up at his house at all times of the day and night, drunk, looking for a place to crash. She had shown up one night when we had been on the phone. I knew he feels bad that she doesn’t have a permanent place to live. He hadn’t bothered to really put his foot down and tell her she had to get lost and stay lost, he wanted to be amicable. He hadn’t been looking to meet anyone. He hadn’t been looking to get involved with anyone. And then he met me. And that changed things for him. He does want her gone, he doesn’t want her to stop by all the time. He wants me to be able to come and stay with him at his house without having to worry about her coming in in the middle of the night and flipping because I’m there, If she doesn’t bat an eyelash about beating the crap out of him, lord knows what she would do to me. That's why we’ve stayed in hotels- no concerns for my safety that way. 

After our date, after I headed for home, he had been home several ours, and then the psycho ex showed up at his house with a mutual friend of theirs. The mutual friend had told the ex that my guy had been talking to a new girl. The ex had text my guy all night the night before, the night we were in the hotel together, demanding to know where he was, why he wasn’t home, when he was coming home and was he with that (my name here) whore. So when the ex showed up with that mutual friend, apparently it turned into a verbally accosting my guy shit show. He retreated into himself. I didn’t hear from him for 2 days after that. 

This past weekend he had a show to play several hours drive from where I live. So, I drove the 90 minutes to meet him at his bassists place so my guy, the bassist, his girlfriend and I could all make the drive down together. After I’d been there an hour or so, I was informed that the psycho ex may have found a ride down to the show. I asked the bassists girl, we’ll call her ‘M’, if I should maybe just go home, or find another place to stay and not go to the show. She said that the psycho ex likely didn’t have a ride down to the show, that she was likely just trying to cause shit, but that M would talk to my guy and tell him that he had to tell the psycho ex that not only was she not invited to the show, but she was absolutely not welcome. M, someone I hardly know, went to bat for me. That says something about this girl. I liked her immediately even more after that. And she did have a chat with him because shortly after that, my guy came to me, took my hands, looked me in the face and said “I doubt she will come down. But if she does, you’re safe. You will be with me. I will not let her near you. You will be in the ‘green room’ with me. She isn’t allowed back there. She would have to get through me to get to you and that’s not going to happen.”

We ended up spending 4 nights together. When we got back from his show on the Sunday, we checked into a hotel and spent the afternoon and into the night cuddling, sleeping, watching tv, slow, passionate sex, hard and fast fucking, dozing off in each other's arms. We spent the next 2 days getting paid to spend time together. No, I’m not going to tell you how, but it was completely legal, a ton of fun, and the perfect excuse to spend an extra 2 days together. We hung out, did something neither of us had ever done before, got to know each other better. He met a good friend of mine, and my friend really liked him. I hope we’ll see each other together in the background. 

When I finally got home on the Wednesday after those 4 days together, that's when I got the cute pouting photo, and “my shirt smells like you and it makes me miss you”. 

He sent me a link to a Volbeat song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdPpRdImfuA

And then he sent me the chorus:

Wherever she walks She will be captivating all the men Don't look in her eyes You might fall and find the love of your life heavenly But she'll catch you in her web The love of your life

He says I’ve caught him in my web.

Later that night was when his psycho ex came over wanting to talk and attacked him. He had text me that his ex had gotten ahold of him and said that they needed to chat. He said she didn’t sound angry or pissed off, just defeated and tired. He sounded really optimistic that their chat would go well. But it didn’t. They argued. She knew about me. Not all about me, but she figured that he had been with me in his 4 days away. She knew my name, not my last name, just my first. They argued. She lost her mind and attacked him. The cops came out. It was a huge thing. I don’t know the whole story. I do know that he left the house for a while so the cops could deal with her. I know he told the cops that she could stay at the house. I know that if she had been hauled off to the drunk tank he was going to go down and get her out. 

I also know that 2 weeks ago he changed the locks on his house because he wants to be rid of her and move on. That he doesn’t want her to fuck up anything with me because of her crazy behavior. I know he thinks her behavior, the showing up all the time is inappropriate. 

He’s even talking about moving to a new place so she doesn’t know where he lives and can’t show up anymore.

I know that when he changed the locks on his house she threw a rock through a window.

It drives me up the damn wall that he still lets her in the house. That he even defends her in any way. It bothers me that he’s 90 minutes away and all these things keep happening and I’m completely helpless and useless and can’t do a damn thing about any of it. I can have my opinion, but in the end, he has to decide to completely cut her off. It has to be on him to get rid of her.

Until then I just have to deal with it all the best I can, bite my tongue- which is very difficult for me to do- and hope he makes the right decision.

I’m the right decision for him. He knows that. He admits that they’re poison for each other and that they’re not getting back together, he has no interest in getting back together. 

He wants me. I know he wants me. I’m ‘his girl’ he says. He asked me if I had ever considered moving to the city. When I told him that I didn’t “have anyone in the city I would consider being roommates with”, he told me to give it a few months and then think about it again. It’s way too early, it’s way too complicated right now, to even think about any of that, but 7, 8 months from now might be a different story. It’s way too soon to tell. 

So, now that you know that there's this incredible, wonderful, amazing guy I’ve met, a guy who takes me on real dates, who risks backlash from a psycho ex to spend time with me, who introduced me to his bandmates, to his best friends, who wants to keep seeing me, who is willing to deal with 90 minute drives so we can see each other, who is willing to move so he can move onto a new life- one that involves me-, what would you do if you were me?

Be patient and hope he makes the right decisions? Guard your heart and hold him at arm's length until you see some real changes with the ex? Keep letting him in and trust that he’s telling you the truth? I have no reason to believe that he’s lied to me, there’s been no proof he’s ever lied to me. The night his ex showed up at his house with their mutual friend he even offered to video chat with me so I was comfortable, so he could prove I had nothing to worry about in regards to him being romantically involved with his ex. 

Would you keep slowly giving him pieces of yourself, pieces of your heart? Pieces of your story, the honest pieces of your story, the ones you don’t tell most people? Or would you cut and run?

Tell me, what would you do if you were me?

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 9 - “Call Me A Spoon Cause I Really Tried To Stir The Pot” - AUGUSTO

Ruben went home...... expected? He was inactive af. He was definitely a closer ally of mine, and it sucks that he went down the way he did, but there was really nothing else that was going to be done to save him. There was a half attempted effort right before tribal, but also people didn't wanna do it bc he was throwing his closest people under the bus, which was bizarre to me. It was just a bad move ANYWHOM. I was busy last round until tribal essentially, and just didn't have time to do my confessional where I just go and RANK how much I trust everyone lol god speed Tier 1: Top Trust 1. Augusto - He is obviously my #1. He has been giving me some antsy responses lately, and he didn't immediately tell me about the Regan idol thing and STILL didn't tell me about the OG Malabar alliance that was made that includes Nicole, but it's fine because we've got each other as our number ones, and I genuinely don't think he has that kinda relationship with anyone else, and I'm fairly certain Augusto would never vote me out. 2. Dan - Honestly the difference between 2 and 3 are splitting hairs, but Dan seems like he is going to be the most beneficial to my game in the long run. He is definitely a more well versed player than #3, and I know that he is going to tell me most things. The way I found out Augusto was keeping things from me, was from Dan, and I know that my relationship with Dan is good, we've been to finals together, and he has told me on more than a few occasions that he trusts me the most in the game, which is normally a pretty good sign. 3. Crooks - Gosh I love Alex so much. I am so happy he got to return to the game, and I'm happy he just gets to play this merge the way he wants to. I do know he's a little socially awkward, he makes some questionable game moves, and honestly hasn't made it the FARTHEST in games recently, but I do think that Alex wouldn't turn his back on me if I showed him the utmost loyalty that I could, which I'm going to try to do. My biggest challenge for the rest of the season is going to be convincing all three of these people that I am running all the way to the end of this game with them, and hopefully that'll keep me from being blindsided haha Tier 2: A Good Amount of Trust 4. Vilma - Vilma is a gem. Tbh I think she trusts me more than most people as well. I don't think I'm her top person, but I do think I'm really up there. Vilma told me about the idol, we had three alliances in common (one with Zach, power bottoms with Asya, and golden girls with Dan and Augusto), but I do actually think that Vilma is just a straight up, and loyal, player. The only problem is that I think everyone sees Vilma as that. I feel she's just a wild card in my book because she CAN do something, but my gut is telling me she's going to want to ride this out with me as long as she can, especially since I know about her idol and normally people don't fuck with people who know they have the idol Tier 3: The Average Tier 5. Asya - Y'know......... idk. We have the Power Bottoms alliance, she has been very straight up with me in PMs, and I feel that Asya wouldn't do this to me. There are too many factors in the game right now, where I feel I can at least trust that she wouldn't vote for me until the final 9, so that's that on that. 6. Ricky - Ricky also really seems to have a good connection and trust with me. The main reasons I've got Ricky here (and kinda Asya too), is because I just feel that they both aren't the MOST active, and are definitely relying on some of their earlier relationships, which is me, also they're worried about being under fire, and I think that they will be soon because both of these guys are being coupled together, but we've been on good terms on a tribe before, and honestly this entire game, but I'm just pessimistic about anyone wanting to actually work with me long term, so I get confused. Tier 4: These People Make me Feel Confused 7. Regan - Who would've thought there's a world where Regan wasn't last, but instead she was right in the middle of the pack. Tbh, with how this game has gone, Regan should be higher, but just because of our past, this is a safe place to be. Regan and I have gone AT IT in the past, and she is a very sporadic player, and truly could do anything at any time, and she can decide she doesn't want to work with me anymore. I have an alliance with her and Augusto, which is making me feel good about our working relationship, and with Augusto hopefully staying very tight, he can make sure that there's no funny business. I do know that if Regan plays an idol at an unexpected time, I should probably get a little worried, and follow suit afterwards to make sure that it isn't an idol play on me. She has actually seemed to have been playing a good game so far, and I've got some confidence that Regan is going to shake the world a little bit this game, and I'm kinda here for it. 8. Jared - So like? I know he's a slimy motherfucker and he trusts other people way more than he could ever trust me, but I like him a lot as a person and we have great talks. I made a deal with Jared and Nicole to not go after them, and I know they have relationships with lots of people, and lots of trio chats, and they probably have to keep up in all of them to seem like they don't have trios with EVERYONE, but it's just a mess. I think once Jared or Nicole goes, I'm going to be incredibly close to the one who ends up staying, but I just don't know whoever stays, I am going to try to forge an incredible relationship with. I don't mind whether it's Jared or Nicole that ends up staying, but I bet Jared going is probably better for my long term game just because he's such a bigger snake in the grass. Also I know he knows about Regan's idol, so that's something too, but my connection with Jared, in this given moment, is better than my relationship with Nicole 9. Nicole - I feel we haven't connected in awhile, which is worrisome to me because I know she plays hard. I know Nicole is threatening, and she is probably more threatening than I've even thought about her being ever. I didn't think Nicole was a big ticket player, but honey she is PLAYING. I just need a better relationship. I know her or Jared should be out of the game soon, and I kinda hope Nicole is the one that falls by the wayside because I almost trust that Jared might lean on me more. 10. Roxy - ROXY IM SORRY YOU'RE DOWN HERE BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN'T BE, but you are the biggest ORG tease I've ever ever played with. You make me feel so good in our relationships every game we've played together, but then you've taken me out of both of them (in one you attempted, but failed) without hesitation, and I don't trust you. I know we're good friends, and I honestly think that you trust me more than you trust most other people in this game, but I still don't want you here, and if the opportunity arises, I really do know I'm going to want you out, and vote for you at the first chance I can. At this point, I'm going to keep talking to you as if we're working together, but I'm not giving you any information...... i cant trust it. I hope I can see your intentions were good after this game, but genuinely, I don't know what to believe with the last two ORG experiences we've had together. Tier 5: Who? 11. Frankie - I'm almost certain you're going home next lol. Talk to people :)

Regan is so fucking annoying sometimes. Like she acts like she knows better than everyone else all the time. I care about her as a human, but don’t pass judgement on me when what I’m doing has literally no bearing on your life whatsoever. Stop acting holier than thou and go back to fucking Red Robin and get your 20% tips and continue to pass judgement on the people who might want to go out with their family for a nice meal, but not be able to tip a full 20%. If you don’t like it, don’t fucking work a job that pays $2 an hour. Jesus Christ. It’s Christmas so I’m gonna go back into my Baby Jesus lane and shut the fuck up, but Regan’s on my shit list now.

6:31 PM okay i want Jared AND Nicole out I'm so TIRED of this like they clearly dont trust me nicole hasnt spoken to me since merge jared made me PROMISE that I wouldn't go after him, presuming in his tone that he already didnt trust me i am not liking my position. I need to go back and remember which people i told that I wanted Roxy out over Ruben bc i think more people might want to work with roxy now (which i knew would happen) and i dont want it all getting back to her because i think she thinks im one of her closest Augusto just told me that jared proposed to roxy a voting block of roxy augusto jared nicole asya ricky which makes me think even MORE that nicole jared ricky roxy asya need to GO But tbh I trust Asya, and kinda Ricky I have a feeling that Ricky wouldn't vote for me if it came down to it i also feel im lowkey playing a horrible game lmfao thank you for coming to my christmas day confessional :)

(A LITTLE LATER)

sorry...... im still going My biggest problem is that this game has been moving lowkey slow, strategically speaking and time wise, and now we've gotta wait an extra day to boot up the game again, even though no one is doing anything at 10pm the night of christmas, but whatever, that's old news and fucking frankie is probably going to go this round and then we're just going to have to wait another few days for the BATTLE to ensue, but honestly, more people going that I'm not directly aligned with is good because I just need as many insurance policies as possible I very much want to play the merge in the most cutthroat way i've ever played. I want to make those game moves and I want to get that respect. Let's be honest....... everyone knows im a fucking snake, so it isn't like this is anything new to anyone. I'm keeping loyal to my top 3 (maybe top 4 @vilma) (jk loves vilma), and then im going to wreck everyone else, and there's going to be almost nothing that's going to stop me. I'm out for blood, and it's starting with upping my social game for the rest of the game I am done with school, and I am on vacation until (presumably) the end of this game, so if I just keep up my social game, and make this game my #1 priority, im going to be in an incredible spot, but right now, im feeling like I need 2-3 people to go home before I feel super secure. The REALLY good thing is that I still have my idol, and me and my UTMOST closest ally (augusto) know where all three of them are, which is HUGE for the program, so I've just gotta make sure that I can use all this information to my advantage. I've gotta start getting in some tighter blocks, and more importantly make myself more available to people like ricky and asya, who I feel I haven't done the BEST job with, but I know they're two of the socially weaker people in the tribe.................... im just getting nervous and i want this game to GO

https://youtu.be/vmqseVAWX98

wish i didnt have to go to tribal xoxo

Roxy keeps helping me with the bransteele comp and I forgot she thinks we're friends..... i know i don't trust her, but she's good for now roxy you just got back in my good graces :))))))

(A LITTLE LATER)

Hi it's johnny im currently breaking down jared went to frankie and told frankie that me/vilma/dan have a f3 and that Jared wanted to make a big move this round..................... frankie then told augusto and augusto told us thank god, but like fuck you jared honestly. it's just horse shit because there's no good reason for him to be going after me other than our past and I fucking hate when people do that, however, i'm just anxious because I know that Vilma is safe, and Dan and Jared were on OG malabar together, and I know they've previously gotten along, meaning that the only other option is me it's just fucking annoying because jared is honestly supposed to be a friend, and in my head, i was refusing to vote for him or nicole this round because i like them both as people, and figured that i'd do something about it later when it became obvious one of them had to go, and not me initiating it myself, but now at this point i dont know what I do know is that I'm fairly confident in quite a few people not saying my name this round, and those people being 100% alex augusto dan vilma roxy, and then im fairly confident regan has my side too. realistically this should be giving me numbers, but I know that there's a lot more that comes into play than that on top of that i do have an idol, and I didn't want to play it this early, but it looks like I may have to.. the only good thing is that i know about vilma's idol and i know abotu regan's idol bc they both told me about it, and i feel if either of them knew i was in trouble, they'd consider using it on me because they're both more loyal players than they are selfish perhaps? (maybe moreso vilma than regan lol) roxy made an alliance chat with vilma augusto and myself, and roxy wants to go for ricky, which honestly, if we pretended like we were going for jared and nicole, and flushed out a ghost island advantage that either of them may have (which we're almost certain nicole has one bc she lied horribly about her visit to ghost island, according to augusto), so at this point i really really dont know. I feel im sitting on a lot of information right now, but im a scared pussy and dont really know what to do with all of this stuff that i'm being told because im quietly trying to sit on it and let augusto do all of the good work in trying to swing frankie onto our side. god bless them not knowing im with augusto i just need augusto to continue playing double agent until it keeps me safe lol also fuck you jared

https://youtu.be/oFPDXhxHgDs forgot to send last night

Johnny is a little fucking scumbag isn't he? So I'm hearing tea from Jared that Johnny approached him this morning about me and Vilma trying to steer the vote towards Nicole. That's a damn fucking lie. I never once tried to steer the vote that way. I think that Johnny is getting a little big for his britches. I could totally be getting played by Nicole and Jared rn, but I don't know why they would lie about all of this. Unless they really are trying to blindside me? Idk wtf is happening, but I just want to beat my fucking placement.

https://youtu.be/LWdipgmXYSs

This is my host chat today and idc who is offended by the following messages: I HATE THIS GAME im so annoyed why is jared doing this like why I was trying to be NICE 2:37 PM im going to be the target this round literally fuck jared i hate him so fucking much why is he such a dick i need to write a confessional 2:45 PM k i confessed my hatred and feelings im just annoyed that this is how this is going down and I just KNEW that this shit would happen with jared the good thing is that he isnt aware of my relationships 3:08 PM I feel I have the most handle on this situation though lowkey 5:20 PM okay they're targeting dan im not worried anymore lol 5:33 PM dan is going to blow up the game please dont dan please he wants to expose the fact that we know the other side is planning something I know we have six people they're trying to get out dan and they're pinning dan/vilma/i as a trio they being jared and nicole, probably asya and ricky, but they don't really have brains augusto and roxy are playing the middle hard right now to make sure that nothing happens to me specifically, but if the vote stays on dan then im not going to be bothered about it, but honestly i dont want to lose a number, and I'd rather silently push than anything so idk im trying to think ive got a little over an hour to do something about it 6:00 PM gosh this is getting messy im not okay with it im trying to swing alex right now so we dont have to go to rock 6:15 PM LMAO HOW IS AUGUSTO IN THE MIX SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE THAT CAME FROM BECAUSE I DONT KNOW omg this is getting too messy 6:22 PM ill take 12th. let's have some fun I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game I hate this game If anyone including the hosts knows what's going on I will send you on a European vacation jared doesnt even know the whole story but i am talking to jared now we're like businessmen sitting at a table Ugh I hate Jared But I am playing nice like i actually love him im going at it with jared in a good way i want him back in mine and dan's good graces ugh vilma is a lowkey useless ally Alex is such a shitty socializer i just need to put that out there like there are things that should stay in your head and he's got a lot that he keeps putting on paper LMAO ALEX IS A LEAKY FAUCET HE SAID HE WANTS A F2 WITH ME BUT HUNNI LISTEN YOU DONT GO TELLING SOMEONE IMMEDIATELY WHAT I SAID AFTER I TOLD IT TO YOU im so mad because this is just dumb survivor gameplay on alex's part because ricky was so quick to tell people that alex told him this information lmao

(A LITTLE LATER)

can we talk about me being the king of exploiting every piece of information I found out today to someone with a big mouth, so this way it would get around and i wouldn't be targeted? wooooooooo

Alright so this round has been really hecking hectic. I found a clue to the idol and highkey I wanted to share it with Jared/Nicole but I needed to reaffirm my alliance with Asya and Ricky. And then we were FINALLY gonna blindside Dan. Then Frankie told Dan. Then Dan told Johnny. Then Johnny told me despite me already knowing all of this. Then he told me he wanted Ricky out. So I told Ricky. Ricky told Dan and Johnny. So Johnny knows I spilled the beans. That's fun. And now Frankie's going home for being a blabbermouth. That's what happens when you speak huh!

Okay so basically Things became messy And I don't know who's telling the truth Either Johnny or Jared+Nicole are bullshitting me and I don't know which It seems everyone's voting Frankie now Which I guess I'm fine with But I don't even know who I'm working with next round Because nobody includes me in anything All I know is I never told anyone I wanted to vote Nicole out and the person who spilled those rumors must get out of here, FAST I'm rather pissed I feel like I don't trust anyone Where are all my real allies? Oh I don't have those Everyone's so shady Can I get voted out even though I'm immune? I hate this I didn't sign up for THIS I don't think a single person is being straight with me So from now on I'm a free agent I'm back to square one

Ricky and I called for like a half hour and compared notes and honestly, Johnny has got to go, but not right now. If that’s a big miss steak, oh well, but I do think I’m gonna make it through this vote which is exciting. If I get fucking 12th again I’m gonna kermit I think. I can’t believe I trusted the straight fraternity brother. Ugh

ok soooo i might have an alliance of 6 lets hope it works and im not the second boot again after my return lmaoo

this is a fucking mess

wowowow these people make me sooooo MADDDDTTTT just do what i want!!!!

(A LITTLE LATER)

everyone is ignoring me except johnny and augusto and ik im being voted against like 11-1 and it feels gross lol i hate everyone here and im not voting for most of them at the end. there was like 2 people i didnt message and ig that means im "inactive" or some shit 

Oh SHIT I got so distracted by the messiness that I forgot to tell I accidentally won immunity AGAIN fuck my life I was trying to throw Vilma Hmm I'm trying to throw this challenge but at the same time look like I made at least some effort but suck I hope at least some people tried for real Pippa You make me laugh so hard Vilma IS THIS A JOKE I SWEAR I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER WIN WITH THAT Fuck I'm ruining all my chances at going deep with these immunities (cwl) I hope people realise my score was bad FUCK This is the thing, I didn't want to abstain because then it would look like I'm just lazy but I wanted them to think that I actually suck. Gosh I'm failing at life I guess I should just use these opportunities to build better relationships with people but everyone knows I'm horrible at that dnn congrats compbeast <3 Vilma SHUSH

SO ITS FRANKIE BUT I MIGHT GO HOME with an idol in my pocket

Call me spoon cause I really tried to stir the pot this tribal to no avail.