#unrequited zakkura Tumblr posts

[strayheartless]

When you go quiet I hate myself:

**title credit to Dodie Clark’s song “hate myself”**

*****

Wanting to be left alone was all fun and games until you didn’t want to be alone anymore. Cloud knew this intimately. Being alone meant safety. It meant there was no possible way he could say the wrong thing, or be too blunt. He couldn’t upset someone with his resting face, nor could he make someone cry by telling them he really didn’t care.

He didn’t do it to be mean. He did it to be honest. Kindness wasn’t a foreign concept to him, but it was hard to master. Nobody gave you a book on how not to be an asshole. Nobody told you “hey, here’s all the rules you need to know in order to survive social interaction!”

No, you were simply thrust into it, naked and newborn and you just had to cope. He understood survival of the fittest, but he was not the fittest and he sure as shit wasn’t surviving. He just… was.

Maybe he’s feeling like this because it’s the first time Zack has been away since they started being friends. Maybe it’s because everyone else in the barracks went out for a drink and he hadn’t been invited. Regardless of the fact that he would have said no… he still felt the tang of rejection like breathing in air freshener just after it’s been sprayed. Nasty and bitter but oddly exactly like it smells.

He’d been asked before and he’d always said no. Of course they would stop asking eventually. It was just common sense. He’d done this to himself. He was the reason he currently felt so cripplingly alone. He just had to suck it up and get on with it.

Cloud rolls over and checks his phone again. Nothing.

Zack had said that he wasn’t likely to be on a non contact mission but so far it had been radio silence from the one person who always met Cloud in the middle. It was killing him, and he knew why… he just wasn’t willing to admit it yet.

Zack had given him his girlfriends number. He’d said she would be happy to keep him company while he was away. He’d said she had been keen to meet him even.

Zack was an oblivious fool.

Cloud was sure Aerith was quite lovely. Zack painted her to be Midgar’s sweetheart, and Clouds sure she was just fine… but he was also sure he’d be rude to her on purpose. All because she had the one thing he wanted and that wasn’t fair to her.

It wasn’t Aerith’s fault Cloud fell in love with someone so out of bounds it was ridiculous. Dark hair, exceedingly kind, willing to put up with his moody bullshit? Yeah Cloud was aware he had a type.

That type just happened to always be off limits. With Tifa it had been the fact that she was the towns only girl and therefore she was hoarded like gold by the boys she played with and the parents who had labelled him a problem. With Zack it was because he was straight and an idiot.

A gorgeous idiot… but an idiot never the less.

Zack had given Cloud a colour pallet with which to paint the world by and Cloud had realised too late that he could only access it when Zack was here. Being friends was fine, but the never ending torture of hearing him be in love was maddening. The constant reminder from everyone around him that he was terribly, awfully, chronically, terminally alone was agony.

But Cloud liked being alone, he always had. Being alone meant nobody could hate you for being you. Being alone meant that you controlled the quiet and the game and the rate at which things happened to you.

Being alone meant deafening silence and the knowledge that you still felt like a fucking child.

He’s aware he’s only twenty one. He’s aware that there will be time for relationships and life plans and families if he wants one.

He’s also aware that Denny in dorm C had just had a baby with his girlfriend. That Kai in his dorm had asked his girl to marry him. He was aware that people were sleeping with eachother casually and that even the underground queer community within the troops were going to the honey bee on weekends for drag shows and mixers.

He knows that he’d bypassed the pride parade for three years now because that many people all making noise in bright colours was Clouds idea of actual hell. He’s aware that even being bisexual, he’s still on the outside of the crowd. He’s never known what the in crowd looks like and he thought it was fine.

But now he aches. He aches so much he feels physically paralysed by it. Lying in his bunk staring at his phone and begging Zack to just… send a thumbs up. Anything to let him know he’s at least important enough to warrant remembering.

The phone stays silent.

Cloud pushes it off of the bed and turns over.

He pulls the covers over his head and feels the need to cry but it won’t happen. It never does.

He slams his head back on the matress, but it doesn’t hurt or even make him feel better. So he growls in fustration, shoves his head under his pillow and digs his nails into his scalp.

He tries to sleep but it is disturbed and full of anxiety and pain. Eventually he just pretends with his eyes closed and his head stuffy and numb.

He doesn’t see the text flash through from Zack. He doesn’t know that Aerith is wondering if she should make the first move.

‘Hi buddy, miss you tons. Gonna be back in a few days. How are you? Aerith said you haven’t text? No pressure man, I just worry your isolating yourself again. Call me when you see this?’

[ff7-has-taken-me-over]

“I love you.”

Cloud pulled his phs away, squinting a single eye open to look at the screen. It was definitely Zack’s name on the screen and it said it was only 0200 up in the corner, far too early to be dealing with Zack and whatever drunken mistakes he was committing.

“Zack, it’s Cloud. What’re you doing?”

The pounding music in the that could be heard faintly in the back faded out a little more, as if the other man was leaving whatever club he was previously getting hammered in.

“I know it’s you silly. Jus’ wanted to let ya know…”

Cloud hummed quietly, deciding this would be one of those situations where he just nodded along and agreed, even if he didn’t really know what was going on.

“Ok. Love you too I guess.”

Zack didn’t need to know Cloud meant it in any significant way, best friends said this sort of thing to each other all the time right? He was just, returning sentiments.

“Really?! That’s great! We should do lunch! Tomorrow. After sleep.”

Cloud hummed again, already slipping back into said sleep as he answered.

“Sure. Sounds great.”

Zack said some unintelligible things after that, something about dinners and dates or something. Cloud wasn’t sure. He’d fallen asleep before he heard it all.

…..

“Cloudy!”

Said blond turned on his heel, hand slipping off the cafeteria door as he smiled at his friend. Zack was grinning like a loon, near sprinting down the hall in his efforts to catch up. Cloud waited for him to catch up, laughing softly when the older man nearly crashed into four different people on his way down.

He was going to turn to make his way through the doors once Zack had caught up, hand on the door again before he was being swept up. Zack had his arms around his waist, lifting him off the ground and spinning him once before he was being put down again.

Every protest died when Zack leant forward, sealing their lips together with a smiling kiss that was more teeth than actual lips, “Morning baby.”

Cloud could’ve sworn he’d died and gone to heaven with what was most definitely his wildest dream coming true. But when Zack grabbed his hand, his grip just the slightest bit too tight due to his excitement, he knew it was definitely reality. The only question was how it was his reality.

“Ah! I’m so glad you said you loved me back last night! I was so scared but Kunsel kept saying I should just do it and he was so right cause look! We’re dating!”

Zack held their joined hands up in example, beaming so bright that he received a few glares from half awake people around them. Cloud didn’t mind much, way too stuck on his friends (boyfriends?!) words from before.

He’d actually meant that? It wasn’t some weird drunken dare or mistake?? He’d actually meant to call Cloud and confess to him?! What the fuck?!

[altocat]

Now that Sefikura is being teased in rebirth do you want them to be endgame?

Endgame in canon? Lol, no.

Definitely not after everything Sephiroth has done to Cloud. They're fine in AU, but not in the actual story. Sephiroth is a doomed monster. He doesn't end up with anyone because he's already lost himself. He might have some pretty R-rated feelings for Cloud, but they're unrequited beyond the possibility of mutual physical attraction, nothing more than that.

If you wanted me to be 100% honest and genuine about endgame Cloud ships, I'd say Tifa makes the most sense on a narrative level. She and Cloud have the healthiest dynamic imo, and their relationship is built on mutual support and respect. Not that Clerith or Zakkura doesn't also have their perks, but Cloti just always seemed to fit the best with the story's overall message and themes. And after everything they've seen and everyone they've lost, it just makes the most sense for them to heal each other little by little over time, just as they always have.

But don't worry. Tifa is VERY supportive of her bisexual boyfriend.

[sephesisweek]

Can we include other ships in prompt fills? I know it's SephGen only but is it okay for Zakkura to be in the background or Angeal having unrequited feelings for Genesis as part of the story?

As long as it's not the focus of the story/artwork/etc., it's fine! The important part is that the main relationship in any prompt post be monogamous Sephesis rather than any iteration of AGS, a permutation of AZSGC, or something else that goes against that relationship. What goes on around them is very "anything goes."

Thank you for the question! The FAQ has been updated to explain this in detail.

[yin-shimo]

although sefikura runs through my veins like it was through an IV, i specifically like one (1) flavor of zakkura and that’s cc cloud having unrequited feelings for zack lmao. let me see cloud fruitlessly daydreaming about that man