#unnecessary rules
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i know tim would most likely already have multiple samples of his own dna while cloning BUT the thought of him just slashing across his palm in order to get his blood... deep enough to leave a scar that will forever remind him of what he did... in a desperate attempt to, if not get kon, but at least get something... like idk. kinda sexy if you ask me
#that would be so unnecessary dramatic plus lab safety rules are like bro wtf#but i just can't help myself#im just a girl#dc#dc comics#timkon clone baby au#timkon clone baby#tim drake#red robin#timkon
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#Just curious where you all land#I love them all but I have to pick the additional unnecessary sleepwear#Every time he adds more items to his night wardrobe he gets exponentially hotter š¤·āāļø I donāt make the rules#gale of waterdeep#gale dekarios#gale x tav#baldurās gate 3#bg3
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AVOIDANCE: the only real solution to all of Eddieās your falling-in-love problems!
(0 out of 10 participants in this approach have proven its INeffectiveness; talk to your āØlove interestāØtoday to avoid this heartbreaking waste of your energy!)
Itās not like they were bosom buddies for years and years. A week at the outset, a couple months since, and now theyāre all back in their own homes living their own lives and Eddie can avoid the way heās most definitely, one-hundred-percent certainly in love with Steve Harrington. Very effectively.Ā By simply avoiding Steve Harrington.Ā
rating: t ā„ļø tags: post-s4, eddie munson and his newfound obsession/unprecedebtedly-close-to-love feelings for steve harrington, answer: avoid steve harrington like the plague, excellent and emotionally-mature ways of dealing with your problems! /s, primary hiccup in existing plan: forgetting steve harrington doesnāt take well to failure, (oops), miscommunication, boys so dumb, confessions, hint of angst (because eddie is a very silly boy with very silly ideas sometimes), self-confident!steve, steve harrington facing the issues head-on, feelings confessions, peak eddie dramatics, happy endingā„ļø
for @steddielovemonth day fifteen: āIf I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.āāJane Austen, Emma
True fact: Eddie thought he was playing things cool. Thought he was totally copacetic, in, you know, keeping it all subtle. He can do subtle, yāknow: being loud and proud, shouting on tabletops and shit, screaming at drunksāthat was a choice, not aā¦a rule. Heās a freak, heās an outcast, heās a weird-ass motherfucker: heād have had far more brushes with his actual-factual demise in this podunk town if he was literallyĀ incapableĀ of blending in with the background, and not just kinda sickened by the concept, let alone the effort involved to appease fuckingā¦normies.
So yeah, heādā¦heād thought he was flying under the radar. And anyway; why the fuck would Steve Harrington even notice eddies absence in his day-to-day? They were apocalypse āfriendsā. Hospital buddies at best.
Theyāre back in the real world now.
Eddie supposed Vecna or whatever the fuck his name is will come crawling back in the foreseeable future, but brighter minds than his are preparing for that shit. The sheepies will let him know if they need his assistanceāpending what that assistance may or may not be worth dependent on how far along his PT journey he stands at that point.
But itās not like they were glued to the hip. Itās not like they were bosom buddies for years and years. A week at the outset, a couple months since, and now theyāre all back in their own homes living their own lives and Eddie can avoid the way heās most definitely, one-hundred-percent certainly in love with Steve Harrington. Very effectively.
By simply avoiding Steve Harrington.
Itās kind of a foolproof plan, really. He starts wrapping Hellfire earlier, tells the little shitheads heās gotta run, Wayne needs a hand with a revolving door of household projects now that theyāve got their own place with more than one bedroom. Gotta mount that hangers for that ball cap collection just right, you know, yadda yadda.
He thinks they gave up being suspicious without a week or two, now just hit him with annoyed eye rolls. God bless the scourge of self-centred teenage bitchiness playing directly into eddies hand.
What he failed to account for, however, about eleven weeks into his up-to-now flawless scheme, wasā¦well. The leading man himself.
Showing the fuck up at Eddieās door, which Eddie answered for once like a fool and now canāt back out of cleanly because thereās no truck in the driveāitās clear heās here on his own.
Motherfucker.
One thing can be said for the plan, in terms of like, general side quest observationsāabsence definitely made the heart grow fonder. Or at least didnāt contribute at all to theĀ opposite. Which Eddie hadnāt been entirely sure was possible, because the speed and strength of how he fell with every fucking cell in him had honestly terrified the shit out of him on its own. But after avoiding Steve, nodding at best if he canoed paths and sneaking away when the man called out like he was gonna snake through a crowd at any of the number of the family dinners for interdimensional-trauma-survivors-anonymous that Eddie couldnāt weasel out of: itād been clear pretty fucking quick.
The almost-indefensibly-absurd affection heād developed for the King of Hawkinsāit wasnāt just reign over the high school if the parents were so charmed, if the fucking hospital has cowed into acting and quick when they tried to hesitate in treating an accused murderer, as Eddieād been regaled with by everyoneĀ butĀ Steve, who shrugged his kinda crucial role in saving Eddieās ass with a shrug andĀ of course, man, like there was ever even a questionābut hisĀ indefensibly overwhelming and absurd infatuation that spent every month expanding further to try and crack his fucking ribs, well.
It was chronic, at best. He wasnāt gonna shake itā¦any time soon.
AnyĀ time soon.
So: best to at least keep the catalyst at bay, stop it from causing the condition to worsen.
Heād made the mistake of thinking itĀ couldnāt get worseĀ already. Learn from your mistakes, and all the shit.
So what if itās been months now and not only has theĀ maladyĀ of being ass-over-nipple in-fucking-love persisted, but got so much fucking worse? Deeper?Ā More, when that shit should have even been possible?
No. He just has to be persistent. Keep at the plan. Eventually, itāll die off. Itāll whither and blow away. Itāll fuckingĀ fadeā
He does, however, fail to calculate all contingencies.
Namely Steve Harringtonās incapacity to accept defeat.
Heās also too fucking scatterbrained to check the door before opening it when thereās a knock, just after Wayneās left for his shift. When Eddie has no excuse to slam it back shut on the exceptionally exquisite face waiting when the hinges swing open.
Exquisite, but lookingā¦pinched. Sour.
Pissed the fuck off.
And worst of all of itābecause so far the list only server to underscore that unfortunate state of being fuckingĀ beautiful, on every possible levelābut worst of it all, because itās worst on its own but also because it twists, distorts all the beauty, and itās so clearly Eddieās fault because Steve is standing right here, and not elsewhere, after all this time.
LookingĀ hurt, under everything else.
āIām done with this, yeah?ā
Eddie could run. Heād only make it to his room; Steve would probably be able to break down the door and get to him before he could slither through the window and run, but heās still not 100%, right, heās physically at a disadvantage anyway, itās not even gonna be a questionā
Steveās got him cornered.
So he just stands. Blinks.
Doesnātā¦know what Steveās ādone withā, but he feels his literally twist, wring like a dishrag, when he figures out the most likely answer is just:
Ā Eddie.
Even trying to keep the maximum distance, he either knows, and hates it, hatesĀ him, orā¦
He doesnāt know, and doesnāt need to. He just is over Eddie and his bullshit.
Itās in the heart-piercing distraction of either and both possibilities that Steve pushes past him into the front hall.
āWhat the fuck is your problem, man?ā
Steve crosses his arms as the door latches closed, caging them in.
Eddieās heart starts kicking hard, which is painful. He assumes thatās because itās been pierced by the hurt still on Steveās face.
āI thought we were, like, that atĀ leastĀ we were friends?ā
He says it like he also has maybe had thoughts like thereās something else they were, or could have been. That by association and context would be somewhere more than friends?
Eddieās pieced-through heart switches to a double-thumping sort of thing thatās really just as confused as the rest of him.
Hurts like a motherfucker, too.
āDid I do something?ā
Steve asks, finally sounds more defeated than any of the other things Eddie can pick up in how he holds his body, and honestly thatās what breaks Eddieās resolve, of everything; after everything. After holding out this long and failing for the entire fucking effort, afterĀ hurting Steve, the last thing he could ever want, probably the main underlying reason heās been running from him the whole goddamn timeātoĀ not hurt him.
Heās suck a fuck up. HeāsĀ suchĀ a fuckingĀ fuck up.
āYou know how sunflowers grow?ā
Steve startles a little, grows the slightest bit.
āThey find the sun, and the grow toward it,ā and Eddieās not stupid enough to think the whole disaster thatās unfolding in front of him, from his own chest, his own fucking mouthāheās aware.
He canāt do nothing, but he also doesnāt think he can sugarcoat this in a way that goes down easier; sand the rough edges to make it make better sense.
He has to wrench it raw and bloody from his ribs, caught on the jagged bone like the messy fuck he is.
āYou were the sun,ā Eddie finally says it out loud, and his voice is so small and wondering, he canāt hide it. āYou were the sun and I woke up broken, I had to grow back so much and I did, because I had the tools,ā he swallows, takes a shaky breath:
āI had theĀ sunĀ right next to me, to do all the growing toward. Toā¦rebuild around.ā
Eddieās always been a weirdo, and outcastāheās spent a lot of time in libraries; often hiding.
But heās read a lot of random shit. And enough of itās stuck to make some sense of this fucking mess.
Steveās face gives nothing away. Itās usually soā¦so generous with its feeling, even if there are some feelings Eddie knows Steveās careful toĀ neverĀ let show.
But in the now, he justĀ stares.
āOtters,āEddie blurts out, fingers twitching, wrists shaking; āthey hold hands when they sleep,ā and he looks up for a second before looking away again, pulse a mullet in his throat.
āI used to hold onto your hand when I fell asleep in the hospital,ā and he says it like itās a secret, a confession, even though of all people, of course Steve already fucking knows. The part he doesnāt, though:
āI still reach, and how fucked that? Like I deserve it as a rule, like itāsĀ mine.ā
LikeĀ youāre mine.
He canāt say it. But he doesnāt have it. It rings out on its own.
āBut then there are the trees that shoot up all tangled,ā Eddie canāt remember what theyāre called; āwhere the trunks split off into one another, or theyāre so braided up together the share their bark, whole pieces left Bernalās,Ā nakedĀ but the other tree covers it, makes it strong and safe but only so long as theyāre literallyĀ fused together indefinitely,ā and Eddie hopes that oneā¦that one explains itself.
He pauses, waits for any reaction.
No dice.
āBats sleep in pitcher plants.ā
That at least gets the slightest lift of the chin. Probably because itās weird, and alsoā¦bats.
Right. So Eddieās gonna have to spell it all out.
Which he kinda knew. The examples are fucking weird. But theyāreā¦theyāre true. TheyāreĀ where he is.
āIf I get too fucking close, I willĀ destroyĀ you,ā Eddie says, because thatās the fear, rightāor no.
Thatās the fucking truth. Eddie always ends up with the tatters of the things he loves the most.
āIāll take too much, Iāll takeĀ everything,ā Eddie confesses, pleads in his tone to be seen, which Steveās always been weirdly good at, and understoodāthe bigger gamble.
āThere wonāt be any stoplights, there wonāt be a barrier or a boundary where Iāll know Iāve gone too far because I wonāt even think of what that fuckingĀ is, what it could be to even watch for, like the barebones idea of ātoo farā, let alone what it looks like, I wonāt,ā and his breath runs out, so he gasps, and he thinks he sees Steve move to reach, to help, to steady.
He thinks.
Itās probably just wishful thinking.
āI wonāt stop holding on just when Iām sleeping, Iāll,ā Eddie licks his lips, because nowā¦nowĀ heāsstarting to hurt, closer to what it felt like with teeth ripping his flesh than anything has felt, than any loss has threatened. He has to clear his throat, because otherwise the rest will just spill out like a sob:
āIāll tear your bark so you bleed, and youāre exposed and you die off slow, because I was selfish, so selfish, I held to close, I fuckingā¦ā eddies voice cracks; his eyes fuckingĀ burn; ābecause I fuckingĀ demandedĀ the whole of you, and damn the cost because I couldnāt process an end, why would I stop doing to even think to be logical and careful when an end to you was, is, well, fuck,ā he huffs, and a tear spills out white hot down his cheek;
āItāsĀ incomprehensible, because that would be the end ofĀ everything, that was made real fucking clear for me with the bats, both times,ā and Eddie means thatāheās had time to think through the origin of his aching and it was early, it was any hint of being in the world without this person in it, too; āand the end of everything, well,ā he shakes his head, some of his hair sticking in the single trail of salt on his skin:
āTied up in you, so tight we couldnāt physically untangle?ā His voice drops to a whisper, and he knows his smile has to look sad, but he means this is the deepest places his heart even holds:
āWhat better way to go?ā
He maybes watches Steveās throat bobbing. Maybe.
Probably not.
So Eddie just sighs. Becauseā¦none of that matters. None of that matters in the face of the core truth:
āThose pitcher plants dissolve things inside them, itās how they eat,ā he half-recites, retreating into those deep-heart places, where the feeling is most saturated, but hard to find, somewhere to hide as he whispers, cowers in himself as he flats his own flesh:
āIāll leech from you for wanting too much just the same. Iāll fuckingĀ destroyĀ you, Stevie,ā he moans, feels his arms wrap around his chest, protective. Trembling.
āIāll love you so hard Iāll suffocate you, Iāll tear you to pieces trying to get closer, trying to hold the heart of you closer to mine,ā he doesnāt even make a conscious decision to press a palm over his flailing heart where his arm already holds, hugs himself so fucking tight. His lungs are sore. Itās tight, trying to breathe.
āItās not an overstatement, though, the other plants, the flowers,ā Eddie feels overwhelmed, suddenly, with a need to make clear that thereās only one person at fault for this, and itās himāSteve didnāt deserve to get hurt. Eddie should have found a better way to keep him safeāfrom Eddieāfrom the very start. Becauseā
āYouĀ areĀ my sun,ā Eddie makes himself look up, look at Steve. āI didnāt realize how little I was growing even before spring break. I didnāt notice, how fuckingĀ thrivingĀ wasnāt even in my goddamn vocabulary, until there was you.ā His breathing shudders again, followed by the rest of him:
āI turn toward you as a rule,ā because hereās the thing. All these weeks and months.
Eddieās been shrivelling. Eddie spends his nights dreaming of sunlight.
Itās inescapable.
He was going to have to find a more sustainable compromise soon, anyway. Might as wellā¦lay it all out now.
Heās already ripped off his bark. Heās already prepared to dissolve in the acid, to burn for what it means to have left the feeling grow so big.
āI hope,ā he coughs, starts slow, formal-like: āI hope you can do me the favor of just,ā he has to clear his throat again; fuck, itās hard; āpolitely ignoring that part. Like, even at a distance, itās not something I can seem to stop.ā
He was aiming for apologetic for that last bit, honest.
He fucking fails spectacularly, so. Thatās cool.
āI swear, I wonāt bother you,ā he tries to convey how heās sorry, for all of it, save for the core of the loving, because he as granted. A taste, no matter how itās fallen to ruin; heās selfish that way anyhow, to have seen some of the sun versus darkness alone for always.
Still:
āI wonāt come near, Iāll do what Iāve been doing but better, Iāll be better, Iāll try harder, it willāā
Eddie thinks maybe heās finally died. Of heartbreak, of whatever the Upside Down did to him. Of living without his sun for a long.
Any. All of the above.
Because the next thing he knows is pressure. Heat.
On his lips.
He barely processes responding before its town away: of course death wouldnāt be a reward. Not for him.
āAre you fucking telling me,ā a voice bites out close enough to Eddieās lips that he can feel how sharp they cut:
āThat you have been avoiding me,Ā running awayfromĀ me,ā and Eddie knows that voiceā
āBreakingĀ myĀ heart,ā and fuck, fuck Eddie knows he knows that voice because when itās hurtingāand those words are irate and disbelieving and theyāreĀ hurtā
āBecause youāre fucking scared ofĀ loving me too hard?ā
And Eddie pulls back, opens his eyes: Steve.
Steveās eyes are fuckingĀ vibrantĀ with feeling, so many feelings. Heāsā¦he doesnāt think heās dead, because a lot of those feelings are ones Eddieās not familiar with, and how would he know to place them there if heās never known them at all?
He doesnāt know of itās better or worse, to not be dead right now.
Because he just apparently got to feel Steveās lips on his lips.
But then:
āBecause thatās what youāre saying, rightā Steve raises a brow, demands in posture as much as in tone:
āYouāre in love with me.ā
And then on the flip side of being alive-or-dead: he has to deal with the consequences of spelling out the answer toā¦that.
Which heās apparentlyĀ broken Steveās heartĀ over handlingā¦the only way he could figure out. And still fucking it up.
āThat sounds less than what it feels like,ā Eddie whispers; itās the only thing he can latch on to.
Steveās eyes narrow at him, contemplate him.
āAnd you think me, ofĀ allĀ people,ā Steve finally asks, slow, his tone wrenchingly deliberate; āthatĀ Iwouldnāt meet someone loving that big and thatĀ much,ā āand he huffs, shakes his head in searing disbelief Eddie almost wishes he could flinch from, but itās so warm, itāsĀ his sun:
āThat that wouldnāt feel like there actuallyĀ wasĀ a heaven, and Iād died and somehow made it there?ā
Eddieās breath catches, then stops entirely. He canāt seem to properly suck in another one becauseā¦
āThat finding that wouldnāt feel like Iād won the lottery, like Iād figured out what it meant when people talk about a blessing, and all that shit?ā
Because whatā¦what it almost sounds like Steve isĀ sayingĀ canāt actually beā
āThat finding it, withĀ you,ā and oh, oh Steve is a lot closer than he was last Eddie processed the world around him, his chest is grazing Eddieās chest whenĀ heĀ seems to have no trouble breathing, just is doing it really deep andĀ realltĀ fastā
āThat itād be anything less than a gift,ā Steve murmurs half against Eddieās lips; āa dream come to life?ā
And Steveās eyes flick up, and itās when they land on Eddieās andĀ see himĀ that his lungs shiver and he chokes out the only word he thinks his every molecule knows by heart:
āSteve?ā
And Steve doesnāt move, neither. Loser nor farther away.
Doesnāt look away; doesnāt blink.
Just asks:
āDo you love me?ā
And something in Eddie unfreezes, some string holding him up, holding him back snaps free and he just grabs Steveās hand and presses it to his chest, like he needs to be tethered now that the string in himās been cut, and the touch,Ā thisĀ touch: Steve is really all heās been wanting to keep him.
To keep him at all.
And maybe this is the one shot he gets.
But Steve, SteveĀ saidā¦
He presses Steveās hand to his chest a little harder, because heās bathed in the sun again. Their hands are linked, and theyāre not asleep. Heās peeled off all the pretense, heās as bare and vulnerable as he can possibly get. His heartās beating into Steve palm. Eddie will happily fucking drown in this, dissolve and beā¦
Heās already consumed.
How is it any different, save that maybe, just maybe, beyond all odds and against everything heās fearedā
āMore than I can hold in here,ā Eddie scarcely finds the air to breathe; āmore than I canĀ say.ā
āThen share it,ā Steve says, the assuredness, theĀ rightnessĀ in his gravity thatās always been at his core radiating forth and warming Eddie in a way heās never known to feel before.
āLet meĀ knowĀ it, let that feeling not be alone anymore,ā and the words hold more than their syllables, byĀ soĀ much; ālet it out to see the sun,ā and then Steveās flipping their hands so eddies the one caught agains this chest, but heās always pulling them close enough that Steveās knuckles are still catching the drum of Eddieās pulse. It feelsā¦
Eddie didnāt know what to expect, to let the feeling be felt beyond his own chest.
Itās breathtaking in a new way. Itāsā¦
āLet it meet its match here, in howĀ IĀ feel,ā Steve doesnāt suggest, just speaks, instructs, leadsĀ withĀ a match to what Eddie feels, has been drowning in, save where it stole his air itās breathing into him; where it took his light itās reinventing the sun as Steve murmurs close, so close to his lips:
āLet it see how it was killing me all this time without you,ā and Eddie whimpers for the cost of what heās done, what he felt so sure heĀ had to doā
āLet the feeling inside here,ā and he presses his touch back to Eddieās chest just a little bit firmer; āknow how much sharing itās like stitching my broken heart back to rights.ā
Eddieās exhales shakes so fucking hard; he canāt be this lucky. It canātā¦he canātā¦
But his heartās beating so hard, so fast, so free.
So fuckingĀ alive.
āYou canāt say it, big enough?ā Steve pushes, his breath so goddamn��warm, his lashes so thick, Eddie wants to feel them on his skin like a blessing, a sacrament:
āYou canāt say it? ThenĀ showĀ me, instead.ā
And Steve looks up at him before he grabs around the back of Eddieās neck, pulls him close enough that speaking rubs their lips together, more combative than affectionate but still undeniably intimate as Steve growls:
āFuckingĀ months, Eddie, Jesus,ā and his grip is firm, but thereās no force, Eddie could pull back, Eddie could try to run, and fail, but how could he, how could heĀ everā
His handās crushed to Steveās chest. The same wild thrum he feels in his veins is there.
Let it meet its match.
āMake up for it,ā Steveās breath trembles on Eddieās lips, taunts him, begs him, asks so many questions.
Eddie flips their hands one more time, presses Steveās hand to his heartbeat with nothing less than desperation until his ribs goddamn creak, and then he leans, makes the pressure biggerā
Meets the feeling in Steve with all the feeling in him with their lips on each other like theyĀ meanĀ it this time, ready to dissolve in it. To grow themselves to protect around the soft parts. To keep their hands entwined for always.
To come alive insideĀ thisĀ sun.
āØpermanent tag list: OPEN (lmk if you want to be added/removed): @ajeff855 @allmyfavoritethingsinoneblog @anthrobrat @askitwithflours @awkwardgravity1 @bookworm0690 @bumblebeecuttlefishes @captain--low @depressed-freak13 @dragoon-ze-great @dreamercec @dreamwatch @dreamy-jeans137 @estrellami-1 @friendlyneighborhoodgaycousin @goodolefashionedloverboi @grtwdsmwhr @gunsknivesandplaid @hiei-harringtonmunson @hbyrde36 @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @kimsnooks @live-laugh-love-dietrich @madigoround @mensch-anthropos-human @nerdyglassescheeseychick @notaqueenakhaleesi @ollyxar @pearynice @perseus-notjackson @pretend-theres-a-name-here
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#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#post s4#fluff#boys being absurd#(mostly just eddie)#unnecessary drama and angsting#(again: itās eddie)#feelings confessions#getting together#eddie munsonsās A+++ plan to solve all his problems: AVOIDANCE! š#problem being: falling in love with steve harrington#solution: avoiding steve harrington post-vecna at all costs#itās FOOLPROOF#/s#(also: eddie is a first class fool soāthis was fucked from the start)#SUCH EXTENSIVE DRAMATICS THOUGH#KING OF DRAMA!EDDIE#eddie putting some of his weirder knowledge-dumping skills on display#but steveās unfazed; he knows his royal drama well#self confident steve harrington#(that boy didnāt take that you rule/you suck board in stride by NOT being a self-assured queen bitch at his core mmkay?)#stranger things#steddielovemonth#prompt: if I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more#hitlikehammers v words#hitlikehammers writes
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I think my goal with fic writing from now on is to be more shameless and have more fun. and actually thinking about it I think my goal in life might be to be more shameless and have more fun
#talking#it's so silly to be writing something thinking man this is so embarrassing#in the full knowledge that like. I would be thrilled to find a fic like this#so...why don't I get to just have fun? and make it?#why is the self-imposed rule that I'm the only one for whom it is not okay to have fun#and make the embarrassing thing I want to make#rattling the bars of my cage like hm maybe I shouldn't have built this. maybe that was. unnecessary to build and live in the cage#anyway my other goal with fic is to REPLY TO COMMENTS#it is weighing on my soul
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ok well i donāt have the content i promised iād provide when i returned but i want to come back so hello everyone . i guess im here now
#i just want to talk abt incest so bad im going crazy#for a bit now ive been like i canāt return until i have a fic finished but like i donāt deserve to torture myself like that#and hold myself to unnecessary rules and expectations
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Jack Abbot has a very specific type of AuDHD I cannot for the life of me put my finger on, but damn it it is there.
-> More explanation in the tags.
#The Pitt#Jack Abbot#Dr Jack Abbot#Dr Abbot#Jack Abbott#The Pitt headcanons#Jack Abbot headcanons#Heās so..#The way he doesnāt exactly know how to get his words out in emotional contexts#Especially not with patients#He can writeāyes#But talking to them is an entirely different story.#He looks up to Robby for his ability to speak to patients and feels viscerally frustrated with himself that he canāt do the same#And he doesnāt even know why.#He has a fundamentally hard time understanding when to stop or start talking#The appropriate spoken manner in conversation. The things to bring up. He has disregard for rules he sees as unnecessary#And yes. Of course PTSD will 100% have an impact on this. It affects him daily and to a degree he might only tell two people about.#He has a hard time letting people in because of it#Robby and his therapist are the only two people who really know the details#Not only of what happened to him. Whatās heās seen. But also how it fully affected him.#Pair that with AuDHD and heās left not really being able to explain it because he seemed well growing up. Had friends. Athletic. Smart.#Maybe even a bit popular.#But thereās that part of him that on a deep human level he struggles to have mutual intuitive connection and he know itās and hates it#People are there for him and he knows that#But sometimes he has to curse himself out mentally when he notices someone naturally communicating#In a way he feels like he can only try to learn and study. And heās done exactly that. For years.#Anyways Iām like probably projecting on accident cause Iām also AuDHD but oughhh. Something about him. I see it.#idk tell me if you agree š#also the whole disregard for rules he sees as unnecessary stems from not only his training as a war medic but also is the reason#he was dxād with ADD (ADHD) as a kidāmaybe 5th or 6th grade (and his therapist is working up currently to evaling for ASD)
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The Darkling and Alinaās reunion in Rule of Wolves is crazy. Alina does the literary equivalent of looking into the camera in a desperate attempt to convince the reader that her ending wasnāt incoherent and totally disappointing. The Darkling questions why she gave up her powers and her response is just: āACTUALLY, I had even LESS agency in deciding my fate š¤ and was more passive than you thought! So take that!āAnd then proceeds to go on a tangent about how sheās abandoned her life of sin and greed, like some kind of guilty religious person.
#Such an unnecessary display of self flagellation that is portrayed uncritically#Catholic guilt Alina is canon#shadow and bone#the darkling#alina starkov#rule of wolves#grishaverse#lb critical#anti lb#aleksander morovoza#s&b critical#anti leigh bardugo#darklina
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honestly u should be drawing what ur heart desires š loz or arcane or whatever else. its ur blog. u are the big rat that makes all the rules
I AM the big rat that makes all the rules YAYYYYY!!!!!! YAY
BUT there does come this problem when you build a blog based on a franchise and then suddenly switch to another oneā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦. idk yāall arenāt getting what yāall followed for huhhh ,, and then the people that start following me for arcane stuff are gonna be disappointed when I go back to loz soon,, CRAZY !!!! AUGH
And I canāt even really get myself to just post both things bc my brain can only properly house one interest at a time (which is why a side blog wouldnāt work)
THINGS ARE CRAZY IM IN THE TRENCHES (I made the trenches, I made the war , I am the soldier as much as I am the perpetratorā¦ā¦.)
#ask#I being ridiculous I knowww I knoww š#itās not me if it isnāt unnecessary stress#giant rat that makes all of the rules š«¶#who fw being rats w me
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HWAT DO YOU MEAN THREE ENTIRE MILGRAM CHARACTERS ARE DEAD AND IN THE GROUND??? HELLO???? IT ISN'T EVEN SEASON THREE??????
AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU
#milgram#im gonna be fr idgaf about haruka#but SHIDOU???? MAHIRU???? THEY DID NOTTTT DESERVE THIS#AMAN IDGAF IF YOU'RE A LITERAL CHILD YOU SHOULD BE BEHIND BARS !!!!!!#THIS IS NOT OK!!!!!!!!!!#well at least i know yuno and kazui are alive and well! my blorbos <3#i know their ass is leaving with three innocent wins !! they should NOT be on the same level as the rest of the prisoners in there#the crimes being the right to choose and homosexuality...... like damn bitch sure#let's throw you in with brainwashed cult child organ harvester manipulative bully and self-proclaimed vigilante#yuno is fully guiltless idgaf she just needs to get through her skull that what she did was a REASONABLE CHOICE for someone her age#kazui should probably not have lied but given the stigma and everything.#trusting someone with your deepest secret only for them to kill themselves over it like let's be real!!!#ms girl could've done literally ANYTHING ELSE !!! 'oh but she just found out her marriage was a sham' DIVORCE?? LISTENING AND COMMUNICATION#but nooo her first choice is LEAPING from her BALCONY like so dramatic for what!!#and i ranted again. anyways who gaf my post my tags my rules#edit tags below#ok so obviously nothing is confirmed. amane might not have been it she might've had help whatever#i still think this is not an environment in which she can heal. sorry. get her OUT and into therapy STAT#here she's only causing a slew of unnecessary problems! let the nine year old LEAVE and get PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP!!#amane is here just for the shock value and the infighting she causes bc nobody in their right mind would put her ass in here#that being said#AMANE WHEN I GET YOU WHEN I GET YOU AMANE
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Was hanging out with my friend and she said she was thinking about getting colour analysis done and I was like I've never had an assessment but i CAN do what I did for myself (look at your favourite clothes and find the mood board that matches). Would recommend 10/10 hanging out together activity
#we're both self-evidently autumnal coloured#but my skin/ hair/ eyes are higher contrast than her#so I tend to lean towards dark autumn colours. turns out she gravitates to what is generally called true autumn and sometimes soft#anyway I recommend this method of colour analysis BECAUSE the only reason colours matter is if it helps you find clothes you enjoy wearing#so why not start from the clothes you already enjoy wearing#and then use that as a springboard#And also sometimes wear clothes that aren't in your colour profile bc it's about having fun#not making unnecessary rules for yourself
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the anarchist position isn't a principled stance against unjustifiable hierarchies, it's just a lawless state where everyone sits around doing whatever they want and there is no more infrastructure or manufacturing of anything. when left to their own devices, people famously just completely lose all motivation to do anything, and dismantling the state, the entity that enforces law through violence, would be akin to loading up a game of The Sims and just leaving it running idly with no input, the titular sims wandering around aimlessly until they starve.
without a central authority maintaining law and order through threat of violence, society completely collapses! no one has ever or will ever do anything for anyone without the implict threat of jackbooted thugs shooting them in the head if they don't. there is no conceivable mode of society where this *isn't* the case.
"how would this part of society be run without a small group of people exerting their unquestionable will over a large group of people?" is a question you need to constantly ask to remind anarchists that their worldview just doesn't make sense!
if you can't *make* someone do something, then there's just no way to get them to do it!
asking nicely? using convincing arguments to persuade? just accepting "no" for an answer? (because if someone just doesn't wanna do something, they're probably being lazy, there's never any good reason for them to not wanna do it) all entirely unheard of. How will we govern if we are all equal?!?!
#juney.txt#anarchism is lack of rulers not lack of rules you dummies#believe it or not things can actually be organized without being hierarchical#people would be quite happy to continue manufacturing medicine and distributing it to those who need it#without implicit threats of violence direct and indirect#the question ''how would x work under anarchism'' is basically a complete non-sequitur in a lot of cases i think#like are you completely incapable of imagining factories and distribution networks and so on#running without someone somewhere coercing people into doing those things through use of force#like i don't think factories need to have bosses who can threaten people with unemployment into doing whatever they want.#that part seems pretty unnecessary to the whole manufacturing of goods thing
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Okay so Iāve seen like 20 videos on tiktok of people saying they have no idea how exy is played so Iām gonna make a post about how I understand the rules. Iām not really an athlete but I know a bit about sports and I also coincidentally went to the same school that PSU is based on
(I havenāt read the books in like 5 years so if Iām wrong about something feel free to correct me)
First thing, exy is played inside, not outside. The game canāt work in an outdoor stadium and Iāll explain why in a minute. The stadium is like a combination basketball court and hockey rink. Wood flooring and plexiglass walls surrounding the court. There are two goals on each end.
Okay so the lineup. From what I remember thereās 4 positions you can play on an exy team: dealer, backliner, striker, and goalie.
Backliner is pretty straightforward just classic defense. They protect the goal and focus on the other teamās strikers. I think itās similar to basketball where theyāre assigned a mark (opposing striker) who they have to cover during the game. That doesnāt mean theyāre not free to move or check other strikers either, but basically they try to stop the other team from scoring any goals. Iām not sure if itās against the rules for them to make an attempt on a goal or not.
Strikers are similarly straightforward. Theyāre straight offense. Their job is to get as many goals as possible. They work against the opposing teamās backliner and shoot at the goal
The dealer is the most confusing position but I think they basically control possession of the ball, so I think their job is to get the ball from the other team and make sure it gets to their strikers. At the start of the game or after any breaks theyāre the ones who deal the ball and try to pass to their teammates. Idk if they operate similar to backliners or not, like checking, tackling, etc.
The goalie is the same as any other sport- their job is to protect the goal. Goalies have special racket that are bigger and heavier than other players. They also wear special padding to protect them since theyāre constantly getting exy balls chucked at them and often have to use parts of their body to block them.
(Side note: if exy balls are anything like lacrosse balls they seriously hurt to get hit with. Theyāre dense and heavy, when they work up enough speed it feels like getting hit by a slightly bouncy cannon ball)
From what I can remember, at any given time there are two backliners, two strikers, one dealer, and one goalie on the court for each team. Players are subbed in and out as needed (I might be remembering the numbers wrong, maybe they have 3 backliners at a time idk)
Exy is a high contact sport similar to lacrosse, so players are free to use physical force against each other. They can check, tackle, and basically do whatever it takes to get the ball. Just like in hockey, players often get into fights. Excessive use of violence can get them flagged by referees, but itās by no means a gentle sport. Players go into it with the expectation of getting thrown around and bruised.
Players wear padding and helmets to protect themselves, but bruises, sprains, concussions, and broken bones arenāt uncommon within the sport.
There are some basic rules for how the game is played. Exy is kinda like lacrosse in that players pass the ball back and forth with their raquets. I donāt know a lot about all the rules of lacrosse but I know exy has a rule about possession thatās similar to basketball. In basketball a player has to dribble the ball while theyāre moving, if they hold it in their hands without dribbling for too many steps itās called traveling and itās a foul. Exy is the same, a player can only be in possession of the ball for 10 (?) steps before they have to pass it. If they carry it farther than that itās traveling (idk if thereās a special term for it in exy speak). There are ways for players to get around this. They can either pass the ball to a teammate after theyāve taken their 10 steps OR they can rebound it off a wall, catch it in their racquet, and keep moving. This is the reason exy has to be played inside and not outside, so that the players can use the walls. If itās played outside they canāt rebound the ball and they have to rely strictly on passing back and forth, which isnāt always possible especially if a player is being heavily guarded. Iām not positive if this possession rule applies to all players or only strikers, but it would make sense for it to be all players.
I canāt remember if the books say anything about who is allowed to shoot at the goal. Obviously strikers can but I canāt remember if there are any rules saying backliners, dealers, and goalies canāt score points
The game is played in 2 halves, a total of 4 quarters. Iām not sure if the book ever says how long each quarter is but itās probably safe to assume each is 15 minutes, so a total of 1 hour playing time. However with timeouts, breaks, penalty time and other interruptions games usually last far longer.
The foxes are a unique team because theyāre much smaller than pretty much any other team in the league. They only have 9 players by the end of the year, so they canāt sub players in and out as easily. Most teams have upwards of 18 people so the players are usually on court for a much shorter time and have more time to rest between playing time. In the foxes vs. Trojans game, USC decided to play with the same size roster as the foxes meaning they rarely got to sub out players, which is why they were so exhausted by the end. Throwing yourself around a huge court at top speed for an hour is tiring.
Thatās all I can think of at the moment, Iām not an expert and itās been a while since Iāve read the books but I think exy is a pretty cool sport :)
#literally 2 people said they wanted to hear it thatās more than enough for me :))#all for the game#aftg#the foxhole court#mostly I wanted to make this because I think the rule about counting steps is really neat bc it makes the sport wayyyyy harder for no reason#tfc#exy#the raven king#the kings men#neil josten#andrew minyard#kevin day#renee walker#dan wilds#the foxes#foxes#ao3#the sunshine court#palmetto state foxes#psu foxes#sorry this is so long#and also probably unnecessary because this is a made up sport from a book series but I donāt care#itās my hyperfixation I get to decide how seriously Iām taking the rules of exy#sorry for the long post thank you if you bothered to read all that I love you :D#long post#but yeah I went to the same school as Nora that she based the books on and it was super weird because I was a student when I read them and#I did NOT realize she went there too and it weirded me out how similar psu was to my school until I looked it up#I was like ātheyāre driving on cherry road? I LIVE ON CHERRY ROADā#help how do I make this a read more post so itās not 20 miles long#I FIGURED IT OUT
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#personally his ending in R&R#it just felt right#I don't like his RoW ending mainly because Leigh brought him back to bait the readers#it was so completely unnecessary#the darkling#pro darkling#aleksander morozova#ruin and rising#rule of wolves#pro aleksander morozova#grishaverse#grishaverse trilogy#shadow and bone#poll
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your post about only communicating the minimum needed reminded me of the gricean maxims (concept in linguistics describing how people communicate)! your advice was very similar to the maxim of quantity :)
From the UPenn School of Arts & Sciences site:
Grice's Maxims
The maxim of quantity, where one tries to be as informative as one possibly can, and gives as much information as is needed, and no more.
The maxim of quality, where one tries to be truthful, and does not give information that is false or that is not supported by evidence.
The maxim of relation, where one tries to be relevant, and says things that are pertinent to the discussion.
The maxim of manner, when one tries to be as clear, as brief, and as orderly as one can in what one says, and where one avoids obscurity and ambiguity.
#yeah suffice to say many autistics would be rated by others as not adhering to these#quantity is subjective#and relation is something that we tend to think of in a different way than non autistics#speaking very broadly#we think people want to understand all the working parts surrounding a thing#whereas many non autistic people want to know just what will affect them personally#or what will make sense from their position and viewpoint#i want to see the whole forest and all the trees in it and it does help me make better decisions than most non autistics#but when i try to tell THEM about that entire system to help improve their decision making it's a lot to take in and it's not intuitive#for them to follow and they feel that a good enough decision is good enough most of the time#they dont want a perfect one because its just not efficient to live that way#which fair#but it is frustrating when im trying to help someone save a ton of money skipping an unnecessary purchase or make their life at work easier#etc#but they just dont wanna hear it#but in time one must learn boundaries and not trying to save other people or rule their lives after all
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Idk why but it always felt icky when like. People write down the phonetics of the accents a character is supposed have
#mostly because it just feels like an unnecessary stressing by the author? like oooh look they speak english so incorrectly~#its. uhg. with dialects its a different thing because they do have other rules aside from pronunciation#but to me its like. if instead of writing down the neapolitan they just wrote down the scioscia (doing the sh sound whenever#the s + consonant couple presents itself on a word)#itd be very offended tbh
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//ooc posting: I NEED to find more fun/silly things to do with my two they are Not meant to be all agony all the time I swear- I just have a penchant for the dramatic and they're a little in the torment nexus o(-< but on god they will Have Fun too
#//ooc#even in the torment nexus there's spots of brightness!! I need to start playing with them too I'm not a grimdark writer I swear!!#I have ideas for softer bits and pieces. sibling stuff. cute things. I will get to it somehow hell or high water o7#T-E purrs!! they can do that!! it's part of their genetic alterations and I want to play with that too as well as the horrors!!#now don't get me wrong either The Horrors are one of my fav things to write but it's chiaroscuro y'know you need the contrast#it can't be a fight for personal autonomy all the time sometimes it needs to be T-E's huge kitty eyes or Helios being a dork#all this might be unnecessary I just get a little self conscious sometimes about how full-grit my writing can be wehh#holding my creatures in my hands. they are capable of such a beautiful joy. it's actually vital that they are#since I'm rambling anyways: huge part of what I want to do with T-E's pre campaign rp is start pulling them out of their shell#they start the planned game still stuck on their rules but it's talking to people that's gonna put them in a place where like#they know there's something else out there. they want it. they feel so much guilt for wanting it but it's the WANTING that's important!!#helios can't do that on his own because he doesn't know either. neither of them know jack about what exists beyond their narrow purview#making a HA clone to me is in part an examination of how miitary as industry will always result in steadily increasing dehumanisation#it's the commodification of a human body to ever increasing heights. soldiers to products to nothing but parts to be scrapped#military as an endless churn less for the sake of any kind of protection and more for the sake of resources. capital. money#it's part of what makes HA so fascinating to me y'know? the way it takes that concept to a far flung conclusion. how bad can it get#the other part is playing someone realising for the first time it's possible to break from what's expected of them#the wonder. the guilt. the disbelief. all of it carefully hidden. it's a huge part of what's so compelling about writing them to me#three huge cornerstones of T-E are: masking - military - the horror of having to exist in a body.#that last one is my taking the weird sensory relationship I have to Flesh/mind and doing horror with it dw too much about that njbkhjv#okay okay I think I'm done this got a little out of hand I'm just like#there's so MUCH about thirteen/T-E that makes me insane. alas I'm tired and it takes me like 4 hours to write a simple post sobs#anywaysss that's my ramble. I like them#helios too I like him. guy absolutely dead set on finding reasons to smile amidst the Horror
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