#unless you’re not into that in which case I would pledge to fight and die for you on the field of battle.

[badolmen]

Come closer let me tell you about my French WWII catacomb lesbian werewolf RPG I’m so normal about it I swear -

[shivunin]

Ferelden Silver

(Arianwen Tabriz/Zevran | 2035 Words | AO3 Link | CW: blood, implied canon-typical violence, hurt/comfort)

“I say the name and what it means until the meaning blurs. The wind blows through the goldenrod like death flows through a crowd. Nothing is accomplished and the world is changed by it.” —Ian Parks, “Goldenrod”

“Honestly?” Zevran said, resisting the urge to clutch at the awful ache in his shoulder. “I’d rather take my chances with you.”

The Warden crouched before him, twisting a bloody knife between her knuckles. Zevran could not tell if her goal was intimidation or if she was simply thinking. He was hoping for the former, to be honest. It would be somewhat flattering if she still saw a point in trying to intimidate him after she’d stabbed him in the chest and knocked him to the ground. 

“Can I expect the same loyalty from you?” she asked, voice disinterested. 

Silver, red, silver. The dagger and the blood coating it flashed in the merciless sunlight. He wondered whose blood it was, then decided he’d rather not think too hard about it. The Crows lying dead in the Ferelden dust around them had not been his friends. Rivals, perhaps, if even that. No—Zevran did not care whose blood coated her blade, her cheek, her armor, so long as it was not his. 

How odd, to realize on the edge of a knife that one did not wish to die after all. 

What to do, what to do? The Warden—the woman, the one clearly in charge here—had not so much as blinked at his offer to warm her bed, nor any of the other things he’d offered. She had to want something. Didn’t she? Everybody wanted something. 

“I happen to be a very loyal person,” he assured her, “up until the point where someone expects me to die for failing.”

She cocked her head, eyes suddenly intent on his. She had looked like that before she stabbed him, he seemed to recall—like a cat who’d seen a bird on the other side of a window. Braska. 

“That’s not a fault, really, is it?” he went on, pointedly not looking at her dagger as it flashed end over end between her fingers. “I mean, unless you’re the sort who would do the same thing. In which case, I…don’t come very well-recommended, I suppose.”

Too much; he was talking too much. He had been told plenty of times that he did not know when to shut his mouth, and this was no exception. 

Except—except she spoke almost before he’d finished his sentence. 

“Very well. I accept your offer.” 

“What?” the other Warden asked, rounding on her. 

The one who’d been speaking stood slowly and met the man’s eyes as he spoke. Even then, the dagger twisted on between her fingers

“You’re taking the assassin with us now? Does that really seem like a good idea?”

“We need him,” the woman said. 

Zevran might have said she sounded disinterested again, except there was a layer of steel beneath the words that made him want to sit up straighter. Need him, she’d said. Well—there were worse things to be than needed. 

Zevran hauled himself to his feet while the second Warden went on grumbling. He tried to dust himself off to little avail. Ferelden dust did seem to enjoy clinging to one’s skin and clothing, to say nothing of the blood caked onto his skin. When his boot scuffed the earth, she turned to face him at once. 

He did not miss the way her fist curled tight around the blade she’d been playing with. One little noise and she was already prepared to fight again. He would remember that, he decided, and recalled the way her eyes had sharpened when he’d spoken of loyalty. Perhaps this was something Wardens were especially interested in, being mysterious fanatics. He had been looking for leverage, for something to move her with.  

“I hereby pledge my oath of loyalty to you,” he told her, managing only the slightest of bows given the wound on his shoulder, “until such time as you choose to release me from it. I am your man, without reservation.”

The Warden looked sharp again, no longer removed from the situation. Her eyes, he realized, were neither brown nor green, but neither and both at once. Zevran decided that she was not like a cat at all. No; she reminded him of nothing more than a wolf peering into the night, the flash of gold in the shadows that let one know that the hunter was allowing itself to be seen. She looked like a warning given hands with which to fight and teeth with which to bite. He needed to be very, very careful if he was to turn this into something better than the Crows had been. He needed leverage, every piece he could grasp, if he was going to make it out of this in one piece.

“This I swear.”

One of her hands drew a cloth from a pouch at her belt and ran it over the blade quickly and thoroughly. Nobody else said anything at all.

“Come on, then,” she said, sheathing the dagger at her belt. No words of acknowledgement, not so much as a nod. Zevran hardly knew what to think. 

“Wait,” he said, when he companions turned to follow her. The Warden half-turned, red and white cloth held in her hand. 

“Having second thoughts?”

“No—no, of course not,” he said. It took more effort to be charming right now, when the throbbing in his skull had spread to the knife wound in his shoulder. “I wished only to learn the name of the lovely Warden I’m to be traveling with.”

One dark brow arched at the words. He rather got the feeling that she was unimpressed with him. Ah, well. He supposed he couldn’t win everyone over in ten words or less, and truly he was not doing so poorly when she’d been on the verge of killing him at first. 

“Arianwen,” she said, and her knife made a soft snick when she slid it home in her belt. “Tabris. Not that it matters. Come on, Crow. We’ve miles to go yet.”

|

“If I had realized what lengths it would take to get you back to my motherland, I would have gotten myself captured years ago,” Zevran informed his lover—no, his betrothed now, impossible as the epithet felt. 

Arianwen cast him a look, which he chose to interpret as harangued adoration. Despite the amount of healing that had been applied to his body, moving still hurt a great deal. For now, he contented himself with lounging against a pile of pillows and watching her. A dagger twisted between her fingers now, flashing silver in the noontime sun. She sat on the windowsill and had done so for the past half hour, watching the street outside. Zevran knew that she was watching for any pursuers, but he saw the faint smile at the corners of her eyes now and then. She liked it here. He was certain of it. 

“Or you could have asked,” she told him. 

“I could have,” he allowed, shifting on the pillows. Something tugged beneath his ribs, but he hid the wince behind a smile. It did not help; his Warden was far too canny to miss his discomfort. The knife slid back into its scabbard soundlessly. She slipped from the windowsill, landing almost soundlessly, and prowled closer. 

“But it would have spoiled the fun of watching you drop from the ceiling like some sort of vengeful wraith,” Zevran went on, moving the sheets aside so she could check the bandage around his ribs for the hundredth time today. “Truly, you were like something out of a tale.”

“How flattering,” she said flatly. She checked his bandages nimbly, neatly dodging the worst of his hurts. “Have you ever heard of flirting, Zevran? You might give it a try sometime.”

“Bah,” he said, glancing down with disinterest when his wound was bared. “You fell for my charms eventually, did you not?” 

“Please,” she muttered. Her hands were sure on a jar of salve, careful over the place where the bruises were darkest on his chest. Zevran waited, brows raised, and she cast him an irritated glance. 

“It wasn’t charm at all. It was you, you fool.” 

“Ah, but I am your fool,” he told her, wincing when he leaned forward enough for her to wind a fresh bandage around him. Her breath stirred his loose hair when she reached around him for the other end of the gauze.

“And I am yours, it would appear.” 

Zevran coughed around the thickness in his throat and settled back onto the pillows when she’d tied off the last of the cloth. She lingered, one hand resting on his shoulder. All at once, there was something horrible in her expression. Zevran recognized it—had turned the same on her more than once, had seen her like this only a day before when he’d woken. 

Mortal fear—the gripping conviction that that which one held most dear had almost been lost in an instant. Yes, he knew it very well indeed.

“Do not, mi vida, do not,” he said, and his hand found hers over his shoulder. “I am here, yes? And I will remain your fool for some time yet, as long as you will have me. There is no need to storm through the streets of the city again, I promise you that. ” 

Zevran thought she would tear herself away, would dart back to the windowsill and put herself out of his reach. Instead, she took a sharp breath and bent to him until her forehead pressed against his. 

“I’d do it a thousand times over,” she said, her voice low. Their hands twined together. “I’d do worse to keep you safe.”

“I know you would,” he told her, all joking set aside. He lifted his arm, ignoring the pull at his wound, and rested his hand over the curve of her skull. “But I am perfectly safe. I am here with you now, yes? Come—let me show you.” 

“You are not well enough for that,” she said sternly. Zevran laughed until it hurt too much to keep doing so—not very long at all, if he judged correctly. 

“I ask only to hold you,” he told her. “You have my word.” 

She unfolded herself from the edge of the bed and rested against him for a time, her breathing even. He could feel the attentiveness in her body even as he began to doze. Always alert, his Arianwen. He could not think of anyone he’d rather watch over him while he was incapable of protecting himself. She would do worse than fell a building of Crows to see him safe and she wouldn’t regret it later. Zevran knew this without needing to ask. 

“Arianwen?” he murmured, when he could no longer ignore the tug of sleep. 

“Hmm.”

“I am going to be the best husband. I swear it to you. You will see.”

The Warden snorted. Her head rested more fully against his shoulder. Usually, she would wrap an arm around his waist or simply lie atop him. Zevran already looked forward to feeling this again, when they had been apart for so long. As soon as he was healed, he reminded himself, fighting a yawn.

“Do not laugh. I have made a…most solemn oath.”

“Not yet, you haven’t.” Her lips were cool when they pressed against his neck, but they warmed him nonetheless.

“I have,” he dragged his eyes open and tilted his head to look down at her. “I will again. I hereby pledge—”

“Shush,” she said, untangling their fingers to press a finger to his mouth. Zevran kissed it. “Go to sleep. You need to rest.”

“I am your man,” he told her, half-smiling when she growled in response. “Without reservation.”

“And I am yours,” she said. “Yes, yes. Save it for the ceremony. Go to sleep, Zev.”

His limbs felt heavy, but Zevran lifted his hand to find hers again. She caught his palm and kissed it, exactly as he’d wanted. Safe—yes. He was safe so long as he could feel her there. Without reservation indeed; the years had stolen any that might have remained to him. There was nothing left but trust as deep and integral as his bones. If she was here, he was safe; he knew that as well as he knew his own hands, his own heart.

“If you insist,” he murmured. “My Arianwen.”

(For Zevwarden Week Day 3: Fear and Safety. Thanks again @zevraholics for organizing this!)

[azookiex3]

A Devil’s Love: Chapter 4

AN: As I'm sure you've all already heard, Netflix renewed Lucifer for S5, but as a finale. I do believe in Ildy & Joe to make it the best, but I AM still fighting, and will continue to fight until S5's release. I am tweeting at Netflix at least once a day, explaining why I believe Lucifer should end in S6, and not S5. I think we Lucifans CAN win just one more season, but we have to fight again! And, of course, if we don't win we should all be grateful that Netflix picked it up and allowed the show to end properly.

Warnings: Swearing

AO3, Fanfiction Net, Wattpad

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Chapter 4: I Shall Be Your Nurse

The Goddess of all creation stood in the shadows of her son's nightclub parking garage.

She had been waiting for hours, but it would have been hours well spent.

How can she compare waiting a few measly human hours to having her Lightbringer back home. Up in the Heavens where he belonged.

For her to have her family back.

The Goddess watched as Lucifer pulled into his parking space. To her disappointment, he lead her target up the elevator with him. That's fine. What's a couple more minutes?

But those minutes turned into a few more hours before her prey exited the elevator. Alone.

It's impossible to explain the excitement flowing through the Goddess.

She opened the cap to the trigger, and-

"Mother!"

The Goddess whirled on her heels to come face to face with her son, Amenadiel.

"What are you doing, Mother?"

"I'm about to eliminate the problem that is keeping Lucifer away from home!"

"What problem?" The Goddess motioned her son's attention to her prey, who now talked on her phone.

Her son's eyes went wide when he saw the trigger, "Mother no! You can't kill her!" He went to grab the trigger, but the Goddess ran back, "Mother, Lucifer will stop at nothing to find out who killed her, and if he finds out it was you-"

"But why!" The Goddess could not help the desperation that escaped her voice, "She's just a human! Humans die! How could he want to stay here with them?! With her!"

"It's more than just her keeping him here, Mother. This will accomplish nothing."

Her son dashed at her. The two fought briefly, with her as the winner as she threw her son far from her.

She picked up the trigger, spun on her heel to see her prey looking back at her approaching Lightbringer and--

And an explosion went off.

The second son came up to her, and looked on in horror at the scene playing before him.

"Mother, how could you?!"

But instead of pure joy from a job well done, the Goddess' face was scrunched in confusion. She holds up her trigger, which had yet to be pushed down.

"I didn't do that."

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Darkness.

Always. Darkness.

You knew it. Everything. Everyone. It was too good to be true.

You could never escape. He was right.

You try to move, but felt that your body was tied down.

Of course it was. Time for more punishment.

But...something was different. You were laying on your back. He usually laid you on your stomach. He only did punishment on your back, where evidence of your crime, your betrayal, lay.

Did he finally damage your back enough? Was he going for the front now? Maybe he thinks that if he damages your whole body it'll change His mind.

You didn't believe it. Nothing changes His mind.

You start to hear some...beeping? The more you hear it the more panicked you became.

What is he going to do to me?

As the beeping got louder and more frequent you start to hear the voices, but these voices sounded different from what you were used to.

Her heartbeat is raising too high!

She's entering a panicked state!

Get her in the room now!

You felt the table under you start to move then stop. Then there were hands on you and needles entering you.

The beeping grew.

The voices began to shout.

Sir! You can't be in here!

Sir, you must leave! We're trying to save her life!

Security!

But then all the voices ceased, and you felt a warmth. You saw a light in the darkness break through.

"Earth."

That voice...so familiar. So warm.

"My father isn't allowed to have you yet. Come back, darling. You're safe. I promise."

The warmth started at your hand and spread throughout your body. You ran towards that warmth, that light.

"Open your eyes, love."

You slowly open your eyes. You have to blink a few times to adjust. Once you do you see you're in a room. A normal looking room. With monitors, wires, a window, even a TV.

You saw frightened faces in front of you, but to your right you saw that warmth. That light.

"Hello, darling." The light smiles at you.

You try to smile back, but your face hurts, and you can feel something over your nose and mouth.

"Thank You for coming back to me, love. Now rest. I'll be here when you wake fully." The light squeezes your hand gently, and you succumb to his command.

Unknown to you, that light looks to the doctor and nurses and turns bitterly cold.

"Save her. I don't believe I have to say what will happen if you don't."

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Lucifer Morningstar refused to leave the hospital until the doctor assured him that you were stable. It took awhile, but Alice convinces him that she would call him as soon as any sign of you waking up showed.

Before he left, though, he made sure that you would be well protected.

"I have a job, Lucifer."

"Yes, well you're still pledged to me, despite your betrayal with my brother."

"You're still on that?"

"Protect K9 until I punish the pathetic human that tried to end her life."

"I am a bounty hunter. I can find this guy quicker-"

"No. Look, Maze," Lucifer put his hands on his demon's shoulders, "You are the only one that I can trust to actually keep her safe."

Maze looks the Devil in the eyes, sighs and rolls them, "Fine."

"Wonderful. Now, let me introduce you to the lovely Miss. Green!"

As if on cue, Alice returns to your hospital door with vending machine goodies in hand, "Oh, hello!" She places her snacks on a chair, "You must be Maze! Lucifer told me to expect you."

Alice holds out her hand, but instead of shaking it Maze looks her up and down. Taking in her floral dress.

"Um," Alice awkwardly retracts her hand, "Earth told me about your skills at that 'girls night'. Very impressive!" She fidgets with her fingers, "I agree with Lucifer. You're the best option to make sure this bomber doesn't get near her again."

"Well, I must be off." Lucifer waves behind him as he walks away, "The Detective needs my help to find the bastard. Ta-ta!"

"Sooo," Alice motions her snacks to Maze, "Want to raid my snack chair?"

Maze huffs.

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"What are you saying, Detective?"

"It's out of my hands."

"How could you?!"

"Lucifer-" Chloe looks around them and sees that their conversation was starting to attract attention. She pulls Lucifer into the forensic lab, knowing that Ella was still at the site.

"How could you do nothing?!" Lucifer shouts at her when the door shuts.

"It's not by choice, Lucifer! The FBI took this case over, and I can't do anything unless called upon."

"But she's-"

"I know, Lucifer! You don't think I'm upset too?!" Chloe's frustration clearly shows on her face, as well as the angry tears she kept in her eyes, "My best friend almost died, and I'm being forced to keep my hands off of it! I can't do anything!"

"Well I, for one, am not going to let anyone tell me what I can and can't do. I'll find this scum myself and do my own judgement."

"Lucifer!" But the door has already slammed shut on her.

The next couple of days Lucifer spent texting Maze and Alice, who seemed to be getting along fantastically. He also hired more guards and, despite the FBI agent telling him not to, he opens LUX back up. He received a couple texts and calls from Chloe, but he ignored them.

He was currently searching his phone for a new car for you when Alice called him.

"Doctor says she'll be up in a couple hours!"

"I'm on my way."

Lucifer's on his feet and in his car faster than any human, of course. He first drives to the nearest florist and gets a dozen roses of various colors. He then goes to his favorite sweet shop and gets a box of chocolates.

He parks in the visitors spot and takes long strides to your hospital room. He smiles as he opens your door, but when he sees who's in the room his smile slightly dips.

"Detective?"

"Hey, Lucifer." She gives him a confused look at his expression, "What? You didn't think I wouldn't want to be here when she wakes up?"

"No, of course not." He brushes past her and gives nods of hello to Maze and Alice. He places the vase of roses on the table next to the window and keeps the chocolates in his coat pocket.

Chloe eyes the roses and hums to herself.

"Alright now, darling." Lucifer holds onto your left hand and looks at your face, "You've slept long enough. Time to wake up."

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You awoke for the second time in the darkness.

But this time that light was already there, waiting for you.

Your body felt...good. Well, different from how punishments usually go. The light reminds you, however, that this wasn't a punishment. That you hadn't imagined everyone. They were real, and they were waiting.

You open your eyes.

"Welcome back, love." Lucifer smiles warmly at you.

You give him a small smile back and look around you.

"Hey there, girl." Chloe takes the seat to your right and holds your hand. She's smiling, and you see the wetness in her eyes.

"Welcome back Miss." Alice stood at the foot of your hospital bed, gripping the railings tightly to keep her emotions in check. You saw Maze standing behind her in the shadows, but even there you could see the sparkle in her eyes. She was happy too.

You try to sit up and speak, but all that comes out is grunts. Lucifer gets you a glass of water for your dry throat and Chloe helps you sit up.

"Hey guys." You smile at the room after you down the water.

"There she is! Glad to see you haven't forgotten about us, K9." Lucifer smiles, teeth and all, at you.

"How are you feeling?" Chloe squeezes your hand slightly and looks concerned.

"Better. A lot better. What exactly happened?" You look back and forth between Chloe and Lucifer.

"Someone put a bomb under your car." Chloe starts explaining when Lucifer refuses to speak, "That's all I know. The FBI took over the investigation. Even Ella can't tell me anything about what she finds at the site."

"No one else got hurt, right?" You ask her, then turn to Lucifer, "You're ok right? You were there when…"

"No one else got hurt, and yes I'm fine." Lucifer gives you a small smile and squeezes your hand.

Chloe looks between the two of you, heart constricting. Her phone ringing snaps her out of the feeling, "Excuse me." She leaves the room and answers her phone.

"Try to get back on your feet soon, Earth." Alice playfully slaps your covered feet, "The clinic is all ready to go. Just waiting on you to cut the ribbon to officially open."

"Can't miss that!" You wink at her and she laughs.

"Your crew from the precinct and at the clinic wrote some cards for you. You even got one from the team back in NY." Alice points over to the table, but your sight became fixated on the vase of roses.

"Since your up now I'm leaving. I got humans to catch." Maze starts to walk out the door.

"Thank you for being here, Maze!" Alice smiles at her. Maze looks at Lucifer and he gives her a nod, then she's gone.

"You're going to get hungry soon. Let me see what the hospital has for food, and I have to let the doctors know you're fully awake now." Alice waves at you then leaves the room.

"They're mine."

You blink at Lucifer, "What?"

"The roses." He gives you a sly grin, "I noticed you staring."

"They are beautiful. How'd you know roses were my favorite? I don't remember telling you that last night."

"Three nights ago actually, darling."

"...What?"

"You've been asleep for three days. Almost four."

"Oh…"

Lucifer squeezes your hand and smiles at you, trying to brighten you back up, "To answer your question, I asked Miss. Green. It seems a tradition for you humans to give flowers to those in the hospital. I wanted to make sure I got the right ones."

"Hmm," you hum at him, and decide to brighten up for him, "Well, actually, they still might not be right."

"...Pardon?" He was confused now.

"Do they still have their thorns?"

He looks between you and the flowers. Eyebrow raised, he stands and walks over to the vase. He takes out a red rose and inspects it.

"...They do not."

"Ah, damn." You snap your fingers in that "oh drat" manner, "I like my roses with thorns still on them." You raise your hand to him and press your index and thumb together, but with them barely touching, "So close."

He laughs at your sarcastic smile, "Pray tell, why do they need the thorns to be perfect for you, darling?"

"I like to think of them as 'beauty on the outside, danger on the inside'. If you run up and pluck a rose from its bush you're likely to get pricked." You shrug, "Beauty isn't everything. You have to know what's inside too."

Lucifer hums in response, but looks at the rose, not you. He then comes back to your left side and smiles, "I see, but if they still have the thorns you couldn't do this." He puts the rose behind your left ear, and pulls the stem around to your other ear. He sits down and holds your chin with his index and thumb.

"Beautiful." He smiles. You're stunned silent and probably as red as a fire hydrant. It didn't help that your heart monitor started beeping more rapidly.

You hear a cough and knock on your door and see Chloe standing in the doorframe, looking.

"Chloe!" You pull away from Lucifer and shove the rose under your hospital blanket. You tried to ignore the disappointing grunt that came from him.

"How was your phone call?" You ask too loudly.

"Bad news for you, I'm afraid." She comes back to your right side, "That was the FBI agent in charge of this case. He's coming over now that your awake. He has questions for you." She rubs your hand, "I tried to tell him that you just woke up and to come back tomorrow, but-"

"It's ok, Chloe." You pat her hand, "I'd rather get this done and over with."

"I'm back! And not with good food." Alice holds up a tray of that typical hospital food to everyone.

"Which is why I bought this!" Lucifer pulls out the box of chocolates and smiles devilishly.

"Lucifer, she just woke up! I highly doubt the doctor wants the first thing in her stomach to be chocolate." Chloe rolls her eyes at the man.

"It's alright, Chlo. I can suffer a bit more." You smile at her as you take the box from him and open it up to everyone, "I'll probably need this energy for that agent anyways."

For the next hour you, Lucifer, Chloe, and Alice share the food and chocolate while talking about various things. The doctor finally comes in to check up on you, and that's when the agent knocks on the door.

"Hello, Miss. Earth. I'm Agent Monroe." The man comes to stand beside Chloe and holds his hand out to you.

"Hello, Agent Monroe." You shake his hand.

Chloe stands and offers her hand, "I'm Detective Decker. I'm who you spoke with on the phone."

"Detective Decker." He shakes Chloe's hand.

Chloe motions to Lucifer, "And this is Lucifer-"

"Oh, I know who this chap is." Lucifer looks completely uninterested, "He's the one who told me to keep my club closed until this was over."

"And I see you took my warning in stride, Mr. Morningstar." Lucifer smiles at the man and pops a chocolate in his mouth.

"This is Alice Green. My business partner." You motion over to Alice and Agent Monroe shakes her hand.

"I'm sorry I couldn't give you more time to recover Miss, but I feel it's best to let you know now what we have found and how we'd like you to go forward."

"Oh?" You look questionably at him.

"First let me start with the questions," he pulls out a notepad and pen from his suit coat, "Who, do you know, could have been around your car that night?"

"I gave my keys to the LUX valet. Other than him I don't know. Various clubbers I'm sure."

"And you've already interrogated my worker." Lucifer comments.

"Do you know anyone who could hold a grudge against you?" Agent Monroe continues, ignoring Lucifer's comment.

You stayed quiet.

"Miss?"

"Um, no. I don't believe so. Besides, I don't really see this as an attack on me."

Everyone stared at you now.

Oops.

"Miss. Earth," Agent Monroe puts his notepad back in his coat and holds his hands together in front of him, "We have evidence to believe that this was an attack on your life." Chloe and Lucifer looked at him. Alice's eyes remained on yours.

"What kind of evidence?" Chloe asks.

"The first sweep of the area we found only one bomb and it was attached to Miss. Earth's car." He speaks to Chloe, "No other bombs were found in the area. We even checked every car parked."

"I ordered a final sweep," he looks back to you, "and we did find another bomb, but this one hadn't been activated by a trigger. It was activated when the first bomb went off."

"Well if you found another bomb then-"

"Miss. Earth." He raises a hand to interrupt you, "That second bomb was also found on your vehicle, and it was of different make than the first one."

"Are you saying that-"

"Yes." He interrupts Chloe and stares hard at you, "Miss, I believe you were targeted by two different parties that night."

"What?!" Both Lucifer and Chloe gasp at the man. You immediately feel light headed and start to sink into your bed. Alice rushed over to your right and helps to hold you upright. When Lucifer notices he stands to help raise you on your left.

"Mr. Morningstar, I'm going to need all security footage of the parking garage for that night, as well as a couple nights before. Miss. Earth, I highly advise you stay at one of our safety bunkers to keep a low profile."

"No." You take a shaky breath in and out, then stare at him with force, "I'm not going to let these people control my life. I will go home to rest then continue my life like normal."

"Miss, that's not-"

"I don't care." You silence him, "It's what I want and it's what I'm going to do."

"If I may," your doctor, who had been standing in the hall waiting for the agent to finish, knocks on your door, "you'll need someone to take care of you for a few days. You are healing remarkably well, but someone should be with you to help you walk and apply the medication."

"You can stay with me, Earth. Trixie would love to be a nurse for you, considering how she's already worried about you."

"No no. You've already got Maze. Besides, I'd feel like I'd be putting you guys at risk."

"We're only a couple doors down from each other." Alice chips in, "You can have your space and just call me when you need help."

"The lives of those in the building would be at risk." Agent Monroe points out, "It's not a hard thing to bomb a small building like that."

"It's settled than!" Lucifer claps his hands and looks like a kid on Christmas, "I shall be your nurse in my humble abode!"

Oh no. No no no.

"That does seem like your best option Miss Earth. If you wish to continue your life and heal outside of this hospital, Mr. Morningstar's club is a smart idea. We've no reason to believe the attackers wish to harm anyone besides you, but that could be different if you were in a building with a dozen people versus a hundred. It'd be much more difficult to bomb that entire building, as well."

"Plus I've doubled my guard, and my walk in shower has a seat for you to comfortably wash yourself." Lucifer gives you his flirtatious smile and wiggles his eyebrows.

Out of the corner of your eye you believe you see, and possible feel, daggers coming out of Chloe.

Fuck.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Lucifer left the room to call ahead his security team to have the footage ready for Agent Monroe. The agent bid you farewell and gave you his number in case you thought of anything. Alice left next after you forced her to go home and get some rest.

Chloe stayed behind.

"Are you sure you're going to be ok?" Chloe helps you get dressed and sit with your legs dangling over the bed, waiting for the release papers.

"Now that I'm stuck with him for a few days, nope."

Chloe chuckles softly and wraps an arm around your shoulder, "My offer still stands."

"And so does my reasoning." You sigh into Chloe's touch, "If there's someone, or multiple someone's, after me I don't want to put your family at risk. Agent Monroe is right. These people probably don't mind if a couple innocents get in the way."

Chloe's silent for a while.

"Hey, um. Are you and Lucifer…?"

"Nope. No way. Not even in the slightest."

"Then...why did you go out with him?"

"I only agreed to the outing because Lucifer wanted it as repayment for him giving me that construction company. Apparently, helping to save his home wasn't enough." You turn towards her and look her in the eyes, "It was not a date. I swear, Chloe. In fact, I also agreed to it to make sure he was good for you."

Chloe smiles at you and hugs you, "I believe you, Earth. Always do. Thank you." She whispers in your ear. You hug her back, the best that you can with arms wrapped up.

"What are the chances that I can be in the middle of that hug, but with all clothes off?" Lucifer smiles as he walks back in the room.

"Only in your dreams, Lucifer." Chloe remarks.

"It's already happening there. Precisely why I'm asking about it now."

A nurse comes in with the release papers and instructions on the healing process. She explains everything to everyone, then hands the clipboard over to you and Lucifer to sign. You get Chloe to sign it too in case Lucifer forgot something. You think it's evident that he will.

The nurse takes the clipboard then brings in a wheelchair.

"Oh no. I don't want a wheelchair. Just give me the crutches."

"I had a feeling you would say that, K9. Which is why I already took the liberty of putting the crutches in my car so you'd be forced to use the wheelchair out of here."

"Lucifer." Chloe hisses.

"What? As K9's nurse, I want to push her around. At least once." He smiles like the trouble maker he is.

"Push me in a wall or down a set of stairs and I will kill you." You warn.

"Promises, promises. Come now, darling!"

Lucifer pushes you down the hall and outside. Chloe walks with you guys, and once you're secured in Lucifer's car she says her goodbyes and promises to call you tonight.

"Despite you being injured, I'm positively thrilled to spend more time with you, K9!" Lucifer looks sideways at you with a smile as he pulls out of the hospital, "I wonder what secrets I can coax out of you during these days."

You grunt, "Just drive, Lucifer."

"Your wish is my command, darling!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

Tag List: @insanity-is-always-fun , @anushay1998 , @emiwrites3reads , @i-am-canada-13 , @heart-of-pots-and-pans

[kaledeedeshra]

-- Prompt 01: Questionnaire

(content warning for: uh like.... existential shit? depressive thoughts? idk)

01. Tell us about your character’s name. Was it given to them or chosen? Does it hold any special meaning? If your character has aliases or nicknames, how did they get them and what do they mean?

When he was first picked up by the Mando’ade, Kal refused to give them his name so they were forced to come up with one for him. He was also a p feisty baby so it amused someone to call him Kal aka the Mando’a word for knife. The joke being like..... he wanted so desperately to be a saber or genuine threat but he was just a lil poke instead. ANYWAY, the name stuck. And of course, Deshra is his clan name. 

For a while, his family and close friends would call him Kal’edee when he was being especially feisty (or, in their terms, adorable)-- it’s a nickname that basically means knife mouth or sharp teeth. He calmed down a lot over the years, but the nickname stuck and the one sister that still talks to him still uses it.... 

also he’s too much of a dumbass to use any aliases even when he has ppl hunting him so like that’s the that on that

02. What is your character’s relationship to their homeworld? Do they hold fond memories of it, or do they hate it? Are they still here, and if not, do they miss it?

Kal barely remembers Wayland, SO i’m going to be talking about Vorpa’ya since that is also his homeworld. 

I mean, he hated it at first because it wasn’t home, but over time he came to love it SO much.... He even loved the hard work that came with farming, although he did very little of that since his specific family were more the guards than the farmers. Being an agricultural world it was Covered in good plants and beauty, though, and he misses it every day. Spaceships and city worlds have NOTHING on Vorpa’ya. Sadly, he can never go back. At least he has his dreams. 

03. Describe your character’s relationship with those who raised them. Was it positive? Negative? Neutral? What sorts of ideologies were they raised with, and do they still stand by them now?

Brief background: Kal has three Mandalorian parents and three Mandalorian siblings, was adopted after a Mando raiding crew destroyed his home and took him with them, and of all of them only his youngest sister is still on speaking terms with him. 

Anyway, it grew from contentious to adoring p damn quick, honestly... Kal's the worst at holding grudges and he was only four when they picked him up, so like. He was really close with his family-- they’re still everything to him. Even after the exile and years of no contact, if any of them called him up out of the blue Kal would drop everything for them. There are like...... Maybe two people in the galaxy he’d value more. 

As for beliefs-- they raised Kal Mandalorian, following the Resol’nare (with some minor clan-specific tweaks, as Clan Deshra was moving towards a slightly more peaceful way of life), and he fully believed. He still does, actually. He doesn’t uphold the tenets anymore, though, having very slowly let go of them after he left. What this means is he fully believes that since he no longer upholds his culture in the way he was taught, he’s dar’manda, or soulless, and when he dies he will have no place with his warrior ancestors. Instead, he will be either destroyed or forced to wander alone for eternity. Basically, he’s going to hell and he’s (kind of) accepted that. 

04. What is your character’s relationship with the Force? Is your character Force-sensitive? Whether or not they are, do they believe in it? Do they lean more towards the dark or the light or are they somewhere in between?

Kal is as force-blind as they come, to be honest. Like, there is NOTHING in there, the force isn’t even sure he exists let alone the other way round. Regardless, he’s spent enough time around Jedi and other force users to know that something is definitely up. He trusts them when they talk about the force, so he believes in it. He just doesn’t believe it has anything to do with him. (If he were force sensitive he would lean naturally towards the light, though. In some alternate universe out there i can feel him.... trying desperately to use the dark side and failing miserably.) 

05. What three word would you use to describe your character? What three words would your character use to describe themself? What three words would someone close to them use?

me: Loyal, obnoxious, clumsy

kal: charming, handsome, useless

jav’nen: dodgy, persistent, sly

06. Describe your character’s aesthetic. Do they tend towards fashion or function? Do they like to accessorize? How does this extend into their own personal spaces, such as their home or their workspace?

Oh, function 100%. Maybe even 1000%, there is no fashion anywhere in Kal’s closet. If it can’t protect him or make his job easier in some way, he’s not wasting money on it. He doesn’t even have any piercings anymore, and personalized painted armor is a thing of the past. Now, this doesn’t mean he doesn’t get starry eyed and distracted every time he walks past a storefront, but the important part is that he doesn’t actually buy the things he wants. 

He has very much the same philosophy with his living space as he does with his clothes. Everything has its function and its place, and unless he’s very distracted or having a depressive episode, everything is immaculate at all times. He’s the kind of nerd that makes his bed as soon as he gets up, and cleans his armor and weapons meticulously every night. No trinkets, no personalization outside of the few belongings that are completely necessary. Any gifts he’s received over the years are in a small safe either in his closet or under his bed depending on the room. 

07. What are your character’s vices? Guilty pleasures? Bad habits? Weak spots?

Most prevalent is probably his willingness to abdicate all thought and responsibility the second someone he trusts tells him to do something. His moral compass is a fuckin roulette wheel because it depends entirely on who’s in the room and who he’s trying to impress at any given time. 

He doesn’t really see that, though, so as far as things he would recognize and admit to: every time he takes his armor off unnecessarily or skips one night of maintenance or lets himself indulge in a good meal or a small trinket or a moment of physical contact, he swears he can feel his soul drifting further out of reach. Most of that isn’t even in direct violation of the Resol’nare, but at this point he’s buried his guilt so far for so long that it’s bled into every aspect of life. Any moment of joy or relief feels undeserved, but that’s never stopped him before honestly!! As long as he can continue the tight rope walk of stringent self discipline to keep the sense of doom at bay, and taking as much joy as he can to keep himself alive, he will!!

Also, he’ll do almost anything for some properly spicy food. 

08. Tell us about your character’s relationship with food. What are their favorites? Do they enjoy cooking? Are they adventurous? Will they eat absolutely anything or are they hard to please?

Spicy !!!! Call him stereotypical Mando’ade but he loves spicy food to death and back. Mostly because it makes him think of home, but also just cause it’s Good. His favorite meal would be his parent’s tiingilar (a spicy casserole)-- as far as he’s convinced, no one else can make it like they did. Every other tiingilar is a disappointment in comparison. He also has a secret soft spot for uj cake, but will only rarely admit to it. 

As far as cooking himself, Kal knows how to make things edible. Barely. He knows enough to survive on his own, and in the wilds he’d be an invaluable resource to anyone less familiar with that kind of cooking, but if there’s literally any alternative you should go with that. Kal’s cooking is for nourishment, not enjoyment. And he’ll eat basically anything, but usually sticks to pre-prepared field rations when left to his own devices. 

09. How does your character feel about engaging in relationships—romantic and / or sexual—with others? What is their history like? Do they fall in love easily? Are they constantly in and out of relationships?

Kal falls in love at the drop of a hat, but Rarely. Basically, love hits him with the intensity and frequency of a lightning strike. That he falls hard and fast doesn’t mean that he admits it to himself or finds it very easy to actually engage in those relationships though-- it’s probably fair to say that Kal has spent the majority of his life pining in one way or another. 

He’s been with a few people, though-- only one previous Serious Relationship, but there was a period of time right after his exile that he tried to be promiscuous and have a few flings. It didn’t end up working very well for him, but it was worth a shot at least. 

For him, sex has always been a far secondary priority to romance. He likes it (at least, when he likes the person its with), but it’s never been his primary goal in a relationship by any stretch of the imagination. He’s a full blown storybook romantic, will treasure the memory of a brief moment of hand contact and all that bullshit. Also if he’s in love with more than one person at once (as is the case right now) he would literally rather die alone than be forced to choose. Don’t get involved with him, he’s a mess. Unless you’re into that, in which case by all means let the boy pledge his life to you. 

10. What is your character’s pain tolerance like? Can they hold their own in a fight, despite injury? If someone hurts them with the aim of gaining information, how much can they take before they cave?

Pain tolerance is one of his primary skills, actually! Finally, something he’s good at !! He can take a punch with the best of them. He has different levels of tolerance for acute pain versus more extended aching, but it’s safe to say that both are higher than average. 

All of his joints are pretty fucked up and usually in one stage of ache or another, which he manages with a combination of the right exercises, a consistent regimen of painkillers/stims, and supportive alterations to his armor. On top of that, it’s a rare day when he isn’t carrying around some injury from the most recent adventure. Basically, he hasn’t really had a pain free day since he was a kid, and even then it was rare, so he’s Very used to operating and fighting through it. 

Regardless, that kind of torture wouldn’t be the way to get him to cooperate. Threaten anyone he cares about and he’ll cave in a second, but hurt or threaten him? That’s not gonna get you anywhere but frustration. Which is to say, the more you hurt him the more annoying he gets. You’d better hope you have a gag handy. 

11. What is your character’s weapon of choice? Are they more skilled as a melee fighter or do they have more skill with ranged weapons? What’s their fighting style like? What sort of training do they have behind them?

Kal has a long standing love affair with his blasters, but he loves his vibroknives even more. Maybe it’s because of his name, or because his aim isn’t the best, but the Second the enemy gets close enough for a good stabbing, the guns are away and the knives come out. 

As for fighting style, he generally relies on being quick and fighting dirty. Honor is for suckers, if you left your dick exposed it’s your fault you got kicked in it, catch him if you can motherfucker. It’s not necessarily the traditional Mandalorian training, but his parents adapted the lessons to suit him better as time went on. He never really took naturally to guns or explosives, so they focused more on grappling and melee combat. 

That said, he’s not the strongest person but he has a lot of training in how to use momentum and leverage to his advantage, so it’s far from unheard of for him to take down much larger opponents, who might have been much more skilled than him in any number of areas. Also, he hardcore prefers setting up ambushes to being taken by surprise, and puts a lot of work into maintaining that. It’s a rare fight that he didn’t see coming, so he usually has an advantage. Especially now that he’s working with a Jedi !! 

12. Does your character have any words or catchphrases that they say frequently? Tell us about how they picked them up.

He tries to minimize that kind of stuff, but Kal still can’t resist throwing up a hushed “Oya, oya!” in preparation for any battle. It’s muscle memory. 

He’s also the kind of nerd that says things like “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” whenever someone leaves his general vicinity. Even just to go to the bathroom. Remember how I said he was obnoxious earlier? He thinks he’s so fucking funny. 

13. Tell us about a negative experience your character has had with either the Jedi or the Sith, and how this has affected their standing. Whether currently aligned or unaligned with either faction, if forced to choose, how would they side?

WELL... I MEAN.... Take your pick: the Sith kind of indirectly screwed over his whole life, and have caused the death of a number of loved ones vs he was hunted by a Jedi for literal years. The second one turned out okay, though, so he’s definitely aligned with the Jedi at the moment. Besides, he loves a good hypocrisy. 

Honestly, though, if circumstances were different he would align with whichever side had more of his friends in it. His allegiances operate at a much more personal/individual level, he kind of doesn’t care what evils a general organization has committed. Things that big picture are hard for him to conceptualize. 

14. How would your character react to seeing a relative or friend on the opposing side of a battle or mission?

Chances are good the result would be immediate capitulation. Kal’s not gonna fight a friend !!! Unless someone he cares about more tells him to! It would go like this: Kal sees friend, Kal drops gun, loved one tells him to pick gun back up, Kal picks gun back up and continues shooting. OR: Kal sees friend, Kal drops gun, no one tells him to pick gun back up, Kal switches sides to hang out with friend. At his most basic instincts, Kal is at all times essentially Patrick Star. 

Friend doesn’t even have to be a good friend, honestly, Kal would fight to the death for anyone from a friendly acquaintance to a bitter rival. That’s just how he operates. 

15. Describe a memory that your character finds embarrassing.

When they started working together, Jav’nen didn’t exactly share that he knew any Mando’a. I’m sure I don’t need to fill in much more but. You can imagine Kal’s longing for death when it was revealed that Jav’nen had heard and fully understood every idiotic nickname Kal had been calling him for months. 

Thinking about it still makes him want to die, honestly.  

16. What goals does your character hold for themself and what steps have they taken towards achieving them? How far are they willing to go to reach them? What is their be-all and end-all?

Goals? Kal hasn’t heard that name in years........

No, but really he’s just waiting for death at this point. I MEAN he has like, smaller, everyday goals. He gets really into it every time he has a job to complete. But if he’s not distracted enough he starts realizing that the rest of his life is just a yawning chasm with nothing waiting at the end, so he’s very attached to those small everyday goals! 

Secret ongoing goal that he won’t admit to himself or anyone else: Jav’nen hug. 

17. What is the one thing your character would change about their life if they were given the chance? What other lives could they have lived as a result?

Not that he would ever, ever admit to it, but Kal’s life would have been very different if he hadn’t been trying so hard to impress his family at all times. Even when they weren’t around.  He has no musical skills in this one, but in some alternate universe out there Kal's a great musician and avoids fighting as much as he can. 

18. Living in such a high-conflict time, how does your character feel about doing what they must to survive? Will they hurt or kill others—either directly or indirectly—to protect themself and / or those close to them? If so, do they regret it when all is said and done?

Oh, I mean, it’s second nature at this point. Even with his clan’s moves towards a more peaceful way of life, combat is so ingrained in Mandalorian culture that it’s become ingrained in Kal too. He’ll hurt and kill people to protect himself, to protect others, to earn money, to keep busy. When all is said and done, as far as he’s concerned, this is just the way the universe works. Everyone dies eventually, in some way, it’s not his fault that he ended up being the executor of their fate. 

It only really bothers him if he doesn’t keep properly distracted. 

19. What is the biggest problem your character is currently dealing with?

How do....... Protect Jedi partner? He’ll never admit it but powerful force users scare the shit out of him more than anyone else, so jedi hunters are like..... nightmare time. With the way the political climate has shifted recently, and his current partnership, Kal’s mind is on protecting Jav’nen pretty much 24/7. Don’t tell Jav’nen, though. That would be embarrassing. 

20. Give us 3+ headcanons of any length or subject matter.

Oh boy, okay. 

1. Fucked joints: I’ve referenced this in an earlier question, but Kal has joint problems. Specifically, he has a genetic thing that means the ligaments and cartilage around his joints aren’t as strong as they’re supposed to be, so his joints bend much further than they’re supposed to and dislocate really easily. This is an advantage in some cases, cause it allows him to houdini his way out of a number of situations, but it also comes with a decent amount of pain. He has his coping methods, though. Such is life. 

2. Animals: He doesn’t often get the chance to show it off, but Kal’s surprisingly good with most animals. Part of that low key farm boy upbringing. Anyway, he’ll never willingly have a pet cause he’d be too worried about them all the time, but you can bet your ass he’s taking advantage of any opportunity to pet someone else’s!! 

3. Physical Affection: SOMEONE HUG THE MAN.......... By that I mean: Kal is at all times craving physical affection. He’s a naturally extremely physically affectionate person, but between a distrust of the general population and a deep seated desire not to inconvenience those he’s close to, he almost never initiates anything. You know when a dog really wants attention but doesn’t wanna get in trouble for barking, so they just kind of sit nearby staring at you and low key vibrating? Kal. At all times. 

bonus. Give us a list of any length telling us why our “fave is problematic.”

i mean does it really need to be any longer than “kills people for money” 

fine

the man has been putting people on pedestals for years will rise to any bait  desperate to please at all times over dramatic  did i mention over dramatic  thinks he’s way funnier than he is is fully willing to let things he’s not cool with fly if someone else says to has been involved in kidnapping and shit would rather die than communicate

[laltre-stelle-blog]

I Am A Horrible Vampire

Chapter One: How Did This Happen To Me?

Ice cold. Dead cold. That’s the first thing I felt when I opened my eyes. Everything was cold, my bed, my sweat, even me in general. It was awful. I had the worst headache ever, my legs felt like stone and I was drenched in sweat. I felt like I was going to puke right there and then. But that’s when it hit me, a thirst. The Thirst as older generations would call it. The feeling of hunger that fledglings get when they first awaken to their new life. Their new life as a vampire.

Yes, I’m a vampire. A bloodsucker, El Chupacabra minus the goat. Well, sometimes with the goat.

Anyway, fledglings upon waking up after their transformation, get hit their first wave of Thirst. The Thirst essentially feels like you’ve got a desert in your throat, it’s hot and dry and it extends down to your stomach. It feels different in the stomach, it feels like there’s something eating at you, like an evil little baby. They say it’s different from vampire to vampire but this is what everyone can agree on. And this Thirst is only quenched with blood. At first, not even draining 10 animals will help you, and I should know ‘cause that’s what I did. Majority of fledglings don’t survive their first wave, the intensity of the Thirst and the lack of feeding will eventually lead them to die of starvation. But those who do—like me—live to see the sun the next day. The first wave is always the most intense, this is because you haven’t had blood in your system before, unless you’re a housed fledgling.

I wasn’t a housed fledgling, this is both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because I have no family that I’ve pledged my eternal life and loyalty to, a curse because there was no one to help me through my first encounter with the Thirst.

One could say my first wave was one of the tamer cases. I didn’t drain any humans—unlike most unhoused fledglings. But I did kill nearly all the rabbits and deer in this wildlife reserve. How I got to the reserve itself I have no idea. There isn’t much I remember from my last mortal night. And what I do is terribly hazy, scary and bloody.

It was night time, I jolted awake from what I can now call my death and I wasn’t feeling too good. If anything I felt dead. Not like the self-depreciating type of dead but the actual dead. So there I was hurting and sweating and hungry. Suddenly, everything turned red. It was like all I could hear was the beating hearts of the humans that resided in my apartment building. I could just hear it all, the blood flowing in their veins, their hearts pumping continuously. It was maddening, I didn’t know what to do, so I ran.

I left the city and ran. I ran and ran and ran until I could run no more, that’s when I ended up at the reserve. The beating had stopped substantially but I could still hear it. Yet this time I could smell it too. It was a deer, a doe to be exact and it was staring right at me. I could sense it was scared, yet it didn’t move. That’s when I pounced on it. It was a quick and primal motion, it was like I was part cat. Soon my mouth was filling with it’s warm blood, and I was gulping it down hungrily. Once the blood stopped coming, I disposed of the deer haphazardly and went to look for more prey.

I found several other deer, does and stags alike. Stags were harder to pounce on due to their will to fight, I had to wrestle at least 3 of them and—surprisingly—I won. I also hunted rabbits for some reason, I have no idea why I would hurt such adorable little creatures but I did, sadly. The night ended with me passing out, quite full and tired in a grassy knoll somewhere in the field.

I woke the next day, not very hungry or tired, which is very unlike me considering I was a lowly college student living in a crowded apartment building. It seemed to be normal awakening aside from the fact that I was outside and covered blood. I had a little anxiety attack, in which I took off running into many bushes. I stopped finally in a clearing, where I discovered that the sun irritated me.

No, I did not burn or char or whatever, the sun was just really really fucking bright. It was like waking up the next day with this horrible hangover and all the lights were brighter than the sun itself.

So the sun was—and is—irritating as shit. But to my luck, vampires don’t burn. I was able to walk through the sun without really hurting myself, if anything I just hurt my eyes. Eventually, I find a way back to the city. Upon returning to Montpelier from the Vermont countryside, I received quite a lot of curious stares. This was because I was still covered in blood. People stared and pointed, I remember a kid even started crying.

Soon, I felt like I didn’t want to be out in the open and be ogled by those passing by, so I started to walk down alleys. Back alleys, side alleys, whatever other alleys one can think of. I found my way back to my apartment building through the back alley. It must have been maybe 8:30 in the morning because the night guard was gone but the day guard wasn’t in yet. I let myself in and went back to my apartment.

Upon returning to my humble abode, I found that I had trashed it the night before or at least someone had trashed it the night before. My small dining room table was flipped on its side, my fridge door was hanging off its hinges and almost all my windows were broken. I investigated further and found that the hallway leading to the sole room had dried blood splatter all over the place. When I got to my room, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

There was so much blood. And it was absolutely everywhere too. It was on my bed, on my desk, on the walls, on the floor even on the fucking ceiling. I went to the in-suite washroom to find my bleach and that’s when I saw my reflection, or lack thereof. I passed the mirror by the sink and saw nothing. I was scared, so so scared. Then almost instinctively, I brushed my fingers to the side of my neck and found two holes. Well they weren’t quite holes anymore, they were like wounds that were slowly healing. I felt for a pulse and shockingly there was none. That’s when I realized what had happened.

That’s how I found out I was a vampire

[iamselfportrait]

Chasing Euphoria- The next high

Photo:"Opioid Epidemic" by DES Daughter is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 

It’s 9 am and another dreamless night has escaped your consciousness. You scroll through your morning feed and see post after post about another young musician’s death due to an overdose on prescription drugs laced with opioids.

The world mourns in waves of online support, a unity among the surrounding musicians who has pledged awareness to the dangers of ‘scripts’ (a slang that generally refers to drugs that have Benzodiazepine, Codeine, Percocet’s etc).

A couple of weeks later a new single glorifying the same drugs comes out.

Another rapper dies a year later from a similar overdose. Another round of mourning. Another couple of weeks until the hottest single on streaming platforms is a lyric about finding a way out through the same harmful substances responsible for death in the first place.

This has been the cyclical events highlighting the post-millennial culture’s newfound curiosity in experimentation.  Gone were the days of psychedelic induced visions, marijuana highs and the preach for peace. It’s not about peace and love anymore.

In its place is the dangerous chase for euphoria. The next high- and it’s here.  

There was Lil Peep in 2016 who died of an accidental fentanyl, a synthetic opioid and Xanax overdose. Mac Miller who died in 2018 after consuming cocaine and what he believed was oxycodone but really fentanyl, and Juice Wrld’s unexpected overdose in late 2019.

The common denominator in all three; all died in their early ‘20s. Live fast, die young seems to be the new mantra of these icons.

But rather than a spiritual awakening or a numbness to the body, prescription drugs such as benzos and opioids like codeine produces a euphoric relief to the consumer, and it’s this feeling that festers into addiction and dependency.

Truman Post*, a 23-year-old fighting dependency on prescription drugs in two aspects of his life- one as a medical treatment for anxiety and depression and the other is a reliance on using these prescription drugs recreationally.

Post speaks on the euphoric quality that comes with the alleviation of mental stress factors in the midst of a prescription high that catalyses into an addiction.

“With benzos in my case I’ve always suffered from anxiety and depression whereas people who I started taking them with may have never had that burden with them. And since these drugs are designed specifically to combat those afflictions when someone who actually suffers takes them it’s an incredible release and it’s an incredible amount of relief that comes over you.

Which is a really slippery slope towards addiction and dependency, and I think that I would definitely say I am dependent on them in the partying scheme of things. If I’m taking hard drugs like cocaine, ecstasy, or speed I won’t take them unless I am confident, I have benzos to finish the night with,” he said.

Post knows all too well about the cost of this newfound euphoria.

“if you’re using Valium or Xanax or Percocet on a regular basis and I know this because I’ve done it, if you’re using drugs for a week then go cold turkey the withdrawal that comes along with that is frightening.

I’ve had tremors beyond belief, cold sweats, insomnia. If you’re taking a drug that’s literally decimating any concept of anxiety and then that’s taken away from you, it’s like taking bread from a starving person,” he said.

The music industry wouldn’t exist if it didn’t have the power to sell an image- visual cues that aid in encompassing an aesthetic of an artist and it is this reliance on selling a specific image that has long been scrutinised by the masses.

Every decade has a drug that infiltrates the music industry with phrases like “sex drugs n rock n roll” embedded in society.

Music culture experimented with marijuana and LSD in the ‘60s and ‘70s, cocaine in the ‘80s, heroin in the ‘90s and in this decade, it's prescriptions. And while anyone can attribute each of those substances to a genre, rap has become the new face of this prescription pandemic.

Xans, percs, and lean (codeine infused with sprite and jolly ranchers) are a few words circulating around the youth today.  The phantom epidemic of prescription abuse amongst adolescents and younger adults has become ubiquitous as the rise of ‘trap’ music (a sub-genre of hip-hop commonly associated with the image of prescription drugs and narratives) has become the face of the music industry spreading the imagery of this new high.

It’s this direct or indirect selling of an image or aesthetic that younger audiences are influenced by.  

Post attributes the rise of prescription drugs to the glorification of these substances through rap figures dominating the realm of social relevancy today.

“I think social media and advertisements of these drugs either directly or indirectly by influencer or artists is 90% glorification and 10% talking about the horrors and withdrawal.

You don’t truly understand just how desperate you can become until you experience it yourself,” he said.

While Australia’s biggest battle on the war on drugs doesn’t revolve around prescription and opioids, the shadow pandemic is here. And it’s here to stay.

Name of interviewee changed for privacy reasons.

[yournotamillennialstuff-blog]

I Finally Watched Game of Thrones: Still Not Entirely Sure What’s Going On

If there’s one thing our generation came of age with, it’s Game of Thrones. We were somewhere around ten and twelve when the show began; much too young to be watching the graphic scenes of nearly every nature imaginable. But that didn’t stop us from binging it the second we could figure out how to stream the episodes without our parent’s consent.

Well, most of us did.

On April 14thof this year, the eighth season of the show began airing on HBO, and it was the only thing people could talk about other than Avengers: Endgame. It was only a matter of time before the conversation found its way into my social circle. As many of my friends began to discuss who they thought would live and die, and which house they thought would take the throne, I remained quiet. I had no idea what they were talking about. Then, inevitably, someone asked what I thought, and I had to admit the bitter truth.

I’d never seen an episode.

And then people were screaming, and I was being yelled at, and my boss even offered me three weeks off from work to watch the entire series (I’m not entirely sure he wasn’t serious).

So, I figured it was high time I gave the show a start. In case you also haven’t seen the series, and (like me) you don’t have HBO, then either start combing the internet for copies of the episodes, or subscribe to HBO Now for $14.99 a month. A little steep, especially since Netflix just upped their prices, but I’ve been told it’s worth it. I managed to find a friend who was willing to share their login with me. Certainly pays to have friends in high places.

Prepare to relive the first season of what’s being called the greatest show of all time (by people I know) through the eyes of someone who went in not knowing a thing (since no one would tell me what the hell this show was about).

If you and I have been living under the same rock for the past eight years, spoilers lie ahead for the first season of Game of Thrones.

The show opens with some guys running through the snow, then one of them gets their head ripped off by a zombie. And this is when I paused the show to text a friend, because if there was one thing I did not expect from this show, it was zombies. One of the guys who lives runs off and is deemed a “deserter,” dooming himself to be beheaded by Ned Stark, who I’m told is one of the good guys, but at this point kind of seems like a jerk. Before dying, the deserter claims the “White Walkers” are back, and no one believes him, including me, because I thought White Walkers were from The Walking Dead, yet another show I haven’t seen.

We meet a whole lot of people in this episode. We meet the Starks (Ned, Kat, Robb, Bran, Sansa, Arya, and some young kid who I didn’t notice until like halfway through the season), plus Jon Snow, who’s kind of a Stark but not because he is actually Ned’s bastard. Oops. Then there’s the Lannister’s who really like each other. Like in a not okay kind of way. There’s Cersei, Jaime, and Tyrion (who’s a dwarf, so the other two don’t seem to like him as much. Just each other. Too much.). Cersei is married to Robert Baratheon, who she doesn’t like, because she likes her brother Jaime (gross gross gross). Cersei has some kids with Robert (cough cough), but the only one who gets screen time in season one is Joffrey, who is (like his mother) the worst.

Then somewhere else entirely are the Targaryen’s. Daenerys and her brother who sucks but who’s name honestly escapes me. I just looked it up, it’s Viserys. I don’t remember them ever saying that, but he marries her off to Khal Drogo, king (Khal?) of the Dothraki, making Daenerys a Khaleesi, which before watching the show was what I thought her name was. Oops.

All of this information pretty much comes from the first episode. Which is why it took me like a day and a half to finish it. I couldn’t keep up and had to keep rewinding. Because there are so many people.

The basic gist of the first season goes like this. The hand of the king (I think?) dies, so Ned Stark has to leave Winterfell and go to King’s Landing because the King, Robert Baratheon, wants him to be the hand of the king. Ned brings his daughters Sansa and Arya with him, leaving Kat with Robb, Bran, and the other child in Winterfell. Robert wants Sansa to marry Joffrey, and Sansa is all for this because I guess she wants to be queen? I never really understood why she wanted anything to do with Joffrey, because he never really displays any redeeming qualities. Arya wants to be a knight, so Ned (who, as it turns out isn’t all that bad, I actually like him a lot) gets someone to teach her to sword fight.

Just before Ned leaves for King’s Landing, Bran sees Cersei and Jamie in a compromising position, so Jaime shoves the damn kid out a window, declaring, “the things I do for love.” Ew. Gross. But, Bran somehow survives, he’ll just never walk again.

Elsewhere while this is all going on, Jon Snow leaves Winterfell as well, following his uncle’s footsteps and joining the Night’s (Knight’s?) Watch. They make it super clear that once you’re in the Night’s Watch you can’t leave; you pledge for life. They literally say this like six times. It was the only thing I knew for sure while watching. I wonder, is it possible, that somewhere down the line Jon is going to try and leave?

Over in Essos (this I learned later, was where Dany and Khal Drogo are), Daenerys is growing to actually maybe love Khal Drogo, and hate her brother, who sucks. She finds her footing as Queen, and eventually, Drogo melts her brother’s face off with molten gold. Dany says her brother didn’t have dragon blood because dragons don’t burn.

What??????

At this point I kind of know what’s going on, then Baratheon declares he wants to kill Dany because Khal knocked her up, and this is pretty much where I pinpoint all hell breaking loose. Somewhere in the mix Kat kidnaps Tyrion because she thinks he tried to kill Bran, so that’s happening.

Ned is against killing Dany, so he tries to leave King’s Landing, and tells the girls the same. Arya is good with it so long as they take her sword fighting teacher with them, but Sansa claims “I supposed to marry Joffrey and give him sons with golden hair!” Way to have your own aspirations, girl. This strikes something in Ned though, because he realizes that Robert and all his descendants had dark hair. So, how did Joffrey end up a blonde? Why, he’s Jaime’s of course!

How the hell did the King never question this?

Everything comes to a head when Robert Baratheon is killed by a boar (um, what?), and Joffrey accuses him of treason for claiming that Joffrey was not the heir to the throne. Sansa begs him to be merciful, which Joffrey agrees to so long as Ned admits he was wrong. Somewhere else, Jon Snow sees a White Walker (they’re real!) and Khal Drogo is lightly scratched, yet somehow is on the brink of death. Dany has a stillborn that might or might not have been a dragon, there was a witch involved, and she suffocates Drogo in a mercy kill.

Arya, who ran away I guess, returns to King’s Landing in time to see her father on trial for treason. Then, Joffrey changes his damn mind about being merciful, and orders his guys to cut off Ned’s head. AND THEY DO.

At this point I’m completely losing it, because SEAN BEAN WAS THE MAIN CHARACTER. I’m super confused and honestly upset, because he was actually a really good dad and guy. And this little twerp just kills him. Then shows Sansa, who he’s supposed to marry, his severed head.

What a guy. Still want to give him babies with golden hair?

Arya goes off and pretends to be a guy with I guess the Night’s Watch, with some guy named Gendry who is King Robert’s bastard (but I don’t think he knows that). Sansa is kind of at this point I guess being forced to marry Joffrey, but Robb is on a mission to save them. He ends up capturing Jaime. So that’s a win. Shocker, Jon tries to leave the Night’s Watch, but ends up going back. A whole long road to get nowhere.

The season ends with Dany walking through fire and then when the dust settles, suddenly she has three dragons.

Three. Freaking. Dragons.

What?????

And thus ends season one of Game of Thrones. Honestly, I can see the appeal of the show. I found it really entertaining, but in no way easy to watch. Not because of the highly graphic scenes, but just because unless you’re really paying attention, it’s hard to follow. I kind of understand why no one would tell me what the show was about. Without doing what I just did and summarizing all the houses and who’s doing what, it’s hard to say exactly what this show is about. I was super confused for the first forty percent of the season, and by the end I was confused again. Although, I’m starting to see that this might be the appeal.

It certainly leaves room for debate, and I have a feeling every moment on screen is deliberate. If you go back to episode one, you notice Dany walking into a near boiling bath, the maid warning her not to go in because the water is too hot. She later holds a burning egg and isn’t branded by the scales like her servant is. All of this foreshadows the fact that she can literally walk through fire in the last episode and be unaffected. Something to do with having dragon blood, like they thought her brother did?

After watching the first season I can say for sure I’ll keep watching, because this show leaves you wanting to know all the answers. It may take eight seasons to get there, but I’m sure it will be worth it. I can see why this show has defined this generation, and why everyone is talking about it. I’ll be slightly off the grid for the next month while I finish the series. Until then, I’ll avoid the internet in fear of spoilers.