#unhinged agent time

[the-fbi-agent-in-your-phone]

The FBI is asking tumblr denizens to wait one more week before making the Healthcare CEO Shooter a tumblr sexyman. Please and Thank You.

[the-fbi-agent-in-your-phone]

*into walkie-talkie* Take the shot

big news from the girl factory! they’re inventing a new kind of girl who is both taller than you and also kinda faggy with it

[artsyaprilmr]

Some sketchezzz

[carlottastudios]

Every day I get closer to making an unhinged behemoth of a post listing all of the things about Kaeya and his possible connections to mythology & stuff that I notice but NOBODY ELSE SEEMS TO BRING UP IN THEIR THEORIES

(edit: OMG I reached the tag limit I'm so sorry)

[risetherivermoon]

im as focused on hermie as the rest of everyone is but...

im curious to know if grant heard/saw linc strangling agent schmegan and saying the line about killing his family, like-

[xenon-demon]

In a steddie doctor who AU neither of them are the doctor. ROBIN is the doctor and Steve is her long term companion who basically just lives in the TARDIS with her because he didn’t have a whole lot keeping him where he was originally from. They meet Eddie when they’re in Hawkins in the 80s investigating some strange events that scream of spacetime fuckery and Steve goes “can we keep him 🥺” and Robin says yes absolutely - after hitting Steve with the I Know What You Are eyes of course. Once it’s established he can come back without anyone missing him (cause yknow, time travel) Eddie is thrilled to come with them because oh my god??? Aliens are real??? TIME TRAVEL is real???? Eddie’s got enough self-authored Star Trek fanfiction hidden under his bed to not need to think twice about this decision, okay.

Cue adventures and shenanigans and Eddie having the classic companion dilemma of “I love travelling with you and also am kinda falling in love with Steve but I also have friends (the CC boys) and family (Wayne) I really care about waiting for me back in Hawkins that I can’t just abandon”. I’m thinking the solution to that is something along the lines of Steve settling down with Eddie and staying with him on Earth, either in his original time in Hawkins or somewhere/sometime else with Robin generously helping Wayne out so he can go with them.

Also Eddie demands they use time travel for the greatest possible good: allowing him to see all his favourite metal bands live in concert in their prime.

[vaguely-concerned]

I am for sure inextricably mariana trench deep in dragon age brain right now and not coming out any time soon, but some part of my mind and my heart is also always thinking about agent 'where's blue? is blue okay? *passes the fuck out gently smoking from all his circuits post-force lightning*' zero

[tortoisesshells]

(43 + 117)

[ovcii-doodles]

tinfoil hat girl and some grey guy and his formally suicidal ai's Complicated EmotionsTM

[horrorsteve]

flight took off an hour late bc they needed to wait around for oven trays for meals for first class. which never even came. so they screwed everyone else on this flight trying to make a connection for wimpy ass rich people who can’t bear to not have a meal on a 4hr flight. and when i ask for help concerning if i’ll be able to make my connection i just get “i’m sorry” ok thanks for being less than helpful 👍🏼

[the-hype-dragon]

ok I am a hater but it would do a lot of people who make "literary criticism" content a lot of good not to have bad faith readings of every stupid little word an author puts on paper

like I remember reading a sporking/blow-by-blow of some cassie clare book here on tumblr years ago, this character was saying shit that you were obviously supposed to find objectionable--because he was a villain and he was saying it to his traumatized mother who felt like a bad mom already because of the crap her husband pulled on her in the backstory--but then the person writing this critique went off on this tangent talking about how oh no ladies you aren't a bad mom just because of this that and the other thing and I was sitting there like, are you for fucking real right now, like they were acting like cc was sitting here saying "oh yes, this obvious bad guy is totally parroting my own opinions about women and moms in particular" I felt like I was idk I felt like I was going kinda crazy

[the-fbi-agent-in-your-phone]

This FBI joke account did want to make a joke about vote tampering regardless of which presidential candidate won, but unfortunately, it is not a joke this year.

Sometimes having a satire account that cosplays as a disgruntled FBI worker is just a sad job.

[altruistic-meme]

i know it's been said a million times by now but Neil making the FBI agents give him a to-go container before going with them to the headquarters and then pulling it out MID INTERROGATION to continue eating is so fucking unhinged. i love him so fucking much. i fully believe that was a completely intentional power move on Neil's part i doubt he was even that hungry he just wanted to be a little bitch.

[noirscript]

call avoidance.

Yandere Hotline: 3/?

featuring: implied drugging. implied tresspassing. lots of male masturbation. unsolicited phone sex (?). implied kidnapping. AFAB!Reader (yan calling reader mommy)

note: this is written while half-asleep. not edited. brain go brrr. i'll add the src some time.

Dealing with mad people can drive anyone insane. But if you're given a hefty sum to keep the insane ones company, you'll take. Life is tough, but you can choose your own hell.

"Got you some drink. Your favorite flavor," Heidi, your 'neighbor' in cubicle, said cheerfully as she placed the drink and sandwich on your spot.

"Well, who are we kidding." You shook your head before placing the plastic cup in your trash bin along with the tasty sandwich that came with it. "They're really persistent, you know?"

You smiled sheepishly as you arrange your cubicle to start a new day. Unlike your workmates, your place is quite neat and devoid of anything that would identify that spot as yours.

No personal images pinned on the corkboard. Not even a framed picture of whoever inspires you to get up and work hard without becoming insane yourself.

Upon accepting the job offer, you made sure to draw the most visible line to keep your personal life to yourself. You've heard some stories—some myths—about some agents disappearing without any trace overnight. Like they never existed in the first place.

"I hope they fuck off, you know?" You sighed before putting on your noise-cancelling headphones. "May we survive this shift," you grumbled as you wait for the first call with baited breath.

You have frequent customers. Most of them were pleasant to talk to. Let's just say that they're not exactly the dangerous type of callers. Those type clients were, most likely, drawn to the idea of being a 'yandere' as a fantasy. Sometimes, there's a hint of sexualization.

Almost every person on the floor are taking calls. Including you. However, your gut's been telling you to ignore the call. Maybe it's one of those unhinged callers who believes that you're theirs. Like they own you and all of your time.

You still have some available credits for call avoidance since you rarely used your credits. Surely, this one call will not affect your performance rating.

While waiting for the phone to stop ringing, you decided to clean up your work email. Being bombarded with useless newsletters about food and books on sale is the worse. Not only does it make your inbox crowded, it's also spammy.

You were fightung the urge to just select all and delete everything at once when you suddenly heard a notification. One after another.

One from your email, another one from your messaging app, and lastly—from the internal chatroom.

You opened the email with an attachment. It was a blank email but as soon as the preview for the attachment appeared, you almost gagged.

It was an image of a man's cock. There were translucent liquid splattered everywhere while the tip of his dick is on a cup—filled to the brim with iced coffee with foamy top. Your favorite.

Your hands were shaking as you exit the window of the website. You clicked the messaging app first. 'Perhaps it was just a promotional message from one of those companies.'

But no.

It was a message from a private number. You don't have any idea how they did it, but they kept sending you images. Most of them were blurry, but the ones with better quality almost made you vomit.

It was taken in a small room. At first, the room was dark, but eventually the image light up. His face was blurred, but you could clearly see what he was doing.

He was fucking your pillow. The one you've been using since you've moved in a better place with better security.

You were confused. And scared.

How could he easily enter your place? Your keys are with you and only the management has access to other duplicates.

"No way..." you whispered as you close the messaging app's window.

One bomb was dropped after another. And you knew something's off.

[NOTICE OF TERMINATION]

Due to multiple reports of call avoidance and drop calls, the management has decided to relieve you from your position as an agent effective immediately.

As we value your well-being, rest assured that you will be receiving your full payment for the next three months along with the other benefits that the company has sworn to provide you.

We sincerely appreciate your efforts for the last three years. We wish you all the best from this day forward.

You were devastated, yet relieved upon reading the letter. You've been wanting to receive this for months. It was the only way out of this place and this industry. You've also managed to save up a lot that you can start fresh somewhere. Far from this place.

Another phone call managed to bypass the automatic system of the place. You took a deep breath before accepting the call.

"Hello?"

"I can't... wait... haah..." the man on the line was clearly doing himself. By the eay he sounds, he's probably close. "We'll move to a big house... haah... hngg... a baby, a babyyy... nhnn... come home..."

Your eyes widened upon hearing your name. Not the screen name you gave them, but your legal full name.

"Let me... hngg... make you a mommy... d'you want that, huh?" You could a wet sloppy noises in the background. "Tiny baby... sucking on your tits... while I make a mess out of you?"

"Ap—"

"No need for... apologies..." he was breathing heavily. "I'll see you soon, okay?

"Heimdall."

He chuckled. "That's me, my princess... took you long enough to say my name."

"How did you get into my house?" you asked while gritting your teeth.

"Patience, my love. We could talk all about it once you're home. Should I get you something to eat? Chicken? Cake? Sandwich? Coffee?"

"I'm done with you."

You immediately pressed the end call button before gathering your things and left. Not even a farewell to your friends.

But there's something you should probably know.

Heidi can't wait to be an aunt and to be your sister-in-law!

[stealth-black-leg]

Crocodile really is The Character of all time.

He's first introduced as a terrifying villain in the shadows who's killing an entire country of thirst and orchestrating a civil war while posing as their hero. He runs a vast criminal organization while having immunity from the government. He's viciously cunning and dreadfully powerful. The first time Luffy fights him, he never even touches him and very nearly gets killed. It takes him THREE times to finally beat him, and hardly. Just by the events in the Arabasta saga, Crocodile would've gone down as an amazing character and villain.

But then.

But then, like eight arcs after Arabasta, Luffy breaks into Impel Down, where Crocodile happens to be imprisoned. And he just. First he says HISASHIBURI DANA MUGIWARA in an incredibly deep and sexy voice that has me giggling and twirling my hair. Then he gets blackmailed by IVANKOV who knows A PERSONAL SECRET OF HIS and we're all looking at him like

AND THEN Crocodile joins Luffy to break out of prison and go to war, but not before taking a detour through Newkama Land because god forbid Crocodile showed up at Marineford wearing dirty prisoner rags. On their way out they meet Blackbeard, who starts rambling about his evil plan and Crocodile is like "who" and Blackbeard says "me" and Crocodile replies "no, who asked you" and moves on because he really couldn't care less about that mf.

And then. And then.

They arrive at Marineford. And Crocodile PEAKS at Marineford.

He shows up in this huge battlefield and he hates EVERY SINGLE PERSON on it. Fuck you, Whitebeard. Fuck you, Doflamingo. Fuck you, Sengoku. Fuck you, Mihawk. Fuck you, Akainu. He's completely unhinged. An agent of chaos. And if he ends up picking a side, he does it because FUCK COPS THAT'S WHY and isn't that the noblest of reasons.

And then he comes back over a decade of publication later to create a bdsm gay polycule with a sex dungeon along with a misanthropic swordsman and a clown.

Not to mention he's also Luffy's mother