#unfulfillment
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she dun on my geon till i meshi
#ダンジョン飯#quirinahdraws#laios touden#kabru#mithrun#marcille donato#chilchuck tims#izutsumi#maizuru#inutade#labru#laishuro#nakamoto toshiro#sketchdump#digital#SORRY THESE R SO LQ I WAS ARTBLOCKED AS HELL LOL#*thinking really hard about manipulative girlfriend kabru from the omake* i think i hauve mana sickness#some1 on twit was like. labru takes advantage of fem laios’s unfulfilled desire for adventure…. i love toxic and doomed Yuri i mean what#THE BELL *hopping up and down* my embarrassing idea is that the BellTM is like. honorary laios accompaniment for the b plot#it starts ringing really aggressively and shuro is like. oh they’re fighting again huh. I DONT KNOWWWWWWW#I CANT DRAW ANY OF THE CHARACTERS WAAHHHH… erm… busting it down ooc style…#waiting for the mithrun au where he becomes a ramen cook slash pottery artisan. ermmm#dungeon meshi#ME WHEN I FORGET THE TAG (yuribrained)
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Work Resignation?
Often at times, it’s normal for people to start having thoughts of resigning from work, especially when the task already seems too burdensome or overhwelming, no matter how easy it maybe.
People may start to feel like they no longer find fulfillment in every task they try to accomplish , which is exactly the same with my case. It’s not just the task at times, but the feeling that you’re no longer satisifed or happy with the work you currently have – it’s not the salary either , not even the boss or co-workers.
What Maybe The Reason People Are Unhappy At Work?
Boredom – It’s normal for people to feel unmotivated and seek out diversions to real work (i.e updating social media , shopping, chatting with friends). They may even find themselves bored as they have been doing the same thing for too long.
The Feeling Of Being Overloaded With Responsibilities – When you feel like you’re being overloaded with more tasks and responsibilities but are too shy or afraid to say “No” to your boss is something that can really be overwhelming. To be honest, I have this fear of having to tell my boss the reason why I want to quit my job already and why I’m no longer happy with it , as much as I want to be honest with her about the reason why I don’t feel too happy with it anymore.
A Feeling Of Being Stifled And Unfulfilled – Another reason why I’m unhappy at work is that I no longer find fulfillment with the work I do – it’s just like I’m just dragging myself to do it even though I know in myself I don’t like the tasks anymore or no longer find it enjoying and fulfilling.
Bored/Unchallenged (Also feeling trapped in the job) – I’ve felt this a lot of times already – the feeling that there’s just no way of quitting a job – even though I already want to. There are a lot of things I have to consider once I quit the job (Where do I get money for paying my phone bills or leisures like buy the things I want when I quit my work? , What happens next?)
Giving Up On Your Dreams – I know the feeling. You chose the career your parents wanted you to have rather than the one you really wanted for yourself – and that feeling alone is already discouraging. The pressure of having to please your parents and make them proud of you for choosing the career they wanted you to pursue but you don’t find them fulfilling on your part can be frustrating. Same goes with going for the job you really wanted to have.
Feeling Powerless Over Your Career – Another frustrating feeling is that when you know you don’t have any say over your work or career or giving up control of your career to someone else.
Source: “8 Resons You’re Unhappy At Work” by Cynthia Ramnarace from Her Money; https://hermoney.com/earn/work-life-balance/unhappy-at-work/)
I’ll end with a few of these reasons in mind.
What makes you feel unhappy at work? Is it the boredom? the feeling of being overloaded? You’re feeling stifled and unfulfilled?
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unfulfilled yearning
#honkai star rail#dan heng#blade#renheng#ever makes art#the unfulfilled yearning is both the subtitle of blades light cone and also me bc i didnt get him#bet you didnt see this one coming from me. COMPLETELY unpredictable. totally
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Bonus 8: How met your mother (CSSR design by @qourmet!)
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#cangse sanren#wei changze#jiang fengmian#It was important to me that WCZ had the hereditary mole. I will die on this hill.#I have been *waiting* for the day to finally arrive when I could finally make this comic. It's been marinating for months.#My mission is to redraw all of qour's character designs one day. They are just *that* good.#CSSR has the vibes of a wandering menace who shows up in towns like a stray cat arriving at a new doorstep for treats. 10/10.#While YZY strongly leads us to believe that JFM was in love with CSSR and that's his whole motivation behind taking wwx in-#-I do think this is (once again) rumour being presented as reality. It's the juicer story to tell after all.#It is still possible that he did love her! But I think that story undercuts the relationship he also had with WCZ.#Yall ever think about how JC and WWX parallel their fathers? How Wei Changze also left the Jiang Leader's side? I do.#Unlike JC though It is far more hilarious and plausible to imagine JFM begging to be CSSR and WCZ's third. You know he would.#My wild headcanon is that JFM and YZY are in a mlm and wlw arranged marriage situation. Deeply unhappy as partners. Better as friends.#they care for each other and I'll admit that there is a beautiful tragedy in them having romantic feelings for each other the whole time.#But I am also here for the gaffs. Let them be unfulfilled homosexuals together.#Meanwhile cssr and wcz are having incredible hetrosexual sex in a bisexual way that WILL leave him pregnant by the end of it.
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IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder
╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher
#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies#(more thoughts at the end of the tags)#shameless#shamelessnet#shamelessedit#ian gallagher#cameron monaghan#*macygifs#bipolar disorder#hello pals how are we doin#i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags#and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes)#i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation#that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day#world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder#which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life#while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life#and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines#over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful#i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended#hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles#world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder#and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized)#it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all#it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen#so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can.#we are worth it#i promise#anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder#go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives
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(Interior project for my 3D class.)
#my art#3d art#autodesk maya#← That's right. Not Blender this time.#I feel like I'm having an unfulfilling and loveless affair.#With Autodesk Maya.#(It's not that bad... There's some things I like...) (Aside from the incessant lagging and crashing holy shit why is it like that.)
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saw a pinterest post about Jean and Neil and someone commented that they would be parabatai, and that is soooo accurate i cannot stop thinking about it
they have such a special relationship that i’m not even going to begin to describe but i think parabatai describes them perfectly
#i feel like these two fandoms are connected by the tsc tag#THEY TOTALLY WOULD#misplaced forever partner#unfulfilled promise#all for the game#jean moreau#neil josten#the sunshine court#tsc
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Following Topaz's explanation that Cornerstones are made to fill the hole in the user's heart, what "hole" in Aven's heart do you think his drag queen powers are meant to fill? Especially since Topaz remarks he's the only one with such showy powers
Still trying to catch up with all the messages in the inbox; sorry to everyone for taking a million years to respond.
So cunty, and for what???
Anyway, first, when Jade talks about the Stonehearts' "voids," the alternate reading above that word is actually "ambition." And she mentions that the reason she risked reaching out to Firefly is that she views herself as similar to Firefly--Jade is someone with an unfulfilled wish.
I think there's enough here to suggest that the Stonehearts' voids are not quite what we would normally think of when hearing the word "void"--rather than being best understood as something removed or something lost, their voids seem to be "something desired." An unfulfilled goal. An unmet need. A burning ambition. A secret wish. They all have somewhere they want to get to, and they've signed on-board with Diamond's Preservation project because his power is the fastest way--maybe the only way--to get there.
The implication here, by the way, is that the Stonehearts are acting out the very act of Preservation itself with Diamond. The goal of Qlipoth is for the universe to be saved, an unshakeable resolution to stop Destruction's wanton obliteration. Thus, Preservation itself can be understood as "A desire that must be continuously protected and relentlessly pursued." To live. To endure.
In using the power of an emanator to protect and provide the Stonehearts with ways to pursue their own desires, we replicate in miniature the exact resolve and endless pursuit of perseverance that Qlipoth is acting out in the broader universe. The will of Preservation empowers the Stonehearts--and in turn, the Stonehearts swear an oath to aid in Preservation's mission. It's a mutually beneficial arrangement, and it also simultaneously imitates Jade's shop perfectly: I'll give you exactly what you want, if you give me what I need.
I should clarify that I don't actually think the cornerstones themselves fill the Stonehearts' voids. Rather, they seem to me to be a tangible symbol of the oath between Diamond and the Stonehearts--"I'll give you this power to fulfill your deepest wish, if you work for me." Jade suggests that the power of the cornerstones provides Stonehearts with the means to fill their voids (I.e., having superpowers makes it possible for you to pursue your wish), so I think their individual cornerstone abilities are best understood as "The exact power I need to achieve my particular goal."
So what does that say about Aventurine's "showy" transformation?
Pretty much all the rest of this is just going to be my personal speculation, but I'd say the most telling glimpse we get into why Aventurine's power is so "visual" comes from these lines with the future "Aventurine" in 2.1:
There's two completely contradictory desires being expressed here: Aventurine's life "is the chip he's most eager to lay down" and "always has been"--that is, he genuinely wants to die. He isn't just willing to gamble with his life, he's eager to. The future "Aventurine" also says real Aventurine wants to be "polished up" (to be controlled and molded by others) and "cuffed with red-hot chains" (to be made powerless and not responsible for making his own decisions, to be punished).
But conversely, the real Aventurine also wants to be perceived as "a smooth operator" and "the solid gold deal-maker who doesn't waste a drop of sweat." He wants to be in charge of his image. He wants to be the one who controls the narrative and defines how others think of him. He wants to be "spotlit center stage"--to command the eyes of the world. In short, we could say that Aventurine wants his death (and conversely, his life) to mean something.
From these conflicting desires, I think you can derive a few totally opposite but equally valid interpretations of why Aventurine's cornerstone power is so "visual":
A combat-oriented transformation is another means to seek death.
Jade's power is scary, but she isn't using it to literally launch herself into fights. Topaz's seems to be similar--something that might allow her to win over her opponents in some way (she was about to use it in Belobog to no-sell the Trailblazer), but she clarifies directly that it is not a "transformation." Aventurine just literally turns into a boss enemy and goes straight out on to the battlefield.
In the fight, he doesn't even use shields. (Now whether that's something he never does because the cornerstone powers don't actually come with shields while in his monster form, if he couldn't use shields because his cornerstone was broken, or if he just chose not to use shields in this fight to give Trailblazer and Co. a fighting chance, only time will tell. However, it might be worth noting that his empowered Apocalyptic Shadow form doesn't come with shields either, despite having other new mechanics.)
The point is, this form, while looking cool and seeming strong, is actually a gamble in and of itself. To go out onto the battlefield, where you might not actually be the strongest combatant, is always a risk. And I think this is the kind of risk that Aventurine manifests continually in his life. He is constantly creating opportunities for his own luck to fail. His unfulfilled desire, the "ambition" he was desperate enough to join the Stonehearts to pursue--as his original goal to save his people is completely gone, his only current goal might actually just be a chance to die. His powers may manifest as a combat-oriented transformation because that is just one more way to throw himself into the crossfire.
In fact, this is exactly what Sugilite accuses him of in Jade's myriad celestia:
You didn't need to snatch his wig this hard, Sugilite. (Also I need you all to know I originally wrote "You didn't need to come for him this hard, Sugilite," but then I realized how unfortunate that wording was, so...)
You could even argue that the fact Aventurine's transformation comes with a mask that obscures his entire face is a sign that we're supposed to see this form as dehumanizing.
The facial features are completely obscured and asymmetrical, there's no mouth, his fingers have become claws--despite his body staying mostly human-shaped, it's obviously intended to hint at something monstrous, subsuming his original identity behind a violent facade.
Kakavasha disappears entirely behind "Aventurine" when he transforms, becoming a faceless enemy at the risk of (perhaps in hopes of) entirely losing himself. Maybe every transformation lets Aventurine throw himself closer and closer to the edge of death--and perhaps, before Penacony, only death could ever have filled the "void."
But, on the complete opposite hand (because Aventurine is always both sides of the coin), we could also argue the other end of the spectrum entirely:
A combat-oriented transformation is a show of force.
This screencap brought to you by Mr. Rubhen925 of Youtube.
Aventurine's entire life has been marred by disenfranchisement, by violations of his basic human rights, freedoms, and agency. At every turn, he has been victimized by others more powerful than himself: his childhood consisted of his clan being relentlessly hounded and hunted to extinction by the Katicans, having their food constantly stolen, their meager belongings burned to the ground, and each one of his family members systematically slaughtered, often in front of his eyes.
After his childhood, he was bought and sold as chattel for pennies, branded like an animal, and forced into a fight where to he had to beat other innocent people to death just to keep himself alive, all for the entertainment of the masses. Even Jade, who promised to help him achieve his goals, treats him like a business investment more than a friend.
In Penacony, we watch everyone he talks to degrade and ostracize him. Even though Aventurine led him into doing it, Sunday tortures and re-traumatizes him live for our entertainment.
Even more that, we see Aventurine constantly struggling with the question of whether his life is really his own or whether his blessing from Gaiathra means that his entire existence has been predetermined, his fate sealed in blood and sand from the very moment of his birth, utterly inescapable.
No matter how Aventurine tries to portray himself as the ultimate winner, he's only ever the "final" victor--being the only one left standing at the end is meaningless if on the road to getting there, you were treated like fate's favorite punching bag. Winning in the end is utterly pointless if on the road to winning, you still lost it all first, from the things you loved to your personal freedom.
What does a person who has been made powerless again and again truly desire? What void do you seek to fill if life has denied you your agency over and over?
Power. Dominance. The ability to literally strike back at those who've wronged you. The strength to intimidate and force people into a corner the way you've been intimidated and forced before.
If we say that Aventurine's "void" is not a literal desire for the release of death, then it might make sense for the "void" to instead to be a frantic desire to gain control over his circumstances. To be the one finally in charge of deciding his own fate.
Particularly in light of his character story which tells us that Kakavasha's original goal for joining the Stonehearts was to save his people, the desire to take on an impressive form that screams "I'm powerful" and has the ability to physically enact vengeance on others feels directly aligned. And it remains aligned even after the reveal that the Avgins are all gone--once more fate strips Kakavasha of his power to make a difference in the world, to achieve what he truly dreams of.
The Apocalyptic Shadow version of his boss fight is called "Desperate Diceroller."
How angry he must be, deep down. How hateful the world must seem. How sad it is to feel that way.
If destiny won't let you out of the cage, your only choice is to grow claws to tear it open.
Okay, but WHY so much swag though?
Are the peacock feathers and spandex really necessary?
Listen. Everyone talks about Ratio having "gifted kid" syndrome, but I'm here to tell you that Aventurine is actually a burnt out gifted kid extraordinaire.
He's literally, canonically, explicitly the chosen one of his people.
From the moment of his birth, his mother and sister--and presumably others in his clan even--were telling him that he was their clan's most precious treasure and that he would lead them to prosperity and safety.
He carried this weight even after fleeing from the massacre, all through his childhood and teenage years, through slavery and abuse, putting his very life on the line to join the IPC in hopes of finally fulfilling the destiny his mother and sister promised he could.
He was supposed to save them. That was his meaning. That was his purpose in life.
But he was too late.
The fate he was born for, raised believing, and risked everything to achieve... is still incomplete.
So, for all that talk about suicide and power-seeking, my real answer is this: Aventurine's "void" is his unfulfilled destiny.
His whole existence has been predetermined, his life's journey laid out in prophecy and blessings from the very beginning. Yet what he thought was his fate betrayed him, and where you head after becoming an unsuccessful chosen one is a question without answer.
His thoughts constantly circle around how he is a "failure" and a "loser."
When you have no sense of purpose, when your life has no meaning, when what you are still seeking is the role you were supposed to have from the moment of your birth: the glorious destiny of being a savior, being the "happiness" of your people, being the hero...
Of course you crave the spectacle. Of course you long for the spotlight--you long to be recognized. Because Kakavasha's the chosen one. "Spotlit center stage" is where he's supposed to be--in the leading role that was stolen from him.
I think that Aventurine's cornerstone transformation is so flashy because, at the core, it represents a longing to truly be the "precious wealth" of the Avgin that his sister promised him he would be. It represents his desire to transform from a useless, "discarded" person into a larger-than-life version of himself. (Hey, fun fact, out of every official depiction of Aventurine, his boss model wears the only outfit in which his slave brand is not naturally visible.) He literally transforms into a supernatural being, capable of seizing others' fates in his hands. It represents the power he needed to save his people and himself. Its extreme flashiness screams for attention, demands to be witnessed as something beyond a helpless human.
It's almost as if Aventurine is a child writing a wish-fulfillment story where he transforms into a hyper-glamorous, all-powerful masked superhero who is capable of saving the day and winning against his enemies every time.
Unlike Jade and Topaz, Aventurine can't hide his deepest desire. It was always going to be a "transformation," because Aventurine's unanswered wish is to be someone better than himself.
His "void," his deepest unachieved ambition--it's written right there, all over his body.
Aventurine's cornerstone power is a story he's telling himself about the person he was supposed to be.
But as Acheron claims, that's life itself.
Aventurine doesn't feel like he has any control over his journey's ultimate destination.
He doesn't know where's he's headed or what the purpose of it all is. But...
Jade explicitly describes the Ten Stonehearts and Diamond's endeavor as a "journey" as well:
Because Preservation represents the continuance of life itself, and the Stonehearts with their endless "voids"--Aventurine with his soul-deep longing to become someone better than himself--represent all of us very real human beings, trying our best to find our own "cornerstones," to gain the means to finally, finally achieve our own sweet dreams.
#honkai star rail#aventurine#ten stonehearts#character analysis#honkai star rail meta#I'm too sleepy to leave real tags#so just know that I spent the whole time writing this#laughing about how Aventurine's claws are on the most inconvenient fingers#like dude is not getting any tail in his monster form with THOSE hands#also I spent the second half of this going#“Aventurine's unfulfilled destiny is his void”#“so he can probably fix it by reviving the Avgins”#this is why everyone wants to give this man a baby#Diamond said “I don't got any babies but I do have this cool rock”#Aventurine said “Will the cool rock make me sexy?”#and didn't even wait for the answer
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ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ʙᴜʟʟʏ
✒ ᴀ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴏꜰ ᴏᴡɴᴇʀꜱʜɪᴘ
☏ - ɪꜱ ᴛʜɪꜱ ɢᴜʏ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴀ ʙᴜʟʟʏ??? ʟᴍᴀᴏ… ɪ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴀɴ ᴀꜱꜱʜᴏʟᴇ……. ɪ'ʟʟ ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴇɴꜱᴀᴛᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɢᴀʙᴇ ɢᴜʏꜱ ꜰʀꜰʀ
ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ: ꜱᴇxᴜᴀʟ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ, ɴᴏɴᴄᴏɴ, ʜᴏᴍᴏᴘʜᴏʙɪᴀ, ᴏʙꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴠᴇ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ, ᴘᴏꜱꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴠᴇ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ, ᴅᴇᴘᴇɴᴅᴇɴᴄʏ, ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴠɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ, ᴇxᴘʟɪᴄɪᴛ ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ, ꜱᴛᴀʟᴋɪɴɢ (ʙʏ ᴀ ᴛʜɪʀᴅ ᴘᴀʀᴛʏ), ʙᴜʟʟʏɪɴɢ, ᴜꜱᴇ ᴏꜰ ꜱʟᴜʀꜱ, ʀᴀᴘʜᴀᴇʟ ᴄᴀᴍᴇᴏ, ᴀʟꜱᴏ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴀꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ᴘʀᴏᴏꜰʀᴇᴀᴅ, ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜰʀᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱʟɪᴅᴇ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀꜱᴋʙᴏx ᴛᴏ ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ ɪꜰ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴍɪꜱᴛᴀᴋᴇꜱ
Yandere Best Friend who was the king of the school, ruling over his subjects with an iron fist. They kissed his feet, and in turn he'd shove them into lockers when he felt grouchy and have them fetch his cigarettes so the teachers wouldn't know they were his.
Yandere Best Friend who was once your best friend. Your ride or die who would have your back even when he acted like a complete ass sometimes. Sure he was wicked and cruel, but never to you.
Yandere Best Friend who always kept you close, closer than Harry, closer than Hannah. He would pick you up from your house, he would eat at your table and welcome you to eat at his own. You would spend nights in his room, never on his bed, of course. But he'd take the initiative and set out an inflatable mattress for you, which was more than he'd ever do for the other guys who he'd leave to sleep on the cold hard floor.
Yandere Best Friend who you absolutely despised. Seriously, just the sight of him was enough to ruin your day. This wasn't petty envy– okay, well maybe it was. Just a bit. You hated how your parents blindly adored and praised him (“Why can't you just be more like Richard?”), you hated how you were known first and foremost as his best friend, Richard's cheerful little lapdog. You hated how you spent so much of your life at his beck and call, because what else were you supposed to do? Ignore him? Fuck. Even as kids, that would be social suicide.
Yandere Best Friend who liked you more than you thought you did. He was always weirdly drawn to you, in the same way a starving dog would be to a rare bone thrown it's way. Hungry, possessive, and greedy. You reasoned it as something like imprinting, you were his first real friend. Not a mindless follower in awe of his assertive charisma. But somebody who he initially perceived as an equal. You say initially, because at this point he sees you less as an equal and more of an extension of himself, like a nice watch he can't bear to take off.
You only truly discovered how deep this went when he learned you and Harry were sleeping together.
Really it was Harry's fault.
You were supposed to go have dinner with Richard's family at their place, a monthly tradition both your parents established when you two were young and have since kept up without fail. But then he yelled for you outside your window, and, well… he was still wet from his shower and you could never resist him when he was wearing his letterman jacket.
That was when it started, you think. The first little clue in Richard's very own Nancy Drew mystery that has led him to slamming your bedroom door open on a Friday night while your parents are out of town.
“Jesus, ever learned how to knock?” You place a hand to your chest and act shocked, like swinging the door open like a battering ram wasn't a regular occurence.
Usually Richard would respond with teasing, jokingly apoligzing for startling your poor, weak heart or for attacking your sensitive ears with such a loud noise. You never liked it, but you heard it so much at this point that it stopped bothering you a long time ago.
“What the fuck is up with you and Harry?”
‘You and Harry’. Three words you used to be afraid hearing in one go. You still are. Whenever somebody would say, “I saw you and Harry,” you would force a smile on your face and respond with, “Really?”
But this is a different question. “What is up with you and Harry?”
Your mind can only come up with one answer as to why Richard asked this question and that alone is to send you into panic mode.
But you simply raise your brow, “Uh, nothing? Is this about the brownies? Sorry if I gave him extra but you didn't finish your share so if it's anybody's fault it's yours–”
“This isn't about your shit brownies [Name]—”
You gasp, once again pressing a hand to your chest, making sure to exaggerate your expression, but not too much, just enough to look convincing, “How dare you! You said you loved them—”
“Well I lied, idiot,” Richard's gaze hardened, he crossed his arms as he stood over you while you sat cross legged on your bed, “And don't change the subject!”
You raise your hands in faux-surrender and try to look like your feelings have been hurt, “I wasn't! You shit talked my brownies– which I'm not gonna forgive by the way— and I just defended them like any normal person would.”
“So yeah, Richard, we are staying on subject! The subject is simply about my amazing brownies and your crappy taste buds.”
Richard’s nostrils flare in exasperation. He curses under his breath while he reaches into his jacket and pulls out a polaroid picture which he then shoves at your chest. You look at the picture, and you can't restrain yourself from releasing the ensuing gasp.
It was you and Harry, in Harry's car at night parked near the lake on the outskirts of town, making out under the cover of darkness.
“Woah, holy shit– Harry's gay?!”
“You're making out with him in the picture–”
“Nahhh, that's not me bro! I was out… fishing with my… great uncle.”
“Your great uncle died two years ago.”
“Well, I have another great uncle, and he's in tip top shape. Asshole.”
“You have the same baseball hat you're wearing in that picture.”
“...No I don't.”
Richard stares at you, then silently points to an identical hat on your bedside table.
“That's not mine. I borrowed it from Steve.”
“Fucker, I gave you that for your fifteenth birthday.”
—
Richard always knew something wasn't right with you.
Listen, he didn't believe in whatever bullshit Father Callahan spewed from his mouth. Gay guys were freaks of nature, sure, but they weren't sent by the devil.
But you were an exception. Shit, with the way you made him feel maybe you were a little succubus made to take him off the righteous path or whatever.
Ever since you guys were kids he's always felt this uncontrollable desire to have absolute and complete control over your entire being. Richard doesn't know to describe it as anything other than an almost instinctual impulse, the universe telling him that you were meant to be his when he was still too young to understand.
Still. He thought that you would have standards. Richard could see the common sense in wanting to bone, whenever he got to get it on with Hannah he was in bliss even if she wasn't you, but for you to choose Harry. The spoiled little wuss Harold Kelly, instead of him?
He treated you better than the rest, but he had limits. Limits you overstepped. It's only fair that you're going to get punished.
“Ahaha… uh, are you sure that's me and Harry in that picture…?”
Richard clicks his tongue. When would you understand that there was no use denying it?
“That is literally Harry's exact plate number on that car.”
Your shoulders slump, and Richard feels a mix of dread and satisfaction at the resigned expression on your face. Satisfaction because he won. Dread because his worst fears have been confirmed.
“Who took the picture?”
Richard snatches the photo away from you, “Made that little freak Greg Werner stalk you two,” He sneers and takes a step closer, “Bet he got a lot of fap material from that. Scrawny little guy like him, there's no question he's a fag. You would know, wouldn't you? You're just like him after all–”
“Okay, fine! So what if I am?” You jab your index finger into his chest, his green eyes widening as they focus on it, “What I do in my private time is my business and none of yours. My life is barely even my own, and it's all. Because. Of. You! So don't you fucking dare take what little personal pleasure I have away from me.”
With each word you speak, Richard's heart aches. It's a sharp, cold pain like a knife is being stabbed into his does. There's a silence when you finish, taut with your resentment and Richard's hesitant regret. He wants to say something, but what could he say? That it wasn't his fault? That he was sorry? That he didn't want you to leave him? He felt like he was watching a beautiful bird he had nursed back to health and kept safe from the dangers of the world start flapping its wings and fly, far, far away from him.
“Get out, Richard,” You turn away from him, “If you want me to leave your group and fuck off then I'll do so gladly.”
“No.” Richard grabs your arm.
“Wha- what do you mean no? Richard let go of me.”
Richard weighs what is important to him on a scale in his mind. You, or his status.
You were his best friend. Even if you were starting to slip away, to college, to Harry, out of his sight and out of his life, you were the only person he wanted to keep in his life. The only friend he could see himself going out for drinks with when he was older.
You were his first love. His only love. The first subject of his shameful adolescent dreams that left him awake at night, sweaty and spent on his bed. Once he had contemplated running away with you, changing names, and living a life free from the close minded small town in the middle of bumfuck nowhere the two of you grew up in.
But he had a reputation to maintain. A father who he had to satisfy with the standard accomplishments a father would expect of his son. He had a girlfriend whose father was the town's mayor. A town whose watchful eyes praised him as a good, upstanding young man who was destined for greatness. A star athlete who was going to play in the big leagues and finally place the town on the map.
In the grand scheme of things, you were just another teenager in his shadow.
You were destined to be remembered in history as merely another name in his autobiography. Richard Shepherd's childhood best friend.
However Richard's stomach curled at the thought of that. You and him, separated. No longer within the same circle, but in different worlds entirely.
The scales tip in your favour.
—
What happens next is a blur. You're shoved into the mattress of your bed and pinned down. You try to escape and Richard cows you into submission with a punch to the gut that nearly has you hurling from the force.
Your clothes are ripped from your skin, your protests go unheard, your body is a tool. Richard too has stripped himself, he spreads your legs. He grabs you by the chin when you close you try to look away, “Unless you want this to hurt more you're going to look at me when I do this.”
So you look, and you cry, and you weep as you feel his cock invade you. It's not a dry insertion, but God it still hurts. Richard gasps when he sheathes himself fully inside, his eyes are blown wide and his mouth hangs open like he's seeing stars. His fingers dig into your waist, and he bites his lip, his face tells it all and even in this position you can't help but smirk. Feels better than Hannah's, doesn't it Richard?
That's the last thought you remember having before Richard goes wild.
You do it on your bed, against your desk, pressed against the cool surface of your window. Richard cums multiple times inside you, he even cries at one point, screaming words you can barely remember in your fucked out state as tears streamed down his cheeks.
Richard makes you scream his name as he moans out yours. He asks if Harry kissed you before and when you're too tired to respond he slams his lips into yours and practically eats away at your mouth.
Eventually he finishes, pulling out of your worn out hole, with a wet plap. Your body shudders as you release a long, shaky breath.
“You’ve ruined me,” Richard pants, his blonde hair is sticking up, he’s covered in a light sheen of sweat, and his green eyes are blown wide open as he tries to compose himself, “I… I can’t- Hannah could never…”
He stares at you as you lie below him, equally sweaty, your neck and shoulders are littered with hickeys and bite marks, and you’re on the verge of passing out. The rims of your eyes are red, and your face is moist with tears. Your lip is swollen from Richard’s teeth digging into them, nearly tearing them off in his fervour.
You look like you’re about to die.
He looks more alive than he ever has before.
Richard looks like he wants to do it again.
Yet his eyes are filled with fear, and you want to laugh, but your throat is crying out in pain.
“You’ve ruined me.”
Yandere Best friend Bully who keeps you on a shorter leash now. He doesn't do anything in public. Okay, that's a lie. But he makes sure he doesn't get caught. And despite being the classic stereotype of a small town jock, complete with his hot cheerleader girlfriend and powerful inner circle, he's not an idiot. He doesn't do anything to out you, or even leave any hints to your sexuality. He doesn't even tell Harry he knows. No, this is his little secret. Your little secret. Just like the old days when the two of you had a secret fort deep in the woods behind his father's farm.
Yandere Bully who knows he can't keep you around his group, even to be the new punching bag. The guys would be too grossed and the girls.. well he didn't really care what they thought actually. Same went for the guys, to be honest. What mattered was the words they would say that would be whispered and spread like wildfire around the school.
Richard likes keeping the school homo around
Really?
Really!
You think he fucks the fag?
Why else? I don't see any bruises on the fucker’s face
Yandere Bully who can't bring himself to hurt you. Is he disappointed? Yes. Is he furious? Yes. Does he want to beat somebody’s head in till the anger goes away? Oh, no doubt. But if he were to ever hit your handsome face then he'd hit himself over the head with a brick a hundred times over.
Yandere Bully who resorts to being rough. He uses you like you're a lowly hooker, here to give him happiness and send him flying high to heaven with pleasure. He pins your wrists above your head. He smacks your ass. Digs his nails into your solid muscle till you bleed. He litters your skin with harsh, red bitemarks.
You would cover it all up the next day by saying you spent the night with a girl. You never say, you never do, so nobody questions who. He used to be jealous, resentful of whatever bitch was able to lay her needy hands on you, but now he only smirks at the sight of the miserable pout on Harry's face.
Yandere Bully who doesn't spare Harry either. Bumping into him in the hallways. Stomping on his foot during football practice. Flirting with his girlfriend by the lockers, a smirk on his face while his eyes are on Harry, quietly fuming while his girlfriend giggles and twirls her hair bashfully. His humiliation of Harry is what makes the other guys join in. They jeer at him, mock him by asking if he liked getting cucked, and start slowly respecting him less. That is, till you step in of course.
Yandere Bully who ignores the bitter complaints of the other guys, angered by the humiliation they suffer at your hands, and watches as resentment stews inside him as you scold Harry, hands brushing a stray chestnut lock away from his eyes while he smiles sheepishly, his ears burning red after being graced with your touch after so long of being deprived of it. The two of you looked natural, you looked happy, really happy. Real happy, with a real smile to boot.
Yandere Bully who sometimes wonders, during nights when he has you in his arms, your back facing him as you avoid his intense gaze by placing yourself in front of the wall, what exactly your feelings for Harry entail. Did you just want to fuck or did you like Harry the same way Hannah liked Richard?
Yandere Bully who sometimes wonders what he feels for you. He likes you, more than Harry, and certainly more than Hannah. But sometimes he wonders what's the difference between liking somebody and desiring them.
One day he looks at you the morning after a raunchy night in your bed and the sun pours in from your window, your brows furrow and a frown forms on your face. You bury your head in your pillow, and Richard decides that whatever he felt for you was completely beyond his comprehension.
Yandere Bully who should have known that Harry would start poking his nose eventually. He couldn't understand what you wanted from Harry, but he knew that he and Harry wanted the same thing from you: You in your unsullied entirety.
Yandere Bully who one day finds you alone in a room with Harry. He looks through a small gap in the doorway, and Harry is on his knees, drying your leg with a towel. The group was staying at Harry’s lakeside cabin during the summer, and you had all come back from swimming in the lake. Harry looks up at you from beneath his eyelashes, a seemingly innocent smile on his face while you narrow your eyes at him, a smirk curling at your lips.
Richard does a sharp intake of breath at your laugh, floating through the air like a gentle, silvery breeze. Your head rests on your hand while the other plays with Harry's damp hair, “Jesus christ, it was freezing though,” You shudder at the memory of it, “I felt like I was gonna turn into a popsicle.”
Harry giggles, fucker actually giggled, “Bet you'd be a hot popsicle though.”
“What the hell— A hot popsicle? You mean sexy?” At Harry's shy nod, you throw your head back and laugh, “So what, you're gonna drag your tongue over me and lick every inch of my body?”
Harry's ears start to burn red, “Well… I wouldn't… I wouldn't mind doing it even if… you aren't a popsicle…”
Before you can even respond, Richard swings the door wide open and the two of you snap to attention, Harry jolts and quickly scrambles to his feet and you practically leap off of the bed.
“Richard! Buddy! Pal! Amigo!” Harry exclaims, “What're you doing there at the door? Come in, come in! We were just talking about… uh—”
“The temperature,” You supply seamlessly with a firm nod, “I think my balls froze off in the lake man, they're numb as hell.”
Harry gapes at you for a moment before shaking his head with fervour and then nodding with the same amount of intensity, “Yep! How about we go on a walk after lunch? Absorb some good ol’ vitamin D, whaddya say Richard?”
Richard narrows his gaze at the two of you, his eyes flickering to Harry who beams like an idiot dog, then to you who sports a similar ‘ignorant’ smile.
“Bring it up with the others,” Richard mutters in gruff tone, “[Name] go tell them to start making lunch, Harry stay behind would you? I have to talk to you about something.”
“About what?”
“Football.”
“Ah, okie doke!” Harry smiles, not a single thought behind his blue eyes, “Seeya later [Name]!”
You hesitate for a moment, chewing your lip in thought, but a sharp glare from Richard is enough to have you roll your eyes and head out, “Don't take too long unless you wanna be eating our leftovers.”
“So is it about the upcoming game? The Bears have got nothing on us man, don't you sweat–”
“Harry, you buffoon, that was obviously just a guise,” Richard closes the door shut, “I want you to stay away from [Name].”
“Huh? Why?” Harry cocks his head to the side, “Is something wrong? Did [Name] do something?”
“It doesn't matter,” Richard waves his hand like he's swatting flies away, “I don't want you anywhere near him. Not even within an inch.”
“You can't just do that Richard,” Harry protests, but Richard is already turning away from him.
“I can,” Richard narrows his eyes at him, green against blue, “And I will.”
Before his fingers can even brush the metal of the doorknob, Harry grabs Richard's shoulder and spins him around, “No, Richard, you can't.”
There's an unusually serious expression on Harry's face that Richard never thought he'd see till Harry would reach his thirties, that is, if they were to even remain in touch.
Harry was a coward, plain and simple. He cried like a bitch when he watched scary movies, he was deathly afraid of the dark, once on a previous trip to the Cabin there was a spider in the bedroom and he simply stood on the couch pointing and screaming at the insect as his own girlfriend was the one who took it outside using a glass cup and a piece of paper.
When they first met, it took only three minutes for Richard to cement himself in Harry's mind as a person to listen to, to respect, and obey. And it was something that wouldn't change, till just now that is.
“I know you've been doing something to [Name],” Harry stares him down, for the first time in his life it truly registers in Richard just how tall Harry is as he stands nearly half a head above him, “And whatever it is, I want you to stop.”
Richard sneers, “Look at you. Harold Kelly. The town pushover finally grew some balls, huh?” He shoves Harry away, “But if you think I'm going to listen to you just because of that then you really are as big of an idiot as everybody says you are.”
Harry shakes his head, “You're hurting him, you know?” He meets Richard's piercing gaze without flinching, “You keep pushing him like this and he's going to snap eventually.”
“Why do you care? What is he, your little girlfriend? That why you didn't bother stepping up when your girlfriend had her mitts all over me?”
“He's my friend Richard, and friends care for each other,” Harry frowns, a disappointed look in his eyes that makes Richard want to sock him across the face (Who is he to look at him like that?), “You'd know that if you weren't so selfish.”
“What are you trying to say to me Harry?” Richard takes another step forward, smirking when Harry instinctively backs away, “If you're saying I don't care about [Name] then you're dead wrong, because nobody will ever care for him in his life as I will, not even you Harry. You wanna know why? Because you don't understand him, nobody does. Nobody except me, and that's why even if you two are flirting and going at each other like the little fairies you two are, the only person who will stay in his life forever is me.”
“You know?” Harry's voice is quiet, whatever bravery he mustered up is gone and he's back to the wuss Richard pushes around in his free time.
“Of course I do, nobody knows him better than I do after all, this is no exception.”
Harry's mouth hangs open slightly, and Richard snickers at the expression, smirking at his undeniable triumph over the other, “I won't say it again Harry, leave [Name] alone. If you don't, I'll tell the school you've been raping him.”
The threat makes Harry flinch, “No… you wouldn't.”
“You know better than to think that Harry.”
“E-even if you did, nobody would believe you!”
“Harry people have seen [Name] with your hickeys and bite marks, it wouldn't be so hard to convince them you're gay and Lucy is just your beard. Besides,” Richard drawls in a sing-song tone, “I have pictures~”
Harry's visage is consumed by an expression of defeat and hopelessness, “This is wrong Richard, you're ruining his life.”
“Please, if anything the only reason he has this life is because of me,” Richard scoffs, ignoring the twinge in his chest at Harry's words, “Now, if you'll excuse me.”
Without waiting for a response, Richard enters the dining room, and takes a seat beside Hannah and across you.
“What took you so long?” Hannah looks up from her plate, a bored look in her eyes.
Richard peck's her on the forehead, lips stiff, “Harry and I were talking about football.”
“Geez,” Hannah rolls her eyes, “All boys talk about is sports and cars, tsk.”
“Don't forget the girls,” Peter jokes.
Hannah wrinkles her nose, “Eugh.”
You send him a narrowed glance, a silent question hung in the air between the two of you. What happened?
Richard merely smirks, it widens at Harry's arrival. You look at Harry hopefully, only to visibly deflate when he sits beside Lucy at the other end of the table.
You turn to Richard again, eyes hardened, “What did you say?” You mouth.
Richard shrugs. You curse under your breath.
Yandere Bully who you can't stand anymore. At this point, could your life really be called your own? Richard always had his eye on you, day and night. He would spend his entire day with you. Even staying behind after practice to shower with you. He would eat at your table during dinner and stay over the night, you would be caged in your own bed, struggling to sleep while his hot breath fanned against your neck.
Fuck. Even Tommy would send you pitying glances when you would visit his house. Tommy! The kid you would pin down while Richard tore up his drawings in front of him.
The last straw is Harry. Lovable, cowardly, foolish Harry. Harry who avoids your gaze and practically flees when you enter his vicinity. Harry who tells you that he can’t see you anymore. That he shouldn't. That what the two of you are doing is wrong, it always has been.
You can't take this anymore. You have to get away. From the school. From the town. From Richard fucking Shepherd. You could tolerate it, barely but you could tolerate it. But then Harry broke your heart and suddenly you don't have a reason to tolerate what Richard is doing to you anymore.
Yandere Bully who expects to be offered full-ride scholarships to ivy-league colleges, but when scouts arrive they ignore him in favour of team players like Harry. You know this because the same night after Harry proudly announces he got a scholarship to the University of Michigan, he fucks you in the backseat of his car without a single shred of mercy, cursing under his breath the entire time. Talk about envy.
Yandere Bully whose expression can only be described as devastated when you break the news over dinner that a college in the city has accepted you, over his parents congratulating you and your parents tearful smiles, he looks like he's about to cry and scream at you all at once.
Yandere Bully who that night, in the barn on top the stacks of hay, when he thinks you've passed out he hugs you, actually hugs you, as sobs rack through his frame. He begs you not to leave him, and you feel almost guilty for not opening your eyes and assuring him that you won't. But you don't, because even you're not so cruel as to give him such an empty promise.
Yandere Bully who never sees you again after graduation. He tries to get you to stay, he even threatens releasing the pictures, but your only response is a shrug.
“Will you miss me?”
You scoff, “Will I miss you? Richard, there's nothing to miss. If anything, I should be asking you that question.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“I think you know exactly what it means.”
“Enlighten me then.”
“You love me.”
“You're delusional.”
“Wow, look at the pot calling the kettle black,” You chuckle.
“I'm not gay [Name].”
“Then why were you so mad about Harry then?’
“Because he was a fag.”
"Well, I'm a fag too, but you certainly treat me better than you ever treated Harry.”
“That's because you're different.”
“I'm special.”
“Whatever you wanna call it.”
“I'm special… because you love me.”
“I don't love you.”
“But will you miss me?”
“You're going to come back.”
“And how are you so sure?”
“Because I said so.”
You smile, “Don't count on it, Richard.”
Yandere Bully who breaks up with Hannah eventually, after she catches him cheating on her with a relative of yours who was staying in town. What can he say? She had your eyes.
Yandere Bully who only has the old baseball hat he gave you for your birthday to remember you by. It's either you forgot to pack it or you left it behind on purpose. Even if it hurts, he prefers the latter. At least it meant he mattered to you in some way, even if it's in a negative light. He always wears the hat, even if Raph teases him for it, all he has to do is knock the little shit in the head and he shuts his mouth about Richard's fashion choices.
Yandere Bully who writes letters he never sends, words written in a rough scrawl confessing truths he was too afraid to admit, that he's still afraid to admit to this day.
[Name]
Sunflower gave birth today, a colt with a coat the colour of chocolate. We named it London. I think dad has been thinking of going there, but I don't think he ever will.
Have you gone to London? I hope you haven't. We wanted to go there together, didn't we? You wanted to meet Harry Potter and I wanted to… well I didn't want to do anything there. I think I didn't mind where I was, I just wanted to be with you.
I wish you came back. I wish you never left. I wish you stayed with me in this shitty town and worked with me in my family's shitty farm. I know it's cruel, and I know you don't deserve it, but neither do I okay? I deserved a life with you and it's unfair that you got to leave and I'm still trapped here
Sunflower misses you, I think she got more sad when you left and hasn't changed since. She keeps whinnying like she's calling out for you and it bothers all the other horses because they can't sleep, and when they can't sleep then I can't sleep, and you know I fucking hate it when I can't sleep so could you just come back and spare me further trouble?
I got rid of the pictures. You don't have to worry about anything. I just need you back here. So I can sleep.
Richard
☏ - ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇᴍᴀɪʟ: ᴍʀ. ꜱᴀɢᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴘᴇɴ, ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜɪꜱ.
#yandere imagines#yandere x you#yandere x reader#yandere oc#male yandere#male reader#x reader#yandere#yandere male x reader#Richard Shepherd#tbh i was rooting for Harry the entire time#in my heart he and [name] got their happy ending#but as a writer i believe he has an unfulfilling marriage with his girlfriend#and my own idea for [name]'s ending is that he bounces from different boyfriends every few months because he has attachment issues
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Not knowing each other in dream.
.
Based of these:
Boothill's VL about Argenti has existed since 2.2, but in 2.3, Argenti's line implied they just met at the ship. Overall, they also acted as if they just knew each other.
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr fanart#my art#argenthill#boothill#argenti#I still have trust issue#there are so many details both in game and in promotional vid#that pointed out we're still in a dream#but idk how they're gonna do the story id that's true#cuz if u do it wrong#the entire story will be ruined#but 2.3 does feel so underwhelming and unfulfilling#and suspiciously perfect (for TB)
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do you ever think about how Michael probably hated being compared to his father, yet in both Watsonian and Doylist terms, that's all he ever was
like in watsonian ways, all the animatronics targeted him and attacked him because he looked so similar to his father that they were the same people to the children.
and in doylist ways, the only thing that defined him was his quest to defeat his father.
like, what in canon has clued us in about Mike's personality? That has nothing to do with his family or animatronics? it's that he likes a show called the immortal and the restless.
that's it.
everything else we have given him in fanon.
he spent his whole life trying to deal with his father to prove he wasn't him, yet he's entirely defined by his father.
and without him, he's barely a character.
it adds a sort of horror to his death in pizza sim. like when he attempted to lay his father to rest permanently, the universe laid him as well, because it had no purpose for him outside of his father.
it also kinda makes glammike a little fucked up if you think about it this way, even if he either moved on or his spirit lingered in the pizzeria. his father rose again and the universe either dragged him out of the afterlife or kept him in the basement because what else is he if not his father's watcher
do you ever think about that despite his best efforts to not be his father, he's entirely defined by the man
do you ever think about that
or are you normal.
#quill talks#fnaf#michael afton#glammike#everyday i go apeshit about characters who were unfulfilled by the narrative#like who were you!!#what could you have been if you weren't confined by your narrative!!#did you even have a chance to be anything!!#or were you doomed by the narrative from the start#this post was brought to you by#me going to barnes and noble and getting the character encyclopedia#and realizing mike was left out of it#and at first being like#'how could you forget him?!'#'he's literally one of the main characters!!'#before thinking#'what if there was a fucked up reason tho'
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Winter warmers day 16: omorashi. Maxiel, about 800 words. Don't even look at me.
It's a dangerous game they're playing.
Max takes another sip from the straw of his bottle, the familiar give of the soft plastic on his tongue giving him something else to focus on that isn't the pressure steadily building in his bladder.
He locks eyes with Daniel on the other side of the media pen, can't look away as Daniel raises his bottle and takes a sip too, giving him a nod of acknowledgment, the corner of his lips barely raised in a smirk.
Someone taps his elbow, and Max tears his eyes away from Daniel's, trying to pay attention to this next interviewer, who makes it hard by asking the same questions they all ask. He can feel Daniel's stare on his back for one moment longer, and it makes him shiver, makes him want to turn around and check, if Daniel is drinking again.
He keeps taking careful sips between answers, until he can barely keep himself from squirming where he stands, bottle empty and bladder full.
"Doing okay?"
Daniel's voice right next to his ear startles him, making him jump and almost almost lose his grip on his bladder. He has to take a couple shuddering breaths before he can nod.
His hands are shaking.
When he's finally able to look at Daniel, he's wearing his patented smile, but his eyes are sharp and careful, as if he's trying to understand if Max can really do this with his mind. As if Max would ever back down, especially when he's this close to be done for the day.
"I'm...." Max swallows the word fine, not wanting to lie. "I can."
His skin feels slightly too small, constricting, and he can't focus for more than a handful of seconds at a time, but he is determined to do this. Wants to do this, as they planned.
"I'll meet you before your debrief," Daniel says, and Max can hear the trust behind it, the acceptance that Max knows his limits best. It makes him feel warmer and more confident at the same time, makes him want to reach out, right there in the media pen, and curl up into Daniel's chest, where it's safe to let go.
Of course, that's not something he can do, at least if he wants to keep his seat, so he just nods sharply, and tries to go back to his interviews.
By the time he's walking into his driver room, he feels jittery and on edge, bladder impossibly full and dick achingly hard.
He finds Daniel already sitting there, knees splayed open lazily. Max wants to climb into his lap, wants to burrow himself in the space between Daniel's ribs, wants to...
"Daniel," he whines, door barely closed behind him. It comes out shakier than he meant to, and he stumbles forward, reaching for Daniel with one hand, the other sliding down to cup himself through his jeans.
Daniel is on his feet in a moment, batting Max's hand away and replacing it with his, drawing a sound that's half moan and half curse from his lips.
"Daniel, I can't, I need, please," Max begs, letting his head fall onto Daniel's shoulder, unable to stop himself from shaking, need surging inside him, all encompassing.
"I got you, baby, come here, it's okay."
Max lets Daniel guide him to the tiny bathroom, his limbs uncooperative and stiff, all his brainpower focused on not making a mess in his jeans, in the middle of his driver room.
He almost fails when Daniel starts fumbling with his zipper, brushing touches making him jolt. He moans again, leaning back a little to let Daniel support his weight, the feeling of Daniel's hands on him overwhelming.
"Come on baby, let it go for me," Daniel murmurs against his neck.
He's standing right behind him, chin hooked over his shoulder too look at where he's holding Max's hard dick over the toilet bowl, his own hard cock pressing on Max's ass.
For a second, it feels impossible to unlock his muscles enough to let go, after keeping them in check for so long, but then Daniel presses one hand on Max's swollen lower belly, and he groans, startled. A moment later, come splashes in the water, followed immediately by a steady stream of piss, so much it seems neverending.
Max hears Daniel curse, hips jerking forward into Max, hands still steady on his dick, but everything feels hazy and far away, relief washing over him in waves.
Daniel is babbling in his ears, a mix of curses and praises, fingers moving on the underside of Max's oversensitive spent dick, stroking almost as if trying to coax more fluids out of it, rubbing himself against Max's ass. And then he's cursing again and stilling, breathing heavily against Max's neck.
It takes them both a while to come back, Daniel pressing lazy kisses to Max's skin and Max just breathing, letting Daniel hold him.
"I'm late, I think," Max finally murmurs, tongue heavy in his mouth. He wishes he could just curl up on the couch and drag Daniel on top of him for a nap, but he knows they both have obligations to get to. They were already careless enough for one day.
Daniel chuckles, rubbing his cheek against his shoulder and then finally stepping back, grabbing some toilet paper to start cleaning himself up.
"Worth it," he says, grinning at Max.
And Max wouldn't even think about disagreeing.
#maxiel#my writing#it is a crime to let this prompt go unfulfilled so here i am. i guess.#i dont even know if this is good or bad but im letting it go in the wild anyway#it is what it is!!!
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It never really goes away, the longing for the life not lived, because isn’t that part of how we come to know ourselves too? Through what we lack as much as what we have, all we dream but do not hold. Some desires have no resolution.
Madelaine Lucas, Thirst for Salt (Tin House Books, March 7, 2023)
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but the real question:
can I rpf my mutuals
#can I ship you guys?#I might be shipping some of you a little bit 👉👈#some of you be chatting on my dash and I go “ohh I feel some unfulfilled tension here👀”#very explorable#all I'm saying
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Words Collide
[First] Prev <--> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jiang fengmian#yu ziyuan#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Almost axed this comic but then I remembered I cut the previous argument between them and I guess they can have this.#and by 'this' I mean their toxic arranged marriage verbal battles.#As I previously mentioned in a comic I have chosen to see them as mlm and wlw in an unfulfilled relationship.#The yearning is for companionship. I think they do care for each other it's just something deeply complicated. And bitter.#I truly feel for JC and WWX in this scene because while it's implied YZY really pushes the limit...it's apparent this isn't new.#And it's so petty! Anyone who lived through a parent pitting you against a sibling can tell you that this stuff messed them up#regardless of what side you were on (the golden one or the fuck up).#It doesn't matter what is said. It matters that it was said at all. That you can't shake the concept once it was spoken.#The Jiang household is so much more miserable the deeper you examine what's going on and how they cope with it.#Knowing that a parent does not like you is just awful. I wish everyone who's been through it all the best. You didn't deserve that.#Next update is back to the jokes! Remember jokes? It jingled merrily...How I miss the sound of those bells...
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