#unfortunately the first one they find will be verin

[cinlat]

I don't think we're on Alderaan anymore, Boss...

[astro-naut9]

TRAVIS AND VERIN!! (Idk how to respond to tumblr stuff

HAHHAHAHA wellllll .... uh, Taivas and Verin... ermmm.... Okay, this is gonna be short since I could barely rp as Verin in the server because of reasons that's really not personal i just dont know how to explain thr reason BUT ANYWAY brace yourself— or not

Okay, so lets start with Verin first. Verin is basically from the Pirates Era, aka 1600s to 1700s, and had been doing typical pirate stuff since he was a little boy. He was trained for it even, but a day came when his crewmates fucked up badly. Now, he's no Captain or a first-mate. He was just some crew, a cook, and a cleaner. Despite that, he did try to warn the others of another ship. A very big ship. He told them, no don't fuck with them, and his crew was like, yea we fuckin with them. So uh, yea shit went down.

Verin survived for some reason, and since his crew all died stranded on a very big island, he decided to run away and hide. He is a coward, fyi. Pirates can't be cowards, but he's built diff 💯 ANYWAY, he found a place. Decided to get in — woopsies, it was a WITCH'S HUT!!! He got mistaken as an intruder (he is, actually, he was just in denial) and the witch cursed him and sent him to the void. BUT! The witch made a mistake so instead of sending Verin to the void, he was sent into another universe.

Boom, PRIDE SMP PH HELL YEA

Anyway, Verin dropped to Taivas' airship and passed out. Taivas got curious (poked the unconscious guy. rude) and decided to keep him for a bit. Verin woke up confused, then began bothering Taivas with questions because almost everything from the PSMP did not exist in his world. Taivas, interested from where the other came from, had agreed on a deal to help him. So the deal was that Taivas will help Verin get back to his dimension in exchange of some stuff from that universe (which, well, idrk but Verin's world is so boring actually its just ours. i guess a toaster could be an exchange).

Buuuut Verin is really, uh, idk what you call it but he goes off sometimes, disappearing and coming back. Unlike him, Taivas gets lost so he helps him out as well. Anyway, with Verin being lost, he had uh, discovered something that was about to turn his life into shit: Engineering.

Taivas was an engineer and he had watched him create some stuff from a distance. He wasn't good at it, but he was trying to learn just by looking at his friend's work. So, he set out one day to gather some materials for the ship that he was planning to build. Unfortunately, unlike his universe, there were monsters that appears during the night. So, he got in a way with one; a skeleton with wither powers (its not a wither skeleton!!!).

It hit Verin in the chest and had to call out Taivas (no phones whatsoever, but its like a walkie-talkie but message stuff. Yes, Verin knows how to read and write). Taivas took a long time trying to save him. Verin noticed something weird about his own body, and asked if Taivas sees it. Spoiler alert, he didn't. Taivas didn't see shit so Verin shrugged it off as a hallucination. BOY WAS HE WRONG!!

Anyway, that strengthened the deal. Both of them had agreed to just go live together. Verin as a former cook of a pirate crew decided to be the cook for Taivas. It uh changed the deal— Verin now cooks for Taivas as Taivas helps Verin out in finding his dimension. ANYWAY, they live together, help each other out, yada yada.

And for the deal, Taivas became a witch to understand more of witchcraft as Verin did say that a witch had cursed him to be here. Like oh wow im not inlove w u n all but i would totally learn witchcraft for u my buddy!

Then, Taivas came back home with a uh subtle change. Warden stuff. He had an obsession with it and Verin did notice but he didn't say anything about it. So then, Verin also had some changes— not subtle. There were black sharp fragments growing out of his body (theyre extra bones, actually. wither bones). Taivas noticed it and called him emo (HE IS NOT EMO!!!). He didn't get it whatsoever so he js ignored it until days passed and both of their uh, changes evident.

Taivas was more sculk-like now, with blue-ish skin infecting his body and Verin was becoming more pale and dead, with the bones becoming bigger and obvious. It was sticking out on his body but blood did not come out.

So then, Taivas had begun infecting his surroundings with sculk. Verin disappeared more frequently. Taivas missed eating his favourite (cabbage rolls) without Verin being present so he tried to look for him and stuff and then... well more to come i guess... there's already a plan for the both of them we've made but thats for another time :)

[butterflydm]

wot reread: lord of chaos (chap 11-chap 12)

spoilers for lord of chaos

1. Verin ponders how dangerous Rand is -- even more than she had potentially foreseen when she’d met him back in TGH and warned Moiraine and Siuan about him. She wonders if he potentially killed Moiraine, since there is no talk of him hanging around with an Aes Sedai in Caemlyn.

2. Still, she focuses on what she can do right now: settle the frightened Two Rivers women. Bode wants to rescue her brother from Rand. Aww. That’s kinda sweet. When the Two Rivers women continue to protest various things, Alanna loses her temper and orders them all to their rooms (doing Moiraine’s trick from EotW to make herself look bigger).

3. “Alanna herself showed no interest in helping clean up the mess she had made.” In more ways than one, Verin! Alanna has made QUITE a mess. Once the two of them are in private again, Alanna lets herself openly show her temper, storming about talking about how Rand dares to try to restrict their movements. Verin thinks about how losing one of her Warders (Owein -- this is Ihvon in the show) has greatly destabilized Alanna and about how it took her ten years herself after the death of her Warder Balinor to agreed to bond Tomas.

4. Five of the girls from the Two Rivers (including Bode) have the spark and will channel whether or not they are taught. The typo of “Manna” for “Alanna” occurs TWICE in my copy of this book within the space of two pages. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m not sure if Mat ever actually finds out that his sister can channel? Huh. I’ll keep an eye out. But since characters NEVER COMMUNICATE in this series, it seems likely that he might never find out.

5. Alanna’s first assumption on the Tower being broken is that they must support the Tower. Verin, otoh, is willing to talk about the possibility of the rebels. As Verin questions Alanna about the rebels, she slips in a quick “what were you thinking, bonding Rand?”

6. Alanna’s thoughts on the three ta’veren: “They all should have been bonded at the first chance. They are too important to run loose, him most of all.” Verin thinks about how bonding someone without their permission has not been done in hundreds of years, but she doesn’t show any moral qualms about the idea. Instead, she tries to set out a plan with Alanna about how to figure out if Rand’s amnesty for men who can channel is real and where said men might be hiding, if it is true.

7. As we cut to Rand, we find out how creeped out he is that he can still feel Alanna, even as he rides away from her as quickly as he can manage it. He still feels her and can’t escape her leash (does he ever actually tell anyone about this? I guess I’ll find out). The thing that terrified him so much for so many books -- an Aes Sedai leashing him -- has happened and he’s trying to deal with all the feelings that brings up in him. He’s also wondering what else the Bond might entail for him besides her being able to feel him inside her head.

8. He Travels to the farm and can still feel Alanna well enough to know her exact direction, though the sense of her is more faint. Even using the Void and embracing saidin makes no difference -- he can still feel her inside his head. This is so traumatic and he’s currently dealing with it all alone and I hurt for him so badly. And he blames it on himself! His own pride and overconfidence, he thinks. He knew he could handle himself against two Aes Sedai and wasn’t watching closely enough for tricks. Then he starts blaming his pride and overconfidence for believing that he and the Hundred Companions could seal the Bore safely and he’s further horrified when he realizes that he’s thinking of it as his own memory and he denies that it is. He also notes that Lews Therin’s voice seems afraid of Alanna’s presence in his mind.

9. “A man without trust might as well be dead” Lews Therin mentions, when Rand thinks about how this event has confirmed that he should never trust Aes Sedai. LTT can give good advice sometimes. Unfortunately, Rand isn’t really in a good place to accept it right now.

10. There are seven students now: Damar, Jur, Eben, Fedwin, and three new ones that Rand doesn’t know. Taim is an absolute jerk as a teacher, as expected. Taim tells Rand that, in order to force the students to use the Power instinctively, they must use saidin for all their chores and getting meals, etc. Rand learns that Taim sent away the man that Rand had kept here in order to teach the men how to use a sword and that makes Rand’s anger surge. Rand tells him to bring the man back and have him teach the students swords, so that they can defend themselves if they get shielded.

11. The main reason he’s here is to warn Taim about the Aes Sedai in the city; the students will not be allowed to visit Caemlyn anymore. Taim offers to kill the Aes Sedai and Rand points out that they’d already be dead if Rand had wanted to kill them. (he thinks that he HOPES he would be able to kill them if they tried to gentle or kill him. Because he has that Can’t Hurt A Woman issue). It is smart that he’s not willing to tell TAIM that Alanna bonded him.

12. Taim wants to go out recruiting (using Gateways to Travel to villages) and Rand gives him permission. Rand notes that Taim has picked up everything that Rand has shown him very quickly. He notes that anyone who fails the test can be sent on to Caemlyn to start filling out Rand’s army there. Note also that Taim thinks of the Aiel as “these so-called Aiel” (Taim is a bit of a plot thread that Jordan changed his mind about and I want to see if I can figure out when exactly he changed his plan for the character).

13. Over to Nynaeve’s PoV. She thinks: “the wicker cage was empty, the song sparrow set free. She wished she was free”. Same. I hate that they are running in circles in Salidar, killing time until the rest of the story is ready for them to Do A Plot Thing and move on with their story arcs. They are currently trying to learn how to listen through a ward (via Moghedien’s knowledge). Ah, it takes time because pretty much every person spins their wards slightly differently and you have to work out how to sneakily slip through that specific person’s wards against listening. I like that as a worldbuilding detail, actually. Anyway, the Hall has not shared whatever message the Red Sister envoy from the White Tower has brought them. “Another waste of time. Everybody in Salidar was wasting time.” Please stop rubbing this in my face, Jordan.

14. As Elayne heads off to her various tasks, Moghedien suggests to Nynaeve that they should go to al’Thor. I know she has an ulterior motive but wow, I wish that they would!!! Moghedien does make the very good point that if the Salidar Aes Sedai choose Elaida over Rand, then them having Nynaeve and Elayne would make for a very good way to try to force Rand to the Tower and under Elaida’s control. Nynaeve is terrified to realize that this means that they’ve been speaking much too freely in front of Moghedien all this time. She worries also that there are secret supporters of Elaida here in Salidar, for Tarna to have arrived so quickly from Tar Valon.

15. Nynaeve goes to Birgitte, to talk over the possibility of them leaving Salidar. We learn that Areirna and Nicola were both deeply disappointed when they learned that Nynaeve and Elayne weren’t true Aes Sedai but only Accepted, but both have held their tongues so far about the pretense. Her talk with Birgitte is interrupted when she has to go rush off to help two Aes Sedai do copying. Because that is their life in Salidar. Nynaeve also immediately starts imagining the worst possible things that might be happening right now.

16. Ah, instead of note-taking, they actually want to interrogate Nynaeve about Rand. Nynaeve HAS told the Aes Sedai here much about Rand as a person, trying to get them to see him as a man and not as ‘a man who can channel’ but she isn’t sure how successful she’s been. Character-wise, we are reminded that Rand accepts punishments if he feels they’re deserves but will fight ones that he doesn’t think he’s earned; that he can be led or convinced but not pushed - that makes him dig his heels in. After enduring that, Nynaeve dares to sneak by a side alley to do her best to eavesdrop on the Salidar Six as they talk to Tarna, by stepping physically through the ward instead of trying to use saidar. (she was expecting to find Tarna with the Sitters but they’re talking to Sheriam and her lot, who are the real power in Salidar still)

17. We learn that the message that is being sent back to Elaida is that they need ‘more time to consider’. After Tarna leaves, we learn that they are going to send a summons to ‘that biddable child’ for their plans. Theodrin catches her eavesdropping but says nothing. And the narrative notes that a woman watches them leave from a second-story window.

[chockfullofsecrets]

Critical Role: Embarrassing and Undignified

(Read on AO3)

Rating: Gen

Summary: Caleb doesn’t smile much. It’s something he rather likes about the man, that he prefers to save his pleasure for that which is truly worth it - but there’s nothing else he can call the expression that briefly narrows those blue eyes. “Reacting like that in front of a friendly tiefling?” he says - teasing, almost, and Essek feels his stomach flip. “I am not so sure.”

Essek's time in the hot tub goes a little awry.

Wordcount: 3.3k

A/N: Fill for this anon prompt! (i’m so sorry for taking 2+ months to write this... i love Essek so much and he needs more tk content)

---

Essek is no stranger to being - unusual. He often welcomes it, really. Achieving a status such as his for the better part of a century comes with its fair share of eccentricities, his floating among them, and at this point hovering just above the rest of the Dynasty has become something of a favored routine.

And yet, it seems, the Nein have him beaten at every turn.

He had meant to take his leave directly after dinner, unsure of his place among Yasha’s solemn questions of loneliness and Beauregard’s transparent attempts to pry information from him and Jester’s threat to invoke a Zone of Truth for idle gossip -

(and the slight jealousy, he admits, if only to himself, of seeing Caleb, ambitious and focused and loved, among them - )

But. Lonely and friendless he is, as has been quite thoroughly pointed out to him through the evening, and he’s intrigued enough by the rarity of this hot tub to clamber up awkwardly onto the enclosing stone wall and dangle his feet into the water while his hosts bustle around and shuck off various pieces of clothing.

Caleb sits next to him, rolling his own pant legs crisply to the knee and lowering his feet in. “What do you think?”

He looks over - thank the Light, Caleb’s still wearing his shirt. “It’s - nice,” he says. He drags his toe through a slow stream of bubbles rising from what he assumes must be the hottest parts of the depths. “Unfamiliar, but quite impressive that you’ve constructed it on your own.”

Caleb raises an eyebrow. “The hot tub, or -” He traces a small circle with his index finger, encompassing himself and his companions. “- all of this?”

Decades of court experience well up unbidden on his tongue. “The compliment extends to you either way,” he offers smoothly.

Caleb squints at him, but before he can say anything more the rest of the Nein are joining them with pleased exclamations and a thoroughly distracting amount of splashing. Essek watches, bemused, as Jester flops in belly-first before even unbuckling the last clasp of her outergarments - she wrestles them off, finally, crumpling the dripping green cloak into a ball and flinging it away, and he winces on behalf of the fine Kryn fabric.

She looks around, eyes lighting on him, and her hands fly to her round cheeks with an excited gasp. “Essek! Your legs!”

Startled, he looks down - they seem quite normal, with his boots off and his neatly pressed trousers folded at the knee, if a little more purple than anyone else’s present. “I would prefer to keep my clothes dry, yes.”

She leans in, eyes wide. “Are they re-al?”

Light be with him - she’s hardly said anything, but he struggles not to flush under the scrutiny. “Ah, yes? Why should they not be?”

Just then, something brushes lightly over the sole of his foot - he startles, and -

His seat is well made, certainly, but not enough to stand up to the Nein’s shenanigans; as he recoils, his center of gravity shifts right off the narrow ledge and he’s tumbling backwards before he can do more than blink.

Light, if this is how he dies -

He flails for a solution - it’s been years, at least, since he’s done something so pedestrian as fall, and there are spells for this, certainly, but what he’s prepared for today is more showy fare, in case the Nein asked for a demonstration, why can’t he think -

A hand closes roughly around his bicep, then another around the opposite shoulder, and then he’s dangling from Caleb’s grip with his back nearly parallel to the floor - he reaches out too, panicked, and crumples the front of Caleb’s shirt in a death grip.

“Good reflexes,” he says, breathless. Blood pounds in his ears. Caleb stares down at him, blue eyes wide and jaw tight -

“Ooh, now kiss!” Jester hoots.

The rest of the Nein burst into laughter behind them. Caleb goes bright red and hurriedly turns away, looking over his shoulder. “One of you jokers come here and help me, please,” he chides, strained, “I am not the muscle of this group.”

The tension in Caleb’s face becomes infinitely more explicable - finally capable of rational thought, Essek flicks his fingers and casts a weight-lightening cantrip just as another strong hand latches onto his knee and bodily tows him upright. Yasha nods at him, chest completely bare, and wades back to her corner as Veth pops up from nowhere with her long ears twitching maniacally. “I’m SO sorry,” she screeches, insistent far beyond the point of sincerity. “I brushed against your feet COMPLETELY ON ACCIDENT.”

“VERY ACCIDENTAL,” Jester agrees loudly. Next to her, Fjord winces.

Veth’s voice softens, then, as she pats him gingerly on the leg. “I didn’t think you would do that - are you okay?”

“It’s all right,” he says weakly. Her ears droop in what seems to be genuine relief - it is pointless to care, perhaps, but he feels better for having reassured her.

He sucks in a solid breath for what feels like the first time in minutes and turns to Caleb to thank him. There’s still a guarding hand resting warmly against his back - and worse still, he realizes belatedly that his own hand is still fisted in the buttons of Caleb’s shirt.

He snatches it hastily away, ears burning. “Ah, my apologies. I shall pay closer attention to gravity, for the rest of the night.”

Caleb doesn’t smile much. It’s something he rather likes about the man, that he prefers to save his pleasure for that which is truly worth it - but there’s nothing else he can call the expression that briefly narrows those blue eyes. “Reacting like that in front of a friendly tiefling?” he says - teasing, almost, and Essek feels his stomach flip. “I am not so sure.”

A friendly -

Surprised, he glances over at Jester and finds her wearing a smug expression that might not be out of place on Da’leth himself, if significantly sweeter. “E-ssek,” she wheedles, wide-eyed with delight, drawing every syllable to its maximum extent. “Are your feet like, super ticklish?”

Essek blinks - ticklish? But he hasn’t - really, he can’t remember the last time he might have known. As a child, perhaps, when Verin used to tempt him into playing by tackling him straight off his feet and -

Oh. Oh, dear.

At least that particular piece of evidence is decades out of date - a poor excuse to discard it, but he’s willing to compromise in the face of Jester’s ever-sharpening grin and the traitorously pleased squirm in the pit of his own stomach. “What? No, of course not, I was merely surprised-”

“You can be surprised and ticklish,” Jester corrects, skipping forward with a splash. Essek shirks back into Caleb’s hand, millimeters from tumbling off the ledge again, and she giggles. “And I’m pret-ty sure that you’re both.”

The hot tub, for all of its excellent qualities, is unfortunately not large enough to keep her at bay for longer than that. She reaches out as he’s still deciding which direction would be the best to flee in and scoops his ankle up in a grip like steel. “Ah-” he sputters. “I - Jester, wait-”

She drags a fingernail up the arch of his foot.

It feels like one of the few times while developing a lightning-based spell that he’d electrocuted himself - but the feeling doesn’t stop, shooting up his leg and tickling at his lungs too to make them shiver, and it’s silly, and he just -

He panics, jerks back against Caleb’s hand again, and in a moment of brash stupidity the animal instinct of his brain decides that the only safe place to hide is Caleb himself. He buries his face in Caleb’s side and grabs him around the waist just in time to shriek as Jester repeats the same lazy route up and down the sole of his foot, pausing only to scratch tingling patterns into his heel. “Tickle, tickle! Aw, guys, he’s so ticklish, look at how much he’s laughing!”

The fabric of Caleb’s shirt isn’t much of a barrier to Jester’s teasing - or to his own ticklish laughter, embarrassingly high-pitched and loud in a way that makes his whole face heat with shame - but at least they can’t see him blush.

Caleb jumps a little as Essek latches onto him, but his hand stays put, stabilizing, and starts to rub gentle circles on his back as Essek dissolves into cackling at another spidering assault on his arch. “Jester, please be gentle,” he says, amused. “I am not sure that is a good idea.”

Essek’s not sure how he feels either. It’s terribly embarrassing, and undignified, and if this was happening in front of any other being in the Dynasty he would have to learn some sort of memory erasure spell, but - the Nein have never cared for his layers upon layers of decorum anyway, have they, always prying for indignation and confusion and warmth that he’s not certain he even possesses.

Caught between Jester and Caleb and a vat of hot water, with the rest of the Nein making relatively amused noises behind him, he doesn’t think he’s ever felt warmer.

Jester just laughs. “I’m barely doing anything!” she teases, shaking Essek’s leg lightly. “He’s just so sensitive - oh, Essek, is it ‘cause you never walk anywhere? Is that why your feet are so soft and tickly?”

He’s giddy, even with the sudden reprieve, giggling too hard to speak. “I - ha - I dohon’t - ehe-”

“Of course it is,” Beauregard says smugly from a distance that seems far too close, “waving all those secrets and magic over our heads and he’s hoisted on his own fuckin’ petard-”

“What’s that?” Caduceus asks. Essek vaguely remembers the term to describe some sort of bomb, but Jester chooses that moment to send her mischievous fingers exploring under his fucking toes and it tickles like absolute hell. He shrieks even louder than before, if such a thing were possible, and makes a solid attempt to burrow his way straight into Caleb’s ribcage as his entire leg jolts in involuntary protest. No amount of desperate attempts to flex or curl his foot make the sensation any more bearable - it’s like the sucking feeling of a Teleport spell, like everything inside him is unmoored and floating in a sea of mirth and the only way he can get any of it out is to scream.

His cheeks hurt and he realizes, suddenly, that he’s beaming.

Jester cackles. “Come get his other foot, Beau,” she urges, easing off to just pinch his big toe between two fingers and wiggle it. “He totally loves it, he’s not even kicking-”

“Uh-huh,” Beauregard says, and there’s another splash. “Maybe I will.”

Caleb’s still rubbing his back - he stops, briefly, and from his huddled position Essek feels that Beauregard has jostled his other side on her way past. “His feet might be worse than yours,” she murmurs. He can hear the grin in her voice. “Better hope Jes doesn’t remember and go after you next.”

“Don’t remind her,” Caleb says, strangled. It’s remarkably friendly for Beauregard, though, and Essek is once again caught up in the paradox of this little group - merciless but fiercely protective, reluctant but trusting. It’s hard to be regretful - or wistful, maybe, one of those feelings that twinges in his chest every time he thinks of the Nein nowadays - with Jester tickling her way up the back of his bare calf and cooing over the way it makes him wriggle. But his heart, a traitor to the last, manages. There are so many secrets between them still.

Beauregard seizes his other ankle, hauling it up from the water, and he realizes for one terrible moment that if they were to, say, force him out of hiding and keep tickling, he might be inclined to spill some of them. “Scoot over, Jes,” Beauregard says, and there’s a squeak that, for once in the evening, doesn’t come from him. She chuckles. “Good thing he’s not trying to tickle you back, huh?”

He expects Jester to sputter and redirect her, as he would, but she sounds entirely unconcerned at the prospect. “Oh, Beau, do you want to have a tickle fight? We totally could, after this-”

“No,” she says, not entirely drowning out the little panicked noise that Caleb makes. “Not the kind of wrestling I want to do when half of us aren’t wearing shirts, if you know what I mean-”

“Beau!” Jester shrieks, giggling. Fjord groans loudly from the other side of the hot tub, and Essek, still squirming, is very sure that he’s blushing enough for it to show on the back of his neck, under his high collar. “Who do you want to wrestle with? Is it Yasha-”

“Yeah, yeah, okay, moving on.” Beauregard interrupts hastily. There’s a popping noise that takes a second for Essek to place as her cracking her knuckles. “Hey, Essek - you think you’d trade another favor to get us to stop?”

Essek flails for something resembling a complete sentence as Jester’s fingers curl teasingly behind one of his knees. “Nngh - heh-”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She squeezes the back of his other knee, barks out a laugh as he jumps. “Jes, stop messing around, let’s get his feet.”

That makes him kick, but at this point his entire lower half is restrained - all he can do is take one last breath before fingertips are scribbling over both his soles and he’s cackling so forcefully that his laughter peaks into agonized wheezing with each fresh gulp of air. “Hhh - ha - ahahaaaa, hA -”

Caleb shifts a little, bending until one of the strands that always hang stubbornly loose from where he ties his hair back brushes the tip of Essek’s burning ear. Essek shivers. “You can tell them to stop, you know,” he murmurs.

Essek’s almost entirely sure that he’s crying into Caleb’s shirt, tears leaking from squeezed-shut eyes as Beauregard and Jester torment his feet, but Caleb seems - fond, oddly - as he starts to rub his back again. “They’re not trying to be cruel - I believe they’re just excited that you’ve. Ah. Lowered yourself to our level, perhaps.”

And what level is that, Essek wants to ask, suddenly conjuring a mental image of Caleb in the same throes of helpless laughter. But he’s barely capable of that, as he’s currently dying, so he just tightens his grip on Caleb and shakes his head. He can barely even register Jester and Beauregard’s teasing anymore - he doesn’t think he can speak right now without embarrassing himself even more if he tried.

“Fuck, alright,” Fjord says abruptly from somewhere miles away, “I think he’s actually crying now, the Dynasty is going to have our heads if we break him.”

“He wouldn’t let them, he’s our friend,” Jester trills, but she does stop tickling, ghosting a hand up over his heaving shoulders to pat him gently on the head. “His ears are really purple though, like magenta purple, I think he’s blushing.”

For some reason - perhaps because he can finally think - it strikes him, fighting through the warm and pleasantly tingling haze of being touched and gentled back into himself, that as much as the casual label of friend pleases him he cannot afford this kind of vulnerability.

“Or suffocating,” Beauregard says a moment later, dropping his foot unceremoniously back into the water. “Thelyss? You alive in there?”

And, a beat later, when he doesn’t reply - “Are you just, like, smelling Caleb now?”

“Gross,” Veth squawks. “Get him off, get him off!”

Caleb smells quite pleasant, actually, but that’s not the point - his self-awareness is slowly trickling back in as he remembers who and where he is, and what he’s done to the Nein, and now they’ve broken him and he would rather die than look any of them in the eye for the next year.

Caleb pats his back. “Come on, friend, chin up.”

And he’s right, Essek can’t afford to cling to this veneer of comfort any longer - but to his immediate and eternal shame, he whines and nuzzles further into Caleb’s ribs. Just a moment to gather his wits, maybe, and he’ll be able to Misty Step to the front door and don his mantle-

“No? Alright, then - I’ll go to work too, if I have to.”

The hand on his back lifts away and walks itself on two prodding fingers neatly up under Essek’s arm, gently wriggling into the hollow until he can’t bear to keep his arms up any longer. “Nnn, hnn! - eheh, thahat’s - enough, please-”

It’s. It’s not, is the problem - he tries to stir up anger, distaste, but there’s only fear. He would deal with this indignity again, suffer it gladly, even, just to have them speak to him kindly. It’s new, and terrifying, and he needs to think it over alone with a generous glass of wine in his tower.

He shrinks back in on himself, still snickering at the tickling under his arms, and Caleb takes the opportunity to grab him neatly by the shoulders and sit him back up - Essek catches a glimpse of his blue eyes shining with rare merriment and promptly swivels to look away from all of them. No one stops him as he rolls his pant legs down and shoves his feet into his boots, heedless of the damp. He can feel their curious gazes prickle on the back of his neck - shifting into an unconscious competence that’s carried him through many anxieties before, he’s already floating off the ground before he can remind himself otherwise. “I’m going to go now,” he says, rushed, still too terrified to turn his head. “Thank you, I -”

“Essek, wait!” Jester says, confused, and Beau scoffs, and he’s not going to think about how he can recognize their voices without even seeing them, he’s not -

Yasha’s voice, at last, breaks through the hubbub, and it’s only in deference to their conversation before dinner that he pauses to listen.

“Hey,” she says, quiet and certain enough to shake him. “You said that you’re lonely, right?”

The noise fades away. He inches down to the ground with it. “Recently, yes,” he replies, just above a whisper, fighting to keep his voice steady with the enormity of this, this feeling -

“I didn’t say so before,” she continues, perfectly calm, “but it’s a little scary, right? To not be so lonely, anymore.”

Essek says nothing - he knows, without the mantle, that they can all see the slight tremble of his shoulders.

“Go away, then,” she says confidently, and then, hastily, “oh, no, that’s not right -”

“Yasha,” Jester squeaks, horrified, and Essek, to his own surprise, laughs. More of a chuckle, really, but. That’s a relief, after all this.

He can place her roughly in the rightmost corner of the hot tub, turns just enough to catch her heterochromatic gaze in his periphery. Her mouth drops slightly open before she gathers herself. “I just, I meant -” She inhales nervously. “I used to leave all the time, to go do - things - and come back when I was ready. You can do that too, if you want, we won’t mind, as long as you come back. And the tickling - we’re all ticklish, you don’t have to feel bad about it - ah, maybe someone else should say something.”

Caduceus pats her shoulder. “Nah, that was pretty good.”

Essek agrees, despite his better judgment. He rolls his shoulders, forcing them loose. “No, no, that’s - helpful,” he assures, and then, taking a deep breath and praying that his cheeks have cooled, he turns to look at them all. “I am to show you my abode tomorrow, yes?”

Caleb looks extraordinarily stressed. “Ah, you don’t have to, if you would rather-”

Beau punches him in the shoulder harshly enough to make him wince. “Yes.”

“Yes, and breakfast pastries!” Jester cheers, clapping her hands together - he’ll have to talk to his staff tonight.

“Until tomorrow, then,” he says, and spares only a brief smile before casting Misty Step to take him to the door and then again to the street.

He’s not quite ready to lose all his dignity, yet.

[yesiamplease]

After the Dentist

Words: 1,698

Summary: Verin is the poor unfortunate soul that has to take Essek back home after a trip to the dentist that involved anesthesia. Essek can't stop thinking about the Mighty Nein.

“Forgive me, but considering I would have to travel to get there and leave my station, I don’t fully see why I should have to take care of him.“

“Because there’s no one else who will, and I’m telling you to do it.“

Verin knew that tone all too well, “Yes, mother.”

“All you have to do is get him back to his home and make sure he gets inside without incident. It will take less than an hour.“

"Yes, mother."

“He’ll be coming off of anesthesia, so make sure he doesn’t say anything he shouldn’t around others. And I trust you’ll be sure to tell me if he says anything that I should know.“

"Yes, mother."

Essek looked around groggily as a nurse led him to the waiting room. Verin came in a few minutes later, “How did it go?”

Essek was lost in thought, trying to figure out how the fish could fly and why they only stayed in one area of the room when there were so many other spots around them to explore. Verin nudged him, getting his attention. A muffled, “Huh?” was all that came out. 

“I guess you really are out of it,“ Verin grabbed his arm and started leading Essek out, “Come on, let’s get you into the carriage.“ 

"Stars!"

"Yes, just like all the time."

Essek fell asleep almost as soon as he sat down, much to Verin’s relief. ‘All I have to do is make sure he gets inside. That should be easy enough, assuming he doesn’t float away.’ Essek whined as he was woken up once they’d gotten outside of his towers. Verin grabbed him by the arm again and started leading him to the door, “I know, I know. You’ll be in bed soon enough.” 

Essek felt himself being pulled along. It was familiar. His mind flashed back to the party, him suddenly paralyzed and Jester pulling him out of the room. All the other things from that night came flooding back to him in that moment, their disappointment, their anger, the undeserved reassurance, their demeanor towards him the last time they spoke and how long it’s been since then. “It’s been so long...”

“Huh?“ Verin turned to look at Essek, shocked to see his older brother starting to breath unsteady with tears welling in his eyes.

“It’s been really long,“ Essek didn’t even realize he was crying, “I don’t know if something is wrong.“

“I-I, uh,“ Verin quickly looked around to make sure no one was watching, “let’s get you inside, okay?“ He quickly pulled Essek in and shut the door.

Essek looked around his sitting room, the room he had them over for breakfast in. He tried really hard to give them a nice breakfast. He tried so hard. They liked him back then. He didn’t deserve for them to like him. He didn’t deserve to have them as his friends, and now they know that, too. They still haven’t contacted him. They hate him.

“Okay, none of the doors open, I should’ve expected that.“ Verin went back down the stairs, “I can’t get you to your room, but I’m sure you’ll be fine on the...“ the sound of sobbing filled the air, “...couch.” Verin braced himself before asking, “What’s wrong? Look at me,“ he put his hands on Essek’s shoulders, getting his attention, “Why are you upset?“

"They hate me!"

"Who hates you?"

"My friends..." It felt wrong to still call them that.

Verin paused for a moment, his first thought being to question his brother having friends, but put that out of his mind. “Can you open the door to the kitchen? There’s water in there, do you want a glass of water?”

“Water tastes good,“ Essek said between sobs.

“Yes, water tastes very good, and if you open the kitchen I can get you some.”

"Okay."

Verin, successfully in the kitchen, sat Essek down at a table and got him some water as promised, along with a handkerchief. “Now, who are your friends and why do you think they hate you?”

A few seconds passed before Essek looked up from his drink, “Huh?”

Verin signed, "Who are your friends?"

“The...“ Essek tried to hold back another sob, “the Mighty Nein“

“Uh huh,“ thinking about it, he’s heard of them before, “and why do you think they hate you?“ Essek froze when the question hit his ears, then started sobbing again. Verin switched to a more gentle tone, “Hey, hey, calm down. I just want to know what’s making you upset. Can you tell me why you think your friends hate you?”

After a moment, practically in a whisper, “I’m a bad person...“ Verin couldn’t exactly say anything to contradict that, so stayed silent, but did put a reassuring hand on Essek’s shoulder. “I’m a bad person, and they know, and they’re so good. They haven’t contacted me in so long. They hate me.”

“If they’re your friends, then how can they hate you?“

"They do."

“Okay,“ Verin was starting to feel like a therapist at this point, “what are these friends of yours like? Tell me about them.“

Essek perked up a bit, “Well, there’s Jester,” Verin nodded, encouraging him to go on, “She’s really nice, and playful. She gave me presents...” Essek remembered the cupcake. He didn’t eat it, he doesn’t like sweets. Why didn’t he just eat it? She bought that and was kind enough to give it to him, he should’ve eaten it. Why didn’t he just eat it? 

The sinking feeling of guilt was clear on Essek’s face, which was very off putting for Verin to see. He didn’t think Essek could feel guilt. “And the others?”

“Oh...,“ Essek dwelled on his guilt for a few more seconds before he continued, “There’s Veth. She was a goblin, but now she’s not. She likes to joke around, but she’s really very intelligent. We worked on a spell together, me, her, and Caleb. I was happy that day.“ Essek hadn’t felt connected like that in a long time, or maybe that was the first time? So genuine, the energy, the way they all bounced off each other. It was incredible. He’ll never have that again. He’ll never see those smiles again. That feeling, it will never happen again. He felt sick.

"Who is Caleb? Tell me about them."

The tightness in his chest came back as he tried to speak, the tears welling up again. "H-he-he is..."

“It’s okay. Just take a deep breath. Everything is okay, you can take your time.“

The handkerchief was soaked at this point, but he still tried to use it. “He is a wizard. He’s brilliant. He’s kind, and compassionate. Sometimes he’s funny. He’s very sad...” Those sad, pain filled blue eyes of a several times over broken and pieced back together man. They’re beautiful. There’s so much hurt behind them, and Essek contributed to that. He put more pain in the eyes of someone who has felt more than enough for several lifetimes. That night on the ship, there was so much anger, too. How could he have been so foolish to think things could get better after that day?

Verin got him a dish rag instead, “Maybe that one wasn’t the best one to talk about...” After several minutes spent calming Essek back down, Verin was hesitant to ask, but hoped it couldn’t get worse, “Okay, that’s three out of nine, 6 more left to go.”

"Seven," Essek sniffed.

"What?"

"There are seven."

"Seven left...?"

"No, seven people in the Mighty Nein."

"Why would they call themselves the Mighty Nein if there are seven?"

Essek looked down at his lap, "I don't know..."

“Okay, four left then.” ‘Thank the light, it’s less.’ Essek looked tired, every time he stopped crying, he was practically falling  asleep sitting up. “How about we finish this conversation in your room?”

"My room?"

"So you can get in bed."

Essek sat quietly for a moment, "I'm tired."

“Then let’s get you to bed.“ Verin led Essek up the stairs and got him to open the door to his room, then helped him to take off his shoes and cloak. “Better?“

Essek stared up at nothing as he laid in bed. His eyelids felt heavy, but he still wanted to talk. “Yasha is sad. She had a lot of bad things happen to her. She asked me if I was lonely. I could tell that she was lonely, too.” Yasha wasn’t like the rest, she didn’t really feel like a friend yet. Now she never will. He doesn’t deserve it. At least he probably didn’t hurt her the way he hurt the others.

“Okay, and the other three?“ Verin pulled a chair over to the side of the bed.

“Beauregard is smart, too, and resourceful. She’s a member of the Cobalt Soul. She’s honest, she tells you what she thinks.“ And all she must think about him is that he’s a monster. A cold, heartless, scheming, power hungry monster that she needs to protect the world from. She probably wants him dead. That’s fair, how could any of them not?

Essek continued, “Fjord is funny. He had a...“ Essek yawned, “ different accent when I first met him from the one he has now. He’s very good at pretending.” The night he went to dinner, Fjord told him he was a rock for their group. What is he to them now? Would it be better to be something awful to them, or to be nothing at all? He might find out, eventually. Both hurt in their own ways.

And then there was Caduceus. He could make you feel safe or like he was staring into your soul. He called Essek a good man, but was that manipulation or was he trying to be kind? How could anyone look at the things he’s done and call him a good man? Essek wiped the hot tears away with his blanket, feeling his eyes refusing to stay open. “Caduceus is scary. He could read a locked book. He makes really good tea...”

Verin waited 10 or so minutes to be sure Essek was asleep before leaving. Thankfully, the doors let him out.

[merakiui]

Wow! An imagines blog for afterlife! First one as far as I can see... I wish you lots of fun with this! I wonder what your favourite characters from the game are? For me it's going to be Sian and Quincy (I first think I was going to hate this little devil brat but here I am XD). If you don't mind you can do relationship hc's with them and characters of your choice if you don't mind. I don't really have anything specific in mind, just something fluffy, sorry for that! Welcome and have a nice day!

(Is it really the first? Whoa! My favorites so far would have to be Ell and Verine! There’s something refreshing about Ell’s optimistic energy, and Verine seems so soft uwu But Sian and Quincy are also growing on me too. Either way, you’ve got good taste~ Please enjoy these hcs and thank you for being the first request, anon! :D)

Relationship HCs (Sian, Quincy, Ell, and Verine)

🎤 Sian 🎤

He refuses to admit to his feelings in the beginning. Why, you may ask? Simple: It’s embarrassing.

So he does what any normal tsundere would do in that sort of situation. He pushes you away by feigning his disinterest.

Naturally, his behavior comes off as rude and abrupt, but you’re able to see past that cold exterior.

Whenever you send a smile his way or compliment him for his good work, he’s quick to deny it. Though the bright blush on his cheeks always contradicts whatever he might say.

Sometimes he thinks you just enjoy messing with him, if only to see him turn red. It’s quite cute, and you can’t help but giggle when he starts to yell.

“It’s not adorable, so stop laughing! And don’t call me cute either!”

Once you’re together, Sian drops his rude act and becomes very affectionate. He still gets shy over small aspects of your relationship, such as holding hands in public or even mustering the courage to kiss you whenever he feels like it.

Kati will definitely tease Sian whenever he talks about his wonderful, loving manager, and Cyrille will provide him with all sorts of scientific facts about the prospect of being in love, how long it exactly lasts, and why relationships are so important in terms of social interaction.

Sian does his best to ignore them, but he always finds himself getting embarrassed. “Stay out of my personal life! I don’t need your help!” Yes, he’s also blushing while he says this.

Underneath that tsundere behavior is a sweet boy who does his best to give you a perfect relationship.

He’ll take you to his favorite places to eat, claiming that you have to try some of the foods he normally gets. In return, you’ll open his horizons to the things you enjoy eating.

Definitely goes to karaoke with you! The two of you sing to your hearts’ content, sharing a few laughs at the impossible-to-hit high notes. Sian manages to surprise you the first time you hear him sing, and when you make a comment he gets extremely flustered.

On days where the weather isn’t the best, the two of you might stay inside to play card games, making small bets every now and then. Most of these bets are about the number of kisses or hugs the other will receive, and when that’s on the line Sian plays exceptionally better.

He’s written songs before, and now that the two of you are in a relationship some of these are about you. You wouldn’t have known about this had you not found a journal detailing different lyrics and song titles.

Waiting for a Sian x [insert utaite name here] collaboration.

When you confronted Sian about it, he became a mess.

Sian’s never let anyone see any of his creative work before, so this was enough to bring him close to tearing up out of pure embarrassment. He feels as though he could just die on the spot.

You understand his reaction, so you’re quick to close the journal, assuring him that you won’t pry further unless he willingly tells you more.

It takes a bit before he’s confident to actually show you and explain his thought process behind certain lyrics, but he trusts you enough and he knows you won’t laugh at him.

You’re his biggest muse when it comes to songwriting. (You’re also his biggest supporter.)

You’ll catch him humming under his breath to certain songs, and he’ll even start to mumble lyrics he’s made up on the spot. You’ll chime in with your own input, and he’ll be quick to write it down if it strikes a chord in his inspiration.

Unfortunately, his memory isn’t the best, so he often forgets things like anniversaries and special dates. He’ll always apologize with his head bowed whenever this happens, but you never seem too bothered. How can you be upset with someone as affectionate and caring as him?

In times of need, he’ll be there to assist you, as he doesn’t want you to stress yourself out. After all, it isn’t fair for his precious lover to carry overwhelming burdens all on their own.

You’ll always find yourself waking up beside the best boyfriend in the world, who will do absolutely anything for you. At the start of the relationship, he tried to do so many things to impress you. He cooked, cleaned, and made sure to always message you when you’re apart. Eventually, you had to tell him to just be himself and to stop taking advice from relationship blogs.

Please give this boy all the love in the world, and he’ll return it tenfold—albeit with a flustered stutter and pink cheeks.

🔥 Quincy 🔥

As the future Lord of the Underworld, Quincy’s quick to let others know of his position as a devil. Bow before him because it’s either his way or the highway.

He has high hopes for you and even higher hopes for himself.

Quincy will be especially impressed if you’re forward and confident in the relationship, but if you’re not that’s fine. It just means he’ll have to take the lead, which is obviously the best course of action, right? His judgement is flawless!

Just know that if anyone messes with his beloved manager, he’ll have no problem putting a curse on the unfortunate soul who decided to bother you. It’s all in good fun, so don’t worry about those silly humans who are now suffering under the weight of a heavy enchantment.

“Looks like my finger slipped. Guess you’ll have to use your puny brain to figure a way out of that. Hmph!” (Based on that cocky smirk, you’d say he’s quite satisfied with his work.)

He may even teach you a few things about the different types of magic, as he wants you to be as good as he is. Oh, but not too good! Quincy prides himself on his skills far too much to let anyone surpass him.

Every now and then, he’ll tease you about anything and everything—no matter how insignificant it is. Maybe you were late to clock in and Nyang Lead Manager scolded you, or perhaps you accidentally forget your lunch. Either way, he’s going to poke fun at those mishaps.

“Ehh? How could you forget when I reminded you earlier? Well, I suppose you can have some of my lunch. ...If you can handle it, that is.”

Spicy food is his life. He probably participates in those challenges at restaurants just to prove that he can absolutely own the competition.

Petition to get Quincy on Hot Ones.

If you’re also a fan of spicy things, it’ll be a contest to see who can handle the most spice. He ends up winning most of the time, but that’s mainly just because he’s a devil who’s used to scorching heat.

If you aren’t, he’ll be pleased to hold the title as someone who can handle extreme foods really well.

Quincy doesn’t like wasting his time on anything small, so there will always be a purpose behind what he does.

Your dates are quite the colorful variety, ranging from spending the day mixing up new elixirs to sharing stories about the Underworld. One day he’d like to show you around if you’re up for it, but the scenery might take some getting used to.

He’ll ensure that you’re never bored by dragging you around to do whatever the two of you deem exciting. When you get to relax from purifying vengeful spirits, you might find yourselves in the human world disguised under the deceptive properties of Humanizer to visit amusement parks, food vendors, and even occult shops.

The relationship is upbeat, and it keeps you on your toes. You’re never going to feel bored again with Quincy around.

Despite his teasing remarks and overflowing pride, Quincy values you a lot, and when it’s just the two of you he’ll be very endearing. It tends to catch you off guard; one minute he’s laughing about messing with Sian and the next he’s moving in to steal a quick kiss.

You’ll have to deal with any reptiles or insects that happen to cross his path, as he can’t stand them. But if you can’t handle them either, then you’ll seek out Jamie. At least he can keep them safe from Kirr and Aitachi. And from your spooked boyfriend, who wants those critters out of his sight. 

Quincy will remind you to come to him if you’re ever worried over something. His advice may not be the most ground-breaking, but it’s the thought that counts. He’s willing to spend hours giving you a friendly pep-talk, and you’re bound to come out of your gloom with a fresh perspective.

☀️ Ell ☀️

He’s a ball of energetic sunshine, so be ready for a very fun, joyful relationship!

Ell always puts you first, ensuring your happiness and well-being.

Honesty is key in this relationship, and that’s mainly because he can’t lie due to his constant sneezing.

And that’s okay because he has nothing to lie about anyways! He doesn’t want to hide anything from you; he’d rather you know than try to keep it a secret.

Imagine all of the cute dates! The both of you could go to bakeries and and sweet shops to try all sorts of delicious treats. Ell would be fond of anything sugary, insisting on playfully feeding you while you’re out in public. Or the two of you could visit craft stores so he can get more supplies for his needle felting.

He’s very big on PDA. Expect lots of hand-holding, random hugs, and kisses on the cheek—even around others when you least expect it. He’ll always smile at you, commenting on how charming you look when you blush at his sudden displays of affection.

Though he’ll try his best to tone it down if Nyang Lead Manager says something about it during work hours. He’ll quietly whine and protest as he tries to explain that it’s hard to resist. He just loves you so much! His complaints tend to get cut off once he starts to sneeze, though.

Along with gifting you his needle felting creations, he’ll also play the lyre for you. He’d be so excited to show you all of the beautiful music it can make. Sometimes he’ll play a few soothing melodies if you have trouble falling asleep.

Speaking of sleep, he adores cuddling. You’ll probably wake up each morning with him clinging to you, the blanket cast aside.

If you’re fond of taking photos, he’ll let you use the light from his halo to brighten the pictures. It makes for a perfect ring light, and he doesn’t mind others wanting to use it. After all, Licht and Kati like to use it for their SNS, so you should too.

If you’re ever having a bad day, Ell will be there to make it better. He’ll do all sorts of things for you, hearing you out when you vent to him about what’s bothering you and even attempting to make a few tiny miracles happen. Anything for his favorite person in the world!

There are times when he feels down as well, but it’s not for long. You’ll always be there to cheer him up. He’s fortunate that you have the patience to help him put his negative emotions into words, and you’ll even sit through all of the times he sneezes. For that, he’s very grateful.

His heart beats faster and he gets bashful when you praise him, but he’ll always fire back with plenty of genuine compliments so you won’t feel left out. There’s lots of love to go around.

Overall, the relationship is so sweet and enjoyable. Ell makes sure there’s never a dull moment when you’re with him, and he truly believes that the two of you will be together for a long time.

He loves you with all of his angelic heart.

“I wish we could spend more time together, but Nyang Lead Manager is giving us so much work. It’s really not—achoo!”

💊 Verine 💊

At first, Verine wonders if the reason you chose to be near him is because of the desire to protect such a sickly Soul Reaper. It bothers him to no end, as he does his best to stay strong despite always having to take different medicines and vitamins.

Once he realizes that you’re not there to pester him about his health, he’s pleasantly surprised. He’s used to others giving him looks of pity, so when you offer your support he can’t help but feel warm inside.

It actually takes him quite a while to confess; the stress of it all was like attempting to find the correct medicine for a specific ailment.

Still, he manages to push his self-consciousness aside in favor of his heart’s wishes, and it succeeds! Luckily for him, since Verine believed his chances were very slim.

While Mori considers him to be a paper doll, you think the opposite. Your boyfriend may be physically weak, but he’s got a strong will and is incredibly gentle with you.

Even if he acts like the presences of others disturbs him, he’s actually quite happy to be near the Soul Reapers. He’s always interacting with the Reapers in Diluculo, but he finds that your company is by far the best.

Most of your dates consist of staying indoors, since Verine doesn’t like the overwhelming temperatures of the outside world. (Occasionally, he’ll sacrifice his comfort so that you can enjoy the outdoors every now and then.)

However, the two of you still find plenty of things to do while inside. From watching your favorite films to assisting Verine with his medicinal herb garden, a lot of these cozy dates are quite serene.

He loves it when you cook his favorite foods. Any meal prepared by your loving hands is a gift he treasures—so much so that he thoroughly believes it’ll heal his aches and pains. Sometimes he doesn’t know how to return the gesture, so you’ll have to reassure him that you don’t need anything. Just his love is enough, and that makes him smile a bit.

Verine is touch-starved since most of his living life was spent in a hospital bed and the only contact he ever received was from doctors checking his vitals. So he’s always eager to let you hug and kiss him.

He might not be into cuddling at first only because he’s afraid his constant coughing will disrupt the calm atmosphere, but once you explain that that doesn’t bother you he’s willing to give it a try. He ends up liking it more than he thought he would, which results in lazy days where the two of you just nap in each other’s arms.

He’ll always be there for you no matter what, and he checks to make sure you’re healthy. Your physical and mental health is very important to him.

If the the two of you ever get into a disagreement, he may bottle up his true feelings for the sake of pacifying you. In the end, both of you talk through it, and this allows Verine to slowly but surely open up about how he really feels.

Verine might keep a lot of his emotions to himself when around the others, but with you he doesn’t have to.

“Ah, I must’ve fainted again. I really am useless.”

When he gets like that, just tell this sweetheart he’s in no way useless. He’s perfect in your eyes, even with his coughing and eternal illnesses, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[itsomgitsgreenblogging]

The Spider: A Critical Role Fanfic

For Day 3 of @essek-week I took the prompt Spy. This is a Vollstrecker!Bren AU, with a just slightly more lawful evil than neutral evil Essek. I absolutely love a Volstrecker!Bren AU, they are definitely my guilty pleasure. This is just my attempt to take a crack at it. 

I hope you enjoy!

Read the collection on AO3

Trigger warnings: mentions of torture, ambiguous but definitely implied murder

“You are an intelligent man, Shadowhand. Surely you understand what my masters offer you, a chance to study that which you find most interesting,” the shadowed figure said, feminine voice heavy with an accent belonging to only tenant farmers and idle noblemen. But of course she was a tenant farmer, after all the powerful never used their own to crawl between cracks and slit throats. They liked to keep their hands clean, a sentiment Essek never truly shared. After all, what was an achievement you didn’t earn by your own virtue? “It would be foolish to turn down this opportunity.” 

“And I also hear what your masters say about us from their high towers and in their studies, none of them too flattering. I am an intelligent man, but a vain one too I am afraid. I will not subject myself to working with those who clearly do not give me the respect I deserve,” Essek said, leaning his head upon his hand as he viewed the figure from where he sat at his desk. “I also must apologize in advance as well, for another one of my transgressions.” 

“And what is that?” the figure asked, voice icy and cold. 

“As Ludinas likes to say in his little secret meetings, a cold-hearted Crick like me is capable of many things. Killing a messenger is one of them,” Essek said with a sharp-toothed smile. 

The Dungeons of Penance were menacing at the best of times, but with the whole city under high alert, somehow it was made ever worse. He had been startled out of trance by a hard knocking at his door, and since then it had been a desperate flurry to try to get anywhere meaningful. Moving through Rosohna was a different sort of nightmare now and so by the time he reached the Dungeons he was almost relieved as he escaped the sight of green lanterns moving along the walkways like ghostly apparitions, while the beacons flickered their urgent message across the city. The streets had been dead silent for a long time, and only the roving Watch moved throughout the city like a many-headed beast from deep below ready for the kill. 

“Report,” Essek ordered as he met the five guards at the arch. The head guard nodded in deference before turning and keeping step with Essek’s glide. All of their shoes and armor clicked with the pace of their descent, the weight of their duty anchored them heavily to the ground. Essek remembered when a knobby-kneed Verin got his first suit of armor, and had scoffed at the display. On these men there was nothing to laugh about. 

“The Watch caught him outside the Skysybil’s home,” the guard explained as they walked the hallway of the Dungeon of Penance. “Thankfully she was at the Cathedral and was safe when the coordinated attack occurred. He was disguised as a drow, and attempted to cast some kind of charm magic. The lead guard of the Watch resisted the magic, and when he was struck with an attack the spell was dropped, revealing the attacker for what they were. After being subdued they were immediately brought here.” 

“I see, very well done,” Essek said pointedly in Undercommon with a prim nod before they arrived at the designated cell. There were two additional guards posted at the door, standing as dour monuments to the assassin's power. It wasn’t often they took one of these creatures alive, after all. “I shall go in and take stock of our new guest, make sure that they are comfortable.” 

He nodded at the guards who had accompanied him. The head guard then shifted and one other moved to join him, they motioned and the door was opened. Without any pomp and circumstance, Essek floated in to assess their unexpected gift. 

It was a human man. That didn’t surprise Essek, as most of the scourgers--the Empire’s pet assassin-spies that they caught tended to be humans. He was bound and muzzled according to regulation, hands behind his back and chained to the floor. He wasn't a large or physically intimidating human. The man instead looked at Essek expectantly. It was quite unlike the rabid struggling and spitting he had encountered with other scourgers. Though sometimes it was hard to tell with humans--they aged so quickly and were transitory creatures on the whole, Essek immediately got the impression that this one was older. Most of his face was obscured by the muzzle, and his hair color was covered by a layer of street-grime and dried blood on top of being cropped close to his scalp. But his eyes were a blue as calm, empty, and resigned as a vernal pool ready to disappear when the rains scattered to the wind.

Who are you? Essek wanted to ask the scourger. What backwater frost bitten village or city slum did they scrounge you up in? What gutters did you claw out of? What soldier barracks were you sprung from? When the people in Rexxentrum saw your potential, did you cower or bite the hand that fed you? 

It had to bite, Essek thought. From what little they knew about Scourgers they figured only the strong survived the process of being broken in. But an old one like this? He wondered if there was any personality left to be scraped from the inside of his skull. Perhaps the Assembly lobotomized their souls on top of their rational sense? It was funny to him how those who claimed to be on the side of civilization tended to be the ones who made themselves monstrous, they needed nothing but a miniscule push. 

“I must take the time to thank you,” Essek said, circling the scourger, taking a moment to catalogue him and his features. His ankle was twisted strangely.  One sleeve had been torn and it revealed a set of wicked looking scars criss crossing his wrists and forearms. His blood was an almost startling red against his fair skin, slick and dripping on the stone. He would have to have a guard clean that up. Magic users tended to get funny ideas when they had access to blood.  “You traveled a long way to be here, and I am certain we will learn so many new and interesting things.” 

The scourger remained staring forward, not stubbornly or angrily. His shoulders were loose and his neck was relaxed. The only inclination that Essek had that the man heard him was the slightest twitch of his head, as if Essek’s voice had surprised him. His common was good, though accented. It had been drilled into him by the best tutors that his denmother could afford.  His guest probably hadn't heard common yet from any of the Drow, or maybe he thought Drow were incapable of common courtesy. That was a sentiment that was unfortunately prevalent. It was a foolishness that made Essek laugh. 

“I am here simply to let you know of the conditions of your stay here,” Essek said as he took in the rumpled and disorganized plain clothes. Not meant to raise suspicions, Essek figured, but of course they did. The Xhorhassian cut was about twenty years out of style, an amateur mistake. This man was not an amateur. Had he wanted to be captured? Or had his masters simply underestimated the Kryn? Empire-folk did like to think themselves so clever, after all. He wouldn’t be surprised either way, but he would find out sooner or later. “I know you must be a busy man, so I shall not take up a big portion of your day then necessary.”    

The man didn’t make a sound, but Essek felt his eyes on him when Essek returned to stand before him. There were freckles scattered across his nose and forehead, a handsome furrow to his brow as if he were always deep in thought. The more he looked, the more certain he was of what kind of creature he was facing, and he relished the opportunity. 

“You will find me to be a fair man,” Essek said simply, pleasantly. “I believe in what I can see, and results that I can gather from hard work. I am interested in nothing but knowledge. It gives me no greater pleasure than to discover something that no one else has discovered before. I am sure that someone like you can understand that. I am a slave to the truth, I am afraid. And I am willing to do a good many things to discover the truth about anything I set my mind to.”

Essek could see the gears turning in the scourger’s brain, a small twitch of the brow and tensing of his arms. Of course, of course, Essek thought excitedly though his expression as always was eternally smooth and amiable. The scourger was looking for an angle to work, something to barter, something to scheme with. Give them an inch, they would take it a mile. Essek already knew what the scourger saw. Young, handsome, egotistical, with a chip on his shoulder and something to prove. Good, good. The game wouldn’t be fun if the other player didn’t play, and Essek was so ready to coax this spy into the trap. 

 “If you are compliant and what you tell me is the truth, I promise, your death shall be quick and painless. If not...well, truly I look forward to seeing what truths are teeming inside of you while I crack open your ribcage,” Essek said with a gentle smile. “I am excited for what we will discover together.” 

The scourger watched him, a light opening behind his blue eyes like a beacon uncovered. There was someone rattling around in the recesses of his mind, Essek would just have to see who it was that would peak out from the depths...what sort of monster would creep along Essek’s finely woven web.  Essek nodded at the guards before leaving the cell, the guards leaving behind him in order to guard his back. Once they had all exited the room and took a few steps away from the cell to be safe, Essek turned around to address the guards. 

“No food or water for at least two days, after that, two cups of water and a crust of bread until I say so,” Essek said in Undercommon. “We want him to settle in neatly.”  

“Yes, Lord Shadowhand.” 

“I’ll visit again on the third day along with a healer. We’ll have to heal him up before we break him in again otherwise the pain will be dulled and ineffectual,” Essek said. “Though I will want updates on his condition until then, especially if it looks like his health is taking a turn. I shall take a look at his belongings in the meantime and  see what we can find out about our little spider. I’m assuming someone will accompany me?” 

“Of course,” the head guard said, nodding to his fellows who saluted and then resumed their duties. “What do you expect to find? All we found were some general equipment and a few pieces of amber.”

“I expect to find everything,” Essek said as he began to glide once more. “After all, a wizard never leaves the house without his spellbook.” 

[dicecast]

How're you finding The Dragon Prince? I saw you mentioned that you find it frustrating. I've watched some of it, but I haven't had time to get very far.

Hey thanks a lot.  Yeah mean and @afriendtokilltime are watching it while in quarantine and....it is kind of a mess.  As of this writing I am 2 episodes away from finishing season 3 and its kind has been a whole mess of complaining around the apartment for the last few days.  This show fails in so many different ways but its like...really close to being absolutely amazing.   I have complicated feels

First off a Disclaimer 

 I thought Avatar was mostly great, though it had a lot of problems which I think its overall success and enthusiastic fan base kinda clouded, which are mostly found in the first half of season 1 and the last half of Season 3.  Mostly that any time the show attempts simplicity, it does it badly.  I thought Legend of Korra had some of the best moments in both shows, but also some of the worse, often seconds away from each other, but it at least tried some new things.  WE talk about the problems with Avatar here 

https://www.patreon.com/posts/11553648 

And Legend of Korra here 

https://soundcloud.com/randomshoes/fatal-flaw-legend-of-korra

So Dragon Prince has the components to be in my mind, even better than Avatar and there is a ton of stuff i like.  

The Animation is amazing and unique

Some really cool fantasy vistas and locations 

Cool distinct types of elves with cool unique magic and powers and cultures 

Some great efforts towards increasing diversity in terms of race, and sexuality.  Ironically it is actually less diverse in some ways than Avatar/Korra 100% non white cast, but it is very nice to have a fantasy world that is inclusive in regards to race and sexuality.  Sadly it actually has a lot of problem with gender which i could talk about in a whole post another time if you are interested. (Dead Moms, so many dead moms)

I like both of the main characters, which is unusual for a fantasy series.  Callum is fantastic, Rayla is great, and of course Claudia is by far the best character in the series.  All of them have interesting motives, characterizations, dynamics and I enjoy seeing them on screen.  The problem is that the show rarely uses them well 

Magic looks awesome in this series, especially Dark Magic 

The Show wants to delve into more complicated themes than most fantasy, and attempts to get at moral ambiguity, pacifism, questions of monarchy, the nature of villainy, racism, and pulling away from fantasy cliches, and it is really admirable.  Unfortunately the show is really bad at actually delivering on any of these interesting themes, which makes the show a colossal mess 

This show has a lot going for it.  Except it...kinda fails on so many different levels.  Each one of these could be a whole detailed post, so if you are interested let me know, but i’ll try to be brief on what doesn't work 

The Role of Dark Magic.

  Dark Magic is the core of the show’s plot and conflict.  So its pretty frustrating about how the show completely fails to actually use this plot element correctly, because in contrast to like Maho from Legend of the Five Rings, or Mages from Dragon Age, its never really established why Dark Magic is evil.  Like Claudia kills a deer in order to cure her brother of total paralysis, which...yeah that sounds like a good deal to me.  Some of the characters get angry at Claudia for killing butterflies to make really good pancakes but like...pancakes are made with eggs.   Which I suppose could be acceptable if the show as embracing a Jainism style world view, but it never bothers to deliver on that perspective or makes an argument for it, it just expects you to accept Dark Magic is wrong because Viren is a bit of a dick.  And honestly, since humans are born without magic and Dark magic is a way for them to have a home, the opposition to Dark Magic frankly just feels...conservative.  Like for all its inclusive casting the show really has an anti progress traditional feel to it which rubs me the wrong way.  Which directly leads into

Problems with Themes.  Fantasy stories usually are about moral themes, and Dragon Prince is no exception, a lot of scenes are delivered with a strong moral overtone.  The problem is that it is utterly confused and inconsistent, usually approach the topic of Dark Magic.  In the first 2 seasons, Viren is chided for “doing things the easy way” and even if ignore the libertarian undertones of that, most of the time, there isn’t really a hard way solution, and a ton of situations have Viren just being correct and characters ignoring him, or treating him like his ideas are far more nasty than they really are.  This gets even more confusing when it comes to the shows attempts to address racism, because it keeps treating humans like they are the group with privilege, but according to the opening narration, the entire human population were basically forcibly located to the Western continent, which is often considered a genocide) and Rayla is casually racist to Callum regularly.  More importantly, the show seems to want to do a Princess Mononoke pacifist argument, but keeps messing it up by its desire to simplify the conflicts it sets up. This gets worse when the show doubles down on the pro monarchist sentiments that underlie almost all fantasy. Which leads to

Being unwilling to commit to flawed characters.  Dragon Prince seems to not want to just be another cliche fantasy story and keeps trying to add details to prevent the characters from just being cliches.  however it doesn’t seem to want to commit to this, and keeps reverting to simplistic morality.  Again going off the racism angle, Callum has comments which imply Elves are seen as like Demons to the humans, and its implied that propaganda is regularly spread concerning them.  And it seems like Dark Magic is just normal in the human kingdoms, that is why they were kicked out after all.  But any time we have a “good” character, they just...don’t have that Bias.  King Harrow is just inexplicably good when it comes to certain issues, which basically means in a story about racism and people learning to look past stereotypes, all of the good guys are already doing that from the start.  This is at its most frustrating with the 5 kings council scene, where despite the fact that it is 100% true that moonshadow elves did in fact assassinate a monarch, the most annoying character in the series is like “Well I read the script and I know this is a wrong action so screw you”.  In a story about overcoming racism and nationalism, there is a is a total unwillingness to have characters have real flaws in that direciton, Verin starts out as a sympathetic villain but then basically turns into Jafar in the 4th episode and it just goes down hill from there 

There are some really bad characters in this, Ezran is intolerable, Bate just wastes screen time, Queen Aanya is the worse thing in the show, and i’m not even getting into the minor characters.  the show also really has some problems with certain female tropes, I don’t think it passes the Bechtel test until season 3 and the writers continue their “Saintly missing mom trope” from season 1 even more so here.  

(remove these two and the show is just massively improved) 

The human kingdoms are boring and we spend 2 whole seasons there.  The appeal of this show is Xadia and the elves, having to deal with discount children’s version of Game of Thrones is just frustrating.  

But everything above are problems with the story and the characters, and that isn’t actually what makes this show so goddamn frustrating.  This show has some of the worse examples of storyboarding, editing, pacing, and just basic narrative structure I’ve seen from actually competent people.  LIke its on Netflix, a company that doesn’t seem to understand what pacing is, and these are the guys who made legend of Korra which was more montage than show at times, but nothing prepared me for this nightmare.  A lot of it comes down to it being 9 episodes per season, which is even worse than Korra, which was rushed at 12 episodes per season, but even within that, every single episode is just a glut of content jumping from story beat to story beat without taking a breath.  Most of the story elements have no set up, let alone build up, the editing constantly takes you out of emotional moments to deal with a totally different subplot, sometimes entire necessary scenes are literally just...not there and we keep missing establishment shots. 

This show is just screaming for self contained one shot episodes, where the characters can have mini arch within the episode and just kinda chill out.  Despite the fact that I like Rayla and Callum, I actually don’t know them all that well because most of their screen time is running from one plot event to the next, rather than the smaller moments between scenes that really grow the character.  Just some episodes to breath, watching this show is exhausting because you spend most of it utterly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of plot happening.  Maybe season 3 will surprise me, but each one of the seasons thus far have ended on a narrative dissonant note and I’m sure this one will follow suit.  I think the reason why this show is weirdly addcitive is the same reason why Baby shark gets stuck in your head so easily, its a bunch of leading tones.  Like the editor in my just wants to hack this show to pieces and recreate it where characters, themes and tones can evolve organically.  

In short, a show with a lot of good in it, but I kinda of hate it, but I can’t stop watching it.  

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm epilogue

In which the sun comes out

Epilogue: Bathed in Light

Okay, it feels a little weird to have an epilogue after that last chapter, but…sure, let’s see what this is about.

Egwene, apparently. Which is fitting, I suppose; this book has very much been hers and Rand’s, with other characters mostly showing up around the edges. It’s getting the Dragon Reborn and the Amyrlin to their places, and playing their arcs against each other for maximum comparative impact.

She’s in the Amyrlin’s study now, which is more or less a symbol of victory for her. She won her battles, she won her war, and now she takes her place.

Not sure how much useful information you’re really going to get from going through Elaida’s things, but sure.

Meanwhile Romanda and Lelaine are continuing to make nuisances of themselves, but…hate to disappoint you two but the window on that opportunity has most assuredly passed. Get over it.

It was late afternoon, and light peeked through the slits of the louvered shutters to her balcony. She didn’t open them, preferring the quiet dimness.

Should we be concerned about that, Egwene?

No number of wall hangings would banish her memory of those days, not when Silviana herself was Egwene’s Keeper. That was fine. Why would Egwene want to banish those days They contained some of her most satisfying victories.

It’s vaguely similar to but also much healthier than Rand riding away from Far Madding, thinking that the cell—and the box—had been a gift because it allowed him to…forge his soul in the fires of pain. Egwene, instead, focuses on the victories that came out of the pain she endured. It’s not a happy set of memories, perhaps, but they’re memories of strength and perseverance and victory.

Silviana’s put together one of the weirder censuses (censi? What the hell is the plural of ‘census’ and why did I never actually study Latin), with categories for ‘yeeted off the Tower’ and ‘grabbed in the night by fruitbat-dragons’ and ‘Black Ajah so should have been executed but fucked off to live and cause problems another day’. No question on citizenship, it seems, though.

Verin’s list was almost perfect, but over sixty escaped, which…doesn’t detract from the sheer fucking badassery that is Verin Mathwin, but it is something of a Wheel of Time classic: you’ve solved the problem! Only…too late or not quite or in a way that lets circumstance screw you over anyway. Which, honestly, is one of the things I like about the series. There aren’t a lot of convenient solutions that just…work. Things work, and then end up breaking something else. Or things work, but not as widely as one would have hoped. Or things work, but before the results can fully play out, someone else comes along and fucks things up again, or differently.

Verin was incredible and Egwene was incredible and lots of the Black Ajah escaped anyway, because no solution is going to be perfect. Because protagonists aren’t the only characters with agency, with the ability to act. Other characters aren’t just going to wait around for the main characters to put their plans in place; they have their own contingencies and ideas and sometimes everything tangles up worse than a cat in a yarn store, and it’s messy and realistic and fun.

(Especially for the cat).

What had tipped them off? Unfortunately, it had probably something to do with Egwene seizing the Black Ajah in the rebel camp.

…you don’t say.

Something about that entire thing reads as absolutely hilarious to me. Also, is my ebook just weird or is that meant to say ‘probably had something to do with…’?

But yes. Yes, Egwene, it probably had something to do with that. Just maybe. Though that would imply that the Black Ajah has done what no one else in this entire series has managed: communicated quickly and effectively. Credit where it’s due.

Everyone left has sworn all the Oaths again, though, so that….probably covers the majority, though I’m sure one could find a way around that if one were truly determined.

I will find you, Alviarin, Egwene though, tapping the sheet with her finger. I will find you all.

I can tell you this: I would not want to be on Egwene’s shit-list. And I would especially not want to be on Egwene al’Vere’s hit-list.

Egwene’s now turned her attention to the puzzle of ‘which one of you is Mesaana in disguise’ and I swear I had a theory on this at some point but I have actually forgotten who I thought it might be, so uh…well, I had to forget something sometime, right?

I really am curious how she’s managed to hide her strength in the Power, though. I know it’s possible to mask the ability to channel completely, but is it possible to do a partial masking? Make yourself appear weaker than you are? If not…how the hell has no one found Mesaana before now, if she’s disguised as an Aes Sedai? (And how have I never thought about this? I’m just doing terribly on All Things Mesaana, I guess).

Either way, Egwene had a problem.

Maybe I’m just slightly giddy from the fact that I’m almost finished with this book, but again I’m finding this inordinately funny. Problems? Egwene? As Amyrlin in a Tower that’s held together by duct tape and denial? Nah.

I don’t even recognise any of the three names on Egwene’s ‘maybe Mesaana’ list so I doubt it’s any of them.

Was Mesaana still hiding in the Tower? If so, she somehow knew how to defeat the Oath Rod.

That’s…an intriguing possibility. Unless she just conveniently stepped out for the day and she’s just been masquerading as someone so unremarkable no one would notice she’s not there?

A soft knock came at her door. It cracked a moment later. “Mother?” Silviana asked.

That is suspiciously conspicuous timing. Silviana couldn’t be Mesaana….could she? That would be so infuriating but also kind of genius. Huh. *squints at Silviana*

Except Egwene just said Silviana was the first to volunteer to re-swear the Oaths.

But if Mesaana knows a way around the Oath Rod…or, really, she could truthfully say she’s not a member of the Black Ajah, and then remove the Oaths later…yeah okay it falls apart a little the more I think about it but that timing sure as hell is suspicious and it would be kind of excellent. You know, in the worst sort of way.

I don’t think you can just…make a hole in the wall into a rose window…I’m pretty sure architecture doesn’t work like that…ah, fuck it, they have the Power, they can do what they want. Who am I to stand in the way of stained glass?

Silviana wants Egwene to see something, so this is either going to be good or very, very bad.

Oh.

After all this time, the clouds had finally broken.

That’s all.

And yet, it’s everything. The fact that Silviana called the Amyrlin to come see sunlight tells you something about how remarkable it is—and thus, by extension, just how dark the last weeks have been.

Such a small thing, but we saw the reason for it last chapter and…I suppose in its way, even that was a small thing. Just a boy on a mountain, fighting with himself and coming to a conclusion. No fireworks, no battlefields, not even any witnesses.

And yet, everything has changed. Even if none but Rand, alone on Dragonmount, know why. Everything has changed because something as simple—and yet as integral—as his perspective has changed. Because he’s remembered why he fights, remembered that there’s hope, realised what he’s doing this for.

It’s for the world, and so for the first time in a long time, that world gets to be just a little bit brighter.

The sun shone down, radiant, lighting the distant, snowcapped crag. The broken maw and uppermost peak of the blasted mountainside were bathed in light.

It’s just a beautiful, quiet moment. A broken mountain finally bathed in light. Not healed, precisely, but no longer shrouded in darkness.

(Also...is anyone else reminded here of Do not stand at my grave and weep?).

And of course it’s the Amyrlin looking out at it and noticing this change, though she doesn’t yet know why. Egwene and Rand are looking at each other across a distance that is as symbolic as it is literal, though neither of them know it. But this has been their book, and they have in their strange ways mirrored each other through it, and now they can look at the same sunlight, now that the storm has broken for both of them.

They’ve ended on very different kinds of victory, but they have both found a position of…strength, and self-realisation, and readiness for what they must face next.

And in its way this is almost like a quiet, shared moment between them, though they are not in the same place, or even truly aware of one another. But it feels like a…breath, a single beat, in which they both get to pause at the same place.

There was something beautiful about it. The light streaming down in a column, strong and pure. Distant, yet striking. It was like something forgotten, but somehow still familiar, shining forth from a distant memory to bring warmth again.

OH. OKAY. OKAY THIS IS ACTUALLY AMAZING BECAUSE.

Lews Therin, creating Dragonmount in a column of light and Power, too much for any one person to hold and survive, destroying himself and tearing at the world itself. A bright light on Dragonmount as the final moments of the one who would be known afterwards as Kinslayer. A bright light on Dragonmount as the Dragon’s death, and darkest hour.

And now, it is echoed in this Age but inverted, because it’s a second chance. The same, and yet utterly different. A moment of realisation for the Dragon, and a bright light on Dragonmount, but this time the realisation is not one of horror and tragedy but of love and hope and second chances. And the light is not annihilation but sunlight, and life.

That? Is a fantastic parallel and inversion.

Of course it is ‘like something forgotten’. Of course it is ‘somehow still familiar’. Of course it shines forth ‘from a distant memory’. Because that’s what it is, and yet in this Age, it gets to be something different.

(A memory of light, even. Sorry, sorry…)

“Storms will soon come,” it seemed to say. “But for now, I am here.” I am here.

Oh, damn, shivers. Wow. What a line to end on.

Not the chilling horror, this time, of ‘I am the storm’, but the cathartic comfort, at last of ‘I am here’. Shelter from the storm, or a light to guide the world to its end, rather than the tempest itself.

We began with the strange clouds, with ‘What the Storm Means’, with people looking to the sky in fear and dread and strange premonition, as the storm gathered and the sky darkened. And we end now with the clouds breaking, with the sun shining, with ‘Bathed in Light’, and people looking to the sky in awe and hope. Atmospheric imagery as bookends done right.

I wasn’t sure how an epilogue was going to work, after that chapter, but to allow for this to be the ending…it did.

----

At the end of time, When the many become one, the last storm shall gather its angry winds to destroy a land already dying. And at its centre, the bland man shall stand upon his own grave. There he shall see again, and weep for what has been wrought.

I don’t really have a lot to say about this except that it’s absolutely beautiful, and perfect, and just a little bit devastating, but in an oddly hopeful way.

He’s reached this point at last, and he can see again, here at the centre of the storm. He can weep again. And now it is time to face the ending. Now that, at last, he is ready.

Next (TGS final thoughts) Skip to: TOM prologue pt1 Previous (TGS ch 50)

[finalsorrow]

20. my muse pleading for no more blood shed from your muse.

Bloodlust Scenarios 20 - Julius pleading for no more bloodshed from Verin

There was one thing, one very small thing that no one would think was even a problem for someone like Julius, that kept the monster hunter from disposing of this woman’s threat altogether. 

She was human.

Skilled in killing others and just as skilled in pretending she didn’t. Verin’s been doing it so long that this was the natural outcome. 

It didn’t help that she was rich, either, and involved in important business-- based on her background checks. 

Julius’ initial hunch of the disappearance of one man let to solo-mission he took on completely by himself, tracing little things back to Verin only to find no evidence of her guilt. He spent many months surveying what he could of her with his admittedly very limited resources, only to latch onto one lead the moment he saw it and rush in just to finally be done with this.

That first botched meeting, where Julius ended-up retreating with his tail between his legs, snowballed into many more meetings afterward where they would fight and he’d have to leave again after tiring himself because he couldn’t just kill a human with no evidence for justification.

It frustrated him to no end, this Ms. Cassiopeia. He was no trained investigator and he didn’t have the money to hire one. At this point, part of him even felt too stubborn to let this go and ask for help hiring a P.I.-- she’d seen his face and now it was personal.

But the stress he felt because he couldn’t keep watch on her at all times was immense, often disappearing for multiple months to focus on other aspects of his life before coming back for another short period of time. He was starting to get snippy and agitated easily, knowing that someone could be hurting other people and was getting away with it.

He was so close to ending this, but he just can’t seem to grab onto the conclusion he needed.

It must’ve been the nerves and anger talking when Julius and her clashed again, speaking without realising it when he’d had her cornered in yet another familiar repeat of former interactions:

   “What do you do this for!?” He was an emotional man, unfortunately. It was all too obvious. “What’s stopping you from stopping? What end do you see in killing others? Or trying to kill me?”

[gayphoenixforce]

Uhh i wrote a short fic about Gabby and Laura Kinney and being disabled and what powers mean etc. Basically, Gabby loses her healing factor but her inability to feel pain is a real condition people struggle with. The snikt sisters are awesome and there’s loads of cameos

“Gabby, are you bleeding?”

It was early morning in the Kinney apartment. Gabby’s eyes peeked open, groggy from sleep.

“What d’you mean m’bleedin…” she mumbled, slowly beginning to wake up. Laura’s face was now clear in Gabby’s vision, and so too was the concern. Gabby’s big sister didn’t get scared - she was the freaking Wolverine - so the concern traveled quickly to Gabby. Now very awake, she began to scan herself for the blood source. Not feeling pain meant sometimes not knowing about an injury right away, but handy healing powers made it more of a nuisance than a reason to be afraid.

It was her left hand. The skin around the fingernail on her ring finger had been picked off, probably in her sleep. It was bleeding just enough to have smeared onto both of her hands, but thankfully not the pillow. It wasn’t something that should have made Laura concerned.

Then it dawned on her. Gabby realized that the amount of blood was not consistent with how much should have come out before her healing factor clotted, and eventually erased, the wound. In fact, the finger was still trickling a bit of blood. Something was wrong - Gabby’s healing factor had vanished in the night.

Dr. Hank McCoy spun around on his stool to face the Kinney sisters in his lab. Reading from a printout he said, “It appears that Miss Gabby has had her X-gene turned off. It’s still present in the DNA, but the gene itself is dormant now. She’s just a normal pre-teen girl.”

Gabby protested, “But I didn’t feel it! I can’t not be a mutant any more, I still don’t feel pain! Tell him Laura, I’m still an X-Man.”

Dr. McCoy sighed, taking off his glasses. “Gabby, Laura, you must understand. Gabby’s mutation was identical to yours and Logan’s Laura. She had an advanced healing factor and some heightened senses. The inability to feel pain is a condition entirely human.

“It is a syndrome called CIPA, which stands for ‘Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis’. It is very rare, but it results in the carrier being incapable of feeling pain. While that may be a superpower to a clone of Wolverines, it is actually very dangerous for humans. You see, Gabby’s healing factor was what was allowing her to lead a normal life. Superhero training gave her the strict regimen that fulfilled the non-violent aspects of the condition.”

Laura interrupted, “What does that mean? Gabby just needs to be extra careful about fights now, like a regular person, right?”

“Unfortunately,” Hank continued, “it’s not so simple. People with CIPA don’t just not feel the pain of a stubbed toe or a broken wrist. They also don’t feel hunger pangs or the urge to use the bathroom. This can cause severe malnutrition and dehydration as well as embarrassing accidents. Not to mention their difficulties with temperature regulation. They can’t tell if they are too hot or too cold, so they can be more susceptible to heat stroke or hypothermia.”

Gabby had completely shut down as Hank spoke. Laura did her best to provide some comfort with a hand on her shoulder, but it seemed brooding was also a family trait. Dr. McCoy gave the sisters some materials about the condition, as well a watch with built in timers for food and bathroom breaks. And because it was X-Men tech, it could also alert Gabby if her temperature was too high or low. Laura could tell Gabby was devastated by the diagnosis. Hank had no clue why her X-gene had turned off, or if there was a way to turn it back on. While they adjusted to the news, Laura was able to convince Gabby to take a break from being Wolverine and Honey Badger. Jean understood (because of course a telepath with motherly tendencies does) and told them to take all the time they needed.

It had been a week since Gabby had lost her powers. They were adjusting to the new schedule Gabby had to keep, from the watch’s chiming reminders to regular injury checks to make sure Gabby hadn’t hurt herself without noticing. Laura was doing her best to keep things normal for her little sister, but there was nothing normal about this. Worse, Laura could tell Gabby could see the worry on her face. She’d gone from coolest big sister ever to worrying mother hen in a week! Something had to be done. Laura may have been keeping her sister safe from physical danger, but Gabby’s hurt was on the inside, and she had never seen the girl so down. Claiming it was an emergency mission, Laura left the apartment to hatch a plan to cheer Gabby up.

All of the X-Men were sad to hear the news about Gabby. She was a ray of sunshine with claws. So when Laura came to the mansion with a mission to brighten her spirits, everyone was all in. Kurt suggested that Jean could do a telepathic version of a Danger Room session with Gabby, so she could still have a thrill without risk of getting hurt. Laura thought that might just make her even worse when the session ended.

Remy thought that a planned heist would lift anyone’s spirits, and he would have convinced Laura if the responsible adults (aka everyone but Remy and Jubilee) hadn’t stepped in to remind them that robbery was still definitely a crime. Forge suggested she take up a hobby like Lego or robotics (and even offered to teach her some basics). Storm offered to take Gabby flying. At one point, Rogue thought she might be able to temporarily give Gabby her powers by taking Laura’s and giving them to Gabby, but that felt cruel. Eventually, Laura had to leave to get back to Gabby, and she was still 0 for 10 on ideas to cheer up her little sister.

--

Stopping in a bakery in Hell’s Kitchen, Laura heard some crashes in an alleyway across the street. Dropping off her fresh pastries and her civilian clothes, Laura dashed to the source of the noise. A mugger had a young woman pinned to a wall. With a snikt, Wolverine let her presence known. But before the mugger could even look at her, an arrow smacked him in the head, knocking him to the ground. The woman ran away, grateful for once for New York’s endless supply of masked heroes.

Hopping down from his fire escape perch, the mystery hero revealed himself. “Woah! Wolverine? You handle muggers now? I mean I know Hell’s Kitchen already has Daredevil for the big name villains, but I figured the little guys were still fair game…” Hawkeye, aka Clint Barton, rambled as he retrieved his arrow from the mugger’s unconscious noggin.

Laura took off her mask, “I’m not a regular here. I was buying pastries for my little sister. Heard the noise from the scuffle. Sorry to uh, cramp your style, or whatever.”

Clint laughed, “Haha, wow! Wolverine shops at Daredevil’s Food Cake? And also doesn’t know how to use slang despite being a young person.”

“I was raised in a murder lab,” she replied with a roll of her eyes, “And the pastries are for my sister. They’re her favorite and I’ve got to cheer her up somehow.”

Clint recognized the concern in Laura’s voice and stopped his chuckling. Emotions weren’t exactly his strong suit, but he was always ok at least at being a friend. So he asked, “Why’s she need cheering up? Isn’t she a tween hero? Badger or something, right? Small-verine? What can bring a kid like that down?”

“Losing her powers, for one,” Laura said. She explained the situation to Hawkeye. He was a surprisingly good listener, at least, he looked like he was being a good listener. When she finished explaining, Clint scratched his head.

“Well, life-altering disabilities can definitely have that effect. Being deaf makes it hard sometimes. I’ll know I missed something important someone said. Movies are nearly impossible to watch, and closed captions are usually pretty awful. It can feel like the world is leaving you out. Like life’s a lunch table, and you can’t sit there,” he said, not really looking at Laura, but getting lost in his own memory somewhat. “She just needs time to adjust. And maybe some people who know what she’s going through? Even rare diseases have Facebook groups now, so it would probably be pretty easy to find some people for her to talk with.”

“What about you?” Laura asked, “Could you come talk to her? I know it isn’t the same thing, but I think you could help her more than me or any of the other X-Men right now.”

Clint was shocked. Him? Being helpful in a non-arrow related situation? But then he remembered what it was like, meeting other disabled people for the first time. Seeing them as a thriving community, a table he could sit at. How could he refuse?

--

Clint’s visit was a smashing success, and not just because he managed to knock over a lamp when retelling a story about disability rights activists. Gabby had some of her usual confidence back, and she was excited to meet other people living like her. Hawkeye had even promised to get her and Laura in touch with other disabled heroes, like Daredevil, Cypher, and Bucky Barnes.

Gabby wasn’t going to be exactly the same as she was before her powers went away, but no one really stays the same forever. Together, with her sister’s help, Gabby was able to find a new place for herself, not as Honey Badger, but as Gabby Kinney. She got involved with a children’s disability rights group, and was a hero, just not the kind she’d been before.

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 14

Good things may come in small packages, but bad things come in boxes.

Chapter 14: A Box Opens

WHAT THE FUCK??? NO. THAT TITLE IS UNACCEPTABLE GET IT AWAY.

NO BOXES.

Boxes are bad for dragons.

Okay so we start with Sorilea, Cadsuane, and Semirhage. No boxes yet.

Cadsuane anticipated finding many things among the Aiel who followed Rand al’Thor. […] She had been right. One thing she had certainly not expected to find, however, was an equal. Certainly not a Wise One who could barely channel. And yet, oddly, that was how she regarded the leathery-faced Aiel woman.

And at this point, like other Wise Ones, Sorliea can’t have much respect for Aes Sedai on the whole, but from the first time they met, she and Cadsuane have shared this mutual respect. Surprised respect, and sometimes wary respect, but they do treat as equals.

Cadsuane certainly still has her blind spots regarding the Aiel, and the Wise Ones, but I do like that she can acknowledge Sorliea as an equal. Cadsuane is largely set in her ways and her views, but she is aware of this, which affords her a modicum more flexibility than she might otherwise have.

I wish Verin were here, though. I really liked the potential for a Verin-Cadsuane-Sorilea alliance.

Semirhage is being kept forcibly awake with weaves that make noise and light, and I’m pretty sure that can be categorised as ‘torture’ but maybe Cadsuane would justify it to Rand as ‘enhanced interrogation techniques’ so as to avoid breaking his edict.

She had likely mastered some kind of mental trick to help her stave off exhaustion.

Well she did have a three-thousand-year nap before this all started, so that might have helped.

I have a hard time imagining one of the Aiel using the phrase ‘delicate Aiel questioning’ but whatever, that’s nitpicking.

“Rand al’Thor is twice as stubborn as any clan chief I’ve known. And twice as arrogant too. To presume that women cannot bear pain as well as men!”

Drag him.

I mean, that’s not exactly his reasoning – at this point, it’s no longer a matter of reasoning even – but she has a point. It’s an absurd distinction for him to make.

Though Cadsuane also has a point in saying that pain is probably useless on Semirhage, so in this case it wouldn’t matter if Rand let them hurt her or not. It might not be a bad idea to let them kill her, before she causes problems, because there’s no way she won’t cause problems, but what can you do.

“Ah,” [Semirhage] said. “Aiel. You were such good servants, once. Tell me, how strongly does it bite, knowing how you betrayed your oaths? Your ancestors would cry for punishment if they knew how many deaths lay at the hands of their descendants.”

Wow.

She sure knows how to hit where it will hurt.

And with pure truth, in this case. Which of course is why it hurts. It’s also interesting to think about how, for Semirhage, it’s only been…what, a year? She didn’t watch the Aiel change. She was imprisoned when they were still the Da’shain, and when she was released, they were…this. So she’s almost more able to wield their past as a weapon against them because she must remember it so clearly, and must be able to see sharply the contrast between what they were and what they are.

“She seems so much more human than I anticipated,” Sorilea said to Bair.

It’s an impressive response, especially combined with the lack of reaction to what Semirhage just said. But then, Sorilea is a Wise One, and already faced her people’s past.

Semirhage’s eyes narrowed for just a moment at that comment.

I wonder if Sorilea meant it as a counterstrike, or just an observation. She’s canny enough that it could well be the former. Semirhage is cold and cruel and infamous; she can’t like the ‘primitive’ people of this age – especially a woman who can barely channel – dismissing her as disappointingly human.

“Tell me, how far do you think I would have to push before one of you [Aiel] would kill a blacksmith and dine on his flesh?”

Well she certainly wasn’t shaken for long. She gets a slight reaction from Sorilea this time, at any rate.

“If I were to choose,” Sorilea continued, “I think that I would have her throat slit and her corpse laid out on the dust to dry. Keeping her alive is like keeping a snapwood blacklance as a pet.”

I’m with Sorilea on this one.

“You’re right about the danger, but killing her now would be worse.”

Are you sure of that? Really sure? Absolutely certain? The longer you keep her, the greater the risk she will find a way to make you regret it. And you’re gaining virtually nothing right now.

“Al’Thor cannot – or will not – give me an accurate count of the number of Forsaken he has slain, but he implies that at least half of them still live.”

Well, see, it’s complicated.

Though…Rand doesn’t actually know that it’s complicated, does he? So why won’t he give a number? Is it because he still doesn’t know what exactly happened to Asmodean, and doesn’t want to come anywhere near that topic lest he reveal that he held him captive rather than killing him? But he seems to assume Asmodean is still alive, and has betrayed him, so he could just list him among the ‘probably still alive and plotting my downfall’ and leave it at that. Why not tell Cadsuane about Ishamael and Lanfear and Be’lal and Sammael and Aginor and Balthamel and Rahvin?

“And the item?” [Sorilea] asked. “May I see it?”

Please don’t let this be what I think it is. Then again, I don’t know what they could really do with it, given that killing it with fire didn’t work when Nynaeve and Elayne tried, nor did dropping it in the ocean.

Though…she did also have Semirhage’s momentary look, that hint of anger, displayed at Sorilea’s comment. When you could control a person’s anger, you could control their other emotions as well. That was why she had focused so hard on teaching al’Thor to rein in his temper.

That’s an interesting perspective on it. ‘A rage in him fit to burn the world, and he holds it by a hair…’ I don’t think her method is working, exactly, but I can see where she’s coming from. Rand is barely holding everything together, and the world needs more than ‘barely’.

Al’Thor seemed almost eager for the Last Battle. Or perhaps just resigned. To get there he felt he had to force his way through the petty squabbles of people like a midnight traveller pushing through banks of snow to arrive at the inn. The problem was, al’Thor wasn’t ready for the Last Battle. Cadsuane could feel it in the way he spoke, the way he acted. The way he regarded the world with that dark, nearly dazed expression. If the man he was now faced the Dark One to decide the fate of the world, Cadsuane feared for all people.

Her obseravtions are rather excellent and usually accurate, even if her methods aren’t necessarily the ‘right’ or most effective ones.

She’s right, here. Rand is…both eager and resigned, pushing his way towards the Last Battle because that is his task, because that is his sole focus, and because it will at last be an ending. (But there are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Wheel of Time, and actually this sort of ties into what he has lost sight of; he doesn’t see it as an ending to allow a new beginning, but simply as…an ending).

And he’s not ready. Even if he were to win, with the mindset he has now, it would be a hollow victory at best, because he has lost sight of or pushed away from himself everything he should be fighting for. He has lost laughter and tears; Cadsuane can see that, but the difficulty is in knowing how to help him find them again. She’s trying, and she knows how desperately important it is, but neither she nor anyone else at this point actually knows what to do. All they can do is try. And unfortunately, sometimes their failures may only do more harm.

It was strange to her how few Aes Sedai learned to innovate with the One Power. They memorised time-tested and traditional weaves, but gave barely a thought for what else they could do. True, experimenting with the One Power could be disastrous, but many simple extrapolations could be made without danger.

Is it really all that strange to you, Cadsuane? But this does fit rather well into how Cadsuane is both traditional and also… not. She’s enough of a pragmatist that she won’t reject potentially useful things out of hand just because they’re new, or not what she expected. And while she absolutely has her biases, and tends to think her way is the right way, she is better than many at responding to unexpected situations. Rand pulls out the Choedan Kal and says he’s going to cleanse saidin and Cadsuane doesn’t waste time telling him all the reasons that’s a terrible idea or can’t be done or shouldn’t be attempted, but simply asks him where and starts coordinating defences. For a more morally questionable example, she considers Alanna’s bonding of Rand to be a crime, but also makes use of it. Rather than rejecting the Asha’man as an abomination and/or attempting to pretend they don’t exist, she arranges for them to be bonded by Aes Sedai, and incorporates them into her plans. She initially dismisses the Wise Ones as ‘wilders’, but quickly recognises Sorilea and some of the others as a force to be reckoned with. She can look at change, or at something that goes against tradition, and instead of fighting against it, she finds a way to make it useful. It may not always be the most morally exemplary of traits, but it is an impressive one. She has her ideas of how things should be, or should be done, and she’s not free from all prejudice, but she also tries to face reality as it is.

Anyway, it’s not at all surprising that the White Tower as it has been for the last few centuries or so does not exactly inspire innovation.

The weaves –inverted to be invisible – sprang out in twisting threads of Air and captured anyone in the room when the box was opened. Then another weave set out a large sound, imitating a hundred trumpes playing while lights flashed in the air to give the alarm. The weaves would also go off if anyone opened the box, moved it, or barely touched it with the most delicate thread of the One Power.

See that all sounds good, and it’s good that she’s taking the guarding of this seriously, but SOMETHING IS GOING TO GO VERY WRONG HERE.

And yep, there’s the male a’dam. I can’t remember what I called it. Evil collar of doom? Anyway, it’s BAD NEWS.

They had not tested the collar. Al’Thor had forbidden it.

On the one hand, WOW I WONDER WHY. On the other…there is something to be said for testing dangerous things in a controlled environment so that you’re not later surprised by them in a very un-controlled environment.

“It may have been used as a pattern by the Seanchan.”

Oh WONDERFUL.

“This is unsettling to see,” Sorilea said. “If one of the Shadowsouled, or even one of the Seanchan, captured him with this…”

“Light protect us all,” Bair whispered.

Yeah, I’m thinking this is not so much a matter of ‘if’ as of ‘when’. You have all the components of this exact disaster right here in this house, after all. One of them kept in a box, no less.

“And the people who have these are the same people with whom al’Thor wishes to make peace?” Sorilea shook her head. “Creation of these abominations alone should warrant a blood feud.”

Yeah, well, you know what they say – the enemy of apocalypse at the hands of an entity of destruction and entropy is my friend.

Cadsuane’s given the actual a’dam and also Callandor to ‘some acquaintances’. Huh. I’m inclined to agree with her, though, that Callandor probably has a few more secrets. Not to mention undoubtedly more of a role to play.

One of the first things Cadsuane had done after capturing those female a’dam was put one on and practice ways to escape from it. She’d done so under carefully controlled circumstances, of course, with women she trusted to help her escape.

Credit where it’s due. She also linked to test whether saidin was clean. Cadsuane doesn’t shy away from tasks she considers important, even if they’re distasteful or dangerous.

If your enemy was planning to do something to you, you had to discover how to counter it. Even if that meant leashing yourself. Al’Thor couldn’t see this. When she asked, he simply muttered about “that bloody box” and being beaten.

I mean. Yeah. This is one where they both very much have a point. Trying to find a weakness in a weapon that could be used against you is a very good idea, even if that means unpleasantness – though in this case, it’s hard to see what that weakness might be.

But that’s…not something Rand is going to be able to do. He could barely stand being in the small cabin of a boat for more than a few minutes, and he trusts almost no one – certainly not Aes Sedai – and even in controlled circumstances, being leashed and controlled like that would be absolute torture. So he may not see the validity of Cadsuane’s point, but I think here she also fails to see the extent to which this is impossible for him.

“We have to do something about that man,” Sorilea said, meeting Cadsuane’s eyes. “He has grown worse since we last met.”

“He has,” Cadsuane said. “He’s surprisingly accomplished at ignoring my training.”

So…maybe try something different? Sorilea’s right, though; he is getting worse. We’re in pretty steep downward-spiral territory here (and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying watching it).

“Then let us discuss,” Sorilea said, pulling over a stool. “A plan must be arranged. For the good of all.”

Again…I wouldn’t say she’s wrong, and it’s true that if things continue as they are it will likely lead to disaster, and Sorilea and Cadsuane are both genuinely focused on the fate of the world here. But I also don’t know that this plan will end well, whatever it is. In part because I think that no plan could end well, really, so long as Rand himself doesn’t…allow it to. Some of it is going to have to come from him, and how to make that happen is not a question anyone really knows how to answer at this point.

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