#unfortunately i look alot like my late grandmother...i hope seeing me wont bring him back some sad memories

[thegothicviking]

This...

Earlier (around 10 pm, May 14th) out of nowhere....

Me and my mom got invited to my Maternal grandfather's 75th birthday. And meeting grandpa Viking would have been great if it wasn't for the fact that I haven't seen this man in

14-15 years. I wish I was kidding. But it's true. I haven't seen his face or heard his voice in 14-15 years.

AND he even got himself a new girlfriend!

Here is the story; my maternal grandmother (his first wife) died of breast cancer when I was 5 and my sister was 7.

After that there was a fight between my grandpa and my mom (she is the oldest of his children) about who was going to heritage the old house (the first house me, my mom, my dad and my sister lived in from I was 0-2 years old before we moved where me and my mom still lives now). And that fight just kept this man, my grandpa to slowly but steadily withdraw himself from his own family. Stopped congratulating us on our birthdays. Stopped sending holiday cards...stopped coming for visits.

THEN (when I was around 8 or 10? I think?) he got himself a girlfriend or re-married...I don't remember if they ever got married or were engaged but his new gf/wife really took initiative to include me, my mom, my sister, my aunt and uncles (my mom's siblings) and my cousins so we could all be together like a family should be.

But then something must have happened to my grandpa and his ex gf, because he began to withdraw himself again and according to my mom he told her that they had broken up. And so he kept withdrawing himself. Shutting us out.

And this is why all of this is extra sad;

Grandpa Viking still lives in the same house he did as when my grandma was still alive. Same house. Same adress.

This house is literally about a 30 - 40 minute busride away from me and my mom (my parents got divorced and my sister has moved out and lives in a different city, far away).

So this means that my grandpa has been living close to me, all this time. But what's even sadder is that;

His birthday is a day before mine. (May 15th and mine is May 16th) And I have always been aware of this. We used to celebrate our birthdays together when I was a baby and until my grandma passed away.

And NOW..out of nowhere...with less than 24 hour notice...his NEW girlfriend (that I had no idea about) wants me and my mom and probably also my uncle (my aunt and other uncle lives too far away)...to come and celebrate grandpa Viking's 75th birthday.

My mom asked me if I wanted to join.

My mom had told him over the phone that me and my sister were in Bergen or that "they are in Bergen" although my sister is the only one who lives there.

But my mom let me decide. And she said she had full understanding if I didn't want to come. As I haven't seen this man for 14-15 years.

But I accepted the invitation! I am going! I will meet grandpa Viking! I have no idea about his physical or mental health or how his and my late grandma's house looks on the inside today. I hope it looks like how I remember it. I remember it clearly.

I AM nervous! For 15 years this man has been "dead" to me. And its odd that I will meet him NOW as I have thought about him alot lately/past couple of years. Wondering how he looked like now. Wondering if I should randomly drive to his house and see him.

And now I AM going to see him!! And it feels surreal! And it might be the last time I will ever see him. He might die very soon or he may not enjoy our meeting and withdraw himself again. This might be the last chance I have! To see grandpa Viking! (It's from his last name that I have the word Viking in my full name. No seriously..I AM actually Viking something!)

He might hate the way I look now with my plum-red hair, my lip percing and my harshly drawn brows... I don't know!?!? I don't know what kind of a grandpa he could have been. The last conversation I had with him was short. I was 14-15 and my mom hadn't come home from work. I invited him inside for coffee although I had no idea how to make coffee with the coffee machine. He declined. He sat down and read the newspaper that was left on the livingroom table by my mom. And then out of nowhere he began to talk to me about how the prices of houses/apartments had gone up. As if I could have moved out at the age of only 15....??

And now he will see me again. One day before I'm turning 29. Of course I could have rejected him. Like he has withdrawn from me. But if this is a chance to have him in my life, even if only for 5-10 more years. Then I'll take it!

What is past is the past. It is what it is...although my mom has told me to play along and pretend for his new gf that me and grandpa Viking have been superclose this entire time..(as we don't know how much this girlfriend knows about our broken family ties.)

The thing that makes me the most nervous is that unfortunately (like my mom) I do look alot like my grandma. I have her face, her smile and her eyes. I hope seeing me won't remind him too much of her. I don't want to be the reason for why he is hurting. I don't know anything about his current health! I hope our meeting goes well. I am excited and nervous!

But If our meeting doesn't go well, if he doesn't accept me or us, me and my mom (for whatever reason) and wants to withdraw himself again...then I can't force him back. In the end this will be his decision. But I am open for (even a short) relationship with him. If he wants to.

But like my mom always says;

"If they don't want to do anything or doesn't want to be with you...you can't force them!"

Hopefully the meeting goes well, though we obviously cant hug each other in these times...

But I'm excited! Wish me good luck! 🤞