#unfortunately i dont know chinese at all so i do have to wait around for other people to tell me when things differ

[curiouschaosstarlight]

So, I don't uuusually type outside of tags like this (and I very much did not want to here either), but! The last time I typed out a bunch of tags in a big ol' ramble, tumblr ate the majority of them.

I've been slowly realizing more and more that I think the way I grew up -- anime, manga, books, and video games, all hand-curated by my mom because it was her money and she, too, loved all those things -- gave me a very different childhood from other people.

I've never considered animation to be "for kids", I've never had a game that "teaches" me that games can have story (because ALL my games had story, because my mom loves stories and intentionally went and got games that had them), I've never really had my "first big plot twist", "first big betrayal", "first big death" or anything, because about 85% of the media I had was all doing that. Even the Pokemon anime was doing that, though people like to discount Pokemon from doing anything that isn't strictly "for kids", because...honestly, I think because of the cultural differences? You see all the time people claiming that death "never happens" or is "never mentioned" in Pokemon, despite the fact that it's actually quite prominent. (There's an area dedicated to dead Pokemon, sometimes actual human ghosts, in every single generation, there's been the threat of death + actual deaths in the anime + full-ass character deaths in the movies, even discounting the ones where everyone winds up being okay afterwards, and the various mangas can also get pretty dark and not really the American version of "kid-friendly".)

My aunt (my mom's best friend) also loved anime and all that, and she had basically the entirety of Sailor Moon as a collection of dvds. Specifically, she had the entire first season as a set of og, uncut, Japanese only dvds. There were English subs, that was it. And I was allowed to borrow and watch that a LOT. God- I watched it a lot. Sailor Moon was one of my biggest jams growing up.

...If I did have a "first", it was Sailor Moon. Growing up and looking into it more, it was the first time I realized how radically a dub can change things. Specifically the gay relationships; the most famous one was sloppily changing Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune from lesbians to "cousins" in the dub, but there were also two instances of taking effeminate gay men in the original version (Zoisite in the first season, and Fish Eye in SuperS) and turning them into girls.

After that, I became way more curious about what the original subbed versions of a lot of my other favorite anime was like.

Now, for the most part, I'm a case-by-case basis kind of person when it comes to subbed vs dubbed, but I've noticed that when it comes to actual analysis of characters, story, intent, etc. I am VERY strictly a "watch the subs and do research" type of person. And when people have some truly asinine takes on characters, dynamics, plot points, etc. that only takes a very base reading of the English translation of something into account (ESPECIALLY if the takes also reeks of them heavily applying Western values to an Eastern work without even a hint of self-awareness), it genuinely pisses me off.

(And oh. my fucking god. The amount of people that refuse to take Japanese culture into account despite HANDLING JAPANESE MEDIA drives me up the wall. There was someone I knew recently, a translator, that fucking insisted on a really off reading of a video game that could be easily answered with 'okay but things are different in Japan, we need to look at their standards to get the best idea of this' were shot down with 'I know' and then CONTINUING TO TRY ENFORCING WESTERN SENSIBILITIES WITH ZERO CHANGE TO THE APPROACH WHATSOEVER.)

(This is another reason why I despise "coding" as a fandom concept. It comes from the Hay's Code, which was enforced in Hollywood and heavily affected American media for a good fucking while. Coding, as a concept, does NOT fucking exist outside of certain time periods as it is, and it does not fucking exist in Japan, with media that was only ever released in Japan. The closest thing you can possibly get with that is, like, the Sailor Moon thing from before, and that's not ''''Coding'''', that's ACTIVE CENSORSHIP OF ACTUAL GAY CHARACTERS. When you experience a lot of Japanese media, like actually experience it instead of living with your head up your ass, you start to notice Japan really doesn't "code" characters in any semblance of the word. They kind of just Do or Outright State things most of the time, or otherwise make jokes about stereotypes that are probably incredibly obvious back in Japan. Now, I don't doubt there's instances of trying to squeak this or that past Japanese censors, but what Japan thinks is worthy of censorship and what America thinks is worthy of censorship are two different things for the most part.)

(If anyone reading that last bit thinks "well, that's what Coding is!", you are part of the problem, and you should just start calling ""Coding"" by what you actually mean; "Stereotyping".)

Part of the fun of Japanese media, and indeed other non-American media, for me is seeing and learning about cultures that aren't mine. I love finding out that this character or that plot point was the way it was because of this Japanese expectation or that bit of folklore, and so on.

(Other characters that people are REALLY fucking bad about trying to insist on attaching American standards to; Chihiro from Danganronpa, and Naoto from Persona 4. Both deal with the very strict gender roles in Japan, because Japan is very much, or at least was at the time those characters were made, I don't keep fully updated with how times change in Japan and I'm not going to claim to, a "the nail that sticks out gets hammered down" kind of country. Being noticeably different, like being a guy with what's seen as "feminine" traits, or a girl in a heavily male-dominated line of work, causes a lot of problems, resulting in Chihiro getting heavily bullied and Naoto never being taken seriously at her job. So Of Course Basically Every English Fan Complains About How These Are Obviously Trans Characters And They're SO Badly Written And Don't You Dare Say They Aren't Trans.)

(Disclaimer, because I know I have to; I love trans characters in stuff. I want more trans characters in media. I want more positive trans representation. But I've seen people send each other death threats over this shit. I've seen people say others shouldn't write or even look at these characters as anything but "trans" or else, despite how literally the tiniest amount of research would be like "yeah, not trans, just a very Japan-specific issue".)

(And then we have the opposite problem where Vivian from Paper Mario The Thousand Year Door was trans, if handled nnnot the greatest in Japanese, was turned cisfemale, or at least her sisters respect her pronouns, in English, and once the remake was announced, we have a bunch of English fans insisting she isn't and wasn't trans < < Ugh.)

There's just. So much shit you miss when you look at non-American media and go "well, I know exactly what's going on here! I don't need to reframe the way I think at all!", and it's genuinely galling how hard some people will fucking refuse, refuse, to even attempt to engage with something with its original cultural context, or otherwise claim that they're TOTALLY keeping all of that in mind, but they still keep using American expectations to frame literally everything.

Ofc I wasn't this amazing, perfect literature analyzing child or anything like that. But...I dunno. I feel like I've seen a lot of other people hold certain experiences very, very tightly, and struggle to grasp "this thing was made with a completely different culture than mine and does not and would not reflect my sensibilities", when all of that has been fairly second-nature to me.

Something about this piece of Japanese media seems a bit weird or off or questionable to me? I might need to look into why it's that way for it to actually make sense? Yeah, I sure fucking hope it does.

You! American fan of foreign or otherwise un-American media! Are you aware of the nuances and cultural differences that are portrayed in that media and have an understanding that you as an outsider looking in should be careful with the lenses you analyze that media in because you have a different perspective that is not catered to?

[winwintea]

okay more more life lore because i actually love talking and i already talked to my girlfriend and my brother’s boyfriend about everything in my life they are literally part of the family now and i have no one to talk to anymore i only have you london so please bare with me😞😞😞

Also it is so frustrating me because my keyboard keeps changing to my mandrin keyboard every second like i don’t press that world globe thing that changes languages it just changes itself to mandrin I’M NOT TALKING TO MY MOM FOR GOD’S SAKE STOP CHANGING TO MANDRIN💀💀💀

anyways quick lore because it is like 3am and i didn’t sleep🤓🤓

i was born raised and studied 4 years of elementary school in shanghai then we moved to london i studied there till freshman year in highschool then we had to move back to china after the divorce i studied there then graduated and now i’m in new york but i will unfortunately move back to china after a year😞😞😞😞

And my brother’s unemployed ass dropped out of uni so he can live this year at the fullest (his words not mine) and i wish i can but unfortunately i’m the future doctor in the family and i need to study or i will be the bad influence in the family😿😿 sigh i dont wanna be Asian anymore😞😞

NOW GOOD NIGHT I NEED TO SLEEP LOVE YOU MWAH MWAH🎀🎀🎀🎀

I WILL BECOME AN EXTENDED MEMBER OF THE NERDSUNGIE FAMILY

the korean cousin 🤭🤭

anyways quick lore because it is like 3am and i didn’t sleep🤓🤓// fun fact i was actually up all night and did not sleep either (it be like that sometimes... but usually really rare, i go to bed around 10:30ish on a daily basis) and so i watched your two asks get sent in at like 4-5am in the morning for me and was like... "girl wdym go to sleep now..." ALSO ARENT YOU SAME TIMEZONE AS ME RN???

wait wait wait do you speak shanghaiese 👉👈 my chinese teacher also would yap away in shanghaiese so i know how to speak a few words but i can fully understand the dialect if you were speaking to me in it. (speaking is hard guys i just cracked down on my mandarin pronunciation)

but when i visited shanghai this year it was so fun watching these people find out that i'm actually korean and i can speak a bit of shanghaiese too. convinced i was lowkey born in the wrong family, pls adopt me nerdsungie's mother and step-mom 🙏

also.. how does your dad's side and your mom's side interact like im gen curious... with the amount of queers this family has it seems so sweet like... im also a child of divorce but brooooooooooooooooo my parents hate each others guts ( i mean they're also straight. but..)

HELP ME YOUR BROTHER "DROPPED OUT" ok trust fund kid /j IM JOKING IDK IF YALL ARE TRUST FUND KIDS BUT IF YOU GUYS ARE BASICALLY ZHONG CHENLE THEN YOU'RE BASICALLY A TRUST FUND KID JUST SAYING....

med student gang 😜😜 lowkey i wanted to be a doctor on my own, my parents hate going to doctors they like refuse to see a doctor in any emergency istg my mother is going to be in a fucking coma and she'll awake to tell me that she will not see a doctor and then go back into her damn coma.

[hypmic-writings]

This might be a little difficult. But how about HCs with Fruits basket AU* with TDD with their S/O and how they would find out about the boys' secret.

*(Basically they will turn into one of the chinese zodiac animals (of your choice) when they weak, stressed or hugged by the opposite sex.)

I apologise if this is too difficult for you especially if you dont know about fruits basket.

━━ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ━━

Pairing: Ichiro Yamada x fem!reader; Samatoki Aohitsugi x fem!reader; Ramuda Amemura x fem!reader; Jakurai Jinguji x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None

A/N: I absolutely loved Fruits Basket, it was one of the first anime I ever watched! I saw this request and immediately had to do it first, this was so fun to write! Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy~

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Ichiro Yamada

Ichiro’s zodaic animal is the rabbit

like Momiji and the rabbit zodiac, Ichiro is full of energy, curious, sincere, and very popular

Ichiro has never been ashamed to be who he truly is, but he knows that the curse has made him more wary of women

he still has lots of female friends, but he’s cautious to become too close to them (although he’s definitely had close calls in the past)

Ichiro didn’t grow up with much love from his parents so he pushes most of his love onto his brothers Jiro (the monkey) and Saburo (the rooster)

he’s still pretty optimistic about the future though, and he believes that one day he might be able to find someone who loves him just as he is

and that’s when you walk into his life

the two of you become fast friends, always chatting and hanging out, but you’re quick to notice Ichiro’s disdain for physical contact

his constant ducking and dodging make you think that he doesn’t like you in that way, but it’s really just because he doesn’t want to burden you with his secret just yet

so the two of you become closer and closer until eventually one day, Ichiro asks you out on a date

shortly after that, the two of you start dating and that’s when Ichiro starts to freak out about when he should tell you his secret

he decides to tell you one night when you’re having a movie night and it all sort of spills out

you sit in awe and wonder as he reveals his dark secret that he turns into a zodiac animal when under stress or hugged by a woman

he’s not sure how much you believe, but he doesn’t want to show you his rabbit form because he’s just too embarrassed by it

unfortunately, things really come to a head when the two of you are out in Ikebukero doing some last minute Christmas shopping

you hear someone call out Ichiro’s name and turn to see one of his old school friends running towards him

Ichiro warns him to stop, but his friend practically jumps up to him in excitement, pushing him right back...onto you

in an awkward backwards hug, there’s a puff of smoke and Ichiro is suddenly nowhere to be seen

you panic because this is what he had been telling you about and while his friend asks what happens and curious shoppers look on from around you, you quickly swoop up rabbit!Ichiro from inside the smoke and hug him in your arms

you don’t wait to explain anything, taking off with the rabbit in your arms

when you finally get back to your house, Ichiro thanks you and you set him down on the couch

it’s only then that you realize how adorable his rabbit form really is and you can’t resist placing a small kiss on his fluffy little forehead

Ichiro whines, saying that the more you touch him the longer he’ll be like this but you just muse that he’s so cute that wouldn’t really be a bad thing

once Ichiro is back in his human form, he’s quick to apologize, saying that he knows it’s a lot to take in and ask of you to keep a secret

but you just smile and blow him a kiss, saying that you love him and you’ll do anything to keep his secret

Ichiro is practically on the verge of tears from your words, feeling a sort of love that he’s never really felt before

and he can’t help himself as he throws himself onto you in an embrace, crying out as he turns into a rabbit in your arms once more

Samatoki Aohitsugi

Samatoki’s zodiac animal is the horse

like Rin and the horse zodiac, Samatoki is quite wild but loyal, often suspicious of people before trusting them

Samatoki largely ignores his zodiac side and simply figures that if he refuses to date women, he won’t have to deal with his zodiac side

there have been a handful of times he’s passed out of exhaustion at the yakuza base and his underlings were all incredibly terrified and impressed that the boss managed to get a horse into his office

when he first meets you, he’s slow to want to have anything to do with you

he doesn’t want to be close to women, knowing that the zodiac curse effectively stops people from being loved and he doesn’t want to have to deal with the fallout of you being scared of him or worse, saying you don’t love him anymore

despite this, you keep showing up and charming Samatoki and he finds himself falling hard for you

you fall for him too and soon both of you are dating but with Samatoki putting a hard and fast rule that he wants to take it slow

unbeknownst to you, this rule is really just in place so that he has time to decide how to tell you the truth about the curse

unfortunately for him, he doesn’t get the chance to tell you in private because one night, when you’re both out on the town and walking home together, two thugs come up and try to steal your bag

of course, Samatoki is quick to beat them up and knock them out, but when he turns around to make sure you’re okay, he doesn’t have time to react as you throw your arms around him with a ‘thank you’

his eyes go wide and he can only mutter a ‘shit’ before there’s a pop and smoke fills the air as you fall to the ground

after a few moments, you find yourself staring up at a silver horse that’s staring down at you with big eyes

you look around in confusion, calling out for Samatoki when the horse suddenly talks and tells you not to freak out

but of course that only makes you freak out even more and you’re immediately on your feet with your hands out, trying to make sense of the situation

Samatoki sighs and decides that he has to tell you the truth, explaining the curse and saying that he plays the role of the horse in the zodiac

it takes you a while to wrap your head around this information, and as you are, there’s another pop and Samatoki is back, pulling on the clothes that were scattered around the ground

he prepares to leave, apologizing and saying that it’s probably best if you both go your separate ways but you’re quick to tell him to wait

explaining that you just need more of an explanation and that you want all of the details

that you still love him and that you want to make this work regardless of whatever curse might be haunting him

Samatoki is stunned and doesn’t believe you at first, but when you threaten to hug him again and feed him nothing but oats, he realizes that you really are telling him the truth

there’s a part of him that’s scared to believe that anyone could ever love him, but there’s another part that believes that if you really love him as strongly as you say you do, he’ll be loyal to you for the rest of his life

Ramuda Amemura

Ramuda’s zodiac animal is the ox

like Haru, Ramuda has two distinct personalities that the zodiac curse has only amplified 

while one side of him is happy-go-lucky, the other side is dark and dangerous making him feel that he could never be loved

and that he didn’t even deserve love

it’s extremely difficult for Ramuda to go through life without hugging any of the beautiful women that he sees, but somehow he makes do

he makes it a point to flirt, but never let them touch him, joking that he won’t do any of those kinds of things until he’s married

when he meets you, he treats you the same way, joking and flirting until he realizes that there’s something different about you

you don’t dismiss him like the others and you genuinely care about him and want to spend time with him

the two of you start dating and at first it’s casual but then it becomes more intense and Ramuda realizes how bad this could be for you

this makes his dark side flare up in an attempt to make you leave him, not wanting you to stay around him and get hurt

but you insist that you love him and that you know he would never hurt you like that

and in an attempt to stay by his side, you throw your arms around him and hold him tightly

but suddenly he’s not there in your arms and you look around, then down and realize that there’s a small pink cow standing where Ramuda stood

you immediately fall backwards with a cry, confused as to why there’s suddenly a pink cow in the middle of Ramuda’s shop

but cow!Ramuda just sighs and shakes his little cow head, saying that he knew something like this was going to happen and that he’s sorry you had to find out this way

he tells you about the curse that turns him into a zodiac animal when he’s hugged by a woman and you know that you wouldn’t have believed him if he wasn’t standing in cow form right in front of you

part of Ramuda is mad that you’ve revealed his secret, but in actuality he’s just angry because he’s scared that you’ll leave him now that you know about the curse

it takes you a few moments to pull yourself together, but then you’re smiling and saying that it’s unfortunate, but that he looks rather cute as a small pink cow

and even after Ramuda changes back into a human with a puff of smoke, pulling a nearby suit off the rack to change into, you still smile and say that you love him

Ramuda doesn’t understand, he doesn’t know if he ever truly will, but he wants to believe in you and your words

so he decides to stay with you and is secretly relieved that he doesn’t have to deal with the secret of the curse by himself anymore

Jakurai Jinguji

Jakurai’s zodiac animal is the dragon

like Hatori and the dragon zodiac, Jakurai is calm and collected, charismatic and compassionate

also, he doesn’t actually turn into a dragon, but rather a seahorse

Jakurai is extremely careful of his surroundings, always making sure that he never gets embraced by a woman 

the more pressing matter is that he still turns into a seahorse whenever he gets overstressed or sick

because of this, he always makes sure Hifumi and Doppo know when he’s feeling down so that they can be around when/if he changes and put him in a little glass of water 

but Jakurai wasn’t expecting that he would ever fall in love 

so when he falls hard for you, he knows it’s only a matter of time until you accidentally hug him or he accidentally turns into his animal

he decides that he needs to tell you the truth and he doesn’t want to leave it to fate, so one day he takes you to his apartment and sits you down

he explains the curse and all of it’s peculiarities, saying that he wants to tell you this now so you can leave the relationship if you can’t handle it

at first you think he’s joking, but then suddenly his arms are wrapped around you and there’s a puff of smoke and Jakurai is gone

but not completely gone because now there’s a tiny little seahorse on the ground and you’re freaking out because you thought it was gonna be a dragon but now he’s just a cute little seahorse but omg seahorses need water and you don’t want your boyfriend to die

Jakurai tells you to calm down and that he’s prepared a little glass of water for you to put him into which you do with shaky hands

it takes you a few minutes to come to terms with the reality of the situation, but when you finally do, Jakurai apologizes

he says that he understands if this is too much and he won’t fault you for breaking up with him, but of course you simply smile and say it’s okay

because you love him too much to be swayed by some curse 

and also you think his seahorse form is kind of cute and you don’t mind that he’s so tiny when he’s like this

but then moments later there’s another puff of smoke and you blink twice, look up and immediately turn red because now Jakurai is wet and also not wearing any clothes

to which the doctor apologizes for once again and quickly puts his clothes back on

Jakurai is happy that you accept him for who he is unconditionally because he never believed that the zodiac curse would allow him to be loved

it’s going to bring you two closer together and Jakurai won’t want to let you go ever again

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

[sunnydaisy1]

Arts and Crafts

SAM WILSON X READER

A/N: there is not enough sam fics on tumblr so here I am. I haven’t edited this i am too tired for life right now. Also please send me requests for marvel especially peter parker, sam wilson, bucky, steve and scott.

You yawned as you walked into the main kitchen and living area the avengers shared. Tony had sent a message round to everyone telling them to gather here and considering that the time was 7 o'clock in the morning you weren't best pleased. Nat was leaning against one of the counters and snorted at your sleepy expression as you walked past her to the coffee machine. You glared at her and returned to your coffee making, rubbing your eyes as the machine started pouring caffeine into your mug. Once the steaming beverage was done, you sleepily dragged yourself to the breakfast bar and plopped down into one of the stools. At that moment, Steve, Sam and Bucky entered the room, obviously having just finished a group workout as they were all freshly showered and wafting man smell everywhere. You rolled your eyes at their annoyingly energetic selves and sipped your coffee. When Sam noticed your slumped form at the bar he smiled softly and walked over to you, scooting into the seat next to you and reaching out to take a sip of your coffee. Unfortunately for you, you were too late to prevent the smirking soldier from slurping a large proportion of your beverage. You grumbled and glared at Sam who passed you back your mug with a cheeky grin. "You look cheery this morning." He said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning onto the counter. "Well sorry mr early bird but some of us don't appreciate being woken up at the crack of dawn for a meeting stark called and hasnt even turned up for yet." You snarked back, causing a chuckle to fall from Sam, "It's quarter past 7 love, dawn was 3 hours ago." You glared at him for what felt the 100th time that morning and felt a small heat rise to your face as you saw the obnoxiously handsome smirk Sam held on his face and the way his biceps were bulging as they leaned on the bar top. "Same thing." You mumbled, draining the last drops of your coffee. Tony walked in and Steve grumbled a 'finally' as you all turned your attention to the billionaire carrying some pastries. He dumped them in front of you and Sam and you both instantly reached in to pull out breakfast. "What's this all about then Stark?" Sam asked as he chewed on his pecan twist. "Ive gathered you all here because we have got a charity event today for some of the schools in the area. You all will be hosting an activity for the kids. We have 2 hours until they all arrive." You grimaced as you vaguely remembered Tony mentioning the charity event a few weeks back but you had been so busy on missions recently you had forgotten. Judging by the similar looks on the teams' faces around the room, you gathered that the event had also slipped their minds. "So... Steve and Bucky you will be hosting the self defense taster down in the gym, a few agents will also be down there to ensure you aren't teaching them anything too aggressive..." Tony continued to list off everyone in the room and ticked off his checklist, "Okay and finally, Wilson and Agent L/N will be hosting arts and crafts in the downstairs hall." At once Sam spoke up, "wait why have I got stuck with arts and crafts?" You chuckled at his distraught expression, he obviously thought he was above painting and colouring. "Why you scared of a lil glitter Sammy?" You giggled and he glared at you, hating the effect that nickname had on him. "No...I just think my talents lie elsewhere." He replied causing you to snort. "Well suck it up Wilson." Tony replied and you saw Bucky and Steve wetting themselves on the other side of the room. Sam had obviously noticed too as he had a huge frown on his face and was scowling at them. "Alright everybody go get ready, all your supplies should be in the rooms already. And remember, 2 hours until they arrive." You sighed and stood up, placing your mug in the dishwasher. Sam was waiting by the door, and you nudged him as you both walked out, "Come on Wilson, cheer up, your stuck with me for 6 hours." Sam groaned and rolled his eyes, "Oh great." When you both reached the room, your eyes widened when you looked at the large pile of boxes brimming with craft supplies stacked in the middle of the room. "Jeeezz." Sam breathed out, walking over to inspect the mountain. You both opened the cardboard box lids and scanned the supplies, "Where do we even start?" You asked, baffled at the amount Tony had ordered. "Guess we just start with one box and empty them until it's all set up." Sam replied and you nodded, tying your hair up into a ponytail. Almost 2 hours later, the room had been transformed into a neatly organised explosion with paint, pencils, glitter glue and many other supplies on each table. "Okay, we have 5 minutes until the kiddos arrive." Sam stated, checking the watch on his wrist. "Cool, I'm gonna grab us some water and snacks from the kitchen. Try not to break anything while I'm gone." You teased and Sam playfully rolled his eyes, "Alright." When you arrived back into the room, arms loaded with bags of snacks, you immediately laughed at how awkward Sam looked surrounded by little kids all badgering him with questions. You quickly distributed the food into one of the empty cardboard boxes in the corner and walked over to Sam, giggling at his wide eyed expression of fear. "Hey everyone!" You said loudly, gathering all the little kids attentions, "I'm Y/N and this is Sam. We are gonna be doing arts and crafts with you today, how does that sound?" At once all the children cheered and you glanced at Sam who stood in awe and fear. "Okay then, lets all sit down at a table and we can start." The kids all ran to a chair and you walked over to Sam, "you okay Sammy?" He nodded slowly, "I don't know what I'm meant to do, they're so small." You chuckled and took his hand in yours, dragging him over to a table. "It'll be fine just relax, they can smell fear," You whispered. Soon, each child was creating some sort of masterpiece and you were sitting with a small group of kids who were colouring. "Wow Amy I love your dog it looks awesome." You commented, making the shy little girl beam. "Thankyou." She replied and you smiled, carrying on colouring a picture you had attempted to draw of an elephant. Glancing up to check on Sam, you looked to see he had a girl sat on his thigh as they both coloured something. You felt your heart begin to swell and butterflies fill your stomach as you watched the adorable scene. The girl was happily chatting away to Sam and he was nodding, laughing every so often and replying to many of the kids around the table. "Could you please pass me the green?" Tom asked, one of the boys sitting opposite Sam. "Yep, there you go." the soldier replied and Tom thanked him before returning to his drawing. The little girl sat on Sam's thigh tapped his arm and he looked down to her, "I want to give this to my Mum when I go home." Gracie said and Sam nodded, "that's very nice of you." Gracie blushed a little and grinned, "you should give your drawing to Y/N, then she could put it on her fridge like my mummy does." Sam glanced down at the image Gracie had drawn of Sam and you together that he was colouring. "I don't know about that..." He said and Gracie frowned, "you should give it to her and then she'll want to marry you and stick all your drawings on the fridge." Sam choked on his air a little, "why would she want to marry me because I gave her our picture?" Gracie sighed as if Sam had just asked the most obvious question there was, "because she loves you." "What? No she doesn't Gracie." Sam replied and Gracie shook her head, "Mummy told me when people love each other very much they look at each other in a special way and you and Y/N look at each other like that." Sam gaped at the little smiling girl on his lap and struggled to form any words at how outright she was being, "Oh urh no I dont think so." Gracie then giggled and said, "Plus Y/N was looking at your bum earlier so she definitely wants to marry you." Sam felt heat rise to his face and Gracie shrugged, not phased at all by their conversation. The pair continued to colour together and the topic quickly changed to the pasta Gracie had eaten last night for dinner. When the last few kids were leaving the craft room as it had eventually reached 3pm, you sighed and groaned at the mess of glitter and pens all around you. "I do not want to clear this up." You stated and Sam nodded, standing up from his chair, "Neither, I never knew kids could be this messy." You chuckled and glanced at the soldier walking towards you, instantly breaking out into laughter when you noticed the large red streak of paint across his cheek. At once Sam frowned and stopped next to you, "What?" You giggled and wiped your thumb across his cheek, showing him the red paint he had somehow managed to acquire. "Oh..." Sam said, rubbing the paint with the back of his hand but managing to just smudge it more. You chuckled and shook your head, "Sorry Sammy but your just making it worse." He huffed in frustration and put his hand down, giving up with cleaning his face, "Oh well, I'll wash it off later." Eventually, the room was turned back into a presentable state with only specks of glitter littered across the floor that you knew would be impossible to remove. You yawned and walked to the entrance, followed closely by Sam who turned the light off. "Im exhuasted." He said, trying to stifle a yawn. "Me too, I'm gonna head up for a shower." You replied and Sam nodded, "Alright, I'll see you later, chinese for dinner." You softly smiled and both walked to your seperate rooms, ready to wash off the paint and glitter encrusted into your skin. When you had given up on trying to remove all the glitter from your hair in the shower, you headed into your room and huddled under your duvet, wanting to catch up on some netflix before dinner. A knock at the door interrupted your series selection and you looked up to see Sam standing at your door, a small smile on his face. "Hey y/n." He said, closing the door behind him. "Hey Sammy, did you need anything?" You asked, confused why he looked so nervous. "Oh uh no, I just wanted to give you something." He replied, walking closer to you as you stood up and put your laptop on your cabinet. "Oh okay." You said, smiling under Sam's soft gaze. He handed you a sheet of paper and you frowned in confusion before turning it over and giggling. Sam rubbed the back of his neck nervously watching your eyes scan the drawing Gracie and him had made. "I know its stupid but I wanted you to have it." Sam said quietly and you looked up at his shy smile, "I love it." You grinned and he seemed to let out a breath of relief, "you can stick it on your fridge." You chuckled and rubbed your thumb over the drawing of you and sam standing together. "Thanks Sammy." The aforementioned soldier felt heat rise to his face and saw your eyes flick down to his lips. "Uh I should probably find Nat... see what she urm wants for dinner." You said awkwardly, trying not to focus on the way Sam was chewing his lip and the tight grey shirt he was wearing that unfairly showed off his chiselled chest and arms. "Oh right." Sam nodded, seeming to break out of a trance and opened your door, "I'll uh see you later yeah?" You nodded and he stepped out, looking at you one last time and giving you a small smile before disappearing down the corridor. You looked down at the drawing in your hand again and groaned, heart and muscles aching for you to run after the tall man and press your lips against his. Instead, you shut you door and walked to Nats room. When you knocked on her door, the red haired agent opened it with a knowing smirk on her face. "What's Wilson done now?" She asked and you groaned, stepping in to her room. You held out the drawing he gave you and Nat scanned it quickly before looking up at you in confusion. "Why have you got a drawing of you and Sam?" She asked, frowning. "He gave it to me." You sighed, causing Nat to laugh. "He gave it to you?" You nodded and Nat grinned, "wow he is so in love with you." You rolled your eyes at her sarcasm, "Wow thanks Nat. But seriously how am I meant to refrain from jumping his ass when he keeps doing adorable stuff like this?" Nat laughed and handed you back the paper, "You just need to go and tell him or you'll spend the rest of your lives dancing around each other and not doing anything about it." You sighed, "I know. But what if he doesnt like me back then I've just screwed up our friendship and the team dynamic." Nat nodded sympathetically, "I know it's scary but come on that man loves you to death and somehow everyone but you can see it." You looked down at the drawing again and nodded, "Fine, but if i end up dying on the spot from embarrassment after his rejection I'm blaming you." Nat rolled her eyes and pushed you out the door, shouting a 'good luck.' You nervously walked down the corridor and up the short staircase to the kitchen. Sam was leaning against the table, looking at something on his phone with a frown. Your heart instantly sped up and stomach did a hundred flips. You walked softly into the shared dining area and coughed lightly. At once, Sam looked up and smiled. "Urm I uh need to tell you something." You nervously stuttered, avoiding looking into his deep eyes. "Oh okay." Sam said, mind instantly running with negative ideas that you were hurt or he had done something wrong. "I urm well I... I think that you're urm." You looked up at him and his concerned eyes met yours. "Please could you uh turn around." Sam's face flitted with confusion, "wait what?" "I urm I cant talk with you looking at me like that." You said and Sam frowned but turned around. "Okay." He softly said, and you scanned his form, trying to build up the courage to tell him. "I guess I well I just want to say that I think you're the most lovely person in the world and I dont think that I could live without you Sam. You make me feel so comfortable and calm me down when I feel like the world is collapsing on me. You never fail to make me smile and I feel like the room lights up when you walk in. I love how kind and sweet you are to everyone but also how you make the stupidest jokes in the world and laugh your head off. I'm in love with you Sam and want to spend the rest of my life with you." You looked up to see Sam turning around to face you. You couldnt bear to meet his eye, knowing any possible friendship was now gone. A soft hand touched your cheek and lifted your head up, making your teary gaze meet his. "I'm in love with you too Y/N and I never want to leave your side." Sam pressed his lips against yours softly, making your heart stutter with happiness. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your body against his, deepening the kiss as his hands squeezed your hips tightly. "Hey sam whens the chinese.... oh." Bucky said, his voice trailing off when he saw his best friend passionately kissing you. He wolf-whistled and chuckled, "Took you guys long enough." Sam broke apart from your lips, resting his forehead against yours, "Fuck off Buck." Bucky sniggered and walked out the kitchen again, hand raised in surrender. You opened your eyes to see Sam looking at you, "I love you." You spoke softly, "I love you too" before pressing your lips against his again and smiling into the kiss.

[plutoswrath]

i’m sorry to annoy you with this again. i just look up to your kpop mixed with astrology content. but lucas’s neptune contact with his mc is going to annoy the shit out of me until this is fixed. the cloudiness that neptune brings to his public image is something that i think possibly fuels these situations further. false accusations and mixed perceptions based off of them is exactly what makes these scandals to continue on and on. and i’m sick of it. both sides ignore what the other is saying and it gets nowhere. neptune, the malefic bastard.

Hello! I saw your recent asks and I appreciate your words regarding my content, thank you so much for the kind words! <3

I will touch on astrolgy under the cut, but before this happens, I want to leave a few words. There's a reason why I didn't answer the previous questions I received (not only yours op) regarding the Lucas situation so far. For several reasons I didn't want to feed into any sort of (perceived) sensationalism in regards to the Lucas situation, even though I'd really love to look at the situation from an astrological point of view. That people are divided on this topic is to be expected, but I think the way it has been handled by majority so far is very bad. I really want to elaborate on my reasoning why we should rethink the way we talk about/represent the Lucas situation right now, but as this topic is very kpop specific everything will be under the cut.

My reasoning for avoiding any questions about it until now:

1. People already don't take the situation seriously enough: Regardless of what your standpoint is, I'd like for people to consider looking at it from a more critical point of view for a second: The allegations are not about him being exposed as ‘just a f-boy’ as some people make it out to be, they are more serious than that. Lucas allegedly manipulated and used these women for his own emotional/sexual/financial needs and ego boost. The fact that he has money and allegedly still used other people to provide financially for him just demonstrates the power play underneath it all. He abused his position of power as an idol, the power dynamics between him and fans who idolize him are plain and simple just completely off. Please think about the fact, that he allegedly decided who to date on at fansigns. This alone gives no security to any fans that want to attend fansigns in the future. TW SV: he also talked one of these women into having sex with him + doing it unprotected, which is not only emotionally/sexually manipulative/coercive and can possibly be traumatic for them but also heightens the risk for transfering STD's as END TW he was supposedly seeing people at the same time/cheating. In general, the behavior he gets accused of leaves trauma and is abuse, to be more specific abuse of power on multiple levels and his social position makes it just easier to continue abusing that power. As you've mentioned yourself op, there is a huge back and forth about the allegations, and I know people like to take situations like the one of Taeyong as an example to justify that not every public apology is real and that allegations turn out to be false years later, but I believe it's different this time and that the allegations that came forward were real. Even his cbar closed, a fanbase that works closely with Label V (!), that alone shows that there is 'at least' some truth to the story, or else his hardcore fanbase wouldn't have decided to turn their back on him in matters of just days. Also, all the 'jokes' and the portrayal of 'juicy gossip' people make about the situation just downplays and ridicules the possible traumatic experiences of the people that were hurt by his actions. If anyone decides to not believe these allegations until SM gives a more specific statement, that's fine, but please do so without making fun of the people who were victims of his behavior, as there is already little to no sympathy for them online. It makes it just way harder for any survivors in the future to speak out on their experience. People say it's 'nothing illegal, just morally wrong' but given the fact that he is also a person in power, the line between 'just' morally wrong and illegal can be very thin in some cases. And please overthink arguments such as: 'this is typical boy behavior for someone in his 20's'/ 'he's just an f-boy' or 'boys will be boys' because they are deeply misogynistic and we shouldn't normalize behavior like that, thus making the root of the problem actually way deeper than most people think.

2. WayV's future: This mainly goes for people who are fans of WayV. I know not everyone probably likes to hear this, but another thing why wild speculations, sensationalism or even possible defence about this situation should be kept on the low is WayV's career. I want to be honest here, but I'm scared for their future, their comeback for october has been cancelled for now and they are put on a hiatus for several months as far as I know. They were on a good path of gaining more and more recognition and establishing themselves even better as a c-pop group, but now Luca's reputation in China (their target audience) is as good as gone and that pulls all of WayV down to rock bottom with him. People really need to try seeing the story out of the eyes of the korean and especially chinese fans as well, their perception of the allegations (especially after the Kris Wu situation!) are way different and more serious than the ones of i-fans and i-fans have to accept that. Also, we all know how companies (especially SM) handle these type of situations: keep the people on the low till the storm has calmed down. But will the storm ever calm down for Lucas when his public image is basically destroyed, and thus WayV as well? What I want people to understand is that this whole situation affects WayV and their career directly, actually on the biggest scale possible. All the work so far is at risk to be for good and I think a lot of fans tend to forget that, things look especially critical for HenXiaoYanKun if WayV would be to continue/redebute/fall apart. It doesn't matter if Lucas talking bad about the members/the companies/shows he works with/for was real or not in the end, because unfortunately damage is already done, WayV's image (WayV= family) is already tarnished and WayV as a group will suffer from this. You summed it up with malefic Neptune the best actually: We all don't know the full confirmed truth about the situation and will most likely never know it. (small astro insight here as well, but part of Neptune is to accept fantasy for what it is: fantasy, and thus turn to cold reality when you're in too deep)

3. What O'd advice the fandom to do right now: Regardless of your opinion on the situation, what we as a fandom can do best right now is staying on the low, wait things out, and stop adding more fire to the situation with our actions and wait how the situation actually developes, since a) we can not fasten the process and b) a lot of rumors, false information and unnecessary details get exposed to mudd the waters and to discredit the statement of the victims as well. I've seen some strong reactions from both sides, but as someone who's a big fan of nct in general I really just want to say that part of the fandom throwing a fit on the internet leads basically to nothing, it actually only reflects even worse on nctzens/weshennies and thus on WayV's (and also NCT as whole) image as well. Things right now are handled internal, not extern. Whatever gets through to the public will be half of the story anyway. A lot of people seem to forget, that we talk about SM and all they care for right now is saving themselves economically (think about the domino effect this situation has on the whole group/company), so we will have to see what their final decision is going to be, if anything will happen at all. For now, be patient, wait and see. Last words: It's okay to feel hurt/confused/angry/drained. Even though most of us are aware that we dont know any celebrity's character, it's still hard to swallow and to digest because you were a fan of that artist. Let it take time and vent. Take a break from it if it gets too much! Talking about it to process your emotions better is okay and very valid, but keep in mind that you should not worsen the situation by doing so - it's already absolute chaos.

Also: This statement is by no means a direct attack to anyone or me trying to push my opinion onto you, just my two cents in how to handle the situation best right now, because our hands are basically tied. Also: agree to disagree. If you don't like that I side with the victims (unless there is an official statement that Lucas is proven not guilty, which I doubt, unfortunately) then so be it, but don't start a war in my inbox for our opinions differing.

-------

Now, to astrology:

Disclaimer: This analysis will not be very light-hearted, but remember that it's just a theory and not me trying to confirm anything!

First of all op, sorry for just answering you know, but I neded some time to think through how to adress this without adding to the fire with my astrological analysis! Boy, does the birth time fit the shoe right now. To be fair as I did my short rising sign analysis about him recently, I cancelled out every other fire rising except for Leo, because I got stuck on the ego part a bit. Anything for me made sense, as long as it highlights his ego, which by itself doesn't have to be a bad thing automatically, but there's always two sides of the coin as we all know.

I looked into the transits the past week and added a few asteroids/mathematical points as well. An anon before pointed to the full moon happening in his tenth house, conjunct his sun, etc. (I deleted the ask because I didn't know what was going on at that time and thought it was just the 'usual' rumors that once in a while get spread around, but after looking more into it I decided this was not the right time to stirr the pot in any kind of way or treat it as funny, hot gos). But yeah a full Moon in Aquarius happening in his 10th house AND on top of that Saturn in Aquarius, conjuncting that Moon and his natal Uranus in the 10th! Talk about destrcution of any stable foundation and a change in a public image! Honestly, looking at astrologically the way his public image just got radically destroyed over night, with Saturn and the Moon having been in a conjunction (in his chart it was in the 10th house) is kinda eery even. Talk about collective consciousness - not only exposing quiet literally the feelings of the collective, but also doing so in the favor of others and gaining collective emotional consciousness. Take this with a grain of salt (!), because we're still in a tense situation, but I'm tapping into the darker, unfriendlier side of astrology now. Taking his confirmed birth time, he has Nessus in Sagittarius in his 8th house and as I saw that I could feel myself shifting into the surprised pikachu face. I am not saying that this prooves the allegations whatsoever, but as you seemed to be very interested in anaylzing the case in-depth as well, the allegations fit his Nessus - jumping from partner to partner, carelessness (regarding physical intimacy as well), making people share all their ressources with him/finacial gain, and basically the whole jist of gaining control/being in a power position in intimate connections. Keep in mind that this is only one interpretation of Nessus though, Nessus can also show the complete opposite to someone 'turning to their dark side'. On top of that, his Nessus was conjunct transit Phollus the past week, so if anything, we can see that a large event triggered him to 'open his eyes' and face anything of an 'obstacle' that hinders him from seeing the 'truth' to a larger picture and his own nature/destiny. Pholus can symbolize change that will alter your perception of the responsibility you have for yourself and others.

But my latest new interest with these two asteroids aside (asteroids just add a little more nuance to a situation after all), I want to touch on Lilith too, since you (op) have mentioned Lilith before in one of your asks!

He has his Lilith exactly conjunct his Descendant when we consider his confirmed birth time. What happened just now can be seen as 'backfiring' of his actions, either Lilith embodying the women who expose him now for his 'inappropriate' behavior, but also simply fans shaming him now for his alleged manipulative/imoral behavior, especially shaming him about who he chose to date and how. Next to that, you've mentioned Lilith opposite Moon and it just makes me think about him possibly feeling very indecisive and potentially in denial about what he actually needs to be fulfilled in order to be emotionally happy and thus leading to him appearing to have this 'second, dark side' to him now. BML is not necessarily opposite the Moon in my opinion, it's just the side of the subconscious we don't really like to deal with and all we're told not to express and desire because it can be conflicting in the eyes of others (thus BML also leading to a lot of recklessness on the negative side). I think if we take the allegations into consideration, regardless of how much of it is true of it, it can be a good example what happens, when an opposition gets out of balance, as it also manifests outwardly a lot! Lilith shows in his 'double life' aka what he allegedly did with fans. Lilith wanted an outlet and found one by working behind the scenes. If we take in his supposed Taurus rising, which his Lilith is in an exact opposition with, it's a good example of what can lurk underneath the surface.

And of course, last but not least, Neptune and Sun conjunct his MC. People are quiet literally blinded by him more than they would like to think. Also: Lucas was always known for his 'flirty & charismatic' nature, this is another reason why people think we shouldn't be surprised he 'turns out to be like that in real life'. I'm not analyzing this argument right now, but what I think is very interesting is how Sun conjunct MC literally ties a good amount of their personality to their career - they want to be accepted and shine for their personality/big part of their individuality. Idols play a role, no matter how transparent they appear to us, but it's really funny how this 'image' of him melts almost seemingly with parts of his personality (almost af if you were to quiet literally sell your self) and as you've mentioned: Neptune only adds to that, unfortunately.

[shijiujun]

Hello, I've started watching THE SLEUTH OF MING DYNASTY thanks to you! I'm obsessed and thinking of getting iQIYI VIP (for My Roommate is a Detective too) . Any chance you can give a summary of how the romantic relationship between Tang Fan and Sui Zhou came to be in the novel? I've scoured the internet and couldn't find anything about the novel in English. I tried to use Google Translate for the Chinese version of the novel and it was an epic fail ^^;

hello!!!! yayyyy hope you’ve been enjoying it so far, and yeah if you wanna catch up all the way iQiyi VIP is your best bet!! i’m lucky that i don’t need subs so all i need to find is some site ripping it off in HD somewhere XD

oooh okay yes so the novel, i speed read a bit but it’s definitely sui zhou who kind of falls for tang fan first? it’s a lot to talk about in this post BUT let me talk about the pre-relationship parts cuz they’re kinda sweet? 

firstly, in the novel tang fan calls sui zhou by his birth name, which is sui guang chuan - so he calls him guang chuan just like that all the time even early on in the novel!!! it’s not a standard practice unless you’re really close to the person. tang fan’s birth name is tang run qing, which is so pretty ;-;

so unlike in the show, it’s not tang fan who went and asked sui zhou for a place to stay, but SUI ZHOU ACTUALLY OFFERED like:

- sui zhou returns from some trip somewhere after the first case (they split the Wu An Hou Fu case apart from the crown prince’s playmate’s death case) and tang fan is looking for someone from the guards to help him out with something and that’s when he bumps into sui zhou again, and sui zhou is all “next time if you cannot find me, find xue ling (the fatter dude in the show), and if not you can find pang qi (another young guy in the guards)” - and this guy immediately knows that tang fan is someone important to sui zhou? because sui zhou so readily and unconditionally offered him to tang fan if the man needed him in the future - and tang fan is busy with a case too so he’s like “i can’t stay and chat with you, i’ll look for you another time” and sui zhou immediately goes, “tonight then.” LIKE?!!!!

- when he turns up at tang fan’s house, he’s there EARLY and with food, and tang fan also bought food in anticipation of sui zhou coming over, and then they sit down in the house and get to talking and that’s when dong er interrupts them by telling them that her owner is going to sell her off, and she pleads with them to help her, and sui zhou simply asks tang fan, “you want to buy her (contract)?” - to which tang fan is like “yeah of course i do but how am i going to solve all these things” - and sui zhou just nods and goes, “don’t worry about this, i’ll take care of it. what about your home? after you buy her contract over, her owner isn’t going to let you stay here for any longer”, and tang fan shrugs and goes like there’re lots of houses around it should be okay etc. and sui zhou is like, “i have a house.” 

- tang fan is like “but i don’t want to disturb you and your wife blah blah”, sui zhou is like “no wife, no female servant in the house for a casual thing on the side either” and so tang fan is like okay you can cook sure i’ll move in!! and when he does sui zhou takes in dong er too like in the show, and then sometime after, sui zhou finds out about tang fan writing dumbass romance novels and he’s totally like -_- “you’re an official” and tang fan is like “hey we all need a secondary source of income okay? with my current salary i can’t do much” and sui zhou, GUESS WHAT, JUST… TELLS HIM THAT HE WILL GIVE HIM HIS MONEY?!!! just like that. tang fan jokingly says “okay then next time i dont have any more cash i’m taking money from you” and sui zhou simply nods, “okay.” ?!!!!!!! I NEED MEN IN MY LIFE WILLING TO GIVE ME THEIR WALLETS LIKE THAT

- and then there’s a part where tang fan climbs a tree to get a fruit because he’s insistent on trying some new recipe and he fell (even tho sui zhou brought him out to some expensive restaurant after he told tang fan not to do that the first time but who knew that tang fan was so stubborn) and when sui zhou finds out, he insists tang fan roll up his sleeves so he can put ointment for him ;-;

- and the novel talks a lot about how tang fan and sui zhou have always lived the single bachelor’s life but since moving in with each other, sui zhou always turns up at home for dinner and both dong er and tang fan will wait for him to return to eat, no matter how late he is!!! it’s so sweeeeeet 

- and sui zhou brings tang fan and dong er to his old home where his parents, older brother (sui an) and sister-in-law, and younger sister (sui bi) and his grandmother lives? okay so backstory here: sui zhou is the second son and he’s not that favoured by his parents who obviously put all their hopes and attention on his older brother, but his older brother is unfortunately like not capable at all but is ambitious, petty and jealous of sui zhou’s talent and ability? his older brother’s wife is even worse, that kind of bij that exacerbates the situation and make sui an even more jealous and resentful towards sui zhou, and that’s why sui zhou left and went to live outside on his own, but his grandma really dotes on him? his grandma is the empress dowager’s sister, so that’s why sui zhou has someone to support him in the palace

- anw, on his grandma’s birthday, he asks tang fan and dong er to go back with him? and the moment he walks through the door the sister-in-law is making noise already and is like “didn’t grandma say that this was to be a family-only affair? and even if outside of family it has to be friends from a family close to our family blah blah” and sui zhou immediately says, “well, from now on tang fan and dong er are close family friends” and anyway tang fan endears himself to the grandma immediately and gosh, cutest ever!!!

- then there’s on incident when tang fan goes home and he sees sui zhou at the dining table with his pretty cousin who’s come to visit and then dong er is so happily like serving them THAT TANG FAN GETS JEALOUS? HE’S SO JEALOUS and then he pouts and then sits outside of the house at the door, and then ends up falling asleep. when he wakes up it’s to see sui zhou over him and putting his coat on him and sui zhou asks him why he didn’t go home and dong er tells him that sui zhou sat at the dining table with his cousin and dong er but didn’t eat because he was waiting for tang fan to come home!!! and then we he didn’t sui zhou went out to find out and found him at the door!!! 

- of course tang fan gets sick the next day from the cold AND GUESS WHO NURSES HIM BACK TO HEALTH?!!

- the both of them are pretty busy but they always try to have dinner together and it’s the sweetest. the post is getting a bit long so i’ll leave the rest for another post soon haha

[ximenalightwood]

tagged by @rpizarro💕  (you tagged the right Xime this time lmaoooo, jk love u)

what is the colour of your hair brush? Like?? this red/brown??

name of a food you never eat? i cant think of anything so i’ll say spicy food bc i DIE 

are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm unfortunately 

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? taking my  online class bc of quarantine babeeyyy (talking about football with @kristified)

what’s your favourite candy bar? hersheys, love me some chocolate

have you ever been to a professional sports event?  yeaaaaah, i’ve been to see some liga mx matches (América vs Pumas, Cruz Azul vs Santos), a Mexico NT game (vs Wales), some state basketball championships, karate championships, and a NBA event.

what is the last thing you said out loud? “IT’S TACO DAY”

what is your favourite ice cream? rocky road with marshmallows 

what is the last thing you had to drink? chocolate milk lmao

do you like your wallet? lowkey yes, but its too big so i have to carry it in like a purse and i HATE purses so :/

what was the last thing you ate? a peach :)

did you buy any new clothes last week? nope

last sporting event you watched? Superbowl 51 New Englad Patriots vs Atlanta Falcons, they were showing it on tv and i couldn’t resist lmao (it was 28/3 :D)

what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn? all of them, i love popcorn SO MUCH

who was the last person you sent a message to? Mah boo @kristified about Peyton Manning taking too damn long to throw the ball

ever go camping? no but i really wanna :(

do you take vitamins? nah

do you go to church every sunday? not every sunday but sometimes 

do you have a tan? i don’t think so?

do you prefer chinese food or pizza? PIZZAAA (tho i love chinese food)

do you drink soda with a straw? not recently 

what colour socks do you wear? most of my socks are gray but i have some cool socks around too  

do you ever drive above the speed limit? nope

what terrifies you? psychologically? failure, disappointing people, not being happy... and ghosts, maaaan am i scared of ghosts

look to your left what do you see? a closet lmao

what chore do you hate? BROOMING

what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? “is that an australian accent?” lmaoooo also kangaroos and spiders

what’s your favourite soda? coke i guess, or that orange flavored one 

do you go into fast food places or drive thru? fast food

who was the last person you talked to? my dad

favourite cut of beef? sirloin ;)

last song you listened to? hold me while you wait by lewis capaldi 

last book you read? the ocean at the end of the lane by neil gaiman 

can you say the alphabet backwards? with a lot of effort yes i can lmaoooo

how do you like your coffee? i dont really drink coffee :/

favourite pair of shoes? uhhh i have some cool white adidas but idk

the time you normally go to bed? i TRy to sleep at 10 but that doesnt work so its like 12:30 am

the time you normally wake up? 7-8 ish

what do you prefer sunrise or sunsets? since im always in a hurry for the sunrise i get to appreciate sunsets more so sunsets

how many blankets are on your bed? like three bc its hot as hell

describe your kitchen plates? dark blue with like organe/red borders, or white

do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? i don’t really drink lmao

do you play cards? uhhhh no 

what colour is your car? dark blue 

can you change a tire? i know how to do it but idk if i could lmao

your favourite province? in mexico i guess.... the State? Tho Veracruz and Guanajuato are pretty cool too

favourite job you’ve had? ive only ever really had one and it was at a banquet hall, it was pretty cool, you could see all the weddings and events and sometimes the drama when someone cancelled an event and then shared the whole story lmaoooo

how did you get your biggest scar? its in my head, i was 6-7 and playing with a rubber ball on the street and there was a phone box(?) nearby, the ball bounced and landed under the phone box so i ducked under it, raised my head like a dumbass and hit my head against the pointy part of the phone box, and blood just started puring out

what did you do today that made someone happy? i shared memes? this question is unexpectedly making me feel sad wow

im tagging @kristified @andygravitee @kingclown5000 @moroslavklose @coffeebreakcreations and @islandferry :) do it if you want lmao its looooong 💖

[himenation]

MONSTA X 2ND WORLDTOUR IN AMSTERDAM (LIVE REPORT) - AFAS 20.06.2018

This is a long live report containing things how I even became a fan, to the AMAAAAAZING (not) queue, setlist, live, m&g and random moments. All fan cams and fanpics are uploaded on my twitter which I linked in this post too!

I went to Monsta X’s 2nd Worldtour in Amsterdam this month! I started to get to know Monsta X during their Beautiful promotions and when I heard they would come to Europe the first time (in 2017), I was doubting whether I should go or not. I knew like 10 songs and another fan could go instead of me. It was not close anyway, so I decided to take part in the campaign for Amsterdam. For people who don’t know MMT. MMT is a fan dedicated promoter, in which you can request an artist to come to your city and if you have enough ‘makes’ (so points) they’ll talk with the artist. 

Anyways, I took part in the campaign in august 2017. Uni was about to start and I kinda forgot about the lives for a while. Until it was around the DRAMARAMA period (and their first win omg!), I followed them again; so after their MBC performance, I got a text message from MMT that they’re starting to talk to MONSTA X. At this point I would give this presale code to somebody else, but I didn't know when the actual concert was supposed to be so I waited. So while I was waiting for their JEALOUSY comeback, I started to watch their shows because I was bored and I LITERALLY FELL INTO THE FANDOM (and not just the music). I loved these guys so much? They were so precious and funny. I really wanted to see them live and regretted not going to the Beautiful Tour. So for their Jealousy comeback, I even bought The Connect; I texted every time they had a show and streamed their MVs so they could win another win (and they did!) (I've only done this for BTS before). So just around the time of the MV release, they announced they would be coming to AMSTERDAM. I was so happy. Flash forward to the ticket sale: I went to uni early, had a computer; laptop and my phone ready and immediately bought 2x VIP tickets!!

After counting down the days to the concert, I was finally here. I couldn't wait to hear Destroyer and Lost In the Dream live (My fav songs of the new album). Fans were allowed to queue from 11, but no-one seemed to listen to it :’) Every standing type had to get a wristband (VIP included). So I was kinda late and arrived at 12 , but my wristband number was 139. I quickly had sushi with my sister at ICHI-e and went to Starbucks (and a grocery store) to get some food and drinks for the queue. Just when we were about to leave the restaurant, I got a message from MMT that they messed up the wristband numbers for VIP and it was now FCFS (First Come first Serve). It was also the hottest day of the week, yippie :’)

Queue The queue was one big mess... Fans were incredibly rude and mean and staff didn’t do anything about it either. Girls were screaming at the security and talking very rudely, fans saying to each other ‘shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down’ (this is an actual phrase someone was screaming behind me). The venue staff gave us WATER IN A BUCKET and it wasn't until a monsta x staff came and gave everyone bottles. I also met two very sweet fansites! They gave out free stuff and were overall very sweet! They talked a lot to us and were next to us in the queue. We also met two friends who wanted to go to their friends, but since people were rude; my sis stopped them and they were next to us. Even though we were strangers, me and my sis shared our food and drinks with them. During the queue certain people started to push fans and we told them to stop and they started to fight with us??? and basically telling us ‘are you blind’ :)) (also they thought the fansites were Korean so they were all nice to them but shitty to other people, but the fansites turned out to be Chinese so these rude koreaboos were really boo boo the fools) at around 18:00 we were allowed to go inside but everyone started pushing each other so we were really stuck and could barely breathe. Once we were inside we had to wait another 2 hours and I was so tired, but wow I was 4th row!  Live I also made a big thread of Monsta X on my twitter. Fancams Fanpics Okay first of all, this group has no visual hole. THEY ARE ALL SO VISUALS I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES. Honestly they're so beautiful irl??????? Although I knew they were all handsome, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw IM, Kihyun, Shownu and Hyungwon DAMN. 

The live was amazing, they kept playing DRAMARAMA, SHINE FOREVER and STUCK in the venue and we were so hyped! Once the live started; they all came in Swaroski Suits (they looked so expensive) singing Jealousy. The fan chants (at least in the VIP) were A M A Z I N G.  AAHHH I finally saw monsta x im sobbing. They then played Be Quiet (it’s one of my fav older songs) ;; and BEAUTIFUL IN SWAROSKI SUITS GUYSSSSSS. They didn't do the jacket dance since, yeah the jackets were pretty expensive HAHAHAH. Too bad.. They then had a long MC and started with Gravity and Tropical night (still wearing the suits). After changing their clothes (some kind of harness?)  they sung Crazy In love (finally a full version) and All In. The crowd really loved All In!!!!!!!! Then we had 20 minutes of solo stuff; the solo of Wonho, Minhyuk and Kihyun were my absolute favourite! It was so cute. The other solo’s were really good too!! The crowd died at Hyungwons and IMs solo though.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAH AFTER SOLO they sung From Zero (Seven member version) and oh my god Wonho looked so beautiful??? This song is so cute?? I can't remember much of Because of You im sorry ;; White love was really emotional, they didn't expect the banner project (1000days with monbebe) at all and really loved it. Rollercoaster was so cute live as well, they all pretended to sit in a rollercoaster lol. After they went off stage, the destroyer MV played AND I SCREAMED SO LOUD I WAS NOT READY, NO ONE WAS READY NO ONE! LITERALLY IM DEAD. But they bloody sung LOST IN THE DREAM and I was really lost in the dream, wow....... The vocals..... wow.. Im........................... it was so beautiful live. Guys, ive heard Kihyuns iconic high note (well a lot of people shouted OOOOFFFF BUT I STILL HEARD ONE OF MY FAV SONG I! CANT! BELIEVE!). Also very random to mention but Jooheon is one hell of a good performer, he was not even nervous and the stage was HIS BITCH, his rap and his stage aura are so mind-blowing.

I always joked they should play lost in the dream and destroyer after each other to let the fans die but they really did IT! The choreo of Destroyer was so good and fitted the song. In the beginning Wonho waved and gave a finger heart though... I was never a fan of Shine Forever, but It was so nice and also doing the fan chants! Rush is a song I used to skip but ooof, it was also very nice to hear. Monsta X really enjoyed singing Special too AND YESSSSSSSS FINALLYYYYYYY TRESPASS THE WHOLE CROWD WAS SO LIT WE ALL RAPPED ALONG AND IT WAS HONESTLY ONE OF THE BEST PERFORMANCES SO FAR IDGJKDSGS. They all positioned to the Dramarama pose and yes they did Dramarama!!!! but now the concert was about to end too :( Monsta X said they love Falling, Ive heard people say they love performing Falling and yes they REALLY LOVE FALLING. My heart was so full of uwu when I saw them performing falling, I love these babies so much :’). We showed them the banners during If Only again and Wonho, Minhyuk and Kihyun were really emotional and it was so sad to see this ending :( But I was about to meet these guys as well AAAAAAHHH. I dont know if it was Minhyuk or IM but one of them took of Wonho’s shirt lol and he threw it in a crowd. Before that they also took a group pic ;; tbh I wished they did Stuck and Hero as well, but overall I really loved the setlist so much.

Meet and greet Order: Wonho - Shownu - Kihyun - Minhyuk - Hyungwon - Jooheon - IM Usually when fans meet artist, fans are the ones talking to the artist but now Monsta X was rather talking to the fans, they were so sweet and they all had the most genuine and sweetest smile ever. The M&G was unfortunately very fast and I could only say  Wonho: I think he was still very sad and looked like he cried too but his hands are so soft ;; I thanked him and he nodded and gave a thumbs up lol Shownu: I knew it was his birthday in London so I told him a happy belated birthday ;; and he said thank you as well! Kihyun: ok, I may have said I love you instead of thank you AHHGHGHHGHAHAHG and yeah that was kihyuns reaction too he laughed and said thank you lol Minhyuk: He said thank you very much!! NO THANK YOUUU (while smiling so sweet) Hyungwon: Somehow he was very giggly but we both said thank you to each other!! Jooheon: We both said thank you to each other aaaaaahh IM: Since I barely had time (after hyungwon) I just told him thank you and he said the same ;; We then got a poster from the tour and the show was unforunately over :(( MMT announced a week before the concert there would be no merch so I didn't have a lightstick either so it was nice having a poster as a reminder (and the fans we got from the fansites ofc). Setlist (duration 2,5hours) 1. Jealousy 2. Be Quiet 3. Beautiful -- 4. Gravity 5. Tropical Night -- 6. Crazy in Love 7. All in -- 8. Wonho, Minhyuk, Kihyun - Neol Hada 9. Jooheon, Shownu - Versace on the Floor 10. Hyungwon, IM - Fake Love (Drake) 11. Hyungwon, IM - How long // another IM solo (not sure) -- 12. From Zero 13. Because of you 14. White Love 15. Rollercoaster -- 16. Lost in the dream -- 17. Destroyer 18. Shine forever -- 19. Rush 20. Special 21. Trespass -- 22. Dramarama *ENCORE* 23. Falling -- 24. If Only *Group pic*

Random moments -  They talked a lot of Dutch such as ‘I am...’, ‘I love you’, ‘I miss you’, ‘Fries with Mayo’. IM also wanted to say Sexy but he didn’t say Sexy and Jooheon said to erase our minds LMAO KSJKD he was so embarassed - In the beginning when Kihyun was talking about Hyungwon, Hyungwon looked at him and he kinda slapped away his face (Kihyun to Hyungwon) - Just before Crazy in Love, the group was devided into two to talk with fans (one group was changing their clothes) and Jooheon was doing a weird movement with his hand and was saying AY AY AY and the fans said it too, but then the other group came (Kihyun, Shownu, Hyungwon and Minhyuk) and they all looked honestly so confused and Kihyun was like ‘AY go change your clothes now’ and then Kihyun and Hyungwon were showing off their dance moves lol - Also during the live I started as the fourth row, but people behind me kept pushing and I was suddenly 2nd row and there is a higher place for the first row so my knees kept going on that and it hurted so much lmao - Shownu, IM and Jooheon went to Beyonce the day before and talked about how amazing it was (lmao fanboying on their own concert KAJDKSFJFS) and they also said we will make it possible for them to perform there one day ;;A;; - The day of the Amsterdam concert would be 1000 days with Monbebe we would show during If Only, but since London got cut off we weren't sure whether we would hear If Only and decided to do it during White Love. - Wonho, Minhyuk and Kihyun got teary at If Only - Their reactions to White love were so sweet :((  - Our group hyped up every member whenever they were close to us. Hyungwon, Kihyun and Wonho noticed us a lot lol. Hyungwon waved at us too ;; - During FALLING Kihyun was drinking water and then he came to our side and you could see in his face he was about to do something and when the beat dropped he threw WATER ON US and I got so wet :((((( the fan next to me, her fan was all wet lmao.  - I got a lot of confetti in my face :’)  

[felixeslee]

92 q tag

hello this tag is highkey irrelevant now but it’s been in my drafts for ages so !! laskdgjasodigjsaldkgasodigjasdg which is why i wont b tagging anyone bc im so late but !! yeah !! ok !! !!!!!!!!!1111!!! lets !! go !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

tagged by @hyuunjins @hyunjinh @straykiz and @dae-hwee from my w1 blog (lmaoo hi pindi this is sarah!! AIddgsdfk if youre aware of this blog but hope its ok if i do it here alskdg ) 

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. 

🌙 LAST

Drink: the water that I drank this morning!! Aka around 12 hrs ago asdgasdgoij pls stay hydrated kids 

Text Message: i texted my brother if he knew where my dad was lol,,,,,,, sldkjgaosidgj 

Phone Call: CALLED MY BROTHER BC HE WASNT RESPONDING MY TEXTS,,,,, he also didn’t pick up ldskgjsoidgjsldkgsjdg

Song you listened to: Goodbye My Love by Aileeeee <3 lovv 

Time you cried: TODAY ,,,, i was getting super anxious bc i didn’t know where my dad was ??? he was supposed to pick me up but he forgot abt me until like an hr later… sldkgjaosidgj 

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: no :00 lmao i’ve never dated… ever alskdjgaoijsdf 

Kissed someone and regretted it: i havent had my first kiss yet HEH 

Lost someone special: unfortunately, yes :( 

Been depressed: sdgksjadoiglskdfosdijgalskdfaosdigjaksdgoaisdjf idk 

Been drunk and thrown up: lmao i’ve never drank ,,, at all,,,, the smell of alchohol scares me,,,,, evn my little brother has had a sip once and he’s 5 yrs younger LMAO ,,, but im a noob and don’t wanna try sldkgjosidjgs 

🌙 IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: yay yes yeslgkdgsdf

Fallen out of love: i dont think i’ve ever evn been in love…. Sdlgksjdoigj 

Met someone who changed you: yes,,,,,,,,, 

Found out who your true friends are: uhhhh idk aslkdgjaosidjf i honestly can never tell when someone’s being a fake friend so!!!!!! Idk honestly lmao

Found out someone was talking about you: i did ! but it wasn’t for anything bad or anything……… they just criticized me behind my back?? But i agreed w their criticism so alsdkjgaosidgj  

🌙 GENERAL

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: ummm,,,, like 4?? We r mutuals evn though none of them r actually kpop blogs,,,, so i always feel guilty spamminig their aesthetic feed w my screaming tags and annoying shit LMAO but i lov them <3 

Do you have any pets?: NO :”( I WANT A DOGGO THO …. REALLY BAD…..

Do you want to change your name?: uhhh ik so many sarahs its not evn funny and my last name is hella basic too????? Theres 3 ppl that share my first+last name in my school alone….. So maybe i’d change it to my chinese name (yue) ?? also bc it sounds more sophisticated,, and i lov anything that makes me sound smarter than the reality of my dumb self LOL 

What time did you wake up this morning: LOL so my alarm rings at 6:40 but i get out of bed at 7:10 SLDGKJSODIF … and i need to get out of the house by 7:20 lsdkgsdoig 

What were you doing last night: physics and apush :SLDGJOSIDFJ the 2 most dreaded classes UGH

Something you cannot wait for: DINNER .. i love me some gud dinner

Have you ever talked to a person named tom?: thomas jefferson my mAN 

What’s getting on your nerves right now: when it’s so heckin cold i can’t concentrate + i hate taking notes when it’s cold??? Bc then my hands r like half numb and it HURTS WHEN I TAKE NOTES sldkgsoidjf ALSO WHEN I DRAW ,,,,, STIFF FINGERS R THE WORST WHEN DRAWING

Blood type: i think a????????????

Nickname: my most common ones r swisso + salad (i promise these make sense in context LOL ) 

Relationship status: return NullPointerException; //im a cs person,,, dont judge

Zodiac sign: capricorn!

Pronouns: she + her

Favorite show: i dont watch many shows but i love watching a gud studio ghibli movie when im feelin down

College: this QUESTION LSDKGJSODIGJ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wanna go to college but will any accept me ??!?!

Hair colour: its naturally black but it’s currently dyed ombre from black → brown !!!!!!

Do you have a crush on someone: i havent had a legit crush in 3 yrs lmao……. 

What do you like about yourself: the fact that im a deep sleeper. Idk how light sleepers function omg like wouldn’t u wake up to like,,,,, everything??! :((( that makes me sad bc u hav no idea how much i lov a nice long undisturbed slumber

   🌙 FIRSTS

First surgery: okAY so like i've had 2 procedures done on my eyes lmaooo like (1) when i was a smol beb of like 1 yr old i rolled off my bed aaaannnnddd the corner of my eye hit the edge of the sharp corner of the bedside table!!! and then y1ke$ things got ugly loll (((yes, i wuz dum + clumsy since the day i popped from the womb))) its all stitched up now and i hav a tinie tinie scar aslkdgs okay and (2) there was something weird abt my tearducts LOL so u know when u get sad nd stuff ur nose gets runny and u sniff a lot??? well like that wasn't the case for me bc the passage way from my eyes to my nose was completely blocked off,,,,, which resulted in me lookin like i was full blown cryin like every 2 seconds... like if i kept my eyes open for too long my eyes would get watery and tears would flow out LMAO ,,,, i looked like i just never stopped crying,,, but it was just my eyes were just ALWAYS WATERING sdlgjsdif damn u have no idea after the procedure i was like 'do ppl live like this??? not having to wipe tears every 0.2 sec??? oh my god,,, i am livin THE LIFE' 

First piercing: i hav no piercings!!! Bc stabbing holes thru myself scares me sdlkjgsoidg but i love the way earrings look tho so :///// 

First sport you joined: dance or gymnastics???? I dont rly remember

First vacation: CHINA prob???? 

First pair of sneakers: i think sketchers LMAO ,,, the big thing  

🌙 RIGHT NOW

Eating: nothing!!!!!

I’m about to: do som sketches for my AP art class 

Listening to: my dad sing som old chinese folk stuff behind me LOL 

Want kids: i already adopted all 9 members of stray kids tho ??? idk if im ready for more atm 

Get married: LOL This question just reminded me of smol story from my childhood: so like i used to b rly close w these 3 other kids,,,, one other girl and 2 guys,,, and our parents were all rly tight too,, and our four families would just go camping together and it was rly :’’D fun and so we all made a pact that I would marry one of the guys and the other girl would marry the other guy and we’d all go camping together forever but then KINDERGARTEN HIT,,,, we moved schools and yeah im still rly close w the girl but i miss the 4 of us dkgjsodigjsdlkgsdf LOL 

Career: waterbottle 🌙 

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: eyes? Eh idk i just never rly considered lips ?? LOL 

Hugs or kisses: hugs? I dont hav experience w kisses so sldkgjsoidgjsd yike syikes yikes 

Shorter or taller: TALLER

Troublemaker or hesitant: uhhhhh neither??? Like i just want someone playful + extroverted bc im quite introverted,,,,,,,,,, so if he was hesitant we’d just b super awkward and quiet,,, and i don’t like getting involved w sketchy troublemaker shit either LOL ,,, 

Older or younger: as long as they r in the same school grade level,,,, and i guess 1-2 yrs older is okaY? But lowkey freaks me out if too old 

Romantic or spontaneous: sldkgjsoidfj both? Like i lov someone who is unpredictable and spontaneous,,,, but on the other hand im lowkey a helpless romantic lasdkgjaoisdjf 

Sensitive or loud: both i guess too??? Its good to have someone understanding and sensitive but also someone who knows how to have fun  :) 

Hookup or relationship: hookups,,,,,,,, just dont make sense to me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i get attached to someone p easily so even if i dont plan on being attached,,,, i’d probably get attached :(  

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: YIKES no 

Drank hard liquor: nO 

 Lost contacts/glasses: UH I HATE THIS BUT YES….. 

Sex on first date: yikes * (6.02 *10^23) adkgaosidjgaslkdf no thaNK you 

Broken someone’s heart: i dont know,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i might’ve but maybe im just not aware ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but on a sidenote i think my old comupter science teacher gets a migrain everytime he sees me LOLLLLLL sdlgjsoidgjsldf 

Been arrested: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :0 

Turned someone down: yeah lmao i kinda feel bad tho bc they were all good ppl,,,,  lskjgosidjf but thankfully im still good friends and pretty tight w all of them ~  

🌙 DO YOU BELIEVE

In yourself: ocassionally i try to :’’D

Miracles: lol yes 

Love at first sight: i used to ? but not anymore,,,, like i believe u can be attracted to someone at first sight ?? but i feel like love cannot be attained thru visual contact only asldgjoasidjalsdg

[itsmeeeetori]

1 till 150 plssss

okaaay here we go

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

my friend

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

def shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

you

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

yesss

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

sweet, confident, funny, caring, female

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

hopefully haha

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Daniel Gillies all the time

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

with my mom, yes

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friendd

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

are you sleepy?

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

oooh i would say bruises by lewis capaldi, glass house by Kaleo, Crash & Burn by G-Eazy and Kehlani, sunday kind of love by Etta James, and lost without you by Freya Ridings. Follow my spotify itsmeeetori

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

yesss😍😍

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yes

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I drove to San Francisco in August and waited almost 7 hours alone to meet Fifth Harmony

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

No, unless my mom counts then yes.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I think there is no way there isn’t life on other planets. If not in our solar system, then in others. There are billions of other planets that haven’t been discovered/explored

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

I have no idea lmaoo

19. Do you like bubble baths?

yesss

20. Do you like your neighbors?

yeah

21. What are you bad habits?

procrastinating, cracking my knuckles, slouching

22. Where would you like to travel?

everywhere omg there are too many places to list

23. Do you have trust issues?

I don’t think so. In fact I think I trust too easily

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

either eating or sleeping lmao

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My hair (does that count?)

26. What do you do when you wake up?

go back to sleep lmaoo

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

neither

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my family

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

yes

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yesss

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Lauren Jauregui and Alycia Debnam-Carey

33. Spell your name with your chin.

tklri

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I played soccer and ran track and field, but nothing currently

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

omg probably without TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

oh yes definitely

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

nothing, I just laugh

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

She would have the same views as me and same taste in music. We would cook together and take walks on the beach and travel the world together

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

H&M, Dimples, Target

40. What do you want to do after high school?

finish my undergrad without going broke and then go to med school (also without going broke although I already am)

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

no

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m just being me lol

43. Do you smile at strangers?

yess

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer spaceee

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

I think this is a really loaded question. I’m not sure

46. What are you paranoid about?

too many things

47. Have you ever been high?

nah

48. Have you ever been drunk?

yeahh

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

I don’t think so

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

dark grey (omg i still have 100 more questions)

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Yes

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish I was more outgoing 

53. Favourite makeup brand?

I don’t really wear makeup

54. Favourite store?

Rip n Dip

55. Favourite blog?

All of themm

56. Favourite colour?

ooh probably like all pastels 

57. Favourite food?

sushi or any pasta dish really

58. Last thing you ate?

Indian food

59. First thing you ate this morning?

A poptart lol

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I got MVP sprinter my freshman year for track and field

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

nope

63. Ever been in love?

I dont know, I don’t think so

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

oh god it was in 8th grade in the cinema during the amazing spider-man 2 and my brother was sitting on the other side

65. Are you hungry right now?

noo im so full

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

oh yea def

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Nope

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Jessica, Sophie, Luca

71. Craving something? What?

im too full to think about food but probably any sweet pastry

72. What colour are your towels?

blue, white, beige

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

two

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yes ahaha

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

on my bed, 1. In my room, like 7 lol

75. Favourite animal?

DOGS

76. What colour is your underwear?

Grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

depends, usually vanilla though

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

either mint chocolate chip or cookies and creme

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

im only wearing a dark grey hoodie

80. What colour pants?

black and white

81. Favourite tv show?

the bold type

82. Favourite movie?

I can’t pick one but definitely Burnt, Carol, a single man, the notebook, la la land

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

oh god, does anyone like 2??

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Karen

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

DORY

87. First person you talked to today?

Lies

88. Last person you talked to today?

Lies lol

89. Name a person you hate?

trump

90. Name a person you love?

Obama

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Donald trump

92. In a fight with someone?

nope

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

4 i think

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

oh jeez like 10 hoodies and 5 sweaters?? probably more

95. Last movie you watched?

A single man

96. Favourite actress?

so hard omg. I would have to say Angelina Jolie

97. Favourite actor?

Daniel Gillies

98. Do you tan a lot?

Yes when I play sports haha

99. Have any pets?

two shih tzus

100. How are you feeling?

I’m okay I think, pretty good actually

101. Do you type fast?

i think so lol

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

plenty

103. Can you spell well?

yes

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

my best friend who moved across the country

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

no

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

unfortunately, yes

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes

108. What should you be doing?

probably homework lol

109. Is something irritating you right now?

nope

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yess

111. Do you have trust issues?

didn’t I already answer this?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I don’t remember, probably my brother or my mom because of a show lol

113. What was your childhood nickname?

just tori 

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes barely. Hawaii and Nevada

115. Do you play the Wii?

Lego Star Warsssss

116. Are you listening to music right now?

yess

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes

118. Do you like Chinese food?

not really

119. Favourite book?

We Are Okay

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Not really

121. Are you mean?

I can be if i’m in a bad mood but I feel really bad about it

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

never lmao

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

yess

125. Do you believe in true love?

yes

126. Are you currently bored?

nope

127. What makes you happy?

reading, lying in bed with my dogs, rainy days when im not at school, traveling, hiking, camping, listening to music during road trips, making someone laugh

128. Would you change your name?

if I got married yes

129. What your zodiac sign?

Aquarius

130. Do you like subway?

sometimes

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

I have no idea

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I think I answered this one already too lol

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

I have no idea, I love all of Sia’s lyrics though

134. Can you count to one million?

noo

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I’m straight

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

partially closed

137. How tall are you?

5′6″ (167.6cm?) idk what the measurement is in EU

138. Curly or Straight hair?

straight

139. Brunette or Blonde?

black hair

140. Summer or Winter?

winter definitely

141. Night or Day?

night

142. Favourite month?

January or December

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No, i tried but I can’tttt

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

probably dark, white chocolate is evil

145. Tea or Coffee?

tea

146. Was today a good day?

It was :)

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars, im allergic to peanuts

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“You don't have to be anybody... because I would know, being somebody doesn't make you anybody anyway.”- Gia Marie Carangi

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

I really have no idea

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“...san had pulled the wide elastic band all the way back” (The Kite Runner).

this took me an hour. you’re lucky I like you 

[chipsandwaffles]

fallen into you

After going through sixteen different bodyguards, your parents finally pick one that somehow sticks. At least he’s not bad on the eyes.

The bodyguard au based on this picture aka end me and delete me. this shit is 20k and somehow i dONT hate it. warnings for violence, kidnapping, and some ridiculous cheese by johnny. enjoy…?

On a Tuesday in November, you’re being called down to the main hall of your house by one of your parents.  

You had an ice cream and study date with your best friend, Sicheng, soon, so you hoped whatever they wanted wouldn’t take too long.  

You slip on your jacket and your backpack and head down the hallways that lead to the long, winding staircase, rushing down it until you’re near the last landing before the bottom and can see into the main hall. Your parents look up at you when they see you and you quickly walk down the rest of the stairs, smiling at them when you’re close enough for them to see it.  

“Hey, what’s going on? I have plans with Sicheng soon so…” Your words trail off as you notice the man next to your parents. He stands up when he sees you and bows before standing up straight, putting his hands behind his back like any other proper man you’ve met.  

Which, meant he was either one of two things. A marriage candidate, one of the many your parents have tried to set you up with. He wasn’t bad on the eyes or anything, really. He was actually awfully handsome and if he was just a guy you met you’d totally fawn over him. But you didn’t have time for that, nor did you even want to think about getting married so young. 

“Uhh, if this is a marriage candidate again I really don’t have the time today. Sicheng and I have finals to study for- 

“He’s not a marriage candidate, Y/N,” your father says.  

Which, meant he was option number two. The worst option of the two.  

“This is Johnny Seo. He’s your new bodyguard.”  

A frown settles on your face and you look between your parents, watching to see if maybe they were just fucking with you. When there’s no sign of any hilarity in this situation, you shake your head at them.  

“You have got to be fucking kidding me- 

“Honey, language- 

“Don’t “honey” me. I’m an adult I don’t need a bodyguard- don’t you think after number sixteen tried to kill me you’d stop with the whole bodyguard crap?” You ask. Johnny sits back down and watches the exchange you’re having, as if he was expecting it. You already don’t like him.  

“Johnny is far more qualified than he was. He’s different and, unfortunately, when you’re the heir to a million dollar company, we can’t leave you alone with anyone. Not even Sicheng.”  

 “Are you saying I can’t even hang out with my best friend, who I grew up with, without tall boy over there following me around?”  

Your parents nod their heads in unison, and you roll your eyes, pushing past them to get to your shoes.  

“No wonder Taeyong ran away.” Your mother says something to you on your way out the door, most likely something that involves you not mentioning that name (which, in in itself is another reason why said person ran away, because there’s no talking about important things) but you’re too busy with wanting to get out of there before Johnny could catch up and you were stuck with him for the day.  

You rush off to the front entrance where there's a car waiting and quickly slide in, telling the driver he could go.  

He doesn't move though, and you understand why when the door opens and a body slides in next to you, telling the driver that now he could go.  

You glare at Johnny with the hardest glare you can manage and cross your arms in a pout. You hated Johnny, and you hated the fact that your parents had already managed to tell everyone about your new bodyguard. Now you couldn't go anywhere without him. You wondered if maybe that included the bathroom.  

You'd ask, but you don't want him to laugh nor do you want to hear him talk.  

Johnny laughs anyways when he sees you pouting next to him and you huff, turn away from him, and stare out the window.  

You hate your parents for doing this to you for the seventeenth time. When you were little, having a bodyguard was fine. You and your two brothers needed one with the mischief you caused together. And having one when you were a rebellious teenager was fine. Even after eight of them quit and three got fired in that time period, thinking back on it now it was fine to have. Really. Some of them did keep you from doing some stupid shit.  

But in the past four months, you deemed having bodyguards completely stupid. Part was because you were an adult and you could take care of yourself. You knew self-defense and you carried a knife with you. You didn't need a bodyguard.  

The other part was because after your big brother ran away from home, you know you had been stubborn and went back to your rebellious phase again. It was far more toned down than before in terms of not listening to your parents, but it was still bad, especially when it came to bodyguards. Ever since he ran away, three bodyguards had quit on you, and one had gone to jail.  

And now, here was number seventeen, first day on the job and he had already seen your quick temper. You pondered for a few moments how you could get him to quit by the end of the week when suddenly he reaches across you. You flinch at the action and hit his arm, but he ignores you as he pulls the seatbelt across you and buckles you in.  

"Safety, miss." 

"You could've just told me to buckle up," you snap at Johnny. He laughs at you.  

"Figured you might have just told me to go shove a... shove a watermelon up my ass?" You frown at the insult and turn away from Johnny again, glaring out the window. That insult had been used on bodyguard number fourteen, which means he knows what you've said to six, eight, nine, thirteen and fifteen too.  

He knew everything about you, and that was unfair. This was the worst. It was seriously the worst.  

As you drive, you think of escape plans you and Sicheng can employ to get Johnny out of your hair for the rest of the day. You didn't need someone looming over you while you focused on studying, nor while you and Sicheng ate ice cream. And there was no doubt in your mind that Johnny wouldn't just stand in the hallway while you studied.   

You wish this wasn’t a thing. You really hated the idea of bodyguards, especially Taeyong level bodyguards. The lack of privacy was ridiculous. How were you supposed to do anything when someone was breathing down your neck?   

You really can see why Taeyong ran away from home.   

You make it to the library where you and Sicheng were studying, the car stopping in front of the building and you hopping out of it immediately. You rush to the door, hoping maybe you can lose Johnny on your way to the elevator, but, low and behold, somehow he's there before you can even shut the door.  

"How are you so freaking fast?" You ask him. He smiles at you as the door closes.  

"I was a bodyguard for a six year old. If I couldn't keep up with her, I wasn't doing my job right," Johnny says.  

Well, outrunning him wasn't the answer. That means hiding would have to be your best option. You and Johnny make your way to the third floor of the library, finding Sicheng sitting at one of the tables in the far back. Optimal studying area, really. You take your seat across from your best friend and start spreading papers on the table, asking Sicheng how far he got in studying, but he's too busy staring at the guy sitting next to you to answer.  

"Uh... Y/N?" You sigh and gesture to Johnny.  

"Sicheng, this is Johnny. Johnny, Sicheng. He's my bodyguard," you tell Sicheng.  

"Is he going to be here all day?" Sicheng asks. You really hope Johnny can't understand Chinese.  

"We can lose him on our way to ice cream." Your best friend smiles at you and you glance at Johnny who looks utterly confused.  

"What is it Johnny?"  

"I thought you could only speak Korean. Your parents didn't say anything about you speaking more than one language."  

"What? Are you impressed or something? I can speak English, too," you say. Johnny's face lights up at that fact.  

"Really? Like, basic English or...?"  

"I can speak it better than my Korean sometimes."  

Johnny nods in understanding, looking mildly impressed at your ability. For a short second you wonder if he can speak any other languages too. Maybe you could get him on your side by speaking in another language.  

Maybe this new bodyguard wasn't such a bad idea. At least, for later down the road.  

For now, he was still your enemy.  

- 

At some point, when you and Sicheng both get tired of studying, he tells you he wants ice cream. You glance over at Johnny who had started reading a book (Harry Potter, in fact, which makes you think he’s not that much older than you, the nerd) and then back at Sicheng. You nod your head once at him, and he stands up, walking towards the elevator. In your head, you count for 120 seconds before standing up yourself.  

“What are you doing?” Johnny asks immediately. You look down at him and smile.  

“Bathroom, duh.” You begin walking around the table but you see Johnny stand up from the corner of your eye and sigh.  

“Johnny, it’s just the bathroom. I’ll be back in five minutes.” Johnny contemplates whether he should let you go or not and you have to give him one of your cute, pouty faces to get him to give in.  

“...if you’re not back in five minutes I’m coming to get you,” he says. The pouty face always worked. 

“Sure.” Johnny allows you to leave and you make your way through the bookcases, to the stairs, immediately rushing down them and out the front door. Sicheng is standing there, grinning at you. The two of you make your way down the street where an ice cream parlor sat. It’s one of your favorites to go to, especially on days when you studied.  

You and Sicheng enter the shop and quickly order, jumping up and down in excitement when they hand you your ice cream. The two of you are already eating it before you even sit down at your usual table.  

“How long do you think it’ll take before he realizes you’re gone?” Sicheng asks. You shrug and take the spoon out of your mouth.  

“Like, five more minutes. Maybe he’ll believe I’m having a hard time in the bathroom.”  

Sicheng laughs and you continue eating your ice cream in peace. It was just you and Sicheng, just how it should be. No looming presence behind you or following you around. It was perfect.  

Eventually, you and Sicheng do have to go back to get your things, so you throw your ice cream bowls away and exit the shop.  

When you’re outside, you immediately notice the car parked across the street and Johnny standing next to it with your things.  

“Oh, shit.”  

“He looks mad,” Sicheng says. You glare at him for pointing out the obvious.  

“Let’s just get it over with.”  

You grab Sicheng’s hand and walk over to the car. Johnny doesn’t even say anything, only opens the door and gestures you inside. You and Sicheng climb in, and after Johnny hands you your bags, he shuts the door. A short moment later the front passenger door is opening and Johnny gets inside, telling the driver to go when he shuts his own door.  

It’s an awkward, quiet car ride to wherever, even Sicheng staying silent and not making any quick remarks. It makes you uncomfortable not hearing anything but the quiet radio in the background, reminding you of car rides you’ve taken with your parents whenever they’ve picked you up personally from big trouble. The air was filled with disappointment.   

Sooner or later, the car stops and the door is opening on Sicheng’s side, Johnny gesturing him to get out. Sicheng says goodbye to you and Johnny climbs in. He tells the driver to continue on, and you’re going again.  

The silence is deafening, you just waiting for Johnny to say anything. You knew he was mad, and for some reason, it made you feel like shit. It shouldn't, really, because Johnny was just another bodyguard you didn't want. It should make you feel proud that he's angry.  

It doesn't, though, and when you pull up to the gate of the house, Johnny gets out without saying another word. You follow after him, hoping maybe he’ll just say anything to you when you’re inside. He makes his way through the house, up the stairs, down a few hallways until stopping outside your room. He opens the door for you and gestures you inside, so you step into the doorway and turn back to look at him.  

“Aren’t you going to yell at me?” you ask. He raises an eyebrow at you before chuckling at you.  

“That’s what you want, right? For me to yell about how much of a brat you are?”  

You glare at him. “I am not a brat.” 

“Then why do you act like one?”  

Johnny is smirking at you, like he knows every little thing about you and like no matter what you say, he’s going to be right. Every other bodyguard had called you a brat, just not like Johnny. You step back into your room, frowning at him. He really was different than your other bodyguards. 

“You’re an asshole.” 

Johnny laughs again and steps back, bowing a second later.  

“At least I'm not denying it, princess. See you at dinner.”  

- 

"And he called me a brat, like what the fuck? Does he know who I am?" You frown when there's no response to your words. "Taeil, are you even listening?" 

"Honestly? No." You reach across the table to hit Taeil's arm, but he only sits back in his chair, glaring at you.  

"What? What's that look for?" You ask.  

"You act like your brother, do you know that?" Taeil says. You soften at Taeil's words, curious now that he's mentioned Taeyong.  

"Do I?"  

"Don't look smug about it. Taeyong was a brat too," Taeil leans closer to the table, gesturing for you to lean in. You do as he says, ignoring the whole brat debate, wondering what he might have to tell you.  

Taeil was the only one who kept in contact with Taeyong anymore after he ran away from home, being yours and his tutor for as long as you could remember. Taeyong and he were closer than that though, so you only ever heard something about your brother from him. If Taeyong was mentioned, that meant he contacted Taeil recently.  

"Admit you were being a brat to Johnny and I'll tell you what Taeyong is doing recently." 

Your face turns sour in seconds. You were not being a brat to Johnny. Johnny didn't know his place yet as your bodyguard.  

It had been three days since the incident, since Johnny became your bodyguard. He hadn't decided to quit yet, and instead continued to be a nuisance in your life. He followed you around needlessly, even going so far as to standing outside the bathroom while you did your business. It was annoying beyond belief, and when Taeil had finally come over, it was time for you to let out all your feelings that you had already let out to Sicheng.  

Taeil clearly hadn't cared much, and now here he was, telling you to admit something you hadn't been.  

No way that was happening.  

"You sure care a lot about Johnny more than me. We've known- 

"Ah, you can't use that on me. I've known Johnny since he was a kid too." Taeil grins at you as you pout at him. No wonder he wanted you to admit that you were in the wrong with Johnny.  

"Taeil... Please tell me about Taeyong? I'll study well for my exams if you just tell me." 

"Nope."  

You whine and sit back in your seat, crossing your arms in frustration. Taeil could be stubborn when he wanted to be.  

"It's really important, Y/N. But... I don't have to tell you..." You whine some more but only to let Taeil know he was being a big butthead. You were only doing this to get information about Taeyong, nothing else. 

"Ugh! Fine. I was being a brat to Johnny. Now tell me about Taeyong," you admit. Taeil shakes his head. 

"Ah, you need to apologize as well." 

"Apologize? No. I did what you asked. I'm not apologizing to that tree of a man. He follows me to the bathroom, Taeil. I don't want to apologize." 

Taeil laughs at your misfortune, sitting back in his chair and covering his mouth. He looks fond thinking about whatever might be on his mind, which, you're pretty sure is Johnny. Great. He was fond of Johnny. 

"I think that's habit from being a bodyguard for kids, honestly," Taeil says. "At least think about apologizing, Y/N. You worried him when you ran off." 

You roll your eyes at Taeil. "He read my file. He should've known that I take off all the time." 

"Even if he did, you still worried him. Apologize and I'll tell you about Taeyong," Taeil says. His words are final and you have no choice but to give in.  

You stand up and head for the door of your study room, opening it up. You peek out and see Johnny standing there, his hands behind his back and glancing at you. You're sure before you came out of the room he was staring at the wall, or maybe even taking a little nap.  

His job must really suck if all he could do was stand at the entrance of different rooms.  

"...you look lonely." 

"'m fine. Was there something you needed, miss?" Johnny asks. You step out into the hallway and close the door. You didn't want Taeil to hear this embarrassing crap.  

"About... the other day..." You look at the floor, rocking back and forth on your feet. The words didn't want to come out, especially not to Johnny, but, if you wanted to hear about Taeyong, you had to apologize. 

"It's fine, Y/N. I should've known better than to trust you wouldn't run off on my first day."  

You look at Johnny, frowning. "Okay, but I was going to come back- you don't understand how it is, Johnny. I've had bodyguards since I was a kid and one of them tried to kill me. It's fricking hard and especially when I have no say in it. And it's even more bothersome when everyone treats me like I can't take care of myself, because I can! Who do you think took down the bodyguard that tried to kill me? Going to get ice cream with my best friend at the same ice cream shop we always go to really isn't that big of a deal." 

You pause in your frustration, looking back at Johnny and away from where you had veered your eyes back to the floor. He's smiling at you, and you frown deeper. "Why are you smiling?"  

"You sound like a you don't like being treated like princess." 

"Excuse me?"  

"I mean, okay, that was a joke, don't look so upset. What I mean is that it sounds like you don't like being treated like a child or like an object that needs to be protected, right?" You nod your head a little. He was definitely right about that.  

"But everyone treats you like that... especially your parents?" You nod your head again. Johnny turns to you, leaning against the wall in a more casual manner, different than what he usually did.  

"I can't do anything about me being your bodyguard. I can't exactly go against your parents- 

"You could quit," you say. Johnny laughs and puts a hand up to silence you. 

"I need to eat somehow, Y/N. But, how about we make a deal, okay?" You nod for the third time, slowly, waiting for Johnny to continue. "I'll try and be less protective of you if you stop running away from me. We can be friends- 

"Acquaintances." 

"Friends- because friends are comfortable around each other and trust each other and stop making that face! I'm trying to make this easier for you!" Johnny laughs at you and you move your hands to your face, covering it up. You have no idea what kind of face you were making, but if Johnny didn't see it then he couldn't tell you to stop making it.  

"You and I have to work on trusting each other, Y/N. Okay? We'll start with that." You peek through your fingers to look at Johnny who is smiling softly at you. It's stupidly cute and you're glad you're covering your face because you're pretty sure you were blushing. 

"Okay..." You put a foot out and kick softly at Johnny's leg, in a gesture to get his attention. It wasn't needed since you already had it, but, it was supposed to be friendly. "You promise not to treat me like a kid or that kind of shit?"  

Johnny nods. "I promise not to treat you like that." 

"Okay. Then I promise to... not run away as much, I guess. Be more compliant. Yeah," you agree.  

"Good- 

"And! Uh..." You uncover your face and look back to the ground, resuming your nervous position from earlier with rocking back and forth on your feet. You hear Johnny laugh quietly, and you reach a hand out to hit him.  

"Hey, no laughing. I'm... apologizing. For the other day too. I'm sorry for running off and worrying you."  

"...it's okay. I figured you'd try something like that. Next time take me to get ice cream with you, okay?" You look up at Johnny and for once, you smile at him.  

"Yeah, okay. Next time you can come along," you say. Johnny smiles back and then turns back to his previous stance, hands behind his back and eyes looking straight. His smile falls from his face into a neutral look. 

It really must suck just standing there all day. 

And, if you two were going to trust each other more, then he could at least hang out with you instead of standing outside of a room by himself.   

You reach out and tug at the sleeve of his suit jacket, gaining his attention once more. He looks at you with confusion, and you smile at him again. 

"Don’t stand outside by yourself, loser." 

"That's my job- 

"No, your job is to protect me. What if Taeil turns out to be a killer and slits my throat while you're out here?" You ask. Johnny looks at you with an incredulous look, shaking his head.  

"He wouldn't do that," he says. 

"You're right, but still. Come inside." 

"Do I get to sit down?" You nod your head. Johnny breathes a sigh of relief and drops his stance, gesturing for you to enter the room. It was good to know all it took for Johnny to listen was apparently to let him sit down for a while.  

You turn to the door, opening it up and pulling Johnny along with you into the room. He shuts the door behind you and you head back to your seat, seeing Taeil busy playing on his phone.  

"Oh, Johnny is sitting with us now?" Taeil asks when he notices you.  

"Mm, yeah- oh! I forgot!" You quickly sit down and lean across the table, staring at Taeil. "Tell me about Taeyong."  

Johnny comes to sit next to you and scoots close to you. "You're talking about Taeyong? I thought you weren't allowed to talk about him." 

"That's just my parents, Johnny. Everyone else still talks about him. Pretty sure the maids still gossip about him all the time," you explain to Johnny. He looks like he doesn't really understand and instead of saying anything more, he shuts up. Taeil leans closer to you, smiling.  

"So, he called me the other day telling me he had big news," Taeil says. You smile, nodding along already. 

"Yeah, yeah. What kind of big news?" You ask.  

"Big news like he's coming back to Korea."  

Your eyes widen in surprise. Taeyong was coming to Korea? If he was coming to Korea, that meant you could see him instead of always hearing secondhand information from Taeil.  

"When? Why? He's really coming back? For how long? Why?" Taeil shushes you quickly and starts messing with his phone. You watch as he starts scrolling through some messages and a few seconds later he's talking again.  

"End of March, for about a week. He didn't say why, though. Said he'd tell us in person." 

You bounce up and down in your seat at the prospect of seeing your older brother in person, after months of not seeing him. You can't stop the smile on your face. After Taeyong had ran away from home with his girl, things weren't great and you missed him.  

And now, you were going to see him again. You couldn't be happier. 

"He said you can come to the airport when I go and pick him up," Taeil says. 

"Duh, of course I’m going! Taeil, I'm going to see Taeyong again." 

"I know." Taeil smiles at you, but then he's hitting the book in front of you, pointing at you. "But, in the meantime, you have things to work on." 

You groan and sit back in your seat. The mood wasn't ruined quite yet, but if you studied for long enough it would be. "Do I have to? Can't we talk about Taeyong some more?"  

Taeil shakes his head and hits the book again. 

Oh well. You would study up now, and then when Taeyong came around, you wouldn't have to think about it.  

- 

Time goes by slowly when you're waiting for something, and you certainly learn that firsthand while you think about how you were going to see Taeyong at the end of March. You swear it can't come fast enough, and when you look at the date you realize it's really only been three weeks since you learned about the announcement.  

You're sitting outside in the garden on one of the benches, and when you look at your phone, you whine loudly.  

"Something wrong, Y/N?" You look to where Johnny is standing by the entrance to that particular part in the garden, and you whine louder.  

"It's so long away before Taeyong comes home... It's too long," you draw out your words in a louder whine and Johnny laughs. How dare he laugh at your misfortune, that jerk. "Don't laugh, Johnny! This is serious!" 

He nods his head and walks over to you, gesturing for you to scoot over. You do as he asks and watch him sit next to you. "You have to stop thinking about it. The more you think about it, the slower it's going to come."  

"How can I stop thinking about it? It's the best news I've heard in a while. It's like, the most important thing in my life right now," you tell Johnny. He puts his hand to his chin in thought, thinking of something to get your mind off your brother. Clearly he hadn't thought his statement through very well, since he can't even think of anything.  

Eventually, he stands back up and offers his hand to you. "Come on. I'll get your mind off things." 

You stare at Johnny's hand, debating whether to actually take it or not. You should trust him. You should. You end up slipping your own hand in his, letting him lead you to where he wanted to take you.  

Johnny ends up taking you to the garage of your house where all the cars and limos were parked. You hadn’t been down here in months, the last time being when you and your brother took a car to sneak out to go see a movie. You smile at the memory until your eyes spot a ragged, beat up station wagon that looked ready to fall about at any instant next to all the nice, expensive cars in the garage, and Johnny heading straight for it.  

"Oh my god, is that your car?" You ask. Your suspicions are confirmed when he pulls out the keys and unlocks it with the key fob. You take a step back away from Johnny, taking your hand back with you.  

Johnny looks back at you, frowning in confusion. "What? What's wrong?" 

"That thing looks like a death machine- do you seriously drive that?" Johnny narrows his eyes at you. He moves closer to the thing, patting the hood of his car. 

"Don't listen to her, baby. You're still perfect," he says. 

"Don't lie to the car, Johnny. Let's just take another car. I'd rather die old than in a car explosion." 

"My car isn't going to explode, Y/N. It works just fine. Just because it doesn't look as nice as the cars your family owns, doesn't mean it’s not good. Come on.”  

You stand firmly in your spot, not wanting to move any closer to Johnny’s rust bucket. You had never driven in something like it before, and just the thought of it breaking down when you were in it scared you.  

“Do you need me to hold your hand while I drive princess?” Johnny asks, his tone teasing as he asks. You’re pretty sure he didn’t mean to sound so mocking, but it rubs you the wrong. It makes you feel like a child, something Johnny had said he wouldn’t do. 

He seems to understand that what he said wasn’t exactly appropriate and comes over to you, putting a hand on your shoulder.  

“Y/N, hey, I’m just kidding. My car really isn’t gonna break down. It’s reliable. I’ve been driving it for years and nothing terrible has happened so far. Trust me, okay?”  

You stare up at Johnny, a frown still on your face. You didn’t trust the car but, you were starting to trust Johnny. “You know I’m worth like 100 million, right? If I die, you’ll have to pay my parents that plus the funeral money plus anything else that comes with my death. Are you sure your car is fine to drive now?”  

Johnny laughs and nods his head. “Definitely sure of it.” 

Johnny drives slow and cautious like he doesn’t trust anyone else on the road around him. Either that or he really is nervous that his car is going to fall apart and he just didn’t want to admit it earlier. It leaves you gripping the ceiling handle, trying to find your trust for Johnny once more. It wasn’t like he was necessarily a bad driver, but his driving made you feel anxious just by being there. 

“Johnny please stop being so nervous. You act like we're going to crash,” you tell him. Johnny laughs, nervousness clearly in his tone.  

“I don’t usually drive like this, I swear. It’s just… after you said how much you’re worth I… got paranoid.”  

“Oh my god-  

“It’s fine. I’ll just pretend you’re like, a really terrible serial killer or something so I stop being like this,” Johnny says. You’re about to open your mouth to say something, but Johnny says something more, and if the radio had been on or the window was down, you wouldn’t have heard it.  

“A really pretty serial killer…” The serial killer part isn’t what gets you. It’s the fact that he said you were pretty. It’s not that you hadn’t been called pretty before, but hearing it from Johnny, the guy you didn’t even want in your life, the guy who you got off on the totally wrong foot with, makes you feel… weird. You’re not sure what kind of weird, but just some kind of weird. 

You turn away from him, facing the window and focusing on anything other than Johnny and his words. He needed to focus himself anyways.  

- 

At some point you must have fallen asleep, because Johnny is next to you, shaking you awake. You blink your eyes open, sitting up in your seat and looking around. The first thing you notice is the body of water just a few feet away. You look down at Johnny's feet, seeing he's standing in sand, and you're not sure where you are but water and sand always seemed good to you.  

You sit up and rub your eyes to get the sleep out of them before looking at Johnny. "Beach?"  

He smiles and nods his head. "Beach."  

Johnny helps you out of the car after you take your shoes off and the second your feet hit the sand, a smile hits your face. You can't remember the last time you had been at the beach, the last time being some point when you were a kid. You remember being with your brothers though, Taeyong and Mark, playing in the water while your parents watched. You never went out often as a family, but whenever you did it was the happiest you had ever been.  

"You look surprised," Johnny says. You begin walking, enjoying the way the sand moved between your toes.  

"I haven't been to the beach in years. This is so... awesome," you say. Johnny comes to walk next to you, and you notice that he's no longer wearing his suit, one of many that he normally wore whenever you went out. He's changed into a regular t-shirt and some jeans, barefoot just as you were.  

Looking at him, it kind of occurs to you that it doesn't feel like you're with your bodyguard. It felt like you were just hanging out with a friend, like you were just being normal like anyone else.  

Johnny really did know how to get your mind off of Taeyong.  

"Come on- race you to the water!" You shove Johnny to get a head start, laughing as he actually falls over into the sand. You quickly run off, closing your eyes and spreading your arms as you go. The wind is just nice, not too cold even for early December and the whole entire experience makes you feel like a kid again.  

And then, suddenly, you feel arms wrapping around your middle and lifting you off the sand. You squeal in surprise and open up your eyes, looking back too see Johnny running backwards towards the water. You try and fight to get out of his grip, but it's to no avail and his feet end up hitting the water first.  

"Ah- you cheated!" You yell at him as he sets you down. He only laughs, shrugging in triumph.  

"You didn't specify any rules sooo. I won fair and square," he says. You roll your eyes and once again shove Johnny. He stumbles back a bit, seeming like he wasn't going to fall, but before you know it he ends up falling back into the water. This time though, he drags you with him.  

Johnny manages to pull you further into the water, until you're absolutely soaking wet. At first you panic, because your phone was in your pocket, but, upon inspection you don't find it there. You figure maybe it dropped on the beach, so to get away from Johnny you dunk his head under the water and swim off. 

"Y/N- you get back here!" Johnny yells after you. You laugh and try and hurry out of the water, wanting to get away from Johnny before he tried and pulled you back in.  

Your feet luckily hit the dry sand, but, the moment they do you're being lifted up off your feet again from behind and being directed back towards the water.  

"Johnny! You let me go- I lost my phone on the beach I gotta find it- 

"It's in the car! You're going back to the water- 

"NO! It's cold- Johnny!" You squirm in Johnny's arms, hitting at them with your fists and trying your best to get out. Johnny wasn't a bodyguard for no reason though, his strength clearly getting the best of you as he dunks you into the water. You go under, shutting your eyes and holding your breath for a moment, staying under. If Johnny wanted to play like that, then you were going to scare him.  

You swim backwards a little, still managing to stay under even in the cold water. When you're back far enough, your breath runs out and you resurface, quickly wiping your face and looking at Johnny. He's not even looking at you, but he's calling out your name. He sounds worried, and you giggle, seeing that your plan worked.  

"Hey, over here!" Johnny turns around as quick as possible and seems to sigh a breath of relief. 

"I thought I accidentally drowned you or something!" He yells. You laugh and swim your way over to him, splashing water at him when you're close enough.  

"You're just trying to get me killed today, aren't you? First the car, now this- 

"Okay, but I didn't, did I?" Johnny asks. You splash him again.  

"Yet. The water is cold. We could die in here," you say.  

"Oh my god, please don't jinx it." 

You and Johnny splash each other a little more in the water until he tells you there's food and when the cold water starts getting unbearable, making you rush back to the car as quickly as you can. You hadn't realized it since Johnny had been distracting you, but you were starving. 

Johnny pops the trunk of his station wagon when you're back, and waiting for you is a box of pizza, soda, a towel, a warm looking jacket, and your cellphone. You immediately grab the towel and start drying your hair, taking a seat in the end of his car. Johnny starts it, turning the heat up on full blast to get you guys warm and then comes to sit back there with you. 

"Dude, was I seriously out long enough for you to get all this stuff?" You ask. Johnny looks up from where he's serving pizza onto a plate, and he nods.  

"You were snoring and everything." Your eyes widen and you hit his arm, shaking your head.  

"I was not!" Johnny laughs and slides over the plate to you, and you take it, pouting and eating the pizza. At least it was good pizza, so it made up for the snoring comment.  

You two eat in silence, Johnny practically swallowing the pieces of pizza he was eating whole. It makes you giggle, the way he eats, and you quickly steal a piece of pizza from the box before he decided to eat it. You still had to eat after all. 

Once you're finished, you sit in the back of his car together, looking out the sun that was getting ready to set. You really must've been out for a long time. 

"So." 

"Hm?"  

"You speak English?" You ask Johnny. You both look at each other, and he smiles, nodding his head.  

"Yeah. I was born in America, so it's actually my first language," he says. You'd never had a bodyguard born outside of Korea, so, hearing that was actually pretty interesting. You nod your head in understanding, opening your mouth to ask more questions.  

"Have you lived in Korea long then? Or did you study Korean back in America or...?"  

"My family spoke it at home, so I grew up learning both." 

"Ohh, cool, cool. That was like me. I mean- sort of. I learned multiple languages growing up too. So did Mark. Taeyong wasn't ever really into that. He hated studying stuff."  

"Mark's your little brother, right? And Taeyong is... your big brother." You nod your head. "I still haven't met either yet." 

"You're probably not going to meet Taeyong any time soon. He ran away from home with his girlfriend back in July. And Mark is... he's busy finishing up school, so he's never really free to do anything. If he is, he usually hangs with his friends or his fiancée."  

You don't mean to sound bitter about your brothers, but, as you grew older clearly you separated and drifted apart. You don't see Mark unless your parents call for you to be in the same room or you're eating a meal, and even then he's usually at school. And Taeyong of course had run off when he found the love of his life a year ago.  

Your family wasn't really a family anymore. It felt more like you were the only child to a million dollar company, learning the ropes and finishing up college before you took it over in place of your parents. Taeyong had given you that job when he ran away. 

Johnny is silent for a moment, and you feel like you've suddenly ruined the mood with your talk of your brothers and probably your brooding manner. You open your mouth to apologize, but Johnny steps in before you can. 

"I read so much about you so I could be your bodyguard but... I feel like I don't really know anything about you at all," he says. You look at him, waiting for him to continue. "I mean, I know stuff about you but... I don't know you. Does that make sense?"  

You nod your head slowly. You and Johnny knew things about each other, but in reality you didn't know each other at all.  

After today, with Johnny taking you out to get your mind off of Taeyong and just having fun with you like any friend would, you want that to change. You want to know Johnny, and for him to know you in return. 

"We got off on the worst foot," you say. Johnny laughs. 

"The absolute worst. But, hopefully this makes up for it?" You smile at him.  

"Totally." 

You stand up from the car, stretching a little and slinging on the jacket that Johnny had provided you before poking him in the shoulder. "Take a walk with me. Let's talk about ourselves."  

Johnny looks up at you, and after a moment, stands up. He shuts the trunk of his car, then wraps an arm around you, leading you into a walk.  

"You know, I used to guard the President back in the U.S," he says. You look at him in disbelief.  

"No way."  

"Yeah, no. But I did guard a president who owned a chain of hotels... And there was this lady who owned a bakery..." 

- 

It's halfway through January, and you're being invited to a fancy party for one of your parent's friends. A rich friend, of course, who so happened to be the parents of none other than the infamous ladies' man, Jung Jaehyun.  

You were half excited because you got to take Johnny to meet Jaehyun and you know they'd get along, but you were also dreading it because Jaehyun's parents and your parents had been trying to get you two together for years. As much as you liked Jaehyun, he was just a friend and anything more really wasn't what you wanted. But, they always had to say something whenever you were all in a room together. 

"Hey, sis, how do I look?" You turn around from where you were putting on a necklace in front of your mirror to see your little brother, Mark, looking dashing as ever in his suit. You clasp the necklace and coo at him, finding your brother still adorable.  

"Oh my god- you're so cute!"  

"Ahh, don't say that..." Mark looks shy and you walk over to him, pulling him into a hug.  

"Marker, you're growing up so fast- when did you get taller than me, huh? I bet you're taller than your fiancée- 

"Oh my god, Y/N, shh. I'm still going to be younger than you- ow!" You pull away from your brother and glare at him.  

"I think you're learning too much from Donghyuck these days," you say. Mark laughs awkwardly before taking a step back towards the door.  

"By the way, we're leaving in like two minutes, so hurry up. You know mom hates waiting." Mark leaves with that and you move about the room, getting the rest of your things. You put on a bracelet to match your necklace and then grab your phone, finally finished getting ready. You walk over to the door and grab your shoes, flats, because wearing heels at a Jung Jaehyun party only spelled blisters and sore feet by the end of the night. 

You head down the many halls, to the stairs, and finally stepping into the main hall where your parents, Mark, Taeil, and Johnny were waiting for you. You're about to roll your eyes because of course they're all there before you but then you see Johnny staring at you with wide eyes. You walk over to him and hit his arm, frowning at him.  

"What are you staring at? There isn't a stain on my dress or something, right?" Johnny takes a moment to shake his head and he turns away from you, moving to open the door for your family. You exit with Taeil, looking back at Johnny in confusion. 

"What's up with him?" You ask. Taeil wraps an arm around your shoulders and sighs.  

"Don't worry about it, Y/N. You'll figure it out later." 

"Huh?"  

Taeil doesn't say anything more as you walk to the car. You really were confused, especially since last you knew you and Johnny were good friends. After your walk on the beach, you only grew closer and closer, Johnny seeming less like a bodyguard and just a friend that hung around with you daily.  

And now, he was acting weird.  

You get put between Mark and Taeil in the car, almost whining when Johnny sits next to your parents. There's no way to ask him what's up without literally everyone hearing or your mother telling you to put your phone away if you tried to text him, so you'd just have to wait until the party.  

The first one to greet you when you arrive is Kim Doyoung, Jaehyun's head butler and one of your friends. You have to stop yourself from hugging him, considering he was busy greeting people at the door.  

"Kitchen?" You ask when your family is passing him. He grins at you and nods before moving onto the next guest. Whenever you, Doyoung, Jaehyun and Taeyong needed to catch up on things, you'd always go to the kitchen because the maids and other servers were constantly in and out of there. You had plenty of time to gossip.  

Your family separates the minute you're in the house, leaving you alone with Johnny finally. You turn to him, ready to ask him what was wrong but he talks first.  

"You look nice," he says. You swear you can see a blush on his face as he looks away from you. But that couldn't be right. Johnny blushing? What was there to blush about?  

"Y/N!" You take your eyes away from Johnny to see who was calling your name, grinning when Jung Jaehyun comes jogging over to you. He immediately pulls you into a hug and spins you around, making you giggle while you hug him back.  

"Ah- hey, please don't- 

Jaehyun stops in his spinning to look at Johnny, and you look with him, still staying in his hold. "Who's this? Your date, Y/N?"  

You snort and pull away from Jaehyun, hitting his shoulder. "As if. This is Johnny. He's my bodyguard."  

"Ooo, mister bodyguard. I've heard things about you. Good things," Jaehyun says. You roll your eyes at him and look at Johnny, who doesn't look at all happy at meeting Jaehyun. That wasn't good. They were supposed to get along. You swore they were going to.  

"Okay, Mister Brooding. This is Jaehyun. Jaehyun, Johnny." Jaehyun sticks out his hand for Johnny to shake, and, reluctantly, he takes it. It's a short, stiff handshake, and it leaves you feeling worried about Johnny's mood. You're confused as to what happened that might have caused it. He was fine earlier in the day, and now suddenly he was just acting weird. 

"Come on, Y/N. I want to dance." Jaehyun takes your hand in his and drags you off, leaving Johnny only to follow after you into the dance hall. You let Jaehyun walk you to the main floor, let him put one hand on your hip, the other in your hand, and allow him to lead the dance. Just like he always did.  

"So, I heard Taeyong is coming back soon," Jaehyun says. What a way to start a conversation.  

"Shh, you shouldn't say that around here."  

"Y/N, you know everyone is paying attention to us dancing and not what we're talking about." Jaehyun did have a point, considering most of the adults around here, including your parents, were probably just waiting for Jaehyun and you to kiss at some point. 

Not like that was going to happen though, especially since you didn't like him and because one of the maids that worked for his house was bound to kill you if they found out you and Jaehyun were doing anything besides being friendly.  

"...yeah, okay. He's coming back at the end of March. Not sure why, so don't ask." Jaehyun spins you around once before bringing you back into his arms, smiling at you.  

"Bet you're happy," he says. You nod your head. 

"So freaking happy." 

You and Jaehyun keep dancing, other couples around you joining in. It's pleasant and you're glad you wore flats, knowing that heels would already be killing you by now. Jaehyun and you exchange more small talk, mostly things about him traveling recently. Eventually the song changes into a slower one, and Jaehyun moves his hand that holds yours to join with his other one at your hip, while you move yours to his neck. 

"So, there's this new maid," Jaehyun mumbles to you. You're this close to rolling your eyes, but you let him continue on. Of course there was a new maid. "She's super cute and everything but... not sure she's into me." 

"Not into you?" You ask. That seemed preposterous. Every maid that got hired into Jaehyun's house was into him. 

"Mmhmm. She's been here almost a month but..." 

"You haven't gotten anything? Wow. That's a first." You want to say something else, something about how Jaehyun being hung up over her was also a first, but you know he'll just avoid the subject. "Maybe she has a boyfriend." 

"A- a boyfriend?" Jaehyun seems surprised at your accusation, and you shake your head at him.  

"Yes, Jaehyun. People have those." 

"...Doyoung and Ten said I was losing my charm," he says. "So, I guess your explanation is... better."  

"Why do you look so disappointed? Do you like her, Jaehyunnie?" You tease. Jaehyun glares at you, which absolutely proves your point that he did like her. That was a surprise, really. Jaehyun never liked anyone, he just fooled around with everyone.  

"Shut up, I don't. What about you and your bodyguard? What's going on there?" He asks. You tilt your head in confusion.  

"What do you mean?" Jaehyun is silent, staring at you like you should understand exactly what he was talking about. But you didn't. How were you supposed to know? 

"...never mind. Speaking of maid though, I see her. See you in the kitchen in ten." Jaehyun lets you go and walks off, leaving you alone on the dance floor. You walk off quickly, not wanting to get in the way of anyone or pulled in by any other guy for a dance. You make your way out of the hall, moving through the house and up the stairs. You needed a breath of fresh air, and the balcony outside of Jaehyun's room was the absolute best place to get it.  

Jaehyun's room is unlocked, luckily, and you step in, moving past his things and straight to the door leading outside. The night air hits you, making you sigh in relief at the feeling. Being in a room with a hundred and more people could get hot fast, and this was perfect to cool off and just relax for a few moments.  

You lean against the railing, looking out on the garden below Jaehyun's balcony. There's fairy lights adorning the bushes and the flowers, lighting it up beautifully in the darkness.  

And, down below you can see people mingling, some talking, others walking. There's two people that almost look like they're arguing, and you kind of wish you could hear them to see what they were arguing about.  

The January air keeps you from staying out long, but it was nice while it lasted. You turn around, ready to head back in, only to see a man standing at the entrance to the balcony, a gun in his hand. Your eyes widen and before you know it, his finger pulls the trigger.  

The first thing you hear is the gunshot. The second is another gunshot. The third is a few screams from down below in the garden. The fourth is a scuffle in front of you. You had closed your eyes and ducked, hoping you'd dodge the bullet in time. It seemed that you did, so you open your eyes to see what was happening. You see the man on the ground, Johnny above him with the gun in his hands. He brings the butt of the gun down on the man's head, effectively knocking him out with one swift movement. 

You stare at the two in shock, not sure what to make of the situation until Johnny and you make eye contact. He scrambles off the man and over to you, the gun being placed on the floor and his hands coming to cup your face. 

"Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?" He asks. You shake your head, not sure what to say. Johnny breathes a sigh of relief though, pressing his forehead to yours and closing his eyes. The proximity between you two makes you kind of breathless, and being like that makes you notice little things about Johnny's face. The length of his eyelashes, his nose, his lips, and, for the shortest second you think about what it'd be like to press yours to his. 

"Y/N?!" Johnny pulls away from you as quickly as possible and you look to the door leading into Jaehyun's bedroom. Your parents, Mark, Jaehyun and plenty of other guests are standing there, looking on into the scene that unfolded just moments before. Jaehyun and Mark both rush over to you and you let them help you up.  

"Are you okay?" Mark asks. He looks ready to cry and you smile at him, ruffling his hair once you're on your feet.  

"I'm okay, I'm fine. Johnny got to him before he could get to me. I’m okay." Mark hugs you and sniffles, and you hug him back, trying to console your little brother.  

"Are you sure you're okay? I was in the garden when I heard the shot- I saw you fall and thought you got hurt." You look at Jaehyun and shake your head, smiling to reassure your friend. 

"I'm fine. Really. I'm not hurt."  

- 

You walk into your bedroom, over to your bed and sit down, staring at your feet. You felt drained even though it wasn't even ten yet, but the events of the night had sucked all your energy up. The party was cut off early, police came to take the man away and to get some words from you, and then you were being taken home. At least your parents didn't ask about thinking about dating Jaehyun. 

Johnny had sat next to you in the car, as close as he could possibly be, and just his presence alone made you feel at ease. Which, made you end up asking him to sleep in your room for the night. You could still hear the echo of the gunshot in your mind, and just in case anything else happened, you wanted Johnny nearby.  

You’re not sure why you’re so surprised, because it wasn’t like a gun has never been held up to you before. You’ve been in situations like that when you were younger, but something about this one shook you up more than other times. Maybe it had just been because it hadn’t happened in so long, or maybe because you thought you might actually die since before you had a bodyguard around you. 

You felt kind of stupid for not letting Johnny know where you went, but, you're glad he knew to follow you around. Without him, you really could've been dead.  

You lay back on your bed, letting out a sigh. Tonight had just been weird and you just wanted to get to sleep so you could let today's events die in the past.  

“Hey, the maids couldn’t find the futon so I can just sleep on the floor.” You sit up on your elbows, seeing Johnny standing there, a few blankets and pillows in his hands. You don't want him sleeping on the floor, but, you're not sure where else he would sleep.  

"Are you sure?" He nods his head and starts placing pillows and blankets down in a makeshift bed. You turn your body so you can lay back down and still look at Johnny, but watching him makes you feel bad. He shouldn't have to sleep on the floor just because you were feeling scared.  

"...Johnny, you can sleep on my bed with me if you want," you tell him. He pauses his actions and looks at you, surprise written all over his face. He looks like he's contemplating it, and, before he can deny you scoot over to edge where your bed touches the wall and pat the space next to you. 

"It's going to be more comfy than the floor."  

"I... I'm not sure that's appropriate- 

"We're friends, Johnny. It's fine. It's just an offer though. You don't have to." You say he doesn't have to, but you want him to. You didn't want him sleeping on the floor.  

Johnny stares at you for a moment, looks back at his makeshift bed, and then, after a few silent moments between you two he stands up and walks over to you. He slowly climbs into the bed, laying down next to you on his side with a pillow in his hands. He sets it between your bodies and you frown at it.  

"You just made this so awkward," you say.  

"It's- It's just weird- 

"You're weird." You poke Johnny in the chest once, yawning as you do so. "You were acting weird earlier too. Was something wrong?" 

Johnny pokes you back. "No." 

"Don't lie, Mister Tree. I know you." You yawn again, poking him once more.  

"Mister Tree? That's new." He pokes you back before standing up. You watch as he moves over to the blankets, gathering them up in his hands, over to the light switch and shutting it off, and back over to you. He drapes a blanket over you first, tucking you in like you were a little kid who couldn't do it yourself.  

Which, you couldn't. You were tired and Johnny was doing it of his own accord anyways, so who were you to stop him?  

You feel the bed dip when Johnny gets into it, and hear him shuffle about until you guess he's situated and has his own blanket over him. You could have very well slept under the blankets on your bed, but, once again, you were going to let Johnny do what he wants.  

"Y/N, can I ask you something?" Johnny mumbles. He sounds thoughtful and unsure, and you hum out a response. You're on the verge of sleep though, your eyes already closed and your body relaxed, so you hope he asks fast. 

"You and Jaehyun... there's nothing between you, right?" It takes you a minute to register what Johnny is asking. Of course there was stuff between you. You were friends and had known each other for years. But, that isn't what Johnny was getting at. He wanted to know if there was something else between you. Something more than friendship.  

You reach out from under your blanket to poke Johnny again. "As if. Jaehyun is... Jaehyun. Not my type."  

Johnny grabs your hand to stop you from poking him another time, and you don’t have the energy to take it back from him. You sit there in silence, Johnny next to you with your hand in his. You feel safe and warm, and the thought of someone coming in and hurting you doesn't even matter to you.  

Not with Johnny next to you.  

You feel Johnny rubbing circles with his thumb into the palm of your hand, and the sensation makes you feel awfully close to him. If you moved your hand, you could entwine your fingers together. If you took the pillow between you away, you could cuddle up to him. If you got close enough, you could kiss him. 

The events from earlier on the balcony come back to you, Johnny's forehead pressed to yours, his hands on your face. If you had leaned in just a bit, you would've kissed him then too. 

You were tired. You needed to go to sleep. Otherwise, you were going to keep thinking weird things. You move your hand out of Johnny's and turn over on the bed, curling up with the blanket Johnny gave you. 

"Goodnight, Y/N."  

"Goodnight, Johnny." 

- 

The rest of January passes by in a cold, snowy blur, the winter beginning to come to a close as February hits. Doyoung's birthday passes, then Jaehyun's, and at the end of February, Ten's, Jaehyun's best friend. When all the birthday's come and pass and March 1st arrives, you ask Johnny when his birthday is. Surprisingly, it had never been brought up in any previous conversations you'd had with him, and sitting together in your bedroom while you typed up a paper seemed like the perfect moment to ask.  

And you needed a break anyways.  

"Birthday?" Johnny looks over at you and he rubs the back of his neck, taking his eyes off of you only a second later. "It was... uh. February ninth.” 

It takes you a moment to register that Johnny’s birthday had passed and even more time to register that you had missed it without getting him anything. Of course, you couldn’t get him anything since you didn’t know, but you still feel bad about it.  

“February ninth? That was like a month ago Johnny!” You don’t mean to sound upset, but you and Johnny were friends. You couldn’t just miss his birthday. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“You were already celebrating all your friend’s birthdays… I didn’t want to- hey!” 

Johnny tosses the pillow you had thrown at him back at you and manages to dodge the second one. You have a stare down for a moment, Johnny waiting for you to finish contemplating whether or not you were going to throw a third pillow at him.  

“Give me a reason not to throw this pillow,” you reason. Johnny looks at you helplessly, nothing seeming to come out. He has no excuse even after you give him time which means he was getting the pillow thrown at him. You crank your arm back and toss it as hard as you can, watching it soar through the air before it hits Johnny square in the face.  

As it turns out, throw pillows that are used for decoration can actually hurt pretty bad if thrown hard enough.  

Which explains why you and Johnny are in the kitchen, an ice pack pressed to his face while you sadly eat ice cream.  

“I really didn’t think I threw it that hard.” 

"It's fine, Y/N- 

"Why didn't you tell me about your birthday?" You ask, interrupting Johnny. He takes a seat next to you, stealing the spoon in your hand and taking a bite from your ice cream. If he wasn't already hurt, you'd totally hit him in the face with that spoon. He got lucky this time.  

"All your friends were having birthdays I didn't want to... intrude," he explains. He goes for another bite of your ice cream, but instead of letting him have it you smack the spoon out of his hand, glaring at him. 

"You're my friend too, idiot. I would've bought you a gift and had a party and everything." Johnny is silent next to you, and you wonder if maybe you should say more about the situation. You would've celebrated his birthday just like you had with anyone else. He wasn't just your bodyguard anymore, not since you and him had agreed to be friends, and especially not after that day at the beach.  

He deserved attention and a celebration for his birthday just like anyone else you cared about.  

"Can I ask for a gift now even though my birthday has passed?" Johnny asks. You look at him only to see his expression unreadable. You're not sure what he could possibly want. 

"Yeah, sure. Go for it."  

Johnny is silent once more, but you wait patiently for him to tell you what he wants. If it took him a while to ask you, that was okay. You stand up to get another spoon and to pick up the one that was laying on the floor, putting it in the sink before moving back to your seat. You take another bite of your ice cream and turn your eyes on Johnny, offering a small smile when he looks at you.  

"Y/N, I- 

"MISS! Miss, are you in here?!" You watch as Johnny stands up, pressing the ice pack to his face and stepping away from you. You wanted to hit whoever was calling for you, because Johnny was saying something important, but you'd just have to ask him about it later. You turn your attention on the kitchen door, seeing an out of breath maid. She breathes a heavy and surely needed sigh of relief when she sees you and gestures to the hallway. 

"Miss you- visitor- Mister Kim- Seokwoo is here for you."  

You feel your spoon fall out of your hand and clatter onto the countertop, a groan coming out of you when you hear the name come out of the maid's mouth. You had completely forgotten he was going to be there today, Johnny totally distracting you. 

"He's waiting in the dining room, miss."  

You stand up and quickly move to put your ice cream away, telling Johnny to follow after you. The maid leads you both from the kitchen, down the hall, and to the dining room. Through the glass doors you could see him sitting there, bouncing around like the big puppy he was. You sigh once and turn to Johnny.  

"Just a heads up Rowoon is... kind of clingy so if you see him charge at me, don't worry." Johnny nods his head in understanding, but you're pretty sure he was more confused than anything. You turn back to the door and nod at the maid, allowing her to open the door for you.  

The moment she does, Rowoon turns to you, a grin spreads across his face, and he comes straight for you.  

- 

“Rowoon, did you seriously come over just to cuddle with me?” Said boy nods his head and nuzzles his face against your neck. Any other person you would’ve pushed away, but, Rowoon was your childhood friend after all. You couldn't just push him away, lest you wanted to see his pout. You hated the pout.  

"I've been overseas all winter. I've missed you," he says. You groan in annoyance and look to Johnny who was watching the fireplace, his ice pack pressed firmly to his face and his eyes set on the fire. How dare he not help you when you needed it? 

It's not like Rowoon was terrible, he could just be too much sometimes. Now was one of those times. You wanted to be giving Johnny a birthday present, not handling the huge puppy that was Rowoon.  

"Rowoon, I'm kind of busy today. I have an essay to finish and- my parents- they need me to sit in on a meeting at three since they're out of the country- 

"You told me that you were free all day when I asked if I could come over," Rowoon says. He pulls away from you, frowning. "If you were busy you would've told me you had things to do." 

You glance over at Johnny for a quick second before looking back over to Rowoon, sighing. "I was distracted and forgot to say anything. We can hang out another day- 

"Y/N, actually... Can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?" Rowoon is suddenly serious, his eyes on Johnny. You look over to him too, seeing him frowning as he stares back.  

"I'm her bodyguard. I'm supposed to stay with her- 

"It's okay, Johnny," you speak up. "Just step out for a minute." 

Johnny opens his mouth to reason, but ultimately gives up. He stands up and walks out, not happy at all that he had to leave. If Rowoon hadn't been serious, you wouldn't have asked him to step out but usually when he was like this, it meant there was business that needed to be discussed between you two.  

"What is it?" You ask Rowoon.  

"Your bodyguard he... he's just your bodyguard, right?" You tilt your head in confusion at Rowoon. Of course Johnny was just your bodyguard. You were friends too, but you’re pretty sure Rowoon is trying to get at something more. Which was weird, considering Jaehyun had said something similar to this at his big party.  

Did people think you and Johnny were… dating?  

“He’s just my bodyguard. Why are you asking?” You ask Rowoon. He leans back on the couch, giving you a straight face as he looks at you.  

“The way he looks at you… you don’t notice?”  

“Huh? Does he look at me a certain way?” 

Rowoon frowns and repeats his previous statement. “You don’t notice?”  

You shake your head, confused beyond belief now. What way did Johnny look at you? You’d never noticed anything different before, because it just looked normal to you. The only difference between his looks was when he first became your bodyguard where he only had that straight faced, proper and polite look and to now where you’d say his look was happy and maybe even fond whenever he was around you. You’re not sure of any other look that Johnny might have had. Unless it was worry but he didn’t wear that all the time.  

“What are you talking about, Rowoon?” You ask. He takes a long pause, looking between you and the door before leaning in, whispering to you.  

“I think he might be in love with you.” 

- 

“I think he might be in love with you.” 

The words won’t get out of your head. No matter how hard you try to forget them, they just stay there.  

It’s even worse since they’re words that regard your bodyguard, someone you have to be around for all the hours you’re awake. Someone who now whenever you look at him the words just run across your mind like the unimportant news on the bottom of a news report except since it kept appearing it kept catching your attention and you couldn’t even pay attention to the big news on the screen.  

The big news being your upcoming exam and your study session with Sicheng, of course.  

How were you supposed to focus on an exam when all you could focus on was Johnny and his “really obvious feelings” according to Rowoon and stupidly kissable looking face that you couldn’t stop thinking about either.  

You swear you didn’t like Johnny, but every time you’ve looked at him recently you found your eyes staring at his lips more often than not.  

“Ahhh!” You shove your books away from you, startling both Sicheng and Johnny next to you.  

“Y/N, are you okay?” Johnny asks. You stand up, slamming your hands on the table. You couldn’t focus, especially not with Mr. Tree next to you. You mumble something out that sounds like “bathroom” and storm off, leaving Sicheng and Johnny to stare after you.  

You take a short walk to the bathroom, making sure to lock the door when you’re in. You didn’t want anyone to intrude. You make your way over to the sink and turn the faucet on cold water. Maybe you just needed a cold, wet slap to the face.  

You gather the water in your hands and lower your head, taking a deep breath before splashing it against your face. You repeat the action two more times before turning the faucet off and reaching for the paper towel to wipe down your face. You toss the paper towel when you’re done and look into the mirror at yourself. Clearly it was self-reflection time.  

You’re not sure why you can’t get the thought of Johnny liking you off your mind. It’s not like people haven't liked you before. You’ve had plenty of suitors wanting your hand in marriage, mostly for business deals, but there were some that wanted you in general, at least three you can think of off the top of your head. It’s not like it was a foreign concept, so why were you feeling like this? Why was it so prominent in your mind that you couldn’t even focus on studying? 

Maybe because it was Johnny, the guy you didn’t like nor want around that became your friend. Maybe it was because he was your bodyguard. You've never had a bodyguard around your age, so most didn't usually like you like Johnny apparently does, nor did you ever treat them as a close friend. Maybe it was weird because Johnny was close in age. 

Maybe it was weird that he was closer in age because then it'd be easy to date him. 

Your eyes widen at the thought of that, and your mouth drops open. Why were you thinking about dating him? Johnny was your bodyguard you couldn't date him.  

Your first original thought about Johnny crosses through your mind. When you first met him, you had thought he was awfully handsome, and, if he were any other guy you would've liked him. You wouldn't second guess the thought of dating him. Another thought crosses through your mind, when he had been so close to you the night you got shot at. You could've kissed him not once, but two times that night. 

Thinking about it, you wouldn't have even minded. 

You quickly turn the faucet on once more and quickly splash your face a few times. This was not happening.  

This was not happening. 

"Y/N?" 

"AH!" You jump at the sudden knock on the door and the voice calling your name, pressing a hand to your chest to calm your racing heart. You take a few short breaths and after wiping your face again, move over to the door, unlocking it and opening it up to reveal Sicheng on the other side.  

He has a worried expression on his face and you whine at him, frowning. He steps into the bathroom with you and closes the door behind him, and you whine at him once more.  

"SIcheng, I have a problem..."  

"Did you run out of toilet paper or something?" You shake your head. 

"I... Sicheng, I think I- oh my god, I can't believe I'm saying this..." Sicheng squeezes your shoulders and shakes you a little.  

"Spit it out, Y/N. You've been acting weird all day," he says. You whine at him for a third time. 

"I think- fuck, I think I like Johnny. Like… you know. I- like him."  

Sicheng is silent for all of two seconds before raising an eyebrow at you. "Aren't you dating?"  

You squint at him, shaking your head. "No we aren't- what do you mean "aren't we dating" wouldn't I have told you if- what do you mean? Does it seem like we're- oh my god, does it seem like we're dating?!"  

Sicheng squeezes your shoulders again, getting you to stand still in your place. You wanted to pace so bad, or even rock back and forth to calm yourself down. Did it seem like you and Johnny were a couple? You don't remember doing anything couple-y with him, only being friendly and warm to him.  

"...I don't know the way you two look at each other sometimes is a little... ah, I don't know the word for it. Lovey? And every time I'm at your house the maids in the kitchen always talk about it... And Jaehyun also thought there was something going on between you two..."  

You stare at Sicheng in silence. You didn't know what to say. What were you supposed to say? Did everyone just think that you and Johnny were an item? Even your best friend thought so.  

You're not sure what you're supposed to do with that information. 

You're not sure what you're supposed to do with your feelings or Johnny's feelings either. You had an exam in two days, you needed to think about that and not Johnny and definitely not everyone thinking you were dating in the first place. 

"...I need to go home. I need to take a nap my... my head hurts," you tell Sicheng. He nods his head and takes your hand.  

"Okay." 

- 

"Y/N..."  

"Five more minutes..." 

"Y/N, come on... I gave you ten extra minutes." 

You blink open an eye and look up to see Johnny, dressed in pajamas and a tray of food in his hands. You take in the scent that hangs in the air, a smile forming on your face knowing that what you were about to eat was delicious.  

You sit up in your bed and stretch your arms, letting a big yawn out as Johnny sits down in the bed next to you.  

"Are you excited for our date later?" You nod your head as Johnny leans forward to kiss you, happily kissing him back.  

"Are you nervous about telling my parents afterwards?" You ask. Johnny laughs, nodding his head.  

"Shouldn't be... but I am." You lean forward to kiss Johnny again, a kiss of support and love. "It'll be fine. They'll love you." 

"Mm, hope so." 

Johnny and you begin eating, exchanging kisses every few moments because what's breakfast in bed if you didn't have kisses? It's happy and warm and everything you want, until your alarm goes off. You reach for your phone on your pillow, ready to shut it off but you can't find it. The alarm keeps getting louder and louder the more you let it go, and you rush to find it. It was killing your ears this early in the morning.  

You throw pillows off your bed, then your blanket, and eventually you end up hitting the floor.  

The impact makes you open your eyes and you blink a few times as you stare up at the ceiling. You sit up a moment later, looking around the room only to see no Johnny and no food.  

It was a dream.  

You can't help but slap your cheeks a few times, scolding yourself for having another ridiculous, sweet, kiss-filled Johnny dream. Ever since the day at the library where you had told Sicheng about your feelings, the dreams came almost every night. Today marked the fourteenth day, and the third time you've ended up on the floor.  

The dreams wouldn't be so bad if Johnny and you were just normal people. You had accepted your feelings about him, so it was a mutual thing. Easily, it seemed like you could date each other and the dreams would become reality.  

But after a short conversation with your parents at dinner about who you could date, after you had refused two marriage candidates, was all you needed to realize that your dreams were just that. Dreams. There was nothing real that could come out of it.  

You sigh and lay back down on the floor, looking up at the ceiling once again. Your alarm is still going off somewhere in your room, but your mood stops you from looking for it to turn it off.  

You wished Johnny wasn't your bodyguard and that he was someone of wealthy status. Then dating him would be easy. He could be your boyfriend and satisfy your parents desire to have another kid with a wealthy significant other, like Mark and his fiancée.  

But, that wasn't going to happen. This was a whole Taeyong situation again. You liked someone of lower class, your parents definitely wouldn't accept it, and then you'd have to run off to be with Johnny.  

You groan and kick your feet in the air like an upset child. You didn't want to run away with Johnny. You wanted to live a happy life and date him like a normal person and have your parents like him as your boyfriend and not just your bodyguard.  

You wanted to be able to walk around the house together holding hands and go on dates and go to fancy parties with him as your date. You wanted to kiss his stupidly kissable face because he was your boyfriend.  

You sigh once more and lay still on the floor in defeat. Johnny wasn't ever going to be your boyfriend, and even if he did, you'd have to sneak around everywhere and try not to get caught by your parents and the one maid that had to tell them everything.  

This sucked. 

And not to mention you totally bombed your stupid exam even after studying like crazy with Sicheng and with Taeil's help during your tutoring sessions.  

This really did suck.  

You sigh for a final time before standing up, beginning the search for your phone. You blame Johnny's ridiculously kissable face for this situation and the failed exam.  

- 

It's the 26th of March when Taeil wakes you up at seven in the morning to go get Taeyong from the airport. You nearly trip out of bed in excitement, rushing around the room to throw on some clothes. There was no time for a shower, you just had to get ready as quick as possible.  

You get stopped though when Taeil tells you he's going to go call Johnny. That was unacceptable. You didn't want Johnny tagging along to go see your brother. Or, anywhere in general. It's not that you didn't want Johnny meeting Taeyong or anything, but, Taeyong had keen eyes. He'd probably tell that you had feelings for him with just one look. You didn't need your brother thinking there was something going on between you two too.  

Because there wasn’t, unfortunately. 

"No, wait, Taeil!" You're rushing out of the room to catch up to him and you quickly have to snatch his phone out of his hand to stop him from calling Johnny. He stares at you, confused, and you put your hands behind you to keep him from reaching for his phone. 

"Johnny can't come with us," you say. He narrows his eyes at you. 

"Why not?" 

"...because..." You try to think of a reason that Johnny can't come, one that isn't "I don't want Taeyong to know I like him" but you can't really think of one. Taeil sighs at your actions and holds his hand out. 

"Because nothing. Give me my phone back," he says. You take a step back, shaking your head. 

"Becaaaaaauuusssee, Taeil... Um..." You bite your lip, trying to think of something. "Because- oh! Johnny had a really long day yesterday. Because we were hanging around all of Mark's friends and you know how they can be..." 

Taeil raises an eyebrow at you and crosses his arms as if silently asking are you done yet and you groan. You didn't want Johnny there. It was a stupid reason, but, even so. Johnny didn't even need to go.  

“Taeil, please. I just want to see Taeyong without having to fuss around with Johnny. Please.”  

Taeil ends up giving in when you give him puppy dog eyes, ones that you learned from none other than your big brother himself. You happily give him back his phone when he agrees to not call Johnny and you head back to your room to change.  

Once you're finished, you go back out to see Taeil and he leads you out of your house and to his car parked out front.  

The drive to the airport is almost half an hour, and you nearly fall asleep from the quiet ride and Taeil singing under his breath to some random song you’ve never heard before. The excitement from thinking about seeing Taeyong keeps you awake though, and you smile out the window for most of the drive there.  

You were going to see Taeyong. You were going to see him and it wasn’t just some sad dream you had that when you woke up, he wasn’t really there. You were actually going to see him.  

Before you know it, Taeil is parking the car and you’re heading in, taking a seat as you wait the few minutes for Taeyong's plane to arrive. You’re bouncing in your chair, barely able to contain your excitement and Taeil can't help but laugh and join in. You’re sure he was just as excited to see Taeyong as you were. Not seeing him for months clearly affected both of you, but you’re glad that you had someone else to share the same emotions and experiences you did when it came to Taeyong. 

“Hey, Y/N...” You look at Taeil, giving him your attention. “You and Johnny… Are you…” 

“Huh?” You swear you feel your face flush just thinking about what Taeil was trying to ask. You hoped it wasn’t about you and him dating. You really hoped it wasn't. 

“Well, you know… is something going on between you?”  

You haven’t ever said no fast enough and you’re pretty sure you’ve never said it louder than that before. 

Taeil stares at you, clearly taken aback by your reply. You didn’t mean to yell, and you quickly look away and down at your fingers that were now tapping nervously at your thighs.  

You couldn’t be thinking about Johnny today. Today was Taeyong day. This week was Taeyong week. Johnny was about as irrelevant as your parents when they told you about marriage candidates. He wasn’t important right now, and thinking about anything else but Taeyong was just going to ruin your mood.  

Because no, unfortunately, there wasn’t anything going on between you and Johnny. And just thinking about that for too long was going to put you in a bad mood.  

“Oh, Taeyong's flight just landed.” 

You jump up faster than Taeil, ready to be done with this conversation and to move onto other things.  

You and Taeil take a quiet walk to the gates, sitting and waiting as you watch person after person get off the plane. You keep an eye out for Taeyong, waiting to see a head of silver hair pop out from the crowd. 

It doesn’t, but instead you notice a head of pink hair, barely covered by the hood of a hoodie. You wouldn’t have actually known it was Taeyong if he didn’t have that keychain you got him for his birthday last year hanging off his backpack, because at first glance it didn’t really look like Taeyong. Not to mention he had a face mask, so the keychain was the only thing making you do a double take.  

And when you do, Taeyong and you make eye contact.  

You’re not sure who's running to who first, you just know you meet each other half way, and when Taeyong has you in his arms he’s lifting you up off your feet and spinning you around. You’re laughing and crying while you hug him back, so ridiculously happy to see your big brother after almost a year without having any contact with him.  

“Hey, squirt.” 

If this had been any other time, you would have hit Taeyong and told him that you were definitely not a squirt, but you didn’t have it in you to say any of that. You were too happy to just hear Taeyong’s voice and to be able to touch him again.  

“I missed you so much,” you manage to tell Taeyong. He sets you down and tries to pull away from you, but you continue to latch on, not wanting to let go in fear that if you do, he was just going to leave again.  

“Y/N, they’re telling us we have to move. Come on, let’s get my luggage and then we'll go get breakfast, okay?”  

You hesitantly pull away and reach for Taeyong’s hand, wanting to still hold onto him as you moved. Taeyong just smiles at you and squeezes your hand in return. 

- 

“So how have you been? What are you doing right now? You have a new phone, right? And, oh! Your girlfriend, how's she?” 

Currently, you were sitting at a small little café a few minutes outside of the airport, Taeyong and Taeil sitting across from you in the booth you shared. You hadn't really talked to Taeyong on the ride there, mostly just taking him in because he was here, back home, and you needed to admire him before he left again.  

"I've been good. Right now I'm just working and saving up money. Not like I really need to, but, it helps her out. Actually, though... she's not my girlfriend anymore." 

You and Taeil both almost spit out your coffee.  

"Not your girlfriend- what?!" Taeil grabs Taeyong by his shoulders and starts shaking him. "You ran away because you were in love with her- how can she not be your girlfriend anymore- 

"Fiancée! She's my fiancée!" Taeil pauses his shaking, the words sinking in for a moment. You smile at Taeyong, happy that they were getting married now. That was amazing news.  

You're surprised though when Taeil starts shaking Taeyong again. "Ah, you always worry me- both of you! You could've just said that- you two take off ten years of my life daily, I swear..."  

Taeil lets go of Taeyong and picks up his coffee, and Taeyong just laughs. The dynamic between the two is one you’ve definitely missed a lot.  

“What has Y/N been doing to take years off your life though? I know she was killing mom and dad but…”  

You look to Taeil, knowing exactly who and what he was going to talk about. You try and give him a look to tell him please don’t mention Johnny or I'm going to kill you but it doesn’t seem to get across to him.  

Or, it does, but he just chooses to ignore it.  

If the mischievous smirk on his face is anything to go by, you’re pretty sure it was the latter.  

“Well, there’s this guy… Johnny.” You frown at Taeil. Why was he making it seem like Johnny was something more than a bodyguard? What did you do to make Taeil mess around like this today? Was it because of earlier? You were going to punch him later for this. 

“Johnny?” Taeyong’s tone is one of defense, and you have to keep yourself from face palming. This is what you wanted to avoid. “Who's Johnny? Is he- oh my god, do you have a boyfriend?”  

“No! No he’s not- he’s just my bodyguard! He's not... my boyfriend." You don't mean to sound so sad about it, but, you couldn't really help it. You were sad about it. 

"Pfft, just a bodyguard..." Taeyong looks between you and Taeil, confused and clearly out of the loop. You didn't want to explain your feelings to Taeyong, and the more you talked about it the more you knew it was going to bring down your mood.  

"Do you want him to be your... boyfriend?" Taeyong asks. You sigh and shake your head.  

"I mean, I do but- you know mom and dad. If I'm not dating someone who has some sort of money then I shouldn't date at all. Not to mention he's my bodyguard. I'd have to sneak around all the time to be with him. And mom and dad would have a fit- 

"Y/N," Taeyong cuts in. "Since when have you ever listened to mom and dad?"  

You stare at Taeyong, knowing he was somewhat right. You mostly did things on your own, because Taeyong had been next in line to take over the company. You never really worried about any of the stuff they wanted and focused on yourself because you didn't have to. It was why you weren't engaged yet, nor did you ever stick with the same bodyguard for very long.  

You always made it a point to be your own person.  

Until Taeyong left, and then you had to pay attention to your parents affairs that much more. You had to sit in on meetings, and you had to take business classes, and you had to focus on taking your life seriously instead of having fun like someone your age should.  

Of course, you still tried to be your own person, resulting in you being rebellious, especially with the whole bodyguard situation. Not to mention you could only stand being scolded about the same things over and over again so many times.  

You didn't want to just give up the position as next in line either though. It wouldn't be bad to take over, and you'd definitely be good at it. And, you'd rather take over than let Mark do it. You didn't want to do to Mark what Taeyong did to you. Not like he could really run the company anyways.  

But, if that cost a lot of your freedom like choosing who to date and marry and if you could even hang out with your friends, you're not sure it was really all worth it. 

You were in such a tough situation, you realize. No wonder you were always quick-tempered when it came to this kind of stuff.   

"Y/N, the second I stopped letting mom and dad decide my life, the happier I was. You and I both knew I wasn't going to be able to take over that company. And, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying run away but... if you like this Johnny guy, then tell him and be with him.  

"It's not like mom and dad will do anything about it besides throw a fit. They let you do stuff on your own for a reason you know that? Because they knew if I flaked out, you were all they were going to have left. Because, let's face it, Mark sucks at business." 

You can't help but laugh at Taeyong's words. He was right. Mark did suck at business. 

"Squirt, tell him you like him. Just... at least try." 

You stare at Taeyong, letting his words sink in. You knew a lot of the things he said was true, but you also knew a lot of things could go terribly wrong with this entire Johnny thing if you told him how you feel. If your parents found out too soon, they'd probably fire him and send him away. If you didn't tell him though, you knew you'd just be miserable. 

At least try. 

You sigh, and smile at Taeyong. This is why you needed him around. All your bad thoughts could be changed just by some small advice from Taeyong. 

Really, what harm was there in just trying? 

- 

"Oh, crap. I forgot my wallet inside." You turn to Taeil and watch him rush back into the shop, leaving you and Taeyong to stand by the car as you waited for him. He could've unlocked it for you, but, what could you do, especially when it came to Taeil? 

You had talked some more with Taeyong and Taeil, not about Johnny anymore, thankfully, but more about Taeyong and his now fiancée. Apparently he had come back to Korea for the sole purpose of getting married back home, back where he and she met. It was romantic and cute, and you couldn't wait for them to get married. You couldn't wait to attend the wedding either.  

"Oh, before I forget Y/N. You asked for my number... It costs a ton of money to call and what not so... We can use apps instead. It's been long enough." Taeyong pulls out his phone and asks for yours. You happily give it to him, glad that finally, after so many months, you'd be able to communicate with your brother again. Before it would've been too risky considering your parents, but, they weren't really looking for Taeyong anymore. 

"I'm gonna message you every day, I hope you know that," you say. Taeyong just smiles, continuing on with exchanging contact info.  

When you hear footsteps behind you, you turn around to greet Taeil, happy that he was finally back. 

Only, you don't see Taeil. There's three, large, dangerous looking men instead. You immediately reach for your knife that you carried and try to tell Taeyong that there was danger right in front of you, but they're much faster than you. One grabs you, and the other two go for Taeyong. You're about to scream for help, for someone in the parking lot, but the man presses something over your mouth and nose. You immediately take in a sweet scent and the dizziness is instant.  

You stop struggling in the man's arms, letting him pull you into a van nearby. When had that gotten there? It's only moments later that Taeyong gets pulled in too, and the van door closes. The van starts moving and before you know it, everything becomes fuzzy, the sweet smell is too overwhelming, and you black out. 

- 

You wake up with your face pressed to a cold floor and your hands tied behind your back, numb from being tied too tightly. You roll over onto your back and kick up, giving yourself enough momentum to be able to sit up. Then, you look around. 

Your surroundings are about as great as you expected. You're locked in a cage within a building, most likely a warehouse if you're thinking about it. There's boxes lining the fence of the cage, making it hard to see out into the rest of the place but the only thing you really need to see is the guy pacing the entrance of the cage. He was clearly meant to watch over you in case you and Taeyong did anything. 

Taeyong. 

You whip your head around to find Taeyong, seeing him still passed out on the ground. You sigh in relief to see he's not terribly hurt or anything and scoot your way over to him. You press your foot to his shoulder and push it, hoping to shake him awake so that he could help you get out of your confines. The moment you were, you could get him and you out of there.  

"Taeyong." You whisper his name at him, continuing to press your foot against his shoulder, but he doesn't budge. He couldn't be knocked out that long. You move your foot to his side, pushing him there, harder and harder until finally he stirs. He tells you to stop but you don't until he's rolling away from you, glaring at you from a safe distance.  

"What are- you..." He maneuvers himself to sit up and looks around, taking in everything just as you had moments before. He groans and then struggles at the rope that has him tied up, only to give up a moment later and put his eyes back on you.  

"How are we supposed to get out of this one?" He asks. You roll your eyes and scoot over to him.  

"You remember how to untie rope?" You ask. "If you can untie me then I can get us out of here."  

Taeyong stares at you, his expression telling you exactly what you need to know. No. Of course Taeyong doesn't remember how to untie rope. He was too busy napping to listen to anything during your self-defense class. You put your foot out to kick him, earning a yelp from your brother.  

"What was that for?"  

"Because I forgot how worthless you are in situations like these," you tell him.  

"Well if you remember that stuff then why don't you untie me?" He asks.  

"Because I can barely feel my hands, Taeyong. So, basically we're stuck here until, fuck, I don't know. We die?" 

Taeyong whines at the thought of that. "Please don't say that. I'm supposed to be getting married- 

"Maybe you should've paid attention in self-defense class then." You turn your head away from Taeyong and scoot away from him. There was nothing either of you could do, with his lack of knowledge on how to untie you and your numb hands. You probably were going to die here. 

You feel like crying at the thought, especially since you know it could've been avoided. If you hadn't been stubborn and leaving Johnny at home, it would've been fine. You wouldn't have been kidnapped and wouldn't feel so helpless in this situation.  

And, not only did you get yourself kidnapped, Taeyong was kidnapped too.  

Today was supposed to be a good day. It was not supposed to turn out like this.  

You sniffle, feeling tears already starting to prick the corner of your eyes. This was all your fault. If you had just listened to Taeil and let Johnny come along then it wouldn't be like this.  

"Hey, Y/N, don't cry- Y/N what do you think they want?" 

"I don't know, Taeyong- how would I- 

Suddenly, a loud noise sounds in the warehouse, one that you're pretty sure sounds a lot like a gunshot. You look at Taeyong, and then to the fence where the guard that had been pacing is now gone. Another gunshot sounds, a third, a fourth, and ends on a fifth.  

You're not at all sure what was happening, but you just hoped it was something good. 

"Y/N, we should- Y/N, come here. We can hide in the corner so if it's bad- 

"Y/N?!"  

The voice that calls your name makes you stand up ridiculously fast and you rush to the entrance of the cage, trying to look to see if you heard right. It couldn't be him. It could not.  

"Y/N?! Are you here?!"  

"I'm- we're in this cage thing!" You yell out. A moment later you see Johnny running towards the cage, relief written all over his face. His fingers wrap around the fence wire and he smiles at you, and you can't help the tears that fall from your eyes. 

"I'm so glad you're okay," he says. You sniffle at him, pressing your head to the fence to try and get closer to Johnny in any way.  

"I thought- I thought we were going to die here and- and that you couldn't- how did you-?" You pause in your thoughts, noticing there was blood all over Johnny's suit jacket and a gun sitting in a holster on his belt, blood on the handle as well. Your eyes widen in fear, looking up at him. "That's not- is that your blood?" 

Johnny shakes his head. "No, it's not mine. Come on, we have to get you out of here. Is Taeyong in there with you?"  

You nod your head at Johnny and he nods back. He steps away from the fence and moves over to the lock that keeps it closed. Somehow he must have found a key because it only takes a short moment for him to unlock it, and then the gate is opening and you're being wrapped up in Johnny's arms.  

"I thought I lost you." 

You want to enjoy Johnny's words and his embrace and the relief of him being there, but your hands were still tied up. You squirm in Johnny's hold, and mention that your hands were tied up to get him to help you instead of holding you. He quickly pulls away and moves around you to help. You feel the rope being tugged at just a little until it's loose around your wrists, and then it's being cut away from you, falling to the floor when it's off. You bring your hands forward and start rubbing at your wrists, hoping the circulation would come back quickly.  

You hear Johnny helping Taeyong to your right and you turn to them, seeing Taeyong smiling at you with a knowing look. You quickly look away, moving one of your hands to wipe at the tears that had fallen earlier when you saw Johnny. That had to be so embarrassing.  

You hear Taeyong thank Johnny a moment later and then he's next to you again, his hands on your face and moving it so that you're looking up at him. 

"Are you sure you're okay?"  

Your breath hitches in your throat at seeing Johnny again, especially up close like this and you feel like crying again. You were so relieved to see him, to see him here fussing over you and making sure you were okay.  

You're not sure what you would do if Johnny wasn't in your life.  

"I'm okay," you finally get out, and Johnny smiles at you. In the moment with him, staring at him, you forget where you are. You forget Taeyong is with you, and that there's blood on Johnny and he probably shot someone. You forget because Johnny is here and he came to save you and he has his hands on you and all you want to do is kiss him to tell him how grateful you are and how much you like him and how much he means to you.  

Without him, you wouldn't be alive.  

You needed him. 

"Johnny, I- 

"Y/N! Johnny! Watch out!"  

You hear the gunshot first.  

And then you feel Johnny push you.  

And then a scream comes from Johnny.  

You try to steady yourself quickly but you look back at Johnny only to see him fall to the floor. 

"JOHNNY!"  

You try to rush to Johnny but you hear another gunshot, the bullet whizzing past you. You tear your eyes away from Johnny to see the guy who had been guarding the cage earlier, a gun in his hand while the other hand holds a bloody spot on the side of his body. No doubt that came from Johnny.  

"Get. Over here. Now." The man's glare makes an unsettling feeling take place in your stomach and you can't help but listen. If he didn't have a gun, you might be able to take him down, but, even so, you knew there were other people here and you didn't know how many of them could be back up like him. You couldn't risk trying to take him down. 

You feel the man grab your arm and press the gun to the middle of your back, sending a shiver down your spine at having it so close to you. Taeyong doesn't move from his spot, staring at you in horror as the man holds you there.  

"We're going to leave, you hear me? If you move one spot from there, I'll shoot her. Don't think I won't. You hear me? We're going to get that ransom money- even if it's half of it- fuck. You hear me? Don't move!" Taeyong can't do anything but nod and you yelp as the man yanks you around, forcing you to walk forward with him.  

You're only a few steps away from the cage when you hear a gunshot ring out. And then another, and another, and then you hear the man's gun clatter to the floor behind you. And he, only a few seconds later, falls to the floor with it, his grip around your arm releasing.  

It takes you a moment to turn around and when you do, you see Johnny sitting there, his gun in his hand. You quickly take the gun that had fallen to the floor and step over the man, rushing back over to Johnny and Taeyong. You're by his side when he falls back to the floor and you notice a small pool of blood under his shoulder.  

That must've been where he got shot, and you can't help but feel some relief that it wasn't somewhere else. 

"Johnny? Hey, Johnny? Are you okay?"  

You hear him laugh, and even in this situation, you can't seem to mind. It was the best noise you've heard all day.  

"I'm better now that... you're here," he says. You almost want to hit him. "Fuck- my shoulder- 

"I thought you- when you fell I thought you were gone- you scared me!" 

Johnny laughs again and the hand that isn't holding his gun moves up to your face, caressing it. Your hand moves up to his hand on instinct and you press yours over his, holding it there.  

"I learned that trick from the six year old..." You'd have to ask about that story from Johnny later. Right now, you needed to get him out of here and get his wound looked at before he lost too much blood. Taeyong seems to think the same thing because he kneels down next to you and asks Johnny where his phone is. 

"Coat pocket... Call... Taeyong, call Taeil after. Tell him I... saved you." Taeyong finds Johnny's phone and stands back up, moving away to call the police. You sit there, watching Johnny, making sure he didn't close his eyes or anything. It occurs to you that you could be pressing down on his wound, but when you try and move Johnny keeps you there. You weren't going to fight with him. 

"Have I ever told you how beautiful I think you are?" Johnny suddenly asks. He just got shot and yet... 

You smile, shaking your head.  

"Nope. Never." 

"Thought that from the first time I saw you. Even though you... were a total brat," Johnny says. You laugh, and once more you feel tears threatening to spill out. You were so glad Johnny was okay. You were happy and relieved because he was going to be okay.  

"I'm so glad you're okay," you mumble to him. Johnny smiles.  

"I'm glad you're okay too. I'm glad I... managed to keep you safe. Y/N, I- 

"Johnny, do you know where we are?" Taeyong suddenly butts in. Johnny and you break eye contact and you look to the ground, letting Johnny tell Taeyong any missing information Taeyong couldn't tell the police. When he's done, he moves onto talking to Taeil, but you and Johnny don't say anything more to each other until the police and the paramedics arrive and are carting Johnny away.  

"We'll talk later," Johnny says. You slip your hand out of his and nod.  

"We'll talk later." 

- 

You're sitting in the hospital, waiting for someone to tell you you can go see Johnny. The bullet that hit him had been removed a few hours ago, and you were ready to go see him again. After talking to police and being scolded by your parents and being hugged by Mark and watching as your family all went silent when they saw Taeyong and then being scolded again for going to see him, you were exhausted. Your parents got busy with talking to Taeyong, so it left you to sneak off with Taeil to go see Johnny at the hospital.  

You weren't exactly worried about his condition, because he wasn't shot anywhere vital. They just had to remove the bullet and replace the blood he lost, and after some rest he'd be good as new.  

You just wanted to see him. You're pretty sure the both of you had things to say, so, the sooner you could say those things, the better.  

You're brought out of your thoughts when you hear someone call your name and you look up from the floor, seeing the doctor that had been assigned to Johnny and a nurse next to him. 

"Yes, that's me." 

"He's been asking for you. You can go see him."  

The nurse that had followed the doctor out leads you to Johnny's room, opens the door for you, and gestures you inside. Johnny is sitting on the bed, his eyes fixed on whatever was playing on the T.V. He kind of looks out of it, which makes you want to laugh. It was cute.  

You walk inside his room and over to his bed, sitting down on the chair that's placed next to it. He only notices you when you sit down, and when he does, a goofy smile spreads across his face.  

"Y/N... When did you get here?" He asks. "I was watching uh..."  

He points to the T.V., and you look up, seeing him watching some weird kid's show. You giggle and look back at him. "Looks like a good show." 

"It is." 

You and Johnny are silent for a bit, with him staring at you with that goofy smile, which makes you think he's probably drugged up just a little bit.  

Or. Maybe a lot, because suddenly his hand is grabbing yours and he's bringing it to his lips, kissing it. You stare at him in utter confusion, not sure if you should hit him or just take your hand away.  

"Y/N, I'm glad you're okay," Johnny says.  

"So glad that you had to kiss my hand?" You ask. He looks at you, a sudden serious expression on his face.  

"I'd rather kiss your face but you might not like that."  

You look down at your hand in Johnny's, words on the tip of your tongue. Taeyong's words from earlier ring in your mind again, almost as if they were encouraging you.  

At least try. 

"I'd like it but I'm pretty sure you're on like three different pain killers right now so you might think it's a dream if you kissed me," you tell Johnny. You aren't looking at him, because you're pretty positive you're blushing. Johnny didn't need to see you blushing.  

"...you'd like it?" Johnny asks. You pull his hand towards you and start playing with his fingers, not sure what else to do right now. His fingers are long, you notice, kind of chubby too, but they're nice. His hand is warm, and you can imagine in the winter time being nice to hold.  

"Y/N? You'd like it if I kissed you?" You try not to whine at Johnny. You told him you'd like it, did he really need confirmation? 

"Don't make me say it again," you tell him. Silence falls between you and you're pretty sure Johnny is waiting for a response. 

Until you see him move out of the corner of your eye. He tries to maneuver himself in such a way that he can kiss you, but just as his lips barely ghost over yours, he ends up straining himself like the idiot he was. He falls back against the bed and you put your hand to your lips, shaking your head at him.  

"Fuck, I really thought I could get to you- 

"You're so dumb. Don't try and kiss me when you're hurt. Get rest, stupid," you tell him, pulling away entirely from him. You didn't want him trying that again. You cross your arms and look down at the floor, your face feeling even hotter than before.  

Who were you kidding? You wouldn't mind him trying it again if it meant he could kiss you. But you weren't going to be the cause of him pulling out any stitches or doing something worse. 

"Does that mean I can kiss you when I'm better?" He asks a few moments later. You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling, and shake your head once more. 

He was so dumb. 

"Get rest, Mister Tree." 

- 

It was a few days after the whole incident with the kidnapping and Johnny being shot, and you were currently sitting in your bedroom on your bed, reading some article about your kidnapping. Something about wanting money in exchange for you and Taeyong, and something about Johnny coming to save you after questioning the guy that had shot you back at Jaehyun's party. It was kind of funny, really, reading about yourself and about this drama.  

And also seeing Johnny laying in a hospital bed looking drugged out of his mind was pretty funny too.  

"What are you giggling about?" You look up from your laptop to see Johnny standing in the doorway of your room. You shake your head and close your laptop before he can come see what you were doing. You watch him close the door, and then he moves over to your dresser where you had your iPod sitting, plugged into a music player. He looked kind of suspicious as he switched out your iPod for his phone, plugging it in.  

"What are you doing?" You ask, climbing off your bed and standing up. Johnny doesn't answer and continues doing whatever he was doing, and before you even get to him, a song starts playing throughout the room.  

It's slow and romantic, and you almost blush when Johnny walks over to you, sticking out his good hand to you. "Can I have this dance?"  

"You- what are you doing?" You ask.  

"Asking the girl I like for a dance. What else?" That makes you blush. That makes you blush and step away from Johnny, crossing your arms. You couldn't just give into him so easily (even though you wanted to so badly). 

"You know I'm worth like, 100 million, right? What if you step on my feet? That's like... 200 thousand right there."  

Johnny laughs and suddenly he steps forward, closing any distance between you as he wraps his good arm around your waist.  

"I'll be careful," he says. You can't help but give in at this point. You uncross your arms and move them so they can wrap around his neck. You're close, awfully close and almost too intimate for two people who were still friends and who had not talked about being anything more.  

Maybe it was because Johnny had been resting and you had made sure not to disturb him. Maybe it was because your parents had kept pulling you away every time you did have a chance to talk to Johnny. Maybe it was because Taeyong had also took a lot of your attention away, mostly to talk about his wedding.  

Whatever it was, you still hadn't talked.  

Maybe that's what Johnny was doing now.  

Hopefully.  

"So... a little birdy told me you liked me," Johnny speaks up. You look up at him, frowning.  

"What little birdy told you that?" You ask.  

"Taeil," he says. You nearly laugh at Johnny for giving away who the little birdy was so easily. "And, if I remember correctly, you would've liked it if I kissed you back at the hospital. Is that still a thing or...?" 

You shrug. "I mean, I don't know. I kind of have strict parents and if they found out we were together they might kill you. You know that, right?" 

Johnny smiles. "I know that. I'm willing to take that risk." 

You stare at Johnny in shock. He didn't seem fazed at all by the thought of something bad happening if your parents found out. How could he not be fazed at all? That's all you could worry about when you had thought about talking about this with Johnny. 

"You're... not scared?"  

"No. Why should I be scared? With you by my side, I could do anything." 

Your face scrunches up and you shove Johnny's good shoulder, shaking your head. "I'm not dating you if you're gonna be cheesy like that." 

"But, you'll date me otherwise?" Johnny asks, a stupid, silly, ridiculous grin on his face. It makes you smile just looking at him.  

"I- yeah. As long as there's no cheese."  

"No promises."  

For a few short moments, you and Johnny just sway back and forth to the music, both of you smiling at each other in silence. You feel like your heart might burst just staring at him smiling at you like that.  

You don't mean to be cheesy like he had, but, you feel like with Johnny by your side, you really could do anything. You feel like he was worth being with even with any and all risks involved.  

Which, seemed totally crazy considering when you met him all you could think about was how much he was going to hinder your life. And then, he saved your life twice. 

Oh, how the tables have truly turned. 

"That means we're going to have to sneak around a lot," Johnny says, interrupting you from your thoughts. You nod your head, silently agreeing with him. "Which means... I have to kiss you in secret all the time." 

You nod your head again. You're pretty sure you know where he was going with this. 

"And... we're mostly in secret right now..." Johnny tries to play it off like he's totally not asking for a kiss, but you know better than that.  

"Go on, Johnny." 

Johnny doesn't even say anything more, he just leans down, coming in so close that with just one more movement, he could kiss you. You close your eyes just waiting for him to do it.  

"I'm gonna kiss you now," Johnny mumbles. You feel his breath on your lips and you nod your head, and just a few seconds later, Johnny presses his lips to yours.  

On a Thursday in March, you're being kissed by Johnny, bodyguard number seventeen and the one you're pretty sure is never going to leave.  

[listenas-she-whispers]

shanghai

Shanghai Ramblings

Since Tumblr is blocked here and I basically have no contact with anyone at a reasonable hour

7/28/17

Jiejie left today for home and I really wanted to go home with her because I’m really missing the nice weather back at home and all the comforts that come with it. Chinese is still v rusty and not v good but it’s enough to communicate with the relatives, but I’m no where near the confidence needed to speak to outsiders, so idk how work is gonna go. Also I’m p sure Netflix is blocked here but I really wanna stream pacific rim bc it was actually a p good science fiction movie

7/29/17

Woke up around 10am and had a lazy start to the day until the aunt and uncle took me out to see the old Shanghai buildings back in the day called 石库门, and then to a bigger, more modern and much more crowded version of Santana Row called 南京路 and it was really fun bc we walked all the way down to the river and saw the skyline and it was fuckin beautiful and it would’ve been nicer if the weather was better and there were less ppl but it was cool nonetheless. i also showed them the inside of a giant forever 21 and bought a rly cheap pair of aviators(china sizes are much smaller than American ones) so I just decided to get them since they were cheap, even though the material prob isn’t the best. And then we went and ate a vegetarian place that wasn’t that great but wasn’t bad either. Drove through downtown Shanghai and had a p fun convo w the aunt and uncle about my mom’s past dating life and talked some shit about my dad and his fam so that was p fun :) overall it was a good day!

8/6

Forgot to update, oops. The weekend went by gloriously, in which I slept till 11 in the morning both days. Unfortunately tomorrow I have to wake up at 7 again :(, but this time only for 4 days since I get Friday off, and then Saturday I’m flying back to the land of blue sky, white clouds, excellent air quality, and excellent weather! Today was a good day though, bought myself a pair of superstars for only 180 RMB($25!!)three (fake, but decent quality) brand name wallets, gag gifts for Kimia and Nathan, and a nice necklace for jiejie and earrings for her as well. I don’t really wanna go back to work tmr, I just don’t wanna wake up early, and calling ppl is v tedious, and I’m just gonna pretend that I forgot I was supposed to sit next to jade these next four days because sitting next to her means that I actually can’t slack off and take a couple breaks here and there :/ yikes. Got hooked on a lotr pic about thranduil and his wife and Jesus Christ why do I get attached so easily. Been feeling really nostalgic and just wanting to read good books for a long time while listening to easy go acoustic. Also wanting to go home but not wanting school to start because where tf did summer go? Also staying in Asia made me fat and my self esteem lower because wow all the girls here have thin legs and weigh next to nothing and a big part is just genetics but also just them not eating and me gaining weight hasn’t helped and I just ;asldkfsakld. I just wanna get back to 102 where I had a nice jawline and a relatively thin waist like is that too much to ask(it sounds super shallow and superficial and fatshaming but ever since junior year ended and i gained a lot of weight i’ve been feeling really sluggish and not good so this is v much for my mental health). Also I rly wanna just start running again when I get home but school… so yea lots of conflicting emotions at work and part of it is just teenage angst but another big part is anxiety and low self-esteem!! Also I miss social media, even though I am appreciating this break, or a detox as Kimia called it, albeit it wasn’t wanted, but I guess needed? I do miss Tumblr a lot tho. And snapchat, I miss snap a lot. Ok well now I gotta sleep otherwise I’m never gonna wake up early enough shit 

8/7

Dont rly remember what I was gonna write, but I think this was the point where i and the other interns started warming up to each other

8/10

Wow the last day came a lot quicker than I expected. Funny how I was wishing for this internship to end just last week. Had a small farewell party that was p fun, and then went out to karaoke with the interns. Had to leave early bc the aunt smh otherwise I totally woulda gotten smashed with them until like 11 :( that would’ve been fun. I doubt I’m ever gonna see them again, or at least see all of them in one place again, but hopefully some of them visit California and hit me up! That would be p fun. Overall this was a p great experience, despite my angst and general negativity due to the weather here. They’re a fun bunch of people, and heavily remind me of people back home, and I know that even though I’ve only been around them for two weeks, I’ll still be v fond of this experience. At the same time I can’t wait to go home. What a paradox.

8/11

Annoyed at aunt bc for a lot of reasons, but mostly for rude moments and “man-womansplaining” ugh. Also while I’m super glad to go back home, I really don’t want school to start. I just wanna go home and sleep for two more weeks and ignore college apps. Music is keeping me alive, and also missing the interns bc I’m too sentimental for my own good.

8/12

Waiting in the airport rn, w no wifi :( lines for security and immigration were super long so I don't have to wait long to board, but it would've been nice to have wifi and talk w friends before flying off. So ready to land in SF and catch up three weeks of social media loss and remind everyone that I'm still alive haha. 

[eudonia]

lovely @immafindaurllater tagged me like a million years ago oops im a mess. but here i go~ thank you for tagging me!! <3 <3 <3

Rules: Answer the 20 questions and tag 20 amazing followers you would like to get to know better.

Name: Andrea


Nicknames: unfortunately dont have one. just my bff @pulmonologist uses my freaking anime name (which i made up when i was 14) to call me on the internet. thanks babe. but i cant wait to finally get my chinese nameeeeeeeeee im so jealous of my classmates who finally got one


Zodiac sign: cancer


Height: i dont know how it works here, 172cm ok


Orientation: probably hetero


Ethnicity: slav


Favorite fruit: AVOCADO and banana

Favorite season: spring aaaw i love spring so much 


Favorite book series: haha i dont read series.. like i read maybe three in my whole life, so im gonna answer with harry potter lol


Favorite flower: i love all the flowers, but definitely some wild flowers 


Favorite scent: havent figured out yet


Favorite color: pastel pink, yellow, blue

Favorite animal: bunnies and penguins are the cutest but i love all the animals


Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: i would still go for coffee, but im a sucker for hot drinks generally 

Average sleep hours: since uni 7-8 hours. nice nice i dont get now how i managed to get up around 6am every day for 13 years (work will kill me probably)

Cat or dog person?: dogs


Favorite fictional characters: aah i dont like these questions, i dont have any, allright? i could tell you if you would tell me a specific movie/series/book, but just like this.. i dont a list of fave characters

Number of blankets you sleep with: one sometimes when its winter two


Dream trip: J-A-P-A-N. and id love to go to barcelona again

Blog created: i think i created this one in 2013? i had one a year before but didnt really use it, i really got into tumblr after i found out about libs fandom here </3


Number of followers: wont tell

sorry im not gonna tag anyone cause i just want to go to sleep haha im really sorry anyone who wants to do it dont hold back

thank you so much for tagging me juliette

gn

[allofbeercom]

After the Circus by Patrick Modiano – extract

Read an exclusive extract from the Nobel prize winners mysterious, romantic classic set on Parisian streets filled with dreamy unease and quiet menace now available to English readers in a new translation by Mark Polizzotti

I was eighteen, and the man whose face I dont recall was typing up my legal status, address, and supposed student enrollment as fast as I could state them. He asked how I spent my free time.

I paused for a few seconds.

I go to movies and bookstores.

You dont just go to movies and bookstores.

He cited the name of a café. No matter how often I repeated that Id never set foot in the place, I could tell he didnt believe me. Finally, he contented himself with typing the following:

I go to movies and bookstores. I have never been to the Café de la Tournelle, at number 61 on the quay of that name.

Then more questions about my activities and my parents. Yes, I took literature courses at the university. There was no danger in telling him that lie: I really had enrolled in the program, but only to prolong my draft deferment. As for my parents, they were both abroad and I had no idea when theyd return, if ever.

Then he mentioned the names of a man and a woman and asked if I knew them. I answered no. He told me to think very carefully. If I didnt tell the truth, there could be serious consequences. The threat was delivered in a calm, indifferent voice. No, really, I didnt know those two individuals. He typed my answer, then handed me the sheet, at the bottom of which was written: Seen and agreed to. I didnt bother looking over my deposition and signed with a ballpoint pen that was lying on the desk.

Before leaving, I asked why Id had to submit to that interrogation.

Your name was in someones address book.

But he didnt say who that someone was.

Well be in touch if we need you again.

He saw me to the door of his office. In the hallway, on the leather bench, sat a girl of about twenty-two.

Youre next, he said to the girl.

She stood up. We exchanged glances. Through the door that hed left ajar, I saw her sit down in the same chair that Id occupied a moment earlier.

* * *

I found myself back on the quay. It was around five in the afternoon. I walked toward the Pont Saint-Michel, thinking that I might wait for the girl to come out after her interrogation. But I couldnt just loiter about police head-quarters. I decided to bide my time in the café on the corner of Boulevard du Palais, where it meets the quay. And what if she had gone in the opposite direction, toward the Pont-Neuf ? The thought never occurred to me.

I was seated near the window, my eyes fixed on the Quai des Orfèvres. Her interrogation lasted much longer than mine. Night had already fallen when I saw her walking toward the café.

As she was passing by, I tapped on the window with the back of my hand. She looked at me in surprise, then came inside to join me.

She sat down at my table as if we knew each other and had made a date. She was the first to speak.

Did they ask you a lot of questions?

My name was in someones address book.

Do you know who?

They wouldnt tell me. But maybe you can shed some light.

She knitted her brow.

Shed light on what?

I figured your name must have been in that address book, too, and they were questioning you about the same thing.

No. With me, it was just to give evidence.

She seemed preoccupied. It felt like she was slowly forgetting I was there. I kept silent. Then she smiled. She asked how old I was. I said twenty-one, making myself three years older: legal age, at the time.

Do you have a job?

I deal in used books, I said randomly, in a tone I tried to make convincing.

She looked at my face, no doubt wondering if she could trust me.

Will you do me a favor? she asked.

* * *

At Place du Châtelet, she wanted to take the metro. It was rush hour. We stood squeezed together near the doors. At every station, the riders getting off pushed us onto the platform. Then we got back on with the new passengers. She leaned her head on my shoulder and said with a smile that no one could find us in this crowd.

At the Gare du Nord metro stop, we were carried along in the flood of travelers heading for the commuter trains. We crossed through the train station lobby, and in the checkroom she opened a locker and pulled out a black leather suitcase.

I carried the suitcase, which was rather heavy. It occurred to me that it contained more than just clothes. The metro again, same line but in the opposite direction. This time we found seats. We got off at Cité.

At the end of the Pont-Neuf, we waited for the light to turn red. I was feeling increasingly anxious. I wondered how Grabley would greet us when we arrived at the apartment. Shouldnt I tell her about Grabley, so that his presence there wouldnt catch her off guard?

We walked past the Hôtel des Monnaies. I heard the clock on the Institut de France chime nine p.m.

Are you sure no one will mind if I come to your place? she asked.

Nope. No one.

There were no lights in the apartment windows facing the quay. Had Grabley gone to his room, on the courtyard side? Normally he parked his car in the middle of the little square that forms a recess between the Hôtel des Monnaies and the Institut, but it wasnt there.

I opened the door on the fourth floor and we walked through the foyer. We entered the room that had served as my fathers office. Light fell from a naked bulb dangling from the ceiling. No furniture left, except for an old couch with dark red leaf patterns.

I set the suitcase down next to the couch. She went to the window.

You have a nice view . . .

To the left was one end of the Pont des Arts and the Louvre. Directly in front, the tip of Ile de la Cité and the small Vert-Galant park.

We sat on the couch. She looked around her and seemed amazed by the sparseness of the room.

Are you moving out?

I told her that, unfortunately, we had to vacate the premises in a month. My father had gone to Switzerland to live out his days.

Why Switzerland?

It really was too long a story for that evening. I shrugged. Grabley would be back any minute. How would he react when he saw the girl and her suitcase? I was afraid he would call my father in Switzerland, and that the latter, in a last gasp of parental dignity, would try to play the noble paterfamilias, lecture me about my studies and endangered future. But he was wasting his time.

Im tired . . .

I suggested she lie down on the couch. She hadnt removed her raincoat. I remembered that the heating no longer worked.

Are you hungry? I can go get something from the kitchen . . .

She sat on the couch, legs folded under her, resting on her heels.

Dont go to any trouble. Maybe just something to drink . . .

The light in the foyer had gone off. The bow window in the wide front hall leading to the kitchen lit the room with pale glimmers, as if there were a full moon out. Grabley had left the light on in the kitchen. In front of the old dumbwaiter stood an ironing board on which I recognized the trousers of his glen plaid suit. He ironed his own shirts and other clothes. On the folding table, where I sometimes took my meals with him, was an empty yogurt jar, a banana peel, and a packet of instant coffee. He must have eaten in. I found two yogurts, a slice of salmon, some fruit, and a bottle of whiskey three-quarters empty. When I returned, she was reading one of the magazines that Grabley had let pile up for several weeks on the office mantelpiece, risqué periodicals, as he called them, for which he had a great fondness.

I set the tray down in front of us, on the floor.

She had left the magazine open next to her and I could make out the black-and-white photo of a naked woman, seen from behind, hair tied in a ponytail, left leg extended, right leg bent, her knee resting on a mattress.

Interesting reading matter youve got . . .

No, those arent mine . . . They belong to a friend of my fathers.

She bit into an apple and poured herself some whiskey.

What have you got in that suitcase? I asked.

Oh, nothing much . . . Some personal effects . . .

It was heavy. I thought it was stuffed with gold bricks.

She gave me a sheepish smile. She explained that she lived in a house not far from Paris, near Saint-Leu-la-Forêt, but the owners had come back unexpectedly last night. She preferred to leave, as she didnt really get along with them. Tomorrow she would go to a hotel, until she could find a permanent place to live.

You can stay here as long as you like.

I was sure that Grabley, after his initial surprise, would have no objections. As for my father, what he thought no longer mattered.

Are you getting sleepy?

I intended to give her the upstairs bedroom. I would sleep on the office couch.

I led the way, suitcase in hand, up the small inner staircase to the fifth floor. The room was as sparsely furnished as the office. A bed shoved against the back wall. The nightstand and bedside lamp were gone. I switched on the fluorescent lights in the two display cases, on either side of the fireplace, where my father kept his collection of chess pieces, although these had disappeared, along with the small Chinese armoire and the fake Monticelli canvas that had left a discoloration on the sky-blue paneling. I had consigned those three objects to an antiques dealer, a certain DellAversano, for him to sell.

Is this your room? she asked.

Yes.

I had set the suitcase in front of the fireplace. She went to the window, like before, in the office.

If you look all the way to the right, I told her, you can see the statue of Henri IV and the Tour Saint-Jacques.

She gazed distractedly at the rows of books between the two windows. Then she lay down on the bed and removed her shoes with a casual flick of her foot. She asked where I was going to sleep.

Downstairs on the couch.

Stay here, she said. I dont mind.

She had kept on her raincoat. I turned off the lights in the display cases. I lay down next to her.

Doesnt it feel cold to you?

She moved closer and gently rested her head on my shoulder. Lights and shadows shaped like window grates slid across the walls and ceiling.

Whats that? she asked.

The tour boat passing by.

* * *

<img class="gu-image" itemprop="contentUrl" alt="The" cafe aux deux magots in the saint germain district in 1960. the rue de rennes in the background, on the left. FRANCE – JANUARY 01: The cafe AUX DEUX MAGOTS in the Saint Germain district in 1960. The rue de Rennes in the background, on the left. (Photo by Keystone-France/Gamma-Keystone via Getty Images)” src=”https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/fcfee192d71e0a16e7c185fc0366fd431d4f7db2/0_0_3508_2339/master/3508.jpg?w=300&q=85&auto=format&sharp=10&s=f330ada83013e1a7d2d29fafec406923″/>

Photograph: Gamma-Keystone via Getty Images

I awoke with a start. The front door had slammed.

She was lying against me, nude inside her raincoat. It was seven in the morning. I heard Grableys footsteps. He was making a phone call in the office. His voice grew louder and louder, as if he was arguing with someone. Then he left the office and went into his room.

She woke up as well and asked what time it was. She told me she had to be going. She had left some belongings in the house in Saint-Leu-la-Forêt and wanted to collect them as soon as possible.

I offered her breakfast. There was still some instant coffee in the kitchen and one of the boxes of Choco BN biscuits that Grabley always bought. When I returned to the fifth floor with the tray, she was in the large bathroom. She emerged, dressed in her black skirt and pullover sweater.

She said she would call me early that afternoon. She didnt have any paper on which to jot down my number. I took a book from the shelves and tore out the flyleaf, on which I wrote my name, address, and phone number: DANTON 55-61. She folded the paper in four and shoved it in one of her raincoat pockets. Then her lips brushed mine and she said in a low voice that she was grateful and was looking forward to seeing me again.

She walked along the quay toward the Pont des Arts.

I stood at the window for a few minutes, watching her distant silhouette cross the bridge.

I stashed the suitcase in the storage closet at the top of the stairs. I laid it flat on the floor. It was locked. I lay down again and breathed in her scent from the hollow of one of the pillows. She would eventually tell me why theyd questioned her yesterday afternoon. I tried to recall the names of the two people the detective had mentioned, asking whether I knew them. One of them sounded something like Beaufort or Bousquet. In whose address book had they found my name? Was he just trying to get information about my father? Hed asked which foreign country my father had gone to. I had covered his tracks by answering Belgium.

The week before, I had accompanied my father to the Gare de Lyon. He was wearing his old navy blue overcoat and his only luggage was a leather bag. We were early, and we waited for the Geneva train in the large restaurant on the upper level, from which we overlooked the lobby and railway tracks. Was it the late afternoon light? The golden hue on the ceiling? The chandeliers that shone down on us? My father suddenly seemed old and tired, like someone who has been playing cat and mouse for far too long and is about to give up.

The only book he brought with him for the trip was called The Hunt. He had recommended it to me several times, because the author mentioned our apartment, where hed lived twenty years earlier. What a strange coincidence . . . Hadnt my fathers life, in certain periods, resembled a hunt in which he was the prey? But so far, hed managed to elude his captors.

We were facing each other over our coffee. He was smoking, cigarette dangling from the corner of his lips. He talked about my schooling and my future. As he saw it, it was all well and good to want to write novels, as I intended, but it was safer to earn a few diplomas. I kept quiet, listening to him. Words like diplomas, stable situation, profession sounded odd in his mouth. He pronounced them with respect and a kind of nostalgia. After a while, he fell silent, exhaled a cloud of smoke, and shrugged.

We didnt exchange another word until he climbed onto the train and leaned out the lowered window. I had remained on the platform.

Grabley will live with you in the apartment. Afterward, well make a determination. Youll have to rent someplace else.

But he had said it without any conviction. The train for Geneva lurched forward, and at that moment it felt as if I were seeing that face and that navy blue coat pull away forever.

At around nine oclock, I went down to the fourth floor. I had heard Grableys footsteps. He was sitting on the office couch in his plaid bathrobe. Next to him was a tray carrying a cup of tea and a Choco BN. He hadnt shaved and his features were drawn.

Good morning, Obligado . . .

He called me by that nickname because of a friendly wager wed had. One evening, we had arranged to meet in front of a cinema on Avenue de la Grande-Armée. He had told me to get off at the Obligado metro stop. The stop was really called Argentine, but he refused to believe it. We had made a bet, which Id won.

I only got two hours sleep last night. I made my rounds.

He stroked his blond mustache and squinted.

Same places as usual?

The very ones.

His rounds invariably started at eight oclock at the Café des Deux Magots, where he had an aperitif. Then he crossed over to the Right Bank and stopped at Place Pigalle. He stayed in that neighborhood until dawn.

And what about you, Obligado?

I put a girlfriend up last night.

Does your father know?

No.

You should ask him if its all right. Im sure Ill be getting a call.

He imitated my father when he wanted to appear serious and responsible, but it rang even less true than the original.

And what sort of young lady is she?

His face took on the unctuous expression with which he suggested, every Sunday morning, that I go to Mass with him.

First of all, shes not a young lady.

Is she pretty?

I saw on his face the smug, flattering smile of the traveling salesman in some random station bar who over a beer tells you how he got lucky.

My girlfriend last night wasnt too bad either . . .

His tone became aggressive, as if we were suddenly in competition. I no longer remember what I felt at the time, with that seated man, in the empty office that looked as if it had been vacated at a moments notice, its furniture and paintings pawned or repossessed. He was my fathers stand-in, his factotum. They had met when very young on a beach on the Atlantic coast, and my father had corrupted this petty bourgeois Frenchman. For thirty years, Grabley had lived in his shadow. The only habit he retained from his childhood and good upbringing was to attend Mass every Sunday.

Will you introduce me to your girlfriend?

He gave me a complicit wink.

We could even go out together, if you like . . . Im fond of young couples.

I pictured us, her and me, in Grableys car as it crossed over the Seine and headed toward Pigalle. A young couple. One evening Id accompanied him to the Deux Magots, before he headed off on his usual rounds. We were sitting near the windows. I had been surprised to see him greet in passing a couple of about twenty-five: the woman blonde and very graceful, the man dark and overly elegant. He had even gone to talk to them, standing next to their table, while I watched from my seat. Their age and appearance marked such a sharp contrast with Grableys old-world manners that I wondered what fluke could have brought them together. The man seemed amused by what Grabley was saying, but the woman was more detached. Taking his leave, Grabley had shaken the mans hand and given the woman a ceremonious nod. When we left, he introduced them to me, but Ive forgotten their names. Then hed told me that the young man was a very useful contact and that hed met him during his rounds in Pigalle.

You seem pensive, Obligado . . . Are you in love?

He had gotten up and was standing in front of me, hands in the pockets of his bathrobe.

I need to spend all day at the office. I have to sift through the paperwork from seventy-three and move it out.

That was an office my father had rented on Boulevard Haussmann. I often used to go meet him there at the end of the afternoon. A corner room with a very high ceiling. Daylight entered through four French windows overlooking the boulevard and Rue de lArcade. Filing cabinets against the walls and a massive desk with an assortment of inkwells, blotters, and a writing case.

What did he do there? Each time, I would find him on the telephone. After thirty years, I happened across an envelope, on the back of which was printed the name of an ore refining company, the Société Civile dEtudes et Traitements de Minerais, 73 Boulevard Haussmann, Paris 8.

You and your girlfriend can come pick me up at seventy-three. Well go have dinner together . . .

I dont think shes free this evening.

He seemed disappointed. He lit a cigarette.

Well, anyway, call me at seventy-three to let me know your plans . . . Id love to meet her . . .

I was thinking I had to keep a bit of distance, or else wed have him on our backs nonstop. But Ive never been very good at saying no.

This is an extract from After the Circus by Patrick Modiano, published on 21 January by Yale University Press at £10.99. Visit the Guardian Bookshop to preorder it for £8.79.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/after-the-circus-by-patrick-modiano-extract/

[kizakiren]

DREAM TIME. this is what i get for listening to daisaku for a whole day. its surprisingly vivid for some stupid reason too

the backstory is that i was watching the vitaminx events, played warriors orochi 3, and a bit of tales of berseria before promptly passing out. kishio daisuke is in all three of these things (as himself in the events, sima zhao in wo3, rokurou in berseria)

so.

my dream starts up with sima zhao in a tales-esque game, minimap and overworld and towns and all. monsters roaming around overworld etc. im in control of him apparently so i make him go into the nearest town bc idk whats going on. turns out my entire party was sima zhao, wang yuanji, zhong hui, and xiahou ba. i mean, probably bc theyre all my favs, but i was like, where the hells the meatbun fucker? anyway every important character appears in their default dw8 clothes which is neat.

the four are talking about the quest (sans zhong hui sassy remarks), which is to FIND sima shi, and apparently in the next town they heard of his whereabouts. so i head back out and i get into a fight with a random monster. the battle style looks like berserias but all i did was spam square and triangle as if it was a musou game. it worked and everyones moves were the same as their attacks in the musou games

so after a few random encounters i get to the town. it looks like a typical fantasy town, so im wondering why these ancient chinese warriors are all here but whatever. theres a cutscene of sima zhao asking the generic townsfolk “ (daisaku voice) aniue wa doko ka?” and then it cuts to yuanji, zh, and xb, who seem to be checking out items/equips in the meantime. all i remember was zhong hui trying to sass them but yuanji didnt give 2 shits and xiahou ba became preoccupied with playing with a stray cat. it was pretty funny, poor pompous LOL. and then sima zhao returned saying that some guy saw a guy with a mask headed to the castle.

so im back in control of sima zhao and i make my way to the castle, for some reason i didnt buy any equips even tho i normally do but anyway. as we get closer to the castle theres another cutscene which reveals that sima shi is working for the baddies, who are all like… imperial knights or some shit. jiang wei shows up too and hes giving orders to the knights to capture zhong hui (as shown on a wanted poster). sima shi is just writing something. he and jiang wei have a conversation about how theyre supposed to be summoning/reviving some dragon god thing in order to save the world idk. i dont really believe them bc thats how shit fucks up in rpgs. but anyway apparently theyre getting orders from “The Lord” and hell if i know who that is bc they never showed up in my dream. unfortunately they didnt mention anyone else in the baddie squad.

cut back to sima zhao and crew after the cutscene. i continue to head to the castle, and once i get to the entrance, the generic ass guards tell us that we cant enter, and then they see zhong hui and start freaking out. “wAIT! its zhong hui, the criminal!” (ps i dont know why he's a criminal, but out of the party he's the only one in deep shit. i dont know what sima zhao, yuanji, and xiahou ba's roles are, not counting sima zhao's mission to find sima shi. i mean he must have his reasons but my dream didnt tell me anything. the guards didnt care about the others so theyre not in trouble lmao) and zhong hui just sighs and goes all “sheesh not again” and cue some pretty lame battle against these generics. that knocks them unconscious so the party can sneak into the castle LMAO.

unfortunately as soon as i opened the party menu to check my equips, my dad woke me up.

[dreaming-with-danilka]

DREAM #1 December 22nd, 2018

Part 1: So the dream started off with me saying something like "I must be dreaming" "have to be dreaming." I think I was either upset or really happy about something. All I remember is having a bunch things around me which I think were gifts from some of my friends.

Part 2: I was in this strip club looking place and I was sitting on a couch and this woman who looks like the porn star Brandi Love in a way, comes up to me a starts giving me a blowjob and this really buff dude sat beside her to monitor us. I think he was her body guard. She sucked my dick for a bit and then stopped and made an upset face and then started sucking again. Then the dude flicks my dick. I got upset and told him "can you flick my dick dude." Then the girl stopped and said "you know you can do other things with me then just get a blow job right ?!" Then she gets up angrily. I follow her to the counter and i told her I was only paying half the price cuz that was bullshit. I heard someone in the back ground say something along the lines of "that's gonna be 2000 dollars, no wait! 1000 dollars. 100 000 dollars!" Thinking that doesnt regard me she proceeded to give me a bill of 428$ I walk off to the door thinking, "there goes all my savings " I'm pretty sure there was a paper attached to the bill that said I could do monthly payments to pay it off so I was sorta relieved. So I get to the door and the club turned in to this small granny lookin house and outside the front door there a was a small pond of leeches. So I tell my friend that was in the dream with me (dont remember who it was) to look outside at the pond. We decided to go through the back door and as I left the house this chuwawa started following me out. I decided to go hop over the fence so the dog doesn't try to run out of the gate when I open it. So I hop the fence and the fence turned in to this hedge that had a bench that connected it at one part. So the dog hops over the fence following me. The friend I was with tells him to come back and I tried to push him back over the benches. He unfortunately latched on to my fingers with his teeth, which hurt like a bitch and this other dog ran out which was a German Shepard.

I dont know what it is with me and dogs but I always have them attack me in my dreams and then I'd wake up.

So the German Shepard latched on to my other hand so I start flying around trying to shake them off. Suddenly I realized I was dreaming. Flying in my dreams was equivalent to a totem the movie inception. So remembering how I always get attacked by dogs in every dream I ask my self as to why I allow this to hurt and why i allow these dogs hurt me in my own realm of thought. So I began ignoring the pain and it started to fade away and then I just shook the dogs off like they were nothing. I felt powerful, that was the first time I had ever defeated the dogs within my dream. So as I shook the dogs off I flew in to this big room filled with cubicals and in these cubicals there were a bunch of chinese people. I think they started attacking me cuz what I did next was see if I could use spider webs like spider man. I do the hand motion and it worked. So I started going wild. I spun the webs on to this dudes head and run around him. I swung him around the room and through him on the ground. I then webbed up his head again and wanted to see if I had any other powers. I had beraly watched naruto but I started to doing the hand gestures and tried to shoot a fire ball at the guy but it didnt work. I did hear some anime noises in the back ground when I did it tho.

So, I woke up. I was super happy with my self cuz I felt like i had concurred a part of my mind. Some of my demons. I had dogs terrorize me in dreams the past two years and if always wake up in fear cuz of it but, I finally defeated them. I won, I took control of my realm. If anyone reads this. I'd like to hear your theory on why the dogs have been attacking me in my dreams for so long and what it meant to defeat them.