#unfortunately for him madara does not give a single flying fuck. he just makes more noise to drive tobirama up the wall

[evilkitten3]

#Tsunade after learning that Orochimaru found Madara's DNA on her grandfather's office's desk which was where she played as a child: 💀

tsunade: i hid under that desk sometimes as a child....

orochimaru: apparently so did uchiha madara. as an adult

tsunade: is this why great uncle tobirama had a new desk made when he became hokage????

orochimaru: i could try to summon him and ask but i feel like we've both already figured out the answer to that one. he WAS a talented sensor after all

tsunade: please stop talking

au where orochimaru manages to use edo tensei to summon madara at some point pre-canon

tsunade: where'd you even get his dna?

orochimaru: oh the senju mansion

tsunade: ...why was uchiha madara's dna in my grandfather's house?

orochimaru: ...are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you

[godaime-obito]

my fill for madatobi week: August 1st: Yokai/Gods/Monsters

@madatobiweek

available on ao3 and under the cut

Madara is never letting Kagami out of his sight again. He let the kid go down to the river by himself when he was supposed to be watching him, just for a few minutes to make a little tengubi while Madara ran an errand, and he vanishes. He thought Kagami would be easy to find at first. Madara would unfurl his wings, fly around the area a bit, and spot him below. He’s too young to fly himself so he couldn’t get far. However, Madara’s been flying back and forth over a larger and larger area for at least an hour now and the rain is starting to bog him down.

Surely nothing is foolish enough to try making off with a tengu child? Perhaps some particular yokai would be willing to risk an unguarded one. He should not have been so arrogant as to leave him unguarded. His parents will have his wings for this if that’s the case. The can each rip one off while informing him of how horribly stupid he is. A soon to be clan head who can’t even watch one child properly.

Maybe there’s some kind of river dwelling yokai who saw something. Madara flies back to the section of the river he left Kagami at and lands.

“Hey! If anybody’s in there, get the fuck up here,” Madara yells. He is not in the mood for subtlety on most good days. A reptilian looking head peaks above the water, curious at the racket.

“You! Have you seen a kid? A tengu?” he shouts, gesturing at the figure.

It pops its head the rest of the way out of the water. It’s a small kappa, a common yokai in rivers like this. Green and scaly, with unblinking reptile’s eyes.

“One,” he rasps, “Less than an hour ago.”

“Well? What happened to him? Where is he?” Madara snaps, and levels his worst glare.  If this kappa likes his blood on the inside he better get to the point.

“I saw him fall in the river earlier. Didn’t seem very good at swimming, but someone pulled him out,” he stutters out, seeming to be appropriately frightened. It’s good to know Madara’s glare hasn’t lost its touch.

“What did the person look like? Where did they go with him?” he grills the kappa. Just for good measure, he grabs him by the shoulder and hefts him into the air, his webbed feet dangling uselessly. The kappa starts shaking.

“It was a man, I think? White hair, red eyes, blue yukata. Headed that way, tengu-sama,” he answers, and points towards a cliff face.

The cliff is tall enough that falling off it would result in an unpleasant, likely fatal for a human, dip in the river. From this angle, he can see indents into its side, shallow caves. If Kagami is in there it’s no wonder he couldn’t spot a sign of him from above. He roughly tosses the kappa back into the river, and unfolds his wings.

Gliding quickly though the steady rain, he lands lightly at the entrance of the largest cave. None of the others are big enough to hide what he’s looking for. Stepping further into the cave a small fire soon comes into view. Illuminated by the flame there are several figures, four smaller figures, likely all children, and one larger. The man with white hair and red eyes by the looks of it.

One of the smaller shapes catches sight of him and jumps to its feet. “Madara-sama! Madara-sama! I made lots of tengubi, but then it rained, and I slipped, and I drowned a little, it was super fun!” Kagami cheers.

“FUN,” Madara roars, “You just admitted to drowning!”

“Only a little! Tobirama-sensei pulled me out,” he defends, “I’m almost dry now.”

Madara sighs in resigned exasperation, “Sensei?”

Kagami gives his best smile, “He said he would teach me how to swim, so I, ya know, wouldn’t drown a little anymore.” The smile switches to big puppy dog eyes, and he adds, “If that’s okay with you Madara-sama.”

“Just let me talk to him first, then we’ll see about any swimming lessons,” Madara replies, sighing again. Watching Kagami always involves minor disasters but this is on a level all its own. He turns his attention to the fire where the man and three other children are sitting, for some reason the man is much wetter than Kagami even though they likely got out of the water at the same time. He drips water onto the stone ground steadily. The little tengu trots over to the other children, seemingly happy to chat them up while Madara talks to this ‘Tobirama’ man. The other children seem harmless enough, although on closer inspection they may be a bit transparent, so he leaves the boy to it.

“You’re Tobirama? I’m Madara Uchiha. I suppose I should start by thanking you for helping Kagami,” Madara says. He settles down next to the man, as he makes no move to stand, and Madara prefers to be able to make eye contact. Easier to tell when someone’s trying to pull one over.

“I could hardly leave him to the river, and I suppose I’m what made him slip,” Tobirama replies, finally facing Madara properly.

He looks the other over as he speaks, takes in his wet yukata, and dripping white hair, more closely, before meeting his red eyes. Tobirama holds himself confidently, and his expression is guarded, but not dishonest. Madara’s face twists in thought when he says that he made Kagami slip. Kagami said he slipped because of the rain, but the man is likely a yokai if he’s casually sitting with tengu and what seems like lost zashiki warashi.Wet even after Kagami’s almost completely dried, some sort of affiliation for children…

“Are you an ame onna?” Madara asks disbelievingly. He really can’t think of anything that really fits, but he doesn’t really look like what he pictures ame onna as.

“Why so shocked?” Tobirama inquires, lifting a single brow.

“Just,” Madara starts, but sputters a bit before he’s able to continue, “You’re not, well, an onna.”

“It’s an unfortunate misnomer, so many yokai get called something onna, when there are plenty of men in the species. I’m sure it reflects some sort of bias on the part of humans,” he replies, sniffing indignantly.

“Right, sorry,” Madara replies, but finds himself unable to keep from blustering more possibly offensive questions, “How did you end up an ame onna? You don’t actually kidnap children, do you?” He really can’t let Kagami take swimming lessons with someone prone to childnapping like ame onna supposedly are. Although Tobirama’s already much more attractive then ame onna are said to be and, well not a woman, so it’s probably all hearsay.

Tobirama levels him a cold, serious look. “I understand you are concerned, but you need not worry. I, like all real ame onna, was formed from a human who took the loss of a child particularly… poorly. In my case it was two younger brothers.” He looks over at Kagami and the other children, and his gaze softens minutely. “The three children with me are zashiki warashi who no longer have relatives to visit their shrines, and took to wandering. Some ame onna do become prone to taking other’s children to try and replace their loved ones, but I would never do such a thing-”

“I believe you,” Madara cuts in. He’s been making plenty of eye contact, and he can tell from the look in Tobirama’s eye that he isn’t lying. He’s been alive a few centuries now, and that’s a genuine expression if he’s ever seen one.

“-I wouldn’t spread my loss to others,” Tobirama cuts off his rant, as what he said registers. “You… believe me?” he asks, bewildered.

“Yes. That’s what I said. I believe you. I’ll even let you give Kagami those swimming lessons, clearly he needs them dearly,” Madara gripes.

“Huh,” Tobirama replies still seeming a bit confused. “No one ever believes me,” he says softly. Madara decides not to answer that, he doesn’t really know what to say. Does everyone ear ame onna and run the other way? Having only ghost children for company must get a bit lonely.

“How is a week from now for the lessons?” Madara asks, looking back at Kagami.

“Perfectly fine, I’m not really busy any day,” Tobirama says matter-of-factly.

“Great, see you then,” he says, standing up and heading back out of the cave. If he sits around thinking about Tobirama’s problems he’ll get sad, or angry… probably angry. He needs to go hit something.

“Kagami, let’s go home. You can see those other brats when you get your swimming lessons,” he says as he passes by where the boy is playing games in the dirt. He’s going to be damp and filthy when Madara gets him home.

“Yay! Lessons! Are they soon?” Kagami reacts enthusiastically. Madara hopes he’s not subjected to an endless bombardment of questions the whole way home like he was the whole way to the river.

His hopes are, unfortunately, all in vain.