#unfortunately I am worth very little in the way of helpful advice

[solarmorrigan]

platonic stobin is a terrible influence, i'm about to start a just above minimum wage job so i can hang with my bestie on the clock. there's even a nautical theme to the shop we're working in. please send help, the only thing that would be worse would be a red shirt uniform

It was nice knowing you, sailor o7

[bumblequinn]

hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

[honeysuckleharringtons]

Part Five: "Seasonal Specials" ~ S. Harrington

Summary: (Then) Christmas Eve has rolled around, and unfortunately for a very pregnant Reader, she is stuck at home with a migraine. Luckily for her, her younger brother doesn't make for too bad of company. — (Now) A slow shift at Brew and Me turns out to be a good night for advice and a call from everyone's favorite nursing student.

Pairing: Nurse!Steve Harrington x Fem!Byers!Reader

Word Count: 1,900

Content Warning: teen pregnancy, discussions of homophobia, discussions of abuse and allusions to physical abuse, discussions of slut-shaming, Reader is lowkey bad at advice when it comes to these topics LMAO, explicit language, food consumption (Reader drinks hot chocolate), not really a warning but Will is gay and autistic in this series, as always lmk if i missed anything!

Extra Notes: this should've been posted way earlier, i am so sorry it wasn't. hope you guys enjoy though!

Originally Written: 12/21/2023 through 12/25/2023

honeysuckleharringtons' main masterlist can be found here!

'brew and me' series masterlist can be found here!

[ Then, December of 1987 ]

Christmas Eve. It was Christmas Eve and you were stuck at home with an excruciating headache.

You supposed it wasn't all bad. After all, staying at home was preferable over the rare occasion that you did leave the house, when everyone would stare you down like some caged animal at the zoo. Unfortunately, the same could be said for your family—no, not your immediate family, who'd helped you more than ever since you'd entered your third and final trimester—whose reactions had ranged from disgusted to sympathetic.

When you'd gone to the family's end-of-summer family reunion, you'd tried your best to hide the tiny bump you were sporting at the time. However, your aunt Judy had taken notice of your particularly round belly, and immediately figured out that it wasn't from one too many hot dogs at the cookout. Ever since then, you'd heard every comment in the book, everything from "whore throwing her life away" to "so sad she thought that was her only option."

So, instead of listening to the endless insults from your distant relatives, you'd prayed for some way out of the gathering. Unfortunately for you, God had a sense of humor, hence the excruciating headache.

The sound of the microwave beeping in the next room over set you off all over again, the noise like a hammer to the head. "Will, can't you tell that thing to shut up?" you groaned, covering your face with the compress he'd made you.

"Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to help," he joked. You couldn't tell if you wanted to laugh or kill him for his sense of humor. "Here's your hot chocolate."

You sat up ever-so-slightly, taking a small drink of the deep brown liquid. Almost instantly, the warmth of it made you feel a little better. "Thank you." You reached a hand over, ruffling his already messy hair. "By the way, you didn't have to stay home with me."

"And listen to Uncle Howie tell me how we're both going to hell? I'd rather have that headache of yours."

A snicker escaped your lips, knowing exactly what he meant. "Okay, maybe Uncle Howie is a bit too opinionated on the sex lives of sixteen and eighteen year olds, but you don't have to listen to him. I mean, you're missing out on Grandma's fruitcake, which is your favorite part of the holidays."

"After last year, listening to half our cousins tell me I'm fruitier than the cake, I don't think I'll ever eat it again." Will pulled his knees up to his chest, his face overtaken by an expression that looked a lot like longing. "Besides, it's not really worth it to me."

You set your mug aside before placing a hand on his knee. "What do you mean?"

"The way the family talks about you… I thought I was the black sheep of the family. You might as well be a purple sheep."

Your pregnancy hormones must've taken over, because instead of a normal reaction, you found yourself beginning to cry from his words. No, not because of pain from his statement, but rather comfort in knowing that he'd rather miss out on the finer things of life if it meant sticking up for you.

Will, and his lack of social cue skills, stared at you for a moment, unsure what to say. Eventually, he landed on, "Sorry if I made you more upset. I didn't-"

A small huff of amusement left your mouth as you shook your head. "No, Will," you smiled, reaching up to wipe away your excess tears, "I'm just… I'm really happy to have you."

He flashed you a closed-lip smile, one that felt so genuine and unapologetically Will. "I know you'd do the same for me."

[ Now, December of 1991 ]

"I would, kiddo. I really would."

Aster Bay was a different kind of beautiful at the holidays. Sure, the small college town was normally beautiful, but upon seeing the small-town glow overtake the place, you were sure you hadn't seen anything like it.

Apartments and beach-side condos decked out in Christmas lights, a tree as high as the clouds in the town square, students dressed in Christmas and Hanukkah sweaters, their dogs in matching attire. The town felt like your own personal snow globe, tiny flakes flooding the ground beneath your feet with every step.

The magic of the holidays of course carried over into your favorite little coffee shop, decorations of red and green covering the walls and counters while the smell of peppermint wafted through the air. Unfortunately for you and Max, the one thing your little coffee shop was lacking this Christmas Eve was customers.

Neither of you were really sure why the store was open. Nearly everyone had gone home for the holidays—students, patrons, and other baristas alike—and the store was dead quiet, aside from the soft sound of Sinead O'Conner playing on the overhead speaker. Silent Night is accurate, you thought to yourself.

"So, where's your lover boy at this Christmas Eve?" Max joked, breaking the long-winded silence.

You sighed, secretly longing for the nurse she spoke of. "Apparently they gave him a week off from the hospital so he went home to see his folks." A small wave of loneliness had come over you when Steve had told you about his departure a few days prior, when he stopped by to grab a latte for the road.

"That's nice. At least he's hopefully having a good time, not working on the holidays like some of us," she said lightheartedly. Though, you could've sworn you heard a hint of sadness in her tone.

"Hey, how come you aren't at home with your folks?" The question had been a simple one, but when Max looked up at you, you could tell her answer was about to be anything but simple.

Her arms folded tightly in front of her chest as she looked at you, a sigh falling between her plump lips. "It's… complicated."

You placed a loving hand on her shoulder. "I know we're only coworkers and we aren't really supposed to bring our personal lives to work with us, but you know you can talk to me, right? I'm your friend, plus I'm a mother so I have problem solving skills now."

She huffed in amusement at your last remark. "It's just… I can't really say a lot but my life in California, it's not as good as my life here. And as much as I love my mom, there's just… well, it's just better for me to stay here even as much as I miss her. Besides, it's not like I make enough to fly home and Neil certainly isn't going to pay for my flight."

You could tell from the clear distaste in the way she said Neil that she didn't like to say his name anymore than she had to. Unfortunately, you knew all too well what that was like, and there was a certain name that left a bad taste in your own mouth the same way Neil did for Max.

"I can't give you much advice because my dad was the one that left, but I promise, it does get better," you empathized. "You made the right decision by staying here. I'm proud of you, Max."

She began to fiddle with the sleeve of her flannel, her eyes darting away. "I hate being here though. I can't help my mom from here. There's no telling what he does to her when me and Billy are away."

You knew exactly what she meant by that too. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but that'll change too. Eventually he'll get tired of you and your mom fighting back and he'll leave. That's what my dad did anyway."

"The thing is," she paused, licking her lips, "I'm not sure my mom wants to fight back. It's like she wants to deal with Neil's bullshit. I mean, she divorced my dad over not making enough money and then she married Neil, who is still scraping at the bottom of the barrel to keep the lights on every month. Not to mention, she dated like ten guys in between and broke up with them for way less, but she'll always find a way to justify his actions."

You shrugged your shoulders. "My mom put up with it for seventeen years before she started to truly fight back." A small wave of silence came over the room before you continued, "I'm sorry I don't have much advice. I guess my situation was just a little different than most survivors'. One thing I can tell you though is that I'm proud of you for making the best decision for yourself. I know it's hard to put yourself first sometimes."

Max gave you a crooked smile, finally looking up at you again. "As much as it sucks that we've both been through a bad thing, I'm glad I have you to talk to about it."

"Of course, love. You're like a little sister to me."

Cutting your conversation short, the phone began to ring, the sound grating on your nerves. You loved your job, but it was Christmas Eve, damn it. In all honesty, you really just wanted to be at home, drinking hot chocolate with your girl in your lap and a movie playing on television.

Still, you picked up the phone, answering with the signature, "Happy holidays from Brew and Me. What can we do for you?"

"Can you tell me your seasonal specials?" said a familiar voice, his smirk audible in his tone.

"Steve! You're supposed to be on vacation," you scolded, though internally you were extremely happy to hear his voice. What is wrong with me? you pondered silently.

"I am, but I couldn't resist calling and ordering something."

Your brows furrowed at his statement. "How does that work?"

"Order anything you'd like and I'll pay you back when I get back to town. Think of it as a Christmas present, or whatever you celebrate."

"That feels like cheating, Harrington." Your eyes narrowed, despite his inability to see it.

"You don't have to tell me what it is, just how much I'll owe you," he replied. You could hear a fireplace crackling quietly in the background, and you could easily imagine him curled up in front of it, his skin covered with a thick Christmas sweater, glasses perched on his nose as he read a novel. "Same for Max or whoever else is working. Treat yourselves, courtesy of me."

"Well, thank you, Steve. We appreciate it," your lips curved upward into a smile as you spoke. "I hope you're enjoying your time off."

"I am. I'm sorry you have to work on Christmas Eve." You could almost hear the frown on his lips as he sympathized with you.

"It's not all bad. After all, I'm getting to hear from you."

"Careful, Byers, or I'll start to think you like me back," he smirked. Butterflies went off in your belly, your cheeks warm and surely rosy.

You were sure full sentences had escaped you, considering Steve had the ability to take your breath away and make you blush like no one else could. So, you stuck with what you knew you could say without stumbling over your words. "Happy holidays, Doc."

"It's a very happy holiday when I get to talk to you, Y/N."

So tumblr hates me...

I went over 24 hours thinking this chapter posted, only to find out tumblr ate it somewhere between my drafts, my queue, and my posts 🤦🏻‍♀️ this app loves to embarrass me

Anyway, I hope this was worth the extra long wait. It sucks that I'm posting it after the initial Christmas magic is over but I hope you guys liked it regardless! I will see you back here on Sunday for chapter six, which will be posted on time, fingers crossed!

-> taglist: @dungeons-are-too-cold @ducky-died-inside @awkotaco24 @liberhoe @princesseddie @corrodedseraphine @manuosorioh @esoltis280 @hazydespair @frostandflamesfanfic

[yeyinde]

try and snip the bar with wire cutters before paying for surgery!!!! i know it’s scary and you might have to flatten your lip with your other hand to hold it out of the way but the same thing happened with my nose piercing a couple months back.

paying for a piercer can be expensive (i know, i have a lot of piercings lol) but face piercings especially are worth getting done by a professional. it’s best to get pierced with a long bar to accommodate swelling and then size down later after you’ve healed. and if the piercing starts to drag it’s actually better to size up a gauge on the bar

this is very rambly but! it also might be worth checking if you’re allergic to the metal! i am highly allergic to nickel so i have to pierced with implant grade titanium or sterling silver. if your piercing gets itchy or flaky or has what almost looks like a burn around it you are very likely allergic to nickel, and while stainless steel has low amounts of nickel, it actually still does have nickel in it and if you’re super duper sensitive you’ll still have an allergic reaction. i know what it’s like a grieve a piercing you want so much condolences, i only hope this can help a little bit

—dumbdjarin

luckily, i won't have to pay anything for the removal! the wild thing is, this guy IS a professional!! has a shop and everything. unfortunately, the bar is the length of my pinky from nail to bottom. it's super tiny. but if there was any part of the stem sticking out, i'd try that first! i went to a diff professional piercer in the city to see if they could remove it, and she told me to go to the er lmao said she can't even see the ball or the back. but i'm gonna def check and see if it's an allergy to the metal that made it reject before too. i have a lot of piercings so i should know better, but i got swept up in the "listen to your elders" nonsense and second guessed my own intuition 😭

thank you so much for the advice, though!! when i go back to get it redone (by the girl who def knows what she's doing lmao), i'm gonna bring up the allergy/sensitivity and see what she can do about it!

[akaistudio]

How to identify a snake? (not about snakes)

Friendship is a type of emotional relationship, although ambiguous, since some would say it is someone you trust for life, while others think it is affection, a passion that does not go beyond the level of friendship. For me, friendship is difficult to understand, but what I am sure of is that it comes from connections between similar beings who want to be part of the person's life.

However, unfortunately, there are people who seem like friends, but are fake or treacherous. Unfortunately, it is common to find this type of “friendship”.

Like a snake, it may or may not contain venom.

Detecting a true friendship is very difficult, but giving tips on how to identify one is a good help for those who have not yet realized the problem they are in.

1° poison on the tip of the tongue.

The most obvious thing to identify: is when she hurts you. It is normal to have some intrigues from time to time.

However, if your friendship is in a context of always asking for advice and being criticized with unnecessary comments about how you dress, your behavior, your hair, etc. in an ignorant way to make the person insecure about themselves, it is a red flag and a warning that you need to talk. If the person ignores this warning, it is because it is not worth getting attached to this cycle.

[And this is almost a form of manipulation for sensitive and mentally fragile people.]

“Telling the truth without humiliating or hurting someone is absolute proof of love, respect and friendship.” -Paul Sants

2° Selfish

Everyone has met someone who only thinks about themselves and their own needs.

An example of this is when you help your friend several times, but she wouldn't do the same for you, because she is more "important" than you.

Another example is when they only get close to you to get with one of your friends.

Another example: they seek out the most popular students or those who get the best grades to fit in or get better grades.

The snake surrounds you as if it depended on you for everything, but it is only using the person for its own gain.

“There is more truth in a silenced lie than in selfishness disguised as friendship.” - Carlos Henrique.

3° the right

He is never wrong, he thinks he has the right to argue that his thoughts and actions are the whole truth and that others are not correct.

Right: ~adjective 1. in which there is no error; true, correct. "answer c." 2. that is not subject to doubt; certain. "it is c. that the bus will come at 5 o'clock"

When someone who always thinks he is right in a situation, it is difficult to communicate and even debate with the person.

poorly explained example:

"I like a, because of this" "ah but this a is really bad, I prefer b and only my opinion matters"

Not to mention the "I told you so" game of such and such, wanting to rub it in your face and not in the form of advice

Reference to the little prince: I am a hat.

4° Badmouthing

cleaning your mouth with soap

Talking badly about others is a form of projection, a defense mechanism where we attribute to others those undesirable feelings or behaviors that we do not accept.

Very similar to prejudice, which is judging others without knowing the circumstances, but it changes according to the situation.

There are situations where people talk to your face, but make it all a joke or to “help” in some cases, but this only causes self-esteem problems in you. It is a red flag.

others behind your back, with someone who can spread gossip about you. A true friend does not talk badly, but rather, talks and discusses the subject.

Never make bad jokes or talk to other people about it and think you are right for having done so.

Friends are people who help each other stand up, not pull the rug out from under you.

“Talking badly about people, criticizing and judging is very easy, what is difficult is knowing and understanding what these people have gone through to live in the mouth of some idiot. But there are idiots who feed on the merit of others.” - Sérgio, o Cancioneiro

5° Comparison and competition

In a world of equal people, the hardest thing is to be authentic.

People who compare us to others, highlighting what we don't have that others have, come from people who most likely have a terrible emotional burden.

However, pushing and trying to make others inferior can have the same effect on someone else.

No one is the same as anyone else. Neither better nor worse, they are different.

Comparisons are the path to unhappiness. In addition to being a useless habit, it destroys people's self-esteem.

6° Copycat

What is the difference between comparing and imitating?

When comparing, people have a problem of feeling inferior to others, just as much as when imitating others.

However, the difference is that when someone imitates you, they are trying to be like you by force.

Today, young people get irritated by jokes and that is the fun part of imitating someone, but when someone imitates someone else's style, starts wearing the same clothes as someone else and changes their behavior, it is a different way since we are all different, even though we have the same culture and ethnicity.

We have our own tastes, even though we may look like some friends.

However, some situations and actions are forced by people to try to fit in somehow OR to get attention.

In addition, it can be signs of jealousy coming from the person. It can be envy that the person keeps inside, which is quite sad and unhealthy.

“I don't need to copy anyone, unlike many, I prefer to be a nobody than a cheap copy.” - Grazielle Nardari

7° silent treatment

The practice of ignoring, refusing to respond to, or avoiding talking to another person.

When silence is used as a form of punishment or control, it can be a great danger for those who depend on conversations to feel good about themselves.

An example of this manipulation is that it is perfect for making the other person apologize for things they did not do.

And in the end, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive manipulation strategy that conveys contempt, always with the intention of control.

8° never shows interest

Always with you all the time

This is an important tip. Friends will always be with you, no matter the situation. They should be there when you are good and when you are bad.

If they only stay when you are bad, they probably want the best for you, but they could also be someone who is using you as “at least I am not worse than that person”

And when they only stay with the good things, they may only want the best for you, but they also don't want to have your problems around

And for the final point...

the examples mentioned here are many situations caused by those people with mental problems or disorders who cannot take care of themselves very well.

For those who can bear the weight of someone with these problems; very good! and take care of your friend, talk to him, seek help for him.

If you cannot handle this pressure, the best thing to do is to walk away.

No one can save you or save others.

You must save yourself alone, but helping others or being helped is not synonymous with weakness, it is synonymous with someone caring about you.

We are all a bit of a snake sometimes, it is not entirely our fault, but we are also humans who make a lot of mistakes.

Just don't throw your venom at the defenseless. I have been a bad friend to many people, I'm sorry, it is my first time living as a human.

To all the friends I have made the mistake of being: Apologies And Thank you For being part of my life.

[manofmanymons]

Can i give you an excuse to talk more about takuma x kaito? They are just so precious to me. It's one of my favourite digimon pairing ever.

Beloved anon, you have opened the biggest can of worms I even have to open. You know not what you have unleashed. That being said, here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna start with a couple small silly hc’s I have about them, then we’re gonna work our way up to the things I have entirely too much to say about.

Also please know that my genuine reaction to finishing this ask and getting ready to post this was:

The sillies

They get in “I insist” wars sometimes, by which I mean they both always want to be the one to do things for the other. “Likes to take care of people” bf x “self worth based largely on his usefulness” bf. The end result is them just sneakingly doing chores for each other. In Takuma’s case, I like to think it’s bc that’s how his mom shows affection, and he totally gets it from her. With Kaito, it would start out as a ���feels like he has to earn Takuma’s love because he doesn’t think he deserves it” thing but eventually turn into a “just really likes making Takuma smile” thing.

They stare at each other a lot. Takuma always does it on accident and usually for one of two reasons. Reason #1: he just likes looking at Kaito. Call him sappy, but he thinks his bf is very handsome and he likes looking at him. Reason #2: he’s trying to gauge what kind of mood Kaito is in before approaching him and completely accidentally stares at him for way too long. At first it creeps Kaito out a little and he’ll ask “the hell’re you looking at me like that for?” Eventually, though, he gets used to it and will pretend he doesn’t notice. Kaito does it on purpose whenever he wants attention but is too embarrassed to ask for it. Literally just glares at Takuma until he notices.

I don’t see either of them as the jealous type, but I do see both of them as the overprotective type. Someone looks at Takuma wrong and Kaito already wants them dead. Takuma gets very defensive if anyone other than Miu or Dracmon insinuates that anything is wrong with Kaito and WILL argue about it.

They’re both the kinda boys to ask “can I kiss you?” change my mind.

Neither of them have ever really done this whole dating thing before. Takuma has had a few girlfriends, but in the very elementary/middle school sense of basically just being friends who hold hands sometimes and get teased by their friends at recess—never in the “I am actually in love with this person” way. Kaito 100% one of those kids who always thought romance was stupid and made fun of other people for caring about it. Probably thought he was so cool for it, too. He didn’t even know he was capable of having a crush until Takuma happened. He’s mildly distressed at first that apparently everyone Takuma has ever liked before him has been a soft spoken, cute girl, but he gets over it eventually.

My dog just sat down directly on my face and I can’t see shit why did I let him onto my bed with me oh my god get him off of me HELP.

There was a time where Takuma was afraid to hug or even really touch Kaito at all in public because he was worried Kaito would hate it. Now he knows he can get away with it and is a menace. #1 hobby: making the bf blush and pout at him.

Takuma texting Miu for advice about what Kaito likes vs. Kaito texting Minoru to ask what Takuma likes. Miu and Minoru hate this but go along with it because unfortunately they love those idiots and want them to be happy. Technically Minoru promised he wouldn’t tell any of their mutual friends about Kaito being a sappy dork, but he never said anything about not telling Kaito’s sister.

Long thoughts

I think I said it before, but now I’m going to elaborate. You know the whole "fell first/fell harder" thing? Well I think Takuma fell first (but didn’t notice) while Kaito fell harder. Takuma knowing Kaito for like five minutes and already deciding he really likes this boy for some reason. They get through part 3 and now he really *really* likes this boy, but he mostly chalks it up to "I'm just happy he's here bc it means we are not all dead." Of course he's gonna kinda admire someone like that and want to get to know them better. And if he starts finding him cute and purposely seeking him out when he's nervous, well, that's just guy stuff.

vs. Kaito who’s stuck with this weird dude who won't stop staring at him and asking too many invasive questions, but he tolerates it because he's gonna need help to protect Miu and also not die. Except the more time goes by, the more this weird dude keeps being really nice to him, which is perhaps the weirdest thing of all. And he even seems to genuinely care about Miu and okay that's new. THEN he starts acting like how Kaito feels about things actually matters, and it kinda feels like a trap, but it isn't. And okay, yeah, maybe having someone pay so much attention to him is Not Terrible. Maybe being honest with someone other than his partner (who kinda has to like him) without being afraid of how they'll react is also Not Terrible. Maybe it's a little confusing why being around someone he trusts would keep making him feel nauseous and like the room is on fire, but maybe, for some weird reason, that's Not Terrible either. Maybe all of those things are even...nice. And if he thinks that perhaps he'd do anything to get this weird, annoying, invasive boy home safely, well, it's not...NOT because he loves him.

ALSO said before but would like to elaborate: I just love the idea of Kaito getting along really well with Takuma’s mom. First adult to not treat him like he’s crazy for getting stressed out over completely reasonable things like “my 11 year old sister is out past sunset and not answering the phone.” It’s kind of a nightmare for Takuma because his mother LOVES to tell the most embarrassing stories about when he was a kid that he was planning on taking to the grave, but it’s also kind of wonderful that his favorite people like each other so much. Plus, if being a little embarrassed is the price he has to pay for hearing Kaito laugh, it’s worth it.

Takuma’s mom to me has big islander mom energy, like she would instantly decide that Kaito is her child now after knowing him for two seconds. One time when Takuma was like 4 he accidentally killed a goldfish and now his mother does not trust him to keep anything alive. That being said, if Kaito gets sick or injured, Takuma’s mom will insist on taking care of him bc she doesn’t think Takuma can do it lol.

They ALSO get in the “I insist” wars tho lol like Kaito will try to help with the dishes and she’ll be like “nonsense, I’m the host, you just make yourself at home” but then Kaito will counter with “if I was at home, I would do the dishes.” It’s a battle of sheer stubbornness that either of them will win on any given day.

…Takuma reading that people tend to look for partners that are similar to their parents and at first going “pff yeah right” but then seeing that happen and going “oh no.”

And for my last thing I could talk a lot about…I dunno if I’ve ever just talked about why I ship it.

First and foremost, and I just really love their friendship. I mean, yeah, like everyone else who’s played this game, of COURSE I noticed that Kaito is constantly blushing while talking to Takuma, but that’s not really why I like seeing them together. I like how quickly Takuma catches on to the fact that Kaito’s a lot nicer than he pretends to be. I like how he notices that Kaito is a perfectly calm and rational person when it comes to anything NOT involving Miu. I like how happy it makes Dracmon that someone understands his partner so well. I like that the correct dialogue option for Kaito is pretty much always just to be straightforward and honest with him. I feel like it sets up a really lovely dynamic between the two of them where Takuma knows he can always be honest with Kaito, and Kaito can trust Takuma enough to take what he says at face value. Especially love it in the scene where Takuma is nervous, and if you pick the option to hide it, Kaito will get annoyed at him for wasting time standing around talking; but if you pick the option to tell the truth, Kaito will soften up and try to help him. I like how patient Takuma is with Kaito and how he never snaps at him even when Kaito’s being a little unreasonable or isn’t articulating what he actually means very well. I like how, for all his trust issues, Kaito straight up tells Takuma that he thinks of him as the group’s leader and depends on him. I think Takuma’s comment that hearing that makes him happy is super cute. Kaito insisting Takuma is wrong when he’s accused of secretly wanting to protect everyone, not just Miu, in early game vs him finally admitting it to Takuma late in the game. They’re just so comfortable with each other in a way that I find very endearing. Especially knowing everything Kaito’s been through, it makes me so happy that there’s someone he trusts so much and who is genuinely unconditionally kind to him. They’re so supportive of each other, and I am fully willing to believe that they really do love each other as friends.

THEN getting into the shippy parts. Still not emotionally over Takuma literally thinking that Kaito is cute. Still never letting go of him purposely complimenting Kaito for no reason just to see him flustered. Never letting them live down talking about how good friends they are and then REVERSE no-homoing the moment by explicitly saying they DON’T think of each other like brothers. What the hell WAS that? WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH KAITO FREAKING TF OUT WHEN TAKUMA SAID HE WAS HAPPY THEY MET ONLY TO CALM DOWN AND THEN GENTLY SMILE AND SAY “I guess it ain’t so bad if you’re the one saying it…Maybe.” WHAT DID HE MEAN BY THAT? I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE. WHAT WAS UP WITH MIU’S REACTION TO KAITO STRAIGHT UP TRYNA TO MURDER TAKUMA THAT ONE TIME? GOING “AWWWW” AND SAYING IT LOOKS LIKE KAITO WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH TAKUMA INSTEAD OF BEING LIKE “BRO CALM TF DOWN.” PERSON WHO KNOWS HIM BEST IN THE WORLD SAYING THEY GET ALONG WELL AND IT LOOKS LIKE LAKFDJADFKJA;DLKFJALDKJA. The way Takuma looks and sounds so excited to see Kaito again in part 3 is literally the reason I accused him of falling first like he did not have to be THAT happy. PLUS THAT TIME IN PART 4 WHERE HE STARES AT KAITO’S FACE FOR SO LONG THAT KAITO NOTICES LMAO? GAYASS. His stupid little ^_^ after Kaito gets embarrassed in that scene too jfc you are NOT beating the allegations, Takuma. And okay time to circle back around to the blushy thing. If it was JUST the occasional .////. I wouldn’t read too deep into it because he literally also makes that face when Dracmon and Miu are nice to him, so I think Kaito just legitimately doesn’t know how to respond to affection. But it is CONSTANT and ALSO I think it’s sus that Dracmon always points it out. Like his partner KNOWS he’s gay panicking and is purposely drawing attention to it as a way of getting Takuma to notice that “hey this loser REALLY likes you.” I mean seriously WHY else go out of the way to point it out every single time. Also the stuttering. Why are you, as a serious, no nonsense, tough guy, stuttering so much when a cute boy is nice to you? You thought we wouldn’t notice, but we did.

They're honestly the most disgustingly fluffy corny schoolgirl-with-a-crush type ship I've ever shipped. I hate them so much.

Just,,,gay boy in a small town where he can't be himself falling for a boy who is so very kind to him. Not expecting to ever be loved back bc people never like him, much less love him. Trying to hide his affection so he doesn't get hurt, but always wearing his heart on his sleeve no matter how much he tries to pretend he isn't. Somehow against all perceived odds actually in fact being loved back. Struggling to comprehend that someone not only loves him, not only wants him, but even enjoys taking care of him without expecting anything back.

Anyways here are some memes and cats that remind me of them:

[ragingbullmode]

I'm a baby goth who really wants to get better at makeup and more specifically eyeliner similar to what you do. Do you have any products or tips you reccomend for getting started? I try to look up advice online but it's overwhelming and it's kinda embarrassing to ask for advice irl.. ty in advance if you decide to answer this.

hi !! idk how good my advice will be but ill do my best to answer as well as i can !

as a heads up i freehand everything but i have seen people use the tape method to keep their liner/eyeshadow straight (which is just putting a piece of scotchtape on the side of ur eye where u plan to have a straight area of liner)

i found using water activated liner helped me a Lot when i started doing more graphic looks at the end of last year (since its water activated u can easily just wipe it off with a makeup wipe or wet tissue) but there is a difference in feel when applying it compared to using a liner pen (to me at least) ie the brush length makes it easier for me to do the smaller details as it gives me more control, but once i got a good feel for doing stuff like that it made using the pen easier. water activated is also much better if u plan on more colorful looks; liner pens do come in colors but they dont pop as well or as bright as the water liners.

as for making ur liner symmetrical… not sure how to give the best advice for that 🤔 the way i do it is ill line out one eye with the outline of what i want to do & try to match the other eye best i can. i have shakey hands but ive found planting my elbow on my desk table & my lining hand on my cheek really helps to stabilize myself so my lines come out straight. to straighten out my lines (like if i made one side to thick) ill just wipe a smidge of it with a wet cotton pad with water liners, but when i use a liner thats waterproof i use micellar water or a make up wipe to fix it.

as for my lids i use a mehron skin prep toner (its the only product ive found that works for my Very oily lids, but its definitely not for everyone… stings like SHIT if its in ur eye especially since i am… not supposed to use it for what i have been 😬. adding that bc if i do t use it sometimes the oil will denature the liner & smear it all over my lids lol. on top of that i put foundation & whatever eyeshadow i want on top of that when the foundation is dry enough it wont smear. putting liner over whatever u layered on ur lids is a commitment & a little hard to fix if u want to put the liner on in 1 go which is why i recommend practice & playing around !!

dont be scared about it not looking nice at that start, just start with something simple to get that feel for it so u can work up to what u want 👍

as for products, i got my water inks from bymelolops (latina owned, based in puerto rico !) i bought this liner brush (and a few water inks as well) from gavissi. my eyeshadow is mostly sugarpill (i only buy when its on sale, its a little pricey but worth it) but if ur on more of a budget colourpop has good options. as for liner pens, ive been using the last of my nyx liner, but am looking for a good alternative (loreal supports isr*el) so im unfortunately not much help here as im Also on the look out 😮‍💨

i definitely suggest getting some cheap stuff to play around with !! many places like sephora & ulta also sell small sample sizes of liners so u can get one of those to try out before u commit to something. a lot of what i started with years ago came from the dollar store bc that was all i could afford at the time lolll

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Hello dear,

I won't lie I'm here to bother you with questions , for which I'm sorry.

So , I'm new to self shipping and I feel like this.

Just confused and worried. But you self shipping post and kind words on your " about me" calmed me down. Like I have mentioned before your presence comforts me a lot.

So I'm curious about you and kenjaku ( I saw you and Suguru is normal/non sorcer au) so I'm interested did you knew Suguru before kenjaku take over? If yes , what was your relationship?

And can I have a random fact about you and sampo ( I literally adore this man )?

You and makima is interesting duo to think of, especially because the lack of moodboard. How would you describe your relationship ( Is it similar to the one with kenjaku ?)

As for my last question, feel free to ignore it. I'm a lover of vilians myself and the more I start thinking about my self shipping the more I get excited about the morraly grey ones ( if not borderline villains) but at the same time, I'm worried of being shamed? I don't know what word to use honestly. Any advices from your experience?

Thank you for replying to me dear. Have a lovely day or night!🩷

hiiiii tiramisu!!!!! >:3 would it be okay to call you misu …. i think it’s so cute . BUT PLEASEEEE YOU’RE THE SWEETEST IN THE WORLD 😭😭😭 for these questions and for saying such kind things …. i’m so happy this blog can be a comfort for you!!!!! truly!!!!!!

ahhhhh i’ll start with your last question since it’s the most important (and one i feel very strongly about) … i completely understand your worries but the lovely thing about tumblr is that the block button is always there to help <3 if someone shames you for loving a fictional character, no matter how absolutely awful they are, then they really just … aren’t worth your time lmao. the characters you latch onto say nothing about who you are as a person. so just block anyone who tries to give you trouble!! i’m sure you’ll find your way to fellow villainlovers :3 (<- speaking as a kenjaku / makima / mori stan lmao…) fiction is yours to do with as you please, and selfshipping in particular is all about you and your comfort. it doesn’t concern anyone else and they should mind their business!!!!!

that’s all i’d like to say ….. please know i support you wholeheartedly no matter how awful your blorbos are. (again i am a mori stan i am very much used to getting threats over my favs 🙏 obv it’s unpleasant but blocking and moving on gets easier over time!!)

anyway ;;; putting the selfships questions under the cut since this is already a little long. thank you sm for asking, you’re too sweet 🥺

for arikenny, i’m actually not a sorcerer in this au!!! and did not know suguru or any of the characters before meeting kenjaku :3 i picture it being more like . i am a soggy random guy that happens to run into kenny and then it all kinda spirals from there. i’d be enamored with them instantly ….. unfortunately LOL. so no sugu, that’d make me ….. too sad 😭

and sampri !!!!! wahhhh ….. well. i think it’s a very bickering dynamic :’3 he is just so silly and sleazy and i’m sick of him (i’m not). kind of like a partner in crime dynamic where he leaves me to clean up the mess and im exasperated but i still kind of like being needed by him ….. we also both have crazy commitment issues so there’s that <33

anddd then mari <3 I DO ACTUALLY HAVE A MOODBOARD FOR THIS but the shipname isnt super telling so maybe its easy to miss …. it’s . kindddd of arikenny like? in some ways? but also makima is a lot more toxic lmao, for how weird my relationship with kenjaku is it’s probably sweeter than you’d assume at first glance. but mari is full on toxicity. she doesn’t care about me, she’s just keeping up appearances; i don’t mind because i adore her. <- that’s basically it :’)) i love her forever even after she’s dead and gone. basically it’s just very twisted and i am weak for her in particular 

[imgonnasayitnow]

Hello and sorry if this is a weird question you don't need to answer it if you aren't comfortable but like. When it comes to being really interested in people like phil ochs, how do you sort of. Keep yourself safe? For lack of a better word?

Like you mention sometimes irc that your interest in ochs is a hyperfixation and that your own mental health struggles relate to it, and i am in a similar boat with that i think. But i notice its sort of a pattern in the people i fixate on, that becomes really, really unhealthy if i am not careful, if that makes sense?

But because of the autism i can't just go think about something else, my brain just doesn't work like that, you know? And in many other ways the interest is very positive. It would also hurt a lot to just let it go. So how to not spiral into a weird pit of awfulness when dealing with people like this? If you have any advice?

Idk yeah sorry if you need me to explain this in a way that makes more sense i can do that.

this is tough, I’m not sure if my answer will be very helpful. I was at my worst mentally when Phil became my special interest seven years ago and it seems counterintuitive but I feel like he helped pull me out of that place? I think it may be because I see him as such a bright and beautiful soul who didn’t deserve to feel so awful about himself, and that helped me to see my own worth. in the end, none of the things that he agonized over made those who loved him love him any less, and I know that’s true about myself as well as anyone else.

looking at his life I can see how my own mirrors it in many ways, and from that perspective I also know what I don’t want from my own life. Phil lived in a time where mental illness was a lot more stigmatized than it is today and he didn’t have many options. he was also unfortunately very reluctant to accept the options that were available, even at times where he needed it the most. I could speculate plenty here on the reasons why, but that would take hours.

it’s easy to go to a dark place sometimes when you connect with people like Phil. it’s taken a long time for me to confront his hardest moments and even then I can give him grace and empathy, so I try to remind myself to give myself the same.

I don’t know if any of this answers your question but I hope I’ve given a little bit of perspective on this situation. please take care of yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. you are loved and you matter.

[ask-barbie]

Dear Barbie,

I'm scared to become an adult. I don't know what I want to do or who I want to become. I hardly even know who I am right now and always rely on others to describe what I'm like. There's not one thing I'm truly passionate about and I'm indecisive. Sure I may be young but it all feels like everything I do now is what matters. I don't feel qualified at all I still feel like I'm just a 14 year old messy work in progress. I suppose it's the uncertainty that scares me.

On top of that, I'm unfortunately awful at dealing with emotions. I've tried every trick in the book and made every attempt to accept my failures and embrace my negative emotions in a healthy way but they always, always, always just have to come out. No matter what I do even if I manage to process something healthily at first, eventually I'll just end up ugly crying and sobbing hysterically at inconvenient times.

I'm not sure if i even want advice, I just want to know if there's someone out there who felt the exact same yet turned out alright and had everything work out. I don't want to be this way when I'm a fully grown adult.

Hi Barbie,

I used to also feel like a messy indecisive work in progress for years until my second year of college. I didn’t know what my interests were, what I wanted to go to college for, who I wanted to be or even who I was. I was very invisible yet also felt like I took up too much space and didn’t know how to comfortably find my voice and passion. And right now, years later I am starting a career path I love and I never thought I would get here. Thinking about becoming an adult is so scary and I can’t say it won’t be hard but you will find yourself. It takes time and work but you can do it.

You sound like you are in tune with yourself regardless of not knowing who you want to become. It took me years to find my passion and to find myself and learn how to deal with negative emotions. What helped me was meeting friends who were there to remind me when my brain is playing tricks on me AND who celebrate my wins. Also therapy. Who I surrounded myself with made such a difference. When I felt like I didn’t know what I was made for, those people defining me with positive words and qualities eventually became believable and I’m sure you are an amazing person and will be able to do anything you set your mind to.

I hope that helped a little :) the journey is hard but worth it

[appleteeth]

Flow Hive Cons from Garden Variety Bees

I’m writing this from the perspective of giving advice to all those who ask for my opinion on Flow Hives here in Arizona, and who are truly wanting to make the best decision for their money and for the bees. I know a few people who absolutely love their Flow Hives, but not many. There are 3 main cons that I see with the Flow Hive: Construction, Cost, and Misinformation.

Construction

Cost

The next con I see with the Flow Hive is really just the price tag, and that is partly because I don’t believe its quality is worth it. Flow hives cost around $800 for a two box set-up. That is one brood chamber and one honey “Flow” box plus a built-in stand for the newer models. You could make the claim that you aren’t paying for an additional extractor, but then you are only able to harvest honey from that one hive. Backyard beekeepers generally have 2 -3 hives as their colonies grow and expand. You would have to get a Flow Hive for each colony or buy an extractor anyway. I’m also not quite sure about the durability of the Flow frames. Plastic doesn’t do well here in the Arizona heat, and you have to put a lot of pressure on the key to break those cells.

For many beginning beekeepers the cost of even a basic set up for a hive is pushing it. But then there is a price range for everyone. I just have some other ideas on where money can best be spent on bees, and I’ll mention that in my close.

Misinformation

First, let me say that I don’t believe that the Flow Hive company is deliberately misleading people. They seem to be very interested in helping new beekeepers and supporting their customers. However, in reality, bees and beekeepers are not being helped by their system. What I mean by this is that Flow Hives come with only ONE brood box and one Flow box. That means that they are encouraging people to take the honey that the bees are storing for themselves. Now, from my research and experience, we need to give the bees two deep boxes for themselves. One of those boxes is for their brood and the other for their food, though they will mix it up and move around. It is only when the second box is nearly full, AND it is a nectar flow do we put a box on top for honey. See their website and images here.

Many times this year I have had new beekeepers tell me that they harvested honey from their Flow Hive in the Spring after only one box of bees had been built out. This means that once the dearth hits in June, all the honey those bees thought they had stored for their survival is gone with no way to replace it. That is a travesty to me. We need to build the numbers up in our colonies so that we CAN harvest honey when the time comes. But only AFTER the bees have what they need. Many of those colonies will now die if they are not fed sugar syrup through the summer here in Arizona.

Flow Hive Pros

Unfortunately the pros of Flow Hives are overshadowed by the cons. The pros I see are that they are very attractive and will look great in a garden setting. I like pretty things so that is a great characteristic. The other pro is that honey harvesting is easy once you take the box inside to harvest. No extractor is needed.

Ummm… I can’t think of anything else. Flow Hives aren’t bad in themselves, I just think that they may not be good for beginning beekeepers to start their journey with and be successful. If my Flow Hive pros and cons list is insufficient, please chime in.

If you do want to spend a little extra money on a hive…

I’d like to point you to a new hive that is actually beneficial to bees, especially here in Arizona. The Apimaye hive is something I am becoming more and more familiar with. While it doesn’t have the quaint beehive look, what it does offer outweighs my need for pretty. I’ll make another post about it later, but if you are looking to make the best possible home for bees rather than just a nice way to harvest honey, then this hive is for you. Check it out here. And by the way, it’s cost is still half of what you will pay for a Flow Hive, with many more features.

WATCH: Honey on Tap: A New Beehive that Automatically Extracts Honey without Disturbing Bees [video]

[keydekyie]

Hey! Have a bit of a question for you. How do you get over the anxiety and fear of putting your writing work out there and trying to share and advertise it as much as possible? I've recently finished the first half of my story and was trying to advertise it, but the fear of rejection and I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT (being seen and perceived???) is just too strong and I can't break out of it 😭 It's also gt and lesbian, and I'm trying to put it into general spaces (and people have responded very well to it before buuuut I'm a very scaredy cat and I did get some weird stuff too) and :") Anyway, if you have any advice on how to handle this fear it would be greatly appreciated!

Also i will use this opportunity to tell you I absolutely love your characters! Unfortunately I can't buy your book because of where I live, but your artwork of them and the snippets you share on this blog are just wonderful, especially the animations.

Grit my teeth on the inhale, laugh on the exhale.

Here's what I mean:

I am always, always fighting a voice in my head that screams, "What makes you think you have anything worth saying?" Maybe every writer has that same voice, I don't know. But I know it's bullshit.

Because here's the thing: Audacious people with half as much skill and talent as you are out there putting mediocre work in front of an audience, and aren't ashamed of it, and they're having a wonderful time! Why shouldn't you get to try it as well? So when I have opportunities to be audacious about something, I try to take it. Whether that means sharing a drawing that feels silly/melodramatic, trying a new food, choosing a bold outfit to wear, or publishing a book. The more you can practice being a little bit insolent, the easier it is to shrug off hesitation. You're a rebel, dammit! No one can stop you!

But let's be real, sharing your work is a vulnerable thing. You will get people making weird or hurtful comments or laughing at you. It's going to happen sooner or later. So you can prepare yourself for that by being ready to laugh too. Making art is always kind of silly, when you think about it. Even if the subject is heavy, it benefits from a dose of lightheartedness. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. You'll have a lot more fun, and it frightens away the bullies.

The fear wants you to shut up and keep your head down, but fuck that. Look that fear in the eye and smile with your teeth. When you overcome the fear, even in small ways, then you can laugh about it. What a whimsical thing, making stories! Making art! Being human is so much fun. We get to share our little tales and walk under the blue sky and pet kitties and look at things that sparkle and listen to music. It's all so lovely, and you get to be a part that! Beautiful.

Don't let the fear take that away from you. It's yours, it's your right.

One last thing, though: your story might not be ready for a broad audience yet. Only you can know. I shared a rough version of what would become TMatB on deviantArt first, just after high school around 2012. It wasn't my first story, and wasn't the first story I shared there. I was just screwing around, so it wasn't hard for me to share it, but the support I got helped me fix the things I needed to and eventually have the confidence to take it seriously and take that more audacious jump into self-publishing. The g/t community was smaller (🥁) and more approachable back then. Perhaps what you need is to find a smaller space to dabble in that feels less intimidating? I don't know what's best for you or your story, so take it slow and don't be afraid to ask around for more advice!

[thegreatimpersonator]

hi! i have a little situation that's been plaguing me for a while and was wondering if you or any of your followers have any advice

so there's a guy. unfortunately. i've known him since we were rather young. we used to be pretty good friends i'd say, (though our friendship mainly consisted of bickering) but drifted apart over the years. we're still friendly but not really *friends*, if you get what i mean. now. about five years ago, a girl who almost instantly became one of my best friends entered the scene. this guy immediately fell head over heels for her and is still there almost five years later!!! my friend held mostly platonic feelings for him and just didn't think it was worth it to try something out at risk of making everything weird and complicated so they never were actually together. this guy fully respected that but she kinda unknowingly led him on for a while so it's a whole messy thing. that's a very condensed version of the story and i'm so sorry if it doesn't make sense, but the main takeaway is that this guy i have feelings for and one of my closest friends have a complicated history. we all still are forced to interact because. sports.

now. i would like to make it VERY clear that i am not asking for advice on how to talk to him or try to get him to like me. if by some miracle this man liked me back (which he does NOT, i'd like to make it very clear that this man could not be less interested in me) i wouldn't do anything about it. i would NEVER go behind my friend's back like that and hurt her in such a way. trust, i fell for this man kicking and screaming. but what i prayed to god would just be a passing fancy has persisted for TWO YEARS!!!! what??????

so that brings me to my question. does anyone have any advice on how to get over him? every time i think the feelings may have gone away, i see him and/or talk to him and they come back. it's more than just a silly little crush at this point and i feel very isolated and a little hopeless. and VERY pathetic.

i hope this wasn't super confusing😭 if it was, feel free to ignore it.

have a good day!

ugh im so sorry you've been dealing with this for so long. honestly, my advice isnt that great, so i hope others will jump in bc idk if what i've got will work but!

if your brain can be delusional one way, it can be delusional the other way. start thinking about things that would make you hate him, picture him saying how much he hates your friend and that's she's ugly or something awful. picture him hating your favorite movie or music artist. just make him a douchebag in your head, have him do all your pet peeves. that's helped me before lol.

[kaycode1999]

Hello! Could I ask you for a BNHA and KNY match-up? No worries if not and thank you for your time, regardless! ♥️

She/they, fem-aligned non-binary and aroace-spec but I'm sending this for fun, anyway, so any gender is fine. I'm also 23.

Let's see... I'm not the most emotive person—unfortunately cursed with mild RBF and a monotone voice—but I feel my emotions at a normal level. I get people assuming I'm upset or intimidating because of this. I come off friendlier over text sometimes—because it's easier to spam exclamation points and smiley faces—but a lot of that is cancelled out by using punctuation and not a lot of emojis. I'm trying so hard to match people's energy... fighting for my life... in the trenches, even. I've had people being genuinely surprised that I'm being nice to them, when I'd never realized I'd given them that impression.

I am accidentally a cryptid, also? I keep having people tell me they know nothing about me, when I just... thought a lot of stuff wasn't worth mentioning... or they straight up never asked.

...Which is a really funny thing to say, when I'm giving you a questionably comprehensive summary of my personality...

I have a mostly (but not entirely) dry sense of humor. A lot of people tend to not realize I'm joking, or just don't find it very funny. I guess we're even, though, since I don't tend to find many people funny, either. I find a lot of memes annoying, actually (<- person who still quotes Vines and giggled at a clip of a piece of bread falling over. I have ZERO room to be a killjoy, do NOT listen to me in matters of comedy, I'm a bitch with NO TASTE).

I'm just... a little bit of a hater... We've all got our flaws. 💔

I'm very protective of people, sometimes to a suffocating degree. I can't protect people physically or in confrontation or anything, but I'm always trying to push people in what I think is the right direction; I also have a tendency to give unsolicited advice. I've been called both helpful and meddling. I have a chronic case of "I can fix them"-ism, I fear. I overall care about people and love helping, but I struggle with empathy, and that makes it hard for me to know when I'm overstepping or when my help comes off as criticism. I also don't tend to feel very close to people. Not in a sad way—it's not impossible or anything—it's just hard.

I'm pretty panicky and anxious—neurotic, at times, even. Some of that comes from trying to look out for others, some of that is just plain anxiety. Not socially anxious, though, if I know what to say and who to say it to, I get by fine. Part of that anxiety does manifest as being a very self-sufficient person. I don't want to say that I "don't need" people, but I do think I do better with more alone time than others. I also don't particularly enjoy relying on others, in a mixture of not wanting to bother them and, admittedly, not believing they could really help, anyway. I'm not a perfectionist, but I've been described as such. I also have a skill for panicking myself into health scares—which is to say, I hope whoever you match me with likes paying for tests.

I don't do well with physical affection (there is no reason for anyone's saliva to be in MY mouth or anywhere on me, no matter how hypothetical, thank you....), and verbal affection is usually forced for me. I also hate PDA, I prefer to show love in smaller, less dramatic ways. If I had to assign myself a language, it would probably be acts of service. I express my love for my family by doing chores, for example.

Doing the dishes is my love language, basically. /j 🫡

I don't have a type, per se, but I'd like to be appreciated. Not, like, worshipped for being vaguely nice or anything—I don't really like being praised—but just not taken for granted. It's very easy for me to feel like I do a lot for people for nothing in return.

I'm also autistic and ADHD. I think that's kind of important.

- ⏳

Demon Slayer

I match you with

Iguro Obanai

MHA

I match you with

Dabi/ Touya Todoroki

Neither of them are the most emotive either and tend to be more monotone

Iguro feels his emotions at more of a normal level than Dabi, but still less than you, your emotions are more stable or at a more normal level than them. I think it leads to them evening out more even if just a tiny bit so than they aren’t as emotionally charged

They don’t think anything about your RBF or monotone voice. They have it themselves , and they certainly aren’t intimidated by it or think you’re upset

They aren’t the nicest people themselves so they don’t particularly care if you give people the wrong impression sometimes/don’t come across how you would like

They don’t mind if you’re mysterious or whatever, there’s plenty of things about them that they forget to bring up or purposely don’t discuss. They actually find it kind of amusing and interesting whenever they get a chance to find something out about you

I actually think they find your sense of humor hilarious

They are also haters at least a little bit😂. You can have gossip sessions just being haters together

They’ve both been through a lot so I think someone caring about them and being protective would be a nice thing for them

I think most of the time they find your pushing them in the right direction/ life advice endearing, but there are times too when they will not be in the mood

They come to understand you well enough to realize that you mean well and want to help others. They find that very sweet and understand why you might do or say things that way

They both also struggle with feeling close to people because of the trauma they’ve both endured

They both understand anxiety well and you both try to help the other through it

They both appreciate that you are just as independent as they are. You both enjoy spending time together but also enjoy time to yourself as well

I like to think they both get to know you well enough to know how to calm you down if you start panicking. However, if they can’t Obanai will definitely have Shinobu check you out and Dabi knows some underground clinics he can take you to

Neither of them are big into physical affection. Trauma and scars, so yeah. They’d much prefer acts of service

They aren’t good with words of affirmation either so you don’t have to force yourself on that

[love-karens-style]

School of Style – Classy Camel Coat: 3 Fast Facts

(source: © pinterest.com)

“I think men are starting to understand how eyebrows frame the face. If you take the effort to style your hair, you should also be styling your eyebrows – especially in the era of video conferencing.” –Suman Jalaf

1. Effortless Eyebrows – Gentlemen, I’d like to begin this article, by discussing eyebrows, or in this case, “Guybrows,” a fabulous phrase, coined by marvellous make-up artist, Ramy Gafni. In his book, How to Fake Real Beauty: Tricks of the Trade to Master Your Makeup, Ramy decisively describes “guybrows,” by stating that they “Never look obviously groomed. The brow shaping is far more subtle. While it can greatly improve a man’s appearance, it never looks done.” Gentlemen, I must issue a word of warning, should you decide that you want to go for a subtle shaping for your brows. Please, take extra care, if you opt for the waxing method, and you are using a skincare active, such as a retinoid. Unfortunately, gentlemen, skincare actives and facial waxing do not mix, as waxing can be slightly harsh on skin that has been a little sensitised, by active ingredients, in your skincare, if you use any. This gentleman, is in contrast to eyebrow threading or tweezing, which are safer alternatives. Personally, as I have been prescribed a retinoid by my dear dermatologist, waxing my eyebrows is not the best option, at the moment, so I visit a lovely lady from Bulgaria, near my area, who I have been seeing since 2015, and she makes my brows beautiful by plucking them to perfection. Now about threading gentlemen, I recently attended the Bridal Beauty Festival in London, as I enjoy keeping up with new products and changes in the beauty business and thought it would be a good idea to learn new things. I was very fortunate to have met a gentleman called Jon, a skincare and beauty expert, who delivered a talk about the skincare product line he works for. I sat, listened, learned, and took notes. I then I spoke with Jon after the talk, and noticed his beautiful-looking brows, and he told me, that he gets his brows threaded, because “It’s the best method,” when it comes to eyebrow shaping. Admittedly gentlemen, I tried threading years ago, as a teen, and I did experience some discomfort. I couldn’t handle it, but then again, I am sort of ‘wimpy.’ I just don’t like pain. I strongly dislike blood tests, because they involve needles. But, as they say, “Beauty is pain.” And sometimes, it’s worth it, when you see the results.

2. Scarf Style – Secondly gentlemen, I’m certain that you’ve noticed that the model’s scarf clearly co-ordinates with the rest of his outfit, as well as adding flair and fabulousness, to his elegant ensemble. Not to mention that the model’s sophisticated scarf helps to shield his neck from wintery winds. By the way gentlemen, if any of my carefully selected menswear posts inspire you in any way, please don’t hesitate to download the images that speak to you. This is in accordance with amazing advice, shared by accomplished author, Nancy Butcher, who, in her book, How to Make Your Man Look Good (Without Making Him Feel Bad), who cleverly commented, “Clip out magazine pictures of men’s outfits and share them with your man.” Additionally, the amazing Alan Flusser, who is featured in Nancy’s book, says, “People learn to dress well by looking at other people dressing well.” Gentlemen, I can personally relate to this significant style statement, because, before embarking on my career in fashion, at 18, in the summer of 2006, I had read a lot of magazines, which critiqued or praised celebrity styles on the Red Carpet. I studied those pages and learned plenty of do’s and don’ts about style and fashion. Little did my teenage self know at the time, I was ‘training my fashion eyes’ to spot fabulous fashion, and stunning style.

3. Nimble Neutrals – In summary gentlemen, as you can see, the model’s stylist decided to opt for an outfit, from a neutral palette. It is often said by style ‘experts,’ that neutrals usually ‘look expensive,’ and are totally timeless. Furthermore gentlemen, neutral colours are also seen as ‘safe colours.’ Gentlemen, I must mention that, if a pair of white, or off-white trousers, as seen above on the model, is not quite your thing, then dark denim jeans may serve as a suitable substitute. (Stains are also less likely to show up on dark denim, of course.) Keeping in mind that dark denim will not ‘disrupt’ the neutral palette, as dark denim in fashion, is seen as a neutral. The final observation that I’d like to share with you gentlemen, is the fabulous fact, that the model hardly has any jewellery on. Why? Well, I suspect it’s because the model’s smart stylist really realises that actually, “Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.” -Coco Chanel.

Love, KF X                                                                                            

Happy to help: karensworldofstyle@live.co.uk or karens_style on X (Twitter)

This article was researched, written, edited, produced & published by Karen, on 1st December 2024

[summeroffice]

Interview with Yulia Latynina

1:31 [About the deepfake of Yermak] We are gradually plunging into the terrible era of the dominance of artificial intelligence. We don't even fully understand yet what it will be like, what it will look like and what problems we will all have. This also applies, by the way, to these deepfakes that allow you to imitate your voice and the image and accordingly, the whole conversation can be built on a fake as such.  

2:43 I only have one piece of advice to respected people, to ask very, very good questions, for example, well [he smiles], that is, ask counter questions to check how deeply the person understands the subject they are talking about. And try to react to this calmly, with irony, to all these pranks, jokes and so on. They definitely won't have any consequences; they won't discredit their reputation already today, that is, everything of this plan that will manifest itself somewhere, well, it will hardly discredit their reputation.  

5:06 You know what's more shocking to me here in this situation, that these pranksters, remember Russian special services have some personalised hand-held pocket pranksters [Latynina says their names] who periodically call even politicians of different ranks in the West, they get through to them and accordingly they receive some kind of compromising product like, again, it doesn't work much but do you know what amazes me, firstly, how the security services work, which do not analyse the fact that such pranks are constantly being carried out and so on, and second, why say something in a telephone conversation, especially if you don't know the caller's ID well, and you're not entirely sure that it's him, why say some things that go against your public position. Because you are a media person and so on. This always confuses me a little.  

6:06 But there will be more and more of this, let's say, fake material. I repeat again, even now we don't fully understand what kind of Pandora's box we opened when we talk about artificial intelligence. Yes, it's still young, he's still learning, he's still in the nursery on the Internet, that is, he hasn't yet shown himself in all his beauty and maturity and wisdom or not wisdom, and so on.  

He of course will allow us to solve information problems of an extremely destructive nature in the near future and we will be shocked by what it will do with the help of artificial intelligence, how it will distort reality, it will distort it much more deeply and probably these primitive pranksters will go into oblivion and these primitive deepfakes will go into oblivion. That is, more complex psychological effects will probably be on people.  

9:41 I emphasise once again, I generally treat many products that I see in global media with great irony now because when global media, dependent on reputation, regularly refers to anonymous sources over and over again, which is not confirmed later, as a rule, then of course, it is probably not worth taking it seriously.  

10:27 I'm not a supporter of conspiracy theories. Do you know why? I was taught from childhood that the main mover of modern humanity unfortunately, in both positive and negative sense is either the wisdom of a person or his stupidity. 90% of the negative only happens because of stupidity, and not because of conspiracy theories.  

20:45 I am sceptical about the characteristics of Mr James Bond, performed by, for example, Sean Connery or Daniel Craig.  

29:03 How is it, victory has many fathers, for loss there's always one person to blame. Latynina corrects him: У победы много отцов. Поражение всегда сирота. (Quote by John F. Kennedy about the failed attempt to invade Cuba in 1961; he borrowed it from Tacitus).  

33:07 I really like democracy. It really allows for discussions and discussion is a progression, right, that is, through discussion you will in any case come out, well, if this is a constructive discussion of course, and an intellectual discussion, you will come out with some more or less optimal solution.  

41:51 This is already the second criminal case against Arestovych. Isn't it too much? 

[Deep sigh] You like all the time for me to comment on Arestovych? [he laughs] Look, I understand that he worked together with me and so on, I understand, and I have sympathy for the time when he worked in our office because he performed certain functions. Now, it seems to me that he went where you shouldn't go.  

I'll say a few words about criminal cases now. He went, you know, look, how I feel about criticism in principle. I believe that a person who is smart and who deeply understands processes is obliged to engage in critical rhetoric but at the same time to talk about immature functionality, right, that is, criticise the functionality, how to improve it. But at the same time treat the country that is at war with warmth and sympathy.  

What did Arestovych do now? He entered the niche of emotional condemnation of his own country. The country that is bleeding. It is unacceptable. In my opinion, it's immoral precisely from the point of view of those arguments and the rhetoric that he chose. That is, he condemns his own country, looks for some shortcomings in it, and of course there are shortcomings, like in any other democratic country, there are shortcomings, and they require correction of course.  

But during the war, you must understand what the soul is of the country in which you worked, lived, were born [Arestovych was born in Georgia] and so on. And this soul today, this is another. You are not attacking the functionality, not the state as such, well, from the point of view of institution, you are attacking the country itself, the essence of this country, you are attacking its right to be one that can and continues to defend itself and this is an extremely dangerous tendency. This is unacceptable.  

Everything that concerns criminal cases, again, this is law enforcement authorities, in this case, you say the second thing, this is a specific case based on a statement from a local deputy from the point of view that he reported her as having committed some kind of offence, and so on. It seems to me, more generally this should of course be commented by either a law enforcement agency or the applicant itself or Mr Arestovych himself or his lawyers because honestly, well, it seems to me that this is some very small matter for me to comment on it.  

44:09 Latynina says that she understands Podolyak but on the other hand, there is a need to bring people to reality. She understands how dangerous it is when people have crazy inflated expectations and Arestovych brings them to reality. Arestovych told the truth, and this is very expensive. 

46:05 [He sighs and shakes his head] You make one logical mistake. You call the truth something that is not it. What you call truth is the subjective opinion of a person who is unrealistic today in his assessment of his own country. This is not truth. This is an attempt to compensate for one's accumulated grievances. It cannot be truth what you thought yesterday that your career was going exclusively upwards, and you will be venerated in this country but today this country says, you are going not with us, you're going to a different direction. And this is a grievance for unrealised opportunity that was really ?, that's all. And when you are in such a psychologically altered state, you cannot be truthful, these are obvious things.  

48:57 Why I condemn what Arestovych does. Here the most important thing is to choose the right, very careful words, not to break hope, not to break expectations. Yes, speak realistically and we speak realistically. Some things we say absolutely realistically. But don't make others depressed, don't finish people off, don't say that everything you did, all your hopes - this is nothing. This is not allowed.  

56:28 Those who are really against the war, they get sky-high 7 years or 10 years. I looked specifically at the criminological report for, for example, the murder of a newborn, someone got 4 years there in St Petersburg. For, let's say, theft of 150 million pension roubles, they got 2 years on probation.