#unfortunate side effect: people asking where the conflict in a piece of dialogue is

[rocaillefox]

i LOVE writing stories about the small to symbolize the large. are you KIDDING me. i LOVE this.

[iamthenightcolormeblack]

Pride and Prejudice 1940: "When Pretty Girls T-E-A-S-E-D Men Into Marriage"

Made during the Great Depression, this classic black and white film is loosely based on Austen's novel and is set in what is likely the 1830s rather than the Regency Era (late 18th century to early 19th century). It is an escapist piece which capitalizes on nostalgia for a simpler time by transporting its viewers to a chocolate-box vision of the past, while paying homage to Austen's social satire by delivering plenty of laughs along the way.

Overall Thoughts on the Film:

The first time I watched this movie, I was confused because the plot as well as the setting was revised significantly (the events after Darcy's first proposal are changed to hasten the happy ending; Darcy's letter and Elizabeth's visit to Pemberley are not included in this movie). This changing of plot points makes the 2005 movie a much more faithful adaptation in comparison with this version, in spite of the creative liberties both take with the novel.

Production Design:

The movie is a typical example of Golden Age Hollywood productions, with beautiful actresses and melodramatic flourishes added to increase the drama. Some of the lines are delivered very quickly, in keeping with the comedic style of the time.

The music: definitely not historically accurate. A lot of sentimental, "ye olde timey" string arrangements that emphasize emotions or fast-paced waltz music for balls/parties.

The 1830s costumes are beautiful; it seems as if no expense (or quantity of fabric) was spared in making them. The bonnets are way taller and have more decorations than typical 1830s bonnets. Some of the patterns/fabric choices are very 1930s, and the costumes are exaggerated in such as way as to make the wearers look like fancy turkeys.

Hair and Makeup: very 1930s, with finger/sausage curls, plucked eyebrows, lipstick/lip makeup, and long lashes.

The sets: the dollhouse-like interiors are lavishly gilded and made to look as opulent as possible. Outdoors scenes are lush, with lots of flowers and bushes; the garden in which the second proposal takes place is gorgeous. The set design transports the viewer into an idyllic vision of the bucolic English countryside.

The Lead Actors:

With the exception of Laurence Olivier, the majority of the actors are American, since this is a Hollywood production. Many of the characters in the film's imaginary vision of pastoral Britain speak American or make clumsy attempts to imitate British English.

Greer Garson: while she is definitely too old for the part, she perfectly conveys Elizabeth's intelligence, outspokenness, and sarcasm. Her facial expressions are killer as well; with the arch of an eyebrow along with a snarky side eye, she captivates us all. All in all, Garson effectively shows off Elizabeth's impertinence through her nonverbal acting (this reminds me strongly of Jennifer Ehle's Elizabeth Bennet).

Laurence Olivier: he effectively conveys Darcy's pride while hinting at his deeper feelings beneath the surface (I can see why Colin Firth spoke so highly of Olivier's portrayal of Darcy). Most importantly, the film emphasizes Darcy's intelligence; he is certainly Elizabeth's intellectual equal. While this portrayal of Darcy is very accurate to the book, Darcy's pride does go away pretty quickly (he and Elizabeth form a tentative friendship early on) and his social awkwardness isn't immediately obvious thanks to his charm. Also the unflattering hairstyle with the greasy hair and painted on sideburns makes me sad.

Key Scenes:

Opening scene: The title card appeals directly to the audience's nostalgia for a sentimental, romanticized past: “It happened in OLD ENGLAND (this was actually capitalized), in the village of Meryton…” The Bennet women are at a fabric shop, where they gossip with aunt Phillips about the rich people moving into Netherfield Park.

The carriage race: this scene, which isn’t in the original novel, represents the rivalry between the Bennets and Lucases. The mothers both want their daughters to be the first to snag the rich bachelors.

The first ball: There is a historical anachronism as the music is a waltz by Strauss, who became popular in late 19th century, specifically the Gilded Age; far too early for the Regency Era or 1830s England. Other changes from the original novel include Elizabeth meeting Wickham before Darcy; other events from Aunt Phillips’ ball (which isn’t included in this movie) and Wickham and Darcy’s confrontation are included in this scene.

Elizabeth’s impression of Darcy at the ball: she puts on airs and mocks his casual dismissal of her as tolerable (definitely a parallel with the 1995 version, where Jennifer Ehle does the same, but privately with Jane).

Great comedic change: Darcy introduces himself to Elizabeth after calling her tolerable and asks if she will dance with him (this originally takes place at Mr. Lucas' ball). Right after rejecting Darcy, she instantly agrees to dance with Wickham; in a humorous moment, Darcy evacuates to a corner of the room to sulk while seeing Wickham dance with Elizabeth.

The “Accomplished woman” scene: the dialogue lifted directly from the book for the most part. Darcy, in a departure from his trademark seriousness, shows off his playful side when reacting to Caroline Bingley's "turn about the room." I particularly like this added repartee from Elizabeth Bennet to Darcy, which is clever but also foreshadows her prejudice: “If my departure is any punishment, you are quite right. My character reading is not too brilliant.”

Elizabeth can't stand Mr. Collins: After twirling about his monocle, he pronounces that: “It might interest you to know my taste was formed by lady Catherine de Bourgh.” The best part of this scene is when Elizabeth plucks a wrong note on her harp when Collins gets really annoying.

The Netherfield ball (which is now a garden party):

Elizabeth running away from Mr. Collins: She looks rather ridiculous, almost like an overdressed turkey, in a white dress with puffy sleeves as she runs away from an overeager Collins. Then she hides in the bushes while Darcy helps her to hide, telling Collins he doesn't know where she is. It's fun but most likely not something a proper lady and gentleman would do (two people of the opposite gender out alone, shock!).

The archery scene: Darcy attempts to teach Elizabeth how to shoot a bow and arrow, even though he doesn’t hit the bullseye. She goes on to impress him by perfectly hitting the bullseye every time; Darcy learns his lesson: "Next time I talk to a young lady about archery I won't be so patronizing." Caroline Bingley, very passive aggressive as usual, shows up for her archery lesson right after and it's absolutely perfect.

Mr. Collins attempts to introduce himself to Mr. Darcy: Laurence Olivier captures Darcy so perfectly in this scene (really set the precedent for Colin Firth). When Mr. Collins starts talking (inviting Elizabeth to dance with him) Darcy tries to keep himself well-composed but has a pained expression on his face as if he’s about to pass out. Olivier masters the way Darcy can look so miserable but also disgusted and proud at the same time.

Mr. Collin's proposal to Elizabeth: I like the added touch of Mrs. Bennet pulling Elizabeth back by her skirt when she tries to run out of the room. The dialogue is taken directly from the book, and the scene is made even funnier when Collins holds on to Elizabeth's hand desperately and doesn’t let her get away. My only quibble is that Elizabeth isn’t indignant enough when Mr. Collins doesn't take no for an answer.

Elizabeth and Darcy at Rosings: I like that Olivier subtly indicates that Darcy is clearly affected upon seeing Elizabeth at Rosing, hinting at deeper feelings beneath the surface. I also like how the scriptwriter emphasizes that Darcy indirectly praises Elizabeth and enjoys their conversations, while she remains convinced that he hates her. Sadly, the original dialogue of the piano scene is not included, which is unfortunate as it allows Darcy to reveal his introvert tendencies, calling into question Elizabeth's assertion that he is unpardonably proud.

First proposal: The famous opening lines are mutilated with awkward punctuation: “It��s no use. I’ve struggled in vain. I must tell you how much I admire and love you." While the rest of the dialogue matches up closely with what happens in Austen's novel, both of the actors aren’t emotional enough; instead Elizabeth cries very daintily, and Darcy remains serene, which conflicts with the book's description of both of them being very angry and defensive at each other.

THE SCRIPT:

The first half of the film up to Darcy's first proposal follows the events of the original book closely, though certain blocks of dialogue are moved elsewhere and other events such as Mrs. Phillips' party are skipped over. The most significant changes, besides updating the setting to the 1830s, are made to the second half of the book to squeeze the key events of the story into the movie before delivering the inevitable happy ending.

Brilliant Quotes:

Mr. Bennet's reaction to Mrs. Bennet's despair over the situation of their 5 unmarried daughters: “Perhaps we should have drowned some of them at birth.”

Darcy insists Elizabeth cannot tempt him: “Ugh. Provincial young lady with a lively wit. And there’s that mother of hers.”

Darcy is an arrogant snob: “I’m in no humor tonight to give consequence to the middle classes at play.” (Technically the Bennets are part of the gentry; they just are less wealthy than Darcy).

Elizabeth's reaction to Darcy pronouncing her to be tolerable at best: “What a charming man!”

Elizabeth rebuffs Darcy's offer to dance after overhearing his insult: “I am afraid that the honor of standing up with you is more than I can bear, Mr Darcy.”

Elizabeth favors Wickham after witnessing the bad blood between him and Darcy: “Without knowing anything about it I am on your side.”

Mrs. Bennet's comment after she sends Jane to Netherfield under stormy skies: “There isn’t anything like wet weather for engagements. Your dear father and I became engaged in a thunderstorm.”

Mr. Bennet's reaction to Jane's fever: “Jane must have all the credit for having caught the cold…we’re hoping Elizabeth will catch a cold and stay long enough to get engaged to Mr. Darcy. And if a good snowstorm could be arranged we’d send Kitty over!”

The sisters' description of Mr. Collins: “Oh heavens! what a pudding face.”

Caroline Bingley at the Netherfield garden party: “Entertaining the rustics is not as difficult as I feared. Any simple childish game seems to amuse them excessively.”

Darcy reassuring Elizabeth after helping her escape Mr. Collins: “If the dragon returns St. George will know how to deal with it.”

Darcy learns his lesson after Elizabeth beats him at archery: “The next time I talk to a young lady about archery I won’t be so patronizing.”

Elizabeth comments about a curtain: “Oh that’s pretty. It’s a pity you didn’t make it bigger. You could have put it around Mr. Collins when he becomes a bore.”

Elizabeth on Kitty and Lydia: “2 daughters out of 5, that represents 40% of the noise.”

Elizabeth sees Lady Catherine for the first time: “So that’s the great lady Catherine. Now I see where he learned his manners.”

Lady Catherine's attitude towards philanthropy: “You must learn to draw a firm line between the deserving poor and the undeserving poor.”

Darcy takes Elizabeth's advice: “I’ve thought a great deal about what you said at Netherfield, about laughing more...but it only makes me feel worse."

Elizabeth and Darcy have a conversation with Colonel Fitzwilliam: “He likes the landscape well enough, but the natives, the natives, what boors, what savages … Isn’t that what you think, Mr. Darcy?” With a smile: “It evidently amuses you to think so, Miss Bennet."

CHANGES FROM THE BOOK:

The first half of the film up to Darcy's first proposal follow the events of the original book closely, though certain blocks of dialogue are moved elsewhere and other events such as Mrs. Phillips' party are skipped over. The most significant changes, besides updating the setting to the 1830s, are made to the second half of the book to squeeze the key events of the story into the movie before delivering the inevitable happy ending.

With the exception of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, the portrayals of the characters are (generally) true to the book.

As I said earlier, the film neglects any sort of historical accuracy when setting the story in romanticized "Old England," where genteel people pass simple lives that revolve around dresses, tea parties, social gossip, and marriages. A lot of Austen adaptations present an idealized vision of Regency life, where people are dressed immaculately, flawlessly adhere to "chivalry," and find love in the ballroom. This contributes to the misconception that Austen's novels are shallow chick-lit books with flat characters who live for lavish parties and hot men, instead of stories of unique, complicated women who happen to be well-off but aspire towards love, respect, or independence instead of being content to make economically advantageous marriages. Austen's novels are character novels and she doesn't waste time writing about dresses or tea parties; balls, while exciting, are just another part of daily life for her characters rather than some Extremely Big Special Once In a Blue Moon Event.

Austen's multifaceted view on marriage turns into a game of matchmaking. She recognizes it as necessary for women to survive in the patriarchy, since they cannot provide for themselves unless they marry well, but at the same time, presents marriage as a means for freedom if it is a loving partnership between two people that respect each other. In contrast, marriage is a game of manipulating the partners into wanting to marry (ex. Lady Catherine and Darcy's trickery). Also, it seems to be a given that Elizabeth will marry for love, unlike in the book where it is uncertain whether she will achieve this.

Kitty and Lydia's antics are viewed much more sympathetically as those of young people having fun; in the book, their behavior harms the family's social reputation, reducing the chances the Bennet daughters have of making good marriages.

Louisa Hurst, Georgiana Darcy, and Aunt and Uncle Gardiner are not in the movie.

Wickham is introduced much earlier than in the book; he is friends with Lydia from the very beginning. Interestingly, he doesn't begin to trash-talk Darcy until Bingley leaves; in the book he does so much earlier, before the Netherfield ball.

Darcy is more considerate towards Elizabeth at the Netherfield party (ex. rescuing her from Collins), until he overhears Mrs. Bennet scheming to get the daughters married. Elizabeth forms a tentative friendship with him until finding out that he separated Jane from Bingley.

Jane is more obviously heartbroken over Bingley's departure than in the book, where she keeps her pain to herself. In the movie, she runs away to cry, which is uncharacteristic of her.

Collins is a librarian instead of a clergyman. I dislike this change because some Austen scholars/fans think that Collins being a clergyman is a deliberate choice as part of Austen's social criticism. Collins is representative of how hypocritical the Church is, since he worships Lady Catherine's wealth instead of God, and preaches moral lessons instead of actually using religion to help people. My theory is that the change was made because of the Hays Code, which led to the censorship of movies for "unwholesome" or "indecent" things; the religious criticism could have been offensive.

Elizabeth reacts rather too kindly to Charlotte marrying Collins by showing concern for the loveless marriage. While she does worry about the lack of love in the marriage, initially she is extremely surprised, outright shocked, and confused.

The scene where Darcy tries and fails to talk to Elizabeth (the "charming house" scene in the 2005 movie) just before the proposal is removed.

Darcy's letter is skipped over and Elizabeth overcomes her prejudice of Darcy very quickly, as shown when she tells Jane she regrets rejecting his proposal. This is contrary to the book, where overcoming her prejudice is an emotionally exhausting and slow process that continues all the way up until the second proposal.

The Pemberley visit is removed; instead, Elizabeth returns home to the news that Lydia has eloped. Visiting Pemberley is very important as part of Elizabeth's re-evaluation of Darcy's character and provides an opportunity for Darcy to show Elizabeth that he has changed for her. The visit is key in increasing Elizabeth's love for Darcy, and removing it means that the characters have less personal growth (also wouldn't it have been great for the audience to be treated to another gorgeous estate of "Old England?"). Instead, Darcy visits Longbourn on his own and offers his help in finding Lydia. When the news comes that Wickham accepts very little money in exchange for marrying Lydia, it isn't as shocking as it is in the book because Darcy had already expressed his intentions of helping Elizabeth earlier.

Here's the change that bugs me the most: Lady Catherine becomes good; though she is a busybody, her main priority is Darcy's happiness. Her confrontation of Elizabeth is a scheme hatched between her and Darcy as a test to be certain of Elizabeth's love. This does not make sense on so many levels: first, Darcy insists that "disguise of every sort is my abhorrence," so why would he resort to trickery, however well-intentioned, to find out if Elizabeth still loves him? Second, Lady Catherine is a social snob and objects to Elizabeth's low connections; also she has an arranged marriage planned for Darcy. Third, in the book, because Elizabeth likes Pemberley and gets along really well with his sister Georgiana, Darcy would have had some evidence that Elizabeth, in the very least, cared for him. And the added claim that Lady Catherine approves of Elizabeth because she likes rudeness and thinks Darcy needs a humorous wife irritates me further because the marriage of Elizabeth and Darcy is revolutionary since it was made in defiance of societal rules!!! Why, why, why in the name of comedy did they have to do this?!

Darcy kisses Elizabeth (in a stagey and melodramatic way) after she accepts his second proposal. Seems a bit uncharacteristic of him.

All the sisters get married at the end. Happily ever after.

CONCLUSION

This movie certainly was not aiming for faithfulness to Austen's novel; it ignores her detailed portrait of Regency era society and its attitudes and focuses on the "light, bright, and sparkling" aspect of Pride and Prejudice that gives the story its timeless appeal.

All in all, this comedy of manners is definitely a classic thanks to the clever dialogue and jokes within the script, along with some great acting.

@appleinducedsleep @dahlia-coccinea @princesssarisa @colonelfitzwilliams @austengivesmeserotonin

[12freddofrogs]

Gotham Crusaders - A Batfamily TV Show

I am currently writing a surprisingly long description of how the Batfam could potentially be adapted into a TV show. It’s on Ao3 here, and includes detailed character arcs, dialogue, fight scenes, jokes, and emotional moments.

Particularly in Chapter/Season Four, an extract of which you will find below. This is Tim’s Robin era part two, aka the Under the Red Hood season. Season Four involves a heavy focus on both plot and characterisation, with fun family crisises for everybody. 

Episodes include the new crimelord Red Hood making a name for himself in Gotham; a cupcake selfie that leads to broken bones; Steph’s brief run as Robin; Jack Drake making an effort to be a better father that he doesn’t necessarily succeed at; why rogues should not leave hackable robot armies in the open; and a mixture of heart-warming and heart-breaking moments in quick succession. And two people get hit with a crowbar, only one of whom deserved it.

Read it on Ao3 here.

Chapter one here

Season Four, Episode One - Worst Nightmare 

Batman and Robin have a case.

Scarecrow is planning something.

His research discovered a promising new strain of fear gas. A delayed reaction.

Unfortunately, he needs money to create this new-and-improved fear toxin.

So Scarecrow robs a place.

A bank is traditional, if cliché, and doing it in the middle of the day almost guarantees no Bat presence.

It works.

He escapes fairly easily, leaving a cannister of fear gas behind him for the police to hesitate over.

There’s a storm growing as Batman, Robin, and Spoiler go deal with Scarecrow.

They track him to a new lair, dark and creepy and with the appropriate weather outside for dealing with the Master of Fear.

As fitting the theme, they split up to search for clues.

Meanwhile, Dick and Cass are at the manor for a more domestic situation: teaching Cass how to bake cookies.

It’s a much lighter B-plot with very little screentime. For them the storm outside makes the warm kitchen seem cosy.

 The biggest conflict is convincing Cass that the white powders of flour/salt/baking powder/sugar aren’t interchangeable.

Dick teaches her to lick the spoon and Alfred’s lesson is further derailed.

Across the city, Robin triggers one of Scarecrow’s boobytraps.

He realises a gas is being let into the room almost immediately, has his rebreather clutched to his face within moments.

 When he doesn’t react he assumes he was fast enough.

He reassures the concerns over their comms he’s fine, his yelp was just being startled.

Spoiler is the first to find Scarecrow.

 He’s working in his lab, mixing together chemicals.

When she arrives, he throws the half-finished concoction in her face.

She’s doubles over, choking, as Scarecrow grabs his mask and pushes past her. He picks up several vials on the way out.

The gas that hit Spoiler was incomplete and not designed for an instant effect. Together, those facts mean she has a comparatively minor response.

She’s nervous, she’s jittery, she’s hallucinating her memories lucid.

A young Steph, maybe seven, peeks out around the door.

 “You have to run,” tiny Steph says.

“I… what? Why?”

“Dad’s not happy with us.”

Spoiler flinches, but stands up. Her knees are shaky as she grips the table. “Well, I’m not happy with him, either. I’m not afraid of Da — wait. Dad isn’t here.”

Her tiny self has vanished.

As has Scarecrow. And Spoiler is left disorientated and afraid.

Batman finds Scarecrow’s research.

He learns what the audience already knows, that Scarecrow wanted to create a time-delay.

He also finds a collection of syringes labelled ‘antidote’.

 He destroys the research, keeping a sample of the fear gas.

Meanwhile, Robin is starting to react.

A rumble of thunder make him jump, needing to bite his hand to stop himself from screaming.

He’s increasingly frightened of the world around him.

For a moment he sees spiders crawling along his arms. Robin frantically starts to swipe, but they disappear before he touches them.

“Spoiler, Robin.” The communicators crackle. “I discovered what Scarecrow’s working on. It’s a design that means that if you’re hit, you won’t start showing symptoms for almost an hour.”

“Really?” Robin asks, his breathing coming quick. “That could… that could explain it.”

“Are you implying the trap you set off is impacting you?”

Robin closes his eyes tight, trying not to look at the shadows reaching for his legs. They vanish when he ignores them. “Yep.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m…” He turns around. The walls start to drip blood. “I… don’t know. Batman, I’m scared.”

“Just remember it’s not real. Spoiler, stay where you are. You got dosed too, and it could come back any minute. I’ll find both of you.”

There’s another crack of lightning.

The power goes out. Robin flees into the nearest room.

His panic is not helped by finding Scarecrow.

“Oh, Boy Wonder. Good.” Jonathan Crane isn’t wearing his mask, is merely sitting on the table. “I was hoping to see the effects of my new toxin. You were sprayed forty-five minutes ago, was it?” He pulls a notebook and a pen from his labcoat.

“Are you real?” Robin asks, hating the tremor in his voice.

“Now that’s a promising reaction.”

Behind the scientist is a swirling mass of bats. Robin ducks as they fly overhead and shatter like glass when they hit the wall, shards showering to the ground.

Scarecrow laughs.

“Okay, okay.” Robin gets to his feet again unsteadily, pointing his staff at Scarecrow. “I’m going to go with the theory you’re real. That or I’m about to punch a hallucination in the face. Either works.”

“You’re not in any condition to fight anyone.” Scarecrow picks up a bladed sickle from the desk.

The audience is watching from Robin’s perspective as the sickle shifts, grows bigger with another hundred attachments and blades appearing, before snapping back to a simple blade. Robin shakes his head.

The fight is told almost entirely from Robin’s perspective, high on fear gas.

The full effect hasn’t totally reached him yet. He’s still aware of most of what’s going on, knows that it’s not real. He’s able to fight off the hallucinations with a little effort, but he can’t afford the distractions.

He dodges Scarecrow, and has to jump to avoid Bane. At which point he twists around, confused, and Bane’s gone again.

He jumps to the side of the blade, a perfect somersault away, and springs into a crouch.

He falters when he notices a corpse in a similar costume with different colouring lying beside him. Jason Todd, face greyed out and starting to rot behind the mask.

For a long moment he stares at his predecessor’s body, before the second Robin sits up and lunges at him.

Robin scrambles away. He closes his eyes for a moment and the image of Jason vanishes, to be replaced with Joker, crowbar in hand and Harley Quinn on his arm.

There are shadows moving on the wall, silhouettes of thugs creeping towards him, and the floor is cracking into pieces. Lightning flashes again.

“Not real, it’s not real, it’s not real.” Robin closes his eyes.

When he opens them, everyone is gone — including Scarecrow. The lights have switched back on.

Tim stands up slowly, looking around suspiciously. Even the storm has vanished. “This can’t be real.”

 As he says it, the edges of the room start to blur, fading into white. The blankness spreads fast until Tim is standing in an empty expanse of nothing, just him in the world.

“No, no, no, this isn’t real.” He sinks to his knees. “This can’t be real don’t leave me alone don’t leave me—”

The audience’s view changes back to reality.

The room goes back to being darkened, night-time in a storm. Robin is still curled up on the ground, begging for someone to find him.

“Fascinating.” Scarecrow takes the time to put down his scythe. He writes down notes about Robin’s condition, before lifting the blade again.

Batman, always one to arrive at the last moment, breaks into the room.

Within moments Scarecrow is defeated.

Crane might be a formidable opponent against a heavily drugged teenager, but a clear-headed Batman is out of his league.

Batman shoves him against the wall. “Explain. Now.” He holds one of the ‘antidote’ needles in front of Scarecrow’s face.

“Surely you understand how to read, Batm—ow, ow, ow!” Crane winces as he’s pushed harder.

“Will it work on whatever you hit Robin with?”

“Yes, yes, those are the ones designed for this formula.”

“If you’re lying, I will break every one of your bones piece by piece,” Batman warns, letting Scarecrow slide to the ground. “Don’t move.”

He kneels in front of Robin, who doesn’t seem to comprehend what’s in front of him. It does mean he doesn’t fight when Batman lifts his arm and injects the syringe into his skin.

Camera switches back to Robin’s perspective as the white blankness starts to implode. He blinks, frowns up at his mentor. “Batman?”

“Robin. Can you walk?”

Robin blinks again, looking sick. Batman helps him to his feet.

They leave Scarecrow handcuffed for the police.

Spoiler is still sitting in the room.

Her younger self has come back, and they’re discussing life.

“Do you know we’re doing here?” Spoiler asks. Tiny Steph shakes her head. “We’re here to fight the Scarecrow. With Batman. And Robin. We’re here to help people.”

“We can’t even help ourself,” tiny Steph murmurs.

“Sure we can.” Spoilers smiles at her. “It gets better once you get bigger.”

Their conversation is a calmer hallucination than anything Tim had to deal with. It’s also a way of delving into Spoiler’s psyche with the literal embodiment of her fears in the room.

“When I get bigger?” tiny Steph repeats. “You mean, when I grow up like you? Don’t make me laugh. You think you’re a hero? You think you can make a difference in Gotham? You’re nothing.” Tiny Steph leans forwards, her baby teeth bared. “You’re going to get yourself killed and no-one is going to mourn you.”

Spoiler blanches.

The door opens and Batman is there, still supporting Robin.

The hallucination vanishes.

“Spoiler. Let’s go.”

 He tells her that he has got an antidote, but since not even Scarecrow knows what she was doused with he doesn’t want to use it on her without further testing. Spoiler agrees to the wait, a little reluctantly, but her hallucination remains gone.

Robin is already picking up a sample from the dropped glass.

They all return to the Cave.

Bruce has Tim and Steph thoroughly tested and given antidotes.

Cass comes downstairs with a plate of fresh cookies.

Steph and Tim try them, not noticing Dick frantically shaking his head, and nearly choke.

Despite Alfred’s best efforts, she had mixed up certain white powders — one teaspoon of sugar and a full cup of baking powder.

Alfred’s cookies, however, do wonders for helping them recover from the last of the fear gas.

The night finishes kind of cheerfully, with everyone joking and eating cookies and making a valiant-if-pointless attempt to sneak Cassandra Cain’s baking into the bin without her noticing.

Entire Fic Here

Season One Episode Here: In which Dick Grayson, 17-year-old ward of billionaire Bruce Wayne, gets kidnapped. He is very bored.

Season Two Episode Here: In which Robin!Jason trades himself for a hostage, proceeds to spend the subsequent car chase taunting Two-Face as much as he can.

Season Three Episode Here: in which Gotham high school suffers from a musical episode. Tim really wishes Dick would stop laughing.

[comicteaparty]

May 23rd, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on May 23rd, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Maiden of the Machine by Caitlin Like.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! Our final Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Maiden of the Machine by Caitlin Like~! (https://maidenmachine.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

i think my favorite scene so far is when elizabeth and victor decide to sleep together. part in for its serious drama. theres so many questions about victor created from just the visuals, and then theres the stakes at hand of elizabeth's reputation. but then, there is also a good balance of comic relief to a degree since victor told her to ask no questions and she asks the one question that he probably didnt see coming. all around it was a pretty satisfactor culmination of their relationship so far at a juncture that felt natural.

another scene i really enjoyed was the ball scene where victor and eric are having a chat about elizabeth and then elizabeth and victor have a passionate liason. im mostly a fan cause of the dramatic convo. cause theres a deep and terrible sense that both characters truly know what their risking, what the situation is, and how they still are into each other. plus, its all very tense cause it just takes one person being in the wrong place at the wrong time to blow their cover.

honestly i think itd be accurate to say all my favorite scenes are with elizabeth and victor. romance is one of those genres i can struggle with, because theres always something missing. but oh man do i love the romance in this comic. there is nothing more i want than to see then elizabeth and victor finding a way to be together in spite society trying to kick that down at every turn.

i will give a special shout out to the scene where eric, abhaya, milo, and the cousin are meeting to discuss the affairs of the estate. i just like it because it basically shows all the characters' worst sides. abhaya is brash and reckless, milo is just kind of there, and eric is a greedy mofo. and whats worse is literally none of them thought to bring elizabeth. they may have their excuses of protecting her...but part of me still thinks thats a super dick move and shows even abhaya just kind of views elizabeth more as a pawn than a person. but all in all, nothing like money and estates to show off everyone's worst traits. it is very true to life, and i can respect that.

another non-victor/elizabeth scene i respect is the scene where elizabeth is out dress shopping and eric is like here i got you these dresses. just cause i knew eric was kind of a creep, but ho boy, he dialed the creep up to number 11 on a 10 meter scale. but at the same time, i think that really helped to erase all sympathy i might have had for him. thus paving the way for me to not really feel guilty on elizabeth's behalf for her trespasses against him.

mathtans

Hello, I made it... unfortunately this is a rather bad week, I only made it through the first two chapters.

RebelVampire

i also like scenes with west in them. cause I like that between all the people around Victor, West seems the most honest in a scoundrel sort of way. Which that is basically what I like about him in every scene. He causes trouble and pushes the limits, but at the same time hes always at least pretty upfront about his intentions.

thats unfortunate cause its a great comic, but glad to see you anyway math!

mathtans

Which kind of sucks, I like the whole concept of the kick ass ladies. Even the pirates.

Maybe I'll find time to read more in the background.

The bit I liked most of what I read I think was back in the first chapter, when Elizabeth makes the callback to when she got out of the ropes at the very start of the story. It was a nice subtle detail which I found very clever.

I'm not at your bits yet but I can see how the Elizabeth/Victor thing is being set up. Also there seems to be some question of whether Abhaya likes him... or possibly other ladies? I may be reading my own interests into that.

RebelVampire

you may be reading your own interests but later on there is a female character i ship abhaya with atm

so there is that

i dont think youve met her yet tho

mathtans

Also, yeah, the whole estate thing creates an interesting dynamic. That was a clever way of using the period to generate conflicts.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. A large focus of the comic is on Elizabeth and Victor’s relationship. At the end of the day, do you think the two will find a way to be together? If so, how will they get over the scandal Elizabeth would face and the fact those around Victor want him to marry a titled woman? If you don’t believe they’ll find a way to stay together, what will stop them? Further, given the most recent events, how will Eric Wollstonecraft play a role in the future of their love story? How does the narration framing seen where Elizabeth is addressing her potential son affect your opinion? How do you think that future came about, and how soon will it come to pass? Last, what do you think of their relationship in terms of Elizabeth wanting to make her own choices in life?

mathtans

I ship Abhaya with everyone.

RebelVampire

yeah i have to say if theres one thing i appreciate its combination of progressive themes while at the same time acknowledging that the period was not the friendliest towards these things

especially in regards to how elizabeth is treated since her only purpose apparently to everyone is to get hitched to a titled guy

and i mean

thats depressing

yet also true to the period

even though we get to see elizabeth take a journey and reject those social conventions

in regards to the current question, i am choosing not to think about whether in the long term elizabeth and victor will get together for the rest of their lives. because if they dont i will cry but i could see this realistically being the case given the tone of the narration. cause that...does not sound like an elizabeth who lives in eternal happiness.

mathtans

Back, sorry. Yeah, I'm usually not much of one for period pieces, but I like the narrative viewpoint. Also, pretty neat airships.

There was the point where she talked about leaving Victor behind back in Chapter 1 (I don't recall the exact circumstances) but I wondered if it was because he causes her heartache, or just because it make their lives more complicated.

Incidentally, the first thing I thought of with the name "Lovelace" was Lady Ada Lovelace. The mathematician. Not sure if that was an intentional reference to another well regarded woman.

RebelVampire

i love period pieces but i think the steampunk aspects help twist it enough to make it a bit more unique.

mathtans

(I don't think the time frames synch up but I don't recall when the comic takes place...)

Oh, it's definitely unique. I like the gadget aspect too.

RebelVampire

i would not be surprised if the name choice was purposeful. if only because the comic has lots of strong ladies. i doubt well see any real historical figures though.

i appreciate that the comic actually kind of starts off with the airship escapade

cause it really showcases the ways in which their world differs

where you get airships

and sky pirates

mathtans

That's a good point. Helps with the world building before we get down into some of the classic period issues.

RebelVampire

yes. and i also kind of like it starts off more action-y. not that there isnt action bits later mind you. but more i think it helps set up the main conflict while tying in the romance. because it makes it so the romance isnt some forced subplot. rather its kind of integral and has as much to do with the whole highjacking as the rest of the story. since later on youll see that elizabeth's proximity to victor keeps bring that part of the story into the limelight

mathtans

That's a good point, in terms of tying things together. Also possibly sets up a key antagonist (or at least revenge plot) in that burned pirate lady.

RebelVampire

she does come back

i will spoil that much

mathtans

I figured she had to some time, whether it was by the present updates or not.

I've resumed reading a bit in the background. Seems like both the Watson ladies are doing their best to get arrested. ^.^

RebelVampire

well at least Abhaya is.

cause Abhaya is a risk taker who puts herself in many situations where people are gonna stop and stare

mathtans

Well, yes. But Elizabeth also seems to be taking risks where Victor is concerned. Or at least stepping out of her comfort zone.

Certain people have certain effects on us I guess.

RebelVampire

nah thats true. I just think Elizabeth just takes more social risks. Like not the kind that are gonna get her arrested, but more the kind that are gonna get her socially shunned.

whereas Abhaya is the punch one who is gonna get charged with assault

mathtans

That seems like a valid viewpoint. It fits with their personalities when we saw them in their youth.

The cutting back and forth between the two sisters in Chapter 3 is well done.

RebelVampire

yeah in general i like the PoV switching of the comic. because every scene is pretty well-chosen and advances the plot in some manner. and it lets us see others parts of the comic developing. cause later on you do get to see more of victor without elizabeth some and get to go "hmm" to all that hes up to.

mathtans

Ha! I like Chapter 3, page 31, where all the dialogue seems to fade out as Victor touches her. Cute.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Besides romance, there is a larger plot posing real and deadly danger to the characters. Who do you think the Angel is? What are the Angel’s goals, and why is she excessively targeting Victor? Further, what do you think the source of her power is? Also, what does have kidnapping people like Ambrose have to do with her goals? Alternatively, is Ambrose there of his own free will (and if so, why)? Considering Abhaya is being sought by Amabel for help, what do you think Abhaya will do? Will Abhaya be able to uncover more of the truth, or is Abhaya just going to get herself into more trouble? How will Abhaya’s involvement affect Elizabeth and herself? Last, can Amabel be trusted, or is it possible she’ll abandon Abhaya when Abhaya might need her?

spoiler Amabel is who I ship Abhaya with

mathtans

Related to those questions, I do wonder a bit if Victor has a sordid past or something. Like maybe his empire wasn't entirely built on the up-and-up... with his knowledge or possibly without it. So there could be a reason there for him to be targeted.

I've looked on the character page and I approve this ship.

RebelVampire

oh yeah. Victor is 100% definitely a scoundrel. There is one scenes that really hints at this, but even before that i agree with you. Victor is not on the up and up entirely. I don't think he made his fortune without cracking a few skulls.

although idk if this is what makes him a target persay

or maybe it oes

but more in the way hes done the forbidden when it comes to tech

mathtans

Was he totally aware of the repercussions of whatever he did though? Because the people around him seem to like to keep him in the dark.

brb

RebelVampire

im sure he knew the repercussions. the people around him are more about keeping him in the dark about romantic matters. cause as was implied by one of the questions later on you find out the main thing ppl arent telling victor is that elizabeth is just there to open him up to the idea of marriage so he can marry a titled lady

cause everyone is all about those titles

In regards to the current question while you're away, I think Abhaya will help Amabel and get herself caught and get into a whole mess of trouble that for once, Elizabeth will have to break her out of. But I think it'll be a dual sword cause I do think Elizabeth's relationship to both Abhaya and Victor is gonna put her in the crosshairs. cause like, what an easy way to get Victor to show up. Get Elizabeth, tell Victor you'll never see her again if you don't show up.

as for the angel's goals, I feel shes on a path of vengence against the entire world, but particularly victor cause hes high up there in the industrialist chain

and knows something she doesnt and that she needs to bring her plans to fruition

mathtans

Back. Okay, that does make sense, darn titles.

Interesting, this Angel talk. I wonder if it's the same "angel" we see in the title card for Chapter 2?

Sounds like you think it's not personal, the Angel's path, merely that Victor is a convenient figurehead.

RebelVampire

i mean the angel is kind of the one from the title card. those are her wings for sure, though she doesnt look quite like that the one time you meet her

it could be personal, but i feel like the angel just has bigger fish to fry

from the impression i got from her

since shes kidnapping a ton of ppl

and you dont need to kidnap ppl to your cause if all youre doing is hunting down some industrialist

who almost got caught

if not for abhaya and elizabeth

mathtans

Ah, so she's the one behind the disappearances then.

(Still reading in the background.)

RebelVampire

yes. i mean its pretty implied but you get confirmation later that yes its her. though you can definitely speculate on the why

cause i have no clue

shes still enigmatic

mathtans

Looking for a husband? ^.^

RebelVampire

shes reading the wrong romance advice book

when elizabeth and her meet, elizabeth will point her in the right direction

and the angel is like "oh wait so youre not supposed to kidnap them? huh?"

mathtans

And then we ship Angel and Elizabeth.

RebelVampire

no. ill ship Abhaya and Angel

Elizabeth and Victor are the OTP

i said but then was like "nah id totally ship Elizabeth with West"

mathtans

Heh. That's fair, they are the main couple. Though West is an interesting guy, just needs to learn social cues.

RebelVampire

nah thats why west is amazing

he doesnt know social cues

and is awkward

yet helpful

and hes the only dude of victor's who seems to be in elizabeth's corner

mathtans

Right. I think it was said that he's not used to the lifestyle?

RebelVampire

yes that is what he said

which makes me want a side chapter just about what he did before he came to victor

cause i dont feel like victor would just hire some rando. he must of seen something in west

mathtans

Maybe he took pity on the guy, something about the scar.

RebelVampire

that could be cause victor understands the burden of scars

or something like that

whereas i just think west's scar gives him character

QUESTION 4. Mixed in with the present drama is a lot of unsolved past drama. Who do you think Victor really is? What do you think happened to Victor based on Milo’s story that he was telling Abhaya? How do you think Victor managed to overcome this to become the person he is today? Also, what do you make of the room Victor seemed to have sealed off in his house? Besides Victor, there is also a lot of drama between Jules, Abhaya, and Milo. What do you think happened between the three of them that managed to damage their relationship forever? Will spending more time together heal their wounds, or is it impossible at this point? Further, what was Jules up to the whole time he was away with Victor? Last, what do you think Jules’ goals were for introducing Elizabeth and Victor, and why does he seem immensely conflicted about her presence?

mathtans

Sorry, biab

RebelVampire

kay

I think Victor was some fellow servant kid who was Jules' only friend after Jules got sent away. And then Victor almost died. Although I'm changing my previous speculations. Maybe the Angel is more literal and she literally showed up, saved Victor with tech with the promise to return, and then left. So now shes back for her comeuppance. Meanwhile, Victor decided technology was great and he needed to bring it to the world cause it was what would keep him alive and save others.

as for the three, at this juncture it seems pretty heavily implied Milo and Jules were in a relationship and that Milo called off the wedding to Abhaya cause he didnt want to live a lie in regards to how he felt about Jules. Regardless of the what, while Milo i feel will legitimately forgive and forget, I dont feel Abhaya or Jules will. Abhaya cause she doesnt seem the type to ever forgive ever. And to just hold onto her hatred and seethe. Jules in the meantime I think wont forgive until he gets revenge in some way. Cause the two probably betrayed his trust big time and he kind of got the most screwed over by what happened

i think Jules wanted them to meet for the exact reason that the others implied: they want Victor to warm up to the idea of women so he can get married. However, I feel Jules now feels like a jerk who is taking out his anger at Abhaya on Elizabeth who had 0% to do with what happened between the three. and yet he knows hes in too deep to turn back now.

mathtans

Could be that Victor was initially poor... in fact maybe he married into the company somehow? Could the Angel be his wife? o.o

I wondered about Milo and Jules. My initial thought had been that Abhaya had called off the engagement though, so that's an interesting other look at things.

Jules and Elizabeth were close too, back in the day. One wonders if he's that good at seeing how things play out long term.

RebelVampire

nah its definitely his company. but victor was probably poor. if only cause everyone calls him new money. so it means he has no predecessor parent who made their fortune.

Jules strikes me more as the type who things hes great at planning but really, really, really isnt

and then tons of consequences come about that he has to accept and deal with

mathtans

That makes sense and could explain the sympathy for West too, maybe he knows West even though it doesn't necessarily go both ways.

Yeah, Jules seems to think he's got everything well in hand but he doesn't seem to account for the human factor.

Made it to the end of Chapter 4/Act 1 now. Apparently the Angel kidnaps people to literally graft wings onto her spine. Ouch.

Interesting callback to Victor's wounded leg though.

RebelVampire

i think even more than the human factor, Jules is just bad at making plan Bs for when things do go wrong. then panics and makes bad decisions

like not telling victor the factory is in danger

mathtans

Maybe that thing that Victor has in the factory is a time machine. Turns out he's actually from the future, he brought back all the technology and that's why the Angel is after him, she thinks it's stolen.

You're not wrong there, about Jules.

RebelVampire

ya know...i can support this time traveler theory. i mean it doesnt quite fit considering flashbacks

but id 100% buy victor built a time machine

cause why not

victor is amazing

mathtans

Maybe his company is corrupt because they're still trying to get the patents.

RebelVampire

i mean

its a company

so its probably corrupt to some degree regardless

mathtans

That's also a good point.

RebelVampire

i mean i can point out the fact they want victor to marry a titled lady to be a form of corruption. cause thats just marrying someone to advance your social standing for the business

mathtans

I guess we're near the end... haven't said anything about the art yet. I suppose I like the shading, and I thought the sound effect use was clever.

Need someone to star in the commercials.

"Ladies and gentlemen, my wife loves this new device I call a roomba."

RebelVampire

i really love the clothes. i mean theyre simple, and yet all seem to fit within the period that this comic is trying to go for

but if they get a roomba what are the house wives supposed to do

not sit at home cooking and cleaning all day?

also about the art, i really love the steampunk designs. you can definitely tell the steampunk inspiration in them, yet theyre really unique and not really like any steampunk ive seen before

and i can for sure appreciate uniqueness

mathtans

Yeah, that's true. And there was that neat detail of the corset being laced up the front, I wouldn't have thought of that.

Uniqueness is good. I wonder what the machine connection will end up being.

With the whole "maiden of the machine" thing there. (Won't be a roomba, after all.)

RebelVampire

ah thats a good point as well. i loved that detail about the maid being able to tell elizabeth didnt have a maid

mathtans

Maybe Elizabeth gets upgraded too.

RebelVampire

the comic was about the angel all along

and the angel's victory

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up our final Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Caitlin Like, as well, for making Maiden of the Machine. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Caitlin Like’s efforts however you’re able to~!

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[agentelmo]

The X-Files MSR Analysis Series: Season 1 Episode 3

“Squeeze”

Previous episode analysis - 1x02 Deep Throat.

This episode is basically How to Lose Friends and Alienate People - Mulder and Scully edition.  Mulder is forced to confront the fact his FBI colleagues mistrust and mockery of him makes it difficult to work with others, whereas Scully is beginning to feel tainted by association and has to examine where her loyalties lie.  Oh and some dude can squeeze his way through tiny holes to murder people.  That happens too.

So we start with Scully having lunch with an old Academy friend - Tom “Scumbag” Colton who insinuates that Scully should be focusing on progressing her career rather than toiling away in the basement looking for aliens with Mulder.  Now I don’t say he’s a scumbag for ragging on Mulder, I say he’s a scumbag because one of the first things out of his mouth is to tear down a supposed friend for getting a promotion before him.  Hey Colton if this “Marty” guy is such a loser, what does that make you? HUH? HUH?

Also, he ragged on Mulder.  What a butt nugget.

Dude, shows what you know.  20-odd years later and she’ll still be tapping that spooky ass.

Now in a rare moment of vulnerability, Mulder uses sarcastic, mock-shock humour to act oblivious to the fact he has any kind of negative “reputation”.  But it’s a front - a defence mechanism to deflect the fact he actually is, at least a little, bothered by being labelled “Spooky Mulder” - seen as a kook; him and his work never being taken seriously.  

It was no doubt a painful fall to go from the FBI’s most lauded profiler, to being considered a madman and a laughing stock.  So he has become the master of deflection using deadpan sarcasm, when he feels vulnerable, to shield himself from the kinds of comments he anticipates Scully’s academy friends have expressed to her.  But just for a moment, he doesn’t shield himself.  He is openly vulnerable when he reveals to her that he does care by asking if she thinks of him that way too.  

He’s looking for some kind of reassurance from her, and I think she sees that - she softens as he asks the question, which we don’t get an answer to, but we all know that she doesn’t think that way about him.   As much as she hates to admit it, she clearly finds him quite endearing; hot and endearing... Mulder, for the love of God, stop pouting.  The woman has to concentrate.

Also, roll it back a second... is Mulder checking Scully out for a moment before they start talking?  His eyes are roaming... seriously, look.

Yeah, he’s deffo checking her out.  Again, I really don’t think he’s especially conscious of doing it - which makes me love it even more.

Something else that happens in this scene, which unfortunately for Mulder, plays right into Scully’s building inner conflict about her career path, is his outright embarrassing her in front of Colton by playing up to his stereotype of being an E.T. loving nut bag.  

This coming hot off the heels of Scully defending Mulder to Colton.  She gets that he’s joking, but look at the way she widens her eyes when she realises what Mulder is doing.  Poor Scully.  She get’s his deadpan delivery is a joke - Colton somehow doesn’t.  Oops.

I’m British, it’s spelt grey. FIGHT ME.

Poor Scully, look at her face at the end, apologising to Colton with her eyes.  She’s mortified and Colton has just had his opinion of Mulder set in granite.

The next scene in their basement office is quite interesting to watch because it sets the blueprint of so many of their future interactions.  They are feeling their way around each other, and learning how their polar opposite methodologies can work together effectively.  

This episode is especially important in that regard, because Scully is clearly torn between wanting to do it Colton’s way - “by the book” and Mulder’s way - following the truth no matter where it leads, even if things turn to the fantastic and unconventional.

She’s drawn to Mulder in that regard, just as he’s drawn to her.  She’s a woman of science, after all, and any scientist worth their salt has to be open to all the evidence no matter how challenging, but boy does she ever find it challenging.  

She has moments - moments of awe at how Mulder puts the pieces together, and then it’s like she catches herself, remembering that they have to answer to the FBI, and her inner sceptic emerges to keep them both on the straight and narrow.  As Mulder himself will later proclaim in Fight the Future - her strict rationalism and science repeatedly saves his ass and keeps him honest.  So while it might be a frustrating process at times, it’s a necessary one, and Mulder appreciates that.

I also love that this scene introduces the Scully classic preamble.  “Are you suggesting...”

Ok before we move on, a couple things to add.  

One.  Personal space again.  Mulder, can you please stand closer?

Her face.  Seriously, she must be able to feel his body heat from that distance

Two.  I love how when Scully mockingly comes up with a crackpot theory based on what Mulder is saying, she actually hits the nail on the head more often than not.  She gets better and better at this over the years, to the point she really does know what he’s thinking as he’s thinking it.  

The final piece of dialogue in this scene is interesting, because Scully tells Mulder he’s not wanted on the case, that his theories are the reason he’s hidden away in the basement, to which Mulder retorts that she’s in the basement with him too.  

Careful, Mulder.

That comment seems to hit a little too close to home for Scully. After Colton’s ribbing and Mulder embarrassing her in front of him, she does appear to be seriously considering if she wants to be Mrs. Spooky for the long haul.  With the possibility of reassignment lingering in her thoughts, she can’t help but wonder if doing this with Mulder down in the basement is what she really wants.  

Oi.  Mind. Gutter. Out.

Mulder suggests that they have their own investigation separate from Colton and you can see the cogs turning for Scully.  

She knows she will have to make a choice soon, and poor cute!Mulder has no idea, he’s placed his trust in this new, unexpectedly wonderful partner and the idea that she might ditch him doesn’t appear to have crossed his mind in the slightest.  

But ditch him, she does.

So little side note, isn’t it weird that Scully is asked to come up with a profile for the killer?  She has no background in profiling that I am aware of.  So the fact that she comes up with a behavioural profile for Colton’s investigative team is kind of odd, right?  I mean, I’m British so what do I know of how the FBI works, and I’m a psychotherapist not a psychologist (there’s a difference) so equally what do I know of building a forensic psychological profile - but I found that strange.  Especially since Mulder is the hot-shot profiler between the two of them.

Still, as strange as it is - what’s stranger is watching Scully present her profile to VCS team.  

This career-driven side of Scully is not something we often see.  She clearly enjoys the recognition and praise from her colleagues but the conflict shes feeling only deepens when they allude to her using her success on this case as a way to ditch Mulder and the X-Files.  She has a loyalty to Mulder now, that she cannot ignore, and hearing their comments bothers her.  They don’t know him like she does - she’s becoming protective of him; and of their partnership.  

Her change in body language says it all really.  As much as she’s questioning whether she wants to remain working with Mulder, I think she’s also now questioning if this is where she belongs too, with people as small minded and closed off as this.  Mulder has opened her eyes to something, and as frustrating as he can be, his boundless passion and willingness to challenge convention appeals to her much more than conformity does.  You only have to take one look at her rebellious decision to join the FBI to understand that about her.

Now it’s time for Mulder to act a little insecure... Scully didn’t agree to Mulder’s suggestion that they investigate separately.  She decided to ditch Mulder and work with Colton and the VCS.  You think Mulder might have been a teenie bit wounded by that?  Just a lil bit?

Watch out Scully, there’s a lost puppy following you.

Think about it, they’re at the location of previous murders.  This is the office building from the opening of the episode, right?  So why is Mulder there at all if he doesn’t believe the murderer has any reason to revisit the location of past murders?  

He is specifically there for Scully, and to make this point to her - that she’s made the wrong choice in working with them; that she’s wrong about the case, and that she’d have half a clue if she’d read the X-File.  Read between the lines here - she’d have half a clue if she’d stuck with him instead of them.  He’s half trying to win her over and half resentful of her choice to ditch him.

It’d be kind of sweet really if it wasn’t so arrogant.  Because turns out, Scully was actually right.

I like how Mulder doesn’t make a fuss over admitting he was wrong either.  He isn’t defensive or put out, he simply states it as a matter of fact.  Someone raised that boy right.  

Hmm... well, kinda.

The next scene is great - MSR gold.  In fact, it’s a breakthrough for the Mulder-Scully relationship.  It’s where she makes her choice and decides to remain loyal to Mulder and their partnership - she chooses him over them, and it’s not hard to see why.

I’ll let you take a moment.  Deep breaths...

All done?

Years after the show ended, this image of him with a dark, brooding look on his face as Colton suggests taking Scully away from him lived on, clear as a bell, in my shipper heart.

It’s not hard to see why Scully chooses Mulder over the VCS.  They’re closed minded, and unwilling to even hear let alone investigate alternative theories.  As sceptical as Scully can be, she at least hears Mulder out and applies her scientific brain to the theories he presents.  Whereas these guys dismiss Mulder out-of-hand.  That’s not the kind of scientist - nor the kind of investigator Scully wants to be.

Also, those guys were being douchbags towards this man she feels protective over now.  As previously mentioned, she knows him in a way these guys don’t and so even when maybe Colton and his cronies have a point, she and Mulder are in a bubble together where she feels she is the only one who hears him, and she feels a responsibility to him now.  This develops deeper and deeper as their relationship grows.  To the point where they outright confess to each other repeatedly that they are the only one they feel this way towards “you are the only one I trust” etc.  This scene, is the genesis of those grand declarations in later seasons of the show.  

Colton, bless him, tries to act as Scully’s protector; thinking she’s still on his side but she rejects him - he’s the one on the outside now, not Mulder.

We’ve heard people’s opinions of Mulder when he’s not been there, but to see first hand what I imagine Mulder has had to deal with for quite some time, it makes you as the viewer protective of Mulder too.  Scully is the audiences’ champion, throwing her lot in with Mulder - they’re a team, and this is the first time she makes it clear to the FBI world that she’s not just following orders - she’s on Mulder’s side.

Go girl.

Now it’s time for your shipper hearts to go a flutter... It’s Mulder vs. personal space again.  Coupled with a rare admission of attachment to Scully.

So wait, wait... back up.  Did Mulder just admit that he was winding those guys up because he felt threatened by their attempts at taking her away from him?

That’s... like... quite unlike him, isn’t it?  To outright admit he is attached to her.  I mean, he struggles to acknowledge his feelings generally, so to just admit this to her like this feels oddly out of character.  I mean, I love it - I will take what I can get, but look at Scully’s face when he reaches for her pendant and she realises what he’s saying.  

We need to see that expression in hi-res.

Again, on the page it might not have meant to sound like Mulder was admitting he has an emotional attachment to her now, and Scully on the page, might not have meant to react like she’s just been told she’s the only woman in the world, but the acting by these two conjures up an undeniable sexually tension behind the words.

Isn’t it glorious?

Then that is immediately followed by Scully telling Mulder in not so many words, “I’m team Spooky.”

I love you, Scully.  Look how happy Mulder is.  Again they are in their bubble together - she’s the only one who hears him and is willing to open her mind to his way of thinking.  At this moment, Colton and a conventional FBI career has lost.  She chooses Mulder.  It’s over.  She’s a card carrying member of team Spooky now.

#GoTeamSpooky

They’re finally on the same page, working together and when that happens it’s magic.  Straight away they corroborate their theory that the murderer is Tooms.  Oh right, I haven’t mentioned that guy yet, huh.

They’re so great together as investigators, it’s fun to just watch them put the pieces together, challenging each other to refine their theories, never intellectually threatening one another, only raising each other up.

I love how Mulder sums up Scully’s theory of introjected sociopathic values being passed down through the generations of Tooms’ family.

They go to investigate Tooms old apartment and there’s some great classic moments here, not necessarily MSR, but certainly a few great character moments.  Also, this iconic shot.

So character moments, the first one is with Scully being a total badass and going down into the creepy murder dungeon first.  She doesn’t even flinch - she’s straight down that ladder... also, her hair touches Mulder’s face.  

Not that I think such trivial things are important at all.  *whistles*

Not to mention this classic Mulder-ism.  

Glen Morgan and James Wong certainly have a way with dialogue.

Things progress quickly from here, Tooms steals Scully’s necklace right from around her neck as he dangles from the ceiling of the murder dungeon, which sets her up as his next liver and onions victim.

Mulder thankfully works this out and rushes to Scully’s apartment, arriving just as Tooms attacks.

This is another dynamic that will oft be repeated in the show.  Some crazy psychotic killer targeting Scully, and Mulder arriving just in the nick of time to save her.  It’s a little cliché, but I have to admit, it also brings the two of them together and delivers on some great MSR moments, and it’s not like Scully doesn’t do her own fair share of saving.  It’s just not usually because some mad man has decided to target Mulder and murder him in his bathroom.  

People seem to try to murder Scully in her bathroom all the time.  I always wondered why she never moved.  So many creepy things have happened in that apartment.

Also, since Tooms’ ability is to contort his body to fit through small spaces, why doesn’t he just slip out of the handcuffs?  I mean, it makes sense that he doesn’t since Mulder is pointing a gun at him, but he’s yanking away at the cuffs, presumably to get free, but we know that he can easily do it if he wanted to.  Weird.

Then we come to the end, with Mulder musing about how people spend so much money on security systems trying to feel safe, but that when he looks at Tooms he realises that it’s not enough.  He’s disturbed by him, and Scully notices this.

It’s here we see one of the first examples of how they comfort each other with touch.  Whether its a rub of the arm, a hand hold, a hug, a kiss to the forehead... they develop this language of reassurance and care towards one another, and this is one of the first times we see it.  

It’s kind of amazing to go back and watch these episodes and see all of these firsts.

And that’s it for Squeeze.  Wow, seems each episode I do the longer these get!  But this was a pretty special episode, in that it’s a true classic of the series, the first truly golden episode that, amongst many others, is held up as one of the best in the entire show’s run.  I hope that my next episode won’t be quite this monstrously long, but hey, I hope you guys enjoy reading it all the same, because I have such fun writing it.

Next up... 1x04 - Conduit.

Edit: FYI, I slightly altered my analysis from the original post with the help of this fantastic Anon’s feedback.

[lyricalt]

2017 fic round up + annual fic meme

It’s that time again, folks. Let’s see the damage.

THE LIST

*drabble/stuff under 1k words +wip

Boku No Hero Academia

Tell - inatodo

Destiny

hardcase* - implied andal brask/cayde-6

a code of you - original character: sol-6

Gamble* - andal brask/Cayde-6

Integrate

got a feel for you* - post-canon seep - pre-canon

Overwatch

R76

feel something*

21

Fourth Date Stuff

Prompt: cut*

punchline

GEN / MISC.

a priori - time travel, Reaper&Gabriel Reyes

gift for gift - gen - Reaper, Widowmaker, Ana Amari, Jack Morrison (mentioned)

all his cards you want to touch - Jesse McCree (Vigilante)/Jesse McCree (Riverboat)

cross your heart and hope - Destiny AU: has mcgenji, implied r76. Too lazy to link to individual pieces on ao3, so I only linked the ones only on tumblr.

Showteam+

Trigger happy

of all just fools - Destiny 2 AU

MCGENJI

not far from home vantage make you sway Prompt: rainy day* Prompt: surprise* must be love cut* devil gave me a crooked start down and doubt - (background implied r76) on your mark+ - AU where genji is a motorcycle and mccree is a mechanic. serial never had much faith (in love or miracles)* Carry case of six wake up calls: 1, 2, 3 Beach drabbles: 1, 2, 3 like you would to a point, to your knees damned if you do - incubus mccree/oni genji sun steel / soul intersect count to three triple threat+ Prompt: kiss on the back of the hand* 

Total number of completed stories: 33, excluding drabbles and some prompts. 

Total word count: AO3 stats say around 56,500. I’ll ballpark it 60,000.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? 

 I wrote more words and more fic this year, but a bunch of it were very short stories! Shorter than my usual, I think. I am also very in love with the Destiny AU so I think that had a lot to do with my high word count. I also wrote a lot on the side I never posted, ahaha. I think I was very distracted this year by too many fandoms/ideas. Ah well.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? 

Nah. I’m predictable. I’m still side-eyeing the genji-as-a-motorcycle AU though. I did that?

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? 

 CARRY. It was Carry. I loved writing that stupid fic. It was so dumb but I feel so vindictive and about it because I wrote it to have fun and also to express some exasperation about a couple of mcgnj tropes I felt were kinda not-my-thing. BUT!! it makes me happy that a lot of other people enjoyed it too and also @vfordii drew THIS.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? 

 I don’t feel like I took any huge risks. I am pretty comfortable with the subject matter I write (--though I think it’s more of a matter of motivation and sticking to it). I, uh, did write some bottom/sub mccree which is somehow not all that popular within the mcgenji fandom and let me tell you this was hugely a case of “if no one will write it then I will but I will complain about it for the entire time”. I wouldn’t consider it a risk though, but I did learn a bit about how to comfortably write dirty talk without needing it to be explicitly written. I don’t think it shows up a lot in my current fics but I’ve been taking note of what sounds right to me vs how much I want to write, if that makes sense.

Also for the record all my mcgnj fic is implied sexual dynamic sub/bottom mccree, like, in the case it ever happens. (I’m kidding. Or am I. I am. (Not really.) No, I’m dead serious.)

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? 

 Finish the damn fics I start, why don’t I!!!!! (This is a constant goal.)

I do want to write some fandom stories for original characters. I also want to write more explicit fic without shaming myself out of it. What are the nastywords all the hip young adults are using nowadays? I don’t know and I get conflicting reports, but by god I will try to learn.

My best story of this year 

Hardcase, which is admittedly a small drabble but I think.. it holds very well under Destiny 2, despite my frustration with how Cayde is portrayed in comparison to the Destiny 1. I’ve always had this specific opinion about Cayde and his mysterious (and not so mysterious) agendas. Dude definitely has a hero complex and this fic sorta toes into it. Plus, I like any Cayde angst related to Andal.

I feel like, out of all my fics this felt the most complete, and one that I was most satisfied with what I wanted to convey with a limited amount of words. I’m aware that I’m not… really made for longer stories, so I guess… I like to play to my strengths? And this was it.

My most popular story 

 According to AO3 hits and kudos, it was make you sway, another mcgenji fic that started with the same motivation as carry. I think.. it’s obvious… that I, uh, like writing a specific brand of Horny McCree, in that he’s not so much embarrassed by his attraction to Genji but just slightly exasperated by it (and his timing). And, haha, also Genji not being 100% on top of his libido is a nice change of pace too. I remember having fun with this!!

Story of mine most under-appreciated, in my opinion

feel something is one I’m super fond of. It’s very short, but I feel like it’s my best r76 fic in terms of the relationship I want to portray, especially post-Overwatch. I like the way I wrote it; in my opinion it was very to-the-point, and doesn’t have the happy ending they don’t quite deserve (yet) but in my mind it’s still a very positive fic without being too idealistic? Not that either way is bad, it was just something different for me, personally.

Most fun story to write

devil gave me a crooked start was a fic I pulled right outta my ass but wrote it all in one sitting after I came up with a couple of lines of dialogue; “So I’m stuck in the future,” “Would you like to know the future you?”, etc etc. It helped that Blizzard had just released McCree’s Blackwatch skin (WITH THE BLACK LEATHER CHAPS!!!!) and while I wasn’t comfortable about Blackwatch Genji having any sort of romantic relationship with Blackwatch McCree, I was sure as heck willing for Present-Day!Genji having some good nasty fun with a younger McCree.

Also I had a stupid amount of fun writing triple threat: genji/genji/genji, and I’m now just seeing a pattern that I enjoy writing characters being humorously turned on and having fun getting their rocks off, so there’s that. What a revelation.

Most Sexy Story 

God im sorry but I wrote a mcgenji week drabble about blackwatch genji and mccree beating the shit out of each other and it’s the opposite of romantic and definitely not meant to BE romantic, but fighting can be sexy without being horny, right?? RIGHT???

Story with the single sexiest moment 

to a point, to your knees.  

It takes a huge effort for McCree to sit still after that, spine tingling and heat crawling over his body. The switchblade knife in Genji’s hand spins once in a little flourish, drawing McCree’s gaze to it. 

 His attention caught, Genji places the blade at his thumb and forefinger. He slides the knife between them once to no effect, then another time. McCree can hear the grating metal against each other and then the hiss of steam, knife edge still wet with spit from when McCree had held it on his tongue. 

 “Shall we see how sharp your mouth is now?” Genji asks, running the knife through his fingers once last time.

Genji sharpening McCree’s knife with his fingers and McCree getting hot (literally, metaphorically) and bothered by it is a personal achievement. For me or McCree, that’s up for debate.

Though I have to admit I’m absolutely still pissed about not titling the fic “cut to the feeling” instead because that’s a far better name for a knife kink fic an also my third favorite carly rae jepsen song.

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story 

 I don’t think anyone was surprised about even my most wildest fic. I think a friend of mine was initially disappointed that the knife kink fic was tagged for “mild blood” instead of straight up bloodplay. I’m sorry.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters

I never quite like this question because I always have a good idea of how I want to portray a character in fic since most of my fics tend to lean on the introspective side of things. down and doubt is a very McCree-centered fic that deals with Gabriel, as well as Genji in relation to Gabriel. I wanted to show a lot of things about how McCree and Genji fight together, and what each of them thinks about the whole Gabriel Reyes = Reaper thing. I didn’t hit all the points, and I unfortunately had to scrub a scene off that I definitely want to rework in another fic, but I think I had the basics… present in the fic. I guess what did surprise me was touching on Soldier: 76, though the dynamics between him and McCree is another thing I want to write about for a later fic.

Hardest story to write 

  Intersect , mostly because the later half was such a visual story I had wanted to tell in a form that wasn’t all writing. I think It would have done better as a comic but what can u do? I still very much like the first half, which I had rattling in my head for the last year and a half, really.

I was aiming to write about McCree having hang-ups about Genji, and how he views himself—a washed out mercenary with no clear goals, in comparison to Genji, who’s off in a better headspace than him but still interested in McCree anyway. And it’s not so much a reunion fic I wanted to show but a story where it’s just ok to try and reacquaint yourselves with someone who might be a new person to you. I think. I very much did not want it to be a reunion fic.

Most disappointing 

 Intersect!!!!!!!! It was so jumpy!!!! I had a lot of expectations for it!!!! I wanted it to be so much!!!! In the end I just gave up trying to make the words all fit and banged out the rest of the story and let it go. I’m still upset it didn’t come out the way I wanted it but I think it was better to just post the damn thing rather than let it rot in my drive forever. I felt better for posting it but I don’t think I can reread it anytime soon.

Easiest story to write 

 I lot of fics that fall into this category were the drabbles like Wake Up Calls. I really like writing about mundane moments and little glimpses of a developing relationship, especially for mcgenji, because my headcanon of them consists of a bunch of little moments that somehow build up into a rolling romance that sneaks up on both of them. I think it’s why I have such a hard time writing one long cohesive fic about them. There just isn’t a Big Ah-Ha Moment for them to me? I guess? I guess. I’m rambling!!

Biggest surprise 

 That I continued the mcgenji motorcycle AU, honestly. I love it to pieces and it’s fun but god do I think it’s such a chore writing the build up leading to the parts I WANT to write in the first place!!!!!

Most unintentionally telling story 

  gift for gift started out as a very Gabriel Reyes-centric story but somehow I got passionate about Widowmaker and so it’s also very much about her as well and how she functions within her lack of autonomy. I wanted to explore Gabriel’s motivations/drive to push forward without mentioning just what, exactly, he was going for, which was surprisingly very easy.

Story I’d like to revise

Intersect, not so much revising it but revisiting some of the themes and concepts, especially about McCree. I’ve talked enough about this fic. Anyway.

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear 

 Well. It’s more of a WIP at this stage but I want to write my epic 100k, 50 chaptered Guardian/Fallen romance fic for Destiny but we’ll see how that goes? Mostly I’m waiting on Bungie because I’m so dry on Bungie lore and I have no idea what the House of Dusk is up to and that’s kinda important to my story—which is, not really at all, but I would LIKE to make sure.

Anyway, that’s a wrap for my 2017 fics. Thanks for reading and all the encouragement! I hope to write more entertaining stories for 2018!! :’)

[toby-stephens]

SEPTEMBER 2017 : TOBY NEWS

‘OSLO’

‘Oslo’ opened at the Lyttelton Theatre at the National on 5th September to much anticipation and applause, gaining 4 or 5 stars from most reviews with the Independent saying that “there isn’t a weak link in the 18 strong cast”.  Con Coughlin for the Telegraph wrote, “Toby Stephens's portrayal of Rød-Larsen gives him a great deal more zest and personality than I recall, but this neatly nuanced performance is key to the pace of this fast-moving, entertaining take on the events (Rogers has said that, in order to liven up what might otherwise seem a prosaic and convoluted political process, he studied the plays of Noël Coward).”

The Financial Times had this to say of Toby’s performance, “Fully aware that three hours of intricate bargaining might be daunting, Rogers sets out in crisp and droll style. Taking a tip from Shakespeare, perhaps, he sprinkles the dialogue with gags and has his characters frequently break the fourth wall to reassure the audience and fill them in on necessary details. This brings a light touch to proceedings, ensures that we never get lost in the woods and adds to the appeal of his chief protagonists, the flamboyant, rash, but hugely engaging Larsen, played with great wit and panache by Toby Stephens, and the wise, long-suffering Juul, played with infinite composure by Lydia Leonard.”

A sentiment echoed in the Guardian, “Although Bartlett Sher’s production has an epic sweep, it rightly puts the emphasis on the individuals involved. Toby Stephens brings out the vanity and self-regard behind Larsen’s idealism, while Lydia Leonard as Juul seems a model of practical wisdom.”

The Stage writes, “Toby Stephens anchors the play as the fastidious Terje, combing a dash of arrogance with a sense of integrity, while Lydia Leonard, as Mona, is similarly superb. As the play’s narrator, she balances out a piece laden with men.”

David Butcher for the Radio Times writes, “Toby Stephens is in his element as Terje Rod-Larsen, the slightly louche (for Norway) academic who in 1992 creates a back-channel for talks between the PLO finance minister and Israeli representatives. His diplomat wife Mona Juul is horrified when she gets wind of his plan, and so – in a hilariously profane outburst – is her boss, the Norwegian foreign minister.  Bobbing around the hard men, Stephens’s Terje is a squirming dilettante, forced at times to lie to both sides to keep the ball rolling; but when a character quotes Yitzhak Rabin’s dictum, “What is a lie but a dream that could come true?” it feels like his vindication.”

The Times were also full of praise, “Toby Stephens is brilliant as Rod-Larsen, a man who knows the right thing to do but often doesn’t do it.”  Even the Metro, (who still insist on referring to Toby as “Bond villain in Die Another Day” - [when will that ever end!!!!]) said that Terje was “Played with panache by Toby Stephens”, whilst Time Out referred to Toby as being “on flamboyant form”.

The Arts Desk writes, “As you’d expect, Stephens plays Terje as a smoothie, a jovial idealist who constantly puts his foot in it, while Lydia Leonard’s Mona patches things up with quiet intelligence.”

The Express had this to say, “Toby Stephens invests Rød-Larsen with the anonymous complexity of a well-meaning, slightly naive political dilettante……evincing the perfect balance of altruism and smugness”

In The Times we read “Toby Stephens plays Terje Rod-Larsen, a Norwegian sociologist and diplomat with expertise in “organisational psychology”, and the originator of the talks. He aims for something Nordic in his accent, though it’s often barely distinguishable from the urbane drawl of the Foreign Office grandee.”

Susannah Clapp [unfortunate name] for the Guardian was a tad less impressed, “As the Norwegian prime mover, Toby Stephens is a magnetic mixture of inspired enterprise and self-promotion. He moves like a spin doctor. With perhaps a touch too much flounce. He begins to look as if he is on the brink of doing an imitation of himself: has he inherited this from his mother, Maggie Smith?”

IN TOBY’S OWN WORDS:

On returning to the British stage after 4 years:

“I know, it was a really difficult decision. I was getting a bit panicked, thinking, Christ, I really need to do something back in the UK otherwise I am just going to disappear. And this came along and it was the perfect project.”

Source: standard.co.uk; 31 August 2017

'It's great to be back on London stage after six years away’

“It’s great coming home and to be able to work here again, while having the family settled here too.”

Source: standard.co.uk; 19 Sept 2017

On his ‘onslaught’ on America:

“It has really changed things for me”

Source: standard.co.uk; 31 August 2017

On ‘Oslo’:

“I was totally ignorant, I thought it was Clinton who brought them together because you saw the photos of him with Rabin and Arafat. But it was because the Americans had no part in it, really, that made it effective.”

“What the play very carefully and brilliantly does is not become bogged down in the present, or in the current politics of the Israel-Palestinian conflict.   It is dealing with a very specific period of time.”

“But that allows us to read all kinds of different things into this because it becomes about negotiation. Was it the right thing to do? Was it effective? Does it mean there is potential hope for situations around the world now? Bart said that in New York it became about Democrats and Republicans. Here maybe it will be about Brexit…”

Source: standard.co.uk; 31 August 2017

On Fatherhood, and uprooting his family with tutors and finding local schools:

“It is the most challenging thing that I have ever done, and also extraordinary and wonderful. It is rather clichéd but it really stopped me being such a selfish person. Before children it’s kind of easy to be solipsistic — you and your wife are in this hermetic little thing, and your own desires, wants, needs, tastes dictate your choices. Then suddenly all of that’s gone.  Since I’ve had kids I thank God that I don’t drink as I really wouldn’t have been able to cope.”

“It was a great thing for me. It made me more pragmatic about things. Quite honestly, as long as I am working, can enjoy what I do, get on with it and put bread on the table, I am really happy.”

Source: standard.co.uk; 31 August 2017

On his children being able to watch him in ‘Lost in Space’:

“It’s not that I think I am doing something distasteful.  But I do remember going to see my mum in a production of ‘Night and Day’ in New York when I was nine or 10, the age my son is now, and there was a scene where a body double was naked in a shower. I thought it was my mum and I was mortified, distraught.”

“I saw her in ‘The Seagull’, playing Arkadina, when I was 11 or 12 and was disturbed by it, because it had parallels to my life. Not that I think those things did me any great harm; they made me what I am. But it’s very hard to get your head around why daddy is on stage with someone strange, kissing and cuddling.”

Source: standard.co.uk; 31 August 2017

On his children:

“If they want to become actors I wouldn’t stop them.”

Source: standard.co.uk; 31 August 2017

On Sir Peter Hall:

“I didn’t know Peter when I was growing up – he knew my parents, but they didn’t really drag us around to endless glitzy parties. The only time I met him in my childhood was with Dave Allen and his wife Judith. I was very close to their children, so they would invite us around to their house in Oxfordshire. Peter came there once or twice, but I was quite young and I didn’t really understand who he was at the time.

"Later, however, he meant an enormous amount to me. He was the person who gave me my first job, and obviously those people have a special part to play in your career – they’re the one who pulled the trigger, as it were. In fact, he gave me my first two jobs: ‘The Camomile Lawn’, and then my first professional play, which was a production of ‘Tartuffe’ in the West End.

"Before he cast me in ‘The Camomile Lawn’, he took me to lunch with him at Pinewood Studios. He was lovely like that; he was very old-school, so he liked to take you out before asking you to do a play. He was so urbane. As a young actor, I remember thinking, “This is extraordinary - for my first job, to be having a meal with this man who is such an enormous figure in British theatre.” Sitting there with him, one-on-one, I was tongue-tied.

"I’ll always remember how generous and sweet he was. He wasn’t patronising. He was incredibly kind to me – it’s why I was always extremely fond of him. I’d always do whatever he wanted me to do. He’d ring you up, and even if you weren’t sure about the play, you’d go, “It’s Peter! I’ll do it.” He was always so persuasive and charming.

"He was loyal to me throughout my career, throughout his life. He used me five or six times, and I loved working with him. And Peter was always working! He was a total workaholic. Anybody who was close to him would recognise that. He wasn’t the kind of guy who would want to kick back and lie on the beach, or “hang out” at all. If he wasn’t working, he was formulating what he was going to be doing next. Not working, for Peter, was a nightmare. He said to me once, “My biggest fear is not being able to do this - not being able to work.”

"He was always planning what he would be doing four or five productions down the line. At his height, he was doing operas at the same time as everything else - he was incredibly industrious, and very driven in that way.

"The last time I saw him was at lunch with a mutual friend of ours, perhaps five or six years ago. I could tell he wasn’t at his best, and it was quite distressing. Because he had this hunger for work, and his need to be constantly doing new things, and he could see this wouldn’t be going on for much longer. But when he told me about the play he was doing at the time, ‘Twelfth Night’, he was incredible. Even then, he was still cracking the whip!”

Source: telegraph.co.uk; 12 Sept 2017

On Donald Trump:

“Trump is not the master of diplomacy and he could learn a thing or two from this play.”

Source: standard.co.uk; 19 Sept 2017

[mistralrunner]

Trespasser Liveblog, Part Four: The Keeper and the Betrayer

In which Menel has a disarming experience. Featuring rampant headcanoning.

Obligatory angst re: my party being trapped on the other side of the Eluvian, truly helpless now, and the last time they saw Menel things were looking truly horrible, and this is going to be a long conversation cause Solas likes to hear himself talk and that whole time they’re stuck there helplessssss. Cassandra just finally reunited with Menel after they were separated by their respective duties and now it seems like they had so little time time, and Sera is holding back the urge to shoot arrows at the stupid mirror cause that will only make things worse but she can’t do anything, everyone left to shoot is dead or gone, and Dorian is a mage who was able to work out a way to travel through time once but for all his brilliance can’t figure out how to unlock the Eluvian

And on Menel’s end realizing they didn’t make it through, Menel who had taken comfort in at the very least his friends were at his back, and now they aren’t, and with the chaos of the battle and rushing through the eluvian he hadn’t held on to those last moments, Menel whose pain at being alone is mixed with a bit of this chilling instinct telling him that of course it would be this way

So I recall petrification is in some of the mage spell trees but that seems to be less permanent? It’s hard to tell sometimes with mechanics to story and what qualifies as average magic. Definitely petrification on that scale is insanely op.

Well, Egg, haven't heard your voice in a while, especially because I did two whole DLCs between Inquisition and Trespasser

Goodbye Viddasala and the tragically plot-irrelevant book on your shoulder

“That should give us more time” isn't comforting

Wait I can flat out say he's the Dread Wolf???

YES

SWEET CREATORS YES

I was not looking forward to having to deal with the “legasp you’re Fen’Harel I’m so surprised it wasn’t obvious or anything” dialogue and it’s so in character for Menel to piece things together especially as he was meant to be a Keeper, he knows the lore

Plus it’s amusing that the Viddasala thought she knew everything but Menel pieced together the actual truth

I do wonder if Menel had happened to pass this information along to the party with everything going on cause with his anchor breaking down he could die before that and it’s probably important information

Actually, he almost certainly wrote a letter to those he cared about in case he didn’t make it and at some point I should write it out cause angst

When I watched @inner-muse play I kind of found the ending anti-climatic cause I guess I was in the big final boss mindset and the saarebas didn’t feel like a final boss but then the Viddasala gets turned to stone before you can confront her. Playing it now though, I find it really works, which is to some degree being more invested in and attuned to the story and knowing that in the end the Viddasala was sadly just another pawn in the chess game, but I also think the choice of character helps. Menel is a thinker and diplomat and teacher, only fighting because he’s forced into it, and this entire DLC was trying to resolve things peacefully and just getting violence thrown at him instead of debate or answers, so ending this with a conversation actually is a relief and an achievement. Plus for Menel this is the equivalent of a final boss battle. It’s of wits and wills and old Dalish tales, of knowing that you’re facing the Dread Wolf himself and he will play with truth and lies like the trickster god he is.

Yeah, title that all replaces your name Solas does have a point there and yet not. They might have similar trappings, male elven rift mages who like learning and studying ancient things, who are known more for their titles than their true names, but their choices are what matter. Menel listens to others and is willing to accept change, to take the scars and heal even when it’s hard, and seeks to use the past to move forward, and Solas is stagnant despite all that he experiences. I love literary foils.

Well at least he admits the Dalish legends have some truth to them

Menel is sympathetic to some degree, but still on guard, and still trying to wrap his mind around caring for Solas as a friend and being aware that this is the Dread Wolf, and while Dalish legends may not have all the details, they generally have a core of truth, and the Dread Wolf has already deceived him before.

Okay saving the elven people is good, we’re currently being subjugated and divided in numerous ways and there’s a great deal of work to be done to move forward—wait what is that about the world dying?!?!?!?!?

Our people OUR none of this yours versus mine bs, Solas, the elves live even if they’ve grown and changed you’ve learned nothing

“I never thought of you as someone who would do that, Solas”

Be a jerk, maybe, but genocide, seriously?

Menel uses guilt trip. Like Josephine, he kills with kindness. Unfortunately it is not truly successful because Solas is all tied up in his I feel guilt but your deaths are a sacrifice that I must make to assuage my guilt about the other apocalypse I caused. Ugh.

“I had plans.” re: the fact that the Evanuris/Creators will be released by tearing down the Veil

Yeah they've gone so well so far that’s so comforting

I’m sad I can't ask about the Forgotten Ones. Cause Dalish legend says those were also sealed away with the Creators so they should also be a concern if Solas tears down the Veil. I still think the Forgotten Ones are the Old Gods, but I guess the Forbidden Ones like Xebenkeck could also be a possibility.

"I am not a monster"  Not taking pleasure in destruction doesn’t mean you’re not a monster, just a different flavor of monstrous you Egg.

You know, I don’t entirely buy the running out of time thing. I think he gave just enough time to answer the questions he wanted to answer, and stopped before Menel could strike any further under the pretense of “there’s nothing I can do”.

I’m not sure Menel could have survived with the Anchor but I’m not ruling it out. I can’t take Solas at his word cause of course it fits his agenda to claim that Menel couldn’t have handled it and Solas was almost certainly purposely aggravating it. Plus even if Solas believes that a mortal couldn’t have handled it and all he was doing was speeding up the process of the Anchor breakdown, he tends to underestimate mere mortals a lot.

Also the contrast between their outfits is so good and I need to write a separate post on just that

...I can’t believe Menel is being conflicted about the saving versus defeating thing, really Menel

Then again it is so like Menel to wish that he could solve this problem by changing a god’s mind rather than a war against a god cause he knows the latter is insanely dangerous and will likely result in mass casualties, but he’s angry at being manipulated and frustrated at himself for being duped and knows that the fact that Solas hasn’t been persuaded despite learning the people of modern Thedas are people doesn’t bode well

Menel tries so hard to be good and kind and Solas was a friend and he’s still dealing with accepting that “Solas��� never was. Just another humble guise of the Dread Wolf. Cause in the end regardless of whether Solas’s opinions of people in this world were changed, regardless of the experiences and the teamwork and solidarity in the Inquisition, what matters is that he seeks to destroy this world.

You know Solas, you claim to be wise, yet there are three things all wise men fear: a sea in a storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man, and Menel is pissed.

Still, it feels like a defeat. All of it really. The Qunari are repelled, but the world is imperiled again, and by a force far more tricksy than Corypheus, and Menel ends up choosing war over a likely futile attempt to reason with an unchanging god.

The very end of the conversation I headcanon went differently. I love this meta on how Solas probably took the anchor which is BAD, and I feel like Menel as a rift mage would have suspected and picked up on it, and tried to either retain the Anchor or perhaps turn the momentum of Solas tearing it away into destroying the Anchor or having it slip out of the Dread Wolf’s grasp. Better to die than let Solas carry out this insane plan. It was futile, Solas’s plan to weaken Menel was extremely effective and the power difference between them is so insane, but that didn’t stop him from trying. It did mean that the removal was far more agonizing and was far closer to killing him. Menel was definitely on the ground screaming as Solas dismissively walks away. The Dread Wolf disdainful about and pitying these pathetic mortals who can’t be grateful for the time he’s given them, perhaps shaking away the slightly unnerving knowledge that Menel fought back harder than he expected.

Still debating whether Solas allowed the others to run through the eluvian cause he feels bad and Menel’s death could lead to chaos and pain even if he is going to destroy the world anyway and then they found him there cause angst, or whether Menel dragged himself back through the eluvian. Maybe both. Also I like to think Menel’s arm wasn’t fully disintegrated and Cassandra was the one to chop it off and then Dorian cauterized it or something and Sera was again in pain because she can’t put arrows in it to fix things and Solas ran off so she can’t put arrows in him.

Although the logistics of the chopping would be a bit weird as his arm is encased in armor and you would probably not want to be touching the arm to get the armor off to chop it off? Unless the mark was burning to the point where it was melting the magically reinforced armor which is a terrifying thought.

And somehow Menel mustered the strength to march into the Council.

Yeah, Solas is a threat but it’s official I’m disbanding the Inquisition

Okay not sure what speech to give on the disband side

That speech worked well “We will not become what we once fought against” indeed

Everyone's legasp

I was kind of expecting a mic drop with the book cause dramatic but given Menel would likely never do that to a book handing it off to Josephine works too

Sorry to leave you there after such a short speech but I’m pretty sure Menel collapses not long after

And the party together one last time

Now for epilogue slides! I love the art style here

Oh good no mass unemployment issues post-disbanding I was honestly worried about that

Cassandraaaa

Staying on the Exalted Council and working with Leliana, and the braid

And the fact that she and Menel don’t give up their respective goals, but still frequently meet up excellent

Plus the image of them suddenly appearing at each other’s side is beautiful

That smile too

Also hurrah for Josie bringing back her family’s trade

So we don't know what happened at Weisshaupt except it's apparently settled cause Hawke is back in Kirkwall and Thom Rainier is walking in and out no problem?

I wasn’t expecting any news on Mahariel but I’m still disappointed. At least I know she’s probably alive since the Warden is mentioned if they romance a Leliana made Divine

Sad they don’t mention any efforts to cure and help tranquil

Aaand nothing about Dalish. Admittedly in this game there’s no opportunity to do anything for the Dalish cause it’s so human centric with ancient elven aesthetics and antagonists. I just really really am terrified because of the vallaslin on the elf in the epilogue slide that the writers are going to retcon things and have the Dalish side with the Dread Wolf despite him literally being the villain in their story and him constantly dismissing and hating on the Dalish

And nothing about the Well. Given all that happened you’d think that the Well would have come up for more than one dialogue option and I admit I really wanted at least a hint of what the consequences of the ending of Inquisition were on Menel’s geas.

Ah, final scene

It’s really nice to see Leliana in her spymaster outfit again.

Honestly this is a dream team: Cassandra, Leliana, Scout Harding. And likely Josephine and Sera are helping too despite officially being involved in other things.

The Inquisition arguably saved Thedas and changed Menel and ended up despite its Chantry origins bringing people from a variety of backgrounds together, and accomplished some impressive things like giving the mages at least some degree of independence, but it was in a way a quasi-antagonist, very close to becoming a different sort of evil and Menel was very aware of that throughout. And now he is finally free: he’s passed through the fire that changed him and many others, and it is done. He still has a lot of healing and soul-searching to do, especially given the really really stupid awful revelations on elven history in Trespasser that I wish I could just deem not-canon, and also has the sword of Damocles that is his geas to Flemythal, but he's finally moved forward to another chapter of his life. 

And I still can’t believe its actually over.

[maoliosaphelan-blog]

Documentation of my creative process to achieve a solo performance piece

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/MX3Hu8loXTE" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe>My research began in week two, through the creation of my presentation on conflict. My point of departure was Edward Albee's 1962 play,'Who is afraid of Virginia Wolf?'

I was most interested in the marital conflict between the play's central characters George and Martha. Their relationship is an undermining of the idea of a happy couple and their marriage highly dysfunctional. The play suggests that every marriage is marked with some conflict or turmoil but that, when all is said and done, they continue on. I could personally relate to this as I had not long before witnesses my own parents address a marital conflict that they psychologically processed together , they pushed through it all and now have come out of it knowing one another better and having a far stronger relationship.

My parents marital issues were to do with lying so it brought me to the concept of mythomania otherwise known to most of us as compulsive lying. Mythomania can be defined as an abnormal or pathological tendency to exaggerate or tell lies. Prior to my research I did not realise it could actually be classified as a proper disease. It is not as highly recognised as other mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety and there is no specific medication to treat it.

I started watching multiple videos on youtube about this conflict and exploring why individuals feel the need to deceive others.

Dr Phil episode entitled Why do people lie?

https://youtu.be/0qQ0vT_47ms

Notes:

-Take what is not rightfully theirs?

-Escape accountability

-create a fantasy/ false esteem to escape their mundane life

-Avoid punishment

-To inflict pain

-Feel better in the moment (steal admiration)

-Gain advantage to exploit others

The Science of Lying

TED X- Why people lie by Kim Serota 

The truth about Liars and lies documentary film 

Notes

Fudge factor-the little bit of deception that people are willing to display, that only slight differs from the truth.

Factors that alter the fudge factor also changes people’s ability to be dishonest

There are dozens of elements that can alter the magnitude of the fudge factor.

If you say to yourself ‘everyone is doing this’, then you are able to justify this deception to yourself.

In order to study dishonesty, we need to be able to measure the extent to which people are dishonest.

One way to test this is the matrix experiment:

Method: It involves giving participants 20 simple math problems. The problems were fairly solvable if the candidates had enough time however the participants were not given this time. They had 5 minutes to solve as many as possible. They then had to count how many questions that they got correct. Then they were to take their test papers and shred them. They then tell the person running the experiment how many questions they got correct and were handed money in the amount equivalent to their correct number of answers. What the participants did no know was that the shredder had been alter to only shred the sides of the paper not all of it. On average most participants got 4 correct answers however they repost that they got 6 correct.

Results:

They had over 40,000 participants, nearly 70% of whom cheated.

They found 20 big cheaters, these are people who cheated all the way said they solved 20 problems correctly and in total they stole $400 from the experiment.

They found 28.000+ little cheaters who in total stole $50,000 from the experiment

The results of the experiment are not a bad reflection of reality.

There was a far larger number of small cheaters and because of this their economic impact is far greater than the big cheaters.

Original Idea:

So my idea was to originally construct a ten minute filmed based around this conflict of lying, though which I would highlight individuals reasons for lying and the issues that it causes with their relationships with others.

**Just a little disclaimer, a lot of my draft scripts are not complete because as soon as I decide that I do not like where my work is going I just stop.

This was the first script that I started to write:

There is only one character in the film. The dialogue is a monologue format with the main character breaking off and embodying other characters to assist with the context and storyline.

Johnathan:

I am the most outstanding cardiovascular surgeon at Royal Holloway Hospital, London. I am very successful indeed and the very best in my field. This is why I am head of my department. This is why my name is engraved in capital letters on a shiny gold platted plaque, underneath a large, rather dashing portrait of myself; in the hospital reception area. I earn vast amounts of money that I splurge on my family and friends. I give my wife and two children copious amount of love and affection. I communicate effectively and openly with my family and avoid secrets. I give vast amounts of financial aid to charities and I have adopted an endangered orangutan for Christ sake. (PAUSE)

Who am I kidding? Everything I have just told you is a completely untrue. Every line is complete bullshit..oh apart from my dialogue about the endangered organutang, that is most definitely true. The crazy thing is I know that I lie a lot; sometimes I tell up around 500 lies a day, but I just can’t help it. I have this ideal picture of myself and how I want my life to go. When my life does not go the way in which I intended and I am still the worthless individual I was yesterday, then lying about it is the only way I can cope.

I immediately didn't like where this was going. I felt no emotional connection or any relation to this character 'Jonathan' that I had created. I also thought that a ten minute monologue on film might be rather boring.

For my second script attempt to bring in another character:

Setting: Therapy room

Jonathan’s first session with therapist.

Two characters: therapist and gentleman

Therapist never appears on screen only gentleman.

Therapist: Hello Jonathan it is lovely to meet you. I usually start my sessions with some basic questions. As you answer my questions I will be taking some notes. Do not be alarmed this is just so that I can keep track of how you progress through my sessions. Have you ever had therapy before?

Jonathan: No, I have not had therapy before.

Therapist: Okay well shall we start by discussing your upbringing?

Jonathan: My upbringing?

Therapist: Yes, what was your life like as a child?

Jonathan: Well there is not much to tell really. My father was an alcoholic who beat my mother whenever he was drunk. My mother was too wrapped up in her delusional love for my father that she did not have time to provide me with the love and nurturing that I required.

Therapist: What are some of the feelings you have about your childhood?

Jonathan: Feelings?

Therapist: Yes, feelings

Jonathan: I do not have feelings.

Therapist: why do you not have feelings?

Jonathan: Well I have never known how to express emotion.

Therapist: Would you say that you try not to think about your past and that you have avoided coming to terms with it and the effect it may have had on you in your adult life?

Jonathan: The past is in the past and that is where is shall remain.

Therapist: Would you not admit though that it was a relief to describe your childhood out loud, to someone else?

Jonathan: then why did you ask me the question, if you already know the answer?

Tutor feedback on scripts so far:

Remember that lying is contextual.

Do not focus so much on the form but rather write and allow its format to develop naturally.

Allow for context in order for the content to appear and to progress.

Think about appropriation.

After this feedback I hit a slight road block. I then decided that my topic was far too broad and I was struggling to feel any kind of connection to my work. I was getting far too overwhelmed with all this creative freedom.Through this research I found a Ted Talk on Self-deception, a concept in which I felt that I could truly relate.

The psychology of self-deception by Cortney Warren at TEDxUNLV

Notes:

-Humans are masters of self-deception-We fool ourselves into thinking things are false and refuse to believe things that are true.

-We lie to ourselves about the smallest details, such as how much we really ate today and why we didn’t write our actual height and weight on our driver’s license.

- ‘I will only have one glass of wine tonight’, when I know that I am drinking at least 3.

- We lie to uphold social ideals. ‘I never have sexual thoughts about anyone except my spouse’

-We lie about our most important life choices such as why we married who we did and why we chose a certain career path. Unfortunately, love is rarely the full motivation for those choices.

-Often it is very difficult for us to admit thant we lie to ourselves.

-We lie to ourselves because we do not have enough psychological strength to admit the truth and deal with the consequences that will follow.

-Understanding our self-deceptions is the most effective way to live a fulfilling life. For when we truly admit who we really are, we have the opportunity to change.

-Our self-deceptive tendencies start at an early age, as we start observing and making conclusions about ourselves and our environment.

-Right or wrong, these conclusions that we made affected our identity.

-As adults we most like to lie about how psychologically painful our realities experienced as children affected who we are today.

-Although each of our specific childhood learnings will be unique, what we learned will be exemplified in the lies we tell ourselves as adults.

-Psychological theories of human nature can help us understand our self-deception.

-Sigmund Freud first described lying through ego defence mechanisms. Psychological strategies that protect our egos; our core sense of self, from information that would hurt us.

-Denial: refusing to believe that something is true even though it is. ‘I dont have a problem with alcohol’, even though I drink every day.

- Rationalisation: creating a reason to excuse ourselves. ‘I would not have yelled at you if you hadn’t treated me so unfairly’, thereby justifying my yelling.-Projection: Taking an undesirable aspect of ourselves and escribing it onto someone else. ‘I am, not like that you are like that’.

-Pioneers in the cognitive behavioural realms describe how our thoughts deceive us through cognitive distortions. Irrational ways we think:

-Polarised thinking, thinking in extremes. ‘I will either eat no cookies or an entire box’, because if I eat one cookie I have already blown my diet, so I might as well keep eating.

-Emotional reasoning: thinking that our feelings accurately reflect reality. ‘I feel hurt, so you must have done something bad to me’. ‘I feel stupid, therefore I am’.

-Over generalisation: taking a single negative event as an infinite spiral of defeat. After going through a bad break up you think, I am always going to be alone.

-From an existential perspective, we deceive ourselves to avoid the givens of life, the fundamental realities of being human, that we must face. Death: ‘we are all going to die’. Ultimate aloneness; we were born as a single person housed in a solitary physical body.

-Our levels are inherently meaningless, unless we give them meaning.- To avoid facing these realities we frequently lie to ourselves. ‘I am this way because of my upbringing’, thereby deferring responsibility for my choices. ‘I am not going to write a will, because I am young and I am not going to die anyway.’ Thereby denying my mortality.

-Multicultural psychologist describe how our internalisation of cultural norms affects us. Here we deceive ourselves by believing what we were culturally conditioned to believe is true, instead of deciding what we actually believe is true. We compromise ourselves to comply with cultural norms.

- We often think that you need to look a certain way, be a certain weight and earn a certain income etc. We usually believe these things because we are supposed to and not necessarily because we believe it is true.

-All these theories of human nature help us understand how we deceive ourselves on a daily basis.

-Why should we care about self-deception? It leads to massive amounts of pain and regret. To avoid being honest, we frequently make choices with harmful consequences to ourselves and others. We may use drugs, alcohol, eat, shop, gamble, steal, leave people or pass our emotional baggage down to those we love the most.

-We may choose not to change even when we are miserable or causing profound harm to those around us.-Looking back at life with regret is incredibly painful, because you can not 

change your choices in the past.

-When we do not take full responsibility for who we are, we hurt ourselves and everyone around us.

-The first step in taking this responsibility is becoming self-aware. We must become observers of ourselves. When you have a strong emotional reaction to something; pause. When what you say does not match how you act; pause. Ask yourself, what does your reaction says about you.

-We tend to avoid our contributions to the conflict in our lives.

-When you are unresolved about something or someone

-We prefer the path of least resistance

-As we become more honest and aware we become more responsible for our choices.

- If we admit that we are insecure about something; which we all are, we are confronted with a choice. To work on our insecurity or not. Whatever we decide, we are now more responsible for the consequences of our insecurity because we know better.

-Not changing when confronted with the truth is a choice.

-Although we cannot control many circumstances that we encounter in life, we are responsible for our reactions to all of them.

-One of the best ways in which we can confront our self-deceptions is psychotherapy. It is probably the only relationship that you will ever have in your life that exists solely to benefit you.

-There is a lot of stigma surrounding therapy, but the truth is, it takes tremendous courage, to be completely vulnerable to another person.

-Therapy is a gift, if you are courageous enough to accept it.

-Confronting our self-deception is a life long journey.

-As we change the world offers us new opportunities to understand ourselves. There is always more to learn.

-Be more honest liars, choose to become more honest about the lies you tell yourself and use the truth to live the most fulfilling life for you, because you have only got one.

Self-deception is a process of denying or rationalising away the relevance, significance, or importance of opposing evidence and logical argument. Self-deception involves convincing oneself of a truth (or lack of truth) so that one does not reveal any self-knowledge of the deception.

I felt that this type of lying was highly relatable. The ideas Courtney Warren presents and the way in which she delivers her insight into such a distinct concept is what caught my attention. I had suddenly found a type of lying that I could associate my thoughts with.

Performance Rational:

I will be creating a 10-minute art house style film. I will have one main character and a second character who does not appear on screen; they are merely a voice over. The theme of my piece will be self-deception and I will be addressing the conflict that arises from this. I will be identifying the lies that we tell ourselves every day to justify who we are as individuals and to also justify why we have chosen or not chosen the life journey that we are currently on. I want to explore the idea that only once we have identified our self-deceptions, we are then able to live a fulfilling life. My project will require no rehearsal time in the actual exhibition space. The materials required on the actual day of performance, will simply be a projector and a wall suitable for projection. I will be borrowing a tripod from the media department but any other equipment used for filming I will provide myself. I do not want my audience’s response to my film to be too constructed, I would rather them take away their own interpretations. I would like my film to encourage the audience to stop and reflect on how they possibly deceive themselves daily and why they believe that they might do this.

After submitting my performance rational the week prior to our performance I still hadn't consolidated a decent script for the 10 minute video. I was really struggling to write. I would sit down and look at the blank word document on my computer but nothing would come out. It was closing in on performance week and I was bringing to become extremely stressed. I finally cam to a decision that would put less pressure on myself  to write a full film script. I decided that rather than create a video installation, placed on loop, I would rather push myself out of my comfort zone and display a live performance. My piece would be showcased in the performance evening rather than in the exhibition space. I shorten the length of my video to around four minutes and decided I would use the rest of my remaining ten minutes conducting a live interview on stage.

I began by brainstorming the sh*t that people say to themselves on a regular basis and came up with some common phrases:

I know who I am

I am happy and secure with who I am

I am self-aware

Everything will work itself out

I must find their purpose in life

If I have more money I will be happier

I will be happier when I am skinnier

I am not hurting

I have faith

I will only eat one piece of cake

I must be successful in order to be happier.

I am a failure

I will do this later

I am okay with being alone

I do not have time

I will quit smoking tomorrow

I will always be faithful to my spouse

I love my job

I am not judgemental

It’s the end of the world

Through this process of identify common self-deceptive thoughts, I discovered that a lot of the lies we tell ourselves are based on social expectation of how an individual should function in society. These social expectations are often unachievable and fantastical objectives therefore it is more often than not, societies deceptions that lead us to a deluded sense of self.

I then established a film script based on these common phrases.

SH*T PEOPLE SAY

The film opens with a simple definition of self deception and no sound.

Self-deception is a process of denying or rationalizing away the relevance, significance, or importance of opposing evidence and logical argument. Self-deception involves convincing oneself of a truth (or lack of truth) so that one does not reveal any self-knowledge of the deception.

We then move into contradicting images, voice over and text. As the film progresses the overlay of images, voice over and text goes more blurred and intense.

All dialogue is read as a voice over

Dialogue: ‘I am not hurting’

Image: knife cutting wrist

Dialogue: ‘I will be happy when I have more money’

Image: person preparing lines of cocaine to snort.

Dialogue: ‘I will quit tomorrow’

Image: person lighting a cigarette.

Dialogue: ‘I will start my diet tomorrow’

Image: person diving into a cake and stuffing their face with it/

Dialogue: ‘I will be happier when I am skinner’

Image: person looking miserable measuring themselves in a mirror with a measuring tape.

Dialogue: ‘I will do it later’

Image: person receiving a reminder on their phone about an essay that they ignore

Dialogue: ‘I can cope with stress’

Image: Person at desk ruffling through papers and putting their head in their hands.

All sound, image and text will then end. The audience will hear a voice over speaking the following verse:

We self-deceive in order to achieve a satisfactory view of oneself. We like to refuse anything that could confuse the thoughts we have ingrained in our minds. We fool ourselves into thinking information that is false and refuse to believe information that is true. We master deception with the up most intention to uphold social expectation. We lie to ourselves about the smallest technicalities such as how much food we have consumed. ‘I only ate one piece pie’, conveniently forgetting the other 5 pieces that we know we will end up regretting. We deceive ourselves about our most important life choices, such as why we believe that we should spend the rest of our lives with the one special someone. Unfortunately love can be a rare motivation for this devotion.

We are afraid of confronting the truth because we have convinced ourselves that we are not psychologically strong enough to deal with the consequences that follow.  Understanding our deception can lead to self-affection.