#unfimiliar texture

[voidwoods]

I just discovered a new doom2 texture

ive been modding doom for about a year now and just 5 minutes ago i was scrolling through the textures looking for on one to use and i see an unfamiliar texture ive scrolled throuh every texture in this demon infested game and never once seen it!!!! tl:dr i saw a texture i dident reconise and got so upset i posted it on tumblr

[self-recovery-discovery]

Hi future me,

I'm not sure what exactly "comfort" is.

Self soothing, I get. It's like a touch, a distraction, to keep your mind afloat. To have a link with reality. Cold fingers on my chest to feel my chest rise and fall with each breathe.

But comfort?

Ever since I remember, there was no such thing as comfort food, no favorite shows or stories to reqatch and reread. No repetition would calm my mind. No familiarity to take comfort in.

Seeing people online mention their favorite shows, comfort drinks or foods never caught my attention that much. I never experienced it so it wasn't really important now was it?

Instead I searched for new things, for mental stimulation instead. For unfimiliarity in new works. New art. New works.

Instead of favorite colours I had colours that looked pretty, colour that created pretty pictures and feelings. Grey looks mesmerizing with green, blue hues making the orange seems like it's glowing. Pinks and browns and yellows.

Similarly with food, unless I didn't enjoy the taste or texture, all was fine with me. Pizza was the same as oatmeal to me.

I didn't mind.

I still don't.

Maybe it has to do with my aversion to touch, to warmth. Too much was easy to reach, and too much was suffocating.

There was a quote by someone, on an astrology forum. I quite like the study of the stars. It's fascinating. But the quote was about how taurus moon would take a cozy weighted blanket in a cold world. It's comfort for it.

For aries moon, comfort in a cold world was dangerous.

It struck me how much it resonates.

I feel comfortable in new things. In excitement. In movement.

Not in touch, drinks or warmth.

And isn't that fascinating, how a study of behavior, be it astrology, psychology or body language can make you think about a part of you that you never even thought about.

See you soon,

Isa