#unbelievable that the world is so beautiful and it's getting destroyed
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scrub456 · 28 days ago
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Full disclosure: life has been hard lately, and my head space has not been great. That's why what I'm about to share has me livid.
It's been a while since I checked my comments on AO3, and oh gosh, look there's a new one! I open it up to see this...
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Now, I've been around for a while. I know spam/bot when I see one, so I took this screen shot, marked it as spam, and almost just moved on with my day. But then I got to thinking...
I'm NOT in a great head space. If I hadn't been aware of this sort of garbage comment, this would have DESTROYED me. Heck, if I had gotten this comment on one of my first posted fics, back when life wasn't quite so hard, it would've seriously made me consider shutting myself off and never posting again.
And that made me so unbelievably angry.
Because I just know there are other authors and artists out there who are getting these same comments. People who are young and just getting started, and easily swayed by the opinions of others. Or individuals who are struggling, for whatever reason, and every word or brush stroke is a hard won fight, and need even just the tiniest validation that their effort is worth continuing. And broken ones who are looking for any reason at all to either get up or quit. (Don't quit. Please don't quit.)
I know this type of post has been written before; I have shared it multiple times, but the authors and artists out there, just know, your voice matters, your view of the world is unique and beautiful and necessary. Don't let who you are be swayed by the opinions of others, most especially soulless spam/bots who don't know you, don't see the heart and creativity you've poured into your work, and most importantly, HAVE NOT EVEN READ/VIEWED WHAT IT COMMENTED ON.
You want proof that these vile comments are unfounded, meaningless, steaming piles of putrid sewage? The above comment was posted on chapter 27 of my Inktober 2024 collection on AO3. This is a screen shot of that entire chapter:
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There are no cliffhangers, no dramatics, nothing. Just 27 chapters of fan art. Drawings. It's not in any way a cohesive story, rather an eclectic collection of prompt fills featuring multiple and varying fandoms.
The hate fueled spam/bot is just that. Not worth my time, effort, or even the brain capacity I have given it. It doesn't care who I am, it's job is to post venom and destroy. The thing is, I learned long ago to not care about it either. My main reason for this post is to try to reach the authors and artists out there who have maybe fallen victim to these types of comments, and to let them know that they aren't alone in receiving these messages. Don't fall for it. Don't let the words take up any space in your creative mind and lovely heart.
And just in case you aren't sure what you're looking at when it comes to spam/bot comments, here are a few clear clues...
1. These comments can be positive too, but look for context. Does any of what the comment says actually apply to your work? Does it address specific details? Or are the 'details' it addresses details that actually appear in your story? (I.e. - cliffhangers in my collection of drawings).
2. Is the commenter a 'guest' profile? Now, not all guest profiles are bots, there are lovely people out there who, for their own personal reasons, have opted not to create user profiles, but still love fandom. But, a lot of (though not all) spam/bot profiles are guest profiles. And you can usually tell the difference just by the content of the comment. The below comment was a guest profile also left on Inktober 2024. It's simple, specific, and greatly appreciated.
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3. The spam/bot comments are usually of a longer nature, extremely vague in regards to addressing what it is that is likeable or hateful about the post, and they go overboard with the language (excessive adjectives) used to prove their point. If you want to see other specific examples to look out for, I recommend doing a Tumblr search of "ao3 spam."
4. If you receive a comment that is questionable, and there is actually a user profile attached, check out the profile. Almost all of these spam/bot profiles are brand new (like, same day as you publish), and/or completely blank - as in, no used details, nothing published, nothing bookmarked, nothing at all.
5. Good or bad, always report spam/bots. Sites like AO3 and Tumblr are aware of the situation, and any reports they receive can help them take steps to protect legitimate users.
6. If the spam/bot offers a money-making situation, offers to pay you for use of your creation, or asks for money in any way, shape, or form, report it immediately. AO3 has very strict guidelines about not using the site for monetization. Also, if it seems too good to be true... it is.
I don't know if anyone will even read all of this. But if you do, I want you to know that I am posting this from a place of vulnerability, knowing how much a comment such as the ugly one above, timed just right (or wrong), would have destroyed me. The only reason it didn't this time was because I was armed with knowledge. I hope this post helps you. I hope you have a peaceful day. I hope your words or your art come easy. I hope you know how brave you are for sharing pieces of you with an uncertain world. I hope you keep going. 💙
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primrosebow · 1 year ago
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An open letter to bigfatbimbo.🪽
Reasons why you should write for Adam.
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1 -> He is a misogynist (not for long)
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Look at his face. He is so weird. I swear. He has been favoritized for far too long, leaving him with the most mind-numbing god complex. Don't you want to stab him to death like niffty? Don't you want to put him where he deserves to be (either underground or under me)? I do. You should too! Because his way of thinking meets it's end where my heels begin.
2 -> He is stupid
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He has the emotional maturity of a boiled lobster. He fits into heaven like an orca in the amazon river. He is so unbelievably incompetent it is actually kind of mind boggling. Don't you want to crush him like he's a little bug (either with your fists or your thighs)? Didn't he literally say one of the "biggest issues evet" was math or something? He probably couldn't tell you where Africa is in the world map even if you paid him. Even the fruit of knowledge couldn't give him enough braincells to function as a proper member of society.
3 -> he deserves humiliation
He deserves to have his entire worldview rocked and destroyed, something we can surely provide. His shallow thinking should be promptly obliterated. He has only ever gotten away from beautiful tall strong women because he always had the option of just asking for a different woman. They didn't have the mental fortitude to put him in his place. We are the bearers of the curse (liking repulsive men), and, since there is no "mental fortitude" to begin with, there is nothing for him to break down. We (as a collective) should end him.
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4 -> I know what he is
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His entire persona is a gigantic act to make up for the fact he cannot appropriatelly cope with losing in general, much less losing the, like, 2 wives he ever had (to THE SAME GUY!! MIND YOU!!!) and if he had more people they were one night stands. Not because he left them, but because people know he is worthless scum and he is good for nothing other than his "original dick" ( eugh. I usually refrain from cursing >:// ). It is the reason for his pride and also the only thing that makes him even remotely worth the hastle of talking to. He is the equivalent of a carnival prize to the people in heaven, scoring him is more of a show of your own endurance rather than how coveted he is. He has been objectified through his own hubris. He should be made aware of that. He should fear the knowledge we posses. It should be used against him.
5 -> he sounds.. like.. . He sounds good.
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I watched the series while skipping most of the songs but I genuinelly could not do it when he was singing. No wonder he's in a band or something, I didn't actually pay attention to what he was saying I was paying more attention to the sound of his voice so I don't remember clearly what's up with that. Like he sounds REALLY good. If only he knew how to just use his voice without saying the most repulsive atrocities to be ever uttered by anyone ever. Oh yeah! We can make him incoherent enough for that to happen.
6 -> Lute deserves better
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Lute deserves, like, a woman. Not him. She's too gorgeous for him, and, the difference between us and her is that while SHE is dealing with HIM, in our case, HE has to deal with US. Really, we're just saving a beautiful, amazing, stunning, showstopping woman a lot of trouble, and getting an ENTIRE PATHETIC MAN AS A TRADE! WIN WIN! Literally no downsides, I swear.
7 -> he is girl dinner
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Don't you just love looking into your fridge and seeing the worthless scraps that built up overtime but somehow taste better now than they usually would have, which is particularly shocking considering it has 0 nutritional value? That would be what girl dinner is, and also an appropriate analogy for what Adam is like! Just roughly ok looking enough for you to not downright call it a biohazard. You will go to bed satisfied after fighting tooth and nail for your dinner (getting him to behave properly) and, it'll be easier the next times maybe! Operant conditioning is a heavy hitter with this repulsive individual, so it might actually get easier! Who knows!
8 -> Pretty please? (´。・д人)゙
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I really. Uh . I really want him if you couldn't tell? Maybe the cannibalism and the fear I want to instill into him got in the way of you seeing my point, but, like, that's just how I love. The highest honor I could bestow on him is wanting to eat him, so, maybe that'll assist in your judgement? I also just really like your writing and would love to hear your thoughts on his idiotic self. AND! AND! Other people also want you to write about him if I well remember the 1 ask you received about him!
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I await your response when you are available @bigfatbimbo
If you need more convincing; I can, like, draw him? I'm going to draw him no matter what but like I can cook something up for you in particular who knows.
You did say you were already considering writing for him, so, maybe this can be a final push in that direction for you!
- sincerely, Bow
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tiredfoxtf · 6 months ago
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YEAHHHH GRIWT!! Everytime I would see those "everybody in hermitcraft feels sorry for chommy and coddles him" fics I would be like ?? He would burn their builds down and curse the whole time What Are You Saying. Cdream would be a /much/ better candidate for the position of "wet cat is coddled by hermitcraft". He would be so impressed and appreciative of their builds!!!! "And nobody destroys things? Ever?" "Well, not ever, but nobody would purposefully grief and not at least help them fix things" *dream on the verge of tears* "Oh"
like the most basic whump fic pretense EVER and there's LIKE TWO OF THEM MAX
Cdream would be like "so... the server is basically one big happy family?" "Yeah, you could say that, some "cousins" are really annoying and there's this 'crazy uncle' that usually lives on the other end of the world, but that's probably how most would describe it" and cDream is just having a meltdown on the inside. Like damn there are so many attachments and beautiful builds and everyone is doing their thing and there's no Real brutal war and no one holds everything you care about over your head? Unbelievable. It's like all he ever wanted!!! And no one has to sacrifice ANYTHING for it. And brother don't get me started on the emotional damage that Gri's killing games would bring to his poor soul. Three lives only? And all you have can be destroyed and will be taken hostage? Full of bloodlust and murder? Yeah, you don't have to tell him twice, he is already shutting down, hyperventilating.
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Help I did a thing (Decarabian x Venti except it's Decarabian drawing some very incorrect conclusions)
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Decarabian does not make a habit of going on patrols, not when the mortals make decent enough alarms, and not when the territories outside of his city are currently useless to him. Despite that, he finds himself trudging through the snow of Andrius's wasteland, because a powerful wave of anemo was unleashed, and he was far too familiar with Andrius's tantrums to mistake it for that old wolf.
The fact of the matter is: if he must fight an intruder, he'd much rather destroy some of Andrius's empty land than risk the destruction of his city. Thus, the “patrol”. He informed the nobles of his absence, and likewise made sure to disguise his power, because Andrius was not the foe he intended to face, and he didn't care to get waylaid by one of his little fits. Decarabian was mildly curious as to why the wolf wasn't investigating too, but how that brute managed his territories was none of his concern.
It did not take him long to reach the source of the blast. There was, rather strangely, no destruction whatsoever, but a rather ominously glowing statue sat in the center, drawing his attention. It was a clock. He'd heard of the god of time, but hadn't realized her domain was so near to his… perhaps Andrius's spats were a fair price to pay to keep the wolf as a buffer. He did not want to test his mettle against a foe capable of turning him into a powerless child.
Her ire was likely the source of the blast, he realized, and suddenly he became far more aware of how near he was to the ominous glow, and how… off the area felt. Powerful as he was, he did not share Andrius's imperviability towards anemo (as the god of time mothered the thousand winds, surely that was her element), nor was he reckless enough to test his strength against a celestial god. Decision made, he was unfortunately far too slow to stop the strange power from overtaking him — a ley line disorder.
Standing before him, though unaware of his presence, was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Hair black as the night, with anemo bleeding from the ends, showcasing her pure power. Eyes a mixture of navy and anemo, skin a soft, flawless porcelain with a natural blush. Hips wide, waist narrow, anemo markings on her chest and thigh, a cecilia placed delicately in her hair.
Most beautiful of all, however, were the white wings upon her back. Grandiose, and spotless, purer than even the clouds in the sky. In her hands was a lyre, the sound heavenly as she plucked the strings. 
The scene shifted, and he found himself in the top floor of his tower, though it was destroyed and ransacked. The woman sat on the floor, legs dangling from the window. On the ground, behind her, were the remnants of an egg, and in her arms was the newly hatched anemo sovereign. Her expression was… unbelievably soft, and caring, and from what he knew of the sovereigns’ reproduction… the child was very likely made from her power and his. In her arms, in his tower, was a child that may well be his. She stroked the dragon's head, unbelievably gentle as she minded his fragile wings, cradling him as if he were the most precious being in the world, and…
Looking at the state of his tower, at the glowing seal in the middle… Decarabian had a sinking feeling that he would not live to see his child's birth. With that bitter thought, the scene shifted, and he was standing atop a statue made in the woman's likeness, the god herself disguised as a mortal, her lovely wings hidden away.
Worse — she was crying. Her face in her hands, it did nothing to disguise the hitched sobs and shaking shoulders. He looked at the city, and was taken aback by the land itself — a temperate paradise, the layout unfamiliar… if it were not clearly Andrius's wasteland, with its mountains flattened. The city itself was situated in an incredibly defensible position, and… judging by the church behind them, this was likely the Mondstadt she was made to rule after he died. Perhaps his remains made the old location far too dangerous… he can't imagine it was Andrius that killed him. In the middle of his city, no less — not when the bitter old wolf seemed disgusted when others harmed innocents. The lack of snow meant the old wolf had likely died as well — though a petty part of him hoped she'd cleared the snow herself and Andrius was moping about it in the woods somewhere.
Once more, the scene shifted, and Decarabian stepped back as he saw the most horrifically corrupted dragon before him. Another, the same blue as the hatchling she had cradled in her arms, and the woman herself, were fighting for their lives on what appeared to be Sal Vindagnyr. She was clearly strong, incredibly so, but just as Anemo could purify the Abyss with enough time, so too could the Abyss more strongly affect beings of Anemo. Decarabian watched with trepidation as she took hits — rarely, as her skill was akin to a force of nature, but still one hit, then two, then three, and that was enough for her to start to flag, as the Abyssal corruption flooded her system. Their child was fighting alongside her, close range as opposed to her distance, either unable to turn humanoid, or unskilled with a human weapon, but capable of wielding anemo at near Decarabian's caliber, even if he lagged behind the skill of his mother (powerful, beautiful, and skilled, what a perfect woman)
With a desperate bite, the dragon was felled, but Decarabian could only watch in horror as the child — his child cried out in pain, abyssal poison flooding its system. The woman went to approach, only to falter and sway, collapsing to the ground, humanoid form shrinking into…
Into that of one of the thousand winds. One of the god of time's children.
And as the scene shifted, to show a lonely wisp on a snowy mountain, providing shelter and blessings to a young noblewoman (though not one he knew) and her family, everything clicked into place.
This was no ley line disorder, this was the god of time showing him the future. The god of time showing him his future wife, the birth of their child, her grief at his death, her final trial, and where to find her.
This was the god of time giving her blessing, telling him to fix the future so her daughter could be happy.
As the haze faded and he found himself on his knees before the statue, resolve hardened his heart.
He would find his wife, and he would change however he needed to so he could survive and remain with her. He would see their child born, he would help fight that dragon…
And never would she be made to cry alone.
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No, Venti isn't a woman here, I just found it REALLY funny to have Decarabian confused xD
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lady-phasma · 10 months ago
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Hey! I'm loving chatting with you on these last posts, so now I'm curious about your IWTVerse faves? Season, episode, scene, character, ship, book, chapter, quote. It can be more than one, btw! I know quotes are more specific and it can be hard remembering, so it doesn't need to be your ultimate favorite, but something you love. Also, how should I call you? 🙃💗
I am so excited to answer this! It's been lovely to meet you! You can call me Auntie but not everyone feels comfortable with that. So Phasma works or Phazzie (I've gotten that one before and it's fun).
My IWTVerse faves... hmm... let's see.
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Season 2 is definitely my favorite season for many, many reasons but mostly because Assad got to shine so much more!
Favorite episode of all 15 eps? This is difficult. I love the more dramatic and powerful episodes like 2.05 and 2.07 but I really love the pilot. If I had to choose just one it would be 2.07. The trial is brutal but it showcases all the amazing writing, acting, set design, and camera work even if I watch it with tears running down my cheeks.
My favorite scene from any episode is probably Lestat's "little drink" scene with Louis. That is unbelievably hot and never gets less hot no matter how many times I watch it. But specifically, this shot in the room before they get started. The feelings. oof!
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Picking a favorite character is probably the most difficult. Lestat has always been the love of my life (since I read IWTV & TVL at 10 years old) but I truly adore all of the main characters in the books and series.
I don't really have a favorite ship. I ship them all with whoever. I am incredibly intrigued by all relationships that Armand has, but no ship in Anne's world is more important to me than another. Each pairing helps us understand something about the characters which is why she shipped them all over the place with each other. LoL
The book answer is easy - The Vampire Lestat. Here's a link to a recent post I made about my 30 year old copies of the books. I read TVL until it fell apart multiple times but I still have it on my shelf.
Favorite chapter from my favorite book or from any of the books? Both? LoL My favorite chapter of TVL is chapter 1 of Part 3: Viaticum for the Marquise (when Lestat turns Gabrielle). My favorite chapter from the entire Chronicles is Chapter 4 of The Vampire Armand. Not only did Anne write one of the most beautiful dead doves, but she tossed in a little of her BDSM flavor in that chapter as well. The scene with Marius and Amadeo's brattiness is delicious every time I read it.
My favorite quote from the series is I had powers now and decades of rage to process, and it was both random and unfortunate the man picked that night to dabble in fuckery. - Louis
My favorite quote from the books is probably the opening of TVL: I am the Vampire Lestat. I'm immortal. More or less. The light of the sun, the sustained heat of an intense fire —these things might destroy me. But then again, they might not.
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butterflydm · 1 year ago
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cr3 102 (more thoughts)
adding a follower of asmodeus to the party at this time is just such a fascinating choice! was that entirely a sam choice or did matt make any suggestions about it, I wonder. Because it just seems a way to really crystalize to the party why the primes might have been willing to ally with the betrayers (and yet they also saw why it's maybe not a great idea in the long run, because of the betraying).
but it really pulls focus to asmodeus, and that definitely informed the vibe of delaunda fight for me, because while the party didn't see the downfall prologue, we did. we know that it was unbelievable pain and trauma that formed asmodeus into what he is (unbelievable amounts of pain and trauma shaping people has been a reoccurring theme of the campaign as a whole so far). Trauma is also what shaped ludinus! And it's what ludinus uses to draw people into his arguments (bor'dor was very much there because of trauma, iirc, and that's clearly a huge motivator for dorian as well).
seeing the prologue was a big part of what made it so understandable that the prime gods kept giving the betrayers second chances -- both sides of the argument, primes vs betrayers, believe that they're on the correct side of the argument, but they also both remember when they were on the same side together, when they were family. For the primes, that comes out as regret and guilt; for the betrayers, that comes out as resentment and a frustrated possessiveness over the primes.
ludinus's arguments were trash but effective on people who are emotionally vulnerable (like dorian) - honestly perfect for the type of cult leader that he's been positioned as, imo. His arguments are only effective when you are already in a headspace where you want to latch onto his same kind of reasoning -- "all of my trauma is the gods' fault and if we just got rid of the gods then mortals would all go skipping through the fields of paradise together". Arguing that everything beautiful in the world is due to mortals, etc.
So, mild storytime: I was raised religious, am currently atheist, and I absolutely went through a hard anti-theist stage for several years, where I basically put all the evils of the world on religion. And it took time for me to see that authoritarianism and other harmful ideologies can happen in atheist spaces too, because I personally had been damaged by the religion that I grew up in and I couldn't see past that until I had healed, at least to a certain extent. So I understand ludinus's headspace somewhat. It's nice to think that you can blame all the bad things in the world on one big thing, and that if you could just get rid of that one thing, everything would be better. But it's not true. Human nature will still be human nature.
And I feel like the majority of Bells Hells have shown that they understand that. Downfall did shift some of them in one direction or the other, but at the base, most of them do understand that getting rid of the gods doesn't actually fix anything in the long run.
What Ludinus also keeps doing (and what he gets his cult to do) is generalize -- it's not "these specific gods have done evil and I hate them"; he shifts it so that the blame lands on all gods. The Spider Queen killed Dorian's brother, but Dorian is willing to parse that as "the gods" killed his brother. We saw in downfall that the gods had a variety of opinions over Aeor and the original plan was that they just wanted to investigate and then destroy the weapon that could kill them (some of them believed that it would come to destroying the city but it was a matter of disagreement among the group).
The Everlight and the Dawnfather in particular were attempting to find ways to save the city as long as they possibly could. "The gods" are not a monolith of beings who all think and do the same things. They are individuals who (rather famously) disagree with each other sometimes.
It is also interesting to me that Ludinus accused the Exandrian gods of feeding on their followers when I can't actually think of any examples of this happening in the text? But what is hungry? What does want to feed? Predathos. Is Ludinus projecting his god's flaws onto the prime and betrayer gods?
I mean, as far as I can tell, the gods don't actually need followers to be powerful -- the Everlight got all the same bonuses as the rest of them in the end fight of downfall, despite the vast majority of her followers having been killed by Asmodeus in an earlier betrayal. The strength that followers give them appears to be more about them empowering their followers with their own strength to fight on their behalf. They feed their followers rather than the reverse. Or at least that's what appears to be happening.
And the gods were willing to empower mortals who didn't worship them back during cr1 in order to fend off vecna. Ioun didn't demand that Scanlan become a worshipper of hers, iirc. She gave him her blessing because she judged him worthy of it on his own merits, not because he was willing to praise and follow her.
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michaelsfavgirl · 1 year ago
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Mike is so beautiful like, bro is the definition of perfection. he's a "no lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the kitchen floor to thetoilet seat, from the bathroom sink to the shower, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic, exponential, logarithmic, while I gasp for air, scream, and see the light, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy, backwards, sideways, upside down, on the floor, in the bed, on the couch, on a chair, being carried, against the wall, outside, in a train, on a plane, in the car, on a motorcycle, on the back of a truck, on a trampoline, in a bounce, in the pool, in the garden, bent over, in the basement, against the window, having the most toe curling, back arching, leg shaking, dick throbbing, fist clenching, ear ringing, mouth drooling, ass clenching, nose sniffing, eye watering, eye rolling, hip thrusting, earthquaking, sheet gripping, knuckles cracking, jaw dropping, hair pulling, teeth jitterbug, mind blogging, soul snatching, overstimulating, vile, sloppy, moan introducing, heart wrenching, spine tingling, back breaking, atrocious, gushy, creamy, beastly, lip biting, gravity defying, nail biting, sweaty, feet kicking, mind blowing, body shivering, orgasmic, bone breaking, world ending, black hole creating, universe destroying, devious, scrumptious, amazing, delightful, delectable, unbelievable, body numbing, bark worthy, can't walk, head nodding, soul evaporating, vulcano erupting, sweat rolling, voice cracking, trembling, sheets soaked, hair drenched, flabbergasting, lip locking, skin peeling, eye widening, pussy popping, nail scratching, back cuts, spectacular, brain cell devolving, hair ripping, show stopping, magnificent, unique, extraordinary, splendid, phenomenal, mouth foaming" type of dude, you get what I'm saying
well, anyways pookie bear is gorgeous
with all my love, hope ♡
no lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the bathroom sink to the shower, from the front porch to the balcony, vertically, horizontally, quadratic, exponential, logarithmic, while I gasp for air, scream, and see the light, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy, backwards, sideways, upside down, on the floor, in the bed, on the couch, on a chair, being carried, against the wall, outside, in a train, on a plane, in the car, on a motorcycle, on the back of a truck, on a trampoline, in a bounce, in the pool, in the garden, bent over, in the basement, against the window, having the most toe curling, back arching, leg shaking, dick throbbing, fist clenching, ear ringing, mouth drooling, ass clenching, nose sniffing, eye watering, eye rolling, hip thrusting, earthquaking, sheet gripping, knuckles cracking, jaw dropping, hair pulling, teeth jitterbug, mind blogging, soul snatching, overstimulating, vile, sloppy, moan introducing, heart wrenching, spine tingling, back breaking, atrocious, gushy, creamy, beastly, lip biting, gravity defying, nail biting, sweaty, feet kicking, mind blowing, body shivering, orgasmic, bone breaking, world ending, black hole creating, universe destroying, devious, scrumptious, amazing, delightful, delectable, unbelievable, body numbing, bark worthy, can't walk, head nodding, soul evaporating, vulcano erupting, sweat rolling, voice cracking, trembling, sheets soaked, hair drenched, flabbergasting, lip locking, skin peeling, eye widening, pussy popping, nail scratching, back cuts, spectacular, brain cell devolving, hair ripping, show stopping, magnificent, unique, extraordinary, splendid, phenomenal, mouth foaming
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I literally have no words besides AMEN TO THAT. + the visuals??? Mhm yeah scrumptious
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ladysomething · 1 year ago
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I know I said I wanted it to be bigger than I love you but I also said I trusted you even if it was and as always you delivered because my heart was absolutely broken with how raw his confession was and how it was answered and I think maybe because just like Charles I didn't fully understand how bad it was, it's like I could see why he was scared for Charles but I couldn't fully understand it but this chapter it finally clicked.
I feel like Charles will be pushed into retirement after this season wether he wins it or not and what happened this chapter will be used against him.
Also I think Jean luc is on Max's side but he can also understand Charles that's why everytime he does one of his stupid plans he doesn't yell at him, sure he tells him Max is good but he doesn't show much anger towards him because he can see the fear Charles is dealing with, but I think this time he's gonna be upset with Charles because of what he said to Max.
It would be nice if once Sophi is talking about being an omega with Charles, she also mentions the part that Max is conflicted to show Charles, the part that despite showing it in the past and revealing the reason behind it Charles through his anger and fear completely ignored it and I don't think he's gonna get this part of Max back easily, he absolutely shattered his heart into pieces and destroyed his trust, worst than that he compared him to his dad. Max have had all these insecurities about wether he turns into a monster like Jos or not and despite working hard and believing in himself for all he's done what Charles said it's gonna break him.
I kinda wanna smack Charles because of what he said to Max after Max pour his heart out for him but at the same time I can see why he acted the way he did, he's already confuse and scared and suddenly everything he knew was wrong, he has been taking care of himself on his own for too long that he only believes in what he thinks is right and having Max of all people caring for him, loving him is far from a truth he used to believe in. And everyone constantly keeps everything from him to protect him in their words which makes the truth more unbelievable for him.
And Max, god the way you wrote him and his confession made me almost crying for him I mean I did cry a bit cause the way he knows Charles won't love him back,the way accepted that and then Charles once again accuses him of being someone, something he hates the most in the world and that's where it breaks him and we see the look of betrayal he felt in that moment.
I just want to hug them and give them a happy moment like I don't even know if Max will be in Charles dream this time or if Charles can finally try to understand Max, if he will try to reach him this time. And it's just so heartbreaking seeing their pain being mostly cause by the world around them but consciously and unconsciously they are the ones who twist the knife more and hurt each other more.
And omg the team with that contract,like wtf I wrong with you all,I kinda wish Max would have told him despite Charles believing it or not, he deserved to know what was happening to him and his life especially after Max realized Charles is gonna doe everything to be out of that contract,I know he wanted Charles to want this himself and believed him when he was sweet to him even if a part was actually the truth,and completely understand why he kept it secret but the way Charles realized how far everything about his life was out of him hands now god that was hurtful almost as much as his cruel words towards Max...
This was such a beautiful Chapter that I'm at awe. I don't what to say to show much I loved it I don't think if I can find enough words for, I just know that I'm gonna start the next Chapter with watery eyes while feeling anxious for what would be the next step fro them. Thank you so much for this beautiful chapter the way each part of can make me feel emotional is truly an art. Your writing style is also beautiful💛
I've been waiting for you anon!!! I was desperate to know what you thought, and whether I'd earned your trust!!
I can't say anything re retirement the season obvs, but you would be right in assuming that the stakes are that high.
JL has kind of become the meat in the sandwich tbh. I feel for the poor guy. justice for jean-luc!
and Charles definitely went too far, but then again, Max certainly didn't give him any reasons to pull his punches. he said "you have all these terrible qualities but its ok I still love you :)" and then expected Charles to be nice about it??? come on now.
but then again, Max is just trying his best. he's a fucked up little dude, and doesn't really understand what Charles' problem is - refuses to understand what Charles' problem is - so if he doesn't want to meet Charles halfway, then why should Charles be the one who has to do it?
but!! they're getting there. at least now Charles actually knows some stuff, and he has space to think about it a bit more.
and thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them very much.
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s-t-a-c-y-y-y · 1 year ago
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Dog of Chaos - Part 1
Chikn stared into the void, processing everything that had happened within the last few hours. His anger from being rejected by his friends led him to transform everyone and everything into abstract, incomprehensible shapes. There wasn't a single ounce of joy left inside of the deity, and the only emotions that remained were guilt, shame, and an endless supply of dread. The whimsical music that once filled his world was now replaced with pure silence. The silence was so deafening to Chikn that it pierced his long ears like needles.
Suddenly, out of the silence, Chikn heard a familiar giggle. It was Bezel, the embodiment of time and the seemingly innocent Clock-faced being that he was naive enough to view as a guardian.
"Ha! Look what you've done, my friend!" Bezel jeered. "Oh boy, you should've seen the look on your face! The drama! The chaos! Oh my, it was beautiful!"
Chikn didn't respond, nor did he even look at Bezel. He continued staring into the void, pretending that Bezel wasn't even there. Still, Bezel approached the dog-like god, not even caring much about his emotions.
"Oh, don't be sad, buddy!" Bezel said to Chikn while stroking his head. "Maybe this will cheer you up!" Out of nowhere, Bezel grabbed out a half-empty bag of popcorn. He had been eating out of it while he watched Chikn unleash his wrath upon the world. "I've got leftovers!" Bezel giggled as he waved a piece of popcorn in front of Chikn's face.
Still, Chikn didn't respond.
Bezel started to get frustrated. "Listen, Chikn. You should be happy that this happened! You should be glad that you finally got to use your godly powers to your biggest potential! You should be PROUD!" Bezel tried to sound as motivational as possible.
"Proud?" Chikn said in an enraged tone. "I should be PROUD?"
"Woah, there, buddy!" Bezel yelped. "There's no need to bark at me like that! How rude!"
Chikn was looking directly at Bezel's face. Bezel had seen Chikn angry before, but this was the first time the anger was directed at him. It was truly terrifying. Still, Bezel tried not to show his fear to the deity. After all, dogs can detect fear. Well, that's what Bezel thought. Despite being the god of time itself, Bezel was about as bright as a digital watch with a broken screen.
"I'm not proud!" Chikn roared. "I ruined my friend's lives without them even knowing it! I destroyed everything and everyone that I've ever loved and ever known! I'm NOT proud! I'm ashamed of myself! I'm a LOSER!" Chikn's anger had led to a ring of fire developing around him and Bezel.
Bezel turned his back to Chikn. "You don't understand, do you?" Bezel whispered to Chikn. "I set this up! Your world was so boring before! It was just the same jokes repeated over and over and over again! You can only laugh at the same jokes so many times! It was HORRIBLE! I HATED IT!"
Chikn couldn't believe what he was hearing. 'You hated seeing me happy?" Chikn asked.
"Not just that, bird-dog!" Bezel hollered. "I realized how un-special everything was. I wished there was a way to fix it, and then it hit me!" Bezel continued rambling on, pacing back and forth in front of the confused and irate Chikn. "I came to your world to get you and everyone else in your world into finally doing something interesting for once, and guess what? IT WORKED! I finally enjoyed it, and so many others behind the fourth dimension did as well! It was a spectacle! The trauma, the drama, the horror, everything about it was great! You became so much better than your boring old self! That's why you should be proud!"
Chikn was trembling with rage. He loved the way life was before Bezel arrived, and apparently, people hated that. How was that a bad thing? He didn't understand. He just couldn't help but let out the loudest, most anguished scream he had ever let out. He roared as his body transformed into an abstract mess of shapes and colors. It was so unbelievable that even Bezel didn't want to look at it.
What happened after? Well, stay tuned...
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bigmusclenm · 5 months ago
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Sweet Gains - Part 5
[Story Collection] | [Part 4] [●] [Part 6🔵]
Liam ran as fast as he could, eager to arrive at his apartment and see Aiden’s enormous body again. As he quietly and carefully unlocked the door to his apartment, making sure not to bother his neighbors, he could barely contain his excitement about his newly found connection with Aiden.
Liam wondered what all the boxes of sweets would do to an already massive Aiden. He was still confused about the words of the bakery’s owner. But his lust-guided mind only wanted to see Aiden gain size limitlessly.
However, as he crossed through the living room and saw the destroyed couch, Liam couldn’t shake the thought that he was taking Aiden’s sweet gains way too far, probably fueling an obsession. He couldn’t stop wondering if reaching inhuman proportions was healthy for Aiden, or maybe he risked the big guy’s life. Liam stopped by the couch, pondering his options for a few seconds. But as he remembered Aiden’s body growing beneath him, his dick throbbed in his pants, finally deciding to keep going with the transformation.
Liam continued his way to his bedroom with a smile, glancing down at the boxes of sweets. He thought about the possible results of what lay ahead for him and Aiden. He thought about the challenges they would face. But his mind focused on the beautiful specimen of a man that awaited him in the bedroom, and the fears disappeared.
As Liam reached the bedroom door, he paused, taking a moment to prepare for what lay ahead. Then, pushing the door open, Liam’s breath caught in his throat as he beheld the sight before him. Aiden, seemingly asleep in Liam’s bed, or what used to be his bed, was a muscular colossus, surpassing human proportions by far. Staying still, Liam smiled and felt his dick getting painfully hard in his pants. It hadn’t been able to get soft since the moment Aiden arrived at his apartment the night before, but observing the magnificent muscle god peacefully sleeping in his bed made his dick get harder than ever.
Liam couldn’t help but gasp in awe at the sheer magnitude of Aiden’s body. Each muscle group on Aiden’s enormous body seemed to demand attention, sculpted to perfection and stretched to their limits by the effects of the special sweets. Aiden’s shoulders were about ten feet across, claiming dominion over the room since they almost filled its width. The enormous deltoids looked like wrecking balls ready to destroy entire buildings. The rounded contours of his shoulders were unbelievably pronounced, rippling with power and strength.
Liam marveled at Aiden’s pecs size and shape, showcasing a density that defied Liam’s knowledge about anatomy. Liam’s eyes traced the contours of Aiden’s chest, which rose and fell with each steady breath, obscuring any view beyond their enormous size. They looked like twin shields of muscle, so thick and voluminous that they obscured Aiden’s view of anything beyond them. Even among his giant body, Aiden’s pecs were enormous, and huge nipples adorned them to perfection. Liam couldn’t even imagine how heavy Aiden’s pecs could be. But he knew each one was far heavier than any world-class bodybuilder.
Even though Aiden’s pecs drew most of Liam’s attention, he couldn’t ignore the tree-trunk-like upper arms. The massive biceps were like boulders, each far larger than a beach ball, with veins pulsing across them, adding layers of power to his arm muscles. His triceps were even bigger, making Liam’s entire frame look broader and forcing his elbows to push against the walls. His forearms looked so thick and densely muscled that they appeared capable of crushing steel.
Aiden’s perfectly chiseled abs looked like a series of cobblestones, perfectly defined and separated by deep grooves, with perfectly symmetrical obliques framing them and adding appeal to his midsection. As Liam approached Aiden, he managed to see some muscles on Aiden’s body that he couldn’t see from the door.
Behind Aiden’s enormous pecs, his handsome face looked hot and angelic, framed by his huge traps that rose like mountain peaks. They perfectly matched Aiden’s massive shoulders and made him look even more imposing. The trapezius muscles were so thick and dense that they seemed to merge with the surrounding muscles, creating a seamless wall of power. Also, Aiden’s lats were like a pair of enormous wings, spanning his back with an impressive width that seemed to fill the space from one side of the room to the other.
As Liam stood in awe before Aiden’s colossal frame, his gaze traveled downward, taking in the sheer magnitude of the lower body. Each muscle bulged unbelievably thick. He marveled at the size and definition of Aiden’s quadriceps, which looked like mountains adorning the thickest thighs he had ever seen. Each muscle stood out prominently, making Liam feel tiny and skinny, which wasn’t far from reality considering Aiden’s size.
Looking at Aiden’s hips, even from the front, he could see the pronounced curve of a massive ass. Liam had the honor to take a look at Aiden’s enormous ass before he collapsed on the bed the night before, and it had grown large since that moment. Only thinking about the giant slabs of muscle stacked on Aiden’s backside made Liam drool. Even in this position, it was evident Aiden’s butt was enormous, and Liam couldn’t help but desire to fuck him again.
Thinking about Aiden’s ass made Liam remember the strange swelling on Aiden’s balls when cum entered his body, so he turned his attention toward Aiden’s sofa-sized balls and the massive python resting on top of them. Aiden’s balls also made Liam feel tiny in comparison, not by comparing his balls to Aiden’s but by comparing his entire body with one of Aiden’s balls. The same happened when Liam compared his whole 6’1” regularly built body to Aiden’s 6-foot-long, extremely thick, soft dick.
Suddenly, Aiden stirred, his eyes fluttering open, and he immediately smiled at Liam. “Hey, little man,” Aiden said with a deep and vibrant voice. “You’re back. I was taking a small nap. Did you bring more of those delicious sweets?”
Liam smiled and placed the several boxes of desserts on a desk near his bed. He took a few seconds to ponder if it was a good idea to help Aiden grow even bigger. But before even thinking of his actions, Liam started taking his clothes off to climb up Aiden’s body and have access to the big guy’s hungry mouth. Liam knew he would have to deal with the consequences of his actions, but he only cared about seeing Aiden outgrow the building.
“Yes. I brought more, and I’m sure you’ll love them. I bought their entire stock. We’ll have so much fun,” Liam said, taking his underwear off and taking the boxes in hand to bring them to Aiden’s pecs. “But I really need to know if this is what you want. Do you really want to get bigger? The man from the bakery shop said these desserts shouldn’t turn you into a hulk, and look at you. You’re bigger than The Hulk,” Liam said as he got on top of Aiden’s balls and started slowly moving to his pecs.
“I want more. I demand more. I want to be the biggest, the strongest,” Aiden said, grinning. “You started it. You made me addicted to growing. Are you regretting it?”
“No, no… I just needed to be sure,” Liam replied, sitting comfortably on top of Aiden’s pecs with the boxes of desserts by his side.
Sitting atop the massive pecs, Liam had Aiden’s handsome face right before him, and the big guy was ready to eat everything Liam had brought for him. Liam opened the first box and smiled as he observed its contents.
“I’m starving, please. Feed me those sweets,” Aiden demanded.
“I will. Let me think about where I should start. I think you’re already familiar with this: the Brawny-Bicep Bites,” Liam said as he picked up one of the bites and held it up to Aiden’s waiting mouth. “Open wide, Aiden. Let’s get those biceps even bigger.”
Without hesitation, Aiden devoured the delicious brownie bite and groaned with delight. As Aiden tasted it, Liam popped another into the big guy’s mouth, instantly triggering the growth. Aiden felt a tingling spreading through his arms, making him feel powerful. The thick veins across his muscular arms thickened as blood expanded the muscles. Aiden felt like his arms had the best pump ever, but he knew it was different; they were swelling larger and more defined with each passing moment. It wasn’t only the size of the muscles; the density was increasing, making it difficult for Aiden to bend his monolithic arms.
“Next, we have these cupcakes that I think are for quads,” Liam said, carefully feeding the cupcake to an eager Aiden. As Liam brought up more cupcakes, Aiden’s quads seemed to expand with each bite, becoming thicker and more powerful. Liam could hardly believe his eyes as Aiden’s quads expanded so quickly and drastically that his entire thigh thickened, forcing his legs to spread wider to accommodate their newly gained mass.
Liam smiled while Aiden chewed and swallowed. He looked around for a few seconds and noticed they were running out of space for Aiden to grow. His height had remained the same, but the rest of his body had grown almost as big as the whole room.
“Maybe we should think about a plan to get you somewhere else. You’ll outgrow this room very soon,” Liam said quietly, and Aiden’s eyes shined brightly at the thought of outgrowing the room.
“I own a cabin, huge place, enormous land, no neighbors. You’d love the place,” Aiden said as he swallowed the last bite of the cupcake. “I could grow without limits there,” Aiden added, opening his mouth to show Liam he was ready for more.
“Sounds cool, but... how will I take you there?” Liam said as he filled Aiden’s mouth with a slice of apple pie, which targeted the abdominal muscles if Liam remembered correctly. “Also, you meant it when you said you wanted to get even bigger?” Liam asked as he looked back to see Aiden’s abs getting more defined.
Each muscle bulged so prominently that Liam knew the skin getting between them would never see the light again. The definition was impressive, but even then, his skin had a smooth appearance, inviting Liam to reach back and rub Aiden’s abs. He gasped in awe as he felt the muscles were as hard as indestructible diamonds.
As Aiden ate the last slice of apple pie, Liam wasted no time and fed Aiden a portion of strawberry tart. Immediately, his triceps expanded and pushed against the room’s walls, making them crack and increasing Liam’s fear that Aiden would outgrow the room. It was a whole different feeling for Aiden, who became aroused as he felt his body filling up the room. Aiden’s dick stirred to life and started hardening.
Liam watched in awe as the massive dick grew to 7 feet long and continued getting bigger. It was thicker than Liam’s body, and as the huge head hit the roof, Aiden groaned in pleasure. It was evident Aiden’s dick was very sensitive, and the harder it became, the more aroused he seemed to get. Liam felt tiny compared to the 8-foot-long enormous dick curved toward Aiden’s head and forming an arc above Liam.
“Show me what else you got for me. I’m breaking out of this room very soon!” Aiden said it with a commanding voice.
Bite after bite, Liam filled Aiden with sweets, pastries, and desserts. The already massive body expanded with each bite, but Liam noticed the growth slowed down. He wondered if Aiden had finally reached his body’s limits. However, the big man was insatiable, and Liam was happy to continue the unstoppable feeding.
By the time only one box was left several hours later, Aiden’s body was cramped between the walls of the room, and he had lost most of his mobility. His muscles bulged and pushed so much against each other that he couldn’t bend his arms, turn his head, or bend his legs due to the gigantic proportions of his muscles. And even then, Aiden wanted more.
“Only one box is left. I think you haven’t eaten these before, so I’m not sure what these donuts do,” Liam said, opening the box and observing two dozen filled donuts. “Are you sure you want them?”
Aiden didn’t respond and only opened his mouth for Liam to feed him the donuts. The dough was fluffy, with a creamy center that made Aiden groan. “More! So delicious,” Aiden said, and Liam fed him all the donuts in only a few minutes. Both guys waited for the effects to kick in, but nothing seemed to change, even after Aiden ate the last donut.
“Weird. Nothing happened,” Liam said, cleaning some cream from Aiden’s lips. “I guess your body has reached its limit?” Liam added, making Aiden groan angrily.
“I just need more sweets. Those donuts weren’t special. Maybe that man made a mistake. You think you could go get me more?” Aiden said, looking at Liam with puppy eyes.
“I think we have to wait until tomorrow. I literally bought everything the bakery shop had to make you grow,” Liam said as he caressed Aiden’s handsome face.
“Is this what you wanted when you started giving me those sweets?” Aiden asked, smiling at Liam.
Looking into Aiden’s eyes, Liam realized that this was what he exactly wanted from the beginning, so after a few seconds of hesitation, he leaned forward and kissed Aiden’s lips passionately. Part of Liam was worried about Aiden’s reaction, but the big guy seemed to enjoy it.
After what felt like an eternity, Liam broke the kiss and stared at Aiden’s face, both panting heavily. “I loved how that felt. I enjoyed the kisses last night, and I’m loving this one,” Aiden said, and Liam restarted their making out.
Suddenly, Aiden started groaning, and his breath started getting shallower. Liam didn’t pay much attention to it until he felt Aiden’s pecs beneath his body bulge and expand. Liam broke the kiss and immediately felt an enormous sticky glob of pre-cum falling upon him. He looked up and saw another glob of pre-cum coming out of Aiden’s dick slit and falling upon him again. The cum was thick, and the scent was powerful. And as Liam tried to clean his eyes to have a better look at what was happening, Aiden started panting and moaning louder than ever.
“Something’s happening. My pecs! There’s so much pressure, and my balls are... Fuck!” Aiden said as his dick shot more pre, and his pecs bulged outward.
Liam couldn’t see much due to the enormous amount of cum covering his eyes and entire body. But he managed to step off Aiden’s pecs and saw them ballooning up like blimps inflating with air. However, it was evident that there was something else. Then, he noticed that Aiden’s balls almost doubled in size in a few seconds, and the bigger they got, the stronger the flow of pre leaking out of his dick became.
Then, Liam noticed something else. Aiden’s nipples expanded to match his gigantic pecs’ proportions. They looked engorged, and even though cum covered them, he knew something was happening. Liam approached Aiden’s pecs and reached forward to touch them. As his hand came into contact with the massive nipple, Aiden moaned loudly, and his chest shook violently. Immediately, a strong river of white liquid started coming out of Aiden’s pecs and mixed with the pre that coated the entire room.
“What the fuck is that?” Liam said, freaking out as he saw his surroundings turning white due to the pre and the milk that Aiden’s body was shooting without control. Liam didn’t know what to do, and as he panicked, he saw Aiden’s balls and pecs expanding even more, and the pre and milk flow grew stronger. Aiden hadn’t outgrown the room. But he was flooding it in only a few seconds.
****
“How are you feeling?” Chris said on the phone as he turned off the Big Boy’s Bakery sign. He usually closed late, but the sales were so great that he decided to take the rest of the day off. “Well, I’ll be there in about... half an hour. I have to clean some dishes here, and then I head home. Do you want me to bring anything special? Any cravings?” Chris added and chuckled. “I know, extra ranch. Always extra ranch. I’ll see you in a while. I love you.”
Chris closed the call, and before he could slide his phone into his pocket, a call from an unidentified number entered. After a few seconds of hesitation, he answered and immediately heard heavy breaths and what seemed to be moans at the back.
“Hey! Chris! I-I need your help; you gave me your card just in case I needed anything,” the voice said, leaving Chris confused for a few seconds.
“Oh. Liam? Yeah, what is it? Are you okay?” Chris said this as he heard loud noises on the other side of the call.
“No, I mean, yeah, but I’m not sure for how long. I don’t know what’s happening! Something’s wrong. He’s bursting and overflowing! Fuck!” Liam shouted, leaving Chris worried.
“Where are you? What’s happening? I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Chris said, rushing to close everything and go help the evidently scared Liam.
Once Liam gave him the address, Chris ensured everything was fine and left the bakery shop. He had no idea what was happening, but he knew it had something to do with the enormous order Liam had bought earlier that day.
“I hope it’s not what I think it is. I really wanted to go home, but…” Chris sighed as he climbed into his car. “Finding these guys who go beyond our expectations is always fun,” Chris added, grinning.
...
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ghostmarmot · 11 days ago
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In the Pale Moonlight
The prompt for this was a rural urban legend. Needless to say, it was rejected by that publication (and several others) but it's the first time I tried to write a story both in reverse and about an inanimate object.
Warnings: deaths, infidelity
In the forest outside of town, there was an old farmhouse. For generations, the local test of courage was to sit on a stump just outside the fence and watch the upstairs window in the dark of the moonless night. Sometimes, around midnight, a pale figure will step up to the window, stare up at the sky, point at something, and then fall from view.
No one really knew who she was, although tales abounded. She was the old man's crazy daughter. She was the old man's crazy wife. She was his captive. He murdered her. She murdered him. Aliens took her. Some, of course, got frustrated by the rumors and delved deep into the records, dredging up as much information as they could about the property, owners, and any deaths, but couldn't ever determine who she was. For that, you would have to know the stone tape and where it came from.
Beneath the gaping hole that was the window, there lay bits of stone and wood. Here and there still glinted a tarnished bit of mirror glass, but it looked almost as though someone had thoroughly destroyed a marble-topped vanity and then left the bits where they lay. From the carvings still evident through the rot and woodworm, it must have been a fancy piece. Certainly it seemed a surprisingly expensive piece to have destroyed so thoroughly.
In the early 1900's the farmer had bought it to give to his wife for their anniversary. He had seen an advertisement in the newspaper offering it at an unbelievable price and, though he was a little disbelieving, expressed his interest. Almost before he knew it, the seller was on his doorstep, insisting that, if he just looked at it, he would love it. And they were right. Oh, the marble top was a little worn and stained and something had obviously chewed on one of the legs at some point, but it was beautiful. It was far better than anything he had hoped to be able to afford and, with the seller's written assurances that it wasn't stolen, he snapped it up in a heartbeat.
His wife loved it. She was a stoic woman and to see her in tears was more than he had expected. And then, nothing would stop her from dragging all of her friends to their bedroom to show them, triggering their envy and their husbands' ire. It was a few years before he got the first hint of why the seller had been so determined. His wife was at their daughter's house after the birth of her first child. In the middle of the night, he woke up to a female form in his room. He rolled over, thinking it was his wife coming home but, when she didn't come to bed, he rolled over. He realized the room was completely dark and, with shaking hands, lit a candle. When he found no one else in the house, he shivered, but attributed it to a dream that followed him to the waking world.
The next hint came a decade or so later. The farmer's wife had passed, and the farmer could no longer manage the stairs as easily, so he had passed the farm to one of his sons and relocated to the front room. The vanity, reminding him of his wife as it did, was left in the upstairs bedroom with the understanding that he was lending it to his daughter-in-law and, once he passed, it was to be a part of the property that was to be divided fairly between his children. The son was coming home far later than expected when he saw the pale figure walk to the window, point, and fall. He ran into the house, calling out to his wife and was stunned when she emerged, not from the upstairs, but from his father's room. She had been there for a while, she said, playing cards with his father while waiting for him to get home.
Once more, the house was searched, and once more it was found to be empty of anyone that shouldn't have been there. The son admitted to having had a few beers before coming home, and was banished to the couch for the night for the crime of lying and worrying everyone unnecessarily. Still, a few weeks later the father did recount to his son the story of the night he had thought his wife had come home.
A couple of years later, the family had come home quite late. The wife, feeling ill, went upstairs while the husband and their children were delayed. They rushed in the second they heard the scream, but by then the wife had tripped, running down the stairs, and died. That night, the husband took an axe up to the bedroom and destroyed the vanity for, in the second he heard his wife's scream, he had looked up and seen that pale figure.
That was how the tale of the vanity ended, but how had it begun?
Before the salesman had been given the vanity with the order to get rid of it immediately, far away, and for only a nominal price, it had been in another home. And before that another, and another, and another. Back to the first. As had later become its habit, it had been an anniversary gift.
Charlotte had been the daughter of a poor country baron. Not even the first, she was the second of three, with two brothers. As her youngest sister had been sickly from a young age, she was allowed to run free with the boys most of the time. They didn't welcome her, so she learned to run faster to keep up. They didn't want her to stay with them, so spiders, frogs, and other creepy crawlies had wound up in her bed, so she learned how not to show her fear.
Then came the day, her sister died and her mother remembered she would have to be married some day. Suddenly, she wasn't allowed to run free over the surroundings and had to learn how to sit, stand, walk, and talk about nothing. She had to smile until her face hurt, but not her real smile. She could never laugh or show her true emotions. And that, too she learned.
Her days of husband hunting were rather unsuccessful until one garden party when she scandalized many of those present. At a party, she had been standing and talking to a couple of her friends when the host's youngest son threw millipedes out on the crowd. Most women scattered, but her future husband watched, shocked, as she finished her drink and used the empty glass to scoop up the bug that had attached itself to her dress. She then lifted her skirts off the floor and calmly walked to her chaperone. The tale spread and society was divided between those that applauded her calm as almost unnatural and those that felt that she had behaved in an unladylike way.
Still, James had started to court her since that day, and it caused some mild jealousy. James wasn't the most sought on the marriage market, and wasn't the most handsome, but he was about the middle. Something that seemed to suit Charlotte, who felt she had always been stuck in the middle and never solidly 'here' or 'there'.
That theme also seemed to apply to her marriage. They were neither happy nor unhappy, they just... were. They drifted through life, existing in each other's orbits. It was a predictable, if emotionless, life. That started to change, however, when Charlotte became pregnant. James hovered, anxious, as Charlotte lost her aplomb. Then, after the birth of their first son, Mark, Charlotte found that James moved closer into her orbit and, with that and the love for her son, she finally started to leave the middle. So, when she realized that she was pregnant a few years later, she was over the moon.
Secretly, she hoped for a daughter. She had seen how close her son and husband had become and, despite being happy these days, she had occasional jealousy. It wasn't fair, she knew, but she also knew that someday she would have a daughter of her own to have those moments with.
Her family soon intruded upon her happiness far more than she would have ever believed possible. Her elder sister Emma came to visit for a few weeks and then the first horror happened. Her son fell ill. Her sister shoved her out of the sickroom claiming that she couldn't risk getting ill while she was pregnant. Charlotte understood, but still felt like a bad mother. James seemed to agree, although he also didn't want anything happening to their second child. And Emma seemed to be doing a good job. After a few days, Mark started getting better and everyone attributed that to Emma, who had never left his side.
In fact, it seemed like every time that it was about time for Emma to leave, Mark started falling ill again. And then, not even Emma's presence by his side could pull Mark back. He passed and, in the shock, Charlotte fell ill with the same strange illness. And then the next horror came. Charlotte lost the baby. She had been a girl, just as Charlotte had hoped and it became too much for James. Unable to deal with his emotions, James would leave for longer and longer times on business. With Charlotte's composure completely abandoning her in the face of her grief, Emma became the pillar of their household.
Charlotte had learned how both sides felt and, as great as her happinesses had been, her griefs now were equal. Eventually, she started moving back towards the middle, but it seemed that every time she started to, she was struck down with that illness. Time and again, she reached towards James and their previous happiness and time and again she was knocked back down by the illness.
One dark, moonless midnight she could stand the distance and the cold from her husband no more, so she forced herself to her feet. Staggering through the halls, she reflected on the past few years and resolved to speak her piece. She had been happy before, and knew that he had been, too. They could again, but they had to reach for each other.
But, when she entered her husband's room, it was cold and dark. She knew he was home. He had said good night just a few hours ago. Thinking to herself that Emma would know if he had been called away, she sought her sister's room across the hall. When she started hearing noises, it didn't register to her what kind they were. Not until she walked in on her sister and her husband. She stared in shock, before pointing at them in shocked silence and falling over. After all, all the women of her generation from their family had heart problems. Even if the main problem was that one of them didn't have one.
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multif0rmed · 3 months ago
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Two Sides Of A Coin - CHAPTER 1
Co-Written with : @fangedstories
Rating : T
Summary : Failure, failure, failure ... And yet, it didn't seem horrible to be within Kingdom Hearts with his old friend; it was in fact, quite enjoyable, even if he hadn't deserved it, not one lick. But destiny had other plans, and he ended up face-to-face with Riku, battered from the Final Battle, wondering what the hell the boy could even want from him.
Index HERE.
Chapt. 2 -
Chapter underneath the Read More.
A mere shimmer. 
Barely connected dots - within the ocean that had been of Kingdom Hearts. Some sort of peace had been found here within the ether, even if Xehanort knew he hadn’t deserved it. But still - it proved the non-discriminatory nature of the entity, proving to offer nothing but love and fulfillment; the entity showed itself as a parent, in which to hold its child within its arms. 
So color him surprised as he felt his chest rise up and down. 
That he could smell the stale air. 
Feel the hard surface underneath his body. 
Months? 
Years? 
He didn’t know how long he had been wrapped up in the great beyond. With Eraqus. A pang settled within his stomach when he thought of the other - and a hand slapped at the ground, as if it could summon the other beside him. Damn. Getting used to the other again ; the absence of the black-haired male burned a hole in his Heart. Easily. 
His fingers - they wiggled, then swept at the dust, causing it to waft over towards him. He suddenly coughed, making his body jerk a bit forward with displeasure. Again, no Eraqus. How unbelievable. He wanted to hold the other tightly - despite everything. Or .. however that could have been defined just moments ago. 
Something else also stung. 
… Once again within this decrepit vessel. Pathetic.
Finally, he opened up his eyes, letting them take in the dull clouds above, absentmindedly moving. Providing cover to the source of his current agony. A deep sigh left him. He’d recognize the simple attributes to his surroundings anyday - seeing as he partially lived here it seemed like ; it had been the Keyblade Graveyard. 
His location - out of the corner of his eye, he could see the jagged rock in which he had stood. And … 
He shifted upwards, gloved hand wobbly, as it got used to the sudden existence. 
… a labyrinth wall stared directly back towards him. Memories flooded forth. The numerous battles in order to get all the thirteen keys in order to open Kingdom Hearts. Yellow shot up towards the sky once more - his mind’s eyes imagining the crisp golden light of the heart-shaped moon staring back at him. What beauty. His hand lifted in front of his face, and he slowly flexed his hand, once or twice. … The χ-blade had been summoned; he still could feel the energy lingering with and within him. Whether up to his imagination, or not. Vision shifted past his hand once more, soaking in the clouds. 
Is this why I am here?
Because Kingdom Hearts willed it? 
He blinked. He had lost to a mere child. Though Eraqus certainly had helped him take the loss quite gracefully. 
He always did have that effect, drawing out my Light. 
He coughed out a small laugh, lowering his head. Eyes slid shut. “Is this my new destiny …?” He muttered, wondering what awaited him.
My past ambitions …
Wiped clean. Destroyed. Impossible, now. He’d be lying if it didn’t make him feel anxious to all hell. What did it mean for the worlds? Would they end up imploding due to unbalance within a mere few years? Centuries? 
What remained of himself? 
Again, he shot out a hand to push himself up further, to stand. But he struggled; his world threatened to spin out of control. In fact, dizziness increased as he went up inch by inch. He squeezed his eyes shut, in a forceful attempt to stop the spins. An arm also shot out to a nearby rock structure to steady himself, but his boot started to slide. And he staggered, almost falling. 
Eyes cracked open - and things were blurry. 
Damn. 
Using the structure, he slid down it for support to sit against it. 
… Looked like he wouldn’t be attempting a Corridor anytime soon to get out of here. Safe, he knew he would be relatively. Just in case, his magickal shields tried to build, but he could feel a stutter within them. 
Dread entered him. 
Not even those? But it seemed all but reasonable given the circumstances. He had been so used to using power in order to survive, pull himself through anything, but .. nothing. Nothing surrounded him. 
..
Kingdom Hearts. 
The energy didn’t feel as strong as it would if summoned, but it subtly presented itself within the atmosphere. Warm, inviting. He swallowed. 
It’d have to do.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
The world was dark,.and cold. This feeling he knew all too well. His body relaxed, he began getting feelings back in his limbs. 
Soft…like sand but finer.
Warm…a familiar warmth. He’s been here before.
The dark of unconsciousness slowly lifted, and cyan eyes took in the environment. The Keyblade Graveyard greeted him once more. This fated place…where so much had transpired. What was he doing here? 
His eyes shot open as a familiar scent hit his nose. That Darkness…
Every Darkness had a scent that was distinctive to that being. He had a mental list of every scent of Darkness he encountered. From Shadows to Antiform, his mental scent log was ever growing. He knew this Darkness.
“Xehanort.”
But that was impossible. Yet there the scent was, clear as day. As he looked at the source of the stench, his eyes widened. There was no denying it now. This wasn’t some apparition or trick of the Dark or illusion of Light. The man they had defeated was there, just contentedly pondering his own situation, in the flesh.
“So you too…have been cast here by fate. Funny…I always figured that of everyone, you’d be the Warrior of Darkness that would avoid me the most. Yet here we are, alone in this place.”
A chill ran down Xehanort’s spine. 
Company, already? But he supposed it would have been only natural, considering the extent of darkness coursing through him. A beacon, of sorts. 
It seemed so unfair, knowing the weakness spread throughout his body. He attempted to force himself to stand up, but he fell down into a kneeling position, breaths heavy. “A Guardian of Light ..” he uttered, after catching his breath for a few moments. But the one that had intertwined the most with his history. Of course, fate had to be funny that way, didn’t it? Yellow forced themselves to remain open - even if he felt like sleeping. 
He could at least do that, though he knew he’d be easily cut down. 
For the destruction of young Kairi. Despite the fact that he felt he had met her on some other timeline as of late, but .. that was a subject for another day. 
His thoughts aligned and started to properly absorb what the teenager had said. “It doesn’t strike as particularly odd, however. We have been on the same side, at some point.” ..At the very least, Riku and his Heartless. 
“Your ‘rejection’ of the darkness .. Last time we stood here-” A gesture off to the right, weakly. “-I may have been paying attention to the multitude of battles, but ..” Xehanort suddenly coughed. Damn dust. He forced himself to continue, ‘’...I had sensed a still great darkness within you, nevertheless. Your attacks .. I could see light traces of black and purple to them. Your conversations with my Heartless, I know of them somewhat.”
“A slight overlay?” The teenager scoffed, moving closer to the man and smirking. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it. My attacks utilize mostly Darkness. But that isn’t what concerns you…is it?”
He reached out to touch the gnarled hand gently, an understanding in his young, but aging eyes.”You want to be forgiven.” He turned his head, looking into the sea of keys, many of them knocked free from the previous battle. His eyes closed, as he listened to the Light whispering through the area.
“Well, I do. Forgive you I mean. I’d be a hypocrite if I was to hold a grudge now, after what I’ve done. After what your Heartless made me do.” A pause, looking at his hands, playing with a wisp of Darkness. He was so relaxed when handling  shadow…the ease was natural, as if he belonged with it…with the Dark.
“There’s more to seek…so go forth and seek it.’ At first I thought he was talking to Sora. But…he was talking to me. Ansem…Your Heartless was foul but in a way..I owe a lot to him.”
Riku thought on what Xehanort had said about their previous encounter, and gestured in the air, much like the Grand Master did while speaking.
“You misunderstood what I was trying to tell you, back then. I don’t reject the Darkness. I never have. I have never feared it…at least that’s what I told myself and Sora….but I never fully rejected it either.”
A little trickery of words, testing the waters so to speak. 
A subject that most scurried away, detested - he barely knew the teenager outside of what he had learned of the other through the possession. It reminded him of Terra - and just how resistant Terra had been. 
Rejection. Despair. Being abandoned. It still didn’t feel nice, even if he forced himself onto someone else. Xehanort’s ideals - he had learned that they were the most important out of everything else, especially seeing as his ambitions had required it to be such a way. 
.. He had to be the lone wolf. 
Close off his blasted heart. 
And - something knocked him out of his thoughts - a simple touch and continued words. Rush of emotion surged from Riku towards him - and it felt overwhelming just for a moment, until he slammed up his walls. They were weak … just as everything else was about him right in this moment. “Forgiveness …” the old master repeated, brows furrowing at such a statement. He shifted a bit, trying to stand again, using the structure beside him to push him further up. Not to look so pathetically weak. 
Eraqus … The one person, through spending time again with whatever form of him, he’d love to truly apologize to. Through words. Actions. “... mind tricks, or …” He trailed off, vision shifting onto the other master. 
“Have we ended up reconnecting again already?’’ The elder inquired, not even bothering to dig into the other’s assumption. While supporting his body with his one hand, the other rested onto his shirt’s material covering his chest. He let his eyes naturally close, trying to feel the connection - it seemed faint. Whether or not from his imagination. Opening his eyes, he turned his head back towards the other. 
“In my own way, I have been a teacher.” A little smile. “You already know if I am telling the truth on such a matter,’’ he said with a chuckle, now falling silent to let the other speak once more.
“I don’t know if it’s reconnection…but I feel a kinship with you somehow. Maybe it’s Ansem’s remnant calling for you. Maybe…it’s deeper.” He stood, summoning his Way to Dawn. “Whichever it is…there is no denying that we have a powerful bond.”
Placing the blade in the dirt next to him, the Dawn Treader rested himself by leaning on the metal key. He tapped it affectionately.
“I thought I would never be worthy of this…but lo and behold, I’m a True Master now. It was fate. So…perhaps our being stuck here together is also fate.You reside in Darkness and I walk the Dawn. Yet it seems fate wants us to ‘seek’ some more.”
He smiled and held out a hand, “Teacher? No. Not to me. But your Heartless? He did actually teach me…much. As I’m sure you’ll be able to teach me. But there is an issue with that, and that’s the fact I’m not Terra.” He frowned, “I won’t be manipulated so easily any more, for one thing. For another…I think fate is telling me…that I need to pay for these lessons with a few lessons of my own. Well, Grand Master Xehanort…”
Riku gestured, sweeping a hand out and then putting it behind his back while extending the other, a gesture of respect.
“What say you?”
Eyes blinked, and he hmph’ed out of amusement. “Quite potentially,’’ he replied after lowering his hand slowly away from his chest. “And yes. We do, that much is clear.” 
He watched as the boy stuck the keyblade into the dirt, cold envy dancing on his face. Once again, he tried summoning his very own. But it stuttered for a moment, then disappeared. How frustrating .. Throughout this conversation thus far though, he certainly felt more relaxed than at the beginning of it, the effects somewhat fast. 
True Master … “Dawn … balance,’’ he muttered, letting his hues flick back up to Riku’s face. A sigh left past his lips. How long had I actually tended to … balance … around my environment? 
When had I tipped the scales? 
“Seek more … Lessons, hm?” 
Xehanort hummed, glancing past the boy, even daring to look up towards the sky like he so often dared to throughout numerous hours within a day. 
If a pin dropped, it would be heard. Seconds stretched into minutes, as he silently contemplated. “The Light … It obviously wants to guide me. Oh, Kingdom Hearts … my efforts ..’’
He looked away from the sky, to allow vision to fall onto the youth. 
“It appears my efforts are to be redirected into something new … I accept it. Your guidance, lad.”
Riku smiled and stood again, reaching out his hand and summoning a Dark Corridor. He gestured to the old man and said “You have a destination set then? I know exactly where to train…that will play to your strengths.”
Xehanort frowned - particularly as he tried to shove himself away from the structure, staggering. He swayed on his feet, words playing on his tongue. He so desperately wanted to say now to try to regain strength, but .. 
A hand caught him from falling - it leaning against the same structure. “As much as I don’t want to … I need rest,’’ he muttered. His eyes half-shut, blurriness trying to grip his vision once again. He shook his head in an effort to clear it. Instead, new words wanted to twist out of his mouth, but at first they wouldn’t come. 
“Twilight Town,” he eventually said, pushing himself away from the structure he had been leaning against still, steps slow towards the Corridor. 
“Our training in whatever location needs to wait.”
“If you insist.” The boy said with a chuckle, “Though according to Ven, you were never one to allow breaks.”
He took the man and guided him to the corridor. Within, there was a surprising amount of Light specks in the murky mists. The bright light dissipated to reveal Twilight Town, all its glory revealed for the old man.
“There’s a cafe near here that would be perfect for a calm reflection” The Master said, looking at the elder.
A weak huff rattled out of him. “So he says …” He wondered how much Ventus has even remembered that full year. A small part of him hoped the boy was doing well. Ventus had been one of his ‘dream friends’, afterall. 
Strangely, it felt relieving as they stepped out of the Corridor. The little, familiar wisps of darkness had tried to gently nip at his wibble-wobble defenses. Yellow blinked, attempting to take in what brightness surrounded them. To think he could see his town all over again … but it was hardly the strangest thing to occur within these few minutes. 
“That old Cafe off the corner?” A cough momentarily rolled out of him, a dull pain still through him, his body still adjusting to things around him. 
“Or another?”
“Nope, the new one over by what used to be the struggle arena.” Riku said confidently.
The man needed to be taught much more than balance. First…he was going to be taught how to live again. The teen knew all too well, the seriousness and trauma of war. It had taken him weeks to learn how to smile and joke around again after purging Ansem from his heart. It had been agonizing, the weight of it all.
Now he had another weight, and it seemed fate wanted to take him and Xehanort on a journey of reflection and teaching. He was a Master now, and it seemed that this sad, foolish yet well-meaning old man was to be his first student.
“I hear the chef there has to-die-for dark  bean curry.”
Xehanort hummed in thought. Had he ever visited that one ..? He didn’t think so. The children ran by, laughing and conversing as if no care in the world had been present. 
Lucky them .. Riku and his burdens laid bare upon the world - and it did not care in the slightest. He poked an eye open, studying the teenager. 
“Lead the way …” he said, relenting control of the situation. Some food truly would be good for either of them, especially after everything. When was the last time he had actually sat down and enjoyed some food at a restaurant? ..It had been a hot minute due to the plans unfolding around him. Maybe a scarce couple times in the last few months ..? Something nice to do as a treat, but .. He had been more than prone to abusing his body. 
“It may bring up my spirits.”
”Perhaps.”
He led the way, observing the crowds as he went. Twilight Town had sure changed since he’d been here last. Most of what he knew now he knew because his scouts had reported it. He had actually had curry from this place because George had ‘borrowed’ some to give him.
As he got them a table and two waters, the teen cleared his throat. 
It was time to stop dodging the Behemoth in the room.
“Fate has decided to let you live. One could only wonder why. You were defeated. We all saw your heart join with Eraqus and dissolve into Light. But here you sit. So the question is…what has fate seen fit to task you with this time?”
He took a drink and smiled ironically, his cyan eyes sparkling somewhat.
“Because the Light only spits out those that are needed for the world.”
Less pain coursed through his body as it met the chair’s surface.He laid one arm onto the table’s surface, while the other used his elbow and fist to prop up his head. He sat there like that for a few moments, before moving his more free hand to grab his glass of water. Several gulps of water flowed down his throat, the liquid feeling quite sweet. Rejuvenating. 
The water jiggled within the glass, as he finally set it back down, its volume more half-empty now. He sighed heavily, letting his leather-clad palm flip and be open. 
“My best guess …’’ He swallowed. Could he really just share such precious memories with the other? “.. it is related to something called ‘Child of Destiny’. A concept my Guardian had told me when I had been extremely young.” 
Another grab of the water, and the elder finished it off, sliding the glass away from himself. “It appears, despite losing .. that I may still have a destiny to fill. Kingdom Hearts is quite the mysterious entity, isn’t it?” 
Chosen – but perhaps not in the way he thought he’d be. 
“Child of promise?” the teen cocked his head, “Sounds like a prophecy aimed at Sora. I doubt that you fit it, considering you have failed three times already. But I am curious. Tell me more about this…child of Promise.”
Xehanort scowled, the first heated, determined look since he had come back. Yellow latched onto the cyan. “Perhaps you are correct … but it stands to reason that the lad and I still have similarities.” He paused, flexing his fingers a bit. 
‘’..As long as I am able to remember, I am able to feel others’ Hearts. Their emotions. The ‘Child of Destiny’ was prophesied to be able to do such a thing - feel what others feel.” He scoffed, shutting his eyes. “Certainly explains to you how I had been able to fool Aqua, Terra, and … Ventus.” The last word had been quiet. He almost wanted to ask how the boy was doing. Yet, a second time now.
“And yet Sora too, has that ability.” Riku gestured “Very prominent in fact. His empathy transcends worlds, even time itself. Therefore my previous statement stands. Sora must be the answer. Everyone wants him, it only makes sense.”
He chuckled to himself. Years ago, in his youth, he would have been jealous. But not now. Never again would the Dark tempt him so.
“There is another, though he doesn’t know his power yet. It’s because of him your plans failed the first time. I speak of course…of Ventus.”
He didn’t know the accusation would cut deep. How could he? There was no way the teen could possibly know the truth of Ventus…the Eternal Sleeper, the Lonely Dandelion.
But he knew the boy had an insane level of caring and empathy.
Xehanort forced a flinch from not showing up onto his face. That boy, the boy who he had formed a connection with for a solid year. A boy who had spectacularly failed him. And yet, he knew there had been aplenty of good times, good times before everything went horribly south. Mild regret clung to the old master back then, and it still remained within his Heart of how he had treated his friend from another lifetime.  
He frowned, glancing away to study a random object within the environment. “Ventus … he was a Pure Light. I wouldn’t have been surprised at all if he had been a ‘Prince of Heart’.” He fell into an abrupt silence, fingers playing gently with the corner of a menu on the table. At least, Ventus’ treatment had bothered him moreso than how he treated Sora. 
Of course, it always came down to the elder’s sole ambition, didn’t it? 
“He had failed me, yes. But at the same time, he …” 
He bit at his tongue, wondering how he could say it. “... soared in a way underneath … my old friend.” He wouldn’t dare say the name - but he knew he had to. “Eraqus.” 
He finally let his hues fall onto Riku once more. 
“How is he? Since the Keyblade War had ended?” It felt impulsive to ask. But nothing held him back now, from indulging into softer matters. “Despite our rougher history, his Heart … it feels … as if it is still my apprentice in a sense. A comrade.” He huffed, shaking his head and frowning. “..Who would have thought - me laying my Heart bare within such moments?”
Riku smiled softly. The elder did have potential it seemed, for a greatness he had barely begun to tap into throughout the years. The teen did not seem affronted by the questioning.
“Ventus is doing quite well, actually. He…does mention you, but it’s never in an angry way. He really is a pure heart. In a way, he reminds me of Kairi.”
He paused, taking a sip then folding his hands, “He says that he understands why you hurt the worlds, but he just can’t fault you for it the same way everyone else does. However…he does wish that Vanitas could be here to make amends as well.”
 Xehanort hummed, a little smile poking at the corners of his mouth at hearing such words. “Hm, I never thought he’d …” he shook his head, clearing negative thoughts from forming. Towards the end, he had been more harsh with the boy than ever before - the weight of his goals bearing down onto his shoulders. In a way, he wished it could have been different … “It’s relieving that the lad understands me on some level.” 
All the shit they had gone through. All the heartbreak he had caused for the other. 
“I assume then at least some of his memory had returned then.” In a sense, he wanted to keep the topic on Ventus - the topic of Vanitas already causing unease within his stomach. The True Darkness had been an utter thorn in his side, through all he had done ; barely any regret at all had formed within the elder about the boy. Afterall, he hated the darkness to an extent, despite using it as a tool. 
Riku opened his hands in a gesture of explanation, his eyes bright and slowly narrowing as the wind picked up slightly. Cyan eyes looked sharp, and the man saw the wheels turning as the teen cleared his throat.
“What I need from you is simple. Let’s not sugarcoat things, Xehanort. Your methods were atrocious but your intentions were admirable, even if they could never be fully realized, not as you were, not as you perceived yourself. However, to balance the worlds….isn’t totally a selfish goal. In fact it’s quite noble. I do believe it can be achieved but not the way you saw fit to force it.” He sighed, once again folding his arms, tilting his chin down slightly. The teen knew his next words would have to be chosen carefully. The man in front of him was a radical of sorts, a zealot. But there was a drive in him that could be utilized. There was potential for him to become, truly, a force to save the worlds.
But he needed something that had eluded his grasp.
“I don’t think your intentions were to take over or harm the worlds. Not initially. What you told Sora, that day…before we arrived…there was truth in it. But he was right as well. You were not the one to accomplish that goal. But that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to…in time. Therefore, I propose a suggestion. Fate obviously brought us two together for a  reason. Well, it appears that reason is because I can give you what you missed.”
The wind - he could feel it tickle gently at his face, letting the strands of hair wave in place. A certain sort of simplicity that presented itself, giving a sharp contrast to the otherwise complicated nature of the conversation before him. He didn’t mind it ; with another good mind, he could enjoy enriching conversations easily enough. 
Eyebrows lifted lightly, but not entirely out of surprise upon hearing those words. They had shared a body, afterall, at some point. If anything, a dry laugh exited out of his mouth, blowing the hot air across the table. Once again, his mind drifted off towards Eraqus when the teen mentioned he hadn’t been ‘up to code’; the words prickling harshly at him. “The ends justifying the means… yes, that’s what I adhered to for many years, due to … needing such harsh measures. And yet, it had been a… slippery slope.”
Another thought of Eraqus - he was, simply, cursed. 
Light, someone help me. 
And - who could forget Baldr, the one who had started him off into the depths of extremism? And yet, it hadn’t helped how the worlds presented themselves either - aplenty of false Light had lingered each and every world, corroding what was precious. 
He nodded. ‘’.. In some strange way, I had never truly abandoned .. the Light,’’ he whispered, as he looked up at the other male, from previously gazing at the table’s surface. 
He shook his head. “.. No, but the problem of pushing darkness into the worlds … Darkness can be notoriously hard to control, and with the external influences within the Organization …” He trailed off. He had been only able to control his Organization only so much in such a matter - it had been tricky to control such amounts. Two-thirds of darkness in each world … or around such amount had only been allowed. Vanitas had been so much easier to control with spreading darkness but of course. 
“Control hadn’t been the easiest.” 
So many words that day had indeed been spoken … A day that would be burned within Xehanort’s mind for weeks, months, years (?) to come. So, so unbelievably close, and to have Eraqu– 
Oh, enough about him. 
The elder huffed off to the side, thankful his annoyance could be bought from the mention of the Organization, and not on such emotional matters. “In time, hm ..?” He finally replied, eyes falling onto the boy once again while shifting a bit in his seat. 
“There is a reason why I had given it to Sora .. But ..” Xehanort furrowed his brows, nodding. 
‘’I don’t think I would mind, lad,’’ he said quietly. 
“To receive more of the …Light.”
It seemed a bit of an uncomfortable idea, but he had to press forward, right? To push forward into another destiny? .. No doubt Kingdom Hearts had done this for a reason.
“For Kingdom Hearts…” 
It was a mutter ; he tossed his eyes upwards, imagining within his mind’s eye of the brilliant pale yellow moon that beamed pure Light forth. 
“Then I’ll teach you.” Riku said confidently, “You misunderstand. I’m not going to show you the light. I’m not going to rid you of your darkness. Quite the contrary. You and I have an…understanding…of how the worlds need both light and dark to exist. But the same goes for us. I’m not going to try to erase your Darkness. Nor am I going to tell you that only Light belongs in your Heart. It’s a delicate balance.” He raised a hand and gestured to all around them, his cyan eyes searching the elder for understanding.
“Only when you achieve balance within yourself, can you learn how to correctly apply it to the Worlds. Most assuredly, your next attempt will succeed. But the road’s simpleness or difficulty will depend entirely on you, as it will with me. The question is…are you willing to take the time we need…to walk the path I do…to achieve your goal by coming with me on the Road to Dawn?”
He knew this was a gamble. He knew the old man was patient, but disappointment after years of planning and strategy could force any great warrior to want to make haste and find another solution as quickly as possible. Xehanort could be desperate enough to try to rush things again. Riku understood. 
In wanting so desperately to wake Sora from his year-long sleep, the silverette had been very tempted to cut corners to make the process go faster. He was stopped only by many, many lectures from DiZ, and the gentle pleadings of Namine, telling him to be patient…that work was progressing smoothly without his interference. He had agonized over the convoluted way they had to go about doing things thanks to the Organization’s meddling, and had actually gone so far as to speed things along slightly by visiting the Replica…visiting Xion. 
But the two were right, in the end. His meddling was unnecessary. Things proceeded smoothly, despite DiZ’s foolhardy revenge shenanigans. 
So the boy knew the agony of a slow burn. 
“If you are willing, then you have to promise to take things at my pace. There is..another favor I would ask of you.”
He sighed. The next few words were not ones he took lightly. He would not reveal his weakness to anyone else who did not understand. Xehanort understood all too well and therefore, the boy lay his honesty bare to the once-villian.
“In your faults, you did promise Terra one thing.To teach him the deeper Darkness. You said correctly that it cannot be destroyed, only channeled. My request is this: I’ve conquered and assimilated my own Darkness. I have experienced more than my share of it. I have even owned it, claiming proudly that I have my own Darkness. But…” He looked at his hand and trembled slightly, the curiosity building as the excitement of discovery lit cyan orbs as he admitted confidently,
“I would like to learn more…about the Darkness from you.”
Eyes blinked slowly – until recognition flashed within them from times far passed. From times when everything had been simpler. When Xehanort could somehow laugh. 
Times when Xehanort didn’t feel the worlds on his shoulders. 
“Your attitude … it reminds me of when I had been around that same age of yours ..” he whispered, as if afraid to disturb the preciousness of the idea mentioned. He lifted a hand gesturing momentarily within the air, before glancing down at it. 
“I had kept balance within my Heart, to some degree throughout these years … but I’ve found myself leaning more and more into extreme measures. Just to secure my goal.” No  remorse could be detected - but perhaps a shred could be observed if Riku had listened closely enough, the emotion wanting to be subtly known. His eyes slid then closed, to let outside stimulation to feel more neglected. 
“How much time will it take ..?” He whispered to himself, wondering the parameters in such a goal. A new goal … He could immediately try again, but the methods he had discovered outside of the ones he tried? They hadn’t been worth it. Far too greater risk involved - and it would have caused far greater harm. Blowing out a sigh through his nose, he finally re-opened his eyes as he let yellow splash back onto the scene. “... I suppose I will have to try it. It seems the best option - and to rush with such an ambition, it caused harm.” Pragmatically and emotionally. A chuckle. 
“Causing a rush will get me nowhere,’’ he decided to settle on, but there had been notes of impatience within his tone. Decades upon decades wasted … Anyone would be frustrated with the results. 
Want to scream up towards the heavens. 
Destroy things. 
So, perhaps there had been some hesitancy lingering within the elder’s voice. He glanced off to the side, that brief anger and frustration flashing within his eyes. Though, a questioning gaze suddenly flickered into them upon Riku’s offer. 
“Yes. I had no reason to lie with such words … It is the only way to properly use Darkness.” He opened his palm, showcasing it towards the boy. 
“However, it will not be an easy task. Though, you’ve proven yourself well with one aspect of the deeper side, if one could call possessing a Heart deep.” A laugh, and he shook his head. “Such power used, such power only scratched the surface. There are far worse things one can do with Darkness.” 
He frowned a bit, critically studying the teenager. “But, you are a true Keyblade Master … Yes, I can do that for you, seeing as it is, essentially, a trade. An arrangement.”
.. Hm, make that two new goals.
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oddygaul · 3 months ago
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Quick Hits #8 - The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, The Concierge at Hokkyoku Department Store, Perfect Days
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The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Gorgeously shot, and it had its moments, but ultimately felt kind of shallow to me. 
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The notable events that make Walter’s life turn around are a weird mix of action movie nonsense, adventure tourism, and occasional true life-affirming beauty, as with the Iceland longboarding sequence. That dissonance ends up making Secret Life feel genuinely unbelievable, though, and I found it hard to really emotionally connect with it. The story’s eventual message being that seeing the world is the key to a fulfilling life also feels like a very privileged, American ideal, one that takes for granted the means for intercontinental travel. Similarly, Walter’s big own of Adam Scott’s corporate exec at the end was painfully cheesy – that man absolutely did not learn or grow from that exchange, that’s not how the corporate world works. 
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But hey, very pretty.
The Concierge at Hokkyoku Department Store
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Two thirds of the way through this cozy movie about helping cute animals find their partners the perfect engagement gift, the adorable great auk who runs Hokkyoku reveals the department store’s secret origin. All of the animals we’ve met so far are actually extinct species, hunted to the point of annihilation for their furs or coats to satisfy the human desire for overconsumption. The rise of consumerism lines up, he says, with the popularization of department stores, and they are a monument to humanity’s corruption. Hokkyoku Department store, then, whose staff is human and whose clientele is animals, is a fabricated hell, designed to force the humans to serve those they have destroyed, as penance for the sins of their race.
Wild. 
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The Concierge at Hokkyoku Department Store has a very pleasant aesthetic, and lots of great character animation throughout, though it does get a little less lively as it goes. The opening scene by Shinji Hashimoto, though, wow. Absolutely breathtaking, like a peek at a whole different movie. The flatting and outlines are totally different, the color palette is much more surreal, the camera is going crazy… just gorgeous.
Perfect Days
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Loved this.
In the first half, it seems as though our protagonist Hirayama has attained enlightenment: the deliberate care in all his actions, his beatific appreciation for the natural world, and his commitment to living in the present and appreciating the small moments all seem like the behaviors of a man who has life figured out. Then, as tiny shreds about his past and personal life are slowly revealed to us, we see that he's using this detachment to avoid connections he thinks will bring him pain. Despite the engineered, consistent nature of his daily routine, the chaos of everyday life can still poke through and disrupt his plans. Finally, though, in Perfect Days’ baffling and riveting final moments, Hirayama seems to accept both sides of life simultaneously, confronting sorrow alongside wonder, and continues moving forward.
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What an utterly absorbing and convincing performance by Koji Hashimoto. The camerawork is a subtle star, too, with its human imperfection leaving the movie feeling personal rather than a cold, clinical art piece.
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Wow, this Quick Hits actually has a throughline, for once. Three movies touching on finding satisfaction in mundane, everyday labor, three movies wondering what it means to truly make the most of life – and three different conclusions.
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all I know is that Hirayama's ideal day off is the same as mine – eyes closed, music in, sunbeam on my face like a cat
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philipeos · 4 months ago
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(Spoilers down below!)
I've been meaning to read this book for years now and to be honest I am glad I didn't. Not because I wouldn't have loved it as much or enjoyed it, but because I think it either would've destroyed me or I wouldn't have been able to feel the sadness properly. That is to say I am absolutely heartbroken, this book left me devasted. James Baldwin writes with such severity, doesn't hold back in any way. Reading this book felt violent. It's incredibly easy to connect to David as the protagonist, to relate to his feelings for Giovanni. 
Following their relationship, knowing of it's inevitable tragic ending, though unaware of how it will end, god that killed me. And still it was twisted and real and unbelievably beautiful. 
I feel the need to mention two things though. I have seen a clip circulation on the Internet, I think in one of Khadija Mbowe's videos, of James Baldwin and Nikki Giovanni. As I understand it they were talking about him being polite to (White) strangers and not her and she says "You get home and I catch hell. Because I love you, I get least of you, I get the very minimum [...] fake it with me! Is that too much of a Black woman to ask of a Black man?" ("An Interview" 1971).
This Interview very much shaped the way I read this book. We have multiple characters in this book talking very negatively about women, which by itself isn't a problem, but I do not feel that this misogyny is properly adressed. Hella as a character feels a bit like a caricature, like she tried to be independent and it was hard and she decided to stop. And I feel like there is definitely a point to be made about a woman in the 1940s and 50s struggling to find a place in the world and to be independent, but seeing how in the end she begs David to just marry her so she can be a "woman", in the context of this clip it feels like Baldwins idea of and relationship to women is deeply unequal. I feel like there's a lot to be said about this, but frankly I haven't put in the time and effort to do it properly. 
The second thing I feel the need to adress is the depiction of femininity. Hella is descriped to have in part "masculine" or unconventional qualiies (shorter hair, academic interests, the way she interacts with people as mentioned in the beginning of the book) and David seems to like her more for it, maybe because he is most likely gay or maybe it is for another reason. Because in contrast to Hella we have Jacques and Guillaume. Both of them are referred to as "faires"  multiple times, they are described as effeminate in their mannerisms and sense of fashion, the older man seem to be constantly lusting after younger, beautiful men and sleep with them to sooth their egos and fight their loneliness. Both Giovanni and David despise them, they actively look down at the feminine gays, seeing themselves as above them because of their discretion and masculinity. I feel like Baldwin uses this as a way to symbolize David's fear of his homosexuality and it works well. There is a scene in the beginning of the book where a drunk, dead looking, very feminine man comes up to David at the bar and starts flirting with him snd David is absolutely repulsed by him and rudely sends him away. The man, on his way to leave, tells David that he will burn in hell and be "very unhappy" (p. 34-36). This to me reads as David's repressed love for men, in this case Giovanni, coming to haunt him, as it does throughout the whole book. This repression ends up being his downfall, since after he left Giovanni, his engagement to Hella didn't work out and he was left alone with neither her or Giovanni at his side and Giovanni was executed and died unloved and alone. And while his death isn't completely David's fault, he did play a big part in how it ended and had he stayed with Giovanni and loved him as he tried so hard not to, it all would've ended very differently. And while I do love the symbolism of that, I feel like Jacques and Guillaume as characters served to reinforce negative stereotypes about gay men being predators and feminine men being less than and more immoral than masculine men, gay or not.
The reason I bother writing all of this down and going into detail on what I feel should be criticized, is because more than anything else I absolutely loved this book. I am certain that I will read it again and again and I am very excited to hear other peoples takes on the story and it's characters. Very very strongly recommend! 
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snazzzycattzz · 11 months ago
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this is such an unbelievably random thought but golf is the most fucking stupidest thing to ever be invented by man kind. the concept of golf is so unbelievably dumb “hey wanna go hit a ball with a stick and try and make it go into a hole” like that’s such a prehistoric sounding thing we should’ve left golf with the dinosaurs. another horrible thing about golf is the fact that golf courses are just awful for the environment, like we will literally destroy beautiful forests where all the nice little crittiers are just chilling minding their own god damn business then all of a sudden some really old white guy who’s name is like “Christopher bum the third” to have his underpaid workers to tear it down so he and his posh Friends who are also old white guys to sit around and play the most ridiculous most stupid game on the planet.
this world makes no sense
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goblinsable · 2 years ago
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3 am on a Monday
Right now it's 3:34 AM on a Monday, and the full moon killed our power.
i shouldn't say that it did, there's not exactly proof of it,
but I noticed that the power went out almost exactly when the moon turned to full.
but anyways, it's probably not actually the moon messing with us.
some tree hit a power line or something, it doesn't really matter why the power is out.
but it is.
and it's unbearably hot and humid.
The family opened up all of the downstairs doors so that we can have the ocean wind and air run through the house so it doesn't go stale.
unfortunately for me at the very top, 
hot air rises.
and the ocean air, especially the humidity, is hot.
very hot.
I woke up in a puddle of my own sweat.
So here we are.
on the roof.
and it's unbelievable.
Because of the widespread blackout, the sky isn't foggy. it's not even cloudy.
There are thousands of stars in the sky. 
and the moon, well,
The full moon is more than bright enough to let me write this.
It's honestly beautiful.
we never get nights like this up in the city. 
its turtle season, so people cant have lights on the beach, either,
even if they had the power to do so, which we don't.
The waves are getting higher.
I see a turtle wash up on the beach, and start crawling towards a nesting area.
The stars are getting brighter.
Earlier today, we had friends over, and their house had blacked out before ours did.
It was a birthday party, so I hope they had fun.
it's all happening at once. 
The alarms are going off downstairs. 
all of them, like they've gone haywire. 
i don't even know how the alarms are going off without the power, but the batteries must have kicked in.
I'm sure it won't last.
Everyone is beginning to evacuate.
The entire family is up now, rushing to a safe place. 
The trapdoor behind me slammed shut with the wind, locking itself.
At least I have a view of the spectacle. 
It's 3:50 AM on a Monday, and the full moon is going to kill us all.
The old man on the ground floor was the first to go.
the machine that kept him alive ran out of power, and it was only a matter of time.
The water is beginning to flood the street.
Off the coast, I see a large wave. 
then another.
waves, tall as buildings, start destroying the beach houses.
The sand is all but gone now.
I wonder how that turtle I saw is doing.
The air base on the island is sending out helicopters, jets, planes…
each and every one falls, crashes, and burns into the water.
out in the distance, i hear the cataclysmic boom of an eruption,
 the smog clouds billowing into the night sky.
or is it morning?
It's getting colder.
fresh snow begins to fall on my shoulder, despite it all.
until it burns my hand, and I realize that it's not snow, but ash.
my eyes sting, my glasses are gone, but i don't need to see to write.
The stars are missing.
covered up by the volcanic winter.
It's 4:24 AM on a Monday, and I can feel the moon pulling me apart.
it's getting hard to breathe.
I'm so cold.
The lightning strikes the rooftop I'm on, pushing me awake.
The water is rising, still. 
a boat floats itself up to me, the city around all but massacred by the might of the fathomless below.
it won't help any in the end, but it's a better fate than staying on this rooftop and drowning. maybe.
It hurts to move.
I climb onto the miraculously floating vessel,
and on the deck, is a blind woman fishing, and an old record player playing an even older song.
her hair is frizzy, and her skin is impossibly wrinkled.
I ask her why all of this is happening.
she just chuckles at me, the world I know crumbling around us.
It's 5:00 AM on a Monday, and I'm fishing at the end of the world.
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